#don't even get me fucking started on how aquaman disappointed me like bitch marine biology was my childhood have some goddamn inspiration

[scrawnytreedemon]

Why Giant Spiders in Media Often Fall Short, at least for me, And Some Ideas to Potentially Remedy That

Like most people, I have a level of visceral disgust and fear towards spiders. It’s gotten alot better during the last year or so and I can share a room with them without being bothered by it, but as soon as one of these eight-legged fucks falls onto my bed, I scream like a little bitch.

For both yours and my sake, there will be no pictures, however since imagination is a powerful thing I will be still tagging it with an Arachnophobia Trigger-Warning. I don’t want to cause anyone any distress.

This’ll be a long post, buckle in.

One issue I find is that when scaled up, they’re often treated like mammalian predators. They hiss, they spit, they thud along the ground as they chase you like a mutated wolf from the depths of Chernobyl with a case of rabies so severe it might as well be its own disease.

And at that point I ask: why a spider? 

And most people would answer any number of reasons-- that they’re creepy, they have an ungodly number of limbs with joints to match through which their movement is unnatural, they hide in cramped, tight and often dark spaces that they’ll skitter from as soon as their den is displaced-- or they hang their in the centre of their webs, watching, waiting, their silhouette on display for any unfortunate passerby to behold.

They seem uncanny, like they’re not an animal acting of of survival instincts, trying to make it through this unforgiving world like any other organism-- they feel like they have a mind-- and not in the humanising sense, more like they’re inherently malevolent, like they intent to hide amongst your belongings, in the garden shed, in the attic because they’re demons of the dark, boogeymen you search your room for before you turn the lights of and go to sleep.

Realising they’re just animals was a big factor in lessening my fear... and so when media treats them as so, it dampens the uncertainty, that unease that these creatures are even of this world. Sure, the scene can still be very tense, no doubt, but it often sacrifices that unpredictability that spiders have.

Think about how we interact with spiders, too. They often seem to appear out of nowhere-- you lift a cushion and BAM, there it is, with all its horrible legs skittering wildly as you make to swat it with a shoe. Or maybe you’re reading, your back against the back of your seat, relaxing after a long day, and maybe your eyes absentmindedly scan the room when HOLY SHIT THERE’S A SPIDER ON THE WALL NEXT TO ME--

When talking about giant spiders, having the character look up and suddenly spot a massive fucking spider either blended into a tree-trunk or stark against a stone wall could be a great way to capture that “OH SHIT-” moment. 

Oddly enough, a boss that managed to capture this feeling was Kuromori from Shadow of the Colossus. It’s a huge, lizard-esque construct found in this tall, narrow arena with many openings. It scales the wall and spews lasers at you-- granted, I am biased since for some reason enemies with fuck-you lasers scare the absolute shit out of me-- and your goal is to avoid these lasers while attempting to shoot each of its legs so it loses its grip and falls to the bottom, exposing its weakpoint. Let me tell you, watching that bossfight makes me squirm horrendously-- in a way, its a sort of reversal of the way we find and kill spiders, and it works wonderfully; and it doesn’t even have all the visual grotesqueness that’d no doubt make this even more potent.

Another thing to keep in mind, is that despite the number of eyes most spiders have absolutely shit eyesight, and as such mostly depend on touch and hearing, and their hunting habits reflect that-- often being ambush predators, or simply waiting around for food to come by. Of course, there’s alot of variety and there’s always an exception to the rule, but I feel like this is good to take into account if we’re talking about the garden-variety house spider lookalikes.

I also find that often in movies there’s far too much focus on the face-- is it unpleasant looking? Yes, but we’re no often looking straight into a spider’s face, now are we? There’s an instinctive unease at the silhouette of a spider-- our ancestors learned to fear it due to the risk of potentially dying from a venomous bite that could fester and rot. For me, its the legs that really get me, especially arched ones. It just looks so... wrong, hideous, a twisted abomination. Its even worse when the spiders have an almost fleshy look to them-- it makes me want to puke.

When it comes to tarantulas, while I don’t feel particularly grossed out by them as they’re big and soft, there is alot you can do with them. They’re ambush hunters, dwelling in cramped, silk-lined tunnels, waiting for unsuspecting prey to stumble across their threshold-- hell, some species like the aptly named Trapdoor Tarantula create a little hatch for said tunnel. They attack by suddenly leaping out, and dragging whatever poor creature they caught back in. 

Imagine some characters walking through the underbrush when suddenly one of them is grabbed by this massive fuck-you tarantula and gets dragged into its lair, leaving the other characters to follow them it, weapons bared, along the dark, narrow, sticky passage littered with the shells and bones of its previous meals, possibly coming across a shed exoskeleton or two-- I don’t like jumpscares, but by god that is some potentially neat jumpscare material.

Now, while I’ve been writing this I’ve been mostly referring to spiders about the size of a bear and upwards, but what about having spiders merely a couple feet long? Imagine feeling a tickle on your neck, and finding one of these fucks crawling up your back? Now THAT is fucking terrifying. Hell, you could still have spiders bigger than that maybe about four feet in leg-span clinging onto the walls of a dungeon, illuminated by your torchlight.

If you’re going for a sky-scraper tall, huge as all fuck kaiju of a spider that blots out the sun, I’d say go for a spindly, gnarly-legged dark spider that’ll stand out against the sky-- however, if you have an idea that works better or that you’d want to try, go for it!

However, I think I’ve gone on long enough. Sorry for the ramblings, this has been on my mind for months now, and I love breaking things down to see how they do or don’t work-- especially when it comes to biology and animal behaviour(???).

Ultimately, go with whatever works best for you! These are just the things that set me off, and I’d love to hear other ideas or expansions upon the ones I presented!

And of course, if giant arthropods are possible, why stop at spiders?