#do whatever you want in your free time
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I still love self ship so much and consider myself a selfshipper but I genuinely had to leave the community due to the amount of fighting abt proship/comship people. like. you had to pick a side. I found it easier to say "yeah sure. I'm proship. I guess." even though I wasn't because I'm really genuinely neutral on it. I don't find it helpful to put it under either label. I don't fucking care. you're allowed to write whatever the fuck you want even if I don't like it. which "technically" fits under the label of proship. but the problem was that I am not comfortable with every ship out there. not to mention people got so fucking annoying about the subject. I was tired of dealing with people acting like neutrals were terrible people just as bad as proshippers, proshippers were straight up abusers, and antis were the purest souls of all OR proshippers are all amazing people actually and have never done a thing wrong, neutrals were just one thing away from turning "bad", and antis were trying to suppress our freedom of speech and they're all horrible people who attack everyone and dox people and do really bad things and they are all like that.
BASICALLY I WAS TIRED OF THE STUPID PETTY FIGHTING FROM EVERYONE AND HOW IF I DIDN'T PICK A SIDE I WAS SEEN AS ENEMY NUNBER ONE. AND IF I PICKED "THE WRONG SIDE" I WOULD BE ATTACKED BY THE OTHER SIDE. IT WAS SHITTY. I HATED IT. AND IT IS SO BAKED INTO EVERY ASPECT OF THE SELFSHIPPING COMMUNITY.
#sorry for the rant. i had to talk abt this.#i used to run a self shipping blog that got a bit of attention.#and honestly it was my greatest shame for a while because i boasted about being proshipper safe. because it was the easier than saying i was#neutral on the subject.#and i really didn't care which was what a lot of the proshipper safe blogs followed. being neutral really.#but i shut it down because i got tired of looking at posts and being like oh i love this then seeing the ''PROSHIP/COMSHIP/NEUTRAL DNI''#at the bottom of the post#i also shut it down because to be honest. i was scared someone would find it and have a problem with me saying I'm proship safe#that was my biggest fear.#but now i don't give a fuck#I'm not neutral either because some people have decided that neutral is a fucking stance of it's own that just means proship again#which it's not.#so here's to say: i don't fucking care#do whatever you want in your free time#as long as it isn't harming you and you aren't forcing it on other people and you are tagging things correctly#that was always my gripe. you can write whatever you want i don't care. as long as you tag it so others who don't want to see it don't#and i have the right to block people if i don't like what they write. that's not attacking anyone.
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Zionists want you to conflate Judaism and Zionism. Zionists want you to believe that Judaism cannot exist without Zionism and that all Jews are Zionists. Zionism would have Jews believe that a Jewish state is the only way that they can be safe from antisemitism and will point to any instance of antisemitism as proof that Zionism is the solution- so Zionism wants gentiles to be antisemitic in their support of Palestine. They want you to conflate all Jews with Zionism and the state of Israel, and they want you to treat all Jews regardless of political affiliation as the face of Israel. Antizionist Jews exist, and incidences of antisemitism ostensibly acting against Zionism will not help dismantle the forces propping Zionism up.
Don't do their work for them.
#red rambles#viva palestina#antizionism#i haven't actually seen a lot of antisemitism personally. not recently anyway. but that's more a feature of me not following antisemites#i DO however see a lot of people talking about the people they're seeing throw their support behind antisemites using palestine#as an excuse to conflate all jews with israel#and i cannot stress enough that that is literally what israel and zionist forces abroad WANT.#i am jewish. my entire family is jewish. i want to see palestine free. and i have SEEN how the jewish community gets conflated with israel#both from the inside and out#and i am dead serious when i say that every time someone is antisemitic it strengthens the conviction from people abroad#that it's a terrible sad situation but there's 'no other choice'#if you're being antisemitic you are doing the enemy's work for them. Stop it.#like... look. i am putting this in the tags bc im talking in the tags but i mean this. I do not give a single flying fuck if you personally#are a giant raging antisemite at the moment. Your personal beliefs are your problem and not mine. I do not fucking care. But if you are#being openly and loudly antisemitic *in your support of palestine* you are absolutely not fucking helping. I am so dead serious right now#if you want to raise awareness and you're being antisemitic because of deep held beliefs or whatever i want you to look around and read the#fucking room. Do you understand how much of Israel's international support comes from the idea that they are the only country where jews ar#safe from antisemitism? do you see how every time palestine comes up people point at incidences of antisemitism in anti-genocide actions to#discredit the entire movement? do you not understand how your actions are cutting the movement down at the knees?#i'm jewish and proud of it. i don't like antisemitism. but there's a genocide on and i'd rather work against it than quibble over who i#work alongside. i dont fucking care. you can be as antisemitic as you like in private. stop fucking the movement up.#there are bigger things to worry about here. if i can put aside my own concerns as to who i'm talking to you can hold your tongue#and fight the good fight instead of handing weapons to the people who are trying to fucking flatten gaza.
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Man, it's cool and all if you see a metaphor for marginalisation in the monstrous, and if you want the power fantasy of 'what if you could just eat anybody who threatened you/pissed you off'. Me too.
However, as soon as you start saying 'no, these monsters are a 1:1 on Specific Marginalised Group, and you have to treat them in the fiction like they are directly representative of real human members of the marginalised group', BUT you also, in the fiction, make them hurt/kill/eat humans? And then try to shame me, your audience, for noticing or engaging with the bit where they kill people, because you made them directly representative of a real-world marginalised group? You have lost me, and also, I think, the plot.
#hear yourself. for the love of whatever you cherish.#'but they only kill bigots so ACTUALLY they're the GOOD GUYS -' your metaphor of monstrosity is entirely premised on the question of#'what if what you went around righteously killing; believing your actions to be justified;#were actually people and it was not in fact righteous or justified to just kill them'#'what if the world isn't neatly split into 'good guys' and 'bad guys'#who gets to decide who or what is 'bad'? because that's the original problem of monstrosity-as-metaphor-for-marginalisation#(if as a creator you say 'oh my intention with this was X' cool!#if instead you go with something like. well.#'well in this setting monsters are so rare it doesn't matter that they kill people and you'd have to be a homicidal sadistic psychopath >#< to hunt them; but sure I guess if you want to play a Bad Person' well I might have#but if you're going to explicitly judge me for wanting to engage with the moral question of 'how justified is this and who would do it#versus how justified are these monsters if they do have to harm or kill people to continue to exist'#then maybe I just don't want to play your game at all)#anyway I'm sick to death of poor uwu cozy vampires who are SO marginalised so I'm not Allowed to care about all the people they murder#it being fucked up is what's fun about it! do all the other shit but let me take the murders seriously!#and inb4 someone accuses me of being a bigot for saying 'actually I don't think you get a free pass to kill and eat people if you're gay'#remember when the CW's famously reactionary and conservative Supernatural tried to just gloss over the part where every time its heroes >#< killed a demon with a magic knife it also killed the person the demon was possessing#and say 'oh no it's fine we don't care about those killings; they don't matter; don't bother caring about them either'#but they were doing it to glorify exactly the kind of people that these 'monster as metaphor' stories are trying to cast as expendable?#I have other examples that are like. real dramas. but That Paranormal Show is the one that's in the same niche that I'm talking about here#it feels more insidious when it comes through a fantasy show where there are monsters involved#so you can say 'no it's not real so it doesn't matter'#but then ALL of it is equally not real. and vampires are not actually an oppressed group. because they don't exist.#you can say 'these vampires are a metaphor for an oppressed group so this fiction matters in real life'#or you can say 'don't care about the murders because they weren't actually real'#but you can't say both and then get mad at ME for treating the murders as seriously as the vampires#let me engage with your premise and don't waste my fucking time#or just set your fluff in the Sesame Street universe where vampires drink cherry Kool-Aid and help kids learn to count
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Prompt 111
Y’all know H2O? Where some people get cursed to turn into merfolk whenever they get water on them? That, but replace water with ectoplasm and merfolk with naga.
No, Bruce has no idea how they managed to get cursed or how he ended up with an armful of baby snake-person creature thing. At least this one isn’t black-hair and blue-eyes so his kids can’t complain at him. And it’s not his fault they all fell into this, this was supposed to be a vacation while Lucious, Alfred, and Gordon kept an eye on things back in Gotham.
On the bright side, his children want to snuggle up for once, which he supposes is nice. And Damian seems pleased about it judging by his rambles about snakes. So there’s that.
#batman au#dcxdp#dpxdc#prompts#naga au#batman#cryptid batfam#This is what happens the One time they go on vacation#“Damian do not drip lazarus water on yourself to get free venom”#“No Jason you can't turn into a giant snake for 'intimidation purposes' do not”#“Duke stop encouraging your brothers”#“Somebody grab the baby *please*”#Danny has no idea what's goin on either#He's a baby#a lil baby halfa who has found himself in this stranger's arms but they're warm and there's other kids who feel content-safe sooo#“Master Bruce that had better not be another child without any prior warning-”#“Alfred I didn't get prior warning either they literally appeared out of nowhere”#I might draw this actually#Do whatever types of snakes you want#but i am picturing#Bruce- Rinkhals#Barbara- Purple-Glossed Snake#Dick- Bluestripe Garter#Cass- Banded Krait#Jason- Blood Python#Steph- Taipan#Tim- Coral Snake#Duke- Eyelash Viper#Damian- Boomslang#Helena- Black Mamba
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Reminder: even if trump wins, we’ll be ok. The presidency isnt the only political position that matters, he wont be a dictator, the president doesnt have the power to remove every other part of government that keeps the president’s power in check. Also politics isnt the only thing that matters. Even if we lose some rights (which he cant singlehandedly do) we still have community, we still have activism, we’ll always be ok. We survived one trump presidency, we can survive another. We survived before gay marriage or transitioning were legal, if we have to survive that again we will. Please, no matter what happens, promise to stay alive. Youre valuable, youre important, and youre going to be ok. Its better to be overprepared than underprepared. Im not asking you to lose hope (im doing the opposite of that), im asking you to practice coping ahead, get all your coping skills ready, determine now to stay alive, because i dont want any of you to make any rash decisions later in case we get bad news and emotions are high. Make a safety plan if you need to. Make sure you’re gonna be ok
#if you cant feel hopeful or curious for the future#maybe at least you can be strategic#if we lose a bunch of marginalized (future) voters and activists we’re just handing them the majority#if you cant stay alive for yourself. stay alive for all the other marginalized people you’ll vote on behalf of next time#dont do their dirty work for them. dont kill a marginalized person even if that person is you#im sorry this post was a downer im just. really worried about the way ive heard some queer people and especially youth talking#i just wanna do whatever i can in making sure you guys are ok#if you need someone to message feel free. dm’s and asks are always open#also i disagree when people say activists are emboldened when the present is on their side#in my experience that isnt what happens? they get complacent#all the conservatives would quiet down while our own community is strengthened#like how all the conservatives got loud under biden#if anyone more eloquent than me wants to rewrite this please feel free#or just your own spin on it thats not necessarily better#i think the more people we can make sure are mentally prepared the better#just in case#lilac posts#us politics#cw suicide
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Tav Question
How did your Tavs react to Shadowheart revealing she follows Shar?
#My half-orc Sophie was having an internal crisis over wanting to help Shadowheart but also being wary of a cleric of an evil goddess#My Tielfing Byron did not give less of a rats ass initially he said do whatever you want in your free time idc just dont bother me about it#My githyanki Izra went who the fuck is Shar again??? is that the one who likes oceans or something?? and then promptly forgot all about it#bg3#baldur's gate#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate 3#bg3 oc#bg3 tav
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We took our steadiness training out into the wild last night!
#dogblr#rory borealis#bird dog training#the goal here is just to wait until i tap her to go get the thing#she stands better on the ground than on the board#so in subsequent runs i just moved the cato board#but nbd#shes doing soooo good#im gonna stay at this stage for a bit#no need to move forward from here for a while#i overheard some people saying that doing steadiness foundations too young can ruin your bird dog but i think thats nonsense??#if it is true well whatever ill know for the next dog#but shes not lacking enthusiasm so hopefully im fine#some notes if youre doing this at home: dog should be standing of their own free will not you holding them back#dog should be looking in the correct direction before you send them dont ask for eye contact#and only work on one skill at a time (dont ask for a steady to throw and a retrieve to heel if your dog doesnt know both of those separate)#and if you have multiple dogs consider using their name to release instead of 'go!' like im using here#just to make it easier to work multiple dogs at once if thats something you want to do
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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KILL!!!!!!!!!
#my post#this is so mean. why did i make this#but also....... the gun is in your hands now#i'll admit that it's my fault for putting the gun in your hand... however i've no say in what you choose to do with it#will you pull the trigger and accept whatever happens from now on? will you give yourself into the role forced upon you?#no one will know anything if you don't say anything. there will be no consequences or repercussions to this choice#but you will know. and you will need to live with that knowledge for the rest of your life#a gun not fired is like an itch not stratched#in the end i have no control over what you do... but free will is a funny thing#the brain is very susceptible to suggestion... everything we see and experience will remain with us in some way#if that's the case then how much control do we really have in our lives? how do we separate what we really want vs what we're told to want?#things like hunger... desire... they're all things the body asks for. but are they things that we truly want?#or are they merely a mechanism built into us for the sake of survival?#everything blends into everything. your past actions will inform your current actions. you're the only one who's ever lived your life#you're the only one who will ever live your life#little variables and experiences we all share... but the order varies greatly from person to person. everything is just a series of events#the way i see the world is different than the way you see it regardless of how similar they are#what choice will you make now? and how does it differ from the choice you would've made a week ago? a month? a year? does it differ at all?#does free will truly exist? i think it does... but not in the way most people think it exists#you and i... we might differ on that thought. or we might not.#regardless of whatever i've been rambling about right now... refusing to make a choice is still a choice you make. life is ironic like that#does one of them really have to go? that's for you to decide now#i've merely chosen to put the gun in your hand. to make you aware of the possibilities#so i hope you realize what power your choices have#dca fandom#daycare attendant#yeah sometimes i just say things that i think are deep but they're really not#i hope the choices i make have an effect on others. even if it's just one person...#if i can make even just one person think about something they wouldn't have normally thought about then isn't that a win?#life is a series of choices... ''it'd be great if you could see a figure of light by the time you die'' ♡
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@heartofhubris ✨🐙✨
Otto shows Octavius something and they both have a fun happy chat
just a little something for ya on the house as a treat! :D
[reference]
#my art#doc ock#doctor octopus#otto octavius#phone art#feel free to make up whatever you want about what they're looking at and talking about!#I saw your tag on my post and wanted to make something for ya for working hard on that wip fsdkjsf take it easy take your time!!#I hope he looks right!!! I struggled and redrew and adjusted his face so much sdkjsddsf#movie!Otto looks different every time I draw him sdskjhkjdsfk and I don't draw him much if at all sdkjhfsdk but I do weirdly enjoy--#--drawing/coloring his actuator? does that make me weird? idk something about the way I've simplified it makes it kinda enjoyable
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There are a lot of Worst Things about depression. Everybody's got a different Worst Thing. Hell, I can't always decide on what my personal Worst Thing is. Sometimes it's the numb despair. Sometimes, it's the dumb animal panic. Most of the time, though, it's that there isn't enough room inside of me.
What I mean is: I care about too many things. I think that's pretty standard these days for a lot of people. Empathy stretched fine as gossamer. We see so much suffering each day. We see so much more than any one person was meant to. So you wind up caring, because caring is what a person is wired to do, what makes life worth living. You care about people you know. You care about people you've never met. You care about situations in countries you haven't set foot in. You care about the political climate of your own hometown. You care about your own dreams. You care about your best friend's bad luck. You care about your pets' health. You care about when the next book in your favorite series will come out. You care, and you care, and you care, because you're wired to care about it all. It's exhausting sometimes, but it's life. Sometimes the best part of life.
With depression, the caring space gets to feeling too full. Has packed tight, all those elements butting into one another until they lose meaning, the darkness threading into the gaps. There just isn't enough room inside of me for all the fear and the despair and the weird empty anger, much less the stuff that actually matters. So I start shorting out. Because, see, depression makes it so I can't care; don't see a point in even trying. And the real me, the part of me that isn't being cannibalized by the demons, doesn't know how to do anything else. So the middle ground becomes: shrink the caring space. Shrink it down bit by bit. All systems are running at once, and we're getting low on juice, so the natural thing is to start shutting off lights. Start jettisoning the extraneous to make room.
Except it's depression at the wheel, not common sense, so it's not just the extra flair getting turned off. Not the despair and the mind-numbing terror and the reckless urge to pick fights. The stuff that winds up getting tossed is stuff I need. Stuff that keeps me going. It's all being shut down at once, no rhyme or reason, until I suddenly can't care about the things that are me. Intrinsic, fabric-level stuff. I can't care about creating. About making art. About telling stories. I can't care about other people telling stories. I can't care about my friends the way I'm supposed to. I can't care about their travel or their kids or their wins. I can't care about making food for myself. I can't care about brushing my teeth. I'm shutting down to component parts, but I didn't get to pick which components are still running full-power, so I wind up with just a handful of randomly blinking lights. Suddenly, I care very much about my fear of the future, my financial insecurity, how fast I can run a 5K, a single television show--and just about nothing else.
It isn't healthy. It's sure as fuck not sustainable. And I know from experience that the rest of the system will come back online eventually. I'll find myself telling another story in a week or a month. I'll find myself sketching something out of nowhere. I'll find myself able to grieve a lost loved one and treasure my new nephew. It'll all come back, in time. But it's the in-between bit that grates. The bit where I'm in the shuttle with my knees tucked against my chest, sucking oxygen through a straw, trying to conserve whatever is still running. The bit where I resent the people in my life who aren't running on fumes like I am. Where I'm furious that they can care, that they can move freely, that they aren't pacing a minuscule cage like I am. It's a loss, all the months and years I've spent on life support. It's a fucking waste.
That's where I am right now. Life support. Little things get in, from time to time. I can suddenly inhale a book series start to finish. I can suddenly coax myself into eating the same thing for lunch for three weeks straight. Those are extra lights on the dash, and I have to treasure them. Because there isn't really room, so any little thing that I find space for is a gift. And everything else--talking. planning. trusting. creating. intake.--has to stay dark for a little while longer.
It'll come back on. I have to believe it'll come back on.
In the meantime, I hunker in my shuttle, and I wait.
#depression#personal#i dunno if this makes any sense at all#and i know plenty of people here didn't follow me for navel-gazing mental illness essays#so like. feel free to blacklist those terms to your heart's content#but this place has always been an artist's gallery and a sticker book and a journal#and sometimes that last bit looks like this#anyway. yeah. can't care. or i've cared so much i've shorted myself out. i dunno.#i'm hyperaware that i want to be doing things with my time. or that i need to be. and still very little is getting in#so if you wonder why i perodically post some nonsense and then vanish for three days#or why i'm inhaling thousands of pages of space opera in a week#it's because...it's a single blinking light on my dashboard. and it could go away at a moment's notice. so i'm clinging to whatever gets in#and hoping the rest of the lights will come back on soon
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Hey, I hope that I'm not crossing any boundless with this but I would appreciate it if you could draw a picture of bf and gf? Thank you ^^
lol it's fine, since you're nice about it no worries ha. don't have anything new to offer but found this old doodle that I just added some color to the lines to, hope it's ok
silly vibes only
#bf pls#apologies for lazyness and such but hey it's bf and gf so lol#pretty sure it was based on some incorrect quote I read somewhere#idk thought it was cute at the time I'm sure#sorry if you wanted something more shippy#around here they're mostly just good pals lol#but if you wanna see this doodle as more than friendly teasing feel free to do so I don't mind much ha#hope it's still ok#enjoy or don't#whatever floats your boat#friday night funkin#fnf au#boyfriend#bf#girlfriend#gf#bfgfbffs#I draw what I want#thanks for the suggestion#sorry if it's not what you wanted fingers crossed I'll be less lazy in the future ok cool#stay groovy friendo
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heyoo if anyone knows where I can watch hannibal,,, like,,, for free,,, please dm me
Edit: huge fat thank you to everyone who helped me out I love y'all and thanks to you I'm going to go watch a social worker crawl out of a horse now <3
#to everyone who helped me out I am kissing you on the mouth. but like. in a professional manner#to clarify I do NOT want to be told to 'watch it on peeboob its free with ads' or whatever#I know its on peeboob free with ads and for numerous reasons that does not work for me#I'm trying to pirate this thing here I'm asking for piracy#thank you and I appreciate your time <3#hannibal#nbc hannibal#nbc hannigram#hannibal lecter#hannigram#will graham#mads mikkelsen#hugh dancy#madancy#murder husbands
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do you write?
Mel semi-dared me to type: “No, leave me alone.” So I have to include it. But in all seriousness, I'll respond this once, because it does allow me to update people a little bit. Though please know that your notification did have me pause mid-writing. Now, I want to politely, and respectfully direct you to my description on both dash-only and on my blog's theme, I also want to point your attention to my pinned post, and I believe that it's even in my rules, but I could be wrong. Though let me repeat it here:
The depictions you'll find here are canon-strict, and so you can expect many analyses of all kinds here, as dissecting the characters that I write is what I'm passionate about, and what I'm here for (and to write, of course!)
I admit, usually I aim to write more threads/asks consistently even if I'm excessively slow, and though I haven't updated the dash about my circumstances for a while (as I'm decently private about my life), know that writing meta has simply come a lot easier lately when time has permitted me to be on Tumblr. Now, that doesn't mean I don't value people's interest in writing with me, and I will live up to the promises that I've made that I will get to that (as I have occasionally done lately, and was in process of doing again)— but when meta comes easier to me, then I prioritize that as of late, simply because stress' best counter is the distraction that comes the easiest. Now this isn't by any means a waste of time, as it plays into what I quoted above. Because ultimately, here's my thing: I make it exceptionally clear everywhere on my blog that I am canon-strict (or as Tumblr, sadly, disrespectfully seems to call it nowadays: a 'lore purist'), and that this leads me to write a lot of analyses left and right on the characters that I write, but these are fundamental to understanding my portrayals of them. If that isn't your cup of tea, sir, or ma'am, then maybe this isn't the blog for you, and I don't mean that with malice, or in disrespect, but simply as a simple rebuke. In that, I greatly appreciate you checking in on behalf of my writing partners, but I'm also quite certain that they have the capacity to approach me themselves if they have any concerns. Have a nice day or night, wherever you are!
#[ inquiries: out of character. ] they do not know what to make of me. i have kept to myself; for fear of giving them purchase to cling to.#[ i don't have qualms about the message-- though it is a bit of a thing of... if you're waiting to write with me-- ]#[ which bless you; i'm humbled-- but you're more than free to come to me and express this. my answer would've been a lot different. ]#[ instead of having to address it like this; which i'll always do with a bit of a firmer hand. ]#[ but also; i have apologized to people on numerous occasions. but i don't like to half-ass writing. i'm not here to write 50 words. ]#[ i don't do one-liners. i want to give the quality that i know i'm capable of even if i'm a bit rusty. ]#[ and that takes time for me. that isn't just a switch that i can flip and go 'ok! I'LL WRITE'. ]#[ if you've paid attention; you do see the thread or ask come out. amidst a /lot/ of meta. but the meta is important to my blog. ]#[ it has always been. it's always been part of the foundation of my blog(s) and if that isn't up your alley then i present you with... ]#[ many other writers who touch on the same muses as i do. ]#[ but my meta /is/ part of my writing. it /is/ part of my blog. of my portrayals. ]#[ and i know not everyone is game for that and that's okay. but then know it'll /always/ stay a fundamental part of my blog. ]#[ and while threads/asks will come more frequently; they are slower at present. that just is how it is in my current situation. ]#[ to sum up/remind: i'm in the midst of moving/apartment hunting and my roof over my head is an airbnb. so a certain stress hangs over... ]#[ my head. so whatever gives me most distraction; i will indulge in. i have numerous drafts in the works. they'll come out. ]#[ if you're patient-- i thank you immensely. my gratitude is endless. and if you're not; that's okay. but then kindly... ]#[ and respectfully seek the door and let yourself out. ]
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the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something
#WHAT AM I DOING!!!!#i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch#too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun#no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point#trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this#WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!!#there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time#my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me#my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job#i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time#i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again#and WHAT DO I WANT!#THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!#I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!#anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed#delete later#i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious)#versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected)#i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want#ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you#i miss that i want that back#whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go
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does anyone remember when team salvato had that “for fans by fans” fanart merch contest, but like it had a backstory that monika “wasn’t allowed to participate” cause “she always wins and it would be unfair :(” but like all images of her and mentions of her name were glitched out, and in the background of the promo art there was a piece of paper with her poem “Hole in Wall” mostly erased (and not even in her font asset, just in the neutral/MC handwriting font) so all signs pointed to monika’s file being deleted
but then literally none of that was ever directly acknowledged in the posts or the merch for the contest, or in ddlc+ lore, or on other posts from team salvato’s twitter or monika’s twitter account? so, though it probably wasn’t intended to be lore to begin with, we never got any context for it, even within the constraints of the “backstory” for this specific contest?
…no? just me? ok.
#ddlc#original post#silly post but this is one of the ddlc things that lives in my head rent free#that and the anniversary stream from the same year with the fanmade mod#i forgot what it was called#brain blanking#i miss back in 2020 when team Salvato was trying to generate excitement for ddlc+ so ddl#*ddlc got a bunch of internet content and like a big celebration for the anniversary#but also cause. that’s around the time I got into the game and entered the fandom. so I was spoiled as a new fan#and now I am left to my own devices to generate content…and also fan content of course#anyway. i don’t actually know what to make of that whole contest thing#and any possible lore implications#so I’m just making this post where I go ‘damn that was crazy’#i still kinda like the idea that. the girls didn’t do anything to Monika. she just did that for attention#and they were like. ok. fake your death then whatever#we’re still not letting you win#or that’s what happens when Monika doesn’t get enough attention. like tinker bell#OR the more actual lore MatPat esque theory#that Monika’s file was ‘gone’ because she somehow escaped#and the other girls were covering for her with the contest and the explanation that ‘ohh well we didn’t want her to win so…yeah…’#TWITCH WRITES that’s the other thing I was thinking of#and btw. i wrote the end of this post like that on purpose. :3
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