#do you ever realize you're spending your youth caring way too much about something no one else cares about

[ottos-wahn]

i don't think we, as a society, talk enough about the scene at the piano in season 4, episode 22 (i'll be waving as you drive away part 2) of little house on the prairie, which is, in my opinion, one of the most romantic scenes in television history for so many reasons. it reminds me so much of the phone scene in it's a wonderful life, with its quiet intimacy, with the way you can really feel the longing between mary and adam, how they're sitting so close, but they can't quite touch. they're sort of hovering, being very careful with one another, until it becomes too much, and i just love the hesitation, the slow burn, the pining!!! but also it's the first time they really allow themselves to realize what they mean to one another.

it starts like any other lesson, with her doubting her ability to learn how to play piano because she's blind and his reassurance that she can do anything she wants to do; he offers to teach her, and his sitting so close to her isn't that unusual in this context (he sat right next to her and touched her hands when teaching her Braille earlier), but then the context changes when she admits that it isn't just her being blind that's dissuading her from learning how to play. there also isn't the time. and you can see his face fall, you can see the sadness on his face when she reminds him that her family is coming to take her home. because before this, they spent so much time together, and they always had so much more time to come. but for the first time, they're faced with the idea that they won't be together anymore. and we, the viewers, can see how her leaving is affecting him, but obviously she can't, so she tells him that she's scared. and she's scared explicitly because he won't be there to help her.

and for a moment, he's back in teacher mode and tells her she can't depend on him forever (which we, the viewers, obviously know isn't true), but this only lasts a moment, because he knows this isn't Mary's usual self-pity and self-deprecation. this isn't her usual way of trying to get out of something she finds too difficult, that she's too afraid to try, and she doesn't need tough love; this is a moment of real vulnerability, and, as if in effort to make her feel better, he reveals he'll be leaving too (which i genuinely believe that he would not have gone to winoka had she stayed at the burton school but i digress).

to which she responds that she's glad she's leaving, if he won't be there anymore.

and then we get The Moment, where, faced with both of their impending departures, they can't hold their feelings in anymore. and she laments, so quietly and gingerly, the fact she's never seen him. and he takes her hands and tells her to look at him. and he brings her hands to his face!!!! the way he closes his eyes and leans into her touch! her little smile! the way her voice cracks when she asks what color his hair is!!

the music swells and then it ebbs and we hear adam, his voice barely above a whisper, ask what she looks like. because, he tells her, he's never seen her, either. and she takes his hand and brings it to her face, and there are tears in her eyes! and she's holding his hands even as he caresses her face! and his fingers linger over her lips! and he laughs in disbelief at this revelation, that his feelings are requited!

but it's more than that for mary! because this is the first time she realizes that adam is also blind! that he actually does understand her!! and not only does he understand her, but all of his preaching, all of his lectures on how blind people are just as good as anyone else, how they can do anything they set their mind to, how important it is for her not to make excuses for herself, were not the condescensions of a sighted man, but lessons he wanted to share with her from his own years of struggling with himself and his blindness!! and that offers her hope, that she will also overcome her current struggles, and that she can achieve self-actualization just as he has! i don't think it's just love of adam that allows her to reconsider her dream of becoming a teacher, though obviously his support is helpful! but she moves to winoka without being engaged!

and it's also just so tender! the way they caress each other! how happy they are! and the new understanding they gain of one another through this scene!

it's the first time they're "seeing" each other, and it's also the first time they're seeing each other. and i wish so badly that tumblr was around when lhotp was airing because i want so many gifsets of this scene

[kannra21]

Contrary to popular belief, Gojo Satoru was never in a relationship. And he was fairly awkward to say the least. Sure, girls had a crush on him and he was chased all around the block, but he never truly attempted to make a move so it never worked out. Because of his job and because of who he was- the honored one, brought a veil of loneliness in his life and misfortune to people who associated with him. He never really knew how to deal with girls- joking and teasing was his way to go, but that only brought him rejection and girls would often shift their feelings to Suguru. His youth flew before his very eyes and he's 30 now. All of his friends died mostly and he's still taking care of the kids. At least he has a goal to maintain and raise a powerful generation of young sorcerers. It still doesn't take away from the fact that he's a lonely 30yo man. He could deny it as much as he wanted to, but it pained him.

Because of the staff shortage, Tokyo high was in dire need of new recruits, and that's where you came into the picture. A foreigner yet so oddly familiar, the girl next door, acquainted with the sorcery and sacrifice that came with it. Your serious expression and tired eyes told him everything, there was no need for words. He understood quite well, he could relate to you and find solace in the fact that someone shares his burdens now that he's not so completely alone anymore. You're so young, so pretty and yet so damaged by the world that it makes him feel overprotective of you. He wants to give you peace the way nobody ever did for him. But that's ok, he's the strongest after all. You're smiling under your breath, you're a sorcerer as much as he is. He's supposed to do his job and not care too much about what's going to happen to you on missions. The truth is- he didn't want to lose another person again.

So he took you out everywhere, one day it was Tokyo's famous coffee shop, the other was a prestigious high end restaurant. You realize he's rich, still, you didn't want to take advantage of him. He insists, he wants to spend time with you. He wants to know you better, ever went as far as escort you to dorms to take a look at your room. You tell him you're not the glitz and glam type of girl and that you're ok with the normie stuff. And he liked you more for it. So you had room hangouts, small coffee dates and arcade games. Sometimes it makes him cry when he remembers that he used to do all those things with Suguru and Shoko before. You felt nostalgic too, your childhood was basically ripped from your hands and there was nothing you could do about it except reminisce. But you were adults now and lingering on the past was useless. Only thing you could do was move forward.

Satoru doesn't like to talk about himself much, you noticed. But that's ok. It's probably a dark story, not much different from yours. You already knew of the Gojo clan and their connection to Michizane Sugawara. All his family members are dead, you didn't know why but that's probably what happens when you're a well known name in this dark sorcery world. Everyone goes for your head, especially the higher ups. Which is ironic considering they're supposed to be associates. Maybe he is the strongest but this was a thankless job. And sometimes it seemed like everything was put up against him. Not you though.

At first you were plainly colleagues, nothing special. Then friends. Then the lingering touches started to feel more frequent than usual. Then he kissed you for the first time- it was when he opened up and how he's wishing for more positive things, something that could potentially lighten up his world. He doesn't want to be alone and he doesn't want to feel like life just flashed before him. He wants to make an impact, even if it meant making you happy, because you were enough to him. And you felt the same way. This love didn't feel like fire, a burning spark of the moment- hurried and tasteless. It felt like a deep sea of calmness and assurance- you could be yourselves with each other, you didn't have to pretend anything. Because being each other's safe space was enough.

Funny, Tokyo high needed new recruits again since you were on maternity leave and no matter how long they awaited your return, you never quite seemed to come back to work. Satoru is laughing because they're blaming him for everything and he can't deny it because it's the truth. He has a beautiful wife and beautiful babies to come home to and the best part- you don't have to be exposed to the dangerous sorcery world anymore. The kids were lively and annoying but god did they remind you of him. They preferred you more though. You're laughing and Gojo is pouting because it's not his fault that he's away from home all the time. He's missing you so much. But, of course, they're sleeping with him when you're away doing your face routine before bed. You return to your room and see them huddled in Gojo's arms. It's adorable and you get emotional again.

Please don't die Satoru. His missions were getting dangerous by the week and seeing his smiley face on the doors hugging your kids was everything you could hope for. You begged him to change jobs but he doesn't want to listen. He claims that he's responsible for the imbalance of the world and therefore he should be the one keeping everyone safe. He's stricken with guilt. Or maybe it's his hero complex that makes him so rebellious to authority and, in this case, his wife. But he'd rather die a honorable death than be taken out by something embarrassing such as old age or sickness. You're begging him to think of the kids and he does, he's thinking about them every single day. Their safety is his top priority, so is yours. And you're scared, you really are. You love him so much. You wish things could be easier, but it's ok. As long as you have each other's backs it didn't matter. You can overcome any obstacles together. He's not alone, he has a family now.

[miqojak]

23. What emotion is the hardest for your OC to process? How about express?

Edgy OC Asks

This has been tough because... so many emotions are hard for her to process and express. Spending your youth in a concentration camp doesn't really help you realize your social potential, or explore many complex emotions, now how to express them appropriately. She retreated into survival mode, and has greeted life with that sort of expression for as long as she's known: everyone is a threat, no one can be trusted, look out for yourself. There aren't a lot of emotions involved in that kind of lifestyle besides fear, hate, loneliness, and paranoia.

In more than one of her old writings, I know I've expressly had her talk about how hard of a time she's having with... just caring about other people again - how to do it (without hurting them in the process). She's been in this hermit shell, still operating from a place of fear and paranoia and hate, and that does not a good partner or friend make. She was a shit girlfriend to a few people, though it really did help make in-roads to helping her understand what's an appropriate response... and what very much isn't (though that's not to say she won't still burn your whole wardrobe, if you're her partner, and you dress like a homeless clown >_>). She also got severely hurt, herself, in learning what it's like to be close to people as an adult - and although she was expecting it all along, it just sort of made it hurt that much more. How could she have let someone hurt her? Every emotion around that abusive relationship confused her, frankly. She doesn't understand affection - she feels it, most assuredly. But she was trying to be 'normal' for someone, despite always saying she never wanted to compromise who she is for anyone else. Then he hurt her. Why would she compromise who she is? Why didn't she hurt him back? Why did she care about people at all, after learning what it's like to lose literally everyone she'd ever known?

Why can she go about her life thinking of people as lesser than her, as mere 'sheep' - and then the instant she sees someone in a situation like she came from (living on the streets/being a refugee/immigrant/etc)... she gives too many fucks. She sees herself, there, and no one to help her. She sees her family, her people, her nation hungry and in rags - and she can't help but want to help.

She's made a lot of progress! But I don't know, to be honest, how far that progress extends. It's a bit like contemplating how you'd explain the concept of love to your pet cat, or how you might have it respond with its perceptions of as much - it knows it wants to be around you, and mark things you touch! It wants to sleep on you, and hear your heartbeat. It craves the touch of your hand, the gentle scritch in its favorite place; it's excited when you come in the room, and sad when you're gone from it - but what is 'love'? Could it truly articulate a concept that even varies from person to person? Does it matter that it can't - do you love it any less because it can't understand the concept of love the way you do, and express it the same way you do?

One of the hardest things she's ever done was recently, really - in trusting Ketsuchi enough to openly discuss what scares her, and why. To talk about fear is to give it form - to acknowledge that you can be afraid of something, and give that power to another (though he had long known about her issue with Garleans). She spoke about, really, not knowing if what she was doing was... okay to do? And it's scary for her to admit she doesn't have all the answers, but even scarier to admit out loud that she doesn't understand or process emotions like everyone else, and knows that what she's thinking of doing is probably something she should get input on because of how hard it is for her to appropriately process things. And having someone else turn the situation around and frame it differently helped! (To some degree.) So... she knows she's got lots of issues with processing her emotions, and she's working on it where she can... and where she wants to - the concept of love was one she was happy to continue not believing in, but she's begun to ask herself what 'love' really is, in the last couple years, and if she might in fact have already fallen prey to it.

[rainbowcolored7]

Okay, now that I've had some time to rewatch and mull over all the information we have so far, I'm going to try and lay out my thoughts. It's gonna get long, I'd meant to do a strictly novel analysis of the scene before it aired, but life got in the way as usual. But I'm kind of glad, 'cause now I can compare the two.

There will be discussion of both the show and the novel below the cut, so if you're not interested in the novel or spoilers please pass this post by.

I'm going to start this off by saying that I am truly happy with the changes they've made in the show when it comes to the consensual aspect of the story between Kinn and Porsche. Also, as a warning, I'm going to be pulling personal experiences out to try and get my thoughts across properly. And, I don't do posts like this, like ever, so sorry if I make zero sense or talk way too much. I just have a lot of thoughts, and on the rare occasion my brain allows me to comprehensively share those thoughts, I need to take advantage.

Let's start this off from the beginning of episode 4. Porsche wakes up in Pete's bed, knows he kissed someone, can't remember, and spends the rest of the first half of the episode trying to piece things together. I know we like to joke about Porsche having a single braincell (and honestly sometimes boy... lol) but he's not an idiot and he does know how to read people. You can't be a good bartender or survive taking care of your family, young and alone, without having a decent grasp on human nature.

I think when Kinn called him up to the balcony and started asking him questions he left that conversation with a flickering of oh, I remember something happened and now Kinn is acting strangely (a theme he vocalizes later in the sauna). I think he's thinking, what did I do this time to make Kinn act so strangely (soft and flirtatious and joking around) towards me?

After he sees Kinn with his escort, realizes Kinn is gay, remembers what happened on the pier, and that what happened wasn't something he did but Kinn kissing him, he asks Pete if you should kiss someone you don't like (and the subtitles changed so don't at me...) , or aren't in a relationship with (or perhaps intentionally pursuing because you like them). Now, obviously, you can kiss people you don't like, but perhaps are just physically attracted to, and I'm sure something is lost in the translation. That or I'm just reading too much into it and Pete saying you only kiss people you like, 'cause baby boy, that ain't true. Side note, I have a feeling Pete might come to realize it isn't true when we get to the point of him with Vegas, but that's an entirely different egg to crack open. (I have also not read that far.)

Now, here, is where I want to point out just how differently Porsche reacts to what happened and how fucking ecstatic I am that they changed it completely. In the novel, Porsche struggles with a lot of internalized homophobia, though he's okay with Yok, who is trans, he mentions it took him some time to be okay with her, but he still recoils at people he thinks might be gay or someone of the same gender expressing interest in him. He frequently compliments men's looks, not just in a friendly way, and thinks about how attractive some men are, Kinn especially. In the novel, once he really realizes he's physically and sexually attracted to Kinn, Porsche has a fucking meltdown of an internal crisis over it. He even goes as far as hitting on all his guy friends trying to reason out why Kinn would be behaving the way he is towards him, and why he kind of likes it (but doesn't, but does, but doesn't etc.). The boy is a mess and in complete denial.

I'm assuming a lot here, and reading between the lines, but how I interpreted it was, Porsche had, at some point in his youth, like a lot of queer youth, gotten a lot of negative feedback about same sex attraction that really dug into his bones, and so whenever he feels anything more than friendship towards another man he freaks out and tries to bury it, all the while wanting it so badly he can't stop himself. i.e. kissing Kinn back and allowing Kinn to essentially do whatever he pleases while being vocally grumpy about it. In the novel, he doesn't know who he is when it comes to his sexuality, he's deep in denial about being bi, and actively fights against it.

The show ripped that all away and gave us the true chaotic bi king we love and adore, and who he should have been in the novel imo. Show Porsche is open, honest to a fault, accepting, understanding. Now, we haven't gotten verbal confirmation that Porsche is bi in the show, but from everything I've witnessed so far I feel safe in saying he's bi, pan, or just plainly doesn't give a fuck as long as he's getting pleasure from his encounters. He seems open to Kinn's attraction as well as his own, though to say for certain we will have to wait until episode 5, where I'm hoping they touch on this subject some more, and I hope it's on the good side in line with the changes from novel Porsche we've gotten so far. (I'm down for some turmoil about him having sex with his boss, but please keep the biphobia out please please).

As much as I'd like to get more into the lead up to the real juicy stuff, I just don't have the energy. So, let's get into the gritty of it, shall we? The drugging scene. We finally made it here. A lot faster than I was expecting? Absolutely. Does it still feel organic after the previous three episodes? If Kinn hadn't said Porsche had been at the compound for a month, yes, but since he did, no.

Porsche has been with Kinn, Khun, the other bodyguards, for a whole month. He's been learning, adjusting, actively trying to become a better bodyguard. The reasons behind his change of heart seem to be him finally coming to the realization of what a serious situation he's landed himself in. It's life or death, his life isn't the only one on the line here, it's everyone around him as well. He's clearly beginning to really care about the well-being of his fellow bodyguards (mainly Pete, Arm, Pol) and Khun and Kinn.

Also, after episode 3, it was clear to me that Porsche finds Kinn physically attractive, and I do believe wanting some kind of approval from Kinn was another motivator. He's curious about Kinn, he's attracted to him, he's leaning into it.

Kinn, poor baby, is having a beautiful emotional crisis, and a lot of that I think is thanks to Mile really pouring his entire being into fleshing Kinn out and turning him into a "well" rounded person rather than the power hungry, totally domineering, bastard asshole, very surface, no depth, Kinn we have in the novel. The changes they've made to Kinn are fucking delightful, and I'm adoring the added depth and emotional vulnerability they've given him.

In the novel, Vegas sexually assaults Porsche. Without penetration, but Kinn does find him in his underwear with marks all over his body. This was one of the parts I was most worried about them adapting in the show. (I will note here, I have not read past the official translation of 1/4 of the novel--which ends with my favorite spicy scene so far and god I hope they give it to us!--the rest I have sought out from fans so it's not a complete picture). The change they made was nice (as nice as beginning to assault someone can be...), and I'm glad we didn't have to go that far. They've clearly changed Vegas a bit, though how much is yet to be seen. I'm holding my judgment for now.

Kinn's internal monologue during the drugging scene is, well, rough to say the least. But that can be said for the novel as a whole. Reading it felt like reading a fic written by a teenager from the early 00's, and not in the good way. Kinn seems like a consent King, but after telling Porsche he'd stop if Porsche told him to, he doesn't. He fucks Porsche all night long, to the point of needing to take him to the hospital the next day because he's bleeding heavily and in a lot of pain. It has its hot moments, but it's rough and gross, and I'm so glad it's been changed in the show.

What the show gave us is stunning in comparison. What the show gave us is fucking beautiful imo. Porsche, after remembering Kinn kissed him, after witnessing him with his escort, after listening to Pete, Porsche takes all of that information and once again, leans into it. He goads Kinn, he flirts with him, he asks him questions not any normal bodyguard would ask. "If your brother didn't give me up, would you even think to take me back?" Any other guard wouldn't give a shit, but Porsche needs to know. There are so many reasons this could be, but I think the main factors are a need for approval, his newfound desire to protect this family, his attraction and curiosity for Kinn, and a need to prove himself as a competent man, which he is in all rights when he puts his mind to something.

There's also something to be said about an unspoken and underlying desire to be cared for, something Porsche has never really had for most of his life. He's always been the caretaker, for Che, for his uncle even. I know y'all noticed how good he is at taking care of Tankhun? It's because he's in a familiar roll, he knows how to do this with ease. Kinn on the other hand? Someone who doesn't need coddling and caring for? He doesn't know how to handle that, but after his initial rebellion, after seeing some different sides of Kinn, he wants back in. I think, subconsciously at this point, he sees how Kinn would take care of him and he wants it.

Yes, Porsche is drugged. Yes, being under the influence makes consent iffy, but it does not mean Porsche did not give his consent or wasn't able to. Porsche may not have given verbal consent, what he did do is give consent in every other possible way, and that is what Kinn responded to. Porsche joked with Kinn about wanting to see him naked, playfully slapped his hands away, and each time Kinn respectfully pulled back. Those examples are a clear lack of consent, and Kinn responded appropriately to them. But as soon as Porsche changed gears so did Kinn, still yet with reluctance because of Porsche's state and also his brewing feelings. It wasn't one-sided, it was a push and pull on both ends.

I know there will be some who disagree with me, and that's fine. I'm pulling from my own experiences here, and what I saw in episode 4 was consensual and not rape in the slightest. I've done a lot of things in my 30+ years that I'm not proud of, certainly, but even fall-over drunk, even sky-high on drugs, I was able to give and deny consent. Was it a good idea? Of course not. Do I have regrets? Some. But being young and reckless, well, me and Porsche seem to have that in common. I mean, Porsche is in his early twenties, and my early twenties were quite literally a blur of alcohol, drugs, parties, and bad (but fun) decisions.

Porsche was high as a kite, but he was also coherent. Porsche was the one pulling Kinn in. Porsche was the one verbally and non-verbally saying yes, please, I know you want this, I want it too can't you see? Let me show you. Not to mention, no sugarcoating, having sex when you're high is fucking awesome and, frankly, I don't think this is a first for Porsche. Also, I want to mention, and this is really important, if you throw up while you're high it does sober you up a bit. It dampens the experience and brings you back into your mind. I can say this with absolute certainty, I've done it several times.

Another thing I want to point out in regard to consent is Porsche never once told Kinn no. Never once did he tell him to stop. Porsche was smiling constantly, he was taking initiative, he was undressing Kinn himself, he wanted all of what happened. Will he regret it the next day? Probably. We will have to wait and see. But bottom line, the show changed this scene for the better, a lot better.

Anyway, this was less of an analysis and more of a thought word vomit 'cause I've been wanting to talk about this scene for weeks now, and I'm also sick and tired of people saying it was rape in the tags. Kinn did not rape Porsche. Porsche gave non-verbal consent, and yes it is possible to give consent when under the influence, even if it's not a good idea. This is not the hill we need to be dying on. Let's wait for VegasPete for that, shall we?

Please, do not fucking come for me. I'm down to discuss, but I will not respond to bullshit. Thanks. ❤️

[merakiui]

Have you ever considered Platonic yan! Diasomnia? Oh my goodness, that would be an utter nightmare. Though physical punishments would likely be off the table, you will be coddled and smothered with affection to the point of insanity. Your youth and humanity can and will be utilized as justification for their constant presence. You're too naïve and helpless to exist by your own means! They just want to keep you safe from yourself and others. Please, everyone's worried sick.

AAA YES!!!

(cw: platonic yandere, mention of confinement, unhealthy relationship, overprotective behaviors)

The amount of smothering you receive from them is insane. It’s obvious they care for you in their own unique ways and are extremely overprotective of you, so much so that they wouldn’t have any qualms about locking you away in a tower in some isolated part of Briar Valley—where they are the only ones you’ll be permitted to see. You’re constantly under their surveillance. Human beings are very fragile, after all. Since you’re so prone to injury, you’ll allow them to look after you, won’t you?

Life is quite fleeting, so Lilia makes sure you make the most of it. He allows you to do all sorts of things when you’re with him, so long as you don’t try to escape or do anything that might cause harm to yourself. He wants you to live your life to the fullest. Lilia tries not to dwell on your humanity too often, as it pains him to think about the day when he’ll inevitably lose you—unless he chooses to lengthen your lifespan indefinitely. He might consider teaching you how to defend yourself, but he finds that it’s much better if he and the others are protecting you. You’re just so precious; he wants to spend every waking moment with you! He likes telling you stories of the past and watching as your eyes light up in excitement. It’s one of his favorite things.

Malleus also delights in your company and he admires your penchant for listening. You’re always so interested in what he has to say, and you make sure to find enough time to spend with him no matter how busy your schedule is. How can he not want to protect you when you’re such a bright light in his life? He’s usually smiling fondly whenever he thinks of you and is so relieved that you enjoy his presence. Humans are peculiar with their habits and customs, but he likes being curious when it comes to you. Malleus can’t help being greedy when he takes up more and more of your time. You never seem bothered by it, though, and that makes him very happy.

Sebek will always be there to protect you! You’re the only human he’ll make that exception for. He’s come to appreciate you throughout the time he’s spent with you. Much like his treatment of Malleus, Sebek will dedicate himself to keeping you safe and content. He wants you to be comfortable around him so that you can confide in him whenever something or someone is bothering you, and he’ll make sure to cut down the source of the problem. Anyone who messes with you also messes with him, so people will know not to cross you unless they want to deal with a very angry Sebek. He gets huffy when you do things on your own, especially if it’s something like hanging out with other people. He’ll come with you! How can he protect you if he isn’t with you? So please let him accompany you. Even if it’s from a distance, he will be fine knowing his eyes are on you. And don’t even think about dating unless you’ve discussed that with him and the others.

Silver is your napping buddy! He will lend you his shoulder if you ever need to rest (and he’s also quick to fall asleep on your shoulder if you happen to be beside him). Aside from his drowsy spells and the times when he uses you as a suitable pillow—which he has apologized for, but you’ve told him it’s okay and his heart warms at your forgiving nature. He’ll act as your loyal knight, always there for you should you need him. Silver realizes the importance in having enough strength to defend you, so he’ll devote plenty of time and energy to his studies and training so that he can hone both his physical and magical strength. He wants to be someone you can rely on and it becomes known that you can come to him or the others whenever you’re troubled. Silver will do everything he can to keep that smile on your face, so please continue to remain happy and healthy. It’s what he and the others wish for the most.

[rayslittlekitten]

You Got This - Part 2

I recommend reading Part 1 first if you haven't.

Plot: After having a heart to heart, you and Jax re-live your youth.

Pairing: Jax Teller x F! Reader

Contains: a lot of fluff and fluffy sex, also a shit ton of Jax smoking porn, and you see his butt 🙃

A/N:  Thank you Anon for this request.  I hope you and the other readers enjoy this (if not more) than the first part. This took me longer than I expected to write this, but it's finally done.  I kept going back and forth on trying to decide what to include and what not to.  Also, had I known I was going to be writing a part two for this, the beginning of this would have been at the end of part one, but hindsight is 20/20. I actually did already write out most of the beginning but decided to leave it out of part one because I thought where I left it was a good place to end it. I also thought about eliminating it completely but I really like the interaction that happens with Gemma.  To me it's like a beauty shot. Is it necessary and does it move the story along at all? Not quite, but it looks good so let's just leave it in there anyways. Also to squeeze a little bit more angst out of Jax.

Also, I had a bit of trouble writing this as well because as strange as this sounds, I couldn't find the perfect song to pair with this.  Sometimes I need music to help me get into the mindset and mood.  I was going for like a nostalgic summer love kinda thing. I had actually thought to use a song form the mid-90s because to really make it feel nostalgic and Shanice's "Saving Forever For You" was the winner for that but I decided it was not right for this. Maybe their actual first time, yes.  Then it was a toss up between "Honey Whiskey" by Satica and "Take Me Away" by Sinead Harnett/EARTHGANG and the latter won given the situation. I'd recommend giving it a listen below (or any of the songs listed) to get the mood I was going for while writing the sex scene. I really thank you for reading my ramblings if you've gotten this far. I just want to give the readers the best experience to my stories and how it was intended when I wrote it.

A loud commotion outside interrupts the moment and you both realize you need to get dressed before someone finds the both of you.  He pulls out of you and you both quickly get yourselves together. You hop into the bathroom inside the bedroom to clean yourself up. When you walk out, you see Jax sitting on the bed smoking a cigarette with all his clothes and hair in place, like he had been sitting there this whole time and didn't move from his spot when you first walked in.  He glances over to you and you're reminded of how his handsome charming face is something you miss so much.

"I should probably go before someone starts looking for either of us." You walk out of the bathroom and towards the front door.  Jax grabs your hand and pulls you back to him.

"Hey." He stands up, cups your face and looks at you. "It's really good to see you again."

Suddenly you both hear the door knob rattling and then a knock following it.

"Jax, are you in there, honey?" You both hear Gemma on the other side of the door. 

You both separate and smooth yourselves out and Jax walks over to open the door. 

"Honey, what are you doing in here? Tara--" Gemma's facial expression shifts when she spots you. She looks at the both of you suspiciously. You both thought you were so slick when you were younger but if there was anyone who knew what you both were up to, it would be Gemma. Nothing slips past her. In fact, she’s always secretly hoped you two would get together. You were born into SAMCRO, making you MC royalty. The Princess of Charming.

"Oh, I didn't know you were in here too. I'm very sorry about Opie, sweetheart." 

"Thank you, Gemma." You walk closer to the door and Gemma pulls you in for a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Where's your fiancé?" Gemma asks curiously.

"Fiancé?" Jax glances over at you.

"I came by myself this time," you answer. "We're kind of on a break." You wrinkle your nose.

"I'm sorry to hear that too. Must be one hell of a break." Gemma's knowing eyes are boring a hole into you. "Lyla tells me you're staying a while?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna help her out with the kids for a week or so until she can figure it out.  I know you and the club will be a big help, but with everything going on, I think her and the kids can use another familiar face."

"Family is important and I'm very happy to see you here." Gemma's eyes shift to Jax with the same knowing look she gave you. "Well, whenever you're ready, Tara's looking for you."

"Thanks, mom." Jax runs his hand over the top of his hair. Gemma glances at you both again once more before she walks away.

You start making your way out the door when Jax pulls you back in.

"You're engaged?" Jax asks with wide eyes.

"Was," you reply. 

"Was it to that pretentious English prick you brought back with you last time?" Jax snarls.

"Ray is a good guy and he treats me really well. We're just going through a bit of a rough patch right now," you tell him. "Also, the last I heard, you're married with two children, Teller."

Jax just looks at you, knowing he has no right to be upset about you being with another man.

"And I believe your wife is looking for you," you say before walking away from him as you see your nephews and niece running up to you. "Hey guys!"

Jax takes a drag of his cigarette while he continues watching you as you kneel down to greet the kids.

A few days later...

The sun is beginning to set and Jax is at the clubhouse. Most of the people have already left. He needs some quiet and alone time after spending a few days earlier in the week not just watching his best friend get killed, but also saying goodbye and laying him to rest. He climbs up the ladder onto the roof of the clubhouse, one of his favorite places to think and reflect quietly while smoking.  What he didn't expect to find is someone else had beat him to the spot.

"I didn't know you were here," Jax says as he walks over and sits next to them. "You've been avoiding me like the plague all week."

"I miss watching the sunset," you reply without looking at him.

"The sun doesn't set where you are?" Jax asks as he lights up a joint.

"It's not the same."

Jax takes a long drag and then offers it to you. 

You look at it for a moment and form a small smile before taking it from him.  The roof was also a place you both frequented in your youth to smoke pot, away from your parents and the adults. Eventually they figured out your secret spot, but it didn't stop you guys from coming back. You take a pull and hand it back to him.

"I also miss this.  There is nothing like California-grown weed."

Jax takes a hit and blows out the smoke from the corner of his mouth.

"Do you ever miss me?" Jax looks over at you and passes the joint back to you.

You look over to him and squint an eye to prevent the sun from blinding you.

"Yeah, sometimes I do."

"Does your English weed taste like fucking tea and crumpets?" Jax jokes.

"Oh, I get the best shit there is over there. Trust me." You chuckle. "But... it's not home."

"So why don't you come home?" Jax looks back at you with the same squinty face.

You look at him for a moment deciding what you want to say. "You know, that's the reason why Ray and I put the engagement on hold. With everything happening here, I wanted to be closer to family. Figure my shit out." You take another drag and return the joint back to him.

"There's more than family that would love to see you back home too." Jax reaches for your hand and squeezes it.

"Jackson, what happened the other day, we both acted out of impulse. We were both just... vulnerable.  I'm sorry if it gave the wrong impression."

Jax shakes his head, then takes another long pull of the joint. “Ope was like my moral compass, kept me grounded and always pointed me in the right direction, and now he's gone, because of me."

"Jackson, you can't--" You start shaking your head.

"You’re the closest thing I have left of Ope. I need you." Jax holds your hand.

"Jackson, in your heart, you always knew what was best. You don't need me." You push a loose chunk of his blonde hair away from his face and tuck it behind his ear.  "I know you're hurting, but I can't fill the void that Opie left. Nothing ever will. Just focus on what's important to you and you'll figure it out.  You always did." You smile at him while caressing his cheek with your thumb. "You got this." He closes his eyes and leans in to your hand, soaking in your touch.

"You still have too much faith me." He turns his head slightly to kiss the palm of your hand.

"Yeah, maybe. Besides, our boat sailed a long time ago," you add, pulling your hands away from him and looking away. Jax takes the last drag of the joint and tosses it off the roof.

"Maybe that boat can make one last stop before sailing away for good?" Jax gently grabs your chin and turns your head to him to look into his slightly droopy eyes.

Even all this time, it's still hard to not get lost in his baby blues. It's even harder with the perfect setting: the firey orange sky, the slight California breeze, the clubhouse rooftop. Maybe it's the weed, but it feels perfect in the moment. It's all taking you back to the summer when you were 14, when the only care in your worlds were right in front of each other. It's also the perfect setting for cruising around. Jax use to "borrow" one of the bikes from the clubhouse and take you on joyrides, basking in the sun while the wind hits your faces.

He slowly leans into you, and you close the distance, pressing your lips against his. Jax immediately responds and kisses back, his tongue slipping between your teeth. You can taste whiskey mixed with a faint linger of cigarettes and marijuana. Jax cradles your neck and pulls you in closer to him.

The loud roar of a motorcycle driving by and backfiring breaks you up.  You both are brought back to reality that you are both still on a rooftop and a bit baked.

"Come on, let's get inside." Jax jerks his head towards the latch.  Jax helps you down the ladder first and he follows behind.  He quickly makes a sweep and doesn't see anyone except for a few guys at the bar with their back turned towards the both of you.  Jax grabs your hand and leads you back into the spare bedroom you both were in earlier in the week. This definitely feels like you both are hormone-driven teenagers again, sneaking around the clubhouse. 

Once Jax closes and locks the door, he turns his attention back to you but he stops in his tracks to really look at you. All of you. He never thought he'd ever be with you or see you like this again.  What happened the other day was different.  Like you said, it was a moment of weakness, an impulsive move on both of you because of shared pain.

This time, there is no urgency, there is no hurt, just the two of you re-living a moment the two of you wish you had the opportunity to experience over and over again. This time it's intentionally and purely for the most selfish reasons. He walks over to you and presses his lips onto yours, taking his time to actually taste and feel your soft lips on his.  He pulls you in close to his body as his hands explore yours.

As the both of you continue to deliberately and slowly make out, Jax grabs your ass and presses himself against you, feeling his erection through your clothes. Jax pushes you backward towards the bed and you fall back when you feel the edge hit the back of your knees. He falls on top of you and expertly starts disrobing you while making out with you.  In one quick swift, Jax pulls your shirt over your head, leaving you in a satin black bra.  He takes his time with you, starting with his lips on your neck, licking and kissing it, even nibbling at it.  He's always wanted to leave a hickey on you, letting all the guys know you're taken. He then makes his way down to your collar bone, the top of your chest and then pulls down your bra on one side to reveal a nipple.  He puts his mouth over it and swirls his tongue around it.  Jax looks up to see your reaction and find you looking back biting your lower lip. He smirks and pulls down the other side of your bra and gives that nipple the same attention, making you arch against his mouth. 

"Oh, Jackson," you moan.

He lets out a low growl.

"As much as I want to hear all the sexy noises coming out of your mouth while I'm pleasuring you, you gotta keep it quiet, darlin'." He kisses you while he unhooks your bra and tosses it aside. He then unbuttons your pants and backs himself off the bed. He slowly slides your pants and thong off your hips and down your legs. He licks his lips, excited to unwrap you like his present. You watch him as he lowers himself to his knees and kneels at your feet to help you with your boots and removes the rest of the clothes off your body.  Suddenly feeling a bit exposed and shy like it's your first time with Jax, you keep your legs together. Jax places his hands on each of your knees and coaxes them open. He looks at his gift and licks his lips.

He dives in between your legs while looking up at you. His soft lips and warm wet tongue are licking and sucking you on all the right places and his beard tickling your inner thighs.  That's new to you.  He barely had peach fuzz in his teens. You feel him slip a finger inside you as his lips are pulling at your clit.  Your breathing is getting shorter and more shallow.  Jax inserts another long finger in you and finds your g-spot, rubbing circles on it.

"Jax, I..." Feeling your orgasm building, you are rendered speechless. Jax continues sucking and stroking you until you come undone into his mouth and on his fingers. He watches you squirm and thrash as you scream quietly in ecstasy. He doesn't stop until you are sensitive to his touch and you push him away.  He wipes his beard and smiles at you, proud of his accomplishment. Jax surely still knows his way around your body.

You glance up to him as he gets to his feet.  You watch him strip his clothes off, first the kutte, then his shirt pulled over his head.  He kicks off his sneakers as he takes his time unbuckling his belt and unbuttoning his jeans.  You're glad he's taking his time though because it allows you to soak up and remember every second you have with this gorgeous man in front of you.  He finally pulls his jeans and boxers down.  Besides from the other day, the last time you and him were this intimate, the both of you were shorter, slimmer and clearly less experienced.  Now you’re both grown, gained curves and muscles and are far more seasoned in the bedroom.  He's also certainly grown in other places as well.

"Back up," Jax nods his head as he climbs onto the bed and  hovers above you.  You scoot back so your whole body is on the bed.  Jax lays on top of you and smashes his lips against yours again, cradling your neck and grinding against you.  You can feel the head of cock teasing your opening.

"Maybe we should use a condom this time," you tell him in between kisses.

"I'm not gonna lie.  You did feel amazing without one the other day," Jax admits.

You and Jax had always been careful and taking the right steps when you were younger, using condoms at all times so that time was the first time you both had sex without one. Thankfully you are on birth control and both are STD-free, but you know you shouldn't take any chances.  

You give him a knowing look.

"Anything for you, darlin'." Jax gives you a kiss on the cheek before getting up to put on a condom.  He climbs back on top of you and looks at you as he caresses your face, still not believing that you're beneath him.

You gently grab his face with both hands and kiss him deeply. You then feel him slip inside you. All of him.  You moan into his mouth and move with him, both of your hips slowly thrusting in unison. Jax grabs your hands and brings them above your head. He intertwines his fingers with yours and thrusts deeper into you.  He watches you while you relish in the moment, as he pulls these lost emotions from you with each deliberate push.  You wrap your legs around his waist and it encourages him to pick up the pace.  You try to do the same and meet his rhythm.

Jax releases your hands and reaches for your legs behind him and brings them in front of him to rest on his shoulders, deepening his access to you.  His hand reaches up to cradle your neck as he pounds into you. You then feel his thumb slide over the front of your throat.  You start to feel his fingers tighten slightly around your neck. This is also new for you and Jax, but you're loving it.  You can feel yourself getting closer to achieving another orgasm.

"Jackson..." you pant.

"Come for me, darlin'.  I know you're there," Jax grunts.

You close your eyes and feel bliss as you let yourself go, letting your body take over you.  After your orgasm subsides, you open your eyes and find Jax is no longer making love to you, but just smiling at you while still inside you. Now it's time for you to show him a few tricks you've learned.

"Get on your back," you tell him.

Without any protest from Jax, you both switch positions.  Jax lies on his back with this hands behind his head, waiting for you to take the wheel.  You straddle him and take your time sinking yourself onto him.  You feel a lot more confident about being on top than you did when you were younger.  You were shy and inexperienced.  Now? You're going to ride him like the sexiest Harley you've ever had the privilege of sitting on. You slowly start riding him, rocking back and forth, grinding on him and teasing him. You enjoy the feeling of him filling you up to the hilt as you push down on him.

Jax looks up at you, watching you take charge and own his dick.  He definitely notices you're a lot more comfortable in this position than he remembers.  He reaches up and runs his hands over your breasts, massaging them and caressing your nipples as you enjoy the ride. He's certainly enjoying the view.

"You are still as fucking beautiful as the day I fell in love with you," Jax says, mesmerized by the image in front of him.

You smile and then lean back, placing your hands behind you on his thighs. Jax looks at you curiously. You roll your hips and start sliding up and down on him, giving him a clear view.  He looks down and watches himself disappear in and out of you.

Jax groans and runs the palms of his hands over your thighs and settles on your hips.  One of his hands then slides over between your legs and he starts rubbing circles on your clit with this thumb. You moan and gasp. You then lean forward, placing your hands on the pillow of each side of his head and lean down closer to him.  You start bouncing your ass up and down as you look down on him, your hair forming a curtain around your faces.  Jax grabs your ass and starts thrusting up to meet your movement. The only sounds echoing in the room are your pants and your bodies slapping against each other.  Jax speeds up and watches your face as it distorts.  He knows you've got another one inside you and you're very close.

"Come on, darlin'. Let it go." Jax coos.

You let out a loud moan as your legs shake and feel like a firecracker exploded inside of you.  Jax clamps a hand over your mouth as he continues to drill inside.

"There you go, Y/N." Jax smiles watching you fall apart on top of him.  He then swiftly flips you onto your back and roughly drives into you a few more times until he finally gets his own release.

As he slows down, you both look at each other, savoring the moment and then kiss softly.

Suddenly the door knob starts to rattle and the person on the other side is banging on the door.

"Yo, hurry it up! I gotta take a shit!" an unrecognizable voice shouts.

"Hey asshole, the bathroom is further down!" You both hear Chibs shouting. You place your hands over your mouth as you start to laugh.

"Shh!" Jax puts a finger over his pursed lips as he tries to suppress his own laughter.

SMASH CUT TO BLACK

A/N: I never put notes at the end but I figured I'd let you enjoy the fic first before mentioning I currently don't have plans to expand this story. I might in the future, but not in the near future.  I originally intended the first part to be short and be a one off, but I just kept writing and writing and there were so many places and opportunities to keep expanding. Same for part two.  There were so many directions I could have gone. I had a bit of struggle with this for some reason. It's not quite exactly how I pictured it ending but it works for what it is.

If you haven’t read it yet, I wrote two short scenes titled “Carry Me Home” and “Joyride” which are like flashbacks in this universe.

[randomingoftherandomness]

If you're still writing for wenzhou could you please do more pregnant wkx??? I love all the ones that you've done so far and I could never get enough!!

I love all your mpreg wkx fics. So, what about another one? Whump? When ZZS got captured back by prince Jin, WKX went to save him with the disciples but without his ghosts. He did managed to kill everyone and save ZZS, but got hurt in the process. Because of that he realized that he’s pregnant, and he almost lost his child. ZZS panicked, thankfully Wu Xi was there to save the day.

I’m gonna combine these two prompts together :) Sorry my fics have been slow this weekend... I think my eye is bleeding? Hahah... Does anyone know if using ice would work to get it better? ;-;

--

The Great Shaman of Nanjiang is not someone Wen Kexing would have ever expected; he looked too young, for one, and yet he had this aura about him like he was someone who would kill you in a million and ten ways and not hesitate while doing it.

He quite likes the quiet man. After spending time with him and the man who calls himself Lord Seventh, he even respects him for holding the office he has and handling a man like his husband.

As such, when Wu Xi narrows his eyes upon taking his pulse while he lays on the bed, lips pursing a little, head tilting a little in consideration, Lao Wen has to wonder what the man would say next and what would be perplexing him so.

After a moment longer where the Shaman’s brows begin to creep into a frown, Lao Wen has to ask, “Am I dying or something?”

This seems to stir the man out of his ponderings and he retracts his hand after smoothing down Lao Wen’s sleeve. His fathomless eyes study him from his brow to his belly and his gaze lingers for a beat. “Master Wen, I have to ask,” He says, slow and measured. “Did you know you’re pregnant?”

Wen Kexing has to hold back his immediate reaction to scoff. Him? Pregnant? How could that be? In his moments together with his Ah Xu, he was the one--

Oh.

His mind is immediately assaulted by the memories of their first time before New Year. And then that other time in the inn by that lake on the way to the Four Seasons Manor. Then the time before that...

Lao Wen flushes, clearing his throat.

Wu Xi sees it and smiles, rummaging in his lapels for a small jade bottle. “The child is fine. I’ll need to do a thorough examination of you but it doesn’t seem like your injuries have caused them any harm, but I would recommend that you avoid anything strenuous or life-threatening. You’ll need to take extra care. Male pregnancies are far more delicate than women’s...”

The Shaman’s voice fades into the background, lulled into the gentle sounds of the Manor in the evening. From the privacy of his and Ah Xu’s room, he can hear the sounds of Han Ying reminding the disciples to light the lanterns, the voices of Ah Xiang and Chengling bringing out food from the kitchen. The Manor bustles with activity and life, and Wen Kexing is pregnant.

Pregnant with a baby that he didn’t even know was there when he had rushed headlong into battle to save his Ah Xu. Pregnant, when he had gotten himself injured in the midst of fighting people who would not hesitate to kill his beloved. He rests a hand over his lower abdomen, feeling the give of his muscles. 

He’s carrying Ah Xu’s child.

They hadn’t thought much in the way of prevention, what with the Nails still pressing down on Ah Xu’s meridians and how Lao Wen was very sure he had been sterile after all those years in the Ghost Valley.

He laughs at the ridiculousness of it all. It comes out in a half-sob. There’s so much that hangs above their heads; threats and enemies that have not been deterred from seeking out trouble with them. How could they bring an innocent child into such a world?

“Master Wen.”

Wu Xi’s eyes are dark and depthless, but when Lao Wen holds his gaze, there is a tinge of warmth there that sparks a sort of youthfulness in that ageless bearing. “Master Wen, don’t worry about what may or may not come.”

“Great Shaman, are you a fortune teller or something?” Lao Wen huffs, hiding his face for a moment before turning back, folding away damp sleeves.

“No, but I know one who is a little wily about it,” He smiles, pushing the jade bottle over to him. “If anything, you should be worried about how Zishu is going to take it.”

Sitting up, Lao Wen eyes the shadows at the door. “He’s probably listening in as we speak and should just come right in.”

Taking that as a cue, Zishu rushes into the room, eyes big and awed as he comes right to his side, holding his hand tight between his. “Lao Wen...”

“Hush,” He huffs, smiling slightly when the Great Shaman rises and leaves them be; surely to seek out the side of his Jing Beiyuan. As much as he feels a small level of annoyance whenever Beiyuan and his Ah Xu trod down their memory lane, he can’t deny that it brings him joy to see Ah Xu smile and be relaxed around someone who has known him for a long time.

“Lao Wen, may I?” Ah Xu asks quietly beside him. He follows his gaze and has to bite back the amused chuckle on his lips. 

Taking his hand, he brings it gently rest over where, if he isn’t imagining it, is the soft swell where their child is growing, protected and so very much loved. This child, though unplanned, is already a thought and a notion that has taken root in his heart.

Looking over to his Ah Xu, he leans in, bumping their shoulders together. “Ah Xu,” He hums teasingly. “You got me this way. How are you going to take responsibility for it?”

The incredulous laugh he gets out of it, was well worth the ache of his wound being jostled.

[collector0fthydreams]

i'm sorry. i fell in love with you. i didn't mean too. i only wanted to see your personality through videos you shared, through messages you sent. i didn't mean to see the way you care for your peers, the way you dedicate yourself to your work. i didn't know you put so much effort into loving others and how much affection you need in return. i swear i only wanted to know more about your music, not realizing that it would lead me to fall in love with you. in the days that i spend in darkness or solitude, i imagine a world in which i meet you in person. we can speak the same language, whatever that may be. we spend time together in this fake world i've created and we begin developing a friendship. we go on to date and get married, living a life of happiness and joy together. but i know its just my imagination. i know i will never meet you. i know you will never even know of my existence. its just a silly little game i play in my head. games that keep me sane and alive. games that make the hard days a little less hard. i know you have fans that become possessive, stalkers that don't respect you, and delusional people that take things too serious. but i swear i'm not delusional. and of course you probably think delusional people say they're not delusional. 

but the reality is that i live and breathe in my own little world with my own struggles and fears. my own hopes and dreams. and it's easy to say that i don't really know you personally. i don't know your secrets, your fears, your views on family, religion, politics. i don't know what makes you tick. i don't know what makes you aroused. i don't know what makes you think happy thoughts. i don't know the basic things you should know in a relationship. so to say that i delude myself into believing you and i have a chance in the real world is anything but the truth. i am aware of the vast differences we have in the real world. and i know if i met you, i would probably not say a word other than hello. 

but that's the real world. in my head i would probably say so many things. i would say that i admire your bravery to deal with issues in public. i would tell you that your voice is melodic and captivating. that you mean the world to me and i would do anything to make you happy. that i value your existence and i love you so. so. so. much. in my head i can be strong and tell you that i want to know you. even if all i ever am to you is a friend. i want to be around you, hear you laugh; that squeaky little laugh; at my jokes, have debates about topics we don't agree on, engage in conversations about random things or the meaning of life. i want to go places with you and hang out. i want to live a life with you in it. but that's just in my head. it's all in my head. and when i come back down to my own little world, i realize that something like that, something i dream of or imagine, will never really come true. and yes, i get sad. yes, i look at the sky and what it would be like to tell you in real life that i love you. 

and yes, i imagine that in this reality.. you'd probably thank me for loving you. and you'd probably tell me you love me too, but not in that way. not in the way i love you. you'd probably tell me that I'll meet someone someday that will make me forget how i feel about you. someone who will become my everything. but you won't understand. you wont know. that the only man i could ever love is you. that for the rest of my life, i would compare them to you. and that none would reach... no one would come close to being a fraction of what you are to me. and i would go on to live my life, knowing that a man i never met, a man i never knew, captivated my heart and mind, taking with him my love and affection.

again, i'm sorry i feel in love with you. and i know you'll never read this. but at least its out in the open. i know some people feel the same way i do. i won't argue with anyone because you deserve to be loved. even when reality comes to crash and burn down my love for you. when you announce that you're dating someone. when you announce that you've found the one for you. when you announce that you're getting married. when you announce that you're having children. even after all that. even then, i'll still love you. even when you reach your final years. when you no longer have 'youth' or 'vitality'. even as other people begin to forget who you are. i'll still be here. with you on my mind. with a love that never died. or who knows, maybe i won't be here. life is fickle and never tells us whether we'll live a long life or a short one. but I'll try my best to live a long one. 

i want to end this message with this; there's a line by one of my favorite authors in her book that says, "I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then." i love you jimin. even if i never get to tell you in person. i want this to have been written. i'm sorry i fell in love with you. but i do not and will not regret it. you're my happiness and heartache all in one. i promise you, i will always love you. i promise you, i will always respect you. i promise you, i will always be your fan. i promise you, i'll honor and respect those you love and hold dear.

always and forever.