#don’t really like Chris Pratt Starlord that much so I’m going of some comics and the game mostly

[blueboobutterfly]

Look, if y’all haven’t figured it out. I enjoy gender bending characters. So with this revelation I will present you with a headcanon.

BUFF FEM!PETER QUILL. BECAUSE YOU CANNOT TELL ME THAT WORKING ON A RAVAGER SHIP DOING A BUNCH OF WORK ON A MERCENARY SHIP WOULDN’T GIVE HER MAD MUSCLES. From working on ship, to training with other ravages, to literally being strong enough to go toe to toe with Yandus crew and their enemies would give her abs & biceps to drool over. Idk if this is me projecting on my ideal woman (cough *someone to snap me in two* cough) but I think a buff fem!star lord is needed. For her to break me in two.

Like not that she can’t be less built, but buff women are my dreammmmm. And she’s perfect, scrappy human trying to survive a ship full of alien men stronger than her and also earning her keep while not dying is a perfect setup for buff star lady to be born. I’m just saying 🤷‍♀️

[howyoucouchit]

Okay…for real, guys. Guardians of the Galaxy is as good as most people are saying.

So, I missed opening weekend, but I got to see Guardians of the Galaxy last night. If you have NOT seen it, do not keep reading, because SPOILERS. Also, if you have not seen it, what are you waiting for? It's freaking great!

I have a very limited set of knowledge about comic book superheroes. I know your big ones on both sides of the Marvel and DC aisles--your Supermans, your Batmans, your X-Men, your Spider-Mans, etc. But only so much as I know that they exist, and in a few cases, what their basic powers are, or who their love interests are, or their main villains. It doesn't go much deeper than that for me.

So when I heard about GotG, I was like, honestly, "What the ever loving fuck?" A raccoon? A tree man? What even is this? And you know what? Having now seen the movie, I'm super glad I didn't know anything about it. I had no expectations. At all. No idea of what should or could happen to these characters. No sense of what ancillary characters ought to be popping up. No eye for any of those classic Marvel Easter eggs. Props to the comics fans who can and will enjoy it on that level, but for me, given what these characters are like, and what this movie was about, it was just really fucking fun to go along for the ride.

Chris Pratt, as always, is incredibly likable as Peter Quill, aka "Starlord." In fact, he may be giving Paul Rudd a run for his money for most likable, attractive and funny leading man. His Peter Quill is not an intellectual, but he is quick on his feet, funny, open and, as he says himself, "not a 100 percent dick." He has fun chemistry with Zoe Saldana, whose Gamora is more of the heavy in this movie. (She is not funny in the way Peter is, though some of her reactions to him are pretty great. After he flirts with her, she has an awesome line about "pelvic sorcery.")

The biggest surprise to me, hands down, were the non-human Guardians. Rocket and Groot are both fantastic, fully realized characters. This is pretty astonishing when you consider that one of them is a raccoon, and the other is a tree who can only say three words. ("I am Groot.") And yet the script writers and the actors manage to infuse them both with personality and give them actual stakes. I don't mind saying that Bradley Cooper's Rocket has a couple of scenes that were downright moving…something I never thought I'd say about an anthropomorphic raccoon bounty hunter. And Rocket gives Peter Quill a run for his money as the funniest character in the movie.

If GotG had one weak point, it was the villains. Lee Pace's Ronan was run of the mill at best. A lot of shouting, posturing and chasing the MacGuffin (an "infinity stone") that was the central plot point, and not much personality. None of the charisma and charm that Tom Hiddleston brought to Loki. (The Thor movies rank as high as they do, in my estimation, largely because of Hiddleston's Loki--an example of what a villain CAN be, when done really well.) 

The other thing worth mentioning is the sound track. A lot of other reviews have been citing it, and with good reason. The movie is scored with a lot of 70s and 80s top 40 hits--classic radio tunes that would seem out of place in a space fantasy…except somehow they're not. They work perfectly, injecting even greater levity and entertainment value into the film, and they are even tied into the plot line (albeit loosely). They're more than worth it for Chris Pratt's opening scene alone…a dance sequence I won't even try to do justice to in this review.

So, go see it, please. There's only one response to someone who doesn't want to see this movie.

Golly…where are my manners?

[awed-frog]

tl;dr: nope

I got a couple of anon asks about this, and I’m also tagging @twist-shout-and-shells because they asked me to, but I have to say - I don’t know anything about comics, I don’t know Marvel at all, so this review is just a meaningless rant. Like, I know so little about this universe that the first superhero movie I ever saw in my life was Thor, and the only reason they got me was because my mythology-loving ass assumed this would be about the actual god, you know?, so that was a very confusing two hours. Anyway - after this, I’m done with them. The ridiculous hype campaign they created around Infinity War actually activated my crow brain, which means I rushed to the theater because I was sort of expecting this would be a shocking masterpiece and any spoiler would ruin it for me, and - yeah. Never doing that again. Because, whatever - they do manage to come up with some good writing from time to time, and Black Panther’s success had made me hope they’d finally recognize that a solid, coherent and meaningful story is really the first thing you need, but apparently not? 

Ugh.

Anyway, here are main reasons why I didn’t like Infinity War.

1) No, we don’t need a new plague

Problem number one with this movie is that it fails to take into account that our IQ as a people has dropped about twenty points over the last thirty years (and I’m not even joking) and that means even a guy nicknamed ‘Mad Titan’ is actually given the benefit of the doubt (I don’t remember anyone thinking Hela might have had a point, but then again, women are known to be emotionally compromised at all times, right, so all that rage was probably PMS and crazy bitches, amirite?, can’t live with them, can’t live without them). And here, predictably, is the result:

I even checked Breitbart so you wouldn’t have to and while they seem confused as to whether they should support this movie or not (don’t watch because Captain America is played by ‘Comrade Communism’, do watch because Chris Pratt is a Good Christian Man), it’s still clear to everybody over there that Thanos, “an environmentalist wacko obsessed with salvaging the natural resources of the universe” is “espousing liberal jibberish”.

So, I’m going to keep it short and mostly sourceless because I saw a lot of people discussing this, but just to be clear: yeah, it is worrying that human population has basically tripled in thirty years, but the correlation ‘more people = more damage & fewer resources’ isn’t as clear-cut as some like to think. Also, research shows that women being recognized as human beings - that’s the actual way to solve this problem (see also x, x), which means that if Thanos had meant business, he could have used those frwaking stones to build schools and family planning centres. 

2) Your plan against evil can’t be just saying no

This is probably what bugs me the most both in fiction and IRL: saying ‘Trump is a moron’, ‘capitalism is bad’ or ‘genocide is wrong’ is not a political program. It’s a moral stance, and kudos to you, but if you want to make the world a better place, you need a lot more than that. But, nope - IW fell into this trap with such relish I can actually believe no one saw this as a problem - at all. When Thanos pointed out, rather smugly, that decimating Gamora’s planet had led to a new era of happiness and prosperity, she didn’t react in any way. We never saw Tony or Shuri mentioning the outlandish, extravagant idea that better and greener technology could actually save us all. We never saw anyone point out that when the richest 1% own half the world’s wealth, wiping out half of a Nairobi slum isn’t likely to do much for the environment. I guess it wasn’t relevant to the plot?

3) Turning your audience against the good guys = dick move

That said, our planet is objectively in bad shape, and writers and artists who are (or like to think of themselves as) engagés are more than welcome to discuss this - for all her faults, JK Rowling did that to perfection in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, focusing on the importance of conservation and taking a clear stance against animal trafficking. Other movies, of course, went a lot farther than that: my movie rec of the day is Okja, a masterful and soulwrenching look at how capitalism manages food production. But IW, on top of everything else, manages to be an anti-green movement movie? As if that was needed in any way? Apparently comic!Thanos’ goal was to impress Lady Death or something, and maybe they should have gone with that, because to me, movie!Thanos’ plan sounds like an ill-conceived and unfortunate parody of the green movement. In fact, eminent biologist E. O. Wilson’s Half-Earth explores this exact possibility - which is not about killing off 50% of the population, thank you very much, but about improving agriculture and urban structures so we can leave 50% of the world to the rest of the ecosystem. And maybe it’s just me, but isn’t it a bit weird the book came out at about the same time when IW’s script was being written? I try not to be a paranoid nutcase, but come on. Because what the movie does is that it turns Thanos into a sort of green Hitler whose only focus is the environment (“But he was a vegetarian!”), cue the creepy final shot of him going all ‘Schwarzy in the forest’ surrounded by clean-water creeks and happy animals while we are left counting our dead. The metaphor couldn’t be more obvious, and to be honest it is most unwelcome. Time and place, guys? I really haven’t seen something so revolting since I got to the end of the Da Vinci Code and realized atheists were the true monsters all along.

4) Being a hero doesn’t mean saving your friends

So this is starting to become a trend, and seriously, enough. If you’re a hero, then you need to think of something greater than yourself, and this is why your life will suck and suck and suck until your untimely death. Deal with it? And I can understand Loki giving up the Tesseract for his brother, because he’s always been more of an anti-hero than a hero, and his morals are shot to hell in any case, and I’ll forgive Dr Strange because he clearly saw something we didn’t, but what the hell was Steve thinking? Seriously, I keep seeing posts about how Pure and Noble Steve is, and guys, did we even see the same movie? Bringing Vision to Wakanda meant endangering an entire nation, and thousands of people there paid for that choice with their lives. It’s because Steve insisted in not seeing the big picture - or accepting Vision’s own wishes - that Thanos even succeeded in the first place. If they’d destroyed the stone, Thanos would never have gotten his hands on it, and Wakanda would not have been attacked by a horde of alien demons. Sacrificing hundreds or thousands of nameless (black, African) warriors to keep one (white) man safe is not heroism - it’s cowardice. It’s assuming your own feelings and your friends’ lives count more than the lives of strangers, and this is the exact opposite of how a hero should think. Not that I’m surprised, since Steve already condoned the destruction of half of Bucharest to save Bucky, but whatever. Compare and contrast with Tony, by the way, who first tried to destroy the Time stone, then chose to sacrifice himself to save someone he didn’t even like? Yeah, that’s more like it. #TeamStark

5) Every single woman is defined by her relationship to a man

With the caveat that no emotion, connection or motivation is throroughly explored in IW because it’s an action-packed movie during which people never speak an honest word to each other (relying instead on posturing, movie quotes and sarcastic remarks), here is basically what happens: men have things, and women have men. Tony’s journey is mostly about saving Peter and also sacrificing himself for the world. Steve is all about his friends and various heroics. Dr Strange is a sort of ascetic monk playing the long game. Thanos wants to save the universe or something. And Vision is on a quest towards humanity? Maybe? But the women - Gamora is important because she’s Thanos’ daughter. Scarlet Witch is important because she loves Vision. Natasha (I think she’s in the movie? I don’t actually remember if we hear her speak) is on Cap’s side because Cap. Pepper only appears to remind us of what Tony has to lose. Exceptions to this rule include Shuri, whom IW didn’t quite manage to destroy; Loki, who was always female- and queer-coded, so I’m not surprised he ends up dying for the handsome and suitably Aryan hero; and arguably Starlord, who mostly fights for Gamora (what is a virtue in a woman, however, is a weakness in a man, because Starlord ends up fucking up the plan because of his love for her). And I know they probably tried to compensate for the complete lack of women in the movie by highlighting how powerful Scarlet Witch is and focusing so much on Gamora, but I’m an annoying person, so that didn’t work for me. Because, again, Scarlet Witch is a 2D character plucked directly from a Victorian dictionary’s definition of ‘woman’ (while the menfolk around her worry about the possible demise of the Entire Earth, there she is, channelling all her energy in being a good and loyal companion to her robot husband) and Gamora has no more control over her life in this movie than she had as a child? Her main narrative purpose in IW is to make us feel bad for her boyfriend and father, who’re both driven to kill her (for very different reasons) and suffer for her death (and don’t get me started on Thanos suddenly loving someone and what a stroke of luck, the one person in the universe he gives a damn about just happens to be standing next to him on top of a cliff when he needs to kill her). Seriously, why is it that female characters’ concerns still begin and end with romantic love? This trope that romance is the most important thing for every single woman needed to die, like, yesterday.

6) None of that actually means anything

Look, I’m a sucker of time-travel of any description, but I also think time-travel must be done honestly or not at all. Movies like Back to the Future or Arrival both use time bending to great effect, because the stakes are real and painful and there are all sort of complex decisions facing our heroes. But IW doesn’t care about any of that. The existence of the Time stone is not about ethical dilemmas or even turning up the drama to eleven - the one purpose of that thing is to make us hope that our personal fave is not dead after all, so we’ll keep watching this stupid franchise until the end of times. That finale could have been innovative and heartwrenching, and instead we already know it wasn’t. Samuel L. Jackson is apparently confirmed in Captain Marvel, which will be released next year, and we also know they’re working on Spider-Man 2, Guardians of the Galaxy 3, Black Panther 2 and Doctor Strange 2. Capitalism has very nearly killed the possibility of creating a well-written and gutting story, because the rule is, If it makes money, it goes the fuck on. Hence TV shows which no longer make any kind of sense but we all keep watching out of nostalgia, affection for the characters or dissatisfaction with our own lives, and also franchises which stretch the plot to new and boring limits (for instance, it beggars belief that Tony and Steve didn’t even meet in IW, and their fight never came up at all: I guess we’ll have to wait for IW 2, or Avengers 37: The One with The Talk). And here, again, studios are so greedy that they willingly disregard the fact audiences will reward ‘complete’ stories: for instance, Logan was critically acclaimed and made tons of money, but the risk of ‘permanently’ killing off a beloved character is still considered too high. And playing it safe actually works: IW costed $320 million, which is about 5% of the studio’s budget, and that investment has already been repaid in full (the movie made double that in the first two weeks).  

(Meanwhile, 21st Century Fox gained more than one billion dollars from Trump’s TAX REFORM THAT WILL MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN - probably a disappointing amount of money for owner Richard Murdoch, who has a net worth of 15 billion and is known to use some of that hard-earned cash to support laudable & important causes such as the privatization of public education, but hey, we all need to make do and move on, right? Right.)

So this is mostly it. To be fair, IW was mildly entertaining, and I thought they sort of did a good job in juggling twenty leads - we got no character development at all and no meaningful dialogue, but we saw everybody at least once and their lines were funny? Some moments were genuinely good despite a couple of bizarre plot points (I’m still unclear on why Strange didn’t create a circle of fire around Thanos’ arm, and very tired of the overused ‘Yeah, let’s save the most powerful weapons for last’ trope), so I wouldn’t say this was the worst movie ever made, but as I said, I’m done. I’ve given more than enough money to this franchise, so when IW 2 comes out, I think I’ll be a boring adult and watch it on TV as I’m doing my ironing or something. Good times.

[scrawnydutchman]

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 Movie Review

Side note: The marketing for this movie kicks ass. Movie poster with the characters posing like it’s an album cover for an 80s band? Brilliant.

The following review contains spoilers, made evident in bold letters whenever they pop up for the readers convenience. If you still haven’t seen it but still want to read this review, skip those bold lettered bits.

Yet another addition to the ever going repertoire of Marvel’s cinematic universe gold mine. As followers of my blog may know from my post Guardians of the Galaxy: How to Develop Multiple Characters at Once (which you can read here: https://scrawnydutchman.tumblr.com/post/156453073093/guardians-of-the-galaxy-how-to-develop-multiple), the first Guardians is my favorite of the marvel cinematic universe franchise. It’s comedic styling, heartfelt character interaction and development, laidback carefree style and overall lighthearted nature really sold me on characters I had no idea even existed before the film came out, as I’m sure it did for many other movie goers and comic fans. But that said, my opinion is sadly very biased. The truth is, I have fallen very behind on Marvel movies. Never saw Ant-Man, never saw Avengers: Age of Ultron, never saw Thor 2 or Captain America 2, haven’t even seen Civil War (though I’ve spoiled myself with the airport fight scene and it is glorious), and have yet to see Dr. Strange. Part of what intimidates me about this is that the comic book movies are very much following in the heels of the comic books themselves, in that there are so many of them and they’re such a continuation of one larger story that if you try to get into one you risk not knowing what’s gone on in the previous films. I was sort of worried Guardians of the Galaxy 2 would have one too many references to the larger expanded universe I wouldn’t catch and would take away from my enjoyment of the film. Luckily, however. There is none of that. This movie is a continuation of the events of the first Guardians of the Galaxy and nothing more, so those viewers in the same boat as me can be comforted in knowing you can hop into this film fresh off it’s predecessor without being lost. Not only that, but this film is every bit as heartfelt, character driven and hilarious of an emotional rollercoaster that the first one is and is even an improvement in some areas . . . whenever it’s not pulling semi-pandering bullshit that I’m almost positive is some money greedy executive producers fault and not the fault of the director James Gunn.

Plot Summary:

 The Guardians are at it again, on a quest hired by this snobby gold skinned alien race (who get a solid amount of laughs in this film) to obtain some batteries for them in return for Gamora’s (Zoe Saldana)  violent cybernetic sister Nebula (Karen Gillan), so that they may turn her in for her bounty. It was supposed to be a simple job and a simple trade . . . until Rocket (Bradley Cooper), being the mischevious and impulsive little Raccoon that he is, decides to steal the alien races batteries from under their noses, causing the race to hunt them down and shoot them. One thing leads to another and eventually the Guardians run into Starlord’s (Chris Pratt) long lost father (Kurt Russell) and Starlord finally gets some answers as to what happened between his father and mother. Along the way they run into other wacky characters like the return of Yondu (Micheal Rooker) and the emotion sensing Mantis (Pom Klementieff).

Plot Critique:

Those who left the first Guardians film with many questions will be satisfied to know that they have been answered in this sequel. We do in fact find out who Starlords father is and why he left his mother. We learn who or what Starlord actually is and why his father has come for him again. We also get satisfying side arcs for each character such as Gamora and Nebula trying to put aside their differences as quarreling sisters, Drax and Mantis developing a unique and likable friendship with each other, Yondu and Rocket discovering that they actually have a lot in common and finally Starlord and Gamora’s relationship gets a touch more development (even though it’s still going at a glacial pace which I think is fitting). The greatest strength of the Guardians has always been it’s characters and how they play off of each other and that is no less true here . . . that is except for what Baby Groot (Vin Diesel) does in this film but we’ll get to that in a bit.

Now I mentioned before that this film has an unfortunate tendency to pull some pandery bullshit. In certain instances it just feels like some scumbag producers who want to get in as much sponsorship and toy tie ins as possible completely hijack the movie, due to the placement not even being the least bit subtle or integrated well. The film literally opens on a pan & zoom of a perfectly center screen Dairy Queen restaurant. I am not kidding. It is the most blatant in your face product placement I have ever seen in a movie, and I’ve seen Man of Steel.

Nowhere is that point made more evident then Baby Groot’s entire purpose in this film. Seeing as the first Guardians most fondly remembered moment was the end credits scene of a little potted Groot dancing to the beat of Jackson 5′s “I Want You Back”, it seems the films marketing really wanted to showcase that Baby Groot is not only back but he’s just as adorable and hilarious as he was in the first movie. Blech. Personally I was always way more fond of the large hulking Groot, because he was just as sweet and sentimental but was also just as intimidating. Baby Groot is just enough sugar to turn your stomach and more often then not actually impedes on the groups objectives then does anything actually useful. But of course, the opening credits roll to the visuals of Baby Groot doing a little dance as his teammates are getting their asses handed to them by a giant tentacle monster in the background, which granted isn’t an unfunny visual but it’s pretty clear selling toys is the characters one and only purpose. It’s a shame because Groot in the first movie had  some real softspoken charm that wasn’t in your face all the time. It just went too far into one extreme is all.

Actually, there’s a certain reason I like to call this movie “Baby Groot Torture Porn”. Because something I’ve noticed is that for the movies source of cult merchandise and adorable factor, Groot gets abused like hell in this movie. Like seriously fucked up shit happens to him. He’s emotionally manipulated by Nebula into letting her free, he gets put in a little bird cage and is shuck around by some bandits, the bandits later forcibly sow a little costume onto him and force him into being a little mascot. there’s even a scene where the crust of a planet is caving in on him and he cries in pain as he’s about to get crushed. Jesus, this movie is relentlessly cruel to Groot. My buddy Liam who I went to see the film with proposed the theory that James Gunn hated Baby Groot and as long as he was forced to feature him in film this much for merchandising he just decided to torture the little bastard and  . . . yeah, that would explain a lot. It’s kind of unsettling, but it’s not like Groot really offers much in the way of comedy in this film besides that. there’s actually an after credits scene where he becomes a teenager playing a video game in his room and Starlord lectures him about cleaning his room as if he were his father. That joke is dead before you even execute it. The only decent joke Groot delivers in the whole thing involves a severed toe. Those who saw it know what I’m talking about.

Now, plot wise this film is actually better then it’s predecessor in many ways. The most evident way being the involvement of it’s villain. Many moviegoers agree that one of the larger weaknesses of the Marvel cinematic universe is it’s lack of interesting or threatening villains (despite all the fangirls squealing over Loki) and the first Guardians is clear evidence of that claim. I don’t even remember the dudes name or what his ultimate goal was for that matter. I think he wanted an infinity stone and to harness it’s power to .  .. overthrow Thanos? Maybe? Eh, I’m too lazy to look it up.

The villain in THIS film on the other hand, is not at all like that. They’re given a lot of screentime, a memorable motivation, they posed a legitimate threat to the Guardians and to an extent you sympathize with their cause. Not to mention it’s a really good plot-twist I think, unless your familiar with the comics and can sort of guess it after some name dropping.

I’m pretty much convinced James Gunn can make any comic book concept cool and likable at this point, because the villain is goddamn Ego the Living Planet. One of the most frequently mocked villains in the Marvel comic book universe by fans. Not only is he made believable, compelling and to an extent as hilarious as the rest of the cast with a particularly gut wrenching David Hasslehoff cameo, but he’s arguably the most interesting and involved villain the marvel cinematic universe has had thus far, except perhaps Loki. Once again I’m a little biased about that claim but point is, he was pulled off surprisingly well. I suppose I shouldn’t expect any different from the film franchise that made a talking tree and raccoon some of the most likable characters in the MCU. Granted his demise is sort of his own fault, like he would have succeeded in seducing Starlord to join his cause had he just never mentioned that he’s the one who gave his mother the brain tumor (why the hell he even wanted to do that I have no idea) but beyond that he’s a satisfying villain, and the way he’s defeated is actually very fitting too.

It’s also worth mentioning that unlike the first film, this one has real stakes in it. Yondu dies in an actually very emotionally compelling way and he doesn’t come back in any shape or form, unlike Groot in the first film who essentially just becomes reborn. 

Comedy:

But enough about story, because however contrived or tight it might be it’s not the real reason we go to see a Guardians movie. We go for the laughs . . .and this film is chock full of the same good ol’ humor. There are MANY funny one liners, great interaction between characters, wonderful contrast jarringly placed with the drama for best effect without overstepping it’s boundaries to an extent where it makes the drama moot or unlikable. Drax is given a hell of a lot more to do in this film, which .  .thank God almighty for that because Drax was easily the best part of the first movie. He still has the misinterpretation of social ques, the lust for violence, the brutal honesty but the sweet sentimentality. Not to mention the fact that he can’t say anything positive or nice without immediately following it up with some derailing insult. The guy makes me roar in the audience whenever he says anything. Give me more Drax and I will be a happy man.

He’s not the only source of comedy though. Everyone in this film gets a decent amount of laughs . . . again, except for Groot sadly. Rocket is still a sarcastic snarky asshole, Starlord is still a clumsy yet charming lead, Gamora does a great straight man routine with her no nonsense demeanor, Yondu gets some funny bits, Starlord’s dad gets a few good ones. Mantis I think is the next best thing to Drax in this movie as she’s very similar to him in a lot of ways and they end up complimenting each others personalities in a way that really emphasizes the joke.

Anybody who has seen the movie knows that Drax and Mantis are developing something of a romantic relationship. You better believe I ship the absolute HELL out of Draxis. Mantrax? Drantix? Eh, whatever. Some people may not be into another romance developing as the one between Starlord in Gamora is already taking it’s damn time and seems to not serve a purpose outside of itself which . . . yeah I see their point. But in my opinion being entertaining is reason enough to stick around, and while Starlord and Gamora are sort of the stereotypical couple of clumsy charming boy meets stern no nonsense strong girl, Drax and Mantis are just precious together in a way that doesn’t happen often. They’re both misunderstanding of social norms, they both say hilarious derailing things, and Mantis’ feeling sensing powers really add to both the humor and drama of their given situations. The part where Mantis feels Drax’s pain over the loss of his family and begins to weep actually made me tear up a bit. And not gonna lie, when Drax called Mantis beautiful (on the inside, thanks Drax) I gushed a little bit . . and then proceeded to audibly say “Goddammit Drax”. 

Characters and Themes:

Now as I said before, Guardians greatest strength is it’s character interaction; the root of all it’s comedy and all it’s drama. I’m relieved to say it’s just as strong here as it was in the first movie, perhaps more so because it has even MORE characters to juggle all at once then before but pulls through anyway. We delve into a little bit of everybody’s problems like Starlord’s quest to belong with a family, Gamora and Nebula’s sibling quarrel, Drax and Mantis trying to find worth for themselves being outcasts and fishes out of water, Rocket and Yondu’s self identity issues and their tendency to push away the people they love to protect themselves, and finally Groot’s constant battle with trying to be as non-annoying and non-distracting as possible (ba dum tss).

That said, it’s becoming more and more noticeable that keeping up this juggling act is getting difficult, because a lot of characters struggles are basically spelled out for us by characters spouting out monologues basically giving their own character analysis. It’s especially jarring because it tends to happen right after a comedic scene of some sort. Either that or a comedic scene happens right afterwards. Like after the warp speed space travel scene with Yondu and Rocket’s faces getting warped on screen it literally turns right into Yondu ranting to Rocket about how he pretends to be a tough guy to hide the fact that he’s actually really scared and sensitive and as an attempt to not show weakness. It isn’t subtle and there are likely more creative ways to go about it, but it’s still heartfelt and emotional and ultimately I think that’s the main thing that matters. 

Action & Special Effects:

Not a lot to say here. It’s about as good as the first; sort of underwhelming and not anything special or remarkable like other marvel films, but it’s not like this was the major appeal of the first Guardians anyway. If you liked the first movies shots of characters moving in slow motion to hot 70s and 80s jams, there’s plenty of that here too.

Final Verdict:

Anybody who loved the first film will love it’s sequel just as much, maybe even more so. It’s all the same charm, all the same humor, all the same character and heart and personality. It’s even got a bunch of favorite 70s and 80s singles for you to purchase at your local HMV that no longer exists. This movie improves upon it’s first with a better villain and higher stakes, but unfortunately loses some points with it’s bits of gimmicky pandering and laughably forced  product placement, which is so disjointed from the rest of the experience I have no doubt in my mind it’s the brainchild of someone not in the directors chair (but Mr. Gunn gave me more Drax so all is forgiven). I give this film 4 out of 5 stars.

[popwasabi]

“Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2″ Review: Fun-gettable...

Directed by James Gunn

Starring: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Kurt Russell, Dave Bautista, Bradley Cooper and Michael Rooker

  "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2″ is a fun, action-comedy, romp that I will probably never have interest in watching again.

It’s a passably enjoyable action movie blockbuster that most fans and movie goers looking for cheap escapism will enjoy but it’s also infuriatingly ordinary and at times downright hollow which will frustrate other viewers *points finger at self*.

(Deal with it...)

“Vol. 2″ may not be an insult to the senses like some other comic book films of the past couple years but it doesn’t exactly knock it out of the park like its predecessor either.

“Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” continues the story of Peter Quill, aka Starlord, and his misfit band of friends Drax, Rocket, Gamora and now Baby Groot. After a job on the planet Sovereign goes wrong when Rocket steals some valuable batteries, the Guardians find themselves fleeing for their lives from their pissed clients. The Guardians are saved, however, when a mysterious figure annihilates the Sovereign’s attacks drones and upon crash landing on a nearby planet reveals himself to be Peter’s father named Ego a Celestial God-like being who takes the form of a planet. Ego wants to share his history and teach Peter the ways of his powers but it soon becomes clear that he has ulterior motives in mind.

(”Mwhahahaha!...ummm I’m not evil...”)

“Guardians Vol. 2” is much like the rest of the MCU in that it follows the safe, familiar, blockbuster blueprint that has made the franchise so successful.

Its fun, humorous and action packed, rarely doing anything risky; its part of what makes the franchise such a consistent box office draw (even if it doesn’t always rise above the average).

(#Average)

Chris Pratt is again charming as the wise-cracking Peter Quill (aka Chris Pratt playing himself), Dave Bautista continues to be a delightful moron in Drax, Bradley Cooper delivers some of the films best one-liners and Michael Rooker (the surprise hit of the movie) expands on his role from the previous film in Yondu, adding a new layer of depth to the character.

The film does take some time to develop more of the interpersonal relationships of its characters this time around, showing that Quill’s found family can be just as dysfunctional as any other ala the Fast and Furious model of story-telling.

(You said it Groot.)

The action is still fun (albeit a little more clunky this time around), with plenty of laser blasts and explosions to boot and the practical affects makeup of some of the aliens and androids of the Guardians universe are both delightfully old school and marvelously original.

The problem is “Vol. 2” feels like it doesn’t trust its audience’s attention span as much this time around, doubling down on quips and at times going full cheese.

Part of the MCU’s success is its light-hearted approach to super heroes, avoiding the grim dark of the DCEU and having a strong self-awareness of its source material. The problem is, especially with this movie, is that director James Gunn appears to lace every scene with a punchline. Sure there are some truly laugh out loud moments in this movie, and the humor is part of this series’ charm but the film loses tension because of this and rarely has any moments of true suspense or emotional depth. When every single scene is used for comic relief it’s hard to take a movie seriously and it’s a real problem with “Vol. 2.” We don’t need moments of levity in EVERY SINGLE scene in the movie, Mr. Gunn.

Scenes that feel like they call for real dramatic sincerity are punctuated with often drab jokes for cheap laughs (dick humor a plenty in this one). It sometimes works but mostly it doesn’t.

(Hey, lets have an obscure celebrity cameo after a huge tragic reveal for a cheap gag! That’s a good idea!)

You might say “well, the first ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ is light-hearted and full of humor, what’s the problem?” Well, even the first movie allows for moments of true drama and genuine emotion. Between Quill’s mother dying, Rocket talking about the horrible experiments he was subjected to, Groot’s ultimate sacrifice and Quill sharing a solemn moment with the memory of his mother through the mix tape she left behind for him, the first “Guardians” film is by comparison a much more emotionally weighted film (not a drama by any stretch of course) and provides a stronger balance between the humor and the more serious items of the story.

There isn’t many scenes like this in this sequel; sure they do talk about some difficult subjects between Gamora and Nebula’s childhood, Yondu reflecting on the bad choices he’s made and Drax looking back on the family he lost but these kinds of scenes are few and are far between. Did Gunn really think his audience couldn’t go a few minutes without hearing a dick joke or a site gag?

(Don’t give me that face, movie! You’re still grounded!)

“Vol. 2” also continues the troublesome MCU trend of forgettable movie bad guys (key word “movie” for you Netflix MCU fans btw). Kurt Russell, even with all his obvious charm and charisma, feels like filler in this movie, doing nothing truly memorable, providing more of a guest star appearance rather than creating anything iconic like the Heath Ledgers, Michael Fassbenders or hell even Wilem Dafoes of the comic book movie world. 

In fact he spends most of the film going through long, boring bits of expository dialogue before the obvious heel turn comes and he only becomes less interesting once the evil part kicks in. The CGI ends up doing the rest of the work in the third act too.

It would’ve been nice to see a Marvel villain not named Loki, Zemo or Thanos, last beyond one film for a change but hey the MCU has clearly not put an emphasis on developing their cinematic baddies, so what are you going to do?

(What do you think the over/under is on Vulture and Hela lasting beyond their respective movies this year?...)

Despite these many issues, it must be said that “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” is not a waste of time at the movies and certainly not the worst film of the year by any stretch. It kickoffs the summer movie blockbuster season with a heaping helping of escapism that movie viewers looking for two hours to kill with their friends away from the harsh reality of life will probably enjoy. If all you’re looking for is some cheap fun for two hours with some friends, there are definitely worst things to be had.

But “Vol. 2” does little to distinguish itself above the ordinary and feels more like a foot note in the MCU’s now 9 year run in theaters and that is perhaps this film’s greatest sin.

It’s perhaps worse than bad. It’s forgettable.

 VERDICT:

3 out of 5

All things considered, this could’ve been worse. Could’ve been directed by Zack Snyder =D...

Side note: HYPE

[game-refraction]

Game Review: Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy: The Telltale Series - Episode 1 (Xbox One)

Telltale Games had a lot to live up to after releasing the absolutely stellar ‘Tales from the Borderlands’. I’m not a huge fan of its Walking Dead series or its Game of Thrones one-off, and its latest Batman game I still have yet to push past its first episode, but Tales from the Borderlands and The Wolf Among Us were just so damn good and became my Telltale Games benchmark. It was during a voice actor strike that we first learned of Telltale adapting Guardians of the Galaxy to their adventure game model and one that at times can be a great experience, even if the cracks in the engine are really starting to show.

“Tangled up in Blue” is the first of five episodes that will be released periodically throughout the year to be purchased separately or as part of a $26.99 season pass. It’s also expected that there will be a physical edition released some point later on that collects the episodes in one easy to download package, even if the season pass purchase is a simple click itself.

This version of the Guardian’s team is a small twist on what Director James Gunn and writer Nicole Perlman brought to us in the 2014 movie than what we currently see in the latest comics, even if the comic book publisher is slowly converting these characters to something closer to their celluloid counterparts. Peter Quill still rocks the cassette player, even if it’s an awful purple color here instead of the orange we saw in the movie. Gamora reflects much on her sister Nebula as well as her father, the Mad Titan; Thanos. Drax still takes everything spoken to him quite literal and Rocket is still always complaining and translating for Groot.

Episode 1 takes us to a few places and puts the team in a variety of situations, even if there isn’t much going on here. There is a rather fun ‘boss battle’ in the early chapters with someone I hope to still see in later episodes, despite the resolution of not only this battle but with how the story ends at the conclusion of this episode. The game does shake up a few of the standard Telltale mechanics and allows Peter to converse with his team via a comm device for a few interesting bits of dialogue, as well as using Peter’s thrusters on his boots to explore the surroundings to give us some more classic point and click moments. I did find the game to be far too easy with no puzzle elements really to be found to offer much challenge or creativity.

I found that after the initial few chapters that the game slows down a bit too much and not a whole lot happens. During these moments, you can interact with the team, explore some very small areas aboard the Milano, and a dialogue only chapter in a space bar where you’ll need to take sides on a few arguments between team members. At times the game can feel like it is trying to mimic certain moments from the movie instead of going further with these characters in situations created solely for the game.

As is the case with all the Telltale adventure games, you will make choices that can, and will, have consequences to your actions, or what you say, or sometimes what you don’t say, to characters within the story. “Rocket will remember that” or, “Drax noticed what you did” will flash up on the screen after making certain choices indicating that what you said or did will have some effect later on. While most of these consequences are not felt in this episode, there are moments in the game where the story does take a change depending on who you sided with during a fight or what was spoken earlier on.

As I mentioned in my Tales from the Borderlands review, the engine used for Telltales’s games is really starting to show its age. There are some nice visual spots in the game like details here and there, but for the most part, there isn’t anything here that is drastically impressive. Characters and environments can be rather basic, have poor textures or suffer from some very robotic animations. When you are given the freedom to walk around, Starlord’s walking animations are painful to watch. The game also suffers from some awkward pauses when it transitions from scene to scene or when you move to another room on the Milano. For a game as visually basic as it is, load times can be oddly long and break the pace of a scene.

As was the case with the movies, and its upcoming sequel, Telltale has packed in a few licensed songs that feel very comfortable here and work well. The cast of the game is pretty decent and can often look to emulate what Marvel Studios has done with the movies. Scott Porter is rather good as Peter Quill and I’m glad he doesn’t really look to fully mimic what Chris Pratt did with the role and attempts to have fun with the character and give him a voice that works well with the Telltale model. Brandon Paul Eells, Emily O’Brien, and Adam Harrington all work well as Drax, Gamora, and Groot, but don’t offer much in the way of standing out. Lastly, we have Nolan North as Rocket. While this isn’t the first time that North has voiced the explosive little rascal, he has tweaked the voice a bit to sound more like that of Bradley Cooper and this small change really helps it prevent itself from sounding more like a parody of the character. The rest of the cast is good, so far, and the main villain of the game has me intrigued, to say the least. 

Episode 1 is an ok but often uneven start to this five-part series which thankfully is more fun that it’s not. I didn’t find the writing to be as witty and as fun as Tales from the Borderlands and felt the game played it very safe and uneventful for its debut episode. Visually I would have liked to see Telltale update their engine and put far more polish on a game that should be running far more smoother than what we get here. I am very interested to see where the next four episodes take us as the villain looks to impress and the story is just interesting enough to wet my appetite for more shenanigans in a galaxy that needs a few more guardians, and dance off’s, which I am sure will happen eventually, because reasons.

Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy: The Telltale Series was purchased and reviewed on Xbox One. All Screenshots were taken via the screenshot system and shared via the Windows 10 Xbox One App.

Still not sure? Take a look at the Episode 1 trailer!

Game Review: Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy: The Telltale Series – Episode 1 (Xbox One) was originally published on Game-Refraction