#doing fucking nothing productive
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starting to get really frustrated with this writer's block bullshit
#i don't know what's wrong��� the words just aren't working#super frustrating bc i'm also jobhunting & nobody wants to employ me so recently it's just been me staring irritably at a blank doc all day#doing fucking nothing productive#i don't think i'm burned out because i still WANT to write i just CAN'T#i've been averaging 1.7k ish a day since jan 1st so it feels really bad to have written literally nothing over the last four days#ughhhh whatever. WHATEVER.#exeunt: bay
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Question about Couya! Since she is a bastard what are the reasons about her being brought into the main family by her father. Was it genuine care for his child or a way to save face politically/socially? Is her birth mother alive? Do you think she would have had a better life growing up anywhere else?
This is in large part due to how cultural perceptions and legal punishment of adultery varies between male and female citizens, looped into the very strictly patrilineal kinship system.
By legal definition, the word for 'adultery' applies only to situations where a man has an affair with a married woman, or a married woman has an affair with any man. Other forms of affairs (eg a married man having an affair with an unmarried woman) are wrapped into a broader set of sexual misdemeanors and aren't often charged or punished in practice, and the punishments are comparatively minor (if an unwed woman's father pursues charges, the man in the affair is likely to just pay a fine). On a social level, extramaritial affairs in general are certainly not Approved of and seen as lowly and dishonorable, but the average response is significantly less harsh/more willing to entertain Nuance with men than with women.
In this society there's differentiated shades of bastardry depending on the contexts of the child's birth, as well as a distinction for 'nameless bastards' (has not been claimed by their biological father or maternal grandfather, or claimed in adoption).
a) A child born to an unmarried woman via an unmarried man: non-issue for father, potentially serious social harm for the woman (especially if she has never been married and expected virginal, much less severe as a widow or divorcee). The child will not be notably disadvantaged in of themselves (their status will depend more on whether they are claimed and thus provided the social security of a family patriarch), the father will experience no hard disadvantages in claiming them.
b) A child born to an unmarried woman via a married man: mild sexual misdemeanor for the father carrying levels of social shame, even more serious social harm for the woman (often framed as not just loose but a manipulative Seductress of a married man). The child might experience minor to moderate social disadvantages, the consequences of the father claiming them are purely social and will not typically be severe. (Couya is this)
c) A child born to a married woman via an unmarried or married man: both man and woman have committed a crime and can be severely punished. The biological father can technically claim the child but will be disincentivized from doing so. This is the form of bastardry most comparable to the conventional definition, in that it is heavily stigmatized and has effects on concerns of kinship and inheritance.
In addendum to this, if the adulterous wife's legal husband claims the child, this may be punishable if determined to be active concealment of adultery (which is also a crime), and has EXTREME social consequences either way. (Either you're a cuckold too stupid to notice that your wife has been skipping out on you, or you're a MEGAcuckold adultery-accessory willingly rearing another man's child after being horribly shamed by him).
(This is separate from adoption- a man who marries a woman with an unclaimed child after the fact (whether it was a product of adultery or just a general out of wedlock birth) and claims the child is an adoptive father, he is not concealing adultery or being cuckolded.)
A child born in an affair can be considered an heir to their biological fathers (descent and kinship is fully patrilineal and on a Basic level it doesn't matter who the mother is), and can very smoothly and legally be claimed when the affair was not considered criminal adultery. The concern on that front is social perception rather than material legal consequences or kinship issues.
Couya's birth mother was an unwed servant working as a housekeeper for her father Saizen, so the Crime of adultery did not take place. It would be considered a minor sexual misdemeanor, and the woman's father was not about to pursue charges against a nobleman who could Ruin him (and had also formally expressed that he would claim the child, which meant he would not be saddled with a nameless bastard granddaughter). So the concerns here were entirely social.
The affair might have started beforehand but the pregnancy that produced Couya occurred after his wife's third viable pregnancy ended in the premature birth of a underdeveloped boy deemed necessary to euthanize (and tbr would Not have survived either way). This was after Livya Haidamane had a couple early term miscarriages, two viable but very difficult pregnancies wherein one child was very weak and sickly for the first several years of life, and struggled to conceive every time. A lot of people are going to be at least a little sympathetic to a married man having an affair and claiming a bastard in this context. It's definitely ideal and practical to have more than two children, and his wife (while not outright infertile) clearly could not reliably bear healthy children. (The average response is going to be "Well he shouldn't have done it but like, I get it")
Couya being claimed by her father was a mix of genuine care and saving face. Initially it was MUCH more the latter than the former. Saizen made attempts to hide the servant's pregnancy and to keep his own wife out of sight during the late term (to prevent the baby appearing after his wife had been seen Extremely not pregnant). But there's some levels of care involved, he could very easily have fired the pregnant servant and had nothing to do with his bastard and she would have no recompense whatsoever. The choice to keep and claim the baby and ensure its entrance into the world bore as little social scrutiny as possible is an act of care for his own progeny.
This was Not an act of care for Couya's birth mother (beyond the fact that concealing her pregnancy would benefit her in hiding that she is not only Not a virgin prior to marriage but had a child). She probably would have been about 17-19 at the time and was fired a few months after giving birth, and most likely never saw Couya again after this point (if she did, it would most likely be in the context of seeing her as an adult Odonii in public and noting her to look Scarily familiar). She has an Okayish chance at still being alive, she'd be around 50 (and a person who survives the high infant mortality and birth casualty rates stands a good chance of hitting their 60s), though she could very well be a casualty of the drought+famine.
Whether or not Couya's life would have been better is kind of a mixed bag. She had an awful fucking childhood in large part because her adoptive mother Livya Haidamane hated her. (Livya was ultimately a pretty horrible person but not just like. An Evil Bitch. She had A Lot going on and Couya was a living breathing insult to her and reminder of like, every one of her dashed hopes and dreams). Couya is also autistic and presented very intense symptoms as a child in a society that is Not equipped for a mass-understanding and support of cognitive differences. But she still did have an immensely privileged life with profound physical/economic levels of security inaccessible to the vast majority of people in this region, including her birth mother. Saizen also actually Liked her and cared about her, he just wasn't a routine physical presence in any of his children's lives.
Had she been left with her biological mother, she would be in a very disadvantaged situation as a nameless bastard to an unwed mother. Her biological grandfather may or may not have been willing to claim her, and her mother would have great difficulties in finding a husband (which is ultimately necessary for the security of women in this society). I think her mother was a relatively kind person but not like, a perfect angel. She would probably have complicated feelings about her bastard daughter, especially one whose very existence materially disadvantages her and was very, very difficult as a child. So this probably would not have been a good situation for Couya either.
If you broaden the question to ANY other family completely divorced from the circumstances of her birth, yeah it definitely could have been better. But in her case it's like either "Life of grotesque socioeconomic privilege but in an abusive household" or "Life of profound socioeconomic disadvantages in a household that Probably wouldn't have been this abusive but certainly wouldn't be healthy". There wasn't really a good option for her.
#I think I've overemphasized the Social consequences of adultery/bastard children and underemphasized that committing#or abetting adultery is Illegal and punished pretty severely#But in this case nothing about Couya's birth was considered 'adultery' by societal definition and in being formally claimed by her#father (with no reason to question that he Is her father) the rest of her family is obligated to treat her as full kin wrt familial#obligations and inheritance#Livya Haidamane was also expected to fully behave as her mother and like. This happened after suffering through very difficult and#traumatic pregnancies. Delivering a premature son and watching him be euthanized. Then her husband IMMEDIATELY#knocks up a servant and most people around her are kind of like 'yeah not a great thing to do but I get it' because she was Only able#to push out two relatively healthy kids. And then she has to treat the Living Embodiment of all this as her daughter who happens#to also be an extremely difficult child.#This kind of changed the whole trajectory of her life and was not something she had Any means of processing or coming to terms with#and instead Coped with by severely emotionally abusing said child and pitting her against her disappointing son while idolizing her#eldest daughter thus contributing to the production of three really fucked up adults.#Also note that 'claiming a child' overlaps with but is not the same thing as 'raising a child in your household'#A claimed child takes the father's family name and is considered legal kin. This has very practical applications and means that#you and the rest of your family have lifelong legal and honor-based familial obligations to this child.#A father (or grandfather) may deign to raise a bastard without claiming them which can provide physical security but does not#have Kinship and its structure of familial obligations backing it. So these two situations can be materially different and affect#the trajectory of a child's life.
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sunday chillin = sunday fishin
#sim: riley#one of those days where you really want to play in brindleton bay and do absolutely nothing productive or of note#i AM thinking about doing sib with her ? maybe?#she's in my rotational/fuck around save so i guess i'll see if i come back to her after today
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Hey guys, Memory is, like, a really good song
#its Grizabella!#Der Katzenstar!!!#why oh why didn’t I do this one watercolor paper 😭😭#I have many regrets#in my defense this is for an art assignment due tomorrow (it was due last Thursday)#for reference: this Grizzabella design is very very based on Mexico’s 1991 production#bc she looks literally stunning there and I am nothing if not a lover of women#I’m actually super proud of the top left sketch#grizabella I adore you#speaking of the 1991 Mexican production#Grizabella has some fucking INSANE belting technique for Memory that kinda jumpscared me a bit lol#I have literally never heard someone else sing the climax like that before#it sounds great I think she sounds amazing#I wish I sounded like that#anyhow uh grizabella ily <3333 you’re doing amazing sweetie and Memory makes me cry like a baby <3333#grizabella#grizabella the glamour cat#cats the musical#cats musical
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sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:
thing that I already do
thing I have tried 10 times
thing I already do
thing that I don't have the money to do
thing I already do
thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail
thing that is impossible given my situation
thing that doesn't apply to me
thing that I already do
thing I have already tried
hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently
thing I have already done
#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things#out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever#all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever#or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc.#especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple#and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already#done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and#all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you.#who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3#my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster#talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo#I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache#or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop#e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all#sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef#t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of#way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I#think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i#gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!'#like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant#mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain#or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right#now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like#most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once#that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY#Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth
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Guys is this a safe space to say that Demosthenes and Philip II should have fucked nasty
#no this has nothing to do with the assassin's creed game I don't know shit about ac odyssey#what I do know shit about is my greek history college exam#old men yaoi I raise you ancient men yaoi#demosthenes they could never make me hate you#but I want too se you chocked like you SHOULD HAVE BEEN PUTTING PEBBLES IN YOUR MOUTH WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT BESTIE#bitches with linguistic impediments and hater reputations just get eachothers (me and demosthenes are the bitches)#I don't think that fucking the king of Macedon would have helped with Greece's political situation or would have somehow made#Greece's submission to Macedon have better conditions#I just think that if you write four callout posts about a guy maybe it's more productive to fuck him rather than considering writing a fifth#demosthenes#philip ii#philip ii of macedon#ancient history#ancient greece
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Finally finished Goodbye My Princess and I was not expecting a happy ending—this show famously does not have a happy ending, and I knew it going in—but the ending still gutted me like a fish and had me openly weeping. (Normally when I say a piece of media made me cry, I mean, “I actually teared up a little”. Not this time! Full on ugly sobbing! A lingering sense of devastation even a couple of hours later!)
I assumed at first it was going to end on that shot of Li Chengyin’s face when Xiaofeng’s brother carries her lifeless body away, which would honestly have been bad enough. But somehow, what really pushed it over the edge for me was the coda, where LCY has, decades later, voluntarily abdicated to make way for his successor. It’s clearly the end of a lengthy tenure as emperor, and maybe even a good one, since they make a point of mentioning that it’s the first peaceful transfer of power in generations (a marked difference from the bloody succession struggle Chengyin and his brothers endured) and Pei Zhao is notably still hanging around.
But LCY is still pining for his lost Xiaofeng, and has either recent,y developed the delusion that she’s not dead, or has been clinging to that delusion ever since he watched her slit her throat in front of him and then die in his arms (straight up I do not know which is worse), and is now going to spend what remains of his life wandering in the desert searching for a woman who is forever lost to him. What was it all for, LCY? Was it worth it? (Maybe it was! I think it’s implied he was actually a decent emperor and he’s leaving the place in better condition than he found it.) But worth it or not, he’s never gotten over the price he paid for all this, never known true contentment, never stopped searching and waiting and longing for Xiaofeng in his heart. Oh my god.
#I am verklempt#Goodbye My Princess#I need my next cdrama to be less tragic than this#my heart can’t take something this gutwrenching again right away#anyway this show is a fucking MASTERPIECE#kind of an absolutely pefect piece of television in every element#top notch acting phenomenal writing and directing#gorgeous production values#a story that does NOT shy away from its heavier material#made full use of its episode count too! the director’s cut at least#the editing/pacing was so solid and there was ne’er a wasted episode or scene#this show was just so good at being the kind of story it wanted to be#the romance and the tragedy and the situation were all so perfectly inextricable from one another#the love was always doomed#no escaping it#they would have been better off never meeting#and yet even their meeting was unavoidable#and once they met they would surely fall in love#the whole river of oblivion makes it clear#knowing each other and loving one another causes them both unimaginable pain#but nothing they can do#even Eternal Sunshining themselves#can stop them from meeting and falling in love again#and repeating their own tragedy a second time#god this show is perfect
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I want to draw -> I'm too tired to draw -> I can't sleep
#pick a fucking side omggg#lately I've been doing thjs fun activity#which consists of opening csp and then leaving it in the bg slowing down my laptop#and then i finally feel like drawing when it's very late but I'm also tired#so at the end of the day nothing gets done#i did browse for colleges though. that's productive isn't it
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the torment nexus works at the desk next to mine and won't get off her phone and stop live-commentating her doomscrolling
#megan whines into the empty abyss of cyberspace#adventures in L Space#hey you're like the most well-connected motherfucker in the state#I think you know Deb Haaland personally??#do you think there is possibly something more productive you could be doing than reading the news out loud at your desk??#also shut the fuck up in front of my THIRTEEN YEAR OLD volunteer what the fuck#why the fuck are you venting to him he's a goddamn child you're freaking him the fuck out#do you have no concept of how wildly inappropriate that is?#and also not for nothing but yes I know his mom and she's cool and chill#but you CANNOT be airing your political opinions around strangers' children bc *I* will get in trouble if their parents are conservatives
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It's actually kind of heartbreaking how many people feel their life has ended right after high school or college, and honestly, the heavy romanticization of that period of time is so overwhelmingly predominant that it can be hard to avoid. It's insidious to constantly be told that ages 10-24 are the only worthwhile parts of life, that everything after is essentially meaningless and dull.
It's hard not to look around you and think that your life still is open and full of potential when you're told over and over again that the rose-tinted childhood is the last time you were alive. It's hard to realize that your life isn't over when you walk off the stage of your graduation.
We must realize that we will always be full of potentials. Your life won't be over until you take your final breath, and then? That's simply another chapter in your story, one of many. Let yourself realize that you're alive in the here and now. There will be good and bad, but never a complete loss of potential or hope.
#positivity#it's just... weird when you see somebody your age who says how over their life feels you know?#and i feel for them. i feel their pain and the emptiness of not knowing what's next or what you should do#and that's sometimes the scary part of life. but your story isn't over yet#one day it will be. one day you'll put the pen down and dry the ink on the yellowed pages and close your book of life. but that's not today#you are allowed to be an aimless spirit. you are allowed to breathe in without the crushing weight of productivity#the idea that your only potential happens when you're too young to realize it is wrong#your potential has nothing to do with feeling your youth and how little you know#it is hard to really internalize this and remind yourself to make space for hope and positivity...#...and you might not be ready to internalize this. that's okay. i'll wait with you (in a strictly spiritual sense)#we can wait together and not think about any of it. just to rest and collect our minds and feel the world hold its breath with us#all this to say that your life isn't over yet. you don't have to beat yourself up over not having lived at fucking 18#allow yourself the compassion to realize that you needed time to grow and mature and explore the world in your own way
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the hannibal franchise fucking sucks <- is enjoying the hannibal franchise quite a bit actually <- is just very mad that clannibal is a thing that exists
#if a clannibal fan finds this post: Cry about it i do not care :D#do not get it mixed up! it is not because im a hannigram stan or whatever! just. just from my perspective as someone who really likes#clarices whole arc of proving herself to be better than the men around her i dont. why does. CALM DOWN SU CALM DOWN. FUCK#why is clannibal a thing. 'hannibal recognizes her potential and abilities as a smart and brave fbi agent' Okay and? And?#idea: what if he means nothing to her. what if. what if thomas harris was a good writer. i just. SIGGHHHHHHHHHHHH#WHATEVER. WHATEVER MAYBE THERES SOMETHING IM MISSING MAYBE CLARICE AND HANNIBAL AS A ROMANTIC THING HAS MERIT TO IT. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT#DOES BUT HEY MAYBE IM WRONG AND I JUST NEED TO SHUSH ^_^#I DONT KNOW MAN. FUCK i need to stop getting so angry abt this i have productive things i could be doing (TT U TT) Like killing hannibal le#just kidding <3 no im not#angel's mouth#hannibal
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Forgive me, forgive me. I ask, I beg, I pray, but it never comes.
You know I find it incredibly bewildering to see just how much kalki reflects myself in him like YEAH Duh of course he does, he’s my little guy it’s like his full time job. But at the same time he is a fully functional facet of my being and he is at the mercy of my whimsies, and whatever he discovers in his arduous journey of self realisation is ultimately a reflection of what I discover in the real world. It’s also incredibly funny because ffxiv lore for dark knights is really baked into the idea of (re)discovering yourself amongst the bloodshed and continuing to live and love and thrive despite the world working against us. who would have thought such a raw message could come from an mmorpg side quest about edgy emo boys of all places
also adamantite armour of fending i would lay down my LIFE for u
variant + phone bg version + ID below the cut
tch as if you guys are actually going to use artwork of my little guy as your phone background. i know. how dumb. let a girl dream. i should make an alternate version but it's of Fray and Myste
[START ID: A picture with a red background focusing on the character's bust that is placed to the left of the image's centre. He is coloured with a dark blue overlay, contrasting with the red background. He has brown skin, long black hair that falls over his shoulders, and is wearing blue and gold armour and earrings. He is looking at the viewer, right eye dark brown and the left an glowing unnatural red, with an expression that looks determined and angry and yet bitter and forlorn. In the foreground and on the right side of the piece, a miniature version of the character stands coloured in a light blue overlay and wearing the same blue and gold armour, looking as if he is glowing. He is facing towards the left of the piece, or perhaps at the character bust, his expression unreadable. Above the miniature character's head is the symbol representing the FFXIV dark knight, coloured in gold. END ID.]
#the burst of creativity that shot through me is indescribable. i can only hope this is a sign that i am FINALLY out of art block#but OF COURSE my creativity comes back right when gamsat is around the corner. it's always a fucking exam. i fucking hate myself#maybe this piece is supposed to be vent art at how I CANNOT MANAGE MY SHIT AND I AM JUST. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT. NOT DOING THINGS RIGHT !!#and i tell myself it's fine but maybe it's NOT fine? i told myself i'd work on it but nothing is getting worked on#nothing productive at all. not even for uni nor for myself. nothing is happening at all. it's just going through the days#waking up. wishing i'd slept more. stare at my laptop for hours. youtube. watch 10mins of lectures. then a nap. then the laptop. then sleep#but i dont and it pisses me off because nothing is working. i'm like if linguini lost his rat and i'm staring at the kitchen catching fire#maybe go to class if it's on for that day. scrambling notes together. pretending i DO have my shit together#i COULD put out the fire. but i'm not. i could and i can but im not. the extinguisher is in my hand. fire's not going out. i'm still here.#maybe. maybe that's why drk resonates with me so much. at the end of the day. maybe i am just a stupid bastard#-who can't get their act together. who actively shoots themselves in the foot and bleeds all over the place trying to make something happen#only this time- this time the perpetrator isn't someone i can point at and demand answers from. it's me hi i'm the problem it's me#and i can- i SHOULD find a way to make this all work. to make this whole Living My Life business work. but the extinguisher's in my hand#wow okay that was really heavy anyway uhhhhh TAGS TAGS TAGS TAGSSSSS#ffxiv#ff14#ffxivwol#ffxiv wol kalki#ffxiv dark knight#artoftheagni#and the fire keeps going#tw eyestrain#cw bright colors#idk the red is really bright and it;s nice for my eyes but idk for anyone else
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People are not required to like the Wicked movie (I haven’t seen it yet + haven’t listened to the album on Spotify so I don’t spoil it) BUT…if your reason for not liking it/refusing to watch it VERY LOUDLY is Cynthia Erivo, as a WOC who’s been subjected to scrutiny since the moment her casting was announced, expressing her discomfort with a fan edit…and you think that Colm Wilkinson is a sweet old grandpa who was a highlight of the Les Miserables movie…or you thought that LMM absolutely had a point about bootlegs/or were like. Blocking people over WATCHING Hamilton bootlegs back in the day. Or if you like Finding Neverland or Tanz Der Vampire…or the new West Side Story…you really don’t have much of a leg to stand on.
Likewise for if you’re REALLY CONCERNED about Ariana Granda and Ethan Slater’s…thing and you’re still like. Watching Legally Blonde the Musical. Or looking forward to a Hugh Jackman film. You ALSO don’t have a leg to stand on.
#it could be bad! no one is saying you HAVE to like it or watch it!#but be fucking honest that you were never actually going to watch it in the first place#and aren’t enough of a Broadway fan to know that this is really nothing new and isn’t a big deal when men and ESPECIALLY white men do it#people were ITCHING for the chance to call her ‘uppity’#when actual sex offenders and abusers are actively involved in the production of a musical: oh that’s fine! Separate the art from#the artist!#when it’s a black woman expressing discomfort with a fan edit: HOW DARE SHE?#on the record: I like almost all the pieces of media I mentioned#but that doesn’t mean that they’re immune to criticism while Wicked gets shat on
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ngl the gomens news kind of just killed any residual anticipation i had for whatever was gonna emerge from this shitshow. 90 min isn't enough time, we'll get no minisodes which really are the things that sing about the series, and if the scripts that ng already wrote aren't being used, by necessity of copyright we won't be getting the story that was conceived by him and terry in that hotel room on the book tour all those years ago, so like....i just don't care tbh
#i know a lot of people are doing backflips to try and create this narrative that ng had next to nothing to do with the original book#which is like... a bananas take but ok i get that everyone's coping#but like... that book tour story is what i was invested in and yeah unfortunately ng is the only one who was going to be able to write it#there were ways to remove ng from as much of the production process as possible while staying true to his and terry's planned story#but this ain't it#so just from an emotional investment perspective i don't actually care about it anymore other than a oh that'll be a thing i'll watch#it's just gonna be fanfic.... and i read fanfic for that#and don't fool yourselves into believing that amazon weren't fucking thrilled about this#they get to trade on the name and reputation while not having to invest in 6 episodes? it's a win-win for them
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I haven't seen this take a WHOLE lot, but I have seen it enough to get. Frustrated. About it.
So for anyone who doesn't get it: no, symptoms of mental illness are not, in every case, majorly or solely the result of Dealing With Capitalism. Sometimes, they can be! Sometimes the symptoms are situational, and those situations are heavily related to how much capitalism sucks! But many times they are not. I am sorry, but mental illness and trauma and neurodivergence are still going to exist even if capitalism completely goes away. We still have a responsibility to treat the people affected by and experiencing these things with compassion and understanding. We still have to. You know. Acknowledge that their life experience is going to be a lot different than many other's is.
#I promise that when my ocd onset happened at 10 years old I was not thinking about capitalism#germs are still going to exist post-capitalism. the concept of a good person vs a bad person is still going to exist post-capitalism#which means. if those are your OCD Themes™. then. you're still going to have OCD post-capitalism.#and this is true for. you know. EVERY INSTANCE OF THIS.#you take things that are rooted in trauma like did or ptsd. I hate to tell you this but mistreatment and the trauma that results from it#are still going to exist in a post-capitalist world. bad people who do bad things WILL ALWAYS EXIST. so those illnesses are likewise still#going to exist. plenty of anxiety-based symptoms are related to fears that. have nothing to do with capitalism or financial security.#they are DISPROPORTIONATE REACTIONS. THAT IS THE POINT.#if someone has anxiety that isn't completely situational. or if someone has paranoia. that disproportionate fear does not have to#have capitalism to exist. meaning. you know. those will ALSO still exist.#adhd and autism have nothing to fucking do with capitalism lmao.#the existence of. for example. schizophrenia and psychosis HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH CAPITALISM????????#like. we can talk about how much easier it would be for people to get care/accommodations under a non-capitalist system. we can talk about#how divorcing personal worth from the concept of 'productivity' would help the people who experience the things I've mentioned.#I'm not disputing that. but I've seen...a not-insignificant number of people downplay or outright DENY the existence of these#illnesses/experiences outside of 'languishing under the pressure of capitalism/tying your worth to productivity/worrying about financial#security' and that is simply not how it works my friends!#tw: suicidal ideation#like. sorry. I did not seriously consider killing myself at age 10 to escape The Disorder™ for you to tell me that all my issues with this#illness would go away forever if capitalism stopped existing LOL!! LMAO EVEN!!!!!#In the Vents#the real horror was the ableism we found along the way
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status effect “mentally clocked in” needs to be nerfed. i can feel my mood decay in real time while doing absolutely fucking nothing.
#i‚ high calibre dumbass that i am‚ agreed to take on a second news paper route for a few weeks#thinking for sure the heat won’t be so bad at the end of august#which was already a massive mistake#and then apparently something absolutely catastrophic happened in production so deliveries were delayed#and they couldn’t tell us for sure when deliveries would be done#so i was checking a nearby delivery point every hour since 8pm#(usually they’re already there by 4pm)#in the end i started my route at 2am and had to cut it short because exhaustion and the fucking sun kicked in when i was only halfway done#and of course whenever there are production issues#it’s because the publisher sold so much ad space the papers were thrice as thick as normal#so i’m dealing with the heat‚ baseline double workload + paper thickness multiplier#and i’m jittery because i have an unfinished task just hanging over my head and can do nothing about it until tonight#good#great#i lost 2 days over 6 hours’ worth of minimum wage#i know my brain loves to set itself on fire over schedule changes but this is ridiculous
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