#don't look at it
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I am finally finished! I didn't go with ships and instead more of their personalities, so don't look too deep into how they are paired up. All six of them got in trouble together anyway, I would imagine.
Also went with their default looks, because I didn't feel like figuring out something new lol
#camp fam#camp cretaceous#darius bowman#jwcc brooklynn#yasmina fadoula#sammy gutierrez#kenji kon#ben pincus#i don't like how kenji came out#not one bit#but i had to give up at some point#i forgot how to draw him#also feel like they all are pretty inconsistent but it took me so much time#it just ended like that#also wanted to include a small bonus but i'm so tired#maybe i'll post it seperately later if i draw it#ignore the size of the thing they are holding lmao#don't look at it#my art
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hahah.. Ha.. MORE NONSENSE
soo uhhh... These gays got me by the jugular
Don't wanna clog up my moots feed with my brain rot so it's under the cut
Are we officially calling this Ship "WayLight"? Idk idk!
Will Wayward belongs to: @kandavers
Gloom Twilight is my boy
Also!!
THIS
#welcome home#welcome home oc#welcome home original character#welcome home puppet show#gloom twilight#Will Wayward#I'm so normal#Help#HElP#Can't stop#If you see Will's tattoo#No you don't#Don't look at it#ITS NOT MY FAULT#KAN SAID IT WAS CANNON AND I MUST FOLLOW CANNON-#Just... shhhh.#Nobody's gonna know#GAY PUPPETS REAL???#Real 😔#I just like drawing Gloom being affectionate#He's an affectionate lil guy#Heh
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--. --- --- -.. / -- --- .-. -. ... -. --. / - --- / . ...- . .-. -.-- --- -. . / .-- .... --- / .--- ..- ... - / ..-. --- ..- -. -.. / --- ..- - / .. / .... .- ...- . / - .... .. ... / .- -.-. -.-. --- ..- -. - / .. / .... --- .--. . / -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. . / . -. .--- --- -.-- .. -. --. / - .... . / -... . . .--. .. -. --. / .- -. -.. / - .... .- - / .... . .-.. .-.. --- / .--- --- -. / .- .--. --- .-.. --- --. .. . ... / ..-. --- .-. / - .... . / -.. . -.-. . .--. - .. --- -.- / -... ..- - / .. / .-- .- -. - . -. / - --- / -- .- -.- . / ... ..- .-. . / -.-- --- ..- / ... - .- .-. - . -.. / -.. . -.-. .. .--. .... . .-. .. -. --. / .. / - .... --- ..- --. .... - / .. - / -... . ... - / -. --- - / - --- / .- -. -. --- ..- -. -.-. . / -- -.-- ... . .-.. ..-.
Good morning to everyone who just found out I have this Morse account I hope you are enjoying the beeping and that Hello Jon apologies for the deception but i wanted to make sure you started deciphering, so I thought it best not to announce myself.
#morse code#just don't mind the following tag ok#just don't worry about it#don't look at it#just trust me ok#->#the magnus archives#tma
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Oh what is that? Somebody left a liveblog on my doorstep? Well, don't mind if I do!
#liveblog announcement tag#Let's ignore the calendar#DON'T LOOK AT IT#where were we#xxxholic 86 ish?#let's see what Watanuki is cooking today
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Foundlings #01
“Hello,” Nerdanel said softly to the boy sitting on the dinner table, his torn pants rolled up past his knees so she could clean the scrapes and cuts on his legs. “I’m Nerdanel. What’s your name?”
He had a tangled mess of dark brown hair, twigs and leaves sticking out from where they’d gotten tangled. His twin—so perfectly identically there could be no mistaking it—looked no better as he clung to Maedhors, held protectively in her eldest son’s arms.
“Elros,” The one in front of her said in a tiny voice roughened from whatever he’d gone through in the forest.
“Hello, Elros,” She set a wooden bowl half-full of warm water on the table next to him, then held up one of the soft green hand towels Fëanor wove last winter. “I’m going to clean up all these cuts and put a salve on that will help you feel better.”
“Elrond’s hurt worse,” The boy protested weakly, pointing one trembling finger at the drying blood on his brother’s face from a cut on his forehead. “I’m okay.” His voice shook almost as much as his hand.
“He’ll be okay, too,” She assured, dipping the cloth in the water and dabbing away the mud and blood on his shins.
Liquid welled up in his eyes.
“Does it hurt too much?” She asked, softening her touch still further though she was already being as gentle as she would be with a newborn lamb or goat kid.
“Where’s our mom and dad?” he asked instead, tears forming tracks in the dirt on his face.
That, she could not answer save to spare a glance up at her son. He shook his head slightly, either not knowing or not wanting to say until the twins were safely taken care of and tucked into a bed to rest. She feared the worst. They all heard the unnatural wind howling through the trees last night.
“You don’t worry about that right now,” She settled on, scooping two fingers into a jar of pungent, brown ointment. “You’re safe now. Just let the grown-ups worry about all that.”
He flinched when she wiped the numbing salve into the largest cut just under his right knee. She murmured soothing words to him as she worked.
As she finished, Caranthir came over with two mugs of tea made from the roots and bark of several useful plants she harvested every fall. He’d sweetened the drink with honey to hide the bitter taste for children, though he’d refrained from adding goat milk as she’d directed. Milk sometimes reduces the tea’s somnolescent properties.
“Here you go,” She said, passing the mug to the young boy’s hands. “I want you to drink all of this while I take care of your brother. Can you do that for me?”
“Okay,” He whispered, raising it to his lips and sipping the warm drink.
Outside, the sun sank down through the trees, casting a rose gold light across the land.
Fëanor paced in front of his second son, sitting on the step just outside the kitchen door so he could go in quickly if he was needed for something. Besides the two of them and the wandering chickens, the yard was deserted, everyone else away and busy: Celegorm left two days before to hunt an elk at Nerdanel’s request; Caranthir, Amrod, and Amras went into town; and Curufin took his son to catch fish for dinner. Fëanor’s skin itched at having them all so far apart.
“Where did you find them?” Fëanor asked, rubbing a twisted wood and hair figure between the fingers of his right hand to block unnatural ears from listening to the conversation.
It would watch the homestead closely for any sign of the children his sons stole from it. The scrutiny would wane eventually, but until then they must be extra vigilant in keeping it at bay. He’d need to make sure everyone remembered to wear their amulets and keep their talismans close to hand. Celebrimbor, especially, needed to be careful; small as he was he might easily be lured away. Fëanor clutched the figure tighter.
“About an hour passed Lone Lark peak,” Maglor reported. “We found them just before dawn and rode as hard as we dared to get back here.”
The slopes near Lone Lark were steep, with ample loose slate to send any unwary traveler tumbling down the mountain.
Fëanor looked to the north, toward that spot, though there was no way to see it from this side of their mountain. Not so close then, but close enough for it to find them if it wanted the children.
“We didn’t find their parents,” His son continued, his slim shoulders falling. “But I’m sure they’re dead.”
“Why?” He asked sharply. He had to know everything so he could keep the family safe.
Maglor looked up from the grass blade he’d been tearing into thin strips. “Mae found what’s left of the camp. It looked like a bear or a panther attacked them: shredded tent, claw marks on trees, a lot of blood. I can’t guess how those boys escaped and got all the way to Lone Lark.”
“No, no, don’t you see?” Fëanor asked, taking his son by the shoulders, one hand half clasped around the figurine. “Have I not taught you to recognize this? This is Its doing!”
The presence lurking in the trees finally struck again.
“Whatever spared those boys, fate or luck or some greater power, it will come looking for them.”
A terrible feeling deep in his gut told him this was only the beginning of a great and dreadful awakening.
Maglor’s mouth fell open.
“Did you do anything to hide your path back here? Tie mugwart to the horses’ feet? Burn vervain so the ashes fell before you?” He asked.
“No,” Maglor whispered.
“You led it straight here!” Nowhere was safe or totally free from the creature’s reach, but he’d rather it didn’t know exactly where to come looking to finish them off. If the children saw it, it would surely be here soon, seeking to devour them entirely after that small taste. If only his sons hadn’t found them, or else had the sense to ward off any attention before bringing the foundlings home. He had only one choice now.
He unsheathed the sharp knife he kept on his belt.
Maglor stood suddenly, arms out, blocking the door. “Stop, Pa.” He commanded, his gentle voice turning hard. “They’re children. What are you doing?”
Fëanor raised the black knife and pointed it at his son. “Your hair,” He snapped.
“My hair?” The younger elf repeated, teetering on confusion as he realized he may have been hasty in his assumption of ill intent.
“Yes, I need it. Maedhros’ too—and the boys’.” He reached for his son’s long black hair as he spoke. “We saved Celegorm. We’ll save them, too.”
He failed Fingolfin, so many years ago. He wouldn’t let it claim these children too, not now that he’d learned so much.
Maglor untied his hair and bowed his head to Feanor’s blade.
“Something to obscure them, first.” He continued, the pattern and weave appearing in his mind. “Bind you four together to confuse its senses. You’ll need to wear the talismans at all times until I can weave them into the family’s protections.”
He took a handful of hair and severed it near the roots, then wound it several times around his hand, catching the wooden figure under the strands to keep it pressed to his skin.
“I’ll start tonight, with the stars at their brightest.” He could not finish until Celegorm came back and he could take fresh hair from him, too. There was no telling how long that would be, but of all his sons, his third had the keenest senses for the terrible presence haunting the mountains. He may already be riding back toward the safety of their home.
Maglor opened the kitchen door for him, and they went inside. He quickly claimed what he needed from Maedhros and the two drowsy boys sitting on the table.
#slowly advancing the plot of this au#feanor does fiber arts with his family's hair#nerdanel's special herbs#poor little elros. he's in shock still but trying to be brave for his brother#someone give him a hug#i HAD to give caranthir a good little cameo after what he said in friends and family 4#something is in the woods and it is not nice#don't look at it#things will be scaring around the homestead for while#the silmarillion#feanor#maglor#nerdanel#elros#elrond#maedhros#caranthir#sons of feanor#old gods au#grimwing writes
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More from the lawyer au please? Maybe Thenas sister sending him a thank you card? Something sweet? :)
"What are you doing friday?"
Gil nearly choked on his gulp of soda. That would be a sad way to die--aspirating a fastfood straw. He blinked. "Sorry?"
"Friday," Thena repeated, tilting her head a little to convey that she was baffled as to why it would bear repeating. "Do you have plans?"
He still felt ready to choke on his bite of sandwich. But he dusted off his hands and pushed away from his desk. "Uh, n-no--no, I'm free. What's up?"
"Would you be able to come over on friday night?"
Now, he blushed. He knew this wasn't the case, but he really did feel a little like this was sounding like a date. Maybe it was just how she was asking it. It wasn't beyond Thena to say something plainly and not really know how someone else might take it.
Thena's eyes darted downward, looking at the case files she was carrying (despite it being their small and precious lunch hour). Which, in anyone else, he would take for a sign of nerves. But there was no telling when it came to Thena. "I know it's rather sudden."
He didn't know what to think. They were colleagues, and he would even dare to say they were work friends. Maybe more than work friends, possibly, since he'd made a home cooked meal with her for her sisters. But not only did the firm have issues with colleagues dating, for obvious reasons, but he wasn't sure what brought this on.
He didn't really take Thena to be interested in dating. For all he could see, her only concern was taking care of her sisters. Which would make sense, of course. And he didn't want to be responsible for making her uncomfortable at work or anything.
"Gil?"
He blinked again, realising he had zoned right out and missed what she had asked. "S-Sorry, I, uh-"
"Sprite's birthday is on friday," she sighed, no longer beating around the bush. "She asked me if I would invite you."
"She asked," he paused, craning his neck faintly, "if I could come?"
Thena smiled, though. "Sprite has become quite fond of you, as has Sersi."
"Well, I gotta admit I'm flattered," he smiled as well, swayed by the warmth that took over Thena whenever she talked about her sisters. "I get the feeling that they don't take to people easily...at least not Sprite."
"You're right about that," she conceded. Her posture loosened and she leaned against his desk a little. "Sprite has never been the most social. Unfortunately, she is quite like me, and our father, in that way. Sersi got our mother's warmth and inviting presence."
He raised his brows at her, "you can be warm."
"Gilgamesh," she rebutted with a look he recognised from when she was in court.
"Hey, it's true," he chuckled, pushing aside his lunch and leaning comfortably in his chair. "You just need to defrost a little, but once you're there, you're there."
"Funny," she murmured, although it sounded less cutting and maybe even a little humoured.
"So, Sprite doesn't want a thing with her friends?" he asked more quietly--more gently. He watched as Thena cast a cursory glance to the rest of the office floor before moving around his desk. She pulled up a chair for herself, folding herself into it stiffly.
"Sprite, unfortunately," Thena grimaced (it really was bad), "fell out of touch with some of her friends after our parents' passing."
He frowned. He would have thought she had found herself making stronger bonds, not losing them. "I-I'm sorry. Is she okay?"
Thena's deeply concerned expression didn't lighten. "They were nice, but I believe Sprite has held onto a lot of anger regarding things. And her friends...they were kind, but I don't think their bond was strong enough to endure the true weight of Sprite has been through."
So, they were friends but they weren't any true friends of the kid's. Gil nodded with his own sense of regret to it. "Shit--did this happen right around that time, too?--if it's okay for me to ask that."
Thena managed a faint pull of her lips at his consideration. She stared down at her files again, running her finger along the edge to occupy her mind. "I suspect that Sprite was largely responsible for their growing apart. They attempted to reach out but she wasn't in a frame of mind to accept their efforts. And so the bridge wasn't so much burned as it simply crumbled away from disrepair."
That was a good way to put it, all things considered. But that was tough for a kid to go through what she had at such a young age, and not have friends to support her through it.
"I asked Sersi what I should do," Thena confessed to him. She said it easily, but it didn't escape him that it was a pretty big confession to make for her. There was a time when he was too scared to ask her what she'd had for lunch that day. Now they were talking about her sisters' grieving processes. "She said that Sprite doesn't want anyone she barely knows, which accounts for many of her school acquaintances. So, she wants only people she knows. I'll order whatever she likes, Sersi will be there of course, our cousin Kingo whom she has always adored. And she asked if I would invite you."
It was enough to warm a heart, certainly. And he was already a sensitive enough guy, so he didn't need much to be moved to tears. "Really? I mean I'm honored, really, but is she sure that she knows me well enough to invite me to something like this?"
Thena laughed at his reluctance though. "You underestimate her fondness for you."
"Maybe I misunderstand it," he excused for himself with a sheepish wince. He drew in his shoulders, although he kept rumpling his suits that way. He tugged at his jacket, remembering how Thena had done so for him at the courthouse not long ago.
Thena looked pensive, selecting her words carefully. She pursed her lips faintly; he had seen her do that in court too. "Sprite has very good intuition. She decides very quickly if someone is trustworthy or not, let alone if she likes them. And immediately after you helped us with the lasagne, she has asked me nearly daily when you are coming over next. She said you seem fun, and nice, and-"
He was startled by the way she paused in the middle of things. But to his delight, she made a somewhat annoyed expression he definitely recognised from when Sprite had whined about having a diet coke.
"I don't make friends much either, so as much as she was surprised, if I am fond of you, then you must be someone good to know. That is how she phrased it to me," Thena sighed, equal parts exasperated and fond. She raised her plucked, sandy coloured brows at him. "So trust me when I tell you that you have my entire family's approval."
Except for this cousin that was coming, but still, it was nice to hear. Gil grinned, "well, then, I'll be more than happy to come. What can I bring?"
"Just yourself," Thena assured more like her usual cool and strict self. "I will take care of any and all gifts. Consider your company a gift in itself."
"If you say so," he conceded, although he was already thinking about what he might be able to 'just happen to pick up' at the mall or something.
"I'll tell Sprite and Sersi the good news, then," she concluded, standing from her chair and smoothing down her skirt. "I can text you more specific details tomorrow, but for now, expect to come over friday after work and enjoy dinner and perhaps some movies."
"Sounds fun," he promised happily, although he could still feel the lingering foolishness for thinking she was asking him out.
"Also," she opened up the folder on top of her stack and retrieved a small envelope. "This is from Sprite. I was asked to give it to you, but only if you accepted her invitation."
"Ah," he blinked, accepting it delicately. It was a plain white envelope with GIL written on it in pretty cursive. "Well, thank you."
"I don't know what it is, so you can't ask me," she disavowed with another laugh. "Nor are you allowed to show me afterward, either. It is just from Sprite to you."
He smiled; well, now he really had to pick out something for the kid. "Thank her for me."
"I will."
He smiled at her as she left his desk to go back to her own again. She was indeed working through her lunch hour, but he would have to hope she had a power bar or a protein smoothie somewhere. He looked down at the envelope again, excited in a way he hadn't been in a long, long time.
"Hey Gil, what did Ice Queen want?"
"I don't know if I've ever seen her smile."
He ignored his colleagues and their suggestive tones, opening the envelope carefully.
"Did she sign it with a kiss? Those lips-"
"Piss off," he barked at them, easily sending away the absolute pricks who both liked to disparage that Thena wasn't a 'team player' but also loved to insinuate that they had a shot with her.
Dear Gil, it's me, ya boi
I guess Thena asked you, and that you said yes. I hope she didn't pressure you or whatever. It's just gonna be a chill time. Kingo is nice, you'll like him. And Thena likes you, even if she's never said it. She doesn't like anyone, so it's really something.
Thanks for always being nice to my sister,
Sprite
It was a funny contrast--the elegance of the calligraphy and the overall tone of the note. But he blinked, feeling that feeling in his eyes. It was just so sweet, no matter how funny and sarcastic she tried to make it.
The comment about being nice to her sister spoke volumes. It was no surprise to him that the sisters were worried for their guardian, even - and maybe especially - the youngest one. Perhaps Sprite had anxieties about her sister being in a hostile work environment. Maybe she had heard that many of their coworkers were sexist asshats. And maybe Sprite just wanted to look out for her sister in whatever way she could.
Gil slipped the card away, happy to take it home so he could put it in a safe place of honour in his apartment. It was a sweet gesture, and he was determined to do right by it. He would find a card that suited Sprite's humour, he would find a thoughtful but casual gift to bring, and maybe he would even bring cupcakes or something, if Thena wanted it. And he would take it seriously as a guest to a very exclusive party.
This was far more pressure than a date.
#Thenamesh Family Law AU#okayyyyyyy let's go#thank you so much for this ask!!!!#I really do like this au#Thena is home with the girls#she asks Sprite very carefully about her birthday#Sprite immediately says she doesn't want anyone from school#maybe something cool and chill with her most trusted#her nearest and dearest#Thena is like oh uh...okay#they already know to call Kingo#who will drop anything and come over for his fav cousins#Sprite: and Gil#Thena *practically spits out her drink*: what???#Sprite: Gil you should invite Gil he's cool and nice and you like him right?#Thena feels a little sheepish about it#she doesn't entirely know why#she's inviting her coworker to her sister's birthday#and Sprite immediately makes this card#because she's good at calligraphy and art and stuff#and she says here it's for Gil#DON'T LOOK AT IT#Thena's like geez I won't go to bed you maniac#Gil thinks it's so sweet#he keeps it safe at home#he goes all over the place looking for something perfect for her
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UHm-
This some SUPER old art now but I ✨️forgot✨️ to post it 'cause I didn't like it but now I kinda like it???
Idk I hope someone else likes it too 👀👉👈
#utmv#ut au#killer sans#dust sans#old art lmao#don't look at it#but do#not too closely tho#I swear I'm better than this now#dusttale#killertale#they're such good friends#Killer definitely saying the dumbest shit rn#Dust is such a mood
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Started making drafts for my next tattoo (this is only the first one). Felt like sharing, might change my mind later☆
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do we have to like a fandom being infested with incest shipping? like im a fan of a lil indie game called the coffin of andy & leyley and its about like cannibal siblings or whatever and the whole tag and subreddit is like 90% incest, most of the fics are incest. like what if i just want to enjoy the game on its own merits without all this incest, the whole fandom space is ruined for me.
Okay, have you maybe considered using blacklisting tools to curate your fandom experience?
Tumblr and AO3 both have blacklisting tools built in. Instead of bitching to me, some random stranger who has never even played this game, why not try ACTUALLY USING THEM TO FILTER CONTENT YOU DON'T LIKE?
And a quick glance at the subreddit shows me that most of the incest posts are clearly marked and labelled 18+, so really, if you click on them and see incest, that's on you.
You can't control what content other fans make. You don't have to like it, but when there are already options available to you, you really have no excuse not to use them.
#fandumb#ship drama#fanpol drama#also damn infested? really?#that's a really dehumanizing word to use#''i just want to enjoy the game on its own merits''#then do that#nobody's forcing you to look at the incest content#blacklist it#don't look at it#move on with your day
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Jk here she is
#redraw#art#drawing#illustration#digital art#digital drawing#digital painting#plushie#ibis paint art#made in ibis paint#ibispaintdrawing#fuck it's supposed to say I heart sunny#english isn't my first language#don't look at it
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This was originally for the prompt Fisstech and Flowercrowns for the Summer of Eskelpades but, you know, here we are.
I'm not totally happy with it, but if I leave it much longer I'll just want to redo the whole thing anyway so...enjoy? 💜🐺
Full version on PF as normal - link in pinned post!
#eskel#summer of eskelpades#just you know 8 months late#tw3 fanart#eskel x incubus#there's two more flowercrowns in this picture ;)#but there's a reason I'm posting this late on a Saturday#don't look at it#but also there's been a lot of time in this over the months#so I don't just want to throw it out?#bah#my art
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Spocktober day 31
#don't look at it#i hate it but i'm too lazy to draw somethin else#i watched rocky horror picture show for the first time could you tell#spocktober#star trek#my art#shitty doodle app strikes again#s'chn t'gai spock
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mango-season // connor roy - succession. // deserve me - bughunter // esoemoehoed - leanna firestone . // fiona gallagher - shameless. // simplest words - the narcissist cookbook . // succession // vent - jayne bird .
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If I do not like what someone is posting about I simply do not read it. RIP everyone else but I'm different.
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Weedkiller and healing from the overturning of Roe v. Wade
This album is so healing and cathartic and I haven’t been able to stop listening to it on repeat since it came out. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so seen or understood in my entire life, and I just need some room to rant about it lol. Fair warning that this is pretty long.
When the news about Roe v Wade came out I was so angry and upset I couldn't stop shaking. I truly never thought I would live to see this happen. I felt disgusted and afraid and angry and violated, and it felt like no one cared or understood just how horrific and repulsive this is for people with female bodies. Every time I hear about another state restricting abortion rights or refusing to track maternal mortality rates or making birth control harder to access I want to vomit. I know pro-lifers think we're just being dramatic when we say these things, but it's so visceral and horrific to have your bodily autonomy taken away, to feel like you're being crushed by this huge machine that neither knows nor cares that you're a sentient being, not just a vessel. It truly gives me the same feeling that you experience when you watch a movie with body horror and gore. It's not political, it's as intensely personal as anything can be. And although I could find plenty of people expressing sadness at this situation, I couldn't find anything that captured this visceral horror and disgust that is so overwhelming all the fucking time. I felt lost and wrong, like I was less than human in this society and a fool for not knowing my place before. Like the disgust and horror I was feeling made me disgusting because no one else seemed to be feeling it. I think, like most of us with a female body, I felt that I had no right to be horrified that I was being reduced to flesh for men to use, like I should’ve already known that’s all I was.
This album did more than encapsulate and validate that horror. It wrapped it up into a little ball and took aim at it and blasted it into pieces, and left me seething mad and ready to rip the world a new one. World Eater alchemized this horror into a tangible enemy, a machine that kills for pleasure, and WEEDKILLER let me smash that machine to pieces. You Make Me Sick! let me scream to the world that I’m mad, I’m disgusted, I’m dangerous, and I’m allowed to be. Chokehold Cherry Python was like Daisy on steroids, the avenging angel returned darker and more disturbed because the world she inhabits is sicker than we knew. Worms is hysteria and numbness all at once, when the world makes you vomit until you’re dry heaving and only able to laugh at how absurdly cruel this life really is. Cheerleader let me take pride in my femininity without feigning weakness. And Possession of a Weapon made me feel like a dark, wounded goddess, my body grotesquely reduced to pieces in someone else’s chess game, but still in possession of the pussy weapon, the vagina dentata that disgusts and frightens the people who want our bodies to be pliable and abusable.
And then there’s songs like Super Soaker, Moonlight Magic, and Don’t Look At It that express queer female sexuality without shame, because even in an apocalyptic cyberpunk wasteland we’re still only human and our desires deserve to be celebrated. And Want It All, which makes me remember that however fucked up this life is I still want every last piece of it, even the ones that hurt.
The most emotional songs on the album for me were Miss Nectarine and Dying Star. Miss Nectarine is such a delicate and beautiful story about a vulnerable time of life, and so heartbreaking and moving. I think a lot of us relate to the experience of discovering a piece of ourselves that our immediate world is hostile to, and wanting to be strong enough to save ourselves and the ones we love from this reality – wanting to play hero – but being crushed and heartbroken instead. That feeling of powerlessness and heartbreak is especially visceral for me right now, wondering if I or someone I love will be put through forced pregnancy or even killed because of this new political reality I never thought I’d live to see.
Dying Star as the last track was so unexpected, but so, so necessary. It’s like this album transformed my fear and self recrimination into righteous fury, but at the last moment instead of being consumed by it I was given a chance to want something soft. To want the world to listen to me when I say “ouch”, to mourn the magic in me that was drained away even when I repressed myself and behaved like a lady and very politely asked not to be killed. To feel not just angry but hurt that even when I shrink myself and try to be what I’m supposed to be the world still grinds me under its heel. The anger doesn’t drain away – the anger is legitimate, the anger is allowed – but I’m allowed to be gentle, too. To have longing. To have a broken heart. To dream of something or someone that could soothe this pain. The legislation around female bodies is like a dying star, collapsing in on itself and creating this black hole of howling horror and fear. I have been trapped in its orbit, circling and circling the same pain, and breaking orbit might pull me apart but it’s what I truly want. At least, it is now that Ashnikko has allowed me to feel my rage and my disgust and my power and my helplessness, to own them without shame, and then to look beyond them and search for something more.
Sorry this is such a novel, I’ve just been so emotional about this album ever since it came out. The very first time I heard Ashnikko I just knew that finally someone got it. Finally there was a person out there who wasn’t forcing theirself to play nice or perform femininity in the way that was expected. Who wasn’t ashamed of being exactly who they were, feminine and masculine energies combined, expressing gender and the lack thereof in ways that I had never seen before but that felt intuitively right. And honestly this album took it even further. I am so freaking grateful that Ash released this, listening to it was a journey but it was a journey that healed my heart.
Ashnikko, if you ever read this, thank you so much.
#WEEDKILLER#Ashnikko#Possession of a weapon#dying star#chokehold cherry python#roe v wade#tw: abortion#tw: forced pregnancy#tw: death#want it all#you make me sick!#super soaker#moonlight magic#don't look at it#cheerleader#miss nectarine#world eater#worms
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I just thought of this, what if the other states were to find out that Maine writes Stephen King fanfiction? Would they just point and laugh, or wonder what the heck this dude is doing?
They have barely begun to scratch the service of Maine's fanfics
#this is also super rushed#don't look at it#hetalia#statetalia#aph maine#hws maine#aph new york#hws new york#aph vermont#hws vermont#aph washington#cameo lol
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