#does this make it obvious I am mentally unwell?

[simones-bluelily]

I think we’re gonna have to kill this guy Leo :(

I used a lot of references. Who’d of thought it was so hard to draw sonics quills? This was the first time I drew Sonic seriously 🥲

[lovelivision]

NEW JOB

pairing: gojo satoru/reader

wc: 7.1k

summary: starting a new job is always hard, especially when you're tasked with a glorified babysitting role for the most powerful sorcerer and his antics, but what happens when you somehow find yourself growing oddly attached to his weird behaviours and teasing nature

a/n; i am obsessing over this 2d man and i cannot be stopped, come near me and i'm infecting you with thoughts of him. anyways! new blog so i can write for jjk hehehhohoh (i wrote this in a single sitting because i'm mentally unwell)

warnings: 18+ only, smut, making out, dry humping, hickeys, dirty talk, fingering, cunnilingus, p in v sex, big dick gojo (duh), creampie, afab!reader, she/her pronouns used, no use of y/n, nicknames

MDNI | SMUT UNDER CUT

Why you were here, you had no clue… well you did, you just wish you didn’t have to be here but being forced to do this was putting it lightly. It’s frustrating because they act like you don’t have your own jobs to handle but now you’re being forced to be Gojo Satoru’s handler as well. This is going to be a much more taxing job than exorcising any curse, why he insisted on pissing off the higher ups is beyond you. Not that you’re completely innocent in those regards, mind you.

You’re sat waiting in Yaga’s office, waiting for a certain someone who treats showing up on time as optional. Looking at the clock behind Yaga, you see it’s bordering on 15 minutes since he was supposed to be here.

You deflate slightly with your quiet sigh, “Do I really need to be h–”

“–Yes,” is the only reply you get out of the man in front of you, eyes unreadable but based on the aura of the room, he’s beyond pissed.

Sinking further into your seat, you murmur about how annoying all of this is, it’s meant for Yaga to hear but he ignores you. Seeing Gojo is going to take years off your life, you’ve crossed paths with him many times in the past few years, he has a bad habit of interrupting your exorcisms, finishing them, and then getting on your nerves.

The door behind you slides open and shut loudly, making your heart lurch inside your chest, while you outwardly fight the urge to flinch. Gojo moves in behind you and leans down, “Didn’t scare you, did I?” There’s an annoying mirth in his tone as he carelessly rounds the seat and sits far too close to you.  

You don’t spare him a glance, “No.”

He smiles at you knowingly but says nothing more, finally addressing Yaga, “What’s up?”

“You’re late,” Yaga takes in a deep breath, fighting the urge to yell at him.

Gojo’s smile grows, his words picked carefully to piss the pair of you off more, “Well, I know that part, I meant why am I being summoned here.”

You close your eyes and pinch the bridge of your nose, “Why is he only being informed of this now?” You ask, irritated with not only Gojo but the whole damn system. You were told nearly two weeks ago that this was happening, how hadn’t he been told until now.

Yaga looks at you like it should be fairly obvious why they waited and you guess it is, he’s blind-sided this way, he doesn’t have a chance to wriggle out of it when today is the official first day of your new job babysitting Gojo Satoru and his first-year students. Oh, this is just perfect for you and not foreboding at all.

Before you have a chance to speak again, Yaga says, almost like he’s delighting in how inconveniencing this will be for Gojo, that, “You now have a teaching assistant, Gojo. You will be monitored as well as your students and everything will be reported back to me.”

“Ah, a glorified babysitter, how lovely,” Gojo’s smile doesn’t drop but it does look more strained.

Yaga doesn’t take kindly to his tone, “Watch it, this is fully deserved and you know it.”

“I’ve done nothing,” he defends himself.

You scoff slightly at that and Gojo side eyes you, you make an active effort to avoid his gaze though and instead focus on what Yaga is saying, “After that stunt you pulled with faking Itadori’s death recently, you’re lucky to be getting off so easy.”

Gojo jabs his thumb in your direction, “So what’s her punishment for then?”

You finally look at him, “Excuse me?”

“Well, I don’t imagine this is something one signs up for, so what did you do to piss off the higher ups,” his smile is teasing and so is his tone.

You squint at his stupid blindfold before looking back at Yaga, “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Yaga coughs at your statement but doesn’t let Gojo’s endless amusement at your suffering continue, “What may or may not have happened is none of your business Gojo–”

“–Ah, so something did happen then,” he elbows at your shoulder and you grumble at him.

Yaga completely ignores Gojo’s antics, “Your only concern is to be accommodating and keep her in the loop.”

He waves a hand easily, “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say,” he brushes off the conversation with a sceptical nonchalance. His palms hit his knees as he pulls himself off the seat, “Is that all?”

Yaga pauses, watching him carefully for a moment before acquiescing, “Yes, that’s all, get out.”

“Come on, troublemaker, you have three adorable first years to meet!” his tone is too chipper and you don’t take kindly to his nickname for you but you stand from the seat and bow at Yaga before following behind him.

⸝⸝⸝

You are… uncomfortable, to say the least. The three first years sit in front of you, confused and waiting for some kind of explanation but Gojo just leans against the lectern, amused smile plastered on his face. You’re nervous, children can be so… scary, they were scary when you were their age and now you’re getting stage fright, in front of three people.

Gojo giggles behind you, granting some mercy… his version of mercy anyways, “We have a new addition to the class!”

“She’s… a student?” The one you recognise as Itadori tilts his head in question.

You can hear the glee drip from Gojo’s voice, “Well in some ways–”

“–No.” You cut him off abruptly, “I am… uhm, a teaching assistant… of sorts…”

The girl, very clearly unamused, questions further, “And what are you gonna be doing?”

You freeze up, you do know what you’re meant to be doing but you’re getting shy, you’ve never been good at being put on the spot.

Gojo finally moves from behind the lectern and places a hand on your shoulder, “She’s basically… my babysitter!” He announces, large smile on his face.

The students look… completely not shocked, like they expected something like this to happen at some point.

“I am here to help though! So, if you have questions or want someone to spar against or if Gojo is unavailable and you need help on a mission, I am here to be of service,” you smile lightly, trying to be kind. If you’re going to be here, you want to be of some use.

Itadori nods in thought, “So, are you strong?”

You feel warm in the face at the question, it’s not something you’ve ever been asked really. You think you are, you’re definitely capable but you’re nowhere near Gojo.

While deep in thought, Gojo replies for you, “Yes.” His reply is simple and leaves them all with more questions.

You throw a glance at Gojo before answering for yourself, “I am capable and willing to help.”

⸝⸝⸝

Your first introductions went better than you expected, you quite like them all, even the quiet one who’s always in a bad mood. Things would’ve gone better if Gojo didn’t delight in teasing you in front of them all, it’s embarrassing to be poked and prodded at for some kind of a reaction, you mean, isn’t he meant to be an adult for crying out loud.

It’s only been about a week and a bit into you ‘babysitting’ Gojo and you think he might be attempting to annoying you into quitting but that isn’t an option for you. The kids are sparring on the open field and Gojo is at your side, poking the side of your face with a mischievous smirk plastered on his. He’s been trying and failing to get a reaction out of you for the past 10 minutes.

“Gojo, is there something you want from me, or are you just waiting for me to try and smack you,” Turning your body, you face him completely, your hands on your hips.

He shoves his hand behind his back quickly, trying to play it off like he wasn’t just poking your cheek, “I don’t know what you mean.”

Sighing you continue, “If you’re trying to annoy me into quitting, you’re going to find that awful difficult, I have to be here.”

“Quite the contrary, I like having you here, troublemaker,” he smiles, leaning against the tree behind him.

“It doesn’t feel like it,” you grit out.

He hums lightly, “That’s just cause you’re not used to my love language.”

Raising a brow at him, you ask, “Your love language is being absurdly annoying?”

“Now you’re getting it,” he pokes you directly on your nose and you exhale sharply, twisting your lips to hide any hint of amusement. Turning back to the students you resume ignoring him, which he huffs dejectedly at, “If you’re gonna be watching over me for a while, you may as well get used to talking to me, I think I’m quite enjoyable.”

“Of course you would think that,” you retort.

“Ouch,” he grabs his chest, pretending to be wounded, he pushes off the tree and hangs an arm over both your shoulders, his weight pressing into you, “So… seriously, what did you do?” His head is turned to the side of yours, watching for your reactions.

You’re starting to feel uncomfortable at his proximity but apparently so are the others because Kugisaki turns and points at Gojo, yelling, “Don’t hang off her like that, perv!”

You stifle a laugh at her accusation, as Fushiguro rolls his eyes and grimaces.

Gojo calls out, “Why? Does it make you uncomfortable?” He wraps both his arms around you and pokes his tongue out at them all.

You’re squished against him and it’s making you hot, “Gojo, if you don’t peel yourself off of me in the next few seconds I’m going to rip out your tongue.”

“I don’t think you would be able to, is the thing though,” he snickers down at you, he does release you though, taking a step back.

You feel beyond annoyed and as much as you know your fist won’t connect, you go to throw a powerful punch at him anyways. It predictably gets stopped by his infinity, never even making it close to his face.

“Oh wow, you tried to punch me!” He exclaims in faux hurt, his hand reaches up to yours and unfurls your fist, instead interlacing your fingers, “I was wondering how long it would take for you to crack and try and hit me.”

You sigh in defeat, “Gojo, please let go of my hand.”

“Tell me what you did and I just might,” he propositions.

The kids are yelling at Gojo from the field, cursing him out for being weird, which of course, he only finds hilarious.

“Gojo,” he hums at you in acknowledgement, “Do you think if I tried really hard, and willed it to happen, that me kicking you in the balls would connect?”

He pouts at your words, apparently holding out for a different response, “Oh, how you wound me.” He drops your hand with a sigh, “Can’t be that bad, tell meeeee,” he whinges slightly, attempting a new way of annoying you, clearly.

“You’re right, it’s not that bad, but it’s way more fun not to tell you at this point,” you smile brightly at him and his eyes widen in slight shock at the display.

He continues pouting, “Cruel…”

You just shrug at him in response.

⸝⸝⸝

Every time Gojo is around, he is trying to get you to tell him why you were assigned to be his handler. You don’t tell him, you just shrug or smile like you have no idea why, you understand why he likes to tease a bit now, seeing him so upset over something so small does brighten your day just a little bit.

As much as you hate to admit it, you’ve grown fond of his company, as well as the three kids. You thought this would be more hellish, and while on some occasions it is, you quite enjoy your day to days now. Filled with his teasing tone and stupid smile, you’re feeling comfortable with them all.

Your only complaint is that, while this is what you’re expected to be doing most of the time, the fact that sorcerers are hard to come by hangs true and you are still sent on solo missions on a whim. It’s only annoying because you’re expected to come and go easily, like fighting off first-grade or high-grade curses isn’t completely taxing.

Today you enter the classroom slightly later than usual, having been absent since the middle of yesterday, you didn’t even have time to sleep, you showered and came straight here. You mumble an offhanded good morning before collapsing into a chair in the corner of the front of the class.

“Look who decided to show back up,” Gojo chirps.

“Mmm, too loud… too much… so early,” you grumble back.

Itadori asks what no one else does, “Where did you go?”

You sigh into the air, “Ah, I had a job, it’s fine though, here now,” you smile lazily.

Gojo scrutinises you from behind his blindfold, he can tell you’re tired, hell, everyone could tell you’re tired. Your head is barely staying up, almost lolling to the side, looking for somewhere to rest so you can sleep.

“Maybe you should go home,” he comments, uncharacteristically serious.

You peek an eye open at him, they had fallen closed, when did they close? “Can’t.” you mutter out, “I’m needed here, so you don’t do anything stupid.”

“You aren’t going to be able to stop me if you’re asleep,” he retorts.

“No but it won’t look as bad if I am at least here,” you cover your mouth as you yawn.

He moves over to your corner and bends down, “If I promise to behave will you go home?”

“Probably not,” you smirk up at him, “I don’t think I’d believe you.”

Kugisaki groans, “Flirt on your own time!”

You bark a laugh at that, the back and forth you have with Gojo is not how you flirt and you imagine it’s not how he does either, “Yeah, Gojo. Go away.” You say, playing into it.

His smile is light as he turns away from you, “Fine but if you complain about a backache later from sleeping in that chair it’s not my fault.”

“I’m not gonna fall asleep,” you counter.

⸝⸝⸝

You fell asleep.

You don’t know when exactly it happened, you just know it did… and that you’re embarrassed. When you startle awake in your seat, you can hear the distant noises of the students sparring and the breeze flowing through the – previously – closed windows.

“Hey, you’re up,” Gojo notices from his spot, lazing in the students desks.

You sit up a bit more, “How long–”

“–How long were you asleep?” He finishes for you, “A couple hours.”

“Why are you in here?” You ask, “Why aren’t you with the first-years?”

“The first-years are sparring with the second-years, they’re fine,” he too, sits up more, “I stayed cause I didn’t wanna leave you alone in here.”

You raise a brow at him, “That or you just didn’t wanna actually do your job today.”

“Ah, you caught me,” he laughs easily.

“Mhm, thought so,” standing up completely, you stretch out your limbs, joints aching from sleeping in the chair.

“I didn’t think you would also be doing solo missions while being here,” he comments from behind you.

“Well… you know how shorthanded we are,” you walk over to where he’s sitting, “Plus, me being here is almost as much as a punishment for me as it is for you,” you remind.

“That’s funny, I wouldn’t say I feel punished,” he says it like it means nothing, like his feelings aren’t lingering right under the surface.

Thinking on it, you agree, “I don’t much either, I’ve been having quite a bit of fun actually,” you laugh lightly.

Gojo’s world stands still for a moment, he’s been growing addicted to how you smile, the sound of your laugh. He’s lucky for the blindfold because nearly every time he looks at you he has hearts in his eyes.

Noticing his silent staring, you grow shy, rubbing the back of your neck, “Sorry for falling asleep, it won’t happen again.”

He recovers quickly, “No it won’t… because next time, you’re going to go home to sleep properly before showing back up here.”

“Whatever you say, Gojo,” you play it off, not taking him seriously.

“Call me Satoru.”

You’re a little shocked, feeling like you misheard him, you clarify, “I’m sorry, what?”

He gets up from where he’s sitting, “We’ve known each other for years now, call me Satoru.”

You don’t know if you should, it feels weird, like letting him into your life more than he already is and that’s a little much for post nap you, “Maybe…”

He chuckles, “Don’t force yourself, just know, you can if you want to…”

You nod at him, suddenly feeling incredibly bashful.

⸝⸝⸝

You’re cleaning… why are you cleaning? Because you somehow got conned into having Gojo over. Its honestly impressive of him, you have no idea how he convinced you to let him into your home. You barely can even recall the conversation, something about movies, he’s somehow got your favourite movie before the DVD or streaming release.

Anyways, now you’re scrabbling around your meagre apartment, attempting to clean it up to a high standard before you have a guest over. You have time, you have enough time to clean the main areas, yourself, your bedroom… wait, your bedroom (?). Brushing off the thought, you continue your tirade, it ends with just enough time for you to make yourself look presentable.

Knocks in the form of a carefree tune are thumped into your door and you know who it is instantly, even his knocking is distinctly him. Tugging your shirt on, you call out, “Just a sec!”

Pausing in front of the door, you smooth yourself out, like you weren’t just running around like an insane person a few minutes ago, and then you open the door. The sight of Gojo is shocking, it wasn’t what you were expecting… you’ve seen him in casual clothes before, but you think you’ve gotten too used to seeing him at the school.

You mumble out, “You look nice.”

His eyes light up behind his glasses, “Why thank you, you look nice as well.” He speaks lowly on his way past you.

You stand stunned for a little, not expecting his compliment to affect you so much. He’s already walked down the hall while you stood staring at where he once was. Closing the door, you start after him, meeting him in the lounge room.

“You ready?” He asks.

You nod your head, waiting for him to show how he accrued the movie.

“Ta da!” He shows the usb stick, presumedly holding the movie.

You sigh at his jovial display of piracy and grab the thumb drive off him. Gojo makes himself comfortable on the couch while you plug it into the tv.

“You have a cute apartment,” he hums, looking around from where he’s sitting.

Grabbing the remote, you switch through the tv’s sources and search for the content on the stick, “Thank you… I think.”

“It’s a compliment,” he affirms.

You flop down next to him on the couch, “We good to start? Or do you have more to say?”

“I always have more to say,” he grins.

“I’ve noticed,” you snark back, beginning the movie anyways.

It starts off good, the movie’s quality isn’t great but it’s good enough to enjoy the content of the film. That is… until the halfway mark and then the quality drops significantly and you can’t even tell what’s happening on screen anymore, everything fuzzy and words mumbled, almost robotic.

You suppress a smile, “Gojo… where did you get the movie?”

“…Online somewhere… I watched the first few minutes and it looked fiiine,” he’s whinging slightly, disappointed in the sudden quality drop.

You can’t help but laugh at his complete dismay, “It’s fine, Gojo, at least I got to see some of it?” You try looking on the bright side, “You’ll just have to buy me a real copy when it comes out.”

“Is that another invitation?” He teases.

You look over to him, “Another? I barely remember giving out this one.”

“That hurts, you know?” He pouts at you.

You can’t help the way your face breaks out in a smile, “It is.” He looks at you confused, “An invitation,” you finish.

His pout breaks into a large smile, “If I didn’t know any better I’d think you liked me.”

“Ah, you’re beginning to grow on me,” you torment lightly.

He nods his head solemnly, “Knew I would.”

You scoff at him, only now realising how close he’s gotten to you, your knees touching, his face so close to your own. You go to look away from him, feeling self-conscious, but his hand reaches up and pulls your face back to continue the intense eye contact.

“If I kiss you right now, will you try and punch me again?” He jokes, trying to relieve the tension.

You find a place inside you that outweighs your anxiety, “Only one way for you to find out.”

He leans in that tiny bit more and captures your lips in his, the kiss tender and gentle, he’s searching, learning. He doesn’t want to scare you away, wanting to kiss you for so long and not willing to ruin it by spooking you now. It took him so long just to work up the courage to get inside your apartment, he doesn’t want you to pull back when you’ve finally stepped towards him.

He parts first, hesitant, if he keeps kissing you, it won’t stay innocent because he really wants to kiss you until you cry.

You repress a whine at the loss of him, “Wait…” You trail off, embarrassed by how badly you want him to keep kissing you.

“Yeah?” He presses, wanting to hear you ask him for it.

“Can… you kiss me again,” you ask, before adding, “please?”

It’s too good to be true, he’s dreaming… but even if that’s the case, he’s sure as hell not wasting this moment, “Anything for you~”

Leaning back in, he kisses you with more fervour, his lips more insistent, desperate. His one hand stays on your face, angling you so he can kiss you deeper, he wants more, more. The other hand reaches for your hip, tugging and pulling at the fat there, groping your skin greedily.

Your moans and whimpers muffle into his mouth, he swallows them down, licking into your mouth, silently asking for more. Which, you give, you think you’d give him the world right now if you could. His kisses are dizzying and full. You’ve not been kissed like this… ever and it’s overwhelming you in an embarrassing way.

Pulling back, you rush out, “Wait wait…”

Gojo freaks a little, “Shit– sorry, was it too much?”

You shake your head, “No, well…maybe, I’ve just… never been kissed like that before, I was feeling dizzy.”

He breathes a sigh of relief before targeting you with a teasing smile, an evil glint in his eyes, “I’m kissing you dumb, huh?”

You feel hot, everywhere, “I–”

Your defence is cut off with this lips back on yours, he’s drunk on your kisses and he’s not going to stop. Knowing that he’s overwhelming you with them only spurs him on, he wants you to be so stupid because of his lips, he thinks he couldn’t want anything more than that right now.

Your arms wrap around his neck and pull him closer; he lets it happen and falls into you, pressing your back into the couch. On instinct, your legs wrap around his waist, tugging him down into you more, desiring the proximity. His front presses into yours and you both moan into each other.

He trails kisses from your lips to the side of your face, down to your neck, his teeth nipping lightly, sucking into your skin, leaving marks behind, not really caring about how you’ll struggle to cover them tomorrow. You gasp into him and raise your hips, grinding into him without meaning to. The friction has him groaning into the skin of your neck.

His large hand grabs at the thickest part of your thigh, grabbing and pulling your covered cunt closer to his clothed dick. His hips dig down into yours, humping into you and trying to fight off the urge to cum in his pants at the minimal amount of stimulation.

He huffs against your sensitive skin, “Bet you’re so fucking wet, fuck–”

“Gojo–”

He cuts you off, “­–Lemme… lemme touch you more, please.”

You nod at him, eyes glassy from how he kissed you, “Uh huh, do– do whatever you want~”

His hand is immediately leaving your thigh and reaching into the front of your pants, under your panties and through your dripping folds, a shiver running down his back as he groans deeply. He had a feeling you were wet but fuck– he wasn’t expecting this.

You sob a moan into the collar of his shirt where you’ve tucked your head, his fingers glide through your slick, teasing you, lightly grazing your clit.

His tone is light, “So eager~”

“Don’t t–tease, it’s unkind,” you try to chastise him.

He smiles at you, it’s dark but full, as a single finger probes at your entrance, slipping in carefully, aided fully by the amount of slick that gushes from your pussy, “So messy,” he hums, nosing the side of your face, giggling at the whimper you let out.

“Gojo–”

“–I think…” his finger slips to the hilt, pulling back before fucking back in, wet squelching sounding through your small apartment, “…I’ve earned Satoru, when I’m knuckles deep in your pretty, little cunt.”

If you thought you were hot before, you definitely were now, “Satoru, please.”

“Mmm, I like the sound of that,” his cock jerks in his pants at the sound of you finally calling him by his name.

Your small gasps and sighs are setting his skin on fire, a light flush dusting his features, he still wants more from you, he wants to hear it all, he wants to feel it all, he wants to see it all. Deciding he’s had enough of your clothes, he slips his finger from deep in your cunt, which results in the prettiest, wrecked sound coming from you.

“Just a sec, need these off…” he tugs your pants down and off, leaving you in your panties, he hums in thought at you, “…These are cute,” he points out, looking at to the lacy garment decorating your lower half, “Expecting something to happen?”

You shake your head no, not loving the accusation that you planned this, “No, I just… didn’t have anything else…”

“Convenient,” he comments, taking notice of how completely ruined they are, wet from your arousal pooling in them. He pulls the side of them away from your skin, only to let it slap back against you, enjoying the way you squirm under him, “I think I’ll leave these on.”

He continues undressing you though, tugging off your shirt, your bra following along soon after. You feel so exposed compared to his fully dressed form. His cock strains against his pants though, sitting heavy against the zipper of his jeans. The sight makes you salivate but he takes no notice.

“I gotta get my mouth on you, pretty thing,” he murmurs more to himself than you, since you’re not really thinking at this point, only squirming under him and trying to rub your thighs together.

He shuffles down between your legs, spreading them apart further and tossing them over his shoulder. Drawing your panties to the side, he presses his face into your cunt, inhaling deeply, the act makes you jump and whinge out his name, shocked by the completely debauched display.

“Satoru~”

He doesn’t reply, not with words, he mumbles into your pussy and licks a long stipe from your hole to your clit before licking back down. His tongue pushing into your cunt with the desperation of a starved man. His nose presses against your clit and he moves his head side to side slightly, stimulating it.

You moan and whimper into the air, fingers finding purchase in his hair, needing something to tug onto while he eats you out in the messiest way possible. There is no finesse, he’s sloppily making out with your cunt, drinking down all the arousal that leaks from you eagerly.

Your thighs begin shaking beside his head and he holds you tighter, his head moving back and forth quickly, shaking it, trying to force your orgasm from you. The feeling of his blunt nails digging into your soft skin and the way he groans so unrestrained into your pussy has you cumming on his face very suddenly.

Your stomach twists as your cunt clenches around Gojo’s tongue, your mind lost in how good you feel. Not registering the sound of your moans or the sounds of his mouth lapping at you in the most lewd manner, it should be embarrassing how wet you are for him but you can’t seem to care when it feels this good.

He’s unrelenting, licking and mouthing at your sensitive pussy until you start twitching away from him and pulling on his hair harshly, wordlessly tell him it’s too much.

“Perfect,” he turns his face to the side and mumbles into your thigh, nipping at the skin, delighting in the way your body jerks, “Got an absolutely perfect cunt.” He says shamelessly.

“Gojo!”

He looks up at you through his lashes, “Ah, back to Gojo now?” he leans up and back onto his knees, tugging his shirt over his head and discarding it with the rest of your clothes, “No worries, I’ll fix that real soon.”

The sound of his belt clinking and zipper undoing brings you out of your thoughts, temporarily disarmed by the sudden exposure of his skin. He doesn’t bother taking them off completely, just shirking them down enough to free his painfully erect cock.

Your gaze gets lost in the sight of his dick, leaking thick globs of precum from the tip down his shaft. His hand tugging lazily at it, spreading his own mess everywhere, slicking it up for you. Wet sounds of his hand languidly fucking his cock makes your skin prick. How he’s going to fit you aren’t sure, the size of him is daunting.

He smiles when you look back in his eyes, “There she is.” He leans down over you, “I know I have a really nice dick but let’s try and stay focused, pretty, hmm?”

It’s condescending and egotistical of him to say but you can’t fight the shiver that runs down your spine at his words, “Gojo, you have a massive–”

“–Dick? Yeah I know,” he smiles cheekily at you.

You finish your previous interrupted statement, “I was gonna say ego.”

“Two things can be true at once,” he presses a kiss to your forehead, “You ready for this?”

“I don’t think I could ever be ready for this,” you retort.

“Way to boost a guys ego,” he chuckles at your comment.

You grab the side of his face, “Not that you need it.” You murmur before pulling him down for another kiss, missing the feel of his lips on yours.

He licks into your mouth straight away; you can taste yourself on his tongue. You feel like you could float away, not knowing how you’ve gone your whole life without being kissed like this. Your thighs are back on either side of his hips again, your need to be filled growing by the second.

Pulling back, he sits up so he can watch himself enter your tight pussy. He’s not denying himself this view, not when he’s imagined it so many times before. He rubs his cock through your folds a few times, relishing in your small jumps and moans. He needs it wet; it needs to be so fucking wet if he even dreams of fucking his cock all the way inside you.

“I’m gonna need you to relax for me and remember to breathe if you wanna take it all,” he says it so seriously, and if you hadn’t seen his dick you would’ve assumed he was just stroking his own ego for the sake of it.

You nod at him, “Got it, now please,” your hips wiggle slightly, enticing him.

“I got ya,” he smirks, pushing forward slightly.

The tip of him is a lot, your cunt stretching to take it, the ache dulled by the absolute messy state of your pussy and the thumb Gojo is pressing into your clit. He intakes a sharp breath at the snug fit of your cunt, his hips jerking forward mindlessly, a groan pulled from deep in him, while you whimper pathetically.

Your breath stutters and you’re struggling, grip on his cock impossibly tight, through gritted teeth, he reminds, “Hey, hey… breathe yeah? You gotta –fuck– you gotta breathe for me, pretty.”

Collecting yourself, you attempt to take deep breaths, they come out stuttered but the punishing grip you had on him eases, “Almost had me fucking cumming, geez…” he laughs lightly at it but he would’ve been beyond embarrassed if he came with only his tip inside of you, he’d never live it down.

“You can –hah– you can move,” you stammer out.

He double checks, “You sure?”

Your eyes are so wet and your voice is wrecked when you add, “Please.”

An evil smile takes its place on his face, “Why were you assigned to work with me?”

“Gojo, not now,” your words break off into a whine, you sound so pathetic, you do not have the upper hand here.

“Mmm? You want me to stuff you full? Tell me the reason,” he leans down slightly, cock slipping just that tiny bit more into you.

Ignoring him, your wrap your legs tighter around his waist and try fucking up onto him, it works for the one second that he lets it and then one of his large hands is reaching down and slamming your hips back into the couch cushions.

“Come on, pretty,” his breath wafts against the side of your face, his lips tickling your ear, “You really gonna waste time being stubborn?”

“You’re the stubborn one,” you argue.

He hums noncommittally, almost like you proved his point for him, “Come on, I can feel you fucking pulsing around me, just tell me what you did~”

“I– I… I didn’t listen to an order on a mission and almost got myself killed,” you pout out, breathing laboured.

He tsks at you, disapproving of your actions, “You really should be more careful,” he kisses beside your ear, “And listen to your seniors more.” It goes without saying that, that includes him. You suspect he’s mostly talking about himself; he has no respect for the current hierarchy.

“Gojo, you said you would–”

He tilts his head at you, “–I did but now knowing how reckless you were, I can’t help but want to punish you a bit more…”

Your waterline fills with tears at the frustration, your pussy fluttering on the barely two inches he has sat inside you, how he’s holding out so well you have no idea because you’re about to fucking cry.

Your voice is embarrassing to even your own ears, “Satoru, please, more.”

“Ah, well when you ask like that, how can I say no?” He’s acting as if he’s taking mercy on you and not like his dick didn’t twitch violently at you using his name again.

Slowly, he pushes into you, stopping every now and again to let you adjust and reminding you to just breathe through it. Something Gojo has realised is, your cunt is so reactive to him, the words he speaks, the hand he has on your hip, the kisses he presses into the side of your head, all of it has you spasming around him and every time you do, it feels like a gut punch to him.

It’s addictive and also world shattering, he doesn’t know how long he’ll be able to last when he actually starts fucking into you. The little noises you make don’t help either, how on earth is he meant to last more than a minute inside you?

Eventually, he bottoms out, the both of you moaning at the relief, your legs nearly kick at the sensation of how deep inside you he is, “Satoru, move?”

He bites out, “Give me a second.” He’s fighting the primal urge to cum inside you right now.

You whine under him, hips twitching, using the minimal amount of space to grind your pelvis into his. Your pussy stutters around him at the stimulation on your clit and he groans loudly at it, his orgasm on the tip of his tongue.

He forces your hips down and still again, pinning you to the couch with his own, “You’re so impatient. Do you want this to be over now? You want me to cum after only being fully inside you for a minute?”

You shake your head at him, the feral look in his eyes making your stomach do flips, your pussy gushing around him.

He laughs dryly, “Fuck, I can’t do a single thing without turning you on more, huh?”

You look away from him, embarrassment reaching a new pique with that comment, “Not nice, Satoru.”

“Not a bad thing, pretty,” he noses your cheek, realising how he said it harshly without meaning it that way, “Huge compliment, knowing you react this way to me is fucking perfect but it also has me on the edge of finishing prematurely.”

Turning your head back to him, you look him in the eyes and he swears he sees heaven because you have tears trailing down your cheeks and your eyes are blown and wet and he’s gonna finish if he keeps looking at you. So, instead, he leans in and kisses you deep, getting lost in the taste and feel of your mouth.

The small reprieve helps and he begins thrusting his hips back and forth, his cock leaving and entering you with the most obscene noises he’s ever heard. It’s such a fucking mess, leaking out of you, down your thighs and onto your nice couch. And even if he really tried, he couldn’t give a fuck, not when your cunt is so slick and warm and wrapping around him like it was made for him.

The sounds you let out are cute but muffled against his mouth, he settles for swallowing them down but he’d really rather hear them loud and clear. You flutter around him so beautifully, everything you do is perfect to him and you laying here while he shoves you full of his fat cock is no different.

He pulls away from your lips to hear the noises you make for him, “Cute,” he comments offhandedly, not even sure if you hear the contents of his words. He only knows you hear his voice because your cunt clenches down on him at the sound.

You cry out to him, “S’toru~”

“Ah, you’re so fucking close aren’t you,” the smile on his face is huge and wolfish, excited to feel you cum all over him, looking forward to literally nothing else.

You try to verbalise it, “I– mm –mmph–”

“Go on, let yourself gush all over me, wanna fucking feel it, pretty,” his words are sharp against your ear.

His hips increase their pace, slamming down into you more forcefully, his pelvis grinding into your clit harshly. Your eyes cross into the back of your head, neck lolling back bonelessly, choppy, whimpered sounds leave you. Your fingers claw at his biceps, leaving behind angry marks. Gojo’s hands have a death grip on your hips, bruised marks will definitely be left behind in their wake.

A particularly sharp thrust and loud whine from Gojo has you cumming under him, your pussy gripping him tight as your cum leaks from you sloppily, his cock coated in it. Creamy ring left at the base of his cock as he continues thrusting mercilessly.

His abs pull taut, his resolve finally breaking now that he’d finally felt you finish on him, “Where you want it?”

“Inside, please Satoru,” your words are mumbled and breathy.

“Fuuuuuck.”

He’s lucky you said that because your words have him cumming on the spot, thick ropes of his cum being forced deep inside your little cunt. It leaks out around the base of him, even as he presses deep into you, his pelvis tight against yours, riding out his high by grinding into you slightly. The stimulation making your cunt jump around him as he hisses at the slight overstimulation he’s forcing himself into.

You both huff, gasping greedily for air after your intense highs, the room filled with nothing but silence and your haste breaths. Eventually, you both even out and lay there quietly, Gojo pressed against you with his cock still snug inside your pussy.

“Gojo, you’re heavy,” you tell him.

He laughs, “Right, sorry.”

Leaning back, he slowly pulls his dick from you, both hissing at it. His eyes are fixated on the way his cum slips from your hole, his heart hammering in his chest at the sight, obsessing over how hot it is that you took so much of him. He slips your panties back into place, letting them keep his cum inside you.

“You did so good,” he praises you suddenly.

It makes you feel bashful, “So did you…” you mumble out.

A loud laugh results from him, “Thank you,” he says, his eyes crinkled in a large smile.

Gojo cleans the pair of you up, tucking you carefully into your bed and holding you close as you fight to keep your eyes open, “Will you still be here when I wake up?”

“Do you want me to be?” He questions lightly, trying not to expect anything from you.

“…Yes, I’d like it a lot if you stayed, I think.” You admit shyly.

“Then I’ll be here,” he presses himself into you closer, enjoying the warmth radiating off of you.

You don’t think this was in your job description…

PLAGIARISM NOT CONDONED | REPOSTS NOT AUTHORISED

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

clear-headed anon I don't want to post your entire message for perhaps obvious and less-obvious reasons, but I did want to respond to some of your message:

it does baffle me how taylor can describe in multiple songs how absolutely miserable, exhausted, depleted she felt emotionally and mentally before even getting involved with mh and think this was a woman who had all her wits about her and was making clear-headed decisions at that point in time. add to that the pressures of the public, the invasiveness of the media and the ruthlessness of the music industry itself, all while hitting a new stratospheric peak in her career, she was battling a million demons and just trying to survive.

I'm not trying to make judgments on other people's interpretations at this point, and the anon conversation from last week reminded me that everyone brings their own experiences (joyful and painful) to the table, and that I, nor anyone, should paint everyone with the same brush. People have the right to feel the way they feel, which is why my stance at this point is, "I'm not going to convince you, and you're not going to convince me, so we'll have to agree to disagree and move on from the topic." Words are also easily misconstrued and misinterpreted online, especially via anon asks, and that experience also reminded me that for the most part, we are all just people behind keyboards. And unless it's someone who's very obviously out to harass or live in delusion (as some blogs experience in greater volume), most of the time, we're just all here trying to get our thoughts out. I am trying my best to lead with kindness and not pile on people.

So all that being said:

There is such a deep undercurrent of pain and sadness from folklore on in Taylor's music (at the very least, and you could argue rep or Lover in some cases I'm sure too) that was palpable at the time and now in hindsight, knowing what we know and after having digested TTPD for a year, make it clear how much she was struggling individually and within her relationship, and how those things fed off each other. She was already clearly in a deep state of unwellness (for lack of better term) before ever reconnecting with Matty, and that's why I said in the earlier ask that I am inclined to believe her latching onto him was an unfortunate confluence of opportunity and other things. There's no way to know this, and I don't want to write fanfic about real-life people, but just based on my own experiences and observations of my own circle, I would hazard a guess that she would have projected the things she did onto Matty on anyone who had shown her kindness and interest at that point in her life. The difference IMO (again, from her own writing, and from my experience with friends who have gone through eerily similar situations), is that he also knew it, and the vulnerable state she was in was the draw to him.

I'm not going to detail what that vulnerable state was, because again, you can listen to the music and read between the lines of Midnights and TTPD (and arguably everything she put out between 2020 and 2024) to understand what that was, but it was heavy and painful and life-changing.

And as I've said repeatedly, it's not to remove Taylor's agency from anything. She made the choices she made, she has owned the choices she's made, and she has implored people-- fans, the media, probably even her own social circles at various points-- to let her own those choices, no matter how destructive. But as I have also repeatedly said, nothing exists in a vacuum. You cannot separate the external factors (e.g. the way her partner was treating her, the actions he was or was not taking, the treatment by the Other Man, the media, etc.) from the internal factors (her mental health, her trauma, her grief, her desires, her ambition, etc.).

So IMO, yes you can say, "I disagree with her choices" (e.g. of who to sleep with or whatever), but a) that's not your call to make at all on her life and b) the choices she made were coloured by the information she had at the time. And at the time, I'd hazard to guess she didn't really have the language or understanding of what was happening to her (e.g. emotionally/psychologically), nor did she have the full picture of what was being done to her by the person she was latching onto (e.g. that his intentions were not honourable, and that his motivations were not in line with her best interests in the end). So like, yes, individually these choices feel questionable to bystanders on the outside, but within the situation, it was a million different pieces shattering.

And again: I cannot stress enough how important the experience of grief is to understand TTPD (and frankly, Midnights, but that's another topic). And I'm not saying that to dismiss others' experiences of grief, and that they make other choices in their own grief and trauma. But my point is: everyone experiences it differently, and frankly, everyone's brains try to protect themselves in different ways. And when you have a bunch of different factors coalescing at once, it's not a surprise that someone in Taylor's situation with her set of factors may react differently to the way you or I might.

Taylor is so lucky that a) her inner circle is so, so strong and looks out for her best interests and was there to support her when she needed it and b) that she was presumably able to get help (in whatever form that took) after the crash and has seemingly come out the other side not only OK, but thriving and with a better understanding of herself and what happened, and has managed to find herself in a much healthier place than she was before any of this started.

she was so incredibly brave for getting this all off her chest the way she did. to the people who don’t see that narrative now, i hope they see it someday.

I'm inclined to agree. As far as any of us knew, it was a short-lived messy rebound and she could have let that narrative live for the rest of her days. Instead she put it all out there and IMO has opened conversations about not only what happens in these traumatic experiences, but also broader conversations about womanhood, gender roles, misogyny, mental health, etc. I don't know if she's being told about these things, but if so, I hope she's proud of that because they're so important and it's so gratifying to see a woman put it all out there. Taylor's life is highly abnormal and the specific situations she faces are unique, but the emotional experiences are so painfully normal and common that I think it's beautiful how people have found themselves in her music and specifically in TTPD.

[candlecordyceps]

Ok I’m taking the time to Yap now WARNING FOR ANIME SPOILERS IF YOU HAVENT WATCHED IT!!!

This is just my raw emotional reactions, opinions, and just general interpretations of the last few scenes in the episode.

Starting off, I’m beginning with Shuro confronting Laois for what he did. Shuro seems to be a very high-standing fellow from what I’ve been given so far (as an anime only currently- I will start reading the manga once it finishes releasing I promise). He has guards that are close to him, and I assume he’s rich, and knowing that he will DEFINITELY care a lot more about black magic and laws, because they effect him more due to his (assumed) status. He’s understandably terrified of what this means for Falin. And he confronts Laois by asking him,

“Do you know what you’ve done?” He tells him all the hell that he can go through for it, what FALIN will go through for it, Marcille will go through- but Laois knows.

He’s well aware of the consequences and he was willing to do it anyways. For Falin. For his sister. Because she was willing to risk her life for him and for everyone, everyone followed suit, and the desperation to do so was so powerful they were willing to do what it took. And Laois ALSO knows, that despite what Shuro is doing right now,

He would’ve done the same. Shuro won’t kill him, because he knows he would’ve done anything too. Laois doesn’t GET people. He thought he could trust Shuro to be quiet. At this point it’s pretty obvious to me, especially in the episode with him being clingy and friendly with Shuro, calling him the one of the “only ones to call him a friend”, despite Shuro’s very obvious uncomfortable-disturbed-annoyed attitude toward Laois and general unwellness being unnoticed (until told specifically of it, to which Laois immediately got onto Shuro about his health). Yet, he knows Shuro would’ve done anything too.

Shuro stays his sword, Laois wishes for understanding, Kabru gets a drama boner (I find it funny how into it he is), and the scene changes. And FUCK man.

Laois loves Falin so much, and he knows how much Shuro cares. He cared enough to return. He told him everything because he needs the help, and he’s banking on the care for Falin to be enough to work with him to return her to safety. I’m SOOOO hoping he does help. That he breaks down and the sword falls from Laois’s neck. That even though it goes against a law so potent it could get everyone involved into extremely deep trouble, the bonds he’s made are enough. I don’t know Shuro well enough at all. Lord knows if he’ll even keep it to himself if they get out of the dungeon. But GOD am I not thrilled to figure out more. AND NOW, to the scene that made me scream from my seat multiple times,

Faliiiiiinnnnnnnnn GHHHHHOOOODDDD. When I tell you I GASPED. Watching the hands that we had witnessed painstakingly put together. The hands That two people took the care into fixing and making sure each was in the perfect place- scraping against the floor. Bloody around the sleeves, clawing forward- on a mission for someone she doesn’t actually know. Her mind is warped by the mission of the mage. Put back together just to bleed and be reshaped and melded to something scary and unknown and new-

AND ITS TERRIFYING. LOOK AT HER. JESUS CHRRRIIIIIIIST. Someone so loved and someone they all want to protect is RIGHT THERE, but she’s almost unrecognizable beyond her face, and mentally she’s so incredibly far away.

I can’t imagine the distress in everyone as they realize that they have to fight the exact person they’ve been fighting for. Because there’s no way she is peaceful and there is no way she’ll just “be Falin” without some extreme inbetweens. There’s no way that the mage doesn’t return if/when they succeed. I’m SOO excited to witness them figure it out and try to save her once more.

IF YOU MADE IT HERE THANKS FOR READING ME YAPPING!! This is mainly a little storage for me later when I wanna revisit and figure out what I thought before I knew what happened. Have a nice day/night readers!

[agapestricken]

AHH, hey, y'all (,: so i think i have very briefly touched upon this before on here, but anastasiy's moniker — which would be merrymaker — does have a literal meaning to it; and i say this because ana quite literally 'celebrates' after each one of his kills, but not in the way that some might immediately think. though this doesn't make the notion any less messed up... ana doesn't celebrate it by drinking or anything that you might automatically associate with people who throw festivities for something. the truth is arguably just as dark, if not more, but it's also really concerning because it is a rather telling representation of how mentally unwell he has become.

instead of doing these 'traditional' things such as drinking, ana actually celebrates the deaths of the people he has been told to kill in a ritualistic way. he does this by burying them underneath a yew tree because, in the same mythological system that manja (the death god that anastasiy is associated with) is in, the yew tree is often considered to be 'the tree of death' in a way because it's said to purify the bodies of people before they enter the afterlife. and thus, whenever they get reincarnated after dying (as reincarnation is also a big thing in the religion that manja is a part of), they will start off with a 'clean slate' so-to-speak. and in ana's point of view... this is his way of honoring their 'sacrifice.'

though, the people that he had signed a deal with manja to kill absolutely did not agree to be killed in exchange for his daughters own life, or even knew who he was before he killed them. anastasiy actually suffers from delusions as he fell into developing a psychotic form of depression shortly after he killed his third victim, as his mind really couldn't deal with the guilt ana was feeling at this point. so he developed these false beliefs about the people he kills that they have voluntarily put themselves up as a sacrifice in exchange to help raisa live.

manja herself neither indulges in nor does she openly try to discourage anastasiy from this way of thinking, as she views the damage that killing has done to his mind already done and because of his zombification: the chances of anastasiy actually being able to fully appreciate the reality that he entered into a deal with a god to kill people as a result of his own desperation again are unfortunately very low to none. just to add to the concerning aspect of this all as well, anastasiy does typically 'celebrate' after this by making foods associated with feasts in russian culture such as smoked fish, pelmeni (russian meat dumplings), kulebiaka (a large pie with layers of rice, mushrooms, egg, and salmon) and other things.

him and his daughter then proceed to eat their fill before he intentionally saves some of the food to bring to this unmarked grave of the person he killed, in order to thank them one last time for 'what they did for him.' thus, if any muses confront anastasiy about this ritual he conducts denying that they took a voluntary part in this, ana mayyy become hostile with them. so i am definitely not saying that what he is doing is right in any way or that ana should be allowed to continue with this because it's VERY wrong for... obvious reasons.

but i'm just saying that, if your muse were to ever think of bringing this point up with him, that a high degree of subtlety and delicateness would be required because otherwise... yeah. bad things are likely to happen 🫠

[sammys-magical-au]

Random Star Wars headcanons that just ✨make sense✨ - PART 2!

Bc I’ve thought up MORE since the last post!! And to be honest, I’ll probably have more STILL after this one! I AM MENTALLY UNWELL!!!!

Anakin is probably one of the weirdest people to sleep next to. Anyone who’s slept in the same room with him knows this. Not only does he sleeptalk during Force dreams (he says some pretty cryptic shit when that happens) and occasionally thrash around like he’s fighting for his life, but he usually sleeps with his blanket pulled up over his head and his feet sticking out at the bottom. Mans sleeps like a corpse in the morgue. It is, quite honestly, rather disturbing to see. Obi-Wan nearly had a heart attack the first time he went to wake Anakin up and saw him sleeping like that.

Lionel is a nickname person, and usually likes to come up with their own nicknames for people (hence they call Anakin “Kenni” instead of “Ani”), thus they started calling Padmé “Paddi”, which she found somewhat annoying at first (even more so when Anakin started teasingly calling her that as well) but later found more endearing. Nel has an entire plethora of nicknames for Obi-Wan, ranging from easily explainable ones like “Obi” or “Sugar”, to ones that absolutely no one wants to know the reasoning behind.

Additionally, Lionel has a few other nicknames for Anakin that they use occasionally. “Desert-Boy” is a go-to, for obvious reasons, and “Grumpy” or “Pouty-Pants” is reserved for whenever Anakin makes That Face (you know the one)

Since I established in the last post that Padmé sleeptalks, and I mentioned earlier that Anakin does as well, I’m imagining how hilarious it would be if they did it at the same time. Anakin mumbles something like “T̵h̶e̵ ̶s̶k̴y̷ ̷s̶h̵a̷l̷l̸ ̸s̶p̵l̴i̵t̸ ̶i̷n̶ ̵t̷w̴o̷ ̸a̴n̶d̸ ̵t̶e̵a̶r̶s̷ ̶o̷f̶ ̶b̴l̵o̷o̷d̷ ̸w̴i̵l̷l̵ ̴r̶a̴i̶n̴ ̵u̸p̶o̷n̸ ̶u̶s̷ ̵a̵l̴l̷” and then Padmé will respond like “I dunno, I’ll have to check my schedule to see if I’m free that day. I’ll let you know tomorrow”. Meanwhile Lionel, who was woken up by their talking, is absolutely dying trying not to wake them (or Obi-Wan) up with their laughter, and probably recording it to show Ahsoka and Barriss later.

Less of a headcanon and more of a fact I guess? In part two of my au (Fifteen Years, coming soon-ish, probably, hopefully), Luke and Leia are 14, Ben is 12, Han is 16 and Din is 17. Not sure what age I’d have Grogu being at this point since it’d be set in a different time period, but let’s say he’s at least 30 (bc that’s still a baby for his species)

Din found Grogu a lot earlier in this au as well and still had the Dad Instict take over immediately. Upon meeting Ben & the twins’ parents he shamelessly tells these Actual Adults that Grogu is his son and they’re all like “you’re not even 18 yet????”. I’m envisioning Young Din being a lot like Ballister with Nimona - you’d think he’s a lot older than he is based on looks and how he acts but in reality he’s barely an adult at all and his child is actually older than him by several decades.

And speaking of meeting the twins’ parents; I know some people think Anakin would ironically love Din immediately (as opposed to not liking Han), but I personally don’t think he’d be overly thrilled over Luke’s first real boyfriend either. He definitely warms up to Din a lot faster, but he’s the kinda dad who believes NO ONE is good enough for his daughter OR his son, however Din’s “I love you too, Luke” beats Han’s “I know” any day 🤣

Ahsoka is incredibly affectionate with Barriss. For the first few months after rescuing her and sorting out all their issues, she was practically glued to Barriss at all times. Everyone else thought this was absolutely adorable. Barriss still doesn’t know how to feel about it and gets incredibly flustered whenever Ahsoka acts that way around her (read: all the damn time).

I mentioned in the last post that Lionel and Obi didn’t initially like Han either but then backpedaled with another post bc I realized Lionel would actually more likely warm up to Han pretty fast, and now I think Lionel would absolutely take over as Young Han’s parent and end up roping Obi-Wan into it whether he likes it or not. At first Han is like “I don’t need a damn parental figure” but eventually leans into it and lets himself be loved by this incredibly weird little family that has Claimed him as theirs.

By the way Ben would absolutely love having Han as an adopted older brother. So she can torment him ofc.

Also Ben is the shortest of all the kiddos, by a lot. Makes sense because she’s the youngest but even compared to Luke and Leia there’s still an incredible height difference. The twins sort of got evened out with Anakin’s Tol Genes vs Padmé’s Smol Genes, meanwhile Ben got stuck with Nel and Obi being pretty much the same height and despite both of them being “average” she still ended up Tiny. She is not happy about this at all.

I intend to write a short fic about this one in particular, since it never really got sorted out in TLOLS, but I would imagine Lionel wouldn’t really care that much about Anakin’s whole “not just the men but the women and the children too” thing. Don’t get me wrong, they don’t condone brutally murdering an entire population, but they admittedly have less of a moral compass than Anakin and would be like “well they tortured your mother to the brink of death and then left her to succumb to her injuries so valid tbh, I’d do the same if they did that to my mom” and Anakin would be like “I murdered fucking all of them??? Even the ones that weren’t involved at all??????” and Lionel goes like

“What do you want me to do? You know I’m down for murder anytime, how’s this different?” “NEL.”

I can’t remember how much detail I went into on the last headcanon post, but I’m too lazy to check. I know for sure I talked about Padmé being a good swimmer & loving the water, and may have mentioned Anakin not liking water much (?), but I came up with the Even More Hilarious Idea of Padmé being the only one out of herself, Ani, Nel, and Obi-Wan who actually enjoys swimming, while the other three all have a fear of water to some extent. I’m imagining Padmé in the water near the Varykino Lake House like “come in! It’s lovely :)” and Anakin, Lionel, and Obi-Wan all huddled on the shore like “… No.”

Ahsoka on the other hand would probably dive right in headfirst, no second thoughts about it, like “HELL YEAH WE NEVER HAD OCEANS ON CORUSCANT!!!” and Barriss glances up from the book she’s reading in a beach chair several feet away (bc she too wouldn’t dare go near the water) like “Ahsoka, this is a lake, not an ocean” and Ahsoka just shouts “EVEN BETTER!!!!!”

Although I can see Ahsoka eventually coaxing Barriss into the water in one way or another - meaning: picking Barriss up and making her sit on her shoulders as she wades in until the water touches Barriss’ toes and she straight up screeches like a banshee. Long story short, Barriss was not amused by this idea and Ahsoka learned her lesson about how NOT to get her girlfriend into the water the hard way.

The one thing Ahsoka regretted about not rescuing Barriss sooner was that she didn’t get to see the twins and Ben as babies. However she made up for this by showing Barriss the hundreds - perhaps thousands - of pictures she took of them as babies, bc well, the girl has permanent baby fever and loves kids, and she loves her nieces and nephew with her whole heart. Barriss just sits there with a wonderfully contented smile and says nothing as Ahsoka rambles on about each and every photo, meanwhile Luke, Leia, and Ben are all yelling “AUNTIE SOKA, YOU’RE EMBARRASSING US!!!”

Oh, and the first time Barriss got referred to as “Auntie Barriss” by the kids, she cried. Hysterically. She was literally so happy that these kids saw her as family. Ahsoka had no idea what to do about it so she just ran around wringing her hands and asking what’s wrong meanwhile Barriss Cannot Speak from crying of joy. 🥺

[flickersprout]

hello would you be willing to say your million opinions about the mystery twins?

WHY YES

I am unwell about these people thank you so much for asking /gen (long post incoming)

I'm a little more familiar with Cellbit's character than Bagi's, so probably have more headcanons about him. I am actively trying to get more unhinged about Bagi because she is so cool and everyone should tell me their Bagi headcanons

Bagi headcanons/opinions:

She should be transfem. as a treat. her being transfem lets me make the twins identical, and anything that makes it more obvious how related they are makes them funnier

Her being transfem also adds fun layers to her relationship with Tina, as Tina is a demon pretending to be human. All I'm saying is you could do some fun parallels and contrasts about presentation and the self

Also if you make her and Jaiden and Baghera all transfem, you get the fun fed-sisters-plus transfem solidarity that exists only in my head

She can only barely cook. She never learned as a kid and then got fucking frozen, and she's tried to learn as an adult but it's not going well

When she thinks about raising Empanada, she gets kinda caught between wanting to pass on the pacifist, live-and-let-live mentality that she pretends to have and the more defensive/aggressive ideas she actually has. She does like the idea of pacifism and doesn't want Empanada to grow up bitter, but... peace isn't what's kept her safe and alive

Empanada's first death resolved a lot of those conflicts. A kinder world isn't coming, so she has to raise a fighter

Her "pretending to be an ethical vegetarian" thing is hilarious to me. girl you aren't pretending to be a vegetarian you just are one. you can lie about your reasons but girl. you don't eat meat

Cellbit headcanons/opinions:

He can't cook even a little bit. Federation pet -> child soldier -> jail-> struggling adult? yeah he never fucking learned to cook

Relatedly I think he's a picky eater but has weird tastes. Like i think he eats instant microwave/just add water foods raw and likes it because he learned to eat it like that at some point, but can't stand a lot of "real food" because he just never got used to it (this is partly based on me lsjkhd)

He owns a butterfly knife and he's good with it. He picked it up as a hobby after Fuga when he was in therapy because he needed something to fill his time and it was a socially acceptable way to carry a knife. He can do all kinds of tricks now

Just pre-purgatory (and probably still now tbh) sometimes the butterfly knife suddenly reminds him too much of a real knife or triggers some kind of intrusive thought that scares him. His reaction to this is to just let go of the knife midair. He's very lucky no one's gotten hurt yet

He 100% remembers more of his childhood with Bagi than he admits. He pretends he doesn't because even acknowledging that he was a child once undermines his image of himself as a monster (upsetting, unhealthy self-image, sure, but one that's kept him safe. monsters aren't afraid of anything. monsters can't be hurt. children, though?)

As much as I understand and will read about autistic!Cellbit headcanons, I don't agree (i am autistic, for the record). He's actually really good with social cues, like scary good, and obviously has really strong theory of mind. Like I get where people are coming from but we need to defend an allistic guy's right to just be a fucking freak (/lh /nm)

I want to call Cellbit and Baghera "hunters" instead of "chainsaw killers." again I get where people are coming from. it's funny and I'll use it. however hunters would go so hard. same genre as codebreakers and bloodhounds. do you see my vision

[hinamie]

hiii hina <333 ok so now i must know, what are some of your favourite character designs? like, the elements are so compelling and go so well together to form a design that is cohesive and visually appealing. and is there a particular piece of media that just has consistently banging character designs?

OOH OKKOKOK listen. i am no expert i have not been classically trained in fact i have not taken a single char design course but to me, good character design boils down to 2 main elements: a. recognizability and b. visual storytelling and the concept of show, don’t tell. recognizability is where more technical elements like shape language and silhouette come into play. u want an audience to be able to instantly know a character with minimal confusion, and that is made much easier if u have good working knowledge of shapes, colours, and proportions. That’s what /makes/ a good design, but what /SELLS/ that design is the underlying meaning. WHy do characters look the way they do. what can you learn from the way they look. there is undoubtedly a time and a place for designs that are just cute to be cute but if u want to make a lasting impression beyond “oh this character is hot/cute/attractive” u gotta dig deeper.

i am going to yap now smile

i wld b remiss and a liar and a fraud if i did not talk about arcane in regards to character design. fr me arcane is THE media that does not miss with a single one of their designs. this show is fucking stunning points at every character . every single one of them . hand in marriage. u learn SO much about everyone and their roles/personalities/fighting styles just by looking at them not to mention they’re all fucking 10s this show is a bisexual’s nightmARE anyway personal favourites vi and jinx but ths just me being predictable 

vi /looks/ like a fighter the minute u see her. her build her gait everything about her screams this woman will snap me like a twig (pLpslslplpslpslpspl). u see tht she’s rough and brash but one thing i rly find interesting is her hair colour. like fr one its brightness distinguishes her as a main character, but also pink being typically associated with femininity/love/nurture/compassion is SO interesting paired with vi. not only is it kind of subversive bc vi is not traditionally “feminine”, but she does embody all of those traits in that her reason for fighting comes from a place of wanting to nurture and protect. i could talk for hours about vi anyway. hand in marriage,,./.?? hand in marriage pls/?????????

jinx i LOVE I LOVE I LOVE . she’s wiry she’s chaotic she’s asymmetrical and that MEANS something it /shows/ her mental state n the way she fluctuates between her identities of jinx and powder. I love the hints of pink/purple not only as visual nods to vi but also as alluding to shimmer and the dangerous undercurrent it gives her. not 2 mention her design works so well alongside her sister like. besides the obvious pink/blue juxtaposition everything about them from their body types their colour schemes the way they carry themselves the way they dress… it’s peak . nothing tops arcane in character design for me

a few other noteworthy mentions: 

illumi hxh - listen idk what the fuck he’s wearing but it’s a 90s shounen i’ll forgive him. illumi’s design is brilliant imo. he’s not in your face like hisoka who u see and know immediately that this guy is insane, he’s beautiful but sleek in a way that makes him almost reptilian. it’s a subtle kind of off-putting and u want to recoil when u see him but it’s just understated enough that u don’t know Why until it’s too late. the wide, catlike dead eyes the jet black hair… his design lends SO well to what he represents for killua, he’s this ever-present shadow he’s an oppressive force we see phantoms of illumi’s eyes Boring into killua we see his hair forming a sort of cage god the visuals the visuals im so . im unwell about the zoldyks actually. 

kaneki tg - this one is a bit tricky bc at first glance kaneki /is/ just ur standard dark hair protag but!! the way his design and specifically his hair r used as a visual representation of his mental state and character arc is so good i lovelovelove the progression and storytelling u see through his design alone.

- early kaneki w his shorter plain black hair makes him look innocent and unassuming bc he /is/. he was no one special, what happened to him was just pure bad luck. - ghoul kaneki w white hair showing the mental break after he’s tortured, stripped of his innocence/sanity/humanity - HAISE MY LOVE the two-toned hair showcasing how he has literally become a blank slate after his amnesia and the events of tg and the resulting limbo between identities ((also idk if it’s just tht ishida’s style had changed by :re but haise’s hair in particular is so FLUFFY it makes him look very non-threatening which might be a coincedence but might also be intentional in showing how he’s taken on more of a gentle mentor role by this point)) - reaper kaneki and we r once again back to black but whereas before it made him look plain and unassuming with the new context it makes him look /lethal/. ((also directly contrasts arima's design, having a near identical silhouette with the only difference being his black to arima's white)) - endgame kaneki finally settling back on white as a way to show tht after everything he’s been through he’s come back permanently changed: he is a ghoul, he’ll never b able to go back to the way things were or reclaim his humanity, but he’s gotten to a place where he's at peace with it now tl;dr cataloguing a character’s journey and mental state through their appearance >>>>>>>

LAST THING IK IVE YAPPED SO MUCH GOMEN ,, i did want to tack on my feelings about, wouldn’t u know it, genshin fucking impact, bc i did say i think there is a place for character designs that r just pretty to be pretty and i think a lot of genshin designs r good examples of this. i’ve seen some people getting upset about genshin being lazy with character design and making their characters unnecessarily Busy, but as someone who doesn’t play and doesn’t know anything about the game let me just say tht if the goal is to get players to spend money fuckin congratulations . i too would whale for some of these designs. bc i don’t play i don’t know for sure whether or not characters' appearances have any relevance to their lore or if it’s mostly just bells and whistles purely for aesthetic, all i know is am not immune to alhaitham. 

[tallysgreatestfan]

@cruelfeline tagged everybody who wanted in this, so I gladly take this opportunity, because it looked fun.

Who was your first fictional crush?

You know, I kept telling me it was Spock from Star Trek TOS for the entirety of my teen years because I desperately wanted to be hetero and ignore that I am actually bi. But looking back, I actually realize that it was even earlier than that, it was Tally Youngblood. Not the Tally from the movie, tough I guess she is cute and could be hot as an adult (and super soldier) too. I realized in the third book, Specials. There is this scene where Tally ends up getting saved last second from being operated on fully conscious, and this image of a tall, muscular, tattooed and scarred, clawed and fanged, bleeding and very, very pissed cyborg super soldier girl made thirteen year old me feel in a way could not really understand back then at all. But looking back... yeah.

What’s the first colour you think of when I tell you to think of a colour?

Blue

Which fanfiction emotionally scarred you and still makes you shudder to this day?

Dead Dove alarm.

I think the most viscerally disturbing one is a Lennier/John Sheridan one (Babylon 5), where Lennier shows up at Sheridan and Delenns house after the series, clearly mentally unwell and wanting to atone for nearly snapping over his love for Delenn, so he basically offers himself up to Sheridan to do with him whatever he thinks he deserves as punishment. This starts as psychological torture over both of them being in love with Delenn, and then escalates in an not exactly consensual sex scene mostly about Sheridan demonstrating how Delenn choose him and he knows about all kinds of Minbari anatomy stuff from that. After that, I hated Sheridan even more than already before, but he also felt so much more human than canon ever managed to get across.

Then everything that even just vaguely explores Hordak/Horde Prime and the sheer amount of trauma for Hordak from that.

Then every ship fic featuring Shay as a Special (Uglies again) furies wrote on AO3. Such a good character study, and so desperate, and unhinged, and hopeless, and full of rage and self destructive even beyond the self-harm, it is so uncomfortable to read, but in a good way.

I’m coming to your house for dinner, non-negotiable, what are you making me?

Noodles with tomatoo sauce and parmesan I guess? It is not even that I can't cook complicated stuff, it is just that my executive dysfunction does not let me.

Do you prefer lions or kangaroos?

Kangaroos.

Which fictional villain do you brush past the glaringly obvious issues for because you really like them?

Uff, hard to pick one. I have so many villain faves. And I think I generally do like to acknowledge the bad things they did while also acknowledging their humanity, for a lack of better term, and reading them in good faith?

Both Hordak and Entrapta, though for them its relatively easy because the series is so vague about what extent of harm exactly their actions caused, and what the political and sociological background of that was?

Dr. Cable? One aspect I love about her character is that very much has an understandable, well intentioned goal (keeping humanity from destroying itself again), and in the books there a quite a few moments where I am so close to being on her side - not sure if this works in the movie too, since the movie flattened down the worldbuilding and message a bit - but she is also ready to do pretty much any atrocity for that.

What would accompany your picture in the Burn Book in Mean Girls?

I didn't really recognized that, so I had to google it. But given how awfully I was treated in school, I don't even need to guess. All kinds of ableist and queerphobic insults.

How many days would you last in the universe of your favourite fandom?

Hard to choose a fandom.

Babylon 5: I mean Babylon 5's world if you are not on some ship or space station pretty much is our world but with aliens, better technology and a small number of high ranking people who actually do try to make things better, so probably I would do just as badly as in our world, but survive?

Star Trek: Utopian post scarcity society. Don't think I would last long in Starfleet because I have no stress resistance whatsoever, but everywhere else I would thrive.

Uglies: Utopian post scarcity society but with a dark secret. Super safe, everything is handed to you, and additionally absurdly good medical technology, it would be pretty hard to actually get myself killed. Even if I would join one of the resistance movements, and end up getting captured by Special Circumstances, they, at least in the book, to not needlessly kill people, they just brain surge them to be happy and compliant.

She-Ra: Depends on where exactly I would end up? Would I be some citizen somewhere on Bright Moon territory who only truly notices what is going on when Horde Prime invades? Would I be in Plumeria (if they're all as ableist as Perfuma good luck)? The Etherian Horde? I am not a fighter or stress resistant at all and I can't deal well with crowded environments, but also the Etherian Horde seems to be pretty fair and flexible and accommodating about work as long as you don't end up directly under either Shadow Weaver or Catra, so... idk?

Have you heard of Mischief Theatre?

No

Do you feel sorry for Medusa?

Kind of depends on which version of the myth, but overall, yes.

Which song makes you think of your OTP?

I have so many different playlists for so many different OTPs, so I'll just say the first that comes to my mind:

"Animal" by Jim Yosef and RIELL, for Tally/Shay, specifically their destructive, bitter but also longing relationship in Specials, and probably also the fallout of this toxic relationship turning sexual once they're older and have processed a bit.

Which song makes you disassociate and daydream the fastest?

"Loud Magic" by Foreign Air right now. Makes me think on some original project idea I have heavily inspired by Babylon 5.

Also tagging everybody who wants

[esta-elavaris]

Weight loss // body image issues talk/vent under the cut

Does make me laugh that when my meds made me go from my skinniest to my all time heaviest over the course of months a good few years ago, it was all my relatives could ever talk about - out of “concern”.

Now I’ve lost almost 50 lbs, just a little left to go before I hit my goal, and none of them have any interest in discussing my weight anymore. Not even from a concern standpoint, but like, they completely pretend to not notice the loss. Decent relatives will bring it up and compliment me and the relatives who were so judgemental in the beginning act stunned at the comment and pretend they’ve never noticed or that it’s not true and I haven’t lost anything. The most they ever do is get very very angry when I say I don’t want takeout or chocolate or whatever when offered.

One even tried to force a relative to buy clothing several sizes too big for me when they were Christmas shopping together, because she insisted there’s no way I’d be able to fit into the size of clothing that I currently actually AM. This same relative always does this - over summer she gave me a skirt because “it’s just miles and miles too big for me” and wouldn’t believe me UNTIL I SHOWED HER that it also was far too big for me, too. I’m talking it literally fell off of my body. When she gave me it, I literally held it up and my brother, who knows nothing about women’s clothing, laughed and said “there’s no way that’s going to fit her”. That’s how obvious it was and that’s how strange her weird little mind games are.

I mean, I’m not doing it for head pats, it’s entirely health and confidence based, but it’s genuinely as if they got off on seeing me get heavier (the worst thing anybody can be, in their eyes…while also not being healthy themselves) and gossiping about it, and now I’m not anymore it’s a disappointment.

Strange, strange people. And this started in my childhood. I have vivid memories of crying while school clothes shopping with this aunt at 8 years old because she made me try on every pair of trousers in the shop before deciding none of them would work because none of them made my ass look smaller. She’s mentally unwell. But I mean I also have a cousin who is very very thin and she gives her absolute abuse for that too, to the point where it develops into explosive arguments, so she’s just obsessed with making the younger female generation in the family feel like shit about their bodies.

It just got worse after the gain. It’s no wonder decent body image is such a battle for me 🫠 - and also the BIG fear I have with meeting up with this one guy I’ve been talking to for months, even tho he’s seen a full body outfit photo of me and loved it. Fucksake man.

[super-hero-confessions]

I am so tired of people acting as if actions, singular or otherwise, should define a human being forever and always like people can't make mistakes, do wrong and learn better, or change what they do and who they are.

I am so tired of people conflating logical explanations and rational deep thinking that tries to explore causality with making "excuses" for obvious repercussions due to circumstances, or condoning evil shit like it doesn't matter and there's no way to prevent it because they're "just monsters".

This thinking is what's wrong with society.

This thinking is what leads ex-cons to call it quits on reintegration and commit more crimes to get thrown back in jail because hey, they may be used for slave labor, may be mistreated and dehumanized, but at least they can eat.

Let's see what happens when you make a mistake or do the wrong thing and not a single goddamn person lets you breathe for it, coming down on you like you're the devil showing your own stupid humanity for a single second. God forbid you have an unpopular opinion in a closed minded space.

I am so tired of common sense being uncommon. I am so tired of the hostility towards anyone who's not a perfect angel, like that's a realistic standard to hold humans to? Or fuck it, canon ideas that make a fave not a perfect angel or even "drawing a line" at one specific crime.

I am so tired of people being so damn media illiterate and incapable of basic reading comprehension. I am so tired of the double standards and hypocrisy.

I am so tired of people being "confused" by media literally designed to make them think. I am so tired of people being obtuse and purposely misconstruing a message or making up bullshit to villainize an author or their work.

How does anyone fuck up author's intent so badly? What is so hard about differentiating reality from fiction? Context clues are taught in 4th and 5th grade, how are people this willfully ignorant? Are they just trolls?

Is it just the constant battle of nature vs. nurture, of perception and personal bias that leaves people blind and unwilling to see past their own preconceived world views?

Why are we still here? Just to suffer?

Ducks are fucking rapists. Yet they are still a well loved animal for many people.

Most if not all animals are murderers. Hamsters frequently eat their own babies.

Nature has a way of working itself out to promote survival, regardless of the cost. If you treat someone like an animal without giving them the chance to define themselves and who they want to be, they will act like an animal. They will survive.

Fucking Megamind taught us that!

If you're someone that thinks a villain like Homelander, who has literally been through the worst possible shit a human being could ever go through and then some, a guy who is clearly, very clearly mentally unwell, is completely beyond saving or proper help and treatment?

You have lost the plot and are part of the problem. Ableist as all hell too.

Please, for the love of God people, get yourselves educated. There is so much that's easy access in the age of the Internet. I promise, education and understanding is how we make the world a better place.

Not all this... Performative stupidity.

[seasonal-writes]

2023 Writing Round-Up

Rules: Share what you wrote this year! It can be works you posted to Ao3, Wattpad, Tumblr, or anywhere else! You can share everything you wrote or just the ones you’re most excited about. my beloved mutual @canarydarity tagged me in this. thank you for the tag, worm! this was really fun :D p.s. almost every fic in here is team rancher. and almost all of it is shipping. so i am not going to make my bias so obvious by labeling them, i will simply make not of the ONE that is not team rancher. i'm mentally unwell about them and the bias has not gone away. so just a fair warning. &lt;3

January

"bruised / cuts" // 1,347 words "small / cuts" // 1,897 words

'jimmy and tango are in love and clumsy, usually resulting in minor injuries. these are their stories.

dUN DUN-' "19% touch starved and 91% in denial" // 2,551 words

'a short fic in which jimmy is touch-starved, and his new soulmate, tango, is the furthest thing from it.' "old heartbeats die hard" // scarian // 1,413 words

'Did you know that listening to someone’s heartbeat can have a calming effect on your own heart and breathing pattern? Grian knows this. And he knows it’s working right now, even if it’s not enough to lull him to sleep quite yet. Though, there is still relief in knowing that one is still thumping away in Scar’s chest. Its pace is still fresh and lively and steady, just how he likes it— even if he’d never say something like that out loud.' "When Fate Finds Golden Rings" (ongoing, originally published in late january) // 65,044 words as of the last current update in mid-july.

'Being a prince comes with many things. Reputation, politics..even war, if one isn't careful.

When the Kingdom of the Overworld's alliance with the Nether grows tense, there is only one way to repair it, and it lies within the hands of two princes—arranged to be married to end a fight that simmers hot between the two planes.

But when Heir-to-the-throne Tango would rather stay at odds than follow through, and the the youngest Prince Jimmy finds no way for a wedding to solve anything, how can they bite back their gripe and fulfill their responsibilities?

How do you fight a destiny that's forged in gold? (or, a Ranchers Royalty AU. Take two.)'

February

"i ain't ever liked sweets (till you sugar-coated my teeth)" // 2,556 words

'a short, fluffy, plotless valentine's day rancher duo one-shot! :D'

March - June

these few months, i worked on personal projects and was in the thick of Golden Rings updates. so, nothing too exciting!

July

"how do you talk to a star?" // 1,285 words 'jimmy is in love with tango. he does not plan on telling him.' also, the last update i did on golden rings. maybe someday i'll get back to it, akfdjs

August - December

more personal projects! i had a few new AUs i never quite debuted that i created and cultivated with friends, wrote a little for them--but they weren't really enough to post, so. and that's all for the year! i appreciate everyone who's stuck around this long, even with my inactivity the past few months. i am hoping that with the new year, there will come new motivation to get back into it. posting all my little stories and ideas have both helped me realize i really am beyond in love with writing, AND i made lots of new friends along the way. :D been a pretty cool time! no pressure tag: @hitheeprithee! let me see your words, boy. thanks for reading, as always. :) <3 till next time.

[b-blushes]

oh yeah i keep meaning to ask about this and keep forgetting, but does anyone have any advice or just, like, thoughts about this? I am disabled. As such, i'm only really able to leave the house once a week, or do one big activity at home once per week. If i do more than that, i become too unwell to keep on top of my housework, and then snowball into Even Worse Health. the problem is that, despite only having one friend that lives locally, and only hanging out with family other than that, i'm somehow 'booked', like, 6 weeks in advance when you factor in stuff like haircuts, medical stuff, any errands that i need to do personally, or things that just come up. this means that i'm a) pretty much always working at about 95% of my capability because i'm doing as much as i can pretty much all the time. that means that it does not take much to tip me over the edge into various types of even more ill health. b) So Scheduled!!! i almost never have enough 'free' time to do anything on a whim, because I have to make sure i keep enough health capacity to keep to my arranged Events. on one hand this is a lucky position to be in, on the other hand it means that i'm just 'getting through' each thing that i can just scrape through with just enough energy, and resting is also mandatory and scheduled so i feel extremely trapped there. c) because i'm able to do so 'little', it also gives me almost no wiggle room for working on physical therapy. I have been prioritising "life with other people" over "physical therapy progression (alone at home), which may increase stamina long-term but means i can't do other stuff short-term, because that takes the activity slot of a 'leaving the house activity". my fitness and strength is extremely down because i just have not had the capacity to do housework, and fun but also medical/other activities, AND for example cardio, without getting so fatigued to the point of injury. hate that for me. I don't think that it's especially 'good' to always be, like, 'getting through' and working so close to things being Too Much, although i'm so so glad that i often have a couple of times a month where i am doing a planned nice event! (instead of having nothing nice with other people planned, and only doing medical stuff or stuff by myself). I'm feeling that it's been quite bad for my mental health also to be working at close to full capacity all the time, so i feel constantly nearly at my limit but also not feeling fulfilled because i'm *just* managing to stay on top of everything and cope. So it's as if i'm having to really really search for the good bits because i am almost always just moving from one rest period in the day through a short chunk of activity to the next rest period in the day. wow this is really hard to express! it feels as if i'm explaining a non-problem somehow! I am struggling to problem-solve this! and i know i have lots of disabled friends on here, so i am wondering if there is something obvious i'm missing, or if there is no easy fix. Perhaps it is the whole 'being disabled means you are disabled' thing, and the problem is not my time management or approach to life, but just that i have multiple conditions which all significantly impact my ability to do daily tasks, so there is no 'trying really hard to problem solve or fix it'. Maybe the best thing to do is schedule in a 'free' week per month, where i don't have any plans, so i can pick whatever i like (or just do nothing!!!) for one of my weekly 'activity' slots each month? The downside of that is that that will mean i'm 'booked' even further in advance, and means i will be seeing less of my friend and family. But maybe that sounds smart? Wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation? Or has any thoughts?

[logolepsy-babble]

I Finished The Sun and The Star

and it took me a few months to finish. As an annotator, I decided I wanted to share some annotations.

content warning: i talk about Luke and suicide

To all the Nicos, Wills, Pipers, and everyone in between: this is for you./May you shine as bright as the sun and the stars.

I 🖤 you.

Key: giggles cute Darius, you asshole. I am crying, this is not muy feliz THE PLOT?! IS PLOTTING?!/Quotes

Nico bristled at that. A story? Any old story? That seemed too easy after everything they’d been through.

“Bristled” ugh, I wanna eat this book

Nico’s stomach rolled. The gauze strips were soaked through with blood again.

THE WRITING IS SO GOOD???

“Tell me about the two of you,” she said.

Black cat X Golden retriever

Depressed X Mentally unwell but well hidden

Couple goals.

3.141

Why is it pi

(There is nothing more disconcerting than walking in the morning and finding a freshly incarnated zombie standing over you, ready to take your breakfast order.)

Doesn’t seem that odd.

As soon as Jason set him down that day, Nico had barked, Don’t ever grab me again./Now, staring at the unnerving bust of Diocletian, Nico wished for nothing more than to feel Jason Grace’s protective arms around him. But Jason wasn’t here.

:(

The smoke had a bitter, sulfuric smell, and Nico, Will, and Chiron all started coughing.

Though I knew it was profetic I still thought Leo did smth.

“So, you’ve basically become like one of those annoying notifications in a video game reminding me to complete a side mission.”

Since when did Nico play video games?

“I’m telling you,” said Nico, “you won’t need half that stuff on the journey.”/“We’ll see about—“ Will began, and then something toppled out of his bag and smacked him in the face. “Ow!”/Nico restrained himself, because he knew laughing wouldn’t make the situation better, even though it was very, very funny.

Romance never dies with Solangelo.

“I love Golden Oreos, for starters.”/“Oh, please. That’s obvious. They’re basically the Apollo’s version of an Oreo anyway.”/“And the morally superior choice.”

Excuse me?

this Percabeth pep talk

LMAO

“We met…way before the Battle of Manhattan, actually,” said Will, leaning against Nico.

We better see this in the TV series. Rick.

Nico didn’t want to ask what was wrong. He already knew the answer. Still, the words spilled from his mouth. “Hey! Where’s my sister?”

I’m not ready for this scene to be in the series.

curly blond mane

is he a horse

was moot now.

please use 21st century words

But what had made this one ability materialize at that particular moment? Fear? Desperation?

bisexuality

It was a constant pattern for Nico: find some sort of solace and comfort,

Nico Will find Solace in someone.

Now here was Solace in his lap, sleeping like a baby.

Will is Nico’s Solace, what he’s needed.

“At least I had the foresight to find Hermes attractive.”/“Hermes? Are you kidding me? Who goes for Hermes?”/“I do,” said Will./“Wow, you really do like underdogs,” muttered Nico./…said Nico, but then he shook his head at Will. “Hermes.”/“I thought this was a safe place,” Will said, smiling.

Lin Manuel Miranda guys

well, he’s been different.”

“I can fix him” said Menoetes.

Or Luke.”

Killing himself doesn’t make him better.

Will stuffed one pomegranate into Nico’s jacket pocket, then slipped the other two into pockets on his own shorts./“Oh my gods,” said Nico. “I can’t believe your cargo shorts are coming in handy.”/Will beamed. “I told you so.”

Men. ☕️

-

Why does this series get gayer as it goes on? Is it because we went from straight man to queer?? (Not complaining)

Was Nico envious of the bull-man?

I did not think I’d read that. Ever.

Nico reached in the pocket of his jeans. He took out the coin, running his fingers over the embossing until he’d traced every bit of it./“You brought my gift,” said Will, smile lines crinkling around his eyes. “Great minds think alike.”/He reached inside the collar of his shirt and pulled out his gold chain./On it glinted Nico’s ring.

I love my skrunklies 🖤

“Not when [shorts] don’t protect you in a fall!”

Okay but they’re comf

“Acid dissolving in your bones spicy,”

What my mom thinks pepper is

“I let you kill Octavian.

Technically, that was Leo 🤓☝️

I’m sorry, Nico, he thought. I’m sorry I let you down.

This is so sad, pookie

Were they eating each other?

were they WHAT?!

i’m not writing it all but page 328 entirely.

Darius, this is “HEALING”?!

Nico smiled. “I’ll be right there with you.”/That seemed to be enough for Will. He closed the distance between them and planted a kiss on Nico’s lips./“Together,” he said./“Together,” Nico whispered.

They might have an obsession with kissing.

He was finally ready to admit that wearing shorts had not been the brightest idea.

me after wearing shorts in 53*F weather

Chapter 37

I want Nico to meet the Kanes and Egyptian Gods. Please.

Bartholomew!

No, your mama must’ve hated you to give you that name

I’m gonna find so many bones that my bones will have bones!”

I don’t think.. that’s how that…

“You don’t have a choice!” the aeterna bellowed. “If you don’t kill me, I’ll eat you both!”

What kind of suicide mission???

Page 365

Shit balls.

“Nico,” she said, “you should finally meet your children.”

Solangelo parents AU??

He gave his enemy hay fever.

WHAT? and then this picture of a jaw dropped emoji

End of book, page 462

Okay. That was healing.

Maybe the reason Nico isn’t 100% himself is because he’s healing :)

[trickstarbrave]

it actually really does suck that i am deeply mentally and physically unwell like my mother but the only reason i am treated with dignity and respect in medical spaces even part of the time is i have by and large given up on trying to treat chronic conditions until they become too unbearable on my own, try really hard to suppress all of my symptoms even when i am in immense pain and serious distress, and dress like a modest victorian girl of marriageable age. i dont do anything with my hair thats too bright or obnoxious it stays natural colors lately, i dont have exceptional piercings, and i currently have 0 tattoos.

meanwhile people like my mom who dress alt and cant suppress their symptoms get nearly killed by medical professions who assume because she has obvious mental disorders she is lying and has a substance abuse problems (shes been clean for years from drugs except medically prescribed marijuana and painkillers and also doesnt even drink anymore because it makes her violently ill).

people shouldnt have to live like me and have an insanely high pain tolerance and practice day and night at being a normal polite human being through sheer force of will and use reverse psychology on doctors to have even a chance of being actually treated for their conditions. but doctors insist they gotta root out horrible ugly fakers and druggies who [checks notes] dye their hair at home

[druidgroves]

ok here it is my whisper/deacon brain rot for their web weaving is under the cut. i'm mentally unwell about them.

1. trust no one

this one is pretty obvious. it's deacon's first and favorite lesson. little does he know that after coming out of vault 111, it was greta's modus operandi as well.

2. vulnerability is the last thing i want you to see in me, but the first thing i look for in you.

this quote was more deacon-focused, but it does apply to both of them. upon "first" meeting (that was face to face), deacon is still looking for any signs of cracking in whatever façade greta has created for herself by this point. he wants to pick people apart, but makes sure that no one can do the same to him. for greta, she isn't too great at emotions after being thawed out (she became a lot more withdrawn in that department, despite pretending to be an open book). she'll make sure she can pinpoint your vulnerabilities before you're even aware of them, just so you don't notice her own.

3. i don't understand your specific kind of crazy but i do admire your total dedication to it

this is peak whisper/deacon while doing shit for the railroad. they work together extremely well, in part due to whisper's career as a spy before the bombs (of which deacon has no idea about but he has Suspicions). a big part of their relationship is trying to outdo the other, constant one-upmanship; who can tell the most outlandish lies, put on the most well-crafted personas, or pull off the wildest stunt while clearing the way for safehouses. they are both insane.

4. i want to take a bite out of you, figure out what you're thinking

while working together, they obviously get to know each other--or they get to know as much of each other as they are willing to show. it's both fun and frustrating for them with neither wanting to fully give.

5. our eyes had the most devilish affair; meeting in secrecy in a room full of people.

these two dance around their feelings like they're legally obligated to, but they'll just say that neither of them have done anything about it because of "anti-fraternization" rules put in place by their fearless leader.

6. the nonsense has escalated

this was there purely because their nonsense (feelings) escalates. that's it.

7. the great pretender

i always see this as a deacon song But it fits both of them. they are both extremely lonely people in similar and different ways and put on different masks to compensate.

8. not because i don't trust you, but because i can't bare for you to see me as i really am.

another one showing how much they share and how much they don't. at this point in their story, greta has come clean about a lot of stuff: her real name, her career as a spy, looking for a son she isn't even sure she wants to find, as well as her familial connections to the calverts (who i argue could be partially to blame for the way the war went tbh). she has always lived with a lot of self-loathing and that's part of why she is the way she is, putting on different personas to hide the fact that she hates who she is. for deacon, this is when he tells her about the up deathclaws, about barbara, and about joining the railroad. they finally get to see the other's vulnerabilities.

9. sometimes you get so close to someone you end up on the other side of them.

in trying to understand each other, seeing each other's ugliest parts, they find that they might never understand each other completely. it doesn't quite drive a wedge between them as much as things are a little awkward between two people allergic to talking about their emotions.

10. how to disappear completely and never be found

so deacon talks about wanting to "bug out" and leave sometimes, but in this case, greta is the one who bounces after destroying the institute. she's got a lot to deal with internally and needs her space to process.

11. an exercise in love: i have left the door unlocked, just in case

deacon won't admit it, but he's always on the lookout for her after she disappears. he listens for her laugh, the sound of deliverer, anything, but she doesn't show for a while. but if he knows anything about his whisper, she'll come back again, and he'll be there waiting.