#don’t ask about bees red eyes I did it cuz it looked cool

[backbreak]

Did some art for a Halloween event ✌️🎃

The fellas are doing the masochism tango 💃🕺

[calpalirwin]

Choices

Summary: Ashton Irwin thought he had everything he needed in life in the form of his daughter. Funny the difference a choice can make.

A/N: Be sure to catch up on the first two chapters!

Content: Nothing too crazy/out of the norm. Some cute as fuck dad!Ash. Also guest appearance by Luke and Mike!

Word Count: 4.5K

And away, and away we go!

Chapter 3

My alarm went off shrilly at 7 am. I fumbled to shut off the incessant beeping as I opened my eyes. I yawned and stretched out my arms. It was then I became apparent of Nic asleep in my bed. I smiled at the memory of the night we had shared. Her giggles echoed in my mind as I recalled her slipping into one of my shirts and beckoning me to bed with her finger. I recalled the many kisses I stole as we hid under the covers. I remembered how she felt, sleeping beside me as if she had done it her whole life. I reached over and kissed her, “Nic, wake up.” I kissed a path from her shoulder, up her neck, and to her lips. “Wake up, wake up, wake up,” I murmured between kisses.

“Mmm,” she moaned, “Shh, Ash, I’m sleeping,” she smiled at me, opening her eyes a little.

“It’s seven… I gotta get up.”

“Why?”

“Lauren is gonna be here any second with Cass so I can get her ready for daycare,” I told her, rolling out of bed.

She reached over and pulled me down, before climbing on top of me and kissing my face repeatedly. “Just. Five. More. Minutes. Please?” she asked me between kisses.

I wrapped my arms around her and sat up with her in my lap. “If they even give me five minutes,” I told her.

“Guess we better get as much time as we can,” she grinned, sexily.

I rolled her over, pinning her between me and the bed. “God, you’re sexy,” I growled. I kissed her fiercely before pulling back and straining my ear. “Shh,” I whispered, pressing a finger to my lips, rolling off of Nic. “Do you hear that?” I asked, still whispering as I heard the front door creak open and Cassidy’s footsteps pitter-patter across the apartment. “Incoming,” I warned, seconds before Cassidy came crashing into my bed.

“Daddy!” she shrieked like she did every morning.

I threw the covers over my head and shouted playfully, “No! Not the Cass Monster! Aaaahhh!” Then I threw the covers off me and enveloped Cassidy in them who erupted in a series of giggles. I pulled her into my lap and uncovered her head. “Were you good for Auntie Lauren?” I asked.

Cassidy nodded, her dirty blonde curls bouncing. Then, “Daddy, did you have a sleepover?”

“I did. Her name is Nic. Do you want to say hi?”

Another nod, then, “Hi, Nic!”

“Hi, Cassidy,” Nic smiled sweetly.

“She’s pretty, Daddy,” Cassidy told me.

I laughed, “Yes, very pretty. Alright, you ready for breakfast?”

“Mhm!”

“Alright, go say goodbye to Auntie Lauren, and I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

She skipped out of the room. Lauren poked her head in, “Hey, As- shit, I didn’t know you had company. I could’ve taken Cass.”

“It’s fine, Lauren,” I said getting out of bed. “This is Nic. Nic, that’s my sister, Lauren. The little one was Cass.”

“Hi,” Nic said, getting up herself.

Lauren nodded a hello, then, “I’m gonna say bye to Cass,” before excusing herself.

“Sorry,” I said to Nic, pulling a shirt over my head.

 “It’s fine, Ash,” she said, kissing me. “I should probably go get ready for work. I’ll see you later?”

I nodded, “I’ll be home at about 5 if you wanted to join us for dinner. I’m not much of a cook though, so fair warning.”

She smiled. “I can be over at like 5:30?”

“That works,” I smiled back. I watched as she disappeared, waiting to hear her leave, before I went to the kitchen. I went about my morning routine feeling better than I had in a long while. For the first time in a long while, I had something to look forward to; someone to come home to that didn’t need bedtime stories and monster-checking.

“You seem perkier than usual,” Mike, the captain, noted as I came in whistling.

“Just in a good mood,” I said, clocking in for the day.

“So, who’s the girl?” Luke, my partner, asked.

“Who said there was a girl?”

“Because, I’ve never seen you look this happy. I’ve also never seen you with a girl. So, it’s gotta be a girl, right? Oh, tell me it’s a girl!”

“It’s a girl,” I laughed.

“Ha!” Luke cheered. “Mikey-boy, that’s twenty big ones! Pay up! Way to go, Irwin!”

“Why does he owe you twenty b- Wait, did you 2 seriously have a bet that I was gay?! I literally have a kid.” Any other day, I might have been offended, but I was cruising on the highest of highs.

“Hey,” Luke defended. “I knew you weren’t gay. Just a busy little worker bee, huh, Ashy?” he teased.

“You know what? I ain’t even mad. Cuz I woke up next to the hottest girl. Life doesn’t get better than that.”

“Ash,” Mike said, turning serious for a minute. “Marry this girl.”

“I barely know the girl, Mikey,” I laughed nervously.

“I know. But marry her. Any girl that’s got you feeling this good is a keeper. I’m telling ya.”

“I still think I’ll give it a minute before I start getting down on a knee,” I joked, quickly burying the memory of the last time I’d been down on one knee. Taylor had no right to my mind today. Today, my mind was all on Nic.

I walked through the door of my apartment, feeling both more exhausted than I’d ever felt and also still better than my old best days. I quickly tried to clean up the apartment a bit while Cassidy played. I had just sat down on the couch when Nic knocked on my door. “Hey, c’mon in,” I greeted, kissing her cheek.

“Hey, how was work?” she asked, making herself comfortable on my couch.

“Good,” I said, sitting down next to her. “How was your day?”

“Long,” she sighed, leaning into me. “Glad to be done.”

“Me too,” I smiled at her. “Are you hungry?”

“I am!” Cassidy piped up, causing both Nic and me to laugh.

Nic stayed after dinner, throwing herself into a wild activity Cassidy dreamed up, the two chatting away until I told Cassidy it was time for her bath. I had Cassidy pick up her toys while I ran her bath. “You can stay if you want, but if you have stuff you gotta do, that’s…”

Nic half-smiled. “I should probably get going. But, I’ll see you…?”

“You can come by tomorrow again if you like. But, I gotta warn you, this is pretty much it,” I told her motioning around at everything. “This is my life.”

“I like your life, Ash,” she said, smiling softly. “I’ll see you and Cass tomorrow.” She kissed me before letting herself out.

“I like her, Daddy,” Cassidy said.

“I like her, too,” I said, picking her up.

I got Cassidy ready for bed and went to bed myself with Nic’s memory burned in my mind. I told myself that I really liked Nic and that I’d be smarter this time around; that I would savour every moment I held her in my arms, or got to kiss her lips. I tried to push the nagging thoughts that this could only end 1 of 2 ways, and that 1 of those ways could very well destroy me.

~~~

For the next few weeks, Nic slowly made her way into mine and Cassidy's lives. Every night the 3 of us sat around my kitchen table eating and laughing. Some nights she stayed helped me put Cassidy to bed, then spent the night tangled up in the sheets with me. Other nights she excused herself early so I could have 1-on-1 time with Cassidy. Nic and I took things slow, not wanting to rush anything in our relationship with each other. But, when the 1-month mark came and went- which was when every other girl had left- and Nic stayed, I started to rethink the seriousness of our relationship. I decided it was time to take Nic out on a real date so we could discuss what we both wanted out of this relationship, or if we even wanted one.

I talked over the details with Lauren, who eagerly agreed to pick Cassidy up from daycare and watch her overnight for me. So after work on Friday, instead of rushing to pick up Cassidy from daycare, I called Nic.

“Hey, Ash,” she answered after the first ring. “I just got home. I’ll be over in a few?”

“Uh, I was actually wondering if you wanted to go out? Like on a real date?”

“Real date, huh?”

“Yeah. Getting dressed up, I bring you flowers, we go eat a fancy dinner, the whole thing.”

She giggled and I pictured her cheeks flushing red. “Okay, that sounds like fun.”

“Cool. I’ll pick you up at 7?”

“I’ll see you at 7. Ash?”

“Yeah?”

“Why?”

“I just wanna do something nice for a change,” I told her. In truth, I felt good about my relationship with Nic. She didn’t get annoyed with staying in every night or having Cassidy ruin the chance to sleep in on the weekends. In fact, she adored Cassidy, and Cassidy adored her right back. There was also no denying the way she made me feel, or the fact that we were both clearly attracted to each other. And after the past few weeks of her either being in my arms or on my mind, it was probably time to figure out what we were to each other, even if I didn’t like the answer.

I went out to get my truck washed and pick up some flowers before I came home and showered. I went through my closet, pulling jackets and work clothes aside to find my dress shirts and slacks. I laid the clothes on my bed, ready to get changed, but I ran a hand under my chin first. I ran to the bathroom and looked at my face in the mirror. I tilted my head at different angles, trying to decide if I needed to clean up my beard or not. I decided against it, preferring not to risk shaving it all off if I screwed up. I changed and took a good long look in the mirror. Without meaning to, my mind drifted to the last time I had gotten this dressed up- the way my heart pounded in my chest and the weight of that little box in my pocket. I quickly shook away the thought. That wasn’t the last time I got dressed up, I told myself. Yeah, but it was the last time it mattered. “This isn’t like that, though,” I spoke aloud to no one. Isn’t it, though? My mind answered back. “I don’t have time for this,” I said angrily. “Nic isn’t Taylor. And more than that, I don't want Taylor. I want Nic.” Hey, these are your thoughts, Ash.

I shook my head again. “Nic,” I repeated, smiling at the sound of her name. “I want Nic.” With a last look in the mirror, I headed for the door, grabbing the flowers on my way out. I made my way across the hall and knocked on her door. One of her roommates opened the door. “Hey, is Nic ready?”

“Oh, hey, Ash. C’mon in. Nic’s just finishing up.”

I took a seat on their couch, “So, how’s everything going?” I asked, trying to make conversation.

“We’re good, Ash. You and Nic seem to be getting serious.”

“I hope so. I really like her.”

“She really likes you, too.”

“Kayla!” Nic scolded, coming into the room. Her dress accentuated every bit of curve she had.

“Wow… you look… wow…” I said, getting up off the couch. “Uh, these are for you.” I gave her the small bouquet of flowers.

She took the flowers and breathed them in. “Thank you,” she said. Then she disappeared down the hall to put them away. “Ready?” she asked when she came back into the living room.

“Let’s go,” I said, taking her hand. “You look really amazing, by the way,” I told her again as we walked down to my truck.

“Thanks. You clean up good yourself.”

“I try.” I held the door for the truck open for her and watched as she slid in.

“You washed your truck, too?” she asked when I climbed in the driver's seat.

“Yeah, it was time.” I pulled out of the parking structure and onto the road.

“Really? When’s the last time you washed your truck?”

“Uh… a while.”

She raised her eyebrows.

I shrugged and half-smiled. “The rain does a good enough job.”

“So you went through the trouble of washing it for me?”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“I meant no such thing. There’s something flattering about a boy putting in a little effort to impress the girl.”

“And are you impressed?”

“Time will tell.”

I clutched at my chest jokingly. “Ouch…”

She laughed, “Well, the night’s just beginning.”

“Oh, you’ll be impressed,” I told her, pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant. I wrapped my arm around her as we walked into the restaurant. “2 for Irwin,” I told the hostess, trying to ignore the look she gave us.

“Right this way,” she said, leading us to a table. “Your waiter will be here shortly.”

I ran a hand through my hair as I became aware of everyone’s eyes on us. “I know I’m with the prettiest girl, but damn I’d wish they’d stop staring,” I whispered to her as I rolled up the sleeves of my shirt, exposing my arms and tattoos.

“They’re staring at you, Ash. At least the girls are anyway,” she told me.

I shook my head, “Bullshit. I’m a nobody.” I flicked through the menu, busying myself with trying to find something to eat.

“A good looking nobody,” she laughed, setting her own menu aside. “I feel like I’ve said this before, but your tattoos are really cool.”

“Thanks?” I felt my face flush red in embarrassment.

“Are you one of those guys who is just completely oblivious to how good looking they are? It’s both charming and infuriating.”

I shrugged. “That’s a loaded question. If I say yes, then I’m a conceited jackass who only cares about looks. If I say no, I’m a moron. I mean, I see myself all the time so I look like I always have to me. Whether or not that’s attractive to other people or not is up to them.”

“Well, for the record, you are ridiculously attractive. And until now, I’ve been too distracted by that attractiveness to notice much besides just how attractive you are. The tattoos certainly aren’t helping making you any less attractive either. If anything it adds. Are you ready to order?” she finally asked, trying to change the topic. “Or should I keep overusing the word ‘attractive’?”

I laughed and we quickly flagged down the waiter to order. “Well, thanks,” I told her, “But, I still think everybody is looking at you. And why wouldn’t they? You’re beautiful.”

She blushed. “So, the tattoos? Can I see?” she asked, reaching out and gently touching my right forearm.

“Yeah.” I undid my shirt, sliding it off, grateful I had thought to throw a black tank top on underneath so I wasn’t completely shirtless in public.

“These are so cool,” she breathed, her fingers running all over my inked skin.

“I thought so.”

“Did they hurt?”

I nodded as I slipped back into my dress shirt. “But it was more annoying than painful.”

“What caused you to get them?”

“Just little reminders, I guess.”

“Reminders of what?”

“To be the best person I can be both for myself and for Cass. I’m the only parent she has, so I have to do twice as much work as any other parent to make sure she’s not missing out on not having a mom.”

“You have a very interesting story,” she told me.

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, I do. You have a clear attachment to your family, which I find to be endearing. And you don’t let your past damage you. You let it guide you into being a better person.”

“It sounds so much cooler when you say it. Damn, that looks good,” I said as the waiter brought out our food and we started eating. “So, anything interesting I should know about you? Since how you know all about me?”

“I don’t know all about you,” she retorted. “But, fine. Tell me what you want to know.”

“Tell me about Atlanta.”

She shrugged. “It was typical. Um, I’m the middle child. I have an older brother and a younger sister. We’re all close. Parents are still married.”

“What were you like in high school? What made you the woman sitting across from me?”

She laughed. “Again, very typical. Also very cliche. I was head cheerleader, so naturally I dated the quarterback. We were Prom king and queen.”

I laughed, “Damn, I thought I was a cliche in high school. Tell me about Mr. Quarterback boyfriend. How’d you go from him to bar creeps to me?”

“Mr. Quarterback’s name was Charlie. He was a sweetheart, but his views were a little too old-school for me, even though I consider myself to be somewhat of a traditionalist.”

“How so?”

“He didn't want me to go to college. He wanted me to become a housewife and mom. Which, I’m not opposed to necessarily. I just wanted something that was my own, too. So I told him he could either accept that I wanted a future myself outside of the home or I’d find someone who did. So, he tried to accept it. And when I told him I wanted to come here to pursue a master’s and see more of the world, he told me he couldn’t accept it anymore. So, we broke up. And I moved here and promised myself I wouldn’t shy away from putting myself back out there. The creeps were just an unfortunate side effect.”

“Wow. And Charlie was your first?”

She nodded, “But, I don’t have any regrets. And I’m not bitter about it. Like I said, the boy was a sweetheart. We just weren’t destined for forever.”

“That’s a very mature outlook,” I commented.

“I try,” she smiled. “So what about you? What were you like before moving here?”

“I was the captain of my high school’s baseball team. Starting dating the pretty girl senior year that I’d had a crush on since I was five. We weren’t Prom king and queen like you and Charlie. We were Homecoming king and queen, though, so it’s basically the same thing. We stayed together while I put myself through the police academy and she went to college. I wasn’t afraid of her wanting a career, just as long as she wanted me too. Then she got pregnant.”

“And what happened to her? To Cassidy's mom?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it,” I told her, running a hand through my hair. “Um, I actually wanted to talk about us.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah… Uh, you’ve been over a lot and Cassidy really likes you. And I do too. So I’m hoping that we can, uh… be something more serious than whatever it is we’ve been doing.”

“I thought you didn’t want serious?”

“No, I said I probably wasn’t the guy to get serious with.”

“And now you are?”

“Well, yeah.”

She sighed, “Ash…”

I felt my throat close up. “It’s fine… you don’t… we don’t… it’s fine,” I choked out. I tried to tell myself that I didn’t care; that her apparent rejection didn’t hurt. After all, it’s not like we we’re serious.

“It’s not that, Ash. It’s the fact that you think so little of yourself. Ash, I don’t care that you’re a dad. Okay? I care that you’re a good person with a good heart. That’s the Ash I like. That’s the Ash I want to be with.”

I leaned back, confused. “Um… Can we start over?”

She let out a small laugh, “Sure.”

“Hey, Nic. We’ve been spending a lot of time together. You seem to understand better than other girls I’ve been with how important my daughter is to me, and you aren’t threatened by that. I really appreciate that, and so does Cass. As a result, I feel that I’m in a position to take our relationship more seriously.” I tried to pick my words carefully, but I wanted to laugh at how absolutely ridiculous I sounded.

She nodded, biting her lip to hold back a laugh, “Okay. And what do you mean by taking us more seriously?”

“Mainly mutual exclusiveness. I don’t want to date anyone else, and I don’t want you to date anyone else.”

“I thought we were already at that point, though.”

“Were we? I mean, I haven’t been seeing anyone.”

“Neither have I.”

“Oh, well, good. I’d like for us to keep doing that.”

“Me, too,” she smiled.

I cleared my throat, “Sorry… It's been awhile since I asked a girl to be my girlfriend.”

“Oh, is that what you were asking?” Her eyes danced mischievously.

“Well… that’s what I meant by the ‘mutual exclusiveness’ bit…”

“I’m teasing, Ash. I’d like to be your girlfriend very much.” Her face blushed and she looked down.

I felt my mouth split into a cheesy grin. “I’d like that too,” I told her, reaching out for her hand. “Now, serious question: what are your expectations of me being your boyfriend?”

She lifted her head and looked at me. “Wow… um…” she paused to think about it. “Okay. Loyalty and honesty. I don’t do cheaters and I don’t do liars.”

I nodded, “Understandable. Although, can we agree that there are some things worth lying about? Like surprises? I like surprising my girlfriend and they tend to require a few white lies.”

“Oh, well yeah. I meant like big stuff lying.”

I nodded again. “Fair enough, I won’t cheat and I won’t lie about it if I’m ever dumb enough to.”

She laughed, “Good. Oh, respect is huge. Respect for my boundaries, privacy, and my independence.”

“What do you mean by independence? Like not feeling threatened by you wanting a career for yourself? Or not feeling threatened when you want to go out with your friends without me?”

“Both. Jealousy in general bothers me. It kinda goes back to the loyalty and honesty bit. Like yeah, I want you to be loyal and honest, so I’m also going to be loyal and honest in return. So respect that I’m not going to jeopardize that trust. And being threatened of a girl having a career in this day and age is just stupid.”

“Makes sense. Anything else?”

She thought for a minute. “No. Everything else more or less falls into those 3 categories.”

“Consideration isn’t a factor for you?” I asked, giving her a suggestion. “Of feelings, likes, dislikes, the sort?”

She pursed her lips together in thought. “Yeah… I would think it falls under respect, or maybe loyalty, though. But yeah, I like a guy who’s considerate.”

“Okay. I can do that.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Although, I have a… savior complex is what you called it? Well, I call it a protective side that might sometimes interfere with your independence. I don’t do it on purpose and I definitely don’t do it because I think you’re not capable of handling your own shit. It’s just one of those things that kinda just happens and I’m not aware of it until after the fact. But by all means, call me out on it.”

She laughed, “Ah, yes. Your savior complex. It’s irritating, but I also find it rather charming.”

I laughed with her, “Yeah. Like I said, I don’t do it on purpose. You can blame my dad for it if you want. He’s the one I get it from.”

She smiled, “Anything I should know about your expectations?”

“The same things. Have trust and faith in me that I’m not stupid enough to do something to purposefully jeopardize what we have. And if you ever do have concerns about us or me, then come to me rather than trash talk me to your friends or disrespect my privacy by playing private investigator. I don’t play mind games and I don’t want a girlfriend who thinks it’s okay to play mind games with me. That part also applies to passive aggressive behavior. Like if you don’t like that I leave the toilet seat up, just tell me rather than get all pissy. Shit like that. Like we’re both adults, so we don’t need to do childish shit. Also, I have a daughter who is my entire world. While I’m more than willing to open myself up and let you part of that world, Cassidy will always come first and I need you to both understand and accept that.”

“Can do. I don’t expect to date a man who acts like a boy, so you can expect me to not act like a child myself. Anything else?”

I thought about it, and then took a deep breath, deciding to let her be aware of my deepest fear. “If you ever do have concerns about our relationship and they’re concerns that you can’t move past- like break up worthy stuff- please, please tell me right away. Don’t blindside me or lead me on. Ripping off the band-aid will make losing you a little more bearable. It’s hard explaining to Cass why ‘Daddy’s friend’ doesn’t come over anymore.”

Her eyes went a little wide and she leaned back. “Whoa… Okay… I can promise that I’ll come to you with our problems. But, I can’t promise that I’ll automatically throw in the towel if I ever have doubts. I’d want to try to work through those doubts first. But I can promise that I’ll make you aware of them.”

I nodded. “Yeah, that was heavy, I know. And thank you. I know it’s not an easy thing to ask someone, much less agree to it.”

“Ash, nothing you’ve asked is unreasonable. You have a daughter to think about and you guys are a package deal. We’ve both come from relationships that left a few scars. This relationship is new and scary. But, as long as we do things we’ve agreed on, I don’t see us having any problems.”

“No? You don’t want to run after that lovely confession of me being scared as hell that you’ll leave?” I half-teased.

“Hey, you have just as much chance of breaking up with me as I do with you,” she clarified.

I shook my head, laughing, “Like I’d ever break up with a girl like you.”

She laughed with me, “I could say the same thing. Anything last demands, boyfriend?”

“Uh… yeah, just one more. Would you mind coming with Cass and me to my parents on Sunday? It’s uh… kind of my birthday...”

She grinned, “I’d love too.”

I couldn’t hold back anymore and I reached across the table, pulling her face towards mine. I kissed her hard and she kissed back with just as much fierceness, our relationship sealing itself on our lips.

~~~

Tag List (I’m waiting...)

@goeatsomelife​ @flameraine​ @cashtonasff5sos​ @here-for-the-uproars​ @cxddlyash​ @1-irwin-94​ @baldcalum​ @sparkling-chaos​ @tea4sykes​ @youngblood199456​ @5-seconds-of-obsession​

[polygon-streams]

May 2nd 2019- Donk Souls

Summary: Pat plays Dark Souls again with our lovable protagonist, Magnum Kong Jr. New environments and monster types are explored (and some cool hats)!

Pat starts in and makes a face at the camera. Eyes wide, staring in glee, the game boots up

Pat acknowledges new subs, mocked the “Hey boy!” clip as it played

Snorkel_the_Dolphin is a rare game historian on twitter, subbed to Pat

Since MK was finished last stream, we’re doing Donk Souls for this stream

Typically saves parts ahead of where we were last stream, so that he has played that part of the game before stream; didn’t this time

Boots on music: Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze soundtrack

I forgot what the character looked like until he panned back to the game lmaoooo

Recap: we are on the road of sacrifices, w nasty lil bird freaks in it (they sprout from the ground and show one of their wings)

“Luckily, we have the biggest fucking hammer in the world to hit them with” (It’s actually a mace)

Pat thinks he’s gonna switch his primary weapons to be a sword and the big hammer

Pat appreciates whistling, especially w vibrato

Brushy is very good at whistling, so can Faith. Pat asks which one can whistle deeper, then tries to whistle deeply. Deepest whistle is throat singing, in Pat’s opinion

Fun fact: Pat used to be able to throat sing, but won’t on stream bc it’s very loud and he thinks he can’t anymore (I don’t care if he can) (I want to see a throat-singing Pat)

Loves the bird-people noises coming from in-the-game

Pat games over: “I got sloppy”

Pat talks about the “Thank you Sonic for 200” tweet (i don’t know what that is). People upset about bad appearance of Sonic, but Pat doesn’t think it’s gonna make a difference bc the script will still be bad. Would be more angry if your perfect image of Sonic is put in a terrible movie

Got over for uncanny valley for Pikachu bc the script seems fine, and proportions are still the same, just moved to a different format

Asks brushy if he’s allowed to have a fursona. Pat thinks he has a bird-sona. A crow or a tired dog. Maybe a borzoi, but doesn’t think he’s elegant enough

Hot take: borzoi’s are the dumbest dogs. Pat loves this

Dipped for a bit here

Doesn’t like rowdy DK music. “This is stressing me tf out”. Sets the music to be more chill. Appreciates pan flute of new song

Talks about spaghetti tech. Proper way to eat spaghetti involves swirling spaghetti between a fork and a spoon. Makes it more convenient, so that spaget doesn’t slide off. Pat has never had rare spaghetti, but has had al dente penne. Al dente spaghetti sounds hard bc hard to wrap around fork

Got a new hat, but dirty af

Finds new crab boss. “Crab hit hard!” Pat loses 1st time, but wins and gets swamp ring

Had to leave for a bit here

Someone got the voice actor for snake to say that “pee is stored in the balls” in his solid snake voice. Pat approves this, so that actor can make the most of the voice

Destroys a man’s book collection because he wouldn’t come back to his camp because he was “too stupid”. Then comes back to kill him.

“I would never put on a ring to make me smart. Magnum jr. would never do that”

The music in this part of the stream slaps in particular

“Cool hat logan”

Mentions how it started to rain outside and how it’s nice to be comfy inside!

Drinkin’ a real piece of shit beer here tonight

“It’s not a bud light it's a budweiser, bud heavy”

Mentions how here’s never had coke and pepsi together before but wants to and probably will soon, perhaps on stream

Goes to fight crystal sage (a boss he hasn’t beaten yet)

Only coke he enjoys is mexican coke rn (which is arguably the best)

Someone knocks on his door so he goes to see who it is, causing chat to go piss crazy

Comes back and says “what did you do faith” she said she drinks grinch soda, or groda, causing her to get timed out

Looks for good armor but refuses to wear one because the ass. is. not. open.

“Let’s go fight a bowass”

The music then turns to what i can only describe as what a classy clown would listen to. Still slaps tho

Has a boss fight that looks like a big ol whack a mole fight with the crystal sage

Makes a small mistake and dies “I got so stupid”

“This time we’ll just be 5% less stupid and 100% more victorious”

Mocks the boss enemies in a new york accent “ya think you’re better than me? Just cuz you know how to read some magical runes you think you’re better than me?”

Makes the sub “yee” noise when he gained a new sub

Watched The Matrix last night and said it held up and was still a good movie

Defeats the boss and sets a bonfire

Mentions how he loves keanu reeves and how he's essentially just doing what he wants

Also mentions how he already got tickets for the new John Wick movie

Says they did a really good job making it seem like a violent, horrible experience to wake up from being in the matrix.

Says he doesn’t really know which way he’s going and he’s just going!

“Hey who’s that?” as he jumps down from a cliff to attack an enemy

“I got the knives in my back, fake friends”

“I know they’re fake friends because real friends would stab me in the front” pat,,,no

Gives an update to his bathroom and says workers are still working and are isolating the ceiling problem and he hopes it’ll be over soon

He really did “hewwo” to us huh

Thanks dark souls for giving a good level design in a fight “love it, yes, excellent, perfect”

Sighs and says you can not pet the dog

Moves to a shield to help in fighting

Chat spams donuts

Memeshart begs for pat to go in a building, but Pat’s just gonna keep exploring

Finally goes into building after exploring

I have to do something urgent right now!

Character says “Redayy be careful”; Pat mocks it (I dunno what he actually said, that’s just what it sounded like)

He goes to level up Magnum jr., and buy stuff he couldn’t buy previously. Bought a really big hat that was totally worth it. Unfortunately, it covers up Magnum Jr’s face. Realizes he can’t level up yet bc he has more souls to burn

Pat admits he has not had a lot of Japanese soft drinks, largely bc people probably don’t bring them overseas much

Finds himself in a Dark Souls treasure nook, w red water. “Is this the blood-loss water?”

Pat got worms!! But the worms don’t want the fire Pat was gonna use them for. Needs to switch the torch w the worms. He also got bees

Pat recites the Bugs sound button as it plays

Gonna wrap up soon bc Thomas is live and we’re gonna raid him

Pat got two Christmas Lizards in game

Goes to fight a giant ice lizard boss, not knowing what he’s doing. Regrets this decision and leaves

Brushy got spaghetti, possibly related to earlier convos in the stream

Pat likes the gross-out art in Dark Souls. Likes that it’s a Japanese developing team taking a Western take that look diff from other Western games

Finished his wrap-around of the area, and decides to cut the stream, but will resume DS on the weekend!!

End of stream!

[violetbeachpod]

TRANSCRIPT: 1x01 - Twelve Oh One

Hey, folks! Bee here. Y’all reached out to me about transcripts awhile back, and, hey, since the season’s over, I’m gonna start posting them! As a person with attention issues, I super get the need for transcripts, and I’m sorry for not delivering on them sooner.

I’m also reediting episodes right now, so. Those corrections will be posted about as they happen. Anyway. Here we go. Episode one, which you can listen to here, if you so please.

TERESA: 

Okay, so--it’s recording. Cool .

Um. It’s Wednesday. It’s been nine days since--eight days, maybe? --well, if you’re listening, at this point, you know what it was--Benji says we’re gonna publish this, but, like, no. That’s--that’s ridiculous. This is for science.

Or our memoirs. Whatever.

We’ve--the seven of us have decided to keep a log. Of what’s been going on.

Um. So. Cool. Name and deets, just in case some more weird memory shit goes down--My name’s Teresa. I’m eighteen. I’m an Aries, I like bowling and shitty pop music, and only mostly ironically. That enough fluff? I’m a freshman at, ah, Lands College, here in town, and. Studying journalism, with a minor in women’s studies, uh--anything else--I feel like this would be a better story if I start showing, rather than telling.

Or, like. Telling stories rather than just reading out my dating profile. Because that’s lame.

My dating profile’s actually--it’s a lot more detailed than that. I’m on, like, seven different sites, and every profile is. Very Different.

(text notification sound)

[lean away from mic]

Anj, stop--stop listening in! You--you--dude, take a nap.

[and we’re back]

So. Anyway. Here’s what we know.

[long beat]

That was good, right? A good joke? That’s something. Um. Cuz we don’t know very much at all. There’s something there, I swear, like, I rehearsed that bit in the bathroom mirror this morning, and I was thinking, no, I won’t pull that, but--

But. Back to the point.

Y’know how, in movies, people are always like, “Nobody knows except for us?”

That’s so exclusive. So presumptuous. We don’t know if people are lying. We haven’t spoken to every person on the planet--we haven’t even spoken to anyone outside of Maryland. Outside of town. Like. We’ve watched news, but God knows, some of those conspiracies about hypnosis through CNN are real, or whatever. Y’know? Like--those conspiracies are almost exclusively believed in by, like, flat-earthing racists, so, like, they’re probably, definitely super wrong, but--I was making a joke and I’m overthinking it now. Cool.

Anyway. We don’t know who knows. Maybe someone in, like, Caracas, knows? Maybe someone in--you get my point--knows.

Or maybe we’re being Truman Showed. Wouldn’t be the worst theory to have come out of this.

I would--well, I’d hate it, but one time, back in middle school, the public library did these--these movie nights for teenagers, right? And, so, uh, a bunch of us were there, and I was sitting with Angie, cuz she was--she was the only person I knew there, of course, and she was sitting with these kids, like--uh, from the hippie school she had taken in, and--one of them was AJ, I know, and one was Charlotte. but the others, I don’t see anymore.

But anyway, she was, like, starry-eyed at the idea of her life being a TV show without her knowing. At the idea of unintentional stardoms. So maybe she’ll get a kick out of that theory.

Here’s something: I was working on my campaign notes earlier, cuz the group’s meeting tomorrow, should meet tomorrow  and I didn’t really--I didn’t like a few of the potentials, so, whatever. Irrelevant.

I checked the time, and--well. It was twelve oh one. And two minutes later, it was still twelve oh one. And now, it’s still twelve oh one.

I thought maybe my laptop was being bad again? But it said the same on my phone, and on the wall clock.

The app says time is passing. It’s been longer than fifty-nine seconds.

It’s still twelve oh one, though, is the thing. Which isn’t great, all things considered.

But, we’ll catch up on that later.

Here’s the big thing. I went back to the beach last night to see if I could recreate what happened alone, and, uh--at least. I think I did. I don’t remember going, but, uh, Angie says I did, and AJ said that when he was closing at work, he saw me walking towards it. But I didn’t--I didn’t go.

There are sixty-nine--which, yeah, nice, that’s the sex number, whatever--sticky notes on the bathroom mirror, and, like--I can make out letters on some of them them? Individual letters? But not words. And I know that they’re making words, and I know that it’s my handwriting, but my brain just--it goes somewhere else.

And other ones, that I can read, they have dumb stuff. One of them’s just a doodle of David Hyde Pierce with a caption that just says “HELL YEAH. LOOK AT THE MOON WEDNESDAY.”

It’s, like--in fairness to me, or the person I assume to be me, it’s a fairly good David Hyde Pierce. And there’s--there’s a new moon tonight, so--well.

Whatever.

It’s still twelve oh--oop. Nevermind. Twelve oh two now. Nice.

Benji wants me to take off work until this whole thing’s sorted out. Says he’ll still pay me, but, like--being yelled at by awful dudes about trivia that nobody knows is kind of the only constant in my life right now? So I said no. Obviously. Like. It sucks, but it makes me feel normal. Like the beach out by Angie’s place did, before--

Well. Maybe some recollection would be nice, I guess. Just so, like, Danny and company--like, if we end up showing them. Cuz I’m better at sticking to the facts than, say, Robin or Charlotte. So. Yeah.

So. Uh.

Most folks know that she transferred in after a semester at--well, I’m not allowed to say the name of the school in front of her, anymore, and she’s, like, giving me death-eyes out of the bedroom door. But. A certain Ivy League school. This is relevant--

Okay, maybe not, but it’s a nice set up to our establishing shot, which is, of course, her New Year’s party, nine days ago. At her parents’ place. Or, eight days ago, at her parents’ place, I guess. She told us on New Year’s Eve that she was starting at Lands on the fourth, and I offered her a stay in my dorm, cuz I had a single, and, uh, it sucked? But. Whatever.

So I said, “You know, I have a single.” And she said--wait, lemme find my journal--yes, I do write down conversations, Angie.

Alright. She said, “Oh, really, is it on--Bandcamp, Soundcloud, iTunes, MySpace? I didn’t know you--” And I said, “I meant dorm room, dude, you mentioned--MySpace?”

She said, “I still use it.” I laughed, “Of course you do.”

But, anyway. We agreed to live together, but. It was one AM. Robin Cabell dropped by with her new fiancee, said hi, and--well, like, our babysitter’s getting married, to, like, this gorgeous girl from DC, and the high school kids from the hippie school were there, and Benji was there, cuz he’s everywhere, and--

As folks left--Angie started playing Wonderwall around 3AM, so, uh, a little bit before then--it ended up just being the seven of us. Her parents are out of town--as always. Well, not always. But frequently.

They’re mad about--Blarvardgate.

I--I didn’t say it! I said something mildly close alluding to it. Stop texting me!

But. It was just the seven of us there, Angie still playing some terrible 90s song, and--Benji says, “I brought fireworks. Forgot about that til now.” Elaine, uh, Robin’s new fiancee, asked, “They legal?”

Benji said, “It’s New Year’s Day and I’m a--a bit of a town celebrity,” he said, because his podcast gets, like, seventeen downloads per episode.

“You are?” asked Elaine.

He got really proud, real fast, and he said, “Yes, absolutely, and also, I’m at some rich people’s house and it’s New Year’s Day, so, like. We’ll be fine.”

Which, fair.

And that’s about when things blew up?

Ironically, not literally, cuz he went to his truck, and brought out the fireworks, and he was--well. It was New Year’s, he wasn’t sober, so, he tripped, and those things went flying, landing in the water. It was a bad fall, he hit his head on a rock. And Charlotte was laughing, and she was wading right where the waves were breaking, and she fell backwards, so--AJ panicked, and he jumped in after her, cuz she wasn’t coming up.

And AJ came up, holding Char so she could stand, and she was coughing up water, looked like she was about to pass out. I was checking out Benji’s wound, even though, I’m, like,--blood? Not my thing, ever, at all, it’s--it’s weird and red, and Angie was getting up to check on me, and Rob and her fiancee were trying to help out the kids, and--

And the sky went bright purple.

Not, like, when it’s a sunset, and the sky’s kinda magenta? And that’s blending into the night-sky color, but--

Like, highest saturation on photoshop, highest brightness, makes-you-almost vomit cuz your eyes are burning, that bright purple.

And my skin, it felt like it was burning. I smelled salt, felt a breeze, and I tried to close my eyes, to breathe out, but I couldn’t.

And then there was nothing.

And then I woke up on the beach. I could smell salt, I was totally clear-headed--and Benji’s cut? It was gone.

My watch said it was around 4AM. My phone was dead, but--it was the first, still. The sun was rising, in--in normal sky colors.

And I woke up second. Elaine was already up.

She asked me if I saw it too.

I said I that did.

Neither of us needed to clarify what. But we did. Obviously. Because “it” could be, like, anything, like--could be that new reality show that everyone’s super into where eliminations are decided by arm wrestles--it’s, like--it’s got compelling storylines, I swear.

My phone died, Angie, so if you’re trying to communicate, I can’t help you.

Oh! Time’s passing normally now. That’s nice. That’s good.

The plan was to recount the past week’s events, as well as their psychological effect on us. That’s what we agreed on.

So. Time stopped for a little while today. That was weird. That’s important.

I guess--I’m first, so I should talk about my other big experience too.

I was the fourth of us to see something, after it all? It was the third. After work, I was walkin’ to Ramon’s? And as I passed the custard stand, I saw this woman.

She was shorter than me, uh, long sundress on that was way too summery for this weather, but she didn’t seem cold. I offered her my hoodie, cuz I at least had long sleeves, but she didn’t answer. Dark hair, big sunglasses. I’d wager maybe thirty.

She took off her sunglasses, yeah? And the sky flashed purple--the same purple, the same burning feeling all over me--

And then the same nothingness, same smell of salt, same breeze, but--

I was still standing. And we were in this space, this--this purple nothingness, no ground, no sky, no nothing, that’s a double negative, you get what I mean, and--I was still standing--more floating, which was--not as pleasant as you’d expect? But not unpleasant, either. And this woman, she looked at me,  dead in the eyes, and--

And she said--

[beat, uncomfortable]

What did she say?

[laughs]

It’s--it’s in my head, like. Tip of my tongue. I wrote it down, but it’s--it’s another individual letters making out a word I know but can’t--type situation.

But whatever.

What I’m most concerned about is my going to the beach. About the sticky notes. Like, that’s some sci-fi bullshit. Or some horror bullshit. Either or. Probably both.

Again, Truman Showed. Viable theory, here.

Or it has something to do with the Groundhog Day thing. Maybe.

I think what bothers me about this is how easy I’m accepting all this--that, like, I’m fairly sure all this is real. I know it’s--it’s weird. I know that this is sci-fi-esque, but, like--I never saw myself as a protagonist, or--any kind of tagonist, I guess, in those stories. But this--now, I think that I am.

So. Cool.

But why do I think that’s cool? I’m the--I’m the socially-stilted nerdy girl who either dies second or gets really good at guns, and I’m very afraid of guns.

So, therefore? I’m dying second.

Or, or or or, I’m Lois Lane. Charming and tough young journalist, swept off her feet by a charming stranger. Hopefully not a Superman, though, cuz--he’s not my thing. But. Yeah. I can deal with Lois.

I feel like I should know what happens next. Me or Benji, we gotta, we’re the ones who know genre like the backs of our hands. That’s why we’re friends, but--

This isn’t supposed to happen here. Like, I grew up here, and I’m--I wasn’t planning to stay here forever, obviously, but--This town, VB, it’s--it’s comforting in its boringness. Sure, it’s not-- the people here are always cycling in-and-out, cuz tourism and school, and all that, but--Violet Beach is a normal-ass town. We don’t have ghost stories, we don’t have cryptids, we--we don’t have lore, or whatever. I don’t think there’s ever been a murder here, for God’s sake.

Okay, well--the hippie school’s headmaster, uh, the rebrander guy, Andrew Corielli, or--his son’s the mayor, right?--Shot that grocer, like, in the sixties. But everyone was a serial killer back then, if I can trust every true crime show ever.

But--my point is. What’s going on is not what happens in this town. What’s going on is what goes on in, like, Roswell, or--or Twin Peaks, or something.

I’m--I don’t have much else to say. That’s a conclusion if there ever was one. So. Uh.

Okay. I’m signing off. Thanks, guys. Hope to see you soon.

[chaospenelope]

Chilled Bones

part 2 The Pack

FazBear house was quite empty. Both parents were working at the restaurant leaving the older children to watch the younger ones. William watched them from across the room trusting them enough to keep his focus on finishing some schoolwork. Robert was also watching but his game was catching his attention more.

The cubs were playing in front of the couch. Three were sitting in a circle of pillows arranged in a circle. The rest were surrounding them. They were trying to stack more on top as they talked to each other. "Hey Robin, wanna see the new red and white ribbons Papa got me? There's six of them so you can borrow some." "I still haven't given back the orange ribbons yet." "You can keep those, I don't really like that shade." "Okay, thank you Spring." "Guys, I really don't think it'll stay up on it's end...We need more pillows." Lavier, however, was a little quiet today. She would occasionally glance outside. Finally the cubs were worried enough to notice. "Lava, what's wrong?" "You guys go camping out there, right?" Lavier asked as she pointed out the back door. "Not exactly out there. There's a cabin much further in the woods we go to for Christmas and little in the summer." Freddy answered but returned with his own question. "Why do you ask?" "Have you ever seen anything...strange in there?" Goldie and Freddy exchanged glances. They tensed up. "Um...Like what?" "Like, I don't know exactly. Maybe something tall and white? With a white head anyway...I think. It smells like honeysuckles." "Really?" Goldie looked out the glass, a bit more relaxed and curious. "You saw something? When?" "Just today...Not too well though, I only saw it's head and it's bright yellow eyes." "Honeysuckles this late in the year? That is weird." The boy thought for a moment as his sister walked up to William. "Can we go outside?" She asked innocently. "Hm?" He looked up from tapping his stack of papers against the table. "You don't plan on going in the woods back there, do you?" "No...Just looking." He gave a smirking sigh. "Well, lucky for you I'm done. So go get your jackets and I'll take you, but not too far, got it?" Lavier was conflicted about this. She was excited and a little worried. She contemplated telling them it was nothing. She felt like she wanted to look for herself in case it was dangerous. She put on her coat and followed them anyway knowing they were curious and excited like her. As the cold brush against them and swirled around she pointed at an area behind the fence. "I saw it in our backyard, there." "Alright, we'll head over to the old campfire." William decided. "Wait," Penelope looked at her friends. "I thought you said you guys said you never went camping out here." "Pops used to take Rob, Chel, Phil and me out here before any of you guys were born." He explained as their footsteps crunched the dead leaves. "Sometimes we used to have small parties there before Grandpa Sparky's cabin was rebuilt." The younger kids began to make out a faint path. It was blanketed with leaves but the absence of growth made it obvious. They looked all around them, it was really beautiful out there even as the chill tickled their snouts. They looked around and smelled the air, but there was nothing but the normal autumn forest. "We would sleep out here...Me and Rob." He continued, a smile on his as he placed his hand on a tree. There were faint marks on the bark. It was difficult to see what it was, but he knew. "Ma or Pops were with us too, of course, but we used to have a lot of fun. We used to carve pictures in the trees until we were told not to hurt the trees anymore..." He paused, then looked further into the woods. "C'mon, we're almost there." After a good amount of steps they finally reached a small clearing about the size of a small bus. In the middle of this was a circle of rocks around a depression. The children searched around the area. They found interesting things like some strange plants, small wildlife, and cool hollowed out areas in trees...But no white headed beast to be seen. "It's probably gone by now anyway." Frederick sighed, still, he spotted a wild blue jay case a small brown bird away and that was pretty interesting. "Yea, probably." William confirmed with crossed arms. "Then, why did you bring us out here?" "Because I saw him too." He pointed at a splintered tree across from the patch of ground. "That's where he stood." The eldest bear spoke with the upmost seriousness. His gaze trained on the spot. "What?! When?" "Really!? What did it do?!?" "Do Mama and Papa know?" "Is that why you don't come out here anymore?" "It was spring." He stated, remembering it instantly. "I was woken up in the middle of the night. I heard something moving outside. I was pretty scared because I felt Rob next to me and I saw Pops sleeping on the other side. I didn't really notice the smell, that was normal for that time of year." The brown bear walked around the old fire pit. "I got out my pocket knife and decided to check it out instead of waking up Pops cuz I was a stupid kid. I peeked out the tent and saw someone tall with his back facing me. It was dark but it could still see the top of his white head obscured somewhat by his colorful hooded cloak." He was stand in the spot now, imitating the creature. "I thought it was probably some crazy lady trying to be Wiccan or something so I stayed quiet and watched as I held my knife. Then I realized what he was looking at." The cubs rushed over. They eagerly looked at the ruins of the tree and they saw it. Marks, not quite as faded, they formed a picture of a couple. There was a large bear with one eye and a bunny with some kind of bird and bee carved around them and some question marks. They looked up at the teen, a bit confused. "I didn't make a sound but I jumped when he spoke. 'This is very good crafting. It's a shame...' He spoke in a deep, kinda raspy voice. He turned to me. My heart skipped a beat. He doesn't have a white head, but a bleached white skull where a head should be." The children gasped. Lava glanced behind her, feeling eyes but seeing nothing. "I couldn't move as his bright pink eyes held me down. 'They scream so silently with small cuts in their flesh...' I was gripping my knife, wondering if I should charge him. 'But you're a considerate boy, aren't you?' That's when he left. Turned his back and disappeared into the darkness." "Pink? But what I saw had yellow eyes. Do you think there's more than one?" "Maybe, or maybe it's eyes changed color. I don't know. What I do know is You should never come in here alone. There are way too many dangerous things in here, got it?" He said sternly. The younger ones all nodded their head. "Alright, We should probably head back, it's getting pretty chilly. I'll make ya some hot cocoa."