#does moxxie have two x's.. aw FUCK

[temporaltourguide]

guess part 3 is an optional area, wink wink nudge nudge who who could it be

[part 1]

[itsmarsss]

Scandalous [Blitzø x Fem!Succubus!Reader x Stolas] (Helluva Boss) Bonus - Friendless Horse-Fuckers And Their Sissy Lifestyles

How the mighty do fall. (Getting into a weird three-way situation with an imp and a succubus isn't exactly considered classy, Stolas)

If there's one thing all members of I.M.P. can agree on, it's their distaste for visits to the Greed ring.

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | pt. 4 | pt. 5 | 1st bonus | pt. 6 | pt. 7 | pt. 8 | pt. 9 | 2nd bonus

Warnings: this chapter does not interfere with the plot of the series. mentions of sex all around as usual, Chaz deserves a warning of his own cause hes annoyin, Crimson does too cause he's awful. This is basically just the exes and ohhs episode just for funsies. There's a hint somwhere out here of something important that will happen in a future chapter, i doubt yall can figure it out!!

Word count: 5,630

Business was low today. 

So much so that you, Moxxie and Loona had been hanging out in the meeting room, just on your phones, for almost an hour now, while Millie had gone out to get everybody lunch, and Blitzø was in his office doing who-the-fuck-knows-what. 

Moxxie turned off his phone, staring at Loona for a few seconds before speaking. “You know, I checked the scale today. It says I lost two pounds this week,” he boasted.

Loona looked up from the screen, only long enough to roll her eyes at him, uninterested. Now that had to be a new type of bored, as usually she wouldn’t miss any opportunity to irritate him by pestering about his weight, which you knew she and Blitzø only really did because they new it wasn’t a real issue- it just made him mad, and they found it hilarious to see him so exasperated. 

And it worked every time- this time she didn’t even having to say anything. “I. Am not. Fat!” 

The door was kicked open with full force, grabbing everyone’s attention, and Millie entered the room, fuming with anger. 

She walked back and forth around the room, each heavy step making it tremble, as she mumbled incoherent insults under her breath. She obviously needed to let out some steam, so you pulled up one of the human cardboard cutouts you used as targets for training for her, and, sure enough, she attacked it instantly, tearing it to shreds with her bare teeth and claws as she let out borderline animalistic shrieks.

Moxxie shot you a scared look, to which you shrugged, in a silent message of ‘she’s your wife, you talk to her’. He cleared his throat. “Millie, honey? Everything okay?”

She full-on hissed at him, but he wasn’t really bothered by it. She took a breath, giving herself a second to calm down and talk to him. “Yeah. I just… bumped into an ex.”

You and Loona immediately whipped your heads around to  see Moxxie’s reaction. He tried to seem cool.  “Oh! Ohh…”

Millie kept on complaining, her accent thicker than ever, like it always got when she got truly mad. “He just kept going on about how he has money now, and… a bright future! And a bigger cock!”

“Wait, what?” Moxxie questioned, clearly taken aback by the last statement. (Which was a pretty fair thing to be taken aback by.)

“Every time I see his stupid face I can’t help it, I just need to…” She let out a yell, angrily punching the closest thing to her. This time’s victim was the file cabinet beside her, which she took down with one punch, sending the contents of it flying out onto the floor.

Blitzø walked into the room, phone in hand. “What the fuck is all this noise? I got a client!”

“Sorry, sir, I’ll get this all cleaned-” Moxxie kneeled on the floor to collect the mess. “What is this?” He wordlessly held out a really disturbing picture of two imps… in horse costumes… kissing each other. In a rather… gross way. 

Blitzø was a freak, that you already knew all too well, but that doesn’t mean any of you wanted to see any of whatever this was. You made eye contact with Moxxie and pretended to gag, making him let out a laugh.

Blitzø walked up to him, grabbing the photo and taking a look at it. “Uhhh, it’s research. For science.” He let go of it, making his way back out of the room. “Put it back correctly, okay? I alphabetized ‘em.” 

Sometimes you’d find out about weird shit like this and wonder how it was possible you let this man fuck you every single month. Then the full moon would come around again and he’d shut you right up.

You kneeled on the floor next to Moxxie. “I’ll help you out.” Millie was still out of her mind and Loona didn’t really give a shit, so you and Moxxie began putting everything back in place by yourselves.

You barely had any time to do so, though, because in a minute Blitzø was running back into the room and straight towards the big window. “What the fuck is that?” He asked no one in particular, making you, Moxxie and Millie follow him to the window to see what he was talking about. There was a funny-looking helicopter outside, flying dangerously close to the wall-

There was no wall anymore. 

Really, this was getting ridiculous. How many more times would you have to pay to get this stupid wall rebuilt? 

Blitzø seemed to be thinking of the same thing. “Satan’s ass crack, enough with the walls! We have a door!” The wind sent most of Blitzø’s weird pictures flying outside, which you were kind of thankful for. He, in turn, hated it. “My research!”

“It’s not the end of the world, I’m sure you can get more freaky horse porn later.”

“Hey that’s not what that is!” He tried defending himself, crossing his arms over his chest.

The helicopter flew closer to the newly created enormous hole on the wall, extending out a ramp so you could make your way inside of it. “I.M.P.? Right this way, please,” the pilot called. 

You instinctively grabbed your dagger, and saw Millie and Moxxie pull their own weapons out as well. 

“Uh, sir… what’s going on?” Moxxie asked Blitzø, who simply dismissed the imp’s preoccupation with a wave of his hand. 

“Nah, don’t worry, it’s just some fancy schmuck from Greed wanting to do business with us,” the boss replied, climbing onto the ramp. Well, if he’s sure it’s okay. The three of you followed him, putting your weapons away.

Moxxie still seemed extremely unsure of the situation. “Uh, sir? I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“It’ll be fine. Now get your asses moving.”

All four of you climbed into the tiny space inside the helicopter. You sat next to Millie, who tried putting on the seatbelt, but realized it was broken. “Uuuuh, is this thing safe?” Taking a better look at it, there wasn’t anything in there that didn’t look much too used or somehow broken. 

“Don’t worry! We are professionals!” The pilot guaranteed. You shared a look with her- that hadn’t eased your worries at all. Anyhow, they took off, on your way to the Greed ring. Now that’s a ring you didn’t enjoy visiting all that much.

Moxxie voiced similar thoughts, but sounded much more than just irritated over it. “Ugh, I hate this place.”

“Oh, yeah! This is your old stomping ground, isn’t it?” Blitzø remembered.

“Yeah, unfortunately.” Moxxie looked out of the window, pointing somewhere down. “I grew up just over there. Swore I’d never come back, and- uhhhh… uhhh, what- what- where are we going?” Oh shit, you were flying precisely towards the place Moxxie had just pointed out. His expression went dark, almost… scared. “Blitz, who did you say this meeting was with?”

“I’m not sure. Just some rich somebody or other who wanted to discuss biz at his place.”

The helicopter finally landed, making Moxxie more exasperated than you’ve ever seen him. “Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!” He was literally trembling in fear. This was where he’d grown up, and he was clearly expecting something terrible. But then who could have been the one to call Blitzø up here?

An imp who look freakishly similar to Moxxie, save a few things here and there and the obvious difference in age, walked out of the front door. “There he is! There’s my boy. Get over here and give ya daddy a hug!”

“Daddy?” you, Millie and Blitzø all asked in unison, shocked. 

Oh. OH. This was bad, wasn’t it? Because it seemed really, really bad. 

None of you really knew anything about Moxxie’s family, as he never really did want to discuss any aspect of his past. You all respected that, letting him tell you only whatever he felt comfortable to. But you did know he did not like speaking about his father in any circumstance whatsoever, and never, ever visited. It wasn’t that difficult to fill in the gaps and realize the man probably sucked. And if he had to do all of this only to trick Moxxie into meeting with him it was certainly because he knew there was no way in hell Moxxie would have agreed if he was simply asked to.

Looking at Moxxie himself was confirmation enough, too. Eyes wide and mouth agape, hands curled into fists in either side of his body, and the slight tremble that still coursed through him, you’d say he looked equal parts pissed and terrified. That surely couldn’t be good. 

“I only let Moxxie call me that. Unless ya pay me!” The man laughed an exaggerated laugh.

“Guys, uhm,” Moxxie cleared his throat, visibly uncomfortable. “This is my father, Crimson. Sir, this is my boss, Blitz, my friend, y/n, and my-”

“Millie! I’m his wife!” Millie offered the man a handshake, eagerly introducing herself. 

He took her hand, kissing the back of it instead of shaking it. “And what a beautiful wife you are. Mox, where you been hiding this pretty little thang?”

Millie visibly cringed a bit, embarrassed that Moxxie’s father apparently didn’t even know he was married. “Oh, I’m sure he would have introduced us… eventually.”

“Oh, I’m sure, sweetheart,” he agreed before turning to you. “And you’re a… friend, then?” He checked you out, amused, but didn’t bother taking your hand. 

“Yup.”

“Must be a really trusting relationship the two of you have that you can be friends with this one, Mox.”

Millie looked stunned that he’d even say that, and Moxxie fumed at the out-of-line comment. You couldn’t form any words to reply.

He moved on to shake Blitzø’s hand. “And you gotta be Blitz, with the silent ‘o’. Right?” Blitzø looked weirded out, but let the man place an arm around his shoulders. “I’ve heard a lot of good things about you and your work.”

“Really? What kind of shit has Moxxie been spreading about me? I’ll fucking kill you, Moxxie, don’t you fucking test me-”

“No, no! From all over! Looks like you’re building a bit of a name for yourself here, kid.”

“Really? Huh, well I guess it’s about time folks recognized my talent.” This seemed suspicious all-around, but Blitzø was letting himself get wooed by all the compliments. Crimson laughed exaggeratedly at his comment, which only solidified your thoughts of him trying desperately to get on his good side. No one’s that funny.

“I like your attitude. Well, I hope you’re all hungry. We put together a fabulous dinner for ya!” Blitzø followed him inside, and you took a last look at Millie and Moxxie behind you before heading in as well, leaving them to talk among themselves. Crimson didn’t seem to think like you, though, yelling out for them and interrupting whatever moment they could have to talk. “Hey, you two. Move it! Before it gets cold.” They followed suit.

Crimson led the four of you to a small, dark room with a bar, two couches and a couple chairs. It all looked very fancy. Moxxie had never let it slip that he’d come from this much money.

Moxxie and Millie sat down next to each other on one of the couches, and you and Blitzø sat side by side on the other one.

Crimson poured a glass of whiskey for Blitzø, and Blitzø only. Classic. “So, Blitz, were you always a hitman?”

“No, not always. You know, I was in the circus for a long time.”

Crimson sat back on his own chair, right across from you. “Show business! Good money in that.” The room fell into an awkward silence as Blitzø downed his drink and he lit up a cigar.

Moxxie spoke up. “What are we doing here… sir?”

It was weird to watch Moxxie refer to someone other than Blitzø as that. You didn’t even think he should call Blitzø that, honestly, but that was for him to decide. But to call his own father something so impersonal? The man had to be strict motherfucker.

“Moooxxiee, I raised you better than that. Ya know there’s no business before dinner! Besides, we’re still waiting on one more.”

One more?

As if perfectly on cue, the door was kicked open, and in made his way a shark demon with a stupid haircut, his energy not matching the one in the room at all. “Woo-hoo-hoo! What is up, party people?”

“CHAZ?” Both Millie and Moxxie asked, wide-eyed, at the same time. “Wait. What?”

Moxxie pointed between Millie and the Chaz guy. “You know him?”

Millie facepalmed, letting out a groan. “You remember that ex I was talking about?” Oh, so that was the guy with the bigger cock or whatever it was? 

He walked up to stand behind the couple, squishing them together in an uncomfortable embrace. “Looks like I have two big sex reunions today! How lucky am I?”

Oh fuck. “Did you date him too?” Millie asked Moxxie, both still trapped in the shark’s embrace.

He was the one to answer, too, letting out a laugh, full of himself. “Yeah. No big deal, but I usually bone half the people in any room I’m in.”

You couldn’t even imagine what could have possessed both Moxxie and Millie to date this asshole. What a big fucking upgrade to date this asshole and then to marry each other. That did not seem to be where Blitzø’s mind had wandered with all this. “Are you fucking kidding me? There’s someone who’s fucked both of you?” 

“Blitz. Not the vibe, at all,” you elbowed his side and he rolled his eyes. 

“What? It’s true!”

Moxxie pulled himself free of Chaz’z hold. “It was a long time ago,” he mumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.

The demon wouldn’t let it go, though. “But I remember it like it was yesterday. You, a fledgling mafioso, and me, the dashing and extremely sexy muscle. It was like it was written in the stars!”

Wait. Moxxie had been in… the mafia? You took a better look around the room, taking in the two huge demons with angry expressions guarding the door, the exuberant display of wealth through the decorations, the guns all over the place, the- well, everything. In hindsight, how had you not put it together that Crimson was a mobster the moment you stepped into the estate?  It put a lot of stuff into perspective, actually. You couldn’t really imagine Moxxie ever choosing to be in the mob, but his father being a big shot in it? That changed things. It made it a non-choice, an obligation to fulfill.

Blitzø seemed to be processing the information as well, but he was never really known for getting hints, so you knew he wasn’t trying to be inconvenient when he let out a purposefully obnoxious laugh. “HA! Moxxie in the mafia, that’s fucking rich.” His mocking grin slowly turned into a look of realization as he took in the place just like you had. “Oh, shit.”

Millie’s eyebrows raised in concern “you’ve never told me this before!”

Moxxie looked a lot like if he’d merge himself into the couch seat if he could. It was clearly a touchy subject he’d purposefully kept everyone unaware of. It did surprise you that he’d kept it from Millie too, though. “I- I don’t really like to talk about this part of my life, but…” oh boy. It was flashback time. 

Moxxie was a dramatic at heart, and the moment before he’d start telling a story was always recognizable, as he adopted a very specific way of speaking. “I first saw Chaz at my induction into the family. Our eyes met from across the room, and there was just something about him. Something… that was… magnetic!” He great great at setting the scene too: you could almost see things unfold as he went on about how he and Chaz came to be.  

He dwelled on the memories for a moment. “It’s been 84 years…” Was he quoting titanic right now? 

You realized that, but you couldn’t wrap your head around Blitzø noticing it too. There’s no way he’s sat through three hours of Titanic, is there?  “Ain’t that from that boat movie?”

“Did any of that stuff actually happen?”  Millie questioned.

“Ohhh, yeah. But he skipped over the jizz covered parts,” Chaz replied. Satan, was this guy inconvenient. 

“Anyway… things changed when we went on a heist together.” Moxxie went on about how it was supposed to be a simple robbery until things went wrong. He got stuck as they tried to escape, and Chaz ran off with the money, leaving him to be caught. It ended up with him getting thrown in jail, and that part of the story you did know, for he and Blitzø had told you all about it before, as it’s how they met. He’d never told anyone what had gotten him there in the first place until now. 

“Once I got out, I never looked back.” He seemed proud of that last statement. Millie, on the other hand, was focusing on another part of the story, and it was making her growl.

Chaz seemed uneasy, and it was within reason to feel uneasy: she clearly had intentions to rip him to shreds. “Well…” he pulled on the collar of his shirt, nervous. “It was a long time ago.”

“I’ll fucking kill you!” She yelled out, not a moment of hesitation before attempting to jump on him, who hid behind Crimson’s chair like a coward. 

“Crazy bitch!”

Millie pulled out a knife in pire, blind rage. Okay, maybe now was time to do something about this before things got messy. As much as you didn’t really care if the asshole lived or died: he should die for what he did to your friend and also… he was an all around annoying dude. But it probably wouldn’t be any good to have her kill a mob boss’ special guest. 

Thinking along the same line as you, Moxxie and Blitzø pulled her back to stop her, and you carefully grabbed the knife from her hand. She breathed heavily, but stopped fighting. The anger wasn’t going anywhere, though. “You should die, bitch.” Again, fair.

A maid calmly walked into the room, completely unfazed by the chaos happening in it, to announce the food had been served. 

At the dinner table, Millie’s eyes shot daggers at the shark imp, who ate happily by her side, Moxxie’s expression got more depressing by the second, and Blitzø was visibly antsy. You were unsure what to do as you waited for someone to break the silence. 

Unfortunately, the person to do so was Blitzø. You love him (well, maybe not love him, but you get the gist), but man, was he not blessed with the gift of good timing. “So. This is aggressively uncomfortable.”

You twirled a piece of meat around on your plate with a fork, looking at him. “No shit.”

“I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking.”

“I suppose ya wanna know why ya here,” Crimson finally said.

“Yeah, so what gives? I mean, you know we kill people on earth, right? We don’t normally do contracts for locals.”

“Not anymore,” you chimed in.

“Yeah. So if you wanna do business with us, you gotta-“

“I don’t wanna do business with I.M.P.” Crimson stated. “I wanna do business with Moxxie.”

Moxxie all but jumped on his seat, startled. “Me?”

“Yeah. I summoned I.M.P. to be sure you’d show.” Oh, so he was well aware Moxxie wouldn’t have shown up otherwise. He said it with no shame either. “Because, well, we’re bringing Chaz into the family.”

“What? Since when can just anyone join the family?”

“Come on, Mox. You had responsibilities here that I had to pick up once you left. Now Chaz is going to lighten the load.”

“Wait. I thought you always hated his guts.”

“Well, I don’t know if I exactly hated him…”

“You called him a ‘friendless horse-fucker’ and said we lived a ‘sissy lifestyle’,” Moxxie reasoned, an eyebrow raised. 

“Yeah, well, I was wrong,” his father shrugged. “You’ve been gone a long time, Mox. A man can change.” From what you’d gathered about him in this short time you could hardly believe that was the case here, and, from the looks of it, Moxxie didn’t, either. He had the nerve to keep going. “And so has Chaz.”

“Yeah, I’ve grown! Matured! And recently came into millions!” He displayed a smile. 

Oh, how convenient that Moxxie’s father had changed his mind about him just when he became rich. Chaz leaned back on his chair. “But, you know, mostly the mature thing.”

“Oooh okay. So the horseless friend-fucker over here gets a little moola and suddenly it’s worth wasting our time over?” Blitzø questioned, annoyed.

“Well, I’m the whole package! If you know what I mean,” he winked. What did he mean? He didn’t seem to have any redeeming qualities, let alone ones that could ever make him ‘the whole package’. He rolled his eyes, explaining himself: “I got a big dick.”

Millie looked over at Crimson. “What does any of this have to do with Moxxie?”

He finished his food in no rush. “There’s gonna be a ceremony tomorrow. Moxxie here is going to officially release his holdings in the organization. Then you can get back to ignoring ya family to ya heart’s content.”

Millie stood up to face him. “Maybe he wouldn’t ignore his family if they didn’t force him to rub elbows with a no good shark-toothed fuckface!” In an instant, she had her knife to Chaz’s throat again. 

When did she even retrieve it from you? 

“Hey, look, everybody! Relax. I know tensions have been high tonight. Say, why don’t ya stay here and get some rest? We’ll have the ceremony tomorrow, and then you will be free to leave. I have your rooms all prepared!” Free to leave? Was he offering for you to stay or demanding it? 

There’s no way you’d be staying here with- 

“Yes, sir,” Moxxie agreed without questioning, standing up from his seat, defeated. 

“Mox?” Millie asked, a silent question of ‘are you sure?’ lingering along with his name.

Moxxie said nothing in return, only turning around to make his way out of the dining room. It was his father. His house. His choice. So you all stood up to follow him to your rooms.

You’d barely made your way out the door before his father called for him. 

“Just give me a minute, Millie. I’ll be there,” he reassured her before re-entering the dining room, leaving all of you to be accompanied by one of the mansion’s employees to the bedrooms. 

Millie was visibly worried, and it was nothing but understandable. Moxxie was clearly uneasy and extremely uncomfortable with all of this, and there were moments during the night when he’d looked genuinely scared. You intertwined your arm with hers as you walked the long hallway, a silent gesture that told her you shared her worry and were there for her. She half-smiled at tou in return, acknowledging it.

Suddenly, all of you had to stop on your tracks, as it was impossible to ignore the fact that the ceiling and all the decorations decorations in the hallway were now all covered in… dildos. You tried conjuring anything else that those could be, but that’s what they were, which was fucking weird. What the fuck was the purpose of that?

Blitzø found it the funniest thing ever. “HA! There’s dicks in the walls! Now that’s fucking hilarious!” You laughed with him, rolling your eyes before pushing him to keep walking. 

After being showed your designated rooms, you mention waiting for Moxxie with Millie in their room so she wouldn’t spiral being on her own, but the imp guiding you insists you stay in your separate rooms, which, again, is fucking weird. He’s so adamant about it, though,  that Millie just tells you to let it go.

“You sure you’re fine?”

“Yeah. Mox will be here in a second.”

“‘Kay. I’m right here if you need me. Right?”

“Right.” She nods before disappearing into her room.

You make a face at the imp waiting for you to get inside your room. “I need to go to the bathroom.” He points to the end of the hallway, and you make your way inside. 

By the time you get out, he’s not around anymore. You calmly walk towards your bedroom, taking your time checking out the decorations on the walls (the dildos are gone by now) as you go. Before you get to your door, Millie slams hers open, threatening Chaz out of her room, pulling him off the floor by the collar of his shirt and pointing her knife to his throat for what’s… what? the third time that night, alone?

“Damnit! This usually works!” He complains.

She lets go of him and drops him back to the floor before slamming the door closed on his face. He stands back up, eyes scanning the hallway, when he makes eye contact with you, immediately raising his eyebrows in a stupid suggestive way. “Hey there, hotstuff.”

“Nope,” you say, booking to your room. You slam the door closed, not even giving him any chance to try anything funny. 

“I could show you a good time, ya know?” He yells from the other side of the door.

“No thank you! Go bother someone else.” 

“Your loss, bitch!” 

Well, you forgot there actually was still someone he could go bother. You groaned, shoving a pillow over your head when you started hearing the noises. And the noises were loud. You didn’t want to think about it.

After a while, you finally began drifting off to sleep. When sleep came, though, it lasted barely a few minutes before someone started banging on your door. You get up, angry that your sleep was ruined, and walk up to it, ready to tell Chaz off again. When you open it, though, you’re met with a disheveled Blitzø, wearing nothing but his underwear and chaz’s jacket, instead.

“What are you doing?” You asked him, annoyed.

“I got this,” he held up a shark-shaped keychain with a couple of keys attached to it. 

“And what is this?” 

“Chaz’s car keys.” 

You’re definitely awake now. “Why the fuck do you have that?” 

“Come ooon,” he grabs you by the hand and drags you around the mansion all the way out to the parking lot. 

“What are we even supposed to be doing here?” You whisper as Blitzø clicks a few times, and the two of you followed the car’s noise, finally finding it. 

“Look, nobody who’s that bad in bed can score two hotties that easily. He gotta be hiding something,” he explained as he pried the passenger door open and looked inside.

“Really, that’s your conclusion? Maybe he’s just a prick. A prick who’s bad in bed, that’s not unheard of, is it?”

“You don’t understand.”

“That bad?”

“That bad.”

“Okay.” You don’t know why, but you find yourself pleased to hear Chaz wasn’t a good time. One might call it jealousy, but that would be dumb. It’s just nice to know you fuck him better, that’s all. Whatever.

“Ha-ha! Found it.” He held out a piece of paper in triumph. 

“What’s it say?”

He handed the paper over to you, and, clear as day, it read the words: ‘eviction notice’.

“So he isn’t actually rich?”

Blitzø made his way around the car, opening up the trunk and trying to find something there, which he did- yet another piece of paper. You walked up to stand beside him, reading the words at the same time as he did. 

Chaz’s Mastur Plan

Rent suit 

Convince Crim im rich

Marry Moxxie to get into family

???

Profit $$$

Holy shit. He’s here to marry Moxxie?

You have no time to say anything about it, though, as you feel something poke your neck and, in a second, you’re out.

You don’t know how much time has passed since you fell unconscious, but you know it’s been something around ten minutes since you and Blitzø have regained your conscience (mostly, at least, seen as you still felt pretty groggy and Blitzø wasn’t really speaking too coherently), only to find yourselves to be trapped inside the trunk of Chaz’s car. That fucker. 

The two of you barely fit together inside the tiny space, so it was a little hard to try to blindly kick your way out. Thankfully, it didn’t take long until Millie came to your rescue, opening the trunk up to let you out. 

“Oh, Millie, you found us!”

“Who’s your friend?” You asked her, finding it funny that the two guys behind her had appeared out of thin air with how quiet they’d been. 

“Friend?” Millie asked in return, confused. You then clocked that they were, in fact, not friends. 

“Ohh.”

Millie turned around, giving the two imps no time to even think of doing anything before slashing one’s throat with her knife and decapitating the other with the trunk door. She looked fucking cool doing it. “What is going on?” She helped the two of you out, and it took you a couple seconds to be able to catch your balance and stand up straight.

Blitzø immediately started going off about everything you’d found out. “That seductive dickhole is trying to marry Moxxie, and he’s not even rich!” He stumbles over, falling face-first to the ground. 

“Is that true or is he tripping?” Millie asked you. 

“It’s true.”

“Moxxie!” She called out, running back towards the house as you helped Blitzø get up. Suddenly, all the paths that led out of the parking lot and into the mansion were automatically closed, trapping the three of you there. You couldn’t even imagine what Moxxie was going through right now. “Everything’s locked out! How’re we gonna get in?”

“The keys!”

“What?”

“The keys!” You nudged Blitzø’s arm.

“Oh! Fuck! Right!” He fished Chaz’s car keys from his pocket, dragging you and Millie to the car and getting the engine running as soon as he stepped inside. “Buckle up, girls, we’re doing a Shrek.” That always has been his favorite part of the movie.

He stepped on the gas with all he could, driving the car into the wall, obviously smashing it in the process, but successfully getting through it. If you felt dizzy then, you were both so much worse now. He tried stepping out of the car, holding a finger up to finish his dramatic entrance. “I object!” He fell to the ground again. 

Thank Satan Millie could handle herself. 

It was so cool to watch her kick almost every single one of those guy’s asses that you even didn’t bother doing much more than the necessary (which you were pretty thankful you could do, given the way everything seemed to be spinning), only handing her random stuff she could kill them off with and occasionally stabbing someone. 

After every single one of them had been taken care of, Millie wordlessly picked a horrifying-looking tied up Moxxie up from the altar and carried him along. You know she left Crimson and Chaz live only because of Mox.

Still, Chaz had the nerve to speak up and complain. “Hey! What about my weddi-” Millie shoved one of the dildo things down his throat, effectively shutting him up. Fitting. 

“This ass is mine!” She yelled at him.

“By the way, y’all should probably know, Chaz isn’t even rich, okay?” Blitzø yelled out.

Crimson’s eyes widened. “What?”

You grinned. “Yup! You should try checking out his car!” 

“Ha! He just played you like a fuckin’ rube!” He flipped Crimson off, and you did the same. You smiled when you realized Millie was flipping him off as well as she walked away, not even bothering to face him as she did.

“Later, losers!” Blitzø announced, and you all hopped into the helicopter again, which Millie somehow, for some reason, could operate, finally on your way back home from this wreck. 

You and Blitzø helped Moxxie out of the restraints and pulled the tape over his mouth, which still left him in the bizarre wedding dress, but at least he was safe.

Getting there, you could see Loona was somehow in the exact same position she’d been when you’dall left the day before, sitting with her legs propped on the table and her phone in hand. 

Moxxie beamed at his wife. “Millie? Thank you for saving me. You’re amazing.”

“Next time just tell me if your daddy’s a psychopath. I can handle it.”

“Well, and I’m glad everything ended up okay! Good to know we both have daddy issues, Mox.” Blitzø slipped in the middle of the couple, and you were sure whatever came out of his mouth next would be inconvenient at best. “Also! I got to plow your ex boyfriend!” See? “Isn’t that great? Now all three of us have fucked the same guy! Does it feel weird that I fucked your ex, Mox?” He nudged him with his elbow, purposefully annoying him. 

“Extremely.”

“I’m glad I’m not a part of that club,” you commented. 

“Hey now, don’t pretend we don’t fuck the same guy too. Present tense.”

“Oh, come on, that’s totally different. You’re telling me you wouldn’t feel weird if I had fucked one of your exes?”

He takes a moment to ponder it. “Yeah, actually. That would be weird,” he decides. “But ya haven’t, so… I don’t feel ashamed at all,” he shrugged, sporting an annoying little smirk. 

You rolled your eyes at him.

A/N: Chaz was fun to write cause he's so utterly stupid lol. But yeah this is just for fun, we'll have a few of these bonus ones throughout the series! Hope y'all like it <3

[effy-writes]

Addict (Blitzø x Reader)

3: Pilot: Pill

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been about 3 months since you moved it with Blitz/fucked him and Stolas, and ohhh boy Blitz sure does keep reminding you of it. He would always say how much you miss his dick and everytime you go take a shower he’s always like “Showering without me?”

“Yes, Blitz. Showering without you yet again.”

“Oh come on, we saw each other naked before!”

“Yeah a one time thing that I really don’t want to talk about.”

Now, with your addiction, you got away with taking adderal. It doesn't do much, but it's better than being sober. Sometimes whenever the crew goes out to kill, you will leave the office and go find either coke or meth and get high before they all come back. Blitz however, doesn't know that any of this is happening even though you guys been living together for 3 months now.

Blitz walked in front of the whiteboard while you were viciously sweeping the floor due to the amount of energy you had.

"Alright. Now, I know business has been... a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here... Moxxie. Now, does anyone have... any bright ideas on how we can get business drummin' up again?"

"What about a car wash?"

"This is Hell, Millie. No one cares about cars being clean here, okay? Wh- Ooh! What about a billboard?"

Moxxie rolled his eyes, "We can't afford a billboard, sir."

"Helpful, Moxxie. Really glad you're in the room right now. Have you guys forgotten what service we provide?"

Blitz proceeded to turn on the TV, showing everyone assassinating the humans from earth. 

"Ahh, those were the good times." Blitz reminisced.

"I don't need any reminding, sir. Considering you blew most of our salaries on an obnoxious TV ad last week. One that you then additionally paid to have run for a full three hours on a channel... nobody watches."

"Uh, hey. Excuse me? What's "obnoxious" about a super-fun jingle, alright? It's a fun distraction when an advertisement's spittin' bullshit! Y/n, any ideas?"

You stopped dead in your tracks. "Uh..I don't know. I'm a janitor."

"Useless." Blitz scoffed.

Loona received a call and answered nonchalantly, "I.M.P.", The two talked for a bit and she hung up.

"Colorado. Some guy named Eddie." She flipped a page of the magazine that she's reading.

"Finally." Moxxie said, getting up from his chair and walking towards the portal that Loona opened up.

You continued to sweep and mop the entire floor. Running around and dusting every little thing.

"Blitz isn't here, you can stop working." Loona said, not looking up from her magazine.

"I like to clean, keeps my mind busy."

An hour later you were on the floor, scrubbing the left over gunk with a toothbrush. Loona would occasionally glance at you and roll her eyes.

The door of the room opened up, making you stand up and pretend that you're not cracked out. "Uh, who's this?" You pointed to the boy laying on a stretcher.

"Moxxie was being retarded and shot the wrong person." Blitz huffed.

"I'm sorry, sir! I'd like to go on record and say that incident was Loona's fault. Dispatch is supposed to give us the right info on the target."

"Oh, sit on a dick, Moxxie."

"YOU sit! Sit on... a... and the... d-- DO YOUR JOB!!" He slammed his fist on the table.

"Hey, now. We don't blame our screwups on Loona, okay?! She didn't do anything wrooooong~"

"Are you kidding me, sir? She's awful!"

Loona flipped him off before answering the phone. "I.M.P....Blitz! That clingy, rich asshole is on the phone! Says it's urgent and wants to talk to you! Sounds a little DTF-y."

"Oh, GOD, it was one time! If Y/n and I hadn't slept with that privileged asshole, none of us would have access to the living world." He crossed his arms.

"...You what?" Moxxie looked disgusted.

"Blitz! What the fuck!?" You walked over to him. "That was supposed to be a secret!"

"Wait," Millie stood up. "You slept with our boss?" She smiled.

"I got sucked into it. Don't want to talk about it."

Blitz put his arm around you, "I don't know, you seem to enjoy it." He teased. You pushed him off and sat down next to Millie.

"Blitzzz answer the phone!" Loona groaned.

Blitz motioned you to come with him to the office to talk to Stolas. At first you shook your head and stayed still. "Dude, he wanted you, not me."

"We're in this together, I don't want to be left alone to talk to him."

You eventually gave in and followed Blitz into his office. He planted himself onto his chair and picked up the phone, "Hey Stolas."

"There's a political candidate causing trouble up on Earth for a few of my associates. He's trying to convince people global warming exists!"

"Doesn't it?" You replied.

"Well... yes. But, more people die if nothing is done about it. And it gets lonely here~"

"Okay, well. Yeah, that makes sense." Blitz agreed.

"You know what happens when I'm lonely, Blitzy and Y/n?"

"How come I don't get a nickname?" You joked.

"God-fuckin'-dammit." Blitz said under his breath.

"When I'm lonely, I become hungry. And when I become hungry, I want to choke on that red cock of yours...Y/n fingering me, and me licking all of your cum, before taking out your cock, and fucking Y/n while she’s sucking me with more teeth until she’s screaming daddy like a FUCKING baby--!"

Blitz ended the call, looking traumatized. You on the other hand was laughing your ass off. "Looks like he wants us to fuck him."

"You're enjoying this aren't you?"

"A little." You snickered.

Blitz broke his phone and blended it.

"Loona!" He shouted.

She entered the office and put her hands on her hip.

"Eat this. And then y'know that bridge over the freeway?"

"Yeah?"

"Shit off it!"

The three walked out of the office, you leaned against the door.

"Look, the point is, Loona is a valued member of our family, and we don't get rid of family." Blitz finished off the conversation from earlier.

"We aren't a family, sir! You are the boss! We are the employees! You treat her like she's some troubled teenager! She's more like a meth-addicted homeless woman you let man the phones!"

You and Blitz exchanged glances. He walked up to the window to change topics. "That is offensive! Without homeless people, I wouldn't have HALF the joy and laughter I do in this life!"

"While we're on the subject of "family", can you stop finding me and Millie outside of work? Can't you just hang out with Y/n instead?"

"Come on, sweetie! It's not that big a deal." Millie smiled.

"Excuse me...WHAT?!"

"Y/n and I live together, i'm up her ass as much as I'm up yours."

"You're literally up in my ass." You snorted.

"Just... stop... doing that!" Moxxie said to Blitz, but might as well as say it to you.

Blitz shrugged. "I don't see what the issue is! There somethin' you don't want me seein'?"

"No!"

"You a baby-wiener-haver?"

"Sir, what you say and how you act is totally INAPPROPRIATE!" Moxxie stood up.

"Calm down, Mox! You're gonna have another panic attack!"

"I AM CALM!"

"Shh-shh-shh. There, there."

"Look, I don't judge the boring couple stuff you do outside work hours. So, don't... judge me!" Blitz crossed his arms.

"Oh, I do judge you, sir! Quite a lot, actually! Y/n how come you don't stop him?"

"I have no control of what he does."

"Mox, he's our boss!"

"No-no-no, it's fine Mills, your husband is just... how do I say this without being offensive? ...retarded."

"Does immaturely insulting me make you feel better about your sad situationship with Y/n?"

"Moxxie for the last time we're not dating!" You interjected.

"Oh come on! You two are fucking each other, live with each other, and constantly flirting."

"Friends with benefits." You shrugged.

"Y/n has too many problems to date." Blitz stated.

"Fuck you too then! You have more problems than me!"

"At least I'm not a dru-"

"Don't." You gritted your teeth.

"Moxxie, the only reason you have a wife is because you're easy to manage!" Loona looked up from her phone.

Millie slams her hands against the table, "No, he's not, you BITCH!"

"Do not talk to my receptionist that way! She's sensitive!" Blitz crossed his arms.

"Yes, I am!"

"You guys are all fucking assholes."

Everyone looked at the kid.

"Oh, shut up, kid! You're lucky to witness this!" Blitz pointed his finger.

"It's been a literal hell having to pretend to be paralyzed so you fuckshits wouldn't kill me! But, now I want that. I want death!"

Eddie pointed to Blitz. "You are a selfish, greedy clown. And I'm a kid! We're supposed to like clowns! Even the creepy ones!"

"HA!" You slapped your knee.

"What's up with your teeth?" Eddie laughed, "Looks like you smoke meth, especially with your fucked up skin and the fact that half of your teeth is gone."

You put your hand over your mouth.

"Hey, now! That's not very--"

Eddie interrupted Moxxie, "If I wanted to hear from a spineless jackass, I'd rip out your spine and ask you some shit."

"That's my husband you're talkin' to!" Millie slammed her fist on the table.

"That's your husband?! I figured you for a slut. But, I didn't know you needed dick that bad! And you!" He pointed to Loona.

"What? What about me?"

"Nothing. I don't talk to dogs. I'm a cat person."

"Wow. Ah, y'know, kid, you kind of are a piece of shit." Blitz replied.

Everyone in unison agreed as you tugged on Blitz's sleeve to get his attention. "Are my teeth that bad?" You whispered in a sad voice, opening your mouth ever so slightly.

"Do you want me to be honest or nice?" He whispered back.

"Fuck you."

"Oh, fuck! Guys, I just got a text from our client! Guess he was the right target after all." Loona smiled.

"Who?"

"Him."

"Me?" Eddie said in disbelief.

"Yup." She said smugly.

"They wanted us to kill an actual child?" Blitz raised his eyebrow.

"That's what they're sayin'."

"...Well, Christ on a stick. I guess there is a God."

Blitz draws a flintlock pistol and fires it at Eddie, resulting in blood splattering everywhere.

"Y/n you're the janitor, go clean it up." Blitz smirked.

"Let me go to the bathroom first." You fast walked into the bathroom and locked the door, pulling out a baggy from your pocket. You poured the adderal onto your hand and brought it to your mouth, swollowing the white pills dry.

You left the bathroom once it kicked in, and cleaned up the mess while the others got rid of Eddie's body.

[theyanderespecialist]

Strike With Obsession 1 (One shot/Mini Series) Striker X Marie OC (Yandere) (Helluva Boss)

(no one's pov)

"Oh Satan it is hot." An imp muttered as she got out of the van towards her Employee's parents

"Oh it's okay Marie, hey you look great in my old clothes."

"..I feel like I'm going to fuck my cousin who is also my brother." Marie muttered as she fanned herself.

"No Millie's right Miss. Y-You look..good."

"She looks hot Moxxie. Hot as fuck." Millie said as Marie winked.

"Oh come on keep talking like that and I'm sure we can find a hay Bush and mooxie can use those strong hands while I use mine--"

"Marie!" Moxxie said disapproving of her advances..in front of Millie's parents. The couple however were used to this..and had a plan to share her.

"Speaking of strong hands. Meet our newest help-- Striker! Get over here!" Millies dad yelled as a man came riding over on a stallion as Marie's eyes widen as she walked over...and shoved him off the horse.

"wha-I wouldn't--"

"oh yes so sweet aren't you? Yes you are- oh! Placing your nose on mine, so sweet!" Marie yelled.

She wrapped her arms around the horse as she squealed. (So horses place their noses on another horse or owner and share their breathe as a form of affection.) (Also all she cares about is the horse

"oh yeah, boss."

"HM?"

"That's striker. That's his horse you are molesting."

"I'm not molesting-that is- you could have used any word for the horse and you used- I know I said I love horses..but not like that."

"Hah! We're here because the prince is her boyfriend~" Millie said with an over enthusiastic tone..almost too enthusiastic.

"Yeah, Millie I love you and would pin you down, but I'm not above a cat fight with another woman. It's a casual on and off, quid pro quo relationship--wait..is he still wearing my harness?....eh thing never got any use anyway before him." She muttered

Striker was still staring and then he knew he had to put on his southern charm~

"well you must be the lady that's running this murder gig." "Yup." She said bit really paying attention to his as she fussed over Millie's hair, letting her hands linger on Millie before turning to Moxxie.

"You know I was surprised." He continued as Marie fixed Moxxie's bow tie, dragging a nail down his chest.

Crap. "Not many imps start a business..it's impressive." He threw out those words as she stopped and turned to him. Now he had her attention.

"Really? Well..heh..I mean I guess it is.." she said

"Darn right it is." I say. "No loans or other demons being your boss! It must be amazing!"

She perked up at that. "You know you lot should enter the pain games." "Games? I heard games." Marie said once more ignoring striker.

"Every harvest festival there's a competition to see who's the roughest, toughest bastard in wrath."

"Oh--"

"yeah, I wish I could compete."

"Millie ya know you get to carried away." Marie was not really paying attention. "Now you can cheer your boss on."

"Oh no. I'm amazing with a gun, I'm good with arrows, I can bend my body ways you can't imagine but..I'm not good with pain." Marie said.

"You two can root for me?"

"Aw Moxxie."

"Look at you Mox." The two girls let out a sigh.

"Yeah I don't think Thespian types like you will last long."

"I was born here too I so can!"

"Well then." Striker said glaring down at the imp. "Why don't you help me Wrestle that hog for dinner?"

"No problem."

"Oh Moxxie you're so brave." Marie said as Millie looked at him. As happy as she was seeing her husband trying to get in with her parents..she was concerned.

"You don't have to--"

"I do."

"We'll get em tiger! Hey you do it..I'll let you see me without this tiefront top..if you fail, I'm fucking your wife without you." She said as she pushed him in.

'theres no way, she's gonna see what a stupid wimp he is...maybe he'll die if I'm lucky.' Striker thought watching as Moxxie got a hold of the hog before being swung around, panting and sweating as Striker looked over only to see Marie Fanning herself.

"Millie you bagged a good one. Look at that jock. What a specimen..makes me get all excited."

He glared at moxie even more

I glare as I get in and kill the hog..only to see Marie holding Moxxie with Millie..she didn't even look?! I picked it up at least I can get some anger out on the carcass

(next day)

I stood in the crowd as Wally went on about the festival. "Holy--is that Wally? Yo. Mox, Mill, that's Wally. I worked with that southern bastard." She said as Stolas got on the sage as Marie waved to him before stopping herself.

She stopped. "Oh..that's awkward. I was waving to stol--ahem..stretching my arm-" she said laughing.

He blushes and starts up the show. I glare as the games start as I see Marie jump off the bleachers guess she couldn't help but join the action.

I began to climb the wall when she wrapped her tail around mine, using me as a boost to jump from me all the way to the other one as she smiled.

(oh god she's wholesome right now)

(that's actually kind of adorable just imagining her blissfully having fun..while Moxxie is dying.)

(XD yup)

She won that round the next one was up and I proove myself

I grabbed the rope as she seemed to get distracted before she grabbed her rope before she slipped as I looked down at her before tying her and pushing her down. Gently. She blushes darkly at this and squirms.

I quickly realized as my eyes widen letting go of the ropes as soon as they called it as she just got out of them easily. (She couldn't have gotten out..but..where's the fun in that) "you have this Mox!" She yelled suddenly.

The next was the rope tug as I could see her and Moxxie genuinely trying as I just tug the ripe as it snapped sending her back into me as Moxxie fell into the mud.

(I feel like he feels they have a connection)

(XD He probably does XD)

"I help her steady and smell her hair only for her to push me off and into the mud as she helps Moxxie out. That little twerp!

I see her hold him close to her chest as his face went red as I stopped realizing her shirt was open..the only thing covering her..was Moxxie.

(Timeskip)

"Well for the first year we have a tie! The winners are--"

"the winners are Striker!" That blue blood prince said. "and my darling sweet, loving Mar~"

"ugh say my name right you dick--"

"would you rather mistress?" He asked.

"Oh that's fucking worse, fine Mar." She said bit smiled waving to Millie and Moxxie

I growled I hated the bird fuck even more how dare he even think of touching her. That is when jeans down and kisses her I am going make him suffer!!!

Her face exploded in colour as the others gasp in shock as he pulled away and patted her head. And he pays her like a dog? However I noticed the smile on her face as she played with her hands. No. I ain't done yet.

I began to song however..she wasn't interested jumping off the stage as she walked over to Millie and Moxxie as she said something that made the two blush as she kissed both their cheeks and stroked them as she started to walk off with them.

When I had gotten back I see her laying on the ground with my horse as her legs kicked back and forth as I think her eyes were sparkling..and I don't mean that they were shining in a romantic way, they literally seemed to be shining as she watched him eat before getting up to help Millie as I walking inside when I notice my door opened.

"How did he get this?" I hear Mxxie say.

"Why don't you ask him?"

He turns around as I glare at him.

"Why do you have this? This can kill-"

"demon royalty?"

"Well yeah-"

"it could kill you."

"Yes!"

"Your wife"

"absolutely! That's why I-I'm relativity concerned about you having this..also the way you..did you smell my boss' hair?"

(okay good logical thing to be concerned about maybe not in a death situation but xD)

"She is mine and I will not let you take her from me, or that Blue blood fuck!" I snap and wrap my tail around him and slam him into the wall.

I began to choke until he smashed a table and ran to the door opening it as I managed to cover his mouth as he was losing consciousness before I was stabbed as I hiss as his wife jumped on my back as I smashed her into the wall and bring them to the basement as I glare.

"I'd kill y'all--"

"Moxxie! Millie! I need help! I think my bra hook is stuck! nevermind! I got it! Go back to whatever you two were doing!"

I smirked. "But you might be more useful to me alive" I say and lock them in. She will be mine no matter WHAT!

[mikelaarts]

Am I Gonna Be Your One?

Summary:  Long black suit    Sleek black mask    They’re so sweet    With their get back stare

Inspired by the song “Are You Gonna Be My Girl?”

Words: 3002

Pairing: Rhys x Zer0

Rating: Teen and Up

Warnings: Mentions of Abusive Relationship

Read On Ao3

“Why is there so much singing going on tonight?” Rhys looked up from his work, finally noticing his surroundings making Fiona let out a long groan. They were sat in the corner of Moxxi’s bar, the usually crowded place flooded with people. There was a makeshift stage set up near the back entrance where some would perform a song or play an instrument. Occasionally Moxxi would switch out the singers or players for different people, each one handing her various bills.

“Like I said when we sat down, Moxxi is having a little competition tonight. If you perform a good enough song you get to take one of the vault hunters out for the night. You gotta pay fifty per person to compete though, and I’m pretty sure the hunters are getting paid for this too. Lucky bastards are gonna make a fortune with the talent we have tonight.” Fiona watched as a singer received a chair to the head after his god awful singing.

“Why aren’t you over there Fiona? Aren’t you a vault hunter?” Fiona turned red at Rhys’ question, looking away from the table. Sasha slid into the booth with another round of rakk ale.

“She’s not over there because it’s a little intimidating don’t you think? I mean these guys are like the real thing, everybody knows them. There’s Zer0, Brick, Lilith, Mordecai, Maya, Gaige, Salvador, Axton, hell even Krieg is there.” Sasha continued talking, not realizing that Rhys had completely zoned out after hearing the first name she said. Zer0. Zer0 was here, in this room, waiting to be won as a date. A date. He could date Zer0. Zer0. Unfortunately his brain had short circuited after that revelation and failed to inform him that he also had to win a singing contest in order to date Zer0. Hand under his chin, Rhys stared at the wall of the bar, living in one of his many fantasies of how it’d be to date Zer0. He was just about to kiss his knight in shining armor when someone knocked the arm from under him, making him kiss the table instead.

“Hey! What gives!” Rhys glared daggers at Fiona as she laughed loudly, high-fiving her sister.

“Vaughn was talking to you, you dingus! Why does your face look like that anyways? Are you daydreaming about Claptrap again?” Fiona smirked towards him, taking a large swig of her drink.

“Wha- First of all I do not dream about that psychotic little robot!” The table fell into a fit of giggles as Rhys huffed loudly, crossing his arms. Once the table calmed down Vaughn spoke once again.

“I was saying we should join the competition, we could easily beat everyone here!” Rhys sucked in a deep breath, already feeling the pressure start to build in his throat.

“Hey yeah you’re right! I can’t play any instruments really but Fiona knows how to play the drums! Please tell me you guys have some hidden talent Vaughn.” Sasha leaned over the table enthusiastically, shaking their drinks slightly.

“You’re in luck cause we do! Rhys can play the guitar and the man has some vocals! We actually had a band back in high school up until our first year of college.” Vaughn was leaning into the table now too, the air buzzing with their excitement.

“Oh my god we can totally do this! You can get your date with Axton, Sasha can get a date with- er whoever she wants, I can get Maya and Rhys can finally live in the billion fantasies he’s had of Zer0, isn’t that right Rhys! ….Rhys?” Fiona turned to her friend, noticing that the man hadn’t spoken a word during the entire exchange. Rhys stared at them, his hands tightly clamped together as he tried to get his breathing under control.

“I-I can’t guys. I’m sorry.” Vaughn and Sasha’s faces instantly fell as Fiona grimaced.

“And why exactly not?” Fiona stared at Rhys expectantly, waiting on the excuse he was coming up with. Rhys cursed her inside his head, knowing that his friend just wanted to help him but she never knew when to quit.

“…..My singing voice isn’t that good.” Rhys flinched as Vaughn slammed down his drink, standing up in his chair.

“What on earth are you talking about?! Your voice is amazing! Why would you eve- Oh, it was Jack wasn’t it.” Vaughn sat back in his seat, a knowing frown on his face. Rhys shut his eyes briefly, not wanting to see the pity in his friend’s eyes. They wouldn’t force him to tell them what happened. They wouldn’t want him to remember the torture he had to endure with Jack.

Pumpkin if I wanted to hear the equivalent of cats fucking while scratching a chalkboard I would go out and kill something. Stop singing for me will ya?

Sweetheart I’ve told you before, you are so much cuter when you just keep your mouth shut.

Rhysie baby, I wouldn’t have hit you if you would have just stopped the first time. See what you made me do? I don’t like hurting you baby, you know that.

Since you like to sing so much how about I keep you locked in a cage? Would you like to be my little songbird Rhysie? No? Then shut the fuck up.

Really kiddo this is all your fault. I warned you didn’t I? I’ll come let you out in an hour if I remember, think about what you did.

The air was thick now with unspoken tension, only being filled with the bar chatter and occasional singer or band. Rhys looked over the bar, watching as more people signed up for the contest, Moxxi slipping the money into her cleavage. He turned his head towards Claptrap next, watching as the robot….danced with the radio. He quickly wiped that image from his brain as he looked over to the vault hunter’s table. They were occasionally watching the shows but mainly chatting with each other, clinking their drinks as they laughed loudly. His eyes caught on Zer0 and he watched the alien for only a moment before their head snapped towards him. Rhys sucked in a breath as he was noticed but the vault hunter only raised his hand in a small wave, shooting him a “:D”on his mask. Rhys gave a small crooked smile, waving his hand back at the hunter before turning back to his friends. He didn’t see how the other hunters began to tease the alien, nudging his shoulders and clinking his glass with vigor.

“Oh my god, you can hate me later but we’re doing this. Right now.” Fiona stood up, grabbing Rhys by the arm and dragging him out the booth. Sasha quickly gave Moxxi the money as Vaughn got their instruments together, obviously excited. Rhys gave some protests as Vaughn draped a guitar over his shoulders, putting on his own bass.

“Wait we don’t even know what song we’re playing!”

“‘Are you gonna be my girl’ and you’re dedicating it to Zer0.” Rhys tripped over his words slightly at Fiona’s statement.

“T-The lyrics won’t match up though!”

“Just change them bro, you used to do it in high school all the time.” Vaughn shot his friend an apologetic smile as Fiona got on the drums, her sticks in hand.

“Guys we can’t do this! We haven’t rehearsed, we haven’t thought it through, Sasha doesn’t even know how to play an instrument!”

“Just roll with it Rhys! I can at least play the tambourine part!” Sasha gave him a huge grin as she grabbed the mic briefly, “This song is dedicated to Zer0 from my good friend Rhys!” Rhys watched with dread as the Hunters all turned towards them along with the rest of the bar. Afterall, no one had been brave enough to dedicate a song all night. Sasha pushed the microphone back into place and took her spot. The three friends looked at each other, wondering how this night would end.

Sasha bit her lip as she started the song, watching Rhys carefully. After a few seconds Fiona and Vaughn joined her with their notes, looking towards Rhys as his part came up. The man was still frozen in place, the guitar limp in his hands as he stared dumbfounded at the hunters. The friends were suddenly regretting their decision to perform. Sometimes it was good to push Rhys into things that his anxiety would usually stop him from doing but other times they overloaded him, making him breakdown. If they caused Rhys to have an attack on stage he’d never forgive them, not that they would forgive themselves either. As they neared Rhys’s part they began to frown, getting ready to save the man from embarrassment.

Before Sasha could move Rhys gripped the guitar tightly, taking a deep breath. He strummed the chords when his part came in, leaning into the mic as he screamed “Go!” Smiles broke out across the groups faces as the crowd began to cheer them on as they all played.

So one, two, three, take my hand and come with me

Because you look so fine

That I really wanna make you mine

I say you look so fine

That I really wanna make you mine

Rhys fought against the dread in his throat as the crowd clapped along to their beat. There wasn’t a Jack in his life anymore, he didn’t have to worry about being trapped. No, he was only worried about one person’s opinion and he had their full attention.

Oh, four, five, six c'mon and get your kicks

Now you don’t need that money

When you look like that, do ya honey

Rhys pulled in every last amount of his old college confidence and sent a wink towards the table, smiling a little as Axton shook Zer0 by the shoulder.

Long black suit

Sleek black mask

They’re so sweet

With their get back stare

Rhys was sure that now his face matched the same shade of a tomato. The wink was a little much but now he had the lyrics perfectly matching Zer0. Facing the alien after this was going to kill him.

Well I could see

You home with me

But you are out of my league, yeah!

I know you

Ain’t got much to say

Before I let you get away, yeah!

I said, am I gonna be your one?

Well, so 1,2,3, take my hand and come with me

because you look so fine

and i really wanna make you mine.

I say you look so fine

that I really wanna make you mine.

Rhys mentally high-fived himself as he had yet to stumble over his words or miss a chord despite the fact that it had been years since he performed. The bar was completely engrossed in their performance as it was the first one to have a full musical set and actual good vocals. Somehow at some point Vaughn had lost his shirt and was back to back with Sasha as they bounced to the music. He smiled at his friends as he continued to sing through the song.

Oh, 4,5,6 c'mon and get your kicks

now you don’t need that money

with a face like that, do ya.

Long black suit

Sleek black mask

They’re so sweet

With their get back stare

Well I could see

You home with me

But you are out of my league, yeah!

I know you

Ain’t got much to say

Before I let you get away, yeah!

I said, am I gonna be your one?

Sasha led the bar into clapping along to the beat while Fiona smashed at the drums with such force that Rhys was sure it was going to break. Rhys smiled towards the hunters again as he went into his small solo before singing into the mic with renewed courage.

Oh yea. Oh yea. C'mon!

I could see,

you home with me,

but you were out of my league, yeah!

I know you,

ain’t got much to say,

before I let you get away, yea!

Uh, I’m the one.

I’m the one.

Am I gonna be your one?! Yea

The crowd cheered loudly for the group as they finished the song. The others instantly began cheering for themselves, already knowing that they had for sure won the contest. Rhys on the other hand was slowly beginning to realize what he had done. The lyrics of the song were coming on strong and they were very bold. Worst of all, Zer0 hadn’t taken their eyes off of Rhys once during the whole performance. But then again, Rhys hadn’t taken his off of Zer0 either. He was snapped from their little staring contest as Vaughn slapped him in the back, nearly sending him to the floor. He was going to have to talk to his friend about his strength again later, but for now he could celebrate with them.

“Well I haven’t heard a good performance like that until I shot my first-”

“Uh we’ll just take the prize!” Vaughn cut Moxxi off before she could slip into one of her innuendos. She huffed at the man calling him a buzzkill before leading them over to the hunter’s table. The hunters gave them a small toast as they sat with them at their already cramped table.

“Wow! I haven’t heard someone sing like that in forever! Are you sure Atlas is your calling?” Rhys laughed nervously at Lilith’s question, sitting on the very edge of the table next to Vaughn.

“I rather like working with the guns actually. In fact I’m working on a sniper rifle right now that could somehow ice the opponents in place-” The table let out a groan, Rhys being well known for talking about his guns for hours.

“Nope nope, we ain’t hearing all that. Come sit next to the bastard that’s been eye-fucking you all ni-GHT.” Axton’s voice rose a few octaves, the man whipping his head towards Zer0, staring him down, the alien staring back at the man in challenge. Before anything else could happen, Maya stood, pointing at both of them.

“No we are not having a duel here again. Nope, shut it. I don’t care if he stabbed your thigh, you started it.” Axton grumbled as he stood from his chair, walking towards Rhys’ spot, a small black kunai sticking out his leg.

“Switch with me, I’m not sitting next to Mr. Grumpy Pants over there.” Rhys opened his mouth to decline the offer but one pleading look from Vaughn had him getting up and walking over to the other chair. He gave himself a pep talk on the way over, after all it wasn’t like it was any day he got to sit next to the crush he’s had for almost a year. And it’s not like he just sang a song to them basically begging them to date him. No, it’s cool, it’s fine, it’s fine. Rhys sat in the chair quietly, watching as Vaughn offered to help Axton with his injury.

“An ice-sniper huh?/ I could have some use for that,/ Care to explain more?” Rhys perked up at Zer0’s words before launching into an animated conversation of how it would be just like any other elemental weapon except for it would freeze the enemy to the spot to make shooting easier.

“What about headshots?/” Zer0 tilted their head to the side with a bright ‘?’ shining on their mask.

“Some enemies don’t die when you shoot them in the head because of shields or because of other things like Goliaths. This makes it so that you can keep them in place for a second shot. If I utilize a liquid inside of the bullets to explode upon contact with the bodies it should work, but I would need a liquid that would automatically freeze upon coming in contact with oxygen. I could use Mercury because it freezes at room temperature but that would require the gun to remain hot in order for the bullets not to freeze themselves.” Rhys paused in his speaking for a moment, thinking long before launching into another tangent. Zer0 nodded along to him, listening intently as the man spoke.

“As much as you two are cute together you’ve been talking for four hours straight and I’m trying to shut down my bar so I can get some sleep. Would you be dolls and leave?” Moxxi tapped her foot impatiently, already changed into her night clothes. Rhys rose his eyebrows as he looked around the table, having not even noticed when the others left. He apologized to Moxxi and quickly paid his tab before walking out the door, alongside Zer0.

   “Well um, I guess this counts as a date huh? I’ll see you around sometime Zer0.” Rhys turned away to walk off, stopping only when Zer0 grabbed his arm.

   “Aren’t we going to your house?/ Or did I misread?” For one small moment Rhys could swear that his soul had left his body, threw a party in heaven before coming back down and bringing him back to life.

   “No, no you’re not misreading anything! Um we could go to your place if you want or we could head to mine, doesn’t really matter to me honestly, only I haven’t cleaned up because I wasn’t exactly expecting the night to go….like….this…..” Rhys slowed down his blabbering as Zer0 traced the line of his lips with their thumb.

   “Your place sounds just fine./ Can I spend the night with you?/” Rhys could only nod slowly at the request as their hand was now rubbing his cheek softly. A part of him wondered if he’d actually died back in the bar from the trauma of witnessing one of Claptraps pleasures. Another part of him was perfectly fine with it if this was to be his heaven.

   “Let’s go home now, Rhys.” Rhys smiled at Zer0 as he took their hand, leading them towards his Atlas building.