#don’t get too excited so far it’s just me dumping jokes way too risqué for this blog

[oleanderspride]

Hi if you’re a minor ignore this post. SAFE FOR WORK SASHA GO

Hello if you have clicked the readmore I am assuming you’re of age (if you’re not SHOO GET OUTTA HERE). I figured with the uptick in followers I may as well put up a reminder that I have a work-unsafe blog. I keep forgetting it exists every now and then, but if that sort of stuff piques your curiosity, feel free to send me a message or ask off anon (if you’re 18 and older, duh)

[worldserasingandcreatinginmymind]

Trust | Doctor Who

Pairing: Doctor x Reader (readers choice as to which regeneration this is, I personally had a mix of ten and eleven in mind when writing)

Word Count: 4383

Warning: gets super angsty at points, very tiny mention of blood, possible death? and some very cheesy fluff

A/N: okay so this has been sitting in my drafts for months and I’ve been reluctant to post it but then I thought what the hell I’m just gonna do it. I thought about splitting it into parts but decided to just stick it up as a oneshot. And as always spelling and grammar is not my strongest skill so please be kind :)

- - - - -

“Finally, you’re here! I’ve been waiting for hours, you really need a more comfortable sofa you know..” The Doctor says lounging on your sofa, staring you excitedly waiting for an answer. 

“What did I tell you about letting yourself into my apartment?” You say, dropping your bag to the floor.

“I know” he continues, ignoring your question “I could have just jumped in the TARDIS, travelled to the moment just before you got home and spared myself the agony but I didn’t know exactly how long you would be out and quite frankly that feels like more effort than I feel like taking part in today. But anyway enough about me..” he takes a deep breath ”how did it go?”

“How did what go?” You respond blankly

“Your date”

You take a sharp intake of breath, trying to keep your expression blank to hide any emotion. “I don’t know what you’re talking about” 

“Oh come on y/n, this is me you’re talking to. You know you can’t keep secrets from me”

“I’m not keeping any... what makes you think I’ve been on a date?”

“It’s obvious. Your hairs down, you never wear your hair down unless its a special event or you’re trying to impress someone. Your clothes are far too fancy for work, too risqué for a family occasion. And your face, there’s a glow to your face like you’ve been blushing. Soooo, how was it? I want to hear everything” he leans forward, resting his chin in his hands staring up at you with hope.

He reminded you of an overexcited puppy. Ever since your last boyfriend had dumped you via text while you were off on a TARDIS adventure, the Doctor had been trying to set you up with every potential candidate he found. You, on the other hand, had just wanted to forget about boys all together and focus on having fun with the Doctor. That was until you met Jack. 

“look, I just... we don’t have time for this right now. Isn’t there some planet that needs saving or something?”

“Ah, they can save themselves” batting his hand away like he was trying to hit a fly ”this is more important. You had a date!”

“Just leave it, please”

“No I will not, until you tell me everything”

“There’s nothing to tell”

“Sure there is, why wont you talk to me?”

“BECAUSE HE STOOD ME UP, OKAY?” You suddenly explode and the Doctor just watches you silently. “He didn’t come. I waited in that cafe for two and a half hours and he didn’t come. No phone call, not even a text. Two and a half hours I sat on my own, watching the door, trying to ignore the pitiful looks from everyone else. ‘Oh look at that poor sad girl, cant even get a date.. pathetic...’” you start to break down before you can finish your sentence. The Doctor jumps up and pulls you into a tight hug. “What is wrong with me? What did I do wrong?” You cry.

“Hey no, shhhhh, nothing is wrong with you” the Doctor reassures, stroking your hair “you are perfect”  

“Why didn’t he show? Am I that dull to talk to? Did he spot me in window, take one look and run the other way? Or maybe he had no intention of ever coming, he just set me up as a joke. And i fell for it like the fool that i am?”

“NO” the Doctor says firmly, taking your face in his hands and staring into your eyes “look at me. You are NOT a fool. Okay? You are one of the smartest, bravest, funniest, kindest, most interesting people I’ve ever had the pleasure of travelling with. Honestly. You amaze me every single day. Don’t you ever speak about yourself like that”

He kissed you on the forehead and you show him a weak smile. 

“I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t come. When we spoke on the ohine this morning he kept saying he was so excited to meet.”

“Ah” The doctor suddenly remembers,  taking a step back and looking to the ground like something was bothering him. 

“What is it?” 

“I think that maybe this might have slightly been my fault..”

You don’t say anything, you just look at him with confusion. 

“I may have accidentally on purpose bumped into Jack on his way to meeting you and accidentally scared him off... accidentally...”

Your mouth drops open as the realisation of what the Doctor has done sinks in. Your face switches through confusion, to disbelief, to anger. 

“You did WHAT?!”

“I just wanted to check him out, ask him about his intentions. You know how I feel about people called Jack! Look I just needed to make sure he wasn’t, you know, some sort of insane axe murderer type”

“YOU’RE the one who’s insane!” You shout back, now pacing around the room, hands up in your hair “I cant even look at you right now... you know not all men are like Captain Jack Hark- wait..” suddenly you stop pacing, turning to look at him “how do you know his name? Come to think of it, how did you even know I was going to meet anyone?”

“You, you left your phone on the TARDIS console the other day while you ‘popped to the loo’” he says, making air quotes with his fingers as he quoted you, trying to make a joke lighter but actually just pissing you off even more. “It kept doing the buzzy buzzy thing so i picked it up to shush it and saw all these messages from Jack talking about looking forward to meeting you and I thought-“

“What? You thought anyone who would want to go on a date with me must be insane?!”

“No, no no no of course not no I-“

“Then why? Doctor, why would you do this to me?”

“Because I love you” he blurts out. You fall silent, eyes fixed on his face. “I love you y/n, and I couldn’t stand the thought of you being hurt again” he pauses “and I think that maybe, deep down, I was terrified of the thought that you could fall in love with someone who isn’t me”

You just stand there, silently staring at his face. You’d never seen him this vulnerable, this honest about his feelings. 

“No..” you say and he looks at you confused “no, NO. You can’t do this to me. You can’t spend the last few months trying to set me up with other people, make me think that you don’t think of me at all in that way and then turn around and tell me you LOVE me?! What the HELL Doctor? You can’t just play with people emotions like that!”

“I never intended to hurt you, y/n, that’s the last thing I wanted and I hate myself for hurting you. But bad things seem to happy to the people I love, and I think I thought that if you were with someone else then, you’d be safe? I, I don’t know. Just, please y/n I need you to know that I am so sorry.” 

You just look at him. It’s hard to see the man who is usually so cool and calm actually starting to panic. 

“Please say something.” He pleads but you continue to look at him silently, your thoughts racing a million miles an hour in your head. 

“Y/N?” He says again, stepping forward and reaching out to you but you take a step back and look down at your feet. 

“I trusted you...” you voice comes out quiet and full of hurt “...with everything. I put my life in your hands.” You pause, look up at the doctor and take a deep breath “I don’t think I can do that anymore”

“You can-“ he steps towards you again but you turn away and close your eyes.

“I need to be on my own” 

The Doctor takes a step back and nods silently. 

“well, you know how to find me when you're ready” he sighs sadly. 

He turns and walks to your bedroom where the TARDIS is parked. As he reaches for the door he stops to take one last look at you, willing you to turn around and run into his arms. But you don’t. He leaves. 

You hear the sound of the TARDIS leaving and you drop to the floor, finally letting out all the emotion you had been trying to keep in. 

The Doctor watches you from the screen in his TARDIS as tears fall from his eyes.

- - - 6 months later - - - 

“RUN!” The Doctor shouts as he turns and starts sprinting. You immediately follow as you hear guns firing behind you and the Daleks shouting “EXTERMINATE!” 

Together you run down winding corridor until finally the TARDIS is in sight. The Doctor gets there before you, opening the TARDIS door and holding his hand out to you 

“almost there y/n, keep running” he encourages but suddenly a Dalek appears infront of you. Before you can do anything a laser shoots from the end of the Daleks gun and hits you. 

- - - - -

Your eyes shoot open as you sit upright in bed breathing heavily. Just another nightmare. 

You leave your house and head towards the bus stop as you do every morning to get to work since you went back to your mundane TARDIS free life. It’s been six months since the Doctor told you he loved you and you hadn’t seen or even spoken to him since. But you couldn’t help but think about him every day. Part of you wanted to pick up the phone and call him to come back, but the other part of you was still hurting and confused. 

After the Doctor had left Jack had messaged you apologising for not showing up to your date and told you about the man who had scared him. You made up a story about him being an overprotective family member of yours and that he wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore. You and Jack dated for a couple of months but when you discovered he was still seeing other girls you called it off. Maybe the Doctor was right to scare him away.

You reach the bus stop just as your bus is puling away. You tried running to catch up with it but you were too late. You slump down on the bench to wait for the next one and again your thoughts drift to the Doctor. Wondering where he is now, what planet he’s saving or what new aliens he’s meeting. You wonder if he’s found anyone else to travel with and your heart sinks at the thought. You take out your phone and scroll down the contact list till you reach ‘Doc’. Your finger hovers over the call button. What if he has moved on? What if he doesn’t care about you at all anymore? He told you he loved you and you turned him away. 

You pushed your anxiety aside and hit the call button but just as it stared to ring you heard screams coming from the park over the road. You hung up the phone and crossed the road toward the park. People were running towards you, presumably away from whatever was cause the screams but you ran towards it. Your time with the Doctor had definitely made you brave. 

You continued to run through the park until you heard a noise that stopped you dead in your tracks. A noise you hadn’t heard since your days of travelling. A noise you hoped you would never hear again. 

“EXTERMINATE!”

You felt your body freeze in panic. This is just another dream right? You pinch yourself but you don't wake up. Okay so this is real. But how could the Daleks be here on earth? The Doctor banished them last time-

“EXTERMINATE!”

The sound pulled your attention back to earth and you looked up just in time to see a Dalek shooting straight at you. You dived out the way and ran as fast as your legs could carry you towards a woodland area over one side of the park. You ran through the woods, mind racing as fast as your feet until you tripped on a root sticking out the ground and skidded across the floor cutting your knees pretty bad.  You get up, hobble over to lean against a tree and pull out your phone. You need the Doctor. 

But before you can press call you hear another familiar voice behind you that sent chills down your spine. Another one of the Doctor’s rivals you had unfortunately met on your travels, probably the most dangerous of them all. 

“Hello y/n” he says and you turn around slowly to see the Master standing behind you grinning maniacally. 

“Long time no see” he chuckles but then his face turns dead serious “give me the phone”

You stare at time, full of panic.

“GIVE ME THE PHONE!” He shouts which makes you jump. You immediately hand your phone over and he grabs your wrist tightly, pulling you in so your face is close enough to whisper  “see, that wasn’t so hard was it?” Before smiling again and letting you go. You take a step back, holding your wrist in your hand. The Master starts walking slowly around you, making you feel like a dying animal being watched by a vulture.

“Where is the Doctor? Why are you alone, I thought you were his new pet?”

You look down at the ground. 

“Not anymore” you reply but your voice is barely audible

“Speak up little pet!” He says in your ear from behind you before continuing the circle around you

“Not anymore” you say slightly louder and the Master stops in front of you again.

“Oh? What happened? Lover’s tiff?” 

“It’s complicated” you shake your head dismissively.

“Complicated huh? Well let’s see what if we can clear things up shall we?” He takes your phone from his pocket and puts it on speaker you can hear the ringing tone and then the voice you’d missed so much...

“Y/N?” He sounds worried

“Guess again lover boy” the Master laughs changing the call to a video call so the Doctor can see him grinning. 

“What have you done?! If you’ve hurt her-“

“She’s safe” he interrupts, walking over and putting his arm around you to pull you into the Doctor’s view “for now.. You see, I’ve invited some old friends of yours to this planet you seem to care so much about and well, they’re making quite a mess.”

“Master!” The Doctor tries to speak.

“DON’T INTERRUPT ME!” He shouts and you flinch. “As I was saying. The Daleks are having a field day with your humans, they are extra trigger happy today I tell you.” He laughs as he let’s go of you and reaches into his pocket “but so I am”

He pulls a gun and his face changes again to be completely serious. 

“So it seems Doctor you have a choice to make. You can stop the Daleks...” he puts the gun to your head and moves the camera so the Doctor can see the fear in your eyes “or you can stop me.”

“Master please, please don’t do this-“ he begins pleading.

“Oh I love to hear you beg! So what will it be? The girl or the earth, its your choice Doctor” the Master hangs up the phone, dropping it to the floor and stamping on it. 

You close your eyes and try to steady your breath but you’re shaking so much that you can’t focus on anything else. You feel the gun move away from your head and you open your eyes cautiously. The Master sits on the floor, back leaning against a tree. He gestures for you to come sit by him, but you don’t move. 

“Oh come on, I’m not gonna shoot you yet. Relax”

You slowly move to sit near him, but not too close, and cross your legs. You stare at the ground, twiddling your thumbs nervously as you work up the courage to speak. 

“Why are you doing this?” You ask, tears in your eyes.

“Because I’m BORED-UH!” He replies, emphasising the ‘D’ at the end like an impatient child. 

“Because you’re bored?” You ask in disbelief, feeling rage build up inside you “you’re killing people, innocent good people who don’t deserve any of this because you’re bored? You’re insane!” You shake your head. 

“Thank you” he smiles and does a little bow from where he’s sat and you roll your eyes. 

“so tell me, what happened with you and the Doc huh? Why’d he leave you behind?” The Master asks and you pull your knees up in your chest, hugging your arms around your legs.

“its complicated” you say, really not wanting to get into this conversation with him. 

“so you keep saying, tell me anyway”

“why do you care?” You look at him getting fed up. 

“I don't really, just being nosey” he says dismissively putting his arms behind his head and leaning back against the tree.

Thinking the conversation is over you decide to also lean your head back against the tree so you can look up and the leaves and sky above you. 

“did he run over your cat?”

You look at him in confusion.

“what? No he-“

“did he kiss your mom?

“no-“

“did he break your phone?”

“you just did!” You point to your broken phone lying on the floor a few feet in front of you.

“ah yeah, oops” he shrugs “did he-“

“he told me he loved me!” you interrupt, fed up of all the questions. The Master looks disappointed, and then confused.

“I don't get it. Why’s that a bad thing? what, you don't love him back?”

“no I do.. I did.. I, its compli-“

“if you say it's complicated one more time I'm just gonna shoot you now” he glares at you and you bite your lip. For a moment you had forgotten you were talking to one of the most dangerously unpredictable beings in the universe. “if he loves you, and you love him then what’s complicated?” 

“yeah well, you're not capable of love so you just, you wouldn’t understand” you sigh

The Master brings his hand to his chest and fakes hurt at your comment

“no need to be so mean, I'm sure lover boy will be here soon” 

You shake your head “he might not. I was horrible to him. He told me he loved me and I told him to leave me alone. And that was 6 months ago. He owes me nothing”

“thats not true y/n” you hear and turn to see the Doctor standing there. Your heart feels like it skips a beat as you let out a small sigh of relief. You go to stand up but the Master beats you to it, suddenly holding the gun and pointing it at you again

“you stay! Down!” you kneel down, wincing at the pain from where you cut them earlier “thats a good little pet” he lowers the gun but still has that crazed look in his eyes which fills you with fear. 

“are you okay?” The Doctor asks and you give him a small nod.

“well isn’t this sweet, the lovers reunited once more” he put his hands to his heart “I could almost cry.. shame I'm not capable of love eh y/n?” He drops the act glaring at you and you gulp. 

“leave her out of this Master, this is between you and me. And call off the Daleks too, this planet doesn’t deserve this”

“this planet, Doctor, deserve everything thats coming to it” he’s getting angrier by the second “now I gave you a choice. The earth, or the girl?” 

The Master points the gun back in your direction and you feel the panic rising, your heart pounding. You look to the Doctor and he gives you a reassuring glance. 

“you chose wrong” the Master pulls the trigger and time seems to slow down.

Through the ringing in your ears you just about hear the Doctor shout NO and you feel pain right in the middle of your chest. You clutch your hands to your chest and look down to see them covered in deep red. As you fall onto your side you look back up at the Doctor who goes to run at the Master but is stopped when points the gun at him. The Master says something you don't hear then turns and calmly walks away. The Doctor stands for a second watching him, thinking about following but looks down at you and runs over to put pressure on your wound. 

“no… you have to… go after him” you say breathlessly 

The Doctor shakes his head “i’m not leaving you-”

“you have to.. the Daleks-“

“we’ll stop them together y/n, look at me” he puts one hand on your face, thumb rubbing on your cheek trying to keep you awake “stay with me”

“i’m sorry” you cry

“you have nothing to apologise for” you can see tears forming in the Doctors eyes and you know this is the end

“I love you” and one last breath leaves your body as everything goes dark. 

The Doctor remains crouched on the floor cradling your body as finally the tears stream down his face. He takes a deep breath and his face changes from sorrow to determination. 

- - - - -   

Your eyes shoot open as you sit up straight taking frantic breaths. The Doctor runs over, crouching down next to you. He takes your hand in one of his and uses the other to hold the back of you neck, trying to focus your attention on him. 

“y/n, its okay. y/n, you’re safe. Look at me, you’re safe. Just breathe with me okay. in, out, in, out..”

You take deep breaths with him and slowly feel yourself start to calm down a bit. Thats when you realise you’re on the floor of the TARDIS control room. The Doctor presses his forehead against your own and you close your eyes still taking deep breathes. Once the Doctor is satisfied that you’re calm enough he moves his head away, takes off his jacket and puts it around your shoulders. You pull in tightly around you, finding it comforting. 

“how are you feeling?” The Doctor asks cautiously, watching you closely. 

You think for a moment before responding. The Doctor moves over to look at one of the screens on the central console. 

“confused. Ive been having really weird dreams lately, I don't know what’s real anymore.” You look up at the Doctor hoping for answers.

“What do you dream about?” He asks, still studying the screen. 

“You” you respond shyly, embarrassed of your answer. The Doctor looks surprised as he looks at you “travelling with you” you clarify. 

“And what happens in the dreams?”

“Well, we’re running. Always running” you laugh and he smiles “usually away from something terrifying. Then every time we’re almost safe, whatever it is that’s chasing us finally catches me. And then I wake up in my own bed-” you stop suddenly, realising something. The Doctor watches you. 

“Doctor, how did I get back here? Back in the TARDIS? I don’t remember...” you trail off. The Doctor crouches back down in front of you.

“y/n tell me about your last dream” you sit, staring at the floor shaking your head. Why can’t you remember coming back to the TARDIS

“Y/N look at me” he places a hand on your shoulder “tell me what you just dreamed”

“Um, I was, I was in the park and the Daleks were there. Shooting at people, killing.. and uh, I ran just like I always do. And then the Master was there, and he caught me. And he, uh...” you place your hand on your chest “he shot me”

You look up at the Doctor who just looks back at you, studying your every move and facial expression. “And then I woke up. You must think I’m mad” 

The Doctor moves his hand to hold the hand which is still covering your chest. You look down at his hand and watch as he gently squeezes it affectionally. 

“You’re not mad y/n. All of that... it really happened.” You look up at him. “The Master shot you” he pauses, finding the next part hard to say “and you died. I was there, I held you.” He takes a deep breath “I brought you back.”

“How?”

“I did something I’m really not allowed to do.” You look at him confused “I transferred some regeneration energy into you. I wasn’t even sure it would work but it did. You started breathing again, but you've been unconscious for 3 days.”

“3 days?!” 

“That’s why your memories a bit... fuzzy. But I can fix that, if you want me to. And I can stop those nightmare too.”

“Thank you!” You throw your arms around the Doctor and squeeze him tight. He smiles, he’d missed this. 

“Oh..” he pulls away but keeps hold of your arms “sorry, about you know, leaving you on the floor. I needed you close to the console so I could monitor your heart rate.”

“Look, you brought me back to life. You could have left me asleep in a bin and I still couldn’t be angry with you” You laugh and he looks relieved. “Wait, what about the Daleks?”

“Oh they’re gone, don’t worry about them. Now, how about I sort out those memories for you?” He asks and you nod. He goes to put his fingers on your temples, but you move your head back slightly stopping him. 

“BUT, there’s something I really need to do first?” You say, taking his face in your hands and kissing him. You pull away and smile shyly. 

“I should have done that 6 months ago” you say, he smiles. “Right, now I’m ready”

He puts his hand up to your face. 

“Remember, you can close any doors to me if there’s things to don’t want me to see” he says.

You look him in the eyes. 

“I trust you”