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pickalilywrites · 3 years ago

Note

Can we please get some Gabi/Falco? I loved From the Top of the Mountain; it’s one of the best works with those two out there. Maybe it takes place post Rumbling? Just something with those two

thanks!!! i'm glad you liked from the top of the mountain!! it's still one of my favorites too :) I hope you like this one too! have a good day ^-^

How to Be Brave

Falbi. Canonverse.

5136 words.

Read on Ao3!

Falco doesn��t know how Gabi does it. He’s never been the type to charge headfirst into the crossfire, but Gabi will do it without hesitation. Ever since Falco can remember, Gabi has never been afraid of anything. The first day they had been selected as Warrior trainees, she had marched into the classroom without a second glance. She does things with purpose, never second-guessing her actions or faltering. Every trigger Gabi pulls, she does without wavering, holding the gun steady as she takes aim. Every attack she carries out, she does so without batting an eye. Every battle, she runs straight into the battlefield. She’s fearless and the bravest person Falco has ever met.

Falco is not brave. He’s the biggest coward he knows. Despite being a Warrior candidate for years, he’s always hesitating. He fumbles with his gun, always pulling the trigger too late and missing his target because he’s never certain of where he should be aiming. He finds himself rooted to the ground far too often when he’s taken into the warzones, never knowing what step to take lest a mine blows up in his face. Falco’s never been at the head of a charge, and he’s not sure he ever will because if he pauses for even a second his whole entire squad will be blown to bits.

“Tell me how,” he tells Gabi one day. He walks up to her desk, tugging at his earlobe and biting his bottom lip. “Tell me how you do it.”

Gabi looks up at him from her textbook. Written exams are probably her weakest subject, but that’s not saying much considering how exemplary she is in the other ones. She’s hardworking and stubborn enough to compensate for her weakness anyway. With an eyebrow quirked, Gabi says, “I’m afraid you’re going to have to be more specific.”

Falco nibbles on his lip some more, fidgeting uncomfortably and tugging at the sleeves of his school uniform. How can he admit in front of Gabi that he’s afraid? He’s a coward, he knows, but it’s different saying it out loud in front of someone like Gabi. She’s the person that he admires the most. It’s highly likely that she already knows of his cowardice, but for Falco to say it out loud would only solidify that knowledge and he’s not even sure he can do that. The inner conflict he’s having of even voicing his problem out loud just shows how pathetically indecisive he is.

“I don’t know … how to be brave like you,” Falco says bitterly. His eyes turn away from Gabi. He hates how weak he feels right now, weaker than he’s ever felt before. “I … How do you do it? You never hesitate about anything. You always know where you want to go and how you want to do things. You never second-guess things. You’re always … brave and I … I’m not.”

He hates the sting in his eyes as he finds himself on the brink of tears. It figures that a weakling like him would be brought to tears over something so stupid. He wasn’t meant to be a Warrior, not like Gabi. Half the time, he doesn’t know why he was selected to become a candidate, but the rumors of the selection committee choosing him because of his family’s long-time loyalty and his elder brother’s position as the next Beast Titan feel more and more true each day. Without those connections, Falco probably never would have been chosen. He probably wouldn’t have even been noticed.

There’s a scrape of Gabi’s chair against the hardwood floor. When Falco looks up, Gabi is standing in front of him. She doesn’t look at him pityingly, but she doesn’t look disgusted either. He’s crying now, sniffling and trying to wipe the snot from his nose and the tears from his eyes, but Gabi is kind enough to pretend he isn’t.

“It’s not something I can teach you,” Gabi tells him, and Falco can feel his shoulder slump even more. She flicks her hair out of her face with a hand and continues. “‘Being brave’ or whatever … it’s just how I am. I was just born like this. You can’t learn it.”

It makes Falco feel like a fool for even bringing it up in the first place. So he’s just going to be a coward for the rest of his life, always second-guessing himself and being unsure if he’s doing the right thing while Gabi will always be charging ahead. It’s a part of Falco that he’ll never be able to change. He’ll just be a loser for the rest of his life.

Gabi sighs and it’s enough to make Falco flinch. He wants to apologize for wasting her time over such a stupid question. Of course, she’s right. Of course, he’ll always be lacking and scared and she’ll always be better than him. Of course, he’ll never make a proper Warrior. He’s about to bow his head and apologize, but Gabi speaks first.

“Look,” she says. Her voice is gentle now, lacking the usual fortissimo that Gabi usually speaks with. “We’re different, you and I. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it makes a difference on the battlefield.”

Falco nods. He’s known that for quite a while now, but it’s still difficult to hear it come from Gabi’s lips. “I … I know,” he mumbles.

“No, look,” Gabi says, waving her hand as if to tell Falco not to get upset. She looks up at the ceiling for a moment as she thinks of the proper way to proceed. After a moment, she claps her hand and begins to explain. “It’s like you said, right? I’m really good on the field because I don’t hesitate. I know my targets, I shoot without hesitating, and I never second-guess myself.”

Falco doesn’t quite know where she’s going with this, but he nods to show that he’s listening.

“It’s because I always know what to do,” Gabi says simply. Falco gives her a funny look, but she simply shrugs like she can’t give a better explanation. “I’m always certain about what needs to be done. I know myself well — how fast I can run, how far I can throw, how strong I am when I throw a punch — so I trust myself when I’m on the battlefield. I don’t hesitate because I never need to; I know what I’m capable of.”

Falco’s eyes are downcast once more. Everything Gabi says makes perfect sense. While Gabi knows and trusts herself completely, Falco doesn’t. His cowardice stems from the fact that he’s always afraid about his lack of abilities. Whenever he’s on the field or even just training, he’s always doubting himself. Is he able to run this distance without his legs giving out? Is he able to shoot this target without missing? Does he have the strength to charge into battle without collapsing midway? And the answer is always the same: it wavers first from thinking perhaps he might be able to do it if he strains himself before Falco begins to think that he doesn’t have the strength or stamina to do any of these tasks and then he inevitably falls into despair when he convinces himself that such things are impossible for him. His thoughts lead him to falter more and more with every step he takes, to have his hand waver every time he points a gun while his finger trembles on the trigger, and cause him to fall behind every time he’s ordered to run into the crossfire.

Falco supposes that’s it then. He’ll just be a coward for the rest of his life while Gabi will always be ahead, increasing the distance between them until she disappears from his view completely. He thinks that’s what he’s the most afraid of.

A hand appears in front of Falco and it surprises Falco when he realizes that it’s Gabi offering her hand to him. He’s not sure if he’s supposed to take it. His hand reaches out, but he never puts his hand in hers. His hand just hovers above hers awkwardly, uncertain even for this simple thing. It seems to surprise even Gabi, who looks at him with her eyebrows raised.

“It’s okay if you’re afraid. I’ll never be afraid of anything,” Gabi says. She puts her hand closer to his, wiggling her fingers to show him that it’s fine. “I’ll show you how to be brave, so just take my hand. I’ll stay by your side.”

He’s not sure if he can take her hand. Falco’s not sure if he deserves to be by her side. He’s afraid that he’ll only hold Gabi back. Is this really okay? Is he really worthy?

He clenches his fist before reaching out. Even if he doubts himself, he trusts Gabi. Gabi believes in him enough to offer him her hand. She trusts him enough to allow him by her side. She has faith in him even if he doesn’t.

Gabi smiles when Falco takes her hand, and he smiles back in response. It’s not as confident as her smile. It’s a little strained, a little uncertain, but it’s fine, Falco thinks, because he’s holding her hand. He’s not sure how this will all work out or if it ever will in the end. He doesn’t know if this will make him braver on the battlefield. He doesn’t know if it’ll lead to a happy ending, but for once that doesn’t matter. Holding Gabi’s hand, he forgets all his uncertainties and thinks that maybe he can be just a little bit braver.

»»————-　➴　————-««

Gabi doesn’t know how people do it — get out of bed, eat, function. She doesn’t remember how to act like a real human being. It takes nearly all her energy to get out of bed only for her to be so exhausted that she wants to collapse back against the pillows and sheets and cry herself to sleep like she has for so many nights.

She doesn’t know when this started, her inability to sleep, to eat, to wake. It’s post-traumatic stress disorder, a doctor said, because of the war. Gabi’s not so sure. It might have started before then, before the Founding Titan rose and the Walls of Paradis came crumbling down, before she had left Marley and vowed revenge for her friends and family, before Eren Jaeger declared war on Marley and destroyed her home, but Gabi isn’t sure when exactly it had begun. In the end, it probably doesn’t even matter.

A lot of days Mikasa comes in to check on Gabi, sitting on the edge of the young girl’s bed and stroking the hair from her face before asking how she’s feeling. Sometimes Gabi will mumble something about how she’s tired or sleepy, but the most frequent response is just the sound of silence as Gabi pretends to be asleep. Mikasa will stroke her hair and hum a song, some old Eldian song that Gabi doesn’t know, before leaving. Armin will often hover in the doorway, mumbling questions and trying to get through, but Mikasa will always usher him out. Gabi always hears them whisper to each other: Armin asking if she’s getting any better, if she needs to see the doctor again, if he should talk to her, and Mikasa will tell him that she just needs time to heal. They all need time to heal, but Gabi’s not sure she ever will. It feels like Gabi is the only one that feels this way: scared and sad and hopeless. There are days where she’s convinced that she’ll never get better.

Mikasa has her bad days, too. There are nights where Gabi will wake to Mikasa shaking her, screaming until Gabi opens her eyes and then the woman will cry with relief that “Sasha” is still alive. Some days Armin won’t leave the house at all, saying that he never wants to take a step outside because dreaming of the outside world is the thing that had cursed him in the first place. That’s what it’s like on their worst days.

On their best days, Armin and Mikasa will go for a walk. Maybe Gabi will get out of bed, but she’ll never join them outside. It’s too much for her. Even sitting down at the table and staring out the window can be overwhelming for her, but she’ll do it on days she feels strong enough. They are the best days because Armin and Mikasa will walk hand-in-hand and return home with smiles on their faces as if they hadn’t cried the entire night before. It is as if they forget all the horror of the war almost a year ago, but Gabi knows they’ll remember it when the sun sets and the night comes. But at least for a brief moment they can smile.

Gabi can never get herself to smile. It’s as if she had forgotten how. She thinks even if she were able to, she wouldn’t be able to bring herself to do it. It’s more than the depression or the stress or whatever psychological disorder the doctors are trying to diagnose her with to explain her melancholia. It’s like she’s scared of everything: of waking up, of leaving the house, of even the idea of being happy. She’s afraid she’ll never find a way to be happy again. She’s afraid she doesn’t deserve it.

It makes Gabi jealous when she sees Armin or Mikasa smile. She pulls her blankets over her head whenever she hears the two of them laugh together. She wants to scream when they hold hands. The truth is, though, that she wants to be able to smile, to laugh, to be held, but she doesn’t know how. She’s convinced that she will just have to be miserable for the rest of her life. It’s what she deserves anyway. She isn’t sure about anything else, but she knows that for certain.

Falco comes to visit sometimes. He comes at least once a week. He lives with Levi now that the war is over. (“It’s good that the old man has someone to take care of him,” Mikasa says once before Armin quickly chastises her for speaking about their former captain that way.) Falco never makes it past the doorway. He always comes to ask about Gabi, her condition, if she feels any better, if she’d like to go out for a walk with him because the fresh air might be good for her. Mikasa always tells him the same thing: that Gabi is still recovering, but that they’ll let him know when Gabi’s well enough to go outside. He never complains when he’s turned away.

One day he visits on a “good” day. Gabi sees him from the window walking up the path to the cabin. Even though she wonders if he sees her, she doesn’t wave. She just watches him as he follows up the path eventually leading to the front door. He knocks in the same familiar way that he always has — three quick raps of his knuckles against the hardwood — and Mikasa opens the door for him.

“Hi, Miss Mikasa. Mister Armin,” Falco’s voice says from the doorframe. He sounds good. Happy. Normal. He sounds like everything Gabi wishes she could be. She can hear him speak again, his voice a little more hesitant this time. “How … how is Gabi today? Do you think I could see her?”

Mikasa takes an uncertain glance at where Gabi sits. Gabi knows what she looks like: a mess. Her dark hair is in disarray, tangled from lying in bed all day. There are bags under her eyes because all her dreams are interrupted by nightmares. Her face is gaunt because she can hardly swallow more than three bites of food whenever she musters the energy to sit up for a meal. Gabi doesn’t blame Mikasa when the woman shakes her head and asks Falco to come back another time.

Gabi didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. She never says goodbye. She never even says hello. It’s because she’s too tired, too worn, too broken to even fathom greeting someone who seems to be doing worlds better than her. Every time Falco visits, she tells herself that she’ll feel better next time. She’ll be able to walk to the door and give him the smallest smile before inviting him in. They’ll be able to sit at the table and have tea that Armin brews for them. They’ll take a little bit about what Falco is doing and maybe he’ll invite her outside and she’ll think about it if she’s feeling better. If she ever feels better. If she can ever feel better.

The thought that Gabi might always feel this way — cold and alone and barely living as it is — seizes her. It makes her blood run cold and she grips the edge of the table with a hopeless desperation because this isn’t what she wants. She doesn’t want to be here, trapped by her own feelings of fear and grief and despair. She wants to be outside with Falco, to hold his hand, to smile. She doesn’t want to be alone anymore, but the idea that she can ever be happy is so hopelessly out of reach.

It must be in a fit of madness that she gets up from the table, her chair screeching as she pushes it back and nearly toppling over as Gabi runs to the door. The broken girl is stopped only by Mikasa, who grabs her by the elbow.

“Gabi, what is it?” Mikasa asks, eyes wide with alarm and her brow knit together in concern. Even as Gabi struggles to free herself from the woman’s grip, Mikasa holds onto the girl firmly. “What’s wrong?”

“Let go! I need to go!” Gabi says, and she’s crying now just like she always does these days. Tears stream down her face and taste like salt on her tongue. She swallows her sobs and wipes at her nose hastily with the back of her hand. “I want to see him! I want to see Falco.” It’s more than that though. She wants to see him. She has to see him. She needs to see him, but he’s already walking down the path, slowly growing smaller and threatening to disappear from view.

“Gabi, wait, just wait a minute,” Mikasa says. Her arms are wrapped around Gabi, holding the frail girl back even as Gabi struggles. Her face buried in Gabi’s shoulder, Mikasa says, “Wait a moment, Gabi, please.”

Gabi doesn’t want to hear it. She wants to fly out the door, run down the trail, and throw herself in Falco’s arms. She wants to be where he is, a place where the grass is greener, the sun is shining, and she can smile.

“Gabi,” Armin’s gentle voice calls. As Mikasa’s arms loosen around Gabi, the man drapes a soft cardigan around Gabi’s shoulders. It’s far too big for her but it smells like wood and freshly lit candles. Armin helps guide her arms through the sleeves and pulls the cardigan around her. “Gabi, don’t worry. He’ll wait for you.”

“But I have to go now,” Gabi says and she feels herself about to burst into tears once more.

“It’s fine,” Mikasa says and she reaches out to smooth a lock of hair away from Gabi’s forehead. She gives the girl a comforting smile. “Just … come back home, okay?”

Gabi pauses and then gives them a nod. Without warning, she throws arms around both her guardians and whispers a quick, “Thank you.” She feels their arms squeeze her back in reply and as soon as they let go, she dashes out the door.

It’s been so long since she last exerted herself. Gabi’s breathless after the first few seconds, panting hard and gasping for breath. She doesn’t remember the last time she had been this exhausted. Even during her grueling training periods as a Marleyan Warrior she can’t recall getting tired so quickly. Her legs are beginning to ache even though she hasn’t even run a hundred meters from the cabin. Her lungs feel as if they’re about to burst, burning with every breath she takes. Her body hurts too much. She doesn’t know how far she can go, how many more steps she can take before she collapses, but she can’t stop.

She can see Falco in the distance, his back turned to her. He doesn’t realize that she’s running after him. Why doesn’t he know? If she calls him now, will he turn back?

Gabi doesn’t think she has the strength to call his name, but she musters whatever energy she has left and screams his name as loudly as she can. “Falco!” she shouts, and even she can hear how weak her voice is. “Falco! Falco, Falco!”

It’s only after the third call that Falco turns around. Gabi is close enough to see his face. His lips are parted, shaped in a perfect “O.” For a moment, she’s afraid that he’ll turn away from her, that he’ll abandon her, but he stays rooted in place, waiting for her. She’s so relieved she can cry.

“Falco, Falco!” Gabi sobs. She calls his name the entire way. She’s so tired that she doesn’t know how she’s able to make it. She doesn’t stop until she’s right in front of him, falling into his arms and clinging onto him because he’s the only thing that’s keeping her standing.

“Hey, hey,” Falco says gently. It’s so comforting to hear his voice so close to her. It’s deeper than Gabi remembers, but it’s still so warm and familiar. “Gabi, it’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

“Help me, help me,” she begs, her voice shaking. She holds so tightly to him that she might tear the sleeves of his shirt. She just wants him close. She wants him closer. “Help me, please.” When she sinks to the ground, he does too, holding her in his arms to cushion her fall.

“Help you?” Falco repeats. He doesn’t ask her why and he doesn’t ask her what for. He just raises her head, his hand gentle as he lifts her chin. She sees his blue eyes wide with concern. She feels his other hand wipe away her tears as he asks her, “How?”

“Make me … help me … be happier,” she tells him, and she feels so pathetic for asking him for such a thing. There used to be days where she’d smile all the time and laughter was not far from her lips. Happiness came easily to her, but those days are long gone. She doesn’t know if she remembers how to smile anymore. It’s something a child can do, but she finds it so impossible.

How had she become so helpless and pitiful? Once, she had been a proud warrior. She could wield a gun and fire it without thinking twice. Now, she can hardly get out of bed in the morning because the thought of it terrifies her.

“I just want to be happier,” Gabi whispers. Her voice is so quiet that she’s afraid that her words go unheard, but Falco quickly clasps her hands in his.

“Then you should be. Why shouldn’t you?” Falco tells her with such sincerity that she thinks she might cry again. “Isn’t it what you deserve? You deserve to be happy, Gabi.”

She should be grateful that he thinks so, but for some reason she hates hearing it from his lips. It’s what she wants to hear the most. It comes from the person she cares about the most, but she knows that the words he says are not true.

“No.” Gabi shakes her head. Tears begin to roll down her cheeks again. There’s no point in stopping them. She begins to pull her hands away from Falco’s, but he holds tightly to her. It almost hurts for her hands to be held so tightly, but his hands are so warm around hers. “No, Falco, I … of all people, I deserve it the least. I … how can I be happy after everything that has happened?

“I killed people,” she tells him as if he doesn’t know this already, as if he hadn’t been there when she had blown the trigger, as if he hadn’t seen her paint her own hands with blood. Gabi shakes her head when Falco begins to open his mouth to interrupt. Whatever words of comfort he has for her, she doesn’t deserve them. “I killed people thinking they were monsters, but the whole time the monster had been me.”

“Gabi, please,” Falco pleads. He tugs her hands closer, pulls her in closer to him. “That wasn’t your fault. The things we were taught … the world we lived in … how were we to know right from wrong?”

Gabi shakes her head, dark hair falling into her face and obscuring her vision. “And all of our friends … our family,” Gabi says. She closes her eyes and her tears burn down her cheeks. She used to be able to conjure up the faces of her loved ones so easily with her eyes closed, but now their features are faded to her. She’s unsure of the smallest details — the right angle of their nose, the thickness of their eyelashes, the exact shade of their hair — and she’s afraid that in time they will completely fade from her memory. “I couldn’t save them and it’s all my fault.”

“No, it wasn’t.” Falco reaches out with a hand and brushes her hair from her face, tenderly tucking it behind her ears. When Gabi glances up at him, he looks at her with eyes full of sincerity like he knows his words to be true. “It wasn’t your fault, Gabi. Nothing was your fault.”

Falco leans over and hugs her tightly. He rests one hand on the back of her head, letting Gabi’s head lay on his shoulder as she continues to sob. He strokes the top of her head and continues. “They wouldn’t blame you either, Gabi. Nobody would. They wouldn’t want to see you like this. They would want you to be happy,” he tells her. “All they would want is for you to be happy, so don’t you think it’s time for you to stop punishing yourself?”

Gabi wishes she could. She wishes she could stop crying. She wishes she could live a normal life. She wishes she could be happy.

“But I’m scared,” she whispers.

She’s scared that she doesn’t deserve to be happy even if people say otherwise. She’s scared that she’ll muster the courage to get out of bed and eat and leave the house only to be reminded that she doesn’t deserve any of those things. She’s scared that she’ll try to live normally only for something to go terribly wrong — for the world to tremble underneath her feet, for the sky to fall, for the earth to shatter in front of her very eyes — because the universe knows she doesn’t deserve any bit of happiness in her life.

She even hesitates to indulge in little pleasures. She’s unsure if she should eat more than a bite of the food Armin prepares. She’s uncertain if she should reciprocate the hugs that Armin and Mikasa give her. She doesn’t know if she should even go outside and enjoy the scenery because everything is more than she deserves.

“I’m scared,” Gabi repeats. She holds onto Falco tighter, her fingernails digging into his shoulder, but he doesn’t pull away. “I’m scared and terrified of everything. I’m too afraid to ever be happy.”

Falco squeezes her tightly. “Then I’ll teach you how,” he tells her. He says it like a promise. He pulls away slightly. It’s far enough so that he can see her face but still close enough that he can hold her in his arms. He’s smiling now. It’s not broad and carefree like it used to be when they were children. It’s a little cracked at the edges, a little forced, a little bit pained. It’s a little bit hopeful. “In a world like this … it’s brave to try to be happy, but it’s hard being brave, isn’t it?” His voice isn’t mocking. It’s gentle. Sweet. Understanding.

Gabi feels exhausted. She doesn’t have the energy to answer in words. She just gives him a simple nod.

“You don’t have to be alone, Gabi,” Falco tells her. “You have me. You have Miss Mikasa and you have Mister Armin. You have all of these people who care about you. You have all these people who want you to be happy, and we’re always going to be there to help you.”

“Thank you,” Gabi whispers. She slumps against Falco, his arms the only thing holding her up. She’s crying again, but she cries tears of gratitude this time because Falco says everything she’s always needed to hear. For the first time in a long time, she feels hopeful. She says the words she’s always wanted to say out loud: “I want to be happy.”

Falco smiles a little more broadly this time. It’s not the same smile as when they were kids. Gabi’s not sure they will ever be able to smile the same way again, but she still wants to smile again. She wants to smile with him.

“I’ll help you,” he tells her. Falco stands up, but he doesn’t bother brushing the dirt from his clothing. Instead, he reaches out a hand towards Gabi. “Let’s be happy together, Gabi.”

She’s not sure if she should take his hand. She doesn’t know if she should rely this much on him, if she should be this much of a burden to him, if she deserves his help, but she wants it so badly. There’s a possibility that she won’t ever be happy even with Falco’s help. There’s a chance that she still might not be able to smile. There’s a risk that this might all just be a fool’s dream … but it’s a risk that Gabi wants to take.

Gabi puts her hand in Falco’s and lets him pull her up. She lets him fuss with her hair and clothing, lets him run his hand through her hair to get out the tangle and brush at the skirt of her nightgown so that the dirt doesn’t stick. She lets him take care of her and when he looks at her to make sure she’s okay, she gives him a smile.

It’s far from perfect. It’s hardly a smile at all. It’s just her lips with the edges curled slightly upward. The smile doesn’t reach her eyes. Even Gabi knows it’s a pathetic attempt and it hurts to stretch her lips this way. She can feel her smile crumbling at the edges. It’s scared and broken and uncertain … and hopeful.

#falbi #falco grice #gabi braun #snk #canonverse #requests #anonymous #anon #answered #me: i'm gonna publish stuff on a schedule #also me: i'm gonna publish whenever i want b/c I'm a mess

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processingnoises · 4 years ago

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17 questions

Tagged by: @evelhak

Nickname: Fortissimo (My gamertag, I used to enter Smash tournaments before this whole pandemic thing. My real name is Jackson)

Zodiac: Aries

Height: 6′ (I only measure myself when I go to the doctor and I haven’t done that in years, so this may not be accurate)

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff (self-diagnosed)

Last Thing I Googled: Ecology definition

Song Stuck In My Head: One-Winged Angel (Advent Children Version)

Number of Followers: 97 (I mean, it’s my url)

Amount of Sleep: 4 hours (I usually get more, but my brain just decided to wake up at 6am today)

Lucky Number: 18

Dream Job: Full-time Twitch streamer and Smash commentator

Wearing: Long-sleeve T-shirt that says “Fear the Sax”

Favorite Song: The Poet and the Pendulum, by Nightwish (Nightwish is literally amazing, Floor Jansen is my goddess, @evelhak if you also listen to them I would love to know your favorite song, I have no one to talk about Nightwish with)

Favorite Instrument: Saxophone (Played tenor sax in band all through high school and a year and a half in college, hence the shirt)

Aesthetic: I’m not really familiar with aesthetic labels, uhhhhhh, wearing cool jackets and staying inside watching the rain out the window.

Favorite Author: I don’t read books anymore, but I really enjoyed Rick Riordan when I did.

Favorite Animal Noise: That mrrp noise cats make when you wake them up.

Random: I make custom Bionicle characters, they’re on my Instagram! (@fortissimo_ssb)

Tagging: @aceoceanic, @frickin-nyoom, @weedasmr (I don’t know 17 people, lol)

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venus-says · 5 years ago

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Healin’ Good Precure Episode 01

I'm feeling really good about this.

The time has finally come, Healin' Good Precure is among us and I couldn't be more happy about it! I watched this episode twice and my liking for this season just kept growing and growing, I know it's very early to say this (there are at least more 46 episodes for me to change my mind) but I really am in love with this season already.

I believe this is my first time covering a first episode on its own and I don't really know how to do this so if it seems like I keep going back and it seems that I'm just running in circles please bear with me. XD

I think to begin with I'll take the obvious things out of the way and first talk about the OP, the ED, the transformation, and the attack before going into my opinions of the episode itself.

This is gonna sound repetitive but I LOVE THE OPENING AND THE ENDING. More so the ending than the opening, but I love them both, they are very strong on the visual side.

What I like about the OP is that it's a pretty soothing yet energetic song that fits perfectly with the Healin' Good atmosphere, I also love the visuals they look very beautiful, very fun, I got a very light-hearted vibe from the shots of the girls in their civilian lives, and it made me feel like I already know these character for a long time and I really care about them. I'm gonna be a little controversial here and say that the part people liked the most of the OP is actually my least favorite... I know it's a beautiful work of animation and it does look amazing but I wish it was more concentrated on the action scenes, they could've done the overlay on another section of it IMHO. It doesn't ruin it though, I still like this op quite a lot. Also, I saw some people comparing it to Star Twinkle's opening song but I think it's an unfair comparison seeing how different both seasons look, I know in the end it comes to personal preference but I think the Healin' Good opening is perfect for it in the way it is just how Star Twinkle's opening was perfect for it seeing how it was a more quirky and fun season.

Talking about the Ending, the CGI there looks awesome but I do think the camera movements are a bit too hectic, I think they were aiming at something more dynamic, and it does feel like that, but I feel like it's kinda hard to keep track of the dance moves at some parts. But I think the song is so good and the shots are so beautiful it's kinda forgivable this small confusion. I thought precure couldn't top PaPePiPu Romantic and Please tell me...! Twinkle but I was wrong and I'm already hooked on Miracle Link Ring on a way I wasn't expecting to be.

Now going into the stock footage stuff, I love Grace's transformation and attack. I've seen people complaining about how short both the transformation and the attack are but to me that's not a problem, I know we came from a season where the transformation was very big and there was a lot of scenes and everything, but I usually like shorter transformations more, they have a certain charm to me that long transformation sequences usually don't have. One thing I really like about this one is when the white coat appears kinda like a cape and it wraps it around to create the main outfit, I think that a very nice detail and it's also a part of the cure's designs we missed noticing, their vest is actually simulating a doctor's coat and that's very cool to me!

Talking about the attack, it was way simpler than I expected it to be, which on itself isn't really a problem, Leo pointed on his reaction video that it looks like this attack is more easy to be used outside the stock footage sequences which can be quite interesting for the action portion and I agree with that, I also like the ode to Floral Power Fortissimo with the beam punching a whole in the MOTW and taking the Element fairy like a flower heart, and I love the final shot with Grace facing backward and saying "take care", I always love when precure does something like this, but if I didn't say I'm a bit disappointed I'd be lying, I wish it was a bit more detailed.

With the formalities out of the way let's get into the episode itself.

To start things off I really like this city, it seemed like an unusual setting from the descriptions we had, but I like how this is kinda like a touristic/spa city with all those places for different kinds of treatment and the hot springs and all, it makes a lot of sense Nodoka's parents would eventually move to this city.

Speaking of Nodoka herself, she's a real sweetheart. From the trailers we got it seemed like she'd be more of the calm type but she's actually quite energetic and she's more than ready to help other people when they need, she's very pure. And it's very comprehensible that she was this way since she was bed-tied for quite a long time (I assume), I don't know if this was in her profile and I missed this detailed but I was really shocked when they cut to that flashback and she was in a hospital bed, I think this is the first time precure has done something like this for a main cure and it really intrigues me to see how they gonna use this as part of Nodoka's development.

We got to see Hinata and Chiyuu in this episode as well and while their participation was really short I think it was enough to make a good first impression of who they are. Hinata was WAY MORE energetic than I was expecting, I love her, I also love how she broke the tradition and for the first time (I believe) the lead cure bumped heads with another character that wasn't a fairy XD I'm so excited to see more of her. The Chiyuu interaction was very unexpected as well, I knew Chiyuu was athletic and all but she seemed very calm and polite and I thought her first contact with Nodoka wouldn't be in the midst of her training, so I really like that this was our first impression of her to kinda set her apart of her blue comrades of this franchise.

The fairies this time around are quite interesting, they're full of personality and I think they'll be a great addition to this cast. Rabbirin I think will be the fairy that will be harder to connect with, not because she's a bad character but because I sense some level of stubbornness on her that can be a little annoying at times, you know seeing how keen she was on how her partner SHOULD be and seeing that she refused Nodoka's help until the last moment didn't do a huge favor on her likeability but I'm interested in seeing how they will develop her character. Pegitan was the least fleshed out of the fairies and I hope that this was like that because of his shy personality rather than the show overlooking him. Nyatoran also didn't do a lot but since he's more of an outspoken extrovert he left more of an impression on me than Pegitan did and I'm quite liking him, I hope they don't screw his character because I don't wanna hate on the good cat boy. Surprisingly enough, I think Latte was the one that was left behind the most even though she's the main mascot, maybe it's just me but she didn't really leave that much of an impression on me like the other healing animals did (and yes, I'll call her Latte until we see another merch with her name romanized to confirm if Rate is the correct pronunciation or if it was just a fluke).

The villain, Daruizen, didn't leave much of an impression too because he didn't do a lot, he summoned the MOTW and taunted Rabbirin but other than that he didn't do much, we also don't know what his evil team is or what their goals are so I don't really know what to think of him yet. Though I really like the summoning sequence and the concept that the MOTW is a little virus or germ that infects the Element spirit making nature sick, I'm really excited to see what they can do with it during the season.

I think my biggest criticism of this episode is how short the fight was. I was really enjoying the episode through and through, Nodoka's introduction was cool, the scene in the Healing Garden was interesting, I loved when they drew the parallel between Nodoka and Rabbirin at the beginning and then before the action started they drew another parallel between Nodoka and Daruizen with them saying the same phrase with different intonations and meanings, I was really apprehensive seeing the fairies trying to stand up against the villains and that moment where Rabbirin gets trapped under that tree and everything, but then Nodoka transformed and it kinda killed my mood because the fight was short and Rabbirin kinda narrated everything and that took me off from the experience a bit, I think this fight should've lasted longer and only be concluded in the next episode, especially to show more of Rabbirin not trusting Nodoka's abilities to have a good basis for the next episode.

But despite all of this I still had a very good time with this episode, I think this is will become one of my favorite first episodes of the franchise and I'm more than ready to follow this team through this year and I'm very hopeful that this will be a good season (I hope I don't bite my tongue on a few months XD). What are your thoughts on this episode? Let me know in the comments. I'll see you all in the next time. Healin' Goodbye~

#Healin' Good Precure #precure

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justmysicklypride · 5 years ago

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Drrr!! Character breakdowns from their Drrr stage website - 1/2

Please note that I speak Chinese and don't actually speak or understand Japanese, meaning that anything that doesn’t double face as both a Chinese and Japanese character I will have no idea what it means. Hence, I used what I do understand plus google translate to translate everything

As you can probably tell these are only the Raira trio, Celty and the Raijin trio. The rest of them (van gang, Yagiri siblings, Mika and Simon) will be linked here.

Translations under the cut

Ryugamine Mikado

Hashimoto Shohei

A high school student that took the opportunity to move to Ikebukuro, because he was accepted into Raira Academy. Longs for an extraordinary life*.

* Idk if it actually says “life” but the translation google gave me didn’t really make sense to me so I added it in lmao

Kida Masaomi

Sugie Taishi

Mikado’s childhood friend, and was who recommended Mikado to apply for Raira in the first place. Tells cold jokes* and is a mood maker in high tension situations.

* For some reason we call bad jokes cold jokes

Sonohara Anri

Fukushima Yukina

Mikado’s classmate.

A mature and modest girl, well known* for wearing glasses and big breasts.

* It’s her trademark apparently from the translation I got

Celty Sturluson

Sano Natsumi

A mysterious "headless rider" that appears in Ikebukuro.

Her partner is the supernatural Cóiste Bodhar*.

* Shooter’s real name apparently

Kishitani Shinra

Anzai Shintaro

Ikebukuro’s underground doctor.

Frequently uses complicated four-word idioms*.

* In Chinese and apparently Japanese, idioms are often made up of only four characters, hence why they call it four-word idioms

Orihara Izaya

Wada Masanari

An information broker based in Shinjuku.

Has a dog monkey relationship* with Heiwajima Shizuo.

* Having a “dog monkey relationship” with someone means you can’t stand that person so much so you can’t stand even looking at them, will fight to the death kinda relationship

(Hilariously, their level in the Crossing Void game in Chinese is titled “dog-monkey relationship”, or 犬猿之仲)

Heiwajima Shizuo

Yu Imari

Known as the “Fortissimo of Ikebukuro”, he is the strongest (most angry*) debt collector that basically does what he wants**.

* Based on my understanding, 凶 means “angry” or “temperamental” but apparently there are a lot of definitions for this character, such as “ominous”, “bringing bad omens” and “act of violence” but you get the gist. I can’t find anything that says “angry” is one of the definitions but my Chinese isn’t “proper” anyway (different dialects/slang exist) and it may mean something else in Japanese so take it with a grain of salt

** I couldn’t find a proper definition for the second line since anything that’s not a Chinese character I can’t actually understand, but the best definition I could find for “欲しいまま” was “has his own free reign” so I will assume this is what that means

#durarara #drrr #Durarara!!#mikado ryugamine #masaomi kida #anri so #celty sturluson #shinra kishitani #izaya orihara #shizuo heiwajima #Durarara stage #anime #crunchyroll

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daisybaeks-archive · 6 years ago

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adagietto | baekhyun

Genre: Angst, AU

Pairing: Baekhyun x female!reader

warnings: themes of death (no violence or blood though), copious amounts of musical terminology

listen to this while you read

also i want to tag angst queen @kyungiebaby bc a) i can, and b) this is payback for all the angst you’ve written

“Wie ich Dich liebe, Du meine Sonne, ich kann mit Worten Dir’s nicht sagen. Nur meine Sehnsucht kann ich Dir klagen und meine Liebe, meine Wonne!”

Having your own private suite in concert halls is something that isn’t entirely new to you, but this time is different. You can feel it in the way the ushers look at you with sympathy in their eyes, in the way the audience members floating to their seats bow their heads respectfully when you cross paths, in the way you are all alone in your little balcony, no presence by your side.

You didn’t expect the concert to be so soon. Didn’t think you would have to leave your house and face the snobs dressed in their cocktail dresses and well-worn tuxedos. Didn’t think you’d have the strength to sit through movement after movement, piece after piece.

But here you sit. Alone. Tugging at the sleeves of your dress because it’s too cold, concert halls have always been too cold for you.

Baekhyun would always give you his suit jacket.

The orchestra onstage is warming up, flying through notes that you know so well, have heard so many times that you hear them in your dreams. Fluttering melodies and heart wrenching symphonies surrounding your subconscious in a never-ending cacophony. Your pulse beats in time to the music, your breathing signals the cues.

It isn’t long until the concertmaster appears, eliciting the polite applause from the audience. She bows, and from this distance you recognize her. If there was anyone who loved Baekhyun, knew Baekhyun, as much as you, it was her, a talented violinist who worked with your husband often. You wonder if she feels the same pain, knowing that this is the last time a Byun Baekhyun piece will debut.

She raises her violin and plays an A that echoes, haunting the hall.

The concert begins.

–

Empty. Your home was empty, void of the absentminded plucking of strings, the humming of imperfect melodies, even the droning of the television. There was nothing, a hole of silence where an orchestra of sound once played.

You weren’t sure whether you found solace or heartbreak in the fact that Baekhyun’s death hadn’t changed a thing about it.

“How much do you love me?”

“Not at all, I hate you.”

“Ha.”

“Okay, okay, fine. Hmm. I love you more than there are notes on this page. More than the stars in the sky. More than, um, sheep on a farm?”

“That was terrible.”

“This is why I write music, dummy. I’m no good with words.”

“It’s okay. I love you anyways.”

You didn’t leave your bed those first few days.

Your friends brought in food that lay mostly untouched on your nightstand, sat next to you in silence and rubbed your back. You said nothing, just tucked the blanket tighter around yourself until they left.

You didn’t cry. Didn’t scream. Didn’t feel anything. The thing you loved most in your life had been ripped away, yet you were hollow. A shell. An empty auditorium with only ghosts as an audience.

This is how he must have felt, you thought, closing your eyes.

World famous composer dies in hospital

Byun Baekhyun, 42, was declared dead this morning.

Health troubles and emotional strain have been plaguing the composer for the past two years. After a long battle, complete with multiple hospital visits and long periods in which he wouldn’t leave his house, he passed away this morning in the company of his wife.

Byun is world renowned for his emotional works. He started composing at the age of seventeen, and has since written a total of ten symphonies and a number of other pieces. He is praised for his ability to make people feel the deepest of human emotions.

News of memorial services are still to come. Members of the family have not made any comments at this time.

It started with his hearing.

After he started going deaf, Baekhyun started drifting. He would spend more time alone, silently staring off into space. You caught him more than once snapping near his ear, expression twisted with frustration and self-hatred. He’d press keys on the grand piano, eyes screwed shut in concentration. His hearing wasn’t completely gone yet, but it was fading quickly.

You’d gently grab his shaky hands and press them against your heart. He looked scared, you had realized. He was terrified.

You lay your head against his chest and swayed with him to a melody only you could hear.

“Baekhyun!”

“God, sorry. Yes?”

“I was asking what you wanted for dinner.”

“I’m not really hungry.”

“Baek…”

“I’m not!”

“You need to eat something.”

“What’s the point?”

“Don’t talk like that.”

“I can’t hear. I can’t make music. I can’t listen to music, God, I can’t even hear you properly. I can’t do anything. What’s the point?”

His studio was untouched.

In the corner, his violin. On his bookshelf, picture frames of the two of you. On his desk, a mess of papers.

Steeling yourself, you made your way to the desk and began flipping through the debris. One of Baekhyun’s friends had just needed some confirmation for the memorial service, some document that he had stored.

You brushed aside some letters and found a score.

Your heart leapt into your throat. It had been two years since Baekhyun had written anything, and you definitely had never seen this piece before. It was finished, and had been for a while.

You turned the last page of the score over and found a poem, scrawled in messy handwriting.

Memorial service for Byun Baekhyun

A concert will be held in memory of renowned composer Byun Baekhyun. The program will feature many of his most recognizable pieces, as well as the debut of his very last piece, discovered posthumously by his wife.

“I’m dying.”

Stop. Don’t say that.

“It’s okay.”

I need you.

“You have to be strong for me.”

Baekhyun.

“I love you.”

Don’t.

“I love you.”

It ended with his heart.

The loss of his hearing was devastating. He didn’t eat, didn’t sleep. He kept you up during the long hours of the night, pacing back and forth in your bedroom when he thought you were asleep. He was caught in his own head a lot, always thinking and disappearing into his studio. The pain and neglect weakened his body. You could see it in how thin he was, the bags under his eyes.

It was the heartbreak that killed him.

“I’m gonna be famous one day.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m going to write something so great that I’ll be world famous. Tchaik got nothing on me.”

“Okay, slow down there, hot stuff.”

“Oh you think I’m hot?”

“Shut up. God. Why do I like you?”

“Aww you like me, that’s cute.”

“I’m going to break up with you.”

“Wait, no, please, I’m sorry!”

“I’ll forgive you if you write something for me.”

“For you?”

“Yeah. And it better be beautiful.”

The piece is so him.

You let the melody overwhelm you, drown you in sound. It soars and thunders, whispers and cries. It’s passion and fury and gentleness and love.

You sit in your seat alone, but you feel Baekhyun next to you. You feel him twirling you around darkened streets, feel his fingers in your hair. You hear his laugh and his see his smile. You feel his warmth around you, enveloping you and swallowing you up. You hear him telling you that he loves you.

For the first time in a long time, you remember a time before Baekhyun was sick, when you were so, so in love. When there were no doctor visits or sleepless nights or pretending not to hear the broken sobs in the hallway. When there was only music, a steady stream of melodies.

You don’t applaud when the audience erupts after the last note rings into the air. A sob escapes your throat, unheard. A blaze of tears run down your face.

You place your head in your hands, your body wracking with the cries you’ve held in for so long. Each one is overpowering, fortissimo emotions flooding out of you, rendering you helpless. The applause continues, shrouding your screams. It’s just so much, everything hitting you at once: the pain of seeing him suffer, the pain of missing him, the pain of feeling him again.

More than anything, you feel your love for him. It aches and grows, taking over your body as you cry out. The tidal wave is overwhelming, suppressed feelings making themselves known again. It’s too much, it’s all too much and yet not enough as your surroundings melt away and you hear nothing. Nothing but the blood pounding in your ears and a mantra repeated over and over again.

I love you, I love you, I love you.

“How much I love you, you my sun,

I cannot tell you that with words.

I can only lament to you my longing

and my love, my bliss!”

#baekhyun imagine #baekhyun angst #baekhyun scenario #exo imagine #exo angst #exo scenario #baekhyun #byun baekhyun #exo #lowkey this sucks but listening to the piece while you read makes it better

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nogu-d-reamers · 2 years ago

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MEGAMAN OC (DR. VON FORT.)

If… Do you remember this oc? Well, I thought van fort deserved a little residence before he could introduce her robot masters.

(click for better quality… pinche Tumblr baja calidad-)

Origa van fortissimo (her maiden name being origa zoet) or also known as "doctor van fort ", is a scientist dedicated to robotics in the year 20xx born in Holland but living all her life in Italy. In his youth he served as wily's apprentice and assistant; But after a dispute that led to Albert's sabotage (and in turn a fatidic accident that left her with the scars on her face) she decided to move away from the path of armour robotics and focus on the integrated development of their intelligence as "social beings" rather than merely being dedicated to industry.

(funfact -: oliga's name is supposed to refer to the singer origa [real name = Olga vitalievna yakovleva] but I erroneously typed it with l and not with r. I already corrected it now.)

#megaman oc #megaman megamix #megaman megamix oc #oliga van fortissimo

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noirlevity · 7 years ago

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If I hadn’t met you.

Pairing: Sarumi Fandom: K Project Warnings: Depression. Self-Harm. Angst. Super I guess. A/N: The full finished version of my other fanfic with the same title. I was inspired by Aimer's song Anata Deawanakereba~natsuyuki fuyu Hana.

Summary: Fushimi wakes up living like he is living a life not his own.

If I hadn't met you there wouldn't have been

such a heartrending clenching in my chest...but still

If I hadn't met you without even knowing of strength or gentleness

I cried in the corner of the room, without seeing anything.

I don't need the seasons I don't want to touch anything

At this rate, it'd be all right if I forget the name of that flower

But in my dreams, you're laughing

Even now, it's this way It was the metronome sound of the ECG machine that prodded Fushimi to open his lazy eyes. It started faint like a whisper and then rose to a fortissimo as Fushimi gathered himself.

A digital heartbeat it was in his ears. Resonating with the throbbing organ inside of him, it filled the stillness with life. The sound of his own breath and the stretch of his sinews settled him to reality. He caught a faint scent of disinfectant with a mix of the sweet smell of lily flowers in the air. It made him scrunch up his nose like a baby who had just woken up from slumber. This was his first breath after coma, so to speak. His hands trembled as he tried to move it as if testing whether he was really awake or not. He momentarily forgot the darkness that cloaked around him.

He fluttered his eyelids and stared at the ceiling. The incandescent light above him looked unsettling. The white wall backdrop looked haunting as the ECG machine continued to beat in resonance with his heart. He thinks whether or not hearts were actually little bombs or dormant little volcanoes we carry like the thought of death in our hearts, haunting us with the thought that life could be taken as fast as it was given.

He sighs. As he closed his eyes, he felt the pressure and the folding of skin. He is alive.

Eyes adjusting to the light inside the unfamiliar place, he panicked as he realized that he is in an unfamiliar place. He felt like he’s been punched and restrained. It felt like air was slowly being sucked out from his lungs as he struggled to gather whatever was left of his composure upon the realization that he was alive.

Something in him wanted to scream, but he could not summon the voice to. He grimaced, clenched his fists, and noticed that he was on dextrose and his arm was bandaged. Everything hurt like hell. He tried peaking at his head. He saw a white a wirelike fiber wrapped around his head. He was wearing something on his neck too.

Now he was hurting. He shifted his eyes towards the door. He could hear muffled chatter outside. The sound of footsteps tapping against the floor was barely audible, but he could hear them nonetheless. He swallowed a lump in his throat as he tried thinking how he ended up in the hospital.

There was a figure hovering outside. He was talking to someone. After awhile, the door clicked and then a tall man in white uniform entered his room.

“Oh you’re awake.”

The doctor paused for a second, adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose and inquired,

“Do you know where you are right now?”

Fushimi scoured the room with his eyes.

“I’m at a hospital.”

“Do you remember how you got here?”

Fushimi creased his eyebrows. He tried to recall how and why he was at a place like that but he couldn’t.

“What’s your name?”

Fushimi couldn’t answer.

“Figured.” The doctor said and excused himself. He was going to get something.

Fushimi waited. He just lay there on the hospital bed thinking; thinking of who he was; of the reason why he was there at the hospital.

When the doctor came back, he was told that he was suffering from amnesia. His family was waiting for him to wake up. He had been asleep for five days so it would be good news to them. Fushimi did not understand what the doctor was saying. It was too much for him to take in. When he finally met his family everything felt as if this life was not his.

Looking at the two strangers, he couldn’t help but feel uneasy. Insecure. He looked at the man that was supposed to be his father. He was a tall blond man. He looked like a yakuza but spoke in a gentle soothing kind of way, like he is ready to listen to whatever woes you have, and that you could tell him everything that bothers you. His mother was a gorgeous, buxom woman, blond too with pretty eyes on a face that emanated the impassive coldness of tundra. She was clearly sleep deprived. Gazing at Fushimi, her face color with emotion. She creased her well tailored eyebrows and embraced Fushimi gently. An embrace was warm, Fushimi thinks. It was if this was the first time he felt like he was embraced like he was important; it felt like this was the first time he felt like he mattered and that made him feel troubled. The body remembers what the mind forgets. If he forgot, then why did his body also forgot? Why did everything felt so new to him?

Something was definitely wrong, and he was not stupid to not to see this.

He wasn’t discharged immediately. He stayed at the hospital for awhile until the doctor decided that he was fit enough to go out. When he finally did, it didn’t bring him joy. If anything, he felt indifferent and empty. Yet, he went with the flow and didn’t bother to ask any questions. He accepted everything as it was, thinking that even if they were truly strangers, there was nothing in it for them if they took care of him.

When they arrived at the countryside, it amused him that they were all living in the province that didn’t seem familiar to him. He was amused at the thought he didn’t feel anything. Nothing. Not even nostalgia. He didn’t really care though. It was convenient—being taken care of; being brought whatever he wanted to eat; being told stories by the kids around the neighbourhood who visited him all the time to “cheer” him up because they tease that “Onii-chan is too gloomy”. They liked making him laugh, which was of course impossible so it became a game to the children. The person who will make Fushimi-onii-san laugh would be the most awesome person who will ever live.

He got used to the children’s visits and their attempt at getting him to open up to them and to finally at least smile. They asked him to teach them how to plant crops, how to do gardening, and even asked him to tell them stories. He just made stories out of thin air whenever the kids were too eager. He didn’t want to break their innocent hearts, so often, he just went with the flow.

One afternoon they were in the garden watering some crops when a child asked him something that disturbed him.

“Onii-san, onii—san..” The youngest pestered, clinging on to his sleeve. He was a petite boy with a face that made him look like a girl. His large, innocent eyes stared at Fushimi’s own intensely. Fushimi fiddled with his wrist band to hide his unease.

“What?”

“When is Misaki-onii-san coming back? Is he still coming back?”

“Yeah, we didn’t see him for quite some time and we thought that when Uncle and Aunt came back they’re going to bring Misaki-onii-san with them.” The girl said matter of factly, stopping whatever she was doing when he heard her brother’s question.

“Oi!” The eldest snapped running towards their direction, reprimanding his siblings.

“Mama said we shouldn’t bring that thing up idiots!” The other kid whispered.

“Eh? But.. but..”

“No buts..” Addressing Fushimi, the other kid continued, “It’s nothing onii-chan. You don’t need to answer their question. hehe.” The child sounded guilty. Fushimi narrowed his eyes but let it go.

Misaki? Who was Misaki?

Eager to have his memories back and to figure out who this Misaki guy was, he rummaged through stuff inside the house to find things that would help him.

He was told that if he was patient, he would sooner or later regain his memories back. And that’s what he’s been doing. Waiting, and writing things down on a journal. Things like what happened during the day, what he did, what he felt, and whether or not he remembered something from his past.

It was no use though. No matter what he did, he still couldn’t remember anything. It was frustrating. He also thought, that maybe there was a reason why he couldn’t remember. Maybe it was better if he didn’t remember anything at all. Maybe he forgot because his past was painful and that this was the reason why he forgot them. His mind is protecting itself from the pain and the suffering he had experienced; sparing him from experiencing them all over again if he remembers; sparing him from the truth and the lies that await him.

---

Whenever we are aware of something, or someone, that person begins to be part of our world. Misaki was not part of Fushimi’s world, but because of the constant mentions, and the curiosity that was growing in Fushimi, Misaki was now part of it.

He dreams of him. He dreams of him screaming, “Live idiot monkey!” as they both fall. The other reaches out to hold him. And when he finally does, a soft chuckle in between ragged breath against his cheek feels like he isn’t dreaming at all. It is as if the feeling of falling wrapped in Misaki’s embrace and warmth is real. The sensation of skin burns.

These dreams always made Fushimi wake up with a start, sweating, and heaving as though he really did fall and his soul just returned to his body when he finally hit the ground.

Fushimi finally found old photobooks and albums containing picture of him and Misaki together. Based from this, he gathered that Misaki was a friend. His childhood friend. They both grew up in this neighbourhood together. Being best of friends, there was no day that they were not together.

Of the two, Misaki was the playful one; the adventurer between the two of them, while Fushimi was this quiet and shy child; introverted. The one who spent his time reading books and played by himself.

Looking at the pictures made him remember a little. He remembered Misaki’s declaration of building him a castle and being his knight. He remembered Misaki waving his plastic sword in the air with confidence as though he was an honorable knight. Brave. Face beaming like spring opening just after winter leaves, sweeping away the loneliness and the darkness that comes with the cold, he looked like the sun.

Fushimi turned to another page. He saw a picture of both of them in an embrace. Fushimi clung to his friend hesitantly, as though he didn’t know how to react to his friend’s enthusiasm at their reunion. His parents were in the background looking at them fondly.

He remembered that this was when Misaki left and he was thinking of the number of days that Misaki will be gone. He remembered how he fiddled with his hands, praying to God Almighty for Misaki to stay.

Flipping to another page, he saw pictures of them all grown up with others. There were with co-workers perhaps. Behind them, there was a huge name of an establishment which Fushimi figured they worked. That made him decide to go to Tokyo to learn more about Misaki.

Fushimi went to his old workplace first. He was accommodated and even warmly welcomed by his co-workers whom appeared strangers to him. When everything settled, someone came up to him, he was a slender young man with dark wavy hair. He introduced himself as Akiyama.

They talked. They talked about how it is working with Fushimi. He told him that he was efficient; quiet, a silent and effective worker. As they were conversing, he accidentally commented something like he never thought he would end up like that. Fushimi was bothered by this. Akiyama knew that he made a mistake. He evaded further questions on the matter as much as he could.

The next place Fushimi visited was Misaki’s workplace. He met his friend’s supervisor. They talked about Misaki about how he was a great help; a great friend, and how he would always talk about Fushimi.

“It was a pity he was gone too soon.”

Drat. The storeowner cursed inside his mind. He should’ve not said that. Fushimi’s eyes widened slightly. He wanted to ask what happened. He wanted to ask why was everyone trying to hide something from him.

The clock struck 3 in the afternoon. Fushimi was at the park basking on the warmth of the afternoon sunlight thinking of the things that he gathered. Misaki. His childhood friend; the boy that the kids loved to hang out with. A hard worker, simple but passionate. A friend. Lost. Gone. Forever.

Beautiful things really are the first to perish. He still wondered what could have happened and why. He touched his wrists and took off the wrist band his mother gave him. There were faint lines on its skin. Scars. He touched them and didn’t bother to think of what could have happened to him to get those. But he knew. The constant heavy feeling he carried was enough proof.

He clenched and unfurled his hand. He touched the faded lines on his wrist again. Fushimi was surprised why he couldn't cry anymore. He wondered whether or not he ever cried before or were his tear ducts all dried up from the very beginning? Was there even a use to chasing after a ghost?

Misaki. Why does everything end with Misaki? Fushimi cluck his tongue and gazed at the sky. It was beginning to dusk; time to go home.

He took something out of his backpack. It was a notebook he found lying inside his room. He didn't check it yet. When he skimmed through the pages, he found an address written in script. He went to that address. When he arrived he realized that it was the apartment where he used to live.

Standing outside his own door, Fushimi felt uneasy. His was brought back from his reverie when he heard a click on the door. A tall man, with glasses on, and dark hair smiled at him. He looked like he was going somewhere.

“How may I help you?” The other asked.

Fushimi looked away from the stranger. He looked welcoming to the point it was ticking him off. Giving up, Fushimi decided to ask him a question.

“Have you been live here long?”

The other thought for a second.

“No. I started living here after that suicide incident.”

“The what?!” Fushimi was surprised.

“I was told that a young man.. maybe about your age tried committing suicide here by jumping out of his balcony.”

The stranger’s violet eyes settled on Fushimi.

“I heard a friend rushed to his aid and end up dying instead.”

Adjusting his glasses, the stranger continued, “Everyone had been constantly talking about the said incident the past weeks I’ve been here. It is most troubling as I am the new tenant here and hearing such incidents keep me up at night.

“Nonetheless, it is sad to think that an innocent life was lost. This is probably not my place to say this, but young man, if you’re having a hard time, don’t hesitate to ask for help.��

Footsteps pattered louder.

“Oi, Munakata.. Hurry up!”

“Excuse me.” The stranger smiled at Fushimi.

Addressing another, he continued, “Just a second Suoh.”

Now turning back to Fushimi, “I’m Munakata Reishi. So what again is your purpose of coming here?”

“Nothing… I’m just..”

“What’s your name?”

“Fu...Fushimi Saruhiko.”

“Well, Fushimi-kun. I have to go now, my companion is impatient. Feel free to come visit if you like. Here is my calling card.” Reishi handed him his calling card, and left.

“Mattaku… slow.” Fushimi heard Reishi’s companion drawl lazily.

Fushimi just stood there, looking at the other as he walked away from him. Fushimi looked dumbfounded at what he just knew. He gripped on the paper that he was holding.

The wind surprisingly blew colder, making him shiver. He leaned against the balcony. He kept on staring at the piece of paper without reading.

Suicide? A friend dying?

Fushimi pressed his eyes shut. He crumpled the paper in his hand as he gritted his teeth. He remembered now. How could he ever forget? The tears started to stream from his eyes. He bit his lip to stop wails coming from his mouth as the memory of that day filled his mind.

It was an afternoon like this one. Orange light suffused the every crevice of the street, of the hallway of this little apartment which was once his. Light glistened as it peaked from behind the leaves of the trees.

---

Impatient footsteps struck against the ground. Misaki was sweating and he was feeling cold. He had been asking around for Fushimi. He hadn't been going to his job for five days already after they both had an argument about the scars on his wrists.

It made him feel worthless as his friend. It made him feel guilty as well. He kept on telling myself if only he had been beside Fushimi he would have kept him from harming himself. If only he paid more attention to his friend’s suffering.

With nowhere else in mind, he decided to check Fushimi’s apartment. He didn't think that Fushimi would be there. His friend was too intelligent to go where he would be found first.

When he arrived in front of Fushimi’s door, he didn't hesitate, he called for his friend but no one replied.

Fushimi was inside. He didn't reply because he was wearing his earphones, and his music was on full volume. This was the end. This was the end of his suffering and he chose to be accompanied in his last moments by his favorite song.

Misaki was pounding against his door, screaming his name at the top of his lungs. The neighbors were pissed off. Asking him to stop. He remembered that there was a certain place Fushimi always left his keys, and it was in a plant just outside his door. He checked it and the key was really there. He was able to enter inside. By the time he entered, he saw Fushimi standing on the balcony, about to jump.

Fushimi didn't know what came to him that when Misaki shouted his name at the top of his lungs, the song blasting in his ears was muted, and the only thing that he heard was Misaki’s voice screaming his name.

He turned around and stared at his friend. Why was he there? Why.. of all people was he there? The emptiness in Fushimi's heart didn't allow him to feel things. He felt nothing as he gazed at Misaki. His eyes grew wide and he laughed hysterically. He didn't know why he was laughing.

“Saru… come down from there!”

“Why? Didn't you abandon me already Mi-sa-ki? Why are you acting like my friend now?”

Misaki bit his lip. He was guilty as charged.

“Go to that foolish boss of yours. I don't need you here!” Fushimi bowed his head and clenched his fists.

Misaki took a step closer.

“Don't come! Stay there. Or I’m really gonna jump!”

“Saru… please… don’t.. Come down from there idiot!” Misaki bit his lip as he trembled. He was in the verge of tears.

“Please.. I’m sorry. I’m a useless friend.”

“Misaki.” Fushimi smirked maniacally. He didn’t feel anything. He didn’t really care about anything. He scratched the left clavicle in a desperate need, as if this was going to compensate for his lack of feeling.

He looked at Misaki. He felt it again, the emptiness, the uselessness of being alive, unloved, and unwanted.

“Misaki, it hurts. It really hurts.” Fushimi cried. Pressing a fist to his chest, he broke down sobbing as he stood there ready to die. He raised his head. And then, with a last smile, he jumped. Misaki rushed to his aid and they fell. As they fell, he heard Misaki shout,

“Live idiot monkey!” It was the only thing he heard him say as everything went dark.

——

Fushimi woke up in the hospital. When he opened his eyes, he saw his mother’s worried face. It was unusual to see any emotion in her beautiful countenance.

“We heard that you fainted. So we rushed all the way here. Mattaku. Don’t scare us like that!”

Fushimi exhaled. It was difficult for him to speak while holding back his emotions.

“I… I remember everything now.”

His parents looked at each other in disbelief.

“I remember everything now. I killed him. I killed Misaki.” Face contorting in pain, he sobbed softly.

“I killed him. I killed my best friend! I should have been the one who died. I’m sorry.. I’m sorry for taking him away from you. I deserve to die!”

“Shush.. it wasn’t your fault..” His mother embraced him.

“What happened was out of your control.”

“Fushimi.” His father embraced him too. The feeling that spread throughout his body was warm.

“We love you as our own child. Please don’t think that you are less than you truly are.”

“Look.” His father made way for the others who came to visit him. He saw Akiyama, and his co-workers at his former job.

“You are loved. And we hope that you wouldn't beat yourself up over Misaki’s death, and live the life he would want you to live.”

Fushimi sobbed, as he realised that he wasn’t fighting a battle alone.

#sarumi #k project #fushimi saruhiko #misaki yata #fics

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zsxdcfvgbhn · 8 years ago

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Ritardi costanti

Nell’attesa, seduta nella migliore panchina malandata e accantonata la stanchezza di un sonno non che non ha fatto una buona presa la notte, mi sono coperta le mani e mi sono messa a ragionare su calcoli con il quaderno appoggiato alle coscie, la schiena arricciata (non dovrei), il naso quasi infilato nella sciarpa. Oggi faceva azzardatamente freddo, la foschia c’era a tutte le ore e una nuvola si formava in aria ad ogni mio respiro. Mi sembra tutto così strano, ieri c’era un sole fortissimo ma quindi è proprio vero che le stagioni stanno cambiando i loro caratteri. Nella mia concentrazione, comunque, non ho fatto a meno di sentire l’autoparlante della stazione: “E’ in arrivo al binario numero due il treno regionale veloce 2865 delle 14:40 diretto a Venezia S. Lucia, si ferma a” ed elenca tutte le stazioni. Tra quell’elenco c’è una stazione in cui da piccola scendevo almeno una volta al mese, a mano a mano della nonna, e nel tragitto ad ogni fermata lei mi ripeteva la stazione che stavamo passando. Erano tre o quattro e non le azzeccavo tutte a quel tempo. Ora le ricordo ammalapena, ma la stazione dove dovevamo fermarci me la ricordavo sempre e con il passare del tempo e i suoi cambiamenti non la dimentico. E’ sempre ripassare una parte bella di me e un motivo per venire da te. Nell’attesa, poi, l’autobus era sempre in ritardo di dieci minuti. (Ti lascio, solo per questa volta, perdonami, qualcosa che non è mio: Doctors come and go like seasons back and forth I'm barely recognizing you With all the wires and breathing tubes But you're still beautiful to me Forever yours)

#me

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islamcketta · 5 years ago

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Far too often the narratives of genius and madness are entwined to the extent that they appear inseparable. The story of artistic becoming and success then becomes a drama where the highest achievements happen only when the artist sacrifices their entire self to this daemon. It’s a dangerous narrative and a seductive one and I was grateful with my entire being when I realized that Erin Eileen Almond was writing against this trope in Witches’ Dance. Don’t get me wrong, Witches’ Dance is as deeply seductive as it is intelligent, but what makes this book extra, and very much worth reading, is the way Almond twists and unweaves our expectations of greatness.

The Maestro

Fortissimo the prelude to Witches’ Dance as brilliant violinist Phillip Manns steps onstage for a performance at the peak of his career. The audience, filled with other characters who will become important to the plot, sits rapt as he performs Paganini’s “Witches Dance.” Almond’s language is so deft in this opening that I was as rapt as the audience as the scene of his triumph built to a crescendo… and then Phillip took one step too far, declaring himself to be Paganini and running offstage and down the street. Almond uses the confusion in the audience to tease out how Hilda, the other most important character in this novel, succumbs to Phillip’s magnetic performance in ways that will alter her life forever.

The Student

Cut forward a decade and we meet Hilda again at 16, a strong violinist who hasn’t had the chance to fully immerse herself in the art… yet. I hope it’s not revealing too much to say that the forces of fate (and a skilled author) bring Hilda and Phillip together to play off of one another as she becomes his student and muse. But this is not really a Pygmalion story and as much as Phillip shapes Hilda, she shapes him (and that’s where things get really interesting).

The Music, the Magic

Almond does a beautiful job of working music into this book, both in the pieces and instruments the characters play and also in the lexicon she uses. Almond also incorporates subtle fairy tale touches that emerge wonderfully toward the end of the story. The blend of the music and the magic is in the wolf tone that can be heard on stringed instruments. I’d never heard of this before, but it forms the perfect bridge between Hilda and Phillip’s playing and the monster Phillip is battling inside.

The Madness

Not surprisingly given his unorthodox behavior at that initial performance, Phillip tries to kill himself later the first night. This happens offscreen and is introduced later to give us a flavor of his struggles. Another aspect of his struggles is his mother, Domenica, now deceased but apparently manic depressive, alcoholic, and still visiting Phillip on occasion.

My summary sounds flip, but the experience of reading about the madness in this story is anything but. Almond brings many human frailties together in her characters, each one a creative in their own field, in ways that feel very familiar to anyone who’s spent significant time around artists of any type. Hilda’s mother is a ballerina who quit young to have a child. Hilda’s father is a failed musician who still believes his own hype. There’s an artistic rival as well as some people who end up working close to the artists because they did not themselves commit to the grind. We watch all of these characters struggle against and embrace their human and artistic frailties. Then we watch the consequences.

The story was all too relatable for me, a writer who struggles with depression. Sometimes I feel like my sensitivity to the world around me is the only reason I can be a writer. Sometimes it keeps me from writing. Sometimes my depression makes it impossible to pick up a pen. Sometimes I think the self-critique that comes with it is the only reason my writing has gotten any good. And when I take that anxiety/depression questionnaire at the doctor’s office that asks if I ever suffer from delusions of grandeur, I lie, because of course I do, I have to in order to believe that the words I put on paper have value beyond my own writing of them. It’s a little lie, though, because I know I’m not Paganini and I have no intentions of rushing offstage anytime soon.

I could tell you more about The Witches’ Dance, but if you’ve ever wondered in the least about whether artistic genius and madness really have to be coterminous, I think you should read the book. The depths Almond explores are ones I’d like to read over and over again as I consider my own narrative.

Pick up a copy of Witches’ Dance from Powell’s Books. Your purchase keeps indie booksellers in business and I receive a commission.

The post Witches’ Dance, Madness, and Artistic Genius with Erin Eileen Almond appeared first on A Geography of Reading.

#Lit #Books #USA & Canada

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middy-de-blog · 6 years ago

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Post #8

1. The first section is all about how Beethoven’s hearing loss impacted his career, moods, and attitudes.

2. Beethoven was 33 when he wrote Eroica and 38 when he wrote Pastorale.

3. At first, Beethoven greatly admired Napoleon and his ideals that tied into the French Revolution. After Napoleon declared himself emperor, Beethoven immediately lost all respect for the ruler and dedicated his third symphony to all heroes, not just one (Napoleon). Dedicating the piece to an idea or person reflects Enlightenment though because of the feelings surrounding the piece; it was no longer just absolute music - it was almost a mix of absolute music and programmatic music.

4. Beethoven was always very quiet and it seemed that he liked to be alone. He was better at not getting so mean before he started to lose his hearing. After he noticed his hearing deteriorating, he became rude, short, and mean to almost everyone he interacted with.

I feel kind of bad for what Beethoven had to deal with. Once he started losing his hearing, he became fearful of talking or even approaching people for fear of being judged. It makes sense to me why he was so mean or short tempered when he would have conversations. It also makes sense why he became suicidal - if I became deaf and couldn’t hear music, I probably would be too. I can’t imagine what it would be like to not be able to hear the thing I love the most.

1. One of the weirdest things I understood from the reading was that a few doctors say his hearing loss was due to problems with his digestive system.

2. Some of the explanations today include sensorineural hearing loss and tinnitus, becoming extremely sick in the summer of 1796 which caused the hearing loss, and possibly from Beethoven having typhoid fever when he was a kid, which could have resulted in nerve damage.

3. His father very much so reminded me of Leopold Mozart, but in a worse way. Beethoven’s father wanted him to be a child prodigy like Wolfgang Mozart, but Beethoven wanted nothing to do with that life. So, his father had to whip him severely just to sit down at the harpsichord and practice. He also made Beethoven tour around, and to convince people he was a child prodigy, he lied about his son’s age.

The author said that it is extremely possible that Beethoven found another reason to go on living by attaching himself to Karl like he did. By doing this, it helped him find reason to not try to commit suicide again.

4. I was most convinced by the first speculation Wallace offered. He said that Beethoven was able to write music even though he was deaf because he was able to recall the sounds of music and instruments and imagining it in his head as he was writing. The reason this makes the most sense to me is because I can almost do the same thing, even though I’m not required to like Beethoven.

1. I think the first movement is homophonic because there is a melody happening between the two hands, but there is still accompaniment written in the left hand.

2. I’m not really surprised by the second movement. It seems very typical for what Beethoven would write. Though it is in a major key and is a little bit faster, there is still a nice flow to the music and it is still very calming.

3. The third movement is wild. I wasn’t expecting such contrast in this piece from the first to the third or even just the second to the third. Around the 13 minute mark, the music gets a little faster and there is a lot of use of sforzandos and longer fortissimo passages, which makes the music seem more exciting and intense.

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least-among-hamiltons · 6 years ago

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Falsettos Starters (Act 2)

(this didn’t exist so im making it myself)

Falsettoland/About Time

*curtain opens* Homosexuals

Come back in… the welcome mat is on the floor

Let's begin… this story needs an ending

Lovers come and lovers go, lovers fight and sing fortissimo

Give these handsome boys a hand

What a world we live in

Pretty boys are in demand

It's about time to grow up and face the music

We called a truce and fitfully we coexist

So I don't have a psychiatrist except on the Jewish holidays

But I don't have a lover anymore… Oh my G-d, when am I gonna get over this?

It's about growing up, getting older, living on a lover's shoulder, learning love is not a crime… it's about time

Year of the Child

Since this is the last loving thing we'll probably ever do together, let's act adult and not go crazy

It's a lesbian from next door, followed by her lover who's a lesbian from next door too!

The Baseball Game

You’re looking sweeter than a donut

He looks damn good, but he’s cheap as dirt

Even maniacs can charm, which he does, so beware

When he smiles that smile, avoid him, or else sound the alert!

How could I know, without him, my life would be boring as shit?

Please, God, don’t let me make the same mistake!

Would it be possible to see you, or to kiss you, or to give you a call?

A Day in Falsettoland

Could this– oh G-d, don't say it is– could this be the new world we started?

I once thought it was sweet but I don't anymore, now I just snore

Why should I be wilting when their precious love is not in doubt? Work it out!

I don't get it, why can't you let go?

Maybe in a mile, I'll be okay

Everything will be alright

For the first time in months, nobody died

Saving lives, I feel invincible, yes I do

Do you know how great my life is, saving lives and loving you

That's not nice

Where's the heat, where's the fire? Used to be you desire to fight, so fight!

Just give in to bliss and kiss...

Do you know, all I want is you; anything you do is alright, yes, it's alright

Play it raw, don't play pretty; sex and games in [place] have got to be played with flair and passion, and passion and flair

The Fight

I am just a little kid, not a commuter

It's not a wrestling match, why are they sweating?

It's not a funeral, what's so upsetting?

Arguing takes work

You're gonna blame me? You have paintings of dicks, don't talk to me about taste!

Look, I'm calm and self-deluded, grateful, 'cause I hope you'll do what I pray you'll do

What More Can I Say

It's been hot, also very sweet, and I'm not usually indiscreet, but when he sparkles the earth begins to sway… what more can I say?

How can I express how confused am I by our happiness?

If I say I love him, you might think my words come cheap… let's just say, I'm glad he's mine

It's been hot, also, it's been swell; more than not, it's been more than words can tell

I halt, I stammer, I sing a roundelay… what more can I say?

I'll stay calm, untie my tongue

I was taught, never brag or shout; still, it's hot just like how you read about… and also caring and never too uncouth… that's the simple truth

Can you tell I have been revised? It's so swell, damn it, even I'm surprised

We laugh, we fumble, we take it day by day… what more can I say?

Something Bad is Happening

If I'm a bitch, well, I am what I am!

Something bad is happening, something very bad is happening, something so bad that words have lost their meaning!

Rumors fly and tales abound, stories echo underground!

Go ahead and wound my pride

This is fucking ridiculous!

More Racquetball

Let me live, please forgive me for winning one game

Be a jerk, my sweet bruiser, try to be a decent loser, at least you could give me that!

Do you know all I want is you? Anything you do is alright, yes, it's alright, everything will be alright

Holding to the Ground

I smile, I don't complain, I'm trying to keep sane as the rules keep changing

Life is never what you planned; life is moments you can't understand, and that is life

I hold to the ground as the ground keeps shifting, keeping my balance square, trying not to care about this man who [name] loves

Holding to the ground as the ground keeps shifting; trying to keep sane as the rules keep changing; keeping up my head as my heart falls out of sight… everything will be alright

Days Like This

Why, I'm up to my ass in a kosher morass!

Gee, you look awful, I think you need to play some chess

Cancelling the Bar Mitzvah

If you think it's bust then it's probably just as well

We can't be sure when he'll get better; when, or if, he'll ever get better

What we'll do is your decision, there's no right and there's no wrong; just say yes or no and we promise to go along

Why don't we tell him that we don't have the answers, and that life can be grim?

Things rarely go according to plan; tell him things happen for no damned good reason

Unlikely Lovers

Who'd believe that we two would end up as lovers?

Do you want me to reply?

Please don't get morbid

It's just— that I haven't died yet… I'm sick but kicking

I'm staying here in this spot whether you want me to or not… I'm staying

Here I am, by your side, one old horny lover

Please go home and don't be scared

What's the fuss? I'm not scared, what good is a lover who's scared?

Hit me if you need to, slap my face or hold me till winter, oh baby, please do

I love you, too, my lover

Think of me around, sleeping soundly in our bed

[name], did you hear what I said?

Shut your mouth, go to sleep

I can't help but feeling I've failed, let's be scared together; let's pretend that nothing is awful

There's nothing to fear

I love you

Is it a bad time? We'll come back, if it's a bad time, we'll come back… we’ll come in!

Look at us, four old friends, four unlikely lovers

We don't know what time will bring

Gee, we love to eat, and we need something sweet

What a group we four are, four unlikely lovers

And we vow that we will buy the farm, arm in arm, four unlikely lovers… with heart

Let's be scared together, let's pretend that nothing is awful… there's nothing to fear, just stay right here

Who'd have thought that we four would end up as lovers

Another Miracle of Judaism

If you'd kindly allow, how about a miracle now?

Are you just a big psychiatrist or can you make things not happen?

I am not naïve, it won't be easy, but could you please make my friend stop dying

You’ve Gotta Die Sometime

When the doctor started using phrases like "You'll pass away," what could I say?

In plain English, tell me why was I chosen, why me of all men?

Here's the good part, at least death means I'll never be scared about dying again

Let's get on with living while we can and not play dumb, death’s gonna come

When it comes, screw the nerves, I'll be eating hors d'oeuvres

It's the roll of the dice and no crime

Death is not a friend but I hope in the end he takes me in his arms and lets me hold his face, he holds me in his arms and whispers something funny, he lifts me in his arms and tells me to embrace his attack

Then the scene turns to black

Life sucks; people always hate a loser and they hate lame ducks

Screw me and shucks

I quit, that's the ball game; it's the chink in the armor, the unresolved karma, the blues

Can I keep my cool despite the urge to fall apart? How should I start?

I would cry if I could but it does no damn good to explain I'm a man in my prime

Death's a funny pal with a weird sort of talent

He puts his arms around my neck and walks me to the bed

He pins me up against the wall and kisses me like crazy

The many stupid things I thought about with dread now delight

Then the scene turns to white

Give me the balls to orchestrate a graceful leave, that's my reprieve

To go out without care, my head high in the air

It's the last little mountain I'll climb

You’ve gotta die sometime

Jason’s Bar mitzvah

Don't you move, everything will soon be great; close your eyes while we redecorate

I'll unwrap the billion hors d'oeuvres and someone, please, eat them

Lovely, flowers make things lovely, champagne makes things lovely, too

Everything's amiss

Probably, it's doubly useful at a time like this

I feel more helpless than I have in years

Please excuse me if I interfere, but I feel that, since I'm the host it's me who should toast him

We number not that many, actually... we're seven

Maybe it's not dumb the way this whole thing ends

The flowers seem to sparkle, the candelabra sets the tone

The wine is very soothing, soothes the "something, something," someone needed soothing

I think, perhaps, I'm overdressed

I think, perhaps, it doesn't matter

Don't know why but he looks like [name]

You hold my dreams, [name], I burst at the seams 'cause of you

What Would I Do

What would I do if I had not met you? Who would I blame my life on?

Once I was told that all men get what they deserve… who the hell then threw this curve?

There are no answers

Who would I be if you had not been my friend?

When I'm having fun you're the one I wanna talk to

Where have you been?

Where are you now?

Who would I be if I had not loved you? How would I know what love is?

God only knows, too soon I'll remember your faults; meanwhile, though, it's tears and schmaltz

All your life you've wanted men, and when you got it up to have them, who knew it could end your life?

I left [name]... to be with you, to be insulted by such handsome men

Do you regret--?

I'd do it again, I'd like to believe that I'd do it again and again and again...

How am I to face tomorrow after being screwed out of today?

Tell me what's in store

Yes, I'd beg or steal or borrow if I could hold you for one hour more

What would I do if I had not seen you? Who would I feast my eyes on?

Once I was told that good men get better with age… we're just gonna skip that stage

There are no answers but what would I do... no, no simple answers

What would I do if you had not been my friend?

Falsettoland (Reprise)

Homosexuals, women with children, short insomniacs, we're a teeny tiny band

Lovers come and lovers go, lovers live and die fortissimo

This is where we take a stand

Welcome to Faslettoland

#ask meme #i started weeping making this #the last one's only in this for closure

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italiabrandgroup-blog · 8 years ago

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Rai Play: boom fiction sul web

“Non uccidere” primo titolo disponibile sul sito, totalizza più di un milione di visualizzazioni: la piattaforma Rai Play regge le anteprime e le serie attirano anche in Rete.

Per lanciare il servizio di Rai Play, la RAI ha giocato e vinto la scommessa con “Non Uccidere”. La storia è nota: tutti i nuovi episodi (12) del noir targato FremantleMedia sono stati i proposti in anteprima assoluta dal 1° giugno sulla piattaforma online, Rai Play, visibili integralmente. E’ il primo titolo della RAI a essere reso disponibile sul web, in anticipo sulla messa in onda televisiva che è iniziata il 12 giugno. Un esperimento coraggioso, voluto dall’ex direttore generale Antonio Campo Dall’Orto, per consentire, come Netflix, la fruizione di una serie in un’unica botta, cosa che né Sky né Mediaset hanno mai fatto.

Alla prova dei numeri certificati del marketing aziendale, il crime con la detective Miriam Leone, nei dieci giorni antecedenti alla messa in onda tivù, ha generato più di un milione di visualizzazioni, un dato abbastanza clamoroso e la prova che alla direzione Digital sono stati bravi a predisporre l’offerta e la promozione. “Per la prima volta l’online fa un successo di questo genere: vuol dire che Rai Play è una piattaforma capace anche di reggere le anteprime e le esclusive. Ma l’altra cosa interessante emersa dalla nostra osservazione di questi mesi è che il brand fiction è fortissimo anche sul web”, dice Maria Pia Ammirati, responsabile Content di RAI Digital e direttore delle Teche Rai, considerando che l’evoluzione dell’offerta di Rai Play nei primi cinque mesi dell’anno ha raddoppiato i consumi rispetto al 2016, registrando una media mensile di 58 milioni di visualizzazioni video.

La fiction, in particolare nel primo quadrimestre, si conferma il genere più popolare raggiungendo a marzo il picco record con quasi 15 milioni di visualizzazioni totali sul mese.

Nel corposo catalogo di titolo cinematografici e televisivi e delle Teche che costituisce il vero appeal di Rai Play, la fiction viene proposta nella modalità del box set, cioè offrire la serie intera in un colpo solo. Anche “Il commissario Montalbano” è finito nel box set dando la possibilità di rivedere anche gli episodi più vecchi durante la messa in onda della nuova serie, ed è stato tolto al termine della programmazione.

Stanno invece per tornare online i “Medici”, spariti dal web dopo la programmazione dello scorso autunno per problemi di diritti.

Resta comunque il fatto che la fiction è il genere che fa i numeri più alti, migliori del film e nettamente superiori all’intrattenimento. Da annotare però che alcuni show particolari, tipo “Facciamo che io ero” di Virginia Raffaele, titolo recentissimo, hanno registrato quasi 800mila visualizzazioni, un numero importante.

La fiction però vola: tra le più viste si piazza “Che Dio ci aiuti 4”, firmato Lux Video, che ha collezionato 14 milioni 650mila visualizzazioni. Un dato straordinario per una serie che, in onda da gennaio a marzo di quest’anno, continua a macinare alla quarta stagione l’ottimo ascolto di 5 milioni di spettatori.

“Tutto può succedere 2”, in pista da aprile e tuttora in onda con una media intorno al 17%, ha totalizzato 3 milioni 700mila visualizzazioni superando “I Bastardi di Pizzofalcone”, un grande successo di RAI1 che su Rai Play si è fermato a 3milioni 100mila.

“La porta rossa”, invece, al 13% su Rai2, ha fatto banco anche sul web con 4 milioni 900mila utenti unici, persino meglio del mitico “Montalbano” (4 milioni 300mila).

“Non uccidere”, invece, ha iniziato solo ora la sua vita televisiva sulla rete di Ilaria Dallatana, con un esordio un po’ deludente (5,7%), che mette in risalto il successo dell’operazione sul web. “Un risultato in linea con le aspettative”, dice Antonella Di Lazzaro, vice direttore dell’area digital. “Dalle valutazioni del nostro marketing è emerso che non c’è stata nessuna cannibalizzazione tra l’anteprima online e la fruizione in tivù”. Di Lazzaro spiega invece come “c’è sicuramente una relazione tra la vita on air e il consumo online, perché molto semplicemente la messa in onda è come se fosse una campagna promozionale continua che accende l’interesse dell’utente. Quindi un prodotto con una serialità molto lunga – ed è il caso di “Che Dio ci aiuti” - è un titolo caldo”.

Il secondo punto del ragionamento riguarda i titoli che, a prescindere dal loro ciclo di vita televisivo, su RAI Play funzionano “perché hanno delle particolari affinità con un target di riferimento che evidentemente consuma molto web, a prescindere che sia giovane o adulto. Il fatto che una serie sia a target giovane o a target più adulto non cambia necessariamente il risultato di fruizione su RAI Play. Quello che cambia è la piattaforma: un adulto tende a consumare l’offerta su pc e il più giovane in mobilità”.

Questo anche perché, ammette il vice direttore Digital, RAI Play ha convertito tutta l’utenza del vecchio portale RAI TV, quindi è seguito da un target adulto, e si stanno facendo degli esperimenti per allargare la platea.

LA FICTION AMERICANA PROSSIMA AVVENTURA

Dal 16 al 26 maggio si sono svolti a Los Angeles gli Screenings in cui le major americane presentano l’episodio pilota della nuova produzione seriale che occuperà gli schermi dei network e dei cable nella stagione 2017-2018. Da sempre è l’appuntamento fondamentale per compratori, distributori e programmatori mondiali, che vi accorrono come alla Mecca perché il prodotto a stelle e strisce è per eccellenza globale e conoscere in anticipo le tendenze che domineranno il mercato dà la sensazione di stare al centro del mondo, e aiuta anche a verificare la coerenza delle proprie scelte e convinzioni.

Per avere un’idea a grandi linee di che cosa si è visto, le proposte più interessanti e i titoli più trendy, ma anche di chi sono i creativi e gli studios che firmano la nuova stagione, abbiamo parlato con i dirigenti della RAI, di Sky, di Fox e del MIA (Mercato Internazionale Audiovisivo), che sono dei veterani dell’evento. Un’opinione abbastanza condivisa è che agli Screenings 2017 è mancata la serie che fa gridare al miracolo. L’anno scorso, per esempio, avevano tutti magnificato il crime Hbo “The Night of” per la qualità di un racconto degno del miglior cinema indipendente americano e un’interpretazione da Serie A di John Turturro e del pakistano Riz Ahmed. Quest’anno invece Hbo e Showtime, le due pay per i palati fini, non hanno tirato fuori neanche un titolo e c’è stato meno prodotto cable, che è quello un po’ più smart. La parte del leone l’ha fatta il prodotto più pop e largo di Cbs, Nbc, Abc e Fox, "che è stato abbondante, con una qualità di livello alto e molto diversificato nel genere e nel target, e questo è un valore”, precisa Marco Spagnoli, giornalista e critico cinematografico, che è consulente del Mia e ha sempre curato la selezione americana del RomaFictionFest. "Ho visto una grande offerta: tanta action, molta fantascienza, supenatural, sitcom, mistery, crime, thriller e molte ibridazioni. Mi pare tutto meno che una stagione di ripiegamento o di transizione".

Militari e supereroi sono i nuovi trend del racconto americano. Sparite le serie politiche, attenuata l'ossessione del gender, diminuiti anche i reboot di grandi successi cinematografici all’Arma letale’, entrano in scena loro. Come se, archiviata l’era Obama, le major si fossero immediatamente sintonizzate sui valori del trumpismo, sposati dalla nuova maggioranza del Paese, preparando vagonate di serie dedicate a corpi speciali dell'esercito impegnati in pericolose missioni antiterrorismo. Serie muscolari che vedono in azione studi diversi. Se Cbs, in genere sensibile al filone army, proporrà 'Seal Team’ e ‘Valor’, pensata per il suo canale giovanile The Cw, in aggiunta a ‘Swat’ prodotta da Sony, su Nbc prenderà il via la più spettacolare The Brave’, fino alla più intimista 'Six' della Weinstein Company per A&E, diretta al canale History.

Dalle divise al supernatural abbonda il prodotto per soli uomini. Supereroi in tutte le salse e ogni tipo di superpoteri hanno una casa e un logo che si chiama Marvel. Fatto esplodere al cinema il fenomeno degli X-Men, la società è attivissima sul fronte tivù da quando a capo di Marvel Television è stato messo il famoso scrittore di fumetti Jeph Loeb, che sta facendo un grande lavoro per diversificare caratteri, target e poteri. Marvel ha presentato parecchi titoli, diversi uno dall’altro, non appoggiandosi alla stessa major. Sul fronte mainstream ‘The Gifted' con gli X-Men ragazzini braccati dall’Fbi, è prodotto da 20th Century Fox e diretto alla generalista Fox, mentre ‘Inhumans’, personaggi dotati di poteri eccezionali, uscirà a settembre, primo esperimento del genere, nelle sale Imax prima di andare in onda su Abc.

Ma il titolo più fresco e in perfetto stile Marvel si annuncia ‘Cloak & Dagger', pensato per andare in onda su Freeform, il canale Abc per i millennial: due adolescenti, dopo un trauma, acquisiscono dei superpoteri. Si parla di supereroi ma in realtà è una storia di ragazzi che richiama il tema della diversità. Lei è una ragazza wasp e lui un afroamericano.

Ci sono la nuova Shonda Rhimes e il ritorno del guru di ‘Dr. House' David Shore. Il nuovo legai a marchio Shon- daLand (produttore di ‘Grey’s Anatomy’, 'Scandal’, ‘Le regole del delitto perfetto’) si chiama ’For thè People’ e seguirà le storie di un gruppo di avvocati di un tribunale federale di New York, che lavorano sia per la difesa sia per il pubblico ministero su casi anche di forte rilievo pubblico, con gli inevitabili intrecci sentimentali dei protagonisti.

Grande curiosità ha suscitato ‘The Good Doctor” (è un format coreano) che la Sony ha affidato al papà di ‘House’ per creare un altro personaggio estremo: sempre medico, ma questa volta autistico. Potrebbe sembrare quasi uno spin off di ‘Dr. House', ma nel nuovo medicai a prevalere è la chiave emotiva.

Per i palati più esigenti, ‘Absentia’ prodotta da Sony per il suo network Axn, e ‘The Sinner della Cbs Television che sarà trasmesso dal servizio streaming di Hulu. Due serie figlie del modello narrativo alla 'The Night Of in cui sul protagonista grava il dubbio di colpevolezza. In entrambe una donna in primo piano. In ‘Absentia’ Stana Katic, la detective di ‘Castle’, un'agente dell'Fbi rapita da un serial killer e data per morta, viene ritrovata sei anni dopo ma non ricorda niente, nemmeno dell’omicidio di cui è accusata. In ‘The Sinner’, al contrario, Jessica Biel (‘Settimo cielo') è una donna della provincia americana che in spiaggia con il marito c con la figlia uccide a coltellate un ragazzo che non conosce. Viene arrestata, si dichiara colpevole ma non ce movente. Il poliziotto Bill Pullman è convinto che nulla è come sembra.

Si diffondono sempre di più le serie antologiche ispirate a casi reali in cui in ogni stagione viene raccontata una diversa vicenda. La 20th Century Fox ha presentato ‘Trust’, realizzato per il cable di famiglia Fx, che ricostruisce il famoso rapimento di Paul Getty Junior, avvenuto a Roma negli anni Settanta, mentre Nbc Universal lancia 'Law & Order: True Crime', ennesimo spin off dell’immarcescibile serie creata da Dick Wolf. In questa stagione si racconta del crimine commesso dai fratelli Menendez che ebbe un enorme risonanza negli Stati Uniti.

Grandi assenti sono stati i neo colossi della produzione Netflix e Amazon. Ma poche volte l'assenza è stata così chiassosa. Si è parlato tantissimo di ‘Electric Dreams’, la nuova serie antologica di Amazon Video prodotta con la Sony e Channel 4 di cui però non si è riuscito a vedere neanche un trailer. Con un grande cast (Steve Buscemi) sono dieci sto-rie chiuse che hanno come comune denominatore di essere tratte dai racconti brevi di Philip K. Dick e sono scritte da Ronald D. Moore, l'autore della celebre ‘Battlestar Galactica', e Bryan Cranston.

È stato invece visto un lungo trailer di ‘Star Trek: Discovery’, serie ideata da Bryan Fuller e Alex Kurtzman che debutterà in autunno su Cbs e sulla piattaforma online Cbs All Access. Fuori dell'America sarà invece disponibile per gli abbonali di Netflix. Ritorna così in tivù il celebre marchio di fantascienza con un prequel ambientato dieci anni prima dei tempi del capitano Kirk e di Spock, che vedrà due donne nei ruoli di comando della Discovery’.

Fonte: Prima Comunicazione

#Rai Play #Rai Play RAI #Rai Play Non Uccidere #piattaforma online Rai Play #Rai Play fiction #RaiPlay serie tv

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nogu-d-reamers · 3 years ago

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(no repostear sin permiso o créditos/ don’t repost without permission or credits).

DR. OLIGA VAN FORTISSIMO AND ANTONI "TONI" FORTISSIMO.

ESP Y CONTEXTO: (Tenia este diseño guardado desde hace mucho tiempo y hasta ahora los saco XD)

Acerca de Oliga:

La doctora Van Fortissimo es una científica en el campo de la robótica; que a su vez es la jefa de Glam y dueña de la ciudadela Fortissimo junto con su esposo (quien pese a no dedicarse a la robótica, siempre esta pendiente de los trabajos de su esposa).

Es una mujer de ascendencia danesa. Graduándose en una academia de robótica en Dinamarca yéndose de intercambio algunos semestres a Italia a mitad de semestre; donde conoció a Antoni.

En su juventud (cuando usaba su apellido de soltera, Wienerbrød)la mujer fue aprendiz de Wily; pero después de un incidente provocado por Wily a causa de la envidia que le causaba que uno de los proyectos de su propia aprendiz fuera puesto en una exposición por sobre los de él en su ira lo llevo a sabotear su robot y causarle la cicatriz que tiene en el rostro. Lo cual hizo que ella le guardara rencor por mucho tiempo; pero en lugar de sabotear su trabajo decidió doblar esa energía para crear su propia fama en el mundo de la robótica lejos del campo militar (especialidad de Wily).

sus robots masters que crean son en su mayoría por comisión para investigaciones universitarias (teniendo la denominación DVFN o Doctor Von-For´ Numbers) y uno como regalo para comprobar la tesis de su marido respecto a la musicología, la cual fue un exito.

Con los años hizo una amistad con el dr. Cossack; tanto que a veces va a visitarlo a su ciudadela y ayudarlo con las actualizaciones a las I.A e I.E.A. Durante una de sus visitas encontró el cuerpo desechado de la robot Piano (quien actualmente se le conoce como Glam).

Actualmente vive feliz con un esposo cariñoso, tres hijos (dos gemelos llamados Sebastián e Oktavia y una bebé llamada Nausicaä), una asistente que para ella es una hija más y la tratan como tal... incluso olvidando a veces que es una robot. Por todas las veces que Wily ha hackeado robots masters ajenos esta desarrollando un sistema de seguridad

Acerca de Toni:

Toni no tiene mucho que decir de si mismo; desde joven trabajaba arduamente para dedicarse a la música a como diera lugar siempre y cuando fuera dignamente. Lo cual hacia que trabajara en varios trabajos mientras estudiaba.

Conoció a Oliga un día en que ambos chocaron por estar muy a prisas (Toni por hacer unas entregas y Oliga porque iba tarde a una clase); para Toni fue amor a primera vista por sus propias palabras «Vedi un bellissimo angelo con un cuore d'oro, una voce premurosa e una maglietta "Guns n' roses"; La mia band preferita», le costo bastante tener el valor de volver a hablarle; ya que Oliga fue quien le volvió a hablar con el por amabilidad.

Wily lo odiaba porque distraía a su aprendiz de sus deberes en su tiempo de noviazgo, lo que los hizo llevarse mal y estar indispuestos.

le cuesta estar al dia respecto a robotica; pero puede entender ciertos terminos

ENG AND CONTEXT: (I had this design saved for a long time and until now I take them out XD)

About Oliga:

Dr. Van Fortissimo is a scientist in the field of robotics; who in turn is the boss of Glam and owner of the Fortissimo citadel along with her husband (who despite not dedicating herself to robotics, is always aware of the work of his wife).

She is a woman of Danish descent. She graduating from a robotics academy in Denmark, going on exchange some semesters to Italy in the middle of the semester; where she met Antoni.

In her youth (when she used her maiden name, Wienerbrød) the woman she was Wily's apprentice; but after an incident caused by Wily because of envy that caused one of his own apprentice's projects to be put in an exhibition over his own, in his anger he led him to sabotage his robot and cause him the scar that he has in the face. Which made her hold a grudge against him for a long time; but instead of sabotaging her work, he decided to bend that energy to create her own fame in the world of robotics far from the military field (Wily's specialty).

The robots masters of her that they create are mostly by commission for university research (having the denomination DVFN or Doctor Von-For 'Numbers) and one as a gift to verify her husband's thesis regarding musicology, which was exit.

Over the years she made a friendship with dr. Cossack; so much so that she sometimes goes to visit him at his citadel and help him with updates to the I.A and I.E.A. During one of her visits, he found the discarded body of the robot Piano (who is now known as Glam).

She currently lives happily with a loving husband, three children (two twins named Sebastián and Oktavia and a baby named Nausicaä), an assistant who is just another daughter for her and is treated as such ... sometimes forgetting that she is a robot. For all the times that Wily has hacked foreign master robots, she is developing a security system

About Toni:

Toni doesn't have much to say about himself; From a young age he worked hard to dedicate himself to music as he gave way as long as he was worthy. Which caused him to work various jobs while studying.

He met Oliga one day when they both collided because they were in a hurry (Toni for making deliveries and Oliga because he was late for a class); for Toni it was love at first sight because of his own words «I saw a beautiful angelo with a cuore d'oro, a pressing voice and a" Guns n 'roses "maglietta; La mia band preferita », it cost him a lot to have the courage to speak to him again, since Oliga was the one who spoke to him again out of kindness.

Wily hated him because he distracted his apprentice from his duties in their courtship time, which made them get on badly and unwell.

he finds it hard to keep up with robotics; but he can understand certain terms

#megaman oc #oliga van fortissimo #glam #megaman #antoni fortissimo

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