#does any of this make sense? who knows

[dazais-guardian-angel]

new BSD chapter is almost here and i still haven't gathered my thoughts on 117 yet, so i'm doing that now. My..... extremely frustrated thoughts, to say the least. kinda been numb to it all for weeks now which is why it took me this long to ramble about it, meh. incoherent negativity and spoilers belowwwww

I'm... really not happy with Bram's death, to put it lightly. and yes you can say I'm just grieving, I'm in the denial/depression stage. but I'm not just sad because he died. I wish that was all it was. I wish I could just be devastated in a normal, well-meaning, bittersweet way. but I can't.

Because this is BSD. And that means there's a chance he could come back. And I know, I know, I hear you: "that was so final, so conclusive, more than any other named character death in the manga so far; there's no way he would be brought back after dying peacefully and having been reunited with his wife and daughter." And you're absolutely right! For all intents and purposes, this was Bram's permanent sendoff! And I would 100% believe that with absolutely no room for doubt.... if this wasn't bungou stray dogs!! Where people drop dead and then come back to life as casually and rapidly as going in and out a revolving door (cue that one Simpsons door gif)! If this was any other manga, I wouldn't for a single second question the permanence of his death. And yet..... because it's BSD, there's a 1% chance, as low as that is, as final as that sendoff felt, that he might still be back one day, against all logic. And that's the most aggravating part of all this.

Because I can't just be sad. I have to be sad while having hope. I have to be sad, all the while wondering if my grief will all be for nothing in a few months. If my feelings are being played with, yet again. I can't just grieve here and now and accept it and that's the end of it; I have to go on still hoping, because this manga has trained me to not believe that ANY death of a named character will be for real.

While it was much more obvious compared to Bram that say Chuuya and Dazai weren't going to stay dead after chapters 101/109 (because they're popular characters lol, but especially because their arcs aren't finished yet if Chuuya even gets one, which I despairingly doubt more and more every day), I felt for everyone extremely distraught by their deaths at the time. I mean, Dazai is one of my favorites as well, and regardless of whether or not I thought his death would stick, it was incredibly painful to see him in that state. Just like it was painful to see Fukuzawa get fatally stabbed 34596 times multiple chapters within the same fight, and painful to see Mushitarou's initial fakeout death after his arc, and Kunikida's when he exploded himself on the helicopter. It hurts, and you go through the grief, only for "whoops they're fine actually!" just a few chapters later, meaning that none of your grief ever mattered and that you never needed to go through all that in the first place; it was just for shock value, just to extort strong emotions from you in the moment that weren't meant to actually hold any meaning, because soon after it would be like the angst never even happened. And that's exhausting. It's not fair. It makes future deaths hold less and less weight and become harder to believe in/take seriously, as many people have said, but on the other hand, if a large part of you does believe in it, if that's your fave and you're grieving over their death, prior experience tells you that you might just be having your emotions played with; that you might spend all that time being sad ultimately for no reason at all, that you have to keep hoping for god knows how long. The rational side of you says "don't be affected by it, because it won't last" (which is shitty in of itself if you succeed in that, because imagine seeing your fave die and just instinctively not feeling anything???), but the irrational side of you that IS scared and upset because we're humans and we can't help but react strongly to something like this, has to contend with the thought of "but how many months am I going to have to wrestle with "will they or won't they"? How long am I going to have to be strung along with the possibility that this might not be permanent, like no death ever is in this series? How long will I be forced to have HOPE, until it's crushed even harder than it is right now?"

Again, everyone is going to have a different response to a character death, based on the person and based on the character and the circumstances of their death. But the objective fact remains that we haven't had a single permanent named character death in the manga so far (except for... Ace, I guess? lol that's the only one I can think of. And Fukuchi, I guess, for now lol), so it follows that anyone would have at least some small degree of doubt, even with the most damning of circumstances like how Bram went out here — I mean, in a sense, he already had one fakeout death before he came back to Aya here briefly (the end of the last chapter literally cliffhanger'd on his revival lol, the opposite of what it normally does), and his death here happens in the same fucking chapter as another death that is 100% not going to stick, which just makes it even more laughable and harder to take seriously!!!

But there's another side of this, too, that makes all this even worse. Let's say that Bram's death is permanent, that this is indeed no fakeout, no take-backsies ten chapters from now. Why is Bram the first time plot armor has no effect? Why is HE the first character who has to die for real? After so many instances of characters getting to come back from literally anything, it doesn't feel like him being the first one to actually stay dead is because there's something significant about him, or about everyone else inversely compared to him, but simply because Asagiri chose to finally go against his formula and lift the plot armor at random just this once. AND THAT DOESN'T FUCKING FEEL GOOD!!!! Not that having your body taken over by Fyodor Dostoyevsky (god what is this series) is something I'd expect someone to just shrug off, but literally all these other characters shrug off getting stabbed, shot, EXPLODED, etc, so why is it only Bram that can't get off just as easily, just because the writing said so? Hell, Asagiri literally went out of his way to have Bram come BACK in another body one last time, so that was even MORE reason to assume he could have found a way to permanently stay alive not in Aku's body though obviously, with how powerful he is — I mean, supernatural rules are made up by the writer, Asagiri could have made it so that Bram could come back and stay back if he wanted to lmao, versus actual physical wounds that you can't just magically survive (again without supernatural interference). But he didn't do that, because Bram needed to die, because he's the unlucky one in a series where you can survive literally anything. Okay then. Sucks to be him and sucks to be a Bram lover, I guess. Sucks to be Aya.

Listen. I love Oda's death. Oda is my favorite character in all of BSD, and his death is my favorite moment in the entire franchise so far — which sounds contradictory, of course, but as devastating as it makes me, his death is so beautiful, and so pivotal and meaningful for the series as a whole, not just for Oda and Dazai themselves. I wouldn't want it to be removed or changed in any way, and I would be perfectly fine with him and a couple other notable light novel characters being the only ones to actually die in this series. BSD is a hopeful series, ultimately, so I don't need deaths everywhere, since it's ultimately about people learning how to live and getting those second chances — Oda being the notable exception to that and catalyst for the entire story (and I do mean the entire story). But what I don't need are the illusion of death and stakes, only to not commit to any of it for that aforementioned message, trying to have your cake and eat it too. Because, as beautiful as Oda's death still is, it looks rather foolish now, because now things have reached a point where I (and others too, I've seen) ask "how is it that he died from just a little bullet, when so many others have since survived similar or worse?" Which is what I'm similarly asking with Bram now, if I'm meant to believe this really is his death, when the only reason we have to believe he couldn't just override Fyodor himself (or at least Akutagawa permanently) being "because Asagiri said so". His death is beautiful too in isolation, just like Oda's is, with everything he says to Aya, and the closure and peace that he gets. But how can I appreciate it or take it seriously when all I can think about is how A) there's absolutely no reason he had to die here, when so many others before him survived, and B) that I could potentially spend months being distraught only for him to come back eventually anyway, and that minuscule amount of fleeting hope just makes it hurt unfairly even more?

I love that he found peace, in the end, and felt like Aya helped him get closure with his daughter. I love that I fucking called it that Aya is going to become a knight for him and save the day (aka beat Fyodor herself, most likely), in his place, because that just makes sense for where her character has been going, and I feel vindicated in seeing him say that to her, as much as the circumstances fucking kill me. I don't MIND the idea of Bram's death in of itself, I can't stress this enough; I love him so goddamn much and I want them to be a family together so much it hurts, but I don't think it's unreasonable to imagine writing him dying to further Aya's character development, and there are a thousand ways it could have been done. But I just........ hate the circumstances leading up to it here. I hate that it feels so sudden, I feel like we still needed so much more time with him, and FAR more than merely two pages of backstory for him and his family. I hate how all the fakeout deaths before it make it feel like a cruel, unfair fucking joke even though it's supposed to be a powerful, moving moment — when Kunikida DIES BY TURNING INTO SPARKLING SOAP BUBBLES LATER IN THE SAME FUCKING CHAPTER, A DEATH PLAYED JUST AS STRAIGHT AS BRAM'S DESPITE HOW RIDICULOUS AND OBVIOUSLY IMPERMANENT IT IS (so if the manga is putting them both on the same level and wants us to take both equally seriously, what does that say about Bram's death???). And if it is indeed permanent, I really hate that even though Bram's last words to Aya were so touching, Aya's last words to him were basically telling him to gtfo — obviously it's a completely reasonable reaction for someone her age in that moment, she doesn't know how to cope, but you're telling me that that's the last thing she'll ever say to him, which we know she'll hate herself forever for??? It just leaves a bad fucking taste in my mouth, ugh.

Idk. I've been pretty disillusioned with the direction of the manga for a while now, and how much its changed from how slower-paced and more thoughtful it used to be, so I know I'm very biased and very tired and that that's clouding my judgement lmao. But I just hate this so much 🫠🫠🫠 I never wanted Bram to die, but worst of all is having him die like this, where i just feel numb and bitter and angry, instead of sad but touched, the way a good character death in the vein of Oda's (which Bram's is very much meant to emulate) should make me feel. It's so rushed, and all the "deaths" around it and before it undermine it so badly it's just pathetic. I'm looking forward to Aya's future development, but I'll always be bitter at how much better she and Bram deserved, and if he does come back I won't be surprised at all lol (and I hope he does, not just because I want him back, but because he deserved a better death than this....)

[horrorlesbians]

the obsession with aesthetic-izing everything is a disease that companies have sold us via influencers. it's all about turning your private space into a perfect backdrop for videos and photos, everything has to be a soundstage to market a product. making you view your own private space like a voyeur, already imagining the comments people might leave if your home isn't what they deem ideal. your fridge does not need to be aesthetically pleasing, you don't need to empty out spices from plastic packaging into a glass jar of the exact same size of the original packaging. not everything has to be pinterest goals. there is so little time, just live life.

[ciderjacks]

despite Laios low self esteem making him think that if he’d been eaten, Chilchuck and Marcille wouldn’t have helped Falin,

theres a small part of me that thinks the reason Chilchuck stayed with the party and went back in the dungeon in the first place was because he didn’t want to leave Laios alone. That Laios was moreso the reason he stayed.

[99thpercentile]

places where the audio distorts

image ids under the cut

tmagp 4:

tmagp 5:

tmagp 7:

tmagp 8:

the audio distorts when people lie.

I imagine this knowledge will come in handy later.

[id: ALICE: This is not something you go poking around in. Not if you want to keep your job… or your neck. SAM: (a little amused) Okay, okay! I get it. Consider me scared straight. "Consider me scared straight" is highlighted. end id]

[id: LENA: Now, while I understand your concerns, you need to understand that Colin has held the IT Manager position for some time without incident, and although he is somewhat… frustrated with his current assignment, he can request help from the central IT team at any time. I am certain that should he find his responsibilities unmanageable, he will request assistance. Or resign, of course. Either way, the problem will resolve itself. "Or resign, of course" is highlighted. end id]

[id: CELIA: Is there any way to look up specific files? ALICE: Like what? CELIA: Oh, I don’t know. Every case about�� being buried alive, or meat, or… whatever. ALICE: Well, there’s a search bar, but it doesn’t actually do anything. You’d have to dig through them all manually. (suspicious) – Why do you ask? CELIA: Just figuring it all out. Ah well, I guess I’ll need to find Bigfoot on my own time. "Just figuring it all out" is highlighted. end id]

[id: GERTRUDE: I see. Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t think Gerry can help you – GERRY: (casually) Yeah, I barely remember any of it. "I don’t think Gerry can help you" is highlighted. end id]

[id: GERRY: Oh yeah, but I was pretty young. I remember filling in a bunch of forms and questionnaires, then some old men asking me questions about what books I liked to read, who did I look up to, that kind of thing. And then I left. SAM: (disappointed) That’s all? GERRY: Yeah, afraid so. Other than just sitting around with a bunch of other kids in a room that smelled like old books. "Yeah, afraid so" is highlighted. end id]

[id: CELIA: I’m trying to look into… Weird physics stuff: time travel, other dimensions, teleportation, all that good stuff. Freddy doesn’t really do searches, so you could keep an eye out and let me know if any come up in your cases? SAM: Uh, sounds a bit sci-fi compared to our usuals. What’s this for? (amused breath) You’re not doing research for that podcast you were on, are you? CELIA: (surprised) You know about that? SAM: I might have given you a quick Google. CELIA: Then… yeah. I’m doing a favor for Georgie. "yeah. I’m doing a favor for Georgie" is highlighted. end id]

[s0fter-sin]

kneeling is a broad term for what ghost does with price

surrendering is slightly more accurate but even that doesn’t hope to touch the sheer desperation in the way he clutches at him; his body bowed low at his feet, his legs latched around one of his, hugging it so tightly to his chest his arms shake as he digs his face into his thigh

it’s only here that he can finally give in to the screaming; to the distant voice he strangles into silence every day of his life. the one who begs him to make himself as small as possible; do everything he can to hide from the ever encroaching demons growling and salivating at his heels

it’s only here, in the dark of price’s barracks, hidden by a bed at his back and a wall to his front, that he finally lets himself stop running; only between solid combat boots and worn fatigues does he let himself tremble and admit to the choking fear

he’d break open price’s chest if he could; crawl past his gushing viscera and curl up under his ribs, hidden in the warm dark

ghost clawed his way out of the grave with broken nails and gritted teeth but he wouldn’t mind being buried again if it meant being cradled in the safety of price’s insides. his warm blood and soft lungs would blanket him, mask the stench of his rotten flesh until he could even convince himself that, maybe, he too was still alive

he shifts, unnerved by his own longing, and price runs his hand over the crown of his mask the same way he’d card it through his hair until he settles once more

he grounds him over the long hours it takes for his white-knuckled grip to relax into a loose hold; for his face to stop grinding into the meat of his thigh and simply rest in his lap, his bracketing legs the only thing holding his lax body up as he floats, untethered by fear

[teddybeartoji]

been thinking a lot abt fwb!gojo today.... this is his first time ever doing this kind of a thing btw. i do not think he sleeps around AT ALL. but with you, he just... you start off as very good friends but then it keeps escalating – you start sitting closer and closer, your thighs always touching as you lounge on the couch. his hands seem to always find your waist in public, your seem to be in his hair more and more. and the thing is... satoru isn't all that good at deciphering his own feelings. he isn't entirely sure what this is; the butterflies in his stomach whenever you laugh at his jokes, the warmth that spreads under his skin whenever he sees you bend over. it's weird. he doesn't know what to do.

so, when one night you inch closer with your hand on his thigh, he lets you. he welcomes you with open arms. you ask whether it's okay or not and he lets out a shaky yes, his cheeks burning with something new, his eyes low and heavy as he stares at your lips. you feel so good on top of him, your body flushes to his and he thinks about how perfect this is. how much he likes it. the night is like a wet dream for him, something he's always dreamed off but when you leave the bed and hop into the shower without giving him a kiss, he doesn't even know what the weight on his heart means. where it comes from. he doesn't ponder over it for too long though as you step outside the bathroom in a shirt way too big, his shirt. he watches you get dressed and hums when you joke about his bed hair. he thinks you look gorgeous. he doesn't ask for you to stay – if this is what you want, to leave without the desire to continue your adventures from the last night, then so be it. satoru wants you to be happy. you tell him it was good and that you'd like to, perhaps, do it again and he can taste you on his tongue when he says that he feels the same. satoru will take every crumb you'll give him with a smile on his face. he won't complain and he won't ask for more, not yet at least. for now, he'll be completely and utterly at your mercy, a lapdog for you to play with whenever you so desire to do. a selfless kind of love.

[dogearedheart]

something something about "I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing." something something about "I cared about the whole world because of you."

[claraoswalds]

So what's wrong with Clara, then? There's nothing wrong with her. Why haven't you made her immortal? Well, look how you turned out.

[sluttygallavich]

Galladrabbles: autumn

Thanks, @millennium-time-machine, for this week's prompt. Great first prompt for @galladrabbles! <3

_________________________

His co-worker nudges him sharply, and Ian looks up as his crush approaches the counter.

“Hey, Mickey.” He sounds breathless. “The usual?”

“Hmm, feelin’ bold today. Gimme a venti pumpkin spice latte, eight shots of espresso, five pumps of maple pecan sauce, light foam, extra caramel drizzle, extra autumn sugar topping.”

Ian is stunned stupid. “Are—are you serious?”

Mickey laughs. “Nah, man. Just wanted to see that big orange head of yours explode.” 

“Asshole,” he says, fighting back a smile. “So…tall black?”

“Well…did say I was feelin’ bold. How ’bout your number, too?”

Battle lost, Ian beams.

[kurokoros]

As someone who admittedly doesn’t like st/ncy in the slightest, I’d say it’s less about character regression and more about it making the characters (Steve, mostly) feel stunted. It feels very unfair to have Steve still be hung-up on the high-school girlfriend that settled for him when the other guy didn’t ask her out, cheated on him emotionally for almost the entirety of their relationship (which is pretty obvious when you watch the end of S1, there’s definitely a longing look from Nancy directed at Jonathan), and then debatably physically cheated on him at the end (I say “debatably” because supposedly the Duffers and actors have said st/ncy broke up during their argument so it wasn’t cheating, but that seems like them trying to save face in post). Steve feels stunted by st/ncy because you’d think at some point in the last 1.5 years his feelings would have dimmed, or he would have realized that he deserved better than being treated the way he was. 

The regression argument comes in because in S3 Steve tells Robin in a moment of emotional sincerity that he’s not in love with Nancy anymore. We the audience had no reason to believe he was lying in that scene, so to have Steve suddenly be interested in Nancy again (and to have all of these other characters telling Steve to make a move, including the two characters he’s closest to) feels almost like a step backwards in terms of writing. Like, the writers weren’t sure what to do with Steve in S4 so they just gave him a romantic plot-thread with the only viable character. It’s also fair to assume Steve and Nancy don’t hangout outside of Upside Down situations. And if they haven’t interacted much in the 1.5 years since their breakup, it does feel a little odd for them to be looking at each other the way they do.

Personally, I think S4 would have been a good way to properly wrap up the st/ncy breakup, instead of reignite feelings that imo were never really there on Nancy’s side to begin with (as of the end of S1), because the show had Steve take the breakup very very graciously, when there could have been more resentment. S4 would have been a good season for them to have to team-up and actually talk about what went wrong instead of just pinning it on steve being “a shitty boyfriend.”

I genuinely don't understand why is stancy universally seen as a regression of character development? Or Steve still having feelings for her? I can understand people not liking the ship, I just don't understand where is the whole regression thing coming from? I thought the whole point of stancy was that they have both had development, so in case they got back together their relationship would be different than it was. That's literally spelled out in the show with that speech Steve had in UD? So why is everyone acting like they would suddenly both become their season 1 selves if they started dating again?

people just consider it regression because they don’t like it lol.

i don’t see it as regression, mainly because i don’t think we ever actually saw steve or nancy move on. like, they’ve changed as people, yeah. but their relationship never really had closure or ended, so i think it makes sense they’d have lingering feelings. whether you ship them or not, i don’t think it should be impossible to admit that.

(i think it’s weird how vitriolic people are towards steve for still having feelings towards nancy. like people hate him for it, and i just can’t understand why)

anyway, yeah, i don’t even think their relationship was that bad in s1.

though i will say that i don’t think nancy has developed much since s1/stancy, so the relationships could be unhealthy. however, i do also think that stancy getting back together would force nancy to go through development and grow as a person. because stancy could never get back together without them acknowledging what tore them apart. steve’s done that, but nancy hasn’t yet.

[crimeronan]

i downloaded that app that lets you customize your own soundscapes because i was like well this probably still won't be for me but i'll try it out just to see. first i set up a cafe with loud babble so i could eavesdrop on the table next to me, but there was only about 2 minutes of recorded audio. so once i memorized the conversation, i moved on to an irish coastal seascape, where i discovered that you can set the sliders to "drowning in the open ocean." that legitimately relaxed me so much that my headache went away but after about 20 minutes my brain adapted enough for the Voices (TM) to return, so i turned to a thunderstorm where all the thunder sliders were turned up to 100% power. so you feel like you're in the middle of bullshit tornado country. after all this i discovered there's a haunted mansion soundscape already so. i guess i'll get some mileage out of this thing yeah.

[emily-mooon]

Scott Pilgrim Characters as Text Posts but they’re mostly of Stacey and Neil cause I’m obsessed with them :]

[link7057]

Stupid little Moral Orel comic with Orel and Reverend Putty to express something

[dreamyzworldlove]

headcanon that for a while nico doesn’t have a mortal job he just does underworldy tasks as the ambassador of pluto but when talking to mortals they eventually ask what he does for a living and nico says that he “works for his family” (coupled with the fact that it’s Known he’s italian) people think he’s in the mob

[agentc0rn]

No matter where I go, my aging heart always leads back to you.

[xxcyberghostxx]

to me billdip is the most compelling when Dipper is still a teenager and bill's human form is a middle aged man or something. maybe he manifests and looks like he's in his 30's...maybe he manifests and looks like he's Ford's age...either way, i love love the idea of bill physically demonstrating the power imbalance between them. bill having the capability to look like he's Dipper's age but refusing to even consider that as an option bc he wants everyone to see that he is 100% in control of Dipper