#do with this post what you will. youll tear me to shreds either way

[sylpphics]

I’ve had it up to my head with the lesbian community. I am tired of it and I’m tired of being ashamed of being a lesbian. I am asexual and I am a lesbian, by all means of the words, but I have been dragged out of house and home and I no longer feel welcome in either of my own communities; specifically, however, the lesbian one. This post might be a bit off, and a few things might be wrong, but I have the right to be upset and emotional.

I will preface this, I try to stay off Tumblr for my own sake, but I have quite a few friends on here and TikTok, so it leaks through to me. I’ve seen my fair share of discourse. The rhetoric is disgusting.

The orange lesbian flag was initially created by an asexual exclusionist, full stop. Slap whatever word you want on it, it was never meant to include someone like me. You can cut as many stripes out of it as you want and rebrand it with a pretty bow but it will never, ever, ever be meant for any asexual lesbians, ever. And if you’re also an ace lesbian and you like it, good for you! I hope you see it as an act of reclamation, I don’t.

(Let me be ballsy for a moment. I don’t believe whatsoever the creator of the orange lesbian flag cares NOW about including ace lesbians in their flag. It would be extremely convenient for them if they started being an inclusionist after their flag gained traction.... And again, I may be wrong, I digress.)

On Tumblr alone we’ve seen a huge spike in harassment, stalking, death threats, rape threats, and all sorts of hatemail being sent to the asexual community. I see no one talking about it who isn’t asexual or a romantic themselves, and I believe enough is enough. Being a lesbian myself I primarily noticed it happening within my own community and it is absolutely abhorrent. To claim otherwise, at this point, would be naive.

I’m sure there are other communities and issues at play here, but don’t play coy with me. I see both sides of the problem, and I am no longer defending anyone. There are serious respectability politics at play, and they have gone unchecked and unchallenged for far too long. I am sick of it.

And the nail in the coffin? The “new, inclusive” lesbian flag doesn’t want me, either.

I ask you this— I am also transgender/adgender. Why should the issues with the initial lipstick lesbian flag override the issues with the new orange lesbian flag? The original was created by a transphobic racist, there is no denying it. It has to go. So why are we sweeping the issues with the orange one under the rug and forcing all of us under it, when either way it will still have issues? Why should we continue using a flag that excludes someone either way? If that alone doesn’t interest you— why are we using another flag that’s basically a copy of the old “problematic” one, only orange? To be identifiable? At this rate, no one outside of the LGBTQ+ community knows the pink one either!

It’s not funny anymore. I’m not included, whole groups of people aren’t seen or heard or included, and I certainly cannot be the only one unhappy. I’m abandoning the lesbian community and label altogether and distancing myself from the ace one. If I’m not welcome with open arms, I don’t want in. Perhaps one person is not much to you, but if it keeps up like this, I can imagine I won’t be the only one abandoning ship.

Let me emphasize: the flag is representative of the issue as a whole. I am hurt about the flag, very very dearly. I’ve identified as a lesbian for over five years now, I hurt deeply to have to even abandon the label. But I’m also not an idiot. There is unchecked respectability politics, aphobia, and biphobia absolutely everywhere within (online, primarily Tumblr) lesbian circles. It’s despicable and it needs to be addressed — if by no one else, than by me. I might not have a platform but I also have nothing to lose.

Change the fucking flag, or don’t. But at least acknowledge the issues that run rampant within the community and, most prominently, in your flag.

[mathieubellamont]

man in relation to that last post, and its not really related to this blog outside of it but its weighing on my mind

ive seen two things lately about audiences and content creators, specifically those of the Edgy kind. And, as a disclaimer, i am both LGBT and mixed race and oh, also disabled, and i am not saying “yes their content is offensive But you should care about them more” like ofc im gonna care more about the people who are hurt by the spreading of harmful shit but. anyway

whats been on my mind is the fact that these creators create, with all their edginess and their discarding of feelings for Facts and whatnot forms these audiences that, even if mild in their reactions, have and hold no place for feelings, and people who they disagree with. Even the ones who just have “Comedic” content thats laughing at minorities and whatnot, it breeds things in the audience - and attracts peole who’re already infected by it - that focus on laughing and making fun of people and tearing people down who they just mildly disagree with. We all knew that, but specifically whats weighing on my mind is that........... When you do that, theres no backing down. If you realise youve been wrong somewhere and the people youre attacking have been right, if you realise you dont want to make this content anymore, if you realise you’re tired or stressed, or the environment youve created has gotten too toxic, how are you going to back down? People look to you for their vicious entertainment, people look to you for things to tear apart however lightly, to Roast or to offend or to seriously hurt, and if you arent providing fresh bodies to that audience, theyll take it from you. You have to either be sure when you go into creating edgy content that youll be doing this for the rest of your life, or youre ok with being the subject of what youre inflicting on others when you stop. That, or you have to hope to god that your audience gets bored of you before you call it quits

like...... It all boils down to this. Edginess attracts two main kinds of people, people who are clueless about the harm theyre doing and looking to parrot others/who want to make people uncomfortable or upset/who want to make people feel like they feel, thats one category, and the other main category is genuinely fucked up people who like to see the hurt and the offence it causes, who want women/other minorities to be uncomfortable at best or unwelcome or feel in danger at worst, people who show through their humour that theyre willing to act in ways that hurt people for fun. The first category, people who dont get the harm it causes and just want to shock people (which, as a person clueless to microaggressions and racism and why things actually offend people could either be just surprise Or serious harm they label as shock), theyre clueless about the power youre breeding in them and the cluelessness, but the second group of people are actively harmful. Either way, when you finally need your audience to be understanding, when you need to post your “my mental health is going downhill and i cant ignore it anymore” video or post, youre stuck with these people, and obviously others outside those categories, but youre stuck with them. The people who are willing to beat down already beaten down minorities? Who reduce everyone to a set of stereotypes and if they disagree with any quality you have youre their target? Who think doxxing and swatting are funny, who think harrassment and death threats are just edgy and, well, you know edgy is totally fine right?? Edgy is good right?? what are you going to do?

Maybe when youre in your hour of need your audience will have a change of heart, but if you attract an audience who follow you for and approve of your disregard for peoples needs, who make fun of and attact people saying they need help (”i suffer at the hands of oppression” “im disabled” “im a targeted minority” “ive suffered from harassment” etc) what do you think theyre going to do to you when you dont want to play the game anymore? 

Like theres a leap in logic here between being an edgy content creator and definitely reaching a point where you wont do it anymore. Yes, maybe youll be edgy for the rest of your life....... But as someone who was an edgy teenager slinging around slurs constantly and racist and homophobic and transphobic shit...... The end to that was the singular logical conclusion for me as someone trying to be a good person. When you actually learn about these things, or when you start to live it as an lgbt person or you reconnect with your nonwhite half, or you have a family member who is assaulted, or a friend who finally confesses their online harassment and the severe damage its done to them, and you have an audience waiting for you to tell them who to laugh at/treat like shit if they want to because well, theyre wrong and stupid arent they, why should anyone treat them well - thats the conclusion a lot of these people take from seeing people be made the butt of jokes.......... What are you going to do?

Ive always tried to make this blog a mentally and emotionally safe place. Ive made mistakes, but ive always tried to own up to them and learn from. Like, yeah, theres been some racist shit on this blog before, probably some transphobic shit too, ive had this blog since i just turned 17 in dec. 2013....... Its important for my followers that i cultivate a place that is good for them, that isnt stressful, that focuses on good content or. me having fun in video games lmao. and why is that good? well, because i want to. Its not necessarily the right thing to do nor the wrong thing to do, it just Is morally. But when it comes to cultivating an audience based on constantly shocking people, and making people uncomfortable, and making innocent people scared to exist or ashamed of their existence or hurt because theyre reminded that what they are is disgusting to people like you, whether you mean it or not? Thats where I feel things like this become a moral choice. Like, first of all, even if youre doing it jokingly, if youre having fun pretending to throw punches and kicks even if the point is to laugh at you, you run the risk of people getting hit. Thats why we dont do that in public spaces. When youre jokingly throwing metaphorical punches even if the joke is that youre being an arse purposely, youre in that corridor, and the traffic in that corridor is every single person that sees your post, possibly hundreds, possibly thousands, and so the chance that youre going to hit people - many people - is huge. But to get back to whats on my mind, even if you dont give a shit about all the people you hit accidentally or on purpose, when you train an audience to expect you to feed them meat, when you stop feeding them meat theyll still be looking at you, and if theyre hungry enough - entitled enough, angry enough, uncaring enough, tired of life and other people enough, unknowing enough, ready enough to bring the fight to other people - theyre going to pick at you if not take chunks off you if not tear you to shreds. When you call people who think shock humour and hurting other people is acceptable, well, thats what youve done right?

You dont need to make a blog like mine thats purpose is to be safe. You dont need to actively try to make sure people feel like they fit in with your content, you dont need to create a space for other people to enjoy at all, maybe you just wanna do what makes you laugh. But the less space we hold for people to hurt people the less people are going to get hurt, shocker i know, but also the less harmful people’s anger we are unknowingly feeding, and the less fucking clueless kids who are going to grow up parroting things theyve heard and never understood, that truly evil people understand, and the less content creators in the future we’re going to have to dig out of the hole they back themselves into

anyway. odd post, its done now