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theinfinitedivides · 1 year ago

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totally obsessed with king the land and i need to rant about it somewhere and i figured this would be a fun place because i love your takes and can i start off by saying i've haven't seen someone as down bad as gu won in a really long while. to think he realized his feelings because he took a quiz a few weeks back and look at where he is now, confessing his love on a rooftop to the woman he falls in love with more and more every second.

ep 10 was honestly one of the most fulfilling romantic escape episodes i've ever seen in a show, like the locations were stunning, the chemistry was chemistrying like crazy and god the way won looks at sarang? the way he smiles so wholeheartedly? it's like she helped him rediscover what happiness and love feels like.

one thing i really loved from the earlier eps is how won always gives in and tries new things with sarang and realizes how much he enjoys it. also, the way sarang's grandma is such an important figure to both sarang and won now makes me so happy. i love how won takes all of her advice to heart and actually works on his communication.

i also absolutely loved how this week's eps focused on them just being in love and enjoying their dating era, the quality time and the constant need to touch each other and express their affection is something so precious. can't wait to see what's in store for them in the weeks to come. 🥹

i cannot tell you how honored i am to be the recipient of this little love letter to KTL bc you!!!! you get it anon!!!! i'm going to be addressing some of your points but i should warn you that it will be all over the place so i hope that doesn't confuse you once you get around to reading this sksksksk

first off, i think Won automatically gravitates towards Sa Rang's halmeoni bc in some ways she is that mother figure for him. we still haven't been told exactly what happened to his mother btw, but considering the age gap between him and his half-sister Hwa Ran you would think that after eomma "disappeared" (using that term for now) Hwa Ran would have stepped in. their relationship is so, so f*cked up, however, that she's never actually treated him as her actual sibling (as seen by her dangling the pocketwatch his mother gave him out the window/breaking it by letting it go. he still carries it around, even after all of that.) and so there is no love lost between the two of them. she has always viewed him as a competitor, someone to be wary against in her struggle for their father's company, and even though Halmeoni acts as if he is also one (for Sa Rang's hand) the way they interact says differently. (there's so much to unpack about why that is, namely the way that Gu Il Hoon treats his children and the lessons he's instilled in them, but that's not the point rn and i don't have energy to write that essay today)

so when Hwa Ran tells him not to try anything in terms of the company bc he won't be able to do anything substantial anyway, he listens, bc that fear has been bred into him. he's learned early not to expect anything akin to affection from her, learned that the only reason he's allowed to come so close is bc she knows his weaknesses (ep 3 publicity interview/panic attack anyone?) and uses them to keep him on a leash so he doesn't get in her way and he's tired. he says as much when he tells her '나 싸우고 싶지 ��았어' — 'i didn't want to fight' during their convo in the lounge in ep 8 (have some slightly unrelated commentary on that scene here, although in the more recent eps after meeting Sa Rang he has begun to buck against her incessant emotional abuse). but when Halmeoni tells him to do something, he listens, bc he knows, instinctively, that whatever she's telling him is not going to sabotage his relationship with Sa Rang. she's not out to get him, and she does not loathe his entire existence—she is treating him like the grandson she does not have, and she in turn is the mother that he has been deprived of for so long.

(frankly i think the best way to describe Hwa Ran and Won's dynamic with the influence of their father coming into play is uh. 'but business is business! / and business runs in the family' from Amanda Palmer's Runs In the Family. fair warning the video is a bit all over the place and the lyrics may be triggering but i highly recommend listening to the song if you haven't already)

building off of that, i think Sa Rang is also another outlet of love for him that is making up for what he has lacked. the way she and her circle of friends, much like her halmeoni, treat him when he is around (even after a bit of a false start in the first episodes) is in contrast to his sister as well—it's implied, albeit not explicitly, that he has the tendency to attach himself to people other than her once they show him any kind of care (standing up for Sang Sik taking him with him from the internship after Sang Sik tried to help him adjust in case he got in trouble, for instance). he trusts them even if he doesn't say it, since he does not trust her, and in some ways the kind of fear he has around Hwa Ran has been rechanneled into the need to keep his eyes on Sa Rang, bc he is afraid he might lose her. and he does not want to lose her, bc he has loved someone, for once, almost as much as he has loved his mother. and so once he realizes that that is what it is he tries to tell her as much, every chance that he gets, and we get to see that in the touches and glances and the small things that he does, an opening up to her as best he knows how. i spoke more about that here, but one of the best comparisons to their relationship that i can think of (other than Mitski's Come Into the Water and KK's Aankhon Mein Teri that i have already made a post about) is this line from Lee Hae Ri's gorgeous song Maybe that she sang for the OST of Her Private Life ('어쩌면 그게 사랑 일지도 몰라 / 반복되는 일상 / 그 속에 나를 보듬어 준 네가 / 조용히 떨리는 심장이 말해 / 너를 보고 싶다고 말하래' — 'maybe it [this feeling] is love / you who've cared for me in my repetitive everyday life / my quietly trembling heart tells me to say that i miss you'), bc that is just Won telling Sa Rang in the pool in the gloriousness that is ep 10 that he missed seeing her face in so many words and God. God them!!!!! laying face down on the ground and sobbing they're too much for me

despite all of this i know something has to give in the upcoming episodes, though, and while i am not asking for heavy angst (no devastating messy breakup arc i am on my knees begging at this point) i do hope we get to explore more of that kind of dynamic between Sa Rang and Won and get a cathartic moment for him while we're at it. (if you're not going to send him to therapy to address his childhood trauma [possible panic attack trigger i see you in the ep 11 preview] then let the man cry ffs) looking forward to whatever they do as much as you are, anon <333

#inbox #q: anon #tv: king the land #king the land #lee junho #junho 2pm #im yoona #girls generation yoona #yoona snsd #kim seon young #kdrama #local gay watches KTL (and gets diabetes in the process).txt #local gay watches k-dramas.txt #well this ended up much longer than i expected it would and i apologize for that but #this is such a welcome distraction after Tumblr literally upended my dash. truly the only way i am surviving #is XKit and muscle memory from when i used to go digging through Twitter without an account before Muskrat took over #fair warning the Lee Hae Ri translation is cobbled together from like six different sources and yes my poor Korean skills #native/advanced speakers pls feel free to roast i will edit sksksksk

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hatepersonals · 1 year ago

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New Age -> Christianity

Regard this as an open letter, a personal testimony, and an invitation.

I recognize that when an individual first starts on the spiritual path, they encounter many bad faith actors, that whether for monetary gain, or misguided intentions, lead people astray onto a path of confusion and deceit. Acknowledging the existence of such bad actors, I lay before you my sole purpose and motive in writing this.

I followed new age spirituality, it constantly confused me, lead me astray with false teachings and because I had such a bad experience with Christianity, I refused to go anywhere near it or believe other people when they pointed me towards it. Finally after being lied to, I came to Christ in the most personal manner I could. I read the bible on my own, because I didn't want my family to "right" I came to my own personal decisions, and asked for God to show me a sign so that I know I'm going in the right direction. He showed me a sign and I didn't believe it, so I asked for another, then he showed me another, then I asked for another sign, and eventually after 7 or 8 signs I finally got the memo. I believed in him, read his word so that I could understand him, and I truly believe it saved my soul. I'm writing this to offer that same thing to you.

And because clarity is my main and only objective goal here I'd like to make something as clear as possible, and answer some super common questions in the most upfront manner possible.

"I've seen hundreds of signs, or my tarot reading/mystic stuff has been spookily correct. How am I supposed to believe that stuff wasn't real?" - I don't deny any of the stuff you're saying, witchcraft isn't denied in the Bible, in fact it's existence is mentioned multiple times. However, none of it, no matter how fascinating or interesting, is going to save your soul.

"I grew up in the church, but it never felt right for me and all this stuff feels like it makes a lot more sense/I've had such a bad experience with "Christians" that I have religious trauma, and this stuff makes me feel much more comfortable." - Was the exact same way, but I'd only come to know Christ through other people, or through long boring church services which I'd rather eat dirt than sit through. Waking up early Sunday morning and forced into a pew to listen to a pastor talk about all the bad ways your living your life and calling you a sinner, when you're just 10 years old and want to go back to bed is a shared experience. It's just as awful for me as an adult as it was then. A quote I heard once goes a long the lines of "I'd rather be in the mountains thinking about God, then in the church thinking about the mountains." and while I don't claim to have God's actual input, I'd imagine he feels the same way about worship, he is the God of love. For the second questions, yes for me it felt much more comfortable, it was fun doing tarot readings and I honestly enjoyed them, but when I came to God I still wanted to do them, and I decided to ask his opinion, because, yknow, he did create me and everything. What I came to realize is all of those practices are actively inviting other spirits besides God into your life, call them demons, call them spiritual entities, regardless, he is a jealous God. Not that he gets mad at you for doing it and punishes you, but more so that he's very protective of those he loves. And none of the spirits you let in through these things have any type of good intentions, no matter how fun and inviting it looks. Here's some scripture that might help you understand that this is nothing new;

2 Corinthians 11: "Does this mean that I do not love you? God knows it doesn’t, but I am determined to maintain this boast, so as to cut the ground from under the feet of those who profess to be God’s messengers on the same terms as I am. God’s messengers? They are counterfeits of the real thing, dishonest practitioners, “God’s messengers” only by their own appointment. Nor do their tactics surprise me when I consider how Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is only to be expected that his agents shall have the appearance of ministers of righteousness—but they will get their deserts one day."

We see that our adversary, or Satan, will masquerade as an angel of light, or imitate the divine in an attempt to mislead you. But I promise you, that path only leads to confusion, doubt, and deceit.

With those out of the way, here is where I'm going to give you some of the hard to digest statements. Whether you've been in spirituality for a long time, or are new to it and just curious about stuff, when coming to Christ, there's a few really hard to digest truth's. I say this because I didn't believe the people who told me these things and had to learn myself the hard way.

Crystals, rocks, tarot cards, spells, talking to spirits, necromancy, familiar spirits (burning sage to cleanse aura's/driveaway bad spirits) are all forms of witchcraft/sorcery/idolization, again not because we hate them but its for your spiritual protection. The same way no matter how upset a dog gets, we still don't feed them chocolate because we love them, God is the same way. Those practices open up doors for spirits with very bad intentions. I love rocks, I love crystals, you can certainly have them, but it's when you belief or through having faith in these things that those doors open.

Now, onto manifestation which is a big question. I'll give you my best opinion on it, and relevant scriptures that helped me come to my conclusion.

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

As you can see, this is certainly no new concept. Modern day manifestation is sort of a cheap knock off version of Christianity. A reoccurring concept you'll start to notice is the devil loves to do knock-off's or imitations of God's good things. But in the same way you "manifest" something and a lot of times it comes with some price tag or you get it, but it ends up hurting you in the long run. Proverbs 10:22 says, “The blessing of the LORD makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it” so while it may not feel as quick or that it takes longer (which it really doesn't most of the time, God's pretty quick, he's been doing this thing for awhile) when you're gifted it, it has no extra attachments. That is, it's only for your good, and is carefully timed so that it arrives at the very best possible time for you.

And God's not some big snatcher of fun or in any way against being spiritual, in fact he's entirely the opposite;

"But if you keep on biting and devouring one another, watch out, or you will be consumed by one another. So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh craves what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh."

Also, he gives us spiritual gifts;

"word of wisdom, word of knowledge, faith, gifts of healing, working of miracles, prophecy, distinguishing spirits, various kinds of tongues, and interpretation of tongues."

Besides just this, he's also known for being very generous with wisdom, and that may sound boring but trust me, a little bit of wisdom from God himself, helps you out more than you could possibly think.

Also, one of the best things that he does is gives you easy access to his word. If you have a question, look around in the bible, no matter how obscure or stupid it might sound, I'm willing to bet he's probably got a neat little solution in there for whatever problem.

One of my personal favorites is "2 Timothy 1:7 - For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind" so basically, if you're ever scared, worried, confused, anxious, or any of the above about something or someone, we know that God doesn't give us that spirit, so if it's not from God, then it's more than likely from the devil. And, last I checked, we don't really listen to the devil, he got kicked out of heaven, and he's also after your soul, so don't take advice from someone you wouldn't take criticism from.

Also, just as interesting, is this

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you”

God's no stranger to questions, nor to doubt. If you're ever not sure about something, or have a question feel free to pray and ask. Also, when you're doubting anything, even if it feels silly, just ask him. The devil want's you to feel bad for doubting God's existence or God's goodness, but God won't get upset or mad at you for being not sure. That's when you get closer to him, if you start getting upset or feel like he's not there, or listening, that's some of the best times to let him know how you feel. While he does know all your thoughts, he wants to hear them from you, and how you think about it. Always remember, that God understands whatever situation you're in much better than you even do, no matter how silly or confusing it is, just pray and ask for clarity or a little bit of help. Often times he'll shine a light on something you forgot about, or overlooked, and put a good thought in your head to point you towards the right direction.

If you've been using tarot cards, or any other forms of future telling, you probably have a divination spirit in you, it's through that spirit that you've been "future telling" or other things of that nature. But, it's basically the knock off devil version of the holy spirit, which literally knows everything, can guide you in ways you can't imagine, and all the other gifts as well. It's a piece of God's very own spirit that he puts in you, free of charge, to have direct connection with him.

"Okay, I like all the things you're telling me, but what's the catch? And what's up with Jesus, why haven't you mentioned him?"

One of the most important things Christians believe in, is that our God is a god of love. We consider the entire Bible a love letter from God so that we can know him better. Through the bible we learn his character, how he is, and why certain things are the way they are. The old testament was during a pretty rocky time with our relationship with him. Much more on our part than his. But God doesn't give up and wants his people to know him and for him to be known by them. It's a testament to how much God loves us even at our worst. Throughout it, multiple prophets and people point towards the coming of a messiah, or a savior. That through him, God will be reunited with his people.

Since we recognize all the gifts and miracles the holy spirit gives us, it also performed a miracle in the virgin Mary. Conceiving within her, Jesus. After his birth, he led a perfect life, that is, because of his attachment to the holy spirit, he embodied the closest thing to God in human form. Even with all this power, instead of using it maliciously or to gain anything, he decided to serve instead. In all of his action lowering himself so that he could help other people, and in a society where power was defined through wealth or status, he flipped that entirely on it's head. Instead, he said that true power came through serving other people, and being a living example of that. Through miracles and signs, he showed not his power, but the power of God working through him. He was crucified however, even though he was entirely innocent, but in doing so he bore the weight of all sin. Essentially, giving access to God through all people that believe in him, and that by doing so, he washes us of our sins, and allows God to see us as he saw him, holy and blameless.

John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

Now the catch? Imagine you're hunting, and you come across a dead deer. You're not going to shoot at it and it's not what you're after. That's how the devil views you. To him, he's already got you. He's pretty upset that he got kicked out, so he's trying to take as many people down with him. Whenever he sees you he gets that kick of satisfaction knowing he already cut you off from your inheritance. But when you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior, he hates it. Not that he'll target you super specifically, but he'll mainly start targeting that belief essentially asap. Whether sending doubts and worries or things like that, but like when you see bad guys in a video game and you know you're going the right way, that's one of the best signs that you've done the right thing and use it to strengthen your faith.

Okay, so if you're still with me, you've checked everything out, and you've made a personal decision to come to God, here's the best course of action I can recommend;

Your first step is simply to believe, really think on it though, study as much as you need and come to this decision on your own, don't just believe me, look through the bible and see if it's something that you're interested in, again you don't have to have perfect faith, all it requires is the faith of a mustard seed. If you can give him that much, and open your heart to it, then he's really good at doing the rest.

The moment you believe and accept Jesus Christ as your personal lord and savior, most people say it out loud or to yourself or pray. An easy one goes like this "Dear heavenly father, I accept Jesus Christ as my personal lord and savior. I pray that you gift me your holy spirit, to guide me in my walk with Christ, and show me a (pink rose, elephant, yellow square, etc..) to strengthen my faith it would be greatly appreciated, in Jesus name I pray, amen."

Patience, persistence, and faith are some good things to focus on. Try to read the bible as much as you can and be in a state of gratitude. The holy spirit is given to you essentially the very second you've accepted Jesus as your personal lord and savior, and now you need to give it some room to breathe. Listen to worship music that you might've heard, and honestly, you have to unharden your heart and be willing to look silly. The best way to come to God is not extremely mature and will all your wisdom and stuff, but just open your heart and tell him how you feel. 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you"

Now, just pray from there. Ask God to help you read the bible and understand certain things, research it and just delve into it. Really, go full in. You have nothing to lose, but also be willing to be convicted by the holy spirit. That is as you read through the bible you might notice some of the words seem to sting a little bit because they apply to you, don't take it personally instead realize that God wouldn't chastise you if he didn't love you. It's basically direct advice from the creator of the universe on things you can be doing better, what better person to get guidance from?

#christianity #jesus christ #thoughts

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nebulouscoffee · 1 year ago

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Any favorite garashir tropes?

Omg, so many! I'll try to limit it to five :)

That thing they do where they start talking about something (often something Very Important) by using an allegory- because that's the only way they can be honest about it (or at least, more honest)- and then get increasingly frustrated by the vagueness of the verbal dance they're doing but neither of them wants to come out and Say It because they're stupid and competitive idiots so they proceed to stretch the metaphor further and further until they're twisting themselves into pretzels trying to stick to it and then at last it snaps. Usually by this point they have begun making out furiously (I love this trope SO much, and my humble contribution was 'Pretenders' chapter 8 lmaoo)

Post-canon letter-writing. I just feel like these two were made for the epistolary format, like they both choose their words (and Lines) so deliberately, they're both always willing to commit to a bit, and also they're both long-winded and witty and cringe (I can't believe it's canon that Julian describes his whole coma dream to Garak over lunch and Garak is actually so interested to hear it? It's just sweet okay!!) More than that, I think what draws me to this ship is the way that they're both storytellers; who've both lived with secrets and lies so long they see themselves more as "characters"/archetypes/roles than people, who both carefully tell truths about the people they are (and were) by spinning self-mythologising narratives (aka, "the lies"). I find this so beautiful because like in some ways their narratives were forcibly spun for them when they were children; so I love how in each other, they find someone that's really willing to listen (regardless of whether they "deserve" it), someone who'll give them the space to maybe learn to spin a new narrative. The idea of them continuing to do so by crafting long letters to each other is very in-character imo, and also romantic in a way that's very them (looking for hidden meanings between the words! Subtext! Wordplay, obfuscation, backtracking, who-will-crack-first, the waitinggggg between responses, all great stuff👌)

Julian's forgiveness of Garak's past being tested- like, personally I think it's OOC for Julian to suddenly start lecturing him about his past, I think it's far more interesting for them to have conflicts over Garak's (often atrocious) present behaviour and opinions- but every now and then, especially if he's living on Cardassia, Julian is going to see stuff that brings home to him in a very real way what Garak used to do for a living. It's such good angst, I love it! Especially when Julian is forced to acknowledge the parallels to Sloan, or that Garak might not actually have moved on from some things

One of them casually does something small that happens to be a Big Deal in the others' culture, but the other can't call them out on it because that would be Acknowledging The Game- and ofc, there's always the possibility that it wasn't deliberate, and isn't it just so much nicer to pretend? Either way, they refuse to directly talk about it, leading to much confusion and hilarity as they try and call the others' bluff by increasingly escalating the stakes and aggressively talking about books till they just end up looking like idiots

They never actually got together during the show. Don't get me wrong, I like reading stories where they get together at the wrong time and mess each other up lol, genuinely I love this pairing for The Range (it is entirely possible that their conversation in the finale ends up being their last!) But I am, at heart, a big sap, so my favourite version of the garashir get-together is them finally figuring it out post-canon. Also, it's genuinely so interesting, like- what do you do when your exiles and secrets and wars are all over & you're finally the person you need to be to make something you always wanted work? (What do you mean, you can just go after it? For real? Like you can actually just ask? Outrageous! Lol) Also, it lends itself so well to other entertaining tropes, like 1. absolutely unhinged levels of UST & long-distance pining, 2. Garak having a funny freakout over some small domestic thing which drives home to him how much ds9 domesticated him, 3. them just like. trying to figure out how to exist as regular people & relaxing into a sort of intimacy and authenticity they've never experienced before, 4. them being huge workaholics who barely see each other during the day but still give each other something nice to come home to, 5. them learning each other's languages & customs, 6. Garak angsting that this is all temporary and Julian is definitely going to leave him, 7. war orphans (I'm not much for kidfic generally but there is something touching about these two characters redefining parenthood and "legitimacy" for themselves; even if not as parents just by helping "unwanted" children in different ways, especially considering what happened with Ziyal), 8. Julian leaving Starfleet & practising more culturally sensitive and less exploitative medicine on a ravaged alien planet which shows how far he's come, and I'm sure there's many more but wow that's already so many! Post-canon garashir endgame my beloved

#gosh darn it I got sappy about Them again didn't I #I admit I also love this ship cuz I can project so much nonwestern cultural musings onto them & their fractured little identities hehehe #thanks for the ask anon! <3 #ask game

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reynie-muldoons · 2 years ago

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“A Two-Way Street” liveblog!

So at the time of writing this, I’ve just finished episode 7. I have absolutely no clue what the finale will hold, but the episode summary says something about Number Two’s past? Name drop perhaps??? I guess we’ll see. This really seems like it’s all coming out of nowhere lol.

For the last time this season- and potentially in general if we don’t get renewed- spoilers under the cut!

0:52 I’m like fully expecting them to pan over to Mr B at some point and to see him totally vacant

1:03 Yeah Milligan, come on, turn at the damn hand tree 😂

1:13 “Sorry. I’m having feelings.” you and me both babe

1:41 the house is fully yellow

1:52 “Mother! :D” READ THE ROOM

1:59 …..why would you just stop at “Number”

2:05 oh come on don’t tell me she was actually named Number. Like her legal name is Number? Didn’t they explain in season 1 that was her codename that she adopted for pool or something?

2:17 “my sister, Charity-” WHY DID THEY HAVE TO GIVE MY NAME TO A CHARACTER THAT IS GENERALLY DISLIKED ADKFHKASHF LMAOOOO

2:25 okay the fact that her axe is named Madame Chops and she demands on it being formally introduced makes it a little better 😂

2:32 so what the boy is Number One and she’s Number Two? Did they just write out the whole Pencilla thing???

2:56 both of them are so desperate to have control

2:59 “I have authority as interim director to-” “self-appointed.” “not official.” LMAO BOTH OF THEM ARE SO DESPERATE TO HAVE CONTROL

3:19 they’re just leaving him in the truck by himself when the duskwort has probably already worn off???? They were driving all night ffs

3:26 “you should be very proud of Number Two. she is one of the finest human beings I’ve ever known.” I said this with Milligan last ep- I get that he’s mentally compromised but I genuinely think he would have said that even if he wasn't and that makes me FEEL THINGS

3:31 “it’s a relief to hear that my sister has finally sustained some friendships” I’ll drop kick you

3:33 “I was being sincere!” doubtful

3:42 so what I’m hearing is that One was the favorite child and Number Two had to fight for attention

3:58 “so.. This is family life?” “looks like it.” there’s something morbidly hilarious to me about three kids who raised themselves looking at a nuclear family and being confused

4:42 “I am gaining so much understanding.” it does give some perspective on why number two is Like That

5:11 “oh, don't do this on my account! … I feel amazing.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again this whole thing reminds me of a manic episode

6:00 I’m glad she’s talking this through with him

6:40 it’s weird seeing them both in the frame and knowing they’re both tony hale

7:10 “you’re in denial.” someone had to say it

7:43 I don’t see how he could know that, logically

7:54 “what’s that?” “what?” “your neck, what’s wrong?” oop he knows

8:05 and there it is, he’s vacant

8:26 it makes me very sad that this might be the last time we hear this intro in a new episode

9:51 this very much seems like the “handful of almonds” kind of mother, and an unsavory atmosphere to grow up in

10:02 “it would have been nice to hear from you.” “you never pick up the phone!” “I find it a nuisance!” this conversation reminds me of my own mother and that is not good 😅

10:24 “I thought it might play better with your weird swinging pattern.” the backhandedness is not necessary

10:29 “and by the way, I sent letters. You could have written back.” “I'm not about to sleuth out my own daughter’s address!” “it’s right there on the envelope.'' Again, this reminds me SO much of my own mother. Not good

11:48 “One, do you find this lifestyle… stifling?” “No!” couple of things:

1. Don’t love that she’s trying to turn the siblings against each other. Super not cool, and, say it with me now, it reminds me of my mother. Not good

2. Different people have different needs and tastes. Number two said it herself, not everyone is happy to stay where they are

3. Does this whole family situation remind anyone else of breaking Amish? Like the whole thing of letting Amish people leave for a bit to see the world but shaming them for it at the same time? Because that's the vibe I’m getting

12:10 that shot of the house really highlights how many times they’ve added on to it. There are like 4 separate color schemes

12:25 I think the theme of this season is this guy being in denial. Like just in general

13:09 smart of Milligan to lure her inside but at the same time why would they let her go there unsupervised, she could easily get distracted by something or just go somewhere else on a whim

13:35 I stand corrected

13:51 “you were right. This is about control, it always has been” no shit

14:10 very sweet of him to say but that came VERY late

14:14 “oh, I wish we couldve gotten here sooner” PFFFT tell me he didnt just fake that. Curtain would be SO pissed

14:31 “you were faking it?” okay but that also means it’s still coming and they don’t know how to stop it

15:09 “what’s that?” Reynie you know I love you but you’re expecting to be raided. If you see a car, it’s probably them

15:16 INCREDIBLE song choice btw

15:24 I love that they brought the saw back 😂

16:03 why would they wait until the driver can see them pull the trap across the road, that’s dangerous for Miss Perumal and obvious for the driver to avoid

16:21 oh shit did it actually

16:22 “a fact I chose to hide” sneaky. But also wtf was all that build up for last episode? Was he rubbing his neck in the truck for nothing? And the whole faking the catatonia thing feels icky, that scene was incredibly sweet without the context that he was faking it

16:28 “but it changes nothing” dude. DUDE.

16:38 “what you felt a moment ago, that was real. More real than anything you could create.” that’s a big theme of the season, the genuine versus the synthetic

17:10 that shift in tone was unsettling- the music subtly changing plus nathaniel physically moving out of the moment

17:24 are those the people from the other two cars? Where did they get the extra greys from, there were maybe 4 people in each but that is way more than that running through the fields

17:56 “it’s a two-way street!” ….roll credits

18:03 “back off! This is my home.” okay but it isn't though, home is where you belong and you obviously didn’t feel comfortable staying here. It’s where you came from, sure, but not where you’ve settled down to roost. There’s a difference

18:23 so are they like, pulling that book 3 plot of Curtain controlling how things end? Like is that what’s happening? Are we just not going to have any action here after all that build up

18:41 “he helped me see that I've been possibly approaching things in the wrong way.” this feels like it’s coming somehow both for too early and far too late in the narrative

18:45 “and if you told me i’d ever say something like that, well, I’d never say something like that, but here we are.” always eager to save face

18:50 “now. You’re free to go and find your own path.” a hippie to the end. But also you literally told them how to behave for their formative years, you can’t just turn them loose and tell them to figure it out with no guidance when all you’ve done the past however many years is boss them around with an iron fist and bloody rage

19:15 “the door is open. Please. Discover who you are.” whaaaaat

19:29 what am I watching 😂

19:38 “YOUR PHILOSOPHY WILL LIVE ON!” “EVEN WITHOUT YOU!” and just like that the cult lives another day

20:20 well that is unsettling

20:25 ….she did finish an impressive portion of the puzzle though

20:31 “im responsible for this” yeah no shit

20:48 did they just. Take markers to the wall 😂 😂

21:44 I hope this means they’re all going to write shitty poetry insulting themselves in an attempt to make her laugh

22:06 “and as the people she cares about most in this world-”

22:29 this feels very similar to trying to communicate with someone who’s unresponsive in a hospital bed

22:37 “despite the relentless crabbiness, we actually all love spending time with you” awwww stopppp

22:49 remember that time you broke the whisperer with your brain?” we don't remember that actually, enlighten us. Sticky 😂

23:11 “we love you.” dawwwww

23:18 “we’re not making her happy. We’re annoying her.” what’s funny is she’s probably right lol. Spoken like a true former roommate

23:41 pleeease let this lead to insulting poetry. This reminds me so much of season 1 with Reynie trying to get Curtain to laugh himself to sleep with corny jokes

23:55 so is like one blink a sign that she’s coming back online lol

24:19 I find it hilarious that Kate is not only acknowledging her emotional dependency to her bucket but also encouraging Constance to make a dig at it. Funniest thing to come from this so far

24:20 is the twitching supposed to be a good sign orrrr

24:30 Constance is my favorite rhyming poet lol

24:48 I want to watch them dramatically recite poetry for the next hour, thank you

25:01 The enthusiasm 😂 😂 also she’s like fully short-circuiting now lol

25:13 he does love a good sweater vest

25:20 I cannot believe that worked

25:28 AWWWW SHE’S SO HAPPY SHE CAN DENY IT ALL SHE WANTS BUT LOOK AT THAT SWEET FACE

25:50 “thank you for saying goodbye before abandoning us again.” idk how many times I have to say this but she reminds me of my mother and that’s really not good

25:52 “is it really abandonment if you say goodbye?” okay but the way he was immediately shut down makes me upset

26:35 they have so much unresolved tension

26:53 again, they have so much unresolved tension

27:15 leadership role how?? They’re already there dude lol

27:27 “we would love to.” “in about.. 5 weeks.” LMAO WHAT ARE THEY PLOTTING

27:39 nerd 😂 he is adorable

27:47 “let’s go see Madge.” awwww

27:53 “okay. I was a little needy.” im so glad he’s talking this through

28:02 “I’ve got two places.”

28:19 everyone load on into the truck again, definitely not a traffic violation

28:32 oh hey, 5 weeks later! We can find out what Rhonda and Number Two had planned!

28:40 VICTORYYYYY

28:42 STOP THEY’RE SO CUTE

28:45 STOOOOOP I CANT WITH THEM, CELEBRATE QUEENS

28:50 I love that she has a bike helmet, I hope she casually rides a motorcycle places

29:14 HE’S VISITING STICKY AKDJFKJSHF

29:06 HE GOT LETTERS FROM EVERYONE

29:16 I get that its a special effect but the lava still looks cool

29:32 a few things:

they’re too damn cute

Kate has no reason to not know what a llama is now

I hope this means they took in the llamas that were previously in the compound

29:47 “you asked for a letter. This fulfills that request.” love to see Reynie voicing his needs to his friends, and love to see Constance being herself lol

29:59 LMAO FOR ANOTHER SWEATER

30:11 tell me that’s the same puzzle

30:17 his sweater is adorable btw

30:29 “then maybe.. Maybe you can find out where I come from?” ohhh my gosh, first of all referring to her past as a puzzle?? Second of all YES BABY GIRL.

30:38 ….theyre 51? Huh?? How does that work with the timeline. I feel like it fucks with the timeline

30:51 “I’m joining the society.” weird. Weird and without base.

30:57 Is it Garrison? Or maybe a Violet cameo? Probably not that but a girl can dream.

30:57 “turns out, we have a sister.” they’re pulling a Thor: Ragnarok on us. Or maybe a BBC Sherlock.

30:57 We have strayed so far from God.

31:15 that’s it?? They’re just going to leave it there??? You’ve got to be kidding. No way they just pulled the secret sibling card. For the SECOND TIME. and this time it’s not even canon.

I’m speechless. This show took a hard turn, then just kept driving that way LOL. what a way to go out… All I can say is I hope the show’s renewed, if only to see their wild ass narrative finished.

For some quick final thoughts, I think this season is conflicting for me. TPJ is probably my favorite of the books, and at the beginning of the season I was kind of enjoying it more than season 1. Now, they’ve gone SO far off the beaten path, the story is barely recognizable. How will they continue if it does get renewed? Now, we’ve got a New Badder Bitch sister, Curtain moving in for whatever reason (WITHOUT HIS SON???? WHERE IS THIS WALKABOUT), and Constance showing interest in her past. I think this season suffered because of shorter episodes, and probably a lower budget- not to mention them going wildly off-script with the plot. I wanted to like it so much more than I did, which is sad.

Maybe the real SQ was the friends we made along the way.

All that said, there were some really great moments, and I’m interested to see how the season holds up watching it all back to back with context.

Happy end of the season everybody!! I’m about to go on a reblogging spree for the last couple episodes, but everything should be tagged so it’ll be easy to blacklist if you need to. Let me know what you guys thought!!

#a two-way street #mbs liveblog #mbs disney+ s2 #the mysterious benedict society #charity's talkies

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i-jxta · 1 year ago

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July 2, 2023 | Sunday | 12:34AM

This entry is going to be super different from the things I usually write here because it's a lot more positive than usual. Actually, it's the first positive entry I've ever written here. It's only been 8 days since my last entry but I've done a lot of thinking since then, I've faced a lot of facts. I've known for a while now, but it's a hard fact to accept. The fact that my mom emotionally abused me my entire life. I haven't fully come to understand the abuse she's put me through so I can't go into detail. I know she only loves me conditionally, if I changed my hair, got a tattoo, got a piercing, came home later than the time she expects me home, told her I was bisexual, or told her anything that contradicts the version of me she has spent so much time imagining, even before I was born she'd stop loving me. This is a good thing. The fact that I've come to understand that I experienced a weird, confusing, and abusive childhood. I haven't been able to develop at all as a person, I am merely an extension of my mother. Now, that I've realized this though I can start developing who I am without my mom's judgment. Be who I am without fearing whether mom is going to have a tantrum.

I have also become interested in attachment styles and I began researching mine, which is an anxious attachment style. I've decided I don't want to keep myself in a loop of pain and suffering. If you look back at all my entries you'll see how repetitive they are. Feeling the same thing over and over again and not doing anything about it. Maybe, I wasn't ready back then and I'm not upset at myself for not choosing to heal sooner. In fact, it was probably best I stayed in that mindset at the time to protect myself. Things are different now because I am no longer a child. I can take care of myself in better ways. With BPD, I regress into this child-like state of mind anytime I feel a negative emotion. If someone pisses me off, I either have an outburst, try to hurt their feelings, or go silent. I can't talk about the way I feel because I don't feel safe doing so, I don't have the words to explain how much pain I am in or how much you just pissed me off. I just don't want to feel that way anymore. I don't like having BPD, I want it to go away. I want to live and feel some fucking peace and joy LOL.

I heard something today that got me thinking. It was "Evidence doesn't create beliefs. Beliefs create your evidence" and basically it has to do with the subconscious mind and I can't possibly explain that in a way that'll make sense right now. But it basically means that if you believe something like "I'm ugly and unloveable" you will experience things that will confirm that you're ugly and unloveable. That's what you're telling yourself, so why would you experience the opposite? Even if you did you wouldn't notice, or you wouldn't believe it. For example, I had a deep issue with not understanding things. If I didn't understand something immediately then I must be stupid or untalented. Even if someone's intentions were not to make me feel stupid, I'd feel stupid. That is my perception and belief. I challenged myself and asked myself why? Why does me not understanding something = I am stupid? Who taught me that? Who told me that? When I was learning how to write (as a little baby child) my sister got super mad at me for not knowing how to write the letter B. I saw that frustration and anger and her and thought to myself that it was bad to not understand. If I didn't understand quick enough then people would get mad at me, I'd be stupid, I'd be a bad person.

What makes it so bad though? A willingness to understand is a willingness to learn. Some things I understand quickly and I'm a natural at. Other things take me a little more time to understand and why is that such a bad thing? I understand some things and some things I don't, but that doesn't change the fact that I am intelligent. It's so important to have some sort of compassion for yourself. I'm so incredibly hard on myself and I deserve to treat myself with kindness. That's what'd I'd want from other people, so I need to be kind to myself first. When you hate yourself, it is easy to hate everyone else as well. I've gotten mad at a couple of people for not being fast learners. Why? because I was taught that was a bad thing. I hated myself for not always being a fast learner, so I hated other people for not being fast learners. It's one less thing I have to be upset about.

God does it feel good to let SOMETHING go.

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ohimesama · 2 years ago

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2.10.23 Friday

6:53 am Punch-In! But 7:13 am now...

First routine on going... Good Morning Angels...

I was with Kuya Oliver...

7:23 am

This house of Mommy Adnil R-None is full of symbols...I wonder why... Now, today this am.... Hmmm..... Usually there are 2 trash cans outside the room of Mommy Adnil but today and now only 1... Very immature people here...

It is supposed to be 2 trash cans... But look, angels...

Sometimes,angels people have to talk or verbalize their message or write a note or letter...

Going to their kitchen...Immature people here...

Someone just left the 2 breads inside the oven toaster...I told Ms Enaoj, "Karma begets Karma"... But why???

7:36 am

Mommy Adnil is eating her breakfast now... I need money,Ms Enaoj knew and I appreciate being here and I do care for Mommy Adnil coz all of us we will be like her,one day... Moment to learn her case, bedridden stage 4 butt bedsore...

But as individual still hoping and praying for progress in the future... In a lil while...

My Fear:

I have fear, so many fears... One of my fears is to get old or aging without money... I wanna aged with grace and I miss going to my derma, one day again...Someday...

I wanna aged just like other old people who can hire a caregiver but hoping for more success...

I do appreciate Mommy Adnil's hardwork on her Avon thingy...

8:01 am

I know my patients, I know my boss, I know it is ohkay to be friends with your boss or employer... I value friendship and I know the truth... I know the rules of professionalism and I also know how to be flexible... But I hope everyone is matured on viewing things... I need money, I know my credibility... Let's not make a small issue big just to destroy the professionalism... Coz in reality me and Anid only got half of 3500 per day... This is not about money but of course I need money... We value friendship, we crossed-out the ot... Let's be fair on giving each other a comment.

8:59 am

Done,cleaning Mommy Adnil's room and living room, again the living room is not really my task... It is just freewill coz there are so many pussy cats here....

The other trash can is over-lapped by the other...

9:03 am

Being a caregiver is not really easy... Your emotion will go up and down like what I posted sometimes you will get mental block...

Mommy Adnil is nice but like what I posted she is like a mother hen always protecting her 5 children most specially Ms Enaoj... That without Ms Enaoj approval we can't make a decision. Sometimes she is nagging on you that you will get confuse... But she is an old person already... Giving way can't harm you as a caregiver but explain your side to her family...

Being a caregiver in a private house can give anxiety to you as a caregiver, of course, this is private house you don't know the family here except if Nightingale will make a back-up but unfortunately there is no back-up coming from that fucking Nightingale.

I'm here as a caregiver and I'm different in our house and I was different before time that I was really pampered and had yaya's or assistant... Being a caregiver is a lonely job and you need to have full and over-flowing of maturity. It can give you a heavy anxiety and complex on your personality even if you are a college graduate or even a sales lady like Anid. It can makes you crazy but you have to balance your sanity...

My personal case:

I still want a progress and still thinking of money... I have so many missed things in life. I do have a self-pity in me coz of this windblow trap cult of ManaloZ since 2007? I feel low coz of the windblow trap....I wasn't able to grow as a successful person, that gives me a self-pity...

I wanna buy starbucks everyday, I wanna see camel and donkey... Things that I wanna do... I wanna gain upper men's friends... But now, I feel that someone is caging me unfairly since 2007... I feel self-pity... Still,thinking of money.

And this how can you see me??? I LOVE THE AL-MAKTOUMS PRETTY FACES... Many more Al-Maktoums....CAN'T POST EVERYONE HERE... Pretty faces...

For the interfering women and group:

Get your own bf's... Stop getting my type... I feel bitter coz all my exes and bf's were stolen...

10:42 am

I feel confuse... I'm already menopause angels... It didn't really come out from my spotting last monday.... My future is gone...But again having a child is just an additional evidence of some couple's love... or I would wanted to gain genuine men's upper friendship with stability...

I wanna have a better life... I wanna be successful... I wanna buy starbucks everyday...

6:28 pm

Kuya Oliver will fetch me tonight after my duty...

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boop-le-snoot · 3 years ago

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⚡ Welcome to Bun's Cockstop! This is a place where I thirst over cute dirty old men! Most of my works can also be found on AO3 (here). This is my taglist!

⚡ My name is Bun/Bunny. I am a slavic/baltic afab agender queer gremlin and I go by any pronouns, however most of my writing caters to people who use she/her pronouns and possess afab body parts. I do take requests for nb/male reader stories & I have no problems with using neopronouns as well.

⚡ I do not write RPF (real person fiction). That said, any kind of drama mongering, moral policing and other purity culture bullshit is not welcome on my blog. At best, I will block you; if you annoy me enough, I just might be inclined to prove your opinion wrong (with citations).

⚡ I am pro-ship, pro-dark!fic, I think sex work is work, I don't support communism (and Russia! seriously, GTFO), I believe Johnny Depp and I support the death penalty for crimes against children. If you find yourself wanting to argue w/me about these topics, don't waste our time and block me.

⚡ I communicate in English and Russian and understand several more assorted languages. Don't be shy and say hello 😌 This is my Spotify, and this is what I look like! <3

⚡ My blog is meant for an adult audience. It will contain topics such as sex and various kinks, drugs, trauma, queer stuff and lots of rock-'n'-roll. All the things I post are tagged accordingly, therefore it is your responsibility to block the tags/blacklist the content you do not wish to see. You choose the content you consume & I am not here to babysit.

⚡ this is a post of marvel author recommendations, tony-stephen-bruce heavy

🌻 DONATE DIRECTLY TO UKRAINIAN PEOPLE IN NEED! EVEN $8 CAN HELP! Click this link - it's a charity set up by the Ukrainias themselves & it offers direct donations with maximum transparency.

⚡ masterlist below spoiler ⚡ stories marked with an asterisk* contain adult content ⚡

⚡ multichapter fics ⚡

party favours | tony stark x bruce banner x stephen strange x reader ot4) | explicit | ~120k words | completed

practical alchemy | witch!reader x established!ironstrange | explicit | in progress (hiatus until spring)

⚡one-shots⚡

helmut zemo | marmalade taffy* |

sam wilson | bad touch* | violent delights* (content warning) |

loki | if life gives you melons* | bondage* (nb reader, they/them) | snow day* (male reader) |

natasha romanoff | hot wheels* |

wanda maximoff | caught |

bucky barnes | bother figure (daughter!reader) |

thor | idunn's apples | hired man* (dubcon) | beloved, bejeweled |

otto octavius / doc ock | horny headcanons* | i want to kill you like they do in the movies - part 1 - part 2* - part 3* (fin) |

steve rogers | it drives me wild* |

⚡ blurb series ⚡

daddy!ironstrange - daddy lessons* | part one | part two |

#marvel fanfiction #marvel masterlist #mcu masterlist #mcu fanfiction #tony stark x reader #stephen strange x reader #otto octavius x reader #bruce banner x reader #sam wilson x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #helmut zemo x reader #loki x reader #thor x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bun writes

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creat0r-cat · 2 years ago

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Yancy x reader - Behind the Pen

(Y/n) had come to expect letters arriving in her cell every other day. It was a constant thing now. Her family wrote to her occasionally, but the majority of notes she received were from someone she didn't recognize.

And how could she recognize a letter from someone who never signed it?

As cliche as it sounded, her apparent admirer was constantly complimenting her through his penmanship. The only reason she knew he was a male was because he had said before in a past letter, "A man like me doesn't deserve an angel like you."

That comment had made her blush so much that the other female prisoners worried she was running a fever.

(Y/n) held a new note in her hand, admiring just how simple it was. A small piece of paper with the front held together by a red heart sticker, like you would find on a first grader's valentine. Inside was some messy yet intelligible handwriting that looked like an attempt at fancy calligraphy.

"(Y/n),

A dove like you should be away and free from us ravens and crows. But of course, this jailbird fell in love with you and can only dream of making you his own. After what I've done with my life, how could I deserve to even be close to you, much less your lover? Nevertheless, like Romeo, I will continue to love you, my Juliet, even if it kills me."

(Y/n) blushed and walked out of her cell and made it to the yard where a majority of people were gathered. Like usual, they were either playing basketball, lifting weights, or taking a small nap in the sunlight. It was a gorgeous day outside and sleep sounded very appealing, but (Y/n) had something to do first.

"Hey guys!" She greeted her fellow female prisoners, the letter clutched in her hand. Tiny, one of the tougher girls, smiled at her mischievously. "Ohhh~ you got another letter? What does it say this time?"

Some of the other girls crowded around her to hear the reply as it was read out. They were all romantics in some kind of way and a secret admirer story unfolding right in front of them was certainly exciting.

"Well, he told me that I didn't belong in a place like this, and he even called me his Juliet." Some of the ladies let out an "awww" and Tiny wrapped her arm around (Y/n)'s shoulders. "Man, he really seems to have a thing for you, huh? Who do you think it is?"

"I don't know. I keep hoping I can pick up signs or some kind of hint when I interact with the boys, but I'm not picking up on anything. I guess I'm just really boggled that I even have a.."

She trailed off as she looked toward a group of 8 boys playing basketball over in the prison court. There, being patted on the back after an amazing 2-point shot, was Yancy. (Y/n) blushed, seeing how his slightly damp shirt clung to his toned body, his skin slightly shining from sweat as he panted and smiled at his teammates.

Time just seemed to move in slow motion when she looked at him. He was beyond attractive. He was so handsome, he could kill ladies with just a look. Heh, maybe that's another reason why he was in prison.

"(Y/nnn)? Hello?" Tiny waved a hand in front of her face, seeing that her friend had zoned out. "Huh? Oh sorry. Were you asking me something?" Some of the other girls gave each other knowing looks and (Y/n) looked at them in confusion. "Am I missing something?"

"You have it rough for him, huh?" Asked Tiny and (Y/n)'s face erupted into a bright red blush. "Huh? Why would you say that? He's my friend, granted that he's a very attractive friend, but still!"

"Girl, admit it. You have a big ol' crush on Yancy." (Y/n) knew she was caught and she looked down in embarrassment. "I.. gosh I know I do but I feel kinda bad about it because I have no idea who's writing me these notes. I kinda hope it's him, but if it's not I'm gonna feel terrible if I don't like this guy back and reject him."

"Reject who?"

(Y/n) stiffened, recognizing the voice that came up behind her. "Oh, hey Yancy," said Tiny with a smirk, "we were just talking about (Y/n)'s secret admirer." (Y/n) turned around to see the scruffy faced man she had grown to love. He smiled while his tattooed hand rubbed the back of his neck.

"A secret admirer eh? You don't usually see dat in prison. Yous gots any idea who it could be?" (Y/n) shook her head. "I don't recognize the handwriting and I haven't really got any other clues, so no not really. Do you know anything?"

Yancy shrugged. "We males don't really talk about all dat romance and lovey dovey stuff, but I'll keep an eye out for ya."

"T-thanks." Was all (Y/n) could say while shyly looking up at his grinning face. He really was so kind. A criminal with a heart of gold. Yancy nodded at the girls behind (Y/n) and turned to leave, joining the other boys back on the court.

Turning back, (Y/n) saw the girls smirking and looking at her expectantly. “What? Is there something on my face?” Tiny shook her head and laughed softly. “No, it’s just that some of us already know who your admirer is.” (Y/n) was shocked. “What?? Who is it?? Tell me!” Giggling, the girls began to move away, shaking their heads. “Sorry, we can’t say anything. Good luck figuring it out though.”

“Tiny! Guys! Come on, I thought we were friends!” Laughed the (h/c) female as she chased after them.

From across the yard, Yancy watched their interaction and he bit his lip nervously. He knew that Tiny and the other girls wouldn’t tell (Y/n) about his secret crush on her, but still, he swore that they loved to tease him with their knowing looks. “Oi, Yancy pay attention!” Said Sparkles McGee, tossing him the basketball. “Sorry. Was just thinking ‘bout stuff, y’know.”

Bam Bam smirked at him. “Oh, thinking about (Y/n) again are we?” Yancy looked over at him quickly, “What? No! ‘Course not. What makes youse say dat? I think of other things.”

“Riiiiight, because staring at her and losing touch with reality means you’re thinking about other things.” Laughed McGee and Yancy pouted a little. “Shut up, it isn’t like dat.”

“We all know about those love notes you’ve been sending her. I’m surprised she doesn’t know it’s you sending them yet.”

“Well, she doesn’t need t’know either.” Snapped the handsome prisoner, glaring at his friends and tossing the basketball to the net only to miss. “I doubt she feels the same anyway.”

“Are you kidding?” said Bam Bam, looking at Yancy with evident shock and confusion. “Have you seen the way she looks at you? I swear you’re just as oblivious as she is!” This was news to the man in question and he looked over to where his crush sat with her friends. She relaxed under a tree, her (h/c) hair slightly messy from the light breeze that flowed through the yard. She laughed, her melodious voice sounding like a symphony to Yancy.

(Y/n) suddenly looked over at him when Tiny pointed him out. She smiled at him, waving, and as he blushed, he waved back. His heart beat so fast and he resisted the urge to run away to his cell. He had a reputation to uphold as the Prison Tough Guy. Turning away, he saw the guys smirking at him and he shook his head, the basketball being passed to him again. “Shut up youse guys.”

-time skip-

As (Y/n) sat in her cell a few nights later, unable to sleep. She was thinking about her admirer. Who could it possibly be? Gosh, she hoped it was Yancy. No, she shouldn’t get her hopes up. Any girl would die to have him as their lover, even if he was a murderer, but Yancy sees all the prisoners as family, so he probably only sees her as a sisterly figure. Her secret admirer was probably someone else.

That same night, Yancy slaved over pieces of paper in his cell. He struggled to come up with the right words to write down, having to start over every time he made a mistake. “You’re my own personal angel.. Ugh no. ‘ve used somethin’ like dat already. Uhh.. You’re so beautiful… naw. Gosh I’ve used up everythin’.” His eyelids were drooping, exhaustion washing over his body. Yancy wanted to give (Y/n) another letter, but he was too tired to write. “Oh well. Maybe I’ll finish it tomorrow..” He thought as he drifted off to sleep surrounded by his crumpled papers.

-timeskip-

“Have you guys seen Yancy?” Asked (Y/n) the next morning. He hadn’t shown up for breakfast which was very unlike him. Both girls and boys alike shook their heads, but then one voice piped up. “I passed by his cell on the way to breakfast,” said Sparkles McGee, “He was fast asleep. I think he was writing a new song or something last night and zonked out in the middle of it.”

“Why don’t you go wake him up, (Y/n).” Suggested Tiny and (Y/n) nodded. “Sure. I’ll be back.” She stood up and made her way down the hall to Yancy’s cell. Sure enough, when she entered, the soft sound of Yancy’s light snoring.

(Y/n)’s heart melted at the adorable sight before her. Yancy was curled up in his bed, cuddling both his pillow and his prison bed blanket. Around him were a bunch of crumpled up pieces of paper. (Y/n) frowned, wondering what exactly he had been writing so late at night. Sure she could just assume that they were just tossed lyrics to a new song, like McGee said, but curiosity was a powerful force and she couldn’t help but look.

She opened the nearest piece of wrinkled paper and her eyes widened. It was a note for her, but most of the writing was scribbled out. (Y/n) could only make out a few words and sentences here and there as she continued looking through the discarded notes. Lots of the phrases were familiar. The handwriting was sloppy but legible, writing out similar sentences to previous letters she had received. (Y/n) could barely contain her tears of joy as she looked at the sleeping man before her.

Yancy was her secret admirer all along.

Placing the gathered papers to the side, (Y/n) crept over to his side and she smiled, reaching over and gently caressing the right side of his face. Yancy leaned into her touch in his sleep, letting out a small purr of pleasure. The poor man was touch starved after all his years in prison and now he finally had the chance to receive the comfort and love that he was craving.

Slowly, Yancy’s eyes began to open and he looked up into (Y/n)’s shining eyes. “(Y-Y/n)? What’re you…” his voice trailed off as her hand trailed up his chiseled jaw into his black hair. He began to fully wake up and he realized what was happening as well as the state of his cell, or more accurately the state which his cell was supposed to be in.

He sat bolt upright, accidentally hitting his head on the top bunk and almost squashing (Y/n)’s hand, and looked around to find that all the papers that were previously strewn around on the floor were nowhere to be found. “Looking for these?” Came (Y/n)’s teasing voice as she held up a stack of small wrinkled papers.

Yancy paled noticeably and his hands began to shake. “(Y-Y/n), p-please, I can explain!” He stood up from his bed, fear written all over his face. “Yancy-”

“No, please listen. I know I’ve been lyin’ to ya about not knowing who was writin’ youse those letters, but I was afraid that youse wouldn’t like me back ‘n I just wanted youse to kinda fall in love with me indirectly before I asked youse to be mine, y’know?”

“Yancy, I-”

“I understand if youse don’t like me back, but-”

“YANCY!!!” He stopped speaking and looked at (Y/n) as she looked at him with an amused smile. “You don’t need to explain yourself. Heck, you had me mostly convinced it was someone else writing these letters.”

“I.. I did?”

“Yes!” Laughed (Y/n), “You did! Honestly, I would’ve felt awful if I had to reject my admirer because they weren’t the person I fell in love with. The letters were flattering, but it would’ve been so much easier just to tell me that you liked me after spending time getting to know me.” Yancy blushed and looked away before she used her hand to gently bring his gaze back to her.

“And I like you too, Yancy, in a romantic way. I have for a really long time.”

Yancy blushed so hard and he rubbed his neck shyly. She smiled, taking his free hand and squeezing it. “Alright, well let’s go to breakfast. The others are going to get suspicious if I never come back after going to get you.”

“Heh, I guess so, since they already knew about my little crush on youse.”

Even though they both knew they should leave, neither of them really wanted to. It was a nice change of pace to just have time for the two of them. (Y/n) looked up at Yancy and leaned up, kissing him gently.

The kiss only lasted a second, but it brought one of the best feelings either of them had ever felt. “I… you..” stumbled Yancy, struggling to say coherent words as he touched his lips in awe. He looked back at (Y/n) with a hopeful expression.

“C-could we do that again?”

(Y/n) laughed and nodded, “Of course.” This time, Yancy was the one to take the lead, leaning down and gently holding the sides of her face in his large hands. His lips met hers in a passionate hunger which took (Y/n) off guard. It was a sloppy kiss, clearly inexperienced but euphoric to experience for the both of them.

“Y-Yancy, we’re gonna get caught. I was sent to find you and bring you to breakfast. Everyone’s gonna get suspicious if I never come back.” Yancy kissed (Y/n) again with a small possessive growl. “I don’t care if we get caught. I gotta start showin’ the others around here dat your mine, sweetheart. You’re so dang beautiful. Wouldn't be surprised if one of them started a fight with me over youse.”

Something about him calling her ‘sweetheart’ and getting really protective really got her knees weak and face red. “E-even so. What would the warden say?” That last part is what finally got Yancy to stop. “Fine, I’ll stop..” His arms wrapped around (Y/n)’s frame in a warm hug which was happily reciprocated.

“I love youse, (Y/n).”

“I love you too, Yancy.”

Back in the cafeteria, some of the others were starting to wonder when (Y/n) was going to come back, hopefully with their leader in tow. “Do you think something happened?” Asked Hank, looking over at McGee who was smirking. “Something romantic, maybe.”

Tiny groaned and shook her head in amusement. “I swear the two of them are so dang oblivious they better get together soon because I don’t think I can take the tension and stupidity anymore.” There was a hefty laugh that filled the room but it was soon replaced with cheers as Yancy and (Y/n) walked in from the hallway, holding hands and blushing madly.

From his office, the warden laughed softly, looking at the new couple in one of the security monitors. “It’s about dang time.” he murmured, taking a long sip of his lukewarm coffee.

#yancy x reader #yancy the prisoner #yancy x female reader #iplier egos x reader #x reader insert #x reader #x female reader #female reader #reader insert #markiplier yancy #ahwm yancy #yancy #iswm yancy #a heist with markiplier

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drgrlfriend · 3 years ago

Text

Buckle in, Buckaroos!

It is now officially ONE WEEK until posting day for the Winterhawk Olympic Bang. Why is that so important, you might ask?

Let me take you back to January 1, 2021. After a series of Fandom Trumps Hate auction fics that, thanks to my terrible procrastination, were delivered right at the deadline on New Year's Eve, for the first time ever I was free of all writing commitments.

I went on the Winterhawk Discord to say, "Huzzah! I am free of all writing commitments for the first time in YEARS!" and someone said, "Why don't you sign up for the Winterhawk Olympic Bang?"

And, like a sucker, I DID.

And then, I spent the next 8 months writing a fic, and then 3 additional months sitting on a fully-written fic, unable to share it with anyone except my beta and my artist.

So, everyone is going to be posting at least the first chapter of their fic and their art on November 1st. I, personally, am going to be posting about 1 chapter a day from 11/01 until 11/15, and I am going to be INSUFFERABLE about it. Plus, my artist is incredible, so I'm not going to shut up about that either. So, now's your chance -- please blacklist #whob or #freedom's reach (the name of my fic) if you don't want to see my chapter-announcement or art promotion posts.

If you DO want to read a Winterhawk Mail Order Husband AU set in the 1890's Wild West, however, stay tuned! Follow the WHOB Collection on AO3, and cheer on our lovely fic writers and fan artists as the results of their labor are finally revealed. Here's a teaser:

Freedom's Reach When he can’t stand it any longer he tentatively makes his way to the mouth of the alley and peers around the corner. Frank is gone, the street bustling with strangers. Clint stops at the first windowfront, back to the street, taking a closer look in the window’s reflection. No one he recognizes.

He’s about to move on when his eyes drift up to the lettering at the top of the window.

FREE PASSAGE TO THE WEST!

Clint knows that the circus folk mock him — call him too trusting, too soft-hearted — but even he knows nothing in this life comes free. The words puzzle him, and he reads them again carefully to make sure he hasn’t made a mistake.

There’s a series of notices posted underneath them, all starting with the same words. “Western Man Seeking a Wife —”

Oh. Clint has heard something about this, this idea of correspondence brides. Life in the circus has left Clint with a varied and colorful vocabulary, especially when it comes to curse words, but he never got much schooling. Still, he’s curious enough to skim the postings, eyes catching on words here and there that he recognizes, laboriously sounding out a few others.

… good cook …

… keep house …

… child-bearing …

… God-fearing …

Clint has the passing thought that even if he were female, he still wouldn’t meet the standards of even the most desperate Western man.

A tap on the glass sets Clint’s heart thumping again. There’s a woman on the other side of the window with bright eyes and brown hair in an elaborate braided updo topped with a giant bow. She gives him a cheerful wave and then taps the glass again, directing his attention to the lower right side of the window. There is a smaller section of postings there.

Clint tilts his head in confusion, but when she taps the glass again he ducks down to read one of those postings, and — oh.

“Western Man Seeking a Husband —”

This section is smaller, but seems to be just as exacting as the one above.

… good moral character …

… well-learned …

… skilled at farming ...

Shit. Poor hearing aside, it doesn’t sound like any of his circus skills have value out West either.

His eyes are drawn to one posting at the very bottom corner, different from the others. This one is sun-faded and starting to yellow, curling up at the corners.

Clint crouches down, brow furrowing and lips moving as he sounds out some of the unfamiliar words.

Western Man Seeking a Husband — I am a kind and unassuming man of good financial means seeking a helpmate and companion. I have lost my arm in the service of our Union, but am otherwise free from disease. I am not particular as to looks, but am seeking an individual of equal youth and vivacity with whom I can share my affection and devotion. I am a man of quiet habits, moderate temperament, and kind disposition and would seek the same in my husband. I am not overly fond of society and prefer to be at home, but I will make an effort to provide my husband with social engagements befitting his interest in such activities.

#winterhawk #clint barton #bucky barnes #the winter soldier #hawkeye #fanfiction #my fic #freedom's reach #western au #marvel #avengers #mcu #marvel comics #fraction/aja comics!clint #deaf!character #disabled!character #whob #winterhawk olympic bang

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moononastring · 3 years ago

Note

Buckle up I am FULL of feelings.

SMTB SPOILERS FOR ANYONE WHO HASNT READ IT YET!

1.) first of all the pacing in this chapter was so good. I liked how you blended their moments with the beginnings of routines and were able to push your story forward without it feeling rushed! I know you’re hoping for an end to this (even though I and many others will be lost without smtb) and this chapter moved things along nicely! I will say it over and over: so. good.

2.) eris being a fashion diva and a princess about being a high lords son is so perfect. I love a character who knows how to look good!

3.) iris finding herself casually touching eris and eris noticing every time she touches him is delightful. I love the contrast of him being basically terrified to touch her because he drinking his respect Iris juice.

4.) the whole wife fondler bit and jealous eris bit was golden

5.) “we both know by now that’s not how it would go” #Irisontop

6.) horny Iris!! And her being scared to kiss him but thinking she wants to I am 🥺🥺

7.) the dagger gift 🥺🥺

8.) her varying her pajamas because she’s more comfortable around him 🥺🥺

9.) LUCIEN IS HOTTER ESPECIALLY BECAUSE OF THE EYE. We knew this now eris has been clued in, poor guy.

10.) the bit about getting under her dress and eris being like “I’m great at multitasking” he is the best sassy flirt.

11.) THAT ENDING HOLY SMOKES HERE COMES BERON AHHHHHHHHH

So you know, bravo. Welcome back 💖

EEEPPP Alisha I love when you come to my inbox ;;; I always look forward to your thoughts!!! and appreciate you so!!!! 🥺💞

I'm so glad you felt that way at the pacing! I was worried it would feel like too much or too confusing but nothing else felt right haha. I know I mentioned wanting to settle the ending soon but uh...I write too much so 🤷🏻‍♀️ don't worry though! even after SMTB ends, Eris x Iris shall live on. I love them too much hehe.

Eris is a little bitch and everyone knows it. Esp his wife XD

I know everyone is eager for the smut but light touching between them is so important and I just love hand touching. It's so very them. They are both people who have never really been soft with anyone else.

He will never, ever let that go tbh. He will ask about the wife fondler on his death bed lmao.

#staytuned 😌

I really wanted to show that while Eris is mad horny all the time...so is Iris 🤣 which you know, dON'T BLAME HER.

a man who knows what's up 😏

...this will come up again :)

Everything I ever write will be a love letter to a mr. lucien vanserra and as you said, Eris now knows too lmao

He is the flirtiest of flirts with his wife.

MWAHAHAHAHA

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I wanted to reply to each one as you took the time to send them ;;;;; 💞I'm so happy you enjoyed it!!!!!

#asks #smtb asks #alisha tag #I really enjoyed writing this chp so I'm glad you liked it!#thank you🥺

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serenityseventeen · 3 years ago

Text

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Twelfth Letter

----------------

To: Chwe Hansol/Vernon

From: Y/N

Hello, Vernon.

It hasn't been that long. Actually, as I'm writing this letter, we had our first kiss a few days ago.

I guess I must have the worst timing when it comes to love or just falling in love in general. Maybe I took way too long getting to know you. Maybe I didn't believe in myself enough and I let the curse take effect again.

I told you about how I had the worst luck with love. During all of my time in graduate school, I haven't fallen in love again, but now, I guess I have fallen in love with you.

I don't know what it is that made me realize what I had for you was love, but from the moment we met, I felt a spark in my chest.

That day when I had my ears plugged with white headphones, looking down at my phone with music blasted high, you grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to your chest. You also had headphones on.

I guess that left a great first impression.

You saved me from a dashing motorbike that could have crashed into me and for the first time in years, I felt my heart race. With your hand holding my back, you asked me if I was okay, but I couldn't hear a thing.

Then, you removed my headphones and brought me back to reality when I was having a daze.

“Are you okay?” You asked as you let go of my body. “You should watch where you're going, always.”

I was almost too caught up in your handsome visuals to say anything. Your eyes were such a beautiful brown and your foreign-like visuals were mesmerizing. In the end, I just nodded and thanked you for saving me.

As you were walking down the street, about to plug in your headphone piece that fell, I was still able to feel my heart thumping. I brought my hand to my chest and I knew this undeniable feeling.

That's when I called out to you and told you that I'd repay you.

Liking you brought back the feeling of having a youthful crush. I felt like I could fall in love again. It felt like I was returning to my youth and I was able to recover all those broken love stories with yours. Of course, I knew I was just getting ahead of myself.

I didn't expect anything from us. Our career paths and majors were similar but also different. We didn't get to see each other often and when we did, it was usually always coincidental; at the coffee shop nearby, or library, or the burger place nearby campus... It was just like that for us.

We didn't start hanging out until I asked you out to the movies. Well, not really ‘asking you out’, I just asked to hang out as repayment, since you saved me from getting hit by a bike. I remembered that you liked to watch movies.

I guess that would be named our first date for me. It was fun, sad, and scary, thrilling, and fun, and I could tell that you enjoyed the movie a lot. It was awkward being at the movie theater with you at first, but the moment we sat down, you talked to me casually, making me feel comfortable when I was the one who should have made you.

You acted like yourself during the entire movie and seeing that side of you made my heart race. You laughed and clapped out loud. At times, you seemed to be an extrovert who was confident, and at times, you seemed to be a quiet introvert. Your personality baffled me in a good way but I know one thing for sure.

You give the best reactions.

Watching you laugh at the movie was enough to make me almost laugh as well. Before I knew it, I was enjoying it just as much as you did. I think the fact that I was with you left an impact on my happiness during that movie.

Vernon, you're a fun guy. We started hanging out more often after the movies. Sometimes we would even grab lunch together, go buy books, chill at the beach watching the waves, stay cool at a pool, etc, whenever we had free time. We also talked a lot with each other.

I liked that we talked a lot with each other. I had only a few friends that I could talk to but with you, I felt like I could tell you anything. You just had this trustworthy aura floating around you at all times and I knew I could trust you.

You seemed to tell me everything too. I'm glad that I could vent out my anger to you and you would always be willing to listen to me and give me advice. I'm also glad that I was able to hear all of your problems and help you with them too.

I remember a day, when we were walking in the park while drinking soda, you told me about your insecurities. It was the first time you ever brought it up. Usually, we didn't talk about anything too personal like that - just our families, work, friends, hobbies. Yet, you were able to tell me about what you were insecure about.

To me, Vernon, you seemed like a perfect guy that I didn't even know you had such insecurities. I don't want to write them down in this letter to you just in case someone reads it, so I won't. I'm glad I was able to make you feel better about your insecurities though. I just always remembered your insecurity and complimenting that part of your body made me feel happier too. I can still remember that smile of yours when I complimented it. It was so bright, shining, and warm.

Since you were able to tell me such things, I felt that I could tell you such things about myself too. I had many insecurities and as a person, I wasn't satisfied at all with how I looked. To me, everything about my body seemed like a flaw.

Thank you, Vernon. I can still remember that scolding tone of yours when you responded to my confessions.

“What are you talking about? Why are you even insecure about that? You are literally- your skin is perfect! Your hair- it's not oily at all?! And your fingers- I mean, they are so delicate, how could you even be insecure of them?”

I wanted to say the same thing to you. How could you be insecure about that one thing? To me, you were complete perfection with imperfections, and it was alright to be that way.

You took my hand and that's when I noticed your long and large hand. It was much bigger than but since it was the first time our hands were up against each other, I could finally compare the size; which revealed to be strikingly different, unsurprisingly.

Vernon, you were like a therapist. Every week that I spent with you, my feelings began to grow. I'm sure I loved you but at the same time, this feeling that I feel for you seems to be like friendship. I don't know if I love you as a lover or a friend.

I guess spending so much time with you made me realize what a great guy you are as a friend and potential boyfriend. I would be glad to keep you as both, it doesn't matter which one. I just wish that I could keep you by my side; though it's quite obvious that being friends is the more obvious chance.

A few days ago, we kissed each other.

I know you know which day that is because it's your birthday. You held a small celebration and invited me over. Of course, I wasn't expecting much but since it was your birthday, I decided, “Why not get dolled up for it?”

After the birthday party, we were both a bit drunk. I'm pretty sure I was drunker than you were so the memories I write down may be blurry.

Everyone else had left except us. The restaurant was closing and since I was drunk, it was a bit hard for me to walk. I managed to get out the front door with the help of your hand holding my arm but when I took a few steps outside of the restaurant, my feet finally turned to jelly.

Like a hero, you caught me with your large hands. You had pulled me with your hand and scooped my waist with your other hand.

Trust me, even though I was drunk, I was able to feel emotions and I was a tiny bit sober enough to think properly.

Standing in front of the restaurant in our cliche but romantic position, it just felt like the right moment for the drunk me. We were holding eye contact and though I couldn't tell what you were thinking, it seemed like you felt it was the perfect time too.

That's why I wrapped my arms around your shoulders and pulled your face closer to mine until our lips were gently mashed. My heart was pounding but I couldn't distinguish whether it was from nervousness or enjoyment.

I just remember your warm breath and the strange sweet taste of wine lingering on your tongue as you kissed me. I'm sure the kiss was a bit sloppy but to me, it was passionate and sweet, even though I was a bit out of it. You had your hands tracing up and down my waist and hips while my hands were digging the back of your hair, my chest pressed against yours.

After that, I think you took me home.

After your birthday, you told me that you'd want to stay friends, though it seemed like you were a bit unsure of what you were saying. I was fine with that decision though because, after the kiss, I sort of felt that it wasn't right for us to date. It seemed like to us, friends were the best we could be. You and I could lean on each other.

Kissing that night on your birthday was probably just a one-time thing for you and me.

I'm glad that we can stay friends though. Even after that kiss, you're acting normal around me, like we're still friends, which I'm thankful for.

Up until now, I'm pretty sure I loved you. Love is a confusing topic to me. I still love you.

I've loved you romantically.

And now, I'll love you as a friend.

I'm thankful enough for that.

Sincerely,

Y/N.

-----------------

7/13/21 - 8:40 pm

a/n: Vernon Chwe... Gosh why does he look so good in that photo!? + I have a plan/general plot for a book but I am having trouble deciding the male lead... I plan for it to be a fanfiction but I'm stuck on the male main character.

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addictofsupernatural · 4 years ago

Text

OHSHC Rewrite: Episode 2

The Job of a High School Host!

Host Club x reader

Summary: Y/n learns the duties of a host.

Word Count: 4.9k

Episode Masterlist

You've been a host for almost two weeks now. It's been interesting, to say the least. Tamaki and the twins have been trying to get you into a dress since you put on the school uniform, but you cleaned the male uniform and refused all their demands.

Maria got letters from your friends back in y/c, to which she wanted to surprise you by putting them in your bag. You didn't notice them at school, and you didn't notice them when they were sticking out during homeroom.

But Hikaru and Kaoru did. Once the class was over, the three envelopes fell out of your backpack, though you kept walking. They looked at each other and nodded. Hikaru them and went on and they both went on with their day.

After doing your homework you rushed into the club room, only to see very real tropical decorations everywhere. The hosts had luau outfits on as well. "Welcome."

"This is different." You stated as you stepped in, looking around.

"Of course!" Tamaki posed as he talked. "It might be early fall but here at the Host Club we'd like our guests to feel as if they're in a tropical paradise. And plus, our heating system is... perfect!"

You gave him a slight look at his bragging, to which Kyoya smiled a bit. "Do you have a problem with the way we run our club y/n? Remember, you still owe us 8 million yen."

You set your bag down on your spot. "Charming." You said sarcastically, passing by him and giving him a sly smile. "I feel very free to speak my mind, really. So was this tropical island thing your idea?"

"All ideas dealing with the host club events come directly from the king. Although I will admit to casually slipping a Bali pamphlet onto his desk." He kept his smile as he continued writing in his book.

"Of course. Well someone should tell the king that he's really clever." You patted his arm before going and sitting down with your clients. "Good afternoon ladies—"

The twins each blew a whistle and marched over to you. "Hold it right there!" They said in unison. "Who's Julian?!"

You turned over to them, a bit surprised at the mentioning of that name. "What do you mean?"

"Three envelopes fell out of your bag, and one was from a boy named Julian." Kaoru said.

They then got very close to you, asking, "So who's Julian?!"

"An old friend." You shrugged, putting out your hand for the letters. They gave them back to you, but also gained the attention of Tamaki.

"How good of a friend is he?" He zoomed right behind your couch.

You didn't know why Tamaki was so territorial of his friends, but you knew there must be a reason. That didn't mean you couldn't still have fun with him. You fake sighed lovingly. "He's the best."

"Is he... handsome?"

"He has an adorable face. I love it so much!"

"You love it?" You gave you his puppy dog eyes.

"Yup."

"Do you have... feelings... for him?"

"Oh, I'm only totally in love with him."

"WHA~T?!" He then wrapped you in a hug. "But you're my little girl~"

You sighed again. "Yeah. It's too bad you're more his type."

"Huh?"

He blankly stared at you, and you bursted into a fit of giggles. "He's gay, so calm down."

"Oh." He then stood up and cleared his throat. "Well then, that's one less man to worry about. You don't know how many evil boys there are in the world, so you have to be careful."

"Yeah, I should also be careful of weird people who call themselves 'daddy'." An arrow struck through Tamaki as you walked over to the twins. "Thanks for holding onto these for me." Your smile made them blush. "And thank you for not opening them, since you guys are pretty nosey."

"We don't know what you're talking about." They both said as they shrugged.

"But y/n," Kaoru started saying.

"Why don't you open them for us?" Hikaru finished.

You scoffed. "Please guys, I'm working." You then turned to your clients as they sighed, smiling. "I'm sorry girls. What did you want to talk about?"

"Well, we were wondering if you were going to dress up in something tropical."

"Do you all want me to?" You asked, unsure if you wanted to go through with that.

"Yes!" They said happily.

Tamaki then appeared with a smile. "I already made you an outfit y/n. And look, we're a pair! Isn't it cute?"

You frowned. "You know I don't really like skirts."

He then showed you his big watery eyes. "But Kyoya gave you a dress and you accepted it no problem."

"He was doing it to be nice. You're doing this because you want to see me in a dress. That's weird."

He looked like he was going to burst from anger. He then pushed the outfit into your hands. "Just go change!"

You then changed into the shoulderless top with the long skirt, which also accompanied a lot of jewelry. You then went out and tried to discreetly go back to your clients. "Oh my goodness y/n, you're so cute!" One exclaimed.

"Y/N~" Tamaki jumped over to you and crushed you into a hug. "Everybody, look!"

"Let's not please." You whispered. Your face went red as you frustratedly looked to the ground.

"Wow." The twins said, grabbing your arms.

"Who knew y/n," Kaoru said.

"Could be such a girl." Hikaru finished.

"Looks cute." They said, giving you a thumbs up.

"Please stop drawing in more attention." You said quietly.

"Takashi~ look!" Honey dragged you over to them. "Doesn't she look adorable?"

"Yeah."

Tamaki and the twins had evil stars in their eyes as they inched closer to you. You didn't notice the blush on Mori's face when you went to go hide behind him. The three then shouted, "Give her to us!"

Mori shook his head and took your shoulders, guiding you to your couch.

"Thank you senpai." You said quietly. You then put your hands over your face. You peaked at your smiling clients. "Okay, I did this for you guys."

"How do you feel in cosplay?"

"Exhausted!" You put your hands to your side quickly only to begin shaking your arms, hearing the jewelry jingle as you moved. They began to giggle at your innocent and child-like movements. "Jeez, what's with this?"

"Y/n, you forgot your crown!" Tamaki stuck it out towards you as an offering.

You took a deep breath and drank some tea, not looking at him. "If it's worth more than me I'm not wearing it."

He gave you an angrily confused look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not putting something ridiculous and way too expensive on my head. I don't even feel comfortable in this. It feels like I'm lowering the value of it by just wearing it." Your tone was a sarcastic one, which caused smiles from around your area. Though it was a joke, you were only half-kidding.

"Excuse me." A girl came up to you and said. "I believe we're supposed to be switching hosts now."

"Oh, you must be my next appointment." You grinned, waving to her childishly even though she was right in front of you. "It's nice to meet you."

She then grabbed your chin and brought your face closer to hers. "I've just decided. You're going to be my new favorite host." This seemed to effect Tamaki.

Once the club finished everything, you walked over to go change until Kyoya stopped you. "Your words with Tamaki seemed to amuse some of the guests, and many of those guests have requested you."

"Cool. I guess my clownery is likable." You chuckled and nodded.

Clownery. What an odd made up word. He thought about what his clients told them about you. You spoke with slang, though it almost as if you didn't realize it. They said that they found it adorable. Your speech being adorable. It was an interesting thought, in its own way.

Once you put back on your uniform, Kyoya instructed you to make Tamaki some instant ramen. You did so and finished cleaning. Once you finished that you sat down and noticed that Tamaki was irritated.

"C'mon boss, quit eating that commoner's ramen and help plan the party." Kaoru said.

"What's up with him?" You asked.

"He's just upset with Lady Kanako choosing you." Kyoya said as he typed away on his laptop. "She's had the illness for a while now though, so I don't know why he's too surprised."

"What disease?"

"The host hopping disease." The twins said.

You giggled, grinning. "So he's jealous that I stole her from him."

"Shut up! I couldn't care less!" Tamaki yelled. "That's it, my patience has run out. It's time you started dressing like a girl!"

"That's really what's bothering you?"

"I just don't get it. How can you be so popular with the ladies when you yourself are a lady?!" He then went into his private chest, digging though it. "Now you listen to daddy. DADDY WANTS YOU TO GO BACK TO THE WAY YOU WERE AND KEEP WEARING SKIRTS!!"

He brought out a huge framed photo of you in a high and tight half pony tail, which contrasted your usually messy pony tail. You were wearing a cropped long sleeved dark gray shirt, with a black skirt and dark panty hose under.

"DON'T GO BLOWING UP MY PHOTOS WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST!!"

He hung it up on the wall and began crying. Everybody crowded around it.

"The more I look at this photo the more amazed I am." Kaoru said. "How did you go from that to wearing suits?"

Everyone turned to look at you. "I used to have a neighbor who owned a Burlesque lounge. Sometimes she needed someone to cover a waitress shift, and I would do it. This was the most covered up she would allow me to be though."

"I see." Kyoya said. "Those places are known for having women reveal a large amount of skin."

"I wore that stuff cause I had to. I feel more comfortable not showing my legs. I don't care if I dress like a dude sometimes."

"A GIRL SHOULD NEVER ADDRESS HERSELF AS A DUDE!!" Tamaki yelled. "MAMA~!! Y/n's using those dirty boy words again."

"I hate to break up this interesting conversation, but do you have any formal dancing experience?" Hikaru asked.

You turned and smiled nervously. "No, but I don't have to go to parties and stuff, right?"

Tamaki's eyes began to shine. "I absolutely forbid that. You must go to every event hosted by the host club if you want to pay back your debt! If you fail to do so, you'll be demoted back to errand boy" He then got a lot happier. "And that also means you have to wear a dress at the party!"

"No it's cool, I have a formal guy outfit." They all stared at you. "What? I got it when I had to go to a wedding."

"Why won't you wear something like thi~s?" Tamaki said with tears in his eyes.

"Cause it was for a job."

"This is a job!"

"No, this is indentured servitude. There's a difference. Slight, but it's there." You then briefly thought. "Oh, I guess that also means I have to learn the man's part since I'm a host."

Kanako was instructing you what to do, and you were getting the hang of it quickly. "You're quite a fast learner miss y/n."

"And you're quite an exceptional teacher Miss Kanako." Your gaze went to Tamaki, who looked sad. He wanted to teach you, but was too tall to be in the girl role. He glanced over to you, and you smiled and waved. He hesitantly gave you a small smile and waved back. Because of this you weren't paying attention tripped up the both of you. "I'm so sorry Lady Kanako!"

She pulled you closer. "That's quite alright."

"You're very forward." You smiled down at her before rolling to the side and pulling the both of you up. "C'mon, let's get you some tea."

You brought her tea as she happily held onto the cup. "You have a new order for tea sets I see. The handy work looks like it's Genorie."

"You have a keen eye mademoiselle." Kyoya said as he passed by.

"Such a pretty color." She gazed into the tea cup with a smile. "How lovely."

"Woah, you seem to know a lot about tea sets, huh?" You asked. This, unbeknownst to you, gained Tamaki's attention.

"What? Of course not!" She said shakily, blushing. "What ever would give you that idea?!"

Just then someone walked in with a box in hand. "You ordered a new tea set?" He asked Kyoya as he walked over to him.

"Yes we did. Y/n, come over and grab these." Kyoya said.

You nodded and smiled at him as he gave you the box. You opened the lid and looked at the set. "Wow, these are really nice. Are you an expert on things like this?"

Kanako began laughing. "Oh y/n, you're so out of the loop. It can be pardoned though." She turned back with a teasing smile. "After all, he doesn't look like an heir to a first class industry empire."

His facial expression changed as he looked at her. You noticed but decided not to say anything.

"The Susushima family has dealt mainly with table wear." Kyoya explained. "They are, in fact, a first class company."

"I think that's so awesome! You seem to have a lot of passion into what you're going to be doing, which is very admirable." You told him with a small smile.

He turned to you and bashfully smiled. "You think so? I'm honored. Well, see you all next time."

After he left and you walked back to Kanako with the box still in hand. "He's pretty handsome, don't you think?" You asked in your native language.

"Um, pardon?"

"Oh, sorry." You cleared your throat. "I'm asking if you think he's attractive."

She blushed profusely and nervously sipped on her tea. "I don't know! I suppose!"

"I get the feeling you two know each other."

She spat out her tea and began to panic again. "What would ever give you that silly conclusion? I have no idea what you're talking about! Anyways, take care!" She quickly left.

You stood up right before Honey jumped onto your back, almost knocking the box out of your hands. "Y/n-chan~! Guess what? They do know each other! Suzushima-chan is Kasuga-chan's fiance."

"Woah, really?"

"Kyoya," Tamaki said. "What do you know about this?"

He looked in his book. "They were childhood friends. Their parents set up an arranged marriage between them. I didn't find this information of any importance so I disregarded it."

"And what do you know of Suzushima?"

"Toro Suzushima. Outstanding grades, bare social status. Ordinary looking. He's reliable, in case of persuasion to place blame."

"He doesn't have much presence and is faint hearted." The twins said.

"In order words, he's boring." Kyoya closed his book.

"Wow," You said. "Who knew you guys were so cold to other men."

"We don't have any use of him so there's no reason to be nicer in describing him." Kyoya explained.

"Interesting philosophy." You said teasingly. "I can feel the kindness radiating off of you."

"Suzushima is a good boy." Honey said, on top of Mori. "Right?"

"Yeah." Mori replied.

"Alright men! It's time for a plan!" Tamaki announced. "It's our job at the Ouran Host Club to make every woman happy!"

When Tamaki finished explaining his plan, everybody packed up and left, leaving only Kyoya and you. He had just finished on his laptop and was packing up his things. You walked behind him. "Senpai, is it okay if I ask you a question?"

"Is it about what I said earlier?" He didn't turn around.

"Kind of. I mean, if we're talking about the same thing." You kept your voice steady and light.

"Was it what I said about not needing Suzushima?"

"Woah, no. Not at all. I was thinking about how you did a background check on him."

He paused briefly. "I see. What of it?"

Your voice unintentionally shrank. "Did you do one on me?"

"Yes. A few days ago, in fact. You fail to mention your brother when people ask about your history." His voice was so calm and normal. It made you feel very exposed.

"Everything I've said isn't a lie." You managed to say firmly.

"I know that as well. I understand your situation and I respect your reasonings for not talking about him. You've been through quite a lot, and you have a right to privacy."

"Please answer this next question honestly." His silence meant that he was still listening. "Do you think of me any lower or less, I don't know, appealing, now that you know everything about me?" You then nervously chuckled. "Unless it was already that low to begin with."

"I assure you that my views of you are of a hard working person who seems to make many people happy. Not wanting people to know certain things about you and having certain insecurities do not waver what I 'think' of you."

You let out a breath and grinned, hugging him from the back. He widened his eyes, but didn't tense nor pull away.

"Thank you Kyoya senpai. This really means a lot." You then let go of him. "Okay, I need to walk home before it gets dark. See you tomorrow." You then quickly went to the door. "Sorry if that hug was weird for you!" You called out as you left.

His opinions mattered to you. It was an interesting thought, in its own way.

As you were getting ready for the party, Maria came into your room. "Can't you be at least a bit girly?"

"Funny, that's really funny Maria." You turned to face her and sat down. "You're quite the tomboy yourself sometimes."

"I'm serious y/n/n. You should try a little makeup. You'll look nice for all your friends. One of them is bound to fall for you." She said in an offering tone.

You chuckled and shook your head. "They're all just friends. And I shouldn't have to try to impress anybody."

She sighed, going over to your nightstand and opening a drawer. She took out a black box and opened it, revealing the earrings you got back after your father was imprisoned. "At least wear one of your mom's earrings. They all look cute on you."

You looked in the box. She loved to collect them. "I don't know, maybe."

She grabbed your cheeks and smushed them. "Think about it." You grabbed her cheeks and did the same. "I also have something to tell you."

"Good or bad?"

She hesitated before quickly saying, "My sisters are coming for a few days to visit." And then sped walked out of the room.

"What?!" You followed her. "Please tell me Linda's son won't be coming too." She gave you a look, and that was all you needed to know. "Oh my gosh, I'm going to my club. That's gonna be my safe space for now."

"At least you have a safe space. I'll have to deal with Linda 24/7."

You then went back into your room and hesitantly grabbed a pair of earrings, putting them in your pants pocket. "I gotta go. I should start walking now."

She stopped you. "Take off the blazer at least." You took off the blazer with a pout. She then pulled off your messy ponytail. "Do something better with your hair too." You tied up two messy double buns. "There. You look adorable. Go."

You got there and joined all except Tamaki at the second floor in the auditorium. "Welcome, my little lambs," Tamaki said from the third floor. "To a magical night of your lives!"

Kyoya then spoke up. "As always ladies we are here for your enjoyment. Dance to your heart's content. The best dancer will be decided among us hosts and will be crowned queen. As a reward the queen will receive a passionate kiss on the cheek from our king, Tamaki Suoh. Good luck to all you."

They all began cheering, and you snickered over the stupidity of the 'prize'. The twins came over to you and began playing with your buns.

"These are cute." Hikaru said.

"You have a raggedy yet carefree look. The hairstyle compliments you." Kaoru told you. "Hey, have you ever been to a party before?"

"Not formal parties. Only block parties on my street."

"Well, since you're here y/n, you might as well enjoy yourself." Kyoya said. "We have quite the spread of desserts."

You then innocently asked, "Like squishy ice cream?"

"SQUI—"

"—SHY—"

"—ICE CREAM?!"

Tamaki flipped down to your floor and pointed to Kyoya, who was already dialing a number on his phone. "Kyoya! Order some squishy ice cream right away!"

"Two orders of mochi please." He said to his phone. The twins smothered you in a hug as your face burned from embarrassment. You felt like such an idiot foreigner right now.

In the meantime you danced with some girls, being flamboyant and silly when dancing with them. There was one girl who tripped over your shoes and almost fell until you caught her. She wouldn't stop laughing loudly, and it caused you to laugh as well. Others wanted to talk, so you danced regularly with them.

As you took a break from dancing with some girls Kanako approached you. "There you are y/n, I've been looking everywhere for you. May I have this next dance?"

"It would be my pleasure Lady Kanako." You began to dance with her. "You're so formal. It's really fascinating to me."

"Your expressions and slang are fascinating to me as well." She said.

"Kasuga-chan's here!" Honey announced.

"Honey, Mori," Tamaki said. "Commence with the operation."

Both nodded before swiftly grabbing you away and dashing to an empty room with the twins and Kyoya. "Did you guys really have to be so forceful?"

"Nevermind that, go and change." Hikaru shoved a bag into your hands and pushed you into the changing room.

"Remember y/n, we only have 37 minutes before the climax of the night," Kyoya said. "And a little accident might make the evening more interesting."

You saw a tube of concealer on the small table when you went in. You knew Kyoya left it for you, and it made you smile. You quickly changed into the dark purple dress and put concealer on the scars of your legs. You then remembered the earrings in your pocket and put them on. They were rose gold hoops with what looked like flower petals on them.

You then went outside, where the twins quickly put on your makeup. Kaoru then gently touched one of your earrings. "We didn't put these in the bag. Are these yours?"

"Yeah." You quietly said.

"They compliment the dress. It was good that you brought them." You smiled at him, causing him to blush and look away.

"Y'know," Hikaru said as they finished up. "I know the boss wants to stick to the strategy, but this is..."

"What are you all doing standing around here?" Tamaki asked as he came in. "The guests are wai—"

You stood up and faced him. You then began walking as the boys stared at you. "You look cute!" Honey stated.

Everyone blushed but Honey and Kyoya, who were both smiling. "My face feels heavy." You pouted as you kept walking.

"Hurry up!" The twins called out as you kept walking.

"Yeah, I got it." You muttered. As you left, the twins and Tamaki began to fawn over you.

You walked into the room they told you to. Suzushima turned around with a surprised look. You timidly smiled as you walked over to him. "You're not at all what I pictured from the letter you wrote me."

You kept your smile on. "Really?" He nodded. "Can I actually see the letter please?" He then gave it to you, and you read over it:

I'm in love love with you! From the first day I laid eyes on you I've been head over heals in love! Tee hee! All these feelings I have are harpooned to my heart as they keep whipping around my mind like the restless waves! When the special day comes, I want to randezvou with you on Noah's arc! I do I do!

You wondered who the hell would write such a stupid letter. It was actually a collaborative write with Kyoya and the twins. "Excuse me," Suzushima interrupted your thoughts. "Have we met before?"

"No! It's um, the first time we've ever talked!"

"I'm flattered by your letter, but I'm afraid I can't return your feelings." He said. "My heart has been taken by somebody else."

"My apologies! I didn't realize you had a girlfriend."

"No, she's not my girlfriend. I don't even think she's even interested anymore." He looked very sad.

"Well I don't know about that. Your calming presence is a joy to be around, and I'm sure she'd agree." You offered.

He sighed. "Thank you, but honestly, I'm sure she'd be better off with someone more self confident. That's why I'm leaving next month to study abroad. Hopefully become a better man for her. Maybe it's selfish, but I hope she'll wait for me."

"I won't lie to you, it's a little selfish." An arrow went through him. You squished your index finger and thumb. "Just a little. But Toro, if she really is the love of your life then I'm sure she'll still love you just as much as she probably already does."

He was about to say something as he reached out for you, but you heard the door open. You didn't turn so she wouldn't see your face. "Oh, I'm sorry to intrude." You could tell she was crying. "I'll just leave you two be."

You heard her heels and knew she was running away, and he ran after her. "Kanako, wait!"

You then walked next to Tamaki. "We didn't make things worse, did we?"

"He did run after her. He needs to learn how to be more sure of himself."

You were both walking back when you tripped again over your heels. Tamaki interlocked your arms together. You looked up at him. "You really need to learn how to walk in heels. They look so lovely on you, and it'd be a shame if you tripped and hurt yourself."

You smiled and nodded, leaning on his shoulder. You then tripped again, only for him to hold onto you and prevent you from falling. You giggled, followed shortly by Tamaki chuckling with you.

You both went over to the balcony. The lights hit, and you saw Kanako and Toro. "Let us join together and announce that this couple has been chosen for the final waltz of the night." Tamaki announced.

He said something to her, squeezing his eyes shut and asking her for a dance. You snickered. "Why are you laughing?" Kaoru asked.

"I know he's trying his best, but he looks kinda goofy right now." All the hosts looked from you to them and smiled. "They're awesome together though."

"May this awkward couple be forever blessed!" Tamaki exclaimed.

Kyoya then stepped forward. "And now for the grand prize, a kiss from our royalty."

"Y/n with step in for Tamaki." Kaoru said with a banana peel in his hand.

"And the kiss with be for Toro Suzushima." Hikaru added with another banana peel in his hand.

Tamaki was shocked, and you turned to Kyoya. "I'm not gonna—"

"It'll lower your debt by a third."

"I mean it is just a peck." You smiled and headed down.

"Wha..." Tamaki said.

"Also," You said as you began walking down the stairs. "You guys need to work on your love letter skills, because that was embarring for me to read."

As you went down Suzushima saw you and gave you a surprised expression. "You..."

"Y/n," Kanako said. "Were you the girl with Toro?"

"Hi guys. We just needed to give you two a gentle nudge. I promise I'm not in love with Toro. And I'm really sorry and embarrassed they gave you that stupid letter. I didn't write any of that." You smiled at them.

He nodded. "Thank you."

You then looked at Kanako. "May I?"

"Sure. It'll mark the beginning of our relationship."

Up from the balcony, Tamaki was reaching out for you weakly. "I wonder if this is y/n-chan's first kiss?" Honey thought out loud.

This made Tamaki snap, and he began running to you. "Wait y/n~!"

He slipped on the twins' banana peels and accidentally pushed you, causing you to kiss Toro on the lips instead. Kyoya did say that a little accident would make the night a little more interesting.

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Author's Note: Comment if you liked it (please) or if you want to be tagged 😁

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Tag List:

@krustykrabbspizza @animefan7420 @strangerthingsholland @the-dead-fucking-sea

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artificialqueens · 3 years ago

Text

Gimme Love, 6/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Welp, I'm back from travelling! For anyone interested to know how it went; it was great (if you love stress). Liverpool is a lovely place but I've destroyed my bank account :D

Anyway! We got 4 more chapters of this fic! This is where the conflict begins. I hope yall enjoy.

TW for this chapter: Homophobia, homophobic slurs

2020

The cake was in the fridge. We'd be seeing him later. For now, we settled for some spaghetti. It had become a sort of tradition for Jujubee and me for moments that needed celebrating. But we hadn't done it in so long, what with the stress of work.

"So, Juju, as you can see, I've labelled the pages you're allowed to read, so don't go looking at other shit, OK?" I asked, chopping up a red bell pepper.

"Why? If I do, am I gonna find some porn-y shit?" She quipped, running a hand along with the butterfly print book.

"Honestly, you know all of those details anyway." I gave her a smirk, taking a piece of pepper and throwing it over to her.

I almost expected it to fly past her head, but she caught it in her mouth. Skill.

"OK, but what's in the box, though?"

I almost forgot what she was even referring to. But following her gaze, I saw it, sitting on the kitchen counter beside the fridge. "Oh, that?" I scraped the peppers into the saucepan, "That is my memory box."

"Ooh, that's even more exciting." She beamed.

"No. We're not opening it." I moved on to an onion.

"Aw, why not?" Jujubee whined.

"Because I made my Mom promise me she wouldn't give it to me until I turned 50. But I was weak and begged her to give it back. So now, I've promised myself to not look inside until I turn 50." The air was no longer clean, poisoned with the acid from the onion. My eyes were beginning to sting.

"Aw, Brie, you don't need to get all emotional about it." She had to go and joke about the tear now trickling down my cheek.

"Girl, this is torture," I wipe my eye along my wrist, pretty sure my eyeshadow has been fucked up. "Did I fuck up the smokey eye?"

"Nope." I knew she was lying to me, but she couldn't take her eyes away, "You look absolutely gorgeous as usual."

"Not as hot as you, though." I sniffed. I needed her to focus on reading so I could finish chopping the onion as soon as possible. "Anyway, you wanna read something in there?"

Jujubee opened the book and immediately laughed, "Jesus Christ, Brie, bit dark."

She showed me the first page, childlike scribblings read 'Brianna's Diary. DO NOT TOUCH! Or this will happen to you!' An arrow led to a picture of a grave.

"I never even noticed that before," I chuckled.

"With a warning like that, I better find some crazy shit in here." she cleared her throat, "So starting in 1994, 'Diary Diary, Today, I had a fight with Jujubee. She really upset me, but I upset her too. I should say sorry. That's all. Bye.'" Jujubee lowered the diary, "you bitch, why did you upset me?"

"I have no idea, girl. I mean, didn't we do that a lot back then?" I shrugged.

"I bet you started it though," She lifted the book again, a coy smile on her face. "OK, moving on to 1995," she cleared her throat, "'Dear Diary, today Mommy and Juju's Mommy took us to see Pocahontas at the movies. It was very good. Goodnight.'" Jujubee paused to giggle, "God, I love how detailed this is. You could have added so much more."

"Girl, I was 8 years old. Writing more than 4 sentences was like writing the bible to me." I countered, finally scraping the onions into the pan with the peppers.

"Yeah, but we did so much more that day. We went to McDonald's after, we found that little frog pond in the woods." She pointed out.

I hadn't even remembered that. Now I kind of wished my younger self would have pushed herself to write more.

I was too busy rifling through my messy cabinet for oregano to notice Jujubee just flicking through page by page.

"But, you wrote 3 pages worth of poetry to Blair St Clair?"

Once I found the spice, I spun around to look at her, "Juju, I told you to only look at the pages that were labelled."

She held a hand up, "OK, I'm sorry." She closed the book.

I felt bad, thinking maybe my harsh tone brought the fun to a grinding halt. Squeezing my eyes shut, releasing a sigh, I said, "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for."

She took a sip of her water while I added the oregano to the saucepan.

"So, did you text her back?" She played with the glass in her hands.

I pursed my lips and shook my head. "Why? Do you think I should?" I asked quietly.

"Nah, not really."

"Well, why not?"

Jujubee shrugged her shoulders and went to look at her nails. "Don't know."

I clicked my heel, my tongue running along the top row of teeth behind my closed mouth. "Well, I've been thinking about it. I mean, maybe that's the problem. Maybe I could be a bit more responsive."

She made a humming sound. I was unsure what it was supposed to mean.

"OK, what's going on?" I put both hands on the counter.

"I don't know. I just think…" she paused, trying to find her words, "I don't see the point because the same shit will just happen again."

"The same shit?" I repeated, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, her speaking all but 10 words to you and then completely ignoring your existence." She put a hand under her chin.

"Well, maybe that wouldn't happen if I actually spoke to her like I wasn't terrified for once," I suggested.

She squeezed her eyes together, "Oh no, Brie. I knew this was going to happen."

"What was going to happen?"

"The whole Blair thing. I thought you were over it. Well, until she messaged you recently, I had a creeping feeling that it was all gonna come back."

"Juju, listen to yourself. You're talking like this is an actual problem."

"I hate to say it, but it is. Do you remember the time she hung out with you in the library? You were so excited the next day. I hadn't seen you so happy in so long. You wouldn't stop talking about how she would probably be there again." She paused, "But she wasn't. And you were so disappointed."

"Yeah, but things could be different now."

"And how's that?"

"Well, I'm a different fucking person now, that's one thing. I'm successful, I'm smart, I'm hot as fuck, rich as fuck - -"

"And you think that's gonna be the game-changer for her? That she's gonna come running into your arms? Because if that's the case, that says a lot about her." Jujubee rolled her eyes.

"Well, I'm a big girl, now. If it happens again, I'll just get on with things. I'll move on.

"That's a lie."

I squinted my eyes. "Why are you being like this right now? You're so salty just because I fucked wrote a private letter to her as a child."

"This isn't about the letter, Brie. You know why I'm being like this. You shouldn't need to ask." But she continued, "You've never dealt with never having parents. You think that if Blair was to suddenly be truly interested in you, you'd get over the feeling of being unwanted. Yet you're surrounded by people who love and support you, who'd stick with you to the end. But right now, you don't give two fucks about them because you're too busy panicking about some girl from high school."

I lift my head again, putting one hand on the desk and the other on my hip, "Well, congratulations, Juju. Sounds like you got me all figured out. Hey, you wanna talk about my Grandpa next?"

She only reacted to that with a scowl. And she spoke again.

"You remember the prom? Do you remember what happened? Do you remember how she didn't do anything to stop Trevor?"

My eyes shifted away, just for a second. "She told him to stop."

"Which did nothing."

I wanted to argue how she was unfair. How it was so wrong to blame Blair for the prom incident. But I was distracted by a burning smell. Only now did I notice the onions and peppers blackening.

I quickly moved the saucepan off the heat, feeling it only radiating in my own face. I put a hand on the counter, the other on my hip. "OK, Juju, maybe you should leave."

It was safe to say Jujubee was taken aback. She remained still for a second before pushing her stool out. "So that's how it is? Kicking me out when you're faced with the truth?"

"Juju, just leave, please." I felt my hands clench around the edge of the counter, my nails digging into my hip.

"I am!" She grabbed her coat and stormed from the kitchen. I flinched upon hearing the door slam shut, and only then did it sink in - the dread, the feeling of regret.

I looked at the hob, the burnt vegetables unsavable. So they went in the trash. My stomach grumbled. But I couldn't bring myself to start over again.

Opening my fridge, my eyes were immediately on the cake. And I glanced over my shoulder, looking where she had sat, now feeling a sense of emptiness. Not in me, but the room. Like I was alone.

I was alone.

"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." I repeated as my hand clenched on the door. The cool air from the fridge felt nice but not enough to stop my panic.

I looked at the cake again, feeling the urge to throw it out the window. Or maybe just send it back to her.

Bitchy, I know. But I couldn't help it. I wouldn't be feeling like this if she hadn't acted the way she did.

I slammed the door shut, kicking it for extra measure. And in my heels, I almost tripped.

Filled with more anger, I paced around for a few minutes, aggressively cussing to myself.

Don't get me wrong, one part of me said she was right about Blair.

No. She isn't. I was going to prove Jujubee wrong.

I picked up my phone from the counter, found the message and began to type with trembling fingers.

"Blair…" I panted, "So sorry...for getting back to you so late... I'm a busy woman, as you...probably already know...Look... I'm just gonna say it...I really like you...I always have...You make me feel so confused...yet so happy at the same time...I feel a connection between us...I always have...I don't know whether you ever felt it or not...but I do hope so...I would love to meet up with you sometime soon...and maybe have a coffee...I don't know...maybe even some wine, if you want. I look forward to hearing back. Brie x"

My thumb hovered over the send button. The only sound I could hear was the ticking of the clock. Not even my own breathing.

I pulled my thumb away, closed my eyes and breathed out. "Brie. You sound fucking crazy. You sound insane. You can't just send shit like that." I repeated words of the same nature to myself, trying to usher myself off the edge before I could do something idiotic.

"Jesus Christ." I opened my eyes again, which were now glossy with tears. I wouldn't blink. I wouldn't let them fall.

Big mistake.

I thought I tapped the chat bar, going to delete the message. But my blurred vision said, "haha, no."

I tapped the button next to the chat bar. The send button.

The little noise my phone made as it was sent may as well have been the same as a gun clicking.

"Oh, God." My eyes couldn't tear away from the small screen. My heart rate increased. "No, no, no, you fucking idiot!" I pressed my thumb down on the message.

There was a delete option.

I clicked it.

'Are you sure? The recipient may have already seen the message.'

I backspaced to check.

There it was, the tiny version of her profile picture falling to the bottom of the screen. She was reading it.

"Fuck!!" I blurted.

I put the phone down on the counter, began pacing for a moment, and looked back at the phone. This went on for a few minutes. I wanted to be as far from my phone as possible. But also needed to know if she had replied.

This was it.

Blair was going to know how I was weirdly obsessed with her.

She was going to know I was checking her out in the library that one time.

She was going to know that I had fingered myself so many times at the thought of her.

What were my options?

Suicide - Not gonna happen.

Running away - But the project.

Reply with 'Hey, sorry! My friend took my phone, haha' - did anyone ever believe that excuse?

Block her before she could reply - then she'd think I was even more crazy.

Call up her place of work and somehow get her phone confiscated - why, though? That would involve Facebook stalking her again, trying to think of an excuse. Even if I did so successfully, she still saw the message.

All of the options just lead to cons. It was hopeless.

With shaky fingers, I switched my phone off and practically threw it onto the counter.

My body sank to the ground, now holding my head in my hands.

What do I do? What do I fucking do?

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

2004

I was shaking. Only slightly.

There was something about the prom that made me feel so on edge.

Maybe it was all the people, all together in one room.

Perhaps it was the fact the chess boys asked to make out.

Or perhaps it was the fear of missed opportunities. Opportunities that involved a certain someone.

I watched from the side of the room as Blair took pictures with her friends on her pink digital camera. There was a feeling of regret causing my stomach to twist, my fists clenching onto my purple dress.

That could have been me.

I felt a hand moving a curled lock of hair from my shoulder.

"Just think, girl; we're almost there," Jujubee appeared in front of my vision, "College is just around the corner."

"I can't wait to be out of here," I spoke quietly.

Everyone turned their attention to the stage as Rosé appeared, announcing it was time to crown Prom King and Queen.

"Well, it's pretty obvious who our queen is." Jujubee crossed her arms.

I knew who she was thinking of. To be fair, it was pretty obvious. But I wasn't complaining.

Trevor was our Prom King, not my King anyway. I scoffed as he cheered, being pushed up to the stage by his team.

"Jesus Christ, who would have thought." Jujubee took a sip of her punch, spilling a drop on her lilac puffy-sleeved dress.

"And your Prom Queen is…" Rosé paused, pulling the result from the envelope.

3...2...1…

"Blair St Clair!"

I smiled for the first time since walking into the place. I applauded her victory as she walked up onto the stage.

Blair hugged Rosé and whispered something in her ear. I had no idea what it was, but I was too distracted as Trevor just stared.

"You wanna make a speech, girl?" Rosé joked into the mic.

Blair laughed, covering her face with embarrassment. She turned down the offer.

"OK. Everybody," Rosé held a hand to Blair and Trevor, "You're King and Queen of 2004."

Blair looked slightly uncomfortable as Trevor put an arm around her waist. Why couldn't he get the hint she was done with him?

The two got down from the stage, Trevor's gaze following her in confusion as she moved far away from him.

"Aren't they supposed to do a dance now?" Jujubee asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know, Juju. I've only seen proms in movies, and they're quite obviously exaggerated."

My eyes landed on Blair once more. Trevor was whispering something in her ear, and she shook her head, rolled her eyes and walked away. Yikes, he was desperate.

"Jesus, I'm fucking nervous." Rosé was approaching us now, well, the punch table we stood beside. "Getting up on stage gets my body shaking, you know?"

"Wish I could do that." Jujubee replied.

"Yeah, well, sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do." Rosé replied.

I eyed her suspiciously. This was odd; she'd never really spoken to us before.

"But of course," she looked left, then right, before pulling a flask from her bra and pouring it into a cup, "this helps. You ladies want one?"

"Nah, I'm good," Jujubee made a stank face.

Me, on the other hand, having never drank alcohol in my life, piped up, "Actually, yeah. Could you just pour me a shot of whatever that is?"

"Yeah, of course," and she didn't lie. She poured me a shot of vodka. No spitting in the cup, no adding anything sneakily, no hostility.

She passed the cup to me, giving a mischievous wink.

Tossing it back, I was totally shocked by the burning sensation it caused to my throat. I began to cough and splutter.

"Girl, chill out, or you're gonna draw attention to yourself." Rosé looked around.

I placed the cup down on the table, the plastic practically crumbling in my hand.

"This is it. The beginning," Jujubee joked, dabbing the corner of my mouth with her pinky. I didn't even know there was a drop of liquid there.

And I didn't know there was a hair out of place either. Because she was stroking a soft hand down my temple to my cheek.

"Brie, do - -"

"Juju, I'm gonna ask her to dance with me," I said all too loud.

The hand dropped instantaneously, her smile falling in a matter of seconds. Of course, I expected this shocked reaction. Even Rosé had nearly choked on her drink.

"For real?" Jujubee asked after a silent moment.

"Yep," I answered proudly, putting my hands on my hips.

"I guess you've never touched a drop of alcohol in your life, loser." Rosé leaned close to me.

"Something like that." I felt slightly uncomfortable now that she was dangerously close to me.

She snorted a laugh, holding up her hands as she walked away, "I'm not responsible for this."

So this was what they called liquid courage. Yeah, it was one shot, but it was my very first. And I was already feeling it. The buzz.

I turned to make my way to the girl I loved when Jujubee grabbed my hand, "Brie, are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Yes," I replied too quickly, tugging to pull away.

"Are you sure?" Her brows knit, "You're not gonna be upset if she says no, right?"

One final strong tug was enough to release her grip on me, "No, Juju. I'll be fine, just...stop questioning me, OK?"

She was silent, her arms dropping by her side.

But I continued on in my mission, vision slightly blurred, insides warmed.

Everyone around us was gone like they had just stepped into another world, leaving Blair and me in this reality. Or maybe it was the two of us who disappeared, somehow falling into the wormhole and ending up in the other world.

Or maybe it was just liquid courage.

There were only a few metres between us now. "Blair?"

She had been taking a sip of her coke when she looked up and noticed me. Wiping the corners of her mouth, she put the can down.

"Brianna!" She beamed. Her eyes looked me up and down, causing a brief moment of panic, "wow, look at you. You look great."

"Yeah, right, compared to you." I stifled a laugh.

"Oh, shut up." She smirked.

"So, um…" I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, looking away and to the ground, "I was just...wondering...if you'd wanna dance with me?"

I didn't lift my gaze. Only now did I understand what Jujubee meant. The girl hadn't even said no yet, and my heart was already sinking.

"It's just...this song is so good, and it's the end of the year, and we may not - -"

Before I could continue rambling, she cut me off.

"Sure. Yeah, I'll dance with you."

I lift my gaze to see her glittering smile. Like in the library, time didn't feel real anymore, and I needed to remind myself to breathe. "Really?"

"Yeah, of course." She briefly knit her brows like it shouldn't have been questioned. She took my hand in her perfect french manicured one, "Come on."

As we made our way to the dance floor, I was only now reminded that there were people here. So, we didn't slip through a wormhole. This was real. This was reality.

Blair found a spot on the floor, turned to me and wrapped her arms around the back of my neck.

For a moment, I was unsure of where to put my hands. I glanced over her shoulder, noting the couple also slow dancing. She has her arms around his neck. He had his arms around her waist.

I was hesitant at first but eventually gave in. Blair didn't mind. And I felt myself relax.

She just stared at me, the sweet smile still on her face. The music echoed around us. The lights were low. Pink tinted.

"So, how does it feel winning Prom Queen?" I asked. Of course, it felt amazing for her, but I needed to find an excuse to speak. Anything to avoid the somersaults my stomach was doing.

"I mean, it's nice, I guess. But, it's all bullshit anyway?" Her smile faltered, "Not something anyone in the future will give a fuck about, right?"

I disagreed. If I were to win prom queen, I would feel validated. And I would make sure I'd bring it up to everyone I ever met. Pathetic, I know.

"Well, I can't think of anybody better," I admitted. "Maybe they could have chosen a better King."

"Agreed." She nodded. "You know, literally just now, he tried to use this whole King and Queen thing to 'try again'. Not even that long before you came up to me. Brianna, I've already given him another chance. And he blew it."

"During the Summer?" I recalled.

"Yep." She pursed her lips.

"What did he do, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Oh, he just had some major anger problems," her eyes widened for a moment, "He never hurt me, though. He just...got so angry over the dumbest shit. It was just too much."

She puffed out a breath, the frown on her face appearing.

"You don't have to tell me any more," I said quickly.

"Sorry, I don't wanna get emotional." She looked back at me. "It's just... it's hard not to. You're a good listener."

How should I have felt knowing that was her analysis of me from very little time spent together? She really trusted me. "Blair... I'm sorry about that time in the library. When you mentioned my Grandpa. I feel terrible now."

"Please, don't. You were grieving."

'Was I really though?' I held back from saying.

"I never really had a Dad," I smiled, seeing his stupid smile in my head, "But he was the closest equivalent to that."

"I know what you mean." She began, "My Dad…" she trailed off for a moment, "He wasn't the best. You probably remember that one time I ran away as a kid. When you walked me to my Grandma's."

I wasn't even tense in the first place, but my body felt like it relaxed. "You remember that?"

"Of course I do. It really meant a lot, Brie." Her thumb stroked the back of my neck. I don't know if she did this intentionally or subconsciously. Was she even thinking about it? "That day, I never went back. Ever. My Grandparents took full custody of me, and they became my second parents. The ones I always deserved."

I felt my body relax even more like this was normal. "Blair, I wanna carry on something my Grandpa started."

"What's that?"

"It sounds crazy," I pause, "But he wants me to find a parallel universe."

I paused to take in her reaction. She did look taken aback for a moment. Could you blame her? "Is it even possible?"

"I mean, at first I thought he was a bit out there asking me something like that, on his deathbed and all. But I've been studying really hard, and I think it's achievable."

"That's interesting." She nodded. "So, what are you gonna do at college?"

"Drugs." I giggled before the smile dropped, "OK, not funny. Bad joke."

"I'm laughing, though." She was.

"Um, no. I'm gonna do Astronomy and Space science."

"I didn't know that was a major you could do," Blair replied.

"Me neither. What about you, though? Something in theatre?"

Blair lowered her gaze for a brief moment, "I dunno, Brie. I honestly don't see college as a me-thing. I'm constantly torn between theatre, fashion merchandising, cosmetology, politics..."

"Politics?" I laughed and instantly hoped she didn't take offence to that.

"What?" She smirked. "What's funny?"

"I just…" I paused, feeling my heart skip a beat as a particular memory came back. "This is crazy. I can't believe I remember this. All I can think about right now is the day we met. Remember the first day of elementary? On the bus? I told you I wanted to be a politician when I was older, just 'cause they liked to shout a lot. And you couldn't say the word right."

"Oh fuck, now that you mention it, I do remember." Blair laughed, "That was such a long time ago. We were so little." She looked away as if her mind had transported her to that moment. Did she remember it like I did? Did she remember how she held my hand and told me she was my friend?

And then never sat with me ever again?

My eyes had drifted away, looking over her shoulder at nothing in particular. The bad thoughts were taking over. I didn't want them to. I wanted to enjoy this moment forever. Just swaying back and forth with Blair in the middle of the dance floor.

She stroked her thumb on the back of my neck again, causing a spark to course through me.

Blair's looking at me again. "Brianna, how come we never talked more?"

I don't know if it was just me fantasising again, but her face was moving closer to mine, ever so slowly.

I had the answer to her question. But it couldn't ruin this moment. "I don't know," I whispered.

She was closer now, head tilted to the left.

And I found myself doing the same.

This was another fantasy. This isn't real.

I felt her breath on the corner of my mouth.

It felt real.

It was.

There was a frustrated roar.

A tight fist clenched around my arm.

I was pulled back forcefully.

My feet gave way.

I was on the ground.

"Are you kidding me??" Trevor stood in front of Blair, his face red with anger, "You won't fucking dance with me, but you'll dance with her??"

Everyone around us was just standing there, too shocked to do something.

"Trevor, what the fuck??" Blair went to move around him, trying to get to me. He only pushed her back.

"Of all the people, why her??" He grilled Blair with more questions. She looked afraid now.

Why the fuck wasn't anyone doing anything??

I felt a hand on my shoulder, but looking around, I saw it was actually Rosé. "Trevor, what the fuck??"

He turned to look as if offended that anyone else got involved. How could they not? Seeing her helping me stand must hit a nerve. Because he's snatched a cup of punch from a bystander, "Why are you defending the dyke??" And he threw the cup forward, the liquid drenching my hair and splattering my dress.

That was the final straw. I could feel my chest heaving.

I ran to the nearest exit. Running from the school. As soon as I felt the cool air on my skin, I wrapped my arms around my stomach. I was bent over, throwing up all the panic. Sparks of the bile dotted the bottom of my dress and shoes. I didn't care. My dress was already ruined.

I heard the door open behind me and immediately began to move again.

I tried to run, but the heels made it hard.

The person was in front of me now, hands on my face, tears streaking her face.

I expected it to be Blair.

But it was Jujubee.

"Brie, it's alright. I punched him for you." She whimpered, her hands on either side of my face, holding me tenderly.

My breathing was rugged, trying so hard to listen to her reassuring whispers. But in my head was the sound of the crowd gasping and Trevor shouting.

No one was going to forget about this. I'd be reminded by the stares in the corridors, how they'd whisper to each other.

"Let's go to my house. You can stay over if you want." Jujubee's sweet voice brought me out of my thoughts.

Words still failing to surface, I nodded.

As soon as we got in, she ran me a hot bath. Whilst I cleaned myself of the sticky punch that covered my hair and face, she made chocolate mug cakes with ice cream.

Sitting there in her room, dressed in her fluffy pyjamas, eating her food, I should have felt better. I should have been happy. But I just stared at the mug in my hand, still thinking of Trevor's anger and Blair's distressed face.

Jujubee took the mug from me, set it aside along with her own, and enveloped me in a hug. "Don't cry, Bri. Please, don't cry."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know I was crying." I wept.

"Don't apologise." She shushed me, "It's OK. You're OK."

-_-_-_-_-_-_-

2020

And even now, I didn't realise I was crying again. And as it was too late to stop myself, I remembered sobbing into Jujubee's shoulder, holding her tightly, like she was the only one who could get me through it. She was the only one who could get me through it.

The events of the prom left me scared, always so on edge when walking those school corridors. Just terrified that Trevor would round the corner and do something worse.

But Jujubee was there for me every time. She'd hold my hand, not giving a fuck about who looked at us weird.

I know I should have grown a backbone and defended myself, and what had actually happened shouldn't have been as damaging as it was. But, hey, I was only human.

Jujubee got in a lot of trouble for punching Trevor in the face. But she didn't mind. "Just as long as he got what was coming to him," she had said.

Hearing her retell the event, I wish I had been there. She had jumped on him, tackling him to the ground and punched him over and over again.

But as exciting as that all was, I didn't speak to Blair again. I didn't think about her. I didn't talk about her. I didn't even look at her. Blair wasn't the one to come after me that night. She never even approached me to talk about it. She didn't give a fuck.

So I kept my distance.

And just as life went on without her, she just had to go and message me. After years of silence, she couldn't have left well enough alone.

I finally lifted my head. I reached up and grabbed my phone. Turning it back on, I immediately deleted Messenger, hoping to never see Blair's response.

This would be the beginning of my journey toward happiness.

Yeah. That was it. That's what I would do.

#rpdr fanfiction #s10 #as5 #miz cracker #jujubee #blair st clair #blair x cracker #coming of age #hurt/comfort #lesbian au #high school au #angst #gimme love #grinder #tw homophobic slurs #tw homophobia

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