#does not mean ill stop drawing or anything im just kinda low about it

[bamsara]

Im not sure why you hate your art style so much...

You're one of my favourite artists. Your Lamb and Narinder are my favourites. I love how you draw them, it's so expressive and nice and pretty and beautiful— just so awesome. Your art really brings them to life. Your Zim and Dib are also my favourites!! I love your art style. It's simple and yet so perfect.

I dislike it because it feels so simple

There's not really anything super notable about it and I often look at other artists styles as 'man I wish I could draw like that' while the artwork doodles I do make are no where near matching what I have in my head. It's too soft and not anatomically correct and inconsistent to the point where people have commented that they see a difference in my art style since talking about wanting to change it, but I haven't changed anything in any way that I draw.

It's good for quick, scribbled comics for storyboarding because of how simple it is. Less detail = faster drawing and I can make the story board quick enough before it leaves my brain.

But for the past few years I've been doing more and more of those than anything else because it's kinda all I'm good at, just making storyboard and shitposts. It's seriously discouraged me from making full illustrations seriously because it just feels flat, the poses are not dynamic, the faces look like anime twinks or your generic Disney cartoon. Personally I think my style looks like the art kid that never got out of their 'how to draw anime' phase

None of my stuff has clean lines, faces are always look chibified or like I'm trying to mimic a Shonen, and backgrounds are completely out of the question; best I can do is scribbles. I just wish my art hit harder, with sharpness and less big eyes and an edgier, more stylistic kind of look

Don't take this the wrong way, I'm happy my art is enjoyed! I'm just not the one enjoying it right now

[askguyslikeus]

oh shit yall send lots of questions hoo nelly answering almost all of them under the cut ,,, im gunan try and answer more technical ones first then fun ones and ones about the mod later so u dont gotta scroll all the way to the bottom for the good deets

Hi! I'm still kinda new to the blog and I was wondering what are the 'do and do-not' kind question I should do? Because im sure theres always that one ask thats just Innapropiated, like that one of Michael 'taking advantage og high Jeremy' that was just not cool.  i got this ask a lot so ill be clear with yall. im just not a big angst fan? so sending michael asks about his anxiety nonstop and about how he had a panic attack in the bathroom over and over again wasnt that fun. usually if it pertains the musical though you should be find sending an ask about it? but sometimes i get asks that are like “jeremy ur nothing and how does it feel knowing u fucked everything up” like homie how i think its feels? how u think hes gunna react to that? i made this blog to negate a lot of negativity in my own life so i can promise u im going to be answering asks mostly positive always forever. that being said tho i sometimes get asks pertaining to a few things that ive dealt with in the past and these topics make me very very uncomfortable. dont send asks about these topics please. this is the no no list

-self harm, cancer, suicide, rape, parent death, car accidents, sudden death.

What was your inspiration for this blog? hoo boy well,,, ultimately i thought of them rooming together and got emotional and made a huge list of headcanons and was like ,,, why not run an askblog for a bit ill just abandon it after three asks lets have some fun. but somehow im still here and i got sucked in by the complexity of michael and jeremy. i know that sounds kinda silly but just, as someone who is dealing with a lot of similar things, like dependency issues and abandonment issues and depression and anxiety, having these fun functioning character to explore was such a gift for me. i believe honestly thats why im still here and doing this. being able to try and portray a healthy relationship and a healthy way of coping and growing has helped me a lot this past month and given me an outlet i didnt have before. TBH THO the main reason i made this blog if imma be real with u guys id because i didnt like the treatment of a lot of these issues in the fandom. it made me very upset to see depression used as an plot device and michaels dependency issues treated as romantic so i wanted to make a blog that had little to no angst. ANYWAYS somehow im still here ,,, gvrkjvrnkjfd sorry i rambled

honestly I just wanna say first that I love his blog and your art and you're so cool and kind!! a question would be (I'm not sure if you've answered this before or not) but is there like an on going story here, or is it mostly just answering questions with the characters set in this universe? (if that makes sense I'm sorry!) thank you, you're super awesome! ❤️  djrnjg first off thank u so much aaaa,, ive kind of answered this before but its ok its been a while since then! but um i do kinda have a story but how howdy i sure am dragging my feet. the story isn a hUGE OVERARCHING EPIC OF WOE AND THIS PERSON IS UPSET AND THIS PERSON IS MAD AT THIS PERSON its just michael and jeremy getting together. i have a plan and ive talked to a few people on how i want it to happen but ive gained like ,,,, 6,000 followers since then and im kinda nervous BUT ILL DO MY BEST but also please understand that i do this for fun for myself and if i dont get to it im so so so sorry woops

i know this has been said before but i'm really really happy w how you're handling so many aspects of their characters. i.e. michael being trans, michael and jeremy's anxiety, michael's dependency issues, and other stuff i'm too tired to think of. you made the characters have even more depth than they did in the play and i'm rly grateful for the way you're dealing w my favorite boys. (also your richjake is suuuper adorable) ahhhhhh thank u so much? i talked a bit about this on my main but im really glad people are happy with my decision on this blog because im suPER SUPER NERvous anytime i post an ask dealing with these things. (ask hachi or nate i always message them like freaking out and send them my scripts and asks and wait for them to tell me its ok before i post it omg) also like i talked about before i love,,, having these fun stoner gamer boys to explore these issues with. im honestly shocked by how many people also deal with dependency issues because when i first listened to the musical i was so overwhlemed by the song michael int he bathroom because i had never heard someone basically write “dependency issue: the song” and it felt so so so good to realize i wasnt alone in this pit of despair i fall into so easily aha. but im!! glad everyone is ok with this wild ride im on right now (also thank u so much i struggle writing rich and jake but i get so emotional cause they would TOTES call each other babe)

how come you just use sketch form for most of your drawing (sketches and uses sketch for the final result)? im ,,, not really sure what this is asking but i thnk its along the lines of why do i only sketch my answers?? and i do that because dude do u see how often i post and how lONG some of them are. i made this blog for fun and i love doing comics but i hate lineart and coloring and if i tried to churn out finished pics for every post id defs have given up a few asks in,, shrugs

I want to say I love your little comics they're so funny! How long does it take you to make a comic? Are any of them based on your experiences? Ok have a nice day!  thank you! i love my little comics too! it usually takes me anywhere from an hour to five hours if im dragging my ass or talking on discord while im drawing. it can be kinda exhausting but since i took my break ive also been like, starting long comics one day and finishing them another day which, before i would do it all in one sitting then post it hahha. AS FOR EXPERIENCE the first half of the lifeguard comic was based on real life! we were stuck stoned up there for like an hour or two? but we didnt have anyone to help us but we got down eventually!! the wendys comic is also something i did because man!! i need to compliment food workers if they do a good job!! ummmmm just like jenna i also have a friend that said HAHA BYE and moved to cali and she is also lIVING IT UP and doing really well for herself and shes very independent and shes very inspiring to me! hmm i think thats it besides i used to have movie nights with my dad all the time too except we would watch my fave animated movies and sometimes lord of the rings cause my dad loved that

What kinds of things can we NOT ask ? What kinds of things do you WANT us to ask ? i covered the what not to ask in the first question so!!! um if my askbox is open and u want to respond to previous asks ive answered for the boys that would be so so so rad. sometimes im done with a certain ask and i have nothing to add but sometimes ive got more to say but am looking for an opportunity! that being said it made me really happy that i got a lot of asks about pj? shes not going to the main focus of any more asks but!!! i was nervous to introduce her and im glad u guys like her shes fun to write. but overall just general asks i can make a big ol fun story out of so!! dont worry too much about what to ask, if its something ud ask a real person and not like “lol what if ur dad died” ur gunna be fine probably

Hi! Not a question but your blog is so sweet and refreshing! I actually really appreciate that you refuse angst, that stuff tends to rub me the wrong way in fandoms... Keep taking good care of these boys ! gggg thank u!!! it means a lot to me that a lot of people are backing me up on this! i mean if u are an angst fan there are a lot of askblogs that explore that!! so its not in short supply bmc askblog fandoms got something for everyone

Which drawing program do you use?? i use paint tool sai and my tablet is a cintiq !!

this isn't really related to the faq but that bakunawa boy reference was great I LOVE THAT FIC MAN!!! the line was originally a little diff in that ask but i changed it cause ,,,, i could,,,,

an art style question. how do you keep the design of characters consistent from frame to frame? my characters they look a lil different every time I draw em (or a lot different) and it tends to disrupt the flow of my comics/animations ohh boy hoo wee props for doing animations im too scared to give that a whirl but!! it helps that i draw all the panels for an ask on one canvas! so if my next panel is going to be the same character in the same spot just in a diff pose i keep the lower layer on just at low opacity so i can use it as a ref! that helps me a lot!

Sorry if I'm nosy or rude, but are you reflecting Micheal Anxiety, Panic attacks and depence? iii think this is asking if i reflect my own issues onto them boys? and if so then yes i do. i dont place any of my own personality or anything on the boys but i do use them as a way to help me learn how to cope with my own shit and i try to deal with their issues in the healthiest way possible while also keeping in mind they are flawed individuals aaa

what are your pronouns??? and maybe your main blog??  im a cis girl so she/her is good! and my main is squigglegigs! also that being said IF YOU SEE THE USERNAME SQUIGGLEGIGS ANYWHERE JUST?? ASSUME ITS ME?? i have a twitter and an instagram and my tumblr account 

((Hello mod will Michael and Jeremy eventually someday get together. I love them.)) if all goes according to plan yes! if i get overwhelmed and stop having fun on this blog then no! sorry thems the breaks but! i do want them to get together so HOPEFULLY

going off on that confrience on pornogrefy for birds, Im geussing jeremy has played Hatoful Boyfriend. am I wrong? well it wasnt intended as that ref and i dont know anything about hatoful boyfriend but i can see jerm finding it and playing it so, sure homie! the pornography for birds thing is a my brother my brother and me reference! i love that show and them boys so give it a scope!

I'm crying bcuz Michael said he's in love with Jeremy and it's beautiful yeah that boy is DEEP IN love with his bro bro

Any advice for running an ask blog?? (Ps i love this blog keep it up) personally whats worked for me so far is doing just sketches for art. honestly ive been able to work so much more and post so much more often while also trying to work on my expressions and poses! also taking my own experiences and shaping them to fit the characters has been SO MUCH FUN. th most important thing tho is,,, dont overwork urself dude. if ur having a fun time it shows. if ur just forcing urself to churn out material and its not fun? like shit we doing this for free dont push urself? idk idk overall being looser with my art and writing the dialogue before hand has been the most helpful for me for this askblog! ive run a bunch before including @ask-maz and ive run that sporadically for ,, three or four years? its so funny cause u can see my art style juMP AROUND SO MUCH but i love that blog and i only update it like every other month or so but?? i still like doing it and no on likes those posts but it makes me smile so ANYWAYS

~ok from here on its mostly just me replying to nice messages or people asking me personal questions that dont pertain to askguyslikeus so!!~

I just wanted to say I really really love your blog and just your art in general!! Keep up the good work and hope you're having fun! thank u!!! i am having fun and im glad u enjoy it!!

What other musicals do you like? :0  i really like heathers A LOT. i also like doctor horrible i know thats not technically a musical but i just relistened to it and im emotional. i like dear evan hansen but it makes me really sad so i can only take it in moderation! ummm rent? chicago?? music man? now im just naming musicals i was in rip. being in a musical fandom is a new thing to me? i was really into heathers last year but didnt really interract with the fandom at SO THIS IS SUPER NEW?? ive never been into a musical as much as im into bmc and heathers tho

tell us a little bit about urself!! u seem v cool i am squigs or fork!! im 24 and work fulltime as a barista at starbucks! i get high on the beach with my friend gwen a lot and drink wayy to many slushies, my tv shows are brooklyn nine nine and bobs burgers right now! i table at conventions sometimes and sell my art as merch and whatnot and i cosplay as a hobby as well. im pretty boring but i draw a lot and always carry my big sketchbook with me and im pretty sure its given me back issues BUT OH WELL HAHA also i am very not cool THE TRUTH COMES OUT

Who do you most relate to from bmc and why? like ,,, a mix of michael and christine with a sprinkle of jeremy i guess ahaha i relate to michaels dependency issues and overarching positive attitude and love of music, i relate to christines bright disposition and the need to not stick to one set thing? like she loves theater cause she can be sO MANY PEOPLE and like same homie thats why i cosplay. and jeremys need to be likes while also ability to put himself out there is very relatable. i also identify strongly with his dad issues idk idk whats good

Also -- just thank you for how you handled all the panic attack and anxiety attack asks. I used to deal with anxiety attacks multiple times a day and it just was really nice that it was positive and not them having one. Thank you, sincerely. ahhhhhh ur so welcome i,,, have anxiety and it sucks and i deal with panic attacks like everyday at work so i dont really wanna come home and draw someone having one i guess? im glad its helping other people too tho!

Dude- I love your art? Actually so much? It's... I love it. The whole sketch-ish way your art style is, and the way you color, and the expressions! I'm so glad I found your work - you've given me so much inspiration. Keep doin what you're doin and I hope you have a good day! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANytime any one compliments my expressions i die cause i legit made this blog to help with that as well ,,, like dam

im lvoe ur art style b o i :0 !!!!!!

Mod, I love you so much I love you you have my soul and my love and my eternal gratitude thank you and I love you (This is the guy who was excited about PJ on your ig live stream a while ago and I love you) !!!!!!!!! im so happy u like my content omg and that u like pj im so glad!! shes a good bean

I just wanna say... I'm crying over that post about Michael and his anxiety? cuz I know how it can feel that you're only your flaws and weaknesses, but Michael just tells that to screw off in the most wonderful way and I'm?? thank you so much for that post, I bookmarked it for future times when I can't look past my depression... honestly, that post made my day (along with every other post on this blog), thank you for being such a lovely part of this fandom ,,,, im,,,, im scared of a lot of this fandom tbh but if i can be something good that come out of it and my love of these boys and desire to show them functioning together in a healthy way can help other people its so much more than i ever thought id ever be able to do. i am blown away everyday by the support ive been given on this blog and i might be crying right now because i never thought id be able to touch other people like this and i just. im really glad yall are here with me for all this.

(To the mod: You are a beautiful person that I highly respect. I love this blog and what you set out to do. thanks for giving something that makes me smile and gives me something to look forward to everyday, keep up the good work! ❤ ) hey im still crying from the previous ask aaaaa im honestly so emotional

what are ur true feelings for wendy's??? i fucking love wendys man thats some top tier fast food right there

what fast food restaurant do you think has the best nuggets WENDYS HANDS DOWN

do you have a favorite movie? paranorman makes me very nostalgic and ive seen it like eighty times and used to watch it with my dad a lot and i love it

I would just like you to know that your Wendy's comic prompted me to pull the same thing with a bakery in the town I'm visiting and the baker got so excited and happy, so thank you for making that comic because I made that woman's day. GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME WHEN IM WORKING DUDE LIKE IM SO GLAD IT MADE U DO THIS!!! IM SMILING REALLY BIG!!

chocolate milk or strawberry milk? or plain? woops i hate milk im so sorry

do u love michael mell with all of ur heart, mod?  i really truly do man what a fucking good ass character

hi squigs i love you! i love your content too and i hope u have a good day pal :>  WHAT A SWEET BEAN!!! THANK YOU?? OMG

I'm just saying that recent ask you did with Michael really hit me hard because I really related to it and I started crying because it made me realize that I've been pining my self worth on everything my anxiety causes and I'm so much more than that. Thank you, so much for that I really needed it because I'm in a really bad place right now. <3 -for the mod i legit cry everytime i get asks or dms like this cause once again the idea that im helping other people is so ovwehelming i love you??? i let myself just be”depressed” for ahwile and by that i mean i just,, let my sadness consume me and i was scared of getting better cause the sadness was all i knew for so long and just. its so easy to think u are ur illness but you are so much more. soooo much more man.

I relate A Lot to Michael so the way you portray him in the blog is really good, and I think it's really awesome you refuse to like?? do terrible stuff and answer bad questions just bc people wanna see that. You run this blog really well 👌  AHHHH THis is the biggest compliment thank u so much ,,, i get real anxious bout this blog soemtiems but then yall send me sweet things like this and its worth it man

Hey mod, just know you're a really cool person. Thanks for running this blog in the first place. Keep doing the great work.  thank you!!!! for ur support!!!! 

not really a question!! i just wanted to say your posts on this blog always brighten my day and you're really an incredible artist and person, keep rockin on my dude!! *clutching my heart* the fuck this is so sweet

1 .I just wanted to say your blog is really awesome! It's very lovely. I also like how you made michael trans and like handled it? (just with how all the characters treat him and stuff its v nice). Your art is super duper! Thanks for running this awesome blog! 2. Hey! This isn't a question but I wanted to say that I appreciate michael being trans!! As a trans boy it's just rly awesome to see something like that casually thrown into an ask blog without making it a huge weird deal :D immm,,, i kinda really love the idea of michael being trans cause a lot of my trans male friends are actually pretty confident in their skin and michael is a very confident character? and u rarely see that with trans representation and its so refreshing to see it portrayed well. im trying to do that here but again if! i do anything wrong let me know!

how did you first get into art? (also i really love your blog, it's amazing!) ive been drawing as long as i remember! ive got mad adhd and wasnt diagnosed until late in ym life so i would just draw nonstop in my classes ahaha i used to read the sunday comics a lot and they really inspired me to try and make comics of my own too!! (and omg thank u) 

someone also asked me if i went to church or was religious but tumblr ate the ask but i used to go to church a lot as a kid but im currently not religious at all aaa

ok holy shit that was a lot but thanks again to everyone i legit cry a lot about how supportive u all are thank u so much aaaa

[jojowritesstuff]

Raya sickfic where she has food poisoning? Maybe an SO or friend taking care of her? I love ur writing so so SO much!! (bonus points for a ton of queasy little burps??)

This is actually not 100% my own writing. It’s a collaborative piece between me and the person who originally created/owns Hazel. Not knowing whether or not they’d be okay with me saying who they are I am going to leave them annonymous.

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Hazel was more than grateful when Raya suggested they’d stay in, she'dstarted pulling shifts at the hospital, now in her second year of med school,and she couldn't remember a time she was more exhausted. Talking over takeoutand cuddling up with a movie was the best possible option. She smiled as shewalked up the steps to her apartment in which Raya had all but officially movedin weeks before. "I'm so sorry I'mlate, there was this woman who wouldn't stop bottoming out on us," shesaid the moment she walked in, still in her scrubs with her stethoscope lacedaround her neck.

 "Don'tworry about it." Raya said, walking over toHazel, pressing a light kiss to her lips."I ordered our food already, it should be here any minute. I picked thefood, you get to choose the movie." Hazel flopped on the couch, herbones practically aching from exhaustion. "Imguessing the documentary on glial cell mutations Harvard just put out isn'tgonna be your top pick?" She teased."Not really." Raya laughed and got up when the doorbell rang. Shesoon returned with a bag of food, setting the containers on the table.

"Hm,that'll be just for me then... this actually looks good," Hazel said, settling on a movie. "Whatdid you order us anyway?" "Italian." Raya announced, handinga container to Hazel. "I thought itwould be a nice change from the usual Chinese. Alfredo for me and somethingwith mozzarella for you." "Ooh, thanks baby," Hazel said,opening it up. "I'm physically tooexhausted to move, come sit on the soft couch," she said teasingly,pulling her girlfriend over to her.

 "Justdon't fall asleep on me too soon," Rayachuckled and started on her food. She noticed it tasting a bit off but figuredit probably was just a different kind of cheese being used. "God, three times in over a year, andsuddenly I get labeled," Hazel teased. "I'm trying my best, don't worry," she said. "Oh hush it was /at least/ fivetimes." Raya quipped. "Thisis great, I think we should order Italian more often. How's your Alfredo?"Hazel asked, stabbing another piece of mozzarella. "I think they are using a new kind of cheese, it tastes a littledifferent than usual." Raya told her, digging her fork back into thefood.

 Once finished, Raya said and got up, putting the empty containers in thetrash. "Now let's cuddle up andwatch a movie" "Mmm, sounds good to me," Hazel hummed,immediately nuzzling into her girlfriend. "Thisis nice. Just a quiet night in." Raya murmured, wrapping an arm aroundHazel. This time it was her being the one to fall asleep halfway into themovie.

  Hazel laughed slightly, seeing her girlfriend sleeping lightly. She pulledher in closer and started to doze herself. The movie was already long over whenRaya woke up again, an uncomfortably full feeling settling in her stomach. Sheshifted slightly, trying to get comfortable without waking Hazel who stirredanyway, smiling lazily at her girlfriend. "Lookwho fell asleep this time," she murmured, drawing her in even more. "Sorry." Raya mumbled,flinching slightly when Hazel pulled her closer

 Hazel's brow furrowed- Raya was arguably clingy, always wanting to be nearHazel. "Hey, you alright?"She asked gently, her hand brushing over Raya’s hair. Raya nodded, moving alittle so Hazel's arm would be putting less pressure on her middle. "Just feeling a little full. Maybe itwas a bit much cheese." Hazel nodded sympathetically. "It /was/ a lot... I think I've gotsome antacids, want me to get them for you?" she asked. "Please." Raya sighed. Shehoped that those would alleviate the uncomfortable feeling in her stomach. Hazelgot up, immediately concerned- Raya wasn't usually one to accept medication,and she was slightly worried. She returned a few moments later with a coldglass of water and a few tablets for Raya. "Thankyou." Raya gave her a light smile, gratefully taking the pills andquickly washing them down. "'m sorryfor waking you." Hazel shook her head. "I was just dozing, you're totally fine- you alright?" sheasked her again, still wary and concerned. "I'mokay, just ate a little too much I guess." Raya said stifling a quietburp into her fist. "Sorry, it'sjust not sitting so well." she apologized.

 "Sweetheartit's alright- come here, just relax for a little," she said, sitting down next to Raya and opening her arms. "Is there anything else I could getyou?" Leaning into Hazel Raya shook her head. "Just gonna let the Antacids do their thing I guess." shesaid, resting a hand across her stomach as it started to churn. Hazel made asympathetic sound, resting her hand on top of Raya's. "Okay... tell me if you need anything though," she said. Rayanodded, nuzzling closer to Hazel with a sigh, the unsettled feeling in her stomachnot letting up.

 Hazel pressed a kiss to Raya’s temple, starting to play with her hair. Rayagroaned lightly when another bubble of air made its way up. Hazel sighed. "That bad?" she askedslightly. "My stomach just feelsupset and kinda bloated" Raya said, suppressing another burp. "Hope the Antacids will kick insoon." Hazel nodded. "Doyou- I mean, would it help if I rubbed your stomach?" Raya thought fora brief moment before answering. "Ithink it's worth a try." she agreed, eager for the ill feeling insideher to settle at least a bit. Hazel nodded once more, lightly slipping a handunder Raya’s shirt. "Tell me if thurts," she said, her voice soft. Raya swallowed, trying to fightagainst the air eased up by Hazel's hands. "Definitelynot having anything so cheesy again anytime soon." she mumbled with ahiccup. Hazel sighed. "You poorthing, it really must not be sitting well... have you had that pasta before?"Raya nodded, cringing as an ill sounding groan emitted from her stomach. "It never gave me problemsthough."

 "Huh,that's weird... what else did you eat today?" Hazelasked, unconsciously going into diagnosis mode. "Had a banana on the way to work and a cookie to go with mycoffee." Raya answered, shifting again but no matter how she moved herstomach would keep bothering her. "Ohand a salad during lunch break," "You should have a betterbreakfast," Hazel commented lightly. "Still, I don't think any of those would've made you sick... foodborne illnesses associated with those foods usually take longer ‘til you getsymptoms... maybe it /was/ the pasta," she mused, her hands neverstilling. "Is it just your stomachbothering you?" she asked. "Yeahbut that's already plenty uncomfortable. Can we please not talk about foodright now?" Raya groaned, nausea creeping up on her. She could feelthe churning in her stomach growing stronger. "Yeah, of course sweetie," Hazel said quickly. "Does it just hurt or do you feelsick?" "Hurts. And Im starting to feel kinda sick" Rayasaid, pressing herself closer against Hazel. "It's like all churny and bubbly in there." "Ohbaby," Hazel sighed, wrapping an arm around her. "Do you need to go to the bathroom, or a trash can oranything?" Raya shook her head a little too eagerly. "N..no, I think it'll pass."she said, tensing against the pain. "Okay,"Hazel said, not believing her for a second. "Still,tell me if that changes, okay?" Raya stifled another burp followed bya pained groan. "Probably justindigestion, I'll be fine." she tried to assure her. "I'm sorry you feel so grossthough." Hazel muttered, kissing Raya's hair lightly. "I'm sorry you have to see me likethis." Raya grumbled, slightly curling in on herself when the dullaching started to turn into a crampy feeling. "Oh stop it- do you remember when we'd only been dating for likethree months and I had food poisoning?" She asked, trying to lighten Raya'smood. "I was an absolute mess, plusyou hardly even knew me then," she said, stroking her hair. "Guess this... kind of makes us eventhen." Raya quipped, hiccupping slightly. "If only my stomach would settle..." she whined quietly. Hazelbit her lip "Do you want somewater?" Raya shook her head, tensing against another gurgle comingfrom her stomach. Sweat starting to collect along her hairline she fidgeted,not wanting to get sick but knowing that it was quite possible to happen "How about we get you in the bathroom,huh?" Hazel asked. She'd seen enough patients to know that theinevitable wasn't far off. "But Idon't want to..." Raya began but was cut off by a sudden gag. "Oh... oh god..." she shot upscrambling for the bathroom.

 "Ohno," Hazel murmured, stopping to get a bottle of water from her fridge beforeknocking on the bathroom. "Am Iallowed to come in?" she asked. Raya didn't get to answer, she was toobusy heaving up her partially digested dinner, stomach acid stinging at herthroat. Hazel waited another moment before opening the door herself and droppingto her knees, scraping Raya’s hair off her back and tying it in a low ponytail.Raya took a shaky breath before retching some more, bringing up the last dregsof her stomach contents. Hazel had started rubbing her back at this point,murmuring softly into her ear. "You'reokay sweetie, I'm here for you," she said kindly, kissing her clammytemple. A few moments later Raya pulled back from the toilet and leaned intoHazel, her body still trembling. "Thatwas awful, sorry you had to see this." she mumbled, hiccups stillshaking her lightly. "Shh, don'tworry about it," Hazel shushed her, smoothing down her hair. "You should get some rest though,want me to help you to bed?" she offered, as her girlfriend was stillshaking fiercely. "I don't know.Still don't feel good." Raya said meekly and cuddled closer to Hazel. "Don't wanna move." Hazelsighed. "I feel like you'd be alittle more comfortable in a bed, but that's just me... come on, I'll get a binjust in case," she said kindly.

 Raya sighed, knowing that Hazel was right. The tiles were cold and she waseager to get somewhere warm and less hard. She got up, swaying slightly. "Okay, I've got you," Hazelsaid, wrapping an arm around Raya's waist. "Thereyou go," she said, once she had helped Raya sit on the edge of thebed. She went to get a small garbage can should it be needed, and placed itbeside Raya. "Water?" sheoffered, holding out the bottle to her. "Thankyou." Raya murmured and took the offered water but handed it back toHazel after just a few tentative sips, not wanting to risk upsetting herstomach even more. "I feelawful." she complained, laying back. "I know sweetie, I know" Hazel said. "You've probably got food poisoning- you should lie down, try toget some sleep," she said. "Couldhave only been the takeout. It did taste off but I didn't think it would bebad." Raya groaned."Ohhoney..." Hazel cooed, leaning down to kiss her girlfriend's forehead.Raya reached out for Hazel's hand, lacing their fingers together. "Stay?" she asked, grimacingwhen her stomach cramped up again. "Ofcourse," Hazel said, smiling softly. "Do you want anything else first?" she asked. "Something​ to make my stomach stophurting would be splendid." Raya said, only partially joking. Hazelsmiled sympathetically. "I wish-I've got a heating pad, do you want to try that?" She offered. "Maybe it'll help." Raya said,one hand resting on her stomach, moving in small circles. "There can't be anything left in my stomach but I still feel weirdand full and just gross." she complained.

  Hazel left to go get it. "I'msorry sweetheart- try to sleep if off? I wish I could help you more,"she said, wincing slightly. "You'rehere, you already help a lot." Raya assured her and curled up slightly,she was exhausted yet the pain in her stomach and the nausea didn't allow herto sleep. Hazel laid beside her, pulling Raya in to her. "Oh hush... just relax, eventually you'll fall asleep,"she said, lightly rubbing Raya’s arm. Raya nuzzled into Hazel's neck, her longsigh interrupted by a hiccup which made her draw her legs up slightly. "Feels like someone put a mixer into mystomach." she whined. "Shh...just breath sweetie," Hazel soothed, her voice gentle. "It hurts." Raya sighed, herface now completely hidden in Hazel's hair. "Iknow sweetie, I know... Do you want me to try rubbing it again?" Hazelasked. Raya nodded slightly "Please."she whined. Once feeling better she would probably be mortified about howclingy and needy she was. But right then and there she was hurting, nauseousand simply felt bloated and gross so she was desperate for anything that wouldhelp her feel better. "Alright, tellme if I need to stop though," Hazel said, snaking a hand under hergirlfriend’s shirt. "You're gonna beokay, I promise," she said softly. Raya nodded again, trying to relaxinto Hazel's touch, tensing with each hiccup. "'m sorry I'm so much work." she mumbled "Oh stop," Hazel said. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't love you," she saidlightly, not even realizing her words. She hadn't yet said that to Raya - she'dwanted to but never worked up the courage. "Ilove you too." Raya mumbled with a light smirk, even though Hazelcouldn't see. Hazel suddenly realized what she said- though she didn't stillher hands, her heart started to hammer wildly in her chest. "Thanks for taking care of me,"Raya mumbled, slowly melting into Hazel's touch, the gentle massage helping toease some of the pain. "Always,"she said, kissing Raya's hair.

 "Comeon, you should try to get some sleep," she saidsoftly. "Can you.. would you keeprubbing my stomach a little longer? It helps with the pain." Raya hummed,her eyes closing slowly. Hazel smiled. "Ofcourse," she assured. "Thankssweetie, you're the best." Raya gave a light smile and cuddled closerto Hazel, slowly starting to doze. She kissed her girlfriend's temple softly,hoping that she would sleep soon- and that when she woke up, she wouldn't be inso much pain. Raya fell asleep eventually, her breathing evened out. Yet evenasleep she'd still tense up slighly with each gurgling of her stomach. Hazeldozed off not much after, still holding Raya closely in her arms.

   Raya woke up a while later to a familiar ill feeling in her stomach.Blinking her eyes open she noticed Hazel's arms were still wrapped around her.Not wanting to wake her still sleeping girlfriend Raya didn't move, trying togo back to sleep despite the uncomfortable feeling in her middle. Hazel, alwaysa light sleeper, stirred soon enough. "Feelingany better?" she murmured softly. Not trusting herself to talk Rayashook her head, breathing deeply. Hazel frowned, a furrow appearing between herbrows. "Oh honey... what can Ido?" she asked. "Knock methe hell out so I won't feel any of this anymore?" Raya suggested witha whine, her voice barely carrying any sound. Hazel smirked; even feeling sosick, Raya still managed to uphold her typical personality. "I don't even /have/ my medical licenseyet, you can't ask me to risk losing it yet," she said lightly. "Not even to help out your sickgirlfriend?" Raya joked with a light pout. She made a pained noise,burying her face in Hazel's neck. "OhRy, it's okay, you're okay," Hazel said, drawing light patterns downRaya's back with one hand. "Breathe deep.""Hurts." Raya managed through gritted teeth, one handprotectively hovering over her stomach. "Iknow," she whispered, her other arm pulling Raya closely against her.

  Raya squirmed out of Hazel's grip,the pressure of being held so close only adding to the uncomfortable churningin her stomach. She meant to get up and move to the bathroom but a sudden heavehad her reach for the trash can Hazel has put next to the bed earlier. "Oh Ry," Hazel sighedsympathetically, reaching to rub her girlfriend's back. "It's okay, get it up," she encouraged. It was only mereseconds until Raya brought up a gush of bile and the last remains of herdinner. Basically curling around the bin she groaned, stomach acid burning herthroat. "Never gonna have Italianagain," she moaned before a queasy burp brought up another dribble ofsick. Hazel winced, rubbing her back."Take a deep breath," she reassured. Raya took a shaky breath butit was cut off by a gag which turned into a dry heave. It went on a couple moretimes until her stomach decided to stop trying to crawl up her throat "There you go," Hazelencouraged. "Do you want to rinseout your mouth?" she offered, reaching for one of the bottles ofwater. Raya nodded and gratefully took the water, trying to catch her breath. Aminute later she was leaning back into Hazel again. "I don't feel good." she whined quietly, as if it wasn'tobvious already "Lay down, let yourbody recover," Hazel said, standing up to wash out the bin. "I'll be back in two seconds."Raya simply did as she was told without protest, too exhausted to put up muchof a fight. Curling up on her side she closed her eyes, waiting for Hazel whosoon slid into bed beside her girlfriend. "Heysweetie," she said softly, looping an arm around her. "Hey." Raya hummed, pressingherself close to Hazel, seeking warmth and comfort. "I hope you don't mind, I grabbed your phone and texted your bossto tell her you weren't going in tomorrow," she said. "I'll be fine if I just sleep it offbut thanks baby."Raya murmured, resting her head on Hazel's shoulder. "I should be feeling better now thatit's all out of my system, right?" Hazel nodded. "It's also two forty-five in the morning; I figured you mightwant to sleep for more than four more hours," she remarked. "But hopefully you're on your way tofeeling okay again." "Ohgod. I am so sorry for keeping you up," Raya apologized. "How much longer until you have toleave?" "Assuming I go in, I've got a little less than twohours," Hazel said. "But ifyou need me here, I'm here." "Couldn't expect you to skip aday." Raya quipped with a light huff. "I would for you, you know that," she said gently. Rayasmiled, turning a little so she could look at Hazel. "I love you so much," she hummed, fighting to keep hereyes open "I love you too,"Hazel said back, smiling reflexively. "Goto sleep sweetheart, I'll be here when you wake up." Nestling intoHazel's side Raya soon fell asleep, her body obviously craving rest. Hazel fellasleep soon after, her arms still wrapped around Raya protectively.

   It was already daylight outside when Raya woke up again. She found herselfstill in Hazel's embrace and cuddled closer. "'m up, I swear," Hazel murmured, feeling Raya movecloser toward her. “Mornin'. Youstayed." Raya murmured, a smile playing across her lips. Hazel noddedlazily. "Mhmmm... told you Iwould," she responded. "Iwould have been fine on my own." Raya assured her. "But I love waking up next toyou," she said and leaned up slightly, placing a light kiss on Hazel'scheek. "Thanks for staying." "Isaid I would," Hazel repeated. "Yououghta believe me more," she teased. "I know. I never thought you wouldn't." Raya said. "I'm just sorry you're missing a day becauseof me." She shook her head. "Don'tworry about it... its only six, you should go back to sleep," shemused. "Maybe you're right,"Raya hummed with a light nod, resting her head on Hazel's shoulder. "'M always right," sheremarked, smiling lightly. "Yeah,yeah, whatever you say dear." Raya murmured lazily, relaxing intoHazel's side. "Are you feelingbetter?" She asked her. Raya nodded lightly. "Mhm. Stomach still kinda hurts but a lot less nauseous.""That's good," she mumbled."I think the worst is over bynow." "I hope so."Raya replied with a sigh. "Lastnight was awful, I'm sorry you had to witness all that." "No, youwere okay... very sick, but I love you so I'm good with dealing with it."Hazel told her. "Stupid Italianpasta" Raya grumbled in disgust. "You'regood at this taking care of someone sick thing." "Mmm, if only therewas a way I could make a living doing that," she teased.

[shinthedancer-blog]

Mack The Knife|Chapter 1|Calandra

“Hey! Hey Callie!“

For someone in so dire a situation, Shin’s mood seemed excellent, or at the very least she was excellent at faking it. With how casual her wave was as she headed towards her pal, it really may have felt like she was just enjoying a nice stroll through the small village. Such excellent weather, after all. And such nice scenery.

Calandra’s choice of it had been the duck pond, nicely central, just behind the cottages where they had all made their homes by now, and Shin, having just returned from her dinner (lacklustre as always, in this place), had seen that choice and decided to join her in it.

The smaller girl turned upon her call, only slightly, only enough to see who it was approaching her, and after confirming it to be the dancer, gave that small, soft smile, more like velvet used to smother than to soothe, which Shin took as an invitation, or at least not an open rejection of her company. She covered the distance between them in large strides, and came to a stop next to Calandra.

“Pretty wild stuff, huh? That whole Fool business.”

Her hands were in her pockets, her eyes on the pond in front of them, and her light laugh on her lips. Even with the acknowledgement of their situation, it seemed like it stopped at acknowledging that things had indeed happened, stopping short of taking them seriously.

“How long do ya think they can keep it goin, huh? HPA, I mean. This has gotta be on them, right? Some kinda prank? Or experiment?”

She looked at Calandra, now, out of the corner of her eye. There was amusement sparkling in it, met with Calandra’s usual level of it, but where Shin was merely making warm conversation, Calandra’s words held a coldness to them not directed towards the dancer, but at any who would be in her way- at this point, the so fittingly named Fool.

“Ah, it hardly matters, does it?”

Her voice was a whisper, and a purr. Shin’s smile widened and warmed with affection hearing that tone, the smoky mystery belonging in one of her beloved noirs. Little did she know what lay beneath. But she would learn, and soon.

“My family will not stand for it, and upon their wish, this will all be over. All that stands in their way is knowledge of our fate, my dearest Shin. And that is soon to follow.”

So much revealed so simply. And yet, nothing at all. But Shin didn’t seem to mind. It wasn’t information she was after, just conversation. And so instead of other follow up questions, all she gave was a low whistle.

“They must be pretty important, eh? Ya family.”

It wasn’t much of a serious question, and she wasn’t interested in knowing. That was, until she got an answer to it.

“Oh, the Jeggare’s have power of this world and the other. Granted by our dark lord, and by our own machinations.”

Calandra returned her look, now, with as much genuine amusement.

“We run our family business well, Shin, my dear, under my guidance as consigliere. Such guidance that it was deemed deserving of a title.”

Shin froze before the last words had even left her mouth. Her posture, her smile, everything. The moment the word “consigliere” was mentioned, she froze in place, and only unfroze a few moments after Calandra had finished talking, to blink in confusion, to have her smile fall, to struggle visibly with this new information.

“Wait…. Wait…… Hold up….”

A smaller laugh fell from her lips, but one lacking in humor or even the attempt to fake it.

“Thought I heard ya say ya were a…. what was it…. Consigliere, yeah? Like in the movies or….”

She gestured, trying to grasp something invisible in front of her from the looks of it.

“Ya know. Like, in mafia stuff. Not that I’m sayin ya would be part of that. Cause obviously that’d just be impossible, right?”

Her tone wasn’t as light as her choice of words. In fact, it was growing heavier by the second, until her next words, in another world an admittance of insecurity, a desperate search for agreement, sounded more like a threat, a warning against receiving anything but that agreement.

“Right, Callie?”

There was a moment of silence between them, or maybe a minute, it was hard to tell. Then, finally, it broke with Calandra’s simple:

“Oh, dearest Shin…. I thought you had already figured that out, at least?”

And, just like that, it would never be fixed again.

“You’re WHAT?”

The ducks in the pond flapped their wings, loudly declaring their displeasure at Shin’s suddenly loud and not so amused anymore voice.

The dancer herself hardly cared. She had turned to face Calandra head on, fists balled at her sides, her face turned from one of warmth and affection to a grimace of disgust and anger.

“Your family, who you’re workin for- they’re gangsters? The fuckin mafia?!”

This was a level of disgust rarely seen from her. She recoiled, physically, from the girl who moments before had been her friend. Recoiled like one would from a snake. A particularly ugly one.

Calandra watched on in silence as Shin came to terms with the information she had just received, which the dancer did loudly. Loud enough to draw some eyes to them, but she hardly seemed to care.

“The thievin, murderin, kidnappin, god fuckin forsaken MAFIA?! Those fuckin MONSTERS??!”

It was at this point that Calandra’s own smile faltered and fell, her pretty face now in a deep frown, golden eyes sending Shin a glare of the kind that would’ve made the blood freeze in the veins of any human being with less fire in them than her.

“And who are you….”

Her voice wasn’t louder than before, but much colder, and even Shin was stopped momentarily in her rage when met with one that matched hers.

“….To judge me? To judge your saviors? We’ve been kidnapped, fucking kidnapped, and yet you whine and complain about your betters? Complain like a baby. Why, Shin I did not take you for such a sanctimonious fuck!”

The insult, fired with the precision off a poison dart, seemed to bounce right off of Shin’s armor of righteous rage (and obliviousness), but the rest of it did not, and was commented with a disbelieving snort.

“Fuckin saviours? Well sign me up for fuckin damnation if that’s your choice a saviours, then. Man, I thought ya were just really into your style, ya know, dark and gothy and shit, but essentially harmless. Like it’s SUPPOSED ta be! Turns out ya actually are just a fuckin killer bitch! Just a fuckin monster!”

Calandra, now facing Shin head on as well, didn’t skip a beat to reply.

“I am not a monster for doing as my family has done since your own ancestors were living in thatched roof huts!”

“But you are! You ARE, Callie!! Who gives a SHIT how long your family’s been up ta terrible things or how loyal ya think you’re bein, if ya were actually a person worth givin two SHITS about ya would’ve told em off! You woulda left! You woulda done ANYTHIN but WORK for em, what the fuck is WRONG with ya?!”

She was yelling, now, yelling and gesturing, face red with rage. Calandra’s own rage had burned cold until now, but the fire of the dancer seemed to jump over to her, and she responded in kind, though her gestures were more the restrained kind.

“The fuck is wrong with YOU, that you think disloyalty a virtue?! They’ve given me everything! Everything I’ve ever had! I have measured and weighed and NOTHING, NOTHING I could be doing is better than doing my lineage proud!! [May the crows eat your fucking eyes, you bitch! May they fucking scratch them out of your skull while demons feast on your guts!]”

She continued in this manner, but Shin was not to be outyelled, not when she had only just started. If there was one thing she was practiced in (aside from the many, many things she was), it was arguments.

“Do ya hear yaself, like, when ya talk?! The FUCK??! Ya standin here, right now, tellin me that the best thing ya could be doin with ya life is... is murder, and theft, and drug trafficking or whatever the fuck else your familys gotten up to?? doesnt matter how related they are to ya, its WRONG, wrong dont become right just cause its ya pa who does it!”

She took a step back, pushed back her hair, but what looked like a retreat was barely her getting enough breath to continue her assault, now with a new angle, a new realization.

“Cant fuckin believe- and ya live with Natsume, too?? im tellin ya if ya lay one of ya filthy fingers on her, touch even one hair on her head, ill fuckin gut ya like the cops ought ta have done years ago!"

With Calandra yelling her own threats in Italian, and Shin returning the favour in Japanese, the two had drawn the attention of a small audience, but neither of them seemed to care overly much. This was a battle between two parties who weren’t used to losing, and much less likely to accept such loss. More importantly, two parties who had managed to enrage each other to such a point that their argument wasn’t a discussion of ethics. It was a shouting match, just yelling out their anger at each other, and neither would back down.

Finally, it was Calandra who returned to actual arguing, instead of just yelling. But it wasn’t a big step back.

"Ignorant oaf! I don't dirty my hands with the work of soldiers! I make and break kings! And you're just a failed dancer, shall I ask a cousin of mine to break your other leg so you can always be on your high horse? And you can't let Natsume dear make her own choices, can you? Keep her in your shadow forever, and don't let her dance away from you! At least she still can!"

It was this, at last, that made Shin fall silent, her expression changing from outright rage to something else. Whatever it was: shock, disbelief, genuine hurt, it vanished as soon as it had come, turning back into rage. A colder, quieter rage that came with trembling, but not words. She stood straighter than before, her fists balled at her sides, and she glared. Glared silently at her former friend. Whichever part of what Calandra said had done it, she was officially at a loss for words. A chance that Calandra used, her voice now at a normal talking level again. The fire was extinguished, the ice had returned to both of them.

"I needn't hex you. You've failed enough already, haven't you dear?"

What happened next, happened too fast to comprehend while it was. It could only ever be looked back upon later, and even then with surprise.

One moment, things seemed to cool down considerably. The audience may wish, perhaps, that this was all there would be to it, that they would just walk away, and that the tension in the air may not snap after all. But it did, because in the next moment, Calandra’s head flew to the side in a flurry of black hair, the sudden force of impact enough to make her stumble and fall. Shin’s fist, formerly so tightly curled at her side, was the source of that impact- it was clear to see she’d thrown punches before, and that this was one that hurt.

It was hard to believe how quickly things had escalated, how little it had taken to get to this point, but Shin had punched her former friend straight in the face, and from the looks of it she had not been pulling her punches.

As quickly as it had happened it was over, and Shin glared down on Calandra, who was holding her cheek. It was hard to tell whether she was surprised with her hair covering her face as it was, but she didn’t move, and neither did Shin. The world seemed to hold its breath.

Shin was the one to move first, and it was in curt, tense movements. One finger pointing at Calandra, jabbing in her direction to underline her words, her tremble had moved from her body into her voice. Was it right to call the anger in it barely restrained anymore, when she had shown absolutely no restraint during the entire conversation in the first place?

“Fuck. You. I WILL get better! I WILL!! STAY….”

She had gotten back to yelling, and took a moment to steady herself before continuing at a more normal volume, but not a less enraged one.

“…Stay the FUCK away from me and Natsume, you fucking piece of FILTH.”

And with that, she just turned and left, with the same long strides that had gotten her here, fists still balled and blood on her knuckles, a storm on the move that none of those watching dared approach.

Yet, this was only the beginning of the violence that was yet to come.