#doctor about htat because it was Once
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there's something deeply wrong with me
#thinking about how i genuinely would have impulsively tried to kill myself if id had means with me and it was genuine forgetfulness that#made me not bring them because i expected to be stressed enough to want to self harm.#like this is very much messed up but it's the truth. anyway i haven't harmed myself today. but like. idk i feel like ive been Doing Better#And Yet-#truly i think anxiety/depression has been mildly better than it was but ive compensated by having lots more ed thoughts which is fun#(/lying)#(it is not fun at all it is hellish)#anyway.#tw ed#tw sh#tw suicide#on the plus side ive only experienced one (1) psychosis-leaning event since starting to reduce the antipsychotic and i shall Not be telling#doctor about htat because it was Once#tw unreality#puddleglum hours#personal
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