#don't tell my class this is what I'm doing instead of the group essay due tomorrow

[one-silly-cart00nist]

Elder Marissa screenshots

[ghoooooooooooooooost]

hi can i complain abt school real quick (long)

so in one of my classes we have to do a project that involves conducting an interview, an essay n a presentation all due the day we get back from break which was a lil upsetting to me bc that means i don't get a full break but at least it also meant i don't have to juggle much w other classes during it right

the interview part was a group assignment but after it we all have to write our own separate papers + presentations n the professor assigned us groups + interviewees based on what we said we were interested in

so i n another person got an illustrator/animator as an interviewee (i had to rewrite my interview questions multiple times bc we didn't know exactly who it was until after we already had to submit the questions) but then once we finally contacted the interviewee we find out they wouldn't be available till like april so then the professor suddenly reassigned us to a housewife

i couldn't figure out how to rewrite my questions, i ask my partner to share his w me so i can add to it n he doesn't despite saying he would n then decides on the interview time on his own, i then ask him if he could send me the interviewee's answers after the zoom meeting bc i didn't think i would be able to go, he tells the professor who emails the entire class just to say that this was not allowed bc it would mean i'm not doing the work

i stress cried this morning n was like well! not doing it then, i'll catch up on other classes instead. this legitimately upset me so much bc i was already struggling this semester before this i genuinely feel like i need to finally talk to a counselor once i go back or my mental health will plummet

[mikatsuobushi]

i just need to let this out because it has been eating me up and i don't know what to do anymore.

i am so tired of everything especially university. it's not that i don't want to go to school anymore, i am literally enslaved by academia. it's just i am fearing failure more than the usual amount and i am overthinking my impending failure too much to the point that i only dread that moment instead of preventing it. i'm currently in my junior year and good lord, i kid you not, i feel like every day is as tiring as it was yesterday and will be tomorrow. i love my degree, i really do, but i don't think passion and love for it will still save me when i couldn't even save myself or even force myself to do the bare minimum (i.e. show up on class). i live 1-2 hours away from my school and commute everyday. last year, it was fine. a few tears were shed regularly but i enjoyed it. however, it's barely 2 months of junior year yet i feel like i'm better off dead. i still wake up to my alarms but i just turn them all off and just decide that i'm not going to school today. i have this huge savior complex and would immediately do the most in every group works but now i really have to push myself to do something. don't get me started on individual tasks. i always have a problem with accomplishing them because i'm a procrastinator who's also a people pleaser. the hierarchy will always go: 1) groupworks, 2) org tasks, 3) maybe fandom stuff, 4) individual tasks. i will always choose myself last T-T! but it has been sooo hard to do them lately. in our cell and molecular bio, we have these essay homeworks every week and i always nail them except that i pass them late. my scores have been 14/15 just because i'm passing them exactly 5:00pm or just minutes after it. if i'm in the right mind, i could've forced myself to pass early but no! i just literally do it 1-2 hours before the deadline and it seems like the adrenaline and pressure due to the deadline are my only driving forces to accomplish things. i do really feel like i'm one of the cells in our body that requires chemical triggers just to respond—i just need a trigger just to respond. also, i am sooo bad at studying and reviewing. i may have undiagnosed adhd so it makes it a torture to study but i do not review unless it's a night or hours before an exam and there are a lot of times where i fail to cover all the topics. it's still even a miracle that i somehow get decent scores despite not studying well and not showing up in class sometimes. people have been telling me that i'm the embodiment of someone who's really smart, someone who can do well despite giving bare minimum. in my local language, we have a term on hardworking, diligent people (tutom) and just smart people (alam). if you are tutom, obviously you can easily be alam. hardwork do really pays off in academics, you know! but if you're just smart but lacks that grit, diligence, and isn't hardworking, there's a huge chance that you will fall behind. the "i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere" moment. personally, i believe that it's better if you are tutom than just being plainly smart. but you will definitely be unstoppable if you are tutom and alam—oh, and is also financially and mentally stable.

so why do i feel like shit this junior year? BIOPHYSICS. fucking biophysics. i don't even know why i took STEM when i am soooo bad at math. i'm a 🌱🪴🌺🌊🌌🐋🐍🦠🧫🔬 STEM girlie, not ⚗️🧪��➗👨‍💻🗜️🧭⚛️ STEM. i took biology just because i love research and plants and animals. that's kinda too stupid of me. but man, biophysics has been nothing but a pain to my ass lately. it's a torture to take 10 units of this one, too (i have 5 units this sem, then another 5 next fml). subjects that really deals with numbers are my weakness. i also do not have the attention span and patience to really try and understand it, i just give up when i know i'm bad at it—i know it's a self and skill issue BUT HEAR ME OUT. our biophysics professor is the worst. any subject will be easy if it's just taught by the right people in a right way that would make students understand it. but our prof? he doesn't even bother to really teach it. he thinks he's teaching us but i cannot even call his lectures as teachings. you cannot just finish 2 chapters of University Physics by Young and Freedman within 3 hours. oh maybe you can if you just scroll through the book so fast and expect your students to already know it because it has been taught in high school as if high school isn't years ago and as if we are math majors not biology ones who deal with life rather than numbers and equations and also as if we are sooo privileged and well-off students sir we are literally studying in a state university what makes you think that all of us are financially stable here, you annoying insensitive prick?! he also have this nasty personality where he thinks he's the only right person and he always has to have the last word. it's nice that he asks about our opinions but good lord idk if he's deaf or just an asshole because when we speak about our thoughts, he just straight away invalidate or try to twist it in his own perspective. you can't even say that "sir, it's hard for us to keep up on your class because we also have different subjects to focus on and our labs have been taking our time" without him taking it negatively. it's not us saying "you are not our priority" you're literally a major course in our program so we have to focus on you. it's just we are asking for you to meet us in between but since you are so high, you won't be bothered to put yourself in our shoes. this is not asking to be spoonfed but to be taught properly, you twat! also, my groupmates in biophysics are also the worst. our leader doesn't know how to lead and handle the group. while other groups do group discussions, ours just let each of us fend on their own as if this class isn't already hard enough to deal with. i try what i could to help the group, to suggest and even take the initiative, but these people are so caught up with themselves they don't even bother to open the GDocs i send! so much for teamwork and camaraderie, i wanna pull my teeth off and jump from the 2nd floor pls calculate the acceleration of my body and the force it requires for me to break my bones. horray to free-falling bodies!

i don't even know where this rant is going. i should be studying now because our midterms is next week and i honestly don't know how to bullshit biophysics to even score a point. it's also so hopeless and annoying how much i reduced myself into my GWA. my fear of failure continues to worsen and i am actually considering k-wording myself if ended up failing (like getting 2.75 and lower) in biophysics. see,our school has a policy that once you have a 2.75 or lower grade, you won't be eligible for latin honors. as somebody who's been a slave for academic validation, that is an absolute nightmare especially when i am currently running for cum laude, with a chance of even getting magna cum laude if i just bothered to really work for it. this is so depressing to admit but i do not know what to do if i fail. i know i have other assets and qualities but people (i.e. family) around me expect me already to succeed so much in academics and me failing will just disappoint them so much that it would drive me insane. i wish i didn't turn out to be this person who reduced her worth into her GWA. i know i am not my grades and my achievements but who can blame me when i spent my whole life excelling to the point that it became normal to everyone? that when somebody says my name, it's always together with "smart"? publicly, i have made my name using my achievements. so if i couldn't even get the "biggest" one during my educational journey (i.e. latin honors), then who am i then? i am so tired on pleasing people and more tired on pleasing myself (this one is the hardest because i have never been pleased with me). i just want to idk rest, die?, just vanish for a little while then come back when i feel like i'm fine? i don't know. i honestly don't fucking know. but for now, i just have to push myself to do what i have to do no matter how unmotivated and helpless i feel. i have no choice anyways. horray to the ones who became slaves of their achievements to the point where they cannot live without them! this fucking sucks so much i badly need a drink so i could just cry freely.

anyways, i'm turning 21 on the 20th!! and i do not look forward to it!!

p.s. the academically gifted kid who's now a burnout adult trope is the worst. i do not recommend it!!

[chim-chimchii]

Encaptured (Jungkook)

Genre: Fluff 

Note: A little fuckboy Jungkook for you all! I’m currently working on a social media au and I might just post the profiles so I can give you guys a sneak peek and to also motivate myself to work on it more! Let me know what you guys think! I also didn’t know how to end this so I apologize if it’s a crappy ending. 

. . . . . . . 

On Thursdays, the literary class met in the college library, and that was when Jungkook always had you look over his essays. Not only did he use that time to get his papers edited, but he also took this time to prod you about your weekend plans.

"So, are you going to accept my offer to take you to the movies this weekend?" Jungkook asked, resting his chin on his palm.

You glanced up from his essay. "Hm, not this week. I think I'm all booked." With a smirk directed towards him, you continued marking his paper.

"You said that last week." He mumbled with a playful pout.

"And last week, when I rejected you, you ended up taking that girl from your math class." You stated with a challenging stare.

Tongue in cheek, Jungkook chuckled, "Well, I couldn't let those tickets go to waste! I thought for sure you would have agreed." He continued trying to justify his playboy ways.

You scoffed and slid his paper over to him; red pen marks were scattered all over it. You thought that the edits you made to his essay would distract him from the current topic, but he pushed the assignment to the side.

"Y/n, when will you let me take you on a date?" Jungkook leaned in ever so slightly and smiled sweetly.

Your heart rate increased. His whole appearance changed with that one smile, and it was hard for you to hide the fact that it made you feel some way. Maybe it was time to give him a chance, and if it didn't work out, then he would finally stop bugging you.

"Okay." You finally answered after thinking it through. That one word took Jungkook by surprise.

"Okay? Are you saying, yes?"

Without making eye contact, you nodded and closed your notebook with a gentle smile.

"I'll pick you up at seven." Jungkook bit his lip to hide his smile and watched you leave the library.

. . . . 

The sun was setting, and seven o clock was right around the corner. You gave yourself one last look in the mirror that hung by the door and nodded in approval of your outfit. You tried to remember the last time you got all dressed up for a date, and as you tried to place a moment, there was a knock at the door. 

As you reached for the door, you hesitated. What if this was a one-time thing? What if he never spoke to you after tonight? Just because you turned his offers for a date down multiple times, it wasn't as if you didn't like Jungkook. You appreciated his presence in your boring literary class; you appreciated his jokes and stories. What if all he wanted was to add you to the list of girls he won over with his charms? 

Your thoughts were interrupted again by a knock, but this time it was a lot softer. You took a deep breath and twisted the doorknob. Whatever his intentions were, you decided to accept this date, so you had to deal with the consequences. 

Jungkook stood in the doorway with his hands buried in his pockets. His head was hung low as if he was half expecting you not to answer, but when you opened the door wider, he looked up. 

You forgot to breathe upon seeing him. Instead of the cliche leather jacket he always wore, he wore a grey flannel over a white shirt. It wasn't THAT different from what he always wore but seeing him wear light-colored clothing suits him well. His demeanor was different, as well. A timid smile replaced the cocky smirk he always had on his face. 

"Are you ready?" His voice came out lighter than usual; it took you a moment to remember this was Jungkook and not someone else. 

"Yeah, let me just grab my bad." You left him by the door as you dashed back to your room to grab your purse. 

. . . . 

It was the little things that Jungkook did that made you weak in the knees. As the two of you walked to the theater, Jungkook rested his hand on the small of your back. He maneuvered you to the other side of him; it wasn't until his warmth left that you realized he was making sure you were closest to the buildings and away from the busy street.

Your eyes fixated on him, and it felt like the world was in slow motion, and you saw Junkook in a new light. You wanted nothing more, but to have this moment last forever. Forever didn't come because he glanced at you with that beautiful smile of his.

"Would you be upset if I told you I don't want to go to the movies anymore?"

The world resumed at its original speed, and your excitement disappeared.

"Oh? Did you want to take a rain check or something?" You tried not to sound too disappointed.

"No, no. I just don't think I can handle sitting next to you for two and a half hours and not talk to you."

You sighed in relief, which made Jungkook chuckle.

"I don't know what you've been told or what you heard about me, but I'm not cruel.

You raised your eyebrow at him and smirked. "I don't know, I've heard some pretty interesting things about you, Jungkook."

You gave him one last teasing look before walking ahead of him. Jungkook tsked before jogging to catch up to you.

"So, are you going to tell me what you heard so I can prove those accusations wrong?"

Together you waded through the crowded street, careful not to lost one another. If he took your hand, would you pull away or let him have that small victory?

"You haven't said what we're going to do now that we're not going to the movies."

His hand grazed yours. "You're changing the topic."

Seconds later, his hand rested on your shoulder to guide you towards the entrance of an arcade. It was full of other couples, groups of friends, and people wanting to have fun. The atmosphere brought a smile to your face. You didn't even realize Jungkook had left until he returned with a bag full of tokens.

"I'll let you choose the first game."

Dramatically, you rested your hand on your heart. "What a gentleman."

Jungkook threw his head back in defeat. "Whoever told you that I wasn't a gentleman needs to stop feeding you lies."

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but you don't really have the best reputation." You explained as you made your way over to the basketball game.

You glanced back at him to make sure he was following and found him chewing on his lip. Your statement bothered him. The two of you exchanged no other words until he was standing next to you.

"Is that why you always rejected me?" His eyes locked with yours, and you didn't dare look away.

Rather than lying, you nodded. "Yeah."

Jungkook was the one to break eye contact; it was clear he was upset. He fished for a token and inserted it into the machine to start the game.

As you watched him, you inhaled deeply and thought about everything. You didn't want to be the reason the date ended in ruins. You were honest about why you declined his offers, but now that you were here with him, you kept thinking how different things could have been if you had just agreed to date him the first time he asked.

Without thinking further, when Jungkook reached for another ball, you took it from him and aimed for the moving hoop.

"You can't blame me for being scared."

Jungkook opened his mouth to say something but stopped as he watched you throw the ball straight into the hoop. Another ball rolled towards you, but Jungkook grabbed it before you could.

"I wasn't blaming you. I was blaming myself." He missed the hoop and ticked his head to the side, slightly annoyed that he didn't score, but as the game ended, he had one of the highest scores.

Together you moved in the direction of another game.

"Why are you blaming yourself?"

He didn't say anything, and you were afraid he didn't hear you due to the increasing volume of everyone around you.

"Because I got careless with relationships and dating, and now that I want something serious, my reputation is ruining my chances.

The corners of your mouth twitched into a tiny smile. "It's your turn to pick a game."

You weren't ignoring what he had said; you just wanted to think about it for a moment longer.

The two of you wandered around the arcade and tried not to lose each other with the growing amount of people entering the building. Jungkook stopped in front of a photo booth and let out a small laugh.

"It isn't a game, but it seems like this is the only thing unoccupied." 

"I think it'll be fun!" You linked his arm with yours and entered the small booth. 

Jungkook sat silently next to you as you messed around with the photo settings. As you sat back, your shoulder brushed against his, and it made it obvious how close the two of you were. You couldn't help but think back to his previous comment about wanting to be in a serious relationship.  Did he mean that he wanted to try and be in a serious relationship with you? You'd be lying if you said you didn't have feelings for him. The truth was, you had liked him all along, but you let the rumors about him cloud your judgment of his character. 

The beeping of the timer caused you to snap out of your thoughts. 

"Are you ready?" You glanced over at Jungkook, and to your surprise, he was already staring at you. The flash went off, signaling that the first picture was taken. Then the timer reset. 

"Your chances aren't completely ruined, by the way." 

The two of you looked away and to the camera, where you opted for a funny face. The camera went off. 

"What do you mean?" Jungkook turned to you again. 

"If you were this version of yourself all the time, you wouldn't have any trouble getting into a serious relationship, and any girl would be happy to be with you."  

You stuck your tongue out at him as the camera snapped another picture. 

"I don't want just any girl though--" He faced forward and held up a peace sign. "--I want you." 

Your expression changed in an instant, and it was captured as the shutter sounded. "Jungkook." 

He hesitated but looked your way as the last seconds of the timer counted down. You took his face into your hands and pressed your lips to his. The moment captured forever as the final flash of the camera washed over the two of you. 

[lia-bones]

A thousand splinters of glass

Sirius Balck x Reader

Summary: (Y/N) boyfriend Sirius intrudes too much into her friendship with Remus. When he confronts her with his thoughts, they start fighting.

Warning: angst, Language (defilement and swearing), consumption of alcohol, Hint of violence ... I gess.

(Misspelling, Grammar errors, translation errors.)

Words: 2520

Author note: It was super hard for me to write Sirius like that. But it was a friend's wish and I'm fulfilling it.

(English is not my main language. I apologize for all misspellings, grammar errors, and translation errors💕)

Enjoy Reading 🌻

(not my GIF)

* * *

(Y/N) enter the great hall and take a seat at the Gryffindor table next to her boyfriend Sirius. She looks at her group of friends and still tired, wished them good morning.

"Good morning dear, how did you sleep?" asked the boy next to her after he put a kiss on her temple.

"Oh, very well, unfortunately too short." she replied with a tired smile and put a spoonful of scrambled eggs in her mouth.

"Remus, do you want to do our Arithmancy homework in free period?" she turned to the others Marauder who sat across from her at the table. Remus smiled at her and replied, "Yes, of course. After lunch in the library?"

"Call it a date." (Y/N) winked and went back to her scrambled eggs.

"Hey, I thought I was your boyfriend? What about me?" Sirius grumbled beside her and looked at her confused. She waves it away with a laugh :"You are, but that doesn't mean I can't do homework with a friend. You don't have a free period after lunch you have Divination."

Sirius mumbles something unintelligible but said nothing else. The friends all eat their breakfast and talk about this and that, before they all went to class.

* * *

After noon Remus and (Y/N) met in the library and started their Arithmancy homework. After some time of writing, Remus contacted her and said :"You know, I'm glad you're with Sirius now. You're doing him good." The girl smiled at him and answered :"He's doing me good too. I've got the feeling since I've been with him I've been a lot more confident.I am very happy to have him as my Boyfriend. And of course I'm also happy to have you guys as my friends. I couldn't think of anyone better."

"We're glad to have you too. Finally I'm not the only one holding the boys back." Remus laughed and pulled her into a half-hug with one arm. "yeh somebody has to bring you rule breakers to your senses."

"But I'm really serious (Y/N). Since you've been together he's a lot more relaxed and you make him think before he acts. At least sometimes." Remus told her seriously again.

"I don't want to tell him anything. I like him the way he is. I think sometimes he just needs someone to get him to think again about his ideas before acting. There is no way I want something like the incident in fifth year to happen again." (Y/N) said in a husky voice, put an arm around Remus' shoulders and gave him a short squeeze .

"No, nobody wants that." the boy whispered back and squeezed her once too.

It became quiet and the two pondered their memories of this terrible event for a moment, before they broke the embrace again and continued on with their essays in silent agreement.

* * *

After the last class of the day, (Y/N) and Remus sat in the common room and waited for their other friends.

"What do you think of the book? Have you read it yet? " she asked Moony and with a nod of her head pointed to the book she was reading. Remus put a hand on her shoulder and leaned forward to look at the book. "No but i want..." he is just beginning to speak when the portrait opened and the remaining three Marauders entered the room. " 'e, You two, here you are. What are you doing here?We were looking for you." James called to them and slumped into one of the armchairs. "We just talked, nothing interesting. We have been waiting for you. " declared (Y/N) while she closed her book and placed it on the side table next to her. The boys nodded and Sirius placed a kiss on the (Y/N) head.

Due to the lack of space on the sofa, Sirius sat in the other armchair, instead of next to his girlfriend and Peter sat on the floor between him and James.

The friends talked about everything and nothing for a while and soon landed on James' favorite topic: Lilli Evans

"I mean. She is so perfect. She is beautiful and smart and quick-witted and helpful and friendly. What more could a man want?" enthused James with a dreamy face.

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife'." Quoted Remus softly which made (Y/N) giggle so much that she put her hands over her face and rested her head on his shoulder.

Sirius watched with a raised eyebrow and asked :"What's so funny?"

The girl sat up straight again and wiped her hands over her eyes before answering :"oh Remus just quoted pride and prejudice. You won't know it, it's a fantastic Muggel book."

"Oh, but Moony know this fantastic book?" Sirius asked in a voice tarnished with sarcasm. His friends' eyes fixed on him and (Y/N) briefly shook head in confusion before she answered :"Well, Yes. It's a muggle book. He's half blood. And he reads more than any of us put together."

"My mother gave me the book a few years ago." Remus quietly brought himself into the discussion.

Sirius clicked his tongue and got up from his seat he took a few steps before stopping in front of his girlfriend and saying dryly:" Yeah yeah the perfect perfect Moony.

I understood. We need to talk. Alone." He pointed a finger at the stairs that led to the dormitories. (Y/N) looked up at him from her sitting position, knitted her eyebrows briefly in confusion, then nodded got up and followed him up the stairs.

When she arrived in the boys dormitory, she closed the door behind her and stood in the middle of the room. She watched Sirus go to a cupboard and take out a Bottle of firewhiskey and a glass. He poured himself some and took a sip while staring at her over the rim of his glass. The silence in the room was heavy and thick and the air to cut. Sirius cautiously let (Y/N) play with her fingers nervously. It was not customary for him to be so quiet and well, serious. The last time he acted like this, he had just received a letter from his mother.

Since he still didn't say anything, just looked at her with a serious face, she decided to break the silence in the room. "So what did you want to talk about? "

"You. And what you're pulling off right now." he explained in a low voice.

"Sorry but, I don't know what you're talking about." she said in a calm voice.

That just seemed to upset Sirus more, because now his voice was a lot louder :" Oh don't tell shit. Do you really think I'm so stupid and don't know what crap is going on?" He finished his glass in one gulp and poured himself more.

(Y/N) also got louder now and energetically crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"I already told you I don't know what you mean. What have I done?"

"YOU CHEAT ME YOU FUCKING Slut!" he yelled at her and pointed in her direction with his free hand.

(Y/N) opened her mouth and for a moment. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Had he just really accused her of cheating on him and had he called her a Slut?

"WHAT HAVE I DONE? I am supposed to have betrayed you? How do you get the stupid idea?" she asked and made a wide movement with her arms. As if she wanted to chase the tension out of the air.

"Don't be so ridiculous. I noticed it myself. You haven't really bothered to hide it. You and a your loverboy." Sirus spat and glared at her. This whole conversation was very confusing (Y/N). She had no idea how he came up with it. It deceived her that he really thought she would do something like that, but at the same time it made her terribly angry.

"If someone here is ridiculous then is you. You are imagining things that don't exist. How can you think that? Who should I cheat on you with, please?" seh shodet back, on her face, spots of deep red anger were slowly forming. Frustrated, she ran a hand through her (y/h/c) hair.

The one across from her growled, clenched his jaw and again emptied his glass, which he immediately refilled.

"With your oh-so-perfect Moony. I see how you behave towards the other. It's stupid of you guys to think that I wouldn't notice. Are you serious. With one of my best friends? But what should I have expected from a slut like you. I wouldn't be surprised if you slept your way through the whole school." he laughed bitterly and screwed up his face.

(Y/N) didn't know what to say for a moment. For a few seconds, she started at Sirius with wide eyes before she said in a lowered voice :" This not true."

"OF COURSE IT IS. DO NOT LIE TO ME. THE WHOLE LAUGHING AND HUGGING AND ALL THE LOOKS IN LOVE.

OH, REMUS ARE WE BOTH LEARNING IN THE LIBRARY TODAY? OH REMUS YOU ARE SO FUNNY. REMUS IS SO SMART, HE READS SO MUCH. BLA BLA BAL." Sirius spoke in a high voice, trying to imitate her. (Y/N) shook her head in frustration. She had tears in her eyes but she didn't allow herself to cry now. Sirius got on with things that didn't exist and she wanted to make that clear to him. "That's not true. Remus and I are just friends! We study together because we're both in Arithmancy. And since when is it forbidden to laugh when someone says something funny? And we don't touch each other all the time. You see things that not there!"

"YES OF COURSE. AND I SHOULD BELIEVE THAT?" Sirius yelled at her and swung the now almost empty bottle firewhiskey through the air.

"Sirius please ..." she was about to start, but was immediately interrupted by him.

"SIRIUS PLEASE. SAVE YOUR WORDS. I should have known that it was stupid to sacrifice my single life for you. I could have had fun with other girls all the time, but no, I was with you. While you chedit on me behind my back. You dirty whore."

(Y/N) eyes got waterier and more watery during his monologue. She bit her tongue so hard that she could already taste blood and she clenched her trembling hands into fists, her nails digging in her palms.

"...Y...you...you now...i...i woud never..." She didn't get very far with her words, it all happens very quickly. Sirius took a step forward, she took a few steps back, bumped her back against the wall and and shut her eyes tightly. A split second later, Sirius 'glass flew across the room and struck the wall just inches from (Y/N)' s head.

"SHUT UP! YOU FUCKING CHEATER BITCH. SHUT UP!"

There was a crash and glass splinter hit the ground like raindrops.

Silence spread across the room and the two started at each other, eyes wide open. The remainder of the firewhiskey, flowed over the floor and watering (Y/N) socks. She took a deep breath and suppressed a scream. Her legs trembled and it took all her strength not to sink to the ground.

Sirius had tears streaming down his red cheeks and he pulled his black hair.

"No ... no ... I ... I swear ... (Y/N) I didn't mean to..." he began to stammer. He took his hands out of his hair and wanted to reach for her.

Slowly he took a few small steps in her direction. Arms outstretched as if to hug her.

(Y/N) shook his head vigorously, bit her lower lip and pressed herself even tighter against the wall.

Sirius stopped at the sight of her and stared at her desperately.

"No, stop it. Just leave it." she whispered in a husky voice and walked along the wall to the door, not taking her eyes off him for a second. With one hand behind your back she looked for the door handle, he followed her movements with his eyes. "No (Y/N) please, please don't go. Let's talk, I'm sorry ... I ... I ..." he begged in a scratchy voice and stretched its arms out to the girl one more time.

"No. I think it's all said." (Y/N) shook her head and opened the door. The restrained tears stung in her eyes but she definitely didn't want to cry in front of him now.

She stumbled backwards out of the room, pulling the door with her.

"Bye Sirius." she whispered hoarsely before she closed the door. Muffled through the door, she hears him calling her name a couple of times, but she just turned on her heels and ran down the hall to the girl dorms.

She stopped at her own dormitory, yanked the door open, entered the room and slammed the door behind her with a loud crack. The room was dark and quiet, the air smelled of fresh linen and cinnamon. None of her roommates were there.

(Y/N) leaned against the closed door and put her hands over her face. A heartbreaking sob escaped her and she slid the door down to the floor.

Now sitting on the floor, she hugged her legs tightly against your chest and buried her head between her knees. Now that she was alone she started to cry. The tears wet her face and the noises that came over her lips sounded heartbreaking. She tasted the salt on her lips and felt her tears seep into her tights.

(Y/N) didn't understand how this could all happen. She hadn't betrayed him. She had nothing with Remus or anyone else.

Yesterday everything was fine, they were happy together, laughed together, and fooled around. Today everything went downhill they fight, they yelled at each other and he accused and insulted them. He had thrown a glass in their direction.

Otherwise Sirius made her heart beat faster, makes it jump in joy or stop beating for a few seconds in love. But now her heart felt more like it was made of a thousand sharp pieces of glass. Broken like the glass on the wall. Broken like their relationship due to a lack of trust from his side.

(Y/N) wanted nothing more than to hide under her blanket, cry and not get up for a long time.

But she felt too weak to get up and go to bed. So she sat on the floor and kept crying into her legs.

[eddiemunsonsmiddlefingers]

Today in "how to make your students hate you," undergraduate edition:

1) Base 65% of each student's total grade entirely on group work. Do not allow students to switch groups. Everyone in the group gets the same grade, no exceptions. At the start of term, tell your students they must take turns writing responses to the prompts for their group; later when a student says "hey, so I don't like getting marked down because group member X can't write for shit; can I do something extra to prove I know what I'm doing?", tell your class that you "never said the group members had to take turns writing responses; manage your group in what way makes sense to you." Two weeks later, when a group has decided to assign someone to write for them, remind the class that "you must take turns writing responses, or all members of your group will be marked down."

2) Use wordy PowerPoint presentations with your lecture. Speak extremely quickly, discuss points that are not addressed in the reading, refuse to take questions, and when your class inquires (pretty much unanimously) about getting your slides for study reference, say that it is entirely up to the student to take adequate notes.

3) Assign each group a midterm essay to write together. Make sure your prompt questions are intentionally vague to the point that one group (at least) had a twenty minute discussion about whether you were asking trick questions / being deliberately deceitful.

4) Tell your students they need to have at least two sources outside the required course reading. (This is normal, to be clear. Good job.) However, four days before the paper is due, decide that one of the course readings isn't required, and therefore can count as one of the two extras. The day before the midterm is due, remind us that that piece does not count as one of the two extras.

5) Specifically inform your class on multiple occasions that it is acceptable, even preferable, for them to use your question prompts as section headers in their midterm essays. Later, write a glowing review of a group's submitted midterm paper, but then add that you have marked it down 2% (from 100%) because they used the question prompts as section headers instead of writing a single flowing narrative.

I am so salty, y'all. So. Salty. *lol* I wrote my group's midterm paper pretty much entirely by myself, so even though this was a "group" grade, really it was my grade....and the use of headings was literally the only thing he could find to pick on in it. I don't get why professors DO that.

[everydaychaotic]

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. "

Charlie x Reader Fic

a/n: i used a writing prompt here because there were some prompts i found on my phone. they're from creative-writing-prompts on tumblr (?) omg enjoy 💕

Word on the street is all about this Charlie Dalton. All the girls in your school can't seem to shut up about him, this guy from Wellton who pulled an infamous stunt in front of everybody.

"Have you heard about what happened at Wellton?"

"God, that Charlie has guts."

"He's single right?"

All this gossip annoyed you. Either they applaud his not-so-daring feat, or they suddenly fancy him. Apparently, this boy has become popular here and you never understood why he would do something so stupid.

You're a real stickler for the rules, future mapped out and planned for, and you always had this thing where everything should be in order. Charles Dalton, that jerk, just disrupted the peace and order you have been accustomed to by turning these girls into boy crazy and lovestruck little girls. His name made your blood boil and it made you lose focus. They never seem to get enough of him, and that's probably because there aren't really a lot of options in boarding school.

Wherever you went, his name would always pop up. Whoever you talked to would ask if you knew. You would roll your eyes and tell them they're wasting time on someone who isn't even worth it. This boy was getting into your nerves, and (rumor has it) another girl's knickers.

There came a time you just couldn't take it anymore. Even your best friend was talking about him with a mix of amusement and disappointment. She thought this boy had potential but wasted it on a foolish prank. Both of you shared the same sentiments, although your friend was obviously intrigued.

You had a lot of homework to do, and with everything that was going on, you decided you didn't have time for this. You sigh loudly and throw a pillow at your friend, exasperated. "Hey!" she said as the pillow hit her face. "What was that for?"

You turned to her, annoyed and stressed from all the homework and drama. Your roommate raises an eyebrow, waiting for an answer. "I'm getting tired of this— this boy!" you tell her and she stifles a laugh.

It wasn't funny, and then she replied, "Who knew that the great y/n would lose focus over a boy?" You ignored her and went back to your homework. There was still so much to do with calculus, and you haven't checked on your science project yet. Your French essay is due tomorrow and it isn't near perfect. You didn't let the idea of Charlie Dalton get to you.

Days went by and the chatter started to lessen. You smiled to yourself, everything was slowly going back to normal. Your focus was back, and nothing else seemed to interrupt it. Right now, everything is perfect for you. Back on the right track to be one of the country's most esteemed lawyers.

Everything was almost back to normal, you hardly even thought about him, and no one

had any more stories to tell about the infamous little pick who caught St. Agnes' by storm. One fateful day, he was once again the talk of the town. Rumour has it, he went out with one of the girls from her class. People kept on talking, asking this girl to tell him about Charlie. All of them would pile around her, and ask if he was what they dreamed he would be like.

You thought it was all rubbish. Charles Dalton? You bet he got under her skirt. Your classmate's story about him being the perfect gentleman was too good to be true. There's no such thing as a gentleman, and you believed Charlie was far from that. People see what they want to see, and you thought this girl just let heard what he wanted her to hear. Quite stupid, you thought.

One day as you were walking around the courtyard, book in hand, you caught sight of him. The infamous Charlie Dalton, in the flesh. You couldn't deny he was handsome. There was an air of arrogance around him, and a hint of brilliance to which you were so. curious about. He was with a different girl, and he gave a smirk you knew all too well that he was up to no good. He dropped her off at the dorms, and you shook your head in disappointment. You saw this coming, but in the back of your mind you always hoped it wasn't true.

He passed by you, and smiled. His brown hair all messed up, with eyes that always twinkled with mischief and chaos. "Hi," he said to you. You gripped your book tighter and ignored him, walking away. Charlie always liked girls who played hard to get. He found the chase to be rewarding. He turned around, "I didn't catch your name."

You muttered something, and continued to walk towards the dorms. There were footsteps following you, and you tried your best to ignore him as he tried to get your attention. "Did you just say your name? I didn't get it the first time." He caught up to you and went ahead. There he was, facing you: Charlie Dalton of Wellton Academy.

You decided to be blunt and said, "I didn't, and no, I'm not telling you." You sighed, "I was asking you to leave me alone." He wasn't taken aback by this comment, after all, it was part of the chase, and Charlie enjoyed every second of it.

"If you say so," he said sarcastically. He is so infuriating, you thought. You looked him in the eyes and you were inwardly fazed by how beautiful he really was up close. You always hid your emotions well, and you certainly didn't want to break that wall in front of this jerk.

"Did I stutter?" you replied coldly. You took a deep breath and once again told him to leave you alone. He chuckled and told you, mocking defeat, "Whatever you say, sweetheart." He waved at you and went on his way. Charlie was amazed, and decided he was gonna try harder than usual. That meant he absolutely had to, because most of the time they just came onto him.

You thought about this encounter for a considerable amount of time, and sometimes wondered if you were to see him again. You were working on your english homework until someone on the phone asked for you. You hate being interrupted, and it annoyed you to drop whatever you've been doing for something so irrelevant. Begrudgingly, you grab the phone and put it to your ear, rolling your eyes. "Hello?"

"Hello to you too, y/n," the sound of his voice made you mad. You tried to keep it together, your friends were watching. You couldn't lose control now, it would guarantee him victory. You whispered, "You're not supposed to call."

"Well sweetheart I did, now y/n, tell me, what are you doing Saturday night?" You ignored the question and said, "How did you get my name you jerk?" You heard people laughing from the other line, who were teasing Charlie. "I asked for a pretty girl and they led me to you," he slurred. For a moment, you felt flattered, but mostly embarrassed. That was officially the worst line you have ever heard.

"Shut up. Now if you don't have anything important to say, I'm hanging up now." You put down the phone and went back to your schoolwork. You can't afford to have any more distractions, especially a Dalton-shaped distraction.

Almost every night, he would call, and like always you would give the phone back, telling everyone you absolutely had no time for this. This boy was persistent. You tried your best not to lose your temper in front of your friends and classmates. That rarely happened. You're y/n, and he isn't your Waterloo.

The day you've been waiting for came. Charlie stopped calling. You thought he got bored and latched himself onto another pretty thing. You were a bit hurt, to know he was exactly what you thought he was but it worked best that way, and you were starting to feel normal again. He wasn't the talk of the town anymore, and that alone gave you the motivation to do everything on your to-do list.

You went out to the courtyard for a stroll and brought your favorite book along. Your eyes widened when you saw him. Messy brown hair with everything undone. There he was again, and he looked like he was waiting. You continued to walk towards your favorite spot in the courtyard, made yourselg comfortable and started to read. "Hey y/n," Charlie said. At that moment, you wanted your soul to leave your body. You closed your book and looked up, "To what do I owe this unwanted encounter?" There was sarcasm dripping in your voice and Charlie raised an eyebrow in amusement. He ignored your comment and asked, "What are you doing tomorrow night?"

You didn't answer. He sat down next to you and looked at what you were reading. "Shakespeare, huh? You've got good taste," he commented. You smiled a little, and felt better that this boy, even for a moment, stopped pestering you. You were a bit glad you at least had something in common, and relieved he wasn't just a prick. He was a brilliant prick who knew his stuff, and you were somehow attracted by this.

You just sat there in silence for the whole afternoon. You were immersed in your book, and all Charlie did was stare at you. The silence was endearing, and you stopped only to find him sleeping. You swore he became more attractive. This boy is beautiful, and when it hit you, you started to think about everything you worked for only to be disrupted by him. You pat his arm gently, trying to wake him up. It was getting late and you had to catch up on your study group tonight.

He blinked a few times and stood up, offering you his hand. You took it and he smiled, looking away. He earned it, you thought. "My friend Neil's performing tomorrow at Henley Hall, and since you love Shakespeare so much, bet you'd try to take a look at it," he said finally.

Shakespeare was your favorite poet, and it's been so long since you've watched a Shakespearean play. It was a hard offer to consider. If you accepted, you would be going with him, and that would make it seem like a date. "I guess you can call it a date," he drawled.

You pondered over it as he walked you back to the dorms. Annoying as he was, he knew how to get a girl's attention, and you were no exception. You didn't answer him, and told him how you were running late instead. You felt his hand on your shoulder, turned you around, and once again there you were: face to face with Charlie Dalton. This time, you couldn't help but feel flustered, and it was evident. He smirked a little bit, and that alone shifted your mood. One moment he was charming, the next one a jerk. You moved away and muttered a curse under your breath. "Come on, I saw that, y/n," he pointed out. "Admit it, you like me."

Once again he was this conceited bastard. You didn't know which was more annoying: his behavior or the fact you were attracted to this boy. You pursed your lips and tried not to lose your temper. Charlie just stood there, waiting.

"Silence means yes, you know," he smiled. You rolled your eyes, and started to lose the cool façade you had going on. "You know what, Dalton? Do whatever you want."

"You're insufferable, and I can't believe I spent an afternoon with you! You're a jerk, and you're too conceited for your own good," you said with so much frustration. "I'm not someone you just plan to fool around with, and I'm sure there's another girl waiting for you to sweep her off her feet. And just so it's clear, I'm not that girl, and I don't want to be that girl." Charlie just stood there, listening.

"You know it's a shame. You've wasted so much time and energy on me, and it's endearing and flattering, and I'll admit you're quite attractive, but you're so goddamn infuriating! And guess what? I could kiss you right now." You ran your hands through your hair, frustration and annoyance rushing through you. His eyes widened as he heard the last thing you said. You realized it was too late, and it's undeniable. Charlie Dalton was so damn attractive and you can't believe it worked on you.

He put his hands in his pockets, and smiled at his feet. You were a blushing mess, and his smile wasn't helping at all. He pulled you in and finally replied, "You're very welcome to do it."

[steamingramyun]

perfect ; xmh.

summary ➷

you’re getting ready for a date you don’t really want to go on. luckily, minghao, your college sweetheart, is always there to cheer you on. 

pairing ➷

xu minghao x fem reader feat. jeon wonwoo

genre ➷

oneshot, angst, fluff

just a little.... bit of sadness. 

word count ➷

3696 words

alternative universe ➷

non-idol au, college sweethearts.

warnings ➷

major character death, illusions, and memories due to grief.

author’s note ➷

i read something like this a while ago, about someone holding on to their ex’s memory and i decided to write it for minghao since anon wanted a sad!minghao fic.. this one rly hit me in the feels when i wrote it like i kid u not i was crying in my pants at 3am in the morning. anyway, i hope you enjoy. 

--

[7 november 2019; 1 year after]

“isn’t this like, too much? i don’t know maybe it’s too seductive or something, maybe i look like i’m trying too hard? do i?” you said nervously, turning to your side and pulling the hem of your dress down as you looked in the mirror. the light blue sundress came to just above your knee, exposing your legs. it had been an impulse buy on a shopping trip your friends had dragged you out on to “get some sun”. kind of ironic that you’d ended up with a sundress of all things. you’d paired the sleeveless dress with a pair of white tennis shoes, simple gold studs on your ears to match the gold anklet that curled around your right leg. 

“is it really too showy? it’s the first date anyway, maybe it’s too much right..” you bit your lip, letting out a deep breath and surveying your reflection. you turned towards the boy perched on your bed, who was looking up at you with a smile on your face. “well? is it?”

“you’re going out for lunch, right? you look perfect, baobei, like always,” he replied, almond-shaped eyes studying your outfit. “and you’re wearing the anklet i got you. definitely a winner.”

“i never take it off, hao-ah,” you touch the piece of jewelry gingerly, the charms smooth on your fingers. you stop at the infinity sign charm, sighing with a sad smile. 

[12 december 2017; 11 months before]

“it’s an infinity sign, i put it there because i wanted you to know that i’ll be by your side for an infinite number of days,” minghao said shyly, blushing as you looked at him from across the couch. “wow, is this xu minghao being cheesy? where’s my camera i need to record this,”

it had been a lazy night in for the two of you, but minghao had come home and surprised you with a beautiful gold anklet with all your favourite things on it. you loved it, of course, but your boyfriend really wasn’t one for cheesy gifts or anything cheesy for that matter. if you weren’t lying on the couch with your feet in his lap, you’d have pinched his cheeks for how cute he was being. 

“shut up, y/n,” he pouted, a deep red blush continuing to creep up his cheeks at your comment. you only grinned wider. “oh my gosh hao, you’re blushing, you cheesy hoe,”

instead of a pout this time, though, you got a mischievous grin from your boyfriend as he began tickling your feet. you yelped, giggling uncontrollably and jerking your feet away from him although it proved useless once he’d moved up and begun attacking your side and neck. you’d never laughed more in your life than you had that night. 

“still. you always look perfect,” he said in his usual calm, matter-of-fact tone, leaning back against the pillows, “well i mean unless you’re covered in purple cupcake frosting,”

his too-long bangs fell into his eyes as he burst into a new fit of laughter. you almost instinctively told him to shut up and get his bangs trimmed, but bit back as a smile formed on your face. his bangs were always too long, and you always loved seeing him smile. even if it was about an unfortunate event involving your niece’s school bake sale and the frosting that you’d made for the cupcakes. “we don’t talk about that. it was one time,”

“sure we don’t. but remember our first date? you showed up in a denim jacket even though it was like, boiling outside,” he teased, pushing his bangs out of his face and adjusting the blanket around his legs. “i could tell you were dying, your cheeks were flushed. but it was cute so i didn’t say anything,”

you wrinkled your nose at him, crossing your arms. “i only wanted to impress you! i was going on a date with a dance major, y’all are overly fashionable and put together for no good reason! i was pressured. but then of course you went and showed up in just a plain t-shirt and jeans and ended up looking like a mf GOD.”

you pouted at him through the mirror, watching him shake his head and pat the spot on the bed next to him. you plop down on it readily, letting out a big sigh. “i’m nervous, what if he hates me once we're on the date itself. like he’s cute but it’s kind of weird that we met at grief support group.. plus it's even weirder that we’re going to the theme park after lunch, right?”

for a few moments, minghao didn’t reply. the theme park was somewhere special for the two of you and had been a fortnightly affair back when you were in your second semester of college because of how close it was to your school. you hadn’t been there for nearly a year though since it had been too much of a hassle and too tiring to go for him after he'd gotten sick. “i think you should just go and have fun, babe,”

“but hao - he’s not you-”

“don’t say that,” minghao interrupted, his tone going serious as he looked at you with piercing eyes. minghao always had a sort of finality and sureness about what he said, and you met his gaze nervously before he continued. “you’re beautiful. you were perfect for me and if this guy doesn’t see you the way i did then i think he’s an idiot. so stop second-guessing yourself and just have fun.”

“but-“ you hesitate for a moment, but his eyes don’t leave yours and you end up giving in to him, sighing in defeat. “fine, okay,”

you get off the bed and go into the bathroom, finishing up your makeup and instinctively brushing pale red eyeshadow onto your eyelids, it'd always been minghao's favourite colour on you. 

finishing your hair in a ponytail, you walk out with a wide grin on your face but look down only to see your ex-boyfriend asleep, his chest rising and falling rhythmically with each breath. your smile fell a little as you watched him, memories of the past you both had shared still fresh in your head. 

you were still undeniably in love with him, sith the way his slightly-too-long hair fell in his face in the mornings when you both woke up, with the way his eyes crinkled up and disappeared when he smiled too wide, with how he'd always spend too much time choosing an outfit in the mornings for dance practice and asking you if it was dancer-y enough, with his intense passion for everything he did and loved. you loved how the two of you used to go on spontaneous dates, to the beach near your campus at 2 in the morning or to the convenience store when you were craving ramen and ice cream. you loved how easy, how effortless being in love with minghao had been, even when it had gotten tough on the two of you in the last months when his situation had taken a toll on the both of you. all you wanted was him, everything about him, and it was all you'd have ever needed in life. but clearly that wasn't the way the universe willed it to be for you. 

if you were being honest, you didn't even know why you were going on this date. but everyone was forcing it on you, they'd been forcing it on you for over a month. your friends sent you tinder profiles and screenshots of eligible classmates' instagram accounts. they all felt it was time for you to find someone new- it had been almost a year, after all. but you'd been asked out by wonwoo two days ago at the support group, and the two of you had actually been getting along quite well. as an added bonus, he was an economics major at your school so the two of you had been getting quite close over the past few weeks, spending time studying together and eating lunch together in between classes. but somehow.. you still felt hesitant. 

"hao! i'm ready," you call, waking minghao from his short nap. "and i'm twenty minutes early."

he blinked at you tiredly, smiling at how pretty you looked before shooting you a mischievous grin. "you always were too early," 

his light teasing made you want to push him as he mischievously pulled the blankets all the way up until only his eyes and the top of his head were exposed, eyes crinkling at the corners as he giggled once more. you went for it but then hesitated, watching him as he calmed down and pushed the blankets down again.

“hao…” you said softly, looking down at him.

he opened one cat-like eye at you, intrigued and attentive. “yes, baobei?”

“i think- i think i still love you,” you admitted shamefully, tears filling your eyes and trickling down your cheek as you clasped your hands tightly, knuckles turning white from the force, "and i don't know if i'm ready to let go of you just yet."

shaking his head, he sat up before meeting your eyes and smiling sadly at you with an odd sort of familiar fondness. "i love you too, Y/N, i always will. but don’t cry for me anymore, okay? you can move on too, i want you to be happy. don't cry for me anymore.”

you don't know what to say, silently staring into space but eventually turning back into the bathroom to fix your make-up. you finished it, walking back out only to be greeted by minghao's proud smile. "you look beautiful. like always," 

even if you had no make-up on, or were wearing the world's most horrifying pair of patterned pants, minghao always thought you were beautiful. and he always told you so, no matter what.

[20 september 2018; 3 months before.]

you'd been working on your essay for the past hour or so, sitting in the padded chair next to minghao's bed as you waited for him to wake up. you were halfway through your third point when you'd heard the sheets shift next to you. 

"y/n.. you're still here? you have class tomorrow, baobei, go back to your dorm and get some real sleep, please, the visitor's chairs are very uncomfortable," he said tiredly, eyes half open and hand squeezing yours gently. you tried not to show how worried you were about how cold his hand felt in yours. 

"i- it's okay, at least here i can look like a mess without the nurses judging me, right? if i go back to school i'll have to do my makeup to look decent," you said quickly, not wanting to leave his side yet. you did look like a mess, your hair in a bun, still wearing your clothes from the dance practice you'd run from and lipstick cracking because of the dry hospital air. it probably wouldve been a good idea to go home, but you couldnt bring yourself to do it. you watched as he frowned slightly, obviously not wanting you to waste your time or cause you to lose precious sleep and rest by making you stay with him. 

"you still look beautiful, baobei, you'll always look beautiful to me. but you'll be more grateful if you go back and get some real sleep okay? i'm not going anywhere anytime soon," he joked, gesturing to himself and the iv needle poking out from his elbow. "so go back, get some rest, and come here even more beautiful for me,"

and so you'd gone home that day, but returned every day after you classes. minghao'd stopped going to his two months before.

you smiled at him as confidently as you could, tightening your ponytail and grabbing your handbag. "i guess i'm ready, huh?" 

minghao nodded in affirmation at you, pulling back the covers to reveal the black cotton dance pants he always wore to practice but had also taken to wearing to bed because they were so comfortable. he slipped his feet into the slippers you still kept around for him under your bed, standing up and going out of your room and to the downstairs part of your apartment. 

you quickly followed his figure down, butterflies of anxiety filling your stomach and chest. when you got downstairs, minghao was on the couch, bottom half covered with one of your many extra blankets and a book in his hand, reading intently like you'd always see him when you got back from school.

[15 october 2018; 50 days before.]

"good evening, baby," you called to your boyfriend who was in his usual spot on the couch, a cup of tea on the table and a book in his hand. he looked exhausted, skin slightly pale and cold, a stark contrast from the healthy glow you remembered from months ago. "how do you feel?" 

"tired," he said softly, leaning into your neck as you came to sit with him, "and a little sick, but better now that you're back here," 

you felt bad, ever since minghao had started treatments you'd always tried to be back early so you could go with him. but that particular day you had a dance class to teach at night and couldn't make it, so your friend jun had offered to go with minghao instead. you felt guilty because you knew how sick treatments made minghao feel, but you also knew he was far too stubborn to let the bad feelings show if it meant compromising your own routine and activities. that night the two of you had just cuddled on the couch, falling asleep together to harry potter and the goblet of fire playing in the background. 

"babe? i'm still nervous. i can't shake it," you approached, sitting down on the other couch and lacing up your shoes. this time he really didn't reply at all, only shaking his head and looking up at you meaningfully. you know what he would've said, he'd told you everything earlier. 

"i'll come visit you later, okay?" you promised, standing up and slipping your wallet and phone into your handbag. he waved you off, "no need, i'll be fine."

you sighed. he'd always been the one to pay you visits when you needed them the most, though. 

[6 april 2018; 8 months before.]

you ran your hand through your hair again, gently massaging your scalp in attempt to relieve the gnawing headache that had been plaguing you for the past two hours. finals season was absolutely brutal, and you couldn't tell how long you'd been studying but you were far from sanity and could barely digest any more information. 

a knock on your door pulled you from your desk, and you nearly melted with relief when you saw a smiling minghao holding a takeaway tupperware of noodles and a box of fruits for you. "i heard someone was being killed by the exam monster," 

he'd calmed you down that night, making sure you finished all your food and rubbing your shoulders with traditional medicated oils to relieve the tension in your head and neck. the next day, you'd done the exam with a clear head and passed with flying colours. 

you couldn't do the same for minghao now, but the least you could do was pay him a visit like you knew he would have done for you. even if it was after a date. 

putting his book down, he gave you the same stern look as he had earlier. "baobei, you know you can let me go right? you don't have to keep holding on like this. you're strong, i know you can. maybe you'll be happier when you do,"

"no. i don't want to," you retorted quickly, snapping a little. he did nothing but sigh in response. "then i guess you're going to be late for your date,"

you looked over to the clock and nodded, slinging your handbag over your shoulder and looking at him expectantly. "well? you're coming too, right?" 

he sighed again, but rose from the couch anyway and slipped on his pair of dance shoes you kept in the shoe cabinet next to the door. you walked out of your apartment together, taking the elevator down and walking out onto the almost-empty street of your campus- it was the new year season and everyone had gone home to their families, but you were a foreign student and wonwoo lived too far away from campus to go home. 

"i hope wonwoo's nice.. from what interaction we've had he seems pretty chill," you chimed, trying to break the tension that was growing between minghao and you. 

"i think he'll be great," minghao replied quickly, "and i'm sure the two of you will make a great couple, i know he'll make you happy," 

you pulled a smile onto your face, but it was far from genuine. minghao could tell. of course he could tell, he'd been with you for years. but as much as he knew you didn't want to be on this date, he knew it'd be good for you to try some chance at love again. 

the two of you finally arrived in front of the small café you'd agreed to meet wonwoo at, but instead of going in you stopped at the entrance hesitantly. "hao? i can't go, i just can't."

"y/n, this is for the best okay? you like wonwoo, from what you said i know he likes you too," minghao sighed, "this is why i shouldn't have come, how many times do i have to tell you to let go?" 

"i know, but i just-" you say desperately, but you don't know what to say anymore. you know he's right, you know everyone is right by telling you to move on. 

"i can't keep being here for you, baobei,"

"i love you minghao,"

silence. another deep sigh. 

"i know you do," 

a pause. silence. more tension. and then, finally, "y/n, i need to go,"

you panicked immediately, head shooting up in shock as you begged him to stay. "what? no, no no no, minghao you can't go anywhere, you have to stay here with me, you have to stay with me," 

you reached for his wrist but he was too fast for you, pulling away before your fingers could touch his skin.

"minghao you can't leave me, please,"

"i have to go,"

"you can't, i need you!" 

but he didn't reply. there were tears in your eyes, tears that were hot with anger and pain and grief and guilt all at the same time. tears threatening to spill down your cheeks, but he didn't reply even then, only walking further away from you. 

"minghao, please. minghao you cant leave me again!" you said helplessly, your voice raised, drawing attention to yourself. you felt the concerned gazes of passers-by on you as you panickedly looked around for minghao's tall figure, but he was nowhere to be seen. he was gone. 

"hao, i can't do this without you," you whispered helplessly to the air. "i need you to be in my infinity," 

"you can. you can and you will. you're everything anyone could ever want,, y/n you're perfect," you hear minghao's soft voice echo in your head. you freeze, letting a single tear fall and trickle down your cheek. "you're perfect no matter what," 

you shook your head again, denying it. "i can't let you go, i can't,"

but then you could've sworn you felt his hand in yours, warm and full of life again. the same hand you'd held through thick and thin that had grown colder and paler but was now back to the state it had been in when you'd first met. the hand that had kept you strong for years. 

"you can. and you will be happy for years and years to come and then we will meet again. i promise," you rubbed the tear from your cheek, listening to his voice for the last time in your head. you knew he was right, you knew he was right just like all of your friends. you'd spent months avoiding people because you'd thought that you had all you needed at home, that the memory of a love you'd lost was always going to be enough for you. but he was gone, he'd become a star in your night sky and it finally became real to you that he wasn't there anymore, and it was high time that you move forward with your life. 

you could see his smile in your head, the smile you'd woken up to on countless mornings and fallen asleep to on countless nights. you thought you'd be lost without him, to guide you, relying on a memory to get you through the pain. but as you looked through the window of the café and saw wonwoo smiling at you, sitting at a table for two with two cups of iced coffee in front of him, you knew it was okay. 

minghao wasn't here anymore. but it was okay. 

"i'll see you soon, hao-hao," you whispered with finality as you walked into the café and waved at wonwoo. xu minghao had been the best thing that had ever happened to you. and you knew it would take a while, but for him, you had to try to learn to be happy with someone else. 

so you take your seat from across wonwoo, and smile brightly at him. "hey, wonwoo, sorry to keep you waiting so long,"

"no, it's fine, i heard from soonyoung that today's actually a difficult day for you,, not a very first date question but it's your ex-boyfriend's birthday isn't it? the one you come to support group for,"

"it is, but i figured he'd want me to have fun today instead of wasting it alone at home feeling sad," you pause for a second, "he passed away a year ago, actually. he, um, got sick when we were in our junior year of college together," 

wonwoo smiled and nodded at you, listening to what you had to say. "i'm glad you decided to finally take a chance, y/n," 

"yeah," you smiled back, sipping on your coffee with newfound lightness on your shoulders. "yeah, me too, wonwoo,"

[ink-fireplace-coffee]

oh wow if you have weeks where there are no lectures and is to catch up on reading you must do a lot of homework and projects 😵‍💫 it's a little overwhelming to imagine (but i wouldn't say no to not going to class and having the time to do my projects....I have one due tomorrow and guess who hasn't started??? yes, it's me. yay)

what's your essay about? 5000 words is a lot i hope you are taking breaks and resting while writing it to avoid burnout..

and i agree, group projects and presentations suck! a lot! one of my profs pulled out the "when you work you are not going to choose your colleagues" card and he made the groups for us, meaning I'm not with any of my friends. I know it sounds childish to some level, but with my friends we had an structure and we did all our projects the same and it worked for us. This change of plans is..... unconventional. Still, being group leader seems like a really important position and I'm sure you are doing wonderfully🥰

And you'll see how you are getting lunch with your friends in no time!! I hope the train strikes don't cause you a headache and they work with your schedule!!

I'll tell you how I did in the exam, yes! It's supposed to be a short questions one instead of a quiz type, which I haven't done in... a while, so I kind of forgot how to study for them. I hope I remembered tho, since the contents are not specially difficult but they are dense. I'm guessing that my prof will asks us to name symptoms of the disorders we've studied (squizophrenic, bipolar and development disorders) and to differentiate in between specifics inside of them. Which basically means writing the whole thing but I'm none to judge😅😅

hopefully having studied in Halloween will be worth it (I studied while dressed as a pirate. it was....strange haha)

Hi Anmol love!!

How are you doing? I have a test today in two hours and I have this feeling when you think you know nothing and the anxiety kicks off? yeah

but anyway, how's your master treating you? have you gone out with your friends somewhere nice again? and seriously, how are you?

feel free to take up this ask as a vent space or somewhere to ramble about something good that has happened!

remember that i love you loads and that i appreciate you a lot as well🥰

i hope you are having a good day/night so far, and if not I hope it goes away quickly<3

-Carmen 🤺

Hi my sweet!

I hope your exam goes well! It’s definitely just nerves and when you open that paper you’ll realise you’re fine! Be sure to tell me how it went after!!

I’m on reading week which is where we don’t have to go in for lectures but we should use the time to catch up on work and I have so much to do 🥲 yesterday I was working on my critical essay which is 5000 words due by the end of the month. but today I need to put that aside and work on my slides for a group project since we all agreed to have it done by Friday so we could do some practice runs before our real thing next week and I hate presentation so much but seeing as I was appointed group leader I think I should be leading by example 😅

It’s been a little easier now that I’m at home this week and can catch up a little more sleep but I also do kinda miss lunch with my friends so I’m excited to see them all next week, as long as the train strikes let me!