#don't actually ask me for advice cause idk what to say LMAO

[angryborzois]

Rhythm master teach me your skills 🧎🧎‍♀️🧎‍♂️

no worries i got you bro im a certified pro 💪💯

[miiilowo]

i feel like theres not a lot of great resources out there so i figured id just ask -- how would you recommend ways of living with/helping out someone else with npd? :)

youre right! most of the time when u look up NPD stuff its "THE ABUSER DISORDER: KNOW HOW TO RECOGNIZE IT AND DISABLE NARC DEFENSES SO THEY CANT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU" which isnt. Great

all it really comes down to is listening to them n addressing their needs if they've communicated them to you. ill try to simplify it so i dont get too into details, though i will likely fail, and most of this advice will be based off my experiences, so idk how much itll apply to whoever ur talking about BUT:

generally (and w me especially) you can safely say that NPD mostly has to do with ego dysregulation. Our [as in myself and people w npd] mental health and general happiness tends to rely on how people perceive us, and if that perception is anything but positive, we feel like poopy doo doo dogshit. we kinda need to be paid attention to in a way that feels meaningful, yknow? compliment them, make sure theyre included in conversations (esp group ones), and try not to ignore em in any way. if youre talking to them and youre busy, for example, make sure you include that detail so they don't feel like youre brushing them aside. stuff like that. if they make art, and you genuinely like it, try going into detail as to why, whether its the colors or linework or what have you. if they write, tell them what you liked about the story or poem, etcetera. Tag them in stuff that reminds you of them if you have their socials, or send them things, show it to them, whatever.

lots of us tend to actually be very insecure, even if it doesn't seem that way, which might be important to keep in mind. sometimes we can get whats referred to as "narc crashes" (im not particularly a fan of the term narc, though theres nothing actually wrong with it, so ill just call it an NPD crash) where for whatever reason, we go from feeling great and secure in our egos and our stability and happiness and security to falling 600 feet down directly into hell no recovery absolutely awful 0% joy 0% light 100% agony. dogs with human teeth screaming at you and shit its really just no good. calling you a dunderhead

they usually (though not always!) come after a high where we feel fantastic, and most commonly the cause of a crash is we get hurt by someone, humiliated, or made to feel lesser in some significant way. for me, they're the worst when i no longer feel confident that people like me, and i become incredibly worried everybody secretly hates me. which is a very very very awful train of thought to be experiencing when you have the "EVERYBODY NEEDS TO LIKE ME NOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" disorder. so if ur friend seems depressed or upset make sure to ask whats going on and bump up the praise and stuff up a notch. its the best way to recover for Me, at least. crashes dont have a consistent like. timeframe? i think it highly depends on the severity of what happened and whats being done to fix it, though im certainly no psychologist lmao

i feel like when folks w npd Are mean or unfair its because their needs arent being met, theyre doing awful, and they need support so they dont desperately lash out for it. god knows thats the case for me. thats another thing thats important to keep in mind i think

a lot of traits of NPD aren't pretty, and thats just a fact of the matter. its a disorder for a reason and all. even if we dont express the almost inherently negative traits all the time (usually because we are aware they are unfair to other people), its very likely that we are feeling them, and it does erode your brain after a while. The DSM-5 list of traits is probably the best way to go for this, as per this government website:

"A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and with lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood, as indicated by at least five of the following:

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements, expects to be recognized as superior without actually completing the achievements)

Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, brilliance, beauty, or perfect love.

Believes that they are "special" and can only be understood by or should only associate with other special people (or institutions).[milo note: its hard for me to find something specific to make bold in this definition, but generally, i do not express that i think that i am better than other people even if i think it]

Requires excessive admiration.

Has a sense of entitlement, such as an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with his or her expectations.

Is exploitative and takes advantage of others to achieve their own ends.

Lacks empathy and is unwilling to identify with the needs of others.

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them.

Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors and attitudes."

Ive bolded the ones that would negatively affect people that, I, at least, try not to express but still feel, or feel the desire to do, near constantly.

As you can see, thats a pretty hefty chunk of them! I'm sure some people could take problem with every trait listed here, in which case they can suck my whole dick, but those are the ones I've noticed upset people the most, or make relationships the most difficult. I bring these up because if someone does express these, you need to keep in mind it is because of a personality disorder. That doesn't always make them acceptable, and if they are really upsetting, you should talk to them about it, but thats just like. basic relationship shit lmao. just try to be an eensy bit forgiving

Though the MAIN reason I wanted to bring up the traits is due to the 'entitlement/unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment/compliance' one. This can manifest in a whole lot of ways, but it is genuinely infuriating when someone ignores what i want them to do/what ive asked them to do/etc, especially if its for a reason that doesnt 'feel' solid enough, like them just not wanting to do it. it can be incredibly frustrating if someone with npd says they need something from you or want you to do xyz and it doesnt happen, so try your best to listen to them. if you cant do what they desire for whatever reason, make sure thats clear, and why. Most of us will recognize we're being unfair, but will still be mad; Just know its not because of you, its because of the disorder, and most people will not hold it against you because they're aware its unreasonable in some fashion.

i think thats like. the main things when it comes to meeting the needs of someone w NPD. to summarize and dumb it down:

make sure to compliment them in meaningful ways, especially when you really mean it

pay attention to them; try to prioritize them in conversation and such. it feels very nice. dont ignore them for the love of god

keep the crashes in mind, and try to uplift your friend as much as you can. reassure them you care about them, maybe not directly by saying "i care about you" but with your actions in general

listen to them and adapt to their needs as best as you can

remember that if they are being unpleasant its probably because of The Disorder and they are not doing well. dont let anyone be a prick to you but try to be kind. everybody goes through shit

if anyone has anything to add, or if you have any followup questions, feel free to ask ^_^ i very much didn't cover everything here, and again, this is mostly based off of my experience as someone w NPD, and everyone is different to some degree. The most important thing to do is ask about their needs, and try to adapt to them the best you can.

i think thats all i have to say for now tho so. sayanora. if i come up w anything else ill add it in an edit

[wonjns]

helloo idk if you are the type of writer to do this but seeing how youve been posting ffs' since a while back now this makes me want to ask you hehe (cause of experience?)

so uh how do you plan out stories? like as a person myself ive never really find male reader stories that is in my style so i decided to make stories myself TT

i specifically want stories that are heavy in angst (thats why i said in the beginning if you are the correct writer for this). how are you able to plan out angsty stories? how long do you plan to write the introduction and when is a good time for the introduction to shift to the other parts? and when is the perfect time for the climax of the story?

you don't have to answer fully detailed if you don't really get what I mean TT but if you are able to include some few general tips then I'd appreciate that <3

and also sorry if this is kinda weird and time-consuming to ask 🥹🤞🏻

awhh hey there!! i feel so honored that you felt i was worthy to ask this LOL. im so happy to hear we’ll have another writing joining the ranks <3

im so sorry if i disappoint, but i rarely plan things out,, which is actually rlly bad if you plan on taking writing a little more seriously 😭

i’m not the best with the angst at all, i think i’ve only written it like once/twice and it was kinda bad each time — but i would say in terms of planning it out you would want to begin with identifying an inciting incident!! aka, figure out what you’d want your pain “problem/conflict” of the fic to be, and then decide how you want to introduce that problem, if that makes sense.

if we’re talking about timing, i would say my average fic follows a movie’s structure. i believe stories overall are received best when you use what i guess i call the “sandwich method” LMAO,, which is:

fluff > introduction of conflict > actual conflict > resolution > fluff

basically meaning i usually start my stories (the few that have plot 😭) off with good vibes, and then descend into the root of the issue, and then once your reader/character resolves the issue, it obviously ends in a happy ending lol.

however, every writer is different and every story is different which is what makes it so much fun!! considering you really like angst, you could start your story MID-conflict to be honest, which actually grabs the average reader’s attention much more often. whereas the climax of the story usually takes place near the ending. you could also explore sad endings!!

im not the most qualified to give this advice but i figured i’d just share my thought process a little bit!! i’ll have been writing for a year come the end of this month so i’m still pretty new & have lots to learn!!!

if anyone has any beneficial advice for our friend pls drop some comments :)) i wish you the best of luck writing and hope you fall in love with it <33

[landograndprix]

okay one to clarify: this isn’t like a world i’m adding on into yours, like it’s my own, not associated with your series— that’s how you say that!!

Idk if it was brought up here originally or not but I saw a ask about how lando wasn’t expected to be the bestest of dads cause of his age, he’s expected to be a stereotypical, but he’s actually the best dad there is. along with the most committed partner there is. and sure, he freaked the FUCK out when he found out — along side you (even tho he has no regrets, swears no condoms ever again cheeky fuck) — now having a small itty bitty tiny baby at 23 he’s just. So in. Could not be more in or more committed, to being the best dad, partner, role model, support.

And he would put to shame so many people on the grid, he shows that if he wants to he will. Idk I can’t stop thinking ABOUT IT!!!!! Like I’ve thought about it w other drivers (read: charlie) but it just hits diff with lan.

Like man manages to be there for you when you feel sick, when you need sex, when you feel gross, when you need encouragement, and don’t get me started when it comes to you going into labor 🥺 he is just so invested in it all, he wants to have all of the babes so bad, more then anything. 🥹

I have so many feelings about him being a dedicated young parent (he wants to be just like his parents — who are perf in this scenario obvi), then him at 25 wanting a second LMAO but really and truly I just would love to watch the press and the other drivers and the fans see who he truly is. But with that comes the sad reality, the comments, the ick, reeks of jealousy sometimes.

Would love to hear what you think the press would say and what other drivers would say! (The not nice things) cause I wanna think about him proving them all wrong 😌 💓

oooh I'd say the press/media/fans would run with the "a kid raising a kid", talking about how someone like him thinks he could raise a kid with the 'attitude' he gives off or how he'd leave his baby Mamma and baby in the end for it being too young etc (btw, I don't think 23 I too young, I know plenty who become parents at the age of 20/21) but yeah and I think some drivers would be super supportive (read: max, k-mag..basically all the dads) I'd even say Charles would be lowkey jealous, george would probably hit him with the "child raising a child" idk, I don't think the drivers would be really mean and if they comment on it its more so jokingly but I just know max will give him advice lmao

[purplesurveys]

1834

Do you prefer hardly toasted at all or burnt toast? I generally enjoy the taste of certain foods more when it's on the burnt side, including toast. Also with fries and hotdogs. I like the crunch and the slight smoky flavor.

What time do you have to be out of bed by on a typical day? I work from home and if we're being extremely loose with the rules, I technically don't need to get up until 9 AM. But I like to have ample time to take a shower, make my coffee, pet the dogs, and clear the emails that came in the night before – all these let me get into the ~right mood for the day – so these days I've been waking up at 8 AM to be all ready at my work station by 8:30.

When was the last time you cleaned your bedroom? Start of the year when I did a hard restart to the room, especially after all the gift wrappers and paper bags from Christmas accumulated in one spot.

In real life do you laugh like 'haha', 'hehe' or something else? It depends exactly on the kind of laugh I'm making, or the context why I'm laughing. I can do anything from a hahaha to a hehehe to a hohoho lmao.

Do you know anyone who says things like 'lol' in real life? I know people who say it as 'lol' or as 'el-oh-el.' I do both of them.

Do you have any unusual skills? I have an abnormal amount of knowledge on the Twilight Saga...lol. I never realized how much info I've retained through the years till like 2 weeks ago when Angela, Hans, and I had this random ass trivia contest on the series.

Do you have any bug bites right now? On my legs, I'm sure there are. I've been at the rooftop a few times and mosquitoes have been lurking around there more than usual.

Is there anything annoying you at the moment? 1/2 of my glasses' frames has snapped open so I've had to DIY it with superglue for now so I can still see from both eyes, while I'm unable to get a new prescription altogether. DIY anything just puts me super on edge cause you never know when it's gonna fall apart, and if it does you don't want it happening in public where it can be embarrassing lol. 

Who's your favourite person? I'd go with my dad.

Are you more of a cat or dog person? Dog.

Do you live out of the nearest town? Not sure what exactly this is asking. I live in some part of town regardless? Hahaha.

Do you like to look at other peoples' houses? Sure, especially when they are obviously rich.

Are there any chores you actually enjoy doing? I have my mood where I'll like washing the dishes, but keyword there is mood because I don't always want to do it haha.

What's the weirdest compliment you've ever received? I've definitely gotten strange ones before but I'm usually quick to erase them from my memory so that I don't need to dwell on them anymore, so it's hard for me to remember off the top of my head.

Do you remember all those rhymes like 'i before e except after c'? We were taught this rule in English class, but not through a rhyme. The teacher just said it in plain sentence format – "If it follows a c, use ei" something like that hahaha.

When did you last have an 'Oh, I get it now!' moment? Earlier this week when I was reading the plot of Interstellar.

Would you say you're more witty or childish about jokes? Idk, I can appreciate both.

Do you get on with boys or girls better? Girls, 100%.

Do people often confide in you? Do you like it? Sure. Yeah, it makes me feel nice in a, "It's cool that they trust me" kind of way. I was most surprised when my mom asked me for advice two years ago about job options. She's never asked her own kids for advice for anything, so it was part heartwarming and part overwhelming when she did it with me. It was like...wow why are you pouring your feelings all of a sudden lol? This family has walls, where is it????? hahahahah.

Who is someone you really admire? My dad.

Do you prefer piano or guitar music? Piano.

Do you like helium balloons? I think they're slightly more entertaining than normal balloons lol.

Have your parents ever suspected something untrue about you? Yeah, at one point they were so convinced I was a smoker only because a cigarette got stuck under my shoe once. I didn't know how else to convince them otherwise so I just invited them to smell me as much as they want because they were never gonna get that nasty nicotine smell from me.

Do you have any fears that seem weird to others? I'm scared of cooking...it's more the fire I'm scared of, but yeah it makes me act weird around the kitchen and hypersensitive to any sparks and weird sizzling noises when someone is cooking. In short, I keep away from kitchens for world peace lol

Have you ever wished you'd been born someplace else? Yeah because nobody ever wishes they were born in the Philippines. Why would you hate yourself like that?

What d'you think about videogames? It's fascinating to see how far it's come. From blocks to open-world shit that's so close to resembling real life...it's really cool. I'm not a gamer per se but I grew up around gamers, so I have a soft spot for video games.

Are there any forms of art you personally find pointless? Maybe not pointless, but there are types of art that I don't particularly get drawn towards...like digital art, audio-visual pieces, pencil on paper.

What would you, or do you, study at college? I took up journalism.

Are you tired right now? A little bit, only cause I lack sleep.

Have you ever had, or wanted, a pet ferret? Nope.

Is there anything you find undeserving of the hype it received? Yes, I can think of a few things.

What's something you do a lot? Do these.

Are you currently on any other websites? I have YouTube turned on at the moment, but that's it.

Are you good at using Photoshop? Hard no. Tried tinkering around with it, never got the hang of it.

What were you last embarrassed about? My mom decided that loudly LOUDLY L O U D L Y blasting music at 7 AM earlier was the Best Idea Ever, so not only was that the reason I woke up with a pounding headache, but also why I was on edge the whole morning just waiting for some neighbor to knock on the door and ask her to knock it the fuck off. It wasn't even like jazz or lounge, it was party fucking anthems, the kind of shit you'd play at a bar at midnight.

Are there any clothing items you really want but can't find? I have a green top I haven't seen in a while.

Have you ever been told you naturally tilt your head a certain way? Nope.

What does your dream house look like? I want it extremely modern. Just a big concrete square, lol.

Do you wear a lot of make-up? I don't.

Do you have any projects on the go right now? I mean, just work projects.

What's a habit you find gross? Spitting.

Would you rather have a Poloroid or a Lomo camera? Lomo.

When was the last time you were jealous? Not sure, it's been a while since I've felt jealous.

Are you one of those people who see things for sale and say 'I could've come up with that!'? No.

Do you, or did you, really look forward to when you can finally move away? I do, but I'm not in a hurry either. Being able to move out would give me a sense of accomplishment more than anything else, but I would miss the comforts of the home I grew up in, of course.

Are you the one who holds everyone's bags at theme parks while they ride? Yes that is definitely me, I am that friend, I'd love to hold all your bags instead of wanting to feel like I left my stomach 100 feet in the air.

What's the worst tattoo you've ever seen? I don't think I've ever personally seen a bad tattoo.

What's your favourite name ever? I don't have an all-time favorite name. It always changes, depending on what I think sounds nice at that moment, or what's in style.

Are you a hat person? Mostly a bucket hat person, but sure!

When was the last time you were totally grossed out? Like a half hour ago when I ordered Monte Cristo at this restaurant I'm currently in – this place usually serves it with blueberry jam, so I requested if they can take it out...but when I got the order it had blueberry jam and actual blueberries all over the sandwich. Yes it's a first world problem I GET IT but ick ick ick, gross.

Have you ever forgotten how to do something simple? Sure.

Are you ever jealous when you see couples or friends together? No.

Has anyone ever approached you in the street and asked to take your picture? Nope.

Have you ever disliked something just because most people liked it? It only gets annoying when I see it everywhere, like when I go from one IG story to another and it's like 30 people in a row who went to The Eras tour or whatever it's called. But I don't judge The Actual Thing that people go crazy about.

Does anything hurt on you right now? I'm pretty fine right now.

What song's stuck in your head? Enhypen's Pass the Mic.

[throwing-roses-into-the-abyss]

hi this is rslashknits!! I misread your tags and now see you partially frogged already. sorry about suggesting that again!!

you mentioned a knitting cafe--imo this is what knitting community is for. if you know a trusted expert knitter who you don't mind handing your sweater to I might ask them if they think they can partial frog and fix and demonstrate for you. if your yarn is messed up from your attempted fix I think you can tie in some fresh yarn to replace your old ladders (with knots hidden inside?) but that's a lil scary haha, so I'd defer to an expert on it.

I say this because when I know I messed up and it isn't too many rows down I bring the piece to my mom, lol. and I always learn a lot like that!

if you like my little "I totally did that on purpose fix" where you cover it up and then copy the design across the sweater--if you have a computer program that can do it, I would try and edit the photo first to plan the placement and frequency of the lines and make sure I like it. especially cuz you definitely didn't plan something like that when you started and it's gonna be different visually from your original plan of that sweater. it will also help you decide if you hate the look right off the bat so you don't waste time.

honestly if it were me though I might just wear the mistake out n proud.

again good luck!!

ah no worries! I tend to put a lot of information in my tags but I know not everyone actually reads those, especially if the post gets shared around.

For a full explanation of what happened yesterday, just for context and because, idk, I want to share? :

so my first skein finally ran out and I was trying to join the second one, and I thought I'd knit both the old and the new strand together for a bit to like, strengthen it or something idk. But I accidentally used the wrong strand for a bit, so I dropped that one, picked up the other one, and went along, just to then notice that obviously there's a bit of a floater happening. Then I noticed the float getting looser, so I started pulling it to try and figure out where it was loosening from, but that snapped the yarn. Then I lowkey panicked because I was worried about it not being secure enough and my project falling apart on me so I tried to frog the two rows I'd knit with the new skein and very slowly and carefully put the needle back on, but while doing that I dropped some stitches and created some new ones and also put a lot of it back on the needle the wrong way. And also the next row also partially frogged but I just kind of. Added it to the current row. Then I knit the next row, which was a hassle because I put so much back on wrong. By the end of the row I did figure out how to fix that but, well. That was by the end of the row. And then of course also there were the massive tension issues and gaps where I dropped stitches and I cried.

(in my defence, my brain is already always kinda like this but it's been way worse the past month, I'm definitely not fully "here" and I was already waiting for a big mistake to happen, things were going too smoothly)

Someone else (@pixelhilma) suggested to kind of pull at the stitches to create new tension and then tying the resulting yarn loop into a knot which I might also try? Knitting cafe isn't until friday unfortunately, though I might drop by the yarn store where it's held to ask for advice.

I think tbh I'm more worried about having made a super weird mistake that will cause my project to fall apart at some point. like aesthetically it sucks but I can just wear a blazer over it or hide it with some embroidery like you suggested in your post, but idk if I accidentally made it unstable.

You're so lucky you can just ask your mom! I'm highkey jealous lmao.

[qzwrites]

nykalaeni/astarion 7

while writing the scene where nykki vented to karlach, i initially had her venting to wyll, as someone who is pretty smart about people, but then i thought. hmmm wyll is not actually a very neutral party. being as. he is the reason nykalaeni and astarion made it official.

and like wyll's a good guy and i don't think he would take advantage of their relationship trouble, but...idk, maybe he has a little more incentive to be like "it seems like you guys are having a lot of trouble making it work, maybe that's a sign"

whereas karlach actually has quite a lot in common with astarion, background-wise, even if they have responded to it very differently. so i thought karlach was a good choice for a sympathetic ear. she'd also understand the difficulty of wanting to have sex and knowing it would hurt her partner, although that's. obviously more literal in her case lmao.

and then i was like, what would be the funniest person to meddle in this situation? lae'zel. lae'zel, who fell for nykalaeni harder and faster than astarion, or even wyll. lae'zel, who was the first dangerous person to come onto nykalaeni and make her even think about kink stuff. lae'zel, who has been VERY CONSPICUOUSLY SILENT about the relationship stuff; other companions have commented from time to time but lae'zel says NOTHING it's like she never even confessed. nothing. no feelings here, no sir.

except.

well, now it seems like astarion is fucking up. and you know what lae'zel has learned over the course of this game that friends do for each other? fucking meddle in personal business.

(notable in that everyone else would feel very much like they shouldn't get involved, or have no right to get involved, so no one else is going to come to astarion and be like GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS but honestly that's probably lae'zel's strong suit as a friend. explain yourself and prove you're not fucking up or simply stop fucking up. so she's really the only person i could see pushing her way into this business!)

-

Lae'zel shoved aside the screen dividing Astarion's corner of the room from the rest of it. "No, please," he said, "come right in. It's not as if I'm doing anything, after all."

Predictably, Lae'zel ignored that. She stared at Astarion, looking as pissed off as she ever did. After a moment, she asked, "What did you do?"

"You need to be slightly more specific than that," Astarion said.

Lae'zel made one of her rude noises. "When you and Nykalaeni returned from the brothel, you immediately separated. She has been on the rooftop ever since. Obviously, something went wrong, and you must know that or you would have sought her out by now."

Astarion frowned. "You know," he said, "I've always thought one of your most likable qualities is how you've kept your nose out of my business before now."

"She chose you over me," Lae'zel said, "and you are causing her pain." She crossed her arms over her chest, and leaned back. "I suspect you are also causing yourself pain, which makes you doubly foolish."

That was uncomfortably astute, and it got his back up. He snapped his book shut. "I did not ask for your advice, and I do not need it."

"Wrong," Lae'zel said. "You did not ask for advice, but you clearly need it desperately. How did you fumble a free evening at a brothel?"

"I beg your pardon, I have never fumbled anything relating to sex," he said.

"I see," Lae'zel said. "Then the problem was in your other behavior."

"There is no problem," Astarion said. "It was a lovely but rather intense experience, and it's not surprising Nykalaeni would need some time alone to recover."

"Chk," Lae'zel said, jerking her chin up. "You think me blind because I have been silent. The place Nykalaeni most often seeks comfort is in your presence. That she is not here now, reading over your shoulder or from another tome, is evidence enough of a problem."

"Well I don't know what else she wants," Astarion snapped. "I did my best! It's not my fault if that's suddenly not good enough!"

"I see," Lae'zel said again. "And was 'your best' what you wanted to do?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" Astarion asked.

Lae'zel sighed, as if Astarion was a misbehaving child. He entertained a brief thought of lunging at her, but he'd seen her fight enough to know that would not be nearly as cathartic in reality as it was in his head. "Idiot vampire," she said, "what do we have in common?"

"Nothing," Astarion said. He thought better of it, then added, "A tadpole."

"Correct," Lae'zel said. "But what did she think we had in common, when she started having sex with you as well?"

He supposed 'being sexy' was not the answer Lae'zel had in mind.

Apparently she didn't expect him to have an answer at all, because after only a few moments, she said, "Being straight-forward in our desires. There is little Nykalaeni appreciates more than honesty, and little she likes less than being manipulated. So I ask you again: was whatever you consider 'your best' what you truly wanted? Or were you doing what you thought she wanted you to do?"

Astarion sat with that for a moment. He had even told her he would leave if he was uncomfortable, hadn't he? But instead of doing that, he fell back on old habits. Unfortunately, Nykalaeni knew him well enough now that that was probably apparent to her. And if she noticed it, she would be upset by it. That was almost certainly the case. "Shit," he said.

"That is what I thought," Lae'zel said. Then she leaned over and slapped him across the face.

Astarion jerked back. "Ow, what the hell?"

"Stop hurting her," Lae'zel hissed. "Go apologize and tell her you will try to do better, or I will make you regret that she chose you over me."

"I already said you were right," Astarion muttered, setting aside his book to stand up. "You didn't need to hit me."

"No," Lae'zel agreed easily. "That was for me. Go."

[chaoxfix]

🕯️🪄🌻 for the meme!

ty for the ask!! <3

🕯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

ahh... hmm. i like putting out the energy i want back. if i read something i try to comment, and if i dont like something or am not interested in the concept, i just dont react because it's so much worse to upset someone over something they worked hard on.

i really don't think kudos are a very good expression of appreciation, as it has almost no room for real connection. fics are free, you know? when something is free but gives you joy, you should probably meet it with love, and love in a way that really shows why you like it. thats why i think comments are much better. i get why it can cause anxiety, but there's really no wrong way to comment unless youre 1) being an honest to god jerk, 2) pointing out something you dislike / something that you think the author was "incorrect" about (especially if the commenter is the one whos wrong lmao. either way i really dont think free fanfiction is like. lol. the place to do public criticism. just saying.)

im a rather anxious person irl, so im not really sure exactly what every single other anxious person's obstacles are or how to bridge them. because of that, i won't try to give universal advice since it's something i cant be an expert on if my experience is so different.

but i will say, for myself -- i mitigate my anxiety by practicing gratitude. i weaponize my people-pleasing for good by trying to be someone who makes other people feel genuinely good. and there's nothing better than feeling appreciated and praised for things that have value. and that kind of thing usually comes back around.

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

ahh... hmmm...

if it's late at night (after midnight) when i post it, i go to sleep so i wont stay up refreshing the page to see what people say, or worse stay up editing all the typos that "suddenly appear" in ao3 formatting lol. that way even if no one reads it overnight or there are errors, it's okay because at least i can face the day with some sleep.

if it's not late at night when i post it, i try to go for a walk to again avoid constantly refreshing the page for feedback or immediately editing it. bc its not super healthy to spend even more time on it after whats probably been hours and hours, and i dont want my entire day fixated on something i should be done with.

i dont really celebrate much though, probably because i just kind of expect myself to make things of a quality i can stand behind. i didnt really grow up getting praised despite being an overachiever bc it made others around me feel bad when i got a lot . . . so i. have to really try and make something worthy of praise to feel like i deserve it. idk. haha. so anyways overall i try to lean more and more into 'i dont need validation' because id hate to put all my eggs in that basket -- not just because i dont want to be motivated by others' praise, but also because, i dont want to stop writing for the opposite reason, if someday i no longer feel like the quality of work i produced actually deserved the amount of feedback it got.

🌻what makes you want to give up on writing? what makes you keep going?

low motivation for long stretches, and losing interest in the things others like best, make me want to stop writing. both with fandom and original. low motivation usually coincides with depressive stints for me, and it makes me feel awful. like i cant do the one thing i like best, because i just can't motivate myself. when i finally manage it, it's crap for the first thousand words, then it gets better.

for me though, what makes me keep going is getting others to see my vision. getting them to feel what i aim to make them feel; crafting stories that, maybe theyre not perfect, but the emotions they generate are enough. it really is hard without an audience. even though i'm not motivated as much by getting a ton of validation, i do need at least a little lol, even just someone to say "yes. i see you. i understand what you needed me to feel from this, and i felt it." which is why i have original writing friends as well, for original stuff.

buuut also, i also keep going because i like being able to jot down what im thinking/imagining so that i can revisit it later and go back to that feeling, that moment in time where i was absolutely positive of that scene

thank you again for asking!! ^^

[omghallucinations]

www.tumblr.com/omghallucinations/767443139595272193/when-i-thought-nothing-could-beat-the-atz-members?source=share

YEEEES

know you got me thinking I would pay to meet all of them just to give me love advice just to have a laugh tbh cause they be looking like this 🤡 like I love y’all but I’ve already read your birth charts to know all the clownery behind those words , especially Mingi, Yunho and San, oh San such a baby boy but at what cost . I feel like Jongho is the only one that can give me a concrete advice and I’d still have my doubts 😭

dude san is SUCH a mess like.... I got an ask about wooyoung and san's attitudes towards relationships like I did mingi and yunho and even before I really get into it san is... a MESS. a HOT MESS. a love bomber WHO MEANS EVERY WORD at least when he is saying it, like can you imagine 🙈 genuinely I was like "...nvm" when I read his chart, he got a gemini (me) RUNNING

(that said i bet it would still work on me for a minute 🙃 he's a charming motherfucker AS WELL AS a disaster ok!!)

I fully agree with jongho (some doubts, less than the others). i actually bet if he is being serious wooyoung gives good advice (that he would never ever ever ever take himself lmao)--talk like an advice columnist act like crazy 😭

In order of how good their relationship advice is I feel like... (according to me, an air sun water moon uranus heavy on my venus so take that into account)

wooyoung (as long as u don't look at all at his own actions or attitude towards himself, terrible, but he has really high emotional intelligence when it comes to other people)

jongho (realistic, kind of harsh)

... I guess all the other cancer moons??? actually idk I don't trust any of these bitches... maybe not, maybe hongjoong actually... sure, hongjoong (smart, realistic, bit intense tho, LOVES simply LOVES to be the person asked for advice (will never admit this) lowkey loves the drama (also will not admit this) so he wants all the deets and will remember something u mentioned in passing 3 months ago)

seonghwa (severe doubts about some of his judgment but he is very empathetic and understanding and will encourage u so you will feel better after)

yeosang??? yunho??? yeosang is only medium engaged in the conversation tbh and yunho like... toss a coin he might have #1 tier advice one day and then #8 the next imo, hard to predict

let's put them at a tie

mingi (absolutely terrible judgement)

san (delusional)

can't believe I'm ranking san below mingi... truly he is not acquainted with reality... sweet boy very romantic truly believes his own bullshit but like... that advice would be so horrible 😬 so embarrassing 😬 so cheesy 😬 help...

[distortedataraxia]

Dazai, kunikida and ranpo when you first join the ADA

Type : headcanons

Genre : Idk actually

Characters : Dazai, kunikida, ranpo

Warnings : Mentions of suicide because dazai

Author note : Hello ! This is my first time writing headcanons, I hope i didn't mess it up or mess up the characters behaviour and that this is enjoyable, and if this isn't i hope to improve, i know this headcanon isn't very original but i atleast hope you'll enjoy it or that it gives you inspiration for your stories, feel free to request,thank you for your time~

--------------

Dazai

When he sees that you're a new detective at the detective agency, he of course HAS TO COME AND MESS WITH YOU.. it wouldn't be fun if he didn't.

He will reads through your personality really fast If you ask me

Might says things about you you didn't even notice

At first he was really too lazy to go and talk to you, I mean, sleeping on the sofa was already very hard for him, but he eventually gave In because he got curious, so he went to mess with you

If you're a girl, be preppared for him to ask to commit a double suicide with you, if you're not then you'll probably be spared (unless dazai misgender you)

The way he'll act around you probably depends of who you are and how you act ; that's up to you to imagine

During the entrance exam, dazai will probably guide you

Bonus for simps : if he's interested in you, He will do his best to spend more time with you and also he will encourage you and give you advices like he did to some people (Atsushi, Kunnikida..).

------------------

Kunikida

He will definitely sees if you correspond to his ideals lmao

He will do his best so that your first day isn't too bad (will beat up dazai and tell you to enjoy your day regardless what happened)

If you're like dazai and also annoy kunikida without mercy be prepared for your ears to explode

Might try to guide you, it could depends why you came to the agency and who made you go there so that's up to you to imagine~

Will probably give you advices if you need some (like he did to atsushi)

Will definitely hope you're not like dazai

If you're like dazai and wants to annoy him PLEASE give him a break -

Bonus for simps : If he's interested in you he'll definitely keep on making sure you don't get bothered by dazai or other stuff and dazai will probably notice right away and give you a lot of hints and annoy kunikida about it.

-----------------

Ranpo

Will first probably not mind you and only mind his food and candies I mean It's ranpo what do you think

Will brag about his "ability"

He'll figure out who you are and your intentions pretty fast (just like dazai will figure out who you are pretty fastly) .. Though maybe he won't at first if you're as strange as dazai, up to you to decide ~

Will prob ask you to get some snack for him at one point

Might surprise you by saying things about you you didn't remember saying cause he deduces a lot of stuff

You might end up helping him when he has to use trains, obviously.

As I said high chances are he won't mind you too much

Bonus for simps : if he's interested in you, he'll probably make it so he ends up passing more time with you because he'll figure out easily where you will go, be prepared for it, he'll use a lot of smart excuses.

[nerves-nebula]

Same thing happened to me. Different circumstances, but yeah it is super painful. My mom didn't tell me what I period was until I got it for the first time, and I wasn't even with her. I was at my grandmother's house and had to learn what they were from her, my mom only explained it to me after.

She also hasn't taught me hygiene either. I know the basics of course, the really obvious ones that are easy to do. Anything else? Hell if I know. I don't even know how to properly wash my hair, I have dandruff constantly. She complains about it, but she sure as hell isn't gonna teach me how.

Anyways, I wanted to write this to tell you that you aren't alone. This shit is incredibly common, for whatever reason. It sucks, but my advice is to just try. Focus on the now, and just try your best. Tacky advice, I know, but Focusing on the now will get you to the future. And that way you can prepare yourself for it, and actually know how to do it.

(You don't have to answer this ask, I just wanted to send some words of encouragement :D)

thank you, it feels really nice when people offer their stories unprompted like this <3

my mom taught us the basics too, by which I mean she TOLD them to us and barely ever enforced them. I've gotten better at showering regularly (probably still less than most people though) but I cant fuckin STAND brushing my teeth. it makes my mouth feel sooo gross and i never got into the habit of it so it's still difficult.

I used to have HORRIBLE dandruff too, and it itched so bad that I would scab my head all over scratching at it. turns out I have seborrheic dermatitis (diagnosed via tumblr user saying I might have it, and then a nurse confirming it lmao) and now I use a medical anti-dandruff shampoo from like. walgreens or something! I think its called selsun blue or something, so idk maybe that'll help?

ALSO FUCKING. I HAVE SO MANY ISSUES WITH HAIR. so im mixed and my mom has straight hair cause shes very white. so i am FUCKED cause god knows she wont learn to do black hair. but my hair isnt as tightly curled as my other siblings either, so im kind of just left floundering cause idk what kind of hair i even HAVE so how do i figure out how to take care of it??? all i know is that shampoo goes before conditioner ;O;

ANYWAY yeah you're advice here is actually pretty solid. unfortunately the truth is that when it comes to hygiene, you just have to try to do it consistently.

one thing that helps me take showers (and this is advice i got from ppl with ADHD, which i might also have idk) is to either set a timer or just don't. think.

if i think too much I'll never take a shower cuz i'll be thinking about how hard it is and how long it will take.

but if I think "i should shower" and just ride that thought out then I can collect all my things (towel, bodywash, etc) and go to the shower before I have the chance to change my mind.

my hygiene is still probably "gross" to most people but I've improved a lot so i'm proud of myself.

sorry for the ramble hah, I appreciate the encouragement <3

[imthepunchlord]

idk about other cultures, BUT i do know about the chinese zodiac and they actually have elements! air is not one of them, but you can look yours up. it’s not that each animal has a singular element that corresponds like the western zodiac. so there is water, fire, earth, wood, and metal/gold for each animal. you have to look up your birth year to see what element it was. also roosters are like the worst flyers ever so i wouldn’t necessarily say that you’re air just because they’re birds (although i do understand that it was the anon that said these things)

just a disclaimer for this next part: i am not trying to accuse you (nor that anon) of anything, just trying to give some advice and spread some knowledge. i do not know your cultural/ethnic/national background and maybe you’re just misinformed, but please don’t use the cultures you’re not tied to or knowledgeable about. it perpetuates the spread of misinformation and really is cultural appropriation when it boils down to it because you’re not doing the research for it to actually be appreciation.

i’m gonna make an assumption that could be completely wrong, but it isn’t very out there considering the content of your blog. i assume that you’ve probably gotten into the chinese zodiac because of miraculous ladybug. that’s great btw! i love miraculous and the fact that it gets some culture out there, but i really don’t think that it’s the best representation of chinese culture (off the top of my head, cats are really good luck lmao and that goes against the main premise of the show) so if you’re interested in that stuff please do research outside of the miraculous universe. that goes for everyone who likes miraculous btw.

again! maybe i’m misreading the situation or something, but please do research before publicly involving yourself in these cultures and possibly causing the spread of misinformation and making it seem like they are aesthetic. i don’t think that this was your intention, but it does come across as this.

also i would like to reiterate that most of this message does apply to all cultures (especially those of marginalized communities) but i wouldn’t actually know about those cultures so i can’t speak on them here.

anyways, please have a nice day and thank you for reading my probably annoyingly long message <33

I am a metal rooster actually.

Thank you for sharing your concern, I do assure you that when I'm going to delve into another culture, I'm going to research about it first and make sure I'll portray it correctly. Wu Xing I read up a lot on in my ML days because I wanted to know who of the 5 could be what element. And much of my research left me irritated with ML as it's not properly incorporating Chinese mythology or views into their miraculous.

By all means though, if anyone finds I misportrayed something please let me know, I acknowledge that I am still learning and don't know everything. I'd like to know so i can make corrections. If I'm asked on something I'm researching still, I'll be clear I don't know everything yet and I can't give a proper or elaborate answer.

Thanks for the concern, I do always aim to be respectful and do a lot of research if there's something I'm going to write about.

[disastergay]

y'know it's really a shame that you're a radinclus and think everyone is valid cause your flags are actually good. idk if i'm even allowed to use them since i'm kuhweerphobique and panniephobique and am actually NOT lesbophobic by being against mspec lezzies but i don't care cause i do use them anyway and will continue to do so. truly a burden that you are still even active tbh

LMAO I'm not really sure what to say--thank you for the compliment I guess? I put a lot of hard work into designing them, so it's nice to know that even the people who don't like me still like my flags. I'll give you this much, your spelling of 'panphobic' and 'queerphobic' are certainly........ creative.

and I mean like, I have no way of stopping you from using my flags, so. you do you, dude!

look, kiddo, it's okay not to understand other people's identities, or why they use the labels they do. hell, it's okay if your kneejerk reaction is to dislike a label and find out you're wrong about it later on. I don't know if you're speaking from a place of trauma or the genuine belief that you're doing the right thing, but I can tell that you're scared. sometimes people lash out when they're scared because it makes them feel less helpless. it's not a very nice thing to do, but I understand why you're doing it.

now, I don't know exactly what you were expecting to accomplish here, but I'm not gonna yell at you, call you names, or try to debate my beliefs on any of these issues. I'll simply offer a word of advice for the future: the biggest mistake anyone can make is believing they have nothing left to learn. you might think you know everything there is to know about bisexuality and lesbianism. maybe you've done even more research on queer issues than me! that doesn't make you smarter than me, or give you the right to go around insulting people.

so,,, promise me one thing, 'kay? think on that for a little bit. ask yourself what hypothetical facts you could learn that would make you change your mind, and if the answer is 'none', then you've got some soul-searching to do.

[lilikags]

Hi Hi~~ may I request some hcs for kayron, mort, tywin, vildred, and krau with an S/O that is very smart but is very fragile, like they get sick easily and even the smallest hit can inflict a lot of damage, thanks as always!

request !! ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

‗ ❍ req open at @lilikags (hq, genshin, e7) & @arlitem (tot) ‗ ❍ kayron, mort, tywin, vildred & krau with an s/o who is smart but fragile ‗ ❍ fluff, hcs ‗ ❍ apologies for this being super late, I hope you don’t mind. :0 ive been super busy and i hope it hasn't been too long >< pls enjoy !!

˗ˏˋ꒰ kayron ꒱

-> kayron is extra protective of you. when i mean protective, like- he's the only one that can even touch you, in fear of you being hurt. he's also afraid of himself hurting you- he doesn't trust himself no matter how much you assure him that he'll be okay

-> he does allow a doctor near you though- the best one he can find. the souls down in the underworld aren't exactly the most fit for the job, especially when most of them are moving bones... but he does find a good one on orbis and kidnaps him there

-> please teach him manners. he will listen to you. he trusts you because he knows of your wisdom.

˗ˏˋ꒰ mortelix ꒱

-> mort finds you interesting by your reactions. he obviously won't do anything that could hurt you, but he'd still tease you constantly

-> first time you get sick he literally kidnaps the doctor too when you need it. the council is so close to saying "get some help" because they're so annoyed with him stealing the best doctor in eureka just because you got a cold one day and it's causing them a plethora of political issues

-> when you scold him though he understands but is definitely not sorry for his actions...

-> whenever you give him advice he acts like he doesn't listen. but later he will definitely use it- it lives in the back of his brain.

˗ˏˋ꒰ tywin ꒱

-> he always has someone to look after you when he can't. he's protective and easy to read once you get to know him; you'll know what's coming. though if it ends up feeling suffocating, let him know and he'll suddenly not know what to do and you can set your own terms. as long as they make sense to him. else he'll get upset (at the situation)- and its not often that this happens.

-> super embarrassed about it when asked for no reason at all, but when you're doing your usual work (and he's there, because schniel gave him a day off) but he likes staring at you. it's emotionally healing for him.

-> doesn't know how tf to take care of you, but he studies. his second major is being a doctor and just for you, because he's found a new hobby: taking care of you. he's also just good at it, don't ask how.

˗ˏˋ꒰ vildred ꒱

-> nerdy jokes. all the time. idk if anyone forgot that he actually has humor. canonically. (bc i did forget for a little while with all the drama that happened in ep 1 lmao) he definitely makes jokes relevant to what you're smart about (even if it's just like generally smart- anything you're familiar with)

-> will protect you to the ends of the earth will quit his job- when you tell him "no, don't do that" he'll take a minute to think

-> sometimes (more than not, actually) he's incapable of making certain decisions for himself and he literally asks you to decide for him.

˗ˏˋ꒰ krau ꒱

-> nerdy jokes again but this time they're not that funny. he's trying tho, give him a kiss on the cheek.

-> born warrior not born king. you see, he's not that bad at his job... but you're just smarter at it. what taranor needs is not a commander but a ruler. he won't force it on you if you're not up to it tho,, but he would ask you for advice

-> literally hires the best doctor in taranor. no more words need to be said.

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : lili's notes...

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

➽ please rb if you liked this! it would make me so happy <3

➽ masterlist

➽ tag list in rbs. send an ask to be in the taglist!

[here2bbtstrash]

Hi, Em! I was feeling nosy today, so I read your about me, and now I have a random question that I hope you don't mind answering lmao

I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, but I gradually stopped presenting symptoms as I grew up. Now it's coming back to bite my ass again cause I'm god's favorite child, I guess. So, on a scale of 1 to 10, how annoying is having ADHD as an adult? Cause I've been stressing about not stressing enough about the things I need to get done and, as a result, I end up doing nothing, which stresses me out even more 😭

PHEWWWWW OH MAN do i know that feeling well lmao. so i have been medicated before but i'm not currently taking anything, and i would definitely say i go through phases where my adhd feels more and less under control. it can even change day to day. some days are a 1 and some are a 10 and most fall somewhere in between. i'd say today was like a 4? i focused really hard at work and got a lot done, but i felt absolutely WIPED afterwards bc i had to push so hard lol

idk if you want advice but i'll babble, some things i've found that help me generally are:

focus music (i like pulling up lofi bts on youtube bc lyrics in any language are too distracting, or i'll do ambient noise, or video game soundtracks)

lighting specific candles when i'm focusing so my brain associates that scent with 'ok time to not fuck around'

the pomodoro method (or if that feels like too much, "just 5 minutes" - set a 5 minute timer and tell yourself you only have to do the thing for 5 minutes, most of the time you'll finish it before the timer goes off OR you'll realize it's not that bad bc now you've gotten started and you're in the flow)

regular exercise (even just going for walks!)

having a consistent sleep schedule

not over-caffeinating (i am bad at this one)

asking for help!!!!! (also bad at this one 🥴)

trying to get outside and see the sun daily

making to-do lists even if i have to write them down in 5 places

following the dopamine (aka - DO WHAT SOUNDS FUN !!)

taking baby steps and actually celebrating them

productive procrastination (ie: put off the thing i REALLY don't wanna do by doing some other stuff that doesn't sound as impossible)

allowing my rest time to TRULY be rest (by giving myself permission to do nothing and not feel guilty)

embracing the good days and doing my best to ride out the bad ones

and above everything: BEING KIND TO MYSELF BECAUSE BEING NEURODIVERGENT IS REALLY FUCKING HARD AND THE WORLD WAS NOT BUILT FOR US AND WE'RE DOING OUR BEST

wow if you didn't know i had adhd before you could definitely tell just based on how chaotic that list is 💀 i hope some/any of that helps?? you are very much not alone my friend and i am always here to talk about the struggles of being an adult with adhd 💜 please be kind to yourself! you got this!!!

[disengaged]

hello! i'm here from elliott's post about film class, you replied to her and i found out that you have a double major of film studies and psych. anyway, i scrolled through your blog and i think you are quite passionate and really knowledgeable about your major, and i'm not lmao (i'm a multimedia arts student, but i want to be like a film director someday). hence, i'm here to get inspiration and advices from. i actually already saved the books you recommended though!

i'm going to take a film language class this coming sem, and i feel anxious about it (+ the fact that i'm a beginner in every medium of art/media makes me feel out of place and undeserving of being in this major lol). i started advanced studying with Crash Course's free film history course, but i just feel lost, i don't know what to do. i feel like i should be studying 60mph because i can't keep up with anyone.

my school does not really do examinations right after every semester, even quizzes are non-existent. i don't have a classmate or friend that i can ask these questions because they have other interests that do not interest me. that's why i find it hard to understand anything. i'm currently at the burnt-out stage so perhaps the reason why i am so naive. but any advice will really help. thank you :((

DUUUUDE omg .... okay first things first, take a deep breath, it's gonna be okay

i really respect your dedication/the fact that you're trying to study before the class even starts, but like . if it's an intro-level course, you're gonna be ok !! TONS of people take FS courses as optional arts credits/"for interest", it's typically expected that you're not going to know everything. as long as you have the right prerequisites for the course, you should be doing ok! if it turns out your prof sucks (like elliott's) you can brush up on the rest as you go ♥️ :-0

like ...... if you're already dealing with burnout, studying super hard ahead of time is gonna make you feel even worse. & yknow ....... if it's really bad in the first week, just drop out tbh 🤷 some courses ain't worth it

in terms of exams: i'd say about half of my film studies classes have been essay-based rather than quiz/midterm/final exam-based, idk how your school works though

as for feeling 'undeserving' of your major ...... i can't really help you there, but you should know that imposter syndrome is super common in every single discipline and at any college/uni, especially in the fine arts side of things — but you're ok !! like !!! if you were a pro at everything already, school would suck ass. i hope u can get over this fear and better enjoy learning new things, cuz that's really what postsecondary is all about ♥️ it's ok to be naive, especially in subjects the average person knows jack shit about.

the path to becoming a director is ....arduous.... and typically requires training within the industry and/or a degree specifically in film production (which is different than the 'scholarly' branch of film studies) but if it's what you really want, go for it. put your heart into it, yknow, do whatever it is that makes you feel like you're doing something important. YOLO

it can be tough when your friends don't Get your interests, i'm here to chat anytime if you like tho !! film studies is basically my favourite thing on earth :'-)

also i saw u asked elliott abt notetaking ...... i use OneNote & i love it, it's great cause it puts your notes in The Cloud and you can access them from any device. super user-friendly and has drawing, highlighting, font changing functions, you can insert PDFs as printouts ....... i hate carrying my 5lb laptop to campus (and it doesn't fit on the little desk trays in my lecture halls anyways. fml) so i just have an iPad loaded up w OneNote and i'm set :-) i take some of my notes by hand but only for English/Writing/CMPUT classes lol, my FS and Psych classes go way too fast to keep up