#don't even get me started on listening to music disconnected

[military-bluebells]

oh i could rant for hours on this topic.

for context: i've lived somewhere quite rural and in an acknowledged 'dark spot' for signal for the majority of my life.

text-only authentication is the bane of my existence, and calling wasn't much better before wifi-calling, although that only works at home. mobile data doesn't work within at least a two-mile radius of my house if not further.

i've struggled so many times to get on on important sites (work emails, health systems and apps, online banking and financial sites) due to issues with connections. often times i have to stand in a very specific spot in my house, which only works half the time. i remember when i was younger, my mum waving her phone out the window or walking up to the top of the road to sent a text.

the local doctors still insist on trying to contact us through text/mobile even after we've told them multiple times that we can't be reached anyway other than by landline.

i would try to contact my parents while away, sometimes when i needed time-sensitive help, and they wouldn't get the message until hours later if at all, so i'd just have to sort things as best as i could.

a lot of people look at me in shock when i tell them about these issues, or any of the other realities of living in rural areas. and i think it must've been nice to never have worried about these things before.

smartphone storage plateauing in favor of just storing everything in the cloud is such dogshit. i should be able to have like a fucking terabyte of data on my phone at this point. i hate the fucking cloud

[natsuminmin]

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆ TWIRLING WARMTH -> sae itoshi !!!

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ dancing with my phone by HYBS

synopsis; in which sae decides to unwind by using a tip you gave him cw: fluffy/crack fic , ldr , sae misses you , dancing , very ooc oh my god let me believe sae is secretly a massive lovefool , sae has a facetime auto answer feature (does that exist) , use of amor , gn! , unproofread + lowercase

"dancing, i'm all alone . figuring out how i can get you home"

living in his apartment without you was easy.

or so he thought.

he was currently sprawled across his bed, his arm stretched out automatically to make space for your warmth; which was unfortunately located a thousand miles away from madrid at this moment.

sae groaned, snatching his hand back immediately when he snapped out of his trance. how pathetic, he thought. he can't be caught wishing for cuddles like some lovesick fool, he should exercise more self-control than that!

naturally, he reached out for his phone to text you, like a normal person who doesn't yearn for his long-distance girlfriend would do:

[i miss you, amor.] 7:08 pm

[coming home soon, can't wait to see you.] 7:30 pm

yes, he really had impulsively booked a flight just to see you. yes, he was still definitely nonchalant. god, what have you turned him into?

it's only been an hour, but you still hadn't replied. he had to fight another dejected groan that threatened to erupt from his throat. but whatever. it was late in your place anyway, you were probably sleeping.

however, the fact that you would soon wake up to find his little suprise, calling him almost immediately, sent a little comfort to his sore bones. he really wanted to hear your voice.

ugh, seriously. what was in the air today?

frustrated, he exited the chat box and scrolled through his playlists. he reached a certain one that you and he made the last time he was with you.

he decided to listen to the music in there instead, that always relaxed him.

─── ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ ───

"sae, when are you coming home?"

your pretty voice came out warped from the speaker. he scoffed silently, the phone could never catch your beauty properly.

"sae."

"huh, what?" "i said, when are you coming home?"

"never. don't want to." "not even for me?" "especially not for you."

"ouch, sae."

he chuckled softly under his breath, the sun filtering through his room and in turn illuminating his eyes. you had ample time to observe his face which, thankfully, wasn't pixelated.

"you okay?"

"of course. why wouldn't i be?" you rolled your eyes. well, duh, he'd deny everything. your boyfriend was capable of many things. admitting he needed to cool off was not one of them apparently.

you hummed for a moment, thinking off into space as you watched sae rummage around for a blanket. then it clicked.

a sneaky grin spread across your face, oh yeah, he'll like this idea.

you set down your phone on the table, adjusting the camera so it showed your full body. then you grabbed your laptop and started playing music. was that.....pitbull???? mr worldwide???

sae watched you with disbelief. this was rare. he was never caught speechless. he blinked slowly as his eyebrows creased ever so slightly.

"what are you doing?"

"im dancing, sae. you should join me, it'll help you relax, you know?"

he saw you swaying side to side, twirling, bobbing around your head to the beat of the song, all with the biggest and goofiest smirk on your face. he scoffed, shaking his head at your antics. there was no way he was going to dance. ever.

"you look stupid. i'm ending the call right now."

"wait, no!"

─── ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ ───

a smile tugged on the corner of his mouth as he recalled that memory. he wasn't much of a sentimental person, but he can make exceptions sometimes.

he just....stared at the phone for a few moments, gaping at the turning disc on the screen as he hummed absent-mindedly.

fine. he'll try dancing once. he'll see if it lived up to the hype.

he disconnected his headphones and raised the volume to max as he stood up from his bed. he scrolled through the playlist again, settling on his favorite. he felt awkward, so he tried to tap his foot to the beat.

hey, this was actually really fun.

soon, small taps of his foot moved to infect his shoulders. pretty much once the song ended, he was full on dancing. just as you had shown him to do. even that stupid twirl-hand wave (?) thing you did. he couldn't even explain it, but it was entertaining to do. he'll never tell you that you were right.

but unfortunately for him, you saw him already. he had left his laptop open, whose camera was perfectly facing straight ahead on his being.

you never wanted this to stop. you were having a blast. finally seeing your boyfriend have fun in what......months now? what a blessing. and so you remained silent, captivated by the incredibly awkward but endearing dance moves. stifling your laughs took so much of your restraint though.

sae should really turn off the auto-answer feature.

"dancing with my phone, thinking about you"

a/n: this came to me in a dream and is dedicated to my dearest sae luvr ILY ELO also the song he was dancing to was suisei - tofubeats (kariya seira) which according to the wiki is his fave IT IS SUCH A BOP BTW I LUV IT can uu tell i got lazy at the end hekp

[demigods-posts]

Reasons why Bring on the Monsters from The Lightning Theif musical is an amazing song:

1.) "There's gonna be a fight. There still might be a war. For a moment, we've got danger on the run." Talk about setting the tone. We're in the clear as of today, but something is coming. Something bad.

2.) "Feeling ready🌊" "Feeling stoked🦉" "Feeling quesy🐐". Love how they gave Annabeth the 'feeling stoked' line. Because, of course, she's waiting in the wings, ready to kick ass when need. But it's also hilarious that the actress playing Annabeth is Kristen Stokes. So, I just imagine the writers gave her that line to mess with her.

3.) "Bring on the monsters. Bring on the real world." Like, yeah. They physically spent the majority of this musical in the real world, but they were disconnected from it. The three of them singing this line is a declaration of unity between their human and godly side. They are neither here nor there, not bound to one world, but exist in both.

4.) "They'll be times when your faith is shaken." Yes, your faith in the gods will be on the brink of breaking at any given moment. But so will the faith in yourself. But sometimes, being a demigod means doing it scared. But you won't go it alone.

5.) "Gotta know where the real fight lies when it's time to rise and stand your ground." Annabeth and Clarisse singing about knowing which battles are worth fighting and when is utterly amazing. Because not only are they both children of war gods, but they also canonically struggled with being strong-willed and prideful. It's like even though were at odds at the beginning of the musical, they aren't as different as they first appear.

6.) "No, I'm never gonna once have it easy. I'll make mistakes, but my own, and it frees me." In TLT, Book!Sally says something along the lines of: 'If my life is going to mean anything, I have to live it myself.' This is as applicable to a demigod as it is to a mortal. And it's bittersweet because not every demigod gets the chance to choose. Or rather, they don't choose wisely because they're so spiteful when it comes time. But sometimes, you gotta let the anger fade and move forward.

7.) "I'll be back next summer. You'll see me again. I'll be back next summer. I'll survive 'till then." There's something about this line that makes me want to cry. Percy started this musical saying he didn't want to be a half-blood, essentially rejecting the idea of a demigod, but ends the musical declaring his eventual return. He isn't saying goodbye, but a see you later. Which just tugs at my heart strings knowing we'll never get a second musical, but it's okay because Percy's essence extends beyond the Broadway medium. Whether it be a book, musical, movie, or graphic novel, Percy will always be back.

8.) Also, if you listen to the instrumental of this song, the guitar riff at the very end is playing the same melody of 'I didn't wanna to be a half-blood' underneath Percy's declaration of unwavering loyalty to demigods. And it broke me like a bone.

You guys remember these? That's great because I didn't. It just occurred to me that I never finished my analysis of the TLT musical, and I thought I'd get on that. Anyway, this song is fucking incredible, and I want a SOM musical. But I digress.

[selodka-pod-shuboy]

Statement regarding a possible Lonely encounter I had today.

So I live on the coast, and after work, I use the bus to get home

Today, when walking to the station, I saw a very thick mist coming from above the mountains, mixing up with the clouds above. I thought: "Well, that's unexpected, but not strange'

And so I get to the bus stop, and after some waiting, get on the thing. Just to clarify: I start working really early in the morning, so i usually get to work by train, due to it being dark anyway, and the tickets are cheaper. During the day, on the other hand, the inconsistent timing of my shift end means that I tend to miss the train and go for the bus. It's a little bit pricier, but i get to see the coast, because the road goes along the side of the mountain, and the sea just seems so infinite and pretty... I get to sit all by myself, tired and satisfyed with my day, and listen to whatever music I currently fuss over. And so I'm on the bus, as usual, enjoying the view, right?

But after a couple of minutes guess what I see? We've just left the city I work at, and there is a ship. Not in the nearby harbor, nor moving anywhere. A ship, big and dark and it was not there in the morning, and it is absolutely SWALLOWED by the mist, and you don't get fog just covering the water like this, or at least I have never seen that before.

So by that point my thoughts are already a mixture of "What the fuuuuuk" and "Oi, Peter". As if it wasn't weird enough, the bus, even though stuffed to the brim with people was too quiet, and the ticket lady wasn't in sight, even though she is always really quick to get to you.

And for some context: I have only been living here for a couple of months, so I'm still in the process of beating the language barrier. I have progress, but I'm not that good still. And when I use public transport, I always think, of how nice it would be to understand , what the people next to me are laughing about (I'm not an eavesdropper, it's just the shit you hear sometimes is wild). And I just feel so disconnected to them. And utterly alone... Well, all that combined, you can't blame me for seeing it as one big TMA statement material

The bus went like this for about 3 minutes, right until we made a sharp turn to the other side of the mountain, where my home city began, which lead to the ship going out of the sight.

The fog was still there, but it looked a lot more like a normal stuff you get before the rain. As well as, before I knew it, the ticket-lady was in my face, and i reached for the change in my pocket.

Not that it matters, but right before my stop, the driver unexpectedly slowed down, causing all the people standing to half-trip (me among them). In that moment, everyone almost... Sorta woke up? Like, you didn't notice it before, but everyone were suddenly chatting and complaining and that just wasn't there before.

So, guys, what do we think, was this a genuine Lonely encounter, or do I just see a TMA reference everywhere nowdays?

[lunatic-pudge]

Tf2 characters reactions to skibidi toilet?

This ask scares me. I think it has to do with the fact that I never understood skibidi toilet, and that means I'm starting to disconnect from the youth. I am becoming the old man who doesn't understand memes.

BUT, since you asked, most of the mercs would be so confused by it. A toilet with a head coming out of it and singing, they're so old and don't understand how people find it entertaining.

I feel like the entire offense class would enjoy it to varying degrees. Scout loves to use it as a way to annoy everyone around him. Constantly blaring it at the worst times. He ends up getting his devices confiscated by Heavy for a while until he learns to knock it off (spoiler alert: he doesn't learn and keeps getting his devices taken). Soldier doesn't understand but thinks it's rather entertaining. His rather nonexistent brain has interpreted it as American propaganda and uses it to show off how great his country is. Bless his heart, he means well even if he isn't the brightest. Now Pyro likes it cause of the music. They aren't too fond of the weird animations and tend to only listen to the audio. They're the only one that's kind enough to have it blasting for everyone to hear.

Now, the defense class. Demo is typically too drunk to really understand nor care about ilwhat the hell is going on. His intoxicated brain barely comprehends the he's looking at (only focusing on actual important things like booze, bombs, and his wife Soldier). But he can get annoyed with it rather quick if he hears it playing on a loop. He has threatened to break Scout's phone after hearing it play for the tenth time back to back. He's very serious with his threats and will strap the phone to a bomb and explode it. Poor Demo is just trying to relax and have a good time. Heavy is just plain confused. He just views it as kids being weird and usually ignores it. He'll hide out in Medic's to avoid having to deal with it. But he's also the main person to put a "timeout" on the skibidi. Engie is also confused but is just too busy to care. You can show him it, and he'll be like, "That's nice, son." while continuing to fix his sentry. (He didn't even look at the phone, typical dad behavior). He's pretty chill when Pyro is playing it cause they know how to be respectful.

And finally, the most "I'm not dealing with this shit" class: support. The plus side these goobers have is that they all have a way to hide from the BS. Medic is the least vocal of the support, opting to instead watch the chaos of other people yelling for him. If anything, he'll just tell them how they're gonna rot their brain out with such nonsense. He refuses to let skibidi toilet be played in his lab. He doesn't want his doves to be exposed to such brainrot. Now I can see two different things happening with Sniper. 1. He yells at Scout and Solider to shut up, or 2. While not being a fan of skibidi toilet, uses it to annoy people like Spy (or maybe even to use it to get what he wants). Now remember, Sniper's the second youngest merc and an only child. He's just as goofy as someone like Scout. He just doesn't show it often. This would be one of those times where his goofiness shows. And finally, Spy, he just ain't having it. Devices will go missing in the middle of the night and will not be seen again. He is constantly yelling at Scout and Soldier (and the occasional Sniper) about how annoying and childish they are. He's surprised with how he's been able to deal with it. He feels like he's always on the edge of killing everyone cause of how fed up he is.

[aceinacloset]

I'm back with more Circus Baby headcanons, mostly ‘cause I had bad art block right now, and I've felt like crap lately.

The hyperfixation also returned with a vengeance.

A lot of these headcanons apply to !FNAF SL REDUX!

(Ft. The funtimes, elizabeth, and scrap baby headcanons for seasoning)

see under the cut for the headcanons

Some Circus Baby specific headcanons to start us off

She has a very soothing voice at times, and this voice has a tendency to put some to sleep. She was having a conversation with Liz once and rambled on to a point that Liz fell asleep just listening to CB talk.

Her birthday cake sent has long since faded, but there is still a hint if you get close enough to her. You can especially smell it if you get a hug from her.

Circus Baby never stands up straight, she Is always usually angled down in an attempt to be less intimidating. With kids, she'll get on her knees or on one knee

She is so stubborn that she will try every possible scenario before even daring to conceive the idea of asking for help.

Circus Baby can not laugh. She just can't. She's tried, and she just can’t. So, to compensate for this, she will play audio of children's laughter to simulate laughter. It comes off more creepy than she intends to.

Here's some headcanons specific with Elizabeth or about her

Circus Baby refuses to let Elizabeth apologize to her, ‘oh you did something wrong. No, don't apologize to me. You shouldn't have done that, but- DON'T apologize to ME’

Elizabeth loves exploring the facility, specifically to find other exits to the ‘world up above’. She will always report back to CB with anything she finds. It's always like a proud child presenting it to their parents.

Elizabeth and the bidybabs are the sibling dynamic™ constantly getting into trouble, doing stupid things, and just being straight up menaces. The bidybabs would also be the first funtimes besides Baby to be able to see Elizabeth. This would be followed close behind by Bon-Bon and the minireenas.

Elizabeth has a dissociative disorder and has a tendency to disconnect from the world sometimes.

When Circus Baby sleeps and Liz needs to get her attention about something, she'll jump up and tug on one of her pigtails. She's not very heavy, but it's enough weight to wake Baby up.

Scrap baby headcanons time!

Scrap baby is very sassy and sarcastic and has a tendency to have bickering banter with Elizabeth

Scrap baby was put back together though what was left of her body, Elizabeth's remnant seething with rage, and duct tape.

Elizabeth and Scrap Baby did nothing but silly shenanigans for those 30 years before Fnaf 6. One year, they pretended to be a Halloween animatronic and scared kids

Scrap baby is not as stubborn as Circus Baby was and listens to others more (by others, I mean Liz)

Ballora Headcanons to wrap it up

Ballora hates most of the staff, so she is the least co-operative, like she's tried to kill staff more than once.

Ballora is super sound sensitive and can get easily irritated by noise of any kind, especially if it disturbs her while she's dancing.

Ballora can be quite tempered, like you can really tell when she's angry.

Give her a hug. She needs it.

A child called her mom once, she never recovered.

Ballora is built like a contortionist. Due to this, she has freaked out so many kids and staff doing many different poses.

Ballora, when it comes to emotions, is hard to read. She doesn't seem to emote, but in reality, she feels a lot of things, all to a point that it's hard for her to register them.

Ballora comforts herself and the minireenas with her music box.

She's just a little unhinged, dare I say a little bit silly.

Ballora is so conflicted towards CB. Sometimes, she is happy to see her, and she understands her, and other times, she wants to beat the ever loving shit out of her.

Ballora is torn on Freddy, and it's mostly ‘cause their personalities clash,' but since Funtime Freddy hides out in the breaker room so much, they both have kinda become unintentional roommates.

Foxy and Ballora are gossiping Besties, that's it. That's their dynamic.

Ballora is very aware of Elizabeth and interacts with her on a regular basis. For a long while, CB would be unaware of Balloras' awareness.

Not immediately getting back into fnaf content, this was just sitting on my phone for too long

[sout999]

adhd talk

the third truly unsung project alongside my film and dissertation was the weird amount of targeted effort i had to put into Completing Anything Big As A Neurodivergent Person Whose Brain Is A Crazy Off The Rails Train Staffed and Patronised Entirely By Multiple Exact Copies Of The Squirrel From Ice Age

which is a description like 99/100 people reading this can relate to, but i think a sentiment i see less often and therefore feel kind of stupid and stubborn and lonesome about is "adhd is innate but is also exasperated by hectic lifestyle/modern instant gratification machines so if i fix my habits around those i can cure myself forever". which is silly and wrong but also i feel abit disconnected from adhd social media culture and cant cope just relating to it (which is all it seems to be sometimes) but learning to harness or tame it to do the things that are really important to me

i felt really cringe tbh having to look up youtube videos of HARVARD STUDENT REVEALS PRO STUDY TRICK and then narrowing it down to specifically adhd-focused study videos and keeping a planner and setting aside specific time to study studying and practising anti-academic meltdown journaling techniques and reading fucking atomic habits but i really didn't want to contribute to my abhorrent academic record following me all through undergrad. in fact i wish i had done this sooner but i was not self aware enough to consider the fact

probably the best change i made was severely cutting down or being mindful of social media time, i don't backread my tl anymore and have more moments of awareness when i find myself dumbly scrolling and realize i dont want to be doing this, and then wondering what i actually Do want to be doing. i keep a book nearby to read, and have also swapped a lot of social media time to sketching-off-pinterest time. reading about the psychology behind social media apps is also super interesting, although i always feel like a paranoid wacko conspiracy theorist talking about it. stuff like how negativity and judgemental behaviour is good for engagement (and therefore ad revenue), and how if all posts on your tl were interesting you wouldn't be as addicted to social media as you are, therefore microblogging employs a slot machine/gacha system where you "roll" for posts by logging on and hope to get a good one. it's a little full on but the more i think of it as a revolting and evil machine the more incentive i have to do something else with my time ^q^

a harder thing to do was, in the late stages of the project, the real crunch time month, avoid everything that could become a huge hyperfixation, and then eventually even minor distractions or fixations. because i know if i got super obsessed with something i'd just be up posting about it or drawing fanart. i had to bar myself from persona 3 remake and elden ring dlc and all these other shiny new releases, and the mobile games i was playing... i look forward to catching up on them now. i took up reading books a lot more because unfortunately thats just not as exciting. in the last month of film work i stopped listening to music on my computer so i wouldnt get drawing or animation ideas to distract me from film work. as of writing this i havent listened to music in like 40 days guys 😱 at the same time i am the kind of person who needs background noise to work, so i have:

watched novum's four hour hereditary video essay three times

watched novum's seven hour midsomar video essay three times

watched that one five hour bojack horseman retrospective twice

listened to audiobooks of the Britney Spears biography, Jennette McCurdy biography, three Playboy Bunny biographies (i was on some sort of lady bopgraphy kick i guess), and a few fiction books

rewatched all of bojack horseman

started on House MD and got a few seasons in before i finished the project, amazingly the perfect show to look away from bc of all the medical stuff, how many lumbar punctures do you need to show like seriously

honorable mention to the learned skill of communication and being honest and picking your battles and killing your darlings which is a larger part of managing mental illness than i cared to admit but one of the hardest ones because it involved confronting things and making big painful drastic changes and then having to tell the faculty about them. sometimes i'd be stuck on a piece of animation work for weeks/months, then go back and change the underlying idea to one i'm actually passionate about, and do the animation work in one day using newly found magical hyperfocus passion power. it's crazy! but being able to be confident about taking those steps rather than keeping on with what you're "supposed" to do went a long way.

i very much look forward to listening to a music and playing some video games properly now and being pulverized like a small victorian child from the sheer amount of fun i'm having. i'd say it was all worth it and a fun experiment in channeling the magical humours of passion and boredom and i hope it will help me with future projects too. i Am super burnt out though x__ x thanks for reading and for all your support up until now!

[kaddyssammlung]

Okay. Let's do this mister Vessel (or whoever posted this. Sometimes I think it's you hiding in the main account. Hiding in plain sight...right?! XD ) More under the cut because of mental health things and I also write down how I found "it" out. You get what I mean.

Beginning of 2023 YouTube kept showing me reactions to Sleep Token's the Summoning. So I decided to listen to that song. I had checked them out in 2020 already but I did not really get them back then. And I am still beating myself up over this. But whatever....

I recognized that name but was not really aware of the fact that I had already seen “The Offering” from them. Back then I was confused by the lyrics.

So I listened to The Summoning and also Chokehold. All of this was in January of 2023 but I don't remember an exact date.

My brother and I share the same taste in music and we both liked those two songs. I remember driving to work with him and having wild discussions about the songs and especially their sound. They do sound so different and they still sound so different then any other band that I know. I really, really, really liked their music. My obsession came online fast at that point. I preordered “Take Me Back To Eden” because I wanted to have the CD as soon as it got released. Meanwhile I started to dive into all of their all songs. I read the name “The Summoning” again and remembered that I had heard that way back. I read the lyrics again and started to kind of understand them.

Not long, only a few days after having found them, my brother was like “have you heard who is behind that band?” I did not even care that much about it, so I said no. My brother also did not really know but he just told me what he knew. The same day YouTube suggested a song to me with a thumbnail that showed a shy-looking guy with a guitar. Sometimes you only look at something and know right away. So yeah....I watched that video and read the comments....

I never really thought about that in a sense that: it makes no difference to me. It never has. I have basically always known who they were ever since finding them. It was meant to be in a way.

I started to slowly get into the fandom. I felt weird and disconnected at that time. I really liked their lyrics and their lyrics spoke to me. They also reminded me of my own mental health issues. But at the same time I noticed themes of hope and getting stronger and leaving the past behind and growing strong through suffering. Or other spiritual themes. I was hoping to find peeps in that fandom that are like me and that get what I say, even the “weird topics” such as spirituality. I read through reddit (the normal big because the “other one” did not even exist back then) and also discord and well..hmm...maybe I was a bit disappointed. All of this surface-level shallow stuff XD. I don't mean this as an offense it's just what it felt like. So I decided to share some insight and long story short: it turned ugly on discord fast.

But I always had my little tumblr. Fun fact: I've been on tumblr since its existence. I have deleted my original tumblr a long time ago. It was a “romanticizing mental illness / being pro ana” type of blog. Then I had a recovery blog, fitgirl inspiration blog, Children of Bodom fanblog (that I still have) anyway.

None of those were what this is. I don't just mean this in regards to Sleep Token but more in general.

So...Discord almost destroyed this fandom for me but I did not let it happen. I mean it's also my mental health that got in the way.

Two years back I fell into the biggest whole that I've been in since a long time. This whole childhood sa topic and I had just swallowed down. But something in the lyrics always reminded me of not resolved trauma. So...finally coming out of this. Thanks to Vessel and his lyrics and also my need to explain those lyrics. In the summer of 2023 I found Kerry. She has a video that talks about “The Gods” and Vessel sings about “The Gods” and I wanted to know who the f* “the Gods” were so I started to get into her content.

A journey.....a weird journey ever since January of 2023 and strange synchronicity and all kinds of other things have lead to where I am now. 2025.....the era of truth has begun (it has something to do with spirituality again and nothing with that fandom). Let's see what I can say in a year. I don't know yet.

So...

Thank you :)

[abyss-seer]

January is such a weird season, I want to put out a reading so bad yet am only reblogging other readings cause I don't feel connected to anything. Idk what this is. Yesterday I was listening to this music

And I wanted to give out meaningful reads. But one thing led to another and now I am disconnected. Next week I am busy. And couldn't produce a read this week which irks me to be honest. I don't want to be like this. But I don't feel connected

My spirit guides don't want me to go for anymore celebrity sneak peek as they know I really don't like talking about someone's personal life so much in such a specific manner without their knowledge. I really don't tell on their smexual energy I get from their energy (only happened in one specific read). I just wanna rest on that.

But about my PACs though it feels a bit disappointing to me, I couldn't find the necessary connection to it. Idk why I am channeling "Bon Appetit" by Katy Perry. 😶 Why? 🦎

Anyway I guess my pets/pests are having a good time. Let's hope you guys give me some energy from your spirit guides 👀

After doing the confrontational Pick A Card Read last month, my energy levels have calmed down, and after watching tons of future spouse pick a card on my feed, I have started to puke at the idea of doing anymore fs reads this month honestly. I don't even know what's going on with me but will keep posting. Or reposting old reads, idk what? But will see......

[lexygabe]

nandi mokena headcanons/rewriting/etc.

(june/11/1999)

gemini sun | taurus moon | scorpio rising

ENFP (Ne-Fi-Te-Si) - 6w5 - so/sp - 793 - Sanguine [Dominant]

general headcanons:

• either ace-het or ace-bi, cis, she/her,

• i think this is canon, but she is a gifted child in the family. she was in top 5 of the class and popular as hell,

• she is that mf of friend group that will always bring up snacks and drinks with yourself,

• her love language is making edits of funny/embarrassing photos of others with music that totally don't match vibe with anything included in edit,

• her tiktok and instagram likes are full of some people talking gibberish and cringe compilations, so if u want to get her joke you at least need to know lore of all of this people and incidents that happened x years ago,

• when we talking about memes, she loves absurdism humor, so when shakes send something to her that he thinks is funny, her face is like: 😐 how are we even related?,

• i also think she is reading the most surreal literature (franz kafka is her beloved),

• skarra pierced her ears for the first time,

• she is very loyal,

• her notes are full of stickers, adhesive gems and drawings. some of things are even written in glitter gel pen,

• her channel is pretty much all things mixed up. there is commentary, there is gaming, there is some art projects and video blogs, everybody can find something for themselfves,

• she goes to film school.

through the series (og tv show, rewriting)

SEASON 1:

• for me, season 1 starts at the time when shakes is 20 years old, so by this logic nandi is 17,

• there is no physical apperance of her, she is just mentioned by (mainly) shakes.

SEASON 2:

• at the beginning of the season her and shakes are talking about the fact that nandi moved to college (they have their little family bonding time),

• in s2e5 (el sound of silencio) spenz calls her to help him and fran, but she just listened to all of this shit and was like: ok bro 🧍🏾‍♀️*disconnects*,

• in s2e13 she tracked down skarra before this big "all stars vs supa strikas match" and interviewed him about this fucked up rivarly that him and shakes have (she saw both of them in tv last night), and why they even decided to have a bet of the pitch where they had great time together in past (like hell, nandi knew that this friendship was homoerotic, holy shit). ofc nandi "as annoying as the little shit she was" (skarra's words, not mine), she didn't take any type of crap from him about this whole situation. after this, she called shakes out on his stupid ass actions, in his apartament, and just left him with: you both are total blockheads. and shakes was like: both? who is both? wtf.

SEASON 3

• in season 3 nandi and shakes have this conversation about what nandi meant, when she literally lit into him in his own apartament before super league final. to which nandi,, replied with: ahh yeah. but this doesn't matter. at least this debt of yours and skarra's was dissolved :D. after, they had honest conversation and disscus about childhood and how this can't be put before good of the team (nandi wanted to argue with this, but then she quickly give up. all the stress that the shakes' finale cost her was enough for her),

• at this season we see more of nandi as a future filmmaker, because she trolls everyone on twitter with uploading this type of videos like fake interviews with celebrities (and with some footballers ;)),

• in college, she met woman from completely other school (remember this. i probably make headcanons for this semi canon character so wink wink) and became friends with her,

SEASONS 4-7:

• all of her story arcs focus on her career and school and on a few other events that will be described by me as i write about other women from strikas universe.

relationships with (disclaimer: i do not include her relarionship with shakes and their mom, bc it was pretty well managed in rookie season. i will probably make another post but about whole mokena's family dynamic):

• skarra: writers rotally fucked up. WASTED POTENTIAL.

their relationship definitely started as: you are my brother's (boy)friend/you are shakes' sister. and then, they became partners in crimes. when shakes, skarra and nandi went to school nandi always pulled out a card titled: don't talk to me like that, or i'm gonna call my brother and my brother's best friend. in othet occasions, skarra went to nandi and asked some stupid questions like: ey, nandi you have ruler to lend 🧍‍♂️?? (,,yo, nandi you want some hotdogs?", ,,nandi, we are going to shopping mall", ,,hey, nandi you have some time to hide a body----?"). why writers of rookie season acted like nandi wouldn't care that much about skarra, like he literally used to call nandi's mom 'auntie' wtf wtf wtf.

• klaus: YOU CAN'T TELL ME HE WOULDN'T BE HER FAV OUT OF SHAKES' TEAMMATES. nandi and klaus definitely have long conversations about shows that they watched, about ships, about premieres. they are just two little nerds with heads full of ideas <33333

• mara: me and @strudelbbg once talked about mara and nandi's possible relation and we decided that mara, when nandi was younger, probably carried her on her back and stuff. tldr mara sees nandi as "little sis 💞💞💞💞",

• others: ?

fashion headcanons

• i think she would wear these "crazy" make-ups like:

(i also think that people, who would be her fans and shakes' fans would create threads on twitter titled: nandi's makeups as team colors of supa strikas rivals')

(and nandi would reblog these posts🥰)

• has 3 pairs of dungarees,

• a lot of fandom t-shirts but not ones designed in "tomboy" way but in "girly" way, shirts with strawberry shortcake, winx club, princess peach from mario, destiny's child members etc.,

• HANDMADE RINGS, BRACELETS, NECKLACES, EARRINGS EVERYTHING,

• she is fan of crocheted clothes (especially sweaters, tank tops, knee socks),

• even tho she is popular, she wears second hand clothing and buys from smaller companies (rich people clothing ugly and she don't want to be one of them),

• wears bralettes as form of a lingerie,

• when she wears dress she NEEDS to have tights under,

• when it comes to shoes she likes: new balance, converses, CROCKS and mary janes but on a small heel.

music headcanons

• definitely had nightcore phase when she was younger,

• hates slow music,

• like i said destiny's child fan, probably likes also avril lavigne and mariah carey, and maybe blackpink.

[myjunkisyuzuruhanyu]

look, the truth is Yuma is no Shoma when it comes to musicality, presentation and artistry. sure, he has the best SS in the field now, but in the FS especially his SS actually worked against his overall program, Yuma comes across as too smooth, too fast, did not have any connection with his music whatsoever despite the complexity of his transitions, his step sequence was great but the utter disconnect with everything that come before it also makes the program not easy to receive. meanwhile Ilia skated that FS with full commitment to his music, better showmanship and even a better costume (this is unacceptable IMO. yes its early in the season but letting it's embarrassing to let Ilia have the better costume) and he completely outperformed Yuma from start to finish despite having worse SS. listen to the live audience's reaction, so much louder for Ilia. and these things matter. I think this is still too early of course and there's no way but up for Yuma after this. but Ilia clearly came to Lombardia specifically to discredit Yuma and make an attack on his scores and he accomplished it very successfully.

I don't think Ilia going to Lombardia was an attack on Yuma tbf. This season the main contenders have actually only two places to perform - Lombardia Trophy and Nebelhorn Trophy - with everything else being close to the GP series and Finlandia falling off and US Classics being an ice dance and Pairs event only. And believe me when I say that even as a German Nebelhorn Trophy is a pain in the a** to get to, so I understand why Ilia chose Lombardia. The scoring isn't Ilia's fault either, so to say he had that in mind when performing there is a stretch.

The problem lies with the judges. Judges should not be blinded by super engaging fun programs and if that's the factor for PCS than that's plain wrong. Skating skills should not be awarded for having a program that goes with the audience. And if that would be true that judges would only go for that then skaters would all just do show numbers, but no it's specifically Ilia that is rewarded here for what??? Commitment to the program? The cheering of the audience??? A "better costume than Yuma"??? These are not parts of the PCS. (And if that would be the criteria than what about so many other skaters who commit wholly or had fun programs they don't magically have better PCS. Josefin Taljegard, Kazuki Tomono, Koshiro Shimada come to mind...)

Judges are human so ofc they also fall for things like this, but they are professionals they should award correct points which they don't. And Yuma should be awarded on skating skills even if it makes it "work against" his program where I see your point but I think especially the step sequence shows that he can be sharper. He still needs to work on it, yet the complexity and the skating skills should be rewarded, that's what these compartments of programs are for. And just bc Yuma's is not so much on the nose, doesn't make it a bad or boring program. I also wouldn't say Yuma has no connection to his music but that's probably based on what you think of as "connection to music". Yuma is the better skater and this should be reflected in the PCS and guess what it wouldn't change a thing about the placements to give Ilia just a few points less than Yuma. He would still win with his TES and this is where it's a circle and why ppl are not taking the scoring seriously. High TES should not give you high PCS. End of story.

Ilia will win with his TES there is just no need to make him the most skilled skater in all compartments when he is visibly not. Maybe not visible for every fan but for professional ppl inside the sport and it just gets laughable.

Tbc this is not to bash Ilia in any way he works with what he can do and the judging is not his fault. His technical ability and technique is crazily good. His skating skills however are not that good to be getting 9s. One judge even gave his FS 97!!!! PCS if that's not a clownery than what is.

[enbyhyena]

Cross-posting this message from my Discord server (please join it if you need a community or support!):

Hello everyone, I wanted to make an announcement for all of my American viewers in the wake of the election announcement.

I know things are scary right now, and the future uncertain. Believe me, I'm terrified too. But I need you to stay with me. And remember: no matter what, the world keeps turning. And we may have lost the battle, but we haven't lost the war. So long as we have community and spite, there will always be hope. We will find a way to make it together. So please, don't give up. Don't let them have you. Keep going for the life you deserve, keep going for your peers who need you. Sinking into denial or despair is tempting, but we will survive.

Fascism is strong because they have found community in hatred. But if we all come together, we can be so much stronger, because love is stronger than hate. If you're in school, sit with the kid who always sits alone at the lunch table. Ask them their name, and what their favorite things are. If you are middle-aged and see someone struggling at your local coffee shop, ask them if you can help. If you are one of the lucky people who have the luxury of time, consider donating it to a local shelter or LGBT organization. Don't let fear isolate you. Ignore the voice in your head convincing you not to reach out. Do it even if you feel embarrassed, even if you may be rejected. It's not the end of the world, and you may really help them.

We will survive. We will find a way. We will make shit work, so long as we have each other.

Listen to some music, watch your comfort shows and eat your comfort food. Manage your mental health in any way you need right now. But don't disconnect yourself from reality. Stay here with me. It's only for another four years. It's just four years.

I'm going to stream tonight to give everyone a safe space to exist and hang out and decompress. I'm also going to start a charity campaign for the Trevor Project, which is a suicide prevention and resource center for LGBT youth, which will continue indefinitely. If you have the financial resources, I urge you to donate to them either through my channel or directly through their website, here.

My DMs are also open for the next 48 hours if anyone needs a space to vent. I can't promise I'll respond to everyone, but I can promise to read it and share in your feelings. Everyone deserves a space to feel heard, and I want to offer that to the best of my ability.

I love you. I love all of you so much. We will get through this. We always have in the past, from Roman and Greek times and before and until present day through every crisis in human history. Just please stay here with me.

[superfallingstars]

Hey, for the playlist ask thingy, what about:

What Peter would listen to

Remus trying to find a job

What you think the weird sisters would sound like if they existed

send me a playlist prompt!

Omg sorry it took me a billion years to get to this. The problem with making playlists is that there is basically an infinite number of songs in the world and I'm always like, well maybe there's a better song out there that I haven't heard yet and I should listen to just one more song/album/artist/etc. But that's the devil speaking. Anyway these prompts were so fun and I really really enjoyed them :-) also I wrote SO much

First up is Peter! I already have a Peter playlist (it's kinda on the silly side, aka it's rat-themed), but for this, I tried to focus more on what he would listen to, rather than songs that describe him (or rats). Since Peter is evidently very impressed by showy, tasteless displays of masculinity (aka James and Sirius), I imagined he would listen to – PROGRESSIVE ROCK! Prog rock at its best is like, really incredible musicianship and composition, and if you can buy into the drama it can be really good. But at its worst, it's just tasteless and pretentious and you're like, wow these musicians are so far up their own asses that they can't even tell that their extremely technically impressive guitar solo sounds like garbage, and also did they even listen to these lyrics, cuz they suck. And I went for specifically, like, late-70s-early-80s prog rock, when it started to get really overproduced and bad. Sorry I just kind of reamed prog rock in this paragraph I swear I legitimately like it… You can only hate something this much if you're intimately familiar with it. I should also note that I chose some of these songs for their lyrics ("The Logical Song" and "The Very Last Time" both are REALLY great songs for Peter's personality and friendship with James, respectively) and some of them are even good. They're not all bad. But they're mostly bad. Anyway! Please enjoy my garbage! 

Track list:

Supertramp - The Logical Song: "The questions run too deep / For such a simple man / Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned / I know it sounds absurd / Please tell me who I aaaam!!!"

Utopia - The Very Last Time: I love you Todd Rundgren. "Nobody sees how you treat me like dirt / Nobody knows just how badly a man can hurt [....] It's the very last time you will get on my case / It's the very last time 'cause I won't be a fool no more!"

Yes - Roundabout: this song is literally good

Rush - New World Man: man I hate Rush. But this is rather tolerable. "He's old enough to know what's right / But young enough not to choose it / He's noble enough to win the world / But weak enough to lose it / He's a new world man"

Yes - Parallels: sucks

Kansas - Point of Know Return: sucks

Asia - Heat of the Moment: sucks but it's a classic

Yes - Leave It: sucks even more than the last Yes song, which is really saying something

Electric Light Orchestra - The Way Life's Meant to Be: We're ending on a good note imo. They don't make concept albums about time travel like they used to! But really I put this on here because it made me giggle. "...I wish I was back in 1981 / Just to see your face instead of this place / Now I know what you mean to me / Ooh, and I wonder, yes I wonder / Is this the way life's meant to be?" lol. lmao even

Ok onto music that is good!

Next prompt was Remus trying to find a job! Gah I adored this prompt! That being said I kind of just made the saddest playlist ever LOL. I'm really fascinated by the time in Remus's life between the Potters' deaths and his employment at Hogwarts. Wtf did he do all those years? How did he get by? Since this playlist is about that time in his life, it's full of songs about the meaninglessness of life and just generally feeling lonely and empty and disconnected. And also working. FUN. Again I admittedly poached a lot of songs on here from my (very bloated and unfinished) Remus playlist. As far as genre goes, I like the idea of Remus having a pretty eclectic taste. But I tend to lean towards things that are lo-fi, scrappy, and less polished, as well as things that are a little jangly or jazzy (basically what I'm saying is that The Cleaners from Venus are theeee Remus band of all time). I'm going to try to restrain myself with the commentary this time

Track list:

Yo La Tengo - Everyday: One of the most depressing songs of all time imo. "Looking to forget tomorrow, looking everyday." Yeowch!

The Cleaners from Venus - Wivenhoe Bells (II): Like I said the Remus band of all time to me. Jangly, jazzy, lo-fi, + incredibly catchy songs about everyday English life

Even As We Speak - Nothing Ever Happens

Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues

Pavement - Here: "I was dressed for success / But success, it never comes" 👍

The Smiths - Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now: obviously

Nick Drake - Been Smoking Too Long

Galaxie 500 - Cold Night

The Dismemberment Plan - Come Home: The more I listen to these guys, the more I'm convinced that they're one of the best bands ever, as well as being the rare math rock band with good lyrics. Very literary.

Mount Eerie - Moon, I Already Know: I can recite this whole thing like some devastating prayer. Remus song of all time. Moon, I already know I'm small on the ground I roll around and feel menacing mountains And all depths of sorrow dwarf me All towering terrors are mine to cower below I know, I know, I know already So don't look at me like that and then Duck behind clouds I know I'm small and that I have no idea I know, I know, I know Let me be dumb again Let food drip off my chin Let me think you're a light Please please let me sleep through the night unknowing Let me close eyes. Ok I'm gonna throw up and die

Ok this was probably the most difficult prompt for me – I really had no idea what The Weird Sisters would sound like. But if there's any area of music that I'm familiar with, it's mediocre 90s alternative rock, so let's get to it. In the movie, The Weird Sisters are made up of members of Pulp (hi, Jarvis Cocker) and Radiohead, so I decided to start there. And I think Britpop is a natural place to start for a UK band that was big in the 90s. But I wasn't really feeling it with the usual culprits – Pulp was too sweeping and dramatic... I thought Oasis would be more "rock," but frankly, they were just too annoying. I wanted something a little more power pop (a genre that I can only describe as sounding like Disney TV show theme songs. Or, like, Stacy's Mom). And while tapping through related artists for small Britpop bands I've never heard of, I came across the song "1 Time, 2 Times Devastated," and I was like – THIS IS IT. Exactly the kind of mediocre 90s rock/power pop that I was looking for. (Also sorry that I keep saying mediocre I just can't imagine that The Weird Sisters are very good LMFAO! Idk wizards have not convinced me that they have a cool youth culture! Sorry bout it!) Other than that, I thought "Girl From Mars" by Ash was also a good fit. The rest of the playlist is mostly early Radiohead songs (they've got that Britpop feel, but they're a little messier and unpolished. And solidly mediocre) and the more up-tempo Supergrass songs (there's this sort of bouncy piano + drum thing they do that I quite like).

Track list:

DM3 - 1 Time, 2 Times Devastated

Ash - Girl from Mars

Radiohead - Just

Cud - Robinson Crusoe

Supergrass - Tonight

Radiohead - Anyone Can Play Guitar

Supergrass - Moving

The Stems - At First Sight

Radiohead - Thinking About You

Supergrass - Richard III

Anyway this was probably more specific than anyone would ever want but idk man. What I lack in media taste (what with my enjoyment of Harry Potter and other mediocre children's media) I make up for in, um, media taste (pretentious music nerd).

Thank you so much for the ask. Please send me more music asks I beg. There's like a 20 business day turnaround but like, I love making playlists, and getting to infodump about music is literally my dream. I hope you enjoy the playlists :-)

[screamingfrenchfries]

me gushing about each track of hawaii part ii as someone who doesn't know shit about the lore for the 12th anniversary bc im lonely and have no one else to rant to about this truly wonderful experience of an album

(i have two finals due tonight that are nowhere near close to done wth am i doing ???!??!)

I want to preface this “review” with the fact that this entire album has a literal 118% score based on how I was rating each song. yes i was giving bonus points, but how could i not?! (this wont be going over my actual scores of each track though btw. if u ARE interested in hearing the numbers, send me an ask, lmk!)

starting off with introduction to the snow. a beautiful track, of course. i’m a little more than obsessed with the vocal effects that give it that old-timey feel. the visuals in the entire album are strong, but especially so with this one for some reason. and of course there’s that seamless transition into the next track that i absolutely adore.

isle unto thyself. this track does a wonderful job of sort of introducing you to the album, easing you into the style without making you feel too comfortable. i’m particularly fond of the drums on this track, i can’t explain why. just listen to it. amazing.

black rainbows. im absolutely obsessed with madi diaz’ voice. this track is kinda underrated imo, it just manages to stir such a vivid emotion in me despite the fact that i can’t exactly pinpoint what that emotion is. but that’s exactly what i want from an album, so it’s a win for me.

white ball. god this track. so pretty. so goddamn unsettling. it's the perfect prelude to murders. the mixing on this track (if not the album as a whole) is soo. so perfect. something about it feels like i'm NECK DEEP in this album, and story as a whole. 

murders. extremely good at painting such vivid visuals in my mind, despite not really saying a lot that actually makes sense hahaha,, it's just like, so dreamlike to me. it feels like i'm living through one of those nightmares you have where you recognize that it's just a dream but you can’t get yourself to snap out of it so you just watch in horror as the events unfold in front of you. beautiful vocals as well here.

宇宙ステーションのレベル7, or space station level 7. ABSOLUTELY criminally underrated. and i'm NOT being biased because i love bora no it’s actually insane how much i love this song. there’s just something so perpetually lonely about this song imo that compliments the rest of the album perfectly, not to mention the extremely clever usage of language. i don’t know whose idea it was to write a song in japanese, french, and english, but i love it so much. it almost represents a disconnect between the singer and the listener in a way that further emphasizes the “perpetual loneliness” i mentioned before. GOD it's just so good

the mind electric. fucking hell. this fucking track. changed my life… or at least my perception of music. what can i say about this track that hasn't been said before? well a whole lot actually. this is going to sound a little silly, but i’ve always had a bit of a fixation on backwards music/sounds, but i never really thought of it as an actual tool that could be used in art before, not like this. this song is the singular reason why this album dethroned my number one favorite album ever of EIGHT years. i get CHILLS every time i listen to this song. call me a liar, call me crazy, i don't care, but… i listen to this track all the way through EVERY time. and i have every time since i first heard it. i'm OBSESSED with it, i can’t imagine listening to this song by SKIPPING the first half. i tried it ONCE and i hated it, so i listened to just the backwards part to make it even. not judging those of you who do skip it, that’s just my opinion. i really think it adds so much rhythm to the rest of the track, so taking that part away makes the track feel unusually uneven to me. 

labyrinth. this was the first track off hawaii part ii that i heard outside of the album, and i would've NEVER guessed that it was at all associated with this album when i first listened to it later on. but despite this it somehow still works in my opinion. at its core it's still very much a miracle musical song. the “circles” that the synth does throughout the track is so satisfying. the way it mimics the idea of running in “circles�� through a maze. SO SO good. i LOVE little details like that. it absolutely tugs on my music-shaped heartstrings (for lack of a better analogy).

time machine. ohhhh man here's another EXTREMELY underrated track imo. i LOVE this song so much, i think it's the track off hawaii part ii that i listen to the most outside of the album as a whole. it's somehow simultaneously VERY tally hall, but also not at all. i seriously couldn't pick WHICH version of time machine is my favorite, whether that be out of the demos or the time they played it live as tally hall… they EACH have different aspects that i'm absolutely OBSESSED with. but i have to admit that i AM probably biased here because i'm definitely in love with rob cantor’s music XD

stranded lullaby. fuck. another track that absolutely WRECKS me upon every listen. i don’t know how a track can be both calming to me, while also causing a pit to form in my stomach. it's actually so amazing to me how so many tracks off this album can be SO contradictory. but this track especially evokes SUCH contrasting emotions within me. i love it and i hate it and i want to listen to it on repeat until i become sick of it but i don't think i ever will because i haven't gotten sick of it so far and i swear i've heard it probably over a hundred times just in the past 3 months. no joke.

dream sweet in sea major. god. just such a perfect ending to an absolutely perfect album. just calling it an “album” feels degrading, it's truly an experience. and this track really solidifies that for me. not only do we get this absolutely beautiful collection of motifs, but i swear this song latches onto the listener like some sort of leech. and i mean this in the best way possible, leech therapy is a thing… symbiosis?!?! xP ,, anyways, weird analogy, i know, but that's really how this song—this album—feels to me. all the way until the end. it's both slightly humorous, yet gut wrenching to think about, but it truly does feel like this song “ends” multiple times. it’s like it doesn’t really want to leave, even though it knows it must. so we cycle through the “endings”, but when the song actually ends, it gets cut off. it leaves the listener yearning for more, the same yearning that this album experienced throughout the song. this slight characterization of the album that goes through my mind every time i listen to it absolutely haunts me. like. i’ve never been religious but this album makes me feel like i should be. one last thought on this song specifically before i get to my more general opinion on the album as a whole, but i feel like this quote from one of my super early listens of the album sums up my feelings about this song pretty well: “its just sailed you through this story, and  this song brings you back to the dock to let you go. it's so. fitting. stabs me right in the heart. makes me want to keep coming back for more.”

now i know you’re probably thinking “jesus, man, you already wrote so much about this album, how do you even have anything else to say?!” in which yes you’re probably correct, i may just be beating a dead horse at this point, but honestly i don’t even care. this album is SO. GOOD. i could say it again and again and it still wouldn’t even come CLOSE to how much i adore this album. i mentioned it already but i feel the need to mention again that this album literally dethroned my top album ever INSTANTLY! after EIGHT years of that album being on top!!! there aren’t WORDS to describe how much this album means to me as someone who wishes to make my own music someday. i’ve harbored a lot of fear about making music because i’m such a perfectionist, a stickler for details, and truly in everything i do i want to tell a story that people can connect to and enjoy, so this album is just so inspiring to me. the things it does to defy expectations while still keeping some sense of rhythm, a cohesive pattern satisfying to our inherent human needs? it’s absolutely unbelievable how well it succeeds at all of those aspects and more. anyways, i’ll leave it at that because i fear i’ve already written too much. people may start to suspect mental illness of me…

+BONUS!! variations on a cloud :) i don’t know the general consensus on this track, but i adore it just as much as hawaii part ii. i don't know why people want a hawaii part i/iii or whatever when we COULD be asking for more tracks like this one. insanely fun, makes me sob if i think about it too much. the motifs are fun and interesting, although i’m unsure of how it fits… story ?? wise? but i appreciate the cloud theme :) i’ve always had a keen interest in clouds/cloud types since like… elementary school, or whenever u first start learning about cloud types haha. so that's super fun. the mixing goes hard on this track too btw. like how tf did they do that. this track should be completely unlistenable but it goes so hard ????? 

anyways that's it if u made it all the way to the end ty ily :)))

[doctor-octiddius]

This ended up being a long ramble about Siddig's characters whoops

Every time i think about Sid I want to fall to my knees sobbing. I feel like that gif of the wailing emoji that is disintegrating, like just knowing that this man exists gets me so aourhgrhghghhh :'(( I cannot believe that Julian Bashir and Ra's al Ghul are played by the same man; as in, I was incredibly into Gotham back in 2017, a little just before he joined the show and now years later he is stuck in my brain again. I remember every damn frame of him. How is that this same guy. (I wrote "gay" at first, help me 😭 I mean hey, with Sid saying that he played all his straight characters as a bit gay, anything's possible) Also i haven't really interacted with this whole Sid hyperfixation in a lil bit and it's making me so sad, god forbid i have other interests.

Actually, I lied, I keep relistening to the audio dramas he's been in. I'm now hijacking my own post to yell about some of his audio drama characters because they are my favourites ever of all time.

ROSTO FROM THE EIGHT DOCTOR ADVENTURES (Sisters of the Flame/Vengeance of Morbius)

My babygirl being a 10 foot tall centipede cop ??? It's more likely than you think !!! He is literally just that. That's all he is. He makes funky bug sounds when he talks, he's a bit silly, he's so cute, he disconnected himself completely from his home to focus on his job... I love him so bad, I want to hug him, but I think that's a form of affection he just wouldn't understand, but I am willing to try anything. I am ignoring his ending, I was able to save him actually and now he's all good again and we are best friends <3

THE SULTAN/THE SHANAKI FROM DOCTOR WHO: THE MONTHLY ADVENTURES (1001 Nights)

WE GET SID AS THE DOCTOR FOR A BIT TECHNICALLY ??? But also The Shanaki... OOUGGHGHH THE SHANAKI...... This guy has lived through several lifetimes and boy do I need to know all of them. What lives has he led exactly? Like, he could have been anyone, any celebrity, any public figure. What did he do to all of the people whose psyches he stole? Has he actually learned anything through them; have they only ever been human lives? How did the breakdown at the end with him mixing up lives and experiences influence him further on? Please I need to know everything about him immediately.

DR. REESE FROM ALIEN: RIVER OF PAIN

Motherfucker named Bartholomew Reese. He's a bitch. I love him. That is all. Thank you. (I read the book too, and every little description of him I ate up, though the book seemed kinda boring, lacking any suspense etc. I loved the little bit of regret he had before his end, which wasn't shown in the audio at all, even if it was very short and simple.)

THE PERSIAN FROM THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA

Don't even get me started on this one. The Persian in general is like my favourite character of all time, but him played by Sid? I am so biased in so many ways. My PotO hyperfixation has led me to so many places, and all I've learnt is that the ALW musical, which I used to worship as a kid, is mid (story wise, I still love the music), and everyone keeps fucking getting rid of the most important character of the story. This audio drama is so good, it's quite faithful to the book, it's the best adaptation in my opinion, I am in love with this daroga.

I feel like I have to mention Ted from The Flat Edge of the Earth, but I have to relisten to it to better form an opinion on all that (I say that since I've listened to all the other audio dramas at least like four times (PotO near 30 times, but we won't talk about that). That's the same reason I haven't mentioned Captain Nemo from one of the DW audios either since I've only heard that once.) He seems very goofy, though, and having just an hour of Sid and Nana in my ears was fun.

But yeah, that is all. If you read through this entire ramble then hi hey :3 I am so normal about his roles

[litrumi]

(ADLN - Understand Me AU) Ability Compendium (??? Powers: Overview)

A brief overview of Catnap's and Dogday's special abilities in "A Drop of Light in the Night" (Catnap X Dogday) [ADLN] - Otherwise known as the "Understand Me AU". It's my currently in-progress fanfic on Wattpad.

PLEASE refer to this Overview/Synopsis post if you have no idea what this even is, but are curious nonetheless. Don't start looking here until you've caught up.

So !!! SPOILERS AHEAD !!! - You've been warned.

Figured I'd make a compiled list with explanations of how these abilities work. All "???" stuff will be replaced/updated when I reach those points in the publications of the chapters. So refer BACK to this whenever the story progresses with such topics, and feel free to ask questions if you wanna know something more specific! But I'm gonna try my best not to spoil much either if it hasn't been revealed.

*All underlined / hyperlinks on the abilities themselves are just a reference to the type of music/soundtrack I "associate" with the power when I'm writing about it in the story.

**This part is just for me to reference every once in a while.

Draft Made: (6/3/24 - 5:03 PM) First Posting: (6/11/24 - 8:24 PM) Last Updated: (6/11/24 - 8:24 PM) **

Right, so here we go!

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(s.) Catnap's abilities:

Red Smoke: Something that's been with him for as long as he can remember. This smoke can induce a long, restful sleep. However, it comes at the cost of "having nightmares" and has the "potential to cause hallucinations." Yet, it may even have something to do with a certain "connection" he's well aware of. (Something he's able to "put two and two together" on, if you've ever heard that idiom before). Either way, Catnap actively hates this ability, preferring not to use it if he can help it.

???:

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(s.) Dogday's abilities:

Thought Process: When Dogday touches his forehead to someone else's forehead, his sun-shaped pendant gives off a gentle glow. With great focus, he can listen in on someone's private thoughts. Anything the person thinks is something Dogday can hear, like if they were speaking it in their voice. Dogday's thoughts are not transmitted to the other person unless he "willingly transfers a thought over," letting him have great control of the internal conversation.

What Dogday realized is that people typically say stuff after they've figured out how they want to say it, allowing them to be well-guarded and sly/secretive. But, because people's minds are usually a safe haven for private thoughts, they have no issue (or much less of a problem) with thinking what they really believe. Basically, a person's mind is unfiltered communication! It's a lot harder for people to hide what they really think. (But not impossible...)

However, one catch to this incredibly useful tactic is that as long as a person so much as "thinks" about wanting Dogday to stop reading their mind (no matter how they phrase it, as long as it means it with the intention), then Dogday gets a small, static-like shock to the brain that cuts off the connection, disconnects their foreheads, and does not allow Dogday to listen in on their thoughts for a sizeable amount of time. (It doesn't hurt much, but it's like any ol' feeling of static electricity). *"?" Addendum:

???:

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...Awakening... Transcendence...

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