#don’t mind me I’m wallowing on my blog lmao

[shadow--writer]

Wanna write to escape crushing loneliness but I hate every word I put down :)

[blossoms-phan]

hi friends! since it’s been 3 months I thought I’d do a little updated about me :p

you can call me blossoms! 🌸 comes from the url obviously which I decided on in seconds when sitting in the middle of my bed making this blog at 3am bc I love dan and phil and cherry blossoms/japan/japhan etc etc

(as a side note I don’t share a lot of personally identifying info on here for a lot of reasons, don’t wanna be found out + professional reasons and tumblr is a great platform for having being a phannie as my main identity but I will occasionally overshare in the tags or random posts. for the most vague details I’m canadian and a poc ig? if you want to be friends or discuss anything in more detail im happy to share in dms just not in the general void lol)

some past fandoms I’ve been a part of tumblr or otherwise: avengers/marvel (this was in the peak in like 2016 and I followed it probably up until 2020 but dgaf anymore soz), marvel’s daredevil (their best show still love it), one direction/harry styles (harry was prob my biggest interest/fandom I was heavily involved in until like 2022 ish, i followed a bunch of accounts on my other blog and fan pages, went to his first solo tour in 2018, basically followed his every move- ik he’s not some underground artist but I lost interest when he kinda boomed and became SUPER popular I miss the early days of his solo era lol but still like his music), criminal minds, I think those are the main ones obv I lurk anytime I have a special interest lol

artists I like: twenty one pilots, arctic monkeys, the 1975, hozier, frank ocean, bad suns, muse, sufjan stevens, lana del rey, wallows, ed sheeran, lorde, zayn/hs/niall horan, paramore, the smiths, 5sos, kendrick lamar, fka twigs, fleetwood mac (this is off the top of my head just main ones ig there’s lots of other artists with specific songs I like and I also listen to my playlists from middle school often with p!atd and fob just the older stuff tho)

fave tv: derry girls, criminal minds, the office, gilmore girls, brooklyn 99, community, freaks and geeks, gossip girl, new girl, the end of the fucking world (short but a personal fave), fleabag, mindhunter- I like basic nbc sitcoms ok what can I say but currently watching Buffy and there’s lots of things on my watchlist like twin peaks I just never have time (aka always watching YouTube/dnp)

i like to think of myself as a cinephile when I really don’t watch as many movies as I’d like to bc of the same reasons listed above but I keep up with what’s happening in the film world and yeah some of my faves include: little women, sing street, before sunrise, aftersun, clueless, call me by your name, the perks of being a wallflower, big hero 6, la la land, zodiac, the social network, scream, the batman, bones and all, knives out, hp/twilight series

random interests: the scream franchise/saw/horror, until dawn (the game), youtube video essays, true crime content/criminology (in the most respectful way I promise I studied it and mean like actual data and researched podcasts not the weirdos that idolize certain people cough cough), perfumes/cosmetics, art, fashion, baking/food in gen, journaling, pinterest, reading (literary fiction/mystery/some ya)

idk what you were expecting this is literally all media but we’re all media consumers here lmao and I thought this might be a fun way to connect with other phannies if we share similar interests outside of dnp :3

[oh-ranpo]

best day ever checklist.

Pairing: Owen Joyner x reader
word count: 7.6k+
an: I originally posted this on a different blog but I’m moving it here! for the sake of this, pretend he’s living in LA again lmao other than that, this is just pure cuteness that I dreamed up : ) let me know what you think!

You really should have known better. Falling in love with your best friend was a disaster waiting to happen. It was the storyline to so many romantic comedies, but honestly, in the real world, things didn’t quite work out the way they did in the movies. Sure, it was a nice thought, but experience had told you that it wasn’t real. It was like fairytales and pixie dust. Things like that just didn’t exist.

So, why would you do this to yourself? It wasn’t like you had done it on purpose, but it wasn’t like you tried to stop it either. The way you fell for him stemmed from a culmination of things. From laughing at his jokes, to laying your head in his lap while you watched movies. From late night drives around the city, to pulling pranks on your grouchy old neighbors that undoubtedly hated your guts. You and Owen were two peas in a pod, and you enjoyed his company more than anything else. However, you couldn’t have him in the way you wanted, and that point was made glaringly obvious when you saw the shared post on his Instagram story that morning.

She was pretty, you couldn’t deny that. Lush blonde hair, perfect eyebrows, and a bright smile almost as captivating as the boy in the picture with her. Almost. You couldn’t stop staring and your stomach wouldn’t stop rolling as you tried to place where you had seen her before. She didn’t look familiar, but if Owen was posting pictures with her, you had to have met her before. Unless he had been hiding her from you. But that was so very un-Owen-like that you knew that wasn’t the case. Her name on her Instagram handle didn’t ring any bells so maybe you had purposely blocked her existence out of your mind because you didn’t want to feel like you did right now. A whole lot of good that did you.

You eventually shoved your phone as far away from you as you could as you laid your head back down on your pillow in defeat. You hated this. You knew that you shouldn’t allow yourself to feel this much sadness over something that really had nothing to do with you, but you couldn’t help it. Your heart ached as you thought about the part of him that this new girl was getting to have, and you pushed your face deeper into the pillow as you let out a low groan.

After a few minutes of wallowing, you finally pulled yourself from your bed and started getting ready for the day. You originally had plans to hang out with Owen and some of his friends, but now you were wondering if that was such a good idea. Would she be there? Would you have to pretend that you were happy all day while you watched the two of them fawn all over each other? It sounded like a terrible idea, but you also knew, deep down, that you couldn’t cancel. You couldn’t let your best friend down just because you had caught feelings. No, you were better than that.

You were just finishing up with your hair when you heard Owen’s ringtone sound from the other room. You had forgotten your phone on your bed, and you hurried back to your bedroom to grab it, swiping accept on his call on the fourth ring.

“Hello?”

“Open your door, I’m outside,” Owen ordered, though you could hear the smile in his voice. You rolled your eyes, though he couldn’t see it, and turned to make your way to the front door.

“Do you have breakfast?” you asked, and Owen scoffed on the other end of the line.

“I know better than to show up at YN YLN’s house in the morning empty-handed,” he replied, and a bright smile spread across your lips as you lifted your hand to release the lock on your door, your hand then falling to the knob to pull it open.

As soon as your eyes met his, he lowered his phone from his ear and held out the brown bag in his other hand.

“For you,” he smiled, and your heart jumped in your chest. You happily took the bag from his hand and then stepped to the side so that he could enter your apartment.

He wasn’t wearing anything extravagant, but he still had a way of stealing your attention with the simplest of outfits. Today, it was a plain white crewneck sweatshirt, a pair of black jeans, and his favorite black baseball cap sitting backwards on his head covering up his soft blonde hair. It had gotten longer recently, and he had yet to cut it, which personally, you were grateful for.

You sighed happily as you peaked into the bag before shutting your front door, seeing that he remembered to get your favorite breakfast sandwich as well as an extra serving of hash browns. You turned to thank him, only to see that he had already made his way to the kitchen, and you quickly followed behind him.

“So, what’s the plan for today?” you asked, as he took a seat on one of the barstools at your counter. He looked up at you as he shrugged, his elbows leaning against the edge of the countertop.

“I figured we’d just hang out. You know, the usual,” he replied, and your brow furrowed slightly.

“I thought we were meeting with your friends?” you asked, and almost immediately, Owen’s cheeks turned pink.

“O-oh right. Yeah, they cancelled. Said they couldn’t come. But it’s alright that it’s just the two of us… right?” He sounded a little panicked, which was completely unlike him, as you quirked your head curiously.

“Of course, it is. Why wouldn’t it be?” Owen sat up a bit straighter as he shrugged again, but he didn’t say anything more.

Instead of focusing on his weirdness, you went back to unwrapping the breakfast that he had brought for you, and you moved to take the seat next to him after grabbing a glass of water. You hummed happily as you took the first bite, and when Owen looked over at you, you gave him a tight-lipped smile. He just laughed and shook his head in response.

If you were being honest, you had already forgotten about the Instagram photo. You had forgotten all about the pretty blonde girl and who she could be, because right now, it was just you and Owen. It didn’t matter if there were other people around, and a lot of the time, you liked it better this way. It was like this so often, it was second-nature at this point. It was easy.

“Actually, I was thinking that we could go for a drive,” Owen spoke as he noticed that you were almost finished with your breakfast. You nodded eagerly, excited for a day of just listening to music and driving around the city, one of your favorite ways to spend time with your best friend. In the confines of his car, it was easier to pretend like the two of you were the only ones in the world, and you didn’t have to share his attention with anyone else.

As this thought passed through your mind, you realized just how selfish that was, but you also couldn’t find it in yourself to care.

Once you were completely finished, you threw your trash away and then moved back towards your front door to grab your shoes. Owen was quick to follow you as he grabbed your keys from the table just inside the door, and you smiled gratefully at him when he handed them to you.

The two of you talked a bit as you made your way down to his car, and you were a little surprised to see some bags sitting in his backseat.

“What’s all of that?” you asked, as you pulled open the passenger’s side door and climbed into your seat. Your head turned to look over your shoulder to see what the bags could contain, but Owen had used double bags and even tied the top of them together so that you couldn’t see inside.

“Don’t worry about those,” he murmured, and when you looked over at him questioningly, he avoided your gaze. For a moment, he was back to acting weird, and you still hadn’t figured out why.

“Ooookay,” you replied dramatically before resting against the back of the seat, your eyes peering outwards across the hood of the car. You could feel that Owen was hiding something from you, and you had no good guesses as to what it could be.

But then you remembered his Instagram story.

You tried to pretend like you were just quietly looking out the window, but when Owen started to pull out of the parking lot to your complex, he noticed your sudden silence.

“Are you alright?” he asked, his gazing fixing on you for a minute before pulling out onto the main street. “You’ve been weirdly quiet this morning.”

You should have known that Owen would notice. Owen noticed pretty much everything when it came to you. Well, aside from you being hopelessly in love with him, anyways. While you thought he was acting strange, he was thinking the same thing about you. The irony almost made you laugh.

“And you keep dodging my questions,” you retorted sassily, and you saw his face flush once again. This was not the drive that you had been expecting or hoping for, and you couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed as you turned back to stare out the window. The music that was playing through the stereo of Owen’s car was the only sound that could be heard as a heavy silence fell over the two of you.

“I swear the bags will make sense later,” Owen offered a few minutes later, finally breaking the tension that had filled the air. It wasn’t like the two of you to argue, and you knew that if you hadn’t seen his story earlier that day, you wouldn’t be reacting to his passive response in this way.

You looked over at him, and when he felt your eyes on him, he glanced over again as he flashed you a small smile.

“I promise.”

You knew that you were being silly getting so worked up over it all, and you took a deep breath as you were ready to expel it away. You didn’t want your day to be ruined just because you couldn’t contain your feelings, and with one last shake of your head in attempt to loosen the grip of the thought from your mind, you smiled back at your best friend.

“I’m sorry, you don’t… you don’t have to explain it,” you sighed, and Owen glanced over at you again as he came to a stop at a red light.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, seemingly sensing that there was something else that you weren’t saying. If you weren’t upset with him about his avoidance of wanting to talk about the materials in the back of the car, he wasn’t sure what could have been causing your rapid shift in mood.

“No,” you answered quickly, maybe a little too quickly, before reaching for the volume control of the radio. “Besides, this is my favorite song. I can’t feel bad during my favorite song.” Owen didn’t miss the way that you admitted to feeling bad in the first place, but he knew that this was indeed your favorite song, and he wasn’t about to ruin it for you.

The two of you sang together for a little while, and by the end of the fifth song, you had caught on to the direction that he was driving. At first, you thought that he had just been aimlessly driving through the streets of L.A., but then you realized that he was indeed heading in a particular direction.

“Are we going to the beach?” you asked excitedly, turning the radio volume down once again just as Owen was in the middle of belting out the bridge to the song that was playing.

“Excuse me, you threw off my rhythm,” he huffed playfully, and you rolled your eyes.

“You didn’t tell me we were going to the beach! I didn’t bring anything with me!” you cried indignantly, though you weren’t really that upset. The beach was your favorite place, and despite whether you were dressed appropriately or not, you knew that you were going to have a good time.

“If I told you it would ruin the surprise,” he murmured under his breath, and when you asked him to repeat himself, he just shook his head. It was just another strange behavior from him to add to the day, but now you were too happy about your ending destination to even think about being upset.

You fell into a comfortable silence as you tapped your feet to the rhythm of the songs on the radio, your eyes watching as the familiar scenery leading up to your favorite place passed by outside of the car window. Owen didn’t seem to feel the need to fill the silence, but that wasn’t uncommon either. You were so comfortable with one another, you didn’t have to be talking the entire time to enjoy the time you spent together.

About fifteen minutes later, Owen was pulling into a parking spot, and you were just about to jump out when he reached over to stop you.

“I need you to stay in the car,” he said as his bright blue eyes met yours. Confusion washed over you as your hand that had just reached for the door handle fell back into your lap.

“But… why?” you asked, as you searched his face for any kind of expression giveaways that you might find there. You were sure, once again, that he was hiding something from you, but you didn’t really know how to feel about it.

“Just trust me, please? I just… you have to promise that you won’t leave this car until I come back for you.” His words were earnest, and you could see the pleading in his expression as he spoke them. He looked nervous for a guy that was just hanging out with his best friend, and you were dying to know why.

“Owen, what-“ you started, but his hand gently squeezed your arm, and the rest of your words died on your lips.

“Promise me.”

You felt your heart sink to your stomach as you tried to put two-and-two together. He had brought you to the beach but hadn’t even given you a heads up about it so that you could prepare. Were you actually going to be staying at the beach or was this just the first stop of the day? And why didn’t he want you to get out with him? Was he meeting someone else here? Was he meeting her?

Regardless of how nauseous the thought made you, you knew that you had to do as he asked. No matter what, he was still your best friend and you trusted him until he gave you a logical reason not to. So, instead of protesting more, you slowly nodded, and Owen flashed you a smile before quickly turning away to open his own car door. You watched as he stepped towards the backseat, and then pulled its door open so that he could grab one of the bags. There were three of them, and you were a bit surprised that he only took one, but then again, you had no idea what they were for anyways. Maybe he was making deliveries.

He moved quickly as he shut the backdoor and then hurried in the direction of the beach. He disappeared around the corner of one of the buildings that housed bathrooms and outdoor showers so that you could no longer see what he was doing. Somehow, this made the sinking feeling in your chest even worse.

You tried to push away the thoughts of the pretty blonde girl, but you couldn’t help it. While you waited, you pulled out your phone, and while you knew that you shouldn’t, you pulled up Owen’s Instagram story again. The picture was still there, and you let out a heavy sigh as you clicked on the picture to take you to her profile. If you were going to hurt yourself, you figured that you might as well go all the way.

Your breath caught in your throat when you saw that the picture in Owen’s story was the most recent picture she had posted. You clicked on the picture to see the caption, and you were a little disappointed to see that it was just a simple sun emoji. There was no giveaway to what kind of relationship they had, and as far as you could tell, it was the only picture she had of the two of them together. So, what were they?

By the time you closed the app, there was a sizable pit that had formed in your stomach and you leaned your head back against the headrest of the passenger’s seat. It had been about ten minutes now since Owen had disappeared and you were starting to grow concerned on when he might return. The longer he was gone, the more your doubts started to build. He had said when he was in your apartment that it was just going to be the two of you, so what was taking so long?

It was another ten minutes before you saw him round the corner again, heading back in your direction. He had his hands shoved in his pockets, and his eyes were focused on the ground in front of him. Your heart stuttered in your chest, much like it always did when you saw him, and when he lifted his gaze to meet yours through the windshield of his car, butterflies erupted in your stomach. He stuck his tongue out at you teasingly, and much to your surprise, instead of walking over to his side of the car, he came to a stop outside of your door before pulling it open.

“Let’s go.” It wasn’t a question, and while you had previously convinced yourself that this wasn’t a stop you were meant to get out at, you jumped at the opportunity. You quickly unbuckled your seatbelt, and Owen held out his hand for you to take as he helped you to your feet.

“Seriously, what is going on?” you asked as Owen dropped your hand and closed the car door behind you. There was an odd look on his face now, though he was trying to hide it with a smile.

“I’m going to show you, calm down,” he teased, as he shoved his hands back into his pockets and led you in the direction that he had just come from. You bumped his shoulder as you walked, and he pulled his hand out of his pocket so that he could wrap his arm around you, pulling you into his side. He ruffled your hair slightly, causing you to protest through a fit of giggles, but you didn’t move to pull away. Once again, you had your easy-going best friend back in a position that was so common it was second-nature.

You were so caught up in the sudden playfulness, that you almost didn’t see the set up in front of you. You didn’t see the white volleyball sitting next to one of the beach’s sand volleyball courts, and you didn’t see the basket with a small blanket laid out underneath. It wasn’t until Owen pulled you to a stop and finally dropped his arm back to his side, that you seemed to notice what was going on outside of him.

“What… what is this?” you asked, as you looked from the little set-up and then back to your best friend. He was rubbing the back of his neck nervously, but then gestured towards the paper that was sitting on the small blanket- something that you hadn’t noticed was there just a moment ago.

“If you read that, it might explain it.”

You didn’t completely understand why he couldn’t just tell you, but you were curious enough that you did what he said. When you leaned down next to the basket, you saw two of yours and Owen’s favorite sports drinks and a change of clothes for you. You looked up at him briefly, but he nodded for you to read the letter, and you sighed as you picked up the piece of paper.

Welcome to the best day ever! It read. The first stop on our adventure today is partaking in one of our favorite beach activities: volleyball! While this is stop number one, there will be a total of three stops that will take place throughout the day. If at any point you want to stop and go home… well too bad! Ha, just kidding : ) but seriously… change into the volleyball clothes I brought and prepare yourself for a wild and crazy day.

You didn’t understand. You had no idea why he was doing this. It wasn’t your birthday and you were sure that it wasn’t any kind of special day regarding your friendship. When you looked up at him again, he had slipped off his hat so that he could remove his crewneck to show that he was wearing a tank top underneath it. You swallowed hard as you tried your hardest to keep your gaze fixed above his neck, and when he looked back at you, you raised the paper questioningly.

“This doesn’t explain anything,” you said, and Owen laughed as he leaned down next to you.

“Sure it does. It tells you exactly what we’re doing, and what you need to do. So, take those clothes, head over to those bathrooms over there, and let’s get this day started!”

You gave him another pointed look before looking down at the clothes that he was talking about. They definitely weren’t yours, and for a second, your heart stopped. Did these belong to the other girl? Surely he wasn’t crazy enough to borrow something from her for you to wear… would he? He could be kind of clueless sometimes, and if you really thought about it, you might have believed it. But then, you went to pick them up and saw that they still had tags on them, and you knew that they had been recently purchased.

“How did you know my size?” You asked, as you looked over the tank top and the shorts. You were going to poke fun at him over the fact that the tank top said ‘Julie and the Phantoms’ across the front of it, but you had bigger questions that you needed answers to in that moment.

“You’ve been my best friend forever, YN. You think I haven’t caught on to something like that?” He teased, and you rolled your eyes. Then, another thought occurred to you.

“Not all of this stuff should have fit in that bag from earlier. How… how did you get this stuff here?” Your eyes met Owen’s, and there was a soft look in his eye despite another faint blush flowing across his cheeks.

“You sure ask a lot of questions when I’m just trying to do something nice for you. Could you just go change so that I can beat you at volleyball like I always do?” You scoffed this time as you grabbed the new outfit and rose to your feet.

“You wish, Joyner,” you huffed, and Owen laughed as you turned to head to the nearest bathroom building. You weren’t overly fond of the idea of changing in a public bathroom like this one, but you were also eager to get back to him, so you didn’t waste any more time.

The clothes fit perfectly, and as soon as you stepped back out onto the beach, your mind started working itself into overdrive again. Owen had arranged ‘the best day ever’ for you, and you still had no idea why. By all accounts, you felt like you weren’t the person this should have been meant for, considering the social media post in the past 24 hours. You had no idea what was going on, and you wanted to ask him about it, but he seemed prepared to derail the conversation at a moment’s notice and you weren’t sure that you would get the answer you were looking for.

When you returned to him, he was sitting on the edge of the blanket, his phone in his hand as he looked up at you. A bright smile spread across his lips as you threw your previous outfit on the blanket next to the basket, and you bent over to grab the volleyball.

“Well, shall we battle?” You asked, a teasing lilt in your voice as Owen pulled himself to his feet.

“You’re on, YLN.”

You ended up winning 21 to 16, much to Owen’s disappointment. Or, at least you assumed he was disappointed though he never truly showed it. You knew that he was competitive, but he didn’t seem bitter in the slightest, though you made it no secret that you were happy that you had won.

“Man, if this day is filled with more activities that I can kick your butt at, this really will be the best day ever,” you laughed as you made your way back to the blanket, and when you glanced over at him, Owen rolled his eyes.

“The sun… was distracting me,” he replied weakly, and you playfully shoved his shoulder.

“Just admit it, I beat you, fair and square.”

“I would never do such a thing.”

You reached down to grab the drinks that Owen had brought out of the small basket, and handed the one that you knew he had picked out for himself before twisting the cap off of yours.

“Thanks for this, by the way. My favorite flavor and everything,” you grinned just before taking a long drink. The California sun had been beating down on your for the past hour or so, and you were parched.

“I know it is,” Owen replied gently before taking a drink of his own. It was the little comments like that that were throwing you off because he wasn’t saying them loud enough for you to think that you were meant to hear them, but he also didn’t say them quiet enough that you couldn’t make out the words. For now, you decided to ignore them in hopes that maybe something in the next two stops would help you understand.

“So, where are we off to next?” You asked, as Owen flopped down onto the blanket and you settled yourself down next to him. He looked over at you, his baseball cap now sitting next to him as he carded his fingers through his hair.

“You really don’t want any of this to be a surprise, do you?” He asked, a smile in his voice as you shrugged before taking another sip of your drink.

“I just know you aren’t good at keeping secrets, and I don’t like not knowing what’s going on in that head of yours,” you replied honestly, and you watched as another unknown look crossed his face. He was quiet for a minute, but then he turned his eyes to look back out over the sand.

“Well, whenever you get changed, if you want to, we can head out.”

Your heart jumped in your chest as you reached over to grab the clothes that you had been wearing when you arrived, and you ran back over to the changing rooms. You glanced over your shoulder as you walked, and you just about stumbled over yourself when you saw that Owen had slipped off his tank top and was just sitting on the blanket, shirtless, with his crewneck in his hands. He was looking at something in his lap, you assumed his phone, and you had to tear your gaze away from him before he caught you looking.

You really had to pull yourself together.

You changed a little bit slower this time, and you didn’t allow your thoughts to drift. This day was confusing enough, and you had overthought everything to the point that none of it made any sense. Maybe it was simple. This was just a nice day that your best friend had planned for you. He wanted to make you smile, that was it.

By the time you returned back to his side, Owen had already cleaned everything up, and had it stuffed back in the two bags that he had previously had wrapped inside of each other.

“You ready?” He asked with another bright smile, and you nodded as you followed him back to the car. It was a short trip to the beach, but it was a nice one, and you made sure to thank him as you were walking.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he replied as he glanced over at you. “It’s just something that I wanted to do.” You wanted to ask him why but once again, you refrained, and just climbed into the passenger’s seat of his car with a soft smile on your face.

Your next stop turned out to be a nice lunch at your favorite restaurant. It had been ages since you had come here, especially with Owen, and you could feel the excitement rising inside you. You had been craving it for weeks, and you were sure the only reason he had brought you here was because he had gotten sick of hearing you complain about how much you missed it.

“Before we go in,” Owen started, his hand reaching out to stop you again as you reached for the handle of the car door. Like at the beach, you looked back over at him, but he was already digging into the backseat for one of the other bags. When he finally came back to the front of the car, he handed you the bag, but started pulling some of the contents out of it.

“Owen, what are we-“ Before you could even finish the sentence, Alex was swiping his baseball cap off his head and quickly replacing it with a black top hat that he had pulled out of the bag. It was soon followed by a monocle, and he also produced the red silk that you knew was one of his bowties.

You had already started laughing, but when you saw the rest of the contents of the bag, you really couldn’t stop. There was a big, black floppy hat, a pair of oversized sunglasses, and a bright red dress that you had never seen before.

“So, you’re going to have to somehow sneak this in so you can change in the bathroom but… fancy lunch date, anyone?” Alex asked, his voice light as you finally managed to look back up at him. There were tears building in your eyes over how much you were laughing, and you couldn’t help but think that he was the most ridiculous person that you had ever met. And you were lucky enough to call him your best friend.

“You’re a crazy person,” you giggled, and Owen shrugged as he turned to flip down his rearview mirror so that he could work his bow tie. “Why didn’t you just have me put this one at the beach?” The question caused him to freeze, and you knew immediately that he hadn’t thought of that.

“It’s more fun this way,” he reasoned, and you rolled your eyes as you wrapped your hand tightly around the handles of the bag and then reached for the car door once again.

“I’ll meet you in there then?” You asked, and Owen nodded, his attention focused on the task at hand.

You felt a little nervous as you walked inside and moved past the host to head to the bathroom. When you came out, you weren’t going to look like the same person at all, and you found yourself wishing more and more that Owen had asked you to do this before you left the beach. Then again, the embarrassment was half the fun and you knew that was why he had planned this.

After doing something competitive, he wanted to do something silly. It was part of the great balance of your friendship, and you appreciated the change of pace. You loved the way your heart was pounding when you stepped back out of the bathroom, now completely unrecognizable to anyone but the person you came with, and one quick glance around, you could see the top hat through the window leading to the patio area, and you chuckled before heading in that direction.

The top hat, monocle and bow tie didn’t exactly go with his crewneck, but Owen was sporting it confidently. You saw a few people glance over at him questioningly, and when you slid into the seat across from him, you earned a few looks yourself.

“You look dashing,” Owen cooed in a fake British accent, and you laughed into your hand as you tried to keep yourself quiet.

“You look pretty dapper yourself,” you managed to get out before erupting in another fit of giggles, and Owen started laughing with you. It was ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous, but you were both having too much fun.

You took your time while you ordered, and Owen managed to keep up his fake British accent through the entire event. You were sure that the waiter didn’t believe for a second that he was from anywhere outside of America, but he was kind enough to keep his judgements to himself. You lost yourself in your little made-up world with him, and even tried out an accent of your own. It didn’t work out.

“Are there anymore random outfits to this day?” You asked a couple of hours later after Owen had paid (you had tried to pay for yourself, but he had managed to coerce the waiter to pretend like your credit card wasn’t sitting on the table next to his) and you were walking back out to his car.

“No, I promise that the clothes you had on this morning will be fine.” While Owen was waiting for the waiter to bring his card back, you had gone back to the bathroom to change back into your regular clothes. A few of the patrons were once again surprised at your change in attire, but just like you had managed to do all afternoon, you ignored them.

Once you got into the car, Owen informed you that the last event wasn’t until later in the evening, so driving around the city was the time-filler activity until then. You weren’t about to complain. After playing volleyball in the sun and then having a nice, filling lunch, you were a little tired and could use the break.

Somewhere in the first half of your day, while you were getting swept away in Owen’s activities, your stomach had started turning over itself every time Owen looked at you. It was something that had been happening more and more frequently when he was around, but now it was becoming more noticeable. His smile would cause an involuntary one to turn up your lips. His laugh would cause your heart to thunder in your chest, and sometimes his hand would brush yours as you both reached for the volume dial when a particularly good song came on, and you would have to refrain from jerking away, feeling electricity spread up your arm at the contact.

He was your best friend, but he was alarmingly more than that now. You wondered if he had any idea what kind of fire he was playing with setting up a day like this for the two of you to enjoy together.

In the midst of driving around to pass the time, Owen would stop at some of the stores he knew to be your favorites, and you would walk around for a bit. It was nice and relaxed and exactly how you would normally spend a quiet afternoon together. You knew that there was still more to this day that he had planned, but if it were to end at that moment, you would have been content.

When the sun started to set, you were informed that it was time for your next, and last, activity. By now, you didn’t really care what it was, because even without it, Owen had given you the best day imaginable. You didn’t even stare out the window to try to figure out where you were going. Instead, you turned up the music and sang One Direction songs to Owen while he sang them back to you. It was perfect.

It had been a long time since you had been to a movie under the stars, but when Owen finally put the car in park, you realized that was exactly what his final plan was. When you saw the sign and realized that it was for your all time favorite movie, the first thought you had was why you didn’t know that it was playing here. The second thought was how sweet and amazing your best friend was for bringing you here so that you could see it.

He didn’t try to stop you now as he quickly got out of the car and then moved to the backseat to grab the last bag. When you moved to join him, he took your hand without immediately dropping it - something that he hadn’t purposely done all day, though he had many times before - before leading you over to an empty patch of grass that was right in the middle of the viewing area. You had a perfect view of the screen, but you weren’t paying as much attention to that now. No, you were too busy watching the boy that you were with.

Owen eventually dropped your hand as he started going through the contents of the new, and last bag. There was a rolled up blanket, a hoody that you recognized as his, some snacks, and a couple bottles of water. Everything you needed for a night like this. You could feel the emotion start to overwhelm you.

He didn’t say a word as he laid out the blanket and then handed you the spare hoody.

“In case you get cold,” he murmured when you gave him a questioning look. Your heart stuttered in response, but you didn’t offer him a verbal one. You watched as he slipped his baseball hat off again, his hands pushing nervously through his hair before he finally looked back over at you.

“Seriously, Owen, what’s going on?” The lightness your voice was gone, and it was replaced with concern. Your best friend was nice and wonderful and all great things, but he didn’t do things like this without a reason. Was he sick? Was he leaving? All negative thoughts filled your mind and you immediately felt like you could cry.

“YN, there isn’t anything-“

“Is it because of her?” You cut off before you could stop the words from flying out of your mouth. You hated that you brought it up. You had managed to push her out of your mind for the last few hours, but now that you were faced with such uncertainty, it was the first place your mind went. Owen only looked confused.

“Her? Her who?” He asked as his hand dropped back down to his side, and your gaze fell to the blanket on the ground. You knew now that you had brought her up, you were going to have to face the truth of it all.

“I saw your Instagram story this morning with Serena. She’s… she’s really pretty, but I just had no idea-“

“No idea?” Owen asked, his voice still heavy with confusion. “No idea about what, YN?”

You squeezed your eyes shut as you felt tears start to build behind them. You wished that the night had ended after your Target run an hour ago. You wished that you didn’t have to deal with this on your ‘best day ever’.

“I had no idea that you were seeing someone.”

Despite being outside and surrounded by people, an eery silence fell over you. Owen wasn’t quick to reply, and the more seconds that ticked by, the more heartbroken you became. Maybe you would need to call an Uber to save you from this night.

“Y-you think… YN, Serena and I are not dating,” he finally managed to stutter a few seconds later. It felt like an eternity, but his words finally gave you the little bit of courage you needed to look back up at him.

In the setting sun, Owen’s eyes looked bluer than you had ever seen them, and your breath caught in your throat. Whatever shock he had been feeling from your words seemed to be fading as panic started to settle on his features.

“Oh my god, you really thought… oh, no, YN. No, no, no, that’s not what you were supposed to think at all!” Your brows furrowed as you stared up at him, but he had started to pace a bit in front of you, making you feel even more on edge. “Have you been feeling that way all day?” You nodded in response to the question, and Owen groaned as he slid his fingers through his hair.

“Owen, please explain to me what the hell is happening,” you insisted, and while you had hoped that he would stop moving, he didn’t.

“Serena- she’s a friend. She’s someone that I met while filming and we… I’ll admit, I guess when I shared it, I was hoping that it would make you a little jealous, but I didn’t think-“

Another wave of confusion flowed over you at his words. He was trying to make you jealous?

“Wait, what do you mean, ‘you hoped it would make me jealous’?” You cut him off, a hardness forming in your voice that you hadn’t known was going to appear. Owen immediately stopped his pacing at the sound, and his wide eyes stared worried back at you.

“It’s not… okay, yes. But it’s not like I wanted it to like, ruin your day or anything. I just… in hindsight, it was a dumb move, I’ll admit. I had this whole day planned for weeks now, and Jeremy even helped me set up the beach thing, and-“ Owen was rambling now, and all you could do was stare back at him while he worked through it. “- well he told me that I should just tell you that I liked you instead of feeling like I needed to do this big gesture, but it isn’t that easy, you know?” He had started pacing now, but you hadn’t missed his words. The blood rushed through your ears, and the world felt like it shifted a bit as they hit your eardrums.

I should just tell you that I liked you.

“You’re my best friend, and I-“

“Owen.”

“-saying something like that has the power to ruin things and I couldn’t stand-“

“Owen.”

“-I mean, I don’t even know if you feel the same way, and if this was all for nothing that’s fine, I just don’t want you to think I lied to you-“

“OWEN!”

Finally, you managed to grab his attention as he slowed to a stop and you were able to step towards him. The expression on his face was a mixture of wild panic and confusion, and you smiled a bit at how cute it was.

“Would you just shut up and kiss me already?”

It was a bold move, and it seemed to take Owen by surprise a little bit as he didn’t make a move for a solid five seconds after you spoke.

“You… I should what?” He asked dazedly, and you giggled as you raised onto your tiptoes, your hand gently cupping the back of his neck.

“Kiss me.” It turns out, he didn’t need to be asked twice.

His actions mirrored yours as one of his hands came up to rest just under your jaw as you leaned your body into his and he closed the distance between you. His lips were soft- softer than you had imagined they could be- and his thumb brushed against your cheek as gently pulled you closer. Lightning shot through your veins though he was the one grounding you so that you wouldn’t get shocked, and after a few seconds, you could feel him smiling against your lips.

“You should have stopped me sooner,” he murmured when he took a second to pull back.

“I don’t think that I could have, even if I tried,” you teased, just before he leaned in to kiss you again.

Kissing your best friend who you had feelings for was like seeing the Northern Lights for the first time. It was bright and beautiful and you swore you saw colors that you didn’t even know existed before. Owen had set out to make this the best day ever, and you weren't sure that he knew just how well he had exceeded at it. But, you kept kissing him, and eventually you sat down on the blanket for the movie and you kissed him more.

He was perfect, the day was perfect, and the pain you had felt that morning seeing the unknown girl on his story dissipated completely as you knew that the only person that had him in this way was you. He liked you back, and you didn’t have to second-guess it anymore. From the unannounced breakfast, to the beach, to lunch, to wandering around the city together, and now ending your night on a blanket in the park watching your favorite movie together… it was the perfect recipe for your own personal best day ever.

[remusloopy]

welcome to my blog! here’s a bit about me :)

i love these kind of posts so i thought i’d make one (some of these are kinda random lol)

- my name is katie, or kat for short

- i do not support jkr or tom felton, if you do fuck off :)

- current favourites

song: this is me trying and mirrorball by taylor swift, kyoto and graceland too by phoebe bridgers

tv show: criminal minds (i’m forcing my mum to watch it😍)

book: the seven husbands of evelyn hugo by taylor jenkins reid

- a few of my favourite artists: harry styles, queen, david bowie, mitski, taylor swift, mother mother, arctic monkeys, elton john, wallows, phoebe bridgers

- i’m 5’11

- i’m from england

- films/tv shows i like: criminal minds, harry potter, dead poets society, the breakfast club, the perks of being a wallflower

- i’m a slytherin (not for draco tho)

- send me asks if you want :)

- i’m obsessed with the marauders and atyd (if you couldn’t already tell lmao)

- fictional crushes: MARLENE MCKINNON, ginny weasley, emily prentiss, elle greenaway, jennifer jareau, jade from victorious

- i’m a libra sun, sag moon and leo rising (idk what any of that means, i’m indecisive or some shit)

- hobbies: reading, making half-arsed attempts to shift, avoiding school work, wow i really don’t do anything

- i wanna own a cute coffee shop or bookshop when i’m older

- i’m an infp

- i’ll probably add to this if i think of something else :)

[dvrlingrenjun]

uh hello! this post is just for some of my friends and followers on this app. if you’re not interested, i’ll add a read more cut ٩(^ᴗ^)۶

i’ll start off with this message, i’m not really into sappy things lmao. so uh i hope you enjoy this one-time thing ig? i just made this post to hope you guys know i... appreciate? you guys? yeah anyways, let’s start this thing lol 

to my followers! thank you so much for sticking with me and following me in the first place. to give me a platform to show my love for writing, i’m so grateful for that. i’m so sorry for not posting much and i hope to get out of my *funk* so i can post more for you guys!

to my (distant-ish?) mutuals! honestly, i don’t know who my mutual friends are anymore.（∂△∂；）but hello! i hope you guys are doing fine and healthy! i hope to get closer to you guys soon! although, i’m really bad at answering people ;-; i think most of my moots are from jcc? if so! thank you guys for making me feel included and making me feel comfortable with you guys! thank you for laughing at my jokes and for saying it’s alright when i felt i made the convo awkward with my dark humor jokes hhhh. stay safe okay? or i’ll come over to your blog and send slapping memes or smth lmao and this goes for anyone (ಠ ∩ಠ). 

my sisters, (philo, jo, ness!) i honestly don’t think i interact with you guys much? but thank you ness and jo for allowing me to be your “sibling” when i said i was the only child ^-^ thank you jo for the wonderful hyuck fic recommendations and i hope to become closer to you (including ness too!) thank you ness for letting me and philo meet your irl friends to play among us bc hhh i would be so scared to share my irl friends to you guys lolol. tbh, before we interacted with each other, i thought you were so cool! and intimidating but we don’t mention that lol. (you’re still cool tho lol) and philo! i have a fun time bullying you •̀ω•́ but i don’t think that matters anyways because you call me cute or smth lmao. to me, you’re like that weird older sister but i can tell you care for us :] (please i want to choke how cheesy this is for me)

my mothers! (aka emmy, jia and brie!) to emmy: ah thank you so much for being so supportive of me, everyone does support me but for some reason you stick out so much to me lol so thank you for that! i’m really sorry for not texting you as much :/ hopefully, i get to text you more soon! to jia! my bad*ss mother (∩_∩) idk why i just get those vibes from you. thank you for dealing with me and fangirling over odd girl out. idk why but whenever i text you, you make me so calm? again, i am sorry again for not texting you much. i hope these apologies don't seem repetitive hhh. and to brie! i believe the first person i reached out to? first of all, i’m not even sure i consider you as a “mother” but i feel like you fit this catergory lol. thank you so much, letting me rant to you from my personal problems to jihoon with blue hair. i really hope you know i’m here for you too! even though, you know i’m really bad at comforting people but there for you take your mind off things!

to my partner in crime, you know who you are lol. hello my fellow renjun lover. you somehow quickly became one of my closest friends and somehow made me feel comfortable ranting to you and spamming you about doyoung? how do you do it? lmao jkjk. but you don’t really know how many times you distracted me from wallowing myself into a small sad ball, it happens too often lol. istg if one day you don’t come over to my school, it’s on sight ಠ_ಠ lmao jkjk again unless,,,,

uh so yeah that’s about it, i’m sorry if i didn’t make a special mention for you :[ i was going to add more people but i’m writing this last minute (of course, it’s me we’re talking about lol) but here is a quick list of people: jenna, joyce, krystal, gwen, kay, redacted, vera, rowan, gia, june, eun, kara, kathy, leyna, mara, milly, osho (my other mother lol) and more. not really going to @ anyone because i am mortified of what’s everyone’s response are going to be but yeah. happy thanks giving?

p.s: i might delete this later but you can totally reblog this or smth. yeah bye? lol

[anothermansjeans]

thanks for the tag @hercleverboy!

rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better

tagging -> ummm i have no clue on who hasn’t been tagged and i don’t wanna be annoying and tag people who’ve been tagged already, so i’m opening this one up to everyone who wants to do this?

nick/nickname: anne-marie/a lot of people have different nicknames for me!

gender: female

star sign: scorpio

height: 5’3

time: 6:31 am.... i literally got 3 full hours of sleep— help 😀

birthday: november 5th

favorite bands: 5sos, the driver era, wallows

favorite solo artist: taylor swift, harry styles, jojo

song stuck in my head: willow by taylor swift

last movie: the stanford prison experiment (i’ve seen it an unhealthy amount of times 🥲)

last show: pretty sure it’s criminal minds lmao

when did i make this blog: 09/25/2020

what i post: fics, a lot of cm stuff, and just... random crap

last thing i googled: dunkin’ donuts cold brew— i had to make sure my grocery store still had some before i went out in the rain to get it 😭

other blogs: none that i use

do i get asks: yes! and when i do they always make my day!

why i chose this url: umm i like rigatoni and reid :) and alliteration

following: 227

followers: 358

average hours of sleep: haha uhhh hahahahaha the amount of sleep i get is constantly changing so um yeah... probably 2-8 hours

lucky number: 5 or 11

instruments: i played the clarinet in 5th grade

what am i wearing rn: my tpwk hoodie and sweat pants

dream trip: monaco!

favorite food: ~pickles~ (but mozzarella sticks go hard too ngl)

nationality: american

favorite song: it is currently “OK” by wallows

last book read: i’m re-reading “the duke and i”

top three fictional universes: gilmore girls, parks and rec, and the vampire diaries

favorite color: it’s currently between white and brown

[sleepykalena]

Ten Songs to Get You Through the Plague (Hallyu Edition)

How dare you all, daring me to make a list even though I declined because I said it was just a whole lotta kpop. :P

@skitzofreak, @crazy-fruit, and @funkygourmetrva-blog apparently REALLY wanna be “enlightened” or something like that so here it goes~

(under the cut because long post is long)

ON (BTS) - This song slaps, and is one of like...three(???) songs that I like from BTS. This is a straight-up fight song- it’s hesitant, a little scared, but embraces a self-professed insanity as a motivation to keep going, and that’s pretty damn inspirational (and also very Jyn, I must say. That’s been on my mind). This song and Mikrokosmos are helping me write Parka. Favorite Line(s): Can’t hold me down cuz you know I’m a fighter / 제 발로 들어온 아름다운 감옥 [translation: Carried myself into this beautiful prison] / I’m alright, bring the pain on, yeah / I’ma fight, bring the pain on, yeah

Mikrokosmos (BTS) - I love a good song that compares feelings of love and companionship to stars in a night sky. This baby got me through writing about half the chapters in Parka, and is gonna help me write the remaining 3-4 chapters before I move on to Scarf. Favorite Line(s):  어쩜 이 밤의 표정이 이토록 또 아름다운 건 / 저 별들도 불빛도 아닌 우리 때문일 거야 / You got me / 난 너를 보며 꿈을 꿔 / I got you / 칠흑 같던 밤들 속 / 서로가 본 서로의 빛 / 같은 말을 하고 있었던 거야 우린 / 가장 깊은 밤에 더 빛나는 별빛 [rough translation: It’s possible that the night is beautiful not because of the lights or stars, but because of us / You got me / I see you as I dream / I got you / in the darkest of nights / The lights we saw in each other / were saying the same thing / A starlight that shines brighter than the deepest night]

Bad Buy (Cover) (Eric Nam) - I was really uncomfortable with the idea of a female minor talking about how she’s the type to “might seduce your dad”, but under the lens of a “guy next door” in his late 20s/early 30s, it seems...more like a strange quirk than some lolita thing. But also, Eric Nam has no business being this attractive and making this super smooth cover. Seriously. No business whatsoever. *fans self* Favorite Line(s): Duh. (SERIOUSLY. That’s the favorite bit. I’m not even joking.)

Double Knot (Stray Kidz) - I heard the English version of this first and thought, “hot damn, these kids go HARD”. And then someone pointed out that they were literally singing about tying their shoelaces and now I can’t stop laughing. I actually have had this in my rotation because it helps me get in the mindset of the show I’ll be working on next (which has a similarly hilarious juxtaposition), because I hear this song and literally imagine a bunch of 13 year olds trying to act hardcore with a song as G-rated as this (I’m still laughing just thinking about it) Favorite Line(s):  Dramatic cutscene every scene is the best of the best / 'Cause my life is a five star movie / I'm not done yet so / Tight-tight, go brace yourself / I tighten my double knot

HIP (Mamamoo) - This song is a huge critique on the kpop industry and their rather restrictive and fat-shamey culture, and I AM HERE FOR IT. Plus these gals are just GORGEOUS. This one got me exposed to Mamamoo and I have zero regrets. Songs like this always make me feel super empowered <3 Favorite Line(s): 논란이 돼 My fashion / 별로 신경 안 써 그저 Action / 자꾸 Click me click me 홀린 듯이 Zoom / Close up close up close up HIP 해 [localized translation: Your controversy is my fashion / I don’t care, it’s just an action / Go and click me, click me, like a stan, you zoom / close up, cuz you know I’m HIP, hey]

Regular (NCT 127) - Pretty sure this has been living in my playlist for most of 2019, and it hasn’t changed much since. Definitely makes me feel like a baller while I (used to) commute in shitty traffic, so listening to it now that I’m practicing social distancing is more about mentally taking myself to a place of normalcy than anything else.  Favorite Line(s): I like shining, you be lying / I be grinding, you waste time / Know you wanna roll with me / Cause you know I put it down / When I show up, I’m the one and only, nah nah nah / Yeah, pull up in the jag / Haters gon’ be mad

Kill This Love (Blackpink) - This is also an empowerment anthem that also helped me get through my (former) commute! When you spend all this time indoors, you’re bound to overthink your life, so it’s nice to have a song remind you that you need to assess those relationships and, if the relationship is hurting you more than helping you, “kill this love”. Deffo applicable to your relationship with yourself (e.g. if you’re wallowing in negative thoughts on a detrimental level), or even with others on a platonic level. Favorite Line(s): 나 어떡해 나약한 날 견딜 수 없어 / 애써 눈물을 감춘 채 / 사랑의 숨통을 끊어야겠어 [translation: What do I do? I can’t stand being this weak / While I force myself to hide my tears / I need to bring an end to this love]

POP/STARS (K/DA) - My previous editor showed me this song at the start of this year before he left for a new show and it slaps so hard that I’m mad at how much of an earworm this is LMAOOOOOOOO (side note: has anyone noticed that I’m picking these songs based on how upbeat they help me feel since I’m stuck indoors all the time?) Favorite Line(s): Ain’t nobody bringing us / Down down down down down down / They could try but we’re gonna wear the crown / You could go another round / Round round round round round round / Wish you luck but you’re not bringing us down

Dr. BeBe (Pentagon) - The song is just really catchy. The lyrics is really possessive in a helpless kind of way, and that’s sort of the flaw with most pop songs, it’s also strangely self-aware of what it’s going through. So meta LOL Favorite Line(s):  너란 벽에 갇혀 몸부림쳐 / 상처 나도 / 벗어날 수 없는 울림 [translation: I’m stuck inside your walls / struggle to escape / and get hurt]

AND THE ONE SONG THAT ISN’T KPOP:

Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD) - Came for the two folks in Godzilla suits, stayed for the lyrical mastery. I think even my partner was shocked that I liked this song, but honestly? It goes pretty hard, it’s a bit rude and taunting, which is just the kind of salt that I sprinkle in my head. Plus it’s fun to try and get even a FRACTION of the speed that Eminem raps. Favorite Line(s): You're bringin' the killer within me outta me / You don't want to be the enemy of the demon who entered me / Or be on the receivin' end of me, what stupidity it'd be / Every bit of me's the epitome of a spitter / When I'm in the vicinity, motherfucker, you better duck / Or you finna be dead the minute you run into me / A hundred percent of you is a fifth of a percent of me / I'm 'bout to fuckin' finish you, bitch, I'm unfadable / You wanna battle, I'm available, I'm blown up like an inflatable / I'm undebatable, I'm unavoidable, I'm unevadable

Is there anyone left to tag? Making this post was exhausting, so tag yourselves if you want in LMAO

[arthurmergan]

21 Questions?

Rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you want to get to know better

I was tagged by @verai-marcel 

I tag @wildxwildxwest, @aspenholland, @trashiestgal, @greasyjohnmarston, @missmollyoshea, @truegaminglover, If you guys have already done this or don’t want to do this that’s totally fine lol no pressure. Also tagging anyone else who wants to do it!!

Nickname: Syd, shitney, siny, whatever my friends think to call me in the moment lmao

Height: 5′3″

Last movie I saw: CAPTAIN MARVEL!! It was so good. Highly recommend

Favourite artists: In terms of musical artists - Hozier, Manchester Orchestra, Fleetwood Mac, Ariana Grande, Also recently been really feeling Billie Eilish

Song stuck in my head: at the moment, Are You Bored Yet? by Wallows

Other blogs: I have a personal blog with a marvel sideblog but I dont use it at all since I’m always logged into this one

Do I get asks: Yes! I love receiving things in my inbox :)

Following: Mostly just follow RDR blogs, some mixed gaming blogs that post things I’m not familiar with but hey thats okay. I think I follow an impractical jokers blog too

Amount of sleep: I get plenty of sleep tbh, but somehow I’m still always tired

Lucky number: 3. It was my favorite teacher’s lucky number and it’s been a consistent lucky number for me as well

What I’m wearing: Some athletic shorts (lmfao i dont work out tho) and a t shirt I’ve had since I was 14. Its a lazy sunday folks

Dream job: Working in post production of film/television. Specifically editing. Really hope I get there one day :’)

Favourite food: SUSHI

Dream trip: France. I love the culture and the food so much. Also Europe is way cooler than the U.S.

Play any instruments: Everyone in my family can play an instrument except me

Languages: English. I speak a LITTLE french but mostly I can just read it (only simple stuff though)

Favourite song: This answer changes daily. Right now probably Sunlight by Hozier. Who knows what it will be tomorrow.

Random fact: I was in love with a girl my freshman year of highschool and she felt the same way but we both assumed we only liked each other as friends. Anyways we grew apart through time but one night 4 years later I got plastered and texted her how I used to feel and she told me she felt the same. But we were both in serious relationships with men and knew it wasn’t going to work out now. We are best friends now and shes the most amazing person I know. I love her and she deserves the world. Quite a long fact, it was just on my mind

Describe yourself as aesthetic things: laying under a heavy blanket when its freezing outside drinking a hot cup of coffee, a field of sunflowers under the glow of the evening sun, a dim fire illuminating someone’s face, an ocean breeze when its just warm enough to enjoy the beach

[jinjikook]

11 q tag

tagged by my ult @minigguk  ♡ p.s. ily

rules: answer 11 questions from the person who tagged you, then make 11 more questions for the next people you tag.

1. what is your all-time favorite album from high school? why?

i wanna say halsey’s badlands, i was in a tough spot at one point and i constantly listened to that album, it had right mix of angry/sad emotions i was dealing w at the time

2. tell me about a childhood dream you’ve always had.

hmmm well i’ve always wanted to have a ranch, or at least some acres of land to just own a few horses and some cattle, just to live that rural lifestyle. i had a friend back in the day who had something akin to that and i remember just wanting a life like that, waking up early and going for a ride and taking care of the animals.

3. what makes you smile no matter what?

my kitten, luna bug. she can be an ass at times but i love her dearly and i can always count on her to bring a smile to my face

4. favorite class and why?

god i loved language arts, any kind of writing/literature classes were my favs. i was just naturally good at them and it felt great to excel in something, especially something that i actually enjoyed. plus i had really wonderful teachers growing up that really helped me mature as writer

5. what’s your mbti? (if you don’t know it then there’s a test at 16personalities.com!) is it accurate? if you decided to re-take it again, has it changed since the first time? (i’m curious since i went from an infj to an enfj somehow LOL)

last time i did it, i was an infp-t and i just took it again and i’m the exact same thing lmaooo

6. do you like boba / bubble tea? what’s your go-to drink?

oh i love boba!! i rarely get to have it bc the closest boba place is like twenty minutes away but i like having coffee flavored boba. in general, i love coffee so that’ll always be my go-to, though lately i’ve been digging a lot of white chocolate blends 

7. what’s one thing you never want to change about your life?

i guess i wouldn’t want to change the relationship between my older sister and i; we’ve grown immensely close over the past few years and the way we’re able to talk and joke and go out together now is something i truly cherish

8. tell me three things that you like about yourself - can be a physical trait or a personality one!

gdi em stop being a positive ray of sunshine for two seconds and let me wallow in negativity,,,,

idkidkidk i guess my eyes? ppl say theyre big and pretty but idk i just think they’re huge lol i like my imagination, how i think outside the box for things (whether it’s for writing or not) and the work ethic i have. my mom taught me serious morals especially when it comes to working and i’m proud of how hard i work and how i still consider my coworkers feelings throughout my day job.

9. if you could publish a book, then what would it be about?

let’s be honest, i’d probably end up making a erotica novel lmao

but in a serious setting, i really enjoy dystopian universes and a strong protagonist being faced with challenges of all types having to survive (ofc with a love interest bc i’m a sap) so probably something of that nature.

10. if you could choose a fictional universe to be in, then what would it be?

a magic au would be the best!!! just imagine all the possibilities, it sounds amazing 

11. what is your passion in life? what drives you?

i’d say writing, just literature in general really makes me happy and i think it’s helped me extend my mind into other spectrums. hell, without it i wouldn’t have this blog and met some wonderful ppl (including the beb who tagged me in this) and i can’t imagine just not doing all of this.

also collecting but that’s just cuz im a recluse and it brings me joy lol

♡

time for my q’s!

1. what is your go-to dance move?

2. do you ever wish you were born somewhere else? can be a different city, area, country or even planet!

3. long legged doggos or short puppers? (can be changed to whatever animal you like if dogs aren’t your thing!)

4. what has been your favorite halloween costume to date?

5. how is your room/house decorated?

6. is there an exotic animal you wish you could own? why?

7. how do you feel about doctors/medical professionals?

8. are you the type to accept a gift graciously and put it away if you won’t use it or ask for the receipt so you can return/exchange it for something practical for you?

9. butterfly kisses or eskimo kisses?

10. what’s the best promise anyone has ever kept for you?

11. sun or moon?

tagging: @dramarrama @tomatoholmes @minpuphyuk @hyungminnie @jooheonster @cutiepiebts

[fukdaisies]

here it is, no filter. the realest shit you’ll ever read, even if it’s not *you* reading it.

why? …hear me out before you question me, okay?

why did you even bother? better yet, why did you even bother *me* at all? I could’ve keep wallowing in my own self-pity because in all honesty, I would’ve been just fine. I mean, I was JUST dumped and upset, it’s natural. but there you were, your message, “are you okay?” nope. I wasn’t, actually, but I would’ve been eventually. but I still answered you, “no, I’m not” and from there my life turned more than you probably thought.

“this is crazy, I barely know her, never met her, hell, she never crosses my mind during the day” I know. Stupid right? but somehow, you do. you literally left a fucking print in my life and you kinda just… walked out. you dipped, and I really tried to reel you back in multiple (and I mean MULTIPLE) times, but it wasn’t really enough. WE’RE BUSY. WE HAVE LIVES. WE WORK. WE GO TO SCHOOL. WE’RE STRESSED. honey, I know. I heard it all before, I told you about my ex. too busy for everything, not just me. I know. don’t be selfish.

“if you really want to talk to me, you have to bother me a lot to get my attention.” not fair. you fucking know it, too.

I literally told you. LMAO I LITERALLY told you what I felt, and it felt like it went in one ear and out the other. I don’t expect shit from you. I don’t expect some grand gesture from a cliché fucking romance comedy, ok? I did expect to keep you around, regardless. you told me to open up and tell you why I struggled to talk about anything to begin with and you are part of my problem. you were such a fucking good person to me and I really, really liked talking to you, but yet again, I lost. I was defeated. because I caught feelings. because I allowed myself to put a part of myself in your keeping. because I’m a little shit who really just doesn’t get it.

I liked you. I liked the way you talked to me everyday. I liked the way I felt the first time I heard your voice. I liked the way your humor was literally like mine. I liked the way we connected and how we struggled in a similar way growing up. I liked you the way you were, fuckups and all. I like the way you knew you were trash and told me all the time not to trust boys. I liked the time you called me on your way home from school to tell me good news about your test in the middle of the afternoon because in a way, I was literally the first person you thought of telling.

besides the feelings, I really miss my friend.

this isn’t dramatic either, it’s really how I fucking feel, don’t dismiss this shit.

this is still my blog and I will continue to post my writings whether they are about you or not because that is up to me. now, whether you continue to follow me is up to you, as well. just… think about it.

[epibiotic]

I’ve had this damn blog since 2009 so I may as well use it once and a while to get some things off my tiddies. 

I feel like I’m coasting through life with no real direction these days. It’s strange, you know, thinking you have your life going the way you want it to then suddenly waking up one day and realising you really don’t. 

I’ve been having serious doubts about whether I want to actually become a teacher or not. While I honestly enjoy my placements, I don’t know if I’d be satisfied living it out as my career for the rest of my life. In the same breath, I have no idea what else I want to do as a career. I will finish my post graduate diploma, however who knows whether I’ll end up using it. I’m having a slight crisis about it but I guess we’ll just have to wait until I graduate to deal with that properly.

I haven’t been happy lately, either. My anxiety has been real bad recently and it’s been affecting me hard. I’ve also been having a lot of self-esteem issues which, for the most part, and probably surprisingly, haven’t hugely affected me before in the past. It’s probably a good thing, because its been motivating me in a way to try and lose some weight which, as a fat chick, is frankly pretty good. But it comes with it’s downfalls. My eternal struggle for recognising my own inner beauty (gross) has back-pedalled a bit, due to a few things which I’ll discuss later. I’ve been fat for as long as I can remember, I was never really huge though until after my dad got sick and consequently passed away. It had a massive affect on my mental health and lo and behold, I eat my feelings. In saying that though, my view about myself never changed. I still thought I was cute, and a cool person. Now I’m doubting that for the first time in my life and it’s hard to deal with. I’ll get my big girl pants on and deal with it eventually, but for now, it’s taking its toll.

On a more dumb note, even though it’s still making me unhappy, fuck boys lmao. Both metaphorically and literally. This is gonna be the long part of this post, so get ready.

Before I continue with this part, this is a message to the suspect in question who I know for a fact has a habit of stalking girl’s blog posts: I’m just venting bruh. I haven’t talked to anyone really about this, and I just wanna get my feelings off my chest somewhere that no one in particular is gonna read it. Don’t read into this too much, although you might. I can’t stop you, dude. Just know that I still value your friendship very highly. Just because I liked you a lot doesn’t stop us talking about dumb shit and sending each other stupid memes. Also, I swear to god if you break our snapchat streak, I’ll be pissed. So let’s continue, shall we? It’s gonna be long, so strap yourselves in.

For the first time in my adult life, I had a genuine crush on someone. He was someone who I’d known for about a year or so, he was just an acquaintance you could say, and I never really paid him much attention. In fact, when I first was introduced to him, I actually didn’t like him that much at all. Over time, we saw each other more often and interacted more, I warmed up to him and realised we actually had a lot in common. He became closer to my close group of friends as well, so I started seeing him more regularly. I have a ‘type’, believe it or not, and he falls straight into it, so it was dangerous from the start.

Now, before I go any further with this story, I want you to know that I have a habit of ‘falling’ for people that show any sort of interest in me. That being said, there’s a certain element of total awareness in this, and I brush it off easily. The number of times I’ve had ‘crushes’ on people I was casually hooking up with is too many to count. This didn’t happen here. I fell for this guy, hard, and I couldn’t brush it off for whatever reason. It felt different, it made me feel vulnerable, and I hated it.

There was a turning point where my vague interest developed into an actual crush, though. There was an incident where I was dumb and injured myself, and he looked after me in that moment. I don’t know what it was about that, but I think I saw a different side of him and it was the nail in the coffin. Him squeezing my hand as I bled profusely, and laughing together as he drove me to the doctor to get stitches - that probably had something to do with it. Alas, he had a girlfriend, so I shelved those emotions pretty quickly, although I still glanced at them from time to time. Ten or so months passed and as much as I’d tried to ignore them, they still existed and there was nothing I could do about it. Then, one day, somewhat out of the blue, he says to me, “I broke up with my girlfriend.” In my head, all I was thinking was, “Oh, shit.”

The feelings I’d had put on the shelf fell down and hit me on the head like a sack of shit. All of a sudden I didn’t feel guilty to feel the way I did, yet I still couldn’t do anything about it because frankly, I’m gutless when it comes to relationships and shit. Absolutely no way in hell was I going to approach him, nuh uh. Besides, he’d just come out of a long term relationship, I wouldn’t want to bother him just yet, right? At the same time, he was about to move away and I’d see him less regularly. I was conflicted, but because I’m a pussy, I did nothing about it and just wallowed in my own thoughts. As usual.

A month or so passes, he moves away. I don’t see him, we don’t really talk. I still like him.

The next time I see him, we’re at a Christmas function with friends, it’s also my birthday weekend. A lot of us haven’t seen each other in a while, and it’s a good night out. I spend the entire night confused as to whether these feelings are presenting themselves the way they are because I’m lonely and he’s just a good friend, or whether I genuinely like him. I remember getting home, and going to bed (at 9am, mind you. We party hard.) and crying because of how dumb I was being about the whole thing. 

Another month or so passes. Again, I don’t see him. We talk a little bit, but not a lot. I still like him.

The next time I see him, it’s Boxing Day and we’re having a get together at a friends house with our group of close friends. By this point, I’d kind of just given up hope of my feelings ever becoming anything, so I’d pushed them aside to just have a fun evening with my buds. Then I took a cap and that threw that idea out the window. Hello, police officers, I know you’re reading this, but I’m a very touchy feely person when I’m on MDMA. Combined with the fact I’d just gotten over a case of gastro, and the probably lethal amount of alcohol I consumed that night, it was a bad mix. It also didn’t help he was the one who made me drink all that alcohol thanks to a definitely rigged game of “shot pong” but, y’know. I remember laying on the trampoline, side by side, looking at the stars. I was royally fucked, and there was another girl on the tramp with us, but in that moment I just remember leaning into him, feeling comforted. This sounds creepy as fuck, doesn’t it? I’m not a stalker I swear. I also vaguely remember not wearing pants for a lot of the night, wading in a child’s paddling pool, having a trampoline spring catch my inner thigh, and me furiously cuddling my friends dog because no one else was awake to keep me company. So that’s probably a good indication of my state that night. We spent the morning hanging with our friends on the ye olde trampoline, trying with all our might to break the fucker. Trampoline status: still intact. Either way, I got home the next day and my top smelled like him and it made me so fucking annoyed because that night properly cemented the fact that, yep, you’re a fucking loser with a giant crush on a boy.

From this point on, we started talking a bit more regularly, for whatever reason. Maybe it was the fact that we’d shared an emotionally stressful game of beer pong, or maybe it was the fact that I think we might have actually kissed on Boxing Day - I literally can’t remember because I was that drunk but if you’re reading this and do remember, please tell me? I’d love to know, for my archives or whatever. Anyway. 

I think it’s mid-January by this point, and I’m still lingering in the “are you my friend, or am I madly obsessed with you” state of mind. We’d been talking pretty regularly, and it’d even gotten to the point where there was what I would call textbook ‘flirting’ between us. Not that this means much, as he’s just a naturally flirtatious person and I’m pretty cheeky when it comes to returning stuff like that, so whatever. Either way these exchanges obviously fuelled my emotions to the point where I couldn’t really attempt to ignore them anymore, so instead I was trying to deal with them. We’re talking one night, he’s out drinking with his friends and then he snaps me, “come pick me up.” I hesitate, but I’ve just had a red bull because I was studying so I’m zazzed to the gods and think, “sure, why not.” I go pick him and his friend up, take them to McDonald’s, do the full ‘designated driver is ashamed to know these drunken idiots’ routine. But the entire time, I’m not blind, it was a flirt fest. I dropped them home, and as soon as I left I distinctly remember saying, “Ah, shit.” in the car on the drive home. I’m a damn fool. He’s got me, and I don’t know what he wants from me, either.

It’s at this part of the story that things get interesting. It’s worth noting that I know I’m not the only girl he’s flirting with at this point. That’s just him. He’s the kind of person that is probably ‘seeing’ several girls at once, and that’s cool. You do you, just don’t lead me on too far. And that’s where things get hazy. Because, when you have feelings for someone, if you are lead on even just the slightest bit, your heart gets dragged further than where it should be. And that’s what happened to me here. You’ll see.

To cut an already long story slightly shorter, we talked a lot more, I eluded to the fact I like him every now and then, we flirt some more, then he said to me “we should go for a drink sometime.” Now, if I’m not mistaken, that to me means let’s go on a date, no? Maybe I misinterpreted this, but this is where I fell. I let my dumb feelings get in the way of being level-headed about it, and I fell. He came over to my house one night, we drink 1.5 litres of Vodka in about 2 hours. About halfway through the bottle, I kiss him. He kisses back. We make out to Adore by Amy Shark. I, filled with my liquid courage, tell him I like him. (I mean duh at this point but whatever.) But his response wasn’t “I like you too” or “but we’re just friends.” It was, “why?” This confuses me at first, because I myself am not even sure. We’re just very similar people, and anyone that can make me happy is a winner, I guess. The night progresses, we do more things, he walks in on me peeing and hands me a watermelon (???), we kiss some more, we go to my bedroom, stuff happens, he vomits in my shower because he drank too much, I sit on the side of the bath teasing him because he’s not pissfit as he’s naked, puking in the shower. I clean him up. We sleep. The next morning, we wake up, cuddle for a bit, he leaves. I’m paraphrasing here because I was still pretty drunk but as he leaves, he says the damning words that lead me to where I am now; “Don’t read into last night. We’re just friends, yeah?”

And then the trail goes cold. We still talk, but not like that. Much. We still flirt, and we still send each other suggestive snapchats every now and then. But it’s not like that. At least, I don’t think it is. And it kills me, because I still really like him as much as I try not to. I’d started to fall, and it’s hard to get yourself back up when you’ve already hanging off the edge of the cliff. And whats even worse is that he knows I like him, and I feel like he might be trying to use that to his advantage. But who knows at this point. As much as I like him, I want to let it go now. It’s been over a year I’ve wasted on this dumb crush. It’s not like it’s stopped me from getting dicked, but I’d like to stop thinking about him every damn time I do. Thanks, brain. 

At the end of all this, I still value him as a friend, and this whole thing has definitely brought us closer. I talk to him about stuff I would never talk to others about. I don’t know whether that’s healthy or not, but it happens. Something a bit traumatising happened to me the other week and he was the only one I spoke to about it, so I guess it’s nice we have trust in each other. I dunno what the moral of the story is here. I just needed to blurt out everything I’ve been going over in my head for the past fucking year, I guess. It’s made me sad, it’s made me happy, and it’s made me seriously doubt my worth as a person. Was I stupid to believe that anyone could actually like me in that way? Who knows, all I know it that I’m back on my way to being contently single again, and that my vibrator is still better than any man in the bedroom.

Once again, if you’re reading this, it’s too late. But seriously, don’t think that any of this changes our friendship. This is just me and my over-analytical brain fucking me over. It’s not you. I still don’t blame you for anything. I promise I’m not crazy, sometimes a girls just gotta vent, y’know? 

I just looked at my clock and I spent 2 hours writing that bit about the boy. Wow okay. Time for me to fuck off this website until I’m feeling sad and reflective again. Bye.

xo