#don't get me wrong people shouldn't misgender people and it is harmful to everyone to try to maintain this impossible standard of what a

[queer-ghosts]

some of y'all really don't care about transphobia until it affects cis people

[seewetter]

Hi romantorchdick,

At the start of this response let me be clear:

I did not mean to "twist your words" by using them as rhetorical fodder. I'm sorry if this came across as me being unfair to you by doing that.

Back in 2012 I remember people who learned the hard way that it's not okay to go on a bus, observe some people and then write a fanfiction where they are a queer couple. Those stories put real people in danger or gave them unwanted viral online attention.

It seems to me that most people in the corner of Tumblr I know are familiar with this rule and so I didn't think the point you were making was lost to anyone in my audience.

I also don't feel that rule is a good reason to be critical of people who are utterly vague about who they talk about. If I turn real people into fictional blorbos but don't tell anyone who the blorbo is based off then unless people can somehow find the real people based on my blorbi-fication, I don't think harm is done in that case. Please correct me if I'm overlooking something important there.

That sure was a lot of words to use to say that it's okay to misgender strangers.

I feel like that's unfair of you to just accuse me of "making stuff up" by calling it "a lot of words". I put effort into providing reasons for my point of view. Arguments aren't just "a lot of words".

and that if you don't let trans women misgender strangers

Your blog has the heading "centering transmascs since 2o2o" and first off, I agree that's a good goal. Transmasc people often get told that the existence of transmisogyny guarantees that they have it better and are privileged... and then ways in which transmascs experience unique struggles is brushed to the wayside. So more power to you.

But you see that I bolded the words trans women above where you wrote that I think trans women should be allowed to misgender strangers.

That is a misunderstanding. An understandable one, given I tagged my reply with "casual transmisogyny" and actively defended a specific trans woman.

But if you read my comment again, notice I am defending all trans people, not trans women. In my comment I do mention trans women a few time (to point out that other people are unfairly singling them out as if they were the only people doing this, while everyone else is innocent and pure), but I never said trans women should be allowed some special right to misgender strangers. I never said trans women should be allowed anything that other trans people shouldn't also have!

At the risk of annoying you, I don't think you carefully read what I wrote. If you had, this misunderstanding would not exist.

Again, I don't want to offend but it seems that your description of who I am defending was written hastily.

I wish I could end my response there but I want to give you another piece of perhaps unwanted feedback: there are many hasty readings, many misreadings, where the person who gets it wrong doesn't just... make it about trans women.

Like where did that come from? I want to know. Because we were talking about blorbos and egg-crackers and people being invasive about gender roles. You know people with IRL blorbos who are not trans women? Egg crackers who aren't trans women? People who misgender strangers that aren't trans women?

Since your blog heading is called "centering transmascs since 2o2o" I was wondering if maybe it's a side effect of your blog being concerned of trans women (and transfems) that exclude or push aside transmasc people?

But like I'm really a bit confused about why this keeps happening.

I guess when I brought up the loaded language like "weird" and "invasive" it wasn't the slamdunk I thought it was. Like...I can see now that I mistakenly assumed everyone would be on the same wavelength, but technically the words weird and invasive are just words and the context in which this is transmisogynistic is the context of bias (tendency of thought that makes the use of certain telling words more likely), which is next to impossible to prove and can also lead to false accusations. But I don't think it's a coincidence that now, for the second time, someone in this thread uses a gender-neutral topic (egg-cracking, blorbos) to say negative things about women. I don't think it's the end of the world, but I don't find it fair either.

If you gained some value from that criticism, thank you. If not, then I'm sorry for wasting your time and thank you for (hopefully carefully and not hastily) reading.

calling every gnc cis person you see an "egg waiting to crack" even as a joke is not cool or funny at all actually it is extremely invasive and weird and you are just reinventing gender roles but making it "progressive"

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Like many anons already said, I am actually not that disturbed by the transphobes defending Emma, because while it's of course annoying to see them bash an innocent woman and quite saddening to see there's still so much transphobia in a year 20 fucking 23, they're just helping bring more attention to her horrible behavior and help damaging her reputation.

However, some of Emma minions excuses piss me off.

The "oh, she waited 4 years, she just wanted to ruin AHS Delicate premiere". Okay first of all, that does not change the fact that Emma was transphobic. Like at all. Transphobia doesn't have expiration date (i totally stole that from some comment I read). And even if she told the story just to ruin the premiere. Even if she said it because she's jealous. Even if she said it because she's bitter about the promised AHS season. That does not change the fact THAT EMMA WAS BEING TRANSPHOBIC.

The "she waited so long to talk about it it's sus". No it's not. A black trans woman, waiting years to expose a white, rich, nepo baby who has a powerful aunt in the industry, is not suspicious at all. It's understandable.

The "emma meant she wasn't the lady, because she was aged with make up" THEY BOTH HAD MAKE UP ON. I know Emma tried to excuse herself that way, but that excuse does not make sense because one, like I said, they both had make up to age them. Two, older woman is also a lady? Like there's no age group for ladies... Why would Emma not consider herself a lady because of the make up that aged her...

The "emma was wrong but why she had to make it public" Hm i dont know, so people know that Emma Roberts is a transphobe and that people shouldn't support her? They really wished Angela would talk it out in private, so no one would find out. Oh well, too bad.

The "emma apologized" excuse. Well, her apology was shit because it basically was "I'm an ally, you misunderstood me🥺" And the apology does not change the fact that she's a transphobe. If you cheat and apologize, you're still a cheater. If you abuse someone and apologize, you're still an abuser. And oh wait, Emma is all of them, but haven't apologized for 2/3 because she wasn't publicly canceled for it.

Sorry for the long ask

no need to apologize, i definitely agree. people on the internet don't get to decide when someone who was mistreated have to let it go and move on. they don't dictate whether or not it plays out publicly.

this is where i think it's important to use clear language. for many people, when they hear about someone ''misgendering'' a trans person they think of an accidental slip-up where the person apologizes and didn't intentionally mean any harm. folks are acting like what happened is akin to this and angelica is being petty. they're not thinking about the entire sum of angelica's experience with emma and the intention behind what she did. emma was already making the set miserable for everyone, so it's not like she was some pleasant person who had a weak moment during anger. emma literally received an insignificant, snarky comment from angelica and decided that she would sarcastically insult her in the cruelest way she knew how.

honestly, angelica should not even be expected to accept emma's apology or acknowledge it. she did her a favor by doing so, one emma wasn't owed. she didn't even have to take her call. her fans are right, IT HAD BEEN YEARS. emma never thought about what she did and felt the need to apologize. so i have a hard time imagining what she said was sincere. there's no conspiracy about motives - she was right angry and hurt with what transpired and came to a point where she wanted accountability to be taken.

[thatdudemaison15]

Clearly you don't know enough about what star gender is. Stargender is where a persons gender is in the stars.

(Picture)

(End picture)

People who identify as stargender use star/starself pronouns, not they/them. People who identify as stargender can use they them but that doesn't mean they dont also use star/starself pronouns. A person who uses emojis as their gender identity use 💎/💎s/💎self pronouns. Again, not they/them.

And how do they affect me? Well, for starters, it's what my abusive father found when he did some research on what is transgender. When he found out, he beat me till I had bruised all over my body while repeating calling me the f-slur and the q-slur. Same goes for my brother. Both of them have physically and verbally abuse me because they couldn't do the bare minimum of research. I try to explain that I'm nothing like them but obviously they wouldn't listen. My teachers visibly tense when the accidentally misgender me. Reason? They are afraid that I'll go apeshit for them misgendering me. They are worried that I'll rain havoc on them because they have heard stories of students who use mogai identities who go all crazy. When I tell classmates that I'm trans, they ask me if I'm anything like the Tumblr mogai kids. When I tell them no, they tell me that if I had said yes, we couldn't have been friends.

Now let me go into how this has affected my friend from little old Altus Oklahoma. Altus is a small town in Oklahoma where everybody knows everybody. That means, news travels quickly. My friend recently came out as a trans guy and now every one at the school has stoped talking to him. Even his girlfriend has stopped trying to be around him. Why? Because they have all heard the stories of people who use neopronouns, or objects as their genders, getting all pissy when someone doesn't call them spar/spark/sparkself and they don't want to be around a ticking time bomb. He tried to tell everyone that he wasn't like that but nobody would listen. It even resulted in bullying and eventually he will have to move to Oklahoma City.

I have quite a list of how stargender and emoji genders have hurt other.

While drawing a group of people to exaggerate them and make fun of them isn't cool and shouldn't happen, it isn't as bad as being abused or having to move schools two hours away. I agree that the whole "transmed vs tucute" is wrong and can be quite dysphoria inducing, but looking at the bigger picture, mogai and neopronouns are more harmful.

Any person (trans ppl included, but especially cis ppl) that have drawn, liked or uncritically shared a “trans vs trender” caricature have actually done far more harm for the trans community and contributed to transphobia more than could ever be done by a young questioning person calling themself stargender and using emoji pronouns.