#does paint their romance in a kinder light

[curapicas]

It's not lost on me that Syldor thinks Vex is coming to be praised for what he thinks is her highest accomplishment (acquiring Fenthras), meanwhile her speech is a clear indicator of her mental state since it's a direct callback to THIS

makes me insane that she walked into that conversation feeling rock bottom. Makes me twice as insane that when she felt like that was when she really related to her asshole dad's feelings. The layers on this implication, god

It's in the way Vex's first instinct when crushed by grief was to run away and be on her own. It's in the way Syldor didn't let anything stop him from metaphorically doing the same

[seoness]

(18+) Day 4 of Kinktober - Cheating

Smut | (Book!)Sandor Clegane x Female | Romance & established friendship Background: You are the third child of Tywin and Joanna Lannister and wed to Tybolt Crakehall, heir to Lord Crakehall. The events occur years before the Game of Thrones, and Jon Arryn is still alive and well, serving as Hand of the King.

Reader: Confident, a bit unrefined/wild (think Lyanna Stark), and ambivalent when it comes to having children.

Simplification of birth-line: (Cersei and Jaime, then you, and lastly Tyrion)

This fanfiction is best enjoyed using a browser add-on like InteractiveFics.

The wheelhouse was immense. From the outside, it was a monstrosity of carved oak and gilded metal. Swallowed up by the beast you sat in its world of crimson. Crimson cushions, crimson tapestries, and a crimson-painted ceiling. The only light that wasn't afforded by the dimly lit golden lanterns was by the door left open, allowing a shard of daylight inside. The Hound, ever faithful, stood guard by the entrance to the lions' den. And how very packed it was.

Tyrion sat busy entertaining your nephew, while Jaime watched, leaning against one of the wooden pillars. Your sister, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, rested on one of the mountains of cushions, her belly swollen. Yet Cersei looked like no beached whale, graceful even so close to the birthing bed. It was a strange thing. Your older brother and sister had eyes that looked the same, the same emerald green befitting twins, yet meeting Cersei's gaze was nothing like looking into the eyes of Jaime.

"You are yet with child," Cersei noted.

"Am I to act surprised by that statement?"

Your sister was unamused as you slapped your own stomach. "No clever tongue will shield you from the whispers of being barren."

Tyrion's attention had left Joffrey, and from the corner of your eye, you could see the pained smile. Great, even he pitied you. Ride all the way to King's Landing to be a guest at one of the King's many royal hunts only for it to turn into a pity party.

Snatching off the flagon of Dornish red from the table you refilled your cup, taking a hearty sip.

"Do you know how many bastards my Lord Husband has produced?" you asked your sister, but the only bashful in that wheelhouse were the men. "Not the one, and not from a lack of trying mind you." You looked up at Jaime, a smile came to his lips though it seemed more a habit than anything else. "Does the look of spurned wife suit me, brother?"

But Jaime didn't answer, and when the silence began to stretch Tyrion took up the duty, "Better than others, sweet sister."

So that is why Cersei wanted you to come to her. Father did enough grumbling about your lack of children without her help.

"Well, I shall not make a babe here." With a groan, you took to your feet. "Does a Kingsguard have time to go for a ride?"

Jaime glanced down at Cersei, it was enough for you to know the answer before he said it, "As the Queen's protector, I must remain by her side."

"I thought you were her protector, Clegane?" you called out, turning towards the door.

"Seems her dog is becoming Joff's," Tyrion said, jutting back his head as your hand came down and the slap to his head barely missed its target.

"Don't be rude, it is an ugly trait."

"Think he calls me his sweetling?" Tyrion said.

No longer under the watchful eye of his uncle, Joffrey filled his small fist with one of the pages from the book that Tyrion had been reading aloud. It would have been kinder mercy for the boy to have hit his uncle in the groin. A slew of curses left Tyrion's lips as he ripped the book out of the boy's hand.

"Perhaps the match isn't so poor after all. This one will take after you Dog!"

Unwise. Not something a prince, let alone a boy of four would stand for.

His bright wail made you grit your teeth, "I want it! I want it!"

The inside of the wheelhouse grew darker as the light from the door disappeared. The Hound leaned inside the lion's den, the scowl setting deeper as they landed on his prince.

"Has your watch already begun?" Tyrion asked dryly.

Clegane's gaze traveled, locking on the book in your brother's hands. "Dragons? Give him the book, not like it do anyone any good."

"So he reads," your brother gasped. "I'm not your squire, the book is mine. Step aside."

"I heed His Grace's wish, not yours, little lord."

Screw the book. This screaming continued and you'd leave the wheelhouse deaf. Was this what you were missing out on? Having some banshee crawl out of you? Joffrey's scream grew louder still as you picked him up and walked to his mother.

"Do something," you said, seating the banshee down beside her.

Cersei's arm laid themself around her son's shoulders, pulling him to her breast, cooing. The Hound stepped to the side as you jumped out of the wheelhouse.

Cersei's voice rang out behind you, "See to my sister's safety, Clegane."

"Yes, Your Grace."

Some good news. He wouldn't give you condolences, well wishes, or offer for some maester or the other to brew you some queer concoction. It had been years since last, and unlike you, he had not changed.

Tyrion jumped out after you, his book still safely tucked under his arm.

"Are you to be with us, brother?"

His mismatched eyes squinted up at the man beside you. "I fear with your newfound pet, it will be little fun."

Tyrion Lannister marched away, disappearing among the pavillions of the camp. Everywhere banners flew, the stag of Baratheon, the roaring lion of Lannister, and countless more. When the King wanted to go for a hunt, the court followed.

"What do you call him?" you asked.

"Nothing he hasn't heard before, my lady."

"My lady?" you repeated, frowning up at him. "Don't tell me court managed to ruin even you?"

Clegane's lips pressed into a thin line. It was a mistake. The door of the wheelhouse was still open and you doubted years as Queen had made your sister less insistent on titles.

Walking away, he took to you as a shadow.

"Are you treated well?" you asked, keeping your voice low so no one else but him could hear.

Clegane only shrugged in response. He had changed. Even him. Of course, he had. It was a silly dream, to think he'd be like before. Talk with you the same.

"I would have written but it..." you couldn't finish the excuse.

What good was there to apologize for something that never even was? Another silly dream, an old dream, one you had always known would never be fulfilled. No daughter of a High Lord could ever wed the second son of a landed knight. You had longed all the same and had you been stronger, you would have kept your distance and not made him a friend. It was selfish. Cruel.

Shaking your head, you willed a smile to your lips. "Do you still have that stallion?"

Clegane kept his silence, nodding.

Steering your steps to the hitching posts at the edge of camp there it was. The black destrier had been tied far away from the others, nibbling away at the grass. If Clegane had told you that he had found Stranger at one of the gates to the Seven Hells, you would have been inclined to believe him. The horse perked up, hooves stomping as it caught the scent of its master.

"Looks a bit slow," you said and the smile required less will to keep as Clegane cocked his brow.

The wind nipped at your cheeks, the sand steed nimble between your legs, taking to the forest path like a flow of silk. Behind, thunder rolled, the Hound appearing by the last bend as you took to the next. Right. Left. Right. You urged the mare on as the path began to straighten.

You could have gone on forever. Ride until the sea greeted you, to feel truly alive for just a bit longer... Your mount came to a halt. Trees gave way to a clearing and patches of forget-me-knots dotted the grass. The quiet peace abruptly ended as the Hound joined your side, the plate of his armor clammering and mail chirring.

Leaning in your saddle, a huff left him as you knocked at his steel-clad chest. "Blame the plate, it slows you down."

But there was no quip in return.

You stomached the silence to the edge of the clearing. "You know, I am having this growing suspicion that the only reason my loving sister invited me to King's Landing was to see two people that hate one another more than her and her husband."

But if he didn't want to banter with you, he'd want far less of your complaints. Him, then?

"So sworn sword to our Crown Prince, our future King. Not a poor position," you tried.

"Good gold," he said.

No further attempts were made to break the silence. At least the Hound's stubbornness hadn't changed.

The sound of drums and hollering of men traveled through the forest. Hunting parties had been sent out by King Robert Baratheon to drive the game out from hiding. It felt rude. Disrupting the silence of the forest for the sake of having a boar on a spit.

"Best ride around them," Clegane said.

You allowed him to lead, always taking the fork in the road that drove you further away from the beating of pans and drums.

Being mistaken for a boar would have been preferred.

You heard them before you saw them. Light giggles and laughter. Drunk laughter, one which you recognized far too well. A large tarp had been stretched from tree to tree in one of the clearings. All around, destriers and palfreys stood tied to trees. Chairs and cushions were strewn across the grass.

A woman sat in your husband's lap, her left hand raking through the dark hair. Not that he much cared, eyes fixed on her bare breast. King Robert was not one for being frugal, seating one woman on each leg, his face all but gone in the bosom of the largest. There were more. All tended to.

"Best turn back," the word's left Clegane like a curse.

"Why? I have nothing to be ashamed for," you replied and pressed your heels at the sides of your mount.

Finally, Tybolt took note. There was no surprise in the eyes of your Husband. With a pat on her back, the woman left his lap, and your beloved Lord Husband had at least the decency to pull down his tunic to spare you from the sight of where his breeches pulled taut. Joining you at the edge of the clearing, only glancing to the Hound at your side, his nose scrounging

"You miss me, dear Lady Wife?"

"Where is the hunt taking you?" you asked.

"North it seems."

More had begun to take note of you. More decent men, or at least those still pretending, drifted away from the women in their arms. King Robert had yet lifted his head, too busy in his exploration. A staleness began to grow on your tongue.

You looked down at your husband, his hand had found your thigh, stroking as if any touch of his was soothing.

"Then I wish you good fortune, Lord Husband, but my venture takes me south."

Another voice rang, "I fear our company is my work, Lady y/n."

Lord Renly had made his way through the crowd, the only man there yet fully dressed.

"Do not bother yourself with making some excuse, Lord Renly. My Lord Husband would not," you replied cooly and returned your attention to Tybolt. "May at least your hunt be fruitful, my love."

The hunter's camp had long gone, sooner or later you would need to turn around, but there was always an excuse. An oak ahead you needed to see up close, a farm to stop and water the horses, and orchards rich in fruit so ripe it made the air sweet.

Clegane's snort made you jolt, for hours he had only been a shadow, "Wed to a fool."

You glanced over your shoulder, his jaw clenched and brow low but the grey eyes did not meet yours.

"Then I would rather hear about the man that is not," you said, pulling at the reigns so he could join at your side. "Go on ... you could at least look at me."

He heeded your wish, the eyes so fierce it even made you shrink in the saddle. "I'm a sworn sword, not a mummer," he muttered.

Fine, you could pry as long as he answered.

"Have you wed?" you tried, making a chuckle leave him. "It is a serious question."

"Not been bothered by Lady Tanda Stokeworth and she's invited all but smallfolk to try and wed her daughter."

"Then we are both cursed with the company of fools," you said. "Don't dare say I am like them."

"Few are."

"I wouldn't say that. You are a rarer breed," you replied. "Honest."

"Turned liar?" he asked, but there was a strangeness to his voice you couldn't place.

"I lie anytime I greet my Lord Husband and don't kick out his teeth. All he and his brothers care about is having songs made after them," you laughed. "Gods, if I had your strength I doubt I would be as kind as you."

Rubbing your face, you tried to rid the anger but it only made you chuckle again, "I think my sister is plotting to kill my husband. She was rather unimpressed by the dinner last night."

"Think I'll weep for the bugger's death?" Clegane replied.

"I would only be expected to wed his brother."

"Another fool?"

"Less so, but it would not matter," you said. "No man can will himself into becoming another."

Your mount whinnied out as the Hound pulled Stranger to the front, blocking your path ahead. "Clegane?"

He swung off the back of his horse and walked up to the side of your sand steed. Clegane held his hand up to you and you felt it now, the tension you had kept back. It washed over you, filling you up, and for a brief moment, tears pushed.

"Wait," you piped but it was your hand that was drifting to his, it was you that had hinted. That had laid the crumbs.

"I've bloody waited," Clegane spat, his hand catching yours, ready to pull you down. "And for what? Content withering away in that fucking castle? One thing if it pleased you - if he pleased you - could have waited a long time then. So go on, tell me you're pleased y/n. Tell me those smiles of yours are true. Tell me."

"You're not being fair," but those words weren't for him.

"Not fair?" he repeated, making the burnt side of his face twitch. "Think the world some just place? Bugger that. Bugger them. Take what you bloody well please."

But you didn't want to be like them, like the man you wed or that of your sister. How many handmaidens hadn't you sent away? A lucky few had loved your Lord Husband and you were nothing more than a cold shrew of a wife in their eyes, and there were those who had done their duty. Some had come to you before anything had happened, who gladly took service in another house. All in all, why your husband found comfort in them did not matter. He tossed them all aside, you never needed to press much. Clegane... Sandor wasn't that. You couldn't make him into that.

"If this... if we are found it will not be my head that is taken," you pleaded.

"Could die for worse," his attempt at comfort made a pained sigh leave you.

How utterly typical him, not even now he cooed some lie. Sold you some dream.

"Your life is not a price I am willing to pay," you said, your throat tightening. "A Lannister always pays their debt, to others that might be a brag but to us, it is a reminder. We do not tally up debts we cannot return."

"You'd be more than enough."

Around you rose trees of apples and pears, and not far from the orchard the forest emerged like a green wall. Anyone could be there. A guard, a servant that had wandered.

You squeezed his hand but he'd not feel it through the plate. "Not here. If you are to risk your head on my account, I'll certainly not make it easy for them to claim it."

The royal procession was like a snake, slithering its way back from the Kingswood. It had been a morning of luck, Cersei didn't offer you stay at the wheelhouse and made no protest when you requested for Sandor Clegane to be your sworn sword for the remainder of your stay. You had both waited for so long, but the last two days had been torture.

No one had questioned why the Hound hadn't worn his armor that morn or why you had donned your simplest dress. One in which only a single lace needed to be undone to make the cloth part.

The cart was small, and the screens had been pulled up to block the windows, but the sounds from outside seeped in. The talk, the laughter. Your heart raced as a curse left Sandor's lips. Keeping at his tip, your tongue swirled around it, making the legs around you tense. You kept at it, kissing along his length until his eyes met yours. Burning. The hands, gripping the sides of the seat, tightened as you allowed more of him into your mouth.

You heard Tybolt call out to one of his riders. Your Lord Husband, just outside the walls of your cart... the throb in your lower had been there since the orchard, but now it steered you. Made your hand drift up and close around Sandor's cock.

"Come here," he grunted, you bit your lip so as not to giggle when he lifted you up, seating you in his lap.

Your breath turned sharp as his hand found you, but Sandor didn't stay long.

"Never had a woman in heat," he whispered, his hand in full view of you both, the fingers glistening.

Rolling your hips, you felt him graze against you. It wasn't pretty, and you had too little patience for modesty. Grinding your hips, until his cock found you, his tip catching, and Sandor buried his grunt against your shoulder as you jerked down.

"Quiet," he hissed, the wood creaking around him as you did it a second time.

"The whisper in his ear made the whole body beneath you turn as rigid as stone. "Fuck me."

The cart shook, and one of the horses whinnied out. A cry left your lips as Clegane drove deep inside. His arms locked around your waist to keep you from falling off.

"My lady, is everything alright? The road ahead is quite rough," the voice of Tybolt could have made your heart stop.

He was speaking to you. Speaking while the one you have been dreaming of all these years filled you up in a way he'd never be able.

"Yes, no need to worry. I was only startled," you replied.

Gods, you were alive. This thrill, wasn't it wrong? Sandor's hips began to move and you saw it in his eyes too. Just as you knew something else to be true. You were his now. Fully his. Sandor's hands hooked onto your legs, spreading them so he could see all of you as he continued to slowly thrust in and out. Was Tybolt still on the other side of the screen?

"Your hunt? Was it as fruitful as you wish, Lord Husband?" you asked.

"It was, the King wishes to see the Crakehall lands. Though I believe he does not want too many lions present for the hunt," while Tybolt spoke you pulled Sandor to you, his lips locking with yours and you spared no time making your kiss deepen. "You made the lords present nervous when you rode up to us in the forest, but I told them of your agreeableness. They were quite impressed."

He truly was a fool. Since when was not caring a sign of devotion? You stifled the moan as Sandor's head lowered, his mouth catching the peak of your left breast. Sucking until the nipple was hard and aching against his tongue.

"What preparations would we need for a royal hunt?" you asked, struggling to keep your voice steady.

And so Tybolt Crakehall talked. He talked while Sandor's mouth tended your right breast just the same. Talked while you rested against your seat and suffocated the moans against the cushions while the Hound lived true to his name.

The smell of sewage was enough to tell that King's Landing was near. Your dress retied, and thrice you had reexamined Sandor's clothes for signs of what you had done.

The cart came to a halt, and the Hound opened the door. Helping you outside into the blinding light.

"A comfortable ride, my lady?" Tybolt asked and if it wasn't for his usual routine of being extra polite when caught with a women you would have thought the man knew.

You patted the side of his arm, smiling. "Truly," you replied, placing a light kiss on his cheek before walking towards the rest of your family.

The Hound followed you, his rasp low, "How loving of you."

You couldn't turn back, couldn't take his hand, or kiss him to show the difference.

Keeping your face still as if the two of you were talking of the most mundane things you answered him, "If you offer farewell kisses with me still on your lips, I wouldn't complain."

Thanks for reading!

[gross-gal]

Ahem, whom is andy?

Andy is one of the protags from the manga Undead Unluck! Andy isn't his original name, but he can't really remember having one so when he meets Fuuko, she names him Andy as it sounds like "Undead".

In the world of UU, there are people that possess special abilities. They all gotta start with "Un" in their names. So Andy's power is "Undead". Which means he's immortal and can regenerate his body. Because he's gotten used to pain and near death experiences, he can use his regeneration to his advantage and treats his body like a weapon.

As a character, Andy is really confident and brash but also empathetic and kind and he becomes even kinder through meeting Fuuko. He's free spirited and kinda just does whatever he wants since he doesn't have to worry about dying or anything.

But since he's seen so much bad shit in his life and everyone will just die while he lives, he doesn't really try to get that attached to people at first and ultimately, his wish is to find a way to end his life.

He's a tragic character that still tries to persevere despite everything. And by meeting Fuuko, it gives him more of a desire to help others suffering and hope that someday his suffering will end.

There's a lot of really neat details about him. I haven't even gotten into some of his quirks or the way his power works. How cute his dynamic is with Fuuko and the way he opens up to romance. It's all gooooood. Really excellent character that suffers from the beginning chapters. They paint his character in such a bad light.

[ayuki-ikuya]

Fellow Piers simp with a trainersona here and a separate oc with Rai: ✨Go for it homie✨ Go absolutely ape! Tell us about her

OKAY

so I've tried doing research about Johto before writing about her since I have little information about Johto.

Johto is based off from Japan (it's more eastern qualities) while Kanto was a more westernized Japan (if you watched Geisha, it shows the transition from Japan transitioning to more western style after the war.)

So the name Katsumi was given. I believe her name meaning is "eternal beauty" but I'm not sure.

If I were to describe Katsumi, she'd be a Ninetales or a Fox. She has this air about her that draws her in, it's soothing even. But as she battles, she's more two faced than she seems, being more mocking and maybe even animalistic than her kinder self.

She does restrain herself from her more dark side, because a common rule as a maiko and geisha, is to always look and be pretty to capture the attention of others.

Katsumi is based off from the Kimono Girls in Johto, the Kimono girls are actually Maiko's as they tie their obi's sash long while normal is tucked in or tied short (same with a Geisha's) however, in Pokemon, they don't wear heavy makeup that way they can battle appropriately while still maintaining looks.

Since I'm basing Katsumi from Maiko's, she learns various arts, from dance to music to cooking. And of course, even when away from Johto, she still practices dancing (she prefers dancing over music) which has caught several pokemons attention in the past.

Her Johto team consists of:

Lucario

Gyrados

And Chansey.

Her Galar team will be:

Gyrados (from her Johto team)

Eevee (who will evolve into Umbreon)

Deino (who evolves into zwelious then Hydregion)

Munchlax (evolves into Snorlax)

Kirlia (evolves into Gardevior)

And Puncham (evolves into Pangoro)

I won't disclose when she catches them (which will be in the story I'm writting) nor their abilities and move sets. I can tell you that Katsumi favors Dark Types.

Katsumi makes her first appearance in the Gym Battle Opening Ceremony! Her exotic looks catching many of the people's attention.

Having to fight the Yell team since they were blocking Budew Inn, she does her first official Pokemon Battle in Galar with her Gyrados who swept them away with Twister!

Katsumi calls out her pokemon rather eloquently. Like, "Let's dance amongst the water, Gyrados", Katsumi is a lover of drama and theatrics, so she likes to put on a show which is apart of her two faced-ness.

If I were to place Katsumi as a Game Character, she'd be an Easter Egg and a very Hidden Boss. The main Characters wouldn't be able to fight her unless level 100 as the final boss is also level 100, meaning she's far more challenging than she looks in the beginning.

You'd be able to fight her in the tournaments after becoming a Galar Champion (beating Leon) but because she makes rare appearances, it's hard to fight her. If Leon and Katsumi ever get matched up, it usually ends in either Katsumi winning or a draw depending on ALL of your Pokémon level. (All 100 = Katsumi winning)

Her relationships would mostly be the children of the house she moved to as a tenant (which is in the same place for the Opening Ceremony hence why she hasn't caught any other pokemon in Galar yet)

Katsumi prefers pokemon over people. People means maintaining herself to appear appropriately and having to be more polite than she wants to do to etiquette. While with pokemon, she can bond with them more easily through being herself (her more rougher side).

As for her league cards, she has two special league cards which is dependent on which version you're playing.

Sword version is her more wild side, showing her face during her battles (more on Leon or Raihan's battle since her face shows more during their fight)

Sword version notes: seeing the ever so gentle Johto girl being fierce to rival Raihan is an odd sight, but pleasant to finally see a crack in her ever so pretty mask.

Shield version gets her more softer side, showing her dancing in a field without knowing about the picture.

Shield version notes: A picture that was taken in secret, you can see how gentle she is with how she stands, the pokemon around her watching her still form. How can someone be this elegant?

Her normal League Card is just the standard card but she angles herself towards the left (our left mind you) with her head angled towards the camera with a serene smile.

As for her relationship with Raihan and Piers, Raihan was intrigued by her, knowing the Dragon Type master in Johto, and seeing her appear on Pokegram every once in awhile (until she got Kirlia) sends a shiver down his spine since he can sorta get a feeling that she's hiding more than she seems.

Piers never met her, but has heard of her from Team Yell and Marnie when they met up in Spikemuth. When Katsumi appeared herself, he nearly choked seeing a "Pretty lil' dainty thing in this dump". his words, not mine. But because Piers oh so happens to be a dark type gym leader, Katsumi had immediately grew attached to him which shocked a lot of people.

Katsumi, the goddess from eastern lands, paired with THE Piers? The shock was an understatement.

Piers did appreciate her adoration to dark type pokemon though. And her need to be on the same level as him in battle as it was the Johto way to be fair.

If we wanna dive into the romance interests then:

Raihan is absolutely clingy to Katsumi and always wants to fight her. It's his way showing how devoted he is to her by challenging her to fights often after training and resting. And he hopes Katsumi would notice. If we went into a more NSFW style, Raihan is the epitome of clinginess. Because he's so tall compared to Katsumi, he'd use his jacket and put it over her, forcing her to either poke her head out to see or to try and escape which ends up him wrapping his arms around her. And when he does capture her, Raihan would drag her to a more secluded area and start marking her neck with bites and hickies. If he gets REALLY worked up (specially after a battle against Katsumi) he'd take his coat off, wrap it around her, tie the sleeves and then sling her onto his shoulder and with his long ass legs, he'd be heading to his apartment.

For Piers, he's not really affectionate or seen as affectionate, but he would often be near Katsumi whenever they were both free. Whenever he is affectionate he'd wrap an arm or two around Katsumi and bring her closer to him. For NSFW, Piers would be slightly clingy, but not as bad as Raihan since Piers is busy with being an artist (music artist btw) and training Marnie to be a gym leader. But whenever they're together, Piers would be resting his head on Katsumi's shoulder or head depending on their sitting position. Anytime Katsumi gets a call or goes to escape somewhere, Piers would grab a hold of her chin and kiss her rather passionately, which would leave Katsumi breathless since Piers literally has a long tongue, and he uses it. If Katsumi is still out of it (or continues to try to escape), Piers would take her to his place or to the campsite.

Katsumi has long black hair which reaches to her lower back, having four beauty marks total on her face, two right below her right eye (our left), one below her left eye (our right) and one at the right corner of her lips (our left).

(I think of drawing as a mirror, if you draw a character's face you have to think about the blemishes placement. If their back is to you, then it's both of your rights and lefts while facing each other is their left is your right and their right is your left. Sorry if it's confusing.)

She has black eyes (whenever in an intense battle, her eyes darken with no highlight making her appear soulless but it just means her facade is cracking) and thick eyelashes, her lips are painted red on her bottom lip while the corners of her eyes are touched with a rouge since she is a Maiko Trainer.

(I made up that Kimono Girls are Maiko Trainers, meaning they wear less makeup and have a battle/formal kimono, a traveling kimono and sleep wear. Normal Maiko's wears the standard makeup and wears more formal kimono's. Maiko trainers require to wear a sort of eye shadow at the corner of their eyes in replacement for the lack of white makeup on their face, it is to signal other Maiko's what status they are. If they wear red/rogue eye shadow, then they are an advance/master maiko trainer. If blue, then they are an intermediate. If pink then they are a beginner. Maiko trainers also have to wear certain color palettes to signal what stage they are which often correlates to their eye shadow. Since Maiko's in general wear lighter colors, they wear pastels or just a light shade.)

Katsumi wears a light pink kimono that fades to a light red at the ends of her kimono. Her obi sash being a deeper red while her obiage is white. Her nagajuban is red as per tradition, her pocchuri buckle is silver flowers, while her okobo shoes still maintains the red straps and still contains bells in them.

Fun fact about Maiko's, Maiko's are usually 16-20 years old mainly because Maiko's would choose to marry around that age, while Geisha's would have to retire or runaway (depending on time period) to marry. Geisha's aren't allowed to have a spouse, the most they can have close to a spouse is an escort.

THIS IS ALL FOR NOW! I'LL PUT UP SOME DOODLES ABOUT KATSUMI (WITH AN OCCASIONAL RAIHAN/PIER OR TWO)

[meefy]

nara- 4, 7, 10, 14, 16, 17, 24, 25

etha- 3, 5, 6, 11, 12, 14, 17, 22

Under the cut!

Nara

4. What are 3 of their irrational fears? Confined spaces, the dark, others hating her.

7. Answered!

10. Favorite place? Do they go there often? The forest. Yes.

14. Choose an AU you think would be interesting for them to be a part of. Who would they be? I like to imagine an alternate reality where she (and her immediate family) are also Kirikos.

16. How do they like their baths/showers? Hot/cold, long/short? She loves hot baths but is often too busy with work/chores to bother taking one. Otherwise she likes hot (quicker) showers.

17. Do they consider themselves to be romantic? Why or why not? Not really. She'll do traditional date stuff (going out to eat, holding hands) but mostly she just wants someone fun to hang out with while she does her own thing.

24. Where did their name come from? Does it have meaning? Her parents liked longer girls names that ended and began with vowels. They didn't look into the meaning much, but hers means "merciful" and I feel that suits her very well.

25. What events changed them as a child? Honestly...her entire childhood. Being ignored or treated as a tenant or employee rather than a daughter by her parents. It made her very eager to please, even subconsciously, and terrified of criticism or the retribution that would ensue if she made a mistake or made someone upset. As a result, she has a tendency to be a bit of a peacekeeper and ignore her own needs to make others happy.

Etha

3. Are they an early bird or night owl? Very much an early bird. She likes to go swimming as soon as it's light out most mornings.

5. How affectionate are they? What are their top love languages? Etha can be very standoffish and seemingly cold, but she's generally just very suspicious of strangers. She is quite warm with people she knows and cares about, though. Her love language is words of affirmation - she longs to be told she is worthy the way she is.

6. On an average day, what can they be found doing after dinner? Probably walking in the forest around her home, or painting or reading once it's dark outside.

11. Who was their child hero/heroine? She looked up to Hunters a lot. She no longer does.

12. Are they hot-headed or even-tempered? What frustrates them the most? She can be very cool and collected, but when her family (particularly her brother) or friends are involved, she won't hesitate long before letting her emotions get the better of them. What frustrates her the most would probably be her feelings of envy towards humans - she knows it's a useless emotion, but she also still wishes things were different for her.

14. Choose an AU you think would be interesting for them to be a part of. Who would they be? I would have wanted to see her learn Nen as well. That or maybe have her and Nara fall in love 😅

17. Do they consider themselves to be romantic? Why or why not? She would very much want to be, but she...isn't. She's very shy and awkward and everything she knows about romance comes from books. The whole "love at first sight" and "happily ever after" tropes are alive and well in her mind.

22. What is something others admire about them? Are they aware that people admire them for this? Kinder Hunter applicants that stumble through her belongings always remark she is quite talented at the crafts she might be working on that are out in the open (like her painting or wood carving). Her younger brother meanwhile thinks she makes the best strawberry shortcake. In any case Etha is very humble and is quick to discount her talents or abilities. She's the type of person to laugh and blush if you compliment her but not really say much of anything.

[vanityloves]

anyways im gonna listen to/read the fuckin...rise of the ogre shit bc ive been putting it off 🪓🥴 im gonna put stuff under the cut bc im gonna be TALKING n dont wanna make a new post everytime

piss

ok he performed for 2 pounds 50. which is basically $3 today i- well it was absolutely a power play on his father behalf that also had the promise of money so.

also lol he said Rejection fueled my ambitions which, yknow,, i already knew but it still hurts and i will continue to talk ab it xoxo

AH HELP. "...if ebay had been invented at the time he would've sold me online there and then,"

"man hands on misery to man, yknow"

THEN PROCEEDS TO CONNECT IT TO MUSIC/HIS CAREER. this man said :) the one thing i truly have a passion for. the one thing i fucking like.

oh yeah. bullied by students AND teachers.

oh god hes 42ish during this interview? ok.

the fuckin school bully saying he wouldve acted differently if he knew what hed become

getting called "faceache", then proceeds to call 2d that. jfc he really does just repeat what everyone says. really "treating others how i was treated/how they treat me"

maybe thats why? hes kinder to fans? bc :] you support me and like me so, ok ill return that energy

MURDOC GETTING HIS ASS BEAT N PARADING HOME LIKE WELL I WON BC 'I PISSED YOU OFF' SJDJD

a real rowdy boy. absolute nasty boy. fraud and arson... shooting ppls windows with his air pistols

black sabbath being a huge inspiration? fucking absolutely.

became a satanist n shit at age 16? "it fitted me like a glove" "heavy metal and devil worshipping became my favorite past times" ajsj funny that ppl in trying times often seek religion or following of some sort

heavy metal being his favorite, n loving the clash, while hannibals was more punk based

hannibal breaking murdocs nose for the 2nd and 3rd time for playing his music on hannibals turntable

he doesnt sound that bitter? ab hannibal? he doesnt sound incredibly fond but he talks ab how he got him into a lot of music. so, i imagine they we're a bit closer than i thought?

international baccalaureate in antisocial? anthropology?

MURDOC IS ACTUALLY SMART HE WAS JUST. NOT INTERESTED IN THE SUBJECTS? I GUESS? (also,,, he literally Built cyborg noodle and i think he had a PhD too lol. but its always nice to hear hes actually...yknow, interested or good at other things)

alright but murdoc having a fascination w/ other cultures - or at least some interests, that lead him to actually study the damn subject and "pass with flying colors"

'fuck college though. im gonna be a rockstar'

he sold his soul at 18ish? whenever the fuck he got kicked out but college was mentioned so my brain goes to 18ish idk

he lived with his father still and paid rent via low paying jobs one including 'part time dressing as santa'

help he was ab to take a Personal Job for quick cash and uhh well, "still made me call him sir though" he really said 20 dollars is 20 dollars, huh "that story was totally true"

alright, 1997,,,

2d stuff

loves zombie stuff? thats really cute, and is freaked out by the way they move. god he rambles

both he and murdoc are horses in the chinese zodiac

[[jfc ok if the official shit compares them a lot i understand why ppl ship them but Dont. its a narrative foil and that doesnt always mean Romance jfc.]]

SUMTHINK.

truly... a lil stinker. super cute bouncing baby and a "bit thick" which is stull so endearing to me. hes just a happy man!

excitable 10 year old and would dance around his room

jfc the fact he has normal/caring parents. i kinda forget how opposite hes supposed to be from murdoc but i think thats another thing jsjsysg (murdoc said why isnt my tragic story making me famous why does he get to be the Star. no wonder he acts like a loon)

i still dont get how gettin bonked by a tree branch made him go bald and also turn his hair blue

big tiddy nurse mommy,,,

went to the same school as The Cure and got decent grades despite hittin the noggin quite hard. WANTED TO BE A STORM CHASER... OMG??

oh thats really cute, hed bond with his dad by building keyboards toegther 🥺💕

messed around with paints and graffiti? artistic king

MURDOC AGAIN: QHDJ 'VILLANOUS' GANG HELP

oh yeah d day...new instruments, new band, new singer - and 'had to be the best or no dice' and absolutely CONFIDENT that his songs were bangers ajsjd

but on that same note, had absolute faith (or desperate) in 2d which i love

ransacked the fucking music shop jdjdj and 2d said he was Just Standing There behind the counter the whole shift hdhdh

"thats when your eye came out, yeah" "yeah!-" HELP WHY DOES HE SOUND SO HAPPY AB IT ?? yes he said ut hurt but he sounds...ok

jfc murdoc ragdolling this poor mf around. dunking him and slapping him around. actually? so incredibly terrible and abusive and i hate him for that 🔫 im sorry 2d stans. we dont condone that behavior here ong.

how and why the FUCK did 2d's parents allow that fucker near their child after that i??? help. wtf. his moms a nurse why didnt she just have murdoc sit in plain view of other people. god damn.

2d flying out the window n hitting the curb "whoops"

"just two black holes...[ah] it looked great...a blue hair, blacked eyed GOD- the girls would go wild-" "pretty boy looks" ???? HELP. HE DOESNT GO LIGHT ON THE COMPLIMENTS, HUH

RUSS TIME

oh yeah, he straight up kiddnapped this man help. idk how he managed that, russ is a Big Man??

AND MURDOCS MUSIC WAS SO FUCKING SEXY GOOD that russel said hm alright ill stay, :] out ifbhis owm free will im screaming.

"oh this is one of them febreeze commercials" "uh . yeah sure. *murdoc turning on his Sick Tunes*" but that either means? it was just his guitar playing the convinced russ? unless he and 2d recorded sumn?

"2d was the looks, murdoc the brains, then russel truly was the heart"

'while 2d and murdoc liked music, this man was a MUSICIAN' god fucking bless this book holy shit ny man russ getting some respect. he said back hurts from carrying this band.

murdoc basically heard this guy had big trauma that gave him So Many Skills n said "thats what i want" ok idk thats actually really? inch rest ting to me. seems that murdocs fine handing out compliments but i guess that where his charisma really helps out yeah?

"he was going to be in my band whether he liked it or not" ...murdoc-

HELP. 2D IS LIKE BRO GO ON IM LISTENING 🥺 despite hearing the story 50-60 times and murdoc said fuck off you lil shit.

ok irrelevant but i love his voice! its super comforting n nice to listen to 🥺

HELP MURDOCS SO BITTER. "NOTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US IS NORMAL" WELL YEAH. THIS IS TRAUMA CENTRAL.

idk how/why he sucked up all his friends souls though ... how are they all possessing the same person. they said "its my turn on The Russ"

DELL IS HIS ACTUAL, LITERAL SOULMATE...KING...😭

went to a private school,,, and was already possessed? and the thing where he gets bigger and smaller is a reoccurring thing?

was in a coma for 4 years?

hiphop machine...time and history...the ultimate set i guess.

his knowledge was infinite and hes a "Renaissance man" hes so fucking smart our king. jack of all trades but a master of drums. he said i know im good and what of it

PAULA.

HELP. HE RMBRS THE STALL: CUBICAL NUMBER 3 🥴 IF I DO RECALL 🤤

yes russel our king. fuck up his nose 5 more times. probably stunted his growth too. he shrunk after russ gave him a wallop im sure

why dies paula sound like tracer overwatch

also only dated 2d for 2 months before joining the band?

HELP SHE REALLY WAS THE FIRST MURDOC FUCKER: "but when i saw murdoc with his thick greasy hair, green teeth and yellow skin i thought 'oh this is the ine for me!'" "OH HES SUCH A DANDY-" HELP ME IM HQJDHD

sick in the head...like i want to hurt people help girl. shes fucking Crazy. but she rly said damn i didnt hear back from him again 😭 and my purse is gone JSHHD

MURDOC: SHE WAS DEPRESSINGLY UGLY *still fucked her*

NOODLE TIME

"small japanese person!"

2d: we werent gorillaz until noodle arrived!

im dying the reason he chose gorillaz. 'swinging through the jungle baring my ass'

noodle really said "im just happy to be here" and she balanced everyone out 😭 "she gave off pure love and the fact that she could laugh at murdoc REALLY helped too" RUSS... IS BABY

JFC MURDOCS SO FUCKING CONFIDENT IN THIS BAND IM LIVING FOR THAT. HE SAID YOU WANT US SO BAD IT MAKES YOU LOOK STUPID. THE CHARISMA

2d rambling ab some girl he met and "ssSs" "whats the s stand for hawhaw" "i dont know!".

THE RECORD LABEL GUY.

one song is all it took i ❤ good for them

just murdoc talking ab the party that they threw for thier deal and saying "you dont know how much of a dick i felt like [when carrying one of those huge checks]" like oh thats whatll make you a dick? alright.

A FOOD FIGHT THAT WENT SO HARD THAT IT KNOCKED 2DS TONSILS OUT? WHAT THE FUCK

ahshdj damon and murdoc not getting along bc of Rival Band One Uppery + damon calling murdocs cuban heels crap since ge wore steel ones with gold spurs.

MURDOC FEELIN EMBARRASSED BC HES 'QUITE PROUD OF HIS SHOES'

but the band and damon getting over music and their ambitions and became a "paternal figure"

HELP MURDOC SAID AWIOGA @ RACHEL WHICH MADE HER THROW HER DRINK IN HIS FACE AND SPLIT FROM 2D. kinda sad actually, she said i still like 2d but murdoc kinda ruined it by trying to get it in with me, it put a strain in our relationship :/ oh god murdocs That Dude

nov 31 1998: started recording :]

40 tracks that got cut down to 15 holy shit

KONG STUDIOS 🤲

hooking up cameras in every room ejdjsu

webby artist of the year in 2006? holy shit

noodle learning ab kong studios omfg

JFC. YES I KNEW KONG WAS BUILT ON/IN A CEMETERY BUT I DIDNT KNOW PPL FOR THE FUCKING PLAGUE WHERE THROWN THERE HDJD

built in 1739?

the ghost of the first owners ghost still roams around in the kitchen in the early hours and moans 'aaa glass of water'

theres some rotting bullshit near the studios and in the summer its fucking TERRIBLE

the former owners were a biker gang, and they all died in a fire

murdoc said this place has bad vibes. i want it.

grim weather

the building feels impossible to escape from huHgg

[laughingpinecone]

ToT letter 2021

I am laughingpineapple on AO3

Hello dear author! I hope you’ll have fun with our match. Feel free to draw from general or fandom-specific likes, past letters, and/or follow your heart.

Art likes: characters doing something, even something very simple, illustrating a moment rather than abstractly posing. I also enjoy seeing them wear different clothes, getting a feel of what their fashion sense is like beyond their canon outfit(s). Or dressing them up for some outlandish AU!

Likes: worldbuilding, slice of life (especially if the event the fic focuses on is made up but canon-specific), missing moments, 5+1 and similar formats, bonding and emotional support/intimacy, physical intimacy, lingering touches, loyalty, casefic, surrealism, magical realism, established relationships, future fic, hurt/comfort or just comfort from the ample canon hurt, throwing characters into non-canon environments, banter, functional relationships between dysfunctional individuals, unexplained mysteries, bittersweet moods, journal/epistolary fic, dreams and memories and identities, canon-adjacent tropey plots, outsider POV, UST, resolved UST, exploration of secondary bits of canon, leaning on the uniqueness of the canon setting/mood, found families, characters reuniting after a long and/or harrowing time, friends-to-lovers, road trips, maps, mutual pining, cuddling, wintry moods, the feeling of flannel and other fabrics, ridiculous concepts played straight, sensory details, sickfic, places being haunted, people being haunted, the mystery of the woods, small hopes in bleak worlds, electricity, places that don’t quite add up, mismatched memories, caves and deep places, distant city lights at night, emphasis on non-human traits of non-human characters (gen-wise, but also a hearty yes xeno for applicable ships), emphasis on inhuman traits of characters who were human once and have sort of shed it all behind

DNW: non-canonical rape, non-canonical children, focus on children, unrequested ships (background established canon couples are okay, mentions of parents are okay!), canon retellings

All requests are for both fic and art!

Death Crown: Death, trick

(I haven't played the DLC yet so, alas, no demons, or no spoilers for the demons, at least) I am absolutely charmed by the overall mood of this game and would like to see something more in that vein! Anything! Got more sacred (or unholy?) geometrical architecture for Death to interact with, maybe in greater detail than just wrecking it? What else feels like a contemporary take on a Bosch painting? Can Death get lost?

Ghost Trick: Jowd, Cabanela, trick, treat

Anything focused on Cabanela being an unstoppable force (confident, untiring, sparkling, stubborn, dexterous, loyal to the bitter end, legs) and/or Jowd being an immovable object (sarcastic, strong, depressed, self-deprecating but knowing he's hot stuff, also stubborn, clever but an emotional dumbass, round). Figuring out stuff? Something in the new timeline is linked to the old timeline? Coat? Dancing? Scarves? Halloween costumes?

I like Cabanela/Jowd and Cabanela/Alma/Jowd and Cabanela/Alma in scenarios where Jowd isn't around and Alma/Jowd in general (REALLY like all these, okay. like this is the one request where I'd love the most self-indulgent shippy takes as well), and dig Lynne/Memry. Yomiel/fianSissel and Emma/JM also cool!

Hylics: any, trick, treat

(I have only played the first game so far so please no overt spoilers for Hylics 2. Feel free to include stuff from it but... stealthily, I guess?) This is an "anything that feels somewhat like canon, please" sort of request! Love the mood, love the cast, love the little added details in their menu screen. Those can be prompts? Or the oddball stats? How do ToT's trick and treat freeforms apply to Hylics' overall... hylicsness, what would those guys think constitutes a "creepy" moment or a "fluffy" one?

Not into ships for this one, however I WILL say that Dedusmuln has all the proverbial curves in the right places. mostly their face.

Kentucky Route Zero: Weaver

Math, debt, the liminal state of almost being a ghost, seeing the world with a strange clarity... just anything Weaver, please! How'd she make her way to the town? What was it like for her to be working on Xanadu for a time? What about the community broadcast! Does she have an opinion on Carrington's oeuvre? You know... things... stuff. Weaver things. and stuff.

I love the whole cast and Weaver... wove... her story through most of them so feel free to bring in whomever. Not interested in ships here though.

Paradise Killer: Lady Love Dies, trick

A post-canon glimpse of life on '''''perfect''''' 25? That's not QUITE enough class consciousness to make the whole thing work, you guys. What does 'normal' life feel like to LD now? After following Henry's case and talking to Shinji so much, can she see that it's doomed to fail again, and then what? What IS Island 25 like, anyway? (what comes after Island 25, even?)

I liked the choice of canon romances - if it has to be just one I'd prefer it to be Crimson, but I'd also be interested in seeing what a V or triad with Doom Jazz would look like. They're all so chill about stuff

Pyre: Volfred, trick, treat

Pragmatic idealist, charismatic and bad at people, pacifist, activist, physiologically incapable of shutting up for a hot second, what's there not to love... I am very into either of the following: C. Volfred Sandalwood has a fantastic day; C. Volfred Sandalwood has a terrible no good day. Everything is great! Pre-exile antiestablishmentarian antics, maybe with Bertrude? Political gambits? The very physical dangers of the Downside which may or may not catch a scholar by surprise (who saves him?)? Tree problems? Meeting Oralech for the first time and Volfred thinks he himself is hot stuff but out of the two, Oralech is clearly the VIP? Feeling like he should live up to Lu Sclorian's legacy but he feels much closer to other Scribes (and what does Lu have to say about it, one way or another?)? The thrilling intimacy of Reading? The thrilling intimacy of lowercase reading also, maybe reading old manuscripts found in the Downside?

I very much ship him with Tariq and/or Oralech. The only canon ship I like is Hedwyn/Fikani. I also like Soliam/Gol, Bertrude/Pamitha and Celeste/Jodariel. Love all the Nightwings + Dalbert (+Deluge...?); love to dunk on Manley, Brighton and Lendel (I don't enjoy flat-out bashing, more like... I enjoy the way they are portrayed as horrible gremlins in canon and if they turn up in fic I'm not interested in more positive portrayals)

Signs of the Sojourner: Rhea, Elias, trick, treat

Once again pretty much an "anything in the style of canon" request. I love this setting, its themes and all the little lives that fill it. I am interested in a wide range of postcanon scenarios and love the whole cast - does Rhea come back to $town any number of years down the line and find $character? How'd their storyline end up in the medium-long term? What the hell is up with the Stranger (seriously, three runs and I never managed to speak with them, I have no idea)? What's life like for Elias back home, or in a new home if they can't keep the store, or if Rhea landed the Oscar ending or whatever (just, please, not dead Rhea. I love that ending but can't stand to consider what it'd do to Elias)? Or does he join the caravan just once? Who did Rhea grow to really like and can't wait to see every time? Any ghost stories or creepy encounters on the caravan's route? Does Thunder help?

I'm neutral on ships here - good with Rhea&Elias, good with background Rhea/Elias but I wouldn't like a romantic focus.

Totally Normal Wizard Apprentice: apprentice, wizard, master, trick, treat

(conflict of interest disclaimer, I illustrated this but didn't write nor nominate it) What awaits the apprentice outside the wizard's tower? It sounds like a pretty wild moon out there, I loved all the worldbuilding hints of the bigger setting. Does the wizard keep track of the apprentice, with her telescope or otherwise, and how does she take care of her ruined parlor? Was this all some sort of 5d chess on the master's part, and if so to what end? And what kind of otherworldly patience does this man possess, anyway, to handle the apprentice on a daily basis?

Twin Peaks: Margaret, Diane, Lucy, Tammy, trick, treat

(bass-boosted ethereal whooshing) For tricks, I would like to see any of these characters face the woods, the mystery of the woods, and/or a new symbol of your liking. Or: Margaret in the city, Diane and the moon, Lucy and the color blue, Tammy incognito.

For treats, a happy meeting. I love the whole cast and I'm always thrilled by gonzo "&" pairings, bring in whomever! Coffee and pie? The Bookhouse Boys? A kinder aspect of the woods?

Fandom-specific notes: love s3, love the books too. I like Lucy/Andy, Margaret/Sam fwiw, and rarepairs Tammy/Cynthia and Diane/Constance. Please no Fireman's-house-is-the-white-lodge, no Twin Perfect, no Judy-was-destroyed (nor is destroyable).

Arcade Spirits: Percy, Teo, treat

More than anything, I love the sense of group and camaraderie among the arcade's staff and regulars, and I'd love to see some more of it. I picked Percy and Teo 'cause they're my faves but anyone you may want to add, up to and including Sue, is very very welcome. Is there any aspect of gaming that feels like it could be adapted to this strange world of contemporary arcades? Cosplay shenanigans for everyone courtesy of Ashley? Any other activity that could show how Percy and/or Teo get along with the others, like they were all forming little groups during the beach chapter? It's such a feel-good canon, any feel-good situation would be great!

My Ari is with Percy but I'm not really interested in shipping here. All sorts of friendships though!

[princesssarisa]

A defense of Catherine Linton (Wuthering Heights, 2nd generation)

I was just glancing over Tumblr’s Wuthering Heights tag and came across a lengthy post reviewing the book, which praised it in general, but made it clear that the reviewer preferred the first half to the second and particularly hated the younger Catherine. They went on for quite a while about how nasty, snobbish and stupid she is, how all her suffering is her own fault, how terribly she treats Hareton, etc. – they actually found her less sympathetic than her mother. I’ve also seen other posts that cite her as “horrible” along with all the other characters (with the occasional exception of Nelly and/or Hareton).

This feels so strange to me, because when I most recently reread the book, I especially liked her and came away wishing literary critics would give her more positive attention.

Of course she’s flawed, but I liked her all the more because of her flaws. Especially because they’re only a part of her full characterization, which has so many positive traits too.

She’s lively, sassy, brave and feisty, yet deeply loving and caring to others. Think of how much she loves her father and how devotedly she cares for both him and Nelly when they’re sick (even if she does sneak out against their wishes when they’re asleep). Or think of how she nurses Linton on his deathbed all by herself, despite his shabby treatment of her, with everyone else in the house either too indifferent or too cowed by Heathcliff to help her. Would the elder Cathy ever have done that? Also unlike her mother, she’s capable of realizing her mistakes and of growing and changing for the better.

Yes, she’s naïve and makes foolish choices. But what else can we expect of her when she’s led such a sheltered life? Edgar keeps her too innocent for her own good and then Heathcliff takes advantage of that innocence to manipulate her. Also keep in mind that she’s never had any companion her own age or known any family besides her father. Isn’t it only natural that she should latch onto Linton and defy (what she thinks is) her father’s overprotectiveness to have a relationship with him? Literature is full of sheltered daughters who carry out secret romances behind their parents’ backs: e.g. Rapunzel, Juliet, or Les Misérables’ Cosette. Young Cathy’s storyline can be seen as an especially brutal deconstruction of that trope. If we don’t condemn those girls in stories that play the trope straight, and even praise them for following their hearts, then why criticize Cathy just because we know she’s being manipulated? Those other girls could have suffered just as much if not for the sheer luck that they meet decent, loving young men. Besides, to a large extent it’s her compassion that leads her astray – not just personal desire to be with Linton, but concern for him. She knows he’s sickly and miserable at Wuthering Heights, she thinks he’s desperately in love with her, and she can’t bear to turn her back on him. Heathcliff uses her compassion against her.

Yes, she’s stubborn and has a temper, but isn’t that true for most teenagers?

Yes, she’s a bit spoiled, haughty and snobbish and she does treat Hareton unfairly. But again, is she to blame for this, or is it her upbringing? Shouldn’t Edgar have taught her more humility and respect for others “below” her? And while her initial rudeness to Hareton might be based in snobbery, it becomes much more than that. He’s the devoted, obedient foster son of the man who imprisons her, forces her into a loveless marriage, robs her of her inheritance, tries to keep her from her beloved father’s deathbed, and both emotionally and physically abuses her. It’s only natural that she considers him an enemy. If he had helped her to care for the dying Linton, or if she had learned earlier than she does about his arguing with Heathcliff in her defense, then her feelings about him might have changed much sooner.

And yes, she becomes cold and bitter during her time at Wuthering Heights. But isn’t this understandable, with all the trauma she goes through? Much has been written about how unfair it is to demand that trauma survivors be “model victims” who always behave nicely and never complain, lash out, or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Let’s remember this. Wuthering Heights is brutally honest about the fact that misery doesn’t make people kinder or more compassionate. Lockwood’s line in the ghost scene, “Terror made me cruel,” sums up a theme that recurs throughout the story. Fear, pain, trauma, stress... they bring out the worst in people.

But unlike her mother, or Heathcliff, or Hindley or Linton, the younger Cathy grows past it.

She’s called out on her unfair treatment of Hareton by the other characters and finally realizes she’s been in the wrong. She reaches out to Hareton, becomes his friend, and eventually learns to love him. She goes though positive growth that contrasts with her mother’s downward spiral, just as Hareton does in contrast to Heathcliff. She masters the art of listening and compromise in a way that her mother never did, working to educate Hareton and raise him above Heathcliff’s degradation, yet learning to accept that Hareton will always love Heathcliff like a father even though he realizes his cruelty. By the end, for the time being at least, both she and Hareton have moved past both their own mistakes and the mistakes of their parents and parental figures.

I’m not saying everyone has to like her or interpret her actions as sympathetically as I have. That would be nonsense. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and besides, Wuthering Heights is a book that defies easy answers about any of its characters. The possibility that Nelly’s narration paints young Cathy in a more positive light than she deserves is bought up within the text itself (albeit by Lockwood, an unreliable narrator in his own right).

But by the same token, let’s not be too quick to look at this complex, dynamic, very realistic portrayal of a sheltered teenage girl turned trauma victim and judge her as simply “horrible.” That’s a reductive way to view any of the characters, even the ones who are far worse than young Cathy is.

[puppy-the-mask]

Poly? Morph

A Friends to lovers post-dnd-transportation fic focusing on our boys Rant and Rus (debating on adding Edge aswell) 

There’s like 4 POV changes so let me know if I should re-write? this was more for fun than anything, It doesn’t get to romance yet but I hope to continue in my free time. Let me know any errors or anything, I’ll put it on AO3 after a bit more editing and input. I’ve just re-read it so much its all bleh to me so i’m getting second opinions/input here

tw/Blood and Death- not graphic but y’know -/(Owo)\-

It’s been 5 years since we began, just a couple of students playing a game of DnD. Mere hours after wrapping up session zero us players arrived home and as a collective felt a foreign wave of exhaustion, falling asleep one by one.

The city's air was damp and the pathways were dim with the light of half dead lanterns. The party was shuffling through the empty streets to the gates bound for our next assignment when a figure appeared out of the shadows, the glint of metal and we found ourselves face to face with a hostage situation. 

You had once been the closest we had to a tank, a perk of having been a dragonborn with high strength- even if you were a druid bard- but after being cursed for the upteenth time you’d been separated from your avatar- Blackjack-  and rendered a low level support for our high level party. 

Without you taking lead your roll was delegated to other, more impulsive members. The next moments are a flurry of movement as a loud burst sends the assailant back along with you- the dagger at your neck drawing blood. 

Everything blended together as I flew to the front lines, rage getting the best of me as the look on your face burned itself into my mind. The shock and pain in your eyes drove me forward as the streets were painted red. 

The cleric could heal you, I had a life to take. 

--------------------------------

Sans woke up panting, eyelights materializing and analyzing his surroundings. WHAT? 

He couldn’t believe it, there was no way… He was back in his room, back in his world- well the one he’d been in before. There was so much to process, his new surroundings aside- their last foe had been someone they’d trusted. And yet she almost killed y/n… had she even known who she was attacking? There were so many questions rattling around his skull as his magic buzzed in his bones. He needed to check on them, he needed to make sure they made it back. Normally he’d shortcut straight to their room but his magic was sluggish and unresponsive. He’d just have to run.

He managed to make it down the stairs without falling and stumble a few more steps before he heard voices. NO NONONO FUCK! I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!

“AH RANT, YOU’RE AWAKE! RANT?” He had to brace himself on the couch, his center of gravity was much different than his avatar’s “RANT ARE YOU ALRIGHT?” Paps knelt to his level and looked him over

“I’m Fine, Let Me Go-!” The hand on his shoulder tightened its grip as he tried to get past to the door “I SAID LET ME GO! I NEED TO CHECK ON THEM!” 

“WHO? RANT TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG.” He just kept struggling, but everything was getting fuzzy as his soul was settling back in his proper body. “Can You Tell Me Where You Are?” More people were walking in, having been drawn from the dining room by their voices. 

“WHERE!? I'M HERE WITH YOU AT THE HOUSE- NOW LET ME GO!” more voices joined the conversation but they all started to run together.

“rant? dude what’s wrong!?” 

“THE HELL IS HIS PROBLEM?”

“huh, so the shortstack does have eyelights”

“bro?” his eyelights sharpened and shrank on his brother and he felt tears prick his sockets. 

“Papyrus?” The soft copy let him go as he stumbled into his brother’s arms. Stars he really hoped this wasn’t an illusion, but the comfort of his brother’s magic reassured him. “It’s Really You…” 

“sans? sans what happened?” Rant just shook his head, his voice leaving him. Had that all just been a dream? It didn’t feel like it, there was no way a dream could be that real. He could remember with clarity how vivid it all was, the blood- the pain- the party that was just so full of life despite their situation- their bard. His gaze hardened. 

He may not be able to do anything in his current state but there was one other person who was close enough to y/n to have a shortcut straight to them. Rant forced his voice to settle and pinned his friend with his stare 

“RUS.” The skeleton stiffened “YOU NEED TO GET TO Y/N, THEY SHOULD BE IN THEIR ROOM” 

“bro, sans you need to breathe with me you’re friend is fine.” He ignored his brother, not looking away from Rus. 

“RUS I CAN’T USE MY MAGIC” The room stilled around him but he persisted, dragging the younger skeleton closer and dropping his volume “You’re All They Have Right Now.

Seeing his hesitance Rant quickly amended his plea. “If I'm Wrong And They’re Fine I’ll Owe You- I Don’t Care- Just please…” 

Rus swallowed, settled his frantic magic, and nodded before stepping out of Rant’s slackened grip into nowhere. 

“sans i know you like bein dramatic but yer really startin to worry me- what happened, what’s wrong with yer magic.” Rant took a deep breath before looking up at Mutt and muttering into his brother’s hoodie

“I’ll Tell You Tonight” Shifting he let his tears fall and grabbed at the fabric in front of him “ I-I DON’T KNOW I JUST- I WOKE UP BUT WHAT I SAW- IT WAS TOO GRAPHIC TO NOT BE REAL AND I...” Rant took a shuddering breath “ IN IT Y/N- THEY GOT HURT BUT I CAN’T CALM DOWN ENOUGH TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.” He looked away from the crowd to the ground and flinched at the annoyed responses of some of them- mad at him for interrupting dinner over a nightmare and unaware of the satisfaction each rude comment brought him. 

He couldn’t help but thank his old reputation as an attention seeking drama queen, this was his easiest coverup yet. Rant wiped his tears and started the process of evening out his breathing

Stars, it felt so good to be back in his own body. He settled into his brother’s embrace, hugging him back. He’d missed him so much. 

-------------------

Blackjack hadn’t exactly been thrilled when you had showed up, he was quite the opposite if he was being honest. He didn’t like taking a back seat while a teenager piloted his body, sue him. But unlike you’d think he didn’t despise you, It was obvious that neither you nor your friends had been expecting a body switch to happen by the end of the first day. But then nearly 5 years later you’d made a deal with good old gertrude, accepted yet another experimental curse, and next thing the dragonborn knew he had his body back.

The next few months were interesting to say the least, he stuck with the party and quietly delighted in how your companions turned to him when they meant to talk to you and expected him to do things he’d never do. You were different then him, kinder, a total bard, and frankly he’s just glad that all those curses you’d brought onto the two of you had transferred. He could deal with a few extra scars if that was the trade off. 

You did have a couple similarities though, your shared love of gambling, ale, and women. 

The two of you were talking about just that, naming your favorite flirtatious endeavors over the years you’d spent as him- of which there were many, including lady victoria. It wasn’t exactly hard for him to pick up where you had left off but something told him there was something more to the parties’ friend in high places. As good of a rogue as you were you were oblivious to the lady’s growing infatuation, one of the many reasons why the other rogue became the king of thieves rather than you… or him??? Regardless the look on Victoria’s face when he’d introduced you stuck with him, he decided to keep you close for now just in case

You were at the back of the group, his steps slowed drastically to match yours, though you still had to fast walk to keep up with his much longer legs. You were going on about a tiefling academic you’d hit it off with a while back, the one who’d inspired and helped you develop a spell of your own. It was cheesy, a healing spell for those with ‘high charisma’ as you put it that utilized the castor’s kiss. It was effective and Blackjack won’t deny using it on his own to woo the occasional maiden. 

You went on and on and he could envision the tiefling in question, commenting about other features as you raved about her cute freckles, when he felt a prickle in his scales. Before anyone could react you were in a figure’s hold with a blade to your throat.

Suddenly the air crackled with electricity as the trigger happy sorcerer unleashed a Thunder Wave. Blackjack braced himself for the impact, feeling something wet and warm splatter onto his tunic. He rushed towards your prone body, yelling for help from the cleric only to curse when they had run out of spell slots. 

He sighed, his breath appearing a soft glowing yellow in front of him, he never thought he’d have to use your spell in a serious situation- especially not on you. As he pulled away from your cheek the words manifested on your skin, magic runes snaked down to your neck- glowing that same pale yellow. They ran over your wound until there was no more area to cover and slowly faded as your body repaired itself. 

That wouldn’t be enough. The cleric took you from his hold and started pumping on your chest, trying to force air into your lungs in practiced motions. Your blood covered the pathway and the two of them as they tried to keep you from choking on it. 

Looking back to the fight Blackjack saw the rogue known as Rumor- the one you called Sans- in the very heart of the battle. He sucked in a breath as he heard their foe cry out, Veronica. He was right, but he held no satisfaction in that. She tried to plead, to escape, but that rogue wouldn’t let her. Blow after blow he refused to stop.

Blackjack looked back to you as you spat up blood, finally breathing on your own, and he couldn’t help but pity any fool that tried to come between the two of you. Just friends my ass

Suddenly his attention was pulled from you to the cleric, who was outlined in a fading golden glow along with the rest of the party, who slowly came back to themselves

“Gods above that boy made a mess!” Rumor, the real one he assumed, looked on the body with disgust. Lady Veronica was unrecognizable.

“I assume y’all are back in control then?” Y/n sat up with help. Their voice was raspy, they were still glowing, and when they coughed into their hand their fingertips were fading away. They focused on their now bloody hand and chuckled “Must take bodies longer to transport than souls I guess. For what it’s worth it’s nice to meet you all.”

It couldn’t have taken more than 3 minutes of chatting before they were almost gone.

“It was nice knowin ya player”

“Heh yeah, I’ll miss getting my ass kicked at poker…” You surprised him with a look of sincerity and fondness, trapping his gaze onto you “Thanks for everything Blackjack.”

With one more smile and a farewell wish that we look out for ourselves they vanished back to where they came from. They really were kinder than they had any right to be

Blackjack stood with a sigh and without a word turned around to head back to the tavern they’d stayed in previously. He didn’t know about the others but he could use a drink, and it’d take many many more before he’d ever admit that he alread missed his stupid little protege.

---------------------------------------

Rus wasn’t sure what he was expecting, when Papyrus had gone to get Rant for dinner he figured his friend was just exhausted from participating in your club. The three of you had become fast friends after him and the other ‘undesirable’ skeletons were relocated away from the main house’s relationship issues. 

From what he’d been told you didn’t run into Rant despite having had your face in your phone, doing a little twirl to avoid the other skeleton last second - who had noticed your inattention and been gunning for you from down the hall. Which was just like him, always looking to start something. You’d peaked his interest and after a little chat in the halls he’d let you go to your next class until lunch. 

Rus remembered you had looked so nervous and anxious when Rant had dragged you over to their seats across the lunchroom,literally, but you’d engaged and chatted with the shorter skeleton regardless. And while it took a little time he’d started chatting with you as well, since- as it turned out- the two of you were in the same graphic design course. 

It wasn’t hard to convince the two of them to tag along with you to the DnD club come second semester, Rant had come prepared with a binder full of paper for notes and a separate stack for his character sheet, he’d come up with lots of backstory for his character- meanwhile Rus had a singular almost empty character sheet and took all of the session getting set up while you had multitasked helping him and participating in the pre-game exposition. 

That was only a little over 5 hours ago, so when Rant had come down in a panic with a look that had dread coursing through his bones Rus was a little skeptical something had happened to you. But something told him there was more to it, and the desperation on his friend’s face alone was enough to spur him into action. He wouldn’t take any chances, not with someone he cared about

The moment he opened his sockets his gaze was drawn to your bed and he felt any and all composure he’d mustered up leave him. 

“Y/n!?” A faint glow dissipated as he rushed to your side, crawling onto the bed to get to you in your confined space as he gathered you into his arms. Fuck there’s so much blood, Why-What-How??? Fuck!

He hesitated to take your pulse, the blood around your neck still wet. He couldn’t tell where it all came from and he nearly screamed when your hand shot up and grabbed his, your other clamping around his teeth. Rus jerked back and the motion sent the both of you tumbling off the bed, but you managed to catch him and brace a hand against the wall just past him- effectively stopping the two of you. 

The two of you sat like that for a second before you exhaled, the tension breaking Rus began to fuss over you. 

“Y/n what the fuck happened to you- did Rant have something to do with this? are you okay? do you need to go to the hospital?” 

“No! Nonono I’m fine-”

“You’re Covered In-!” You shushed him, almost covering his face again before he caught your hands. He turned one of your palms towards you, it was the one you’d previously been coughing into and shook the offending arm for emphasis “See!!!” You looked past the skeleton at the wall, there was a bloody handprint you’d have to clean off and you could spot some on one of Rus’ hands 

You shook your head and got back on track, fixing your tall friend with a serious look

“Look Rus, I don’t need a hospital. I just need to get cleaned up and maybe get a bandaid or two. I’m okay, promise.” He only frowned, searching your face before sighing

“you owe me an explanation later.”

“You probably won’t believe me.” You said with a tired chuckle

You scooched off of your bed and slipped off your pack, letting it hit the floor with a thunk and various muted clinks and clangs from your supplies, kits, and other odds and ends.

“can i ask about the wardrobe change now or should i wait?” You snickered as you fiddled with the various buckles attaching your scabbards and pouches to your person before thinking better of it and reaching for the pin clasping the ends of your cloak together and removing the garment. “Is That A Fucking Sword Y/N What The Hell!?!?” 

Your laughter only grew louder as you nodded wordlessly with a grin, looking back at your awestruck friend- who had moved to his knees at the end of the bed, leaning closer to get a better look. 

“Yeah, It ties in with the explanation but yeah it’s real! All of it is- wanna hold?” You’d explained excitedly as you quickly got the straps undone and off your body, removing your shortsword and it’s scabbard from the ensemble and holding it out towards Rus. He took it tentatively before sitting back to admire it. 

You watched on with a proud look on your face, your smile growing when he unsheathed the blade and you caught his eyelights expand before zoning in on the engraving along the blade. It was a simple enough sword but one of your friends had enchanted it for you way back at the beginning when you all were still discovering and learning your class’ skills and you’d kept it close ever since. 

Switching gears you started taking off your armor, which thankfully had taken most of the blood as well as your cloak- leaving your tunic nearly spotless this time around. There was a little soaked in around the collar but it was manageable. In a stroke of genius you grabbed a pair of sweatpants, telling Rus to stay where he was you moved to the alcove in your room that didn’t have your bed and quickly changed pants, throwing your boots and pants into the pile of adventuring gear before smearing blood across your face from your nose. 

A mischievous grin spread across your face when you turned towards your companion

“How do I look?” when you got a concerned look in response your grin only grew “Great! I’ll be right back!” Rushing down the stairs you covered your nose, raising your voice so the whole room could hear you

 “Hey mom?! I don’t know what happened but I got a really bad nosebleed- can I wash some things?” 

Your mother turned from the TV to look at you, eyes widening in surprise and concern “Of course, What happened?”

“I don’t know! I woke up and there was blood everywhere. I think It stopped but it got all over my bed.” 

“Here, let me strip your sheets- you get cleaned up.” 

“Oh no, you don’t gotta do that.! I can get it, just give me a sec.” You tried to wave her off but she insisted, already heading up your stairs. Aaaah fuck Rus isn’t supposed to be here he didn’t use the door!!! 

You felt rather than heard the pop of magic in the air and sighed, You’d have to get with him later, but for now you had blood to clean. You absently wondered if rubbing alcohol worked on leather.

Getting back to your room you looked around and found that all your gear- which you had completely forgotten also shouldn’t have been there- was piled up in the same place you had previously changed, hidden from view of your mother. You also found your phone plugged up on your bed with messages on it’s screen

~Rus~

-text me after dinner 

-i’ll come over w/ rant and you can explain 

Rant? Who’s-OOOOOHHH!!!! Right multiverse shenanigans, Sans is Rant here. As you were going to unlock your phone you got another text from the aforementioned skeleton himself

~Rant~

-RUS SAID YOU WERE ALIVE. I’LL BE TELLING MY BROTHER WHAT HAPPENED TO US IF YOU WOULD…

The message cut off, which concerned you until you remembered that you’d have to enter the app to get the full message since it was so long. Inputting your passcode you re-read the full text

-RUS SAID YOU WERE ALIVE. I’LL BE TELLING MY BROTHER WHAT HAPPENED TO US IF YOU WOULD BE UP TO COMING OVER AND EXPLAINING IT TOGETHER? I’D BE NICE TO NOT LOOK INSANE IN FRONT OF MY ONLY FAMILY

-We’ll see if I can make it after dinner, I owe Rus an explanation too. He actually just texted and said he’d come over with you so /I/ can tell /y'all/ what happened

-You slipped up by the way, you live with your ~cousins~ remember?

-YOU’D BETTER COME OVER…

His bubble appeared and disappeared before he finally responded

- BITE ME PEASANT

-Kinky~

-But also sleep sounds great though

-I HOPE YOUR HANGOVER KILLS YOU

You pocketed your phone with a smirk as you hopped off your bed. Some reheated leftovers sounded amazing right about now, you feel like you could eat a whole feast. You glanced over at your things and considered your unending flask of honey mead before thinking better of it. Sans- fuck RANT- was right. That healing spell would give you a major hangover after you woke up, especially with how much it had to heal. You shivered as you felt your own mortality weigh down on you. 

You’d almost died again, and there were no more resurrection scrolls- especially now that you were home. Your eyes drifted back to the flask…

It couldn’t hurt to celebrate a little could it? Not only are you alive but you’re home! Besides you’re already going to hate life in the morning, why not enjoy a few swigs before that cliff?

You took a long drink and closed the flask, burying it under your things before making your way down the stairs to get something to eat. It wasn’t long after that you were in your usual spot on the couch watching TV with your family and laughing together. You’d even gotten a hug from your mom during a sad scene, and if she noticed you crying a bit more than you meant to then she didn’t say anything. It wasn’t totally unheard of for you to shed a few tears for fiction after all.

[griffelkinn]

Letter to a Man

I wish all men would read this letter. I am a woman who is attracted to men. But it seems impossible to find romance and friendship with a man, as much as I wish I could.

This is a letter I wrote to a man I met on Okcupid, and started a friendship with, and then ended the friendship shortly after.

The reason that I ended the friendship was because while we were on a hike, he began talking at length about his feelings that men suffer from oppression and women are privileged. He also emotionally defended incels and misogynists, and said women needed to be kinder to them. He also expressed sympathy toward rapists.

After our hike, we texted, and he continued expressing supportive feelings toward misogynists. And so over text, I said that I felt we should part ways, and shouldn’t hang out anymore. After that, he sent me a letter in the mail, and I wrote him this letter in return.

I wish all men could read this letter...

“Brian,

I didn't want to cause you pain or sadness, the other day. I knew that I probably did, and that made me feel pain myself.

Your letter was very thoughtful, and I was glad to read it. I appreciated the time you took to write it, and your sincerity. I do hope you'll read this letter, and know that it is a very serious and honest outpouring of my feelings. I want you to understand. I know it might seem like a wall of text, but every word of it feels important to tell you.

When I first moved to San Francisco, my very first friend in the whole state was a guy named Roger. We got along really well, and immediately became very close, and had fun together constantly. We cooked, and lay in the park, and got drunk, and joked around, and tried new snacks, and got ice cream on hot days, and even got some acid on the street and tripped together on Halloween to Nightmare Before Christmas. We were super close for months. Then he randomly started passionately ranting about how rape is a very mild crime, and people shouldn't get too bothered if it happens to them, or punished for doing it either. He went on about how rapists were usually molested at some point, and they deserved sympathy. Not to have their lives negatively impacted by getting in trouble for raping someone. Also, that they can't help doing it, like it's a nervous tic. We talked and argued about it for hours. All of those points. Finally I left, because I was shaking with anger and emotion, and he was very passionately defending everything he'd said with no moving at all.

I was especially shaken by his tirade because it was an exact echo of the many tirades the violent psycho I was trapped living with years ago used to go on. All of those points were favorites of his to passionately rant about. That guy had also been my best friend, before I got a place with him (accessible only by his truck), and also before he dropped his carefully-constructed façade of a great person. He also used to rant about how 15-year-old girls are the most appropriate breeding partners for men, and how women's sports are a joke, and how girls are biologically inclined to bear children and take care of them. Also that men are currently generously "allowing their women to become educated". He had been jailed for rape. He was sadistic, in ways I could never describe.

I didn't see my friend Roger anymore after that. All of his weird rapist-support arguments were so similar to the psycho's, and also extremely suggestive of his own tendencies. He did later tell me in a text that he was one of the rapists he was defending.

Later when I was working at Whole Foods, I became really good friends with this guy named Greg, who also worked there. We became instantly great buddies, and did all kinds of stuff together. We went on road trips, went out for pizza regularly, and learned how to make silicone molds and castings together. We were both really into art and painting. We swapped comics, and discovered Stranger Things together. I actually started getting a crush on him, which was a big thing for me. Then one night we were parked in front of my apartment, cause he was dropping me off after we'd spent a whole day having fun around the city and then making molds at his apartment. We didn't even want to say good night, because we wanted to keep hanging out and talking. We started talking about how we were both really happy that we'd become friends. And then he told me that his last best friend and him had parted badly, and he was disappointed. So then, I told him I'd had something similar happen, and I told him about Roger. I told him about the argument me and Roger had had about rape and rapists, and how that had ended the friendship, and how sad it was. And then Greg said "Well, it does make you think..." And I asked what about. And he then launched into a passionate rant feeling sorry for rapists. I think my jaw hung down 3 feet. I was just stunned. He started talking about Brock Turner, the rapist from a few years ago who was all over the news. The one who got barely any jail time, because the judge felt sorry for him and didn't want his life negatively impacted by his raping that girl.

Greg went on and on about how it was terrible that Brock Turner was going to be known as a rapist now, and how sad that was for him. He'd made one tiny little mistake anyone could make, and now he's gonna be thought of badly. He didn't seem aware of the other person involved whose life actually was negatively impacted. I argued all of his ideas about his "tiny mistake", and also how sad it was for him now. I wanted to understand why Greg was saying this stuff. I must be misunderstanding. We talked about it until 4 in the morning in the car, until finally I had to go inside, because clearly there was no misunderstanding.

As soon as I got into my apartment, I cried on my couch. I was so sad, because I liked Greg so much, and this was how he was. I knew our friendship was over. We decided to get together the next night and see if there was really a misunderstanding that maybe we could figure out had happened. At a bar, he told me it's his nature, when he sees a viewpoint that's hard to agree with at first, to try to figure out a way it could be agreed with. He's just really intelligent and quick and enjoys doing that. That was obviously not what was happening.

Before meeting you on Okcupid, I'd met one other guy this year. He told me he'd forced himself sexually on a girl once, and he was sorry for it now.

A friend I met while living in Maine for a while years ago (between CA and FL) was a guy named Doug, I met on Okcupid. He assaulted me.

Another friend I met on Okcupid in that same stay was a guy named Nate. He assaulted me.

I wanted to tell you about Roger and Greg, because they are really what led to my action after our text conversation. When you and me were walking that day, I didn't react much at the time, but I was very unsettled when you mentioned how rapists were usually molested themselves. I've been just confused and frustrated that I very rarely meet a man who doesn't sympathize with rapists or misogynists. It's like 1 in a million. When you said that, I was internally thinking, you probably feel like Roger and Greg. When you said that you like to try to see the side of people who have an extreme viewpoint, and that's why you tried to see the side of misogynists, it sounded exactly like Greg later explaining his rape-sympathizing.

I know I had lots of fun kayaking with you, and playing 7 Days to Die, and talking about tripping, and watching Chappie. The letter you wrote me was really thoughtful, and made me feel how much you care and how much you were focused on self-awareness, which is really awesome.

I told you about Doug and Nate, because I want you to understand why I have so much hesitancy about hanging out. Sadly, since we haven't known each other long, I am strongly affected by the percentage of times I've made a male friend and had them assault me or reveal that they support rapists.

Those examples are not the only times I've been assaulted.

In my opinion, the number-one cause of the extreme amount of rapists, is how much support rapists get. And misogynists. 99.9% men seem to support them. Male rappers and sportsmen remain heroes after assaulting women. Male judges give rapists such light sentencing that it seems less serious than drug crimes or theft. Movies and tv show heroes and "cool" characters are often raping and joking about it. Everywhere, whenever I turn on the tv it seems like.

I remember when I was a kid, and I used to run around town playing with this big group of all the town kids, and we were all friends. I had some really great friends who were boys, who lived around me, and we used to hang out and mess around and we didn't see each other as a different species. We hadn't been brainwashed yet. It makes me deeply sad that that kind of camaraderie between men and women seems like a fantasy now. I hope it's still around.

It's so upsetting to think about that stuff, and I am filled with so much unease when I'm around people who I think might see me as a "woman-creature" that can never be understood or related to. I walk around thinking in the back of my mind that I might have a violent encounter at any given time, and I'm prepared for it mentally. I'm positive there will be more in the future.

I really want you to understand me, because I don't want you to feel bad or upset or hurt or offended. I know that I offended you and hurt you when I said I thought you were a man like those others. All I knew was that you were saying things that they all say, and that it has hurt me deeply to hear those things from friends in the past. It hurt so much that it makes me not want to risk becoming very close when there's any indication that those feelings about rapists and misogynists are part of someone. From your letter it sounds like you also empathize with those who are hurt by misogyny. You feel bad for your misogynist and racist uncle, and for all others. And empathy is a wonderful quality. Empathy is one of the most important things to have. And the most respectable. But I do think the cause of so much misogyny and rape is this overabundance of sympathy for them (and far too little for the people who are actually seriously hurt by them).

I don't want bad feelings between us. I want good feelings. I have good feelings toward you. I am just sad and tired and just... confused and frustrated that I've never met a man who just completely was angry and disgusted with rapists and misogynists, and spoke as passionately about that as they so often speak passionately about sympathizing with them. I don't know what that means for the state of people right now. I don't say this to single you out or to try and make you feel bad. It's just something I've been thinking a lot about, that's got me down. And hearing certain arguments and opinions about that stuff so often makes me feel down. Also, there were other things you said during our hike that made it seem like you were very emotionally into the idea that men have it harder than women. It really seemed like something you think about a lot and feel strongly about. I was walking in a constant state of "What-the?". Maybe that's not true. It just seemed like a continuous vibe.

I hope you understand that I didn't end things with us out of anything personal with you. I really enjoyed most of our times together, and I will remember them with happiness. I hope you make many more beautiful potteries, and have fun and happiness. Empathy is a great thing to have, it's just that those specific sympathies make me very unhappy to be around, in a really big way, now.

-C”

[mythicamagic]

Diabolik Lovers: Murder Mystery Sequel

AU: In Edwardian London, Detective Mukami Ruki pays a visit to Sakamaki manor after hearing the news of his late Benefactor’s murder. It soon becomes clear the culprit is one of the sons, or is it possibly Karl Heinz’s ward; miss Yui Komori?

Mystery/some romance

Rated T

10,600 words

Chapter one - here

AN: So, first chapter was a commissioned one shot, buuut then I got commissioned to write more so here ya go. All the details were decided by the commissioner @s-e-kwan

Chapter Two (sequel)

Harsh panting rang out, quick, frantic footsteps echoing around the streets. Lamposts guided the way, illuminating the darkness with a gentle, cold light that cast harsh shadows on Subaru Sakamaki.

He ran like a mad-man, hurrying down a narrow alley. Stumbling, he quickly caught his footing and carried on, smelling salt on the air.

At least she's safe, he told himself, pressing a hand to his side. Pale fingers felt sticky, the grey shirt dying red. He could feel the sting in his abdomen but pushed on, adrenaline coursing through his veins and pumping blood out of the wound faster.

As he broke through the line of houses, the sound of waves crashing somewhere below caught his attention. Sucking in harsh breaths, desperate lungs bid him to stop and lean against the handrail. Looking down into the watery depths below from up high on the edge of the city, he could feel the wind lash at his hair and clothes. A wailing noise accompanied it, softening the sound of quick, pursing footsteps behind him.

Subaru turned to face the man, panting. A weapon glinted, catching the moonlight.

Knowing he was out of options, Subaru steeled himself, lashes squeezing shut. Forgive me, Yui.

He then spun on his heel and grabbed the railing, vaulting himself up over the side and free-falling off the edge. The large, rolling waves rose up to claim him, and the youngest Sakamaki disappeared into the darkness of the sea.

OOO

It had been a while since Ruki had visited downtown. He walked there from his newest job, rather than taking the carriage as he once would. Though it forced him to witness the filth and poverty of London, he bore it silently.

Entering Yuma's infamous pub known as 'The Sow,' music and singing flooded the room, reaching his ears. Padding over to his reserved table, he took a seat next to Azusa.

"Have you been waiting here long?"

"Mn...an hour."

"Azusa, I told you the meeting was at 7." He sighed, glancing up when Yuma joined them with a grin.

"Heh, there's no point in lecturin' him. I told him as much earlier."

Azusa glanced away stubbornly. "I just...don't want to miss anything."

They all turned to glance at the stage, where Kou sung, energetically bounding around the stage. His bright aura seemed to clash with the grumpy patrons, who nursed their drinks and hangovers moodily. Yuma sighed, gaze turning flat.

"He really doesn't fit in with the vibe. Guys here like to fight, drink and brawl, not listen to sissy singers."

Ruki's lips curve as he adjusted his collar, "so tell him to stop performing here."

"I obviously ain't gonna do that," his brother huffed.

When Kou's final lyrics drifted around the pub, he swept into a flamboyant bow. Deafening silence answered him.

Azusa clapped slowly, who nudged Ruki and caused a chain reaction of reluctant claps around the table. Kou grinned and straightened, hopping off the stage after purring his thanks. He slipped into a seat next to Yuma, panting. "Whew! What a song. It really took it out of me."

"You were...very good," Azusa murmured, nodding. Kou beamed, preening as Ruki turned to Yuma tiredly.

"The only reason I came straight from work was because of the 'thing' you saw downtown. What was it? I don't see why you couldn't include it in the letter."

"Sorry, guess since you've ditched the bookshop and started bein' a Privet Detective, I wondered if someone might check your post. But anyways," Yuma took a breath, leaning forward and causing the brothers to mimic his actions slightly. "I saw...her."

There was a beat of silence.

Kou tilted his head, frowning slightly. "Her who?"

The thundering heart in his chest answered Ruki for him, but he didn't want to voice his suspicion. He hung on the precipice of Yuma's next damning words.

"Miss Yui. Yui Komori. She's back."

All eyes immediately turned to their eldest brother, who remained stony silent. Pale lips pressed into a thin line, feeling dry. The weight of a certain iron rosary felt 10 times heavier in his pocket.

"It doesn't matter," he said at length, voice calm. "The charges against her were dropped. She's free to walk around London."

"But that Subaru Sakamaki, he's still a murderer walkin' around-"

Yuma cut off Kou's tangent. "That guy wasn't with her," he muttered. "She was buyin' groceries from the market. I could see her hands real clear. No wedding or engagement ring."

Frowning softly, Azusa curled scarred hands around his drink, sipping it. "Do you think...something might have...happened to Mr. Sakamaki?"

The four glanced at each other, wondering. It had been half a year since Karl Heinz's murder. They'd figured she'd settled down into her Happily Ever After with Subaru in a foreign country.

But they were all waiting for Ruki's answer, wondering what he'd do. The next step. Would he try to find the woman that had ruined his reputation and outwitted him?

The Detective gave a soft noise of amusement, bringing his drink up and downing it. "There's no need to look so nervous, gentleman. I can say with full confidence that I will never approach miss Yui Komori ever again. That case is buried in the past."

OOO

'Dear Mukami Ruki,'

His eye twitched.

'I know this letter is a little out of the blue, but how have you been?'

"Why are you asking that as though you're talking to a friend?" Ruki muttered flatly, holding the letter in his hands a little tighter and crumpling the paper slightly.

'Have you ever been to The National Gallery? I'd be extremely happy if you could meet me there tomorrow on January 27th. I'll be waiting for you at noon in front of "Venus and Adonis." Since you're quite well-read, I'm sure you know which painting I mean.'

"Is she making fun of me?" He grumbled, finally looking down at the playful, looping letters of her signature.

'Hope to see you soon, Yui Komori.'

Ruki calmly folded the letter and tucked it away into a compartment on his desk. He then leaned back in his chair, stewing. It took about 10 seconds until he was reaching for his schedule and clearing a place.

OOO

His footsteps on the marble floor sounded far too loud. Ruki glanced around, taking in the quiet atmosphere. Beautiful paintings lined the walls, their brushstrokes lush and vibrant or delicate and mild. He didn't think he'd ever understand the romanticism inherent in paintings. Perhaps he was too unimaginative to wonder if he'd ever be seized by the same feeling of madness or need that had possessed some artists as they painted.

Approaching one piece that stood out among overs in the display, as it bared the flesh of a young woman to the eye, he glanced at the sofa situated before it. There sat a familiar woman with light blonde hair and rose-pink eyes. Her soft-looking lips curved, face blossoming into a gentle smile.

"Good morning, Mr. Mukami."

Ruki stared, before nodding stiffly and taking a seat beside her. "I was under the impression that once it's noon, it is considered afternoon."

"Well, you're a few minutes early." She teased.

His steady gaze slid to her, solemn and heavy. "So I am..."

Yui blinked and held her hands awkwardly. She then tilted her chin up to look at the painting. "Beautiful, isn't it?"

"I've never been a good judge of art, but it does have something about it."

She lowered her gaze a little. "It reminds me a little of Subaru and I."

Ruki frowned slightly at the painting. It showed the young Adonis pulling himself away from Venus, his lover.

He knew the meaning behind it quite well. Adonis was a beautiful youth, a royal orphan, who spent his time hunting. Venus fell in love with him after one of Cupid's arrows hit her by mistake. They hunt together, but she avoids the fiercer animals, and warns him about them, citing the story of Atalanta. One day Adonis hunts alone and is gored by a wounded wild boar. Venus hears his cries but cannot save him.

Blue-grey eyes slid over the couple in contemplation. Adonis pulling himself away willingly seemed to be Titian's, the artists, invention.

All his attention turned to her then. "...What happened, miss Komori?"

Giving a quiet giggle, her tired eyes softened. "We're a little past that, Ruki Mukami. You know you can call me Yui." She then sighed, threading and unthreading her fingers. "Subaru is missing."

His muscles stiffened slightly. "How? When?" He demanded. "When you made your escape on the Eden, I expected it to be the last time I saw either of you. Weren't you going to build a life together?"

"It was about a month ago," she said softly. "He became convinced someone was following us, so he bought me a train ticket. He told me to wait for him at a hotel while he travelled on a different train. Only, he never showed," Yui bowed her head, body shaking. "The authorities found his boot n-near the docks where we'd initially been staying. They didn't find a body."

"I see," he said quietly, and if Ruki were a better, kinder man, he'd say he was sorry. But he wasn't, so he did not. "Do you know anything about the person who was following you both?"

Yui bit her lip, before reaching into her purse. "This was...also found. It was tied around the railing overlooking the sea where they think Subaru fell."

Ruki opened his palm, accepting a necklace. The distinct crest of the Sakamaki household stared back at him from within the crimson jewel hanging off the chain.

He frowned slightly, "that's certainly...a clue."

She glanced at him worriedly. "Do you think his brothers might have followed us, and-"

"Calm yourself, Yui. You know the act of planting something on purpose just to lead someone to a false conclusion," he muttered. "This was planted there on purpose to frame the brothers. But there's no harm in paying them a little visit."

Standing smoothly, he adjusted his clothes and glanced at her. "Come."

Yui brightened slightly, "I'm allowed?"

He huffed, eyes warming with faint amusement. "You did outwit me last time. I think you'll be an asset to this case. Where are you staying in London?"

"Sakamaki mansion," she quietly admitted.

"They accepted you back?" He was a little unable to keep the surprise from his voice.

"Yes, they were a little upset but...I've mostly settled into my old role there."

Facing her, Ruki was somehow reminded of the moment he'd seen her on that damned boat, drawing further and further away. Though beautiful in a gentle, understated type of way, this woman was quite crafty. He'd have to watch her closely, lest this all be another elaborate scheme to discredit his good name. Sliding his hand into his pocket, Ruki took her wrist, lifting her palm face up.

He then trailed the rosary into her hand, closing her fingers over it.

"Y-you kept it," she breathed, palpable relief filling her eyes. Pressing her closed fist to her chest, Yui bowed into herself slightly, voice shuddering. "Thank you. It's the only thing I have left of my Father."

His own father's memento flashed briefly in the recesses of the Detective's mind. "I see," he said quietly, before turning. "Let's go, there's much to be done."

OOO

It was a strange sensation, passing through the gates of Sakamaki mansion again. He never thought he'd be returning.

Yui sat opposite him, eyes dulled as she looked out of the window at the greenhouse. When the carriage came to a halt, it shook her from her reverie. Stepping out, Ruki offered her a hand, which she accepted.

Walking into Sakamaki mansion together, Ruki smiled pleasantly the second his eyes met one of the Triplets, Ayato.

"Oh fuck no," he automatically grumbled, marching up to Yui and seizing her elbow. "Oi, pancake. Why'd you bring him here! He caused enough trouble the last time!"

Yui winced, glancing at her arm. "He's just here to investigate Subaru's disappearance."

Casually reaching out and prying Ayato's hand off her, Ruki took off his coat and passed it to a servant. "It's as she says. There's no need to feel threatened unless you had something to do with it."

"How could I!? They were in a foreign country! And didn't you become a lame bookkeeper?"

Breezing by, Ruki walked into the living room. "That was a little while ago. I'm actually a private investigator now," he said, laying eyes on a head of blonde hair. "Also, congratulations are in order, I hear. Yui told me you've come of age, so you're now the Head of the Family?"

Shuu cracked open one lazy eye. "Gross...who opened the doors to this troublesome guy?" He sighed.

"It was pancake," Ayato snipped. "It's like having Reiji back here, only more two-faced and smarmy."

Taking a seat, he ignored their insults and watched as Yui went about making the tea. Without Reiji, he noticed the house seemed a little less spotless than when he'd been there last.

"Mn...there's going to be a dumb party celebrating me becoming the Head," Shuu cut his eyes to the ceiling. "Wish Reiji was here to organise it."

"Oh! You should come, Ruki." Yui turned to him, eyes bright.

"Ruki?! Since when were you on a first-name basis with him?" Ayato hissed, looking between the two suspiciously."

"Since she assigned me to Subaru's missing person's case. Now, can you give me any details of communication between ethier of you and Subaru?"

The brothers recounted that they'd heard nothing from him, and after being served tea, Laito and Kanato joined their conversation. Unfortunately, unlike the last time he'd visited, Ruki had no leads and no motive and was dealing with foreign territory. The smart thing to do would be to give up the case and let the foreign agency deal with it.

Yet one hopeful look from Yui stopped the gears from turning in his mind. Ruki's hand curled into a loose fist, and he exhaled.

He supposed a bit more research couldn't hurt.

OOO

Upon arriving home at his quaint apartment however, he found an unexpected sight on his doorstep. The Chief of Police, his old boss.

Approaching, Ruki shook his hand. "Hello, sir."

"Good evening, Mr. Mukami. I wonder...if I could trouble you with something?"

"No trouble at all," he said, mildly surprised. Since he'd been fired, he hadn't been called on by any of his old colleagues. He invited him into his home, going about the usual pretences of politeness by offering tea.

"I'm afraid I must ask you to investigate into something. We've looked into it ourselves, but considering your history, I thought it prudent to approach you," the man said soberly, bushy brows furrowed. "Reiji was spotted in London."

Ruki opened his mouth to say something, but the man lifted a thick hand.

"Everyone thought that he had committed suicide in prison before his execution, but admittedly it never sat well with me, old chap. So even though I dismissed you from the police, I still admire your skills. I've no doubt you're just as smart as Reiji, so I'm extending this offer; You can redeem your reputation as a detective if you solve Reiji's case and you'll be welcomed back into the police. What do you say?"

He knew this was a shallow offer. The words of admiration were like a bouquet of fake flowers. All talk, just pretty things to say to get him to agree.

But Ruki extended his hand with bright, narrow eyes. His lips curved when they clasped hands. "I won't let you down, Chief."

He'd be agreeing to this for the sake of his own bruised pride, no other reason.

OOO

With two cases to juggle, it was a natural reaction to write to his brothers, calling for their assistance once again. Yuma and Kou had searched the area where the second eldest Sakamaki had been spotted, down at the docks. Whether he'd been disembarking a ship or visiting one of the riverside shops, they didn't know. He seemed to have passed through the area like a ghost.

"I'd say it's guaranteed he used the same vile he used on you to make his escape," Ruki uttered quietly to Yui, sitting beside her. "Posing as a deadman."

The blonde woman watched the guests flitting about around them, fanning herself. The Detective had naturally attended Shuu's celebration, observing the party with a detached air. Sakamaki manor was buzzing with excitement, as it had become infamous for drama. Yui had called him over by carrying the fan in her left hand, leaving it open. Without words, he'd known it to be an invitation to approach. She was sly, using the language of the fan. The Sakamaki's didn't seem to have a clue.

"I remember it made me unable to move," she confessed softly, folding her hands in front of her. She wore a soft pink dress, gloves lacy and white. Ruki had never seen her wear colour before, and slid his gaze down her skirts. The rosary had returned to the safety of her fingers. "I couldn't feel anything, do or speak a thing. Everything had to be arranged beforehand. Did you manage to find the man who must have helped him escape?"

Ruki nodded, "he got paid off, naturally. But his usefulness begins and ends there. He pulled the exact same stunt with switching a body, but of course, I wasn't assigned to the case, so Reiji got away with it. Why he'd linger in London, I've no idea."

"Do you think he has something to do with Subaru's disappearance?" She asked.

"Not certain yet. I can't begin to imagine what motive he'd have," he muttered, glancing around. "Wonder where the Head of the family slipped off to."

Yui stared head of her, not hearing him. She could picture it so clearly. The last time she'd seen her lover.

He'd lingered inside the train station with her, a hood drawn up over her hair as she tried to be as discreet as possible. He kept hold of her hand, squeezing it and resting his forehead against hers.

"Go and don't look back. I'll find you, alright?" He swore, kissing her. "I promise."

"Yui?"

She blinked, starting and looking up with wide eyes. "Y-yes?"

Ruki rose a brow. "You look pale. Are you quite well?"

"Very well! I-um, forgive me but I must excuse myself to um, powder my nose." She curtseyed, hurrying from the room. Watching her go, Ruki felt mild concern, before crushing it under his heel.

Instead, the Detective set his sights on the Triplets that happened to be enjoying themselves with a game of poker. Teddy also had a set of cards.

"Good evening, gentleman."

Ayato glanced up sharply, souring. Laito smiled easily. "Ah, hello~ would you like to join us?"

Shaking his head, he opened his jacket pocket. "No need, I just needed you all to look at this for a moment and tell me who it belongs to, specifically."

Bringing out the long silver necklace that held the Sakamaki crest, Ruki glanced around as their faces became ashen.

"How the fuck did you get that?" Ayato said slowly.

"It was found at Subaru's last known location. Yui seemed quite certain it wasn't his-"

"No," Kanato murmured, eyes grave. "It was our late mother's necklace."

Ruki rose a brow. "Cordelia? How do you think it came to be across the seas?"

"Hm, perhaps Uncle Richter had something to do with it? He was our father's brother but carried on with her behind his back," Laito smiled. "You'll have a hard time getting a hold of him though."

"Why?"

"No one has seen him for years~"

OOO

Yui grasped her skirts, hurrying up the large staircase. Reaching the top, she made a sharp turn- reaching for the door to the bathroom and tugging it open. Once she was inside, it fell shut behind her, leaving her in the quiet space. Pressing rose-pink eyes tightly shut, she exhaled a shaky breath, fighting tears.

Padding shakily to the mirror, she adjusted her hair, dimly noticing movement behind her.

"Ah!" Jumping, she pressed a hand to her chest. "Shuu! What are you doing in here?"

The blonde happened to be reclined in the bathtub, wearing his best clothes the servants had dressed him in. Water lapped around him as he shifted, opening one eye.

"Hiding. Just like you."

Yui blushed, fussing with her skirts. "No I am not, I-I'm just taking a breather."

"Mn..." he stayed where he was, faintly amused.

"Aren't you...happy to be the Head of the Family?" She asked gently.

"Not exactly. Sounds like a pain."

"It doesn't have to be," Yui approached, smiling slightly. "Reiji might not be here to oversee everything, but I'll be staying here now. I can help, if you need anything."

Tired blue eyes watched her quietly. She forced a wider smile and placed her hands on his arm. "Come. The first way I can help is by helping you come back downstairs to greet the guests. They came here to see you," she chided.

Shuu huffed, sighing overdramatically and forcing himself to sit up. The water sloshed and lurched as he slowly stood in the tub, Yui gripping his waist and shoulder to try and keep him upright.

The door swung open soundlessly then. Yui looked up just in time to see a tall man dressed in dark clothes lift his arm. A shiny black hand-gun caught the light, sliding out from his coat.

Her eyes flew wide- words catching in her throat as Shuu suddenly grabbed her, turning so that his chest filled her sights. Three loud bangs then filled her ears, Yui's scream joining them. The body before her jolted, before Yui lost her grip and balance, falling back into the tub with a splash and bringing Shuu down with her.

Yui panted, cracking her eyes open and looking up at the eldest Sakamaki. Wet hair plastered to his brow. Wide blue eyes stared ahead uncomprehendingly. It was the most awake she'd ever seen Shuu. The water lapping around them sounded too loud.

Slowly, dazedly, she noticed that water blooming red. It seeped up, coating her hair as it trailed in the tub.

And then the real screaming began.

Guests flew into the bathroom. Shuu was moved off her. Yui barely felt the hands lifting her out of the water, her head lulling against a shoulder as she blinked up, finding blue-grey eyes looking down at her.

Everything blurred, swinging down into darkness after that.

OOO

"Miss Komori."

She gripped the rosary tight, knuckles bleeding bone pale.

"Komori-"

The voice sounded so far away.

"Yui." A hand covered hers, rousing the woman.

Ruki had knelt before her as she sat, slightly shaking in the doctor's office. After being examined, it became apparent she had no injuries, merely suffering from severe shock. A nurse had changed her out of wet clothes, leaving the woman in a plain beige dress with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The doctor lingered, looking mildly concerned.

"I need you to tell me if you can remember seeing the person who did this, Yui." Ruki spoke slowly. "A description. Anything."

Her lips pressed tightly together, a small sound escaping her, before her head bowed and she shrank into her self.

"I don't think you'll get anything out of her, Detective." The Doctor muttered gravely. "The experience seems to have shaken her nerves too badly."

His thumb stroked her knuckles slightly as Ruki watched the young woman begin to sob. He then tilted her chin up, looking at her. "Listen to me. I just heard from the medical staff outside; Shuu Sakamaki is alive," he murmured. "Do you understand?"

Yui stared, trembling. Steel fingers then latched onto his clothes. "A-alive?"

He nodded, jolting as she threw herself into his arms then, making a half-sob, half-relieved noise. Ruki awkwardly set a hand on her head, stroking the damp locks as he murmured low, comforting words for only her ears. He wasn't usually this soft.

But he allowed it.

What he didn't say, was that Shuu had slipped into a coma.

OOO

After leaving, Ruki decided to take Yui back to his home. Though it was improper to have a young, unmarried woman in the house of a bachelor, alone and unchaperoned, he hardly cared. He was not Subaru Sakamaki, who fretted over reputations. She had wailed and cried whenever he mentioned returning to Sakamaki manor, so the choice had been made for him.

His brothers joined him now, having made Yui a bath. Ruki cooked some food, while Azusa helped set the table. Even Kou behaved himself as they all ate. All the while, she never spoke a word.

The next day, when Yui seemed calmer, Ruki finally led her over to a chaise lounge, leaning her back.

"Alright Yui, I'm going to try something to help make you remember what happened. I know it's difficult, but it's important you tell me any details you can recall."

Her eyes remained subdued, focused on the floor. The other Mukami's glanced at each other.

Ruki touched her hand, drawing her attention to him. "Just think of it as something you need to do for Shuu."

"For...Shuu?"

He nodded, and Yui settled back, asking him to start. He smiled slightly, drawing out a watch on a long thin chain.

"I studied this for a little while. It's called hypnosis. Keep your eyes on the watch. When I snap my fingers, you're going to cast your mind back to yesterday evening." He commanded softly as it began to gently swing from side to side. Rose pink eyes followed it's progress, eventually being lulled into a relaxed state as he spoke calmly. "When I snap them a second time, you'll wake up. Close your eyes now, Yui."

Tired lids slid shut, a strangely peaceful expression on her face. He then snapped his fingers.

"Cast your mind back. Back to the night when the Sakamaki's held a party to celebrate Shuu becoming the Family Head. Do you remember what you did when you saw me?"

"Yes," she murmured. "I signalled you over with my fan."

"Good, and after we finished speaking, you hurried away. Can you say where you went?"

"To the...bathroom. Shuu was in there, he said...he didn't want to join the party."

That sounded about right. Ruki opened his mouth to ask more, but she continued in a faint, shuddering voice. "I managed to get him standing, but the door opened and- and a man walked in."

He leaned forward. "Do you remember what he looked like?"

A small noise escaped her, like a cry to stop. To not pry any further. "I can't...see his face. It's hidden."

"Tell me any other details, Yui. Anything. His clothes. The gun."

"His clothes were black, and he w-wore a long coat. The gun had..." she frowned softly. "A crest on it's side...with two dogs and the words; Nullius in verba."

Ruki stood, hands curling into fists. "Take nobody's word for it."

"Huh?" Kou piped up.

"It's the saying the Royal Society goes by. So that's where the gun came from. Looks like I'll be paying them a little visit," he mused, before snapping his fingers to wake Yui.

Yuma rose a brow. "Why the hell would they give out a gun?"

"They wouldn't. But sometimes they keep various things in display cases. I'd wager one went missing," Ruki muttered, before grabbing his coat and heading out the door.

"Ruki!" A voice exclaimed behind him, before Yui hurried out, grabbing at his clothes. "L-let me come with you."

Doubt must have shown in his expression because she drew herself up to her full height (which wasn't very high) and frowned. "I promise I won't hinder your investigation. I want to help get to the bottom of this."

Ruki gave a put-out sigh but nodded in acceptance, smiling teasingly when she huffed.

OOO

Stepping up the white steps into the prestigious building, the couple passed by an old man seated at a bench.

"Terrible, just terrible," the man muttered, looking at his newspaper. 'Attack on the homeless!' It read. 'Downtown plagued by five kidnappings in a row. Bodies laid plain sight on the streets the next day!'

Ruki's lips curved wryly. The work never ends.

Padding inside, they were greeted by a woman at the front desk. After flashing his documents permitting him to search the premises, Ruki was given free rein to look anywhere. However, he only deemed it necessary to visit the various historical items out on display on the second floor. He'd also asked if Reiji Sakamaki had paid the place a visit, but the woman had found no record of such a thing.

Yui strayed from his side, brushing gloved fingers over surfaces. Ruki happened upon a space in a display case that looked oddly like something had been there previously. He called a tall male attendant over, who confirmed it was where the ceremonial pistol had been kept. But it had inexplicably gone missing a few days prior.

"The glass wasn't smashed?" Ruki asked.

"No, sir. We don't know how it happened."

"Seems obvious. Whoever got in obtained the key from somewhere," Ruki glanced around. It was a very large, imposing building. Only someone who knew it well would know where to find the key. "Reiji Sakamaki's research and findings were explored and celebrated here, were they not? Do you know anyone who supported him who works here?"

The attendant shook his head, deep lines under his dark eyes. "Not at all."

Ruki dismissed him, searching around the cabinet himself. He could find no sign of forced entry, but felt absolutely certain the murder weapon had come from the establishment.

Yui's eyes drifted over the jewellery that had been removed from patients. Obviously they'd had no surviving relatives to pass them down to, so the building had kept them.

"Do you like necklaces?"

She jumped, glancing behind her to smile at the attendant. "They're quite pretty, but too fine for me."

"I find that hard to believe," his lips tugged up at the edges.

For some reason though, the look on his face made a thrum of uncertainty skitter down her spine. Still, she kept chatting, presenting herself as a mild-mannered clueless girl.

When it was time to leave however, Yui curled her hand on the crook of Ruki's arm, feeling the attendants heavy gaze boring into her back.

"It's ridiculous no one seemed to know who kept the keys to the cabinets. They're certainly hiding something," Ruki muttered. Perhaps if he returned with the police it would loosen their tongues.

"Mn..."

Ruki glanced down at her as they padded down the white steps. "You're quiet."

"O-oh, I'm sorry. It's just something that man said to me."

"The attendant?"

"Yes, for some reason, he called me Cordelia."

Ruki stopped dead. "Cordelia?" He repeated slowly, calm voice dipping into steel. It caused his companion to look at him worriedly, nodding faintly. He quickly pulled away from her, racing back up the stairs.

Yet no matter how long he searched, Ruki found no trace of the attendant. When describing him as a tall older man with long dark hair, the receptionist revealed that no such man matching his description worked there.

OOO

The apartment lay quiet and undisturbed when they returned. Ruki didn't exactly know how Richter fit into the jumbled mess the case had become, or if he were linked with Reiji or Subaru, or both at the same time. What he did know, was that he was tired.

Ensuring the front door had been bolted shut, he strictly instructed Yui not to leave his home for any reason.

After supper, they each retired to their rooms, and the Detective settled down in bed for the night. He therefore did not expect the knock on his bedroom door at ten minutes to midnight.

Opening it, he found miss Komori waiting outside. Her eyes widened slightly at his state of undress, wearing only pyjama bottoms.

"I apologise f-for the disturbance at the late hour but..." she trailed off, voice croaking. Her skin was flushed, cheeks wet.

Ruki exhaled, gaze dragging up her nightgown. "I'd invite you in, however you must be aware of how unorthodox it would look."

She laughed without humour. "There's no one here to see, but my reputation lies in tatters anyway. I just...don't want to be alone," Yui admitted smally.

He wondered if the thought of Subaru had her hesitating, but Ruki stepped aside, allowing her entry. Yui padded in, expression shattering into gratitude. As he turned to pull the door shut behind her, a small noise escaped her.

"R-ruki, your back..."

Lean muscle locked. The burns on his shoulder blades gave a phantom ache. "Ignore them," he muttered coldly, padding to a draw and pulling out a shirt to cover up the marks.

"Y-you don't need to do that- I think they look beautiful."

"Beautiful?"

"Yes, almost like the remnants of angel wings."

Ruki gave a short, cruel laugh. "Brands are pretty to you? How interesting," he muttered snidely, joining her as she sat on the bed hesitantly, holding her arms.

"I've noticed...you keep everyone at arms length Mr. Mukami. Even your brothers to some extent. Is it because of what happened when you received those marks?"

Blonde hair scattered over the covers as Yui found herself on her back, staring up at dark blue-grey eyes. Ruki braced himself over her, nose slightly brushing hers, lips inches away from each other. Their breaths intermingled.

"I told you to ignore them. If you're disobeying me, miss Yui, surely you know there are consequences to be faced."

Yui swallowed, completely frozen. He slowly leaned in further, until her soft-looking mouth was a mere hair's breadth away- before she turned her head, his lips pressing to a crimson cheek instead.

"I-I'm sorry," she murmured, small hands curling into fists. "I can't. I'd be betraying Subaru."

The Detective leaned back slightly, observing her strained expression. Chuckling quietly, pale fingers stroked some hair back from her face. "It's fine. I was merely playing my part as the snake who tempted Eve," he muttered quietly, a jaded touch to his voice.

Yui blinked and shifted herself up as he pulled away. "I remember you called me Eve before, a long while ago. What do you mean?"

"It's nothing. I just liken you to her," he muttered, grabbing a cover as he sat in an armchair, getting comfortable. "And Subaru to Adam."

"Would any man I chose be considered Adam?" She asked, watching as he shifted the cover over himself.

Ruki glanced away, lips thinning. "No. I think only certain ones are fit to be your partner. I, certainly could never be. I'm just the serpent."

Yui's brows drew together, and she offered him the bed to sleep in, to which he declined. They spoke no more that night, though it brought him no short amount of pleasure and satisfaction to see the woman fall asleep in his bed.

He'd take his victories where he could get them.

OOO

Setting out the next day for the morgue, Ruki left his guest behind. Yui promised not to leave the house in his absence.

He took a horse, letting it trot at its own pace. The purpose of the visit was to find out what Azusa knew about the homeless people's corpses.

Something about the article in the newspaper yesterday bothered him. The timing, for one. If Azusa could confirm his theory, that the bodies had been experimented on, then it stood to reason that Reiji was behind it. But why?

If he was the one who had tried to kill Shuu, for what purpose?

Smelling something in the air, Ruki pulled at the reins sharply, looking up dimly. Smoke. Smoke and flame rising above the buildings. Coming from-

Ruki's eyes widened. He then nudged the horse to begin galloping, racing by the crowd of onlookers on the streets until he stopped before Azusa's workplace, the Hospital. He spied the undertakers standing with the Doctors, and dismounted, sprinting over.

"Where's my brother! Where is Azusa Mukami!"

One of the undertakers looked at him, slightly pale. "O-oh, Detective Mukami, it's you. I-I'm sorry but in all the confusion, I didn't have time to get to him."

Ruki grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt. "What do you mean 'get to him'! Don't tell me h-he's still trapped inside!"

"No, sir! It's just that I saw a man in black put Azusa in the back of a wagon. Your brother seemed to be unconscious- ah, sir- wait!"

He wasn't listening anymore. Ruki swung back onto his horse, hurrying away from the heat of flames at his back and the dark plume of smoke curling up beyond the city.

But as he galloped downtown, there were more onlookers. And yet another black stain spiralling into the air. Flames licked up the sides of Yuma's prized pub, The Sow.

Ruki felt sweat slide down the back of his neck. This couldn't be happening. Kou would have been performing at his time. Where? Where were they?

"E-excuse me, Detective?"

Dark, maddened eyes swung down. The young, thin woman flinched from where she stood below. She had dirty, slightly ripped clothes. Homeless, most likely. She reached up to him, handing up a piece of paper.

"A man asked me to give this to you."

Ruki unfolded it carefully, his abdomen tightening with dread.

'Mr. Ruki Mukami.' It read in cursive, flawless writing. 'I trust you suspect by now what is happening. I do in fact have your brothers in my possession, so there's no need to keep worrying. If you'd like to set them free, please bring the deed to Sakamaki manor with you and come to this location, alone-'

He blinked, looking up. The woman was long gone, having melted back seamlessly into the bedraggled crowd.

'If you contact the police, your brothers will be killed on the spot.'

OOO

There had been no need for the kidnapper to leave a name at the bottom of the note, Ruki knew instinctively who it was from. Walking into the shadows of an old, abandoned warehouse near the docks, Ruki glanced around, noting the complete silence.

The atmosphere felt too large yet stifling. As though the very building could swallow him whole. Padding further in, he noted steel double doors in the ground, and decided to reach down and tug at a handle. It gave, creaking open. What awaited him were grimy looking steps that led down into the abyss, but a faint light could be seen further down.

With his appearance remaining masterfully calm, Ruki opened the other door and descended into the dark.

Upon reaching the bottom and turning a corner however, a crack split Ruki's facade of calm.

There were four people against the opposite far wall. Their hands were bound above their heads, wrists encased in shackles. Three unconscious men and a woman. All save one had a small black sack over their heads, only Yuma's left uncovered as a man stood beside him, readying a sack, before reaching up and sliding it over his head.

Reiji blinked and turned at the company. "Ah, you're finally here. A little tardy, aren't you?" He snipped.

Assessing the situation, Ruki failed to see any weapon on Reiji, but that didn't mean he was unarmed. Within the room lay a table and two chairs facing each other, with a chessboard atop it. Up against a wall was a desk with a few beakers and vials, along with a caged rat. There was also a telephone.

"Did you bring the deed to the house?" Reiji prompted when the Detective remained quiet.

"Yes," he finally replied. "Why are you doing this? And how...did you manage to kidnap Yui along with my brothers? I left her back at the house. You must have an accomplice."

"That hardly matters. Shuu is dead now, and since I hear that Subaru isn't around to claim Father's ridiculous condition of a murderer inheriting his fortune, naturally everything should fall to the second in line to inherit."

Ruki's expression flickered. He really thinks Shuu is dead. "Well, I have the deed. Now let them go."

Just then, a loud ringing filled the room. Reiji casually brought out a gun and trained it on Ruki as he wandered over to it and answered. "Yes? Ah, I see. Thank you."

Blue-grey eyes narrowed as Reiji glanced at him. "I hear there hasn't been any police sighted in the area. What good manners you have, for a former street urchin."

Ruki's hands curled into loose fists. "You don't know what you're talking about."

Padding over to the lab rat calmly, Reiji reached into his jacket and pulled out a syringe. "I've done a bit of research on you for this event. You're a former aristocrat whose father became bankrupt. Subsequently, your mother left with her new lover, prompting your disgraced father to take his life. Your mansion was ransacked, and you became much like this little rat here. Caged. But your cage was an orphanage," he muttered, opening the lid and lifting out the rat in his palm.

Ruki grit his teeth, heart thundering in his ears. He knew this was payback. Revenge for catching the scientist last time. But he would not crack.

Presenting the rat to him, Reiji lifted the syringe. "This contains a type of poison of my own creation. It's mixed with a toxin that causes paralysis that will stop the heart of a human in 15 minutes," he said, injecting the rat.

Ruki watched mutely, as Reiji set the rat down in the cage. "So, we're going to play a game of chess. It's tedious, I know. But I can't help but be a little bitter. Father lavished more attention on Shuu, so naturally, I came to hate him."

Red wine eyes pinned the Detective in place then. "So imagine my...irritation, when I find out that you and your brothers were raised by him in secret."

Jealousy? He'd go so far for something that petty?

"Why do you want to play chess, exactly?" He asked with a sinking feeling.

"I'd have thought it would be obvious by now that we're playing for some high stakes," Reiji grinned jaggedly. "If I win, I get the deed to the house and destroy you along with your brothers and that woman. If you win, I'll give you the antidote to the very poison I injected into your loved ones mere seconds before you arrived here."

"What?! So-"

Reiji hummed, glancing at the clock on the wall apathetically. "Yes. I imagine by now, you have around 12 minutes to beat me, Mr. Mukami. Or I win by default when the poison causes them all to die." He glanced at them then, malevolent satisfaction rolling off him in waves. "What'll it be?"

There wasn't exactly a choice.

Sitting down at the table, Ruki's hands curled into fists on his knees when Reiji joined him, sitting opposite.

A terrible, shrill shriek came from within the cage. The rat twitched, soon laying still. Reiji lifted his eyes and gestured to Ruki. "Let's begin then. White goes first."

OOO

Ruki stiffly reached out and moved his cream-white pawn, drawing his opponent into conversation. "That poison you're using...is that the same one you've developed by kidnapping homeless people and experimenting on them?"

"So you do read the paper. I had wondered," Reiji uttered, moving his Knight into the game. "It is."

"Why return to London? You could have lay low in a foreign country." He asked, pushing his Bishop behind his pawn.

Reiji moved another piece. "To live for the sake of it sounds like a disgusting notion that my late brother would enjoy."

Ruki paused, before moving his Rook.

"I have my pride," Reiji snipped, taking the Detective's pawn with his Knight and gaining a small smirk. "My findings were shared around the Royal Society. But I'm also determined to gain that which has been so long denied to me."

"And so you teamed up with your Uncle?" Capturing Reiji's Knight with his Rook, Ruki's lips also curve. He'd taken the bait. Ruki had sacrificed the pawn on purpose.

This caused his opponent to frown slightly. "Don't refer to it like that, I simply used him a few times. It was mutually beneficial, but we're by no means partners," he muttered, a little annoyed. He decided to just put his black Queen out, knowing she would do the most damage.

"I notice that Subaru isn't among the hostages." Ruki hummed, moving his Knight out. "I'm therefore assuming it was Richter who was behind his disappearance."

"That's a little presumptuous, but yes."

Ruki watched as Reiji lined the black Queen up, readying itself to capture his Knight.

He decided to move the white Knight out of the way, but left his pawn vulnerable. "That's funny though. You're so committed to your own sense of fairness, wanting what is owed you, and yet you'll accept the help of Richter? From what I've heard, he's a scumbag. Tarnished the family name. Calls into question your self-image a little, doesn't it?"

"My image remains as it was. I am, and always have been the most suited to taking over Father's position," Reiji hissed. In his flustered state, he actually takes the pawn, something he would normally think over a little better.

"But if that's the case, and you were so perfect, why weren't you picked by Father?" Ruki calmly takes the dark Queen with his Rook, in a move that mimicked the one which took Reiji's Knight. Distraction, decoy, then capture. A cold sweat had broken out onto his neck, despite his unaffected expression. Time kept weighing heavy on his mind.

His opponent made a low noise. "You are not my equal, therefore your opinions are beneath me," he muttered lowly as Ruki set the newly captured Queen down along with Reiji's other lost pieces, contemplating them for a moment.

"Mn," Ruki looked at him. "It's not an opinion if I'm just stating facts. They all preferred Shuu, didn't they, Reiji?" He asked, glancing at the clock.

"Shall we speak of people's preferences?" Reiji spat, seething. His cruel mouth upturned at the corners, "you're lusting after a woman that is already spoken for. Yui has no feelings for you!" He snatched his white bishop with his own. "You'll remain in a limbo of unresolved want. Pining like a dog. She will wait for Subaru as long as she lives, ignoring you completely as you beg for scraps of her affection!"

Ruki stiffened, emotions raging hotly under his skin. He remembered the moment she'd turned her cheek for his lips to touch.

"You think I don't know?" He said quietly, voice subdued as he took another pawn, disinterested in it. For some reason though, in the hollow of his chest, none of Reiji's words reached him. When he closed his eyes, Yui's face appeared in the recesses of his mind and smiled gently at him. Beautiful, she'd said.

"I'll tell you what I think. I think you're a hack Detective who was taken in by a man above your station. It's led you to want the finer things beyond your reach, but you are nothing. A disgraced aristocrat and street urchin." Reiji grinned sharply, moving a piece. "A half breed Livestock."

Viciousness skittered out along his veins, and something cold shifted within the Detective.

"That so?" Ruki asked, reaching out and claiming the black King via his other white Bishop. He then levelled a narrow, hateful gaze at Reiji. "Check."

Dark, red-wine eyes widened, flitting around the board. "You cheated. That's quite impossible."

"No it's not, brother..." a tired voice called.

The two looked up then, Reiji's face paling at the sight of his elder brother. Shuu leaned against the wall near the stairs, hand resting on his abdomen, the wounds still tender. But he was dressed and up walking about, looking more awake than usual.

"H-how?" Reiji murmured thinly, soon standing. "I saw you get hit! The papers printed the date and time of your death!"

Ruki also stood, adjusting his clothes. "Yes, well. I may have had something to do with that. But let's save this conversation," he muttered, pulling a gun from his jacket and levelling it at Reiji. "I won. Now inject the antidote and let them go."

"This is further proof you cheated! I told you not to-"

"Contact the police, yes. You said nothing about asking anyone else to come along."

Shuddering, the man swung his gaze to stare at Shuu, pale and slightly dazed as though seeing a ghost. He grit his teeth, yanking out his own gun to train it on Ruki. The Royal Society seal gleamed on its side.

"Ah..." Shuu drawled. "Was that my murder weapon?"

Reiji made a faint noise, eyes widening when Shuu also trained a gun on him. "It's two against one, brother, and the police are waiting outside. I called them myself," the blonde sighed tiredly. "That's enough now. Let's stop dancing to Father's tune. He'd sure be happy all this drama happened because of him, wouldn't he?"

The gun trembled slightly, Reiji's finger poised over the trigger. He then slowly, reluctantly, lowered it.

Shuu didn't flinch at the look Reiji sent his way, a rehearsed, old hatred clinging to his eyes.

The scientist was soon shoved to the victims, injecting them with a clear looking vial. Ruki tugged off Yuma's black bag, then Kou's and Azusa's, breath shaking with palpable relief. He'd never felt more afraid.

When it came to Yui, he carefully lifted the material off, seeing a waterfall of blonde hair slide free.

His muscles then locked.

Reiji found himself shoved into the wall, a fist slamming into his cheek. It caused the glasses perched over his face to fly free, clattering to the floor.

"WHERE IS SHE!" Ruki snarled, heedless of Shuu's hand on his arm as more footsteps sounded out, the police joining them in the basement.

Pale lips drew back as Reiji flashed a sharp smile. "No idea. Richter could be anywhere with her by now. You didn't seriously think he'd help me out for free, did you? He required a paymen-" another fist slammed into his jaw, before the police wrestled Ruki off him.

"You let me think it was her, bastard!" He shouted, struggling and snarling until his throat strained.

OOO

The Mukami brothers were set free, and after a brief reunion with the Detective, they were led outside to sit in a wagon awaiting the hospital. The unknown woman also sat with them, looking shaken. Reiji was led away in cuffs, head held high, back straight.

Shuu lingered near Ruki, who paced back and forth, like a tiger padding the length of his cage. "Would he take her to the docks? It's possible he knows that's where I'd check first, maybe he-"

"Oi."

"There's always leaving London by carriage, anyone can hire a-"

"Oi, Detective."

"Maybe if I just-" Ruki tripped over something, falling to the ground in a heap. He then growled, looking up at Shuu, who had casually tripped him. "What is it?" He snapped.

"I've got someone you'll want to meet," he drawled, padding away at a leisurely pace.

Ruki growled, picking himself up from the floor of the warehouse and following the blonde Sakamaki out of the building. They rounded the side of the structure, until a hooded figure came into view, leaning against the wall. When the man noticed their approach, he pushed off it, lowering the hood to look at Ruki soberly.

He stilled instantly, eyes widening. "S-Subaru Sakamaki?"

The white-haired young man frowned, very much alive and breathing. He lifting the hood up again. "I know where she is. Let's hurry this up. Ya can either call the police over to arrest me right here and now and get that dumb recognition back that you probably want, or we can save Yui."

Ruki didn't even need to think. "Let's stop wasting time and go."

OOO

Yui shifted, groaning quietly. Her eyes cracked open, shapes slowly sharpening into focus.

"You're awake."

Shifting, she became aware of her position, leaning against a wooden beam with her arms wrapped around it. Tugging, she realised her wrists were bound with rope. There was a sharp smell in the air.

Raising her head, she noticed the man from before. The attendant. He was walking around what looked to be a greenhouse, pouring an oily, thick dark-coloured liquid onto the floor from a container.

This greenhouse...it's Subaru's! Yui grit her teeth. The Triplets wouldn't be at home at this time of day. He must have snuck in without the servants noticing.

"W-what are you doing? Why am I here? A-and who are you?"

He turned, discarding the container that had the word 'petroleum' its side. A black, gloved hand then seized her chin, making her look up at him. "Don't you remember?" He purred. "During your missionary work. Think back."

Rose-pink eyes widened, flitting over his face. "You...you were on the street. I think I gave you food and clothes."

"Yes. A year ago," he stroked his thumb over her bottom lip. "None have shown me such kindness. Not since Cordelia. I'm quite certain you have been reincarnated into this girl, my love." His eyes were hazy. "I'm sorry I failed you. I had plans to kill Karl myself to gain you in the inheritance after hearing the terms of the will. But that white-haired brat beat me to it. Not to worry though, I got rid of him..."

Yui's breath halted, before she latched her teeth onto his thumb and bit down with all her strength. Richter let out a snarl, yanking his digit free and backhanding her across the face.

She yelped, but glared. "You're the reason Subaru disappeared! Where is he?!"

"Dead, you foolish girl!" He snapped, dark eyes glowing. He then softened, voice dazed, "just as we shall be. Then we may...reunite and be together in the...afterlife my dear sweet Cordelia."

Yui's cheek stung, but she ignored it, shaking her head. "I'm not Cordelia! Please, let me go. You don't have to do this!"

Richter lit a match, holding it up. "I must. It's clear the authorities and that low-life Detective will not let me have you any other way. Do not be afraid," he murmured, letting it pass through his fingers easily.

The match fell, landing in the dark liquid and instantly lighting up. It sparked a trail of fire all around the room, racing up the walls where he'd flung the petroleum onto. Yui cried out, moving her legs out of the way of a nearby flame, heart racing.

Fire caught onto the neglected plants and flowers Subaru had once cared for. They'd planted some of them together. Yui's eyes filled with tears, heart stinging and aching. She felt the weight of her betrayal sinking deep within her chest, because it was not her beloved's name she wanted to say.

"...Ruki," the name slipped out. "Ruki!"

She cried out now, tears leaking down her face. They stung, and combined with the heat of the flames and sharp smoke, Yui squeezed them shut, shuddering.

"YUI!"

Her breathing hitched. Eyes snapped wide open as the doors to the greenhouse were slammed into. But locks held them in place. Soon after, a figure crashed through one of the panels, shattering the glass.

Richter turned, snarling and drawing a gun, only for a second figure to crash through, tackling him.

Yui looked up as Ruki ran to her, the flames catching around his legs. He didn't seem to notice as he bent down, slashing her binds free with a knife. She instantly threw herself into his arms, grabbing his hand and coughing.

"Hurry! We must go!"

Ruki nodded, lifting her in his arms so that her skirts were out of reach of the trailing flames, hurrying outside onto the grass. Servants raced outside from the main estate, while Shuu hung back, shuddering.

Yui coughed, leaning into Ruki as his clothes were patted down by servants, putting out the stray flames. "W-who was the other man who helped you?" She murmured.

The Detective stilled, before looking at the burning greenhouse. He made to move forward, when a loud shot rang out.

Shuu paled, chancing a look at the fire. Ruki's eyes widened, everything seeming to stop for a moment. He then saw a figure wander out of the greenhouse.

Subaru collapsed to his knees, cursing and coughing the smoke from his lungs. He sneered to himself, glancing behind him as the greenhouse collapsed in on itself.

The woman could barely believe her eyes, shock rendering her speechless. Yet nothing stopped Yui from racing forward, stumbling across the grass frantically.

"Subaru!" She cried, collapsing into his waiting arms and sobbing as they clung to each other.

Ruki watched soberly, seeing no sign of injury on the Sakamaki. He must have turned Richter's gun on the madman and ended it. He turned, walking back towards Shuu with an emptiness in his chest he knew wouldn't be easily filled. But this was the outcome he'd predicted, and he'd live with it. She was happy, and safe.

That was enough.

Subaru soon guided Yui away from the towering flames, rubbing at his eyes and glancing around as they stood together.

"What's wrong?" She asked, clinging to him. He felt so solid and real.

"The police will be here soon. I should...I should be going."

"I'm coming with you-"

"No."

Yui's breath caught, and she stared, uncomprehending as he raised her hand to his cheek, leaning into it. "A life on the run doesn't suit you. We had some great months togther...just us. I was happy then. I really was," he swallowed, pulling her hand away. "But...I always felt like you didn't belong there. London's your home, right? You love it here. And I guess I've...been watching you for a few days," he admitted.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm sayin' you should turn around, and go solve cases with that Detective."

Her eyes widened, fingers weakening in his shirt. She suddenly felt exposed. Her secret on full display. "Subaru- whatever you think...it's not-"

"I've got eyes, don't I?" He tsked, nudging her on the head with his fist lightly.

The sound of hooves drew clother, wagons pulling up at the Sakamaki manor. The police dismounted, starting to rush over towards the servants and Ruki.

Yui felt Subaru's warmth leaving her as he stepped back, pulling a hood up. "Subaru..." she said faintly. "I-I don't understand. I still...I do love you."

Red eyes warmed, and he leaned down, pressing his lips to hers in a rush. Pale fingers latched onto her clothes briefly, before they clenched and withdrew. "Same here. But I know a thing or two about knowing what'll make you happier in the long run," he turned, facing away from her.

"P-please send me letters," she murmured thinly. "Promise me, Subaru."

The haired young man glanced at her, a heavy weight in his eyes, before he nodded and slipped away, heading through the bushes to climb over the garden wall.

Yui watched him go, hands sliding up to hold the rosary at her chest. "Goodbye..."

It was a strange sensation to turn away. She raised wet eyes, finding Ruki's figure. When he chanced a look in her direction, expecting them both to be gone, he stilled.

The two looked at each other wordlessly. He then approached with confusion. "Is he coming to get you later?" He asked quietly.

Yui squeezed the rosary, before tilting her chin up and shaking her head. "Subaru...won't be back for me."

Ruki stared, shock visible on his frozen features. She drew closer to him, reaching out to slide petite hands onto his larger one. "Is it alright if I...continue staying with you, Mr. Mukami? I wouldn't...want to impose on your kindness if you don't want me there. I completely understand if-"

"Shut up," he murmured, before gathering her closer. "You can stay. Of course you can stay. Foolish woman."

Feeling his hands rest on the base of her spine, keeping her grounded in the wake of the storm, Yui exhaled shakily. She then inhaled his scent and buried her face in his chest, clinging to him. She felt ashamed for feeling at ease in those arms, but Ruki stroked her hair, easing the shame away.

OOO

After the events of the fire, Reiji was incarcerated with a life sentence, the authorises not trusting a death penalty again.

Shuu worked as the family Head, receiving help from Yui to manage his affairs from time to time.

Yuma started to re-building his pub, with help from its patrons and his brothers. No one attended Richter's funeral.

And if one employed a certain Detective Mukami, they'd find that he was often joined by his wife on cases, who also doubled as his secretary. She had a sharp eye for details, and could sometimes be seen with a happy glow about her countenance, revelling in the trill of a new mystery at hand.

End

[setepenre-set]

My Life Is A Fanfic As Written By Me

I’m sitting alone in the dark, in the passenger seat of the car, waiting for her to come back.

She offered to let me come with her when she went inside to check us into the hotel, but I said I’d be okay. She was only going to be gone for five minutes, right? And we’d been together all day in the car, and we spent the entire week together before that; I don’t generally spend that much time in someone’s company without needing some alone time.

Of course I’ll be okay.

It is about two seconds after she disappears behind the doors of the hotel lobby that I realize my mistake.

I don’t need alone time; why did I ever think I wanted alone time; alone time sucks. What I actually want is for her to come back right now, immediately, if not sooner. I want her to come back so she can talk to me some more, about anything, about everything. I love talking to her; I love hearing what she thinks about things; the way her mind works is fascinating and so much fun; I love making her laugh, seeing her smile. Her mouth is made for smiling—the edges of her lips draw to sharp little upturned curves, like the smile is already there, hidden and waiting.

She has romance novel heroine eyes—such a complex color, wide and framed with long dark lashes. Lovely and sweet, the sweetness contrasted by the wicked arch of her eyebrows. Her eyebrows arch even more when she’s saying something clever and her face is so expressive; I could look at it forever, the scars on her high cheekbones like constellations of stars, and this is the longest five minutes ever; this is the worst; it feels like an eternity since she left, feels like she’s never going to come back; maybe I should go in after her; no, that would be weird; maybe I should—

The door of the hotel lobby opens and she’s there, framed by the golden electric light that spills out into the darkness and the pulse of absolute joy that goes through me at the sight of her is so strong that it makes my heart leap and—

oh.

oh.

so that’s—

—ah—

—that’s definitely a—a thing, but it can’t be a thing, right; it can’t be, because—

(stop. wait. let’s go back just a bit.) Two days ago:

“Can we talk about this?”

We’re lying in bed together, having just woken up from a road-trip crash nap when she asks me that. The fact that I’m not sure what she’s talking about must show on my face, because she answers the question I didn’t ask.

“The us thing,” she says, watching my face. “I’m not crazy, right? You feel this, too?”

I nod—I’ve never felt this close to anyone; we only just met in person a week ago and I already feel like we’ve known each other forever. I feel more connected to her than I’ve ever felt to another person; she is by far my best and closest friend—

Again, she must read what I’m about to say in my expression, because she gives a slight little shake of her head, and, still without looking away from me, says—

“You know I’m in love with you, right?”

And I just

p a n i c

“Is that okay?” she asks, still looking at me so intently.

“Y-yeah,” I say, meaning oh god help

because

no I didn’t know and she can’t really love me, not the person that I actually am, the person who’s so weird and broken and unsatisfactory, and when she realizes who I really am she’s going to be disappointed, and she’s going to be disappointed in me anyway because I can’t feel the same way and I’m going to lose her oh god

I’ve identified as demisexual for a while now, but I’ve always had a suspicion that maybe I was aroace, or—I don’t know, broken, and using the aroace identity to hide that—because if I was aroace, that meant I wasn’t broken. If I had been aroace I would have felt differently about it. See—whenever I’ve questioned whether what I was feeling for a person was romantic and/or sexual attraction, the feeling I was examining always had something—

—unpleasant—

—at the bottom of it. A kind of awful twisting in the pit of my stomach, a heavy fluttering like stone wings, and I always assumed that was the ‘butterflies in your stomach’ feeling everyone talks about.

And I thought that if I was ever going to fall in love, I was going to have to learn to enjoy that feeling.

And now, lying in bed beside her, listening to her say she’s in love with me—

I don’t have that feeling. I don’t have it at all.

So I can’t be in love with her. And that’s—

Awful; it’s awful and it makes me feel awful and it makes me feel cheated and upset, because—

If I was ever going to fall in love with anyone, of course it would be her.

So I really must be broken—or completely aroace, which is the kinder, non-broken alternative.

I manage to tell her some of this, probably not very clearly because of the panic, which makes it hard to think straight.

“That’s okay,” she says gently when I’m through babbling, and I can tell she means it, which is baffling. This isn’t okay; how can she think this is okay? “It doesn’t change anything for me. I never expected you to feel the same way; I just wanted to tell you. I want however much of you that you want to give me. I’m always going to want more, but being your best friend like this is enough.”

And I can tell that she means this, too, which is the only thing that keeps me from dissolving entirely in my panic. She even still lets me sleep in the same bed with her that night, which helps, too.

So.

Back to me, having an existential crisis in the car two days later:

She comes out of the hotel doors and my heart just about explodes with joy, and then she walks towards the car.

She’s smiling when she gets in, an expression that changes to one of concern after she gets a look at my expression, which is fair, since I’m sure my face has to be doing something weird.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“Y-yeah,” I say, meaning no I am absolutely NOT okay; I am having feelings of some kind and I do not know how to handle them help.

The existential crisis does not abate as she parks the car, nor does it abate as we carry our things upstairs and into the hotel room. She flops down on the bed, and after a moment of agonizing indecision, I lie down…kind of extremely on top of her, but it’s okay; she said stuff like this is okay; she said nothing had to change, and we’ve always been really physically affectionate, ever since the first time we met in person and she hugged me and I didn’t want to let go, and this is FINE.  IT’S FINE. SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST VERY PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE WITH THEIR TOTALLY PLATONIC FRIENDS, OKAY.

Some people just want to lie on top of their totally platonic friends and stroke their face and tell them everything they like about them…which is what I end up doing.

I fell less panicked, now that we’re this close, but I also feel sort of like I’m drowning in her, and I close my eyes to try to steady myself, and when I open them, she’s pushed up on her forearms, leaning forward slightly, like she’s—

—as if she’s about to—

She settles into a different position, leaning back against the mattress again, and I feel a terrible pulse of disappointment and anger towards myself for not keeping my eyes closed just a moment longer, so that maybe she—

—maybe she would have—

“Were you going to kiss me just now?” I say abruptly, and I see from the look of shock that crosses her face at the question that the answer is no, and my heart drops.

“You don’t want things like that,” she says.

(except—except I’m really beginning to think that maybe I do)

“Can I brush my teeth first?” I blurt out, which is a terrible and awkward and utterly non-romantic response, but I’ve been in the car all day and I don’t exactly feel like I’m at my best, and I can’t do anything about the fact that my hair is a mess and my clothes are rumpled and I’ve got blue paint on my face still, and cheese bought from a gas station stuck to my leggings, but maybe brushing my teeth will help I don’t know

She gives me a look of amused, affectionate confusion as I quickly leap up.

“I mean…you can if you want,” she says. “But it’s…just going to taste like toothpaste, then.”

Which is kind of the point, really, the tasting-like-toothpaste instead of, well, me, but on second thought let’s go ahead and skip the teeth brushing, because I’ve only been standing up and away from her for five seconds and I’m already starting to panic again, and if I take the time to brush my teeth I know I’m going to end up really panicking and backing out of this, and I really don’t want to.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” I say, hands somewhere between fluttering and flapping in distress. “I’ve never actually done this before.”

“It’s okay,” she says, and then adds, “come here. Sit down on the bed.”

I sit down on the bed in front of her, my heart beating so fast that it’s practically humming, my hands twisting together in my lap.

“I might not like this; what if I don’t like this,” I say, words rapid with nerves.

“It’s okay if you don’t like it,” she says soothingly. “And we don’t have to do this at all if you don’t want to.”

“I do want to,” I say quickly. “I want to try. But I don’t know if I’ll like it and I don’t know how to do this—”

“It’s all right,” she says, voice gentle. “Sometimes first kisses are weird anyway.”

“Are they?”

“Yeah,” she says. “Sometimes you have to learn how to kiss each other.”

She takes off her glasses, and then mine, and then she takes my face in her hands. I take a very shaky breath and close my eyes.

She kisses my forehead first, just above one of my eyebrows, kisses one of my cheeks, and then the other, the touch of her lips soft and light. When she kisses the tip of my nose, it startles me into a laugh. I’m still smiling when she kisses my lips.

And it’s—

really, really nice. It’s good, and not weird or scary at all, like I was worried it would be, and there’s no bad feeling in the pit of my stomach for me to force myself to enjoy—there’s nothing bad at all. There’s just her, and the soft way that she’s kissing me.

It feels good, and I feel safe and loved and happy, and when she starts to pull away, I make a sound of protest and lean forward without thinking, chasing her lips. She inhales sharply through her nose and slides one hand into my hair and the other arm around my waist, holding me tightly, kissing me harder, and that’s really wonderful, too.

“So—ah,” she says, when she finally breaks the kiss. “You enjoyed that…and that…wasn’t exactly friendship-type kissing.”

There’s a smile in her voice, which unfolds into a grin when she takes in my dazed expression. I reach up to touch my lips with the fingertips of one hand.

“Yes,” I say, and then she kisses me again.

It goes on longer this time, and when she starts kissing my neck, I somehow wind up in her lap, and by the time she bites the edge of my ear, I’ve dissolved into an incoherent mess.

She pulls away again, although not very far, because of the way I’m clinging to her.

“You’re in love with me,” she says, smiling so bright and happy, like a reflection of my own heart at that moment.

“I really am,” I say wonderingly.

This is... not actually a fic. This is something that really happened—and it’s about me and @displacerghost.

Ghost and I met in the March of 2017, when she sent me a series of—well, I guess they were technically love letters, although she didn’t realize that at first, and I didn’t realize that at all.

I was in a very bad mental place at that time. I had been doing badly since the summer of 2016—it seemed like everything I used to love doing—theatre, dance, writing—had turned into something that hurt instead. Rejection letter after rejection letter for original writing; nasty comments about my dancing and people leaving me in the lurch with my dance performances; and a production of one of my original plays, which I directed myself, and which was a great success with audiences, but socially and emotionally terrible for me.

For a while things seemed to get a little better—I joined fandom and started writing and posting fic for the first time, and the intensely positive reaction I had from the fandom went some ways towards making it possible for me to scrape together some semblance of self-confidence and joy.

The problem with that, though, was that there wasn’t any kind of stable foundation underneath it, and I couldn’t seem to actually heal. The cracks were still all there, and every kind of harshness or cruelty shattered me all over again, and sent me spiraling down into emotional flashbacks and long extended periods of self-hatred and despair. I came dangerously close to burning everything—original writing, fic, art—setting all of the physical copies on fire, deleting everything I’d posted, wiping my computer files. Erasing as much evidence of my existence as possible.

I’ve always been particularly susceptible to accusations of immorality—probably because the conviction that I’m intrinsically bad runs very deep for me.

all the things they say about me are things that I already know about myself and if the cumulative effect on the world of your continued existence is negative, do you not have a moral duty to remove yourself from it, and the way I write Megamind has never been anything but a reflection of me.

I had a plan, at one point, and a schedule—I knew exactly how I was going to do it, exactly how to make it look like an accident. I planned it like a murder and thought of it like an execution, and I came very close to going through with it.

But my cat had to be given her medication at certain times, so I postponed my plan to do that and ended up waiting long enough for self-preservation to kick in again.

It isn’t just Zero’s personality that’s based on my cat.

I tried to get help after that—several different doctors, therapists, a whole bunch of different psychiatric medications. But no one helped, and nothing helped, and the suspicion that nothing would ever help, that I didn’t deserve help, began to grow into a conviction.

I didn’t just need help. I needed hope.

I vividly remember the first time Ghost messaged me—it was in the midst of one of the very bad self-hatred periods. I had posted something talking about that a bit, but I hadn’t really explained how very very bad I was doing.

I was lying on my bed crying, thinking that I was a terrible person who would never be able to affect anything or anyone in any kind of positive way—

(if the cumulative effect on the world of your continued existence is negative)

—and then I heard the message sound come from my laptop, and, in a desperate attempt at distraction, I opened the message and read it.

And what was inside the message was so exactly what I needed that when I woke up the next day, I was convinced that I must have dreamed it, because things like that don’t happen.

It’s hard for me to get across how much of an effect that message had without quoting the entire thing, but here’s part of it:

I don’t really know how to tell you how much of an impact your writing has on me without telling you that my life has been really, really bad for a long time. I had an abusive childhood, then got out of that and largely saved myself via fandom obsession and writing. I went from a terrible life situation to a merely shitty one and if I had not had fanfic and writing in my life I would not be here typing this right now. I thought things were getting better for me -- But. That turned out to be an abusive situation, too. Fast forward through ten years of that? I have no friends, my family dumped me long ago (I'm pretty much an orphan, most days I can laugh about it). And the person I thought would be my life partner has done more to destroy my self-confidence, self-worth, and any and every joy or happiness than I could ever have imagined was possible.

I tried to reach out to people in my life -- great big pile of nope. I tried reaching out to a couple different therapists -- small help, but mostly it's just the same god damn thing I've heard all my life "there's nothing wrong with you, try harder, you know what you need to do, just do it" and I guess because I CAN do it alone I have to.

I tried to keep writing. It's THE THING that I KNOW I need in my life, I need it like air to breathe and I'd been suffocating and dying for a long, long time. I never gave up on trying even when the words were sawdust. Like a lot of writers, I struggle with perspective on my own work -- this wasn't that. This was utter empty bullshit. And I didn't even enjoy writing or having written or even thinking about the stories. I didn't care at all. I felt a little sad but it was like water vapor sadness, it was small and fleeting and THAT is the most horrifying aspect of all. That my soul was evaporating and I didn't even feel it.

Then a couple of months ago I re-watched Megamind. I'd seen it when it came out and I remembered liking it a lot. It hit me even deeper, this time. I got on AO3.

This was your hobbit birthday week, Set.

I can't even think about this without ugly-crying because I was DEAD. I can't explain it better than that. Even pain didn't really go deep anymore. And no one I reached out to saw it or cared. I was alone, always and again, and I was dying.

And then I found your writing. God this is so hard to talk about. Everything had been so empty for so long and I'd read books and I'd read fic and I'd watched movies and for TEN YEARS nothing had worked, nothing had reached me, and I had tried so hard to reach myself and I could. Not.

You did.

Your writing made me FEEL again, I was ALIVE! I don't have good words for how much it means to me. Your writing. Your stories. I've been alone in the dark for so long and reading your fanfic was blinding, bright sunrise bursting across my world when I'd thought the sun was dead and gone. Are there words for that? For rebirth of the soul? You brought me back to life. I'd been trying so hard for so long to scale this mountain, all alone while everyone pushed me aside, and then I found your stories and it was like a light from the heavens shining down on a path that had been there all along.

And when a week after that my partner had a full on emotionally abusive temper meltdown all over me...

That was it. NO, MOTHERFUCKER. I found my heart again.

It's going to take a while to leave him (I think two years) but I'm on that escape route with the pedal to the floor and I'm not looking back AND IT FEELS AMAZING. It feels like freedom. I really believed I'd never feel this good again, never live through writing again this way.

I tell you all that so you believe me when I say how much your writing means to me. Whenever my words start to feel like sawdust I re-read one of your fics and my heart beats blood again.

Your Megamind fanfiction saved my life.

There is a level of raw, emotion evocation that is simply without compare. That's the thing that resonates inside me, time and again, no matter which of your stories I'm reading and no matter what emotion it is you're conveying in the moment. When I'm broken inside because my partner had a bad day and took it out on me and I need to feel so I can write, I return to your stories. There is a level of raw, real truth in what you write that does not exist in 99.9% of anything published.

And your writing is so fucking brave! Holy shit! How do you do that, I study your works to try and figure it out when I'm having a tough time in that area. You are so fucking brave. Because this kind of writing only exists when someone bares their own wounded soul to the words.

I've always found my heroes in stories. You're the first one I've found writing the stories.

I know I talk about some dark stuff in my own life here but I'm actually doing really fucking fantastic. Now, anyway. I'm happy for the first time in YEARS.

I add this so you know I'm not reaching out to you because I need anything from you – just you keep being you, whether that means struggling or creating or ranting or posting those amazing blue-skin photo edits. I'm doing SO FUCKING FABULOUS AND ITS ALL BECAUSE YOU WROTE FIC AND POSTED IT OKAY. I've been stumbling around in darkness and you came in and flicked on the light switch and I'm standing here like, Oh. Okay. NOW I can see what I'm doing, I've got this!

I've always known that I can climb this mountain. I guess I was just needing a reminder, a reason, that I'm worth it to try. Your stories opened the way for me to find that within myself.

You made me feel again, Set. Your writing is priceless.

I just wanted to tell you your writing saved my life. I'm a real person out here in the random world and your fanfiction SAVED MY LIFE.

Thank you, forever thank you, Set.

Sometimes in a person's life a story comes along at just the right time to tip them towards what they need. Isn't that part of why we read stories? (I mean, also porn. But). To find heroes, to live through and triumph over difficulties, to feel the things we never do in real life – love, peace, acceptance. To find, through the characters, a reason to go on. To take that one more step.

Megamind was that, and YOU are that, for me. I love you forever. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for being who you are and being so BRAVE and inspiring me to claw my way back to my feet and try again.

I was drowning, and you were the lighthouse.

Can you see how much this message meant to me, especially coming right then? It came to me exactly when I needed it.

It was so utterly what I needed that, when I woke up the next day, I was convinced that I must have dreamed it, because it seemed too good to be true. I actually deliberately avoided looking at my messages, to put off the horrible and inevitable (or so I thought) disappointment of not finding it there. I avoided looking at them for a good long while, until finally I got a notification of a message from someone else and had to open it. I was on my phone, then, and when I scrolled down my messages and saw the message from Ghost, the one I had been convinced wasn’t real, I very nearly walked into a wall.

You may recognize that last line of the message as being something that Megamind says to Roxanne in my Code: Safeword fic—but Ghost isn’t quoting Code: Safeword there.

That part in Code: Safeword is quoting her.

That message from Ghost is the source of that line—the lighthouse in a storm theme of love and salvation that threads through all of my Megamind/Roxanne stories can be traced back to that moment, the moment that I first met Ghost.

Ghost says that it was the morning after she sent me that message that she woke up and realized she was in love with me.

In retrospect, my starting to fall in love with her can be traced back to that moment as well, though I wasn’t going to realize I was in love until a year and a half later, after we met in person—after she kissed me.

We fell in love words-first; Ghost with the me that she so perceptively saw in my stories, and me with the person she showed me in her messages.

It was only after I wrote the lighthouse quote into the fic, and wrote Megamind telling Roxanne that the poster of the lighthouse in his bedroom came to represent her to him, after they met, that Ghost told me in one of her messages that she actually had a lighthouse poster in her own bedroom, and that, even before I wrote that part, the lighthouse in it had come to represent me to her.

There is a certain point at which coincidence begins to look like fate.

Much as I love the tropes, I always sort of assumed that the whole long period of Obliviousness followed by the Sudden Realization of Love thing that so many fics are built around was a thing that only happened to fictional characters.

It is not.

Some of the...very obvious signs that I was in love with Ghost that I missed during my Long Period of Obliviousness:

I felt intensely jealous of her now-ex. Thinking of her with him felt so fucking awful, which might have passed as a non-romantic friend-concern feeling if it hadn’t also transferred over to an utterly irrational hatred of any future partner I imagined her with.

I looked forward to talking to her more than anything, and I enjoyed it so much—at one point, I was talking to her via the tumblr app on my phone and beaming absolutely giddily as I looked down at the screen, when one of my cousins asked, “Who are you talking to? Do you have a secret boyfriend?”

Another time when I was talking to Ghost on my phone, my grandmother asked who I was talking to, and when I explained who Ghost was, and what she was going through, my grandmother actually asked me when was I going to go get her.

There were so many times that I almost told her ‘I love you’ in our messages, but ...something always held me back. I didn’t know what it could be; I don’t have a problem with saying ‘I love you’ to friends—but. With her it was somehow…different.

When she started signing off from our message conversations with 💙💜💙, I immediately took it up, signing off with 💜💙💜. Blue is her favorite color, and purple is mine, so that series of emojis seemed to convey the sentiment of ‘I love you’ without actually saying the words. I wasn’t sure how she meant it, but that was how I meant it.

(spoiler: she meant it like that, too.)

I very frequently daydreamed about hugging her—and not just hugging, about climbing into her lap and her holding me, which is…not a thing that people really fantasize about with their totally platonic best friends. I was aware of that, too, but just sort of…pushed that aside and didn’t examine it.

She volunteered to beta read for me, and I instantly knew that I definitely wanted her to. I’ve never wanted someone to do that with my writing, have actually always sort of hated the thought of it. But I love the way her mind works, and I love the way her mind works with mine, and I wanted that, with Ghost.

She had to go to the ER on her birthday this year, and on mine, and I was so worried, and so wished I was there to take her to the hospital and stay with her. Even on my own birthday, that was what I wanted to be doing.

Speaking of birthdays—for her birthday, I kept giving her more and more presents, and didn’t really know how to stop, because no matter how many things I gave her, it never felt like enough.

On my birthday, too, I was very preoccupied with her—she’d told me that she’d found my fic/me during my hobbit birthday week, so that year’s online birthday celebration had to be even more elaborate! Because it wasn’t just a celebration of my birthday, but also a sort of…anniversary. Which is why I ended up posting a thing every day of my birthday month this year.

I panicked when I realized she was my best friend, because I was sort of under the impression that I wasn’t hers. Yes, I had been her gateway into the fandom, but then she’d met other people and clearly would have moved on, right?

This maybe went a ways towards explaining why I was so jealous of her tumblr conversation threads with other people, of her comments on other people’s fics, even of other people whose posts she liked. Although I’ve certainly never felt that way about any of my other friends. I’m always happy when people I’m friends with find more friends! But with Ghost, I felt like I needed all of her attention. When she would tag me in things, I would gloat over it to myself—see look she likes me best.

Every time I posted a thing, fic, art, or whatever, I would refresh the page obsessively and not feel satisfied until I got the notification that Ghost had liked it.

When my therapist asked me to write out a list of totally safe people, she was the first one on the list.

I was wildly excited when I heard that she was going to Mega Camp, too—wildly excited and wildly panicked, because I was sure that, after meeting me in person, she would like me less. My excitement and apprehension both increased e x p o n e n t i a l l y when she suggested that she and @vairasmythe drive up to my house before camp, so that we could have a few extra days together at my house.

I wanted it; I was terrified of it; I was certain that it had to be a bad idea because of how much I wanted it.

Months went by before I was finally able to fight off the panic long enough to actually say yes to that plan.

I really, really wanted to…kidnap her, I guess? Nicely! Benevolently! But also really desperately.

I wanted to show up at her house and take her away from her now-ex. I used to fantasize about it—more than…fantasize, really. I had actual plans.

When I found out she lived in Nevada, I was, at first, very disappointed—I’d been hoping she lived within driving distance of me. But then I perked up. My sister lives in Nevada! I could go out to visit her and just casually happen to drop by Ghost’s house! (And then work in the kidnapping.) But when I looked up the driving distances between their houses, though, I deflated.

Driving eight hours through the desert to see someone sort of ruins the whole casualness of the thing.

Still, it was the best plan I had, and I actually began taking real steps towards doing it. Then Mega Camp was announced, and Ghost told me she was going, and so I decided to put the kidnapping plan on hold.

When I talked to Ghost about writing the Megamind musical (which she very much helped with and influenced greatly, as well as beta read)—when we talked about how I wanted to perform it at camp, I told her that I was really nervous about it because of how socially and emotionally devastating the last play I put on was, and she convinced me to go for it in spite of my fear.

I was extremely excited when I found out that there would be time to perform the play at camp, and I was really extremely excited to get to play Megamind myself. I deeply wanted Ghost to play Roxanne to my Megamind, and she actually suggested it herself. I was so busy flailing to myself about this that I took too long to respond, which led to Ghost (unbeknownst to me) interpreting my silence as me trying to find a way to let her down gently. In order to give me a way out, she added ‘except, you know, stage fright’. Which then interpreted as her trying to tell me that she probably wouldn’t feel comfortable with playing Roxanne.

Aaaand so we both agonized about that until we met up before Mega Camp.

(A side note: I was very jealous that Ghost and Vaira were going to be driving up from Nevada to my house together, and more than once considered arranging things so that I could ‘just happen’ to be visiting my sister right before their road trip, so that I could conveniently ask them to pick me up on their way, so that I could ride up with them.)

The day they were set to arrive at my house, I was A MESS. I was in such a state of nervous excitement that I neglected to eat all day, resulting in my nearly fainting right before they got there.

I also dithered over what I should wear—it had to be something suitably impressive! It occurred to me that it was…a bit odd that I wanted so much to be attractive, but I put it down to me simply being even more vain than I’d previously thought.

I settled on leopard print leggings and a tight red shirt.

(bright colors! attention grabbing pattern!)

((mating dance plumage))

I even put on eyeliner, both as a way to increase my confidence, and also as a way to make my eyes look more interesting.

Ghost’s only comment about my appearance that night was “wow, do you always have that bad of dark circles under your eyes?”, after which I was a little crestfallen, but which made me even more determined than ever to impress her!

…still without me realizing why I wanted that so badly.

(Ghost would like to mention that the dark circles comment was related to her knowing that I was sick and wanting to talk to me about vitamins and that she blurted it out in concern…after which she saw my weird reaction and died internally.)

((it’s nice that I’m not the only awkward one))

Meeting her in person was…overwhelming; when I first saw her, I was hit by a wave of joyful recognition so strong that I very nearly said “I missed you”. (She’s said that she felt it, too, and that she almost said the exact same thing.)

She said, “We made it!” instead, intending me to interpret the ‘we’ as her and Vaira, and the fact that they’d made the drive, but actually meaning that she and I had made it to finally seeing each other in person.

She hugged me, and it felt like coming home.

I didn’t want to let her go.

My emotions were in such turmoil that I couldn’t really tell when an acceptable hug length might be, so I just sort of…made her handle that, and clung to her until she started to let go first.

So she and Vaira and I went inside, and got them settled.

And Ghost showed me her tattoos, which was A Thing, let me tell you. She has a Megamind logo on her right hip which is…exactly where I sometimes draw the logo on my own body in eyeliner, when I’m feeling in need of extra confidence. The unexpected parallel of that threw me for a bit of an emotional loop—and then she showed me her other tattoo.

She has a ghost with a kintsugi heart tattooed on the center of her chest.

And the reaction I had to seeing that was both intense and complicated, because she had to take off her outer shirt to show me that one, and skin oh god so much skin am I staring I feel like I’m staring—

—and also, the ghost tattoo…well, it looked a lot like she’d combined two of the drawings I’d made for her.

But...surely it couldn’t actually be that, couldn’t actually be about me; that was ridiculous and…also incredibly conceited and presumptuous!

(Side note: yes...it actually is that—a combination of those two drawings, and about me.)

((A more ridiculous side note: my odd, unreadable reaction to the ghost tattoo, coupled with the way I couldn’t keep my eyes off of it, gave Ghost the impression that she was making me uncomfortable by showing too much skin. Which led to her repeatedly changing into more modest clothing, to my p e r p e t u a l  f r u s t r a t i o n.))

And yet I still didn’t get why I felt frustrated by that, or by her apparent lack of attraction to me.

When it came time to talk about the musical script, Vaira said she wanted to play Minion, and so I asked Ghost if she wanted to try playing Roxanne. She said she would like to try it, and the three of us read through some of the scenes in my living room to practice.

And since I’d been wanting to test out my Megamind costume anyway, I changed into it for the read through.

(skintight black leather and high black boots and long black leather gloves, and if this didn’t work on her, nothing would.)

Vaira, world’s best Minion, was enthusiastically complimentary about the outfit. (“disgustingly horrifying, Sir!”)

So my Minion approved of it.

But my Miss Ritchi was…evidently unimpressed. Still. She made a tepidly approving comment, but that was all.

(cue me internally screaming)

It was incredibly frustrating, but I wasn’t ready to give in. I was playing Megamind to her Roxanne, which gave me an excuse to be as deliberately attractive at her as possible.

I strutted. I pranced. I smoldered.

No.

Reaction.

My desperation bird mating dance yielded no results to satisfy what I still assumed to be merely my vanity.

(Ghost would like me to note that she was very affected, but holding back her reaction with an iron grip, for fear of giving herself away and making me uncomfortable. She also wishes to point out that any reaction she’d had, short of bending me over the couch and fucking me, would not have satisfied me.

Which is…fair, and…true, and also would have been extremely uncomfortable for poor Vaira, who would have had to awkwardly back out of the room, like Minion in Write Your Name In Fire On My Skin.)

In addition to all of the really obvious signs that I was in love with her which I missed, I also missed some extremely obvious signs that she was in love with me.

One notable example of this happened the night before our practice reading of the script. The two of us stayed up all night, talking on the couch, and I ended up first holding her hand and then ultimately lying in her lap while we both talked about how much we meant to each other, and ALL I CAN SAY IN MY DEFENSE is that I truly thought we were talking about friendship and am fanfiction-character-style oblivious.

During the drive to camp, Ghost talked a bit about her…upsettingly and necessarily long term plan to achieve financial independence and leave her abusive ex. During one of the times she was outside the car, I told Vaira about my kidnapping plan, and she pledged her help. (She really is the best Minion.)

At camp, it was incredibly hard to leave her side. We spent almost the whole time together. One of the times Ghost and I were talking about Megamind, I mentioned one of the dreams that I’d had of being him. I talked about the feeling I’d had when I saw Roxanne, and I said I’d never had that feeling in real life before. Which made poor Ghost actually cry, although she valiantly pretended to be crying over something else.

And. Well, I actually had felt that, but didn’t notice until later, when Ghost left me alone for the longest five minutes in the history of the universe and the feeling rose to a crescendo when she reappeared.

Since it was so hard for me to leave her alone at camp, I was very aware of what I interpreted as signals for me to give her space.

These signals, were, in actuality, the opposite.

One of the big misinterpretations on my part occurred when we were gathering in the main part of our cabin, which also served as Ghost and Vaira’s bedroom. Ghost sat down on her bed and started clearing away the things which had been sitting on her bed.

I interpreted this as her clearing the space for the things she had been carrying, and sadly and awkwardly moved to the other side of the room and (also sadly and awkwardly) perched on the couch.

In actuality, the clearing of the space was meant as an implied invitation for me to sit down on the bed with her.

o b v i o u s l y

It was shockingly (to me, at least) easy to ‘pretend’ to be in love with Ghost while we were performing the musical.

(Ghost would like me to add that she was dying the entire time from the vicious flirting and the intense eye contact.)

And the musical itself went so well! I am so, so glad I listened to Ghost, and was brave enough to try theatre again, even though it went so terribly the last time.

For the first time in so long, the thought of theatre doesn’t hurt anymore.

One of the nights at camp, Ghost had a really rough time emotionally, and said she wanted to snuggle with Vaira and I for comfort. Which caused me to

(you guessed it)

p a n i c

and confess that I didn’t know how to cuddle because I’d never really done it before.

(Ghost refers to the reaction/gesture that I had at this point as the ‘distressed octopus’ ⋛⋋( ‘__’)⋌⋚ )

I figured she’d be impatient at having to explain something so simple, and that she would probably get exasperated with me and want to stop, and I really did not want that to happen.

But she was so wonderful and patient, and calmed me down, and…we slept together like that, with her arms around me and my head on her chest.

(we woke up like that, too, with me having drooled on her shoulder in the night, and you know someone is serious about loving you when they find something like that endearing instead of disgusting.)

We held hands the entire next day, and since I was cold, she gave me her sweater to wear. And I still thought “oh, what good friends we are!”

We drove to Chicago on our way back from camp, since Vaira was flying out from there. On the way, the three of us stopped at what has to be the weirdest mall I have ever seen, all white and shaped like a long tunnel with helicopter blade sized fans all along the ceiling.

We ate McDonalds at a table in the food court of the weird mall, and part of the reason I remember it so well is because it was there that I had the first intensely vivid sexual fantasy about Ghost, which. You would think that would have clued me in, but NOPE.

huh, I thought, that’s a weird mental blip.

She gave me her fidget ring to keep me from biting my fingernails, which left me flustered and a bit panicked, although I still didn’t understand why.

I really don’t think anything would have actually gotten the point across to me, short of her flat-out telling me she was in love with me, and me having my Five Minute Parking Lot Revelation that not only was she in love with me, but I was in love with her, in a very extremely non-platonic genuine romantic way.

After the really wonderful first kiss, with me in the Highly Romantic Gas Station Cheese Pants, the two of us talked about what we wanted—to be together, as close as possible and as quickly as possible.

Ghost still had to go back to Nevada, to pack her things, and get a divorce (she had been separated for a year and a half, since before the first message, but was still financially dependent), and it was u n s p e a k a b l y miserable, being without her that long. She gave me several of her shirts to wear while I waited, which helped, and she also gave me her comfort blanket, which helped even more, but it was still an awful wait.

She finished it in a week.

Packing, divorce, everything. And then…

I GOT TO GO THROUGH WITH MY KIDNAPPING PLOT AFTER ALL.

(I made her a frequent kidnapping card and everything!)

I went to Nevada and got her after that week, and we have been living together ever since (hence the long absence from tumblr).

And it is fantastic.

For a long time it was a running joke between us that we hadn’t been on an actual date, but just sort of ran errands together like we were sixty-five, and spent every waking moment together. At one point, we accidentally went to three used bookstores…as an errand?

But! We finally went on a Real Date, a few days ago; we went to a farm with a pumpkin patch and orchard, and it was wonderful!

I am so happy.

I’m doing so much better physically—Ghost got to fix me up with vitamins like she wanted, so the dark circles are much better, and I eat regularly now, since she likes to cook. I went to a psychiatrist and Ghost came along as my much-needed moral support, and as a result I got a bipolar II diagnosis and some new antidepressants which are really helping.

There are…so many things I have now, that I’d given up on even hoping for.

I’m able to sleep, and to do it without sleeping pills, with her holding me.

She taught me how to play video games, something which I thought I was incapable of ever learning. I thought my hand-eye coordination was too bad, that I wasn’t smart enough to compensate for it, but she told me I could do it, and she was right.

We talk about fic and Megamind all the time, as well as my original writing, which I feel I might finally be able to look at again, with Ghost to help me through it.

The things I loved that hurt for so long—theatre, writing, dance—I have them back now, because of Ghost.

She played me a song that reminded her of me, and I got up and danced to it because I wanted to, and it didn’t hurt at all.

And—sex.

I thought that I was never going to have that—that I would never find anyone who I wanted and who also wanted me. I thought my ability to feel desire and pleasure just…wasn’t there. But being demi is a much bigger deal than I thought it was before. The difference between feeling sexual attraction for someone and not feeling sexual attraction for someone is staggeringly large.

Being in love makes an entire world of difference.

And I—

I don’t hate myself anymore.

I’ve hated myself for as long as I can remember; I’d always thought I was a bad person.

But I’m not.

Which is really earth-shattering for me, honestly.

I never thought I’d be able to fall in love, and I certainly never thought that anyone would ever fall in love with me. I wanted it; I wanted it so badly, but I didn’t think I’d ever get it.

Quite a while back, during one of the really bad times, someone sent me a message saying that I deserved to find my Roxanne—I am deliriously happy to report that she found me.

Having a romantic partner doesn’t fix your mental illness, it’s true, but having someone who loves you and supports you, someone who helps you through the dark times, someone to teach you how to be nice to yourself—god, it helps so much. Being with her has given me a safe place to get better.

My lighthouse in a storm.

[the-universe-in-our-mind]

OCs art quiz / OCs quizzes

Thank you @nuclearstorms for tagging me! 😌 I sadly have no one to tag but if anyone wants to do it, please do and tag me in it!!!

ART QUIZZ (here)

1- Samiel:

poetry

you choose your words carefully and your words will be heard. you’re smart as hell. you know it and so does everyone else and you carry yourself with a sort of confidence. you’re a bit of an artist yourself, even if unintentional. you can find beauty in mundanity but you also know when to be a realist. people fall in love with you because you are a confident mystery and they're dying to find out more. you fear that this attraction that people have to you is based purely in curiosity and nothing else.

2- Diana:

novels

you fall in love easily and hard, and you are the image that pops into someone’s brain when they think of a love interest. you are a romantic and find yourself falling in love a hundred times a day because your imagination is wild and certainly knows how to get the best of you. you are soft and delicate and need to be handled with care, because a heartbreak would break you into a million pieces. you don’t want much else except to be loved and to love. you want to live out your wildest dreams, and the person that loves you can't help but let their imagination run wild with you.

3- Theo:

paintings

everything you do is a work of art. you are beautiful without even trying, simply lounging around looks like you’re posing and waiting for someone to sketch you. you come off as light and easy but you are often misunderstood. people don’t tend to see you for who you really are, and focus too much on how effortlessly you appear to navigate the world. there's some kind of darkness behind your eyes that only some can see under all the layers of paint.

4- Lilly

music

you are a breath of fresh air. you are soft and free. you disappear as quickly as you appear, and everyone wishes you had stayed around longer than you did. your voice is what makes people fall in love. everything you say is in harmonies and codes, and only the most experienced listeners can fully understand you. your presence is always enjoyed but you aren’t always given the praise you deserve; people will let you stay in the background. all you want is for someone to really listen to you.

JEWEL QUIZZ (Here)

1- Matthias/Prissy

STAR SAPPHIRE

well hello, beautiful. ✦ how does it feel to have their eyes on you all the time? ✦ do you like to perform? do you like the way their hands reach for you as you turn in the spotlight? ✦ do you wish they would stop? ✦ they won’t. they can’t help it. ✦ is that the reaction you wanted? you want them to laugh, to cry, to moan, to yell at you maybe. ✦ you only exist in the lines spreading across the faces of others, right? ✦ if nobody thinks of you, you aren’t. so you make yourself headline news and they won’t look away ✦ attention won’t solidify you when the sun comes up and love won’t fill that hole inside. ✦ you might want to install an alarm system. just because they want you, doesn’t mean you have to give yourself.

2- Isa/Hazel

OPAL

oh you are everything! ❍ indecisive, chamelonistic, flighty ❍ multitalented, innovative, extraordinary ❍ jack of all trades and master of all you touch ❍ containing multitudes ❍ you catch the light in different ways and all of them are you ❍ you get more selves than the rest of us, my darling. take this gift and use it well.

3- Jules

ONYX

reserved (by choice), decisive, self-sure and self-contained, selective, resolved, close-minded, intuitive, deliberate ⍚ opaque - my secrets are not for you ⍚ scrying - i can see more than you know ⍚ sharp - i know where to cut

GREEK GOD VIBES QUIZZ (Here)

1- Alizée:

Apollo

honestly im much kinder in all the other ones but you have... such bottom energy. I mean really. you've got the whole homosexual tragic romance thing going on. Its not bad! its just i feel like you invented tragic relationships. congrats on being good at literally everything though, its totally fair that you get music, poetry, culture, truth, prophesy etc etc etc. oh yeah and the epitome of beauty. leave something for the rest of us huh?

2- Abigail:

Aphrodite

You honestly have the hardest energy to pin down. 'oh aphrodite is just some love/sex god' WRONG the spartans worshipped her as a war goddess. you can be found anywhere and nowhere, you are mysterious, you are etherial, many probably love you.

3- Nora/Maïa (funny enough, both of them are bisexual HHHHHHHHHHHHH)

Artemis

i mean this in the kindest way possible, you give off huge autistic lesbian vibes. oh you're living in the isolated wilderness? hmm. only with women? yes uh huh. if we're following myths as metaphors you have literal trans egg cracking energy so doubly good for you.

4- Caliah:

Hecate

double, double toil and trouble. yeah you don't really get much facetime in the myths but you're literally the god of magic and dogs so stay winning. mysterious goth energy, does she really do complete dark rituals or is that just her vibe. no one knows and you're not telling

[beauvoyr]

ataraxia | 1

1 | evanescent 

Pairings: Noctis/Reader | Ravus/Reader Genre: Romance (i guess) Tags: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Eventual Romance, Light Angst, Tragedy, no beta we die like men Characters: Niflheim Prince Noctis, Lucis Prince Ravus, Lucis Princess Lunafreya, Oracle Reader Chapter Rating: T Crossposted on: AO3 Summary:

ἀταραξία | calmness untroubled by mental or emotional disquiet

Prince Noctis of Niflheim returns from annexing Tenebrae with his spoils of war: The Oracle and the Princess of Tenebrae.

The metal bars are thick and cold on your fingertips.

“This is your new home,” says Noctis inconsequentially, gesturing around the cage as though it is the normalcy in Niflheim to proclaim cages are homes for humans, not animals.

Comparing the bars to your fingers, it is easy enough to say three of yours is equivalent to one solid thickness. You know there is no hope in sawing through these metal bits, and that alone splashes cold water in the embers of your fighting spirit. They remain unbending even in your tightest grasp, and you know full well that by the time the one Chosen by the Stars comes to rescue you, you will have memorised the texture, ridges and indents of all 247 bars separating your space and his.

“What will become of Tenebrae?” you dare yourself to murmur under your breath, watching how the prince lifts his steely eyes to meet yours.

“Why does it matter,” he replies, a tone always too impersonal, always too detached, with a smile that has a bit of teeth to it. “Tenebrae’s already gone.”

Stories of Prince Noctis of Niflheim were as common as the sylleblossoms in your backyard. How the prince in his jagged black armour slew allies and foes alike, making him a figure whose respect is earned out of fear than honour. He learnt the art of war at the age of three, debuted on the battlefield at the age of twelve, and had drawn a bloodied line of victories ever since. When he came for hushed, tranquil Tenebrae with his army of MTs in that dark dropship emblazoned in Niflheim scarlet, you knew he’d paint a line here as though he merely played connect-the-dots with the continents.

Mother lay in red amidst the blue sylleblossoms, and father’s last scream escorted you to Noctis’ cold, awaiting hands.

There is no sense of time where you are.

You know it is on purpose, for Noctis wants to slowly deprive you of your sensory stimuli how one deprives fish of oxygen. It is simply one of the many games he plays to pass his time before he claims another piece of Lucis on another day. Galahd, Caem, Ravatogh, these are some of the names of the chess pieces on Noctis’ chessboard, amassing an army of white pawns in a pile of black ones. Should boredom seize him, he only needs to lift a rook and set it in a square to mark his territory like he kindly demonstrated with Tenebrae.

In his room, there are no windows for sunlight to penetrate. With no sunlight, you know nothing of the outside world and you’ll soon feel time slipping from your hand no matter how hard you grasped. The last sliver of sun you saw fractured on Noctis’ face when he stood at the edge of the dropship closing in on itself. And then it was black, the colour Niflheim worshipped.

It is true, for Niflheim’s prince bore the colour all over him.

When he removed his heavy headgear that distorted his voice, for a moment, you allowed childlike curiosity to manifest with a frown. You’ve certainly heard tales of the Daemon Prince and how he singlehandedly slaughtered Shiva, bringing forth an everlasting chill over Ghorovas Rift as her icy corpse serves as warning for all the other Astrals to heed. But you’ve never expected your eyes to trace the arrogant slant of his lips stemming from years and years of unbroken victories, just the barest kiss of pink over skin too pale, too delicate to belong to a cruel conqueror like him. If those blue eyes aren’t narrowed, aren’t coagulated by blood, you thought he would’ve appeared much kinder for his age.

Noctis unclasps his bracer and it lands on his desk with a dull thunk. The disordered mess of his black hair from the helmet suits him. “See something you like?”

You fold your hands over your lap, taking in how he sheds his armour to reveal a clean cut body of lean muscles under fine metal. “You’re young,” you say, stating the obvious, to which he returns with an amused smirk.

“Really?” he says almost conversationally, leaning his weight against his ornate desk, fingers splayed over his helmet. “My dad thinks I’m old enough to give him two grandkids.”

“Aren’t all parents like that?” you muse as mother squats in her private garden of Lucian lilies and starts naming all the flowers after her future grandkids, giddy with thoughts of your marriage if Niflheim hadn’t senselessly killed her.  

Noctis says nothing. He doesn’t need to say anything at all when a smile travels across sealed lips, guiltless even when he ended father in half.

In Tenebrae, with moist earth between your toes, wild greeneries aging with grace under the mothering sun, air dense with an aftertaste of rain, your hands are dirty and smudged brown. Marbled moss of the late Oracles stand tall with the trees, their gossamer veils frozen in time by the expert hands of a carver who’s learnt how to bend stones into silks. You hoped to be someone like that too, with your dirt-caked fingernails and a fistful of musty fertiliser, tending to a patch of sylles sickened by pests. Someone whose hands can nurture life even in the most resilient of hearts.

In Niflheim, you have no purpose other than to remain as what you are: A trophy of war.

You suppose, to an extent, that is why Noctis has you on display for his eyes and his eyes only. In a cage, like an endangered species in an ecosystem too brutal to sustain survivability, you are paraded on a pedestal – the bed – for him to enjoy. He looks, but he does not touch, yet your skin prickles with the hungering want in his eyes, shadowed only by his bangs. He is free to look all he wants from his side of the room, while you are left vulnerable, exposed, with no pretence to privacy from his burning stare, having nowhere left to hide.

His boots are a heavy sound when he approaches you, stopping scant inches from the bars keeping you safe.

You dare not touch him with your hands, for you know you cannot grow anything when he has no heart to begin with.

Weeks ago, the Chosen King and his sister came in a royal entourage. Dressed in the finest Lucian whites, the grand Nox Fleuret procession sheltered from the glittering Tenebraean sun under laced white parasols. All fourteen of them in two straight lines, looking like the dashes painted on roads. You remember laughing atop the steps with mother and father chiding you by your sides with you shouldn’t laugh at your would-be husband and you, as Ravus lifted his chin and gifted you a smile most beautiful, most dazzling, whispered fondly to your parents, why shouldn’t I laugh at my would-be husband for being the poor fool who has to marry me?

“Your poor fool,” says Noctis, his gloved hand coming to settle on your shoulder with a warning squeeze, “is currently setting off on a journey to get all the Astrals to help him out.” His other hand, one that is not gloved, cups your cheek to tip your head, dominating your vision. The calluses on his hand are rough, the mark of a man made on battlegrounds. “Gotta pity that guy, the Astrals are not gonna wake up for him unless you’re around.”

You had been sitting on the edge of your bed, reading the lines on your palm. It is the only thing you could read, for Noctis gave you no books to pass the time. “He’ll come,” you say, Noctis’ hand moving with every word from your lips. “The prophecy does not lie.”

The devastating beauty gives an impassionate smile that is almost sympathetic at the longing in your syllables. “You just don’t know when to give up, do you?”

“No,” you say, and it is the truth. The Astrals have promised you that Ravus will be the last light to eradicate all darkness from Eos, and it is your duty to see him through his task. Your kidnapping served as a strategic manoeuvre meant to thwart his progress, but Ravus will find another way to reach you. You know he will.

—only, Noctis looks at you with so much of pity, it makes you wonder what he knows that you don’t.

Two sets of bed, one for you, one for him, always unmade, in two opposite ends of the room. When he isn’t killing, he sleeps. Temporary lapses of peace, you tell yourself, grateful for all the innocent blood unshed in the hours spanning his rest. He tosses and turns on his bed, rucking black silks, restless legs kicking and curling. What is he fighting, you wonder. Nightmares? Oh, what a silly thought; isn’t he nightmare himself?

There are no maids uprighting the mess Noctis makes on his desk whenever he flicks through pages of reports he occasionally brings with him. If you knew him any better, you’d daresay he’s bored of them. What’s the use of pages and pages of elaborate script detailing all the skirmishes in Lucian border when he knows it will all tally up to his perfect victory in the end? You can’t say you’re pleased with yourself for thinking in such a way, but the lines on your hands are unchanging and you’ve grown restless studying Ravus’ fate, wondering if his name is on the documents and if he’s the one responsible for the mess Noctis is reading.

At the exact same moment, black lashes flutter and you find yourself a captive subjected under the intense scrutiny of his hooded eyes.

You don’t look away; you won’t look away. As childish as it is, you won’t let this end in cowardice, even if it is a staring contest for two. You’ve already lost the battle for Tenebrae so what else do you have to lose when you have nothing left in your hands? Perhaps Noctis catches on your thoughts, for he’s willing to humour you in this game, lowering his report just so you’d follow the hypnotic shift of his smile into a smirk. Pinpricks of unease settle on your nape just as soon as the ashen grey in his eyes spark blue, the very shade of the sylleblossoms you grew.

Shadows from where the chandelier fails to light are too harsh a colour on Noctis, yet strangely, it suits what he is. He isn’t the righteous whiteness Ravus wears. He’d sully the purity with his sinful hands. Black alone suits him, eternal blackness of his hair and his name, Noctis of the night. You hate it.

He is the first one to break the brittle silence, an eyebrow mildly arched. “You’re a funny one, Oracle.”

Ravus called you many things before, things that were the norm between two soon-to-be-wedded lovers: Lovely, adorable, intelligent, witty—and then there were certain nicknames you were less fond of: Foolhardy, obstinate, sulky, pick-up-the-phone-when-I-call-you-fool. Noctis’ ‘funny’ doesn’t match up to any of it, not that you were imprudently cracking a joke on enemy grounds.

Still, you try on a smile anyway, just for the sake of spiting him. “I see.”

His eyes are always bright when he’s about to say something cruel. “I like that.”

“That?” You feign polite indifference at his words.

Noctis knows what you’re doing, knows you’re only faking things just to tolerate his presence to live through another day, not that you’re making extra effort to hide the poisoned sugar in your tone. Yet he indulges you as one would a pet, like rubbing the belly of a cat and knowing when a swipe of its claws would come and he’d still do it over and over and over again, just to indulge you the way he wants.

“That look of defeat you’re wearing right now,” Noctis says, smirk turning lazy at the corners, head tipped back. “That’s addictive. You’re addictive.”

There is a different lustre in his eyes that has you conceding his victory, for you’re sure you can’t win against the sickness swelling your stomach.

Ravus never called you that either.

Notes: (whispers) why am i doing this

[jessicadcrazy]

My love for Solas is dangerous...

It would have been kinder if he stayed away, Solas was sure of this as he watched her talk to Dorian. Her laugh filling the empty rotunda once again. It would be nicer in the long run to both of them if he removed all feeling from this, but she was worth so much more. How the world that was this deprived and lost could create someone as amazing, talented, beautiful as she, it still surprised him. Solas shook his head as he stared at the book before him. He had been trying to read it for hours now but each time he would be distracted by a woman.

Eons ago he would have laughed at the mere idea that his work could be halted by a woman. He would have scoffed and ignored it, he was never one for romance and yet it had found him so easily. She tested him, pushed him, listened with interest and that played with his heart. He glared at the book as he heard her laugh again, musical and light, and he gave up. He would never get anything done with his thoughts stuck on her, he needed something to change this. To stop his wayward thoughts, looking back up at the balcony he froze. She was leaning against the balcony with Dorian, they were discussing something intently and he could see all of her.

The way she tied her hair back, leaving a few pieces down in that way that framed her delicate face. The mark of slavery hiding her small but beautiful features, her eyes the same shade as his anchor. The clothes she was wearing were not tight but they did show everything off. Her curves and scars, her entire being was breathtaking. Her smile was addictive and her voice was a song he would never tire of. Was this love or an illness? Solas didn't realize he was staring until their eyes made contact and a flush of red covered her cheeks. Her friendly eyes turned softer and warmer. Her smile became secretive and sweet. He was lost in her and she knew it.

She mouthed something to him, he couldn't quite figure it out until she bit her lip. She wanted him to meet her somewhere? He felt a rush of excitement at the prospect of being alone with her. Being able to talk and relax with just the two of them. She turned away from him and said something to her friend. He watched the male smile knowingly and nod, turning back to his books and then his heart practically run down the steps to him.

“Come!” she said, overly happy as she held her hand out to him. Her marked hand. He felt the trickle of magic and ignored it as he stood and followed her. He would, to the ends of the earth. And that was dangerous, far more then she realized.

“You seem excited Vehnan.” he mused, teasing her faintly as she led him past the delegates and visitors. “Is there a reason?” Solas added and realized, with alarm, that she was leading him to her room. It was too late to back down and his head was filled with many thoughts. Not all of them were pure of heart.

The stairs were long and went on forever, how she managed to climb them all every night was beyond him (he knew she didn't every night as he often found her asleep on his couch). But she did, eager to show him something. He was mildly surprised to find it was paintings she wanted to show him. He looked at the murals of wolves and Halla on her walls.

“I did it myself!” she said proudly, holding his hand at the foot of her bed. He wanted to tell her how proud he was, how amazing they were that she had figured the fade painting out on her own. But his eyes kept moving to the bed before him. It looked soft and there were too many furs on it to fit two of them in.

“You don't like it?” she asked, her smile faded now as she took his silence as disapproval. Solas blinked and shook his head, taking her chin gently and moving the stray strand of hair behind her ear.

“I was taken by the beauty you seem to have captured, but alas, I have been very distracted as of late.” he said honestly. Her smile returned and she tilted her head in that way, that cute way she did when she expected more information on the matter. So...inquisitive.

“By you, my heart.” he mused, finding that blush return as he pulled her closer. His arm wrapping around her waist. He had told himself never to allow him to be this close. But now he was here, he couldn't withdraw.

“S-solas.” she whimpered, their lips mere inches apart, he could feel the warmth in her already and it was a heady combination. He made her this way, just by talking.

“You distract me without being there, such magic you weave.” he mused faintly and briefly kissed her lips. She made a whimper and kissed him back. Maybe she had similar thoughts to him? Their kiss deepened as he lifted her up and placed her on the bed. All thoughts of staying away left him in a rush as she pulled him down with her. She was stronger then he and that made it easier to forget about all the world outside. That is, it would have been that easy. It would have been easier to allow their love a chance. But that would have to be a different world now, as the truth was so much more heartbreaking. This had never truly happened, but oh, he wished it did. To give her that piece of himself forevermore..

The real Solas watched the scene and frowned, desire was dangerous in the fade and even now seeing reminders of what could have been, well it hurt. How many times did he walk away from this? How many times did he dream of this? He had tried to remove any chance of that happening. Evelyn had always been okay with his distance, at least on the outside, no matter the pain she felt each time he said no. Rejection was something he knew hurt her deeply, and still he continued their affair. Who was suffering now because of his mistake? They both were. Solas looked away from the scene of himself with her, moans and whispers of pleasure were enough to remind him why he left. And why he could never go back.

No matter, the fade would show him more painful memories and dreams soon enough. Sighing when the warmth of her room faded into a cold clearing. Two statues guarding the entrance as a ghost of himself and Evelyn walked hand in hand. He went into that determined to tell her the truth. But ended up being a coward. Always a coward when it came to his heart.

“Solas, please!” the cry cut him deeper every time. He pushed through, trying not to remember who had stood alone in that clearing, sobbing because of him. “I love you!” and he loved her, she would never know the true extent of his emotion for her. Because he was walking a path filled with death and darkness, and a light such as her would perish within moments.

Solas carried on walking, through the memories and pain, looking for something he didn't know, something to help his cause. He came to a stop by a eluvian. The day she learned the truth. The day he shattered her already broken heart by revealing how lost they were. How dim the hope of them being together truly was. He had remained so cold in those moments, while pain coursed through her. How many times did he have to hurt her to realise he was the problem? He watched the scene unfold, seeing how she reached out to him and seeing how he dismissed her.

Could he somehow go back and change it? Allow her to come with him and be with him. He was so weak when it came to her love and he knew it was simply fate that they remain apart. They would always be separated.

“There will be a world where we are together, somewhere.” he sighed to himself and walked on. Green smoke wrapping around his memories and leading him further down this path. Was there a world out there where he and she could be happy?

“There will always be hope.” came a soft voice, “For Solas at least, I pray for that.” it danced through the ink and smoke. Solas slowed to a stop and found a edge of the fade that was not his.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said that...” it spoke again, and he felt his breath catch in his throat. Wisdom and Kindness spirits were sat with a woman. Whose hair was tied back by braids and who had her back to him. He knew that woman anywhere. His heart was in the fade, talking to his oldest friends.

“The world is the way we make it, we fight against the flow of time for that very reason.” Wisdom mused as Evelyn stood and began to pace her little cave. He stood stock still as she rolled her eyes and huffed. Obviously displeased at this idea. What did she come searching for?

“I don't want to fight anymore, Wisdom, I just want him. The world, and all it's problems, will never be the way he wants. But does that mean I have to fight him at every turn? Why can't I....” she sighed and slid down, knees to her chest and hands in her hair. She was destroying herself over what ifs.

“Why aren't you enough?” Kindness asked her, “My dear, the dread wolf has always been alone. To have courage to love at all is something we should treasure.” it floated around her, drawn to her for obvious reasons. “Time is not kind, even to the best of us, to you least of all.” it seemed sad at that. Of course, they would love her like he did. Evelyn smiled faintly and leaned on her hand. Happy for the company.

“I can see why he likes to talk to you guys... Maybe one day I will cross his path and give him a talking too.” she joked but he could see the longing in her eyes. Feel the wish in her tone and he could see the damage he had caused on her spirit. He also noted how here, she still had both her hands.

Solas glanced back at his desires and memories, he could...no, tricking her into thinking he was a mere dream was wrong. But then, he could give her something of his to hold onto. Maybe that would be kinder for her? He stepped off his path and walked towards her clearing. Telling himself that it would be better for her to have closure, to have something, but was he fooling himself?

“That may not be possible, the fade holds much and he stopped exploring it’s secrets.” Wisdom said sadly, taking her hands into it's. “But to hope is enough...”

It was this that made Solas stop, the fade held much and in his race to save his people, he had forgotten this. It held dangers and secrets and things worse then death. Including himself. Solas stepped back, back onto the path he had told himself was better for the people. His heart breaking at the reminder of her crying for him and how she still looked for him.

“I am sorry Vehnan.” he whispered and turned his back. He was so close to going back to her that he had forgotten of his lonely future. Maybe one day he could have himself be weak...for now, there was something else that needed his attention. There was always going to be something else

[thegoldenyears-memories]

            ♡ SHE'S SO LOVELY ♡ // an alice watson mix

                                                                  { listen / download }

01. A DREAM IS A WISH YOUR HEART MAKES de LILY JAMES { a dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep. in dreams you will lose your heartaches, whatever you wish for, you keep. have faith in your dreams and someday your rainbows will come smiling through. no matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing the dream that you wish will come true. }

02. PARADISE de COLDPLAY { when she was just a girl she expected the world, but it flew away from her reach so she ran away in her sleep. and dreamed of para-para-paradise every time she closed her eyes. when she was just a girl she expected the world, but it flew away from her reach and the bullets catch in her teeth. life goes on, it gets so heavy, the wheel breaks the butterfly. every tear a waterfall, in the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes, in the night the stormy night away she'd fly. and so lying underneath those stormy skies she'd say, "oh, i know the sun must set to rise". }

03. EVERYBODY de INGRID MICHAELSON { we have fallen down again tonight, in this world it's hard to get it right. trying to make your heart fit like a glove, what it needs is love, love, love. everybody, everybody wants to love, everybody, everybody wants to be loved. happy is the heart that still feels pain, darkness drains and light will come again. swing open up your chest and let it in, just let the love, love, love begin. }

04. WE ALL FALL DOWN de MEIKO { i know that you need me , i'll be there this evening. i will being you flowers, we can talk for hours . anything to make your mind take a breather, i would never leave here knowing that you need a friend. hey, hey, hey we all fall down sometimes. life has a way of throwing us a challenge. i know everyone and then you deserve to win. and the outcome may not be the right one but it can't be undone and i know where you're coming from. with a little space and a little try it won't be erased, but you'll be fine. take the things you hate and throw them all away, there's more to this in life. }

05. RE-ARRANGE AGAIN de ERIN MCCARLEY { why does it feel like it gonna hurt the same? you gotta live til you die. lost in the silence of a long delay, you laugh until you cry. flowers fade, the spaces over our lives they remind us to forget the pain. all the shadows, all the shields, all the voices they stir the field. we gotta lift our eyes to the dawn, through the forest of forgotten tears. let it all out, let your guard down, let it fall down and rearrange again. words, they don't ever seem to feel the same when you hear them all the time. how do you ever let go of the shame when you've left someone behind?. flowers hang, the faces over our lies they remind us to forget the pain. it's time to say goodbye and start over. }

06. SHAKE IT OFF de TAYLOR SWIFT { but i keep cruising, can't stop, won't stop moving. it's like i got this music in my mind saying, "it's gonna be alright." 'cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play. and the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. baby, i'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, i shake it off, i shake it off. heart-breakers gonna break, break, break, break, break. and the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. baby, i'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, i shake it off, i shake it off. i never miss a beat, i'm lightning on my feet, and that's what they don't see. i'm dancing on my own, i make the moves up as i go, and that's what they don't know. } 

07. ELASTIC HEART de SIA { and another one bites the dust, oh why can i not conquer love? and i might have thought that we were one, wanted to fight this war without weapons. and i wanted it, i wanted it bad, but there were so many red flags. now another one bites the dust, yeah, let's be clear, i'll trust no one. you did not break me, i'm still fighting for peace. well, i've got thick skin and an elastic heart, but your blade it might be too sharp. i'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard, yeah, i may snap and i move fast. but you won't see me fall apart 'cause i've got an elastic heart. and i will stay up through the night, and let's be clear, won't close my eyes. and i know that i can survive, i'll walk through fire to save my life. and i want it, i want my life so bad, i'm doing everything i can. then another one bites the dust, it's hard to lose a chosen one. }

08. DAUÐALOGN de SIGUR RÓS { a quiet home, not a hair on the head stirs. sounds grave-still, no one wakes up, no rhythm speeds up, absolute dead calm. inside i think forest lights reveal a fire. one with myself, breathe in, breathe out. now i sit with steady land underfoot, the morning appears with its calm against the storm. and now the surface ripples and now we break the dead calm. }

09. ALICE de BIANCA RYAN { alice walks by the river, she feels prettier than ever. light reflects on water, the sun hits her hair. alice watches the sky above, she feels younger than ever as she spins and spins the wind hits her dress. alice, alice, what is your secret? alice, alice, how do you sleep at night? alice, alice, how do you stand so calm? when everything you live for is gone. hold my hand 'til they turn cold, 'til my eyes finally see gold. take my hand, embrace this dance, our last is almost over. sell my antiques, tell their story. we, my friend, made history. alice knows where she's going, she says in heaven there's no loneliness. as she reaches her final day, she still wears a smile. alice knows where she's going. }

10. HERE COMES THE SUN de THE BEATLES { here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and i say it's all right. little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter. little darling, it feels like years since it's been here. little darling, the smiles returning to the faces. little darling, i feel that ice is slowly melting. little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear. }

11. LAST HOPE de PARAMORE { the more i try to push it i realize – gotta let go of control. gotta let it happen, so let it happen. it's just a spark but it's enough to keep me going. and when it's dark out, no one's around, it keeps glowing. every night i try my best to dream tomorrow makes it better, then i wake up to the cold reality and not a thing is changed. but it will happen, gotta let it happen. and the salt in my wounds isn't burning anymore than it used to. it's not that i don't feel the pain, it's just i'm not afraid of hurting anymore. and the blood in these veins isn't pumping any less than it ever has. and that's the hope i have, the only thing i know that's keeping me alive. }

12. TOMORROW WILL BE KINDER de THE SECRET SISTERS { black clouds are behind me, i now can see ahead. often i wonder why i try hoping for an end. sorrow weighs my shoulders down and trouble haunts my mind. but i know the present will not last and tomorrow will be kinder. tomorrow will be kinder, it's true, i've seen it before. a brighter day is coming my way, yes, tomorrow will be kinder . today i've cried a many tear and pain is in my heart. around me lies a somber scene, i don't know where to start. but i feel warmth on my skin, the stars have all aligned. the wind has blown, but now i know that tomorrow will be kinder. }

13. LA VALSE D’AMELIE (PIANO VERSION) DE YANN TIERSEN { instrumental. }

14. COMING UP ROSES de KEIRA KNIGHTLEY { when you were asleep, and i was out walking, the voices started to speak and they wouldn't stop talking. there were signs all around, it really got my mind racing. you were right all along, something's gotta change. hold on, hold on there now for me. hold on, 'cause everything's coming up roses. now we're back on the street, found a song that's worth singing the bloody nose of defeat while your victory bell's ringing. my whole life's turned around for this thing you keep chasing. you were right all along, that's me who's got to change. }

15. RESCUE de YUNA { things were bad. she was in despair. but things were bad, she came up for air. she said a little prayer, she found herself. yeah she's got light in her face, she don't need no rescuing she's okay. yeah, she's got life in her veins, she don't need no rescuing she's okay. no s.o.s. needed, no rescuing, she's fine out there. she looks into the sky and all her tears are dry. she kiss her fears goodbye. she's gonna be alright. things were bad. it was beyond repair. she was scare, she couldn't handle it. things were bad, but now she's glad. can't you tell that she's walking on air? }

16. FIGHTING FOR NOTHING de MEG & DIA { when i was younger i wish that i would have known better. better love makes a fat romance that lasts for more than a shoe shine. i’m older, took all the words of my mother. but i know that i was put here to fight vikings in the cold war, with my arms out in the front lines singing, “dare me, dare me.” but these things take time, love. these things take backbone. and they’ll tell you what you want to hear 'cause they think it’s better. but you better know how to point out the liars. you’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. are you fighting for nothing? i’ve got my mouth, it’s a weapon. it’s a bombshell, it’s a cannon. i’ve got my words, i won’t give them mercy. i’ve got my words, i hope they hurt you. i hope they scar you. i hope they heal you. i hope they cut you open, make you see you’ve been warring for all the wrong reasons. make you see that some things are worth bruising for. make you see that your name is your honor code. make you see that your hands you’re accounted for. pick and choose where your sweat and your blood will go. make you see your life’s not to be lived alone. }

17. HEART HOPE de OH WONDER { and i know we need a little heart hope. i know we've gotta outgrow and feel a little heart hope. }

18. DREAM de IMAGINE DRAGONS { it’s not what you painted in my head, there’s so much there instead of all the colors that i saw. we all are living in a dream, but life ain’t what it seems. oh everything’s a mess. and all these sorrows i have seen, they lead me to believe that everything’s a mess. but i wanna dream, i wanna dream, leave me to dream. i know all your reasons to keep me from seeing everything is actually a mess. but now i am leaving, all of us were only dreaming, everything is actually a mess. }

19. MOON RIVER de HENRY MANCINI { instrumental. }

20. SHAKE IT OUT (ACOUSTIC) de FLORENCE + THE MACHINE { regrets collect like old friends, here to relive your darkest moments. and i've been a fool and i've been blind. and i am done with my graceless heart, so tonight i'm gonna cut it out and then restart. and it's hard to dance with a devil on your back and given half the chance would i take any of it back. it's a fine romance but it's left me so undone, it's always darkest before the dawn. and i'm damned if i do and i'm damned if i don't. so here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road. and i'm ready to suffer and i'm ready to hope. it's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat. }

21. WINTER NEVER LASTS FOREVER de MARIT LARSEN { set your little heart on fire. go on, step into the dark. you will never lose your way, no matter how far you stray. cling to what you want to know, sometimes that means letting go. winter never lasts forever, pain will change and hope will grow. broken hearts can keep on beating. }

22. SPIRITS de THE STRUMBELLAS { i been looking at the stars tonight and i think oh, how i miss that bright sun. i'll be a dreamer 'til the day i die, but they say oh, how the good die young. i spent a lot of nights on the run and i think oh, like i'm lost and can't be found. i'm just waiting for my day to come and i think oh, i don't wanna let you down. 'cause something inside has changed and maybe we don't wanna stay the same. and i don't want a never ending life, i just want to be alive while i'm here. i got guns in my head and they won't go, spirits in my head and they won't go, but the gun still rattles. }

23. BEWARE OF DARKNESS de GEORGE HARRISON { watch out now, take care. beware of the thoughts that linger winding up inside your head, the hopelessness around you in the dead of night. beware of sadness, it can hit you, it can hurt you, make you sore and what is more. that is not what you are here for. watch out now, take care, beware of greedy leaders, they take you where you should not go. while weeping atlas cedars, they just want to grow. }

24. WHEN THE STORM HAS BLOWN OVER de SOPHIE ELLIS-BEXTOR { like a wound that never heals or the sorrow you can't conceal, you're the actor that won't pretend. when the storm has blown over we'll start again. don't be so numb, your time will come. so pick it up from where you left, carry on. like a star that never dies or a broken lullaby, i can see you need a friend. when the storm has blown over we'll start again. }

25. UNTITLED #3 (SAMSKEYTI) de SIGUR RÓS { instrumental. }

26. THE PARTING GLASS de EMILY KINNEY & LAUREN COHAN { of all the money that e'er i had, i've spent it in good company. and all the harm that e'er i've done, alas it was to none but me. and all i've done for want of wit, to memory now i can't recall. so fill to me the parting glass, good night and joy be with you all. of all the comrades that e'er i had, they are sorry for my going away. and all the sweethearts that e'er i had, they would wish me one more day to stay. }

27. BLINDING de FLORENCE + THE MACHINE { seems that i have been held in some dreaming state. a tourist in the waking world, never quite awake. no kiss, no gentle word could wake me from this slumber. felt it in my fist, in my feet, in the hollows of my eyelids. shaking through my skull, through my spine and down through my ribs. no more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone. no more calling like a crow for a boy, for a body in the garden. no more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world. and i could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack. all around the world was waking, i never could go back. 'cause all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open. and finally it seemed that the spell was broken. and all my bones began to shake, my eyes flew open. }

28. DAYDREAMING de RADIOHEAD { dreamers, they never learn, beyond the point of no return. and it's too late, the damage is done. this goes beyond me, beyond you. we are just happy to serve. }

29. SHAKE IT OUT (COVER) de TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE ROCKSTAR { instrumental. }

30. SHE’S SO LOVELY de SCOUTING FOR GIRLS { i love the way she bites her lip, i love the way she shakes them hips. i love the way she makes me drool. i think that she is beautiful. she's so lovely. }

31. OPUS 36 de DUSTIN O’HALLORAN { instrumental. }

                    ¡¡ FELIZ NAVIDAD Y AÑO NUEVO, ALE !!

DE: andy

PARA: ale

Pequeña Ale:

Ay, me duele la espalda. Digo, qué. 

Lmao, hola. Me alegra que me hayas tocado, awww yiss. Sobre todo Alice porque ella siempre me ha gustado mucho y es muy querida para mí. Tenía muchas ganas de hacerle un mix. Fui desde su relación con Rabastan, pasando por su cambio de abrir los ojos a la realidad, pasando por su relación con la guerra, hasta llegar a sus “finales”, todo en una revoltura que espero te guste. Alice me encanta y tú has hecho que me encariñe más con ella. 

Pues, ¿qué más digo? Ya sabes todo. Te hice un mega speech en tu cumpleaños, so. Sabes que te adoro y me alegra ser tu amiga. Contar con alguien a quien decirle todo sin sentirse juzgada es fantástico. Me recuerdas a Alice, de hecho, porque eres leal y una persona muy alegre que contagia a los demás con su alegría. Es bueno ser así, no lo pierdas nunca, no importa qué. Dicho esto, eres una persona genial y si no tuviera mi cerebro frito, este sería un mejor speech, pero ya tú sabes. De hecho tú sabes porque mi cerebro está frito, so, ahí está AHAHAHAHA. 

Eres very important para mí y, sinceramente, no escogería a nadie más con quien llevar roleplays. Confío en ti como en pocas personas y aunque soy mala con las palabras, sabes que eres especial para mí y te has vuelto muy cercana. Tanto que nos decimos cosas que normalmente la gente no se cuenta, lmaoo. Anyway, gracias por todo. Tu amistad me da vida.