#doesnt feel entirely right for him - but it was fun to kind of explore nonetheless

[undyingsunshine]

Also because I am a glutton for punishment: hiding face in neck (3) + running fingers through hair (2)

(No pressure to write any or all of these btw !!)

(Fuckkkkk now I am also Thinking about Them)

Sierra you gave me sO MANY PROMPTS I LOVE YOU <3 and YES YES THINK WITH ME!!! THINK WITH ME ABOUT THEM!!! My new tumblr goal: get as many people as possible to like this ship ((JOKES JOKES JOKES))

I'm answering this one first because the prompts instantly gave me a more solid idea for something I vaguely had in my drafts. And guess what :) It's :) Angsty :) As fuck :) And i'M SORRY I'M SO SORRY ALL I CAN DO IS WRITE ANGST IDK WHY??? Like. Hurt No Comfort is one of my least favourite things to read ever and yet??? here I am??? writing it???? ((Kind of a lie, there is a smidgen of comfort here but still. That one fic I wrote. yknow the one. Is the definiton of hurt no comfort))

ANYWAY. I PROMISE I'LL MAKE THE OTHER ONES MUCH NICER BC U DESERVE IT FOR THE HELL I PUT YOU THROUGH 💙💙💙💙 But for now. Have ur daily dose of Suffering, fresh out of the raging inferno that is my soul :) Drabble under the cut! (Which I finally figured out how to do???? HECK YEA!)

((Extra kind of unrelated note, while finishing this off I was listening to Bulletproof Love by Pierce The Veil on repeat. Give it a listen if you feel like suffering more :) ))

Warnings: vague allusions to tomb of the sea, talk of snakes, general angstyness

Yang Hao knows a lot about Li Cu.

Yang Hao knows that Li Cu prefers sleeping on his back or on his right - knows that the left side of Li Cu's neck is a source of sensory nightmare. He knows that some days are better than others, but on the other days, even the collars of his shirts border on the realms of unbearably comfortable. He knows some days - inversely - consist of him stubbornly wearing anything that covers at least most of his throat, unable to stomach the feeling of it being out in the open. Exposed.

Li Cu has never truly spoke about what happened, but the faded puncture scars are plenty enough to get Yang Hao's mind reeling with awful visions, some of which infiltrate his dreams, rampaging through and leaving nothing but tear stains that no one else is present - or awake - to witness, and brutal aftershocks that introduce newer chasms in his heart; pits of despair reserved only for the boy that sleeps, blissfully (...?) unaware, beside him.

Yang Hao knows that Li Cu has a phobia of snakes.

He knows this from the times his smile instantly dropped at the sight of one. Times times where Li Cu had laced their fingers together in order to (not so) subtly move Yang Hao's hand off his rapidly beating heart, a thunderous rhythm triggered by any hint of a hissing noise.

Yang Hao knows Li Cu is suffering.

But what Yang Hao doesn't know is how to help. Or even approach the matter. Su Wan is easy to rile up, easy to intimidate and easy to convince. It doesn't take long before he cracks and starts talking about his problems. Li Cu? Not so much. He's stubborn and, worst of all, closed off about anything concerning the nightmare sequence that was... well... everything that fucker Wu Xie put him through. The second it's hinted at, there's no real telling what he'll do, at least not exactly. Sometimes he'll snap, insisting there's 'nothing to talk about' (a blatant lie even Su Wan wouldn't believe); sometimes he'll become distant and avoidant until the topic is changed; sometimes he'll straight up leave, using any and all excuses to escape the situation. There's no way of getting to open up (...yet)

So Yang Hao does what he can.

He lets Li Cu turn away. He lets Li Cu bury (or moreso hide) his head in his neck, doing his best to not focus on the shallow, hitched breaths, or the way Li Cu swallows down his nausea, or the way Li Cu's hand tightens ever so slightly more around his. Instead, he concentrates on threading his own slightly shaky (from anger, helplessness or worry, he's never really been able to tell) free hand through Li Cu's hair as soothingly as he can. He lets Li Cu take as long as he needs to focus entirely on any other sensation Yang Hao so willingly gives to him, until the brewing storm passes over and their chests finally banish the cursed, bated breath that had built up behind their ribs. Synchronised. Practiced. A routine that shouldn't have to exist, but persist it still does.

The pain is soul deep: etched into their bones, woven into their muscles and tatooed in their nerves. No fibre of their beings is left unmarked. But, at the very least, they can bare through it together. A small victory, some may say, but not to them. Because it shows they survived. That they overcame all the bullshit thrown at them and came out alive, even if it wasn't in one piece, it's enough.

To hold each other's hand. To hear each other breathe. To exist in each other's presence.

It's small. But it's enough.

[bitchapalooza]

Romano :)

First impression

Early fandom, I really did just jump right into fanon portrayal. Asshole. Conceded. Lazy. Ect. I actually disliked him. I didn't hate him, but I did dislike him to a degree.

Impression now

Oh no yeah I hate him, you guys should know this by now.

Jk jk, I love him, obviously! After actually looking into his character and analyzing it, he's complex and well written, when before I thought he was just a poorly written character. It's pretty obvious he has some serious issues to him, one of which could be intentional or unintentional emotional abuse from those around him or specifically from Rome— I say this because most of what he does, putting himself down and having low effort and cowering behind his brother/others during conflict, could be a result of such kind of abuse. You really don't get that way randomly. Through his interactions with his younger brother, I can tell he deep down wants to actually make a connection, its just he doesnt know how. Its in his nature, most likely learned nature, to push people away so as to not mess things up and lose them. But really he does want to get close to people. As shown with his interactions with Spain, both younger and older, and America.

Favorite moment

SO MANY TO CHOOSE.

Its a tie between:

Him asking Spain for fun stuff to do with the ladies, specifically bullfighting, and then Spain responding with saying he'll be the bull. I like it because it really does display how Romano's view and relationship with Spain has progressed since he was a child when he absolutely detested Spain. Thats growth :)

And then there's when Prussia reaches out to a crying Romano. He cheers him up and then they try to make a movie together. It doesn't work out but it was a nice character detail and interaction nonetheless!

Idea for a story

Oh I have tons.

I have a scrapped three part story for all three Italy brothers, each one focusing on one brother. The first part would have been Romano's. He and his brothers lost their parents to a home evasion gone wrong, to which they were hiding in Seb's nursary/shared bedroom(amongst all three of them) closet that was left alone(what would baby stuff be worth anyway?? It was an unspoken fact that his parents told the robbers they were away at their grandparents). It was Romano's self assigned job to make sure his brothers were then safe after the crooks left; his several months old baby brother and deaf little brother(I wanted to explore how to write a deaf character at the time). After all thats done, it shifts to modern day where Romano wakes up from the dream as described above, an indication he bears a great deal of trauma over it despite what he stubbornly says. I reveal he's a pediatric nurse and he's currently taking care of his grandfather with alzheimer's(again, was trying to explore things) while simultaneously dealing with his now rebelling teenage brother and preparing for Vene's return from a semester off from college. He also had his relationship with Spain to maintain, to which he also is looked at as a kind of father figure by Spain's six year old son. It was a lot to deal with for one person. The message for his story was supposed to be Mental Health First as his nelgected trauma would be a significant factor into why things were falling apart near the climax of the story before completely collasping then being solved once he takes that big step into recovery such as seeing a therapist and actually communicating with his family.

Unpopular opinion

I've already stated it all before, but Romano isn't stupid nor is he not creative. I believe he excells in science and math more, as well as astonomy as side hobby/interest. I think he's just better at sculpting than drawing/painting too. He clearly compares himself to, who he refers to, his more successful brother Veneziano, plus others around him and puts himself down quite a lot. So he most likely has imposter syndrome.

Favorite relationship

It kinda varies in context.

In canonverse, Its Romerica. @thatsamericano (hope you dont mind the tag) has a lot to do with why tbh. They just work really well together! Every canon interaction is like a hug to my soul! I feel as though America hypes Romano up A LOT. Like Romano sets out to do something but then gets anxious about it. So America swoops in and lists all the obvious pros and few of the cons just to make it seem legit(whisch it always is either way). Meanwhile, I think Romano actually keeps America grounded to reality? America is a dreamer and seems to act on impulse a lot. Romano is the opposite. Before America ever sets out to do something extreme that might not actually pan out, Romano might sit down and get him to talk it out and write everything down. Then they'd go through together and cut things so its more realistically reachable and doesnt end in America's dissapointment.

In a human au, its Spamano. I tend to like Spamano in the context of established relationship and just general partner stuff. I've never really branched out of this comfort zone, however. I think their personalities mix really well together. Its the grumpy one with the sunny one! I can see Spain being the early bird and making Romano a surprise breakfast before work begins. He probably gently wakes Romano too so hes still not so sleepy later on. Then theres Romano who's probably the type of partner who checks in on Spain on his schedualed breaks, when hes not also working of course. He just strikes me as the type who likes to know his partner's overall health and mood and likes to hear how things are going for the day so far, even if he wont admit it.

Favorite headcanon

Trans man Romano baybie✌

He's had top surgery already but he's waiting a little bit for bottom surgery. He's a little nervous and not entirely sure he's ready to go thru with it yet. But to combat his bottom dysphoria, he uses a packer or just lounges around the baggiest sweat pants he owns.