#does James have any other tragic story lines on a beach?

[redfoxruins]

Somewhere on a beach in Cuba:

Somewhere on a beach in Dunkirk:

Somewhere on a beach in another universe:

[teamhook]

A Chapter a Day... Savage Heart CS AU

A love story between a pirate and his savior. An innocent, beautiful, selfless woman meets a man with no manners, no formal education and not even a last name. Will Emma fall in love with Killian once she discovers that beneath his tough exterior lies a heart-wild, but a heart of gold? This is a Captain Swan AU

Beta-ed by the sweet @ilovemesomekillianjones

|AO3| |FFN| current chapter

|AO3| |FFN| previous chapter

Chapter 3: The Betrothal

~~~Flashback

The Nolan's are a very respectable family in high society even though they now find themselves in bankruptcy. Their financial problems had emerged from one too many bad deals made by James, David's identical twin brother. James Nolan had always been known to be the reckless brother of the two. He had angered so many people in his dealings. Those actions were the reason for his tragic demise.

His death leaves Count David Nolan, his lovely wife Snow, and their beautiful, young daughter behind with a tattered and uncertain financial future.

Despite the insecurities they now face, Emma Nolan is loved and adored by her parents. She is especially close to her father. Emma will forever be her father's little duckling, his sweet little princess.

Months after his brother's death, David receives a letter from Jackeline, James' coming of age love. She tells him of Milah's existence, a niece, a cousin to Emma. Sadly, by the time the letter arrives, Jackeline had met her death as well.

David decides to fix the injustice that his young niece and her mother had to face. David tells Snow the story and then leaves with her blessing, on a quest to retrieve Milah.

Ten-year-old Emma sits waiting as her mother tells her she has big news. "Emma darling, we will soon have an addition to our small family."

Emma's ears perk up to the news, and a wide smile covers her face, she has always hoped for a little sister, she would even settle for a brother. "Mother, am I getting a little sister?" Emma asks, trying and failing to hide her excitement.

Snow takes a breath. "No sweetheart, I am not expecting. Your cousin Milah is coming to live with us. She just turned eleven years old. Your father has gone to bring her home."

Emma sits calmly taking in the information, she never knew her Uncle James had children. She scrunches her face in confusion, she's always been an extremely curious child, so she does the only thing that can appease her. She asks questions.

"Mother, how is it possible? Uncle James never married. How can he have a daughter? What is her mom's name? Where have they been? Why are we only finding out now?"

Snow nods and tries to answer her inquisitive daughter's questions as best as she can. "No, he didn't marry, but there are situations that happen unexpectedly. This is not something we can discuss completely at this time. However, we will embrace and love Milah because she is family."

Emma nods vigorously, agreeing with her mother. She already loves her new cousin and she hasn't even met her.

David soon arrives home with his niece in tow. Milah is a beautiful girl that has inherited her mother's looks, she has long, wavy, raven hair and blue eyes. Emma, also a beautiful girl, has inherited an equal mixture of each of her parents. She is the polar opposite of Milah, with her blonde locks from her father, and her mother's lovely emerald eyes.

The exterior is not the only thing that makes the young girls different though. Milah is envious and secretly longs for all that Emma has, she hates that she never met her father, while Emma grew up with her parents doting on her. Milah's mother Jackeline had tried her best but she could barely scrape enough money together for meals. Jackeline had worked in a tavern to provide for Milah and that made her resent Emma for her charmed childhood.

Emma is sweet, loving, and caring, she does everything she can to make Milah feel like a part of the family. She's naive to the manner in which Milah was brought up, and therefore she is unaware of the discourse Milah feels toward her. She has grown to love Milah like a sister, but sadly the feeling is not mutual.

It's not long before talks of a union between two of the most established families in town begin. The Nolan's need to rebuild their financial future and hope that tying themselves to the Booth's will help. The Booth's can think of no better way to secure their good name than being linked to the Nolan family. They decide Emma and August will be joined by marriage.

Emma had met August several times when she was younger. She had only fond memories of him. Despite being a few years her senior, he was always sweet and kind to her, so it didn't bother her that her parents had agreed to the arrangement.

Once the betrothal is arranged, David Nolan decides he must leave his family in order to seek out a way to rebuild his own fortune. If he's able to, he won't have to see his daughter entered into an arranged marriage. As a young man, he had been betrothed to Kathryn Midas. His father George thought that it was the best match for the family.

He had hoped to never put Emma in that position. He had gotten lucky because Kathryn had fallen in love with Frederick Knight, a business partner of her father, and she married him instead.

David had met Snow not long after, and he is forever grateful to have had the fortune of meeting his true love and marrying her. Snow tries to stop him, but he refuses to stay. He wants his daughter to marry for love not to save them. He still has time.

11 Years later

Emma grows up to be even more beautiful than her mother, and as dedicated as her father. She misses him dearly, but remains at home with her mother to keep her company, while Milah travels, spending the money Emma's father has been able to send home. David still waits for the big payout that will allow him to finally return home from Arendelle.

Emma's parents give Milah everything she asks for. Guilt is such a powerful incentive. It always goes back to what she didn't have when she was a child.

Milah's trip is coming to an end. On her last week in Port Royal, she comes face to face with her cousin's betrothed, August Booth who is en route to Misthaven after a long absence from home.

"Don't you remember me?" Milah asks while looking at August through her eyelashes. Milah knows she is beautiful, and she knows exactly who he is.

"I am afraid I don't recall my lady," August responds promptly.

"I'm Emma's cousin, Milah."

The rest, as they say, is history, they spend a whirlwind week together and August falls deeply in love with her. The only reason Milah shows any interest in August is because of his wealth, power, and influence.

Milah returns home and never mentions her interactions with August to Snow or Emma. Milah tries to make the best of her time in Misthaven, but she misses what the big city has to offer. She had gotten too used to the big city and all its fine distractions.

She takes daily strolls on the sandy beach to pass the time. On one of her excursion,s she comes across a modest cabin and stops short when something catches her eye. She sees a man bathing, and quickly hides and keeps observing. Unbeknownst to Milah her presence does not go unnoticed by the handsome man. Even from the distance that separates them, she can clearly see that the man is gorgeous.

He suddenly yells, "Smee, bring my towel and get rid of the dirty water."

Once Smee is close enough, with a smirk, he whispers, "There is a lass by the oak tree, follow her and find out who she is."

Soon Smee returns to give his Captain the information he was able to uncover. "Sir, she entered the Nolan's household. She didn't use the servant's entrance."

"Do the Nolan's have any daughters?" Killian asks lost in thought.

Smee quickly answers him, "They have one daughter, and they took in the daughter of the Count's twin brother who was killed some years back."

"That will be all, for now, Smee," Killian says quickly.

For days Milah shows up by the cabin in hopes of seeing Killian again. As soon as Smee notices her he reports to his Captain. "Sir, she is back."

"Is she now? I guess I better go introduce myself," Killian says with a smile.

Milah is waiting patiently by the oak trees to see if the handsome man will make an appearance.

Killian slowly approaches her from her blind side. "Hello, my lady. Killian Jones at your service."

Milah gasps when she hears him, then smiles and says, "Milah Nolan."

"Countess Nolan, would you like to join me for a glass of wine, or is the request completely out of line for a lowlife like me?" Killian asks.

"I'm afraid I don't drink wine," Milah responds but quickly adds, "I could keep you company."

Killian smiles and guides her inside his cabin, where they talk for hours. As nightfall approaches, Milah reluctantly lets him know she must take her leave. Killian offers to escort her home but she declines.

Over the next couple of weeks, their meetings become a ritual. They get to know each other and quickly fall in love. Killian and Milah soon explore their physical attraction, and Milah gives her maidenhood to Killian not long into their relationship. The truth is, they are being extremely reckless.

One beautifully sunny day, Milah and Killian go swimming. Milah gets out of the warm water to lounge and bask under the horizon. Killian emerges out of the clear blue water to join her. He looks like an Adonis, not a pirate as the water travels down his glistening and toned body. He finally reaches her and leisurely gets on his knees then crawls on top of her to kiss her passionately. They end up in his cabin enjoying each other.

That same night, Killian proposes to Milah and informs her of a business trip that he will be taking on his ship, The Jolly Roger. He assures her that on his return they will be able to marry. He knows it will be a very lucrative deal and he will be able to offer her the life that she desires. Milah accepts his proposal quickly.

"Mother it is so lovely to see you. I have missed you," August tells his mother upon her arrival to Port Royal.

She smiles and leans in to kiss his cheeks. "I have missed you too. I came to surprise you; I hope you don't mind making the trip back home with your mother."

August smiles and only nods his agreement, he wishes he was making the trip back with a certain young brunette who stole his heart just a few days ago.

"Are you excited to finally be going back home? I know Emma is looking forward to seeing you again and starting wedding preparations as soon as poss-"

August cuts her off, "Mother I am afraid I cannot marry Emma. I have fallen in love with Milah. I will not marry someone I do not love. I am truly sorry."

"August, how could you do something like that? You knew very well of the betrothal," his mother seethes.

"Mother, you mentioned it once or twice in passing when I was young. How was I supposed to know you were serious?" August quickly snaps back the retort.

After hours of arguing Cora finally relents and agrees to break the news to Emma and Snow.

The arrival of August in Misthaven will surely break more than one heart.

Tagging:

@hookedonapirate @kmomof4 @searchingwardrobes @seriouslyhooked @profdanglaisstuff @let-it-raines @revanmeetra87 @snowbellewells @hollyethecurious @kymbersmith-90 @branlovestowrite @thejollyroger-writer @shireness-says @ilovemesomekillianjones​ @thisonesatellite @thesschesthair @winterbythesea @stahlop @resident-of-storybrooke  @superchocovian  @lfh1226-linda @artistic-writer @thislassishooked @shardminds @winterbaby89 @xhookswenchx @ultraluckycatnd @gingerchangeling @laschatzi @wellhellotragic @xemmaloveskillianx @courtorderedcake @pirateherokillian @optomisticgirl @darkcolinodonorgasm @sherlockianwhovian2 @andiirivera @djlbg @nikkiemms @jennjenn615 @scientificapricot @officerrogers​

[that-curly-haired-lesbian]

The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo + Taylor Swift: a master post - Part 6/6

Hi guys, welcome to the final part of my masterpost regarding parallels between Taylor Swift and Evelyn Hugo, the fictional actress from the book The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo by author Taylor Jenkins Reid!

Before proceeding please be aware that there will be

 **MAJOR SPOILERS**

for the book ahead and please also read my disclaimer!

It’s very important that you read these in order so if you haven’t yet go ahead and check out the previous part right here, thank you and enjoy!

When Evelyn starts telling us about beard #6 she reveals that they got married in Joshua Tree (Pg. 295) which is you know, an actual place and all, but my first reaction was (perhaps understandably given this context)

“You got married WHERE, now?!” and then it took me quite a while to stop laughing and honestly, this is kind of too hilarious not to include!

Evelyn also points out on that same page that she wore an ocean-blue dress for the ceremony.

--

 Though Max Girard (beard #6 and legit husband #2) initially starts out as a non-bearding situation (in a desperate attempt to get over Celia) it soon becomes clear that Max doesn’t love Evelyn, he loves Evelyn Hugo™ He loves the idea of her more than the actual person, he loves the famous persona. Evelyn says:

  “I didn’t know how to tell him that I loved her too, but I wasn’t her.” (Pg. 298)

This is that age-old debate of Taylor vs. Taylor Swift™. The two are not the same person and sometimes it feels like (het in particular) fans have as hard a time as Max to make that distinction.

Taylor Swift the public persona isn’t Taylor Swift the person and that is perhaps the most true when it comes to Taylor’s actual love life vs. her fabricated one. There might not be a single fact more important to come to terms with in order to understand Gaylor Swift (and her reasons for being closeted) than that simple one. If you feel lost here, please go read this again!

--

    “When you’re known for being gorgeous, you can’ not imagine a faith worse        than standing next to someone and falling short.” (Pg. 299)

  And all the young things line up to take your place

--

In a letter to Celia:

  “I hope you will forgive me for being so blunt, but how did we make such a     mess of it all?” (Pg. 301)

Oh, we made quite a mess, babe

--

After years of being separated (yet again) Evelyn finally calls Celia and when they discuss the possibility of getting back together without having to hide Evelyn points out that:

                        “Everything has changed”

And as proof of this change she brings up the fact that Elton John is now proudly out (this part of her story is set in the late 80’s) to which Celia counters with:

  “’Elton John doesn’t have a child and a career based on audiences     believing he’s a straight man.” (Pg. 303)

Taylor may not have a kid, but she most certainly has a career based on audiences believing she’s a straight woman and that must be freaking terrifying!!

--

During that phone call Evelyn explains that she never stopped loving Celia and when Celia questions this by pointing out that Evelyn (in a non-bearding way) got married to someone else Evelyn explains:

  “’I married him because he helped me forget you,’ I said, “not because I     stopped loving you’” (Pg. 304)

He will try to take away my pain  And he just might make me smile  But the whole time I'm wishin' he was you instead

--

During a dinner following the phone conversation Evelyn tells Celia:

  “I spent my life hiding so no one would knock me off the mountain. Well, you     know what? I’m done hiding. Let them come and get me. They can throw me     down a well as far as I’m concerned.” (Pg. 313)

When Celia questions if Evelyn really means that Evelyn assures her that she does.

  “Any other line of thinking…It’s how I lost you. I don’t want to lose anymore.”

HELL YEAH, EVELYN IS DONE HIDING!! Also, the “I don’t want to lose anymore”-line reminds me of:

  Us traitors never win

And what I said about that line in my analysis of Getaway Car:

What she says I think is that people who pick their career over their love life won’t end up being happy, or “winning” at life in the long-run.

--

When Celia has made absolutely sure that Evelyn is truly ready to give it all up for her this time she suggests that they move to Spain together, she says she wants to spend her final years:

  “On a beautiful beach. With the love of a good woman.” (Pg. 314)

  Drinkin' on a beach with you all over me

--

When Evelyn leaves her sixth husband for Celia he is pissed off and threatens to out her and he does, to untrustworthy magazines and anyone who will listen. (No one believes him, but still) (Pg. 319)

The whole divorce is very bitter and the bitterness of it all kind of reminded me of one of Taylor’s particularly bad bearding situations.  But when Max goes so far as to basically say he made Evelyn’s career an even worse taste was left in my mouth……………..

--

In a conversation with Evelyn about their differing degrees of fame Harry says the following:

  “I’m only famous because you’re famous, Ev. They don’t care about me or     what  I’m doing unless it somehow relates to you.” (Pg. 321)

Here we once again have bearding 101, but also it reminded me of someone…

On page 325 Evelyn refers to Harry as:

   “My best friend, my family.”

And while this is obviously said platonically between those two it nonetheless made me think of something that I’m honestly still not over Taylor saying about Karlie!!

--

Towards the end of her career Evelyn meets a young man named Nick, he wants to be an actor and asks Evelyn for advice. She bitterly considers telling him:

  “You have to be willing to deny your heritage, to commodify your body, to lie     to good people, to sacrifice who you love in the name of what people will   think, and to choose the false version of yourself time and time again,   until you forget who you started out as or why you started doing it to   begin with.” (Pg. 326) (x)

--

Evelyn’s friend (and beard) Harry dies tragically in a car accident in 1989

While Taylor has always used the motif of cars/car rides in her music there are A LOT of car mentions on 1989, an album many het Swifties seem to believe to be about Harry Styles, interesting…

--

After Harry’s death Evelyn and Celia move to Spain together and out of the spotlight they finally get to openly be together and Evelyn “chose the rose garden over Madison Square” if you will and she was extremely happy. About her relationship with Celia during that time she says:

  “I cherished every moment we had to ourselves, every second I spent with my    arms around her.” (Pg. 344)

   When I get you alone it’s so simple

                           //

  I could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets

Evelyn describes her seventh husband and last beard (Celia’s brother) as so charming that most other women were:

  “Enchanted by him” (Pg.344)

Oddly specific word choice!

As happy as Celia and Evelyn were at this point in their lives something was hanging over them, Celia was sick and dying. Evelyn tells Monique that when Celia promised Evelyn she’d never leave her again:

    “We both knew she was making a promise she couldn’t keep.” (Pg. 346)

  Brokeeeeee the sweetest promISEEE that you neverrrrr should   have MADEEE

Listen to that you guys, that’s my goddamn heart breaking!!!

--

CELIA AND EVELYN’S WEDDING SCENE (pg. 347-349) IS SUPER SWEET!!!!!! A fun little detail is that New York (which is as we’ve previously established significant to the Kaylor relationship as well as the Evelyn and Celia one) was made relevant in a scene taking place in Spain (Celia’s shirt)

ALSO allow we to go into crazy fanfic territory here, but can’t you just IMAGINE the “we can get married”-conversation happening between Taylor and Karlie when same-sex marriage became legalized nationwide????

All wlw just want a wife #ConfirmedOnPage349

Seriously, if you wanna be punched in the feels today go read the wedding scene and imagine Kaylor in Evelyn and Celia’s place. (No one is sick in the Kaylor version, but they are deeply closeted and still at the height of their careers) oh, my fragile, gay heart!!

--

When Celia does die from her illness Evelyn describes her reaction with:

      “I fell to the floor.” (Pg. 350)

  I'm HERE on the KITCHEN flooOOOOr 

Don’t TOUCH MEEEEEE

After Celia’s death Evelyn truly stops hiding in the closet:

     “I could not keep my true self from coming out.” (Pg. 353)

  “It cost so much, caring. I didn’t have any currency to spend on it.” (Pg. 354)

  “People were still easily distracted from seeing how I felt about Celia St.     James, but this time was different because I wasn’t hiding anything. The truth   had been there for them to grab if they’d paid attention.”

  “But of course they got it wrong. They never did care about getting it right. The    media are going to tell whatever story they want to tell. They always have.     They always will.”

To me this is the essence of the Reputation era, Taylor having realized that she can’t make the media she the truth so she just avoids them and tells the truth to those of us who are paying attention. This time it’s different, because she isn’t hiding anything.

  There will be no further explanation. There will be just reputation

--

Evelyn saying it made her happy to spend money on her loved ones (Pg. 356) makes me think of Taylor being so extra with the fans ❤

--

  “No one is just a victim or a victor. That’s Evelyn Hugo for you, somewhere     in the middle.” (Pg. 366)

--

   “She’s painfully human to me now.” (Pg. 371)

Is that Monique saying that about Evelyn Hugo after finding out her true life story or is it me saying it about Taylor Swift after falling down the Gaylor rabbit hole? No one knows for sure…

--

  “Evelyn is going to die when she wants to and she wants to die now.” (Pg.375)

  I'm sorry, the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now (Ooh, look what you made me do)  Why? (Look what you made me do)  Oh, 'cause she's dead!

                                //

  in the death of her reputation she felt truly alive

                     The huge difference between the death of Taylor Swift and the death of Evelyn Hugo is that Evelyn’s death is literal and Taylor’s is figurative.

Despite this Evelyn’s death is somehow every bit as cinematic as Taylor who just recently killed off her reputation in order to feel truly alive. They’re both still doing it on their own terms, literally controlling the narrative that is their lives up until their last breaths (figurative as well as literal)

  “Evelyn trusts me with her story. Evelyn trusts me with her death.” (Pg. 377)

Just as Taylor is trusting us with the death of her false reputation and the truth of her actual story and narrative.

  “The tears that come out of me feel as if they were decades in the making. It     feels as if some old version of me is leaking out, letting go, saying good-bye in     the effort of making room for a new me. Somehow both more cynical about   people and more optimistic about my place in the world” (Pg. 377-378)

Okay so this is a lot and it hit me right in the heart! I can only imagine this is just how Taylor felt when she decided that killing of her old reputation and public image was the right move. After everything that happen to her just before she decided to take a break to figure that stuff out (and everything that has happened for her entire career as far as bearding and hiding goes)I bet those tears felt decades (or at least a decade) in the making when they finally came. After all she’s been through in the industry since the age of 16 it’s no wonder if she feels cynical about people, but after taking the break to figure it out and deciding to COME out I’m sure she also feels optimistic now that she’s on the road to being herself publicly. She’s found her place in this world as out and proud and now she’s working towards getting to that place every day.

All these years she’s just been trying to find a place in this world and oh, Taylor, I am so glad you’ve found it! ❤

It must be such a relief to have made up your mind, to not have to be afraid anymore.

   “There’s still so much I don’t know about my father. Maybe he was gay. Maybe    he saw himself as straight, but in love with one man. Maybe he was bisexual.     Or a host of other words. But it really doesn’t matter, that’s the thing.” (Pg. 380)

This is an interesting quote, to Evelyn the word bisexual mattered a lot and to Celia the word lesbian did, as for Monique’s father we don’t know what he would have said on the matter concerning his own identity because he’s been dead since long before the book started. Ultimately Monique comes to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter what her father would’ve identified as, as long as she knew he loved her (which it has been shown throughout the book that he undeniably did.)

In the same way we could argue all day about whether Taylor is gay or bi or straight or a “a host of other words” for the time being we’re in much the same position as Monique, Taylor hasn’t told us and it’s not like we can just ask her, but does it matter? We all love Taylor and we know that she loves us. Her being in love with women and writing her songs about them instead of the men we were lead to believe were her muses doesn’t change that. In the end it’s not a big deal whether Taylor is gay or straight, we still love her, we came for her music that we related to and loved and then we ended up staying for Taylor, the person, because we fell in love with her and her storytelling. Who she loves doesn’t change that.  We love her and she loves us and that’s all that matters.

--

On page 382 GLAAD is mentioned by name as an organization that Evelyn gave most of her fortune to after her death.

The piece Monique ends up writing about Evelyn for Vivant summarizes the main theme of the both and to me it also summarizes what Gaylor Swift is about:

The TRUTH behind the SCANDAL that was her love life.

(Pg. 385)

And now for the final piece in this puzzle

And all our pieces fall  Right into place

🌈 🌈 🌈

--

Thank you SO much for reading all of these masterposts, I really hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed reading that amazing book and writing all of these parts!

[sunsetbeachsoap]

Interview: Life's a Sunset Beach

She was going to be the next Elizabeth Taylor. These days Lesley- Anne Down takes work where she finds it - right now, it's in the best daytime soap opera since `Crossroads'.

Deborah Ross @deborahross

Monday 30 November 1998 01:02

So, here she is, then, Lesley-Anne Down, once "Britain's Most Beautiful Teenager" and once, of course, the flighty, ravishing, utterly captivating Miss Georgina Worsley in Upstairs, Downstairs. I can still see her now, in her little sparkling bugle dress, with those big sparkling eyes, flirting outrageously with someone jolly handsome in the Eaton Place drawing room, while, downstairs, Mrs Bridges was bellowing: "RUBY! ROO- BEEEEE! YOU COME AND HELP ME WITH THIS MILK PUDDING NOW, MY GIRL!" The part quickly transformed her into the nation's, and the tabloids', absolute darling. She may even have been Elizabeth Hurley before there was any Elizabeth Hurley. The prototype, if you like. And very, very big things were predicted for her. "The next Elizabeth Taylor," declared the Daily Mail in 1973. But today? Today she is not a great big movie star. Instead, she is Olivia Richards in the American daytime soap Sunset Beach.

Now, let's see, how best to give you a little thumbnail-sketch of Olivia? OK. Here goes. Olivia used to have a drink problem, and also used to be married to Gregory Richards, played by a cracking actor who can do lines, and facial expressions, but singularly fails to ever tie the two in together. Olivia has a baby son, Tres, unbeknown to her grown-up daughter, Caitlin, who is a graduate (cum laude) of The American School of Dramatic Hair Tossing - they are all, actually, very good at tossing, but Caitlin's the best - and who thinks Tres came from a prostitute. Caitlin certainly doesn't think Tres could be her brother, or might even be her half-brother, because Olivia once had an affair with Cole, who suffers under the weight of a great deal of hair gel and thus looks permanently perplexed, and who is now married to Caitlin, while Gregory is now married to Annie, who has lips like dinghies and who drugged Olivia and stole Tres in the first place before Olivia found out and Gregory divorced her, because he thought Tres died as a result of her drinking. And that's about it. I think. Tragically, Sunset Beach is only on here at 10.20am on Channel 5 which means that, for a busy, professional, go-getting high-brow like me, I only ever get to see it daily.

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: "Look what Lesley- Anne has come to!" And: "Where did it all go pear-shaped!"Well, if that's the case, and I suspect it is, then I can only say you are mad. Sunset Beach is, almost certainly, the best thing on telly at the moment. Indeed, for anyone who has had, say, a Crossroads-shaped hole in their lives ever since Crossroads was axed, then Sunset Beach is just the ticket, and possibly more so. The plots are ludicrous, the acting is appalling and, as for the dialogue! Well, take Olivia to her ex, Gregory, while they are stuck in a lift, and he's coming on to her, because he's unknowingly been doped with Viagra, and she finds herself succumbing: "LOVE [breath] ME [breath] GREGORY [long breath]. LOVE [breath] ME!" It's all you could ever hope for, frankly, and no Benny in his silly bobble hat, which has to be a plus.

I say all this to Lesley-Anne. She is not offended in the least. She has, she says, never considered herself an artiste in any way. Do you think you can act, even? "God, no. Absolutely not. But if someone pays me to do something, I will do it to the best of my ability, and on Mars if necessary." How would you describe what you do in Sunset Beach? "Technique. Just full-blown technique! Although it's very hard work, darling. We average four scenes an hour. We don't rehearse. It's brush your hair, then boom- boom-boom, you're doing it." So, in short, it's a matter of trying not to fall over the props, then waiting for the truck to come round with your wages? "It is certainly much better paid than Upstairs, Downstairs ever was!" She says she now takes her jobs where she can find them. She once did a season in Dallas as PR Stephanie Rogers. "Why? Because they offered me a quarter of a million dollars for seven days' work over 10 weeks. What do you think I am, darling? STUPID?" Still, she agrees that "Who shot JR?" might be up there with "Is Amy Turtle a Russian spy?" as one of the greatest soap storylines ever. "Was she a Russian spy?" she asks. I say she got off in the end, but frankly, I always had my doubts. There always looked like room for a kalashnikov under her pinny, to me. "I see," says Lesley-Anne. "Hmmm."

Although she now lives in the very Hello! territory that is Malibu - "Jane Seymour lives round the corner. Her kids came trick or treating the other night" - she is over here for a few days, so we meet in her London hotel suite. We are joined, at various times, by Lesley-Anne's younger sister, Angela, Lesley-Anne's husband, Donnie, and her and Donnie's eight-month-old son, George, who seems to have black teeth ("We think the housekeeper is feeding him juice"), plus a succession of chambermaids who knock then come in to say: "Hiya, Olivia. I just wanted to say hiya, and maybe I could have a photo, Olivia?" "Maybe a little later, sweetie," says Lesley-Anne, who isn't even very good at acting friendly sometimes. Later, she complains: "This has been going on endlessly. In fact, when I first arrived here a few days ago, I went out in the evening. I was knackered, I looked awful, I wore a big hat - but still everyone in the street was shouting, `Ohhhh, Olivia'. And `Ohhh, Sunset Beach'. I don't understand it. It is such a silly little show."

Nonsense, I protest. It's a terrific show. In particular, I love the strange kind of time warp that goes on, so that a character knocks on a door, then 139 episodes later someone finally answers it. I like the fact that there are only ever two camera angles. I like the fact it makes Santa Barbara look slick. I like... "Oh, stop," pleads Lesley-Anne. Her sister Angela interrupts to say she thinks Lesley-Anne is a better actress than she thinks she is. "You were very good in Hanover Street with Harrison Ford," she insists.

"But that was such romantic drivel, darling!" Lesley-Anne cries.

"Trouble is, that film didn't know whether it wanted to be a war story or a love story," says Donnie.

"Ag-ga-ga-ga-goo," goes George, through his spooky, rotten teeth.

I say that, aside from anything else, she did do truly great cleavage in the American mini-series North and South. She can at least feel proud of that. She says: "That wasn't cleavage! That was my spare tyre being pushed up!" Lesley-Anne is possibly rather bonkers. But, still, she can be quite bright and funny at times.

She is now 44, but is still very fine looking, with the huge green, sparkling eyes, and great bones and everything, although she might be a bit over- made-up. You know, lots of black round the eyes and lashes so mascara- ed they look crunchy. She has so far resisted plastic surgery, "but only because Donnie won't let me". "Roy Orbison died on the table getting a face-lift," retorts Donnie. "It is a life-threatening operation."

Donnie, her third husband, is a cameraman whom she met on the set of North and South. Lesley-Anne seems to have spent much of her life going from one bloke to another, actually. First it was Bruce Robinson, the actor who turned writer (The Killing Fields) then writer-director (Withnail and I, How to Get Ahead in Advertising) and with whom she lived with for 10 years from the age of 15. Next it was an Argentine, Henrique Gabriel, an assistant director whom she met in Egypt on a film set, and whom she married on a whim, but left after 18 months for William Friedkin. She married Friedkin, the director of The French Connection and The Exorcist, and together they had a son, Jack. But when Jack was two, Lesley-Anne met Don, and upped it again. Lesley-Anne and Friedkin then fought a custody battle for Jack in a case which even her own lawyer, Marvin Mitchelson, described as "the nastiest, most vicious, custody case this town has ever seen". Friedkin said Lesley-Anne was an alcoholic, promiscuous coke fiend. She said he had threatened to kill her on more than one occasion, and had used a stun gun in front of Jack. After spending a million dollars each, they eventually agreed to a pre-trial settlement and joint custody, but only after Lesley-Anne had been vetted by a team of shrinks.

She says the shrinks ultimately declared her "a super-intelligent woman" which, she adds, "was very funny, because I lied to them every step of the way. They did these Rorschach tests on me. You know, the ink-blots. And they'd say, what does this one look like? I wasn't about to say it looks like two women having it off, was I? So I said, `Ohhh, it's a beautiful butterfly."' What did they conclude about you emotionally? "That I'm a complete hysteric!" And she might be, although perhaps not dangerously so. Certainly, she doesn't seem entirely whole somehow. I think she is intelligent, yes, but am not sure she's entirely all there.

She was born in Wandsworth, south London. Her father, James, apparently a very dashing-looking man, was caretaker of the local Territorial Army Centre. Her mother, Isobel, stayed at home to bring up the two girls, although did a bit of cleaning on the side when things got tight. Lesley- Anne, however, craved a more colourful life. "I had these cousins in LA, who'd send us care packages of clothes they'd grown out of - the most amazingly beautiful dresses that were totally alien to, say, going to Clark's for another pair of lace-ups in black, black or black. So I always had this desire, and image of myself, leading this fantasy life."

She started modelling at 10, was drinking gin and orange and clubbing at 12, started appearing nude in films at 14, and was living with Bruce at 15. I ask her if she thinks her childhood finished too early. She says. "I don't think it ever started!" What do you mean? "I just never felt like a child. I always had this desire to be a grown-up. I never had friends. I never felt I belonged. I was always happiest on my own, inventing things, finding secret places. If I'd also mutilated small animals, I think I'd have the perfect psychological profile of a serial killer." Did you ever, for example, have birthday parties? "Perhaps once. Although, then again, I might just be jealously appropriating someone else's." Did you like school? "Hated it. In particular, I hated Miss Harden, the maths teacher, who had hairy armpits and never wore long sleeves."

The trouble with Lesley-Anne, perhaps, is that she focused for so long on achieving things outwardly, via her own admittedly fabulous looks, that something within her just shrivelled and died. When, later, I ask her what attracted her to Friedkin, she says: "Money, talent, power." And you find those things attractive? "I did then. I'd met men with one or other of those things but, until Bill, I'd never met a man with all three." And the combination was lethal? "Lethal is the right word. That man was MERCURY IN MY BLOOD!" She can seem quite hysterical at times, yes.

Her first modelling assignment was for school uniforms, then it was bonnets, then it was a commercial in Barbados for an American soap powder - "and I thought, this is the life". She hooked up with Bruce at a party thrown by Ava Gardner. "He walked into the room in a white coat. I was in love. I didn't have a comb, so I ran into the lavatory and used Ava's toothbrush on my hair and lashes." He assumed she was at least 18. He, nearly 30 then, wasn't best pleased to find out she was only 15. "He called up all his friends, and said: `What am I going to do?' He went though a difficult time. My parents called him all sorts of names. Bruce would pack my bags and send me back to mum and dad. `I want to be with you,' I would scream. "

He proposed to her just the once, when she was 16. "But I said no. I didn't believe in marriage then." He never proposed again, although they stayed together until she was 24. She doesn't see him now. "He's become such a hermit, hasn't he? He lives in place near Wales that begins with H." Hereford? "Yes, that's it. He has so much to play for, but just tucks himself away." Perhaps he just doesn't want the whole LA shebang? "Oh. yes. Perhaps."

She says she is happy now, with Donnie and George. She doesn't mind that she never really achieved anything after Upstairs, Downstairs apart from a number of lacklustre films culminating in Death Wish V with Charles Bronson. "I'm happy to have survived, to still be here," she says. She has, yes, had her run-ins with drink and drugs but never, she insists, excessively so, and certainly not now. She adds that it's now time for her afternoon nap. "I'm very tired, darling." Bye, Olivia, I say. And I hope you get out of that stuck elevator shortly. "Oh stop!" she pleads again.

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior August 28, 2020 – THE NEW MUTANTS, BILL & TED FACE THE MUSIC, LINGUA FRANCA, CLASS ACTION PARK, THE PERSONAL HISTORY OF DAVID COPPERFIELD, CENTIGRADE and More!

So more movie theaters reopened last week, and while I haven’t monitored areas where those theaters opened for COVID spikes, which we probably wouldn’t see until this weekend or next week anyway, I think things seem to be trying to get back to normal with two fairly high-profile releases, one getting a full theatrical release getting some kind of hybrid of theatrical and VOD. There’s also lots of digital stuff, lots of virtual cinema, and of course streaming ... I mean, you can’t complain that there’s nothing to watch, and there’s even some good stuff in there. So let’s get to it...

This week’s “Featured Flick” – which I’m bringing right back to the top of the column where it deserves to be is – is Filipina filmmaker Isabel Sandoval’s LINGUA FRANCA (ARRAY), which debuts on Netflix today as part of Ava DuVernay’s new distribution initiative, and it’s quite a wonderful indie drama that I can’t recommend more highly. While the film isn’t Sandoval’s first film, it is her first film since transitioning and her first film mostly in English, and it very much deals with both the trans and immigrant experience in New York City. Sandoval not only wrote and directed but also stars and produces the film set in Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, playing Olivia, a trans woman trying to navigate her life as a caregiver for an elderly woman (Lynn Cohen) when she gets into a relationship with the woman’s grandson Alex (Eamon Farren). Olivia also has paid an American to marry her so she can get her green card but when that falls through, she needs to look at other options.

At its core, this film is about the tentative romance between Olivia and Alex but it’s such a layered story that beautifully captures that part of Brooklyn and features an amazing supporting performance by the late Lynn Cohen as Alex ‘s grandma Olga, which ends up being a far more pivotal role than may be expected. As much as the film is about Olivia, the film also follows Alex as he deals with his own issues, keeping a job but also how he questions his feelings for Olivia, since he’s surrounded by a pack of toxic transphobic bros. Still, you can’t help but hope that Olivia and Alex’s story has a happy ending despite all the travails they go through.

My main takeway from Lingua Franca is that Sandoval did an amazing job with an incredibly personal story, not only in the writing and direction but also playing Olivia, and I’m so excited to see what she does next, because this is a movie that more than lives up to some of her influences. Either way, this is an absolutely wonderful film  that you can watch on Netflix RIGHT NOW.

I also wanted to draw attention to Flavio Alves’ THE GARDEN LEFT BEHIND (Dark Star Pictures), which won a jury prize at the 2019 SXSW Film Festival, because it’s a nice companion piece to Lingua Franco (purely by coincidence) with a few similar elements, despite being a VERY different movie. In fact, I don’t want to spend too much time comparing them, because it wouldn’t be fair to either filmmaker.

This one stars Carlie Guevra as Tina, a Mexican trans woman living with her grandmother, who is in the process of transitioning, but just needs her therapist (Ed Asner) to sign off that she’s ready. She also has a boyfriend, Jason (Alex Kruz) and a couple jobs, one as a ride share driver and she gets a second job as bartender. Her main concern is getting her surgery, although we get the impression that she may not be legal. Either way, that’s not as key in this movie as in Lingua Franca. The movie also cuts between Tina and a young man who works at the bodega named Chris (Anthony Abdo), who seems to have some cryptic connection with Tina, but he also hangs out with a bunch of transphobic baseball players. It’s not quite clear what part he will play in this story, except we assume that maybe he’s closeted gay or trans and wants to keep it secret from his friends. The point is that the inclusion of Chris in the story means that we don’t get nearly as much focus on Tina’s problems since the film frequently cuts away from her.

The ending of The Garden Left Behind, which has won a number of awards at festivals including the Visions award at last year’s SXSW, gets quite dark and quite tragic, but it’s obvious that Alves wanted to make a statement about anti-trans violence and how it affects everyone in that community despite any of us that think that things have gotten better. It hasn’t, and it’s a huge shame, although unlike Sandoval’s film, Alves doesn’t make clear that his film is set in the current Trump era where there’s more hatred. Either way, it’s a fine film with a few minor tonal issues that shows another side to an important and topical story.

Premiering on HBO Max this Thursday is Seth Porge and Chris Charles Scott III’s documentary, CLASS ACTION PARK (HBO Max), which I absolutely loved. You may have guessed from the title that it’s about the Vernon, New Jersey staple from the ‘80s and ‘90s, Action Park, one of the earliest and biggest water parks, but also one of the most dangerous places to bring your family for a fun day.  I was a teenager in Connecticut during the early days of Action Park so I was all over the commercials, and I vaguely remember going but don’t really remember what I did. The movie starts out in a rather comedic way, helped by the likes of comedian Chris Gethard, but once it gets to the legendary Alpine Slide, a freewheeling luge ride down a concrete track with a cart with brakes that rarely worked, well it suddenly gets a lot less fun or funny. For the most part, the film paints a pretty bad picture of the park’s creator Eugene Mulvihill, and the fact that he seemed to care more about making money than about the safety of the patrons that flooded the park every summer weekend. The film also delivers more than a few gut punches when you realize how many people were severely injured and even killed while out trying to have fun. Either way, this is a fantastic doc that really captures the wonders of a place that so many people remember fondly, or at least those that survived. (I can’t confirm this but I’m almost positive I saw former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie in some of the archival footage and considering his age and how long he’s lived in Jersey, I just want to believe that it was indeed him.)

Another can’t miss doc that’s available digitally this Friday (after a nominal drive-in release) is David Darg and Price James’ YOU CANNOT KILL DAVID ARQUETTE (Super), an odd title for a movie that is indeed about actor David Arquette, best known for movies like Never Been Kissed and the Scream movies. He also has another claim to infamy, and that was in 2000 when he starred in the wrestling comedy, Ready to Rumble, and decided to promote it by getting in the ring himself, and angering millions of fans by winning the WCW Heavyweight Championship. Arquette was so loathed due to his antics in the ring that twenty years later, he’s still trying to atone in a way. This doc covers Arquette’s serious efforts to train and get in the proper shape needed to take part in the country’s #1 form of sports entertainment.

This was another particularly interesting doc to me, maybe because I wasn’t really following wrestling in 2000 (just as I’m no longer now), so I missed most of what’s covered in the first few minutes of the movie. I also didn’t really read up about the movie before seeing, which always allows for a better viewing experience, Ed says while writing words he hopes someone is reading.

It’s a pretty fascinating “hero’s journey” (of sorts) that deals with Arquette’s troubles with alcoholism and getting roles, as well as dealing with depression that has him taking ketomine. Some watching this might think he’s crazy to put himself back in the ring, particularly during a scene where he shows up at a backyard wrestling and allows himself to put himself through all sorts of indignities and injuries. These only get worse as he gets into a professional match with many wrestlers still detesting him as much as the fan.

Fortunately, this ends up being a fairly inspirational feel-good movie i.e. Arquette doesn’t die as we assume Mickey Rourke did in Darren Aromnofksy’s The Wrestler, but there are definite real world parallels that makes You Cannot Kill David Arquette quite an entertaining endeavor as a film.

Before we get to the (gosh!) theatrical releases, I want to talk about a few festivals taking place this week and next. 

Up in virtual Montreal, the virtual Fantasia Festival, and I apologize that I haven’t been able to see more movies to include in this week’s column just because I just don’t have the time right now with so many releases. (Actually, You Cannot Kill David Arquette is playing as part of Fantasia, so there’s one movie right there!)

If you go all the way down to virtual Birmingham, Alabama, you can see some of the movies playing at the Sidewalk Film Festival this week until Monday, which this year includes a drive-in component. I’ve never been to Sidewalk myself but I’ve met quite a few of the people involved with it at the Oxford Film Festival, and there’s a good mix of already-released movies and new indies. It opened on Monday with the doc Banksy Most Wanted and other recent releases include First Cow and The Burnt Orange Heresy, plus lots of classic favorites like Teen Wolf and Teen Witch and lots more. It’s a cool regional festival that I hope to get to someday, just not necessarily in the summer. 

I was hoping to catch some of the offerings of this year’s virtual “New York Asian Film Festival,” which plays from August 28 through September 12 with the theme  “Women Transforming Film,” opening with the North American Premiere of Rae Red’s The Girl and The Gun, and with an impressive line-up either directed or led by women. I’ll try to watch some of the movies over the next week and try to report back, but you really can’t do wrong with the NYAFF going by past years even with no physical in-person screenings.

After literally years of waiting, Josh Boone’s THE NEW MUTANTS (20th Century/Disney) is finally arriving in theaters in regions where movies are reopened, and honestly, I would love to see this since I’m such a fan of the source material, but who knows if I’ll have a chance. There’s a lot that got me excited from the fact that this would tie into the X-Men movies with the inclusion of James McAvoy – presumably? Has he been in a single ad for this? But also a great cast playing the mutants, including Anya Taylor-Joy, Maisie Williams, Alicia Braga (who is also in The Suicide Squad), Charlie Heaton and more.

Unfortunately, Fox wouldn’t let anyone see this movie before it hits theaters, including the millions of New York and L.A. film critics who won’t have any opportunity to pay to see it in theaters either. Hopefully it’s good and hopefully it’ll turn up on Hulu sooner rather than later, but I don’t even have the heart to try to predict its weekend box office, but probably around $10 million or less.

Also opening in some theaters this week but mainly taking the PVOD route is the comedy threequel BILL AND TED FACE THE MUSIC (Orion Pictures/MGM), once again starring Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter (and to be honest, I cannot even remember which is which). I also haven’t watched any trailer so I know almost nothing about the plot, but it’s been 29 years since Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, and people are still excited to see this. (At least it’s directed by Galaxy Quest director Dean Parisot, so there’s some hope.) MGM would not allow any critics to see the movie before Wednesday night, and I could only watch it at 10:30PM myself, plus there’s an embargo until Thursday night. And yet, I’ve already seen the movie, over 12 hours before I was supposed to receive the screener, which is completely impossible and something that could theoretically cause complete chaos within the space/time continuum. Whoa. 

Mini-Review: I was never a really huge fan of the “Bill and Ted” movies, though I’d seen them both a few times, and I certainly was wondering how they were gonna pull off a threequel nearly three decades later with both Alex Winter and especially Keanu Reeves moving onto bigger and better things. The result is Bill and Ted Face the Music, which brings back a good amount of the talent that made the first two movies, joined by director Dean Parisot (Galaxy Quest).

It is indeed almost three decades later and Winter’s Bill and Reeves’ Ted are married to the Medieval princesses they met in the second movie and they both have daughters – Thea (Samara Weaving) and Billie (Brigette Lundy-Paine) – who are very much like their fathers. In fact, we’re back in their lives as Bill and Ted are giving a speech at the wedding of their former babysitter Missy, who has divorced Ted’s father and is now marrying Ted’s brother (Beck Bennett). If that sounds confusing, then you’re not even close to ready for all the time travel stuff that’s to come.

Their career as Wild Stallynz just never took off as their bass player Death (William Sadler) stole their name, and they’re having marital issues that has them seeing a couples counselor (Jillian Bell) – both of them with their wives.

There’s so much to talk about re: Bill and Ted Face the Music, but if you’ve been waiting this long to see what they’ve been up to, you’ll probably want to know as little about the actual plot as possible. The basic gist of it is that Bill and Ted must save reality which is collapsing on itself, commissioned by Kristen Schaal’s Kelly, who is the daughter of the Great Leader, a role taken on by her mother (Holland Taylor). Bill and Ted need to find the perfect song that will bring the entire world and all realities together. They’re also being pursued by a killer robot, just… because?

One of my biggest takeaways for the movie is what good sports Winter and Reeves are to take part in everything that’s thrown at them, including playing different variations on their characters, and some very funny ones indeed. I was also hugely impressed by Weaving (who I didn’t recognize at first) and Lundy-Paine at their spot-on impressions of their “Dads” to the point where their subplot about trying to put together a band to play their Dad’s song by travelling through time and convincing the likes of Jimi Hendrix, Louis Armstrong and Mozart to band up.

There was a time in the ‘80s and ‘90s where movies could just be a fun form of escapist entertainment, and Bill and Ted Face the Music brings that feeling back as it doesn’t seem to care what people think of it – kind of that lovable drunk at the party. Sure, it gets a little corny towards the end when Thea and Billie bring all the elements of their band together, but hey, at least it doesn’t feature an appearance by Smashmouth.

Bill and Ted Face the Music is more silly (and sometimes dumb) fun that is right in the line with the first two movies, but you’re likely to walk away being more impressed by the new generation and how well the filmmakers use Bill and Ted’s family in the mix. I don’t know if I necessarily need more than this, but the movie works better than so many other long-awaited comedy sequels from the past decade or so.

Rating: 7/10

Filmmaker and British TV icon Armando Iannucci make a quick shift into the world of Charles Dickens with THE PERSONAL HISTORY OF DAVID COPPERFIELD (Searchlight), a fairly faithful version of the writer’s classic memoirs of the life of a writer, in this case played by Dev Patel. It’s been a minute since I read Dickens’ book, but Iannucci’s adaptation seems fairly faithful as it follows David (or Davey or Daisy, depending on who is addressing him) goes through a series of homes and jobs, falls in love and meets all sorts of strange characters that he turns into the basis for his first novel i.e. the movie you’re watching.

On paper, it might not be obvious how Iannucci’s normally sarcastic sense of humor might work within Dickens’ storytelling, which has its ups and downs for its main protagonist, but is mostly hopeful. Iannucci’s adaptation is quite ambitious, particularly with the large cast he put around Patel, who isn’t exactly known for his humor. He doesn’t have to worry so much about doing any comic heavy lifting, because he’s surrounded by the likes of Tilda Swinton as his aunt, Mrs. Trotwood; her kite-flying husband, played by Hugh Laurie in possibly his most comic role since Blackadder? Of course, Iannucci brings back his In the Loop ringer, Peter Capaldi in a key role. In all three cases, they make brief appearances but then return later to play a more pivotal role.

The cast is the definition of an abundance of riches including Aneurin Barnard as David’s best friend Jim, Gwendoline Christie, Rosalind Eleazar, Benedict Wong but the most surprisingly funny is Morfydd Clark (St. Maud) as David’s crush Dora Spenlow (and also playing his mother in the early part of the movie? Not too Freudian), whose dizzy laugh and behavior just works splendidly. Similarly, Ben Whishaw play an absolutely hateful Uriah Heep, who continues to plague David and everyone around him.

Like the recent Emma, this is an adaptation that certainly grows on you as it goes along, and that may be because Iannucci never loses sight of the source and doesn’t try to abscond Dickens with his own type of humor. There’s definitely a version that could have been over-the-top and more like a Monty Python adaptation but Iannucci shows a good deal of growth with this adaptation over The Death of Stalin. (Incidentlaly, I also have a crafts review of Iannucci’s movie over at Below the Line.)

Brendan Walsh’s CENTIGRADE (IFC Midnight) is the type of high concept survival two-hander that I have enjoyed in the past, as it puts Vincent Piazza and Genesis Rodriguez in a car in the middle of the wilds of Norway where they’ve been frozen shut into their cars with little in the way of food.

Being IFC Midnight, I was thinking this would be more in the horror vein, but it’s barely a thriller as we watch this couple, Matt and Naomi, wake up to find their car completely covered in snow with no way of getting out and little chance of survival. Also, she’s eighth months pregnant, which could also be a problem.

There’s so much about this movie that I normally love but watching this couple squabble for the first hour of the movie and then for the developments that happen after that. Again, I don’t want to spoil anything if you’ve already decided you want to watch this but the movie is very uneven, and it’s hard to even figure out how they got into such a predicament because we meet them inside the car. Every once in a while, the camera goes outside to show the snow-covered Norwegian tundra, but this is an aggravating semi-thriller that really tests your patience since you can’t figure out how they’re going maintain this for a full thirty minutes.

I will say that the movie’s ending almost makes up for everything you have to endure before that, but with so many better movies in this vein --  you’ll hear a lot of comparisons to Frozen – not the Disney one, but Adam Green’s thriller – and last year’s Arctic, starring Mads Mikkelsen – Centigrade just never lives up to the high-concept premise it begins with. It’s probably fathomable that this is based on a true story. It’s just not a very interesting one.

I was pleasantly surprised by Greek filmmaker Minos Nikolakakis’ ENTWINED (Dark Star Pictures), maybe because I once again didn’t read anything about the movie before I watched it. It stars Prometheus Aleifer as Panos, a doctor who arrives at a small Greek village to be their first local doctor, and he meets a young woman named Danae (Anastsia Kiddi) who is seemingly abused by the violent old man she lives with. Things aren’t always what they seem.

Without saying too much about how Panos’ story plays out after we meet him talking to his half-brother George (John de Holland) at a funeral, we then follow him to the village where he nearly hits Danae with his car. As a doctor, he feels the need to step in and help her, as she’s clearly being abused by this brutish man with a long beard, but he then becomes … wait for it… entwined with her!

There’s a lot I enjoyed about this movie, but most of all is the fact that it follows great gothic horror traditions like the work of Mario Bava or Czech filmmaker Juraj Herz, particularly his 1978 version of Beauty and the Beast. You see, Entwined isn’t horror as much as it’s dark fantasy with a tinge of the erotica as Panos finds him trapped with this beautiful young woman and unable to get back to the village, while George tries to reach him with no luck. Nikolakakis doesn’t use a lot of visual FX to create the sense of dread that Panos must feel as he becomes trapped and seemingly in love with this woman who is obsessed with keeping a fire in her house burning brightly. Without giving any more away, if you go into this not expecting heavy doses of Western horror but more of a gothic fable, then you should enjoy this crafty first feature from a filmmaker that should shine more light on his country’s cinema.

The faith-based historical drama FATIMA (Picturehouse) from Italian director Marco Pontecorvo, may be more of an acquired taste, although it’s getting more of a high-profile release.  Set in Portugal in 1917 at the heigh of World War I, it tells the story of three young children from the village of Fatima who tell people they’ve had an encounter with the Virgin Mary. At a time when Portugal was fraught with many anti-religious sentiments in the government, these kids tell the masses that show up that the Virgin Mary wants them to pray and repent for their sins for the terrible war to end.

I knew going in that this might not be my kind of movie, just because I have a hard time believing all this faith hoopla, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expected, mainly because it’s a beautifully-shot film, but the problem is that so much of the story relies on the three child actors, and there’s so much pathos and over-acting that it’s hard to take anything seriously. Probably the best parts are the present day story-framing sequences between Harvey Keitel and Brazilian legend Sonia Braga (playing the adult version of the main girl, Lucia), but the movie really depends very much on you believing in things that you may not believe in, just like so many other faith-based films.

I don’t want to completely throw Fatima under the bus, because I think some people will find it to be watchable and quite enjoyable. It’s not a complete train wreck, but it just spends so much time going over the same points with very little new to add as it goes along.

I was gonna review Matt Eskarandi’s HARD KILL  (Vertical Entertainment) when it was meant to open last week, but the movie is so bad that Vertical decided to skip its theatrical release and just dump it on digital along with most of the Emmett Furla productions, starring the actor who just doesn’t give a shit anymore, Mr. Bruce Willis.

Actually, this is an action movie starring Jesse Metcalfe (from Desperate Housewives) as Derek Miller, a former soldier called upon by Willis’ Dayton Chalmers to protect him because his company Chapterhouse has discovered something called “Project 425,” and a week after watching this movie, I could not even begin to tell you what that is, except that every time someone said those words, I couldn’t help but start cracking up. Even worse is that they’re trying to keep this thing from a terrorist known as “The Pardoner” (Sergio Rizzuto) which leads to a lot of conversations where most of the actors seem to have trouble keeping a straight face. It’s like no one making this movie realized what a bad movie they were making.

Otherwise, here isn’t a ton to say about this action movie which mostly takes place in a giant warehouse that doesn’t seem to care that it’s just a giant warehouse but it goes back and forth between shooting guns and talking about the two things in quotes above. The writing is bad, the acting is even worse – I mean, the fact that former WWE star Eva Marie comes off the best amidst all the macho posing. As might be expected, Willis is in the movie about as little as he has to be in order to get a paycheck.

Essentially, this is another one of those VOD-sasters that we used to get so many before COVID hit and every movie released was just mediocre since all decent movies just got delayed until theaters reopened. It’s just such a poorly-conceived movie that it’s shocking that it even got financed. Oddly, it shares a cast with the one and only movie produced by MoviePass Films, 10 Minutes Gone, and not just Willis but Texas Battle, Rizzuto and Swen Temmel, which makes me wonder what happened there. Did Willis bring all of them on this movie? Was it a two-for-one? It’s definitely a mystery especially since the movie is so bad, and that movie wasn’t that much better, but this possibly one of the dumbest movies I've seen this year.

I was hoping to watch the Brett Haley-directed ALL TOGETHER NOW, which debuts on Netflix this Friday, and I’ll probably try to get to it since I’m such a big fan of his work from The Hero to Hearts Beat Loud and others. Haley is a really great filmmaker at getting great performances out of his cast, so I’ll be curious to see what he does with younger actors like Auli’l Cravalho (the voice of Moana!), who plays Amber Appleton, a high schooler with musical aspirations who has to overcome personal hardships. More importantly it co-stars an absolute legend in Carol Burnett and the incredibly funny Fred Armisen, so I’m sure I’ll enjoy it. (If I have time to watch it on Weds, I’ll try to add a review here.)

Opening virtually via the Film Forum in New York is Werner Herzog’s new documentary, NOMAD: IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF BRUCE CHATWIN (Music Box Films), which is about (you guessed it) Bruce Chatwin, who honestly I never heard of, but I didn’t get too far into the movie to find out, cause it was pretty effin’ boring. I guess if you’re interested in Bruce Chatwin, you should check it out, If you have no idea who he is, then Google it. Sorry!

Apparently, the Other Music doc that played last year’s Tribeca Film Festival, directed by Puloma Basu and Rob Hatch-Miller, comes out this week, and I would have loved to have seen it, not because I ever frequented the New York City alternate music store but just cause I’m curious about it now that it’s gone.

On Demand and digital this Friday and then right to DVD and Blu-ray next Tuesday is M.J. Bassett’s ROGUE (Grindstone Entertainment/Lionsgate), starring the one and only Megan Fox (remember her?) as “battle-hardened mercenary O’Hara, leading a squad of soldiers on a daring mission to rescue hostages in remote Africa, until they have to face a gang of rebels and a horde of hungry lions. Oh, Megan Fox, we miss you so much from your Transformers days. No review screeners for this one, so obviously too good for the likes of me.

Let’s get to some of that Virtual Cinema next…

First of all, Film at Lincoln Center has launched its very own Virtual Cinema platform where all its curated content will live, including virtual screenings for the upcoming 58th New York Film Festival, will live. There’s a pretty cool slate of films on there now including last week’s Son of the White Mare and Route One/USA, but also classics like the restoration of Claire Denis’ Beau Travaile (1999), Tsai Ming-Liasng’s The Hole (1998) and more. This Friday, Belgian filmmaker Bas Devos’ 2019 movie Ghost Tropic will be added.

Down at the Metrograph, they’ve added Laurie Anderson’s 1986 concert film Home of the Brave, which you can watch by joining their Digital Membership, although it will only run through Friday. On Friday, it will start an Ulrike Ottinger Retrospective, showing the film work of the German filmmaker, beginning with his 1979 film Ticket of No Return. On Sunday, it will begin showing two of the shorter films by Senegalese filmmaker Djibril Diop Mambéty (Hyenas), new restorations of Le Franc (1994) and The Girl Who Sold the Sun (1999).

Launching through Kino Lorber’s own Virtual Cinema (to help the Museum of the Moving Image in Queens and the Laemmle and Lumiere theaters in LA and others) is Hupert Sauper’s portrait of Cuba, Epicentro, which won the Jury Prize at Sundance for World Documentary. Also opening in Virtual Cinema this Friday and on Digital, Streaming, VOD, whatever you want to call it on Tuesday, September 1, is Dan Partland’s doc #Unfit: The Psychology of Donald J. Trump, and honestly, you can’t get much more self-explanatory than that title.

Other movies I just wasn’t able to get to this week include Still Here (Blue Fox Films), Driven to Abstraction(Grasshopper Films), The Blech Effect (Virgil Films), One Man and His Shoes (Shout! Studios), The Faceless Man(Freedom Cinema) and Through Greenland (Topic). The sad fact is that there are just too many movies being released

On some of the other streaming services, you can catch GET DUKED! (Amazon Prime) and Phineas and Ferb The Movie: Candace Against the Universe (Disney+), but I just couldn’t get to those either.  Also, Amazon wraps-up its drive-in series tonight (Weds) with “Movies To Make You Laugh,” screening Coming to America and Girls Trip.

Next week, I think Tenet might finally be coming out in America, but don’t quote me on that!

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!

[riisinaakka-draws]

It has only been a little over a year since I started watching the show and joined the Black Sails fandom. I posted my first fanart exactly one year ago and it was the one above. Thus far I have drawn over 100 of them. I tried different mediums and styles, both for practice and for capturing the essence of the things I wanted to share. Some of them are great, some are silly, some are a bit out of character or not so good in other ways and some ended up surprising me in many ways. All are nonetheless very precious to me.

Under the read more there's a list of all my doodles thus far. Most of them feature Flint, Silver or both of them (there will be more of the other characters in the future, no worries). I have to admit I laughed quite a lot while going through these again. This is a really long post.

This is a list to show what sort of things there are and also for my own amusement and archiving purposes. The list is in chronological order, from first to the latest.

I tried to make this as concise as possible, but the tag/navigation page is here if you want to find something specific or don’t want to go through all this:

- Flint takes care of Silver's leg in the darkness of the captain's cabin.

- Some quick doodles of Flint, ballpoint pen

- Sharkdate cuties (really scrappy doodles of Silver gazing at munching Flint)

- Progress. A continuation to previous pic. Silver holding a cup, covered in blood and looking affectionally at Flint. Here’s a giffed version.

- Silver and Flint go for a night walk in winter and Flint finds the streetlights amusing. Modern Au, beanies and the BS logo

- “See any treasures, Capt'n?” Billy to Flint who is looking at something “shiny” with his spyglass.

- What if Silver stole that certain ponytail and made it into "a rabbit's foot"? And what if Flint had a medallion with pictures of the Hamiltons and later a lock of dark curls... I returned to this idea several times after this, lol. (still secretly wishing that anyone would write a ficlet about this).

- Overload of Blackbeard - several doodles of different adaptations of BB

- Shark hunting. Flint has the shark on his lap and Silver stands in front of him. Composition inspired by that infamous Wolwerine and Nightcrawler cover.

- A gif of Blackbeard with flowers in his beard (I share a birthday with Ray Stevenson, that's why).

- a quick sketch of displeased Jack

- The Red Lollipop. Flint eating candy which is distracting to Silver, inspired by this awesome post (x). Silver steals the sweets and peels some potatoes. Bonus: Randall and Betsy the Cat.

- Draw me like one of your quatermasters... Flint doodles sleeping Silver in the Captain's log.

- Random sketches of Silver and Flint. Learning to draw their faces

- Flint with a horrible mustache and Silver with a long braided beard. (I should redraw this someday..)

- Flint takes Silver for a ride (modern Au with motorcycles). The Walrus gang follows "the flagship"

- Black Sails moomin AU, part I (I had so much fun with these).

The domestic modern beach au serie with 15+ doodles, various characters, inspired by this hilarious post (x). - Jack takes pictures of everything and Vane ends up buried in the sand - Silver puts some lotion on Flint (Billy tosses people up in the background) - Max and Anne Bonny enjoying each other's company - Rogers is going to get hit by a beach ball "accidentally". Anne, Max, Vane and Jack in the background - Ben Gunn shows his ship kite to Billy Bones - Vane and Flint swim butterfly. Silver (*.*) - Vane flips his hair like a merman, Eleanor is drinking and enjoying the view. - Mr Scott and Mr Gates enjoy their drinks at the bar while others fight in the water. Max and Eleanor gossip together. Anne and Jack hold hands like otters on swim rings. - Silver and Flint sleeping on the sun, Flint has a book on his face - The Ranger Crew swimming. Jack is slathered in sun lotion, Anne waits for him and Vane makes a joke. + Mysterious swimming trunks. - Silver is the sneakiest shit and likes to creep underwater and drag people down by their legs. - Silver and Flint eating ice cream + some early sketches in a gif - the Fucking Warship (minivan) rides to sunset, Vane is forgotten in the sand but do not worry...

- Silver and Flint sing the song "Dynamic Duet" from Starkids' Holy musical B@tman!

- Nooooooooo! Flint shaves his head, Silver doesn't take it well.

- Silver's character development. From little shit to actual scary fuck

- A HUG. (silverflint, done before s4. I really needed a hug)

- Bloodthirsty Bunny & Squinting Squirrel, (furries, i am so sorry)

- Flint brings water to Silver, a scene from the show. <3

- Sweetness of touch. Flint gets his hair/head touched by his loved ones.

The Walrus crew acquires some chicken. A lot of them. And a parrot. - Billy and Joji are tending them - people playing board games and ignoring the chickens - a coc- I mean a rooster between Silver's legs - Silver holding some chickens and Flint meeting "the Captain Flint"

- Flint gets his ginger crown back...sort of

Chickens, part II. Flint sends his regards. Teach has taken Anne and Jack to fishing and they get a surprise "gift" from the Walrus.

Fanart about Silverfin, a thrilling and unbeliavably funny (nsfw) silverflint fic by @jadedbirch and @zoinomiko (can’t tag u for some reason..).

Go read it :D I made some (sfw) fanart inspired by it (spoilers). - a comic of the tragic night - reunion and crowns (˵ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°˵)

- (a recap, not really a tutorial) about some of my messy work methods.

- Anne Bonny, without her hat, ready to kick your ass, season 3

- A portait of Max

- Every fashionable pirate captain needs a hat! Silver buys some silly pirate hats. Inspired by @vowel-in-thug​'s fic (part V, nsfw) and the CBeebies Bedtime Story etc.

- "Support". Silver and Flint approaching the Maroon camp.

- A portrait of Long John Silver on his way of becoming the legend

- Swords and time. James McGraw - Captain Flint. Sword placement comparison, gif experiments etc. (I really like this one)

- A canary. Flint finds a sad-looking caged bird aboard a merchant ship and then reads books to it in his cot. Inspired by @old-long-john​'s sweet and beautiful fic (x). Also thanks to @captain-flint​ for spotting the bird cage in s1.

Inktober 2016, 20+ doodles, various characters - Silver, a sad little face doodle - A bringer of death and destruction (Flint as an angel of sorts). Quick doodle with a brush - Silver and Flint. A little doodle with an ink-dipped cotton swap - "Hungry", Silver and Flint find the whale and prepare to hunt sharks. - "SAD?" NOT TODAY! There's always Silver Lining. Silly and shitty puns. - "Hidden", The treasure has been buried. - "LOST", Silver and Flint look for a bird on board the Walrus. - "ROCK", Ben Gunn and Billy Bones play rock-paper-scissors. (sorry, still no better doodle of them) - "BROKEN", Benjamin Hornigold misses his chair. - "Lock the door", Flint on the floor of his cabin when they were becalmed ;_; - "TRANSPORT", Anne Bonny takes Jack Rackham to safety on a horse. - Madi, a little sketch - "Dufresne admires his new tattoo" - "TREE", What difference does it make? Captain Naft shares his insight. Froom and Crisp agree. Morley and Randall (+ Betsy the Cat) are not impressed (for obvious reasons...). - "RELAX", A nice afternoon at the seaside with some of the brothel girls - A little sketch of John Silver again, because I cannot resist him. - "Flint has a meeting with Death". - "ESCAPE", Flint has retired and Silver still sails the seas. Occasionally he visits James and steals some of his baked goods (with some help from his crew and birdies). - "FLIGHT", a sketch of a parrot on a napkin - "SQUEEZE", Jack Rackham enjoying his bath - "LITTLE", a little sketch of Max and Anne kissing in little rain, under Anne's huge hat. - "Surprise", Charles Vane lurking in the water - "And then! You won't believe what the.." Hal Gates and Billy Bones spend their free afternoon gossiping and having fun - "Forget-me-not" / "one dozen", Miranda finds some familiar flowers and thinks about Thomas. - "BURN", Thomas, James and Miranda, just eyes. Inspired by the powermetal duet "Wish I Had An Angel"

- Oooh, What does my reflection shoooow ~. (Lovable) Little shit.

- Accidents with the spyglass. Flint acts like an asshole, Billy and Gates are having none of it, Silver is yet to learn.

- Death builds a raft and follows the Walrus.

- Portrait of Eleanor, the Merchant Queen of Nassau

- "long johns and puns". Silver is looking for a new pirate style and Billy offers to help.

- Black Sails Moomin AU - part II

- Silver at the wrecks, light and visual practise

- Eleanor Guthrie and James Flint, looking in / out. visual practise, parallels and contrasts

- My Heart Will Go On, but I'll keep your ponytail and get a parrot for my duets. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

- Muldoon's tattoo ;_;

Some of the following have season 4 spoilers:

- Eleanor does some embroidery (of bees and fuck-yous)

- How Silver gets his new crutch (Israel Hands is handy)

- Flint and the Wanderer above the sea of fog

- Flint's mouth saying FUCK infinitely, a gif experiment

- "That's my wee lad, Gimli." Berringer's locket and asshole Rogers.

- For a moment there was a Hat Trio. Teach, Jack and Anne

- Silver and Madi, canon kiss

- The Spare Ginger. Silver doesn't like Eleanor's plan. Madi and Israel Hands try to comfort him.

- Eleanor Guthrie, a green portrait

- Long John Silver must make a tough choice, while Flint enjoys his capture at Eleanor's expense

- All those extra spyglasses in 4.08. Maybe the answer was Israel Hands' hoarding.

- Fresh air on the balcony of the Walrus. (a drawing of the ship at night). There're celebrations on the deck, Flint and Silver have a private talk.

I find it endearing how this list ends with the balcony one. Like a parallel (ha!) to the first one, where Flint and Silver are having a private moment on board of a ship, although it is a different ship and at a different time. A year ago I had no idea where this all would lead me and how much I would learn and get to experience *pats my past-self in the back awkwardly and fondly*

Looking back at them (doodles) I feel both proud and slightly embarrassed of my enthusiasm. I have never done anything like this for any other fandom. I have never felt so much and had such an urge to engage in this sort of thing.

This show, its creators and crew, this fandom. Just something unbeliavable.  I cannot find the words to say how much I appreciate you all. The brilliancy, the humour, the love in all kinds of forms. I am so glad I stumbled on this show (it was a gif or a fanvid about ep 2.05 that made me aware of this show, btw. I cannot remember it clearly anymore and for a moment I thought Crossbones was a pilot for Black Sails and almost missed everything, but that's a story for another time...)

Know this: I have loved sharing this experience (the show, the fandom) with you and I appreciate everything you have given to me or shared with me. I will treasure this. (I apologize not thanking more people individually, but this post would’ve never reached its end otherwise).

*throws hearts and forehead kisses to the best and inspiring fandom and the greatest show that broke my heart and healed my soul so many times*

All the possibilities and love to you. Thank you <3

(This is not a goodbye, btw. There’s still so much more to come!) (◠‿◠✿)

P.S. All this started as doodles so that’s why I have kept using that word eventhough it doesn’t really apply to many of these anymore...

[lunapaper]

Formed in 2015, London band Evawolf started life as a duo – Joey on guitar and vocals and James on drums. It was good but… it could be bigger. So the childhood friends recruited Natalie (originally a guest violinist with the band) and bassist Danny, who both quickly became an integral part of the Evawolf sound.

Their first single ‘When The Truth Comes Out’ caused a buzz among critics and bloggers alike in the indie music scene with its warm, thoughtful guitar sprawl and anthemic chorus, racking up over 300,000 listens to date on Spotify, followed by the rich, rugged alt-rock of ‘I Could Be Wrong.’ Their latest single ’Yellow Ribbon’ this time takes a tragic turn, an emotional, rough-hewn track that aims straight for the gut based on the harrowing story of two missing children.

Citing the likes of Arcade Fire, Smashing Pumpkins and Fleet Foxes as influences, Evawolf have won the acclaim of fans across London over this past year, their hard work on the live circuit finally culminating in the release of their debut EP earlier this month.

I chatted with Joey just before the release of Evawolf’s Yellow Ribbon EP and their gig at London’s Servant Jazz Quarters about creative control, writing stories for song and growing the Evawolf sound…

After the release of your first single ‘When The Truth Is Out,’ you then added Danny and Natalie to the band’s line-up. What made you want to expand on the Evawolf sound like this?

When James and I started out with Evawolf we wanted to achieve the biggest sound we could as a two piece. After we released ‘When The Truth Is Out,’ we then decided that we wanted more in the way of dynamics and texture, and the only way we'd be able to do this was if we expand our ranks. Natalie and Danny were our friends so it just made sense, plus they both have great hair.

You’ve also played quite a few gigs around London so far. Where else are you hoping to play next, especially with the summer festival season coming up?

We are looking to play as many shows as possible this year. Up until now we have been quite selective about the shows we want to play, but I think we are going to be playing pretty much anything and everything this year, and try and fit in some festivals too. Our next show is at The Servant Jazz Quarters in Dalston on the 2nd of March, and we are really looking forward to it, as we've had some great shows there in the past.

You count Smashing Pumpkins, Fleet Foxes and Arcade Fire as influences but there are also elements of pop and folk in your sound. Are there any other acts you’re inspired by at the moment?

We are influenced by plenty of contemporary acts: Bon Iver, Noah & The Whale, and Tame Impala to name but a few. Equally, classic folk records, such as John Martyn's Solid Air, and jangle-laden pop records like The Smiths Hatful of Hollow have also given us lots of inspiration over the years.

Your debut EP is also out this month. What can we expect?

The new EP is all about the themes of hope and loss, our wishes and regrets, empathy and jealousy, and admitting when things are best left in the past, but not in that order.  

Your latest track ‘Yellow Ribbon’ is beautiful yet it tells the rather harrowing story of two missing children. What was the inspiration behind this?

I wanted to write a story song with a real Americana-folk vibe. The story itself is completely fictitious, and there were a few darker variations on the lyrics before it was finally finished, whilst sat outside the Venice Beach Cafe in Los Angeles. I have had a few people ask me what happens to the children, and whether they were ever found (I also had my own family initially remark that it was possibly too sinister to put out at all!), but the overall message of the song was about finding hope whilst at our darkest, and pulling together as a community to overcome grief.

So what does the future hold for Evawolf? Do you hope to join a major label at some point or does being an indie band allow for more creative control?

We are looking to begin making some new records soon, and we are gearing ourselves up for the release of the EP at present.

Working with a label would be great if it enabled us to spend lots of time in the studio, and still allowed us to have creative freedom, but I think the real benefit would be from the exposure we'd stand to get out of something like that - we are obviously keen for as many people as possible to hear what we have to say!

Evawolf’s Yellow Ribbon EP is out now. Follow Evawolf on Twitter, Soundcloud, Instagram, Facebook and their official site.

-Bianca B.