#does this also count as toxic beauty standards????

[struggling-to-find-home]

You know

Sometimes I start to doubt myself and whether or not the abuse I'm experiencing is that bad™, because general conditioning and like self-blame and shit, typical companions of your average abuse victim

And then I, a teenager, get told by my mother that I, A TEENAGER, "look ugly" and need to "get Botox about my wrinkles" because I "Frown too much"

Like

A) bitch what the fuck

B) bitch what the fuck

C) HEY, YOU, DEATH, DESTROYER OF WORLDS, REASON FOR 28 OF THE 36 CONFLICTS IN JANUARY, GENERALLY A TOXICITY-STIRRING BITCH, WHO DO YOU THINK CAUSES ME TO BE STRESSED AND FROWN IN THE FIRST PLACE

[xxaraaq]

𝙎𝙩𝙧𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙡𝙮 𝘽𝙪𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨

masterlist

Sypnosis | You had worked you ass off to build up your... distinguished business. When a powerful and crazy man strikes up a deal you can't refuse, how will your relationship with him flower?

wc | 2.05 k

cw | Toxicity, death threats ig, office sex, talks about drugs and other illegal activities, unprotected sex, etc.

Brothel owner! Reader x Mafia boss! Sukuna

A/N | Hey yall. Ik i havent posted anything in a while but I hope this makes up for it. It's lowkey nasty so have fun with that.

You worked hard to get where you were. You kissed more asses than you could count, laughed at stupid men's jokes to feed their fragile egos, and laid down in satin sheets with people you wish you could strangle while they slept. 

But you had made it, and now you were thriving.

You had finally gotten your own establishment with hundreds of beautiful women to please the money right out the men that visit them once their families rest for the night, it was a truly booming business. And you treated your girls right, with ample security and consistent checking for anything out of the ordinary. So many came flocking to you, you had to turn them down. And it hurt your heart seeing good profit like that walk away, but you had a standard you had to keep. Too many girls means not enough space, and that’s where it starts to get messy.

But you have your assistant, Toji Fushiguro to help out. He was all the muscles and glares to keep any unwanted company away, but sexy enough to keep the women occupied with their daily eye candy. It also helps that he’s as obedient as a dog and obsessed with you. You tell him all the troubles you go through, and he listens with a hum, massaging the knots out your shoulder as you groan in relief. And you appreciate it, letting his rough hands roam your body as you spread your legs. It was a fair exchange, and it was easy. Practically everything was.

Until he came.

You knew who he was – everyone did. And everyone knew that death followed him everywhere he went. They called him crazy, cruel, and cynical. You just thought he was an excellent businessman. You didn’t want him knocking at your doorstep, but you couldn’t help but respect his ways. He worked in a way that people feared and respected him. It amazed you if you were being honest, for not many men could do what he does how he does it.

He came to you with a deal. You hide drugs and counterfeit money for him, he supplies you with free men for security and any pardon you want from the police. It was a fair exchange, and you knew you couldn’t reject it anyways. So you shook on it and told your managers to round up all the girls to tell them as well.

It started out as strictly business. Short, muted phone calls about when the next shipments would arrive. Then for some reason, you wound up with his personal numbers. You declined at first thinking it was beginning to get friendly, but he brushed you off, saying that it was merely a way to keep in better contact. You knew where he was trying to head with you, but you were a curious person, and you wanted to see where this headed.

He started showing up more, through the back door of course. He would interrupt your business meetings with a care in the world, and you would have to deal with it, dismissing your employees while he stood stoic and tall, as if he was a cheeky kid proud that he got his way. 

“You can’t keep bursting into my room in the middle of the evening. People will think you like me.” You say, eyes peering at him as he walks towards you. “Since when have you cared about what people thought of you? If I remember correctly, you’re the owner of a brothel.” He sneers, talking to you as if you’re below him. You’re eyebrow quirks, picking up on his attitude. “Don’t put words in my mouth Sukuna, I didn’t say I cared about what people thought of me. I said, what will people think of you if you keep acting like I'm your mistress.” You spat, face wrinkling up in annoyance. His glare at your tone did nothing but make your cunt throb, but he wouldn’t know that, not until he fucked you at least.

“You are my mistress, or have you forgotten the meaning? He says, standing between your legs. You looked up at him with a gaze full of hatred, and he smirked at that. You did hate him, truly. But you couldn’t deny that he made you feel like no other, no matter how many people you’ve slept with. “What do you want?” Your eyes meet his as you stand up. He grabs your waist with a borderline painful grip. Something must be wrong, for he’s never held you this tight. “One of my men, a very truthful man, told me that he saw you with Gojo a week ago. Is he lying?” And it was. He wasn’t the only man you entertained, he just happened to be the best. You weren’t a sex worker yourself, but you liked to endeavor in sleeping with powerful men. It was a game to you, and you love seeing them come back for more. It was an addiction, and you were an addict.

“You’re not the only strong man in my life, y'know. You’re not as special as you think.” You caressed his chin, jawline sharp and newly grown stubble coming about. “Yeah, and who else do you fuck when I’m not here, hmm?” He questioned, looking down at you as you play with his tie. “I mean, obviously there’s Gojo. Then you have Suguru, they’re like two peas in a pod,” You laugh, “They’re great when they’re apart, but those boys are such a tease when I get them together.” You can see him get more agitated by the second, and it just spurs you on more. “I also fuck Toji on occasion, seeing as he’s the one most available. Really reliable, that one.” You smile to yourself, hands moving up to his hair. “There are more, but those are the ones I remember the most.” You tease, feeling your ribcage ache as he squeezes harder. He probably doesn’t even notice himself doing it, and that reason alone makes you grin. “You got anyone else to add to your list of clients?” He asks. It strikes a nerve, and you push yourself away from him. “Don't speak to me as if I’m a prostitute.” You snide, chest contracting in anger. “Aren’t you though? I mean, you fuck people for money, you dress clad in what? A dress that your boobs are bound to spill out of? In all ways besides actual, you’re no better than the girls you employ.” He says, sitting down in your chair.

If you could kill him right now you would. But even through anger, you’re not stupid. So you relax your face and stride over to him all so calmly, like he never degraded with such harsh words. “Is my boy mad because he feels like he’s being replaced?” You taunt, voice going up an octave. You sit in his lap like you’ve done it one thousand times before. His hands come up to your waist like second nature, and you lean in to whisper in his ear. “Well you are, so if I were you I would do something about it instead a throwing a conniption fit over the other men I fuck when you’re not here.”  

He pulls you back by your hair, smashing his lips into yours. You moan into him, grinding against his clothed cock. He lifts you up into the air, swiping all the contents off your desk. “That shits important you fucking idiot.” You curse, unzipping his pants. “Stop acting like you don’t have the means to replace it. 

He was right, but that’s not the point. 

You lift your hips up for easier access as he rips your underwear clean off. He stuffs it in your mouth flipping you over before you can react. You brace yourself on your forearms as he drops to his knees, lifting your dress off your ass, spitting a glob of saliva onto your already soaked pussy. “You’re one crazy bitch, you know that? Getting all wet for me as I demean all you’ve done to get where you are.” He snides, running his thick cock over your hole. You want to chide back, but you're breathless as he thrusts into you. The desk shakes as he ruts into you from behind. Your arm mindlessly reaches for his, grasping onto his bicep. He pins it to your back, leaning closer to your ear. “You had all this to say about me acting like a baby, but you’re crying and babbling like one. I remember you saying you hated hypocrites. Where’d all the fucking atitude go now?” He kisses you back, biting after. You shudder at the pain as the force almost breaks the skin; but a deranged, primal part of you wanted him to do it again until he did. 

He flips you on your back, clasping your thighs to pull you closer. “Keep em’ up.” He grunts, rubbing your clit in big, slow circles. You pull your legs up to your chest, spreading them wide to give him a view. He chuckles, slapping his dick on your now swollen cunt. “What would the girls downstairs do if they saw their beloved madam get spread on her desk like a used slut?” He asks, kissing his way from your ankle to the front of your foot. “What would your wife say if she saw you fucking me like a ‘used slut’.” He full on laughs at your remark, slowly pushing himself back to chastise you for your slick mouth. “If you’re gonna fuck me, then do it right.” You say, grinding your hips in search of friction. “Oh?” He hums, head nodding to the side in mock confusion. 

You don’t get another word in before he fucks back into you, harder than ever before. “Ohhh shittt.” You mewl, head throwing back by the sheer power of his thrusts. He grabs the nape of your neck, pulling your forward to look into your eyes as he gives you the best fuck of your life. “You got something to say baby? I can’t hear you over your pussy y’know. You’re gonna have to speak louder.” You could say he’s tormenting you at this point. And you hated to say that you loved it. “C-cum in meee.” You moan, eyes rolling to the back of your skull. “You said what? I can't hear you baby, ya’ gonna have to speak louder than that.” He banters back and forth, thrusting getting sloppier as his core tightens too. “I s-said I want you to c-umm in mee.” You sob, tears streaming down your face. “You forgot the magic word princess.” He runs on, poking at you to set you off. “I’ll fucking kill you you son of a bitch.” You curse, reaching up to pull him towards you. You smash his face into yours as the band in your core snaps. “Fuckkkkkkk.” You wail, legs shaking as you ride out your orgasm. Sukuna follows right after you, shooting hot spurts of cum into you as his groans fill the rooms. All you hear is heavy breaths as he collapses on top of you, sweat and slick covering both of your thighs and torso. 

You draw shapes on his broad back as he rests between your legs. “If you ever sleep with Gojo again, I’ll kill the both of you.” He says, standing back up. You knew he was being serious, but you liked to press his buttons. “I’ll invite him over the next time you come then. You’ll learn how to share better that way.” You roll your eyes, closing your now aching legs. He sucks his teeth, fixing himself as you do the same. “Your mouth will be the reason someone kills you one day.” He says to himself, shaking his head with a snarky smirk gracing his face. 

You walk towards him, wrapping your arms around his neck. “That day will not be today, and that person will not be you. Count on it.” You whisper, pecking his lips. He will never cease to be shocked by your articulation. “Now get out.” You command, straightening yourself out in your compact mirror.

He might fuck you like a dumb whore, but he’ll always know that you’ll always beat him at his own game.

-Nene

[crehador]

winter 2025 is upon us and i have very much not finalized my list of things to watch for the season. i might try a bunch of first eps at random and see what sticks, but the ones i'll definitely be following are:

slf s2, ao no hako, and chi - all continuing from fall 2024, so not technically winter shows, but really looking forward to another cour of all of these!

yohaji and touhai (and possibly ao no miburo? don't see an episode count for it listed yet) are also rolling into winter, reasonably entertaining but not as hype as those three up top

if haigakura is resurrected from the dead i will continue with that too and hope it gets ummmmm better. yeag

anyway. new stuff!

first and foremost...

TOXIC WIZARD YAOI SEASON LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOO disclaimer this is not even an image from the anime adaptation but i will always and forever take any excuse to post this owen, disclaimer 2 (electric boogaloo) despite my affectionately calling this toxic wizard yaoi all the time it's not actually bl just to be clear

anyway i've been avoiding all trailers for the anime since i want to go in and be surprised by everything. i do know we're going with f!akira here which seems fair enough since iirc we had m!akira in the stage plays

i don't know anything about if we'll be following the game story or if the anime will be doing something new. my hopes are for following the game, and if it does, i'll be curious to see how far we get (i'm not entirely caught up on the game main story myself... should really get on that lol)

but anyway besides the voice actors. i mean i'm mostly here for the voice actors. for asnm. but besides that and the beautiful card art and the adorable chibis. i just love mahoyaku for its complete and utter mastery of the toxic situationship. these wizards are so fucking weird about each other it's great. can't wait to see them more in motion

i will be very biasedly loving the shit out of this whether it is good or not lol

moving on! the sequels i'll be picking up this season are watakon, ishura, and uniteup (and hanako-kun but rip i can only put three images in a row)

looking forward to more peak romance from watakon, s1 really surprised me by how enjoyable it was. uniteup is really just a standard bog idol anime but it's pretty good as far as standard bog idol series go. it's no idolish7 but it's perfectly serviceable. hoping for some more bangers from this season, though in all honesty i didn't listen to much of the music from the first season besides anela's stuff... should probably check out the other groups

ishura... idk. i think it was fine/fun enough but my main little meow meow is already dead so we'll see how s2 goes i guess

and now for the brand new stuff!

sakamoto days looks like it's going to be a ton of fun, really excited for that one. bathhouse vampire one seems like it has the potential to be really funny too. momentary lily i'm picking up because honestly i like gohands. i'll just say it. i like gohands! they've made some real shit but i like their style! however. if this is named momentary LILY and turns out to not be yuri so help me god

zenshuu and hanashura are, interestingly, kind of complete opposites. i'm giving zenshuu a shot because visually it looks really good and i do love media about making media. the mc being an anime director is deeply compelling to me, but the actual premise is just... not

maybe it will surprise me in a good way, but i'll keep my expectations low

hanashura on the other hand just sounds lovely, i haven't taken a look at the visuals yet, but it seems like it'll be a quaint little school club series. and i love a good school club series

and then there's this isekai one... which i'm not enthusiastic at all if i'm being honest. like i recently binged tondemo skill and it was basically perfect so in terms of isekais where the guy has an online shopping power, i'm good. this one just seems superfluous to me. however... they got suwabe so. i will unfortunately be watching lol

there are a whole bunch of other series that i'll check out when the season begins in earnest, but i'm really hoping to keep my planning list to under twenty this season... so... well that's probably a lost cause. we'll see lmao

but. anyway. these uhhh seventeen? there are already seventeen?? jfc yeah alright these seventeen are on the list for sure

[startledstoat]

i’m literally just pointing out that people in the fandom have noticed that the apparent standard in their fanart is hourglass figure, 0% body fat, massive thigh gap lol. i am obviously not hating on those bodies (that is literally what i look like!!!), just wondering why none of their characters have any sort of meat on their bones, especially regulus who canonically looks to be at least mid-sized

with what you said about remus - i agree! my favourite fics are the ones that delve into his body image and eating disorder as a result of his lycanthropy. with regulus, i don’t like it as much, mainly because people (cough cough jegulus writers) use it as a way to be like “well yes he was a massive racist prejudiced death eater voldemort fanatic but he had an eating disorder :((((( so it isn’t his fault he needs jamie to come save his wittle self :((((“

anyways thank you for your nuanced response i do appreciate actually debating with people on here instead of people just going “SKINNYPHOBIC AND MEAN LMFAO” which is like. yes maybe i am mean but skinnyphobic?? 😭

Love that you responded nicely!

When I think of Reg with those HCs I think of the EDs going along with the trans Reg idea, stemming from his body dysphoria and also having to do with him being raised with the pressure of being an upper-class pureblood "girl" who was expected to be the picture of flawless beauty, which would've been a very toxic beauty standard for someone in that position during that time (flat stomach, thigh gap, hourglass waist, full hips and chest). This is definitely not a HC that works for everyone, expecially those who don't HC Regulus to have been abused in his childhood or don't HC him to be trans.

The addiction is a separate HC and I'm not saying your take on it is wrong but my thoughts on it are a bit different. It's more what I think would have come around the same time he started realizing that he was on the very wrong side of the war and wanted out but couldn't see a way that he realistically could get out bc Voldemort isn't a dude you just go up to like "yeah man listen we had a good run but now I'm realizing that this is so much more fucked up than I thought and now I don't wanna be part of it anymore". (I like to think that he didn't betray Voldemort just because of what happened to Kreacher, but more like his doubts and fears were building up for a while and Kreacher being tortured was just the last straw)This guilt and self loathing that would likely have ensued would have been a very slippery slope, especially when paired with the pressure of being the new heir following Sirius being disowned and their father dying as well as the trauma from his potentially abusive childhood, I think he could have turned to things like calming draughts and dreamless sleep to initially calm his nerves and moods, but then fell in too deep. And it's fine that you don't like that as much! As long as you're being respectful to the people that do, because it's not a HC that's harmful to any real life people.

His redemption arc, both the canon and the fanon parts, definitely don't just erase the fact that he was a death eater that likely tortured and killed people, but the fact that he tried to do the right thing in the end does count for something. Not to mention that he was literally a teenager that was raised in that environment and was taught nothing else until age 11 when he went to hogwarts. 11 years of one type of propoganda being taught to him, during his developmental years no less, doesn't just go away. Yeah he was 18, and as a 19 year old myself I can say that he was both old enough to have learned right from wrong as he went through school, but still young enough that it's perfectly normal for him to have been terrified of turning his back on the family he knew and outright defying a genuinely horrifying maniac that killed people for fun. 18 is still a child in so many ways even if it's also an adult in some other ways.

It's unrealistic to think that Sirius and Andromeda didn't struggle themselves with nature vs nurture when they first started being taught other things in hogwarts and started hanging around other people, even if we wanna say that they were morally perfect right from the beginning and didn't have any internalized prejudices to work through.

I got off track lmao but anyway

I've actually noticed that more artists now draw plus sized characters than there used to be, and maybe that's still not a lot, but it's not a change that's going to happen overnight. It's like the difference between white james in older fanarts and indian james in newer ones. HCs come and go, and I do really hope more people get on the plus sized characters idea because I think it's great, but even people who do share that idea are still going to have different ideas of which characters it fits based on their own HCs.

The most important thing is that characters who are plus sized in canon stay that way in fanon. Characters who were never given a specified body type in canon (or maybe were specified to be skinny but not given a real reason to be skinny) are fair game for however people want to think of them.

[loving-n0t-heyting]

The idea that it is failure to totally subsidise the cosmetics and plastic surgery industry, and not that industry itself, that is “refusing ppl sovereignty over their own bodies,” is again bizarre to me! The industry, again, exploits the neuroses and social/sexual competition of its targets to impose ever more homogeneous and onerous beauty standards on the public; why does this not count as a failure of bodily “sovereignty”?

Where does this reasoning end? Should our respect for bodily autonomy and freedom of lifestyle mean we should be commended for our current practice of subsidising all manner of grossly unhealthy foods? Should we extend such subsidies, for the same reason, to tobacco? gambling? asbestos? In fact, once we’ve opened the floodgates of government-sanctioned (indeed, government-funded) such individual bodily and lifestyle freedom, why should we paternalistically stigmatise and inhibit ppl from pursuing their dreams of daily 17hr workdays getting black lung in safety-deregulated mines?

Talking in terms of “terminal values” just muddles the issue. Ppls aesthetic preferences do not emerge, reasonless and unbidden and unaccountable, from the aether. 17th century Han women did not acquire a preference for dainty lotus-like feet through some unreasoned quirk of neurology: this was a preference actively cultivated for illegitimate reasons and to destructive ends, and we justly celebrate the abolition of the practices involved in it as a triumph for human freedom, not a limitation on it.

Even if you want to talk in these terms, it seems dubious that for the teenage girls starving themselves and the teenage boys pumping themselves full of anabolic steroids, the relevant motivating ideals of waify thinness and ripped muscles fall on the “terminal” rather than “instrumental” side of this distinction. They want to do this bc they want to stop getting laughed at for being fat, or to advance in social or athletic competition, or to get laid. You treat “vanity” as a sort of irreducible, primitive urge, when I think for most ppl it serves very extrinsic ends (at least before metastasising into smth with a life of its own)

You compare this kind of “vanity”-induced cosmetic asceticism to transition treatment, but i don’t think they are at all similar in the relevant sense. Rαdfems might claim so, but this requires believing (among other things) that on any comparable scale ppl are going to be bullied and shamed into getting top surgery and taking cross sex hormones that will only leave them more encumbered and miserable, which just seems totally infeasible to me in any near/medium-term future

I also don’t think this is narrowly a problem of “capitalism:” destructive and inhibitive “beauty” norms certainly predate the emergence of wage-tyranny, and persist in contexts (like elite dating scenes) largely free of its direct taint. Even if you can ban all advertising, you’re going to have a hard time thereby eliminating all social stigma and trendiness while continuing to actively empower the industries to most directly benefit from them

As for yr tags, idk why opposition to the suffocating straitjacket of industry-perpetuated beauty norms counts as an “ick” reaction but not yr own motivating impulses. Overall, the entire line of reasoning feels like a toxic and unstable combination of liberal notions of “individual freedom” with a leftist conception of “positive liberty.” These two ideals are in fundamental tension, and trying to wed them seems bound to breed trouble

I think it’s also hard for me to really make a hard philosophical distinction between societally acceptable ways to want to change your body and societally unacceptable ones, and the ways they’re stereotyped; between “worthy” feelings like gender dysphoria and “unworthy” ones like (supposed) mere vanity. And I find as time goes by that increasingly I don’t care; people should have a right to do with their bodies what they want, even if the thing that drives them really is something as tawdry and banal as wanting to look hot.

[scaryspears]

Fem Young Severus Snape - Let's discuss

So I'm working on a story on archive of our own where Severus Snape leaves Hogwarts, but it's a fem Snape and it's tagged as Snape/Sirius and James, which I'm still unsure about. I love stories where characters realise their self worth and the toxic people behind and having character growth. Fanfiction or not those stories are the best.

But I'm mostly wondering what people think young female Severus Snape would look and be like, ignoring my fanfic counterpart that I already wrote up. I will be switching between him and her for addressing canon and fanmade Snape.

Now before any Snape supporters or bashers get onto me, I'll just quickly reveal that I haven't read the books and have only watched at least 4 films, but did some research in my mid teens in curiosity. I've always been interested in the characters, their dynamics, and what if scenarios, but never the magic.

There's a lot of fanart where she's given the same hair style as her male counterpart, and honestly I believe her hair would be much longer. Long to the point where it's unusual and makes her look unhinged. Long to the point where it's too easy for someone to pull it. Most of the time using it to cover her face, unsuccessfully hiding herself from the marauders. I can imagine her eyes and face glaring creepily at anyone who disturbs her, with her nose sticking out through it. She would have a really ghostly appearance, and if you count the mudblood incident you would sense the distress, anger and sadness waving off of her. I'm also thinking of this fanart made by @iscawen.

For an obsessive personality I would take inspiration from Palm Siberia. Palm starts off as creepy but goes off to become someone we sympathise with. Not saying that you have to sympathise with Snape, but I think he's someone to pity at a logical standpoint. I'm also speaking as someone who could relate to certain parts of his character.

Her obsession with Lily has more to do with being her first and only true friend. I think Snape wants love, but that love needs to come in different forms other than romance. With the whole unpleasant parents thing, and people staying many feet away from her due to her unruly appearance, it's safe to say that Snape latches onto Lily for a reason. She wants to be appreciated, cared for, recognised for something good rather than the bad omen that the people she's stuck with think she is. And she doesn't want to be punished for being a bad omen. I guess the same could be said for canon young Snape.

I don't ship them together, and I cringe whenever I come across a fanfic that does. Not only is it fun to hate Lily, but the whole marrying your former friend's childhood bully even though he's changed is super suspicious.

With the leaving Hogwarts thing Snape would have to realise that Lily isn't the angel that her mind made her out to be, but I don't know if that's while she's at Hogwarts or after she leaves.

By this time Snape gets a makeover, none of that altering physical features stuff. Just giving her healthier hair and skin, I don't think she needs make up but I think something Goth related would suit her. The story is set in the 70s so it was more of a decade filled with punk fashion (not everywhere of course) which would suit Sirius. (Another note that isn't relevant, when the fandom gives Snape makeover stories they always change his nose to be smaller, you'll be some hating ass people). I bet Snape had a thing for formal attire so I think she'd wear something similar to Wednesday Addams. I can definitely picture her with a black pencil skirt and blouse.

Also the 70s where a different time when it comes to beauty standards compared to the ones of today, I genuinely think a lot of guys would be into her even though a lot of people in the fandom love making Snape out to be some hideous creature. I think she would resemble Shelly Duvall or Angelica Hudson.

Note: @iscawen sorry that I didn't use your permission before putting up the art, if you want I can edit this post and remove the picture. I really love it and wanted to use it as a reference as well as inspiration.

[writingwithcolor]

What Does Our "Motivations” PSA Mean?

@luminalalumini said:

I've been on your blog a lot and it has a lot of really insightful information, but I notice a theme with some of your answers where you ask the writer reaching out what their 'motivation for making a character a certain [race/religion/ethnicity/nationality] is' and it's discouraging to see, because it seems like you're automatically assigning the writer some sort of ulterior motive that must be sniffed out and identified before the writer can get any tips or guidance for their question. Can't the 'motive' simply be having/wanting to have diversity in one's work? Must there be an 'ulterior motive'? I can understand that there's a lot of stigma and stereotypes and bad influence that might lead to someone trynna add marginalized groups into their stories for wrong reasons, but people that have those bad intentions certainly won't be asking for advice on how to write good representation in the first place. Idk its just been something that seemed really discouraging to me to reach out myself, knowing i'll automatically be assigned ulterior motives that i don't have and will probably have to justify why i want to add diversity to my story as if i'm comitting some sort of crime. I don't expect you guys to change your blog or respond to this or even care all that much, I'm probably just ranting into a void. I'm just curious if theres any reason to this that I haven't realized exists I suppose. I don't want y'all to take this the wrong way because I do actually love and enjoy your blog's advice in spite of my dumb griping. Cheers :))

We assume this is in reference to the following PSA:

PSA to all of our users - Motivation Matters: This lack of clarity w/r to intent has been a general issue with many recent questions. Please remember that if you don’t explain your motivations and what you intend to communicate to your audience with your plot choices, character attributes, world-building etc., we cannot effectively advise you beyond the information you provide. We Are Not Mind Readers. If, when drafting these questions, you realize you can’t explain your motivations, that is likely a hint that you need to think more on the rationales for your narrative decisions. My recommendation is to read our archives and articles on similar topics for inspiration while you think. I will be attaching this PSA to all asks with similar issues until the volume of such questions declines. 

We have answered this in three parts.

1. Of Paved Roads and Good Intentions

Allow me to give you a personal story, in solidarity towards your feelings:

When I began writing in South Asia as an outsider, specifically in the Kashmir and Lahore areas, I was doing it out of respect for the cultures I had grown up around. I did kathak dance, I grew up on immigrant-cooked North Indian food, my babysitters were Indian. I loved Mughal society, and every detail of learning about it just made me want more. The minute you told me fantasy could be outside of Europe, I hopped into the Mughal world with two feet. I was 13. I am now 28.

And had you asked me, as a teenager, what my motives were in giving my characters’ love interests blue or green eyes, one of them blond hair, my MC having red-tinted brown hair that was very emphasized, and a whole bunch of paler skinned people, I would have told you my motives were “to represent the diversity of the region.” 

I’m sure readers of the blog will spot the really, really toxic and colourist tropes present in my choices. If you’re new here, then the summary is: giving brown people “unique” coloured eyes and hair that lines up with Eurocentric beauty standards is an orientalist trope that needs to be interrogated in your writing. And favouring pale skinned people is colourist, full stop.

Did that make me a bad person with super sneaky ulterior motives who wanted to write bad representation? No.

It made me an ignorant kid from the mostly-white suburbs who grew up with media that said brown people had to “look unique” (read: look as European as possible) to be considered valuable.

And this is where it is important to remember that motives can be pure as you want, but you were still taught all of the terrible stuff that is present in society. Which means you’re going to perpetuate it unless you stop and actually question what is under your conscious motive, and work to unlearn it. Work that will never be complete.

I know it sounds scary and judgemental (and it’s one of the reasons we allow people to ask to be anonymous, for people who are afraid). Honestly, I would’ve reacted much the same as a younger writer, had you told me I was perpetuating bad things. I was trying to do good and my motives were pure, after all! But after a few years, I realized that I had fallen short, and I had a lot more to learn in order for my motives to match my impact. Part of our job at WWC is to attempt to close that gap.

We aren’t giving judgement, when we ask questions about why you want to do certain things. We are asking you to look at the structural underpinnings of your mind and question why those traits felt natural together, and, more specifically, why those traits felt natural to give to a protagonist or other major character.

I still have blond, blue-eyed characters with sandy coloured skin. I still have green-eyed characters. Because teenage me was right, that is part of the region. But by interrogating my motive, I was able to devalue those traits within the narrative, and I stopped making those traits shorthand for “this is the person you should root for.” 

It opened up room for me to be messier with my characters of colour, even the ones who my teenage self would have deemed “extra special.” Because the European-associated traits (pale hair, not-brown-eyes) stopped being special. After years of questioning, they started lining up with my motive of just being part of the diversity of the region.

Motive is important, both in the conscious and the subconscious. It’s not a judgement and it’s not assumed to be evil. It’s simply assumed to be unquestioned, so we ask that you question it and really examine your own biases.

~Mod Lesya

2. Motivations Aren't Always "Ulterior"

You can have a positive motivation or a neutral one or a negative one. Just wanting to have diversity only means your characters aren't all white and straight and cis and able-bodied -- it doesn't explain why you decided to make this specific character specifically bi and specifically Jewish (it me). Yes, sometimes it might be completely random! But it also might be "well, my crush is Costa Rican, so I gave the love interest the same background", or "I set it in X City where the predominant marginalized ethnicity is Y, so they are Y". Neither of these count as ulterior motives. But let's say for a second that you did accidentally catch yourself doing an "ulterior." Isn't that the point of the blog, to help you find those spots and clean them up?

Try thinking of it as “finding things that need adjusting” rather than “things that are bad” and it might get less scary to realize that we all do them, subconsciously. Representation that could use some work is often the product of subconscious bias, not deliberate misrepresentation, so there's every possibility that someone who wants to improve and do better didn't do it perfectly the first time. 

--Shira

3. Dress-Making as a Metaphor

I want to echo Lesya’s sentiments here but also provide a more logistical perspective. If you check the rubber stamp guide here and the “Motivation matters” PSA above, you’ll notice that concerns with respect to asker motivation are for the purposes of providing the most relevant answer possible.

It is a lot like if someone walks into a dressmaker’s shop and asks for a blue dress/ suit (Back when getting custom-made clothes was more of a thing) . The seamstress/ tailor is likely to ask a wide variety of questions:

What material do you want the outfit to be made of?

Where do you plan to wear it?

What do you want to highlight?

How do you want to feel when you wear it?

Let’s say our theoretical customer is in England during the 1920s. A tartan walking dress/ flannel suit for the winter is not the same as a periwinkle, beaded, organza ensemble/ navy pinstripe for formal dress in the summer. When we ask for motivations, we are often asking for exactly that: the specific reasons for your inquiry so we may pinpoint the most pertinent information.

The consistent problem for many of the askers who receive the PSA is they haven’t even done the level of research necessary to know what they want to ask of us. It would be like if our English customer in the 1920s responded, “IDK, some kind of blue thing.” Even worse,  WWC doesn’t have the luxury of the back-and-forth between a dressmaker and their clientele. If our asker doesn’t communicate all the information they need in mind at the time of submission, we can only say, “Well, I’m not sure if this is right, but here’s something. I hope it works, but if you had told us more, we could have done a more thorough job.”

Answering questions without context is hard, and asking for motivations, by which I mean the narratives, themes, character arcs and other literary devices that you are looking to incorporate, is the best way for us to help you, while also helping you to determine if your understanding of the problem will benefit from outside input. Because these asks are published with the goal of helping individuals with similar questions, the PSA also serves to prompt other users.

I note that asking questions is a skill, and we all start by asking the most basic questions (Not stupid questions, because to quote a dear professor, “There are no stupid questions.”). Unfortunately, WWC is not suited for the most basic questions. To this effect, we have a very helpful FAQ and archive as a starting point. Once you have used our website to answer the more basic questions, you are more ready to approach writing with diversity and decide when we can actually be of service. This is why we are so adamant that people read the FAQ. Yes, it helps us, but it also is there to save you time and spare you the ambiguity of not even knowing where to start.

The anxiety in your ask conveys to me a fear of being judged for asking questions. That fear is not something we can help you with, other than to wholeheartedly reassure you that we do not spend our unpaid, free time answering these questions in order to assume motives we can’t confirm or sit in judgment of our users who, as you say, are just trying to do better.

Yes, I am often frustrated when an asker’s question makes it clear they haven’t read the FAQ or archives. I’ve also been upset when uncivil commenters have indicated that my efforts and contributions are not worth their consideration. However, even the most tactless question has never made me think, “Ooh this person is such a naughty racist. Let me laugh at them for being a naughty racist. Let me shame them for being a naughty racist. Mwahaha.”

What kind of sad person has time for that?*

Racism is structural. It takes time to unlearn, especially if you’re in an environment that doesn’t facilitate that process to begin with. Our first priority is to help while also preserving our own boundaries and well-being. Though I am well aware of the levels of toxic gas-lighting and virtue signaling that can be found in various corners of online writing communities in the name of “progressivism*”, WWC is not that kind of space. This space is for discussions held in good faith: for us to understand each other better, rather than for one of us to “win” and another to “lose.”

Just as we have good faith that you are doing your best, we ask that you have faith that we are trying to do our best by you and the BIPOC communities we represent.

- Marika.

*If you are in any writing or social media circles that feed these anxieties or demonstrate these behaviors, I advise you to curtail your time with them and focus on your own growth. You will find, over time, that it is easier to think clearly when you are worrying less about trying to appease people who set the bar of approval so high just for the enjoyment of watching you jump. “Internet hygiene”, as I like to call it, begins with you and the boundaries you set with those you interact with online.

[fauyen]

Also, the reason there's a pay gap between men and women (further exacerbated by the race of the woman) is because men are expected to pay for the expenses of courting, dating, marrying, and raising children with a woman. The money these "gold diggers" are "taking" from men was literally given to males for them to spend to get females. But men are so greedy and selfish that they want to keep all of their cash and still get women. So, women paying for their own meals further robs us of what little money we earn for ourselves and denies us the money they steal from us to give to men to get us. Not to mention how expensive it is for a woman to date men if she's following any/all the rules of feminity (which is even more expensive for women of color). We're spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on clothing, hair care, skin care, anti-aging products, shaving/waxing/plucking, make up, heels, pedicures/manicures, birth control, jewelry, perfume, dieting/working out, spandex/corsets/binders, plastic surgery, and/or any other beauty regimen because we know that our social value to men is dependent on how beautiful we are to them. This is also worsened by new beauty trends that change every decade, requiring women to throw out their old routines and buy all new things to meet current demands. All of which wastes our time, money, and puts us in unnecessary competition with each other over men that aren't worth it. Men will fuck anything that does and/or doesn't move/live. Most men don't even make women orgasm. And women do so much unpaid labor in the form of domestic chores, childcare, elder care, health care, cooking, emotional therapy, household/life management, and taking care of her looks. Plus, we don't owe men sex for buying us dinner. That's a ridiculously uneven and unequivocal exchange because you cannot buy consent. You should run from any man that expects sex for giving you food. So, for me, there is no such thing as a "gold digger." For two reasons: 1. Men can choose not to pursue women who are beneath their class, younger than them (read more financially dependent/ignorant/haven't had enough time to build wealth), and/or spend any money to have sex with them. 2. If women are with rich men for their wealth, then they earned it. The amount of time, money, and energy she has to spend for him to stay interested/spending on her is the work she's doing. The reason we don't advise such behavior is because such a "profession", whether it be a relationship or prostitution, is because it's dangerous and precarious. He has the power to hurt that woman or leave her, either of which could be financially devastating for her. The older she gets, the more those are the potential outcomes. A man is not a plan. But, he is overly compensated for his work. So, if you're going to date/marry men, make them foot the bill for being with you. Don't spend money on them directly, like paying for your meals, dates, etc. (feminity standards count as indirectly, but understandable for heterosexual relationships because most men don't like natural women). Instead, spend your money on yourself, save for your future, invest and build your wealth, and prepare for retirement. Get a stable job to be able to achieve those things. And to have money to get out of a toxic/abusive relationship if you need to.

Statistics on pay gap between the sexes, intersected by other socioeconomic factors: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/03/01/the-enduring-grip-of-the-gender-pay-gap/

Study on makeup: https://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/the-beauty-industry-products-for-a-healthy-glow-or-a-compact-for-harm

Women spend more than men over a lifetime:

https://faculty.washington.edu/slkeller/MembraneChixPhotoFolder/Study-of-Gender-Pricing-in-NYC.pdf

Women spend more on beauty during recessions: https://carlsonschool.umn.edu/sites/carlsonschool.umn.edu/files/2018-10/Lipstick_JPSP_2012.pdf

The cost of being a woman: https://www.msmu.edu/media/website/learning-amp-research-communities/center-for-the-advancement-of-women/MSMU_RSWG_2024_FNL.pdf

Men don't make women orgasm: https://theconversation.com/the-orgasm-gap-and-why-women-climax-less-than-men-208614

https://www.theswaddle.com/what-s-the-true-cost-of-women-s-unpaid-labour-a-reading-list

Women's unpaid labor costs:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/newsletters/2024-03-28/what-do-we-owe-women-for-child-care-and-housework-3-6-trillion

https://www.thebump.com/news/unpaid-labor-women-global-national-value

i really think some "feminists" were very shortsighted with the whole "oh i split the bill and pay for my man because I'm an independent feminist that doesn't need a man and I feel like I owe him something if i don't pay".

Like I'm sorry to tell you this but a man isn't gonna respect you any more or is inherently more "feminist" if he always you to pay. In fact it just gives men another thing to benefit from women without them even doing the bare fucking minimum of even addressing serious issues that actually affect women's lives like sexual assault, rape or even other actual oppressive gender roles like being expected to do domestic labor or "sexual labor" for men. Men are not oppressed for paying a bill on a date because that transactional relationship that they complain about as "oppression" was their own doing so please stop trying so hard to prove to men that you're not a "gold digger" because I promise you that a lot of men will TAKE AND TAKE AND TAKE from you without any fucking shame or self-awareness because of their male entitlement. Your feminism doesn't owe men shit and your only goal should be to liberate yourself from male control and any man who tries to tell you otherwise in just another self-serving moid.

This is not me advocating for gender roles or hyper-gammy btw I'm just trying to highlight how men use feminism for their own gain.

[bibbykins]

What Love Looks Like (M)

A/N: Oh man, this is longer than I intended lmao. I initially wasn't going to include smut but I caved anyway, so please enjoy! The semester just wrapped up for me so now all I have going on is seeing whether or not I can buy a house, so hopefully, I'll have more time to write? Also note: the "love" in this while called love does by no means mean it is healthy, or a healthy relationship. This is still a soft yan fic! On that note, tipping is not required but extremely appreciated and pls give me your thoughts and any questions in my ask box! Have a wonderful day/night!

NOTE: This is part of The Household's Bunny series, so I would recommend reading the other parts prior to this!

Pairing: Soft yandere! OT7 (Yoongi focused in this fic) x Chubby/ Camgirl! Reader

Summary: The concept of loving someone and someone loving you in return had remained nothing short of a dream that was far beyond your reach. You never thought you could find something you had no reference for, but sometimes things lost or unknown can find you instead. Sometimes it finds you in the form of a text that wasn't meant to be sent.

Word Count: 7.1k

Warnings: 18+, body shaming(done by reader's mom in the past not by anyone currently), mommy issues, beauty standards, low self-esteem, toxic relationship, unhealthy relationship, possessive and obsessive thoughts, self-doubt, daddy kink, fingering, cunnilingus, penetrative sex, office sex, desk sex, reader is a cam girl, spit kink, daddy kink, dumbification, cumming inside, reader just needs love tbh

Words can never fully encompass the sweet feeling of going to sleep and waking up in the arms of someone who feels the same about you. With Taehyung, it had been tear-filled and emotional whereas, with Namjoon, it had been sensual and intense. However, he meant it just as much as he carried you to his bed and laid with you, only after making sure it was okay as if he hadn’t just consensually made you fall apart on his thigh. He kissed you softly and whispered sweet nothings in your ear as you listened to his slowing heartbeat while sleep overtook the both of you.

Now, as you laid in his bed alone, you wished you hadn’t encouraged him to get the rest of his work done.

You had heard him in the other room bickering with Taehyung about another project they have. They had pushed up a meeting and you had encouraged Namjoon to do the responsible adult thing instead of spending the day in bed with you. His kiss was tender, longing, and domestic. He told you you were more than welcome to stay in his room any time, which brought a smile to your face since his sheets smelled like him.

Sometimes you wished you were a bit more selfish at times like these. You were alone on Namjoon’s floor, playing the demo you had neglected. This time, you weren't clouded by salacious thoughts, and could gush over how excited you were about the upcoming game. You watched the credits roll by and when Yoongi's company name rolled by you sighed, looking down at your phone before shaking your head. You really didn't want to bother him while he's in the middle of overseeing the making of this undoubtedly long game.

Instead, you opted for playing a drama. You watched with envious eyes as the couple embraced and basked in their newfound love of one another. Yet, you couldn't help but take note of their physique, a habit from your mother that you had been desperately trying to shake. Your mother had always told you that's what love looked like. Her constant lamenting of the difference between beautiful girls that deserve love and then people that looked like you stuck was a leech to your self-esteem. It would be easy to shake off if those weren't the only memories you had of her. Memories of seeing what "love looks like" and consoling her in a quiet voice.

You couldn't blame your mom fully, it's easy to think that's what love looks like. A skinny man with a skinny woman, a bulky man with a skinny woman. A skinny woman. You see it everywhere, and eventually, you start to believe it. You're happy for the skinny woman, but sad you may never be able to find a love that looks like hers. Sad, that you don't know what love looks like outside of this stupid rectangular box that makes you feel too big to be in there and experience it. Could you ever know what love looks like if that's your only reference?

You begin to feel the bile of loneliness plague your mind and your phone case catches in the light. You finally caved, typing out an encouraging message to the stoic man you hadn't properly seen in weeks. You sent him a few messages, gushing about the game you loved and not-so-slyly mentioning that you miss him. You smiled to yourself, proud you messaged him in spite of your self-conscious thoughts.

You took a celebratory breath as you sent the final message and noticed him typing immediately. You supposed you caught him at a good time and when the message appeared, time froze.

"I love you too, baby."

Love… you?

He said he loves you?

You frantically responded to him, genuinely questioning if you read that right.

Next thing you knew you were hurriedly making your way to your floor to change. You opted to save time and wear the dress you were before, you just needed proper underwear, forgoing tights, and hoping the chaffing wouldn’t be too bad.

Not having a chance to think twice about how you looked, you ran out the door. If Yoongi was going to say words like that, you had to make sure it wasn't a mistake before even thinking of emotionally processing it. You couldn't handle the embarrassment of getting your hopes up, of believing any of them could love you if even a shred of it wasn't true.

----

Yoongi paced back and forth as his phone nearly shook off of his desk and the man pressed his eyes closed. How could he be so dumb? How could he be so thoughtless?

He was a calculated man. He had to be. From birth, he was calculating every move he could possibly make. From foster home to foster home all the way to getting adopted, he had restrained acting on impulse. It was survival, it was what got him here.

Then he met you.

You were everything he ever wanted and never knew he needed. He never thought he'd properly see you again but you were all

moved in and he initially figured he would mind his business and leave you alone and vice versa, beyond becoming a paying customer to your content. However, you were just so… warm.

------------------

"Yoongi, right?" He jumped at the feminine voice that greeted him at the crack of dawn. He heard you giggle as his gaze fell on your form. You wore a rose pink slip that fell to the top of your thigh and complimented curves as you leaned against the counter with a small smile on your face, which was notably decorated with makeup, “Sorry, I got up early to film and I’m still waiting for the caffeine to kick in.” He nodded politely, ready to grab some coffee, and retreat back to his floor to work, “So, what are you doing up so early?” You asked and he found himself invited in by your genuine interest.

“I work before work most days.” He explained, pouring himself some coffee before leaning across from you on the counter.

“Sounds like you have a mean boss, very demanding.” You pouted and he couldn’t help the smile that crept to his face.

He hummed in agreement before speaking, “I am my boss.” He teased but your face turned smug.

“I know.” You grinned, “I said what I said.”

He gaped as you took a sip of your coffee, “Well what about your boss, making you get up at hours like these?” He tsked and your laugh was utterly melodic.

You hummed in mock agreement as he did, “And look at what they have me wearing, talk about an HR nightmare.” You took another sip of your coffee before grimacing, “And they force me to drink coffee.” You scrunched your face as you set the cup down, “It’s insanity.” You whined.

He gazed at the mug and was met with the lightest brown he had ever seen in a coffee mug, “Is it coffee or is it milk with a drop of coffee?” He teased and you stuck your tongue out at him, “Why don’t you get creative and add syrup or blend it?” He asked and you shrugged, “You know, whatever you coffee haters do.” He added with a sly glint in his eyes and you gasped in mock offense.

-----

The morning talks with Yoongi had become a regular occurrence. It would vary on who brewed the pot first, but what would remain the same is the counter you both would lean on. In the first months of you living with them, he had learned a lot about you and, surprising both of you, vice versa. One of the first things he had come to learn about you was that you had no idea how to make coffee taste good. You had told him your go-to move was to keep the milk flowing until you weren’t near tears with each sip.

“So you’re telling me, I could have been putting chocolate in my coffee this whole time?!” You were sell shocked when he handed you the drink with chocolate drizzle and you didn’t shudder at the bitter taste you were used to, “Wow, I have so much to learn.” You mused, making him chuckle.

You knew nothing about coffee, and Yoongi was intrigued by it, so days would come where he woke up just a bit earlier to make you different types of drinks. So far, the caramel macchiato and the iced mocha had been your favorites, but everything changed when he took you to a coffee shop and ordered you a frappucino. You gushed about the drink for ten minutes, thanking the barista each chance you got and nothing felt sweeter than watching you giddy about liking a form of coffee.

During these coffee dates, as you would call them much to Yoongi’s delight, you both would chat about anything and everything. You told him about your degree and he told you about his work. Sometimes he would ask you for advice as a fan of his company’s games, and each time, it was like he struck gold. You were creative, this much he already knew, and extremely articulate when it came to a topic you put a great deal of thought in. You even began asking for his advice in your work since he was also a loyal subscriber. You both had formed a certain bond that bloomed under the dim sky and flourished in coffee-fueled conversation

You were patient, kind, attentive, and caring. There were days when you would switch out the coffee for decaf, having a rebuttal to each argument he had to justify his caffeine addiction. He was calculated, but you could see the flaws in his formulas. You made him feel more human than he had felt in a long time. Being human to him meant being weak, scared, and unsure, but you made humanity feel almost as beautiful as you were. You flourished in your humanity, warming his cold and hardened exterior with your smile or fearlessness in admitting you didn’t know the answer to things. You were unabashedly vulnerable and he wondered if you were the thing he had been working towards when struggling to survive in the foster care system. Your smile made every painful memory feel like nothing other than a piece of his journey to you.

You cried when he told you about his time in the system before he was adopted at 17, and he panicked when he saw your lip trembling, “Hey now, it’s okay, I survived, bunny.” He spoke softly, unsure how to console you or help.

What he didn’t expect was for you to throw your arms around him and squeeze him into a hug, “I’m just so happy our paths were able to cross in spite of all we had to do to get here.” You breathed into his neck as you sniffled, “I spent a lot of my time wishing I was worthy enough for my mom to stay, come back, or even just contact me, but I don’t feel that constant need to prove myself worthy around you like you just think I’m enough as is.” You held him close in spite of the stretching you do across the counter and his arms encircled your waist.

“You’re more than enough, bunny.” He murmured as you cried, “I’m not going anywhere.” He made sure to add as his anger flared at the thought of your mother, at the thought of anyone meeting you and seeing anything but perfection. Although, you were better off without them. He just wished they hadn’t left a decimated self-esteem and sense of worth in the wake of their mistreatment of you.

You eventually opened up about the details of your mother’s departure from your life, and it took everything in him not to track her down and make sure she’s miserable. Even hearing about Jungyoon’s apathy towards you was enough to make him want to call Mona and tell her all about the man she held in such high regard. However, he remained focused on you, clinging to every word you spoke, “But I find that whenever I think about her, I no longer want her to come back.” You smiled a bit, “I like where I am and who I’m with just fine.” Your gaze landed on his form and your smile only grew in tandem with his.

After he and Jin had “did you a favor” he had been worried you would be scared to be around him, but if anything, it only made your encounters better. This time, you kissed him good morning and goodbye as he went to work. You would stand next to him instead of across the counter, leaning your weight on him or clinging to him sleepily as he made your coffee. It was domestic and tender, “If you’re so tired, then why are you up?” He asked on one occasion as he handed you an iced mocha.

You took it from him lazily, mumbling thanks before giving him a peck on the lips, “Because I wanna see you, silly.” You yawned, missing the gummy smile you gushed about each time you saw it. You wanted to see him. He was giddy as he guided you to the couch. He sat down, inviting you to sit in his lap as he turned on the TV for background noise, “Don’t blame me if your thigh falls asleep.” You giggled as he brought you onto his lap, enjoying how your plump figure felt against him, relishing in the intimacy.

“It would be an honor for my body to be directly affected by you, m’lady.” He cooed and you stuck your tongue out at him, “So… you want to see me so bad you wake up at the crack of dawn?” He teased and realization flashed across your features as you realized your tired confession. Sensing you were going to try and get up, he tightened his hold on you before whispering, “I like spending time with you too.” He kissed your cheek and just like that, you relaxed against his body with a warm smile.

----

It had been a long while since he had been able to spend his mornings with you since the release for the game was steadily approaching. Each morning still he sent you a good morning text and would have your coffee for you in the fridge.

This longing for him only made your haste that much more needed as you looked up different ways to get to his office.

You opted to take the bus, not wanting to go through the psychological warfare that was getting your car to turn on. The trip was short and half of you was thankful while the other half internally begged for the driver to go around the block a few times. Nevertheless, you walked briskly, not giving yourself a chance to turn around.

By the time you wanted to turn around and forget the whole thing, you were faced with a shining smile from an equally shining receptionist, “Hi, is there something I could help you with?” Her brown hair was perfectly slicked back and her makeup was done beautifully, subtle, just like her stylish yet cool business casual outfit. It was at that moment you realized you were dressed closer to a 1950’s housewife than a stylish college student. She looked you up and down and her smile only grew, “You look so cute!” She gushed and let out a squeal when you smiled shyly, “I just want to keep you in my pocket!” She fawned over you, much to your surprise.

“Thank you!” You chirped with a shy smile, “I, uh, don’t usually leave the house looking this eccentric.” You chuckled and she shook her head.

“Is it because you’d be so captivating?” She hummed and you nearly choked on your spit. Goodness, she was charming. You were stunned silent as she reached over to brush a piece of hair behind your ear, “Don’t tell me you’re here to see your boyfriend.” She pouted and you gaped at her. Is she… flirting with you? You never had a stranger just decide to flirt with you. You felt your face heat up as her tender touches made you increasingly shy but also so very flattered, “Or is it a girlfriend?” She raised a brow, “Both?”

You shook your head, “N-Neither.” You breathed and her smile grew.

“Soyeon, stop flirting with the women that-” Another feminine voice snapped you from your trance as you turned to see an equally beautiful woman looking at you with wide eyes. She had platinum blonde hair that flowed and was similarly stylish to Soyeon, “Oh my gosh, y-you’re bunnyboop!” She squealed.

Soyeon’s eyes widened, “You totally are!”

Your eyes widened also. It wasn’t terribly often you got recognized. People were almost always respectful, but it was still a surprise, “Oh, you guys are fans?”

“All the girls in the office are huge fans-” Soyeon stopped herself, “Outside of work we discuss this, of course, in case HR is lurking anywhere.” She peered around her desk as the blond woman stuck out her hand.

“I’m Ji Miyoung, a lead developer here.” Her hand trembled slightly in yours, “C-Can I have a photo with you?” Before you could answer she waved her hands frantically, “It’s okay if not, I understand if you want your privacy and-”

“Sure!” You beamed at her as her smile grew, “It’s super flattering to meet such pretty fans.” The squeals from both ladies continued as they took photos with you.

Eventually, a small crowd of people of all genders in the office gathered. Everyone was very polite… and flustered as they introduced themselves to you. The last time you drew this big of a crowd was at a convention meant for cam girls. It was a little funny to think all of these coworkers were so comfortable admitting what porn they paid for, but they were all so nice you couldn’t complain. They were all pleasantly mindful of boundaries and you figured it was because they were all around your age, since the impolite fans you had meant were usually much older men.

You took photos, completely distracted from the issue at hand until you heard a firm, “What is going on?” From a deep voice you recognized. The staff stiffened into uneasy smiles as the crowd slowly dissipated.

“Ah, M-Mr. Min, good afternoon.” A nervous laugh came from a man who had just been brought to tears when you touched his hand.

“Junyoung, wh- are you… crying?” He squeaked at the question and went on your tiptoes to see Yoongi sharply looking at his employee.

“Not anymore, no sir.” His voice cracked and you fought a giggle with the rest of the nervous staff.

“Hi, Yoongs!” Your small voice made the CEO look up quickly as he made out your eyes while the rest of his employees gaped at you, “I almost forgot I was here to see you.” You giggled, “Everyone here is so nice, so I got distracted.”

Yoongi didn’t have the time nor the energy to unpack the HR nightmare that was his employees huddling around and gushing over their favorite cam girl on the clock, especially when you were in his office looking like his wife bringing him lunch he forgot at home. His heart soared as you gave him a smile, and he was able to forget why you were most likely here in the first place.

“Are you dating him?” Soyeon asked in a failed hushed voice, forgetting she asked if you were seeing a significant other just ten minutes ago.

You paused before shaking your head, “He’s-”

“Baby, do you want to let them get back to work and we can go up to my office?” The pet name made your cheeks heat all over again as the crowd quickly dispersed and the employees gulped at the thought of lusting after their boss’s girlfriend.

You nodded and began walking to him, waving meekly at the employees before Yoong took your hand in his as he led you into the elevator. He didn’t let go of your hand when the doors closed, if anything he held it tighter. The ride to the top of the skyscraper was silent and you tried to organize your thoughts to no avail.

It was hard to focus on his confession of love while he held your hand tightly and yet softly stroking his thumb against yours. Despite his tenderness, he was eerily quiet and you couldn’t figure out why. Could he be trying to organize his thoughts about the confession? Did he even know he typed it out? Could the words he says to you be that thoughtless to him?

No…right?

When was the last time someone told you they loved you?

The question placed a heavy weight on your shoulders until you couldn’t take it and your head was cast down. A better question would be when was the last time told you they loved you and meant it. You shut your eyes for a moment, trying to search through your brain and coming up woefully short. It was a pattern of lies and ulterior motivations. It was a pattern of putting enough love into the relationship for the both of you as if that made up for the lack of reciprocation. Is the word that meaningless now? Or is it that meaningless when it comes to you? Are other people really the problem if you’re the only one that gets hurt in the end?

The elevator dinged, making you jump from your thoughts as Yoongi led you into his office hand in hand. He remained avoiding eye contact but spoke anyway, “I would ask to what do I owe the pleasure, but I think I know why you’re here.” His voice was low and soft in a way you had seldom heard from him. You opened your mouth to speak, but closed it again when you realized you didn’t know what to say. He stopped walking and stepped in front of you to meet your eyes, “Part of me really wanted to take the cowards route, but you don’t deserve a coward.” His words felt like a boa constricting around your chest, having a feeling of what he meant, you spoke up.

“I can just forget it happened if that’s what you want me to do.” You looked to him and tried to search for a hint of confirmation, “You don’t have to pretend you mean it in hopes you will one day. I promise, you won’t, and then I’ll really get hurt.” You said this as if you weren’t already hurt like you didn’t expect more from Yoongi. You looked down as you spoke, scoffing at the difference between your pink socks with white pumps and his black dress pants with matching shoes, “You don’t have to love me just because you said it-.”

“No, baby, don’t ever accept that.” He spoke so resolutely you had no choice but to hold his gaze as he took both of your hands in his, staring at the skin-to-skin contact, “I want to say that what I sent was a mistake.” He said and it felt like a punch to the gut.

Right. It was a mistake. It would be a mistake to love someone like you. Suddenly you felt the embarrassment of getting your hopes up creeping into your skin, beginning at the fingertips touching his skin as you looked down at them. He squeezed your hands, catching your attention.

“But that would be a tasteless and cruel lie.” He heaved a sigh and you finally looked at his face again. You searched his eyes for deceit and found nothing but vulnerability, “Did I mean to say it to you right then, over text of all places? No.” He heaved a self-pitying laugh, “But that doesn’t mean it’s not how I feel.”

“You… you mean that you…” You choked on your words and felt pressure behind your eyes as you shook your head.

He took your face in his hands, pleading silently for you to look at him and when you did his gaze remained soft yet determined, “I love you.” He struggled to say it, but you could tell it wasn’t forced. You have heard forced confessions before, and this wasn’t one of them, “I know, usually dating comes first, which is why I think I’m an idiot for taking this grand confession away from you, because you deserve to feel like how lucky you make me feel when you just smile in my direction, and instead I just texted it to you after not being able to see your face for over a week and…” He paused his rambling as he felt tears hit his hands on your cheeks, “Bunny, please don’t cry. I’m sorry, I know you deserve so much more than me and-”

“I love you too.” Your voice was broken but your heart wasn’t as you cried uncontrollably, “I love you and I don’t get how I know, but fuck,” You breathed shakily, “It feels so right to say it because you’re so great and kind. I didn’t know I was capable of deserving even a fraction of the compassion and you all have given me and…” Your speech was hindered by your cries as you pushed forward to hug him close. Your arms went around his neck and his arms wrapped around your waist, “I’m so scared you guys will get tired of me.” You cried harder, finally letting out all the pain of watching the door close while you remained onto the shoulder of his suit.

Yoongi wanted to ask why on Earth you would think getting tired of you was an option. However, he was worried he wouldn’t be able to hold his temper if you confirmed his suspicions of people using you and then leaving you. Instead, he focused on holding you as close as humanly possible while you cried. He would be here all night if that’s what you needed. It was evident that no one granted you the same courtesy in your life before them, and he would spend forever making up for it if that’s what you wanted.

He hummed a soothing tune as he held you close to him. This was the second time in your life someone has held you while you cried and some things never get old. The feeling of not being judged as you fall apart. The feeling of him holding you together while you fall apart was priceless. It was one of the aspects of love you could never properly describe.

“You don’t have to worry about things like that, baby.” He spoke in a gentle voice, “Loving you is the furthest thing from tiring.” He mused and you could feel yourself beginning to calm down, “I’m so woefully enchanted by you, I almost forgot the whole day just from seeing you in that dress.” He chuckled with you.

“You and your staff.” You giggled and heard his laughter cease, “They were really dazzled by me, I got about a million date offers I didn’t even have time to consider.” You kept giggling at the idea but stopped when you realized he squeezed you tighter and had stopped laughing.

“Would it be wrong to fire my staff for coming on to you?” He murmured into your hair and you could tell he was on half-joking.

You smacked his back lightly, “Yes, it would be wrong because it doesn’t matter if they were coming on to me when I’m up here and we’re literally professing our love to each other.” Your voice had a teasing lilt to it but the notion of you also professing your love to him, made him relax against your touch some more, “Plus, that would be a good chunk of my income down the drain.” You chortled and Yoongi clicked his tongue.

“I can make up the difference.” He joked, although he very well could, but you shook your head.

“It’s not their fault I’m so hot.” You snickered and he hummed in agreement before you added, “Isn’t it a little funny you’ve been getting VIP access to their favorite cam girl?”

This made him snort a bit, “Yeah, I’m living the life with someone as lovely as you reciprocating my feelings.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead and you sighed blissfully.

It was easy to believe love occurred in spaces you couldn’t fit until it came to you. Until he looked at you like the man looks at a skinny woman in dramas. Until you realized that your love may never look what your mother thought being skinny would be, but it'll feel much more real, much more gratifying. It'll feel just as beautiful as it does in the dramas, and you'll look just as beautiful, at least to someone.

You thought for a moment before sighing, “I need to fix my face before I kiss you.” You snorted, muffled by the fabric of his suit jacket.

“You don’t need to do anything.” He pulled back and you squeaked, wanting to hide your face but he caught your cheeks in his palms again as he looked at you in a way that took your breath away, “I love you as is.” His words came out as a promise and you smiled shyly before he pulled you into a slow and sweet kiss, as if he were signing a contract to love you as long as you would allow him to. And maybe, for even longer than that.

It were times like these you wish you could call your mom and tell her that love takes many forms. That love doesn’t look like a skinny woman in a rectangular box made of pixels. That love can gaze upon you even though you take up more space.

He kissed you, wanting to take the pain of your past from you and onto him. He wanted so badly to ask for names so he could get to work. So he could break them as they put jagged cracks in your self-esteem. Because you weren’t broken. No, not to him. You were too precious to break at the will of trash. Trash he would end the moment he got his hands on their information, information of what they valued most in their life, information on how to rip that away from them.

However, he couldn’t shift his focus from your delicate form as you pulled apart from the kiss, forehead leaning on his before placing another kiss on his lips, “And I love you as is.” You reciprocated and he smiled, wondering how it is he got so lucky.

--------------

You hummed gleefully hours later as you sat in Yoongi’s lap, watching him work and not understanding a thing that was going on. What you did understand, however, was how nice it was to have this man peppering kisses into your neck and on your face every now and then. That was his form of taking a break as he clicked away at things, covering your eyes each time a spoiler for the new Zombie Undertaking games was on the screen, enjoying the laughs that provoked from you each time he did.

Yoongi was similarly on cloud nine as you leaned against him on your phone responding to messages in the same way he was responding to emails. He didn’t want to let you go and you also didn’t want to leave after the tearful exchange of feelings so you spent the day working with him. Bliss couldn’t even begin to describe the feeling as he burrowed his head into your neck for the nth time in the hour placing kissing all over the soft skin, but this time you let out a soft moan and his mouth landed on a certain spot.

He grunted into your neck before his mouth latched onto the spot, making your back arch, “Yoongi.” You whined, only spurring him on further as his tongue dragged against the fresh hickey, making you move to clench your thighs together, but he caught your thighs with his hands, keeping them spread as you whimpered, “But your work.” You spoke weakly, making him chuckle darkly as his hands caressed your thighs, eyes trained on the way your thick thighs looked in his hands.

He squeezed the plump skin and groaned, “But you’re so pretty, my love.” His voice was silky smooth as for the second time in this dress, you watched masculine hands push up the hem.

You preened at the pet name, “You’re not playing fair.” Your huff quickly broke into a breathy moan as he cupped your sex.

He hummed in delight, “Fuck, you’re so wet.” He groaned into your neck, mouth moving to hover over your ear while his fingers outlined your slit over your underwear, “You’re practically leaking he crooned. You gasped when his finger rubbed circles over your clothed slit. Your fingers dug into his arms as you bit your lip, trying not to moan but wanting to beg him to touch you directly, “Everyone’s gone home and this floor is on mine, so if you try to suppress your pretty little moans, I’ll just play with you like this all night.” His voice was low and you whimpered.

“No, please, touch me.” You begged lightly and he kissed your neck again, making you wiggle your hips, “Please, please, wanna feel your fingers inside of me.” You begged, shy inhibitions long gone, proving it with the loud moan that escaped your mouth when his hand went underneath your panties and his finger played with your bare clit, “Yes, yes!” You gasped.

“Namjoon made you cum not that long ago, and yet you’re still leaking on my hand.” He nipped your neck lightly, making you cry out further when his finger sunk into you as he groaned, “You’re so fucking wet, baby, you’re insatiable, aren’t you?” He teased as he slowly fucked you with his finger, smacking your thigh each time you tried to move your hips, “Are you going to cum already?” His voice was degrading but only made you squeeze around his fingers.

“Yes, daddy.” You nodded and he laughed heartily.

“No, you’re not.” He deadpanned as he took his fingers from you, making you mewl desperately. He licked your juices from his fingers while you threw a fit in his lap, “Lay on the desk, my love.” He commanded and you did as you were told, cunt empty and begging for release. You scrambled to lay down on the, thankfully, sturdy desk. His look of appreciation as you pulled your dress up to expose your cunt satisfied your submissive brain, “What a good girl I have.” He praised, making you smile giddily while he pocketed your underwear. He took a moment to appreciate your form and bare pussy being presented to him on his work desk, a fantasy he never expected to come to fruition. His hand spread the lips of your sex before he leaned down to gather your juices on his tongue as he slowly dragged the appendage up to your clit. You moaned sinfully as the sensation.

“Fuck, fuck.” Your high-pitched moans only spurred him on as his tongue worshiped your sex, exploring the parts he had dreamed about since the first time he tasted you. He made out with your soaking cunt before he began flicking his tongue across your clit, enjoying the way you twitched with each time his stiffened muscle passed over the sensitive bud, “Daddy.” You moaned, making him groan into your pussy, the vibrations making your thighs shake.

Yoongi released your clit with a lewd pop as he let one finger tease the outside of your drenched hole, “Do you have any idea how sexy you are?” He murmured as he pressed a peck to your clit, “How fucking hot it is to have you sprawled out on my desk in a pretty little dress with my face between your thick thighs?” One hand went to squish the skin of your left thigh and you keened at the exalting of your form. He dove back in, finger going inside at the same time his tongue reached your clit again.

The rush of sensations made your back arch off the desk as you clutched the hem of your dress, fighting the urge to grind into his face and grip his hair, “I’m gonna-”

“No, you’re not.” He kissed your clit before his fingers stilled as you wailed at the loss of your building high. You wiggled in frustration as you could feel your orgasm waning away. He laughed darkly as you begged and pleaded, whining incessantly.

“I wanna cum, daddy, please, please-” You whined and was cut off with another finger slipping inside of you.

“What happened to my obedient baby girl that asked to cum?” He mused and you whimpered, having completely forgotten to ask in the excitement of it all. He feigned thought before he took his fingers from you, sucking the juices off yet again but this time, holding eye contact. His gaze was dark, yet there was a clear passionate fire behind them as he hovered over you, forearms on either side of your head while his stern gaze softened, “You really want to cum, baby?”

You nodded emphatically, “Yes, yes, I wanna cum for you so bad.” You blubbered, lips pouting. He mocked your whine before leaning down to capture your lips in a deep kiss. Your tongue took the initiative to mingle with his as your arms wrapped around his waist. You moaned softly as he deepened the kiss, his tongue circling your as his head bobbed ever so slightly as you both made out. Your legs wrapped around him, making him hum into your mouth, “Fuck me.” You mumbled against his soft lips, “Please.” You added and he growled, unsure if he wanted your first time together to be on his desk, “I wanna feel you inside of me.” You whimpered and that was enough to make his resolve snap.

He nodded, pulling from your mouth, “Okay, baby, I’ll let you cum on my cock.” He relented as he unbuckled his belt and pulling down his pants in haste as he pumped his hardened cock a few times.

“Your dick is so pretty.” You spoke with a sensual lilt, “Want you to fill me up.” You proclaimed and that was all the encouragement he needed to slide into you. You both moaned as he bottomed out.

“You’re so tight, my love.” He sighed, falling onto his forearms over you to give you a sweet kiss before he stood straight again, hands going to your hips as your walls fluttered around him. He watched the area where the two of you were connected with a pleased gaze, and he couldn’t help the lovestruck smile that landed on his face. He could truly stay like this forever.

Your hands grabbed his wrists, catching his attention. The lovelorn look he gave you caught you off guard but made your heart soar, “Y-You can move.” You gave him a small reassuring smile, “You can fuck me dumb.” You purred but the sultry look on your face was quickly replaced to a pilant one of ecstasy when he pulled out of you only to slam back in.

He fucked into you at a fairly quick pace, but he made sure to fuck into you as deep as he possibly could. The feeling of being completely filled by him made your eyes roll back each time he pressed into you. You were quickly reduced to desperate moans as he fucked you into oblivion, shaking the desk as he let all of his pent-up desire for you run free, “How do you feel, baby?” He crooned.

“Ah… good… daddy-I-” You gasped out, words nearly incomprehensible as he pounded into you, “I-I love you-” He gripped your face in his hand, squishing your cheeks as he looked down at you with a look of mock pity.

“My poor, dumb, baby.” He cooed, “You can’t even think straight already?” He asked in mock exasperation, “I’ve already fucked my girl dumb?” You nodded, making a pathetic noise of agreement with your mouth slightly open and tongue out as he licked at your pink muscle, making you moan further, “I love you too, baby.” He spoke tenderly before he gathered spit in his mouth and slowly let it dribble into your awaiting mouth. You swallowed it gleefully, making him growl and fuck you quicker, “Since you’re being such a good girl, you can cum.” He promised and your sex-fogged mind was abuzz in happiness.

“Thank you, daddy!” You sputtered and chanted over and over again along with, “I love you, I love you!” It was all you had left in your vocabulary as he fucked you harder and harder until your long-awaited orgasm came with a scream.

He nearly choked on his own spit when he felt your walls squeeze and flutter around him, “You feel so good squeezing around me like that, bunny- shit.” He grit out while his pace remained unforgiving.

“Cum inside me.” You begged as your orgasm racked through your body.

“Okay, baby-fuck- daddy will cum inside, hm?” He struggled to speak as you tightened around him and he found his high rather quickly as he came, fucking his cum into you while you milked him dry, “I love you too.” He breathed when he was finally done.

You leaned up weakly to kiss him and he took the hint, “Thank you.” You spoke weakly, before smiling wistfully, “I really do love you.” You were blissful as Yoongi cleaned the both of you up.

“I really love you, bunny.” He smiled unabashedly, “I’m not going to let anyone or anything hurt you anymore.” He promised but you had already fallen asleep.

Yoongi chuckled as he looked at your restful form. He was stricken with you, and there was nothing either of you could do about it. He loved you, and you would be his first and last love, that much he would make sure of. He called for his car to be pulled around and he lifted you gently. You hummed tiredly against him while he soothed you. You were his now, and it was only a matter of time before the other men in the house would make you theirs as well. In no time, you’ll belong to them as they already belong to you. The thought made him giddy as he carried you to his car.

Tip Jar

[youn9racha]

I Know (Part I)

Pairing: Changbin x fem!reader

Genre: suggestive

Word count: 1.9k

Warning: slight adult content, swearing, suggestive actions, elements of stalker behavior

Extra notes: characters mentioned are all above the age 21 years, a lot of hatred towards the male figure lol. Also this is my first time writing on tumblr, so please bare with me, it may not be the best, but I still hope you enjoy it :)

And baby, I know, I know whatever city you’re in, you’re still the boy that I’d pick…

part ii is up !!!

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This is no way representative of the way Stray Kids act. They’re nothing but references of character, and in no shape or form is this how they act. And I am in no way romanticizing or glamorizing any toxic behavior exhibited, they’re just stories that is meant to be read. Readers discretion is advised

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Men…

Truly the scums of the Earth, who do no good for no one, and are an absolute menace to society. But oh, do I enjoy the looks of their faces at times. The way they would look at me with full hope and infatuation, with full beliefs that I would step down and give them all they want from me.

Hmph. How cute… and pathetic. How pathetic to assume and lower my standards for them. They all are the same. All but one however.

All that men hating… and yet, only one I’d be willing to go down to his level.

Yes, its him… He whom a lot would have not sought to be with, not many would expect a bombshell like myself would be with. But I do not see that in him, not an ounce of what many insecure individuals would see. I see something striking that not many could see, an underrated dignified beauty that anyone could wish to admire. A fanciable and irresistible personality and face.

He was a man.. but a pleasant one.

It all started when I moved in into a new flat for myself. I previously left the old complex due to the cramped environment I had that left me feeling uneasy and stressed, as well as it wasn’t even my apartment, it was for my partner, well, ex-partner. It was simply wasn’t working out, due to our seeming never ending conflicts. But enough of the past, let us move on..

I found this flat that is comfortable and the rent pays well, its only downside is that my room’s window is faced to the next door’s flat, however it’s not a big detriment or big turn off for me so it was fine by me, and also it was prone to have random, yet rare, blackout, but then again what neighborhood doesn’t have that. Anyhow, I was set to take the complex, but before I did, I have noticed something about the neighbor’s window next to me. It was a man. A really good looking one too. Giving his side profile, he was laying on his bed, his black hair covered head bopping with earphones placed in ears, laptop placed in his revealing shorts adorned lap. My eyes began started to stare into his arms then onto his naked well built chest, which indicates that he likes to keep up with his health, as his ring adorned hands was tapping away in his keyboard. I quickly looked away when I saw him repositioned his laptop, and walked out of the soon-to-be my room.

Great… I’ve entered Hell.

But I didn’t let it affect my decisions and got the apartment nonetheless, here I am now, weeks after the incident, sitting in my car, outside of the building, still thinking about the man in his laptop. Has he noticed that I was staring at him? Does he know that there’s gonna be someone living next to him? I hope not. And if he has, I must apologize to him. But before that, let me unload my car. I have gradually put my stuff into the complex as the days go by, it seems dragging, but it felt like the time went by fast, so I’m glad I have done that. However, today was different, as I took stuff more than I usually did, as I desperately do not want to go back to my ex. Typically, I never had assistance, as usually my best friend would join in and help out, but at a time I needed them the most, they had to be really sick. They still were willing to help, but I insisted that they shouldn’t and should rest.

After thinking, I sighed and got out my car, ready to fight the battle that is putting my stuff into my complex. I opened the trunk, eyes meeting my stuff, and I begin to groan. ‘Dammit, (y/n), why do you have that many stuff?!’ I thought to myself. I really should’ve had at least one more visit to my ex, but alas I picked to just take all all together in one day. I picked up a box until..

“Need any help?” I heard someone behind me asking me. I turned around and looked at the source. ‘God damn, is it just me, or does this town just bring out more attractive people?’ I thought to myself, as I see a man that looked like he could be at a museum. He had a sandy brown curly hair, slightly tanned skin, really plump and a crazy jawline. He donned a tank top that barely covered his side torso, and basket ball shorts that complimented his really nice, thick… thighs… yeah… Needless to say he was really attractive.

It seems that I was ogling him, rather than responding, as he shyly smiled and waved his hand in front of my face, “hello,” he softly said as I shook my head and looked back at his face apologetically.

“I am so sorry, I am just really tired, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” I cringed at my pathetic way of justifying of me literally internally lusting over him. I really am turning into someone I dread to be. How can I forgive myself?

“That’s okay, I know how moving can get tiring, and I sense that you’re alone, so please let me and my friend help you out.” He said, sympathetically smiling a sweet smile, already grabbing a box out of my hand. God, if this man has a partner, then they’re the luckiest person ever, and if he’s single, I’ll gladly hand him a ring. What am I saying? (y/n), what the hell has gotten into you?!

“I’m Christopher, but you can call me Chris or Chan, whichever you prefer is fine, what’s your name?” The generous man’s voice interrupted my inner battle and I found myself looking at him again. “(y/n)” I smiled at him, which he nodded back.

“Nice to meet you,” Chan said, looking back and see that his friend showed up, meanwhile, I went back to my trunk and got out more stuff from my car “oh, there he is!” Chan enthusiastically announced.

“(y/n), meet my friend and roommate, Changbin.” Chris said, while I got out the box and looked at the other man, my face shifted from contentment to horrific.

Its the man with the laptop.

“Hello? Chan, are you sure she’s okay?” Changbin looked at Chris with worry. “Yeah, she’s just tired, just nudge her.”

It’s like Chris knew me too well, despite meeting for less than 10 minutes, as Chris slightly pushed me with the box, not enough to hurt me, but enough to put me out of a trance.

“huh? I did it again, did I?” I looked at Chan, worryingly, which he nodded. I looked back at Changbin and the pathetic act was brought up again.

“I am so sorry, I don’t know what has gotten into me.” I apologized once again, which Changbin only smirked. “Don’t worry about it,” He said, carrying a box. Something about that smirk and tone seems off. Not off in a menacing way, but off in a… coy way. Maybe not the best term to use, maybe I am just over analyzing, but I am for sure either winning the lottery tonight, or convinced that the sun will rise from the west tomorrow, since I have two very attractive men helping out, one of which is someone whom I may have an odd fascination for a while now.

~~

The two have been nothing but a delight to interact with, their help with the stuff had done me even more than just a solid. However, I still in a way feel a bit unsettled by Changbin. It wasn’t that he was a creep, or did anything to make me uncomfortable, its just this feeling of guilt I carry with me. Meanwhile, I didn’t attempt anything, and I just simply just admired him from afar, it still felt wrong that I was just looking at him while he was barely wearing anything, let alone while not him paying attention. Despite this, it seems that he doesn’t know that I did what I did, which is why I chose to confront him about it when the time is right, which is probably when we start getting even more comfortable. I have exchanged numbers with both men, even though I could probably just go out my window and yell out their names, but I’d rather not disturb the peace.

Two good looking men are now my neighbors… Who would have thought? Whichever entity that is in existence have decided to play with me, because to them, my humiliation would be their laughing stock, because they definitely would have seen what is to become of me.

Its been a week in since I moved, and interacted with the two Chans, and I am glad that a curtain was installed onto my room, just so I wouldn’t carry even more guilt than I already do. But the thing is, I would lie that I still haven’t thought of Changbin. While I would have thought that Chris fitting into more of my ideal type, Changbin however held a mysterious power that Chan didn’t.

Ever since the time I first laid eyes on Changbin, he has never left my mind. He has started to creep up in my fantasies and dreams in every way shape of form. I couldn’t stop thinking of how his arms would look around my waist, how his lips would feel in my skin, or how his hands would wander around, exploring places that many men often fail to find to make me feel good, or how his voice would be like when talking as he puts his mouth by my ear— God, this is getting out of hand, I would think.

What if he had a girlfriend? What if he wasn’t attracted to women in general? What if he finds you a creep?

So many more endless questions would come in to ruin me, but its not like i have a choice, he just happened to settle into my dreams and thoughts, and went with it.

I decided to take a shower to try and distract myself from these thoughts, which didn’t help at all, as the hot water cascading my skin did nothing but accelerated my lustful thoughts. I decided to get out of the shower, as it didn’t help my case.

Damn you, Changbin.

I sighed, put on some underwear and a robe while having a towel wrapped around my hair. I got out of the bathroom and back to my room. It was dark out, and in my room, the only light came out of it were my night lamp, which barely lit up the whole room. I checked the window, making sure Changbin wasn’t there, or at least not facing the window, only to see his window being covered with curtains.

Great timing, could’ve used that when I first saw you, dipshit.

But nonetheless, I was really glad at least he wasn’t visible. I laid back on my bed, and decided to look through social media, as anyone should. While in the middle of a instagram scroll, I see a caller popping through at the top of the screen…

It was Changbin.

[iliveiloveiwrite]

Just The Way You Are// D.M.

Request: Hi can you do a draco x reader where they are in a relationship and her parents are like as**oles and they always bother her about her weight so one day she is with draco and makes a comment like “maybe i should stop eating so much” or something like that and Draco is like WHAT and tells her that she is beautiful and all that and he is like really worried Thanks!!

A/N: MY 100TH FIC!!! MY 100TH FIC FOR HP!!! Of course it has to be Draco!! I didn't think I would ever reach 100 fics as well as get over 1000 followers yet here I am. I am so thankful to all of you who have read everything but have also motivated me into continuing to write even when I doubt my own abilities (which is a lot). Thank you so much for requesting, lovely! I hope I have done your request justice! I enjoyed writing this, I ended up writing it all in one sitting. Please read the warnings before you read! And as always, I hope you enjoy!

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader

Warnings: food, weight issues, shitty parents, swearing (I think) BUT DRACO IS CUTE DAMMIT.

Word count: 2k

Every morning in the Great Hall, breakfast is served at seven am sharp. This gives the students enough time to eat, socialise and let their food settle before classes begin promptly at half past eight. It also gives the students time to read over any mail that should fall with the Owls upon their arrival at eight am.

As your family owl drops a letter inscribed with the familiar handwriting of your mother, you don’t know whether to scream in frustration or burn the letter without reading. You knew that it would be filled with her usual criticism rounded off with a few sweet lines about the renovation to the house or how your cousin was doing so well on her internship abroad.

You flip the letter in your hands a few times; wondering whether the Howler from your mother would be worth it once she never got a reply from you. However, you eventually decide that the Howler would not be worth it and that your mother’s vitriol is better off read in silence.

Rolling your eyes, you try not to let the letter affect you so much. Her words are always poisonous and toxic, but this time, she cuts you where it hurts.

“My dear, how on earth is the Malfoy boy supposed to stay with you if you continue to gain weight? I’ve enclosed a new diet regiment for you to follow – stick to it, this is not an option.”

You scrunch up the letter and the included diet regiment in your hands. Crunching them up until they resemble litter rather than the foul words scrawled onto parchment.

You had never felt you had issues with your weight; there wasn’t any need to necessarily – the meals at Hogwarts were scheduled and there was enough exercise done through the day in order to get to classes on time, and this was before the weekend walks to Hogsmeade or the ambles around the Black Lake with Draco.

You don’t feel like there should be an issue with your weight, but your mother’s words are venomous barbs that stick into your brain. Her words on replay in the forefront of your mind.

There was no real excuse for the way your mother harked on about appearances and reputations. Your family hailed from an ancient line of witches and wizards; even going so far as to state that your ancestors were among the very first to attend Hogwarts when the founders were teachers.

So for your mother, everything since then had to be perfect.

Perfect hair. Perfect dress. Perfect manners.

Perfect weight, apparently.

Any appetite you had before has now dissipated. It’s funny how three lines of a letter is enough to put one off their morning meal.

You felt like a rule change should be implemented at Hogwarts; no mail until the evening - that way students don’t have the time to sit and worry about the thoughts of their parents.

Pushing your plate away from you, you bring out your reading book from your bag. Flipping through the familiar pages, you find the dog-eared corner from where you rounded off last night before falling asleep.

It’s easy to lose yourself in the pages having read the story over a thousand times before, but the niggling voice in the back of your head that sounds suspiciously similar to your mothers has you reading the same paragraph over and over again.

A kiss being pressed to the top of your hand is the first greeting from Draco. The next is a quiet good morning as he pours himself a glass of pumpkin juice.

You smile at the blonde-haired teenager, looking up from your book, but the smile doesn’t quite reach your eyes.

“Love, is everything okay?” Draco asks; immediately spotting that something is off.

You shake your head, “It’s nothing to worry about, love. I just didn’t sleep very well last night.”

Draco chuckles; not entirely convinced but happy to wait until you come to him. “It’s because you didn’t stay with me last night.”

You roll your eyes with a grin, “I’ve stayed in your dorm the last three nights; it’s only a matter of time before someone says something.”

Draco shrugs; leaning over to peck your cheek, “Let them, I don’t care.”

“You will when we get caught out by Snape on a random inspection,” You comment with a light laugh.

Draco smiles broadly at the idea of the Head of Slytherin ever completing a random inspection of the dungeon. He grabs a slice of toast from the rack and reaches for the marmalade.

His eyes wander over the lack of food in front of you, “Already eaten?”

You nod, smirking, “And all alone as well since you take so long in the mornings.”

He laughs, “It takes time to look this good, darling.”

“Sure it does,” You comment, leaning in to peck him on the lips. He hums against your mouth happily, but all too soon, you pull away, “I’m off to the library before class, I want to get ahead on the History of Magic essay. I’ll see you later.”

You drop another kiss to Draco’s mouth before hoisting your bag onto your shoulder and departing from the Great Hall.

Draco shakes his head at your retreating figure; something about you was off, but he couldn’t place his finger on what. He wasn’t going to pester you as it would only make things worse, but he knew he had to address it before you lost yourself from overthinking.

Draco bites into his toast; already thinking of the ways he can talk to you.

----

Your days are always filled with little highlights; seeing the first flower bloom after a long winter or reading your favourite part of your book without being interrupted or it’s finding Draco waiting outside your classroom after every lesson of the day.

You find him waiting opposite the door to your class; leaning against the wall with his robes open, showing the white buttoned shirt underneath. His rebelliousness highlighted in the undone top button and untucked shirt. You shake your head as you make your way over to the teenager that made your heart stutter.

He grins, holding his elbow out to you, “Lunch, my love?”

“Lead the way.”

The Great Hall is loud upon your arrival. Students shouting, laughing, grabbing for food from the centre of the tables. It’s a ruckus, but it makes you smile as you take a seat across from Draco at the Slytherin table.

“Is that all you’re eating?” Draco asks with a frown at the sight of your plate.

You nod your head; your mother’s words from this morning making another round in your head, “I’m not overly hungry.”

The frown doesn’t leave Draco’s face, and through lunch, he glances between your face and the plate, wondering what’s changed for your appetite to have disappeared.

Draco walks you to your next class after the bell rings signalling the end of lunch.

He pauses outside the classroom, keeping a tight grip on your hand. His other hand reaches up to caress your cheek; a rare form of PDA from the Slytherin Prince who was more than happy to kiss and hold hands but would rarely show his feelings so openly.

“You’d tell me if something was wrong wouldn’t you?” He asks; concern alight in his eyes.

You hold his hand to your cheek; pressing a kiss to the palm, “I would.”

He nods silently. Kissing your forehead, Draco turns away, striding to his next class.

Guilt stirs within you like a lead balloon; weighing you down for the rest of the day. Even the ringing of the final bell of the day wasn’t enough to lift your mood.

Draco continues to meet you after every class; his arm always ready for you to slip yours through. But he’s quieter; more sombre as he leads your through the bustling corridors and staircases.

At the end of the day, he escorts you to the Great Hall. The level of noise quieter from lunch but still loud as students discuss their plans for the evening over the food laid out on the long, wooden tables.

Dinner is a feast by any standard, and Draco tucks right in, piling food onto his plate – ravenous after a day filled with exam preparation. You take your time with your meal; selecting more and more vegetables as you think back to the letter and diet regiment now burning a hole through your bag.

Draco sighs as he watches you pick at your food. He reaches over, checking your temperature with the back of his hand on your forehead, “Well you feel fine,” he murmurs, “Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve picked at your food all day, and you’ve become more distant as the day’s gone on.”

“I’ll talk to you about it in the common room,” You state.

“You will?”

Nodding, you promise,  “I will.”

Draco makes his way through the rest of the meal; drawing you into a conversation after conversation about how the day has been. When his plate is empty and yours has been pushed to one side, Draco stands from the bench. He takes one last drink of his pumpkin juice before holding his hand out to you.

The walk to the common room is quiet; you think over the letter in your bag, wondering about the reply you’re going to send back to your mother. One cross word from you and you wouldn’t be surprised if she, herself, showed up in Dumbledore’s office demanding punishment for your insolent words.

It was tiring, you realise, to be her daughter.

The Slytherin common room is silent when Draco leads you through the door; all students either still eating in the Great Hall or ambling about the castle. You settle on the black leather couch in front of the already lit fire; you hum at the warmth it gives off – holding your hands out to warm them through.

Once your hands are warm enough, you lean back into the couch. Feeling Draco’s eyes on you, you shift your head, facing him with a small smile.

Draco tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear, “What’s going on in that pretty little head?”

You sigh, opening your bag and pulling out the letter. Handing it to Draco, you say wryly, “Dear old mama wrote, that’s what.”

Draco scans over the letter; getting to the three lines that have played on your mind all day and have affected your eating habits so quickly.

Draco folds the letter carefully into the three; he folds it ever so neatly before ripping it to pieces in front of your eyes, leaning forward and throwing the tiny pieces into the fire.

“I hope you don’t believe a word she’s written.”

You shrug, fiddling with your fingers, “Maybe I should stop eating so much.”

Draco leaps up from the couch; spreading his arms wide, “There is absolutely nothing wrong with your weight – you do not need to lose, you do not need to gain. You are perfect the way you are. I love you to pieces, but darling, your mother is an awful person. What sort of person sends that to their child?”

He kneels on the ground in front of you, “I will love you no matter what. The sky could be green, and the clouds could be purple hedgehogs, but even that would not distract me from my love for you.”

He gestures to the pieces of parchment now turning to ash in the flames, “Everything about you is beautiful; from the top of your head to the tip of your toes – there isn’t anything about you I don’t adore. Reply to your mother if you must; tell her that you’ve let me read the letter and that I absolutely disagree with her words.”

Draco surges forward, kissing you soundly. He shifts slightly, beginning to press you into the couch, “I love you – just the way you are.”

******

General (HP) taglist: @chaotic-fae-queen @obsessedwithrandomthings @harrypotter289 @dreamer821 @kalimagik @heloisedaphnebrightmore @nebulablakemurphy @the-hufflefluffwriter @figlia--della--luna @bforbroadway @idont-knowrn @summer-writes @big-galaxy-chaos @black-lake-confessions @annasofiaearlobe @imboredandneedalife @levylovegood @mytreec @haphazardhufflepuff @teheharrypotter @chaoticgirl04 @accio-rogers @msmimimerton​ @izzytheninja​ @slytherinprincess03​

Draco Malfoy taglist: @the--queen-of-hell @obx-beach @obxmxybxnk @sycathorn-slush @dracomalfoyswifey

[esther-dot]

I've been in a lot of different fandoms over the years, and what I have noticed is that there will always be that one character that a huge majority of the fandom hate to the point that they'd go to blogs that actually like said characters and harass them for it. They'd also flood tags of said character with how much they hate then when the anti tag works perfectly well for that purpose.

And it's always the female characters that get this kind of fandom treatment. The men could be doing massacres and other atrocities and the entire fandom would call them misunderstood cinnamonrolls.

It's weird. It's toxic. I just don't get it.

I haven't been involved in another fandom, but that's certainly true for the ASOIAF and GoT fandoms, and it is so weird. I don’t know what to make of it.

I seems like people have an instinctive, sympathetic response to pain, and since many villains have painful backstories, it makes sense we're drawn to them as characters, even if they do horrible things. That's certainly the case for Tyrion, the Hound, etc and in contrast, the initial introduction to Sansa is that she is beautiful, perfect at everything she does, and will have everything good that life has to offer, so people have no immediate "this poor thing" reaction. However, very quickly Sansa's life becomes hell—

This time the knight grasped her beneath the jaw and held her head still as he struck her. He hit her twice, left to right, and harder, right to left. Her lip split and blood ran down her chin, to mingle with the salt of her tears. (AGOT, Sansa VI)

"Thank you, ser." Knowing that Joffrey would require her to attend the tourney in his honor, Sansa had taken special care with her face and clothes. She wore a gown of pale purple silk and a moonstone hair net that had been a gift from Joffrey. The gown had long sleeves to hide the bruises on her arms. Those were Joffrey's gifts as well. When they told him that Robb had been proclaimed King in the North, his rage had been a fearsome thing, and he had sent Ser Boros to beat her. (ACOK, Sansa I)

Ser Meryn Trant seized Dontos by the arm and flung him brusquely away. The red-faced fool went sprawling, broomstick, melon, and all. Ser Boros seized Sansa.

"Leave her face," Joffrey commanded. "I like her pretty."

Boros slammed a fist into Sansa's belly, driving the air out of her. When she doubled over, the knight grabbed her hair and drew his sword, and for one hideous instant she was certain he meant to open her throat. As he laid the flat of the blade across her thighs, she thought her legs might break from the force of the blow. Sansa screamed. Tears welled in her eyes. It will be over soon. She soon lost count of the blows. (ACOK, Sansa III)

—and she is threatened with rape, molested, forced to marry into the family that murdered hers, had to watch her father die…she suffers a lot, yet most of the fandom fails to sympathize with her, many believe she needs to atone for some prior sin, and some hardcore antis claim she is beyond redemption. So the sympathy people feel that makes them excuse problematic actions doesn’t extend to every character.

It may generally be fans judging male/female characters by different standards, but during and after s8 we saw this happen with Sansa and Dany too. People seemed to draw a moral equivalence between Sansa breaking her promise to Jon and Dany burning KL. Obviously that makes no sense, but someone suggested to me that the reason this was the case is that those great big evils are (for most fans) so removed from our daily lives that we don’t have the same “muscle memory” that we do to say, a girl picking on us which is why some fans may never forgive Sansa for making Arya’s life hell (she didn’t, but in their minds she did), but can overlook a man slaughtering a boy. I guess we just see this kind of thought process over and over:

I suppose another factor is that the people who are going to be involved in anything (fandom, politics, etc) are doing so because they really love something or really hate something, sometimes both (I adore Jonsa, hated Jxnerys). And on the internet vehemence gets attention so we feed into extreme views. So, rather than a problematic fav being treated with nuance, fans are rewarded for explaining away all those issues and acting like he is a cinnamon roll (“Dany was just a girl asking a boy to love her”) whereas the character they hate is painted in the worst light (“Sansa told Jon’s secret because she’s a power hungry bitch!”) and the fervor of love or hatred doesn’t allow the application of equal standards. The point is validation, rage clicks etc, not intellectual engagement.

We all have emotional reactions to things that transcend our criteria for good or bad, it’s just…I suppose it would be nice if we left it at “I don’t like that character” rather than formulating arguments why they’re responsible for other’s actions, or conversely say, “I know they’re evil, but evil has never looked so good,” rather than trying to act like there’s a moral good in mass murder. I like Cersei, clearly I enjoy evil characters too, but the way people genuinely convince themselves that atrocities can be committed for the greater good does worry me because I think some of that goes beyond fandom and moves into their real world thinking.

I’ll never understand the harassment and tagging stuff incorrectly to be offensive. If I don’t like the character or ship, why would I deliberately seek out ways to interact with their fans? Makes no sense!

[princekirijo]

Right ok so it's Ann's birthday and I don't have enough energy to draw so why not throw together a few headcanons I have for her:

She listens to a lot of English songs (as in songs in the English language). Some of her favorites are Britney Spears, Mitski, Chloe Moriondo, Doja Cat and MARINA.

I saw a post where someone said she'd be really good at Physics and I adore that hc so yes English and Physics are her strong subjects. Shout out to whoever made that post (I'll credit them if I find them)

Her least favorite subjects are PE (if that counts) and History.

She can cook but she's much better at baking. She makes cupcakes for Phantom Thief meetings every so often.

She and Yusuke are fashion buddies and they go shopping together (Ann always treats him to lunch despite his protests).

In that same vain she has taken every single one of the thieves shopping at some point even Morgana.

She is a fantastic listener and gives pretty good advice.

Ann does end up trying harder at her modelling job but she doesn't start dieting or doing any of that crazy shit that models are expected to do. Instead she just keeps herself healthy and ends up advocating for the destruction of the toxic beauty standards in the modeling industry (this is more so when she gets older but you know)

I also like to think she kept her dream of being an action actress and did end up starring in a few movies/TV shows.

Because of both of the above headcanons she meets Yukari. They become best buddies and she also gets to meet Mitsuru and they become best buddies too.

Yukari low-key adopts Ann and makes sure she's always safe and happy at photoshoots and the like. I imagine the dynamic between her, Mitsuru and Ann is like baby lesbian (Ann) looking up to older sapphic couple (yukamitsu) if you get what I mean.

Also yeah Ann's a lesbian it's in her name (lesbiann 💀)

Shiho was definitely her first crush, regardless of who she ends up with. She realized she liked girls when her mom told her it's not common place for friends to kiss each other when saying goodbye (she was like 14 💀)

When she realized she had a crush on her she spent the majority of her nights lying in bed with girl in red blasting in her earphones (no I'm not projecting)

Idk why but I feel like she's really good with kids.

She definitely keeps an eye on younger models and makes sure there's no one harassing them (she's definitely kicked creeps for doing that)

She loves RPGs with some of her favorites being Chrono Trigger and Kingdom Hearts (I haven't played either of those but they are high on my list).

Her favorite movies are: Legally Blonde, Devil Wears Prada and Tarzan

She gets emotional very easily and cries a lot. However she rarely cries in front of others because she doesn't want to make people feel bad cause she's crying.

Her relationship with her parents isn't great and she doesn't feel close to them at all.

Growing up she didn't celebrate her birthday much because her parents weren't around so when the thieves find this out they decide to go all out for her birthday

They throw her a massive surprise party in Leblanc and they manage to invite Shiho (because by this point she's probably moved but that does depend on when you complete Ann's confidant.

From then on the thieves and all of her new friends (read yukamitsu) make sure that her birthdays are always celebrated just as she deserves :]

[sainz-zayn]

Anagapesis

Anagapesis (n.) no longer feeling any affection for someone you once loved

Warnings: cheating please if you're sensitive towards this kind of topic please don't read it, alcohol usage, suggestive and sexual themes, toxic relationship, swearing, cheating is not good please don`t take this seriously in real life.

Word count: 5k+

Disclaimer: All Characters and events in this story even those based on real people are entirely fictional.

"Tell me have you ever love me!?" I whispered timidly.

"I've never loved you not even once!" He answered.

Those words came out from his beautiful lips like nothing ever happened between the two of us.

"Leave! I hate you!" my tears starts to fall from my eyes. I`ve never felt this broken before but the one and only Jung Jaehyun made me feel like my heart is shattered into pieces.

Well, how did it all started?

Sitting on my chair signing a contract all day long is hella hectic and surely stressful. I surely need an award tonight for this, maybe going out with the girls tonight is one of the greatest ideas.

Arriving at the club, a tall handsome man with great features already attracts my attention. The both of us checking out each other shamelessly is a wholesome scenery for my best friend.

"Looks like my best friend took a liking at someone huh?" Yoona said, then she  smirk at me before handing me a glass of wine. I rolled my eyes at her playfully.

"Why, do you know him?" I asked her as my attention goes back to where the man is sitting while talking to a girl, who I assumed is his girlfriend.

"No, I don't know him but my boyfriend Johnny surely does. his name is Jaehyun, Jung Jaehyun to be exact." Yoona exclaimed as I drink my fourth glass of wine.

"Johnny do you know the girl beside him?" I asked. 

"Yeah, that's his girlfriend Yerim. I kinda don't like her though. Want me to introduce you to him?" Duh, Yes, I`d like to. 

"Sure" but before I can stand up, Jaehyun is already walking towards our table  then he greets Johnny and do their handshake.

"You look like you've gotten into a fight" I said eyeing him, Jaehyun. 

"I'm Mayjun, Han Mayjun. Nice to meet you Mr. Handsome" I wink at him before grabbing another drink. He noticed that I`m flirting so he decided to go with it.

"I'm Jaehyun, Johnny's best friend and yeah... me and my girlfriend fought earlier" Jaehyun sighed then I gave him a glass of wine.

"Here drink this" 

 Yoona and Johnny told us that they are gonna dance for a bit. Tsk, a bit my ass huh. I know that they will be gone for a whole night.

"I guess we're alone now" He said then smirked.  Because of that decided to tease him.

"That guy kinda looks hot don't you think so?" 

"Tsk" Jaehyun replied.

"Awe is someone`s jealous now Mr.handsome?" I playfully chuckle.

"Wanna go for a dance?" I asked him making my way to the dance floor.

"Sure wait for m-" before he could finish talking I already started dancing. swinging my hips to the beat seductively while looking at him deep in the eyes makes him feel some kind of things that he shouldn't be feeling at this point.

 "You have a girlfriend for fuck sake Jaehyun" he  murmured under his breath but I heard it. 

He lost it when I and bite my lips. He approach me and holds my hips like I`m his. Everything happened so fast his soft plump lips are kissing mine roughly while I`m slowly grinding against his hard erected manhood.

That's how I ended waking up on Jaehyun's bed early in the morning in his masculine pair of arms. Wrapped around your waist just how I want it to be.

I faced him and greeted by a half-naked Jaehyun making me blush so hard.

"Like what you see?" He said mockingly while slowly showing his beautiful dimple that makes me love him more. This is wrong but it feels so right. Well, bad feels good, good feels bad.

He stands up making me see a more clearer view of his muscular body.

"I-i know this is wrong. I'm sorry for seducing you I am sorry we're both drunk last night and you know it too." I look down shyly and guilt is washing over my  body.

"Hey, what are you saying!? You don't need to be sorry. We both chose to do this and we're gonna continue it." He hugs my waist. I look at his eyes and pissed is clearly written all over his face.

"But you have a girlfriend I can't share a man with that girl!" I rolled my eyes at him. I push him through his chest and that made him more pissed off.

"We already did it so what's the point of turning back!?" He pinned me to the wall harshly making me hiss in pain before crashing his lips to mine. Without knowing you kissed him back. After a minute of our hot make-out session he pulled you into his embrace.

"So?" He whispered.

"Fine let's continue it, it's not like I don`t have a choice" I sigh before putting on my clothes.

"Stay I'll cook breakfast" He demand.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No, I will not!" I exclaimed.

"Yes, you will" he said while approaching you.

"Jaehyun I'm already late. I'm the company`s CEO, I don't have a choice it's been a hectic week for our company."

"How about a dinner tonight?" He asked while fixing the watch on his wrist. Dinner sounds good.

"Okay, I'll eat dinner with you" I gave him a peck on his lips before leaving his house.

Sighing at myself, I rub my temples softly if yesterday was hella hectic then today is hella hell. A meeting here and there a contract to sign. I don't even get to eat lunch. I only have coffee and a subway burger that my secretary gave. 

I watch as the sun set a lot happened in a day. When the realization hits me, I don't even give Jaehyun my number nor my address. I consciously think of a way to contact him but it all stops when a soft knock interrupts my thoughts.

"Come in" I said clearing my throat, as my office door opens I see a glimpse of Jaehyun`s side profile.

"H-how?" I tried to remember if I gave him my address but no. 

I can`t recall anything. I stand up and he opens his arms for me to hug him but I walk pass him.

"Hey, I'm right here as you can see" he furrowed his eyebrows at me.

"duh! I know that I'm not blind" but deep inside I`m thinking how the heck he found out where I am.

"if you`re thinking how I get here, it`s because I tell my secretary to find you and here I am" Jaehyun admires my office for a bit. His taste is kinda similar to mine I think.

"by the way since last night I still didn't introduce my self properly I`m Jung Jaehyun the owner and CEO of Neo tech enterprises" Jaehyun smirk at my reaction.

 I can`t believe it the one whom I hook up with last night is one of the richest men I`ve ever know. His the owner of the number one technology company in South Korea with a New York branch. My company is ranked top 2 before his.

"and? that doesn`t change the fact that you`re cheating on your girlfriend with me." I huff in annoyance as the word "your girlfriend" slides to my tongue bitterly.

"I'm not here to argue with you okay? I`m here to have dinner with you. Now if you don`t want me here then bye" I`m shocked at his sudden change but you won`t easily chase him and lose. He wants to play? then let's play. But after thinking you decide not to play hard to get.

"Jaehyun I'm sorry okay? I-I`m just stress." then he smiles knowing that he already win. 

"Okay now don`t just stand there and let`s go." he emotionlessly said.

It`s been almost 4 months my relationship with Jaehyun is still going on. Everyone notices the tension every time we have a friend gathering. of course, we hook up here and there or whenever he wants to but today is different this past few weeks it`s like he been avoiding me. Not like the old days he always takes me to date and cuddles with me. He always makes me feel love, my friends already warn me that I might regret what we`re doing now in the future but I could care less.

Admiring my expensive dress in the mirror I sure do look mesmerizing, I always do. Many men are ready to give their love to me, many of them have already court me but none of them is in my standard. Yes I admit it I`m a picky and choosy person when it comes to my love life or personal affair but what can I do? when there is only one Jung Jaehyun in the world. The thought of him with another woman is making me jealous but that's not the point you already have him wrapped around your fingers. You're Han Mayjun and what Mayjun want, Mayjun get. You have it all powers, wealth, beauty, and most importantly Jung Jaehyun one of the richest and handsome men you've ever known. 

While sipping my favorite wine, I heard a light knock from my door assuming that it`s jaehyun but I remind myself that it`s not him because he already told me that he`s going to the gala with his girlfriend. Yeah, the girlfriend who he always takes to the gala with him. Because of this we argue with each other and I didn`t hear anything from him in 2 days but what can you do about it your relationship with him is all hidden from the public.

"Come in" the door open and my date for the night who is my Ex Jungwoo. I gotta admit, it took me so long to move on from him because of what happened between the two of us. He just suddenly leave me like nothing ever happened between the two of us. He leaves me without saying goodbye. almost 3 years ago he goes to the US to take over his dad company and comeback after a year and us two got into good chemistry and became a best friend that`s why he`s the one who I choose to be my date tonight at the gala. 

"Pleasure to meet you my love" Jungwoo holds my hand and kisses the top of it gently. It makes my heart flutter, I gotta hide it.

"No need to be so polite you know, I miss you Kim Jungwoo" I give him a big teddy bear hug who he accepts gladly. I take my time hugging Jungwoo it`s like his my comfort. The moment stops when his assistant interrupts us.

" Sir we have to go or we`ll be late for tonight's event" Jungwoo`s assistant clearly said for the both of us to hear.

"Shall we princess?" He smiles teasingly and I hate it. But I also find comfort in it.

"Oh, come on Woo stop with the pet names and let`s go" Slapping his arms playfully we go straight to Jungwoo`s car going to the Gala. It only takes a minute to arrive. Jungwoo immediately go outside of the car to open it for me and a thousand of lights flicking and clicking towards our direction. and Jung-woo shield me from it before walking in the red carpet we post while his arms are wrapped around my waist. Tomorrow the both of us will be surely the hit topic on social media and magazines almost in all newspaper headlines. Because they all know about our public relationship how it works out and how it ended.

I go inside the building with Jungwoo beside me and I see our group of friends waving at us and we approached them. I heard a whistle from Lucas and Yuqi my best friend. They started dating weeks ago, Lucas is Jaehyun`s best friend and Yuqi is my long-time friend just like Yoona.

"You look sexy tonight babe" Yuqi honestly said and all of them agreed. I`m  kinda shock that Lucas and Jungwoo know each other, almost all of them know each other.

Y`all are having fun talking to each other or whoever approach our table. Every minute, different Ceo. My friends notice that almost all of them is flirting with me but I shrugged it off and go on with having fun when the atmosphere suddenly changes. I turn around only to see Jaehyun approaching our table. He looks good tonight his hair is neatly done, the tuxedo that his wearing fits him well. Jungwoo notices the way that I look at Jaehyun. I used to look at him like that too. Sometimes he wonders what if he didn`t leave and break your heart? maybe I will still gonna be his.

-*-

Jaehyun is looking at you without thinking about others. He just wants to hug you, kiss you, and feel you on his body. But this day guilt is been washing all over his body that`s why he's trying to distance himself from you and he feels sorry for that but knowing that you go here with Jungwoo, makes him feels some kind of things that might not help in this kind of situation.

"Yow, what`s up dude?" mark happily greets him and invited him to sit he also knows what`s going on between the two of you. 

"Where`s Yerim?" Seulgi asks while the others shift their attention to Seulgi and Jaehyun, yeah you`re curious to where is Yerim? doesn`t she come here with jaehyun?

"She`s in the restroom" Jaehyun replies to them they ask him more things but he can only think about you, do you think about him too? the answer is probably yes but you can`t bring yourself to look at him you`re scared that you might cry in front of them and your pride will not let you.

"Hi babe sorry I need to go to the restroom and leave you alone" and that`s when Jaehyun finally talks normally and not dryly he`s usually not like this towards his friend but tonight is really different.

-*-

"It's okay baby come and sit here with me" my group of friends cheers for them playfully and that`s when I finally look at him with jealousy burning in my eyes. Everyone suddenly stops cheering realizing what`s going on between the two of us. Jaehyun smirked at me and this time I hate it. he wants to play a game? then let`s play.

I didn`t hesitate to roll my eyes at him and I turn to my side to face Jungwoo who is now in his 5th drink.

"Baby slow down you`re getting tipsy" I know that Jung-woo has a high alcohol tolerance but the show must go on. 

"I`m fine baby don't worry" Jungwoo only grins at me making you soft. When he suddenly gave you a peck on the lips, and you gave him one too. Oh, I know how much Jaehyun hates hearing somebody else calls me baby. Because he`s the only one who called me that. 

"Hey, you two if you`re going to get back together then don`t make it long! just do it." Yoona said making Yuqi, and Seulgi coo with their boyfriend. Jaehyun hates how you blush with their sudden statement but little did you know everyone is doing it on purpose so that Jaehyun can get jealous.

Jungwoo whispers in my ears, asking me if I wanna go home too but I hesitate.

"If you`re uncomfortable right now, I can take you home" I hesitantly look around and you see everyone talking about business, and you look at Jaehyun to only see him avoiding Yerim`s touch. My plan work I thought so I decided it`s better if I let Jungwoo take me home.

"Guys we`re going home now” Jungwoo and me bid our Goodbye to them and other businessmen in the party.

"okay, make sure you drive well Jungwoo if anything happens to my best friend I`ll kill you" Yuqi said before the both of us go outside to Jungwoo`s car.

We arrive at my house and I thank Jungwoo for helping me out tonight, and for driving me home. I don`t know why, but I`m excited to know if anything will happen tonight.

I go to my room to change into my night sleepwear. Silk shorts and an over size shirt to make me comfortable.

 Someone suddenly loudly knocks in the door making you startled.

"who`s there!?" 

"Just fucking open the door Mayjun!"

I hear his voice and that`s enough to know who he is. Opening the door a soft pair of lips land to mine kissing me roughly as if there's no tomorrow for it.

“Jaehyun stop! I`m tired!” I tried to push him but he`s stronger than me. He pinned me to the wall harshly, leaving wet kisses on my neck.

"Do you think ignoring me is fun!?" Silence.

"Do you think making me jealous with your  jerk ex is fun huh!?" Silence.

"Talk to me for Fuck sake! Don`t give me cold shoulders, look at me just once. Fuck just fuck this!" and that is my breaking point I can`t stand this argument anymore.

"I already told you Jaehyun that I`m tired so what`s the point of arguing here!?" am i scared? yes, I`m scared of him when he`s mad but I can`t let him win this time. He look so hot when he's mad but I can set that aside.

"Why does he already fuck you that`s why you`re tired?" He`s really mad now. No, he`s furious right now. He has said a hurtful and harsh word to me in the past but he never degrade me like this. I can`t let him belittle and look down on me. With the power I had, I slap him.

"You`re always like this when you`re jealous but today!? I don`t even know you, you only call for me whenever you need me. And when you need someone to comfort you or to fulfill your needs. I`m not you`re fucking toy Jaehyun!" I finally cried out and I said the unspoken words to him but at this point, he doesn`t know what to feel anymore he let his anger took over him.

"So what do you want me to do? always go to you!? for fuck sake we don`t even have a label Mayjun wake up! I have a girlfriend and you know that. You`re just someone I know who can fulfill my needs" He yells at me making me break into tears more.

"So that`s what I am to you? someone who can just fulfill your needs?"  you yell back and now I don`t even know what to do. I need to confirm something and his answer is what I need.

"T-tell me have you ever love me!?" I whispered timidly.

"I`ve never loved you not even once!" Those words coming out of his beautiful lips like nothing ever happened between the two of us.

"Leave! I hate you!" My tears starts falling from my eyes. I`ve never felt this broken before but the one and only Jung Jaehyun made you feel like your heart is shattered into pieces.

"If I didn`t make a move on you that night you`ll probably not gonna figure out that the girlfriend you love cheated on you first." his eyes widen in shock.

"Say that again!" 

"I said what I said Jaehyun, now leave!" He turned around and slam the door shut.

 -*-

He`s really sorry and guilty for what he said to you during the argument. All of that? he didn`t mean it and knowing that his girlfriend cheated on him first makes him sadder. That night the both of you spend the cold night without each other embrace crying all night silently. 

-*-

I should have listened to what my friend already warned me. But I`m thankful for them for supporting me after finding out that Yerim is not as good as we think.

Meanwhile, Jaehyun is crying his eyes and heart out in the middle of the night he`s blaming his self for hurting you.

 "I'm such an asshole!" He groaned and run his finger through his hair. 

he regrets all the things he said to you he cry and cry just like you. He throws all the things that he grabs on the floor making his hands bleed. But he could care less. There`s only one thing that he knows, he will get you back no matter what it takes. that night he called Yerim and break up with her.

-*-

It's been three days and I let my secretary do the works while I`m gone. A one-week break won`t hurt anyone when I`m the the one hurting right?

"Yoona can you please come to my place right now? I really need you right now" I try hard to hide my sob making Yoona concern but what can she do? she`s in the Maldives right now arranging her wedding with Johnny.

"Babe I`m sorry, I know you can overcome it. You`re a strong person Mayjun and you know it too. I`m sorry that I`m not on your side right to comfort you, I have to go Mayjun please eat well and take care of yourself the wedding is in a few days I love you!" and the line got disconnected even though Yoona is away from me she always makes sure that I`m okay. 

Suddenly the door of your room opens widely.

"Please didn`t I tell you that I want to be alone!" Not bothering to turn around because you thought that it was your brother Seojun.

 But no, the person who enters my room suddenly pulls me into a tight hug whispering comforting words to my ears. I know it`s Jungwoo he always does this when I need comfort. Without hesitating I let my emotions come out because I know that Jungwoo will not judge me.

"H-how?" I ask him between my sobs.

"Shh... Yoona called me and told me everything. It`ll be fine Mayjun I`m here" Jungwoo pats my back back softly to make me comfortable.

"J-Jung-woo why? am I not worthy enough to be loved? why do they always leave me?" 

"Hey, princess listen you`re beautiful, you`re worthy. I`m sorry for hurting you, I`m sorry that we hurt you" He kissed the top of my head and he let me fall asleep on his arms. 

A soft smile is written all over his face, he hopes that no one will hurt you anymore. He knows that you love Jaehyun dearly even though it hurts him he will help you get back together.

-*-

 6 days already passed and Jaehyun can`t focus on his work. You`re all he could think about he knows that he can see you on the wedding day but were you ready to face him? he`s scared that you might not even let him get close to you. so he keeps himself from working and working until he's exhausted.

Me on the other side is getting ready for my flight I will go there with Yuqi, Lucas and all of Nct members. It`s what they called the group, group of young tech CEO and one of the finest and richest men in South Korea.

"You don`t need to be nervous Mayjun. We`re here don`t worry" Yuta smile at me reassuringly. I sighed and after a long flight we headed to our designated car taking you to a beautiful beach. 

“You should enjoy this day Mayjun, you need to relax” I said and to myself. I hear my brother Seojun calling me from afar. And yeah, he`s still single is he?

I look around and I make eye contact with whom I want to see from the start but can`t admit it. I quickly look away, I try to find Yoona only to see her at her hotel room. Y`all girls are in the same room and it makes me feel at ease. 

"I think we should get wasted tonight!" Seulgi said happily and we agree with the idea. 

"We should celebrate before the wedding because this is the last day that we will call you Ms. Im. Because tomorrow you`re gonna be Mrs. Suh" I wink at her and y`all agree with the idea. So I change my clothes, I wear a sundress before going out with the girls and I avoid any interaction with Jaehyun.

-*-

"Johnny, do you think she will forgive me?" Jaehyun asks his friend while looking up in the sky feeling the cold breeze.

"Jaehyun I know what you did is wrong but let`s hope that she will forgive you just give her sometimes" Johnny then pats Jaehyun`s shoulder before giving him a small smile. 

"I have a plan and I`m determined to do this but I need your help" said Jaehyun.

Jaehyun then tells all the boys his plan for tomorrow and they`re more glad to help him out because they can see and feel how you love each other dearly.

-*-

It`s past midnight and  and the other girls are still having fun dancing and drinking until we get wasted. I drink a lot compared to them and they try to stop me but I just keep on dancing until all the girls got drunk. 

 Johnny suddenly realize that y`all are in the club and the boys got worried so they try to find y`all. Only to find all of us dancing like a sexy goddess, they hate how other men stare at my hips.

"Jaehyun you get Mayjun. Me, Lucas, and Mark will get them" Johnny goes to Yoona to cover her with his jacket and the others do the same.

"Oh, guys look it`s Jaehyun! doesn`t he look so handsome?" I grin at them making them laugh because I`m really not myself right now.

"Yeah, it` me now let`s go you need to take some rest" He clung me into his arms and I hug him tightly as I could. "Baby I can` breathe"

"Let`s stay like this for a minute please." I softly said.

"I miss you, you know every day I`m always thinking about you" I said while my  eyes are floating in tears. Making them all silent they just let me because they know how badly I was hurt. Yuqi, Yoona, and Seulgi is sobber now but here I am are crying in front of them.

"I miss you so much, my day is not complete without thinking of you. Everything reminds me of you even though you hurt me even though you didn`t love me I`m so thankful that I met you" I said weakly while softly caressing his face, tears is visible on his eyes too.

"No, all I said to you was a lie since the day that I met you I`m ready to risk everything for you that`s when I realize that cheating is my choice thank you for completing half of me thank you for letting me know that she cheated on me first I Love You so much Mayjun" I slowly nod at everything he explained to me and I gave him a peck on his lips.

 He wish, no, everyone wishes that you will remember all of this tomorrow. Your friends can`t help it that they start to tear up too.

It`s 6:00 am now and here I am comforting and thanking Yoona for staying by my side and I tell her not to get nervous.

"Yoona it`s okay you`ve been waiting for this, this is one of your biggest dreams and it came true now I`m so happy for you" I hug her as I admire her in her dress she looks beautiful and she always does.

_*_

On the other side of the room, there are the boys who are super chaotic they`re laughing and teasing Jaehyun and Johnny because of what happened last night but deep inside they`re so proud of each other.

"You`re getting married now Johnny I can`t believe it. And you`re marrying Yoona the woman of your life" Ten said while proudly smiling at him 

"Jung Jaehyun you better take care of Mayjun or else you know what will gonna happen" Jungwoo and Seojun said in unison they`re laughing at how they`re thinking the same thing.

"Hyung I`m the one who is supposed to say it!" Jungwoo said and Seojun only rolled his eyes at him.

"I heard you and Chaewon are dating" Jungwoo said making Seojun widen his eyes. He`s supposed to say it after the wedding but Jungwoo already said it.

"Kim Jungwoo you bastard!" Seojun glare at Jungwoo making everyone laugh in the room.

_*_

You may now kiss the bride. 

Y`all cheered for Johnny and Yoona when Yuta said. 

"G-guys J-jaehyun he got into an accident" Yuta is breathing heavily while saying it and I feel like my whole world stop.

" What!? How!?" I said.

 Concern is creeping up on my body. Yuta ask us to follow him and I run as fast as I can, I don`t really know where we`re going but I just keep following him. I want to see Jaehyun safe.

I run and run until I a see flower petals scattered in the sand with candles lighting the place up and I can`t help but to tear up. I turn around and I see my group of friends standing happily while holding a balloon that`s forming a word saying " Will you marry me"

And that`s when Jaehyun finally showed up while holding a bouquet of flower giving it to me while I cry, smiling at him he kneels in front of me and I cover my lips with my hands. I can`t help it but tears of joy are coming out from my eyes right now.

"Mayjun I know I hurt you, I know I said that I don`t love you but the truth is I`m scared. I`m scared that time that if I tell you my real feelings you will not love me back but I'm so fool to even think about your feelings. Now that I`m here and ready to give you more than my everything and stay with you" Jaehyun takes a deep breath to take more courage.

"Han Mayjun I Jung Jaehyun is asking you Will you marry me?" Jaehyun asks me wholeheartedly. And who am I to say no? when all of our friends are rooting for the both of us?

"Yes, Yes Jaehyun I`ll marry you" He put the diamond ring on my finger and he finally stands up and he spoon me around.

" I LOVE YOU JUNG JAEHYUN" I shout happily while showing my finger to my friends and they clap. 

They stand there proudly looking at us, This will not happen if they`re not here by our side. Strangers who watch the scene clap along with them and that`s how my story with Jung Jaaehyun starts again.

Always remember this "Everyone has a friend during each stage of life. But only lucky ones have the same friends in all stages of life.”

and that`s how Mayjun and Jaehyun with their friend life goes on.

[olderthannetfic]

Do you think a good new freeform tag for m/f pairings would be something like queer m/f? or something similar? because I was going through some of your asks with complaints about how heteronormative m/f often is (as in like gender roles and sexism, which means m/f pairings can be alienating for even people who like m/f) and when I do write m/f it tends to not be those things and I wonder if there's a way for us to let people into that find it? but then of course there are issues of what people consider queer m/f because we have different standards of that. Like does one character need to be bi or ace or trans? Is it about a lack of strict gender roles and toxic heteronormativity? Do they need to be gnc? how much? I don't want randos in my inbox declaring me not bi enough because they deemed my writing insufficiently queer

--

Honestly, I don't have a good answer for this. "Queer het" isn't really a concept I would use for myself. (And yes, I totally say I'm in a "straight relationship" or a "gay relationship" IRL despite being bi.) I don't even really think of something like Stage Beauty that way, though if I were going to pick a piece of art that counts, it would be that movie.

For me personally, het is het. If it's also trans or also ace or also whatever, I'd tag with that in addition. If the characters are bi in canon, I wouldn't tag with anything special. If I'm making them bi in the fic, I might tag with something if it matters to the fic.

For ships with a nontraditional dynamic, I'd probably tag something concrete like "femdom" or "female alpha/male omega" or whatever. For general "I'm trying to write het, but not bodice ripper gender roles", I probably wouldn't call it anything. I guess I might make a bookmark recs collection for something like that, but I probably wouldn't think to tag my own work with a specific description of that.

Maybe somebody more invested in this concept has a suggestion?

[nightswithkookmin]

IS JIKOOK REAL?

In light of everything that's happened over the course of the month: Taekook in the Soop, the missing birthday post on Jimin's birthday and the following silence that's ensued in its aftermath- we are all still waiting for Jimin's birthday VLive; every Jikook fan past and present, deep and shallow, I feel, is left wondering whether Jikook was ever as real as bigfoot and the Easter bunny, a figment of our imagination. Is Jikook real, we all wonder.

Now, I can't answer the later with Vim and Vigor without opening myself up to all kinds of law suits under the sun- I don't care much for the skepticism and ridicule that usually follows. Nor can I in good conscience come out here and outrightly out these two that I feel are in fact a couple and dating. That would be very hypocritical of me.

The best I can do in this instance is to stream my consciousness and share with you why I believe them to be a couple? Let the records show, I am full on delusional. *smiling.

I think when it comes to Jikook the universal consensus within the fandom is that they have a really special bond. We can all agree on that much. Their bond is unique and just plain beautiful; the days of disclarity and obscurity over whether they even like each other long gone.

Thus I refrain from indulging in any conversation that calls to question the intentions of either party towards the other when either act in a certain way that most find displeasing. Such as, questions about why JK didn't promote Promise or Friends, why he didn't wish JM a happy birthday. Is Jk envious of Jimin or vice versa, etc.

Such questions as simple and as innocuous as they may seem are always hard for me to answer. JK promoted Promise, had the funniest reaction video to it. He promoted Lie, every chance he got with teasing Jimin's dance moves in Lie, literally had a gun to Jimin to perform Lie in run and that hand on his heart said it all. Is that not promotion enough?

We heard serendipity, you are me, I am you and the many tireless times JK has talked about it- he won't shut up about it. What more does he need to do to show he loves and supports Jimin's career?

I find when people ask these kinds of questions that they are operating on the mentality that JK doesn't love Jimin *enough* or worse that Jikook ought to love each other in a certain kind of way, their own arbitrary ways and to their own satisfaction.

I keep reiterating that this is their love and their relationship. Ours is just to observe how they are choosing to express that love for eachother and uWu while we are at it. Lol

That's not to say that we shouldn't have certain expectations of them if we believe them to be a couple. Expectations are important and necessary to sustaining our belief in them as a couple. But that expectation should be reasonable and should be determined by the patterns of behavior we see in them towards eachother, towards the group and with consideration to their values, culture and beliefs- stay with me.

If our expectations of them is that they are not loving eachother enough or in a way that satisfies and appeases our spirits then that's no longer expectations. That's projecting.

Thus, I'm often discombobulated by the questions i recieve on the quality of love they express towards each other because quality is relative and highly subjective.

Jikook only have so much room to express their love and affection for eachother since they are not out yet and so we may not fully be privy to the extent of the love they express for each other much less to ascertain its quality.

The space they inhabit is a working space and when the cameras turn on it is work and business...

That being said, what they are not doing within this constricted space they have is equally as important as what they are doing within this space. Whereas questions of the quality of their love is irrelevant, to me as an Alt shipper at least, I find questions of the degree of love between them highly important.

Jikook's special bond is indisputable. The conflict then has always been about labels, whether or not that bond they share is purely platonic, romantic or something in between- the degree of love between them.

And I see there are different schools of thought on this matter. There are those who operate on the assumption that Jikook are just special friends and reserve the possibility that they could be something more to them.

Then there are those who believe they are real or could be real but reserve the possibility that they could also not be real.

These are the conventional shippers. They play it safe. Good for them. But then there are the full on delulu folks such as myself who are risk takers and go all in or nothing- alternative shipping.

To me Jikook is real or I am not shipping them in the way that I ship them at all. Lol. Chileee, I prefer Yoonmin, Minimoni, Jihope, Vmin, Jinminkook, Vminkook as conventional ships for fun and what not. Jikook has always been that alternative ship for me.

And as an alternative ship, what Jikook do for eachother is equally as important to me as what they do not do for eachother. If Jikook are real then I think it's imperative that we have reasonable expectations of them in the way that they behave with eachother, enough to distinctify them as a couple within the group.

Couples are expected to behave in a certain way marked and defined by the couples themselves but that also set them apart nonetheless. Some people choose to be in an open relationship, may be friends with benefit etc but will still exude certain patterns of behavior definitive in itself that it distinguishes them from mere friends.

If Jikook are a couple they will define their relationship in a way that sets a standard for them such that this standard sets them apart from the rest of the group. And I think I have mentioned some of those standards as intimacy, speaking eachothers love language, exclusivity and the right to claim amongst others.

Yes JK loves JM and vice versa but are they loving eachother as friends or lovers? What are the patterns of behavior they put up or not put up to distinctify themselves as a couple within the group if they are one?

Yes Taekook are friends, but are they putting up distinctive characteristics that set them apart from Jikook? The answer is a resounding no- atatattatatatat, no buts. I'll bitch slap you. Lol

Tae cuddles Jimin and shares a bed with him but that is ok because they are besties soulmates. Vmin cute. Tae cuddles JK and suddenly the fandom is in uproar? Chilee, what's y'all on?

This is why I shy away from conventional shippers- well, some. The tendency they have to dismiss certain certain moments when they happen or import standards into Jikook's dynamics based on their own understanding of intimacy and romance without taking into consideration what Jikooks understanding of romance and intimacy is baffles me.

These are the people who would scream why is Jimin blowing kisses at Suga here, why is Jk cuddling Tae there without considering whether skinship with others is a deal breaker for Jikook. JK does skinship with Jin, Tae and suddenly they are questioning whether Jikook is real- I really can't relate.

If skinship is not a deal breaker for Jikook then such reactions to moments like these are nothing but censorship of JK and Jimin's behaviors and goes to question the quality of their love which as I said is irrelevant to the determining of the realness of Jikook.

If you think these skinship they do with others are disrespectful towards eachother then indirectly you are saying Jikook's relationship is toxic- but toxic relationships are still relationships and so that doesn't invalidate Jikook's relationship or disprove it.

If you expect JM to behave in a certain way because you think he is in a relationship with JK or vice versa that is no longer reasonable expectations of them but blatant censorship.

Put censorship aside, the question of the quality of their relationship aside, our own personal idiosyncrasies aside and hopes- what do you see?

REASONABLE EXPECTATIONS

I mentioned above how it's imperative to have reasonable expectations of Jikook if you believe them to be a real couple because without these expectations Jikook is no different from any other ship in BTS.

I talked about what constitutes reasonable expectations though and attempted to outline what doesn't count as reasonable expectations but allow me to shed more light on it for the sake of dissolving any ambiguity around the term.

Unreasonable expectations are those expectations we have that result in us questioning the validity of Jikooks relationship without cause. They often result in us assuming something is wrong between Jikook because we feel there is something we ought to see in their interactions because we are used to seeing them in Jikook dynamics.

Unreasonable expectations is drilled in us by false conditionings. Some of these false conditionings are external to Jikook, such as our exposure to analysis videos or edited videos. They often condition us to think Jikook are in BTS to screw eachother seven ways through the roof all year round. We tend to forget quickly that when the cameras turn on it's all work for them.

The worst part is, we get used to the slowed down gazes, the two seconds lingering stares and touches that go on for minutes in these edited videos and so whenever we are exposed to actual content from BigHit in real time we feel JK didn't stare too long, JM didn't laugh at JK's Jokes therefore something is wrong.

Some false conditionings are induced in us by Jikook themselves.

Take for instance, Jimlous and Jeonlous. Are these something to be considered reasonable expectations for us to have of Jikook because we see them do this all the time? Absolutely not.

While jealousy is an integral part of the Korean dating culture- allegedly, it is subject to the mental state, personal values and growth of Jikook.

As they mature, they may outgrow certain behaviors not limited to Jimlous/Jeonlous. It is thus unreasonable to expect these of Jikook all the time.

Coupled with long exposures to edited videos, we soon become conditioned to expect Jk or Jimin to react strongly to when the other seemingly crosses boundaries with others- aka skinship.

If you expect JK to pout each time Jimin smiles at another member and they don't, it simply means you are stuck in the past and aren't growing with them on their love journey. It doesn't mean something is wrong with Jikook or that Jikook is not real.

That doesn't mean Jeonlous is not important. It is a distinctifier. In my opinion.

Jikook are able to enforce boundaries with each other because they have the right to. I keep saying they are the only pair in BTS that has and exercise this right of claim over eachother. Jimlous/ Jeonlous is how we know they feel a boundary has been crossed and depending on the situation or environment they would often exercise that right of claim.

I have said, the only times I feel they don't and can't exercise this right of claim is if they are not a couple and just friends- when they are broken up. I saw this because even in official settings they seem to have this right of claim even if they are not exercising it.

What I'm trying to say is certain behaviors and patterns of behavior in Jikook are distinctifiers in that they set them apart from the other pairs and those distinctifiers can be reasonably expected of Jikook and so if we don't see those in them- over a period of time mind you, then questions and brows ought to be raised as high up as possible. If Jikook is not real then frankly I want to know. I'm not about to believe in bigfoot.

What I'm saying basically is, whereas Jeonlous and Jimlous are not a distinctifier perse as such shouldn't be reasonably expected of them, right of claim is a distinctifier and should be reasonably expected.

Skinship is not a distinctifier- if I have to repeat this one more time I swear to god imma wield JK's pan on y'all. Lol but deadass.

Now, is JK wishing JM a happy birthday openly on social media reasonable expectation? Come now, Y'all don know I had a complete meltdown over this on my TL. Of course I'm gone bring it up. Lol

Jikook wishing eachother a happy birthday on social media is reasonable expectations to have if it is a distinctifier or something that sets Jikook apart from the rest of the members. Is it? The answer is a flat ass no.

I mentioned that one of the reasons I believe Jikook is real is because I feel out of all the pairs in BTS they are the ones that speak eachother's love language.

Jimin loves to be made to feel special. Jk makes Jimin feel special. I mean he did gift JM a present without doing same for the others so it's safe to assume he gives Jimin special treatment on his birthdays- as should he. Mr Park set the standards high for his man.

Y'all know I was on my personal agenda with this whole JM birthday thingy. I was hoping Jk was going to post but only for Jimin and make a statement with it- a girl can dream.

The fact that he didn't post doesn't mean he didn't make JM feel special on his birthday. Had JM and BTS not talked openly about JK buying JM a present when he didn't do that for the others, frankly we wouldn't have known he ever did that for JM.

It sort of leaves you wondering what goes on behind the cameras. I mean if memories 2019 is anything to go by, Jikook is closer than we think.

Jikook show us a lot but there are a lot more we don't see.

In their early dynamics he used to do alot for JM that he seemed uncomfortable showing openly. We only knew of those moments through Jimin who seemed giddy and excited about them and would often overshare those information.

Personally, I feel whatever they did for Jimin on his Birthday is going to show up in a Bangtan Bomb or something in the future.

Due to BTS' inability to hold physical concerts due to the virus, I feel BigHit are on an agenda to increase demand and patronage for BTS content online by creating scarcity and making BTS less available and accessible- demand and supply, economics 101. They ain't slick. Bless them.

Social media is an outlet for Jikook. In my opinion. It is one of the means through which they express themselves individually and as a couple. But it's my understanding that Jikook use these outlets in different ways.

While JK uses it as an outlet to express his feelings because of his introvertedness, Jimin uses it as a means to connect with his fans and build their platform.

What I mean is, if JK is feeling happy he is going to come on here and tweet, cup of milk let's rock and roll. When Jimin doesn't pick up his calls, he's gonna come here and tweet it's hard to love. And when JinMin leave him out of a VLive he's gone drag his man's ass to film an impromptu live with him- bless him.

Jimin I find doesn't show up on social media on impulse as JK does- we all know what happens when he does. Thats when the multiple tweets and misspelled names roll in.

Jimin's presence online is often curated, in my opinion. He will often make time to talk and share his thoughts and feelings with Army to connect with them. It's the quality time love language bit in him.

Together, they use social media as an outlet to tease their relationship as a means to relieve the stress that comes with hiding their relationship. Their relationship. They do this through the flirty banter thingy they do on line- posting after eachother, responding to each other's messages etc.

An example is the recent Weverse thingy JK did which I posted about. And more recently, the D5/D4 posts they shared on Twitter where JK posted a picture of his mic on stage, an Army Logo and a purple heart. Which together read, JK purple's Army.

Jimin responded with a complimentary post of himself performing in a black and white photo with the hashtag Jimin, I miss Army. Now you don't need me to tell you what that means and if you think it's a coincidence- sorry to you.

When JK does these things, he is often connecting with Jimin, reaching out. Not every post he sends is about Jimin or intended for Jimin. I find usually the ones that are about Jimin, Jimin responds to them through his own posts or that they will have something in them that indirectly points to Jimin.

Like the 123 song recommendations or even recently the pinky ring, sky and cup of milk photo he posted after his birthday VLive.

A lot of people kept saying perhaps the chrome heart ring he wore on his pinky was a gift from Jimin. It could be. But I think the pinky was reference to the pinky ring Joke he shared on stage when he took Jimin's ring and put it on his pinky.

The blue sky reference, well... you know. But I was more concerned about the blurred out yet visible tags on the buildings in the background- this is weird for me to say out loud but I felt the message of that post was we are not hiding. Don't mind me.

Jimin loves to flaunt their bond and flex it on social media. He gets giddy and excited when Jk shows his affections, interest and attraction to him.

I have said JK and JM have two different personalities and while often Jimin is loud, open and overwhelmingly affectionate, JK is equally intense with his affections but at his choosing. They both have intense feelings and passions for eachother but they express it in different ways due to their different personalities.

Jikook are together but they are on their own unique personal journeys of growth as well. And as much as they start certain traditions, they also end certain traditions. This is especially true for JK.

He is the one who started their 123 coded flirty banter and he is the same person who ended that tradition with the ending scene post he shared on Twitter.

Because JK likes to retract and conceal aspects of himself, often I value and pay more attention to the things he does share than the things he don't.

And because Jimin is very loud and forward with his expressions, I value and lay attention to the things he does not share more so than the things he shares.

Often I hear people say Jimin acts the same with everyone, he is so openly affectionate so certainly his love for JK doesn't go beyond platonic feelings nor can it be exclusive to JK.

That's just the thing with JM's persona. It is so loud it blurs the line between his true self and his idol self.

The boy in love with Jungkook is a facade. That is the role Jimin took on at debut. If you don't know this you've been played. If you dislike JK's brand of love, his way of expressing his love for Jimin because of this persona Jimin has you owe Jk an apology.

That one person who loves Jungkook unconditionally in BTS is just a performance. All BTS were given roles, a marketing role to sell the bromance and sell the fans. Most of them have since out grown those persona's and those kinds of performances- especially JK.

JM still holds on to his persona compared to the others in my opinion: that hypersexualized, aigyo cute persona, a bit brazen, confident, shameless etc. He projects a lot of himself into this persona but I feel often he injects bits of this persona into his real identity as a way to break himself out his limitations as Park Jimin-That never mind tattoo is there for a reason.

And so when he is being loud and daring and a tease that's not when I find his love for JK. His love resides in the calmness of his storms. In his moments of quiet when he isn't screaming and disappearing while he laughs; when he is staring at JK, taking in his visage as if he is the most beautiful thing on earth- that's when you see all the love he has for him in his face. He never does this with any of the members.

When JK is injured and he switches off his loud persona, that's when you see the real park Jimin.

I don't know which is worse, people who believe this sick persona of his is real or the people who see this persona for what it is but fail to look deeper than that.

Then there are those who believe they are dating but then dismiss certain questionable things when they happen in their dynamics. Isn't that why some people believe Taekook is real? in spite of Jikook? How can you believe a ship to be real when the existence of another ship calls into question the entire ship and not just aspects of it? It beats me.

Are they any ship in BTS that calls Jikook into question? I'll leave you to answer this.

If your answer is wrong, I'm blocking you.

Signed,

GOLDY