#does that make sense? I feel like my brain didn't show up for work today

[canisalbus]

One day I hope to have the fondness for my ocs that you do. Yeah, sure, their tale is tragic and ends sadly, but that doesn't stop you from giving them tender moments, or from making aus where they live happily. You care so much for Vasco and Machete, and it's so endearing to see all the soft art of them

Aw geez ;-;

Thank you! They are my darlings, of course I care about them terribly. And even of I can appreciate and see the value and impact of a good tragedy, I also yearn to see my dogs happy and safe, even more so as time goes on.

[zhongrin]

to be yours

◇ characters ◇ zhongli, al haitham, childe, ayato, thoma, kaeya, wanderer, diluc

◇ tags ◇ minors dni, fluff, collar, nothing explicit is happening but it's very suggestive, diluc is so soggy in this but i’m not sorry

◇ a/n ◇ "but rin didn't you already write something similar to this with zhongli?" sHUT UP. SHUSH. SILENCE. /j

𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ⬙ 𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

when you called his name so excitedly and said that you had something to show him, he didn’t think he would see you with a collar…. and is that his initials?

… oh.

oh.

zhongli tries so very hard to be a gentleman, but you can feel the urgency, the impatience in the slight bite of his fingers against your skin as he pulls you into a searing kiss. the loud purrs rumbling from his throat a telltale sign that your majestic dragon is exceedingly happy at your little present… maybe a little too happy, judging from the hardness pressing against your thigh...

hmm.

yes, the cor lapis gem on it is a nice touch, indeed.

“ah- apologies, my dear. how ungentlemanly of me… but i simply must express how much adoration i have for you at this present time.”

childe has a silly grin on his lips as he admires the accessory with his fingers. his blue eyes are hooded when he finally meets your gaze and his chapped lips persistently attack yours, an invitation to a heated battle of dominance; one you wouldn’t certainly mind losing, but you know the way you fight against him will turn him on even more.

you suppose you can indulge him... for now.

let’s see how he fares when you bring out his collar with your initials.

“y-you-for me? fuck… o-of course i’ll put it on, baby…. but won’t you help me wear it? please?”

al haitham snorts and folds his arms in front of his delicious treat of a chest, one of his eyebrows cocking up in mock arrogance, a contrast to your sweet demeanor.

he wants you to explain your choice of accessory, he says - nay, demands. and yet not even a minute into your horribly awkward speech, it’s his fingers that hook onto the leather to drag you onto his lap, right on the edge of your shared bed. there’s a certain glint in his eyes, and only then it clicks to you. he’s in that kind of mood today, it seems.

oh dear. you might want to prepare yourself to call in sick tomorrow…

“oh no, continue with your explanation, don’t mind me. i am capable enough to multitask between listening to you and leaving more… direct and indisputable versions of my marks on you.”

ayato has to blink a few times to make sure it wasn’t his sleep-deprived brain causing hallucinations after working for nearly thirty-two hours straight.

but when it sinks on him that you’re actually wearing a collar, with the kamisato clan’s sigil and his initials embellished proudly on the high-quality material - just like a loyal puppy waiting for praise from their owner - it’s like he just woke up from the most satisfying power nap he’s ever had his whole life. you find yourself pinned onto his desk seconds later, your master cooing over how adorable you look in your new outfit and how you’ll look even more the part with all your clothes off and stuffed full of his cock.

“what a good pet. my good little pet…”

thoma erupts into a thomato billion shades of reds that complement his outfit.

his brain is short-circuiting. his tongue fumbles like a three years old trying to speak words. his hands are awkwardly hovering in the air as he tries to make sense of everything.

when he finally gets his wits back, he launches into his mother-hen mode. not exactly the result you wanted, but you can work with it. you have your precious boyfriend wrapped around your fingers after all.

“d-does it not hurt? it’s not too tight, right? if it’s hard for you to adjust the length, i can help you to- what?! no, no, you misunderstand- wait, no! i don’t mean that i didn’t want to put it on you, i just- arghh, s-stop teasing me!”

kaeya blinks once, twice, and the third time is accompanied by a sultry smirk spreading over his kissable lips. he chuckles, a deep vibration that sends shivers down your spine as he eyes you like a hungry panther scouting a potential feast.

before you know it he’s had you pinned against the wall of his office, and his fingers are teasingly rubbing your jaw and under your ear, his hot breath mingling with yours as his cologne overwhelmed your senses. a knee slides between your legs and rubs against your clothed crotch, and your lover eagerly swallows your yelp with a deep kiss that speaks volumes about what he plans to do with you.

“ah, perfect. a distraction from work. lord barbatos must have seen me toil over these boring paperwork and took pity on me by giving me such a nice present. all wrapped up so nicely with a name tag to match, too…”

wanderer stares at the initials in disbelief for a full ten seconds before glaring at you. scathing words leave his lips like a fully loaded revolver, but you’re made of the thickest steel and you’re more perceptive than most - well, at least when it comes to your beloved puppet lover - so you can see the indicative ways of his joy: the slight nervous shifts of his legs, the way he’s scratching his arm for grounding himself, and most of all, the way his eyes looked at anything but the said ‘vile object’…

he’s so silly, you think fondly.

guess it’s time to play the ‘which buttons to push to break his act’ game yet again.

“you’re so embarrassing. a fucking collar, really? what are you, some kind of a mutt? and with the initials of that stupid name you gave me? what, you wanna tell the world that you’re my pet or something? hah! why don’t you bark for me then? …. w-wha- s-stop barking, idiot! what is wrong with you?!”

diluc takes a full minute to fully understand. his brain is failing to connect the dots even though he’s literally staring at the accessory.

it’s only when you point out and explain it all to him that his breath hitches. redness as bright as his hair creeps onto his cheeks, and he has to cover the lower half of his face-

wait-

are those tears in his eyes?!

“it’s… nice? i suppose. i know you will look nice in whatever you wear, beloved. your sense of fashion is impeccable in my eyes, and i- hmm? ….. oh…….. OH. i-ahem-i see. i-ah-no! no, these aren’t- they’re just…. i’m sorry, dear- i just.... feel so…. so…. loved…”

© zhongrin | 2023 ◆ no repost. reblogs much appreciated. feel free to reach out to submit suggestions, feedback, comments, or if you just want to talk!

◇ taglist ◇ @thestarsofenkanomiya | @genshinparty | @abyssmal-skies | @hamdehlesmis | @depressivecomforts | @sophiethewitch1 | @why-am-i-here-someone-save-me | @sunnshineflxwer | @heartonthemoon | @yuutasbabe | @percyval-archives | @carbs-need-more-love | @rebeccka | @queen-belial | @stygianoir | @silentmoths | @niktwazny303 | @dustofthedailylife | @herdrops | @diebischesther | @marina-and-the-memes | @angryhope | @mixed-kester | @shuangxo | @fiannee | @lordbugs | @anonymousficreader | @shizunxie | @ladylofspades | @sup-zfam | @ansy-tea | @irethepotato | @nachotrash | @algrimmammon | @sassy-cat-in-town

[totheidiot]

Lawlight coffee shop au thought that wont leave my brain. Since L knows Light's schedule [its probably the same all of the time because of university] what if Light didn't come in one day. L is outside per usual waiting for Light to show up, and by the time he's supposed to be there, he isn't. Maybe he's late [he isn't late. In all of this time he's never been late.], its not a huge deal. Eventually L realizes that Light is Not Coming and calls him [somehow L got him to exchange phone numbers. Light probably did it out of politeness. L's contact name is probably 'freak from work' or something] because texting has a delayed response and he's curious to hear what made Mr. Perfect and Professional late. A very sick, tired and confused Light picks up the phone without reading the contact because as previously said he is sick, tired, and confused, and as soon as he hears L's voice he recognizes it [because of course he does. This guy comes into his job every day].

L says something about Light not being in work. Light tells him that he's sick and has a fever. L asks if he's taken medicine. Light thinks its a stupid question because obviously he did. why wouldnt he. Its common sense [he just says yes]. L asks what his temperature is because he feels like being nosy about this and Light just says "its not that bad" [it is that bad] which is Suspicious because if it really wasnt that bad he wouldve just said a number. He doesn't press on it much because Light can just hang up on him if he annoys him too hard and that would suck.

Anyway it becomes very clear that the only things Light has done are take his temp, take medicine, and call in sick to work. So L decides hes going to go over there to check on Light [dont ask how he has his address, i dont know] because he sounds like shit and who else is he supposed to bother at the coffee shop. Light objects to this and says that hes fine but L is still going [obviously].

Anyway they hang out and stuff [L has hand sanitizer on him and makes a point of using it way too much he is NOT getting sick] and Light is pissed off about the whole thing [naturally] but at least he isnt being accused of being a wanted criminal so thats a plus[?]. L leaves after a little while and after this i imagine that Light is like "wait. Does he care. Why does this not bother me." And realizes that hes starting to see L as an actual friend and is so disgusted/confused and decides that the sickness is getting to him [its not that] and agressively doesnt think about it or the fact that the feeling doesnt go away after hes healthy. L's already had this realization but it was more like "huh. I guess we are friends." And thats it. Anyway they dont talk about it after this but it bothers Light soooo bad. [If this is innacurate its because its late and im tired but this had to leave my brain. Also i had to retype this because i accidentally closed tumblr after getting really excited about getting a card in proseka so ✌️jeez this is way longer than i thought lol]

THE WAY I WAS ACTUALLY THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENING??? like a few days ago, i had this half-baked idea where light doesn't come to work for whatever reason (sickness wasn't my only idea for why he was off like maybe it's sayu's birthday and that's why he needs to go home or something but THIS IDEA. he js off because of sickness yes). so light wakes up with a cold and fever one weekend and he is like fuckkkk and he just calls up the cafe and calls kn sick and asks if mikami can take his shift today as well as do his own. kind of on topic but also not i figured out matsuda + mikami + light's schedule. light takes evening shifts three days on the weekdays and mikami takes the remaining two days along with working with light together for one day. matsuda works the morning and afternoon shifts in the weekdays because he's not a student like light and mikami is. on the weekends, light works the morning shift that kind of falls onto noon (like 9 am to 1 pm) and mikami works from 1 pm to 5 pm. MOVING ON FROM THAT.

so L pulls up to the cafe in his usual morning time in aaturday, expecting to find light there but he is surprised to find that there's another barista, mikami. he js deeply confused like light-kun is the most punctual man he has ever met, he works at the cafe in all of his shifts without fail. and a part of him is. disappointed that he is not catching sight of light. he needs to find out what's going on with him. he enters the cafe, not joining the ordering queue though because the only person he is ever getting service from is light. he kinda just hangs around and he is about to call light to learn why he wasn't here but then, mikami spots him and he recognizes L. mikami's shifts coincide with light's shifts sometimes so he'll sometimes see L, talking to light and getting his order from light. also light complains about him sometimes since mikami and matsuda are most probably the only people he actually talks to and can call 'friends', other than L of course.

so mikami is intrigued, calls L over, says hello, tells him that light talks about him sometimes. he informs L that oh, light is off sick so he is taking over his shift. L is like oh?? he leaves the cafe and goes to give light a call. LIGHT HAS HIM SAVED FREAK FROM WORK, THAT IS SO SO SO CANONNNN. post learning his name, i think the first thing light does is so so smugly, take out his phone, go to his contacts and saves his number as "L". it's such a small move but he is filled with so much pride and so smug about it.

BUT ANYWAYS, calls him up and light answers without much regard. even his voice sounds sore and L pesters him with questions. light is so annoyed and tired about it and L can tell from his tone that though light is Very sick, he isn't doing shit for it. so L doesn't know his address just yet but still, he is going to show up and make sure he actually does something. L is like, "light. give me your address. i am coming to you and light is like ??? no???? why do you need my address???? (he is polite about it though) but L is ADAMANT, he is GOING to come to light's house and they are going back and forth about it but light is completely out of breath and so sore and too tired to even argue about it more so he gives up and is like, "fine. i'll text you my address."

so L pulls up, even though he had been trying so hard to convince light to come to his house to check up on him, he would still be such a bitch about it. he pulls up in a face mask, gloves, hand sanitizer and light rolls his eyes but nevertheless, L does try his best to kind of take care of light. L takes his temperature, fusses over it when he finds that it's so high. makes him hot tea and soup. it's actually kind of soft and tender. L doesn't leave light's side until it's night, when he makes sure that light goes to sleep and only after that, does he leave. light feels this strange feeling of warmth inside him and when L was taking care of him, he was so red and flushed. he doesn't think deeply about this. he blames it on the sickness.

one little, tiny detail. you mentioned in an ask that light has a cat in his apartment and i had this sudden mental image where the cat is kind of rude and antisocial, doesn't like people at all. it took so long for the cat to even warm up to light but as soon as L came into the apartment, the cat was all over him. following him around, rubbing against his leg. all of that.

THIS WAS A LONG POST BUT I HOPE YOU GET MY VISION YES. KEEP SENDING ME MORE ASKS PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

[submissivegirl2211]

Another day, another session with @qu1etdays

In short, today Theo had me in a trance for more than two hours, it was an incredible session, my body and mind were completely relaxed…

Today I was feeling like being a little bratty, so I asked Theo if he was losing his tricks😈 and that he was already putting me to sleep🥱 but he showed me how easily he can get into my mind and put me on a trance🫠

I learned what a rapid snap is 🫰🏽and with that I was already in a trance and ready to obey... Theo woke me up a little and ordered me to say what he was doing to me... I was still a little bratty but with just a spiral 🌀 He already had me completely under his control.

Obey Obey Obey Obey Obey

He made me play with the pendant, moving it from side to side as I fell deeper and deeper... deeper... deeper...

Here comes something I don't remember doing... changing my clothes🤯 this just shows me the deep control Theo has over my mind🌀

I don't think, I watch and sink

I don't think, I watch and sink

I don't think, I watch and sink

I don't think, I watch and sink

I don't think, I watch and sink

The snaps knocked me out immediately, my body shuts down as soon as I heard a snap 🫰🏽

We returned with the pendant… body and mind off

Theo sometimes makes me stretch to relax... and everything feels so much better🌀✨

Powering down is the only way to drop

Powering down is pleasure

Powering down makes me wet

I tried to repeat those phrases but it was very difficult, my brain didn't work and everything was very hard... waking up from each snap was more and more difficult

Theo played with my belly, a few more snaps… my brain had stopped working a long time ago, it just obeyed and fell deeper and deeper…

When Theo woke me up I didn't understand why I was wearing a sports bra, why my feet were cramping and why I felt cold now🫠🤯

PS: Thank you Theo for let me play with my pussy🫶🏽🥹

PS 2: Maybe you think this story doesn't make sense, but for me it does :) this is my way of reflecting on my sessions

[ingravinoveritas]

irvinis replied to your post “Thinking about the photo from tonight, i almost…”

@ingravinoveritas this may be fanon (canon created by fans), but it fits so well into the daddy/boy dynamic. Michael comes to David's performances with his doors wide open, wearing his best sweater (or baring his arms) and giving a standing ovation: THIS IS MY BOY! And David makes his way to Michael’s performances, wrapped in a scarf up to his eyebrows and sighs quietly in delight from an inconspicuous place in the corner.

@irvinis Ohh...this is tickling a very specific part of my brain. Oh, I love this. In the past I didn't usually go for the daddy/boy dynamic with Michael and David (because I've always seen their relationship as one of equals/switches), but this absolutely fits them like a freaking glove.

We have the picture Georgia posted of David all wrapped up exactly like that, so right away that gives us a visual:

And what you've described goes perfectly with what we saw when Michael went to see Macbeth in December--that white-bright moment of Michael gazing up at David from the audience, and David looking right back at him, captured forever on film and in our hearts. That, in contrast with last night, with David quietly going to the show and doing everything to keep the focus on Michael. David waiting until the lights have dimmed and all eyes are on the stage to let out that little sigh, feeling a shiver of unrestrained happiness work its way through his body as he watches, enraptured, as Michael does the thing he does best.

It's also interesting how this potentially ties into Michael not doing the matinee today. I know we could say it's because he's still recovering from being sick (and that would certainly make sense), but I love the thought that Michael sat out so many performances earlier in the week to make sure he had his strength specifically for last night's performance, because he knew David was coming and wanted to do a good job for him.

I could also see David going to Michael's dressing room after (with thanks to @greeneyed-thestral for planting the seed of that lovely idea) and seeing Michael all enthralled with a post-show high from performing, yet still anxious about how things went--worrying if he was on key for the musical number, if he missed any cues. I can see David slowly backing Michael into the mirror without a word, until the lights frame Michael like a halo. He takes off his ball cap and unravels his scarf in an elegant heap on the dresser, revealing himself, both of them now bare and vulnerable. David grasps either side of Michael's face in his hands, thumb tracing over the crow's feet at the side of Michael's eyes, and smiles softly. He kisses Michael, mouths opening just slightly as the kiss deepens and their tongues meet. Kisses him long enough to quiet Michael's mind, to get the overthinking voice inside to stop.

He is quiet, this David. Always making himself smaller to fit in rooms within rooms, hiding away, keeping the peace. Until Michael. Michael, who somehow had the key to every door. Something in David expands, becomes louder, growing to more than his slender frame could seem to handle, and he pours it into that kiss. A mark of this moment, of Michael bathed in light, of the two of them together and David silently saying, we are here. We are together and I am going to take care of you now.

Oh, yes...I could certainly see that happening. Thank you so much for this delicious prompt on a Saturday morning...

[ramblingzombpossum]

I keep going back to something from therapy today. During morning check in we have to write how we're feeling, it's literally "What is your mood today?" and today, I just didn't know. I was flipping from one mood to another so fast that I couldn't wrap my mind around one emotion or mood.

When I wrote "I don't know" I expected a bit of push back, someone to tell me that's not acceptable, there is no way I can't know. We all know how we feel right?

Well, instead the therapist smiled and said "That's ok." They know I have schizophrenia, and apparently I've lived with it all my life. When I apologized she insisted I didn't have a reason to, it's ok to not know how you feel.

One of the points my one on one therapist is hammering home, is when I say "I don't know" people are going to be confused. People who aren't schizophrenic DO NOT understand. I grew up with it, I've learned to adapt and hide it.

Hallucinations are weird? Ok, I'm not going to talk about it, or I may draw attention I don't want. Hearing things isn't normal? Alright, we chalk that up to 'keep to yourself and hide.' Oh, the random moments of "Lol I could just die" or "Man I could sleep and never wake up" aren't necessarily normal? Cool, that will not be spoken about. (That last one is common in a lot of things, but it's thoughts I can remember having as young as sixish.)

But the phrase "I don't know" has always been demonized to me.

"Why did you do that?" "I don't know" "NO you absolultely know why, so why did you do that?!" It was a rather common reaction, from everyone. For years, because in most people's minds, they know.

Before I got medicated, I didn't realize how bad it was, how I would sit there, and just not know what I was doing. I'd have moments of full unawareness, and I still do at times. I dissociate, something I never knew what it meant until I was forced to acknowledge it. I go off into my own world and completely disconnect from life, going on basically auto pilot.

Sometimes I'll do something, and I will have a reason, but after doing it, I have no idea WHY. My brain doesn't work right, it never has, and I learned the easiest way to avoid it, was withdrawing. I could just not talk, I could just live in my mind and be fine. As an adult this doesn't work, it makes life harder, it makes everything harder. I literally sit at home sometimes and just lose time. I've become obsessed with time checking, to make sure I wasn't off in my mind for hours.

Even now I have an aversion to "I don't know" even if it's the truth. I find myself scrambling for a believable lie because "I don't know" is unacceptable, it is very much a sin. No one has a brain so broken that they don't know.

But I do, I don't know why I do a lot of things. I don't know why I say things sometimes, or why my brain jumps to something completely out of left field.

Someone asked me to describe my thought process on something, and it went a little like... A needs to happen for B to happen, but if C occurs then A will be ruined, and B can't happen, so obviously I need to do Y, D, F, G, and L before anything else to make sure that A can happen.

None of it makes sense, none of it comes together, but my brain is so loud and jumbled, even with anti-psychotics I have auditory and visual hallucinations. Not as bad as it once was, but it happens. I can hear voices as if someone is standing over my shoulder, telling me just to stop. Give up. Let my body crumble, and cease existence. No one will ever care, no one will miss me.

I know this isn't true, I fight against it daily.

Sometimes I turn around in my house while I'm alone and think someone is standing in the kitchen. Nothing solid, a shadowing form in the vague shape of a person that catches me off guard, but I've learned not to show my fear. How can I react to things when others don't see them? That's weird, and society says we should never be weird. How does one explain when they want to just hunker down, grasp their head and scream to drown out the voices? How does one explain what it's like to be plagued with things, delusions of being immortal, delusions of everyone hating you. The idea that in this life you'd be more of a contribution as a memory than a living being. The paranoia of what everyone wants. The paranoia of not knowing what is and isn't actually happening. The Paranoia that you're going to say the wrong thing, and wind up hospitalized because 'you're not normal.'

There is nothing fun about this, there is nothing easy. I've been fighting a silent battle for who knows how long, and a lot of people say I'm strong for being open. I'm not being strong, I'm being weak, because I'm tired. I'm so very tired, and I don't want to be strong anymore. I want to lay down, I want to have a day where I'm not constantly shifting through my thoughts, where I'm not trying to decide if the person next to me is talking to me, or if its one of the voices trying to tear me down. I don't want to be convinced that everyone is out to get me, that everyone will leave, everyone is just using me in some way.

I'm just tired, I'm tired and I don't know what I feel. I keep going because I want Bean to know it's ok. I want her to never worry about asking for help. I want her to realize, sometimes we all have battles we don't share, and that's ok, but it's also ok to ask for help.

In the end, I'm tired, confused, and I will never be able to answer everything, unless I'm allowed to be honest and say "I don't know."

[willowser]

It's my birthday, & I'm not able to celebrate this year on my actual day because of work, but curious how the boys handle reader's birthday OR, what does reader for their birthday? Like, I imagine with bkg we do something small/intimate. But him and our day? He's running himself ragged. Stray cat touya trying to be aloof but also trying so hard. Gojo knowing he can do/get literally anything (for both yalls birthdays) but that's not what he actually wants. I just want to pick your brain lol

omg !! happy happy birthday dear !!! 🥺🩷✨️🦋 how sweet that we get to celebrate it together like this !! even if you are unfortunately stuck at work 😔 i hope what you do get to do for it, eventually, is so, so wonderful !! 😌🌱🔮✨️

HOW FUN LOVE PICKING MY BRAIN LET'S SEE !!

i think — bakugou is pulling out all the stops but also trying not to seem like he is, if that makes sense ?? like in the coming days before, he's saying NOTHING about it, to the point that you're sort of wondering if he forgot 💀 you casually mention it during dinner like—

"oh, and i meant to tell you that my coworkers want to go out for my birthday this weekend, so..."

and he just kind of nods, staring at you from across the table with that look you can't read, and then he asks, "y'gonna be home on thursday though, right?"

which is the crumb of confirmation you were looking for LOL though he still doesn't say anything else about it 😒 only nods again when you tell him that you will be home 😒 and the morning of, you wake up to flowers in the kitchen 🥺 and he !! still !! doesn't say anything !! 🥺 and i feel like it's like that the whole day, him doing little, meaningful things without mentioning it 🥺 you get home and he's in nice pants and buttoning up a nice shirt 🥺 ready for you to get dressed too 🥺

and he maybe looks calm and collected and flippant but HE'S ACTUALLY BEEN STRESSED THE WHOLE WEEK COMING UP TO THIS. could not get the right flowers at two different places, almost lost the reservation to dinner because the restaurant staff are idiots, has been actually looking over what to get you as a present for EVER. STILL NOT SURE HE PICKED THE RIGHT THING 🥺 he's just really good at masking it, but he's been bending over backwards to make sure it goes as smooth as it does 🥺🥺🥺

and he finally tells you happy birthday much later that night, very quietly in your ear as you're falling asleep 😌🩷✨️ what a brat 😌

OMG TOUYA HOW FUN

another one that's trying to make it seem like he's not all that aware — and maybe he's even trying not to care, but he's thinking about you in the coming days. not constantly, but in the back of his mind, he's thinking about the weight of a single gesture, for you.

maybe it would mean too much and he doesn't wanna put that out there yet, or maybe you'll think his attempt at something is laughable, and then he'll be really pissed at himself. but he'll think about the one good birthday he can remember, with his sister and his mom and all the fun he had. the taste of it all 🥺 and — fuck it, he might as well.

maybe he buys flower from the supermarket and a bottle of champagne that was on sale, or a six pack of something, but he shows up at your place almost too late, leaning against the doorframe with a cigarette in his mouth. and he's trying to be so chill, all "hope i didn't miss the party," even though the friends you saw today have long since gone home — but his heart is beating out of his chest because he's never done this for ANYONE 🥺 whether you realize it or not, this is a big thing for him 🥺

the alcohol sucks and neither of you like it and the petals of the bouquet are already falling off by the time he works up the nerve to come see you, but you sit on the rooftop of your apartment and just, enjoy the company 🥺

at one point, he grins too sharp at you and says, "glad i got the birthday brat all to myself."

and you wag a finger at him, though you can't help but to smile because it's enough of an admission to have heat pooling in your cheeks. "just for now, kid," you tell him, sticking your tongue out when he rolls his eyes. "just for now."

and he's smiling too, despite it all. watching the flower he's twirling between his fingers because he can't look at you, not right now. not when you look at him, too.

"'s'fine," he tells you, shrugging. "i'll take whatever you're giving."

AND GOJO actually. i think he's panicking LOL AKGBDKAK

because i think he could give you anything. everything that you could want, whatever he could think to give you — but that doesn't actually help him very much in the moment LOL

he wants to do everything perfect 🥺 so he does — everything. LMAOOO you wake up literally surrounded by flowers and there's a silk robe and matching slippers and an overly sweet cup of coffee on the night stand. he bought you a puppy with a ribbon. there's a bunch of framed pictures he made for the two of you. he comes into the room and your best friend is on the phone because he face timed them so you could talk as soon as you woke up aigbruqkqkq

he's got a buffet for breakfast. he hired a chef for the day. he makes a joke about carrying you everywhere.....that you realize isn't....actually a joke and you have to fight him off LOL there are several different outfits that he knows you've been eyeing and he bought them for you to wear for the day. HE DOES EVERYTHING AND HE'S SO WORRIED IT'S NOT ENOUGH 🥺

by the end of the day, you can tell that he's like. biting his nails behind your back and he's sticking close to your side like he's going to catch you sighing, defeated about something, and when he asks,

"did you have a good birthday?"

it's so genuine, his concern, that you have to hold his face between your hands and squish his cheeks together and shake him a little bit.

"yes," you tell him, for what feels like the hundredth time, before kissing his eyelids. "i did, because i got to spend it with you."

BUT HE'S SO ???? i think he's so weird about gentle affection that he's like..........but did you really though ?? almost as if he doesn't believe it 🥺

you ask him, "do you love me?"

"...well if you have to ask, then—"

and then you have to shake him again, until he smiles. "satoru, i said, do you love me?" and he doesn't say it loudly or to the world, but he just murmurs back a quiet 'yes' that you know he means. "do you love me even though i haven't bought you a puppy or designer clothing or hired someone to make you a full course meal?"

he gets it, then, even if doesn't answer, and relaxes into you a little bit. all day long he's been wide-eyed and high energy, dragging you along from one thing to the next — but now he kind of melts, stress of the day slipping off his shoulders.

you squish his cheeks again and laugh at the face he makes, before giving him a fat kiss. "yes," you tell him again. quietly, as he had told you. "i had a great birthday."

[mysteriouswolf]

Adding a read more cause it's literally just my random thoughts and a bit of a vent:

Being acespec and arospec as a minor fucking sucks. Because if I even begin to mention it to anyone besides some of my close friends, I get shut down with "but you're only *insert age*. Things change as you get older. You'll want those things someday."

And it hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts because I KNOW. SEXUALITY IS FLUID. I KNOW THIS OKAY? And I don't need you to tell me that. I just- I want to be met with "okay. If you never want those things, that's fine. You're your own person who gets to choose what they want and what they don't."

I know things might change. But I want support for who I am now. Because I hate to break it to you, but almost everyone I know has had at least a crush, if not a first kiss and a romantic relationship by this time. And I don't want one. I don't have any interest at ALL. And I don't remember really ever truly wanting it except for wanting to fit in with other people.

I dunno why I'm so suddenly upset about this. I haven't even came out to anyone recently. It's just hitting right now and I don't know why

Oh wait fuck I need to take my meds. Wait this makes so much more sense now. That's why I'm freaking out--OHHHHHHH WAIT OKAY IMMA GO DO THAT

I'm not expecting anyone to really read this besides maybe Royal, Char, or Geode. If you're here and actually made it this far, hi lmao.

The other thing that bothers me a lot is just like- I have this one friend that I've had since 7th grade. They're really kind and supportive, but they've got a lot of shit they deal with in their personal life too. (Home issues, anxiety, anorexia, etc). And so I'm always there to support them because I care about them so fucking much and they really care about me. And if I ever need help, I can go to them and they won't question it.

It's just- they've like...been infected with romance-fever. For the past year. And it's all they wanna talk about, and usually that's fine because it *usually* isn't repulsive to me. But sometimes it is and I feel like they don't know how to communicate with me otherwise

Also random side note. They like guys. I don't find guys at ALL attractive (very rarely I get aesthetic attraction towards a guy but usually it's like one on the Internet or a fictional character lol) but they wanna show me whoever they're currently dating and I don't know how to react. I'm just like...yeah. cool.

And for the record, I'm not gonna stop being their friend. I care about them too much for that. And this literally won't even be an issue anymore cause I don't think I'll have any classes with them next year and they're mainly a school friend so whY IS THIS STILL BOTHERING ME

Oh

Wait

It's cause it's 10pm and I literally just took my meds. They haven't done their magic yet

Right

Okay. Good. Then my brain will go back to normal soon.

You get a picture of Rosie is you actually made it this far into the post. I'm impressed lmao.

Imma go listen to some music until my brain shuts off now. That's probably a good idea. I'll probably put on your cover of Well It's Better Than The Alternative Royal because it's stuck in my head and it's really nice to hear someone singing who isn't doing it to like. make money. Just to sing and make their friend happy cause sing. :)

Idk if that made any sense. Okay. I did a shit ton of work today. I didn't know setting up a fish tank for the first time was so much work. But not I am tired.

Byeeee

-Mysterious

P.S. I found a really pretty shell today :333 Also wtf does P.S. stand for???

[binalakai-archive]

i also wish people would be more receptive to relationship speculation, at the very least. there were so many moments in fionna and cake where simon and fionna’s interactions had me raising my eyebrows and thinking “wow, what’s up with this chemistry rn?” but i know posting about it to see if others also noticed would get me dogpiled lol. glad i’m not the only one entertaining the ship and its implications to/for the characters it encompasses.

also winter king/simon is intriguing as well, if only in a weird homestuck self-shipping (dave and davesprite anyone?) kind of way where both characters get to have major epiphanies bc they’re basically looking into a mirror (may be more of a funhouse mirror for winter king/simon but still works lol)

i do not ship any of these pairings, please dont take this post from a shipping perspective

i apologize in advanced if this post is said messy. its given an opening to many things ive been thinking about since the start of the show and i know i wanna come back to it in case any new developments were to happen at the final season 1 episodes tldr; Kai Talks About how much i Love Very Messed Up Pairings, not because i want them to actually be together, but because i am NOT the type to ignore Seeds That Have been Planted in canon so i will Grow Horrible Realizations i've been having out of them

YEAH NO BECAUSE I LIKE. I JUST WANNA POINT OUT WHAT'S CANON OKAY!! i think this post is like. the only one ive seen that Has Pointed out The Adventure Time Ice King/Fionna dynamic in the lenses of the Simon we have today....and even then thats just a joke post :")

because like. okay. i need people to think about this for a second: yes, ice king didn't Come With with Fionna and Cake's existence, but why in the world would he Choose to be responsible for writing it? for bringing their stories to life and showing off a world that's been living in his head? i genuinely think people don't really like the ugly side of how badly loneliness has mutated Ice King's way of thinking (i mean for gods sake the guy tries to kiss/get with anyone, mf cant even recognize the person he claims to be falling in love with). that, yeah. of course if he had a World Living inside his brain that felt so Real to him that he CONSTANTLY wished for it to not only but true, but one that would be close to him!! one that would welcome him!!!! no matter what itd be, romantic, platonic, To the point of Worship....like ANYTHING that would bring him closer to genuine Connection in his alienating experience. NOTABLY for fionna The Human!!! the human that parallels a real life actual kid that mostly has kicked Ice King's ass to eventually treating him like a Poor confused Old Lost Guy. still, i need to stress the kind of dynamic finn and the ice king have is NOWHERE near the kind of dynamic fionna and ice king have (and even with simon developments included). . ...except this time around, even when he does have his own parallel Ice Queen existing manifesting the Must Needed Rival for their universe to make sense, mutating her character into something that to make her more Vicious/Violent, making Ice King seem Nicer In Comparison and dare i say that, yeah...! some of that HAS been carried onto modern day Fionna!! who CANONICALLY has romantic feelings towards ice prince and the winter king, parallels to ice king/simon himself! just. sorry but i NEED both Simon and Fionna to like. Read Those Stories. I Need them to revisit the VERY specific stories that Ice King felt the need to tell in the first place, his and other people in their lives' inclusions. it would not only reinforce Simon's Influence in the world Period, something that he found himself doubting on ...but also I NEEEEEEDDD to see that can of worms opened. i NEED for Fionna to see for herself the people SHE'S supposed to be representing. i NEED for her to see what kind of void she's been filling in Ice King/Simon's time of existence. i NEED for her to see how big the Obsession GOT, how badly Ice King needed that outlet of escapism (and how much Simon still returns to it in the present day)

^ this moment has been living in my brain ever since the announcement of the Fionna and Cake series that Fionna's fixation on the ice prince, her life, her..everything in general, is more or less a Weird Reflection of the lives of People living Greater Lives than she ever believed to have lived, combined with how said proclaimed experiences of Magic have only been recorded by a guy who Inserted Himself in a world she doesnt even recall living in Im surprised that. hasnt been so Stressed yet in show. im prepared to eat my words if they DO come back to it. but for the time being i really wish Fionna found out how desperate Simon/Ice King was for someone to acknowledge and Desire His Existence, to a degree that would be absolutely humiliating/weird to uncover but Necessary to come back to in order to truly understand the Scope of what 1000+ years of Madness through Ostracization (from others and eventually the Self) Does to a MF

__________ AS OF FOR MY THOUGHTS ON THE WINTER KING, he alas only truly an episode to explore. but the thoughts still exist nonetheless!!! for the most part i can only truly indulge in it out of pure hilarity for its existence, while acknowledging how much im so thankful that winter king was characterized as he was n didnt overstay his welcome, as i didnt find him necessary to stay in the narrative . there's a lot of feelings i have about simon/ice king's perception of himself alone, and how most of it is Either Negative or Overcompensation Due to his own self negativity. which makes me curious on what could come of a Better Version of Himself, looking at the version of himself that has "failed" to conquer the crown the way he has, but contemplated on pursuing romantically, even for a brief moment honestly, i dont blame people for being invested in this pairing (in comparison to fionna/simon, where i cannot myself entertain it even as a joke unlike this one). it makes me curious on what the Winter King's definition of romance is in comparison to Simon's. what could even be desirable, possibly, in the eye's of the Winter King? Does the love of someone you'll go mad over truly make you a Better Person Or Worse? Simon and Winter King existing in the same room together brings up so many questions and possible ways to explore Simon's character. wayyyyyyyyyy less of a "this can be simon's way of practicing self love" thing and MUCH more of a "These Guys Kissing each other would be the equivalent of the Narcissus Tale but with a Distorted Reflection that only Represents You because the reflection Demands That of you"

[creationofacentury]

A Scar/Grian/Mumbo one-shot.

-----

Some might say Grian is...obsessed. Though of course Grian wouldn't agree, it's not like he's been spying on his best friend for the past five hours, no. He only has been spying for four.

It's always times like these that Scar would find him. He's wearing his Hotguy outfit and Grian, being so used to staying alert because of the sniping incidents these past few months, saw him coming from a mile away, and silently he pulls up his shield.

The arrow hit the shield with a resounding thunk! And Grian lowers it to sent a good glare at Scar, who is scowling playfully at Grian while pulling the bow once again. Decides not to play along, Grian puts away his shield and dodges purposefully, all the while fixing Scar with a challenging gaze, daring the self-proclaim hero to try again.

Scar's close enough now there's no sense in using a bow, and Scar's a smart man, he knows a losing game when he sees one. He lands somewhat gracefully beside Grian, which is rare, and the first thing Grian does is to hit him in the shoulder, which is not so rare.

"GoodTimeWithScar, haven't you learned your lesson?!"

"It's just a little bit of fun! Grian, I mean come on-"

"Killing Bdubs' horse on accident wasn't good enough was it?"

Scar looks like he might have some things to say but decides against it. Probably something clever, so it's for the best.

Grian narrows his eyes at Scar, but then turns back to watch Mumbo work. In the distance, said hermit is knee-deep in his chest, ruffling through mountains of shulkers, redstone dust clinging to his suit.

The two of them sit quietly together on the one roof top of his boulder buildings, neither of them feel obliged to say anything.

After a while, Grian realizes Scar's awfully silent today. To be honest, watching Mumbo works is not a very exciting task, so his mind is often somewhere else when he watches. Now with Scar sitting besides him so quietly, he can't help but think about how the silence is a bit overbearing.

"Scar?"

"Yes, Grian?"

"What do you need?"

There's a slight flinch when Scar hears that. Grian frowns, not sure what triggered it.

"I came here to hang out, of course." His tone's light but forced.

"Oh, okay."

There's an uncomfortable silence sitting between them, which is funny because they are sitting only one feet apart, and it's not supposed to be big enough for it to be so heavy.

"Why do I have to have specific purposes to be here?"

The question makes Grian's brain stops for a second. The timing of the sentence is off by a hundred miles, and Grian wonders what prevented Scar from following their previous conversation immediately with it, because after the long pause, it just sounds like...

"Scar, I didn't mean you're not welcome!"

"I know, I know, I'm just...never mind, it's my head, they do these things you know..."

Just like that, Scar shrugs it off. In all honesty, Grian is glad Scar decided to brush it off like that, because if he didn't, Grian wouldn't know what to reply. The way Scar alway has an eye on him, or when his entire person would light up at the sight of Grian showing up...Grian hopes, desperately, that these are all his imagination's doings, but with each passing days, it becomes less and less possible.

Scar is still sitting quietly beside him. Eyes trains on Mumbo, he tells Grian, tone oddly cheerful, "He's a such a wizard, isn't he? Contraptions, circuits, he could produce basically everything a person could ever dream of having. Man, he has everything."

Grian's heart gives a hard throb. It sounds so loud in his ears, he stills for a second, afraid Scar would hear it.

"I should head back. I have been putting off the work in Scarland, because it's just so infuriating, you know? The creepers, the eggs that I'm still finding in the weirdest places... But, well, I guess I should push through. Seeing how hard Mumbo's grinding."

"Stay for dinner?"

Scar chuckles, sounding confused. "I will pass today. I have to feed Jellie."

He takes out his rockets, "Goodbye Grian, have a good day!" and just like that he flies away.

Grian's already missing Scar. Shaking his head, he turns back to Mumbo's direction. Mumbo re-emerges from his chests and walks across the bridge, into Grian's base. Something's likely going to lag out of Grian's possession.

Grian smiles as he hops down the roof quietly, ready to scare Mumbo out of his wit.

-----

Notes: I'm very sleep deprived and this was supposed to be a Scar-heart-Grian-but-Grian-heart-Mumbo-more-than-he-heart-Scar kind of one-shot, but I probably failed. Feel free to tell me what you think about this one-shot :p

This one-shot is about their MC personas, not actual people.

[nayruwu]

Heyy~,

Are you still keeping up with the ONS manga?

If so, are you disappointed with the plot development of ONS?

ohh, interesting question!!

it's hard to answer, because my interests are so far off from what is actually happening in the manga right now. so i'm a lot more biased towards "ugh, this sucks" right now, but i'll try to work around it and really think of what bothers me beside the lack of my beloved scrunklies.

generally i think my biggest issue right now is how different the story today is to the events before. if you tried explaining to an anime only how the true villain of the story is actually a six-winged nonbinary hoe with depression that keeps their child's corpse in the hiiragi's basement, they probably wouldn't believe it's the same series. and i know that this was planned from the start, and kagami didn't just come up with shikama three weeks ago, but it still feels bad to have everything that was set up in the beginning of the manga not really matter anymore. they centered the whole start around the world ending, and it makes sense that there was never much worldbuilding because now it's just another thing that happened.

what were the interesting points back then? the apocalyptic setting! the ever looming threat in form of the vampires trying to enslave the remnants of humanity! the unshakeable rule of the hiiragi family suppressing those below them! there were tons of charming characters introduced that probably won't ever show up again (one of which even has backstory with an um, ex main character, i'd call yoichi. goodbye plot relevance). now none of that really matters anymore. it's a kind of "hey there's this bigger threat and bigger secret that renders everything that happened in the past meaningless!" that i don't really like. so what does it matter that krul dies and ashera loses her? they were angels in the past! their souls are bound together! they'll see each other again soon!

i'm not a fan of soulmate plots. i need at least 7 books of explanation for why these two characters like each other before i can see the relationship as true and meaningful. this is also why i can't bring myself to be interested in mika/yuu anymore, but i don't want to put a target on my back right now. they're good, alright. just not for me.

another thing that bothers me is how we're supposed to relate to, and perhaps even root for shikama. they were set up in both vampire reign and catastrophe as this incomprehensible force that planned the fate of the entire human race, leaving them as nothing more than figures on a chess board. and that's cool! that's terrifying! but shikama and the other angels turned out to be... not really incomprehensible at all. they're just humans with wings and special powers. to me, that's pretty underwhelming. maybe a different, more stylised approach to telling the story of angel mika would have made it easier to enjoy for me. something that wasn't just another version of "someone i love died and i didn't want them to so i did this thing". maybe that's the point, a cycle doomed to repeat, but... i don't know, i guess i expected something else.

so no, i don't like the recent developments. i can't think of anything i like about it, honestly. but that's a me problem. most people seem to like it, especially the mika enjoyers that have gotten their wildest dreams fulfilled these past few years! it's a little sad that my brain lost interest in him, i'd be a lot happier with the content we're getting.

this sounds extremely negative but oh well! i still look forward to the chapters and am excited to see what happens next, but without the thought of "hey, X scene has to happen at some point, it'll just take a while", i probably wouldn't be here anymore. i'll just wait for that and let the rest pass me by. yuu the floating eye, sure....

sure.....................................

sure...........................

[shmowder]

Shmowderrrrr cooking up a storm today :D

With the Yulia piece you are once again making me think about things I never exactly contemplated before. (In a good way, don't worry.) I'm amused that the Yulia you write seems to have a thing for teasing the reader in public.

Ok you have no way of knowing this but how did you know that Nina x Victor x reader was something I occasionally contemplated requesting but was too much of a coward to ask?? Not afraid of asking you, but afraid in the way that some people fear god. I love Victor trying to have a conversation with the reader during the whole thing.

You're the best <33

🐿️ anon

Why Thank you, I write my best smut while half-asleep on painkillers since my brain doesn't have enough energy reserves to afford a sense of shame

Yes it's because Yulia seems like a huge secret freak to me, like Andrey level freak but she just happens to prefers libraries to bars and keeps an air of sophistication and level-headedness. All the townsfolks like her bc she is "quiet and polite" when in reality she's just too lost in her head an observing the people & strings of fate around her to remember to be anything but polite.

She does talk shit about people in private tho, you've played the bachelor day one you've heard her go off on Lara and Anna.

I exaggerate that side of her in smut. If someone like Andrey attempted to have you on his lap in public, he'll get told off for public indecency and told to keep that perverted stuff somewhere private.

But if Yulia does it? The gentle nice Yulia who rarely goes outside because of her bad leg, so really people are just glad to see her finally get some fresh air. Yeah, everyone is giving her the benfits of the doubt.

I also tried to play on the misogyny of that time period a bit. Yk how lesbinaism was never techincally made illegal or a sin because the church didn't want to "give women ideas" by even having that conversation? People assume Yulia's affection must be just pure and sweet since she is a woman, and she takes full advantage of that to be tease her partner in public.

-

God Nina and Victor threesome has been on my mind since I hinted at it in that Saburovs threesome drabble. I was thinking about writing a little piece for Victor since it's been a while and thought why not throw Nina in there as well? Apparently, much like bananas whipping everyone's ass in a smoothie once you add them in, Nina steals the show once you drop her in any fic.

I enjoyed those 45 seconds of him taking the cuck chair and just watching. The message Nina was sending is basically "I'm sleeping with this person, with or without you Victor." So those seconds were for him to decide if he liked you, liked the reader, enough to join or simply go back to finishing his paperwork.

Kfhwofjd Yeah, Victor attempting to hold a conversation with you while his wife eats you out was hilarious and hot in its own way. That feigning ignorance, acting as business usual, making you feel so small just by doing something mundane yet unexpected in this context. Like having small talk as if you just crossed paths in a public street rather than your head laying on his lap, forced to meet his eyes, fully naked while you struggle not to cum.

I do want to post more, I don't want to spam the blog, I don't feel like working on requests either rn... So I'll continue posting more smut snippets until either sleep takes me out. If you have small short ideas feel free to share them rn! Especially about Aglaya, kinda struggling to come up with something for her.

[jaijaitbinks]

Im feelin' sick af today so I decided to stay home. But I didn't wanna just sleep all day, so I've been making my brain come up with AU ideas + plots for them, and the ones I've come up with are making me feral. And I have a top 3.

The Prince!Saitama, Knight!Genos AU. I've mentioned this one before but never went too in depth with it. There's a whole plot to it, but also some little filler ideas that could work as like. A little extra chapter thing, or an adjacent one-shot. The plot itself is that Saitama and Genos have to go around the Four Kingdoms (each OPM Hero Class is made into a kingdom, and each Rank 1 of each class is the ruler of them. Saitama is the prince of the S-Class kingdom (not actually the name)) and convince the kings/queens to band together before Saitama's parents initiate a war against any of them (as they were planning to do so at the start of the story). All the while, Genos and Saitama are figuring shit out in every sense of the word—how to go about their relationship, Genos' past, who and what the hell Saitama is (cuz shit gets bonkers with him)—all while defending civilians and trying to get those kingdom rulers to shove their pride and work together for like. A month or two. Saitama also plans to dethrone his parents in some way that doesn't involve an assassination, because he wants to fix the mess his parents made and are leaving him to deal with after they pass.

Medusa!Saitama and (sorta) Perseus!Genos. The story of Medusa is, for the most part, is the same for Saitama (won't go into detail because the story has very heavy topics). The only difference is the interaction with Perseus (Genos), which doesn't result in Saitama being killed. Instead, there's an exchange—a deal between them both. This deal was made partially because Saitama was kind and shielded Genos from his curse by closing his eyes, a very blatant expression of peacefulness and trust, and partially because Genos almost instantaneously fell in love with him despite his monstrous features and did not wish to hurt him. The deal was that Saitama promised to let Genos behead him in exchange that he does not leave him to die alone, with feelings of rage in his body. He did not want to die with hatred in his exhausted soul. (Perseus' story is more significantly altered. He was told to get Medusa's head if he wanted to save his mother and father from Polydectes, not to give him a gift.) Genos, feeling sympathy and affection for him, told him he would not behead him, and instead, he asks that Saitama helps him save his family. Saitama agrees to this, and they leave to Seriphos. Along the way, Saitama helps Genos defeat monsters, like the sea serpent Cetus. Unfortunately, when they arrive to Seriphos, they discover Polydectes killed his parents upon finding out Genos had joined with Saitama instead of killing him. They both kill Polydectes and throw his stoned form into the sea.

And Demi-God!Genos, not-really Folk Hero!Saitama. Genos is a protector of the small villages and people who worship his father (or, really, his father-figure) as not only a show of devotion, but also as a show of heroism. He made a vow to use his acquired divine abilities only for good and protection. Saitama is a unknown folk hero—a man who's done over a million and one good deeds, but no one in the world knows he was the one who's done them. He's revered as a "Mortal Deity," a god who walks the earth to protect humans purely out of the good of his heart and love for the world. And, while he does love nature and he does protect people, he has his own selfish motives. Genos, the demigod who prioritizes chivalry, heroism, and selflessness, admires Saitama, because he, too, believes he's a humble god in the form of an ordinary man. Saitama, when they meet by chance, has to tell him he isn't a god, just a humble mortal. And he doesn't realize he's becomes a demigod, like Genos, until well after he and Genos meet. And Saitama has to learn how to cope with the fact he now has the responsibility of caring for mankind on his shoulders.

[brainrot28]

Electric Feel [Chapter 2]

chapter 2 of my pipabeth fic on ao3 :)

tw: anxiety attacks [sort of], skin picking

does this count as angst ???

July 4th 

Annabeth has always hated crowds. For as long as she can remember, large groups of people made her nervous. But, today, she was determined to not let her fear get in the way. 

Prior to the bonfire, she stuck to her usual routine, since changes often contributed to her anxiety. The day was going well, almost too well. 

By the time Annabeth and Piper arrived to the fire pit, only a handful of campers were there. The two girls took a seat on their typical log, and were quickly joined by Nico and Will. 

A motor oil covered Leo, accompanied by his younger brother Harley, barreled through the crowds. The pyromaniac brother duo never passed up the opportunity to light camp fires.

Percy and Jason, however, arrived to the fire, covered in mud, after everyone had taken their seats. It appeared the 2 boys had been mud wrestling again. 

Percy and Jason joined the 4 on the log. Despite both of the couples breaking up, they all remained close friends. 

A mud-caked Percy attempted to sit between Annabeth and Piper. Annabeth kicked Percy's ass off the log with no hesitation. 

"What the HADES are you doing Seaweed Brain? Neither of us want to be covered in mud!"

"Nooooo, Wise Girl you don't understand. Mud wrestling is a lifestyle. You are truly missing out. My bro Jason here understands the mud lifestyle. Right, Jason?"

Jason, who was staring at Leo from across the fire-pit, brought his attention back to the log. "What? Oh, yeah, mud wrestling is a lifestyle. Once you try it you can never go back."

"Campers," Chiron's voice boomed, "tonight we shall see if Percy's 36 marshmallow record can be broken! Who is up first?"

Will collapsed on to Nico, "UGGGHHH, why does everyone have to make my job so much more difficult than it needs to be? Who raised these demigods to be feral animals?"

"To be fair," Nico started, "most of these kids weren't raised by anyone." 

"HEY," Percy objected, "Sally Jackson is an amazing mother and I am not a feral animal. If anything, I would prefer 'free spirited fish'."

"Chill out there 'free spirited fish'. I love Sally, but you're literally covered in mud right now," Annabeth added with an eye roll. 

Percy huffed. "Whatever, I'm still going to hold my title as Marshmallow King. I don't want to hear your wrong opinions anymore." 

------

POV: Annabeth 

By this time, the camp fire was in full swing. The flames were high in the sky tonight, fueled by the campers' anticipation of the Hermes/ Hephaestus Cabin 4th of July Fire Work Show. 

Annabeth and Piper had moved from off the log and onto the ground. The 2 sat side by side, with Piper's head on Annabeth's shoulder. Piper's warm body grounded Annabeth; yet, she couldn't shake the feeling that something was amiss. 

She attempted to ignore the overwhelming amount of noise and music around her, but to no avail. Her chest felt tight, almost as if she couldn't breathe. 

Piper opened her eyes and lifted her head from Annabeth's shoulder. "Hey, Annie, you ok?" Piper pulled the other girl's hands into her own. "Your fingers are bleeding."

Annabeth hadn't even realized she was picking her nail beds. She's had this nervous habit since she was a child, and just couldn't seem to shake it. "Oh... sorry, I didn't realize I was doing it." Articulating every word felt like a struggle.

"Hey, you have nothing to apologize for. You want me to see if any the Apollo campers have any bandaids? They always have the fun patterned ones," Piper adds with a smile.

"Oh, umm....", Annabeth felt like she was underwater, off in some far away place. Piper ran her fingers over Annabeth's knuckles in a soothing manner. "Sorry.. w-what were you asking?"

"Do you wanna take a walk with me?", Piper asked in a calming voice. Annabeth shook her head yes. 

------

POV: Piper

Piper could sense something was off with her friend. Annabeth made a valiant attempt to stop picking her nails, but often started when she was stressed. It seemed as though Annabeth was zoned out and couldn't think straight, which was very unusual for the daughter of Athena. As Piper put the pieces together, she realized Annabeth might be having an anxiety attack. Sometimes Piper forgot about Annabeth's struggle with mental health. It wasn't that she didn't care. It was just that Annabeth was the strongest person she knew, and Annabeth was scarily talented at hiding her emotions. Piper hadn't witnessed one of her anxiety attacks in months. 

Piper stood up, taking Annabeth with her, and led them to the empty Aphrodite Cabin. Once the door was shut, Piper focused on making Annabeth feel as safe as possible. 

"Hey, Annie, I know talking is hard right now, so just shake your head yes or no, okay? Touch or no touch?" 

Annabeth shook her head no and pulled her hands from Piper's. It hurt Piper to know that Annabeth wasn't comfortable with holding hands at the moment, but did it anyway. Piper never wanted to make Annabeth feel like she couldn't be herself or express her needs and desires. 

"Do you want me to talk or to be quiet?", Piper asked. Annabeth held up one finger to indicate she wanted Piper to keep talking. Along with her quickening breaths, Annabeth writhed her hands out in front of her in attempts to keep the rest of her still, but it looked like she was in pain. 

"You're safe. Everything is going to be ok, I promise. I won't let anything happen to you," Piper was careful not to add too much charmspeak, but just enough to help calm her friend down. "You don't need to be still. You can move around if that'll help you."

Annabeth visibly signed in relief. She was always careful not to fidget too much, because people often looked at her oddly when she did. She began pacing the length of the dark cabin and swinging her arms back and forth. 

Piper kept her distance to give the other girl the space she needed at the moment, but grew nervous when Annabeth began to tug at the roots of her braids. "Hey, Annie, you shouldn't do that, you're going to hurt yourself. Take a deep breath. In... and out... Good. Breathe in..... and out. You're going to get through this. You're doing such a good job."

Piper grabbed her weighted, stuffed dinosaur, Bernardo, from her bunk. She slowly walked towards Annabeth and held the plush out to her, which she willingly accepted. "Keep taking deep breaths. You're going to get through this, you're not alone. You are safe, I promise."

After about 10 minutes, it seemed Annabeth wore herself out. She approached Piper with hesitation. Piper thought Annabeth wanted a hug, but she didn't want to overwhelm her if she wasn't ready yet. "Do you want a hug?", Piper asked, to which the other girl shook her head yes. 

Piper opened her arms and Annabeth melted into them. Annabeth began to cry. "I'm s-sorry," she said. Words were definitely still hard for her.

"Shhh, it's ok. you have nothing to apologize for." Piper rocked them back and forth, gently, just the way Annabeth liked it. "I'm your friend. Helping you is not a burden, ok? I love you and you never have to be ashamed of this." 

Piper slowly guided them to her bunk and sat down on it, all while keeping her grip on Annabeth. The two nuzzled together with the array of plushies and blankets on Piper's bed. Annabeth laid her head on Piper's chest as her tears slowed. 

"You can go to sleep," Piper mumbled into the top of Annabeth's head. "I know you're tired. I'll stay right here. I've got you."

Annabeth sighed and sunk deeper into Piper's body. She didn't want to move Annabeth into Cabin 6 later, so she texted Annabeth's brother, Malcom, to let him know that Annabeth would be staying in the Aphrodite Cabin tonight. She also texted Drew, asking the rest of her siblings to be quiet when they came back from the camp fire. 

"Goodnight Annie. Love you."

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary166

2/27-28/2024

tuesday - wednesday

sooo tired.

i'll keep work related stuff short, i got sent in early, i was there from 3:00 to 9:57. i did take a 30 minute break though, but i didn't eat or anything. i woke up at about 11 am, so i didn't eat from then to about 11 pm. i also got complained about at work, because a woman thought i made her pay for a ride and her kids weren't able to get on or something and then like, used her credits to let people on or something, or that i was letting people on for free at some point. i don't remember anything like that happening, i think i just said no to her and she had to throw a fit.

anyway the problem song from last night is still a problem i think. some stuff needs to be fixed so i'm gonna do that. i'm also making toast. i did make actual dinner too but i am just sooo hungry lol.

the song is getting there. i just read an article about disney adults, and it's made me powerfully sad. not much else to say beyond that.

now i'm listening to built to spill, it's been a while, as a kid they were a favorite, or since being a kid, they've been a favorite. this time around, nothing's really changing there. but the memories are less about when i saw them as a kid, and more about my more recent brushes with them, i got to see them live a few years ago, and it was a really great concert, it was lovely to see doug up there playing songs off keep it like a secret. but the memories are specifically about this guy i saw there, unexpectedly, a very online guy i met in a class, about american short stories. the class was good, and i sat by this guy, and i really liked him. not romantically, i just found him charming in an earnest way, i wish we talked more, i wish we saw eachother more, he liked my 100% electronica shirt, he was very nice. when i saw him at the built to spill show, he was really feeling the music, when i told him i never really listened to keep it like a secret he said "well, you're gonna love this, this is the good stuff." and i saw him, during keep it like a secret, mouthing every word, fist in the air, eyes closed. it was religious for him, this memory of him, of chad, his name is chad, really moves me, his existence came off as very vulnerable, to be chad was to be vulnerable, i felt like, i dunno. he seemed very neurotic i suppose. or maybe not very, but he seemed sad in evident ways, he really moved me i guess. i dunno. men like that always do. it's people who seem to be horrifically sad, and people who i seem to be incapable of really getting to know, that linger in my mind, but never remain in my life. i guess now it's this sense that i'd like to staunch the misery by being his friend, up to now, but i'm bad at talking to people. i still need to talk to my mom.

for a while, on twitter, he'd sometimes interact with posts, and i'd interact with his. i liked that, it's sad too though, i wish we all had an easier time of being in each others lives.

the song does sound better now, at least. i feel so emotionally fried today. long hours really mess me up. it doesn't seem sustainable. i have to do it again today. maybe i need to do something to make that less, uhhhhh, likely, to happen to me, i guess. but idk what to really do. if i just say i can't work (x) days they might like, give me fucked up stupid shifts or something. guhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. this is the thing i hate, feeling my life taken away. i feel like a dumb stupid animal and like all that's waiting for me if i move an inch is punishment via stick on my stupid tiny skull and my brains splattering across everythingggggggggggggggg. or maybe just the back of a dryer, and my remains going unremoved, cooking off the heat of the dryer.

i feel like crying. dumb.

something bothers me about people being compliant, i guess, with that. but that's stupid, i shouldn't care, i just really hate knowing of people who are like workaholics basically, like they love it, that's like, disgusting to me almost. it's one person i'm thinking of, maybe that makes it okay, because i'm not even thinking of a type. i'm thinking of one human who bothers me. i'm just dumb and confused right now. i want to put my head underneath something super heavy.

unrelated to wanting to destroyyy myself, i think the song above has one of the most perfect snare sounds ever. the snare rolls are so violent, and still it's like, cute, too. it's perfect, as a sound. i wanna find something near that, and make grindcore with it, soon. maybe for the next ep, i'll evolve this drumkit in that direction, nail the snare sound.

3 am ughghhghg. i am gonna work out and try to feel better.

i worked out, and i think i've got this song right, for real this timeee. yayyyyyyyyyyy.

so, i should sleep now,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[minheeskitten]

I have a nsfw for Kingdom.

Who would enjoy fucking you on the kitchen-counter, Who on the Dinner table and who in the Shower? And how? Like... Who would fuck you where and how??

Does that make sense?

Ah a mtl times three!!

Let's see...

Most To Least likely to fuck you...

Dann, arthur, mujin, louis, ivan, hwon, jahan, chiwoo

On the kitchen counter

Most

Mujin

Arthur

Chiwoo

Hwon

Jahan

Louis

Ivan

Dann

Least

Even the most likely still wouldn't bcs they do understand basic sanitation and would have to sanitize the kitchen after

In the shower

Most

Louis

Dann

Hwon

Jahan

Mujin

Ivan

Chiwoo

Arthur

Least

Nice and easy clean up, strong boys most likely to do it, but, arthur is weak and he doesn't wanna fall bcs of the water, same w chiwoo.

On the dinner table

Most

Mujin

Louis

Ivan

Hwon

Dann

Arthur

Chiwoo

Jahan

Least

Its a nice spot, they'll all do it maybe once

In conclusion:

Dann will try anything once, and likes the shower sex, as it gives him a chance to show off how strong he is.

Arthur is a baby boy and he only would do things in places if you asked

Mujin is a horny boy, and would fuck you all around the house with or without you bringing it up first

Louis likes most things, but may only suggest a few things

Ivan prefers other spots, maybe the couch

Hwon, he'd try things, but he often would prefer the shower over any counters/tables.

Jahan just feels like he'd prefer the bed ngl comfier, more intimate.

Chiwoo would try everything but really like the kitchen even though it is a bit annoying to clean up each time.

Sorry it took me so long to get this out, my brain didn't wanna work and today had something happen as well :(

Hope you've had a good day/night!