#doesnt have a beard but actually hates beards???

[rosewaterfish]

Navani ending up in a homoerotic rivalry with fantasy Oppenheimer was not on my Rythm of War bingo card

[koko2unite]

[ssahotchnerr]

girl i am BEGGING you to write a hotch story with his beard and reader doesnt know he has it because he never told her and when he comes back shes more in love with him!!! you can take it any direction you want

off guard

hehehe 🤭 cw; fem!reader, established relationship, heavy suggestiveness, fluff and bearded aaron 😵‍💫<3

after what felt like forever, came the long awaited knock on the door.

"finally." you breathed out as you threw the door open, immediately tucking yourself into aaron's chest and wrapping your arms around his middle.

the longer he was in your hold, the more you tightened your arms - as if you would blink and he'd be right back in pakistan, miles and miles away from you yet again.

it was late, or early depending on how you looked at it. the moment you received the message aaron was back in the states - prematurely and under urgent circumstances - you had insisted the second he had wrapped up, no matter the time, to come directly and strictly to your apartment.

lucky for you, he had already planned on doing so regardless.

"god i missed you." aaron sighed out in relief just as much as you, the empty void in his heart filling at last, making him feel whole again.

he had spent countless nights fantasizing of you being in his arms, the feeling near and distant simultaneously, as if he could reach out and grasp it. for the first month overseas, he had difficulty sleeping even, so used to sleeping beside you - the familiar weight of you laid on him, matching his breathing to yours, or the fact you were simply near.

the longing for you had been torturous. and at last here you were, right where you belonged.

"i almost can't believe it," you mumbled into his t-shirt, tears threatening to spill from your eyes. "five months was too long. too, too long."

you loosened your hold, just enough to peer up at him, just now getting a look at him. however, you found yourself taken aback, any eased, impending cries halting at once.

it was your aaron - your loving, wonderful aaron - staring back at you, but it didn't look like him.

his hair was longer, his body a bit more lean, but the major difference; a beard graced his face.

you've seen aaron with some stubble - not shaving during a weekend off, or his occasional five-o-clock shadow. but that was the result of a mere few days. this was months in the making, and it wasn't unwelcome in the slightest.

endless words could describe the sight before you, but your mind and mouth had run both dry. it was hot, to put it bluntly.

"jack hates it too." aaron admitted as his hands fell to your waist - not daring to part contact, mistaking your hesitancy for dislike. "i was going to shave it, but you did say to come right over-"

"hey- no." you blurted out, blinking up at him. "who said i hated it?"

his eyebrows furrowed, surprised. "you don't?"

"absolutely not," you insisted, looking almost offended at the proposition. you touched his cheek, feeling the coarse hair under your soft fingertips and igniting something deep within you. "quite the opposite, actually."

"really?" a pleased smirk formed on his face, his eyes darkly intrigued and amused.

"just when i thought you couldn't get more attractive." you smirked right back, toying with his shirt. "trust me, i like it more than you know."

aaron's fingers dug into your hips, backing you into your apartment, kicking the door shut behind with his foot.

"please tell me you have tomorrow off, because you won't be stepping outside this apartment if i can help it." you pleaded, your voice coming out as an eager whine.

"well, the team is to be evaluated by the senate committee, hearing date pending. so for the foreseeable future," aaron bit down on his bottom lip lightly, his eyes locked on yours. "i'm all yours."

"good. mainly because i missed you, but that," you eyed his beard again, a heavy breath escaping you. the ends of your lips quirked up into a mischievous smile, and aaron's lips found yours hungrily. as he frantically continued to back you towards the direction of your bedroom, you mumbled into his lips. "we can have fun with that."

[bear-remn]

— kanato headcanon's

hii, omg i laugh a little while reading this, bc its so true! kanato can be put in a stereotype and cant get him out if that but ill do my best so i hope i dont desappoint!! and ty so much for enjoying my blog, it means a lot to me that you guys like what i write and specially my art!

so here i bring kanato, and with a little warning as well as i did with laito, kanato is also a very complex and deep character, he isnt childish all the time and definetly not a kid, he is a hole ass man with the usual mommy and daddy issues (cortesy of diabolik lovers to every character)

tw: this post has nsfw content (+18) , so if you dont like it dont read it!!

kanato was so friking difficult to draw, i dont love it but in another moment ill draw him again until i like the result.

his looks and selfcare

so, kanato, i have some thoughts, to begin with lets talk about his appearence, i like to think that kanato has the kind of ethereal beauty, maybe bc he is the one who looks the most like his mother, so the beauty is serving. kanato has round eyes and long lashes, and his dark circles juts makes his gaze pop out.

oh, and kanato gaze? i think he may be the most scary one, ofc not all the time, kanato round eyes makes him have a cute and friendly gaze and as well one that sink into you the moment he see's you with dark eyes and a terrifiying aura.

i like to think that kanato has the most pretty eyes of the sakamaki brothers, and even if his brothers may say he is kind of femenine, kanato doesnt care, he may be more of a femenine beauty but still is so godamn handsome.

i like to think that kanato does not really take care of his skin. its like shu, he has a pretty and soft skin just by washing his face with water, dont have acne even he always eat sweets, but he do use a good soap like laito, a bar soap and only for his face, and really hates when his brothers use it for their hands, kanato throws it away if that happen's.

i think kanato has a sensitive skin so he has to be carefull with what he cleans himself, one time in his teen years, kanato used ayato soap by mistake and he got urticaria, but the soap was'nt used before so kanato knew it was'nt for the dirty soap, it was just a cheap soap. since then kanato only use natural soaps, he likes lavanda ones, vanilla or coconut, he likes sweets escents. also uses natural shampoo.

kanato prefers long baths bc he enjoys the hot water, and really really hates cold showers.

kanato likes to style his hair, he doesnt have fluffly hair, so he has to style it to have more volume.

i think kanato do not use sunscreen, he thinks its dumb since he is a vampire and tecnically dont age like a human so he isnt worried for that.

and since kanato has sensitive skin, i belive he also has some sensorial issues, like he can't stand someting itchy or to rough to the touch. kanato will literally burn it, he has to feel soft clothes, like cotton or silk, and yes, he loves silk, actually, kanato has slik sheets and pillows.

i think kanato has a normal sense of fashion, like i dont get why people sometimes put kanato in lolita or cute core or whatever, kanato really loves comfy clothes and more like "grandpa" clothes, like chunky sweaters, he likes to use belts and classic shoes, dont like sneakers.

and for his body, i think he does have wide shoulders, but he is skinny bc he dont excersize, it happens the same with the sunscreen, kanato think is dumb to excersize bc he has super strenght so he does'nt really need muscles to prove how powerful he is. kanato has big and slim hands, good cared nails. i also think kanato dont have a small waist, he has a more thick waist and prominent v line, but not so much like his brothers. i like to think that kanato has a mole on his side stomach.

and he also can grow a beard but dont like it, he think he looks terrible and freak out a little every time he sees a little hair on his chin.

random stuff

so, i have a lot of thoughts in kanato.

to begin with, i think kanato has a lot of sensorial issues, like he cant stand being with a big group of people for too long, the noise of people talking or just hearing them breath it makes kanato stress out a lot. this also happens with food, if the food has a weird texture he has the instict of throw up. and lastly i think this also happens with the touch, like if he touch sticky things, clumpy or bumpy, something of a strange consistency, kanato will go crazy.

and i also think (maybe canon?? im not sure) kanato is not a cry baby, its just his way of manipulate things at his favor when he needs it. i think he only has really cried for anger in his life, not really bc he is sad.

i think kanato likes to collect figures, not teddy bears of plushies, he likes specially horror figures, like lucky boxes or just iconic horror figures. and speaking of horror, kanato is a big fan! he has maga, movies and books of horror stories, he thinks humans maybe do has good ideas but sometimes he thinks its too absurd, like zombies? where did that come from?

i think kanato likes to walk, just, go around and take long walks, it help him clear his mind and dont think too much of his mother. and its no secret kanato has a hard time in rainy day so i think he listen to music with earphones bc he feels down if he hears the rain.

i also think kanato has a special way of expressiong himself with other people, like, he takes everything literal so he says things very literal, and has a short temper, cant stand stupid or slow people (me neither kanato, i got you) it gets on his nervers.

i like to think that kanato gets the ick with a lot of things, like if he sees someone drop their food and pick it up again and eat it, kanato cant belive it, or when someone says a joke that its not funny, he gets the ick, also when someone has bad taste in music, kanato cant stand bad music.

and speaking about music, kanato is a big fan of the classics singers, but also some divas, he just likes how their voice can go so high. but he dont really like singning, he despite its but love it at the same time. vampire things.

nsfw

so... kanato is one fo a kind. maybe the most kinky out of his brothers.

so to begin with, kanatos dick, a solid 16 cm, very avegare, mostly for his complexion. is a pretty dick, with a pink tip and not pubic hair, kanato has two veins coming from the croch to his tip. and its slightly pointing up with a little curve.

(and btw, so its not too crazy, the lengts i put are when they are hard, like hard and wild. i belive all the brothers are team blood, except for subaru but thats another story)

i think kanato its a switch, but he prefer to be dominant rathen than being dominated. oh and he has a really high sex drive, but not like, with everyone, when he is into you and really loves spending time with you he get the urge to be under your skin everytime he can, but likes to make you know it too, he wants you to want it.

i think kanato can be very unpredictable, mostly bc his mood swings a lot, but if you are patience and please as he wants you to, he may become interested in you, constantly looking out for you and wanting to spend time with you, thats his love lenguage, quality time!

at first i think kanato will ask you to do things for him, and in some point he will start doing things for you, like if kanato sees you cooking he may join to help, at the begining you are in shock for his actions, so caring and nice all of the sudden, but then you will get use to it, and if you two are close enough. kanato will tease you in a cute way.

"am i suppose to be impressed by your cooking? maybe if you cook topless il be more thrilled hehe"

you see, kanato is not really a dirty talker, he has a more sooting tone and his way of speak when he wants to get you in the mood its more loving and like a smooth seductive. oh and he will call you by nicknames before having sex, but during it kanato loves to say your name or call you a good girl.

i think kanato also loves spending time with you, like a little cute married couple.

and if you two are doing any other activity he suddenly will kiss you, just bc he finds you so cute and precious, he cant get his eyes off your lips, he loves kissing you. kanato is a tender kisser, likes to feel to softness of you lips and how your tongue respond to his, and if you two kiss for a while he can get worked up "you like kisses? i'll kiss every part of you, so be a good girl, okay?" and then will start kissing your neck, likes to kiss right where the big vein in your neck pump, he can feel the blood flows through his lips and that is a turn on for him.

"you like when i kiss you here dont you?... i feel how your body tremble when i do it... you're so cute like this..."

kanato takes his time with you, likes to build up the mood and stuff. when he get enough of you neck, he'll mess with your earlobe and your chest. kanato dont love to be rough in bed so the foreplay is really calm and slow. will put his knee bewteen your legs as he suck on your tits, likes to play with your boobs, suking your nipples makes him so hard while hearing you moan softly while gripping his hair, and he loves when you hold onto his hair.

kanato is'nt a rusher but when you had enough of teasing he will take your clothes, and i mean it, kanato will tear them from your body.

"i don't care about your clothes, i'll buy you nices dresses so i can rip every one off your body"

and maybe unexpected, but kanato do likes 69, likes to eat you out so much, he think that your juices are as good as your blood, and he definetly makes you eat pinapple with him for this moment. he likes to tease your clit and sometimes will stick a finger inside you as he keeps on sucking you. and a little detail i like, i that when you suck him off, kanato doesnt realize his hips moves unvoluntary, so sometimes you may gag, and after you cum or he does, your eyes will be really watery from how many times he thrust into your troat.

oh, and he also likes to play with candles while fucking you, like when he is inside but not moving waiting for you to feel confortable, kanato will take a candle and with his powers he get the fire to melt a little so little but hot drops of candle fall into your stomach and chest.

kanato is a classic, loves missionary, mostly bc he loves to watch your face while fucking you, kanato is a slow and deep kind of guy, like he makes sure you feel him real good so he tends to take it all out to put it back again. and really loves seeing how it goes in, he thinks its very romantic to see how your bodies make one.

"you should see this... you take me so well... so good for me... you're such a good girl for me..."

and when the pace become steady he will be hipnotized by your tits bouncing, he loves your boobs. probably will stick a finger inside your mouth as he keep going.

but i also think kanato can be a player, a really kinky one.

for started, kanato likes the dinamic where he is the one in charge and you are his slave, his pleasure slave, and when he is in that kind of mood, kanato will tie you up, use his powers to make you stay still and play with you, loves to edge you, cut your pleasure gives him pleasure, hearing your cries for not cuming and desperate moans makes him really hard.

like if your are getting fingered he will take his fingers before you cum and if you attempt to touch yourself he will use his powers to make you stay still "oh... dont be a bad girl, you'll come when i say so... either way i am the one controling your body... hehe" and then he will finger you hard to make you cum, kanato loves to hear how wet your pussy get that he will ride you trough you climax by oral.

and he has make you squirt but he doesnt know how, the firts time you squirt was on a busy night, you had come a lot by that point and he just keep going even after you just cum, no breaks, so kanato was amused when he sees how you wet the bed and his legs got, he thought it was so hot that he got mad bc he didnt get to drink it all.

and if kanato feels to horny, probably for the full moon, he will get savage. starting soft and nice but at some point of the night kanato will be basically destroying your pussy, like fucking you so pussy drunk he cant stop even if you had cum before. loves to heard the wet sound every thrust makes.

"fuck... you might eat me tonight... hehe... how can you feel so good huh?... keep cuming... i have more for you" and with his sloppy thrust, cocky grind and needy eyes. dear lord.

when kanato is about to cum he will start to fuck you a little harder, and will bite you at the moment too sometimes. kanato will thrust deep as he feel it coming.

"be a good girl and take it... yes... such a good girl for me.."

the aftercare its two ways, or you and him cuddle for a while and then sleep after cleaning himself and you with wet wipes, or you two go for a snack before goign to sleeep. you know, to keep the sugar high.

and when you two are well rested he may began kissing your neck again while playing with you nipples "you deserve a reward for making me feel so good... i think you are able to take another one... right?"

── more of my content here!

[awriternamedart]

a collection of my middle aged man yaoi sampard headcanons -

Sampo has poliosis, a condition that can cause premature greying in areas on the scalp.

Gepard has lots of facial and body hair but it grows slowly because of their cold enviroment. His beard is a stopwatch for how long hes been on the frontlines that time around as he only gets to shave when hes at his home/stationed in the city.

Sampo has a few beauty marks n moles ! mostly on his back and shoulders.

Gepard has freckles! All the Landaus do!

Once Gepard scared the ever living shit out of Sampo because the Landaus have reflective eyes. So Sampo just saw two blue dots in his bedroom once and nearly fell out the window he climbed in through.

Gepard has piercings! Two simple lobe piercings, he only wears them when hes on break. (so like, never.) Serval pierced them for him when they were teenagers so its a little botched but he does his best to take care of them because their a fond memory of his sister. (He also owns a pair of studs for each of his sisters - a snowflake set for Lynx, and a music note set for Serval. Otherwise, simple black studs.)

Sampo has sideburns!! He tends to keep them trimmed well , since his appearence is a huge part of the show. Hes incredibly meticulous down to the last detail in order to sell it, and can spend up to two hours every morning making sure hes ready for the stage .

Gepard is an amputee. I need to update my arm lore doc but basic gist - his gauntlet is a prosthetic used to trap Fragmentum in his arm nub and uses that Fragmentum as a powersource for the Geomarrow to bounce off of and create the ice and mist he uses in battle. He still deals with phantom pain but most of the time it is soothed with his prosthetic - though it can still flare up horribly when overused.

Sampos really weak to being kissed on the nape of his neck, right where his hair is. Hes not quite sure why.

Gepards easy to blush but inCREDIBLY hard to fluster. Hes so used to keeping himself in check and in control that to catch him in any form of stupor is rare.

Related - Gepard struggles immensely when hes out of control of a situation and someone he is unfamiliar with or doesnt trust holds power over it. Hes so used to being in charge and being looked to and only having those he trusts as peers or over him in the power system that being thrown into that situation crawls under his skin in a /neg way. Physical vulnerabilty is also not easy and very stressful.

Quite the opposite for Sampo - emotional vulnerabilty ties this guy in KNOTS. Hes pretty open to touch (once your on his trust list and ONLY if your on the trust list) but youll have to drag him kicking and screaming if you want a glimpse at his actual thoughts.

also Sampo has a wheezy hyena laugh.

Gepard only has only one or two potted plants he tried to use as motivation to go home more often- it was a suggestion from Pela. But uh, yeah it didnt work. Hes a great cook though!

On the other hand- do not let Sampo within 5 meters of a kitchen. For your sake and his. (hes not that bad and can make enough to get by- but it really .. does not taste great ...)

Sampos not entirely sure how old he is, but Natasha figured he was somewhere in his late twenties early thirties when he arrived on Jarilo and hes kinda been rolling with that ever since.

Gepard overheats really easily when he gets off planet eventually. Like it is bad how easily he gets heatstroke.

Sampo uses his blades to pick at his teeth sometimes. Both Natasha and Gepard hate this .

Gepard has a nasty resting bitch face. Hes learned to be able to nullify it a little bit but when hes tired it drops back to usual and makes it look likes constantly about to murder someone.

On the plus side, this control over his expression means he plays a nasty game of poker! (or whatever the Jarilo 6 counterpart of poker is)

Sampo has on more then one occassion forgot that he has the ability to neutralize most of Belobogs cold and has wandered outside without his jacket. Many people looked at him like he was insane.

Gepard always cuts the sleeve right above his gauntlet implant and sews a new hem to keep it from getting caught in machinery.

Hook called Sampo Gramps once. He never recovered.

Gepards hair is slowly turning brown instead of greying! Sampo is infact, salty about this.

Gepard has three majorly noticable scars. He has frostburn on his flesh hand that wind up his arm, he has Fragmentum cracks that wind up his opposite shoulder (amputated arm)(inactive so it looks like scar tissue or a lightning scar rather then black or gold) , and an impact scar/explosion scar across his lower back. Other minor scars are shrapnel cuts and his knuckles being scarred from being a fistfighter. Also his nose is slightly crooked.

Sampo has done a damn good job at making sure he looks the part of the shifty businessman but he has a few marks of his own. Being an Emanator means he heals quickly- and can mask any scars and injuries he gets with relative ease - but he prefers to not rely on this aspect. His biggest scar is an ugly blade cut into his right shoulderblade, and its only so prominant because it struggled to heal properly.

Sampo is shorter the Natasha! Natasha is just tall !! She is shorter then Gepard who is the tallest among the Belobog cast but shes second.

In order of tallest to shortest of Belobog adults its - Gepard, Natasha, Sampo, Serval, Luka, Bronya, Seele. Sorry Seele.

The Landau eye color and color crest is so recognizable in Belobog that that shade of blue is called Landau Blue.

When Sampo has a difficult time sleeping, he wordlessly buries his face into Gepards neck, who simply begins to hum if hes also awake.

Gepard is a light sleeper- he wakes up very easily. Sampo is not. Gepard has had to fight an extremely sleepy Sampo to get up in the morning more times then he can count.

Gepard actually does have a good singing voice, its just that he has poor discipline and tries to match Servals octave. Which is. Way to high. He also has good rhythm!

This does not mean he is a good dancer.

He can get through on dancing, it being part of his upbringing and studies growing up, but he can only do what steps he knows. Any improv and he falters.

Sampo has in fact trust falled on Gepard multiple times. Once at Bronya and Seeles wedding. He basically forced Gepard to dip him.

Gepard is actually incredibly sassy. Its just that hes awful at inflection and everything comes across as matter-of-fact or dry as fuck. That, and he only dares to sass Serval most of the time- theres not many other people hes comfortable enough with to let loose that much.

When it comes to fishing out back alley deals, few are more knowledgable than Sampo. Even before the Trailblazers, Sampo and Gepard had an under the table deal where if Gepard was unable to crack a case alone, he could get information off Sampo in exchange for supplies and shield. He was not happy about this deal but he deemed it a necessity- for the sake of Belobogs safety.

Sampo would and still does anonymously tip the Guards off on major crimes that could severely impact Belobogs already fragile economy. Hes no saint , but he has his personal morals and he sticks to them.

Gepard had many sharp teef , lil fangies even ! but theyve been worn down over time.

Sampo also has lil sharp teef ! his are more snake fang like tho, thinner.

[rookiesbookies]

So Im on a minor Soap obsession (Gaz obsession starts when @shotmrmiller posts about him, check out their Needs series bc 🤤) and by minor I mean major bc he and Gaz are my favs.

So i was like… what is Sergeant MacTavish met Captain MecTavish and his wife. Like HOW WOULD THAT GO???

Well dont fret bc I have an answer.

Under the cut

Yall can ignore this part it in italics bc doesnt mean anything but this is just my hc ig? But they dont change anything for what I wrote:

I feel like this woman is the definition of slim thick. She has the nicest birthing hips, a decently small sized waist, busty chest, a nice ass, and the thickest thighs. She has nice calves and is the definition of all natural. There isn’t a fake piece to her. She’s like 5’4” to the Captain, who stands behind her like a giant scary shadow.

I feel like she’s American and they bonded over both “hating” the brits.

She definitely has a size kink. Like has to.

She’s fiery. Like “my husband said no pickle,” type. The Captain knows if his wife goes “you need to handle it,” there’s a problem because there isn’t anything she won't take on. So it’s probably some douches asking to talk to her husband about buying a car or some shit.

Only part that kinda sticks is that I feel like she worked in intelligence? Idk

The good stuff:

The Captain sees Simon and pulls him into the biggest bear hug you’ve ever seen. Simon’s eyes are wide at the size of his once more nimble companion. His wife standing to the side shaking her head. No one knows who this strange lady is yet.

Price shakes his hand. Gaz is gawking at the size of this man, stating something like, “he’s the lumberjack and the whole forest.”

Sergeant Soap, out of habit started flirting with his wife from the future. The woman leans back against the counter top, sipping a water as the young lad flirts with her mercilessly.

“I’m almost old enough to be your mom.”

“I’ll just call you mommy.”

You get the point. Soap is basically purring at this lady as the Captain walks back over to her and wraps his arm around her hips, giving her a peck on the lips and Soap’s mouth falls open for the second time in a row.

Not only was he now the definition of manliness but he has the hottest woman he’s ever seen for a wife.

“That’s our bonnie?”

“That’s our bhean.” Which is Scottish Gaelic for wife. It rolls off the Captain tongue with 0 effort as his wife giggles lightly and presses a kiss to his neck.

Soap about faints.

“Do I miss when you used to flirt with me like that,” his wife turned to her husband and asked. The Captain moved to put an arm on either side, caging her in against the counter and helping her easily move to sit on top of it.

“Oh, I think ya do. Its that charm that won ya over after all. Got ya to marry me, dinnit?”

“If charm is what we’re calling the monster between your legs, then yes. Yes, it was.” The Scottish Captain laughed with his wife, a hearty chuckle that makes her hum in amusement and leave a peck on his scratchy beard. Soap about fainted again.

“WE’RE MARRIED TO A SUPERMODEL?”

“I’m an American Central Intelligence Agent, actually. We met putting Graves behind bars. Told him if he didn’t shoot him when we got him in the heli, I’d return his advances because Graves has some info I needed. Rest was history.” Her voice sounded like the best music Soap had ever heard. She was EVERYTHING. He’d pray to the ground she walked on and lick the rim of any cup she sipped from just to get a taste of her. He had a big fat crush on this woman.

The Captain could see the look in Soap’s eyes and sighed to himself. He forgot how much of a simp he was for his wife. He forgets how much of a simp he still is for his wife. Wondering if he still makes that dorky expression.

Soap tapped the Captain and pulled him into a different room. He got on his knees in front of his Captain self and begged, “PLEASE TELL ME HOW YOU DID IT. I NEED TO MEET THIS WOMAN NOW.” His hands clasped together, on his KNEES.

Captain MacTavish just pats his little mohawk and says “with time,” which makes sweet little Soap about CRY. Gave him some other small light hearted advice about her favorite flowers and that he’ll know when he sees her.

The Captain just makes his way back into the room and over to his wife. He gently returns to her, still seated on the counter, as she plays on her phone, and sticks his face into her chest with a content sigh. Her free hand goes to run her fingers through his hair and his arms tighten slightly around her waist.

Soap waddles in and his FOMO is off the hook. Simon shuffles over to him and in his best serious voice he goes, “I’d offer to let ya put your face in my tits but I don’t think mine are the kind ya looking for.” Before cackling to himself.

He heard the Captain mumble something to her about retiring, her having perfect birthing hips, and chubby Scottish babies which made poor little Soap break down.

She hummed back at comment about her having the job that’s less dangerous and how she’d let him have a whole little futbol team once he stopped doing the dangerous stuff. She pulled his head up, planted a kiss to his lips, and let his head fall right back.

His future is AWESOME.

Sergeant John ‘Soap’ MacTavish is officially excited for his future.

Masterlist is pinned on profile as always, don’t forget to leave me a comment or a request in my inbox to let me know what yall want to see!

Part 2 here

[inkdrinkerworld]

you’re more than the rest

pairing: stepdad!aaron x fem!reader

wc: 2.5k

cw: smut, 18+ ONLY, MDNI, angst, feelings of being used for sex, reassurance, mentions of cheating [doesnt actually happen], oral [fem! receiving], aaron with a beard, p in v penetration, overstimulation, mentions of edibles

Being with your mum alone was nice for the couple of months that Aaron was away, but you missed him.

Sometimes you hated his job, when he had to be away for months- but most times you loved how much he cared for other people.

“Mum, do you think that it’ll be weird when Aaron comes back?”

You’re both having dinner, and there’s a tray of cookies cooling on the counter.

“I’m not sure, maybe it will be. He’s been gone for three months.”

You hope nothing between you and Aaron will change.

After dinner, while you munch on some of the cookies, your mind spirals to Aaron and him seeing other people while there and your chest starts to burn.

“He wouldn’t,” you try to convince yourself, but your mind has spiraled and it’s not stopping.

You try to distract yourself, but moments of silence just bring the thoughts back and you groan.

Reaching into your bedside draw, you reach for the brownies and cut it in half and have it.

You wait for the effects of the marijuana to kick in before laying down to fall asleep.

The next morning, you hear your mum talking and squealing and without thinking make your way downstairs to see what all the noise is about.

“Y/n, look Aaron’s back!” she says, hanging off your stepfather and you just nod.

“Welcome back,” you don’t meet his eyes, your thoughts from last night compounded with your mother hanging off him doesn’t really make you feel that friendly towards him.

He hadn’t called you once, but you’d heard your mother on the phone with him at least twice for the week.

You don’t stick around the house much longer, showering and then yelling at the bottom of the stairs, “I’m going out for a run and then to the beach!”

You stay out all day, hoping that Aaron won’t be waiting up for you- but that’s a silly thought.

You open the front door well after nine and you find him sitting at the breakfast table on his phone.

“Hey,” you say sort of awkwardly, holding your wet clothes in your hand as Aaron raises his head.

“You had a good run?” he asks it like he hasn’t been away for months, like he hasn’t not spoken to you in those months he’s been gone.

His voice sounds different to you though, and he looks different thanks to his beard.

“Uh yeah, it was good.” a few beats of silence pass, “I’m gonna go shower, good night.”

Aaron doesn’t try to stop you, he only calls out, “There’s dinner in the microwave.”

You stay in your room after your shower till you hear his bedroom door close.

As the weeks pass on, you and Aaron don’t revert to your usual relationship, instead you hardly talk to him and when you notice the hickey on his neck at breakfast you get the tightness in your chest again.

It’s like your chest caves inward and when you spot it, you can’t unsee it.

“What are you doing today?” your mum asks you and you turn to her.

“I was thinking of going out with Jesse to the beach again? The sun’s out and the waves are supposed to be good.”

Aaron perks up at that, “Who’s Jesse?”

Your mum jumps into explanation about how you’d met Jesse while you were out surfing a couple weeks after he’d left.

Aaron stares at you with accusatory eyes but you ignore him.

“Yeah, we’ll probably get lunch before I come back. I’ve got to be ready for my shift at 3.”

Your mum nods and waves you off, telling you to, “have fun,” while Aaron just stares after you.

It’s only when you’re about to leave that he corners you at the top of the stairs.

“Who’s Jesse really?” he asks, and you roll your eyes.

“Exactly who mum said he is.” you say but he doesn’t move away. It rubs you the wrong way how he insinuates that you’ve done something wrong, when he’s the only one that has according to your little ‘relationship.’

“You’re not fucking him?”

You scoff and almost laugh, “No, but if I was what would it matter? You’ve been gone for three months, you spoke to me a total of zero times while you were there and then you come home and are littered with hickeys.”

Aaron’s bravado flakes a little at the tone in your voice. You’re hurt more than anything and he hates that it’s because of him.

“Maybe what we were doing shouldn’t happen anymore. You’ve gotten good at ignoring me, so maybe we should keep doing that.”

You don’t give him time to respond as you duck under his arm and walk out of the house, getting in your car and sniffling.

“You’re not going to cry,” you coach yourself as you pull out of the driveway and make your way to the beach.

Jesse suspects your poor mood and does his best to cheer you up, but you’re bad company and apologise for it profusely.

“C’mon, we’ll get ice cream and cheesecake and you’ll go home and take a nice nap.”

You both do that, but you make an extra stop on your way back to get another pair of brownies for the week.

The next week, thanks to both of your jobs you hardly see Aaron and it’s sad to have him so close and not be able to actually have him, but also it makes you wonder if you’ve always been that easy to be without.

You’re munching on the last of your brownie and doing some case studies when there’s a knock on your door.

“Come in,” you’re half expecting it to be your mother, with some new request for a dessert that week.

You’re met with Aaron though, Aaron who hasn’t shaved his beard and looks a little worse for wear.

“Can we talk?” he asks and you nod, setting your work aside.

“Go ahead.” you prompt and he nods.

“I want to apologise for cornering you in the hall last week,” he starts and you hum. “And accusing you of being with someone else. That wasn’t right.”

You nod, expecting that to be the end of the conversation.

“I meant to call you, I did. But I couldn’t. Every time I picked up the phone I knew I wouldn’t be able to not talk to you. I missed you so much, and talking to you and hearing your voice would’ve made me come home a lot sooner than I did.”

Your eyebrows bunch together, “Did you leave before the job was finished?”

Aaron shakes his head, “No, we finished it earlier than expected.”

“Good.” there’s a question on the tip of your tongue, but you can’t ask it for fear of the answer.

Aaron can see it written on your face. “I didn’t.” He’s firm as he says it, but also sincere. “I couldn’t even think of anyone but you. You’re always on my mind, sweetheart.”

The nickname makes you crack though, and tears fall fast down your cheeks. “You’re covered in them,” you choke the words out and he shakes his head.

“They’re all over your neck Aaron, I can’t believe you. And I know you have to keep up appearances, but that,” you point to the two spots on his neck, “feels like a betrayal.”

He cups your sticky cheeks, thumbs dragging across your face to collect the tears.

“You can’t just leave and not talk to me and make it seem like you couldn’t care less about me while you’re gone and come back and get pissy with me because you expect everything to fall back into place.” your chest is heaving, but Aaron knows you need to get this out.

“I’m not a toy or something to just be used whenever she’s not available.”

“I’m so sorry baby,” he coos, lips pressing to your nose and the apples of your cheeks. “I’m sorry I made you feel like this.”

Aaron pulls you away from your desk and to your bed, sitting you in his lap as he grabs your tv remote.

Three episodes of your show later, Aaron whispers, “I don’t think you’re a toy or some backup to her. You’re my girl,” he kisses your temple.

“My only girl, I know you don’t want this anymore; but I’m always gonna be here okay?”

The next week your mum goes on a vacation with her friends and after your chat with Aaron you feel better.

You’re not actively going to work because of your exams and midweek you’re exhausted when Aaron finds you on the couch surrounded by your books.

“You good?” he asks, setting a bowl of take out before you.

“Exhausted and nothing is sticking.” you whine, Aaron sits beside you as he shucks off his suit jacket.

“You keeping that beard?” you ask suddenly and he laughs.

“I’m not sure yet,” his hand reaches to scratch at the hair on his cheeks and chin. “Do you like it?”

He hopes you do, he had remembered vaguely that you’d mentioned how good facial hair looks on men.

“Mhm, makes you look less like a scary dad.” your head falls to his lap, a deep sigh passing your lips.

“I’m not scary,” he muses and you open one eye to look at him.

“Not in a bad way, in a sexy way.” you say the words and something in the air shifts.

“In a sexy way?” Aaron prompts for a little more insight.

You take the bait, “Yeah, in a way that’s just a turn on. I don’t know how to explain it, Aaron. That’s just the vibe you exude.”

He nods and then points to your food, “Eat it before it gets cold, sweetheart.” You missed him calling you sweet names and it makes your belly warm.

“You can’t do that to me,” you murmur and his eyebrows pull together.

“Do what?”

“Call me that. It’s doing things to me.”

Aaron shakes his head; you’d always been a little bolder when it came to telling him things like this.

“Things? I don’t have a clue as to what you mean, baby.” he has every clue as to what you mean.

“You’re trying to distract me with your pretty face and pretty words.”

And it’s very clearly working. You’ve both missed each other, so much that now that you’re alone, the sexual tension is much much higher.

But after your conversation, Aaron hasn’t been wanting to do anything sexual just in case it hasn’t been what you wanted.

“M’not trying to do anything. If you need something from me, you have to tell me. You know that.”

You sit up in his lap, hands crossed behind his neck as you stare directly in his eyes.

“I want you to fuck me,” you say it plainly. “I want you to fuck me like you missed me.”

Aaron is quick to claim your lips, mouth molding to your own. He has missed you, so so much.

He had spent almost every night desperate to hear your voice but afraid he’d break down and leave all the bad behind to come home to you.

“I missed you so fucking much,” he breathes, standing and carrying you to your room. “You’re all I thought about every fucking night.”

Aaron doesn’t give you a chance to bask in his confession as he lays you down on the bed, his hands spreading your thighs and groaning when your shorts roll up your thighs.

“You’re gorgeous,” he compliments, hands roaming your body with care- his lips aren’t far behind.

“Aaron please, I’ve been needing you,” his forehead drops to your lower stomach and he groans.

“Baby,” his words are sharp inhales. “You’re going to ruin me.” his hands slip into your pants, dragging them to the floor while his lips kiss at your newly exposed skin.

“Don’t hold back,” he swears if you’re quiet he’ll be back to a place without you even though you’re right there.

You couldn’t if you tried, Aaron’s mouth was skilled at eating you out. Every part of your cunt was wet with either your own slick or his spit but god if you weren’t turned on.

“Aaron please,” you beg, hands reaching for his hair when he slips two fingers into the soppy messy that is your cunt and presses against your g-spot immediately.

His beard adds so much more stimulation that your orgasm crests fast.

“I’m not stopping you, pretty girl,” he sucks at your clit and you scream, back arched as you cry out only his name and ‘oh god,’s.

“You’re so fucking good for me.” he presses his fingers into your mouth and groans when your tongue swirls around them.

“I need to be in you,” Aaron whispers and you nod, hands reaching for his hips to pull him closer so his hard on rubs against your cunt.

“I missed you,” you admit as he lines up and he brackets you with his forearms- sinking into your warm cunt without a barrier. “Fuck you’re bigger.”

Aaron chuckles at that, beard scratching your neck as he nips at your skin there.

“I’ve been needing you.” he murmurs, hips snapping shallowly at first to get you used to the stretch again.

When you are, your hands can’t stop dragging down his back or chanting his name.

Aaron lasts much longer than you’d thought he would and in the process he pulls three orgasms from you and when your brain is addled with only thoughts of him and your thighs can’t stop quivering he pauses.

“No no,” you beg, slick hands trying to go to his hips but he pins them both above your head.

“You’re the only one,” he says seriously. “You’re not just sex or a body, you’re my favourite girl and you’ll always be.” he says and you nod, tears wetting your waterline as he starts fucking you again.

“You’re mine and I’m yours. Only yours.” he promises as he fills you up, your orgasm meeting his.

Aaron is gentle as he cleans you up, hands moving with care and diligence and when you reach for him as he slips you into his shirt he can’t help but lay beside you.

“I meant it.” he says gently, you curl into him, head laying on his bare chest. You map his freckles as you weigh your answer.

“I know, and I know I’m not being used when it’s us. I’m sorry I said that.”

Aaron shakes his head and tips your chin upwards.

“Nothing to be sorry about, I made you feel like that without meaning to, but I did. And I’m sorry that I did. I’ll never do it again.” he kisses you and wipes away the tears that fall.

“You’re the only one I love. I love you.” he whispers and you sniffle.

“I love you too, more than everyone else.”

Aaron rubs your back and when your belly rumbles he laughs, “I’ll go get your takeout, and your ice cream.”

“You have to eat with me,” you know he hasn’t eaten since lunch time. “Please.” you give him a pout and puppy dog eyes and Aaron caves, sitting up in your bed with the promise of two forks, food, ice cream and water.

You’re just glad to have him back, the weeks without him were awful and you never want that again.

[sshireens]

7, 32, & 34 for the asoiaf asks. I must know

7. which free city are you retiring to?

oh god. my immediate reaction is to say lys but actually i think thats one of the last places i would go… braavos is definitely high on the list as is pentos. but braavos is probably where i would retire for sure

32. a fancast you absolutely can’t stand

oh how much time do we have. that one blond bearded guy as aegon the conqueror (aegon i couldnt grow facial hair as we all know), every lyanna fancast you guys dont know her, millie brady as arya who is that adult woman, i can stand katheryn winnick as visenya i just wish we could move on… anya taylor joy as shiera sorry shes not fat enough. TIMOTHEE CHALAMET AS JON OH MY GOD. if anyone was curious my favorite fancast ever is lucy liu as catelyn (REAL TO ME!) thank you daenystheedreamer. also i hate like any targ fancast because why is it a runway model every time. please guys

34. what’s something people get wrong about your favorite character?

helaena doesnt even like aemond im sick of people saying her children are his. she does not give a single fuck about that man!!! i know book!helaena is nothingburger and this is about asoiaf in which she does not appear but im saying it. also shiera didnt even fuck with brynden like that either. sorry im passionate about this everyone needs to leave my girls alone AND!!! lyanna and rhaegar were not in love And lyanna willingly went with him as a means of escape and adventure this is my truth. also dany is not a colonizer please

[tigerdrop]

Hey, been wanting to write this for a while, but kept forgetting/things kept popping up. Also I don't like dumping heavy feels on strangers, especially those that I appreciate. But I needed to tell you, for someone who I randomly followed for HLVRAI content, and continued to follow for amazing original content, you make me feel so seen. Your art and writing make me--Like, actually feel okay about how I look. And for someone who's hated how they've looked since they were 14 and now are in their 30s, I just wanna say thanks. Your art/stories helps me be okay with what I have, and that I could be whoever I want to be, despite the appearance I was born with.

thats really sweet of you to say : ) and if it helps im very much in the same boat. my whole life ive felt inadequate bc of the body i have. hated looking at it, hated drawing it, hated acknowledging its existence as something that doesnt fulfill the gendered expectations of either men OR women. but it turns out thats sucks and stupid actually bc trans mascs rock and our bodies whip ass

its not an easy conclusion to come to. and im really glad ur taking something positive from my art. you dont have to fit into any fucking aspirational mold to feel comfortable in your own skin (or to find people who WANT what youve got going on, instead of just tolerating it). Sometimes big dudes have beards and pussy as well and its awesome

tl;dr Yay Yay Yippee!!! thank u for joining me on this journey

[richardsphere]

Leverage Log: The Rundown Job

Pig farm. (please dont be a serialkiller feeding his victims to his pigs. Please dont be a serialkiller feeding his victims to his pigs. Please dont be...) Angry farmer calls about rent. Guy stabs him with syringe gun. "know your sacrifice will save millions of lives." Probably not a serialkiller, either a conspiracy theorist, or a government agent part of a conspiracy.

--- Ok we've got a government hearing about a guy (not the same guy) doing "counterterrorism" (read: Murdering innocent civilians in Rome)

Oh no, we're doing one of those "cop who doesnt play by the rules is actually right" copaganda stories arent we? (but like, for US Blackop squads)

i already hate this episode with every fiber of my being. (and I eat a lot of fiber.) --- Oh, nice. The fight-scene in front of the elevator has a shot from below that lets us just see the overhead vent-passage Elliot just dropped behind the guard from. --- Not a fan of the Hardison HUD. It feels like we're stretching his already god-like hacking powers a bit too far. (like he's good dont get me wrong.) --- Parker definitly stole one of the diamonds. Those are way too many diamonds for any orphans to need and she is a legitimate kleptomaniac. (Like remember the 12 step job, she legitimately needs medication y'all.) --- Ok so this is our Elliot episode (already had a Parker one with the Broken Wing) Also this is probably happening simultaniously with the previous episode with the painting. Which means its three episodes in a row with the gang split. (that is... interesting. Either a scheduling thing or foreshadowing the season ending with the gang splitting up as Nate and/or Sophie retires and/or dies) --- "you stole a michelangelo with tinfoil and a chewing gum, Figure it out!" Nice callback to the Davids.

Oh disguise the sniper in a golfbag. Nice idea, unfortunately this means Elliot gets to practice his driverswing. --- They always were illegal, and I do not like that we're going the "US government black-ops are morally right to do their shit" angle on this story. --- "Better or worse, we change together", good line. simple. 9.5/10 Oh right, Parker is a dangerous driver. (i dont like that form of humor) Oh no, we're going for extremely racist bearded middle-eastern terrorist because god forbid the terrorists be anything but an affirmation of Bush era bigotry and propaganda. --- Ok old pre-CDC lab. (the pigs from the cold open are definitly of the Guinnea variety. Expect them to be dead if we ever see them again) Oh, we're dealing with the Spanish Flu. Well this episode definitly didnt age badly with an entire generation of people having suffered Plague-based traumatic experiences in the inbetween. (im not blaming Leverage for not knowing the future im just worried how this episode ends up handling such a now-sensitive topic)

--- 150 million, thats a big number.

Bro-trust moment between Elliot and Hardison. Hardison is so going to steal the "creepy spy truck" isnt he? I will not be satisfied if this episode does NOT relieve the US Government of 1 creepy ass violation of civil liberties and gives us a new Lucille. --- his name is Ahmed, because it couldnt just be Jim or Jordan or anything, had to be the most stereotypically propaganda name for a terrorist ever.

--- Oh thank god its just a white guy using xenophobia as a distraction to hide his real identity. (thank fuck)

Trailer is a trap. --- Ok good, well explained use of the hacking powers. (like the little detail about "always a little power, its how electric locks work") Tiny note: Usually an SOS means you are about to die. (either way it would've worked here. cause Vance could've turned around to find you and abandoned the trailer.)

--- Parker has stopped the train, Subject has cuffed himself to his briefcase (as if handcuffs are gonna stop Parker.)

--- Wow, this nutter actually managed to shoot Elliot. She kept the diamond, (I get its meant to be foreshadowing, but there is no way Parker doesnt regularly carry glasscutting equipment on her anyway. Im fairly certain its one of the first tools we saw her use back in the Nigerian Job)

And Parker with the little torch-thingy. (she is definitly the next Nate) --- Were Elliots eyes always this blue? (also how overlit is this scene? He's got like, no pupil)

But yeah, somehow this guy has been the most dangerous person Elliot ever had to fight. Even the guy they had to blow a Looney-tunes style hole in the ground around with C4 didnt hurt Elliot this much.

---

Ok on to adress the 2 concerns i mentioned with this episode: The plague thing was fine, everything was contained and the thing didnt explode. If anything the real pandemic made this episode age better by giving it an escapist value. The Islamic Terrorism as a fakeout was... insensitive. I didnt like it, felt bad but not as bad as it could have been.

[effieandtim]

ok. Sorry for my english. An anon said that he is ugly and then Annie answered that he is an awful person. In the comments a mutual of Annie said that he is mediocre and did a description: he has no jaw and he tried to hide it with the beard and then the words that I said to you. They said that maybe people like him because he is not like a "bulke" man, something like that.

oh i get it now

Im sure i know the person who made the comment - they have been transphobic in the past too so I wouldn’t be surprised

im just laughing at the description they used (which shouldn’t be used an as insult i agree and is borderline transphobic if it was used in that sense) doesnt even match jonathan lmaooo

like fr these people need to find actual reasons to hate the man atp

[freebooter4ever]

I think they didn't read the rest of Baker's letters because they just weren't really that gay lol. The "dirty" bit was probably the gayest they could dig up 😭 the evidence in this doc is really shoddy. Then again, if it was solid it wouldn't take a century to clock him

Sigh, yeah. Its so complicated. :( Like im all on board to accept any gay sports heroes who tear down the stereotype of gay men having to be effeminate and non athletic. And I absolutely hate when society will blatantly erase a very out and open historical figure's homosexuality or queer identity for mainstream stories/movies (cough stupid effing bendydick cucumbersnoot). We see this happen especially to women who were known to be lesbians during thier lifetime, and then modern biographers just gloss over that. So it's believable that it could have happened to this hockey star!

Unfortunately i kind of doubt it. The ONE big 1917 quote they actually gave from the letters between the supposed lovers was the hockey guy overseas writing to his friend back home about how he never understood the huge amount of affection his friend bestowed on him until now when he's missing him so much. And then he talks about the photo. This totally sounds romantic, and like someone discovering their sexuality for the first time (he was in his TWENTIES it is completely plausible if he was anywhere on the demi or ace scale that this guy just never thought about romance till now). But i think it ruins the 'researcher's theory that he and his friend were living as open lovers in 1914-1916. And it definitely feels in the podcast as if they are glossing over details in order support their theory and hoping nobody bothers to actually go do the research themselves. Another thing i found in my very cursory research last night is that apparently his friend introduced him to the woman he would get engaged with back in 1915 - she didnt meet him in the war!!!. And this guy wrote home to his dad about how he wanted to have a 'long talk' with his dad about his failed engagement. That totally sounds like the set up for potentially being a beard situation. But instead of presenting the facts and speculating on those words and letting the listener put them together the podcast barely uses the real words of the hockey guy's letters and tries to spin a narrative around it that doesnt feel real.

And i 100% do not believe this man committed suicide because he was afraid to return home and face homophobia. And the podcast just presents this like it's plausible and not their own wildly subjective opinion.

This is why it's so important to check sources and to always seek out as close to primary sources as possible.

[gay-----pisces2]

-“YOU CANT CHANGE YOURSELF!”

Ok so you cant get tattoos, any surgeries, piercings, or even grow up cause thats all technically “CHANGING YOURSELF”

-”YOUR GROOMING OUR CHILDREN TO BE TRANS!”

No??? I frankly wouldnt wish being trans on any cis people i know cause its cool ig i get a community n whatever but it also is stressful and expensive as balls, and we get hated on and kill ourselves most of the time

-”I CANT USE YOUR CORRECT PRONOUNS, ITS TOO HARD FOR ME, BUT IM NOT TRANSPHOBIC”

Sure, your not transphobic but your misgendering me, which is a transphobic action, and the suicide and assalt rates for trans people are really high, and using the correct pronouns just isnt that hard especially since ive been out for TWO YEARS NOW. 

-”I DONT WANT YOU IN THE MENS/WOMANS BECAUSE YOUR BIOLOGICALLY A WOMAN/MAN”

So you want a fully transitioned trans buff bearded man/person in the bathroom w ur wife/daughter, and a fully transitioned trans woman/person in the mens bathroom with your husband/son? Also this has been proven to hurt cis people when they arent procieved as “cis enough” (e: a woman being masc/a man being fem)

-”GOD HATES YOU”

Ok i dont care what some white dude i never met who didnt raise a finger to stop the holocaust, slavery, poverty, starvation, crimes ect thinks of me (i dont believe in him regardless lol) 

-”I DONT WANT TO CHANGE My LANGUAGE TO INCLUDE PEOPLE WHO ARE DIFFERENT THan WHAT IVE BEEN TAUGHT”

It doesnt actually hurt you yk lmao, your just looking for a reason to be pissed off now

-”I DONT WANT TO DATE YOU BECAUSE YOU USED TO BE A GIRL/BOY, AND IM STRAIGHT”

Thats like saying “I dont want to date you because you used to be a minor, and im not a pedophile”, you are genuinely delusional, it doesnt matter at all UNLESS you are having sex with the trans person and they havent had bottom surgery, but your saying this over just dating 

Side notes:

its crazy how straight cis people dont understand how queer people are so challenged n shit. personally i have this feeling sometimes that most strangers when i look at them my brain goes "jesus fucking christ theres a chance you would kill me if you knew what i was."

[dandelyle]

can we talk about bottom dysphoria because lol

Disclaimer: This is my personal experience. I am not speaking for anyone else but myself. Also this is meant to be a discussion so please share your thoughts too!

When I was a kid, I didn't know what ftm was or transgender or dysphoria or anything. I just had a huge cloud of uncomfortableness deep inside me. I'm sure a lot of you can relate. Once I found the name for that feeling, dysphoria, suddenly a lot of things made so much sense. At the same time, everything became so much worse. I finally knew what was wrong with me, but it seemed impossible to fix.

I got on T, changed my name, socially transitioned, and got top surgery and sterilization surgery. I have a beard now. I pass all the time and am stealth all the time and no one in my life ever misgenders me. It should be a privilege, and it is. But I still have dysphoria. it doesnt bother me as much as before I did all that.

But there's still that one "little thing" ..... my missing penis. This is not a phalloplasty hate post. But I can't do it right now for many, many reasons. I have no one to take care of me after, I can't afford it, I don't live near a reputable surgeon, but all those things could be overcome with enough determination. The thing I can't overcome is my fear.

So I'm stuck here in my discomfort that grows bigger every day. How to cope with it?

This might be unpopular, but I think for me I have to come to terms with what I have, or rather, what I don't have. I need to accept that I'm trans and will never be cis. Personally, that's what "pride" means to me.

I think I'm doing a good job of it. I do not hate myself anymore. I use CBT techniques to counteract the lies dysphoria tells me. Yes actually I am a real man even if I don't have a dick. Sometimes a dude just has a pussy. It's one of nature's quirks. There is nothing wrong or abnormal with it. If I can just accept that, maybe I can stop being so consumed by weens. I literally browse ftm prosthetic stores and forums all day, from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep, and then I'm right back to it the next day.

Bottom dysphoria is like. so embarrassing honestly. It's private, not really something people talk too much about except in bottom surgery circles. But friends, I've been struggling with it hard. I want to buy every prosthetic peen available. I want phalloplasty. But goddammit phalloplasty is so permanent and daunting. What if I regret it? what if something goes seriously wrong? i like bottoming, what if I miss that after? I know you can get phalloplasty without vaginectomy, but most surgeons won't do a urinary lengthening without the v-nectomy, and that's definitely something I'd need from phalloplasty. But I don't know if I can give up that intimacy. The best compromise I can come up with for myself is to wait until I'm in my middle age and then do it so I can spend half my life with a v and the other half with a dick. so no, there's not really any pressure to decide on it right this second because I'm literally only 26, but I still can't stop thinking about it.

it's like.... there's nothing wrong with me but there's definitely something wrong with me. like it's totally not a problem to be trans obviously but goddammit there's something vital missing from my body. if there wasn't something seriously wrong then I wouldn't have phantom penis y'all.

anyways I just needed to get these feelings out

[calcified--heart]

throne of glass

you just did this so i would publicly embarrass myself talking about the worlds worst book series. i hate you.

Favorite character: i refuse to choose between rowan whitethorn and manon blackbeak.

Second favorite character: god this is actually hard because there isnt a character that doesnt somewhat infuriate me. probably elide lochan.

Least favorite character: lorcan lochan. elide could have done so much better. i remember reading queen of shadows as like a nine/ten year old thinking that elide and manon were like. so totally gay. the way that sjm describes the mating bond, and in turn how the crochan witches choose their pseudo mates is like exactly how i interpreted manon and elides relationship. the parallels of them sleeping together and rowan and aelin in heir of fire?? insane?? THE FACT THAT MONON ''CLAIMS'' ELIDE AS HER OWN???? AND THATS NOT GAY??????? sorry anyways i feel like lorcan was just thrown in there. his relationship with elide felt so inorganic. also hes a cunt. like an irredeemable cunt. which i would have been fine with if sjm didnt try to redeem him like girlie he almost doomed an entire continent. for some girl im 100% convinced thought they were beards.

The character I’m most like: petrah blueblood. shes just like me fr. im not going to elaborate you just have to trust me.

Favorite pairing: okay not canon but like chaol and dorian were so gay. boyfriends ass arcs. not even going to delve into how when chaol got married he chose a woman who was so much like dorians dead ex. and how above all else he devoted himself to dorian. theyre so gay.

Least favorite pairing: aside from elide and lorcan, which i think i already covered. whoops. lysadeon never really clicked for me. i just always liked lysandra and adeon independently of each other. and i think their big fight in kingdom of ash really put me off of them. he threw her, naked, into the snow. what a cunt move.

Favorite moment: i really loved the moment where abraxos and manon make the decision to save petrah, despite the fact that, as the heir to the blueblood clan, she is their enemy. its the first crack we see in manons mask and i felt for keelie who knew she was going to die, but tried so hard to keep herself upright so that her rider might survive the fall. god it just.

Rating out of 10: atrocious 1/10. this is my favorite book series i hate it.

[itsclydebitches]

To add to that gif-set, Ted's "This is still their team, we're just borrowing them" when he let public watch practice, with Rebecca's "Just bc we own these teams, doesnt mean they belong to us" in the newer episode

Ooo nice catch, anon! I want to re-watch the episode solely for all the callbacks and references. It feels like every scene was a nod towards some earlier moment, usually as a way to highlight someone's growth, which is real nice to see as the series winds down. I've actually wanted to tackle Ted's "This is still their team" moment since it aired, especially because the fans come to watch - and are crucially excited to watch - BEFORE Total Football begins the winning streak. I think it shows the profound growth of the town too (as shown through our pub trio) that we've gone from "Wanker! Wanker! Wanker!" to support even while Ted is losing/in the middle of (from an outsider's perspective) changing tactics in the middle of the season. Even if they won't admit it (as, again, seen in the pub scene when Henry is visiting), the town believes in Ted now, even when Ted isn't actively proving why they should.

The only thing I'm meh about in that episode Nate's continued off-screen development where we suddenly slam into an episode and discover he's made some huge leap forward without, from our perspective, any catalyst for it: he wants to apologize to Ted! He's got the confidence to snag a girlfriend! He leaves this high-powered job because it's the Right Thing to Do! I mentioned in another post that I think they took Nate too far into antagonist territory and his issues are too complex for him to just ~magically~ improve. Especially when he's in an environment that, by logic and his history, should be exacerbating his worst tendencies, not encouraging him to question them. So I would have actually liked more callbacks for Nate as a means of helping him work through some of those challenges. Instead, we're continually bombarded with new information: Nate has quit his job, Nate's father actually just wants him to be happy, Nate can play the violin and has been labeled a "genius" long before Richmond, Nate is sneaking into the club to give apologies...

I mean, it's not bad (I thought, in a vacuum, that moment with Will was extraordinarily lovely, taking Nate back to his kitman roots and having him embrace "Wonder Kid") it just doesn't feel earned to me? No one can claim that Nate hasn't improved tremendously over the course of this season, which is what I wanted, but I wish we could have seen a more nuanced depiction of how that came about, especially given just how deep into self-hatred and anger he was at the end of Season 2. It feels like Season 3 opened with a far more chill Nate than the one we last saw and since then he's just been improving in leaps and bounds... but without the support that, Ted Lasso argues, is necessary for improvement in the first place. So Nate grows because it's the last season and he has to, not because that makes any sense after two seasons of stewing in a warped perspective of events, being cut off from everyone who could help him see clearly, while simultaneously being manipulated by the one man in this show who is truly excellent at making people think the worst of themselves.

Seriously, Rebecca only escaped Rupert's influence after divorcing him and taking on three years of hard emotional work with Ted to steer her, but Nate sees through Rupert while actively under his thumb and with most of Richmond hating him (as shown by Beard still making target dummies of him)? Ehhhh that's real convenient for the short time-frame of the series.