#don’t expect this too much tho it’s just bc the new semester is kicking my ass and bc I’m sick

[demonic0angel]

Liminality Headcanons (click for clarity)

I saw a video that was talking about how uncomfortable and creepy really attractive people with no imperfections were on the internet and described them as “uncanny”, and I had the reaction of an alpha werewolf during the full moon 😀

That is EXACTLY how I want Jazz to look like!! Like she’s beautiful, gorgeous, whatever you want to call her, but she’s also so creepy like a realistic painting or a horror movie demon has possessed a pretty girl. I want her so beautiful that she gives you a bad feeling when you stare at her for too long.

So all of these sketches was drawn around Jazz lmao.

More notes on my ideas on liminality bc otherwise, I’ll just write about Jazz for several hundred words lmao:

+ I have mentioned it before, but I like it when the DP and DC world are separated (bc it lets me worldbuild two worlds! :D) so as such, liminals from both worlds are slightly different, but they can have overlapping abilities and similarities. DC liminals are more likely to have volatile tempers, better physical senses, quicker healing capabilities, and more sensitive/fragile mental states. DP liminals are more likely to have ‘meta’ abilities/powers, are more likely to become ghosts, often have ‘cartoony logic’ levels of physical abilities (more springy joints, can jump farther/higher, punch harder, but this is only at random intervals and cannot be guaranteed), and are also usually more well-adjusted bc the DP world is heavily saturated with ectoplasm so they are used to its effects.

+ I hc that ghosts feed on fear and negative emotions. Liminals are also similar, but they feed unconsciously, so they adapt accordingly by growing stronger, taller, bigger, longer, with more features to spread subtle fear amongst the people around them and feed themselves.

+ Jazz has longer limbs than a normal person would have :3 rather than being just tall, she is simply long.

+ Danny is unexpectedly the most ‘normal’ looking of all halfas, but I like to imagine that bc he’s so powerful, he subconsciously hides himself and as such, looks unassuming. He doesn’t need to be fearsome bc he doesn’t need to feed himself much when he’s so strong. Bc of this, he looks like two different people when transformed, since his ghost side is far more liminal and uncanny looking than when he’s human.

+ I hc that liminals are pack creatures. Alone, they’re creepy and uncanny as a defense mechanism, but when together, they look more ‘human’ when they relax. I feel like this can work in both DP and DC worlds. (Jason is a creepy shit when he’s Red Hood alone, while Danny hides himself amongst Tucker and Sam.)

+ There are many ways to become a liminal, but all involve ectoplasm in varying amounts.

+ Due to being predators that prey on humans, liminals and ghosts can often behave in animalistic ways. Specifically, they act somewhat like cats at times. An example is the tapetum lucidum, which is an extra layer of film that can be found over a cat’s eyes that let them see in low lighting. This also makes their eyes glow when light shines on it, and I also want liminals to have that :3

+ Idk if you guys noticed that I draw the Dannies' tongues purplish, but yeah, it's on purpose.

[kyunsies]

hey mädch! how is going? are you having a good day? i hope you are. so sadly i wasn't called back for the final round :/ i don't wish to dwell but i wouldn't deny that i'm not a little sad. it was for a really really big job and would have made a big difference for my career and stuff. it's like the third time it's happened for something huge and i'm trying to not be down about it. the city was alright though, i still think some people are scared of being out so it wasn't hyper busy or anything. but london traffic is so bad, so it was a lot of sitting and waiting!

i hope things get better too :) i think people enjoy seeming right or provocative online and the world just isn't like that. idk, i hope that kindness helps to make a big difference. do you find it does?

i can't believe it's spring - the new MX album feels like spring a lot. i'm on the fence about japanese releases too. i feel i either love them lots or i appreciate them a bit but not as much as the korean releases? hopefully when you see this you will have done your exam - if so i hope it went super super super well! if you see it before your exam then good luck a million billion times and i hope it goes well, rooting for you! i hope you get to rest a bit now that's done? are you doing anything nice in celebration?

love you lots, glad i can share this all with you :D

- 💥

hello my love!!!!!!!! i’m having an okay day so far, it’s only barely 9am and i’m in class waiting for ppl to finish the exam so we can start lecture 😭 oh man :( gosh hun i’m so sorry :( it’s okay to feel hurt hun it was a really big deal and i believe you in regards to the job possibly kick starting your career in a better direction however!!!!! pls don’t be discouraged for too long okay? i know it’s easiest said than done, but trust me when i say life has its own way of working out in your favor when u least expect it; i Promise something good will happen to you soon if you keep on looking in the right places 🥺 maybe you weren’t meant to be at this job, but some other company will want you and you will grow and learn more skills and everything else will work it’s way out okay?? it always will so keep your chin up 💖

aaaaand oh my gosh yes i totally agree :/ i think ppl get a kick out of like......idk proving someone’s wrongness, does that make sense? anyways, i do think compassion and kindness is the route to lean towards especially when there’s differences in opinion :( i think it works personally in my life i try to have ppl talk things out with me even tho i am terrified of “confrontation” bc i feel like i don’t get my words across in the correct way sometimes, but taking the time to actually listen to ppl is very important 🥺 i try and practice that with my patients all the time; like last week i had a patient who was terrified for her colonoscopy procedure and she manifested that fear into saying comments like “nurses don’t care for privacy in here” but i tried to understand where she was coming from and talked out things with her and she was able to calm down and stuff .... it’s always just nice to be transparent with ppl and i hope you have friends in your life that are transparent but compassionate with you too 💖

but KFNDJF yeah for some reason i just, am not a fan of most japanese releases for most artists for some reason (again except for baekhyun LOL) but i’m still happy everyone does it for their japanese fans 🥺 i do think the concepts are always prettier!!!!! anyways, I am indeed done with my exam and i hope it went well 😭 we haven’t gotten our scores back yet but ... i think i did okay?? i hope you have a lovely rest of the week angel!! this weekend i’m going to try and relax but i have another exam on monday i have to study for so :( it’s okay tho lol almost done with the semester!! love u load angel and as always ty for sharing about how u are, i always enjoy talking to you 💘💗💕💞💓💖💘💗💕💞💓💖

[neonwizardheehee]

since today seems to be a day of  rants have another one:

I don’T know why I still can’t bring myself to work.

am I just too lazy? in my mind all will be fine when in reality i haven’t written smth good.... thought it might be bc i don’t have ANY pressure. with my thesis i had smth at least and my sis and irl friends to keep me up. and now i obv dont. idk why it doesnt work online as well as it used to. mayeb I’m too goot at tricking my brain? have i come too accustomed to doing nothing?  i thought about shutting down my phone for a few hours but... insta is still on my laptop accessible T.T and it feels weird to not have it open. but i guess that’s smth i can work on - to be present in going “offline” and work. as much as i love being online 24/7.... i cannot focus properly like this i have to acknowledge that and focus on fixing that. bc i know i love uni ... so why am i not doing it? it’s not even that i have too mcuh stuff going on ... so it had to be the fact itself that i’m being “online”. 

- > be THERE for going offline

next thing is food...again i know and i hate it

i thought i had put my ed behind me.... learned better ways and accepted my body as it is. well.. joke’s on me bc as of now I’m at my lw for 7 years or smth. and i didn’t even diet. but i know that I’m eating shitty. bc of my t1d i don’T really have an appetite anymore (meaning i don’T pay it any attention) but now i don’T even get hungry. I can’T eat as much as i used to...which was a low normal amount i’d say. so yes it’s bad. and usually it fixes itself once i recongized this and figured out how to not do that anymore. not this time tho????? I’m tired all the time, I don’t have motivation or strength to do anything. I’m afraid to do sports T.T i don’t want that!!! last year it took me half a year to healthily loose 3kg and now when i think... i might’ve even lost more in the last 2 T.T that is so so scray T.T i wanted to do research and one tiktok kicked me even more back into that ed fear. tbh i just want to cry. i don’t want to loose my energy! why am i so afraid of doing sports? idk why i just can’T bring myself to eat - i fucking love eating???? coffee and sometimes cheese is the only thing i look forward to sometimes - the rest is just “ugh i gotta eat” T.T that is not me - that never was me T.T why now huh? T.T  shit is so personal i dont even know who and what to ask tbh... i’m so scared and i don’t even know why T.T maybe it’s a mental thing? 

the last month kicked me really mentally with the semester ending, me missing my friends, me recognizing how bad 2021 will be and how much of my usual self i lost bc i can’T bring myself to do the things i used to love. T.T 

tbh the only thing that keeps me happy is talking to my girl and making memories with her. altho the missing is real - that’s new for me too and maybe i’m reacting more badly than i thought. or i just got too much into my head with all the ffs i’m reading as a coping mechanism. maybe watching gotham fucked me up more then i imagined. who knows. not me.

today i downloaded and food tracker app again and i already want to cry. bc i wanted to hurt myself more i checked the history of that app and wow I’m sad again. idk why IDK WHY this is happening. pls let me just work on my papers and enjoy my time with my girl???? why do i have such sad thoughts? T.T 

when i tried to explain my uni problem to my parents they said to make myself a schedule and goals - and i wanted nothing more than to cry bc i know i cannot do that.

i think i’m slowly realizing that for me life before was better - before everyone cared about mental health - u only had to be a functioning human and be the best . that was smth i liked to do and i was good at it. now after the issues kept piling up and got names.... it get’s more scary for me since i find excuses to be not-functioning. whether it’s uni, t1d or sports .. practically anything T. T

now everything seems like a chore i can do but don’t have to do. and thus i don’T do it T.T how did i become like that? how can i change back? 

thing is idk what my problem is. so i cannot ask for help even tho i want to and i know sb would help me. but idk what to ask since i became too good in downplaying......everything???

the other thing is... i have so many good things in my life?????? why can’T i focus on them? why do i feel the need to be miserable? that doesn’t make sense to me!

so another idea i have to fix this is give myself a new task. and not a task i do for myself (like make myself food to eat) but to do smth for others again! seeing it as i work better when others have expectations for me and i work around them to fulfill that - i want to do that again. instead of putting off posting o insta i should bring myself to post again and good content at that. so tell me to cook u smth for dinner or bring wine for a night out - i can make sure to do my uni work before and have brought wine and food! even dressed up bc it’s smth for you! bc even if i don’T care - you do and i should use that for myself. 

i want to be powerful and cool again - and i want to be really proud of my achievements and not bc i got lucky or know the right people and are manipulative enough to make people say what i want to hear :P

(fun fact: while writing this i had “my demons” had been playing in the beginning and in the end it was “when you’re evil” so that prob explains a lot hahahah XDDD no I’m onto Alaska Thunderfuck so HELL YES BIICHES)

[lightspren]

Year End 2017 Wrap Up

I’m gonna be straight up honest with y’all, I almost didn’t do one of these for this year because this year has sucked horrifically and I just didn’t see a fucking point. But I’ve done one every year for like, at least four years now, and it’s tradition, and I for some reason feel it’s important, so by damn I’m gonna look back on my text posts from the year and my memories of what I was doing and see what happened this past year.

Jan 2017 - Was beginning my last ever semester of undergrad this month. At this point I still thought I’d be going to grad school hahahah so much can fucking change in a few months. Started my AC sideblog so that’s cool. and even this far back (: we still see me struggling with debilitating pain (: which has been a trend ever since I’ve been doing these year summaries I think, is seeing how bad my pain was throughout the year. jfc. looks like I was struggling with some depression symptoms here too, go fucking figure. I had an interview for grad school too and we know how badly that went…

Feb - Here’s where I decided I thought i might be on the autism spectrum. I now think I was wrong on that self dx, but you know, journeys of self discovery are important and all that. but here’s lots more pain and tired and “brain not working” which was lots of depression symptoms I believe, sigh I let that get bad for a while there. Oh and then I learned I didn’t get into that grad school I got the interview for.  so yeah that was Feb in a nutshell l o l

Mar - Breath of the Wild came out this month and dominated my life for a month or two, I still love this game very much and it’ll always hold a special place in my heart, ti’s just so good and sweet and lovely. I still haven’t even really beat it LOL and I need to but. still. that’s never been the most important part of Zelda games to me. OOO THO I had beginnings of existential crises this month!! cause I was getting so bogged down in my thesis research and didn’t know if research was what I wanted to do forever and ever anymore!! isn’t that fun!! (it was not fun). but the rest of this month seems like. a whole lot of bitching about pain. paaaain pain pain. like holy jesus bitching about pain. maybe if I printed off all these posts and gave them to my doctors they’d believe I have a problem LOL.

Apr - So I had shitty dr appointments that further hurt my chronic illness identity, and then other Ongoing Identity Crisis because of not getting into grad school and wanting a job in which I could help people. this is the month I in earnest started applying for jobs; research tech jobs mostly, but some adjacent jobs too (don’t remember what exactly). I didn’t branch out very far at this point though cause I was still McFuckin Terrified. and then I realized that I didn’t want to leave hundreds of miles away for work, cause as much as a lot of the culture of southern Appalachia can suck sometimes, it’s still home, /my/ home, and I don’t want to abandon it. I know I freaked out a lot about getting my thesis done and presented this month too bc I was soooOooOOoO unmotivated to do that shit LOL like. whew. did not want to, did not care any longer, but still had to do it.

May - GOT MY FIRST EVER TICKET LOL THAT FUCKING SUCKED SO BAD. sigh. otherwise I was mostly vague as SHIT with stuff this month. I know I graduated, didn’t walk though cause I could not give less of a fuck at that point. I applied for every job I could find that I remotely qualified for that was close enough I was willing to move to. I even had a Skype interview for one, either this month or in April. it fell through, of course.

Jun - One of my very first June posts is “who the fuck am I/how do I become who I want to be” LOL so that identity crisis was still rip roaring obvs. then that time when I tried to explain disability stigma to one of my previous (cishet white male) bosses. Had another phone interview this month for another job I didn’t get lmfao. Pretty sure this is the month where I started applying for mental health case management jobs, like a bunch of them, at different locations all in the company I’m currently in.

July - So I think it must have been around the beginning of this month that I had my first in person interview? I bombed that one hardcore. didn’t stop another location from interviewing me though, and I got a second interview with them, which I then proceeded to fail because I had no prior experience. It was brutal LOL. and the new person started at my old job, and I had to start training her, and that whole situation was just awkward and weird and Undesirable. to the maaax. it was this whole ordeal too where they’d scheduled my last day to be the 28th of July, so that’s what I was planning on and like, focused on… but then it turned out my coworker got national guard orders and had to be gone two months, so instead of having newbie there by herself, they were like (to me) “hey… just wanna… chill for two months longer or until you find a job…” which was admittedly hella cool of them.

Aug - Lots of blogging about pain, lots of general vagueblogging. I did announce publicly on tumblr that I’m intending to convert to Judaism so that’s still cool, and still a thing, even if life has been repeatedly crotch-punching me so I haven’t been able to make much actual progress on it. but then, I had the interview for my current job. that i somehow passed with flying colors. And my asthma started getting worse, and I started getting soooooo so done with my old IT job, but I /got my new job/. ALSO THIS MONTH WE GOT RADS MY SWEET NEW BABY so now our family is made of me, my husband, and two kitties.

Sept - September. Oh, September. started out so innocently, with starting orientation for my new job. I was all starry eyed and hopeful for the new job because I thought that it was a perfect home for me. then I got there. started doing things. realized that I was terrified of trying to meet my new coworkers and learn their dynamics. realized I was terrified of trying to meet my new supervisors/superiors and learn their expectations. realized that in general I just didn’t know the culture of the place at all and that fucking /terrified/ me. and then the job itself, the job itself was something I’d never done before, had no experience in /whatsoever/, had no FUCKING clue what I was doing. I was a fish out of water with no bloody idea where I was going, and hoooboy. I almost quit by the end of September, I truly did.

Oct - tw: miscarriage at end of month I started therapy for my anxiety!!! yay!!!! I had a lot of adapting to work in this time too that I didn’t really talk much about on tumblr too I think. I mean I was learning a lot, I was meeting more of my clients, some even time. I was still terrified, especially of my other coworkers because I didn’t know them or understand them, but even at that, I was learning. [Stop reading if you need to avoid tw miscarriage and skip to Nov.] The other horrifically sucky thing to happen in Oct happened not to me, but to my sister. She’d found out a few months perviously that she was pregnant, at 37 years old. they’d just recently gotten all the genetic testings back and found out they were going to have a girl. unfortunately though, the baby stopped developing at 15w. my sister discovered this at what would’ve been 17w. she had to have surgery to remove the baby. she’s still recovering from this trauma, she’s heartbroken and just. very upset. I’m still upset for her too.

Nov - Last month I was doing ok I think. I was doing pretty well at work, kinda just coasting along but mostly getting the hang of things. Therapy had been helping I think; it’d been teaching me somethings, mostly only small differences but I think having someone to talk to had been helping frankly. Work was going well, and we’d decided to start looking for a house to /buy/ (realtor.com) but hadn’t hired a realtor yet. probably for the best. as it turns out now…

Dec - Fuck you, December. the good news is, my new job’s health insurance kicked in Dec. 1st. which is great, considering I got admitted to the hospital  Dec. 7th, a Thursday. the Monday prior I’d tried to pop a zit, no big deal. WRONG. it got infected. not just any old infection, though, oh no. FUCKING MRSA. so I got cellulitis in my face, my whole right side of my face swelled up three times the normal, I got MRSA/pneumonia in my lungs, I had MRSA in my bloodstream. when I came in the ER I had very low blood pressure and heartrate of 130, so I was septic. like. shit was going down. I stayed in the hospital 6 days, and they released me with a PICC line and having to do vancomycin (really strong IV antibiotic) twice a day via the line. I went back to work too early for two days, but saw my PCP on the third day and he put me off that again. /Then the chest pain started/. I assumed it was a side effect of the vancomycin, since back and chest spasms/pain are a listed side effect, but NO, apparently NOT, at least not to this DEGREE. The home health pharmacy, who I called to ask about it, called the on-call at my PCP, who advised to go to the ER to get checked for a “pulmonary embolism.” Doesn’t sound scary at aaaaaaaaaall. Get in ER, go through the whole terrifying ordeal, CT scan, x-ray, shit and shebang - what do you fucking know. I have a septic embolism. very rare. much wow. fuck me. so here I am, once again, in a fucking hospital room, tied up to IV antibiotics, at the end of Christmas day. At least they’re keeping the pain meds going now. Oh at one point my kidney function tried to drop, then it turned out I had a pleural effusion so they drained 550cc (half a liter) of fluid off my lungs (painful as fuck let me tell you). Ended up spedning 5 days total in the hospital, home now, but still in like. the same amount of pain as when I went in. Having to fight with so many things to get medicines sorted and shit. while feeling like shit too. everything is awesome.

So that’s it. 2017. That doesn’t even get into the way 2017 has sucked on a global, non-personal scale, that’s just how it’s sucked on a mostly-immediately-personal scale, and I’ve even left out some of the immediately personal ones I think. and that’s just the shit I remember LOL jesus christ. I really need to do an effigy burning of this year.

[cicinicole-14]

coco’s college story

I just need to vent and get things off my chest. this is going to be quite long, and I’m going to add more to this, but we’re starting a new segment on this blog called #coco’s college story. I’m going to get personal and real and you don’t have to read, but I just need to write it all out. feel free to come talk if you feel inclined to. and since this will be long, I’ll put it under the cut. lets hope everything is spelled right...

college really sucks sometimes. I’m really stressed out from it and I have no idea what to do or what I am doing. 

I’m going to start at the beginning, or try to at least. which, brings me to grade 11. I think this is really where it started. everyone was starting to take the ACT/SAT (American standardized tests required for most college admittance) and I hadn’t even begun to think where I truly wanted to go for college. yet some kids in my class had already started applying wtf. all I thought I knew was that a. I wanted to go out of state and b. I wanted to go far from home and c. I wanted to be a doctor. 

summer of 2016 (summer after I finished 11th grade) I was in Virginia visiting my best friend Autumn (she plays a huge role in this). Autumn is 6 months older than me and would be at this time starting her first semester at GMU in the fall of 2016. so she asked me where I wanted to go to school. my reply? “haha that’s a great question!!! I have no fucking clue.” (literally word for word) and she was like “apply to GMU!!!” and I was like, “dude, Noah fence but you’re going there to be a hISTORY major and I literally slept thru that class for all of middle and high school. nah fam” and she’s like “yeah, but they have a great science program and then you can go to Hopkins after.” so I was like ok maybe. so I did what everyone does best: listed my pros and cons

pros: 

going to school w/ bff since age 3

1,025 miles from home and from my mother* 

good science program so I can be a dr?? 

location wise: gr8 bc autumn’s fam lived 2hrs north and my stepsister (who I’m close with) lived 2hrs NE and its a 2hr plane ride home to florida

cons: 

is hella expensive**

1,025 miles from home 

current number of people I know going to this school: 1 (and pls note: I hate doing things alone even tho I love to be alone. idk how to explain this but like like I enjoy being alone but I don’t like being alone. I know some of y’all understand this?)

leaving friends I have in florida

tbh, the pros outweighed the cons and I applied to GMU and I was accepted. (I applied to other schools and got accepted to one and denied at another because they closed the program I was applying for but I can assure u had they not, I would’ve gotten accepted)anyway, I took my ACT in October of 2016 and got accepted to gmu in December of 2016. I think that’s really when the stress started kicking in, because while I was happy to be accepted to my dream school, I had a lot of emotions I wasn’t ready for and then later on experienced them. 

2017 started off decently. I went into the second semester of senior year knowing I was accepted and 100% planning on going to my dream school, ready for a new future, ready to leave Florida, excited about going to Italy that march with my class etc… 

but it also brought hard times because I ended my friendship with one of my best friends in the whole world: olivia. we were inseparable and had been for 8 years and knew each other for 13 years. it was seriously really hard, especially because not only was I close to her, I was close with her mom, little brother, big sister, niece and nephews. it really sucked. 

and, I had the daunting task of telling my mother I was going to Virginia for college. 

now, as some of you may know, my relationship with my mother is very strained. and whenever I refer to my “parents” on Tumblr, I’m talking about my dad and stepmom, because I always refer to my mom (as mother) separately. and add to the fact, my mother flipped out on autumn’s mom a few years ago and told them to never speak to me again. so, since I was 12 years old, my mom has had no idea I’ve kept in touch with autumn and still has no idea I go to school with autumn. (my dad and stepmom love her family and her and see no problem with them same as me and she’s my best friend and my mother has issues we will not be addressing rn) anyway, so I didn’t tell my mother I got accepted to GMU until April of 2017. (mind you, I found out mid-december and my dad found out when I got the email because I made Claudia stop the car before we headed to a Christmas party lol) and so I told my mom in April that I was going to GMU and she asked me if autumn went there and I lied right thru my teeth and told her I had no fucking clue because we weren’t friends, remember? and that was one big thing that really started the stressing because a. I didn’t have olivia there as my bff to help me thru the stressful time, and b. I so badly wanted my mother to be happy for me but I knew deep down she really wasn’t because she also flipped out a bit and was like “wtf ur going to college? u leave in august?” and I was like yeah, what did you expect me to do?” and honestly, she was angry about it, but I was an adult, its my life and she had no say in where or whether or not I was going to college. 

so, fast forward to college. idk how chronological this will be so we’re just going to list some stressors I’ve had with college. 

it’s 1,025 miles away from home

I grew up in a town in Florida, in the same neighborhood I was brought home from the hospital in (I almost said same house, but I moved down the street long story…) I went to a preschool from ages 2-4 and then started elementary and middle school ages 5-13 at one school and then half of my eight grade class went to my high school. and I was there for four years. these people were family. out of the 7 people who went to high school with me, 4 I knew since kindergarten, one I knew since fifth grade and the other since sixth and the last one was me. and I made two friends (chelsey and Claudia) in ninth grade who are my sisters. I love them both so much. I would talk thru fire for them (and autumn, Robyn and belle ofc but we’re talking about my friends at home) anyway, I grew up there. Florida is my home. I like small places. I lived in a kinda small city in my two bedroom condo with my parents and doggo and I had neighbors who I’d known most of my life. my whole family was in Florida basically, minus my aunt (dad’s sister who we visit in NY or she’d visit us).

I was leaving my friends

I went from seeing Claudia every day in school, and once every two weeks during the summer or a few times a week because of our movie dates lol, and chelsey who graduated the year before me and lived an hour away from me at home, made it a point to still come to my school to see me and sleep over at my house, and then during the summer she came over once a week and stayed over. I saw them all the time. we’re three peas in a pod. I saw them a lot. and I only have 5 really close friends. friends I would walk thru fire for, and trust with my life. mentioned above: Claudia, chelsey, autumn, Robyn and belle. and we all have different relationships. autumn moved away when I was 11 and I coped with that in middle school (another dark time in my life) and I learned to live with that. Robyn and belle I met over Tumblr, so I’d never entertained the prospect of seeing them regularly. (tho Robyn and I have kinda made a pact of visiting each other during the summer and thus every other summer I get to see belle when Its my turn to visit Canada) but chelsey and claudia? I saw them a lot, and I hadn’t had to cope with a friend, who I saw a lot and was inseparable with, be away from me for a huge long period of time in a long time (age 11). and to add to the fact, both chelsey and Claude go to school at home and they became close with my family too so like idk it all just kinda fell apart 

I get really homesick/leaving my parents and dog

this one wasn’t as bad solely because, I left home august 2nd. I was traveling by myself most of this month. I saw my parents at the end of the month when they held me move in for college. then, I got a surprise visit from them and my doggo in September because they drove up to my sister’s house 2 hrs from my school to escape the hurricane that was to hit Florida (bless, my house was fine). then I saw them again in October, because my sister got married!!! and thanksgiving I saw them again, November, because ofc its thanksgiving ill see them, even though it flew by. and now here, its December and I’m going home for a month. so I’ll see them thru January. and then lbr, because my dad works in Maryland a lot, he’s probably gong to be up north most of 2018 too and he vowed to visit me when he could because he’s a mush and misses his kid even if he denies it. also, the homesickness; I don’t like being away from people/be by myself in a house for an extended period of time, but I kinda built up my tolerance because my dad travels a lot and I have speration anxiety from it (he travelled all my life and I was left with my mother for a lot of it so stress but I built up a tolerance for it when I was like 15 and my homesickness started getting better from then on out) and like I did really well when I spent 8 days in Italy without my parents etc which I only had 1 tiny little freak out and Claudia helped me thru it and was proud at the fact that I only had one like 2 days in to the trip and was fine after that. 

my life plan

holy f u c k. ever hear the saying like “you plan and god laughs”? well, holy fuck, it can’t be more true. I don’t care what god or thing you believe in, its fucking true. I’m a planner. not a detailed one, but its a rough outline, I have a plan of my life, roughly outlined; its got a few bullet points mainly looking like this:

my life:

go to college out of state

make money

be a doctor in the nicu

be a mom/foster/adopt kids

own lotsa pets

have enough money to build my own house

were going to focus on the “be a doctor” point. because this is where everything got fucked. 

since I was five years old, five. I wanted to be a doctor. since that age, I narrowed down the specifics and specialty etc. I picked out what school I wanted to go to for medical school and whatnot. I’ve wanted to be a doctor since I was five fucking years old. 

college has since changed that plan...

about a month into school this semester, I changed my major of–––biology degree> medical school> be a doctor to uh, now I’m currently in the pre-nursing (BsN) program at my college (and I’m minoring in photography, but that I knew about and hasn’t changed). I remember this day very clearly when I decided. it was a Monday. idk the date, but it was Monday and I was sitting in the JC (the main campus building) with autumn eating food and I was like “I’m having a crisis and I want to change my major to nursing” and so then I called my dad and told him I was going to do it. thankfully my while family was very supportive (minus my mother I have not talked to her since September[?]***)

so that happened, and threw me for a loop. 

college is just extremely different in general.

I really don’t even know how else to categorize this. so here are just random things. 

professors are weird. all of them. no matter their age: which this ranges too because I have some that are like two coughs away from dying and others who are literally only like 5 years older than me… fucking weird. 

your syllabus is your fucking roadmap. don’t fucking lose it. 

nothing ever gets graded at a decent time. I literally got two papers back without grades on them and they aren’t online either but the prof said that they’re recorded in the gradebook he has so like????

I grew up going to private christian schools since I was 2… which means no cussing in class and wearing a uniform and your parents drive you to school, we don’t have busses. 

college: no dress code. I wore pj’s (with jack skellington on them) to class and Christmas and halloween printed leggings and hoodies with just a bra underneath and fucking whatever the hell I wanted to class, strapless/sleeveless dresses, whatever. my professors cusses in classes/lectures. I was taken back by this at first. but thoroughly loved the chillness and laid-backness that classes had tho because I could say whatever I wanted (vulgarity wise). and I now blame my worsening swearing habit on college because I’m not in christian private school or nannying 3x a week anymore so I haven’t needed to curb my language… walking…everywhere… I live on campus in a dorm without a car (autumn has one but we really only use it to run errands on Fridays) and damn that was a shock. because while yes, I lived in a smallish city and there was a Walmart and dollar store close to my house to walk to if I was bored, I didnt really walk much, we drove a lot. because my school was 15 miles away. and like idk nothing wasn’t super close. and now here that I live on campus, my whole life is here. I eat sleep and breathe campus, so I walk everywhere. to all my classes, to get food, well thats basically it because thats all college leaves you time for… 

college is stressful. 

and finally, here are more things that I wasn’t expecting. 

I didn’t realize it was going to be this difficult. Im currently taking 6 classes (16 credits altogether) and out of those 6 classes, I’m currently passing 2 I think? college is fucking hard. it didn’t help that I had a few major major major anxiety attacks and literally disassociated with everything for a week, two different times, plus I got sick with a nasty ass cold, and like idk, just it sucked. I moved 1,025 miles from home and then homesickness an that reality of “I’m living a thousand miles from home by myself” hit me. and I literally know no one here except autumn who I see once a week on Fridays. (because we both have off) and like it killed me. I left my only home I’ve ever known. I moved my whole life here. and I had a shocking realization that yeah, I’m going to Florida during breaks and whatnot, but I left Florida August 2, 2017 and I knew it was for good. I packed up my whole room last summer and knew that when I got on the plane, I wasn’t going to ever be coming back home home for good. I left my keys on the kitchen counter and said goodbye to my room. and yes, its still my room, but it’s been a guest room for the past few months and its not my room anymore. I did move out. and so that hit me too. 

and I’m alone here. I had a mental breakdown one day when I was texting chelsey and Claudia and all I really wanted was a hug from them but they’re a thousand miles away and couldn’t give me one, so I was stuck crying in the middle of our campus chick-fil-a. and so I texted autumn at 9am on a Thursday and she came in her pj’s and walked across campus to give me a hug so I could hug her, cry on her shoulder and breathe a little easier. 

and while I know this decision to move states away and leave everything I’ve ever known was hard, I know it was the right decision and the best decision I ever made, and the scariest.

I know that because if I went to school at home, I would Never have ended up moving out. I know I needed to experience college dorm life, and living by myself more, and being independent. I know for my health––mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally––it was for the better. mentally: I am able to escape my mother being here where she can’t visit me or I won’t run into her here. physically: I walk everywhere and I’m attempting to eat healthier etc… spiritually: I’ve had a rough time with my faith, but I’m a christian and like autumn helps me a lot with this in strengthening my faith etc etc, (I’m more spiritual than religious) and emotionally: I’ve been able to heal and accept who I am, and I came out as bi to my friends, currently 4/5 of them and all of you guys. its a new zone here and I can live and be free and be me. I don’t have to worry about the people I knew from high school judging me because I’m bi and we went to a christian school etc. I’m who I am here and my decision to move here has helped me grow. 

and also, yeah, I’m stressing currently about my future, but I’m going to take it a day at a time. I’m failing classes right now, but I’ve realized thats because I haven’t been on my A-game. I went thru a major life change, I’ve had a bit of family health issues, I’ve had to deal with a lot of issues and stress surrounding my mother and my relationship with her since starting college, and like a lot more, and so I have decided that while I had a mental breakdown about not making it into the nursing program, I’m going to take it slowly. fuck doing this all “fast and in four years and yada yada”. Its only been one semester, this is a whole new ballgame for me. college is so different from high school. so, I’m going to be better next semester, focus more on my passions, maybe take summer classes, and not pressure myself to be in the nursing program in my 3rd year, take my time. there’s no rush. 

notes:

*– mother and I have a very strained relationship due to her years of mental abuse (and very little but still prevalent physical abuse) towards me. I’ve been trying to get out from under her thumb since I was 10. moved in with my dad when I was 12 but since he travelled for work a lot, I stayed with mother etc until I was about 15 when I stayed with friends or by myself. and so being away from her like this has only brought peace and less fights because I don’t have to see her or talk to her

**– college out of state tuition is hella fucking expensive, but thankfully, my granddad had set aside money for his grandkids (there’s only 2 of us, me and my cousin Kiersten who is out of college now) and has put us thru school (private school) our whole lives. we have been blessed so very graciously with being able to go to any school we chose debt free because our grandpa has it covered no questions asked and truly its the best thing ever because while I grew up not worrying about tuition, I still grew up with a tight family income because mom had a fixed income and then when I moved in with dad, he worked for himself, so he has seasonal work… some months its great, other months were scrounging for the last few dollars to put food on the table… 

***–since moving to college and being out from under my mother’s thumb, I’ve been talking with my parents (again remind u this means dad and stepmom) about me needing to learn to heal and forgive and just live my life and I can’t do that if I keep having my mother call or text me or expect me to visit her etc… I’m an adult. I’m going home this Christmas to tell her that if she wants to be my mother in the long run, she needs to play by my rules, and this is now going to happen my way. I need to cut contact with her for however long. and she’s not to reach out to me. I need to be the one to do it because if she pushes it, our relationship is so strained right now because of her actions, if she attempts anymore, she’s going to lose me forever as her daughter and deep down, we both don’t want that. so I need space and need to learn how to forgive her. and she needs to get help and learn to be a better person herself. she needs to do a lot of things I’m not going to get into here but yeah, basically. 

so that’s it. this was really long and I’m sorry about that. if y’all feel inclined to talk to me about any of this, feel free to do so. I needed to talk through this. I’m probably going to talk about #coco’s college story a bit as my life goes on. I will keep everyone updated. college is stressful, and crazy, and scary and wild and fun and terrifying and a lot of emotions mixed in one

xx cici 

[meihino]

. –– ⩓⩔⩓ TASK ⋮ mun report

Basics

Name/Nickname/Alias: Tally (it’s an alias; a variation of my real name, actually. no, it’s not tallulah.)

Timezone: GMT+4

Gender/Pronouns: cis female, she/her

Age: 21 (going on 22 on january 10th rip)

Personal Introduction:

i’m not good at introductions (who is, tho??) but uh . i’m a university student in my fourth year, studying graphic design. i’ve got two semesters to go, god when will it end?? i’ve been rping for ... say , six or seven years give or take ? and my english used to be so bad back then it’s embarrassing. but i think rping is one of the reasons i’ve became fluent in english. still not fluent enough. actually, learning english made me lowkey forget formal arabic (my first language) because no one uses it in daily life (we use dialects) and all my classes are in english, so im Fucked lmao. i do want to learn either japanese or korean just because they’re such beautiful languages, so hopefully sometime in the future

Personality

Who is your favorite Greek/Roman God/Goddess?: it’s a tie between hades and persephone. power couple am i right

If you had to meet any mythological God or being, who would you most like to meet?: persephone. she’s someone i always wanted to know more about, plus that she’s someone powerful but soft which is a fact that i like about her

Favorite movie(s) and TV-show(s)? i don’t really watch movies or shows, bc i just . can’t keep up. i do love detective conan, though. it’s a childhood anime as old as i am and i still haven’t managed to keep up with it :’) 

Favorite books?: pjo were the first series i got into and finished. after that, i got into harry potter (i was 19 and p late on the bandwagon smh)

Favorite music?: i like listening to rock bands, indie music and alternative. i also love me some kpop, recently more into bts and loona the most. i used to avoid jpop but i got into keyakizaka46 just a few months ago and i love them so much, my babies. basically, i prefer music with 1) good and unique sound, and 2) meaningful and deep lyrics that aren’t your typical cliche ones

Favorite color?(yes, ikr, important question): black or white :’) hoWever. everyone is convinced that i like green because almost everything i own in my room is green, but i actually don’t... like it. i just find it pleasing to the eye lmao i dont make sense

What are your hobbies and what you enjoy doing besides RP here?: as sad as it’s going to sound, i’m not sure. i do love spending time on photoshop, but it’s usually for school or rping. i find rping to be relaxing for me and a way to escape to another world if that makes sense. it became a big part of my daily life that i barely have any hobbies, which doesn’t sound healthy at all, i know

Random fun fact(s): anxiety tw! i used to be golden, straight A’s student in primary school and that put expectations of me for everyone that that slowly changed me into my lazy and slow self today. i get anxious when i’m not achieving something, but i also don’t care if i don’t. it’s a cycle and a mess and i keep having to deal with it with every class and every project, and every semester that i have to pass and not repeat

Roleplay

What is/are your character(s)?: mei hino of hades, penelope jeon of triton and keith nam of hecate

Which of your characters do you most identify with (if any)?: in this rp, i don’t think i identify much with any of my characters. they’re versions of people i somewhat want to be like. 

If you have multiple characters, which is the most fun to play? Which is the hardest to play?: i love playing mei the most, i don’t know why, actually. the hardest would be penelope. i’m so used to her interacting with other characters in 1x1, so she’s kind of different there. keith is somewhere in the middle. he’s fun to play but a little hard because he’s happy-go-lucky and a ray of sunshine who wants to protect but needs to be protected, and i’m still not used to that kind of character. 

How and why did you decide to join the RP?: i was bored one time and Needed to play mei somewhere? like i had So Much muse for her, it was crazy. so i was looking through the rp tags and was like ... u know what, i haven’t joined a pjo rp in more than a year. so i found the rp like that!

What other kind of RP do you do?: i used to be in other groups, but the past year hasn’t been kind to me, so i’ve either been kicked out for very very stupid and childish reasonings the admins had, or left because of injustice treatment and unfairness. so after that, my friend and i started our own little personal group for the two of us with all of our characters. we call it 1x1 when it’s technically not. it’s just two people rping together with all of their babies because we didn’t want to abandon them. if anyone wants to know more about my characters there, don’t hesitate to message me. they’re my babies and i cherish them so much!

PJO Universe

What books in Rick Riordan’s mythology series’ did you read (also including the short stories, encyclopedia-type books by Percy and the Egyptian and Norse stories?): i’ve read the pjo series and the heroes of olympus series. loved the first, hated how the second ended 🙄 i tried to read the red pyramid, but couldn’t get into it. i am planning on reading the newer series; magnus chase and the trials of apollo

What was your favorite (and why?): percy jackson and the last olympian. MAN THAT SHIT!!! it was so action packed and so fun to read. i personally think it was the best ending to a series. the blood of olympus in the second series can eat shit

Have you seen the PJO movies and what did you think of them?: we do not speak of those cursed ones

Who is your favorite canon character in the PJO mythology universe (and why?): percy jackson, of course. who doesn’t love our main bitch??? leo was a favorite too, he was funny and relatable and he was my favorite baby 

Where do you think you’d live, CHB or New Rome/Camp Jupiter?:  camp halfblood, probably.

If you were born a demigod, who would your parent be based on your personality and who would you want it to be (if it’s not the same)?: hades hades hades

What would ambrosia taste like for you?:  japanese cheese cake. yes.

[thegeminisage]

tumblr locked me out again so here we go: yeah i mean shes underage? and hes like a full on adult who is also a legit cop, i think people wouldnt be weird about it if they didnt cast like 25 yr olds to play 16 yr olds you know? but yeah lydia parrish is always platonic no smooching involved but also i want the banshee and the hellhound to commiserate about death TOGETHERthey’re wasting time with this lacrosse game again! so much wasted time!! i don’t care about these characters!

why is scott mccall not the focus OF HIS OWN SERIES. I LOVE WHEN PARRISH IS LIKE “I AM A DEPUTY” as if that means anything in beacon hills its hilarious a small joy. that makes sense, about the counselor. maybe instead of reading it like they’re shoving it in our faces its more that her character is going into this too eagerly/blind because she is inexperienced. i can get behind that. this moment with scott and malia and argent is lovely.

i wish scott and argent’s relationship didn’t have to come at the price of allisons death but ill take it i guess. that whole sequence was so badly done? the grenade so quick and the blast zone made no sense? NOOO PARRISH GOT LOCKED UP! nooo my son. where is lydia!! WHERE IS SHE!! why is this the “anyone other than the main cast” show now???? also lydia not registering for classes is an easy fix.. like she’s presumably already accepted her admittance bc thats how college works and

and she can always defer a semester. also if argent changes his allison password i will WEEP yeah i see what you’re saying with her and brett, honestly i just wish they hadn’t introduced another new character in this season? there are plenty of villains already to pull from without having to establish someone new and pull time away from the pack. GIVE ME THE CHARACTERS I ALREADY LOVE. I AHVENT STAMPED A BULLET SINCE ALLSION DIED GOODBYE FRIEND, IVE LEFT MY BODY GOODBYE.

i guess I’m just bored with this episode? idk it feels strange and forced and not in any way what i wanted, i miss the pack :/ lydia going back to eichen house is awful and she’s so strong and i love her so much and i wish this show treated her kinder. why is she constantly put through hell!! i hate this so much. i hated that whole arc and i hate her having to relive it now. LYDIA SAVING PARRISH A+ lydia owning her banshee powers is EVERYTHING. god scott is the MAIN CHARACTER AND HE HAS BEEN

IN 3 SCENES. I’m so mad about this. why isn’t he the focus of this show i hate jeff davis. ALSO GERARD IS BACK!!! GERARD IS BACK! which as much as i hate him hopefully he’ll finally face consequences

ANON WHY IS TUMBLR ALWAYS LOCKING YOU OUT WTF thats so dumb

re: lydia and parrish absolutely like i like their relationship and since both actors are in their twenties when you like. look at it on the screen it doesn’t seem weird until you remember hey, actually, lydia is really for real in high school and he really for real is 24! like that would be worrying IRL you know? it’s the same weird dissonance i get w/ sterek - i like their scenes together a LOT they’re really funny and i enjoy their banter and relationship but i can’t see derek sleeping w/ a minor especially after what happened with kate? like on the screen it doesn’t feel AS WEIRD bc the actors are similar ages! so i see why people want to be like that about it and just kind of wave away the age thing - but in real life that would matter a BIG amount - like you would just be v aware of how much younger someone is than you if they’re still in school - i have friends younger than me who are in hs and friends younger than me who aren’t in hs and i always forget when it comes to the friends who aren’t in school but never for the ones that are. so like…none of these adults would be banging 16-17yos in my eyes i just cant see it! i just can’t! that said i really really like parrish he’s like…so cute and good and he tries hard. like he’s just a good clean boy (“i’m a deputy” honey please) and i appreciate that.

also i know like i dont mind a little side character stuff but i dont care about liam as much as they want me to - liam’s at his most interesting when he’s paired with scott, and they didn’t interact at all this episode, so :/ out of the new characters i like mason the most cause queer solidarity + very smart, and he got a cute moment earlier tho so that was nice :’)

i also really enjoyed the stuff with scott and argent and malia, i’m glad scott and malia are interacting on an organic level like…if this romance has gotta happen pls let it not be as awkward as melissa/argent, yk? honestly as sad as i am that scott and argent only started getting along after allison’s death it’s like…quickly become one of my favorite relationships which has me #shook like i never expected to enjoy that so much but i do. there’s something very neat about him asking scott to glow his eyes for him and just like…this guy used to be a werewolf hunter and now he’s comfortably working with/protecting werewolves, i could go on yk but it’s nice

RE: the pack i know literally like i’m just gonna bide my time and Wait for the shots of them all together like i feel like they’re coming, we’re still in the setup stage, but i know from the trailers eventually they’re gonna punch us in the face with nostalgia…like i dont have to trust JD on that because i saw the footage myself, yk? frankly i think this was like a bit too disjointed and someone should have gone in with lydia but like - one of the things i’m looking forward to this season is that sort of bravery that she showed us - she had to go in and do that thing she was terrified of but she did it and she kicked ASS at it, yk? and i want to see that from all of them - as much as i love them i don’t mind them suffering a little if we get to see the best of them, what they’re really made of - like obviously there’s the element of “do you trust JD to pull this off? wouldn’t trust him as far as i could throw him no” but like the POTENTIAL nugget of it is really good i think. by all means let kate come back to terrorize derek if he gets to have an eichen moment, let scott and malia and argent and all of them be afraid for a little while if they get to come out on top like this, yk? i’m Ready for it

[swearronchanel]

Kicking off the hiatus with 5.04

A few people have requested that I continue my commentaries™ during the hiatus & after all the positive feedback, I couldn’t say no! But I expected to have an awful day & it actually went well so I thought I’d go ahead and do it now. You know since I’m going to avoid all my responsibilities anyway it might as well be for a good cause🙃

I watched a lot of shameless on Netflix today so it’s nice to watch something wholesome for a change of pace 😂

“The world was shifting on its axis in 1961, strides were being made, decisions taken, questions asked..” Vanessa’s narration is always on point like I wish I had the patience to post all her quotes 😭😂

Aw sister Mary Cynthia! I hope she’s in the Christmas special

My bby trixie looking flawless while riding a bike, goals

But who is this nun they’re having a service for lol ??

Like it’s kinda irrelevant oops,  r i p & dios te bendiga but why do we care? at least I don’t

Isn’t this girl from something? She looks so familiar

i remember saying this before .. oh yea she’s from game of thrones I think. I don’t watch it though haha

“Angel? I could get used to that!” Aw my bby is so cute like yes trix ur an angel

yikes that cough lady, I have a stuffy nose rn and I’m hoping I don’t start coughing 😭cause then I wanna be in a coma cause I hate being sick

Aw he'a so excited! He got into university👏🏼 that was legit me though 😂 I’m so irrational and literally only applied to one university (well I filled out many applications but didn’t submit any others because you gotta pay so I tried to wait and see if I got accepted to where I wanted first😂) I found out in English while on my phone instead of doing work & I screamed and just ran out the classroom 😂 I went to my guidance councilor and told everyone in the main office and then called my parents who *were nervous I wouldn’t get in* but also were literally going through security in the airport on their way to Dominican Republic .. ah, I was full of excitement and hope. Look at me now 3 semesters in &I’m over it 😂😂 it’s so stressful and mentally/emotionally draining and sometimes I’m just like how do I become a trophy wife asap?

BACK TO THE SHOW THOUGH

My bby SHELAGH! 😍 she is so precious in her suit aww, but lets be real the navy suit is the best™ one she owns. But I still like her best in uniform at the clinic though 💁🏼

she’s over here giving a talk on giving birth at home & Im just like holy shit SHE JUST HAD A BABY IN THEIR NEW HOME, I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT😭!!!!

Tom’s so excited for Ian it’s so cute and sweet

And Tom is so cute and attractive ugh, he could get it

oh damn wait Mrs Cottingham has the baby with no limbs

aw yea and she wanted a girl

I agree though little boys are gremlins 😂😂 from ages like 7-14, get them away from me 😂

Ian all hopeful for their future and then boom he’s a dad. That went from 0 to 💯 real quick

Phyllis!! & lol sister W giggling

But damn why they all acting like Sister J is too old and incapable 😂 she wants to go to St Cuthberts, let her

Sister Monica Joan upset aw😭 don’t worry sister you’re Help is needed

Pats and Deels look cute “tanning” outside

“You want to see Anita Ekberg in that fountain just as much as I do”  Lmaoo 😂😂 for real though have u ever seen La Dolce Vita? Like Anita Ekberg was too hot to handle. I wish I looked that good damn

Trixie came to thirdwheel even though she isn’t unaware she is lol

But Trixie is serving summer looks™ I love it 😍

Damn though Patsy’s legs are pretty pasty 😂😂

Trixie wondering what the hell kinda magic bra Anita had on, literally same cause I want it. Always need good quality strapless bras for summer👍🏻

Patsy inviting Trixie and Delia gave the side eye omg 😂

Here comes Babs lmao

LOL DEELS IS SALTY OMG

ugh this is when Babs first got with Tom and they were annoying lmao, I got over it though

If I was Trixie I’d be lowkey mad too like that was her ex-fiancé but I’m glad they got over it and are friends despite that 💕 cause I know petty girls that would just cut the other off

WHY DO THEY PRONOUNCED SCHEDULE LIKE THAT? And honestly How?? Like I can’t even lol it’s hard. Oops is my American showing

Sister J out here

Ohh yea this matron is a bitch lmao, vete ya

What is the correlation between going to grammar school and getting pregnant ?? @ Ian’s mom

Lol Trixie’s just like pls don’t ask me

ugh get this nurse/matron or what ever tf she is off my screen before I smack her

I swear Jenny Agutter has such a relaxing voice, like she really can calm you down & tell you all will be well & you’ll just be like “yea you right”😭

Tom is so rational and sensible because if I walked in I’d immediately start screaming and all that like “calm tf down people" 

Pats and Deels sneaking around in a convent lol it gives me anxiety always thinking “oh shit u think someone will walk in?”

LOL OKAY TOM YOU TELL YOURSELF TRIXIE IS MAD ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

Damn Tom you just made Babs feel like a rebound™

“Who’s to say we won’t carry on” ya will be fine & get married next year chill out

So Babs is only 23, how old are the other nurses *well how old do you think*??

WHEN WILL WE SEE A NONNATUN BIRTHDAY?? *I preferably want to see Trixie or Shelagh have one* but I’d take anyone really, like these people literally celebrate every other damn holiday/event but no one has had a birthday?? Except for Jenny and Chummy but they’re both gone lol

yikes emphysema, one of my grandfathers died from that. 70 odd years of tobacco smoking 😬 he did someone love to be 85 yrs old though. Idk how, he couldn’t breathe for so long

I love Phyllis just saying again for the millionth time

Aw Trix 💔 you will be happy soon💕😭

See! She said w/o Sister J she’d be screaming! Her presence is calming

Emergency c-section aye dios

Turn up at the pub

Lol funny how the dad gave Tom orange juice bc he’s a vicar but he was drunk af the night before his wedding 😂 drunk enough to have little memory and to be hungover the next day

we’ve all been there tho I don’t judge

Is it really CtM if there’s not at least one mention of babycham a series?

c-sections are wild omg

also I’ve never been under anesthesia so I’d be scared af

LOL & also I’ve never had a kid so that’s scary too duh

“Oh God another one” ahh omg

Do you think that was a doll ??

Again this show makes everything look real af so I never know

Is the doctor here the Mr Kenely that I hate??

They really left that baby there to die like o m g

Sister J praying/blessing the baby 💔💔 my freaking heart omg

again this nurse is on my screen and I need her to go, preferably to carajoland

“may the lord bless you and keep you”!! 💔😭

the third deformed baby and they didn’t report it??

“I’m not drunk” I mean you’re sitting on the floor in the bathroom so I’d think you were too 😂

Lol remember.. *cringes* no wait lets not

Tom worked in a record shop that’s cute

damn Tom do you really think telling them to just settle is the best way to comfort him

Aw sister J needs a hug😭😢💕

and yes prayer you’re right sister MJ

Sister MJ, Sister MC & Sister J comforting each other is so pure, all the they have scenes together wash my sins away for a second

wait where tf is sister Winifred lmao, did she just scadaddle after compline? snuck out to see a heathen movie i bet  jk jk I’m sure she only sneaks to quality films

but then I say dumb shit like that ^ or even worse/more inappropriate & the sins return😂😂

There’s my bby Shelagh! And in uniform, love it. 😭😍

Whenever Shelagh goes back to work next series I hope we see more of her being a nurse cause I love it

Wild that the hospital was just not saying anything about the deformed babies

Sister J coming to the best detective in Poplar, Dr Watson aka Shelagh Turner aka secret agent Shealgh Turnova™ 😂😂 *forever one of my fave lines of hers*

Lmao Tim helping out old ladies, being a good seed & too perfect of a teen

But damn boy comb your hair!

“I haven’t boiled any urine today, nice to have a change of pace” Lol Babs😂😂

oh no she’s bleeding 😢

I’m having flashbacks to Shelagh’s threatened miscarriage like lets not go down that painful memory lane  

Sister J told Ruby it was a girl bc she knew she wanted a girl ughhh 😢

Ruby thinks it was a punishment 💔 ugh my heart & ugh again makes me think of when Shelagh thought she was being punished/greedy when they told her she couldn’t have a baby 💔

Stop the sadness I say, stop it now

“We haven’t got a fairy godmother between us” WHERE IS PHYLLIS WHEN SHE IS NEEDED?

And Poor what’s her name 💔💔

oh yea it’s Linda omg how could I forget that’s my Gram’s name

But Shelagh and Trixie are interacting!!

It’s about a patient but at least they’re speaking right .. LMAO BUT WAIT ILL NEVER BE OVER HORMONAL SHELGH YELLING AT TRIXIE ABOUT THE FAMILY PLANING CLINIC ENTRANCE

ALSO: I’LL KEEP SAYING IT TILL I DIE, ALL I WANT IS A TRIXIE & SHELAGH FRIENDSHIP! 😭😭💕💖💖 they’re my bbys and I’ve been asking nicely

shit ¡¡ @beatrix-franklin wrote a damn essay as to why we need/want it !!

PLS LET IT HAPPEN @ HEIDI & OTHER WRITERS😭💔

Shelagh’s grey cardigan is actually cute *she just doesn’t need anymore lol*

“What the poor pet really needs is a good cry, a bottle of aspirin and a hug in no particular order..but the hug is of prime importance”  you see. We could’ve have a cute scene of Trixie visiting Shelagh in the hospital & a little parallel of when she visited her in the sanatorium

or Just give me Trixie hugging Shelagh and I’ll cry of joy 😭💕

omg wait

shit I forgot Ian put his head in the oven

Angela playing on the floor !! So precious 💖

“..Don’t think they’d thank you for that Patrick, they’re both younger than me”  Lol I always laugh at that, it’s kinda cute. I like when Shelagh has funny lines , why didn’t Patrick say anything back 😂 there could’ve been cute playful banter. Even this series we could’ve heard him call her an elderly primigravida is a joking/playful banter context ..BUT at least we know now Shelagh is 36!

Yea man those bombs impacted multiple generations

“So World War II is history now is it?” I seriously love these little lines of Shelagh’s lol. Also funny how she prob sees her self as old, and she was what, like my age, when the war needed?? 18 or 19 depending on her birthday (We’d know but nonnatuns apparently don’t ever have birthdays)

Shit. Wait..I feel. Kinda strange and scary to think my future children will learn in school the events I’ve lived through so far ??

okay lets not think about that

what’s the sluice? I know he washes instruments but what exactly is the sluice? The room ? Idk

Aw Angela crying, one of the the only times we’ve heard her make a sound lol

WAIT HE COULD BE SUED FOR BREAKING THE ENGAGEMENT WHAT??

“How long have we been broken off?” “A year. To be precise a year and ten days”  I know they weren’t really a good match but aw 😭 it was nice while it lasted

Trixie Bby 💔💔 happiness is coming your way I promise

“I never know when I love you the most. But I sometimes think these are the times I love you best..”😭😭 BYE IM DEAD AGAIN & MY HEART EXPLODED AGAIN😭💔💕💕

thinking about it though, they’ve never actually said I love you properly, have they??

See Patrick’s little med school anecdote, can Shelagh share one anytime soon? About anything from her past, I’m just curious.

Was that just a piece of “in the mirror” or is it playing in my head? Honestly it happens quite often, I’ll swear I hear a song and it’s actually in my head

alright Ian so why were you marrying her? you switching it up kid

I’m calling him kid like he’s not probably older than me lmao

Phyllis in her robe I love it

Trixie serving yet another look™😍

I’m so glad Trixie gave Babs her “blessing” & became good friends. So pure, we don’t need any more women being put against each other

“Fuzzy felt apostles” WHY AM I LAUGHING AT THAT? It’s not even funny?

Now the service for a nun we never knew, filled with extra nuns we will never know or care about.

I love that the nurses are at the service lol, like they probably don’t have to be but still there for fam

& Shelagh there wearin a mantilla, so sweet😭💕

“God hugs you” aw sister MC 😭❤️

You gotta admit even if you aren’t religious this show does make you feel some type of faith

“We knew so little then, in a world that seems so filled of opening doors and bright horizons. We thought only of what was new and better because it was new and better. And it would take us to places we had never been before.” VANESSA😭 she never fails with the narration, never.

Trixie helping Babs fix her bracelet bc there’s no hard feelings and she’s happy for them aw

“..We couldn’t see what was coming or understand yet what had already come to pass, yet so much still to learn”

Oh shit that foreshadow was heavy, especially because it ends with a shot of baby cottinghams body in the box.

I don’t think I picked up on that the first time ..                                     Anyway it’s 1:15am I should go to bed I have class in the morning 😭😂

The End.🙃