#does bo have a lash tech ?

[linnorabeifong]

i found wei’s sketch book guys

He looks just like a dream,the prettiest boy I've ever seen...

[tennessoui]

49!!!!!! Please

finally!!!! baby, finally!!!!

49. Boss/Intern (35yo!Boss!Anakin, 19yo!Intern!Obi-Wan)

(2.4k)

Obi-Wan rubs his hands rapidly down his face. He feels distinctly like he’s about to burst into tears, which would be a very bad thing to do here and now. His supervisor had come in fifteen minutes ago to tell him everyone was going to lunch. She’d invited him along, but he’d said no.

He always says no.

Lunch for the rest of the office means he gets to have a scheduled breakdown at his little cubicle.

He just. He just doesn’t know anything.

He’s only had this internship at Temple Tech for one week and already he’s floundered and fucked up more than anyone else probably has put together in their lifetimes.

He shouldn’t have ever applied, but he had been getting so desperate for summer employment, any sort of employment and, yes, this internship was out of his career field, and yes, he did have to lie at least five times on his resume, but it was an internship and it was paid.

It had felt like a good idea at the time. But then he actually got the job by some stroke of hellish luck, and he’s been learning every day since that it was actually probably a terrible idea. The learning curve is too steep. Obi-Wan is trying, but wow is he bad at it. Tech. Data stuff.

On his open computer, the sound of an email pinging rushes through his ears and he takes his hands off of his face to look. It’s from Anakin Skywalker. The boss.

Obi-Wan thinks he can feel his fingers grow numb. His heart feels like it’s stuttering in his chest, like it’s about to stop once and for all.

Temple Tech is a start-up company, still small but growing quickly. At its head is thirty-five year old Anakin Skywalker, which shouldn’t be any sort of a problem because Obi-Wan’s nineteen now and he can keep it in his pants, even if Anakin is hot as hell, smart as well, and so terribly kind whenever they run into each other.

Which happens a lot. Because it’s a small company, operating out of one renovated warehouse turned office. The floor plan is open enough that Obi-Wan’s able to see Anakin’s space--he gets a proper office, as part of being the boss, but he’s chosen to make the walls glass so it doesn’t feel as if he’s cut off from everyone else--from across the room. And Anakin is big on making everyone who works with him feel like family. A lot of companies say they do that or support that, but Anakin actually does. For one thing, he tells them to call him Anakin, not Mr. Skywalker. For another, he’s open about his personal life, but not so much that it makes anyone feel uncomfortable.

He’s quick with a smile and so understanding, and if he ever gets mad—and from his stories of his younger days, Obi-Wan knows he must have a temper—it’s never been in public.

And Anakin has never commented on how often Obi-Wan blushes around him, or how hard it is for him to focus on his work if Anakin sits on the edge of his desk to talk with him. Or any of the other employees, Obi-Wan has had to remind himself many times. Even though Obi-Wan feels hypersensitive and like a schoolgirl whenever Anakin is in his general vicinity, Anakin is a professional. He’s Obi-Wan’s boss. Nothing could ever happen between them. Not while Obi-Wan works under Anakin.

Even if Anakin is so nice and so kind and has asked to meet him now when everyone else is out of the building. It’s not suspicious and it’s definitely not cause for concern of any kind.

He thinks about shooting back an email, confirming it, but he’s never been good at the whole office environment thing. Instead, he logs off his computer and stands up.

It’s a short walk to Anakin’s office, hardly enough time for his palms to get sweaty.

Anakin’s typing something when Obi-Wan enters the room and he looks up at him with a raised eyebrow.

“Oh,” Obi-Wan says, aghast when he realizes he’s forgotten to knock. “I’m sorry, I--”

“Obi-Wan, come in, please,” Anakin gives him a slight smile and gestures for him to sit on the couch next to his desk. Obi-Wan takes a seat hesitantly. It’s as soft as it’s always looked.

Anakin types for a few more seconds on his computer before pushing away from his desk all together and taking a seat next to Obi-Wan on the couch.

“I’ve noticed you never go out to lunch with your coworkers,” Anakin says, positioning himself so he’s facing Obi-Wan completely. His body language is open, like he’s read one of those business books on how to sit so everyone knows you’re nice but you have an agenda.

It puts Obi-Wan on edge, and he fidgets around on his seat.

“You’re not in trouble, b--Obi-Wan,” his boss murmurs. “I just want to know why. Do you not like them? Have they been mean to you?”

“No!” Obi-Wan denies immediately, looking up at Anakin and biting his lip when he sees that the man’s attention is fixed so squarely on him. “No, of course not. Everyone here has been amazing.” He widens his eyes and raises both eyebrows. “Really, sir.”

Anakin looks distinctly uncomfortable. “I’ve told you to call me Anakin,” he criticizes, and Obi-Wan blushes more.

He’s really messing this up.

“Sorry, sir, I mean. Anakin. Sorry. Anakin,” he coughs. His palms are sweaty. He’s sitting on his attractive boss’s couch when everyone’s gone on lunch, and his palms are sweaty.

He doesn’t even want anything to happen.

Alright, so that’s a lie. He definitely has spent a lot of late nights thinking about something happening between them, just like this, but those are fantasies and Anakin is his boss. More than that, Anakin is a good man. He’d never take advantage of an intern in that way, no matter how frequently Obi-Wan feels as if he’s walking around with a sign around his neck that says, Take Advantage of Me, Mr. Anakin, Sir!

“Why don’t you go to lunch with them, Obi-Wan?” Anakin asks softly, gently.

Obi-Wan’s hands clench down on themselves. It’s really the moment of truth, now. He really can’t keep lying, not when Anakin sounds so concerned. He has no right to be concerned! He shouldn’t care about Obi-Wan at all; hell, he shouldn’t even know him!

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he mumbles, staring down at the stretch of fabric on his knees.

Anakin hums. Obi-Wan wonders if he learned that from his fancy How to Run a Business books as well: don’t say anything, just let the other person talk until you know everything you need to know to crush them.

Damn if the silence doesn’t work to get Obi-Wan speaking again though.

“I...I’m behind on the work,” he admits. “I don’t have time to go to lunch because I need to figure out how to do my work.”

Anakin makes a sympathetic noise deep in his throat. “If...if your workload is too heavy, Obi-Wan, we can look into cutting it. I don’t want to be known as the company that runs its interns into the ground.”

Obi-Wan’s throat tightens too much and he shrugs. He can’t cry. He really shouldn’t cry. He did this to himself. “It wouldn’t help,” he whispers.

“What?” Anakin asks, leaning forward to hear him better.

“It wouldn’t help,” Obi-Wan says again, louder this time. Anakin blinks at him, and Obi-Wan finally tells him the truth. “I don’t know how to do any of this. I...I lied on my resume. I needed a job, for my student visa. I needed the money to keep it while not in school. And...and internships are supposed to look good on your resume, so I...I thought I could figure it out, I’m smart, sir, I’m so smart. I don’t know why I can’t figure it out.”

He drops his gaze to his hands again and breathes out shakily. He’d been carrying the weight of that secret for far longer than he should have been. It should have been a relief of the utmost degree to give it away. But instead he’s waiting for the punishment. Anakin will have to fire him now. Anakin might even get mad at him for lying.

When his boss doesn’t say anything for several long seconds, Obi-Wan chances a glance up at him through his lashes. Instead of anger on his face, there’s only a confused sort of sympathy.

“I’m...not sure I understand, Obi-Wan,” he says slowly. “You lied on your resume to get this internship, but...why couldn’t you have just applied to an internship in a different field? One you actually want to study? I know you like biology, you’ve told me more about biology in the past few weeks than you’ve told me about yourself.”

“None of them wanted me,” Obi-Wan sniffles and hates himself for it. “I tried, I promise. I promise I didn’t want to lie, but I needed the money, and this internship paid so much better than working at a coffeehouse would.”

Anakin puts his hand gently on his shoulder and Obi-Wan can’t stop himself from turning into the pressure of it. “It’s alright,” Anakin murmurs. “Oh no, please don’t--please don’t cry, b--Obi.”

“It’s Obi-Wan,” Obi-Wan wails.

Anakin hushs him. “Alright, Obi-Wan, alright. Let’s see what we can do.”

“You’re going to fire me,” he says with absolute certainty. He doesn’t even much like his job at Temple Tech, but how is he supposed to find another one on such short notice?

Anakin is quiet. He doesn’t say no.

“Look, I’ll try harder, I promise,” Obi-Wan stutters out, turning to look up at Anakin with wet eyes. What a picture he must make. Nothing professional about him at all. Nothing worth keeping around either. “I promise, please, don’t--I’ll--I’ll stay after hours, I’ll work late, come early. I need this job, sir.”

Anakin’s eyebrows furrow and he looks genuinely regretful, which is little comfort. “Obi-Wan, it’s not about...your work ethic. I promise, your work ethic is stronger and better than most of the people on my team.”

Obi-Wan wipes at his eyes hastily. He knows there’s a but coming soon.

“But I can’t...if you’ve lied on your resume, you can’t put Temple Tech there later. That’s not fair for anyone else who applied and was rejected in favor of you. The spot you have...I need someone there who knows what they’re doing with computers. Who wants to be there. Obi, it makes sense that you don’t know anything about tech. You never look like you really want to be here unless you’re talking to someone else.”

Obi-Wan’s bottom lip trembles and he can feel another wave of tears coming. “I understand, sir,” he mumbles, standing up and preparing to leave the office and Anakin Skywalker behind forever. He’s never been fired before. He doesn’t know what the decorum really is in this situation.

Being tugged back and into his boss’ arms doesn’t feel like how it normally goes, though.

But he can’t resist melting into Anakin’s tight hug, rubbing his cheek on the man’s nice shirt. He wants to give him something to remember him by, even if it’s just tear stains on expensive cotton.

“Lemme help you,” Anakin suddenly says, voice very gruff. Obi-Wan freezes in his arms and tilts his head to try and see Anakin’s face. Help him?

“I don’t understand,” he admits, biting his lip.

“I like you, Obi-Wan,” Anakin confesses. “I do. I’ll be sad to see you leave. I was already going to be sad to see you leave when your internship concluded, but this is much sooner. I…”

He trails off as if trying to make up his mind. It doesn’t take him long to nod to himself.

“Be honest,” he warns him, but there’s a joking lilt to his voice. Obi-Wan, personally, thinks that’s a little too soon. “Do you know how to clean house?”

Obi-Wan pulls out of Anakin’s arms to stare at him.

“Or walk dogs,” Anakin adds.

Slowly, Obi-Wan nods. Cleaning up a house and walking dogs feels like something he can figure out how to do. Feels pretty self-explanatory for the most part. The only thing he’s confused by is why Anakin is asking this of him.

“Would you...that is, just for the rest of the summer, until your classes start again--how would you feel about cleaning my house? And walking my dogs?” Anakin seems to hold his breath.

Obi-Wan feels like he’s stepped into the Twilight Zone or something.

“You’re...firing me,” he says slowly. “But...you’re offering me a job? As your….maid?”

“‘We should call it housekeeper,” Anakin says quickly, a pained look flashing across his face. “Too...many connotations with maid.”

“Why?” he has to ask. “I mean. I lied to you, sir. I...you’re firing me.”

“Because I need someone in that position who knows what they’re doing,” Anakin explains slowly.

“Do you want me in another position, sir?” Obi-Wan asks. He blushes furiously as soon as the words are out of his mouth.

Anakin’s eyes darken and he clears his throat. He doesn’t say no, and his silence, the double entendre of his silence, makes the breath catch in Obi-Wan’s throat.

“You said you needed money to keep your visa,” Anakin says. “I’m trying to offer you an honest means of employment. I need someone to keep up my house and walk my dogs. If you can do it, I’d hire you over anyone else in a second.”

“Why?” Obi-Wan whispers, suddenly so very aware of how close they’re still standing to each other, how nice Anakin smells, how handsome he looks with just the beginning of a silver streak at his temple.

Anakin sweeps his gaze over Obi-Wan’s face and chest, and Obi-Wan has to wonder what he sees there. Whatever he does, he must like because he smirks. “Work ethic,” he murmurs.

[omigoshninjaturtles]

Why it's great in Rise for Leo to BECOME the leader instead of STARTING as one

I've been thinking about this a lot and discussing this with friends in our private TMNT chat. I just wanted to share my musings about why I think it's actually a good thing. Not is it only a nod to the original Mirage comics, I think it's important to Leo's development as a character.  

In Rise, Leo has shown different, but in some ways, the same insecurities that other incarnations of Leo have. In previous incarnations, Leo has always felt pressured and stressed about feeling incompetent and being unable to protect/guide the family. Rise Leo has that same issues, but it's enhanced by the fact that he isn't the leader.

"I'm useless." - Leo, Minotaur Maze

"I'm nothing without them [my brothers]." - Leo, Portal Jacked

Looking some Rise episodes like Minotaur Maze and Portal Jacked, Leo feels like he's the load to his brothers. He's the only one of the brothers who hasn't really mastered their weapon properly yet (Mikey and Raph have pretty good control of their new weapons while Donnie only has minor hiccups on his tech bo). He's getting better, but as Portal Jacked proves, he still feels like he's nothing without his brothers. Leo gets very eager in opportunities that allow him to step up or become 'better'. This is why he got so excited in Minotaur Maze to become a champion or why he embraced becoming a pro wrestler in Shell in a Cage. Although perhaps he knew inside that the title meant  very little, he just wants a title to prove to others and most importantly himself that he’s not nothing. Inside, Rise Leo believes that he's nothing, useless, and he's desperate to prove himself.

In previous incarnations, it sometimes felt (to me) that being a leader was a heroic burden Leos had to take, that becoming one meant taking on the responsibilities no one else wanted; basically to take one for the team. I keep thinking back to 2003 Mikey's deconstruction of Leo's character:

“I think you all should just lay off the poor guy [Leonardo]. I mean, it can't be fun always being the responsible one. And we're the ones who really benefit: Raph's free not to think cause Leo does all the thinking for him, Don's free to dream, and I'm free to take it easy all because Leo's busy being responsible enough for all of us.” - Mikey, TMNT 2003 

In Rise, instead of leadership being a burden, it's actually something that will build up Leo's character (not that the burden thing it’s bad, it’s just a different take). Not only will it give Leo purpose, but it'll also help improve the low opinion Leo has on himself that he keeps hiding by the classic Superiority Inferiority Complex / Sad Clown shtick. It will build up his confidence and it's great to see this development of a teen who suffers from feeling that he's nothing, something a lot of people face in life, to step up and realize, 'Hey, I am something'.

I also think that this development for Leo is going to be an interesting one for Raph. Rise Raph sort of designated himself as the leader because he's the oldest. He doesn't like taking orders from anyone else, and he's happy that way. I don't think Raph is a bad leader, he's honestly doing good and the best he can, which is all anyone can ask for... but admittedly, he isn't super great. He doesn't think things through and he sometimes doesn't have that intuition that comes with decision making. In fact, Leo is doing a lot of backseat leader-ing when opportunities arise, having great leadership qualities and intuition, things which Raph unfortunately lacks as a leader. Even Donnie has shown that he trusts Leo almost unconditionally when he wasn't even paying attention in the conversation at hand, automatically agreeing with Leo in a debate between Raph and Leo (in Hot Soup: The Game).

I'd like to think that Raph knows deep inside that he may not be the best choice as leader for his brothers, so he feels pressured and may be prone to lashing out when tensions get high (shown a bit in Mascot Melee).

My analysis and prediction is that Raph will have to learn the hard heartbreaking and important lesson that will test the bond between Leo and Raph: Sometimes, being a great leader isn't about making hard choices or organizing the people, it's knowing when you need to step down and let someone else takes the reigns and lead. It’s a hard lesson to learn and Raph realizing that will be one of the most emotional and mature moments in the show, I feel it.

It's always said the real adventure is the journey not the destination; and I'm hella excited and happy to see Leo's journey to becoming more confident with himself and becoming leader, as well as the subsequent character development Raph has to go through about stepping down as leader. Also I'm not ruling out the possibility that Rise Leo might face some of the same stresses that come with being a leader in addition to the journey to become one.

These are just all my thoughts anyway :P

TL;DR - It's great that we see Rise Leo become a leader instead of starting as one since we get to see his development from a guy who has poor opinion of himself that he hides under jokes and a Superiority Inferiority Complex to a confident leader. Also having Raph learn the lesson that sometimes a good leader knows when it's time to step down and let someone else lead.

[princeasimdiya12]

My Hero Captain Mightypants

So I was talking with @tornrose24 about the potential of having the cast of My Hero Academia in a Captain Underpants AU. She mentioned how there were several parallels regarding the two series so I figure I can come up with something for the two.

So for starters, Toshinori Yagi and All Might would play the roles of Mr. Krupp and the Waistband Warrior. In this reality, Toshi would be the school principal. Unlike Krupp, Toshinori is not a heartless jerk who gets off of tormenting children. He’s a fair and understandable man who does give his students a chance to prove themselves and see if they can better themselves. Although he’s quite serious and pretty cynical. The reason is because his physical health was weak and limited his opportunities in life so it gave him little to no hope over what he can accomplish on his own. Until one fateful day, when the protagonists unintentionally hypnotize him into the Waistband Warrior Captain Mightypants. His new personality would be just like All Might’s public persona: confident, over the top, friendly, compassionate. The only problem would be that (initially) he’s now a skinny man in briefs and a cape. Thankfully that changes when the heroes come across a carton of “Juice For All” and in a desperate bid to save themselves, they give some of it’s juicy contents for their malnourished hero. This results in CM obtaining his muscular physique and powers that allow him to take on any foe. And his secret identity is secure now that the two forms have radically different personalities and appearances. 

As for our heroes, they would be played by Ochako Uraraka and Izuku Midoriya as George and Harold respectively. Ochako is technically the first genuine friend of Izuku/Harold who helped them out of their bullying situations. She’s also quite witty and is assertive when facing challenges. Izuku would be Harold since he faced many years of isolation, having a disappeared dad, and being the victim of horrid bullies. Apart from the gloomy stuff, he’s also super interested in superheroes and would spend his time making drawings and statistics for each new hero he created. Once Ochako arrives, she would encourage him to make stories with his characters and how each hero would use their skills and overcome their challenges. I can’t really see them pulling consistent pranks since neither of them have ever been the type to prank others. If anything, I see them pulling one big prank on the school jerkhole Bakguou which is big enough to earn the disapproving attention of Mr. Yagi. Izuku would freak out over having his permanent record being tarnished and Ochako, in a desperate bid to save themselves, would pull out a hypno ring and would brainwash Toshinori to stop him from delivering punishment.

Now let’s talk about everyone’s ‘favorite’ jerkhole. Bakugou Katsuki would be the Melvin of the AU. An arrogant, cocky, unpleasant rival who takes pleasure in proving his superiority over others and belittling everyone around him. He continues his role as Izuku’s bully by tormenting him during their early years. But he isn’t able to get away with it once Ochako steps in and vows not to let him get away with his abuse. So the bullying isn’t as prevalent but Bakugou still shows up every now and then to mock and tease them. He also shares the nerd’s dedication to studying and getting great grades. Regarding tech smarts, Bakugou would spend most of his time creating high grade weapons and explosives to see what he can build and to blow off steam whenever he needs time to vent. (He goes to the junkyard/wasteland and blasts things). If I had to give him sympathetic qualities to keep him from being too unlikable, then I’d go with how his need to lash out is because of an inferiority complex where he believes he isn’t good enough for anyone. Both his parents are busy with their own jobs, and his mom is terrible at showing positive affection, and everyone keeps away from him because of his bad attitude. So in Bakugou’s mind, he’s made lashing out a way to cope with his loneliness and to trick himself into thinking that he doesn’t need anyone as long as he’s the best. This is a little tricky so I’d like to come back and rework this later.

Now for the other characters!

Momo Yaoyorozu would be the Erica Wang. A mature honors student who takes her academics seriously and is also a great leader among her peers. She has a big sister role when it comes to Ochako and Izuku’s antics and tries to steer them into making smart and sensible choices. She’s also involved in alot of after school programs and activities as a means of ensuring that she can enter the best school possible and obtain a worthy career. Her arc would be to learn that while academics are important, it’s also important to enjoy her youth alongside her friends and just relax. And in reference to her quirk and Erica’s hammerspace, Momo would conveniently have any object or item that the heroes need.

Kirishima Eijirou as Bo. They’re both the designated strong boys of the group who would use their physical strength to help out their friends. Kirishima also has insecurities like Bo when it comes to how people perceive him and whether he can be a reliable friend. In the past, he had his hair black and would keep to himself because of his doubts. But with the heroes’ help, he starts to come out of his shell and is more open with everyone. And he even dyes his hair to help him stand out. In reference to his quirk, Kirishima can make little figurines out of rock and stone. 

Ibara Shiozaki as Dressy. Both of them are nature loving girls who try to maintain peace and order among their friends and classmates. No matter the circumstances, she always has a calm mood. For the AU, Ibara’s hair would either be dyed green or she’d have twigs, leaves and flowers all over because of how much time she spends in the garden. 

Aizawa would probably be the Ribble of this universe. Along with being the main homeroom teacher, he’s also shown in a serious and gloomy mood and has zero tolerance for the tomfoolery of his children. Though like with Toshi, he wouldn’t have the same level of cruelty as Ribble. His ‘villain’ persona would be “The Scaremaster”; a villain who along with having long and controllable hair, he’d be able to scare anyone into submission with his deadly stare. The kids hypnotize him in order to make him forget about a disastrous event but unintentionally convince him to become the Scaremaster. And things get worse when his face gets splashed with “Juice For All”. 

And as weird as it sounds, I’d go with Present Mic as Mr. Meaner. Mic is also shown to be pretty dense but approachable like Meaner was in the series and is the second most recurring teacher alongside Aizawa/Ribble. He tends to overreact and would embarrass himself with his hammy nature. Most of the time, he can’t even complete the physical activities he set up and is mainly there to talk and push the kids to get through it.

And for the sake of shipping, we can have Inko as Edith the Lunch Lady. They’re both fat, soft-hearted and timid women who try to make the most of any situation. Along with being her main source of income, Inko took on the job because of the bullying and wanted to make sure that her son was okay. But after seeing how her son was able to make new friends and stop the bullying on his own, Inko finds herself with more time to focus on her own interests. She’d also has frequent “parent-faculty” meetings with the principal as they both try to bond and interact with each other while trying to stay professional. They’re both really awkward at it but they still enjoy their time together.

And for the actual villains (this is gonna involve major spoiler territory so please proceed with caution).

The villain who would play Poopypants would be Daruma Ujiko. Both of them are short, glasses wearing scientists who are genuinely evil and have no remorse when it comes to making horrifying experiments for their own personal agendas. Just like in the movie, Daruma came to the school in the hope of perfecting his experiments while also using the children as pawns/subjects for his weapons. He struck gold when it came to Bakugou’s weapons and promised the kid great success if he let him ‘borrow’ some of his weapons. 

And I think I’d go with All For One as Sir Stinks Alot. Granted he won’t be Meaner but it works in the sense that he’s an incredibly intelligent villain who is able to control others much like how SSA had the support of the faculty and created the drug to brainwash the children at Jerome Horwitz. For most of the series, AFO would stay in the background as Daruma, along with several other monsters/villains, would serve as his eyes and ears as they frequently terrorize Piqua. Initially they came to take over, but what caught AFO’s attention was a mysterious hero in his underwear along with two students who frequently defeat his forces. This intrigues AFO as he intends to learn more about Mightypants and what would be the best way to dispose of him.

And those would be the key players of the AU. If anything, I’ll try to think of more people who can be involved aswell as other plot points for the cast. What do you think?

[sweetsunrayssr]

Joe’s shrines and relics

Meta-analysis of Joe’s arc throughout the seasons of Halt and Catch Fire, as far as 4x06, and thus a warning for spoilers. Also, this is a long one, because Joe Macmillan is after all a complicated guy.

JOE’S START-UP SHRINE – THE BASEMENT

Where Gordon’s shrine was always an almost sacred location to him before meeting Joe and it became a shrine when the right person did an all nighter in his garage, Joe did not have a pre-determined location. Joe just feels he wants to work with someone when he meets that person. The person comes before the location. And he will seek them out anywhere, wherever they are. He wants to work with Gordon since he saw him at Comdex 81 and he wants to work with Cameron when meeting her at his lecture in Austin Tech. He seeks and needs people who have a conviction and dare to oppose him. After all, we know Joe – dog with a bone. Gordon and Cameron both do that, but in different ways. Gordon grounds him, Cameron inspires him. Gordon can say “Enough! What you want right now is not realistic at this point in time.” Cameron says, “What you want right now is not enough. We can do so much more.” So, he has chemistry with both of them, but only the chemistry he has with Cameron is inspirational and sexual. Because of the background story we have about Simon, it is not sex that inspires him, but rather inspiration that turns him on.

The basement setting as a shrine begins to be established for Joe within the first ten minutes of the series: he meets with Cameron in a bar to scout her professional potential, has a peek-a-boo argument with her, gets drunk and before long he has sex with her in the bar’s basement. Basement screams instinctual, primal, uncontrollable, and subconscious. The connection created and sought here by Joe and sought after in later seasons in this location comes forth from a primal subconscious need, often masked by rationalizations, rather than a deliberate conscious process.

Just to clarify how primal this first sexual encounter with Cameron was, I’ll remind you of the mating of cats: lunges, luring, cornering, mounting, and painful barbed finish for the female who lashes out and screams at the tomcat. That is pretty much how Lee Pace and Mackenzie Davis acted it to me. Later once hired, Cameron decides to work on the BIOS in the basement instead of her designated cleared out cleaning room. It is in this basement that she initiates and establishes a sexual incubating pattern: whenever Cameron is mentally and mathematically stuck on a problem, having sex with Joe gets her unstuck, lifts her mentally into having a higher overview. And they celebrate their anticipated success for Comdex 83 in the basement (before Bos gets arrested).

THE SOUL IN THE MACHINE

While Season 1 may establish the basement as a future shrine for Joe, he initially had no shrine at all. Instead he naturally holds on to relics: the bat his father gave him, the PROM chip Gordon and him reversed. This makes a lot of sense for a man who has uprooted himself and traveled Europe and the US. You can’t carry buildings from place to place, but you can carry the relics.

The GIANT is a relic he ends up burning, and is pretty much a product the series pushes as an analogy to Joe. The very first glimpse we have of him is machine like, in his car and road killing an armadillo. He starts out looking like an IBM clone salesman and both Cam and Bos refer to him as this, while his initial product idea is an IBM clone.

Then in 1x06 Landfall, Cam wants both the machine and Joe to have a soul. The IBM clone (Joe and the computer) are boring to her: an empty 1000$ suit and an empty box that may be fast and look sexy, but is not something she can interact with, not of flesh and blood, or fall in love with. Naming and speaking (truth) is a meta-dialogue element ever since that tends to be a callback to this episode. It’s what would make the Giant and Joe “unique” and a “visionary”. It’s the first time that Cameron pitches her own innovative vision and idea, and she does this using her own relic – the doll.

Note: a cinematic trick occurs in this scene. Joe lies reclined, while Cam stands. The camera uses a frog perspective from Joe to Cameron as he watches her pitch talk about the OS, mesmerized. The camera has a bird perspective from Cameron to Joe as she tries to convince him. However, when he tells her that he is sure of what he can sell without her OS at Comdex and how her OS promises him none of that, the camera angle shifts back to horizontal on both of them. It’s as if the room tilts behind them back to normal. It’s difficult to show this with stills with the camera on Joe as the background looks almost so similar, but if you ever re-watch 1x06 look out for it happening (At present I’m working on a 7 year old laptop that overheats when rendering movie clips). But I can show the sequence with stills as the camera is on Mackenzie. It implies that Cameron literally tilts the room for Joe when she speaks.

At Comdex, after Gordon removed Cameron’s OS and she leaves Joe, his sales pitch at the booth reflects the same transference between machine and characters. He spurns “unique”. It’s “not your friend, but your employee”. “If you want to chase rainbows and tilt the room? Walk outside.” Simon referred to Cameron as Miss Rainbow Bright and a tilting of the room is what the cameras did in the 1x06 scene.

The Comdex 83 episode finishes with Joe ending up in the Apple suite rattled and shocked that “it speaks” after it says “My name is Macintosh”, in almost direct analogy to the moment when Cam’s OS interacted with Joe.

The S1 finale starts out with Joe being blown away by the Superbowl Commercial by Apple in 1984, with the model who looks so much like Cameron: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtvjbmoDx-I

Joe realizes that Cameron is the muse he needs and he’s willing to follow her wherever she wants to go. Except his muse rejects him as soulless, an echo who recites her own ideas back to her. Worse, she figuratively shoves him of a metaphorical stargazing roof to land on a fence, condemning him to healing from her damning words for close to two more years.

When he then stares at the finished Giant, Joe can only see it as the empty machine that Cameron condemned it to be. And then Gordon gives Joe credit: “The Cardiff Giant is an incarnation of everything you are. Shows the reach and power of your vision and the very best of your abilities as a leader.”  While Gordon means this as a compliment, Joe despises the Giant and so when he burns the shipment, he’s actually trying to destroy the idea of him as an empty machine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIf_7rtGNrQ

Joe verifies this subconscious intent of the immolation scene in 2x01 when he tells Sarah’s friends that initially he believed he was not content with the end product, but in truth loathed himself.

So, aside from a basement as a shrine to reconnect with Cameron, a giant machine making noise becomes the subconscious relic of Cameron’s voice. She is like a ghost in the machine. And this all sets the stage for us to understand that Joe subconsciously thinks of Cameron in S2 and S3 when he’s in a basement and makes choices to have her back in his life somehow, even when he believes otherwise.  

SEASON 2 – SURROGATE SARAH

As I mentioned with Gordon’s Garage shrine, season 2 is overall the surrogate season – most characters seek to replace a specific bond with someone else. Sarah is the surrogate lover for Joe to soothe the rejection by Cameron at the end of S1. Almost from the very beginning that Sarah is introduced to us, she’s jarringly supportive, and while certainly Joe believes himself in love and sincere, a part of it is just plain awkward. “10 miles!” “I can tell”. “I was Andy Kaufman.” “Oh, I was big bird. I guess that makes us quite the couple.” CRINGE!

Compare that to S4 Joe on the telephone with Cameron, or in the trailer in 4x06 where he feels free to allow for a bit of sarcasm and smugness combined with overflowing sweetness, with Haley or when his friends of Comet are at his house to watch the skating Olympics. S2 Joe with Sarah may be a better Joe, but it is less authentic than he believes at the time.

Before Donna gets to say it, you already think, “What’s he doing with her?” Gordon predicted correctly that Joe’s fiancé would be more of a Joan Baez type: not as aggressive as Cameron. Sarah asks him during his proposal whether the reason he loves her is because she’s the first person to forgive him. And yes, that pretty much sums it up basically, even if Joe cannot admit that to himself even. Sarah says the things he truly wants Cameron to believe of him: he’s not an echo, he has a soul, and can love, not a bad guy, he’s redeemable, etc.

We are given a few pointers in dialogue though that Joe likely sought her out at the observatory, because he remembers her as “challenging”:

They knew each other from college, from a rhetoric course, and she used to win those rhetorics.

Joe himself tells her father he loves her because she’s skeptical

Joe says that in their college days he couldn’t keep up with her

Even if we as viewers don’t see it at the time, Joe has an image of her as a woman who can stand up to him. Which makes sense: if he does not believe that of Sarah, then her support and forgiveness would be without value. She has to have some strength of personality to be Cameron’s surrogate. And while she may lack Cameron’s fierceness, she proves to be quite assertive without ever looking back, once she has all the evidence that she is not a second chance, but a second choice. Anyway, that her forgiveness is not enough is already hinted at with Joe playing Tank Battle against Cameron as an anonymous user, while Sarah sleeps, the night he asked Sarah to marry him.

MAINFRAME IN THE BASEMENT

Joe starts working at Westgroup as a grunt in data-entry in the basement with outdated equipment and colleagues that are even more passive and bored-out than Gordon was in S1. They have however a brand new giant mainframe. And when he has enough of his non-innovative surroundings, Joe seeks his solace with the mainframe, buzzing and whirring around him at the start of 2x03. It’s the only machine that’s alive, more alive than his colleagues. He leans against it, almost as if he needs to feel its humming vibe.

It could be said that in his subconscious, he’s seeking Cameron’s ghost in the machine. Certainly storywise, the mainframe heralds Joe moving into Cameron’s personal life. But I’d go further and say that in that setting Cameron is ever present in his subconscious mind. When he arrives at work the next day after his dinner with Gordon and Donna, that ended with them saying goodbye because something was up at Mutiny, he calls for a meeting in the mainframe room and is present as the machine wakes up. When he cryptically says “The way in,” he might consciously mean tech via time-sharing, but Joe simply wouldn’t have gotten that particular idea without its subtextual ties to Cameron, who’s running an online company. He is so not surprised when Gordon demands Mutiny to be Joe’s pilot project for a discount. Nor does he even protest against it. And he uses his typical S1 posturing, which is but a mask: indifference, annoying Gordon.

Once Cameron’s Mutiny is connected to his mainframe, it’s no coincidence at all that Joe’s sex life with Sarah turns hot. It is all the more suspicious, since later, after he’s actually married, Sarah remarks down at the Westgroup basement, “This place really turns you on.” “You have no idea,” he says cryptically, the exact same thing he says to Cam when she’s about to give him her Kali kiss. Who’s actually on his mind is already made clear in the club when under the influence of XTC he says to Sarah, “I’m not an echo!”

KALI AND SAINT SARAH

Joe’s intentions are sincere (like the wine), but not until 2x07 does he become honest with himself. But before that, once his benevolent act for Mutiny gets into the open and possibly heads for disaster, the more he postures and begins to manipulate like S1 Joe, fully willing to exorcise Mutiny, and thus Cameron’s ghost, of the mainframe.

And yes, he does grow to care sincerely for Sarah, after he witnesses Jacob Wheeler lecturing her in 2x07. That is the pivotal moment where he can begin to let go of Cameron and talk of her as his past ideal partner, as well as praise and defend Cameron’s work and vision, even if it would cost him. That’s when he starts to do the right thing for the right reasons - because he truly believes it is the right thing, instead of proving to either Cameron or Sarah that he’s a decent human being. That the healing scene between Cameron and Joe occurs in a hospital is symbolically apt. Note also that this is one of the many scenes including a reflection. Between Cameron and Joe the reflection scenes usually occur during true and tender confessions, as well as a moment that will karmically return to them in some form. The reflection in this scene also suggests the unspoken truth that a part of him will always love her or remain with her.

In that sense his goodbye to Westgroup’s basement with Sarah is his sexual goodbye to Cameron and the basement shrine. If Westnet hadn’t occurred, messing with his effort to leave Cameron in peace and with a sincere impression of him, if Cameron hadn’t exorcised Westgroup and Joe with Sonaris, he would have likely moved on and eventually have grown to love Sarah more than he still loved Cameron. Love can grow to be true via many paths.

But Westnet did happen, and Cameron did kiss him and made him desire her in Westgroup’s basement, even if he stopped it. While Cam’s intent was to exorcise him from her life with her own goodbye kiss, she simultaneously reclaimed the basement to haunt him.

The whole Sonaris trap she sets would be called creating a karmic bond in esoteric circles. Since the episode 2x09 is called Kali, a Hindu goddess, we do have references to the religion where karmic thinking is a cornerstone. That Cameron enacts the destructions of demons as Kali is depicted by her lying in the garden like a force of nature. And how she herself is bound to Joe because of this and not actually free from karma is reflected by Tom leaving her at the end of the episode. Her plan backfires in her personal life.

Incidental or not, I would also like to remark on a version of Kali that was brought into Europe during the Middle Ages by the Romani: Saint Sarah, or otherwise known as Sarah-la-Kali (Sarah the Black). And the character Sarah in Halt and Catch Fire is almost saintly patient, but whatever wounds she healed with Joe after S1, she tears right open again in the same episode called Kali. She finishes the destruction that Cameron unleashes. This would fit the surrogate role.

SHIVA ON HIS MOUNTAIN TOP

If Cameron is Kali to Joe, then he himself could be said to be analogues to Shiva (Kali’s consort). This is a paradoxical Hindu deity who is known as destroyer as well as a pacific benefactor, who can be cruel and wild but also kind and tranquil. His second paradox is that he is both an ascetic yogi/guru sitting self-absorbed on a mountain and family man with children (which in Hindu culture tends to be mutually exclusive, except for Shiva). His third paradox is that Shiva is half-male and half-female spiritually. Bi-sexual, so to speak.

There are various iconographic depictions of Shiva: dances to destroy, lying reclined while Kali stands to give him energy to create, and as a meditating yogi far removed from the world high on a mountaintop, or with his wife Parvati and two children (Parvati = Kali, but the benevolent avatar). One of his attributes are ashes, representing burning things to the ground in order to set the soul free for evolution.

Ok, that all sounds very cool, and I amassed the above information when I checked out Kali who’s Shiva’s shakti or muse. And yes, that all sounds pretty much like Joe, but is that a coincidence or is there Shiva imagery worked into the series. Well, we do have the Yogi image for Joe in S3.

Joe is introduced to us as a Tech guru like Steve Jobs, in a top office floor of a skyscraper overlooking SF Bay (as does his apartment). We have several references and images that not only put Joe like Shiva high in the sky, but in an Asian context, often with mountain imagery in the background or drawn behind him.

So, did the writers and directors include Shiva imagery for Joe in S3? I’d say absolutely. What does all of this have to do with basements and mainframes? Just like Gordon stays away from the garage in S3 as he refuses to work together with Joe, Joe seeks to be as far away from the basement shrine for over half of S3, because he wants to be away from Cam and her influence. But not just her. The world and their chatter in general. Another Shiva-Yogi aspect is that Shiva isolates himself from the world on his mountain top. Joe is not just featured in top floors surrounded by Asian décor and mountain imagery. He walks around with headphones too, to avoid hearing other people talk. Joe does the same thing what Cam did in S1 with her music, except not in some hole in the ground, but at the top of the mountain.

Sure, he throws parties and has numerous flings, but he wouldn’t call these people friends. One of the first flings we see is Donna’s predicted model with long blonde hair, shoulderpads and Daryl Hannah cheekbones. And in that atmosphere he remains aloof, distant and unaffected, but benevolent, wishing well on people, and giving it away for free. Joe’s flight to the top of the mountain and anti-virus product also symbolize Joe’s self-protection reflex. He only trusts himself and it’s dangerous to be around someone with whom he can be himself. So, he surrounds himself with people he doesn’t feel anything for. He does not want to feel.

Ryan Ray who works at Mutiny manages to get Joe’s attention, enough to be hired, on the condition that Ryan forgets all about the people he worked with at Mutiny. Joe knows he wants to do something new and innovative, but he doesn’t know what. He’s seeking for a rebel and muse, but one he is not sexually attracted to. When he hires Ryan, he hopes he might be a sterile Cam for him basically (a Cam surrogate, just not as personal). But Ryan doesn’t rebel against pricing the 2.0 user version and doesn’t take initiative to work on something the way Cameron would have. So, when Joe comes down of his mountain top to be a student at BASIC programming, he believes Ryan is a kind person, but nothing special.

The first scene where Joe does get of his mountain top, as a student, he hears Cameron talk. He’s stopped right in his tracks and thus for the first time affected. He first decides to avoid her, but eventually waits for her and faces her. He does his zen-master act, thanking her, trying to make some sort of peace, be benevolent to her, even willing to give her Ryan back.

Except, she laughs in his face and tells him that his zen-master act may work on other people, but not on her and she doesn’t believe it. She proves to be right, for he cannot be aloof around her, can’t let her walk away from him without giving a retort and ends up being pissed at her. The face he makes as she strolls of, certainly is not that of a zen-master at all.

She also informed him that Ryan is special and one of the best coders in the bay area. And his meeting with Cameron, away from the mountain, is the spark that makes him decide to have Ryan Ray work with him in his apartment, while he tries to regain his zen state. Which results in a brainstorm session where Ryan mentions Mutiny, and Joe instantly tells him to shut up.

The cinematic shot that follows is Joe requiring silence now, with a hilltop in the background beside his head. And when he shushes Ryan and closes his eyes in a type of meditation, Joe visually becomes one with the mountain top.

At least Ryan shares Cam’s annoying quality of being noisy and not shutting up, and he can’t truly regain his zen state anymore. He still looks and acts the part at the party where he meets Bos and Diane, but his little evilness rears its head and pokes Diane about Cameron (and thus in Cam’s business). Next that same destructive anger makes him blow up the peace attempt with the gay-hating father who decides on state contracts, and then he learns one of his flings is seropositive and he might have contracted HIV himself. Shiva-Joe is about to fall from his mountain.

The idea of the regional network is one of Joe’s true visionary ideas that he arrives at after months of labor, by himself. Ryan did the research on what is present now: ARPANET and NSFNET, and echoes Joe’s words. Cam did not directly inspire him to have that vision and idea. But she did put a crack in his ascetism, enough for him to bring in Cam-like noise and mess (when Ryan arrives at Joe’s apartment after his ex-fling left), and inevitably make him act and react, as well as reconnect with life (invite Ryan to dinner), and break down the forts and citadels (the destruction aspect and legends of Shiva). If he destroyed the GIANT out of self-loathing in S1, Joe intends to destroy the forts from an enlightened idea in S3 instead.

The very next scene, we see Joe again is … yup, in the basement. It’s empty and silent, a blank slate: right now it’s perfect. The enlightenment behind it is visually supported by the light editing. We first get a burst of light, and in that light, slowly the image of Joe and Ryan in Macmillan Utility’s basement forms and sharpens.

This is a rebirth or reincarnation scene. And when Ryan asks whether the room is perfect, Joe clarifies “the idea” is perfect, but the camera singles out Joe. We are looking at a “perfect Joe”, able to connect with the past as he mentions Mitch from his IBM days without any ill feelings, truly at peace with Cameron and himself. He can be in a basement and feel connected to her without anger and desire (there’s no mainframe), and just let her be. He even understands that life won’t be perfect and there will be disappointments ahead of him.

So, we get an image of Yogi-Shiva/Joe not on a mountain, but in the basement, metaphorically reconnecting with the world and his past as the basements is being wired (he actually helps with the wiring) and a mainframe is installed. Simultaneously he accepts the concept and value of an “echo”. Even though Ryan echoed him, with his help, Joe managed to achieve the idea. And Joe further promotes Ryan to be a mini-Joe as a sharp dresser.

NOT HIS MAINFRAME NOR HIS CAMERON

What Joe does not yet know is that there are no rewards for becoming enlightened. Life does not become less painful or less of a struggle. This is perhaps the most beautiful and painful raw aspect of this TV series for Joe’s arc: how true to life it is that most of the time there are no rewards, even if you deserve it, even if you do the right thing, are right about what will happen. And the latter half of S3 exemplify it.

As the idea of the regional network is about to become reality, and still perfect, he arrives back home to find Cameron waiting in his hallway, at his door, in the middle of the night. Kali comes to visit Shiva on his mountain. It’s the perfect materialization of the memory of Cameron coming to his apartment. Of course a part of him hoped she used Gordon as an excuse to come to him in the middle of the night and the inevitable would happen.

But then he looks down and sees the wedding ring on her finger. A part of him just can’t believe it. Whoever her husband is, he could never be someone lasting, just the nearest person you project happiness on. Much earlier in the season, in the brainstorm scene with Ryan, Ryan protests against him wiping the whiteboard clean of a clutter of ideas. Not only does Joe say that “good is the enemy of great”. He also says that if “anything is worth pursuing we’ll remember it tomorrow.” And both these guidelines most likely reflect his feelings about Sarah versus Cameron. Sarah faded away, but Cameron never will.

And yet, he has to let go of Cameron to be someone else’s as well as surrender the mainframe, the basement and the creation of the regional network completely to Gordon. Both during her visit to his mountain, his visit to her home to ask her to help find Ryan and the first scenes at Comdex 90, each time Joe is reminded that he will never get over Cameron. Every meeting he’s confronted with his desire for her, the realization that Tom’s the lucky one and the accompanying pain at the reminder of what he lost when he chose selling a computer that nobody remembers. It doesn’t matter whether there are three years, seven years or ten years between then and back.

Comdex 90 events develop in 3 stages:

First they talk like friends, walking around Comdex 90 and he learns she has gone through some cycles of her own life experience and identity, which he can fully recognize. He reflects it’s amazing how much changes in just a few years, but also how much stays the same. As she rattles away about what is worth seeing at Comdex90, unaware she’s making typical facial expressions, he watches her mesmerized: much of the original Cam is still the same, so are his feelings for her. It hurts and overwhelms (he cryptically admits it in phase 2 when she asks him whether something “caught his eye on the floor”). And yet it was fulfilling to just spend that relaxed time with her – a stolen moment. Joe prepares to say goodbye: “Oh God, it was great to see you and..euhm… this was a lot of fun.” But Cameron grabs his arm and Joe can’t resist that temptation. Basically this whole scene is the moment of regret over the past as well as recognizing what he loved about her in the past, and he’s grateful of every moment he steals in being around her in the present.

In the second scene and phase (the NIM game) it is not just so much the confrontation with memories of the past and seeing the past in the present, but the gob smacking realization that he still wants to pursue her and that this was the true reason why he’s there at all – to find out whether he still has a chance at a future with her. “This is not about Ryan”. Joe realizes this as Cam puts the past in perspective, absolves him of blame, and then tells him that he’s a creator of change, for his great strength is bringing the right people together (Shiva again). In that moment she heals every wound she has hacked into him in the past in retaliation of all his mistakes and her own hurts. Again she invites him to stay, and it sort of becomes a date to him, and he’ll do whatever she wants to do.

The third scene at the Atari party we see them dance together for the first time (they didn’t dance together at Comdex 83): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMobSQ68lk0 Here too we can possibly see a connection to Shiva and Kali-Parvati. Shiva is the Lord of the Dance and dances various dances (tandava) depending on his mood and intent, some destroy, one is joyous. Kali is just an aspect of Parvati, where Parvati becomes fierce and enraged to force change and time. Parvati is the loving, benign form. And her dance Lasya is a happy, graceful one, tempering Shiva’s dance. When Joe goes to get refills, we see Cam still dancing in joy, exclaiming to friendly people she loves them (more Parvati dancing Lasya), but then Donna shows up. Cam’s dance stops and she storms off in wrath (becoming Kali like again), taking Joe with her, who calms her.

Note: The dancing Shiva even has a tie to CERN, the nuclear research center in Geneva, from which Joe got the hypertext manuals in the S3 finale. CERN has a statue of the dancing Shiva, gifted to the research center by India in 2004, for their particle research describes the “cosmic dance” of creation and destruction.

No, they don’t go to the basement, but to the roof of the hotel (top of the mountain). After winning NIM with lighters, the honest admission that he is at Comdex, and her becoming honest to herself about her feelings for him (even if she does not verbally confirms it to him) they end up sharing a night of love and passion on the mountain. And yes, we have hilltops behind them at the roof, with yin-yang color play. From a time-thief he becomes a wife-thief.

In rolls the finale with a project they would all be excited about (except for Tom), where he can’t help but put doubts in Tom’s mind and uses CERN’s hypertext as information to win Cam over and destroy Tom (the Shiva dance remember). It eventually leads to a fight and Joe falling through the floor onto the mainframe in the basement, her actual mainframe, her basement. While a part of me cheered for him making that sardonic dig at Tom about wives not having a vote, the dick measuring also sows the seeds of Cam having to work on the project remotely. On the other hand, he championed her right to choose and deflected Tom’s attention from ordering Cam around like some lord of the middle ages. He seems willing to sacrifice his image and make himself look like the bad guy to deflect any suspicion Tom may have about Cam. In response, Cam champions Joe to Donna.

S3 finale and 4x02 suggest how much Joe has come to terms with Cam’s Kali aspects, both empathically as well as predict when it will rear up, and how he manages to channel and temper it. The moment he sees that Donna showed up at Comdex90, he knows that was the wrong move. His information and night with Cam soften her enough to hear Donna out. Joe is suspicious of the reasons that Cam chose to hold the meeting at the prior Mutiny building once Donna reveals this. Donna couldn’t imagine why, but he freezes and his eyes and face say, “Oh, you’re in trouble Donna. Cam’s going to go Kali on you.” He understands that Cam is conflicted over the www project, unsure of his commitment to her and distrustful of Donna. He tempers Cam again, telling her that Donna is trying while also pleading with her whther there is a chance for them. How much Joe understands and can channel the Kali aspect of Cam is featured again in the telephone convo of S4 when he wrote the press release statement. In sympathy he included the skull reference about Gavin Green (and yes Kali’s attributes are skulls), but he also cheers when she says it’s what she should send, but minus the last bit about skulls. He’s proud she has learned to temper her Kali nature.

Meanwhile Cameron admits in 4x05 that Joe won her heart over the course of events of the last two S3 episodes. It’s nearly Christmas 1990 when they have the www meeting, and she has told Tom in Japan shortly after New Year, in the hope that Tom would leave her.

POST-IT BASEMENT SHRINE

While Joe championed and won Cam’s heart, while he gets to work in her basement that houses her mainframe, and she wants to work on the project, it doesn’t work out for Joe as he hoped. How does that work with that mainframe? Well the mainframe is not operative anymore. It is as silent as Cam increasingly grows over the distance. Without her actually being in the basement, Joe has to wait and wait and wait, and grows bitter. They may have reconnected, but nothing beyond that: they don’t work together, they don’t live together, they don’t sleep together.

One of the sexual connotations in the S4 opener is the mention of 69 downloads, as 69 is a famous mutual satisfying (and sort of yin-yang) sexual position. Add the fact that this number is also mentioned in combination with the key-word “stuck” as in “stuck at 69 downloads” and later “screwing around with post-it notes”. Working with Cameron is merely the route he hopes to use in order have a non-platonic relationship with her. And the post-its imo represent both his “post-sexual frustration” as well as constantly reminding himself that he is right (and she is wrong). As the mainframe and basement gets filled with post-its and Gordon asks Joe to move upstairs, he adamantly refuses to do so, refusing to accept that the browser project and a possibility of a future with Cameron is dead. It is a competition with AOL that makes him take the first step to let go, just as Cameron shows up.

They don’t meet in the basement, but at Gordon’s party, on top of the hill (a small one) overlooking the celebrations. These are mirror circumstances of Comdex 90, except he’s mad at her and the silence grows uncomfortable. Joe leaves and Cam ends up on the couch. Obviously, Gordon’s couch was not where she hoped to end up that night. Along with Hole’s song Doll Parts we get more of the vibe that Cam feels punished by Joe. Not that it was realistic of Cam to hope that Joe would welcome her with open arms, but then again, he sought her out after 7 years before, all smiles, loyalty and support at Comdex 90, knowing she was married. (Sidenote: we see Cam wake up on Gordon’s floor the next morning. In other words, she refused to accept the couch punishment.)

The second meeting takes place in the basement he turned into a post-it note shrine. He only discovers her there as he comes down. As an image, she appears like a materialization of the mainframe and post-its, handing him the finished browser Loadstar, the project he believes was the sole excuse to maintain the connection. As much as he resents her for leaving him hanging alone for three years, he’s also sad (masked as anger) that this means the last tie to her will be severed. She’s about to walk out of his life for good in his mind. Since there won’t be any sex, the next best thing is arguing with her. Even if she offers and asks him what she could do for him, he tells her “nothing. It’s over.” Then she does her inspiration thing, as she moves up the stairs: he’s going to run out of post-its soon. Just 5 minutes and a small remark of identifying the future issue is now enough for Joe to have a new idea of his own.

POST-BASEMENT SHRINE: FAMILY AND HOME

I do not expect to see them in actual basement anymore in S4, not unless they have a completely falling out. But even in that sense they both have outgrown the basement as has their relationship. As a shrine it was never an end-goal for Joe anyway, only the reconnect and restart location. We only saw it having such a crucial role for Joe throughout the seasons, because they were not part of each other’s lives since the end of Comdex 83. Their reconnecting night at Comdex 90 was not a life, just “a night”.

Seeing her leave, possibly for good (in his mind), Joe reconnects with Cameron over the phone. I want to point out the visual we see through the window of Cam’s hotel room: a mountain. The mountain has become a fundamental part of Cam’s personal shrine to reconnect with Joe. A mountain, hotel room and party is the complete shrine for Cameron in relation to Joe. The obvious reason is that a party and hotel room are reminders of how she wished Comdex 83 would have ended, instead of how it truly ended. And the mountain is where she is most likely to meet the most benevolent aspect of Joe. This is an idealization in part – as we see her fall asleep to his forgiving voice, her hand lovingly cupping the speaker and off she drops into dreamland.

From midway S3 (3x06) until early S4 (4x02) we have 4 mountain meetings: twice Cam seeks Joe on the mountain, twice Joe seeks Cam on the mountain. And it only successfully rekindles a love affair when Joe “comes to see her”. That is what Joe ends up doing when Cam mentions the moon, which he cannot see because the hill/mountain blocks his view (aka he’s not on the mountain at his SF home).

Check out both the background of the Pilgrim avatar on Joe’s screen and the painting in the background of the hotel room hallway: the Pilgrim is looking towards a mountain, evoking the “if the mountain won’t come to Mohammed, then Mohammed must go to the mountain.” And as Joe walks into Cam’s hotel room through the “doorway”, we get to see the painting that hangs at the end of the hallway: a pathway to a mountain, and left of the mountain hangs a light that emanates a completely different light than the other warm yellow hallway lights. It’s blue-white light like the moon. (Moon sickles are attributes of both Shiva and Parvati/Kali)

In 4x05 Donna solves the key clue to Cameron’s game Pilgrim (see previous meta), but the location where the Pilgrim is to climb the flames in the air to get to the higher level is on a hilltop.

Cameron’s moon mention also relates to the content of something that Joe referenced in S2. We learned then that he wrote a letter to Gordon and Cameron. Only Gordon confirmed he read it, and Gordon name drops Shangri-La, a pop culture reference of an untopia in Tibet, where someone could live a prolonged, simple life. Joe asked her whether she received his letter and read it, but she refrains from answering, and Sarah introduces herself. The pop-culture reference goes back to a book “the Lost Horizon” from 1933: a story within a frame-story. And in that book a mountain of 28000 foot towers over Shangri-La. It’s called Karakal, which translates to “blue moon”.

Later, Cameron transforms her mountain shrine into the airstream, a material, grounded love nest that is still cosmic and enlightened, with which she repeats the cycle of Joe “coming to see her”.

Back to Joe’s shrine. As I said the basement is the reboot shrine, and while he has no end-shrine with Gordon, Joe actually has a goal-shrine with Cameron: a family and home. We get the hint for that way back in the S1 storm episode Landfall. Joe plays relaxed with Joanie and Haley and does his memorable storm-destroyer performance with two torches. He’s happy and smiling as Joanie and Haley dry him off afterwards. Then Gordon enters haggardly having survived the storm. Donna races towards him with love and care and worry. Gordon’s two daughters run to their father to cling at his legs. Gordon wants to talk with Joe and eat something, but Joe acts as if he feels an intruder on this happy family reunion scene and departs quickly, but not before seeing a picture of perfect family life: husband and wife and children all together, holding each other, smiling and waving.

As he walks to his car he looks back at Gordon’s house, stares at his own reflection in the car windows (self confrontation) and then drives off to Cameron’s house, asking her if she has anybody she would call if she was caught in a storm. That is the full clue from the very first season that deep down Joe wants to have a family with Cameron, the same episode where Cameron tilts the room for Joe and she talks about falling in love and making him fall in love.

That Joe was not against having children we already know in S2 when he talks of the children he expects and assumes he’ll have with surrogate-Sarah, in response to Jacob Wheeler’s invitation to be the key-note speaker for Westnet. And in the finale of 3x10 we know how much he idealized the picture of the Clark family as he expresses disbelief that Donna and Gordon got divorced, even long after the fact: “That the two of you…”

If we see a mountain through Cam’s hotel room window, we see nothing but cozy, warm homes behind which Joe can imagine perfect idealized family scenes behind the walls. He glances outside of his window for a moment when he asks her whether she’s divorced. He turns his chair and takes in the view of those warm cozy homes from the outside when he asks her whether she’s gonna stay in California. When he mimics and retells the book story of the boy holding the dead pigeon that restores the boy’s faith, Joe himself holds his hands as if he’s holding a baby. In the same shot we see a Buddha or Shiva Yogi and beside it stands the picture of his father and himself (father and son), and thus family.

And of course he mentions his general desire to have a family to her over the phone and inquires whether she wants children. So, this is the shrine he wants to build with Cameron.

How much he wants that really becomes poignant in 4x05 and 4x06: with him wanting her to move in indefinitely in 4x05, the pain flashing over his face when Gordon tells him thoughtlessly he’ll never be a father, and his confession to Bos how having children is a no-go zone with Cameron.

4x06 even visually does a callback to the S1 episode where Joe asks her whether she has anyone to call in a hurricane. Cam wears the same tank top in both episodes. She wears it in 1x06 as she opens the door for him and he stares at it for a moment. In 4x06 she wears it while doing the dishes and Joe watches the rocket video on the cam-corder, remarking that one day Haley is four and building forts and telling jokes at 14 the next.

Cam may have said, “Kids are great! If you could birth to a 14-year old,” but she had a loving smile while stealing a glance at Joe. So, Bos might be right after all, when he tells Joe she might surprise hm. Her being relieved she had no children with Tom (a husband she wanted deep down to leave her) and how much she claims the above for possible fear of Mother Nature deciding her fate makes unclear where she truly stands on a family with Joe. There are plenty of women who love their child, though they’re not fans of other people’s babies or toddlers. There are women who love someone else’s children, but don’t want them themselves. There are women who adore babies but mother nature gets in the way. Kali/Parvati notoriously was not an obvious mother figure, until she actually held her own baby, which was conceived with great difficulty.

SELF-SABOTAGE

The point for Joe in season 4 imo is that now that he has an actual exclusive relationship with Cameron and tries to build his shrine of family and home, the real thing won’t be like the ideal in his head. The pitfall here is that this home building is less about the process but the goal for him. He knows he just can’t get from basement to family picture, but what comes in between that delays and diverts from that family picture is not something he can fully enjoy.

The emails that Cam hasn’t checked give us a good timeline impression. The oldest email is from Tom about a package from Tokyo (that got hit by a truck) and was sent by the end of October. Her benefactor “Alexa” contacts her halfway November about having seen her at the convention MISCELANNEOUS. Joanie and Haley were going to school in the first episodes already, and thus the telephone conversation between Cameron and Joe in 4x02 occurred sometime in September. The last email of Tom where he informs her he’s going on a business trip to SF is from Sunday March 20th, and he visited Cameron on a Friday. Hence 4x05 was the 25th of March. The snug love time in the airstream would have been the weekend (26th and 27th). So, it’s early April in 4x06. Cameron and Joe are a couple for a whopping 6-7 months. The divorce papers have been signed for less than a fortnight. And they’re both complicated people. But Joe wants Cameron to move in 24/7 with him before she even told him she loves him for the first time ever in a decade, and if it were up to him they’d be making babies right now.

Joe’s approaching their relationship like a product manager, putting the relationship on a time schedule where he considers Cameron as a bottleneck in writing the BIOS to make it on time for Comdex, or like Donna pushing for an IPO with what they have instead of ensuring a solid foundation. A lot of Joe’s pain stems from this self-imposed approach. How much of his frustration would be resolved if he saw the relationship with the love of his life as a lifetime process instead?  

Joe should take his time and enjoy the process now, rather than speed ahead to the future in his mind, for he’s inexperienced with Cameron’s tendencies to retreat at various moments, how she can be awkward with intimacy, nor is she a talented communicator. If Donna and Bos would witness Cam taking Joe along when she buys the airstream, the conversation she has on the hotbed in the airstream, her informing him verbally or by note where she’s going, they would both think Cameron improved immensely. Unfortunately for himself, Joe does not have a reference for much of that S3 behavior, which the people she loves the most tend to take personal to then end up making mistakes.

So far, luckily, Joe halted in time to redirect his goal building:

he bought the wok after the fight in 4x05 and reflected he should enjoy his time with her, and was rewarded with the truth in a (space) truck.

he let go of his initial dislike of her weird looking cheese egg and the airstream he can’t stand up in. He doesn’t need to stand up to make love in a hotbed, right?

And when she left for her magical land once more, Joe visited Bos and connected with him in a way he likely never did before (except that time when Bos shoved his fist in that asshole boring grey box designer in the strip club), got positive feedback by Bos on his relationship with Cameron and what the future may have in store for him.

But can he maintain perspective or will his tendency to obsess wreck it all? Can he identify the true danger and enemy to his relationship or will he end up making enemies of potential allies who could help him understand Cameron better?

SURPRISE

4x06 have a humongous amount of conception metaphors:

the “cheesy” egg, incubated in a microwave

firing rockets

a rocket making “landfall”, the title of 1x06

a thematic cosmic airstream = rocking the universe, for a couple that have so many references to a cosmic creation couple as Shiva and Parvati/Kali

love making in a “hotbed” or “love nest” (more incubation) and cosmic airstream = rocking the universe

Joe and Cam unwittingly may already have conceived by the end of 4x06. I use the word incubator, because it helps brood and hatch eggs. The season has given us a lot of egg and bird references, including Joe holding an imaginary pigeon like a baby. Psychologically "incubator” means subconsciously thinking of a problem while doing another activity (S1 “I’m stuck”, S4 “I want babies, but let’s have fun shooting rockets”). It’s one of the first strategy games with full 3D graphics published in ‘97, using Kali software developed in ’95. And in a ritualistic sense it is a practice of sleeping in a sacred area in order to experience a miraculous and divine cure, and oracle dreams, which is what Cameron may require if she has fertility issues. And apparently, Cameron doesn’t dream in code anymore. And Cameron also answered Joe that “computers” may one day know what he wants, before he does. She is the true visionary ahead of everyone else after all, no?

Every visitor at the airstream so far got what they materially and emotionally wanted and needed from Cameron:

Bos got the algorithm and Cameron’s daughter-like empathy

Tom got signed divorce papers, a congratulations on becoming a father, and a sincere apology for how she wronged him

Haley, Gordon and Katie got to bond with each other

Donna got a signed release on paper for free and a sincere inquiry after her well being, a gesture that Cameron holds no ill feelings anymore and would welcome a friendship.

So, why not Joe? If true, then Joe is on his way to be a daddy around New Year. The irony is that he may be torturing himself in 4x06 and coming episodes over this for nothing, just like he tortured himself with fear over losing Cameron in 4x04 and 4x05, only to learn that she wanted Tom to leave her four years ago already, because she loved and loves Joe.

Cam may be in ecstasy over the modem sound connecting via the satellite, but in the background we can see Joe’s rocket he fired during Haley’s birthday (oooh, that does sound very cheesy in metaphorical doublespeak). Cam seems to have kept it as a relic somesorts. Oh, and it’s reflected in the window, implying that “Joe’s rocket” (yayayayaya) will have a reflective comeback moment in the story. Without the modem sound, that satisfied, secret smile of hers looks like a woman who just got her wanted pregnancy confirmed, except of course Cameron doesn’t yet actually know. Or maybe she does?

Last note: Joe’s rocket is like a flame (orange and yellow). Some observed (as did I) that Cam’s rocket was black and the sole one not flying. But black is Kali’s color, and for this miracle to work she has to “receive” rather than “fire”.

[scripturiently]

1-5 for the fallout meme?

Which Fallout game are they from?

sylvia isley and enzo argent are from fallout 4

ophelia callaghan is from fallout 3 (i’ve barely started the game and plan on fleshing her out more when i get the chance to do a complete play through of the game in the summer!)

Which faction(s) did they join and which did they destroy? Why?

sylvia joined minutemen and destroyed both the institute and the brotherhood. tbh she joined the minutemen bc it was militaristic but not overtly militaristic as bos (those guys are assholes okay) also she has a fear of synths and wanted nothing to do w them so selfishly she went with the minutemen to avoid saving synths (like the railroad)

enzo joined the brotherhood and annihilated every faction except the minutemen (who actually really never got past being the small merry band he met in concord) he joined them cause he shares similar views as them

What is their S.P.E.C.I.A.L.?

this was kinda hard to remember so i’ll give you their top three instead of points

sylvia’s are charisma, intelligence, and perception

enzo’s are strength, agility, and intelligence

Give us a summary of their backstory.

basically sylvia comes from a rather wealthy family. her mom and dad are divorced, but it was a mutual agreement and she lived with her mom for the majority of her childhood. her dad is a doctor and her mom remarried a ceo of some huge business. sylvia and her step dad never got along but he gave her money and she stayed out of the way, taking care of her younger brother and sister w her mom. she was rlly into politics and history in high school, and decided to go a completely different route once she graduated hs. despite her parents warning not to join the military bc they wanted better for her, sylvia did it anyway. she knew that’s what she wanted, it would be exciting and grueling and frankly she wanted to wear a uniform rather than stuffy business suits. she wanted to be treated equally rather than go through law school just to be rejected over a man. she became a JAG in the marines (judge advocate) and she went to college in boston. she and nate met when he was stationed near cambridge and would meet up w her at the bars on weekends when she took some time off from hitting the books.it wasn’t rlly love at first sight or anything, sylvia wasn’t sure what she felt for him (she didn’t rlly think she liked him like that) but he was sweet and he was someone she could talk to about things she was passionate about w/o someone losing interest or belittling her so she kept him around and it was nice. so she told herself she loved him, that she liked him like that (bc he liked her like that and she didn’t want to lose him) so they got married when she finished her four years and given an officer title in the marines. they were only married for a year and a half before she became pregnant with shaun and discharged from the military. it broke her, honestly. but she was happy to be able to dedicate her time to her son. nate remained in the corps and tbh sylvia lived vicariously through him. her leaving the corps created a rift between the two tho cause the military kept sylvia in check, it made her feel worth something (shaun did too but not in the way the military did) and she began down-spiraling, drinking more and not talking to nate as much. nate stayed around bc he truly did love her and thought he could fix things but she hated that he treated her like a doll needing to be fixed so she started lashing out and he began taking care of shaun more and eventually leaving the military as well (all this was in the span of a year) and when he did she sobered up, began realizing she should be there for their son and started mending things before the bombs dropped.

enzo my trash son. so this boy has been born and raised to be a mech tech in the military, like his dad did it and dammit he’s gonna do it he’s the only son out of five children. he drops out of high school as soon as he’s eighteen, but his dad isn’t happy he honestly kind of wanted better for his son but enzo doesn’t know that he’s thought differently. and this causes enzo to run away and just join the army. he cuts off contact w everyone in his family except his older sister cause they were close and she’s in got some issues so he wants to be there for her always. anyways he moves up p easily in rank and soon meets this drop dead gorgeous girl nora. she’s studying pre law and he enjoys that cause he’s stuck around ppl who aren’t v book smart and honestly he kinda loves learning? anyways they get married in a few months after meeting one another (he proposes to her rather quickly cause he’s about to be deployed and doesn’t wanna lose her and she accepts cause she loves him) and everything is great and he comes back six months later and she’s graduated and moving on to begin graduate school then boom she’s pregnant, everything has to be put on the back burner and he feels kinda awful for it cause he knows it’s kinda what his sister went through so as soon as shaun’s born he leaves the military to take care of their son and nora goes back to grad school. things are good, enzo feels good, and he begins reaching back out to his family and days before the bombs drop he learns his dad is dead and he’s preparing to go to the funeral.

What’s their full name and does it have a meaning? Do they have any nicknames and how did they get em?

sylvia isley, she ofc only has one nickname and that’s blue cause her gf piper calls her that due to her vault suit

enzo argent, doesn’t rlly have any nicknames.

[sweetsunrayssr]

Comet, Thresholds and Whiteboards

Meta-analysis Halt and Catch Fire, spoiler warning 4x07

Let’s talk the final scene of episode 4x07: Cameron entering the think/meeting room of Comet to be a solace to Joe in their mutual grief over the loss of Gordon. The clue is in the image of Cameron staring through the glass windows, looking at Joe mounted as Shiva-Yogi on the table and the whiteboard with Gordon’s last written words, “Re-Launch”: we see her reflection in the glass. And I want to “reflect” with you all, why the “reflection” is there and what its cinematographic implication in this scene is.

I parallel-giffed it with a 3x07 moment and image in “time”: the moment she stumbles out of Mutiny’s meeting room in ’86 after every business partner (and friend) basically voted her out of the company she started.

First of all, Comet’s meeting room may look and appear different, but is the exact same room where Cameron lost her company, which as Lev once mentioned in S2 she started to “mutiny” against Joe MacMillan, after he went along with Gordon’s decision to take out her OS. And now, in 4x07 she faces a situation where Joe is the sole person in that fateful ex-Mutiny room. She may have long forgiven him for the pain he caused her in ’83 and ’85. She has grown to love him. And she already gained perspective on the loss of Mutiny in ’90. But it does not mean that those personal wounds have fully healed, or that this blending of Joe in the prior Mutiny meeting room is not a triggering wormhole to a deeply painful memory. 

THE WAYS OF PAIN

It seems strange that Cameron has such difficulty with entering the Mutiny building and this room in particular after all this time. Didn’t she pick that building on purpose for the www-meeting in 1990 and visited that room then to stare at Bos’s bull horns above the door? Didn’t she play Doom with Gordon in his office? She spent days trying to fix a baby Honda in the building and visited Joe in his basement shrine to bring him the finished browser. She seemed to have no qualms or entering spaces then? So, why is it suddenly highlighted as an issue when the man she supposedly loves so much is inside in pain?

Well, for one a healing process is not linear, nor is pain experience. Think of Gordon’s symptom and pain journals of his disease. One day it’s only level 1, another it’s level 6, then it level 4, etc. You can put the data in flow charts and graphs but find no discernible pattern at all. So, the various times before this 4x07 moment, the intensity of pain she felt about it all, may have varied.

Secondly, there are various ways of dealing with (or using) pain, and some are more successful long term than others.  You can self-medicate with painkillers, drugs, opiums, or alcohol, like Donna does. You know that trick when you have a throbbing wound from a cut for example, but you pinch the surrounding area to feel the pain of your nails more than the throbbing? That is self-inflicting extra pain, and it has been proven to work neurologically. But it only works temporarily. You can lash out and hurt others, “kill something”, get it all out, so that at least you’re not alone in your misery. Or you can try to fix it, put it back together and patch it up. Unfortunately some issues and the related pain are chronic, and all you can do is grit your teeth, refuse to surrender to it and live with it. And then there’s mom’s miracle balmy kiss and touch, to help you bear it. What is certain is that it requires “time” to heal anything.

Cameron’s background is such that nobody taught her how to deal with pain when she was a child. When her father died, her mother used distraction in pageants and hemorrhoid cream to mask it. So, that was the first method she was taught: mask pain and pretend to the world you’re happy and perfect (“Little Miss Flawless”). By the time we first meet her, at 22, she already rebelled against this: cut her hair, died it blonde, be aggressive, rude, the total opposite of hiding it. As aggressive as she was throughout most of S1, this had little to do with hurting others, but exposing her pain like an open sore while simultaneously scaring people away. “Don’t touch me, because I’m hurting!”.  She acts and behaves like a wounded animal that protects itself from anyone coming close, out of fear of getting hurt or killed.

Even in 1x10 “1984” her lashing out serves to scare Joe away more than hurting him. She hurts him tremendously, but she hardly believes her words would stick and her major intent is to scare him off for good. We know this because when in 2x03 Gordon’s Sonaris wrecks Mutiny and she ends up hearing Joe’s voice at the other side of the phoneline, she instantly hangs up in shock and then orders “Shut it all down!”. Later she has a panic attack. Something very interesting happens here with Tom. He manages to calm her down, make her think of Parallax, chapter 3, the Cave of the Four Wizards (Cam, Donna, Gordon and Joe). “How do you get the dragon’s egg across the chasm?” he asks her.  You can’t jump, because then you’ll drop the dragon’s egg. There’s a rope bridge, but with the egg you’re too heavy and the bridge breaks. The solution is “to go back inside and face the Forth Wizard” (at the time Joe) and crack the egg in his chest “to make him human again”.

Not only does Cameron learn to face her fears in that way, but her pain as well: go back, face the source of your fear or pain and then crack the egg. It’s what she does in 2x09 Kali when she seeks Joe out, kisses him and hands him Sonaris. It’s what she does in 3x10 NeXt when she picks the old Mutiny building to remind and feel the pain of the loss of Mutiny, meeting the three other wizards, and then crack the egg in Donna’s chest.

Except, it doesn’t heal, doesn’t resolve the pain. It only gives her control by inflicting as much misery on the perceived source as she’s in. Facing the pain is like digging her nails near her throbbing wound, but she uses that temporarily solution to then rip the scab off, rather than apply medicine to it. So, yes, she managed to go back to the Mutiny meeting room in 1990, because she wanted to feel the pain for self-control. Nothing got healed though.

The Doom game in Gordon’s office is something similar. She plays the game that she blames as the cause why nobody gets Pilgrim, inside the ex-Mutiny building which is another source of pain, in the office of her friend who was angry with her for reuniting with Joe, the same day that Donna tried to get in her face about the past at MISC.

What is surprising in 4x03 is how she hates the game, the concept of “killing things”. Did that not astonish you to hear this from someone who built a company with skinner-box games like Tank Battle, wrote a shooter game Extract and Defend, won at shooting ducks and taught Gordon to “take them outside and shoot them”? It’s “boring” and “unfulfilling”, she says of Doom, but also cathartic (for a moment). It almost seemed OOC, except it isn’t OOC. It’s growth and a sign of how she does not wish to live or deal with pain anymore, nor purposefully hurt others. She has grown to loathe it, and that is because she has grown to love the person she regarded as her “enemy” a decade ago. Yes, she made the antagonistic “parasite” comment to Donna earlier that day, but by nightfall she already knows she derives no pleasure from it. Once the “divorce box” is destroyed by the truck she is done with the method of cracking dragon eggs in a wizard’s chest that Tom unwittingly taught her.

Season 4 is the first time we witness Cameron trying to mend or fix things. She faces Joe in the basement, after he rejected her at Gordon’s party and relegated her to Gordon’s couch. But not to fight or destroy things. No, instead she gives him what she feels she owes him, and even says, “Do you want to talk about what we’re really talking about here?” when she sees how bitter he is. By allowing him to voice his grief and pain, she gave him what he needed to be “human again”, call her up and tell her that regardless she’s too important to him to have her walk out of his life altogether.

Cameron tries to apply this “mending” method to her pain in relation to the loss of Mutiny, when she fixes the Honda inside the building. And for a moment there, she even engages professionally with Gordon and Joe about the algorithm. Met with opposition though, she backs out. She can’t “fix it” by herself and Gordon is unwilling to participate in fixing a broken work relationship, nor is she willing to accept his help with the bike. The space bike breaks down and thus the Mutiny wounds aren’t mended.

Cameron stayed away from Comet ever since, putting a physical barrier between herself and Joe when he talks Comet the moment she wakes, insists she’s done with tech altogether (the lady doth protests too much) and instantly flees the scene the moment he asks her to watch his marketing research for Comet. She’s not running from Joe, but from Comet that used to be Mutiny, and thus from her pain over it. Unfortunately, his overflowing enthusiasm and perfectly normal need to share his work results with his partner is what Cameron is fleeing. He doesn’t know it’s a source of pain, for she hardly acknowledges it to herself.

When we see her enter the Comet building at the end of 4x07 that is the first time she enters the building without wanting to scare others away, without feeling in control (or using it for that end) and without the belief that she can heal the pain. She enters it, grieving over Gordon, Mutiny, the pain she knows Joe must be in. It’s all just pain in its most vulnerable state.

The writers could have made it easier on her: meeting Joe at home, or in his office. But they didn’t. To be there for him, she has to go to the room of her past doom in the longest walk through time to face her reflection.

THE THRESHOLD

Further evidence that Cam’s issue and resolution process in 4x07 is about the events in 3x07 “The Threshold” is Bos’s wedding. Bos tells her they didn’t want to make a fuss about it, but since Diane invited her daughter as a witness, he wanted to invite Cameron there. He doesn’t actually use the word “daughter” to Cameron in 4x07, but both Cameron and Bos know that is what he means, and she hugs him for it.

In 3x07 Bos learned that Cameron got married to Tom and she held it secret for weeks. He’s hurt and confronts her about it in the meeting room, telling her that even if she might not ever see him as her figurative father, he will always regard her as his daughter. She shows her hand and the ring on her finger and sheepishly says “Bos, I got married.”

So, Bos’s and Diane’s marriage with Cameron as witness and “daughter” in 4x07 is a reverse parallel to Bos’s hurt feelings in 3x07. Back in ‘86, n the same scene, Bos also told her that if she marches to the beat of her own drums, she risks losing the band. He urged her to find a way to work with Donna, and reminded her how the two need each other.

Cameron hiked with Alexa in the woods the day of Gordon’s death, and Alexa inquired with Cameron what went wrong between her and Donna. So, several events of the episode in 4x07 in Cameron’s arc all point to that fateful day, when she walked out of Mutiny’s office broken, betrayed, in tears and as hurt as the day Gordon and Joe took her OS out of the Giant.

3x07 has “the threshold” as title, and that is exactly what we see in Cameron’s hesitation to go inside to reach out and be there for Joe. She has to cross the threshold of pain to be love. If her reflections opens the wormwhole of pain when she stumbled out of the meeting room in 3x07, it also lands her to the moment of most important parental advice she had since her first father died. With her stands Bos telling her to, “Find a way to work with him. You two need each other.” For if Donna was Cameron’s anchor in the days of Mutiny, Joe was her anchor long before that: as much as she could tilt the room to the stars for him, he was able to tilt the room back to the ground for her (even if she didn’t like that at the time in 1x06). Bos’s words enable Cameron to cross the threshold for Joe: a small step in the eyes for so many of mankind, but a giant leap for love and healing by Cameron (yes, I’m using Armstrong’s words about the moon landing here). If she couldn’t see the forest for the trees in 4x06 and much of 4x07, Cameron sees it now.

THE WHITEBOARD

If you’ve read my meta on Joe’s shrines before 4x07 aired, you probably recognized that Joe sat like Shiva-Yogi on the table as he stares at the whiteboard, exactly as he does on his mountain top in S3 when he works with Ryan Ray.

In S3, Joe’s life like a Yogi on a mountain (top floors) is a self-protective flight from pain and desire, in particular Cameron. He wants to shut out the world, its noise and feelings then. The fact that we see him seated in the same Yogi manner by the end of 4x07 is indicative how much he hurts and tries not to feel it. He just lost his best friend and his business partner, the man he established a communication with where he could say one thing, like “You wouldn’t [not re-design]” while tapping his own chest and thus actually saying, “I wouldn’t [re-launch without re-designing]”. And instead of making a stink, Gordon smiled and rewrote re-design as re-launch. “Who needs a guy?” Joe needs that guy called Gordon.

With Gordon’s death and the almost blank whiteboard, except for the word “re-launch”, Joe faces that same moment in the past once more, when he realized that Ryan had jumped from his balcony to his death. He tried to help Ryan by laying out his options: flee and run and I’ll give you the money or give yourself up and you might be out in a few years and you’re still so young. The reason why Ryan committed suicide was because Joe told him they could never work again as a team, writing stuff on the whiteboard. Because of Ryan’s suicide, Joe fell into a depression and told Gordon to build the local network by himself. Then when they finally are business partners again since the www meeting in 1990, he spent all that time in the basement, screwing around with post-its, longing for Cameron. Seven years he could have worked as an actual team with Gordon, but he didn’t. “You and Cam, I swear to God, no sense of time.” And yet, Joe had no sense of time either.

The existential questions are there, silently and invisibly written on the whiteboard: Did I waste my time on the wrong project? On the wrong person?

The above Shiva imagery comes from 3x04 “The Rules of Honorable Play”, the episode where Donna lies to Cameron about firing Doug & Craig, and later feeling guilty she tells Cam she can take her time to look for a place of her own. After Donna’s words about not having to move-out yet, Cameron asks Gordon “when did you know you were losing Cardiff?”

When Cameron calls Joe to tell him she said yes to a dinner invitation from Alexa and cancels their own dinner plans, Joe’s magnanimous about it. And at the end of the conversation Cameron tells him he’s great and confirms she overheard him talking about building a house by mentioning she has been thinking about it. The moment he puts down the phone though, he’s shaken. Something shifted for him. We get the musical theme that we’ve been hearing for Cameron and Joe several times since 4x02, including the moment in 4x04 when Cameron stares sadly into her campfire, because Joe fell asleep on her during their first night in the trailer. It’s not a doom theme, because S4 also uses it during loving moments, but it signals that one of them is thinking about the other at a pivotal moment for them. In that telephone scene though it mirrors Cameron’s moment about Mutiny: Joe suddenly feels like Cameron is slipping away from him, just like the time window for their hike slipped away. He couldn’t see the glow and love in her eyes when she says that she’s been thinking of building a place over the phone after all.

On top of that he doesn’t get why Cameron says “You’re great!” You know the classic issue for a man with his female partner, right? Don’t ever give her advice, offer solutions or try to fix it for her when she has had a bad day. You can be her problem-solving hero (after asking) when you’re not a couple yet, but once you’re together don’t do more than “listen”. We saw Cameron get all misty over Joe helping her write her press statement in 4x02, before they’re actually a couple, and he feels victorious when she says, “Yes! We should send it!”. Then Joe gives her advice in 4x03 about the bad review and she walks away, leaving him wondering “What did I do wrong? Why doesn’t she want my help?” In 4x04 he wants to introduce her to his friends, while she’s covered all in mud underneath a coat, desperately in need of a hot bath and cry in self-misery. But, he does it exactly right in 4x07 over the phone.

Guys, raise your hands if you know this befuddling aspect about your SO? It probably drives you nuts with itching fingers eager to do something for her and make it better. And when she says “You’re great,” for listening to her, you feel like a fraud, thinking to yourself, “I didn’t even do anything!” Cam’s “You’re great,” feels like a lie to Joe, because he feels he did nothing of significance for her to think so. The sole reason he can imagine her “lying” is to make him feel better, because she feels guilty. And nobody wants to be loved out of guilt. To learn and realize that he’s experiencing classic and common misunderstandings between a couple, that actually are not his fault, Joe “needs a guy called Gordon” too. Gordon talked him through his moment of loss in 4x05 about Cameron, without either of them actually directly having to mention her name.

More, he learns that Alexa challenges Cameron professionally. He asks her with a big grin when she last heard that she was thinking “small”. Cameron answers, “I don’t know. It’s been a while.” His face falters at that, understandably. Who bugged her the past three years over the phone about the browser? And who said in 1990 to take a step back and stop trying to define what the web will be like (content)? Joe did. In that moment, it’s as if she has completely forgotten that he challenged her professionally for years, which he did for her, to help her see the big picture.

So, it only adds to this increasing existential feeling that he may have wasted three years on the wrong project and the wrong person, that perhaps she does not make all the suffering worthwhile. And if Cameron had not stepped across that threshold, but instead say drove to his place and solace him there, then yes it would have slipped away for the both of them right then and there. Cameron would be marching to her own beat, and Joe would not make the effort anymore. Instead, Cameron decided that Joe makes all her own suffering in the past worthwhile and came “to see him” while he’s hurting and grieving. And whether he knows it or not, he’s the sole person this season who managed to challenge her out of her emotional comfort zone. Joe’s greated gift to her is how he taught her the most important aspect about pain purely by example - extending love and forgiveness at the end of the tunnel is the sole way to heal and live with scars and pain; that it outfeels and outlasts everything else. When it comes to loving the persons who hurt you and whom you hurt, Joe is indeed the master guru.

The momentarily glimpse of Joe allowing his grief and pain to wash over him, once he knows she’s there encourages us to believe he can find solace with her.

It is a recurring theme that they find each other when one of them is grieving, the opposite of what Shiva-Joe once called: “you were happy for a moment and you believed the nearest person was the source.”  This theme of finding solace to lift the loneliness is also present in the ending of Cam’s Pilgrim.

CONCLUSION

As a result, Cam’s anxiety over Comet and working with Joe, even if just to support and listen to him as his love partner has been resolved by the end of 4x07. I do not expect her to flee or put up any barrier over Comet anymore. Now, I’m not saying I expect a re-launch of Mutiny or Joe-Cam business relationship here, but Cameron doing her part and effort to make it work with Joe, and that includes supporting his professional career.