#do we like my writing you guys be honest i don't do it very often

[ryp3004]

So @hssprimefan asked about Ryanne's bio dad so I decided to put it here instead of reblogging that one post!

Michael was an okay guy. He was an athlete, he had good grades, his dad was an electrician and his mom was a secretary. Michael was the 6th kid of 7. His older siblings were awesome. 1 is a doctor, 2 works with dad, 3 is a dentist, 4 is a pilot, 5 is a lawyer, and 7 is some kind of genius. Michael doesn't know, he tries to keep his head down. Stay focused on the now. But he catches his Dad looking at him sometimes. Hears him when they think he's not listening. "The boy has no direction. No discipline. He's so different from the other kids... I just don't know where we went wrong."

Oh.

He... He didn't know they thought about him like that. That... That explains a lot.

Well, how is he supposed to live up to the others?

They've all got big fancy houses, drive nice fancy cars, have their own fancy families and still find time to send money home.

What's the point of trying?

When he's 15 he meets this girl, Becca. Becca's awesome. She doesn't give a shit what people think of her. She tells Michael that she's gonna direct movies. Like Stanley Kubric. Becca has a clockwork orange tattoo on her hip. "It's my favorite movie." Becca tells him with sparkling eyes. "The storyline, the camera angles, the sound mixing... It's all amazing! I want to make people feel like that one day... Pure awe!" And Michael believes her because Becca is incredible. She's so incredible, it was only a matter of time before he fell for her.

They've been together for a year when Becca sits him down.

"I'm pregnant."

...

Oh...

"I took the test earlier. I'm not sure how far along I am... I haven't told my parents yet."

Lucille and Adam Prince are going to kill him. Right after his parents kill him. Maybe before his siblings kill him., but Michael's not to sure.

"are you sure?" He asks softly, disbelieving. Becca nods and hands him four positive tests.

His parents already have grandchildren. 9, if he remembers right. This won't be as bad as he thinks... They'll tell him everything will be okay and that this is just one of those things, right?

They gave him an ultimatum.

Either break up with Becca and go to college and forget all about this or he's getting kicked out and cut off.

"God, Michael, I can't believe you! How could you be so irresponsible!?" His dad screams at him, shoving him out the door. "Go fix this, or you're out!" He can hear his mom pleading with his Dad, telling him that he's just a boy, he didn't know any better, they can fix this!

And Michael is scared. This is the first time in a long time Michael has been terrified. This wasn't what his life was supposed to be, he was supposed to go to college, get a good job, meet a nice girl, and settle down in a suburban neighborhood. Not... Becca. Not... Whatever's in her stomach.

So he makes his choice. Becca curses him out, slaps him so hard he can feel where her rings cut his cheek. But that's fine. He promises her he'll send her money to help out, but that's it. He doesn't want to know any more than that. And Becca tells him to go fuck himself as he gets in his car.

It'll be okay... Becca's strong, her parents are strong, her family will be fine.

Eight months later he gets a letter in the mail while he's packing up to go to University of Michigan. It's a photograph of a baby girl. HIS baby girl. Ryanne... He tests the name on his tongue and he can't stop saying it. That's his baby, he should be there with Becca, he needs to go to... Where? Becca said she doesn't want to see him... Said that he was nothing to her. This was just a courtesy. It should be just a blip in his radar.

Next year he gets another post card. Ryanne has his curls. She has his eyes. His mole. He puts the picture on his desk and when his roommate asks he says it's his little sister.

Every year he gets another post card. He graduates when Ryanne is 4. He gets a job at an architectural firm when she's 6. He starts getting his buildings built when she's 7. She's 10 when he finally decides to write her a letter. He tells her who he is. He tells her that he's sorry. He tells her that he's so proud of who she's become. He tells her to say hi to becca for him. He tells her that she doesn't have to respond.

But she does.

She writes him a letter.

She says she's not sure about Dad, but Mike seems nice enough and that she'd like to get to write him sometimes if that's okay.

She sends him a picture she took with a pumpkin she carved.

Michael gets 5 copies of the photo to put everywhere. One on his desk, one in his office, one in his car, one in his wallet, and one in his hallway.

He tells people that's his pumpkin when they ask.

That's his daughter, Ryanne.

She tells him about Becca and her new husband Tom. And Michael is so happy for her. So happy that she found someone who could do what he couldn't.

When Ryanne is 11 she invites him to her birthday party. It's just gonna be mom and dad, but it'd be cool if Mike was there, too :).

Michael takes off the weekend and buys her every flavor cupcake in the bakery.

Ryanne liked the ones that had pumpkins on the wrapper.

Becca took a picture of them together.

Michael makes as many copies as he can. One for every desk he owns. Every room in his house. Every wallet he buys or will buy.

When Ryanne gets a phone they start texting every so often.

He takes her on a week long vacation every summer.

He loves his daughter, and even though Ryanne doesn't call him Dad, he's happy to be Mike.

[britneyshakespeare]

I don’t think he ever read any of my poems now that I think about it

[auroreliis]

Honestly if I was batsis I'd pretend to have a crush on the batboys close friends(excluding Damian because he and Jon are still babies) just to annoy them. Jason bring Roy over? Suddenly I'm very interested in his tattoo's and I want to know all about archery. I catch kon in the kitchen in Tim? Suddenly i'm very into the conversation they're having and am making eye contact a lot with Kon. I feel liked they'd do something like this; Batsis: You know I really like your tattoos. Roy: Oh thanks. Jason: ... You gotta go, like, now. Roy: What-

Brilliant, anon!! What a great idea!! This was very fun to write :)

(don't mind the spelling mistakes please lol. i am tired out of my mind)

For starters, when Bruce first introduced the members of the Justice League to you (it took a lot of convincing), you just couldn’t help but flirt with them.

I mean, just LOOK at Aquaman. The moment you laid your eyes on him, you felt a spark. He hadn’t noticed you staring, but surely he had felt it too. Bruce, however, had noticed you staring. He didn’t seem particularly amused, almost as though he saw you daydreaming about your wedding with Aquaman. Just when you were making your way over to them, Bruce scowled and swiftly led Aquaman away. After that, you never saw him ever again…

Or that one time when Green Lantern came over. Wow. What a man. You didn’t waste a second walking up to him and introducing yourself. The giggles you were suppressing nearly slipped out after you saw Bruce’s eye twitch. Green Lantern entertained your advances, though you knew he wasn’t interested in you. Whenever Bruce started with his, “Hal. We should leave”, you would always interrupt him with more questions directed at Hal.

“So…do you like pasta? I’m actually really good at making it. You should come over, you know? I could treat you!” You all but winked at him.

Hal found it very interesting, don’t get him wrong, he thought you were very funny, but when Bruce is standing right there beside him, he felt…intimidated. So intimidated, in fact, that he can barely reply to your questions.

“Oh…um…” he nervously glanced at Bruce. “Green. You know what, kid? Your father and I have some business to attend to…so…see you next time. Good luck with the um…yeah, never mind.”

Hal sped off, leaving you and Bruce alone. You had been in the mood to laugh until your father turned to you with a serious expression. Suddenly you weren’t in the mood to laugh anymore. To put it simply, it was a clear warning: Don’t do it again, his look communicated.

Now, Constantine, he was fun to hang around with, likely because he isn’t as scared of Batman as the rest is. And also, he’s hot. “You are so cool, honestly. It’s really impressive how often you’ve escaped death”, you leaned against the wall. To be honest, you weren’t even listening to what he was saying, all you needed to hear was his strong English accent and little sprinkles of humor.

After some bribery, you had gotten Tim to tell you that Bruce was most concerned about you meeting Constantine. For some reason, you figured…

“So…I like older men, what about you?”, you batted your eyelashes at him. You didn’t have Bruce in your periphery, as you were focusing on John, but you could imagine him shaking in fury.

“Yeah, I like older men too”, he replied nonchalantly. Dammit, he got you. Well, he was a funny guy.

Bruce seemingly relaxed at that, but that’s not to say that he was satisfied with the interaction taking place. “You’re funny, are you single-”, you could barely finish your sentence before Dick dragged you away to spend time with you. Though, you believe that Bruce asked Dick to get you away just so you couldn’t talk to Constantine like that.

Bruce had way too many attractive friends. Well, almost all his friends were attractive: Wonder Woman, Superman, Flash…hell, even Martian Manhunter. I mean, he can read minds! Just imagine the potential…

“So, I heard you can read minds. Read mine right now”, your grin was…suspicious. Bruce couldn’t read minds like J’onn could, but he could imagine what you were thinking about. No, actually, he didn’t want to imagine it.

“J’onn.”, Bruce, ever so stern, called out and gestured towards the door. The J’onn in question had merely walked off in that direction silently, as though having understood Bruce’s point from one word. Martian Manhunter hadn’t read your mind that day, to your dismay. However, you had managed to make Bruce uncomfortable, so that was considered a win.

Dick himself had very attractive friends. Wally West, quite the flirt, was among them. Though, oddly enough, you had imagined him to be more flirty. It couldn’t be that Dick took a page out of Bruce’s book and told him to watch it, right?

“So, you’re fast, huh?”, you looked Wally up and down. “I happen to be”, Wally glanced at Dick.

“Okaayyyyy, Wally, you should leave”, Dick spoke with a strained smile.

“Yeah. Oh, by the way, what about the-”

“Now.”

Wally looked around awkwardly, “…right.”

And Raven—what a woman. Plus, Cyborg and Starfire filled your thoughts. Though Wally was the first and last friend of Dick’s you ever saw. A pity. He seemed to have learnt his lesson…

Now Roy Harper, Jason’s friend, was quite something. Tattoos? Archery? Hell yeah.

“Wow, so you like engineering books? Well, the manor has a huge variety. You should come by more often”, you smiled innocently.

“Um, actually, he will NOT be coming over ever again”, Jason frowned at your words.

“Why not?”, both you and Roy turned to Jason.

“BECAUSE I said so”, you and Roy made eye contact awkwardly.

“You”, Jason points at Roy, “Get out.”

“What? But you said you needed my he-”

“NOWWWW. Do NOT make me repeat myself.”

Yeah, Roy leaving was more awkward than anything else that had happened so far.

Jason didn’t have that many friends, as far as you knew at least. In other words: You would never see Roy ever again…

Now Tim, being charming himself, had many attractive friends.

For starters: Conner Kent.

You hadn’t had much contact with the Kents, however Conner had come over a few times. And wow. Despite being overly confident (and often obnoxious), he was very, very attractive. However, you have never talked to him. The reason? Tim makes sure he keeps you at arm’s length. In fact, you’re not sure you could ever find a way to interract with Tim’s friends…unless…

“Hey, Tim!”, Jason called out, “Bruce says you need to go to the cave right now.”

“What? But I have guests over…”, Tim eyes Jason suspiciously.

“I mean, if you wanna get in trouble with him, be my guest”, Jay raised his hands defensively.

“I-…fine. Conner, just a second, I will be right back. DO NOT move”, Tim sighs.

After Tim left, you shot Jason a thumbs-up and went to mingle with Superboy.

“Good evening. You must be Conner. I’ve heard a lot about you from Tim”, you say, taking it slow.

“Good evening! Hopefully you only heard good things!”, he grins.

“Oh, plenty of good things. Say, if you really can fly, then why don’t you take me for a ride? I haven’t ever seen the sky from…well, up in the sky”, you copied his grin.

“Ah, well, I would, really, but I’m not sure how Tim would feel, you know? I mean, he’s a bit of a-”, Conner started.

“A bit of a what.”, a new voice shocked the both of you.

Tim. Where the hell did he come from?

“I though I told you to leave if they started talking to you?”, Tim ignored you, only focusing on scolding Conner.

“Well, that would’ve been incredibly rude…”, Conner struggled to defend himself.

“You.”, Tim turns to you.

“Me?”, you said, though you weren’t scared of him anymore.

“Yes, you. What’s the big idea? Why did you pull that just to talk to Conner? I don’t know what you have planned, but forget it immediately. If you don’t leave right now, I’ll tell Bruce to reinstate the therapy sessions. Then you can explain to him why you enjoy sabotaging others so much.”

That was, quite frankly, terrifying. You hadn’t been this scared of Tim in a while.

Well, safe to say you won’t be doing this again…

[absolutelynotsanebaby]

I was talking to my mutual about Cole when I had a surge of Thoughts so per usual you all have to hear them now. I was considering a couple things, namely his development and place as the "strong guy" on the team and his masculinity (and how it presents in the show vs in fanon).

Cole's pretty often typecast as the gruff strong guy in a lot of fan-media (from fanfics to fanart etc) which isn't wrong because he was like that, especially within the early seasons. The way he spoke, the way he acted, his place as a sort of leading force. In season three you even see him in that stupid lumberjack fit (said affectionately), it's all very traditionally masculine. Which fits his whole Strong and Big guy of the team role (the five man band archetypes etc etc). However, it's interesting to say because at his core, he's very emotional and very driven by a strong sense of internal compassion (with a canonical affinity to children). Which obviously none of that is opposed to masculinity but these traits begin to show more as the gruffness pulls back. The first real example of that I think is in ToE with his fight with Jay. I don't read him as being invested in their fighting the same way Jay was. Jay was fueled by insecurity and a very strong sense of jealousy and possessiveness. Cole? I think he was just reacting to Jay's aggression, which didn't put Nya in a better position but it is a difference. 

So when their match rolls around, he's the first one to realize what they're doing is stupid and give in. He reaches out emotionally to Jay. However, Jays still is a friend so that is easy to write off as a symptom of friendship. And then following ToE we have possession and DOTD which I think are where he really begins to develop, and have the strongest examples of what I'm getting at. I'm going out on a limb and saying that I really see his prior gruffness as a sort of armor, to be good enough for the team (insert that one Wu note of him staying up late before missions) and also there his whole rebellious streak against his father trying to force him to be someone he's not. (Note: I wouldn't be surprised if how Lou raised him really had a impact on all this) Then, we get to Possession and both his self worth and self image are shook badly by literally dying. He outright says he's not a ninja anymore, which I think he based a lot of who he was on (<- which is why struggling with it hit so hard).

Finally DOTD comes up and I think we see the strongest example of where his compassion really become a core trait. It's his fight with Yang. He had no reason to reach out to him, to be honest he had the right not to, but he did and it worked! He didn't get out of DOTD in the end with brute force, he got out of it with emotional support (his team showing up), a stubborn adherence to his moral code, and reaching out to Yang with empathy. From that point on, I think he's softer and more prone to being emotional, it's like there was a very real shift. To circle back to Jay, because I think he makes for a good comparison, he does not develop like that post ToE. Actually, the issues carying from s3 (though, they do exist prior just not as starkly) all the way to Skybound where it gets violently (literally) addressed. Jay fans can probably say it better than me but the season is about his insecurity and treatment of Nya and there's a reason both Nadakhan and Cliff are like that (read: they're parallels). It's just interesting because both Cole and Jay have issues with self worth and image but they present and develop very differently. 

There's also the fanon aspect with those two that's really funny. I think everyone's aware of the infamous fanon-bruise, the 2010s-yaoification. Uwu Jay, Big Strong Man Cole, and how weirdly racist it is. It's just funny to note because the issues projected onto Cole in fanon are ones Jay has, like, in the show. Cole's the more emotional and compassionate one of the two, but because of the strong guy role, it gets flipped around in fanon. Going by the 'traditional' (read: toxic) masculine standards, in terms of personality and character, I think Jay more closely aligns. It reminds me of this post I saw once, it was of Hunted where Jay was making the plane (?) and Cole was with baby Wu. It called Jay the 'mom' and Cole the 'dad' which I find kind of funny because if you look at it through that hetero-normative lense, it really should be the other way around. Cole's the one caring for the baby pretty consistently, Jay's the one making a machine and Working. Did Jay just get called the 'mom' there because people think of him as smaller and weaker and therefore more feminine? Did Cole get called the dad just because he's strong and considered bigger? It's interesting. Fanon does Cole really dirty sometimes.

To get back on topic of Cole's narrative development, then we get to MOTM (like a bajillion years later which no I'm not complaining except I am). Cole's characterization in MOTM is so fucking good. MOTM does a fantastic job at tying together several of his strings. It ties in Lilly, his self esteem, his staunch morality, affinity towards leadership, and compassion into one, pretty bow. MOTM puts Cole back into a leading role, and it gives him several groups to reach out to (Vania, the munce and geckle, the uppily). It draws back the insecurity present in him, letting it show again to be addressed. It even ties in his relationship to Wu in a really lovely way to me. MOTM is the season where Cole finds who he is, his identity and his place as his mothers son.

Speaking of that, I have a very strong love for male characters who exemplify who their mothers were and what they taught them. The scenes with Lilly really put his entire character into a different perspective. At the start he was this tough kid fresh off grief and pressurized so strongly by his dad and himself and he goes through loops and hurdles of strength and identity and by the end he finds himself exactly where he needs to be. Where he's the strongest and it's in his mothers footsteps, as someone both emotional and strong. It's a really lovely character arc to take him on, and though I haven't watched DR, I've heard they continue that on. 

Anyways, consider it positive masculinity, consider it anything else. I just had a lot of thoughts to share and hope I don't sound too 'reading-too-deep' about it. Bye bye Kar ramble over.

[phaelimbs]

"You might be wondering why you're listening to a tape from a guy you've never met before.

The answer is simple: you have to. There is no choice. If you're her lover, boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, it doesn't matter. You have to listen.

If you're playing with her feelings, you might as well quit now. Leave, tell her she doesn't mean anything to you, and go. You'll save her the pain, the time, and the memories. But if you think you truly love her, then you vow to listen until the end, and live after.

She and I met in highschool, a freshman who had only transferred from a different place, looking for new friends, environment, and a peaceful life. Ever since she walked into that cold, half-full room, my eyes had been on her and her alone.

I made sure to be friends with her, be the best company she could ever have, and be the safe space in times she needs it most. It wasn't long until we confessed and kissed and started dating.

From then on, we shared countless memories, graduated together, lived in an apartment near the university she goes to. Life is good, I knew who she is— from appearance to the very depth of her soul.

So if you're willing to stick around for her, I'll give you ten rules you have to follow:

1. Always keep the light on for her

- When you leave a room she's about to enter, always leave it on for her. She finds it disrespectful, as if it was disregarding her presence and the importance of her. It was often the root of her mood swings and our arguments, so in order to avoid that, make sure to never close the light.

2. Keep the snacks in a height she can reach

- I know that sometimes we like to tease her and put it in places far from her reach for fun, but if you do it in a bad time, it will not go well. Don't hide her favorite food or drinks from her, she will find a way to turn the prank back on you and make you feel guilty. Beware.

3. Let her listen to her favourite songs in the car

- Let her bang her head, sing as loud and off-key as she wants, play it on repeat for hours until your ears go deaf from the same tune. It's one of her favourite things to do, and if you love her, you'll be content with the smile on her face and the happiness she radiates.

4. Make sure to hear her side during misunderstandings

- See, this is something you should do with her or with someone else. Whenever you fight, let her speak her own perspective, oftentimes she does not understand things the way you do. Always be open-minded and patient when it comes to her.

5. Kiss her goodmorning, kiss her goodnight

- Part of her routine is to shower you with love, so always make sure to reciprocate. When you wake up first, kiss her goodmorning, when you sleep last, kiss her goodnight. Love her the way she loves you.

6. Remember the smallest things about her

- Whether it's her favorite food, drink, or even the side she likes to sleep on in bed. Make sure to write any information you learn about her, put it in your notes or a journal, and make sure to remember. Remembering is love, remembering is caring for her in the most normal yet wholesome way.

7. Show her how much you love her

- No matter how long it has been since you started loving one another, always find a way to show her your love in the most youthful way possible. Rekindle that love, strengthen it. I promise you, she will love you deeper than anyone ever has.

8. Never hurt her

- No matter how hard things get, never hurt her verbally, physically, emotionally, and mentally on purpose. Always be mindful of everything you say, because she loves you, and she will never do that to you.

9. Be truthful, be honest

- Even with your feelings, always show how much you love her, or the kind of emotions you feel at the moment. Never be afraid to speak your mind, it will strengthen your relationship.

10. And lastly, never leave her side

- Remind her you're there, you're there to walk with her through every step of the way. Show her you'll stay even through the darkest times, make sure to fulfill the one thing I never did.

I'll be honest with you, she might have chosen you because of me. A personality, a piece of me shining in you, it will hurt for a while knowing she loved you because of me, because she could never love anyone the way she did with me. I can say the same, but not in the same circumstance.

If I loved her so much, and if she does too, why am I talking to you? I'm giving you these rules because it's what I did, it's what I know she loves to see, hear, and feel. She loves to love, and I love her.

Give her the world, make sure to make her smile the same way I did, and the same way I will never do. Because the truth is, my time is ticking.

Sooner than later, I will be in the hospital, and soon I will die. I can feel it, the doctor said it. But she can never know this.

All she will think is about how I left her for someone else, how I disappeared. I already managed to promise everyone around her that they will say I am simply living my life, fulfilling my dreams without her. When in fact I am no longer living, and my dream is fulfilled because my dream is her.

So, before I end this tape, I'll remind you to follow the rules one more time. Love her, remember her, and stay with her. If you already agree with the rules before I laid them out then good for you, you're the man she needs. But if not, then keep them in mind, every second of the day.

If this reaches you, it is because a friend lent them to you, with a promise to never let her know, it will be our secret. If you hear this, it is because I am gone. So my final wish and will, is to leave her in good hands, and in good heart.

Love her today, tomorrow, and the years to come. Never let a tear fall down her eye because of you.

"Hey babe, I think the cab is here! Hurry before we lose the reservation!"

I'm coming, love."

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

The Hobie fandom has a lot of smut, and with a character so accepting on so many fronts, it means so much to me to see trans!readers being taken into consideration.

As a trans guy myself, I love seeking out ftm!smut. But often times, I often can't read them. Many times I'm left feeling unseen, reduced, or even feminized.

And I wanna talk about that a bit, if it's okay.

My take and feelings on FTM!smut - As a Trans Guy

Ngl as a trans guy myself I do feel a bit alienated by a lot of FTM!reader.

I'm gonna be honest - I feel like most ftm smut is written exactly as it would be a cis woman, just with the pronouns changed. Which is understandable, but not really how it works.

Cis women and trans men don't have sex the exact same, just because they're AFAB.

And I feel most smut writers haven't gone out of their way to research the sexual experiences of trans men and how we navigate the world.

Hobie smut is pretty vulgar, and I won't complaining! As a character, he has a high volume of smut, and probably the most diverse range, with Black!reader, ftm!readers, and male!readers being more common than most fandoms.

Black!Reader focuses on the unique experience of black people when in a relationship together. This unique experience is at the basis of black!reader.

But when we approach Ftm!reader - very often, our unique experience isn't reflected.

It's just assumed that because we are AFAB - there's no need to look deeper at the closer unique sexual experience trans men have - or to read up about it.

Most ftm!reader fic does not attempt to use affirming sexual language for trans men at all.

T-dicks - ie, natural clitoris enlargement you get after taking T - is a thing a lot of transitioning Trans men have.

But they're never called T-dicks in fanfiction. Only clits. It's very rare that a ftm!reader is described as having a dick - because so often the only dicks cis people recognize are natal dicks, and surgery-constructed ones.

Many cis writers may never even considered referring to a trans man's clitoris as a dick - pre or post T. They may see it as confusing to the reader, when it's not.

T-Dicks are dicks. Bottom growth didn't give you a full 3-4 inches, but you absolutely have growth and there are trans men that can penetrate with T-dicks - without surgery - if with the right partner.

The words pussy and cunt are used liberally in nearly all ftm!smut, and while many trans men are okay with these terms, I think a lot of cis writers ignore or do not know that often, terms like those can cause heavy dysphoria in a lot of ftm readers.

I don't think cis writers ever question if they might be making readers dysphoric - or showing them in a non-affirming way.

I feel like some writers believe that changing pronouns and calling the reader 'handsome' is really all it takes. Just write usual fem smut, change the pronouns - and done!

In reality, a large part of the ftm community feels uncomfortable with the word 'pussy' - and would much rather stuff like 'front hole'.

A poll on 'What do you call your downstairs?'

And I'm not saying that you can't call a trans man's genitals a pussy. And I'm not saying that a trans man calling his genitals a pussy is wrong.

I just feel like cis writers do not consider the dysphoria of their trans readers, when writing trans smut.

I feel like most cis writers don't actually seek out accounts of trans men and their sexuality.

I don't think they ever consider that these terms, talking about wetness and penetration (which many men on T can have problems with because of vaginal atrophy and dryness), breast, clits, cunts, pussy -

I don't think cis writers ever question 'Is this accessible for ftm readers that might have dysphoria? How can I make this accessible or easier for trans men who have bottom dysphoria?'

Or

'How can I make this more affirming of them as men?'

It's the assumption that, because we're all AFAB, because we have vaginas like cis women - then naturally we must all fuck the same regardless of gender, the only thing changing being the pronouns.

That's not true.

And also - Trans Men are never really written like gay men.

Trans men having sex with men is gay sex.

And even though most writers write trans men with male OCs - they hardly ever write their sex as if they are gay men.

99.9% of the time, it isn't written that way. Its always written as if it's 'straight sex'.

The experience of how gay men have sex is never really taken account into these fics, which makes me feel like a lot of writers don't see it as gay sex at all.

At most, the ftm reader may be described as a bottom - but never as an otter or twink or bear or cub or leather or anything.

They see it as AFAB sex.

Cause If I'm getting strictly candid - I feel like if a writer wrote mtf!smut and kept focusing on the girls 'hard throbbing cock and balls' - we'd all be like 'oh wow that's very intense centering on genitals that may alienate some trans women-'

But in ftm!smut focusing on 'wet tight juicy pussy and thriving clit' is standard. It's never really questioned.

And this is not to say 'oh trans women have it better they get better smut-' No. They really don't. I'm just bringing this up to highlight the fact that we should be making sure that trans!smut is accessible and affirming to the trans people they're about.

Seeing a fic in which a gay trans man prefers to use his asshole, like most gay men fuck, is VERY VERY rare.

I feel like most cis writers never consider the fact that gay trans men may want to perform sex in an affirming, clearly coded, masculine gay way.

It's always assumed we use our front hole, are okay with it being called a pussy, have no problems getting wet, or that we don't have dicks (T-dick is a dick).

And because of that - the lack of affirming language and the lack of affirming transmasc experiences makes it very hard for me as a FTM person to read smut about ftm!readers.

I feel like most of them don't actually take our comfort - or our experiences in mind.

I feel like most don't attempt to actually read accounts of trans guys having gay sex, and what that's often like.

If you're a writer who feels guilty of any of this - you're not a bad person or a bad writer. And I genuinely thank you for including us in your work - from the bottom of my heart.

But I want to highlight this -

Trans men having sex is not a 1:1 of cis women having sex. The same way trans women having sex is not a 1:1 of cis men having sex.

Or experiences are unique - and our dysphoria does affect our sex lives, and how we navigate them.

Please, do not let this put you off writing trans men. But please keep in mind that our experience is unique.

So often I read ftm!reader and feel reduced down to my pussy. Without breasts in the equation, so much ftm!smut focuses solely on the pussy.

If you write ftm!reader please please do not let this put you off, but here's some tips I can give as a trans guy

Please do slight research of ftm anatomy, read an article about gay trans men, or go on r/ftm (subreddit) and read some posts about trans men, read some nsfw posts where trans men tell hookup tales.

Advocate has an great article called '16 things I learned from having sex with Trans Men' - which details and dispels 16 myths about trans men in bed. It's written from the POV of gay men who have been with trans men in affirming ways.

This post is in no way meant to be an attack or subliminal at any one writer. If it was one writer, I wouldn't care.

But this is something I've experienced and seen across fandoms and across writers in this fandom too. I feel the urge to write this because searching for affirming ftm!fics - I often come away feeling even more dysphoric.

Not because of the word pussy or cunt or anything -

But because of the erasure of my experience, the idea that my gender doesn't influence my experience of sex - only my AFAB genitals do.

If you write ftm!smut, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, truly.

But I feel like I had to say this.

If you read this far, thank you! This is one of my more personal venting posts but I'm also trying to raise a point and start a discussion. And you reading through this and giving me your time and understanding is already helpful enough, so thanks!

Here's Hobie.

Bye.

[fidenciocryptidcreechur]

sebek Zigvolt deserves more appreciation

him & rook hunt

They're just

I just

I just like them as so much as characters.

rook is unapologetically himself. He stays true to himself and his ideals no matter what anyone says. Even though literally everyone, including his closest friend Vil, thinks he's weird and even off-putting. Don't get me wrong about Vil. He and Rook are amazingly close but there are multiple instances where Vil finds Rook irritating. He is often told in some manner to curb himself, to tone down his passion for finding the beauty & positivity in all things. All he does is be unabashedly genuine & passionate & artistic & honest. He's also one of the few characters who is relatively kind to Game Canon You from beginning to end in game Canon. In multiple instances in his dialogue he invites others to join him in his hobbies and activities and despite being faced w/ hostility. Even on his birthday, Malleus did not want to go despite sending an invite-which yes Mal can have preferences - but still the fact that the King of lonely rejects an invite shows how fairly isolated Rook is. Yet despite criticism from all around, he maintains this unending positivity & drive to improve. I love Rook hunt

Sebek too. He is a very driven & honest Character. In multiple vignettes he is shown to be helpful, to Show care, to Show admiration for skill in his peers. Yes, he is standoffish. However, he is not deceitful nor manipulative nor does he seem to intend harm unlike a great deal of many especially early on. A lot of comments about humans seem to stem from internalized racism. There is a lot of canonical instances discrimination against fae, especially those who are notably different dwarves & the pixies. So it would be unsurprising if Sebek also grew up under discrimination AND scrutiny both from human community & the fae Community. We know that his grandfather Baul is very vocal about his disapproval of his fae daughter's marriage w/ a human. Yet despite this, he still does his best & still clearly cares. He grew up w/ parents who went against a lot of opposition to be together and are very loving and likely took some of that determination & attitude w/ him in life. He will give praise for skill and will help those he can. His circumstances & upbringing (Scrutiny & discrimination from both fae & humans, even his own grandfather though he mentions that progress has been made there). Despite all of this, he is doing his best and is a wonderfully genuine and honest and expressive and determined guy

So yeah

I love Sebek and Rook. They're great characters and I think they need more appreciation.

also these 2 put the Sebek appreciation way more eloquently than I

[ayoharuko]

Love and Deepspace: Boyfriend Headcanons ♡

I really need to start writing more Zanye stuff considering his my type in so many ways, don't get me wrong but I love all of them, however. Zayne was the one who pulled me into the game and made me stay :3

Again, most of the headcanons may or may not be already canon in game. But do not worry, I do have originals I've thought off :3

Reader here is Gender Neutral (They/Them)

If you haven't seen Xavier's part its here!

Warning: Some Spoilers from his Myths and minor swearing.

Reminder: The character belongs to INFOLD/ its respective creators; this is all just fictional work so please try to not take these too seriously :)

♡ Now, we all know that our favorite Doctor loves sweets right? I feel like in his feel time, aka when he doesn't have work and takes a break from the hospital - he'll practice how to bake sweet goodies.

♡ Think about it! He knows how to cook well and his knife skills are exceptional, so he would definitely make baking as a stress relief and hobby.

♡ I imagine him making sweets to either give to the patients in the hospital, or maybe his coworkers too, once they finish another hard day.

♡ Obviously, you'll get most of the treats as your his special person but not only do you get most of the goods - you also get the first taste! He would also ask you for your honest opinion, now if your scared in telling him the truth; don't be. He encourages it so he can improve better in baking :)

♡ While on the convo of cooking and food - we also know that this man can cook very well, not only is the meal balanced but the presentation and taste is immaculate.

♡ Don't worry picky eaters, you won't even taste the veggies he put in the meal so you'll be safe and not gag (At least not from the food yk what I'm sayin-)

♡ Zayne will ALWAYS make time for you. No matter how busy he is, you will always be his top priority.

♡ You are literally the whole exact reason why he choose to be a cardiac surgeon/doctor after all.

♡ That also means he worries over you like a mother hen, sometimes he can be overbearing and too much on the scolding or doting whenever you get injured.

♡ So obviously, that leads to a few fights here and there but you understand that his intentions are all good.

♡ You are the passenger princess ✩

♡ Like. His car will always have snacks that you love, extra necessities, ties and your playlist is saved on his car too!

♡ On his day offs and you guys feel like hiking somewhere far, he would stock up his car filled with stuff that you usually use at your home as he wants you to be as comfortable as possible.

♡ He tries not to spoil you... he tried to put a limit on everything so you don't get your way but your just so fucking adorable and stupid sometimes that he can't resist giving in... kidding he loves you-

♡ Dates would consist of; cat cafes, hiking, going to the gym, trying out cafes, kitty cards but mostly he would prefer to spend time with you at your or his place :)

♡ Love languages would be Acts of service and Quality time.

♡ As mentioned, he would do chores and he'd cook for you. He also prioritizes you over anything, all his time belongs to you... it has always belonged to you.

♡ Despite telling you to always limit your sweets/desert intake, it apparently doesn't apply to him.

♡ You both would frequently visit the dentist as his teeth would hurt from the amount of sweets (and sugar.) he'd consume, one wonders how he hasn't gotten diabetes yet....

♡ Zayne knows that he can come off as aloof or cold so he thinks about the words he says to you before he actually speaks it. Which often saves you both from arguments a lot.

♡ He also makes a point to be honest whilst not hurting your feelings, you won't have to worry about him lying about how you look or the answers he'll give to your questions.

♡ The only thing he'd be dishonest about tho is when his the one in need of help. His so used to not accepting help that he lies that his evol doesn't hurt him; when clearly, it does.

♡ You'd have to be super plushy to make him care enough to take a break for his own well-being, how ironic for being a Doctor right? Well, his thankful that in times when he can't be the doctor, you make sure to step in as a Doctor just for him and him only.

♡ Zayne often has trips to the Arctic; and when he does, he would either take you with him (Which is rarely.) or make sure to update you with pictures of/or with Pie, the scenery and with your requests - his face as well. You both won't be able to video call all the time while his at the arctic because the signal would be weak so he takes pictures instead.

♡ When he does get back from his trip, expect gifts and tea from him. He'll also make sure to kiss you deeply as he definitely missed you a lot.

♡ Cats aren't really fond of him right? You would force take him to cat cafes all the time and try to establish a connection between him and one of the cats! There was only one cat that liked him enough tho- But thats a win for you!

♡ Since its been said that you both do go hiking sometimes, I believe you guys would do some camping as well.

♡ He would take you on a hiking journey up a cliff filled with pretty flowers and Mayne jasmines that he may or may not have planted himself and you both would set up camp there.

♡ He would grill some food, take out the sweets he baked back at his place and cuddle you under the starlight... wishing for this all to last forever.

♡ He gets nightmares right? When he does; all he wants to do is seek you out, but he often feels guilty as he knows you have your own problems... So you have to rely on your 'Zayne Senses' to know whether the nightmares haunt him or not.

♡ When it is haunting him; all you need to do is Lead him to the bed, tuck his head into your chest - just enough so that he can hear your heartbeat while you whisper promises that you're never gonna leave him.

♡ Zayne has learned how to be patient, yet for you? His Patience will be tested. Whether it's you on those week - long missions or you not calling or messaging.

♡ Zayne does skincare..... I firmly believe he has friends that are dermatologists and that they give him skincare products sometimes as a gift. He gives some of them to you too, if it has good benefits or if you just want it.

♡ If you both are living together and your schedules are in-sync; you both would do your skincare routines together.

♡ I believe that Zayne - not only takes care of his body health but also his face - and not in a beauty standard way but in a 'Good looks makes the patient more at ease and would likely trust him more typa way'

♡ However, in months where the hospital gets busy; he develops a little stubble under his chin. Sometimes its on purpose as he likes the way you shave it or the way you sit on his lap if yk yk...

♡ Nicknames that he gives you are so sweet like honey... the way he calls out to you with that sweet nickname he has given you, it instantly fills you with butterflies.

♡ I like to think he'd call you Honey, Sweetheart and My Love a lot... but when your asleep in the comforts of your shared bedroom; he'd whisper My heart and My Jasmine, just soft enough that you could barely hear whilst slipping away to dreamland.

♡ In conclusion, Zayne is just filled of Husband Material ᯓᡣ𐭩

♡ His not perfect by all means (Expect you think he is) but he will do everything in his power to make sure that you'll not only be satisfied but also comfortable.

I had a lot of fun writing Zayne's part! Considering that his my main after all heh.

I hope that you all enjoyed reading Zayne's part and let me know if ya'll want a NSFW Version of these headcanons :)

See you guys on my next post~!

Rafayel's Boyfriend Headcanons, check it out too!

Reblogs are appreciated and Feedback/Comments are always appreciated! :3

(Note: please don't copy and paste my works anywhere, and if you do see them on other platform please inform me.)

[orshii]

Limitless (through the night)

Author: orshii

Pairing: biker! Choi San x female reader

Warnings: cursing, brief mention of death

Word count: 11,5 k

Summary: You have broken the rules, again. The punishment? You’re moving in with your father, sent back to your hometown which you had grown to be a stranger to. What happens when old affairs return in the form of Choi San? The only guy you wished to forever avoid, the guy who was a menace and always knew which buttons to push.

Will he put aside your differences and help you out when you get in trouble again?

A/N: Wow, I guess I'm here again...Ever since I saw these pictures of San, I'm obsessed with it, so a story kinda popped out of my mind lol. Like, I'll just never get over biker San pls, he drives me crazy, and I don't like it (lie). Anyways, thank you for my talented bestie @bvidzsoo for helping me a lot. I'm really a newbie to this whole writing and Tumblr world so, ly bestie hehet. Please, enjoy! I'mma be back soon, with a Hongjoong series too, lmao. Okay, byee, xoxo, orshii. (divider)

Moving to a new place could excite you due to all the new opportunities coming your way, alongside with new people, which may become your new friends.

In my case it wasn't like this. I was moving back to my hometown, which I have left almost ten years ago, leaving behind my father and all the people who I was once close with.

Now, I'm on my way back to my father, back to the house where we once were a happy family. My mother left my father, because it seemed like my father cheated on her. But the actual truth was that she just wanted to escape from this little town. She had no opportunities here, so she just blamed everything on him to have a reason to leave this shitty little town behind, alongside with me. I was only 10 years old, I did not understand back then what the hell was happening, so I just went with her. We moved to a bigger city, which was full with people. I never liked it, I hate crowds, I hate how the city is full with life.

After a while, my mother met someone and he was rich, so, we moved into a bigger house, which looked like a castle. I did not like it; I like simple things. I liked our old house, where the walls were cracked like a river spreading through the map. It was beautiful in its own way.

So why am I going back again to my hometown? I look to my left, where my mother is driving. She looked tired and mad; she was continuously frowning while she was driving. Maybe she was thinking about how she could bring a child like me into this world. Of course, I was the cause of going back to my hometown. It was my punishment.

 I'm going to be honest, lying isn’t something I do often. Since I was little, I adored motorcycles. They are so beautifully shaped and their sound is simply music to my ears. I love watching them through the TV, the bikers riding their fancy motorcycles and competing against each other, going in circles like Formula 1 cars on the circuits.

 My dad had owned an old Yamaha, it was beautiful. He noticed that I adored it, and so, he taught me everything about motorbikes; which part of the bike belongs where, he even taught me how to repair some broken parts. That was the moment I fell in love with motorbikes. I could not wait until I grew up and finally got my license. I had one purpose in life, and that was it.

And after a lot of patience, I finally got my license, but I had no motorbike. This became my next goal. To buy a bike. I succeeded doing that too, and I was proud of myself.

I looked back, where my beautiful matte black Yamaha R6 was tied safely onto the trailer. After I bought Toothless—I have named it that—I naturally joined a motorbike gang and slowly got into the world of racing. But these were illegal affairs, illegal races. You’d rarely get caught, so I didn’t worry about it. But one day I made a very bad mistake and I was left to face the cops. I was alone, the others—whom I considered my friends—left me there, letting me face the repercussions all on my own. As soon as my mother got me out of the police station and we got home, she started packing my things, saying 'You're moving in with your father.' My opinion did not matter, it was settled, and I just needed to obey. I did not care about anything at that point, so I just went with it without a word. Since that incident I did not want to make any friends, I did not trust people anymore, not even my mother. She betrayed me by sending me back to our hometown, treating me like I was a nobody to her. I never felt like I belonged anywhere, I am used of being passed around by others.

As soon as we drove through the streets of my hometown, little memories started resurfacing and I smiled. It was good to be back, to be honest, I have always loved this area. I never actually wanted to leave it behind, I just really had no choice but to do otherwise.

When we finally arrived to the house where we had once lived, a whirlwind of emotions hit me like a truck. My father stepped out from his car service, wiping his oily hands onto a used black cloth, which was once white. He looked tired and worried, mimicking the same expressions reflected on my mother’s face.

I stepped out from the car, looking around a little bit. Nothing has changed since I had last been here, and that was a long time ago. We never came back after the separation, my father used to visit us when he had the time, but it was rare, and our relationship went from having a happy father-daughter connection, to a shallow 'How's school? Good.' connection.

As I looked around, my parents were talking quietly just so I wouldn’t overhear them, but I knew they were talking about me. They were talking, and then suddenly my mother was moving, giving me a kiss on my cheek and saying 'Don't get into any trouble', leaving me there like I was an abandoned cat, handed back to the streets because it kept causing trouble. She chose the easier way, passing me into the hands of my father.

I pushed my bike into the garage and covered it with a blanket, I did not want Toothless to be dusty from all the dirt flying around the air. My dad showed me around the house acting as if I was there for the first time. I stepped inside my old room; everything was just how I had left it. The old drawing in which I had drawn our once happy family, and even my little pink shoes, which I had cried about leaving behind accidentally. Everything was the same, except me.

I got enrolled into the local University. I wanted to learn still as I had nothing to do; I needed to keep my mind busy. As I was headed to the new University on my bike, I felt anxiety crawling up through my body. I never liked new places, and besides, this was a little town, everyone knew everyone. And so, I was the new girl in town to them. The girl who came back after years of being gone. I don't really think anybody is actually aware of who am I. I had changed.

I arrived to the parking lot of the university, and cut the engine of Toothless. I sighed before I got off my bike, taking off my raven black helmet with red lines on it. My anxiety had finally crawled through my body, managing to reach my mind and thoughts, clouding them and keeping me locked in, not letting me go for even a second. My thoughts had always been my biggest enemy. Overthinking made me feel anxious about even the littlest things. It wasn’t good as this influenced my behavior, all the time. I tried to gather myself, not having noticed that somebody was watching me.

"Princess is back in town and has a little motorcycle, I see." I jumped at the sudden deep voice coming from behind me.

I turned around and saw a very familiar looking, handsome, guy in front of me, but I did not remember his name. He was smirking at me, his eyes sharp like a knife, glaring at me like he was a predator and I was his prey. He was wearing a black hoodie that hugged his broad shoulders perfectly, with black shorts that reached his knees, pairing with red Jordans.

"And who are you?" I asked frowning; I really did not know him, he looked familiar, but I could not place a name to his face.

He just tilted his head, looking at me sharper than before, "You don't remember me? I'm Choi San."

He was frowning his thick eyebrows, a little cut in his left eyebrow making his glare more intense.

Choi San, the mayor's son. Now I knew who he was, and I did not fucking like him. He was always the annoying rich kid from school, always stuck-up, acting all-mighty due to his family being rich. And he didn’t like me either anymore. At the beginning we were friends, but then shit started happening at home—my parents arguing constantly, not even noticing me anymore—and so, I closed myself off, not wanting to befriend anyone. I was just a child, my parents constantly arguing was a big enough trauma for me to stop caring about other things. So, I pushed San away, who, I assume, took it to heart since he started hating me and acting like a total jackass, not letting me live. It was like that until I left my hometown, leaving everyone behind.

"Oh, well then, I don't care." I said while grabbing my helmet from my bike and turning around to leave. I did not have the energy for this arrogant prick, he didn’t change at all, I could tell by his one little sentence.

He laughed, "Princess is mad, huh? Is that a Yamaha R1?"

He had asked while pointing at my bike, not letting me leave quite yet.

I sighed and turned around looking at him annoyed, "No, it's an R6."

My answer was short and snappy.

"That's from one of the newest series. I bet you begged on your knees your rich stepfather to buy it for you." He laughed sarcastically, and it sounded like an engine that needed an oil change. I sneered at the thought.

It hurt, it hurt because he didn’t know how many days I didn’t sleep because I had shift after shift, working my ass off. My stepfather and mother didn’t want to buy me a bike, actually they hated just the idea of it, but I didn’t care, so I took as many jobs as I could, and after three years of hard work, I finally get to buy this beauty. It had nothing to do with my stepfather. San was just being his old self, being an asshole, judging even though he did not know anything at all.

"Just fuck off, San." I snapped before walking towards the building. I was starting to get annoyed, but I didn’t let it show because I knew that was what he wanted out of this exchange. To piss me off, get on my nerves.

I finally stepped inside the building. I was a bit lost; I didn't know where I was supposed to go now.

"Let's race someday or are you scared, baby?" But San suddenly stopped next to me, looking at me arrogantly, not leaving me alone.

I laughed at the nickname, it was cringe, what the hell was he thinking? "I don't do shit like that."

I didn’t even spare him a glance.

"Then why do you have a motorbike?" San asked, looking at me like the police officer had when he was interrogating me.

"I obviously use it to go to church." I rolled my eyes as I started walking down the corridor. I got a lot of curious looks from the other students littered around in the hallways.

"I bet you raced in that big town of yours." San said, of course, following me.

I suddenly stopped in my tracks, and looked at him with deadly eyes, "Can't you just go and fucking annoy somebody else?"

"Princess is being mean for what? I just wanted to welcome you back in town." He said with a smirk on his lips.

"Oh, how humble" I said ironically, "Thank you for your kindness."

I smiled at him and saluted him before turning around. I did not have the energy for this egoistic guy.

I somehow found the director's office. He handed over my schedule and wished me good luck, and I was abandoned again in the empty corridor.

I was looking at my schedule, trying to figure out which classroom I needed to get in.

 "Hey, new girl, are you lost?" I heard a voice calling out to—me— I had assumed.

I looked up and I found myself standing in front of a tall, black-haired boy, with the kindest smile I had ever seen in my entire life. He was wearing bright colors, which highlighted his bright smiley face, he looked like a walking sunshine.

"Hi, yes, a little bit." I said while looking at my schedule confused.

"Let me see." He took the paper from my hands and looked at it humming, "Oh, you are in the same major as me. I'm headed to that class; I can show you the way."

He offered me up with a sweet smile.

"Oh my god, thank you, you saved me." I huffed the air out from my lungs.

"This way." He pointed out the direction with his finger, and we started to walk towards the classroom.

"By the way, I'm Yunho." He said, reaching his hand out towards me.

I smiled while shaking his hand, "Y/N, nice to meet you. How did you know I am the new girl?"

I had asked him curiously.

"Everyone knows, it's a little town, the rumors here spread like the plague." He shivered with a smile.

I chuckled, "Oh, I see. Too bad, I just wanted to remain unknown."

"Your dad is quite famous in town, did you know? So, I assume he told someone you are coming, and puff, the rumors are everywhere." He gave me a side glance as he smiled.

"Yeah, maybe." I said, thinking about the fact that my father has a car service, which, I assume, is the only one in town. Therefore, people meet up with him constantly, thinking more of it, it isn’t a surprise that people know who I am, in the end it, it is a little town. We arrived to the classroom, and headed in.

The day went by quickly. I was glad I met Yunho, he was a funny guy, and he led me around the University, making funny comments about some students. I really needed him in order to integrate into this new community, which I was once part of ten years ago. It was as if I had to relive the past, as if I was walking down the same path, I had done so ten years ago, a path which might have changed during my absence. It felt like I had to start everything from the very beginning.

  The days passed by quickly, and I just tried to avoid being in the spotlight as I found out everyone knew me, but I knew nobody, because who would remember the people they had met while being just a little kid? As I was randomly walking on the street, headed to get some groceries, random people would say hello and even ask how my mom was. I just quickly answered them, but I didn’t know who they were.  I didn’t like the attention, when all the eyes were on me, so I tried to lay low, live my life quietly.

Then one day, as I had gotten closer to Yunho, he somehow convinced me to attend a party held by some guy named Song Mingi. I wore casual clothes, meaning simple black ripped jeans paired with a black crop-top, and a leather jacket. I am a biker, so the leather jacket is a must, even when you have to leave your bike behind, as I had done now. I felt like drinking something. I hadn’t gotten drunken in a while, not that this was my purpose for the night.

Yunho came to pick me up with his navy-blue Nissan GT-R. The car was beautiful inside out. And that is when I found out that Yunho used to do street racing, held by some local racing company. That's another reason as to why we became friends so quickly, as we were interested in the same things.

  When we arrived to the house where the party was held at, it was already crowded. Luckily, there was the opportunity to stay outside, next to the pool, and so, I told Yunho I didn't really want to go into the crowd. He stayed with me, and to our luck, we found some alcohol outside too. There was a table next to the pool, and there were a whole bunch of alcoholic drinks on it, so, we took some tequila shots. As we were talking about some of Yunho's street races, I heard someone approaching us.

"Where did you leave your expensive bike, princess?" He clapped his hands together, reaching for a can of beer, opening it quickly with his thumb. He was wearing dark jeans, a white T-shirt, and on top a leather jacket. At least he knew the unsaid rule of the bikers. Leather jacket is a must, like I have said.

I looked at him with a glare, "I left it at church since I got drunk on the communion wine."

I said annoyed as it was my last wish to meet him tonight, “Just leave me alone, San.”

"Where's the fun in that?" He leaned close to my face, bending down to be at the same height as me, whispering it in my face.

"The fun must be where you brain is, which you seem to be lacking in." I pointed at his head.

He laughed loudly, "You'll see where is the fun when I beat you at the race."

He glared at me with his typical sharp gaze. It whispered danger. And I liked danger.

“I said I don’t race; do you have issues with your long-term memory now?” Despite meaning to be teasing and unabashed, my voice came out a little angry as I frowned.

“I saw the news about your little incident. You can’t be fooling everyone and telling them you nearly got arrested, princess.” He spread his arms, as he raised his voice, so everyone could hear it who was outside. I felt everyone’s eyes on us, coming closer, way too interested in hearing what the whole fiasco was about.

My blood had started boiling and I clenched my fists together, until my knuckles turned white. I was blinded by my sudden anger towards San, I just wanted to wipe that annoying, arrogant, smile off of his face. I stepped closer to him, my face inches away from his, as his back was facing the pool. He just needed a little encouragement for a swim, and so, I strongly pushed him towards the pool, and before he could fall in, I quickly whisked the beer out of his hand, and lifted it into the air.

“Have a good swimming, Choi San.” I placed the beer down on the table. That was my que to leave him there. I could feel his glare pointed at my back from the pool as he swum to the surface. I could feel his annoyance, that he felt embarrassed. I smirked to myself, Choi San, you have no idea whom you’re trying to annoy. Yunho came after me quickly and gave me a high-five for the move I had just pulled off.

  The next hours at the party were spent by drinking and dancing, as I went into the dancing crowd. I just wanted to disappear in the crowd and feel good. I tried to avoid San the whole night as I didn’t want to see his furious side, San, who got humiliated by me. It was funny, I had to smile the whole time as I remembered his face when I pushed him into the pool, amused by the whole ordeal. I also got to know the guy who threw the party as Yunho introduced us to each other. Mingi was a tiny bit shorter than Yunho, but you could barely notice. He had a buzz cut and rocked his blonde hair; his sharp nose completed his small eyes well. He wore a black T-shirt with some silver necklaces around his neck, and black ripped jeans. His nails were painted black with some rings on his fingers. I am not going to lie; he was hot as hell. And I also found out that he races alongside with Yunho. He owns a Toyota Supra, and that nearly made me faint when he told me about it, because it’s a rare car. He then proceeded to show it to me. It was so beautiful and unique due to its painting. It was kind of a papaya orange with some words on it painted on it, 'Fix on' and 'Youth'. I really liked it.

I had asked the boys about what kind of race San spoke about, and they said it’s an illegal motorbike race, which happen to be very rare here. I quickly tried to forget about it. I didn't want to cause trouble again; I had promised my mom and also myself to stay low, to be better. San was just provoking me; I wouldn’t fall into his trap.

  The next day at university as I was walking down the corridor, headed to the cafeteria, something immediately caught my eyes. It was a poster with a motorbike on it, of course it caught my eyes. I went closer to read it. It said that a motorbike competition was to be held, and the prize were some new parts to upgrade your motorcycle. This was the competition San was talking about, and it's going to be held tonight on the deserted streets of the city. I'm not going to lie; it piqued my interest. I miss speeding down the roads, the adrenaline coursing through my veins every time I race. And my bike is in urgent need of an upgrade, because these past days it felt like something was wrong with it, but I couldn’t figure out what it was exactly. For now, I'm going to let it go, but I still took the poster with me…just in case.

Evening came and I was in my room, I barely talked to my father all day, nothing unusual. Sometimes when I'm alone, and that happens a lot recently, I just start thinking about useless things that make me feel weak. I have never opened up to anyone before, I was never that kind of person, and besides, I always thought it's useless to open up to someone, because in the end they never truly care about me. And the fact that I was betrayed by my own "friends", it just confirms that I really should just stick to myself. I'm not going to say that it didn’t hurt when I saw my friends running away from the police, pushing me straight in front of them, telling me, "You are the new girl, handle it." Funny, I'm the new girl everywhere, I'm not going to belong anywhere, I am always going to be the new girl. They thought it was a nice joke, it wasn't; it ruined me. I started to think that the problem was me, that I deserved this, that I am not enough. As some time went by, I realized it wasn't my fault, but these thoughts still remained deep in my heart. And I will carry it with myself for a long time.

Here I am again, thinking about these things. These are those moments, when I need to clear my head. My solution for it is going out into the chilly air with my bike, cutting through the wind with the highest speed my bike can handle. The feeling of it being night, and I'm alone with Toothless, speeding through unknown streets, I feel like it's just me and my bike in this whole world. It’s like therapy for me. It just…understands me, just like the feeling you get while listening to music; sometimes you listen to a sad song, it makes you sad, it just describes your feelings, but if you are happy and you listen to that exact same song, it'll bring happy tears out of you.

  I was going around the city aimlessly, when suddenly I saw a bunch of bikers headed somewhere. That's when I realized they were going to the competition. My heart started to beat quickly. I started inhaling and exhaling slowly, just the thought of racing made my blood boil, my skin itch, awakening my body like nothing else.

And as I kept following after them, suddenly I realized I arrived to the location of the competition. It was really my subconscious taking over, driving me here. I slowed down a little. There were a lot of people around crowding the bikers, watching their unique motorcycles. Some background music accompanied the sound of the engines as it melted together, creating an intriguing melody. The atmosphere here were totally different compared to the one in the big city. Back there it was just serious faces, who hated each other. But here, I only saw smiles and laughs even between the racers as it seemed like everyone looked at each other friendly, not viewing the other as the enemy.

I stopped my bike, turning the engine off after having parked it. I noticed some curious eyes on me. I didn't know what to do now, I was totally alone. I didn’t know anyone, but I needed to fight my anxiety as I took my helmet off. My helmet always gave me safety, kept me unknown, and that's what I always wanted.

When I stepped next to my bike, someone immediately caught me into a hug. It was Yunho. He lifted me up in the air and smiled.

"Oh my God, you are here, Y/N!" He said excitedly, putting me down.

I laughed, "Yes, I am. I don't know how exactly, I was out for a ride, and then I found myself here."

I said placing my helmet down on my bike.

"I am so happy you are here." Yunho said, his smile never disappearing.

"Yeah, I can see that." I chuckled looking at his bright face.

"Will you sign up for the competition?" He asked me with curious eyes.

I sighed, "I'm here so—I guess?"

I lifted my hands into the air, shrugging.

"Yes!" Yunho fist bumped the air happily, making me chuckle.

He then led me to a person at which I needed to sign up for the competition. I didn't know who I was going to compete against, just until Choi San came to sign up as well. I had already finished signing up as I stood aside with Yunho, while he leaned towards me and quietly started to introduce each racer.

"Did you know that we are going to race against each other, princess?" San said, throwing a quick glance my way with his sharp eyes, signing the paper in front of him. I checked him out very quickly, hoping nobody would notice. He was wearing his typical leather jacket but with a black T-shirt underneath, and ripped jeans this time. His black hair fell into his eyes as he finished filling out the paper. Every woman very noticeably thirsted after him, and I wasn't an exception…he’s fucking hot. What a shame he has a shitty personality.

I rolled my eyes and ignored him, tuning to face Yunho, who was talking to some guy I didn't know. Did San really not understand that I didn’t want to talk to him?

"I want to race against her." I heard San's voice coming from behind me. I turned around to look at him annoyed.

"You can’t get rid of me so fast." He winked at me, that fucker.

"I will, on the track." I smiled at him sweetly, turning around again as I went back to my bike with Yunho, adrenaline slowly starting to course through my body. I had to win this, I had to wipe that confident smile off of San's face.

The race started, it was a drag racing, meaning three bikers were lined on the starting point, it was a shorter straight section, then as the lights turned green from red, you just needed to shift the gears up as perfectly as you could. The first who reaches the finish line wins. Speed mattered only here, and how detailed you are about the gearing.

A few bikers were already done with the race, and I watched them curiously. Slowly, it was our turn to race. People were loud and they cheered whenever their favorites won.

I rolled over to the starting point. One guy was already there and I found out that I'm going to race against San and a guy named Hongjoong, whose nickname was the Devil. I didn't know him, but Yunho said he is one of the most well-known bikers in the town. He had a Honda CBR. His bike was sick, it was bright red and the owner sitting on it with his red helmet really looked like the Devil himself, I get why they call him that.

As I rolled next to him, I glanced towards my right as he was there. He looked at me and bowed his head, I did the same. It was a sign of respect. I liked the guy already.

San arrived to my left side with his Suzuki GSX, painted also with a very dark red, reminding me of blood, mixed with some black. These guys weren't playing, their bikes were absolute monsters. I could almost hide with Toothless, but my bike was almost on the same level as theirs, so I saw hope in winning this.

When the announcer spoke, saying our names and a few things about our motorbikes, I slowly started to focus on the task at hand. I did not hear anything else, just my fast-beating heart. I fixed my eyes ahead, breathing in and out. The engine sounds pushed away the crowd’s noise. The red light suddenly switched green, and I quickly lifted my left foot off the ground, concentrating on the perfect timing of the gearing, bending over a little to adjust with the speed. From the outside it looks like three bikes quickly reach the finish line, but when you are the driver, it feels like the longest minutes of your life.

At the beginning the three of us were head-to-head, then I was the one who was leading. I could feel the victory coursing through my bloodstream already. But suddenly, I heard a puffing noise from my engine, and it stopped without any warning. My bike started to slow, the thoughts of winning long forgotten.

'Shit, shit, no, no, no, no, no!' I mumbled to myself. I could barely stop; my bike was still resonating.

The two other racers quickly passed by me, leaving me with my broken bike. I glanced forward and saw San reaching the finish line first. I was so fucking close. I hit my bike angrily, and got off it to push it over to the side. This is the worst feeling ever, when you are so close that you can already feel the win, but then something out of your control happens and it’s not your fault, you can’t do anything about it, you’re only left with cursing the world, asking, 'Why me?'

I could feel something was faulty with my bike, but I didn't think it was this bad. I heard someone running my way. It was Yunho, and when he reached me, he leaned his hands on his knees, catching his breath.

"Fuck, what happened?" He asked straightening up, still breathing quickly from running.

"I don't know, the engine just stopped working." I kicked my bike. I loved Toothless, but when it did things like this, I felt like I was going to throw it out.

Yunho came closer to my bike, to try and see what the problem was. He crouched down to take a closer look as I stood next to him, using the flash of my phone to help him see better. I heard an engine slowing down next to us. Of course it was San, he took his black helmet off, smiling at me deviously.

"Daddy's money wasn't enough for a normal motor? It’s called karma, princess.” He said with a death glare, smirking annoyingly. “This is because you fucking pushed me into the pool."

Why the hell did he enjoy spitting out words that made no sense at all?

I could feel my blood boiling, my biggest desire at the moment being the want to punch that confident smile off his annoying face. I was so close doing it, I swear to God, I was ready to punch him hard, but that little sanity I was clinging on to did not let it happen. I always had problems controlling my anger. But slowly, I learned to handle it. I learned how to manage these feelings, so I just let it bounce off of me.

"Next time I’m going to push you into the sea, if you don’t stop being an asshole. Go, celebrate your fucking win, you really deserve it." I said, staring at him with deadly eyes.

"Your wish is my command, Princess." He saluted with a smirk, and then placed his helmet back on, driving away with his annoyingly loud engine. I scoffed as I watched him roll away.

"I think I'm going to call my dad, there's no hope in fixing it." I sighed. I'm going to get into so much trouble now. I was forbidden from racing, my dad won't be happy, I'm sure. But it is what it is. At least the cops didn't show up this time.

I called my dad and told him what happened. I was nervous of how he would react. To my surprise, his first question was about my well-being. He said he was coming.

While I was waiting alone for my dad—I told Yunho that he could since my dad was coming— Hongjoong stopped by my side, taking his helmet off. His blonde hair fell into his face as he ruffled his hair. He was damn handsome, he looked so soft, the opposite of his nickname.

"Everything alright?" He asked, his eyes full of understanding.

"Not really, my engine is broken, so yeah…" I said with a sad smile.

"Can I help you with anything?" He looked at me as if he really understood what I was feeling right now.

"No, thank you, I'm waiting for my dad to pick us up." I pointed at my bike.

"Okay, such a shame this happened. It was a good race." He smiled at me and then reached his fist towards me.

"Yeah, it could’ve be a good one." I fist bumped him, smiling.

"Next time perhaps then." He winked at me sweetly, "If you need any help, I'mma be around." He put his helmet back on.

"Okay, thank you." I smiled at him sincerely.

He rolled away quickly, leaving me there with my thoughts. Now, that's what I'm talking about. Why aren't there more people like him on Earth? He looks like an angel, not like the devil I suppose he is—on track. I was intrigued, I wanted to get to know him better. San could really learn a thing or two from him.

  My dad arrived after a few minutes and we quietly placed my bike up on the trailer. As we were headed home, silence settled around us. I could feel he was pissed.

"I'm sorry." I said, looking straight ahead at the road, not wanting to see his disappointed expression.

"What did you think?" He started, "That you would race and I wouldn’t ever find out about it? It's a little town, Y/N, you already know how fast rumors spread here."

He glanced at me for a second.

"I know, I didn’t think, I just miss racing." Tears appeared in my eyes. "Please don't tell mom. She will send me to Azkaban after this."

Call it a defense mechanism, a trauma response, but I had always been like this…joking in serious situations.

I glanced at him and saw a very small smile appear on his lips, "I won't tell her, but it was very bold of you to race again. You can't do that, you know it, it'll have consequences."

He lectured me.

"Yeah, I know. Thank you for not telling mom." I said, relief spreading through my body.

"But you're still punished. You have to help me in the car service after school." He said glancing at me with a serious look.

"Okay, and maybe we could fix my bike too?" I said, glancing at him with a smile.

My father smiled back, "Maybe after we fixed some cars, we could check it out next week."

I clapped happily, "Thank you!"

The rest of the ride until we got home was quiet, I was happy my father was this understanding. I thought as soon as he finds it out, he'll send me back to mom, passing me between each other like I was a tennis ball. But to my surprise, it was the opposite, and I really didn't mind working in the car service. At least we could spend some more time together. I hoped we could fix our relationship, alongside with the cars, of course.

  My days went by and they all were quite the same. I attended my classes at university, then my whole afternoon went by fixing cars with my father. He managed to teach me a lot of things about cars, even though my world was all about motorbikes I was always interested in cars too. I was planning on buying a car, but I needed to put that aspiration aside for a while. My priority was fixing my bike so I could finally ride it.

We checked out my bike and we found out that my engine was overheated, and that's why it shut down. An engine upgrade was needed, and we changed the turbo as well while we were at it. It was going to be even more powerful than before; I was so excited to finally try it out. On some days, Yunho and Mingi would come by the car service to check on me, and they even started helping me out in fixing my bike. We started getting closer, we laughed a lot in between the late-night repairing.

Yunho and Mingi invited me to watch their races, which were going to be held today. I had never been to races like this one before, so I happily accepted the invitation. I could finally try my bike out as I was headed to the race. It felt so good riding it again after a while. I felt like I could breathe again. I think I had gotten addicted to this feeling.

The race was held at the race track of the town, in the afternoon. The sun was slowly going down as I rode my bike, painting my black bike and helmet with the shade of dark orange.

When I arrived to the track, there were lots of people being excited about the race. It was a drag race again, but with cars this time. I looked around and I saw different types of cars, each looking very sick and unique. I started to feel excited as I was rolling down between the cars, searching for Yunho's parked car.

Then, I suddenly recognized someone with a blonde hair. He noticed me and started walking towards me with a smile. I stopped and took off my helmet.

"Fixed your bike, huh?" Hongjoong approached me with a genuine smile.

"Yeah, finally." I pet my bike with a smile.

"I'm glad, we shall try it out some day." He said with his white teeth flashing.

"We shall." I smiled back at him. I would wholeheartedly race with him again.

"Are you racing?" I asked with a frown.

"No, I came to watch, I won't betray my beast." He laughed sweetly. I swear to God, his laugh was like music to my ears, "You came to watch too?"

"Yeah, I've never been to races like this one before." I said, feeling excited.

"We can watch it together; I know the best place where we can watch it from." Hongjoong offered with a sweet smile.

"Okay." I accepted his offer quite easily, "But first, I want to wish Yunho and Mingi good luck."

"Come, you can put your bike down there, I’ll show you where they are." He pointed towards my right, where I could park my bike.

I pushed my bike to the designated area, and brought my helmet with myself. I did not want to leave my treasure there. Hongjoong lead the way to where Yunho's blue GT-R was parked, next to Mingi's orange Supra. These two cars next to each other looked so good. I was very tempted to take a picture of them.

I approached Yunho and hugged him from behind, surprising him. He laughed, "You came, finally."

"I would never miss it." I smiled looking up at him. He was wearing his racing suit with colors that matched his car. His hair was lazily brushed over his forehead, almost reaching his eyes.

I hugged Mingi too, the top part of his orange racing suit lazily hung around his waist, a white T-shirt underneath. This orange clothing suit him very well, highlighting his blonde buzz cut. They looked handsome. What is it today, everyone is looking so good?!

"I'm going to be in the crowd, watching you guys, good luck. Fighting!" I smiled and hugged them both again. Hongjoong also wished them good luck, resorting to giving them high-fives.

"Thanks, we'll try." Yunho said laughing.

We then walked to the spot Hongjoong mentioned before. It was really a good one, we could see everything from here. The crowd started to cheer as the first cars appeared on the track. It was a 2v2. Yunho was the first one, competing against a Mitsubishi Lancer. It was going to be hard to beat that car, but Yunho did not disappoint, and he won with a lot of advantage. Every minute counted here; they were measuring the time up until you crossed the finish line. Time mattered here as it could beat your opponent.

After a lot of quick races, the sun went down, street lamps were lighting the track up, the crowd cheering loudly. We laughed a lot with Hongjoong, and he explained the rules of the races we were witnessing. I finally felt happy after a long time, I loved the atmosphere here.

That is until someone sat next to me.

"Now you’re into cars too? Tell your stepdad to send you a car, a broken one perhaps." San said, looking at me with those fucking annoying sharp eyes of his.

Every time he appears, my mood is fucked, "I will, now leave me the fuck alone."

I had said not looking at him.

San laughed, "Not until we're racing with equal chances."

"Oh, so now you admit it wasn't a fair win for you?" I looked at him with a glare.

"No, I would've won anyways. I just wanted to see how much you could push. But your bike said, nah. I bet it'll fall apart again." He said, leaning closer to me.

My blood started boiling, it was one thing if I was the one saying shit about Toothless, but him spitting out these words about my bike were not allowed. Ever. San was provoking me, and I knew it, I fucking knew it, yet…

"Come, I'll fucking beat you this time." I looked at him with blazing eyes, starring at him sharply.

He stood up smiling, "It'll be my pleasure, princess."

He put his right hand on his heart and bowed.

Oh, how I would hit him in the face, I had nightmares about that fucking confident smile.

I stood up, Hongjoong grabbed my hands to make me look at him, "It's not the best time going out there, Y/N."

He said with concern in his voice.

"I don't care, I want to wipe that confident smile off his face." I was long gone, there was no chance of anyone convincing me doing otherwise.

Hongjoong stood up, looking at me with concern, "But please be careful, call me if anything happens."

He held my hands, he really looked concerned.

"Don't worry, savior. I'll keep her safe." San glared at Hongjoong with the deadliest stare I've ever seen.

Hongjoong stepped closer to San, letting go of my hands. "If anything happens to her because you’re a fucking idiot and your ass is just itchy, you'll regret it, I promise."

Hongjoong stared back at San, and in this moment, he really looked like the Devil. I stood between them as they were eyeing each other, glaring with their noses flared.

Whoa, whoa, hold on a second, what was happening right now—

"Okay, guys, stop! Let's not waste any more time and get this shit over." I looked at San, losing my patience.

He winked at me and then smiled, his dimples appearing. Did I just notice he has dimples?

He did not wear his usual black leather jacket tonight; it was a leather jacket with some red on its sleeves and on the waist with white lines. On the front there was a writing 'SUZUKI', referring to his motorbike being the same brand. I’m not going to lie; he looked hot as fuck.

We walked over to our bikes, which were parked next to each other. I sat on my bike.

"So where are we going? You know this town." I looked over to my left side to meet San's gaze.

"There's a freeway not far from here. There’ll be traffic, but it’s more exciting that way." He smirked.

I started my engine and reached my hand out, motioning to him to show me the way. We both placed our helmets on, and then it was game on from there on. There was no turning back anymore.

I followed San, turning on unknown streets, it was barely a five-minute ride. We stopped where the freeway began.

"The winner is who gets to the end of the freeway first. It's not that long." He told me through his helmet, being on my left side.

I just nodded, it was late into the evening, but the cars ahead of us were countless. It was a three-lane road, people might’ve been going home from work, because there were a lot of cars. We lined up at the side of the road, in front of the red light. San pointed at that, signaling that if it turns green, we start. I started to reeve the engine, my legs in starting position with my eyes focused on the road ahead of me, counting the cars, and analyzing how could I pass by them. Adrenaline crawled through me; my skin covered in goosebumps. I have never felt like this before, I was so hyped about winning this. I had to win this.

The red light suddenly changed to green, and I quickly lifted my foot off the ground, bending over my bike and shifting up. We slid through the cars like the river runs through the rocks. We were two quick arrows passing by the cars, wheezing from left to right. At first, we were head-to-head, but I got lucky and I could pass by a big truck very quickly. San wasn't that lucky, he stayed behind a little. We arrived to a tunnel; sudden strong light hit my eyes. Traffic was lesser here, so, San quickly caught up with me. The sound of our engines were so loud that its echo bounced of the tunnel’s walls. It was like music, the two-engine sound melting into each other. I'm not going to lie, I was enjoying it so much as I have never felt like this before, it was the definition of freedom. I quickly glanced at San and he lifted his arms, giving me a thumps up, then quickly passed by me. But I did not let that happen, I went after him. We arrived to the end of the tunnel, sudden darkness hitting me now, my eyes needed a few minutes to adopt to the dark again. As cars were in front of us, I quickly took the chance to go in between two cars, and I was leading again. Until I suddenly saw red and blue lights flashing from behind.

Shit, shit, no, not again—

It felt like my heart was about to jump out of my chest, it was beating so fast. I can't get caught again, no way. I started to panic, and suddenly all strength escaped my body as I started to slow down. I couldn’t think straight as all thoughts left my mind seeing those colors again, getting flashbacks of that night. The lights, then being pushed straight into the cop’s hands, my friends running away, leaving me alone. San was suddenly next to me.

"Hey, Y/N, don't slow down, we need to lose them! I know a shortcut, follow me!" He yelled over the sounds of our engines and through his helmet, as I suddenly was back from the flashback as I looked behind me, seeing as the cops getting closer and closer.

I just nodded, suddenly feeling my strength coming back to me. There's no way they will catch me again. I quickly followed after San, passing by the cars, the police still following us, getting closer. San turned right onto a street, then left. We went through alleys and little streets, where only a bike would fit. I had no idea where were we, but I didn't care, because it seemed like San's plan was working and the red and blue lights were now far away from us. Suddenly, San turned left and went inside an abandoned factory's court. He quickly stopped and turned off the engine, signaling for me to do the same. I rolled next to him, and switched the key to turn off the engine. I glanced behind my back, I didn't see any signs of the police, but I still felt like I couldn’t breathe. I took off my helmet quickly, starting to inhale and exhale quickly.

"Fuck." I ran my fingers through my hair stressed, pulling it away from my face.

"Come, let's go inside, bring your bike too." San said, getting off his bike as he started pushing it towards the building.

As I got off my bike, I was shaking, the adrenaline was still in my blood. We brought our bikes inside and I needed to sit quickly. I sat down, pressing my back against my bike, lifting my knees up to my chest.

"I think they're gone." San sat down, doing the same as me.

He glanced over me, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." I said, still not looking at him.

"Are you really that scared of the cops?" I could hear it in his voice that he was smiling.

"San, this is really not the time where you can say shit like that." I glanced over at him. I guess he saw my expression, because his face changed.

"Sorry, I didn’t—" We lifted our heads up as we heard the siren sounds. The red and blue lights lit the walls of the factory, and my heart dropped to my stomach.

"Shit, shit, they are coming here." I stood up, San did too. But suddenly, I heard the sirens getting further and further away. I let out the big breath I was holding this whole time.

"They just passed by, idiots." San laughed.

I glanced over at him in disbelief, and sat down again next to my bike.

San mirrored me, "We need to wait a little, though, so they will give up searching for us."

"You were in these kinds of situations a lot, huh?" I asked San, staring ahead into the darkness.

"Kinda, that's why I knew what to do." He said sighing. Quiet fell over us as we both were thinking, probably not about the same things as he spoke up, "But I don't get it. What did you do that you got almost arrested? Did you crash your bike and kill someone?”

He looked at me frowning. I scoffed at him; I really couldn’t believe he was like this.

"You don't know anything about me, so please stop assuming things when you don't know shit." I stared at him angrily, "It's making me feel sick, San. I'm so fucking tired of your comments, what did I do to you for you to behave like this with me?"

I asked him, looking his way then at my hands, "I was just fucking racing because I love to do so. Why is that so bad? Don’t you do the same thing, San? I’ve got arrested because my friends left me there, so I was blamed for that whole mess, on my own. So, please, ask before you talk shit."

There was a minute of silence, "Fuck, I didn't know, Y/N. I don't fucking know why I'm an asshole with you. It is so easy to piss you off."

I glanced at him; he was staring ahead as he ran his fingers through his raven black hair.

"And you are enjoying this?" I scoffed at him in disbelief.

"Of course I don’t, it’s just—" He turned my way, "Lately I did it just because I wanted to race against you and I thought if I provoke you, then you'll come. I know it sounds stupid, but don't say you didn't like it."

He seemed nervous a little. Choi San being nervous, interesting.

"I did enjoy it, San. But what the hell, why couldn't you just ask me nicely if I wanted to come with you? I would've, if you weren't such an asshole.” I looked at him, “And our bickering or whatever did not start here.”

"Yeah…I know." He looked down at his hands, "When we were kids you suddenly just got cold and pushed me away like I was some garbage. I was a little kid, it hurt."

He admitted. I didn’t recognize this San, this softer, nicer, side of him was strange to me.

"I was a little kid too. Kids are mean, you just had a weak heart." I said to him, "That does not mean you have to be an asshole your whole life, because I mistreated you when we were fucking kids. This is it, San. You need to adapt to some situations; you have to let go of foolish things at times."

I looked at him seriously.

"Forgive me for being such an asshole, you did not deserve it. I just tried to blame other people for my weaknesses." He admitted, and for a second, he looked vulnerable. But it vanished away quickly.

And suddenly we started sharing about our lives, the cops long forgotten, things that we didn't know about the other. I could see the side of him, which he rarely let anyone see. He could be really goofy, we laughed together, trying to recall the ridiculous situations we were in when we were just kids.

"And just so you know, I bought my bike, not someone else. I worked for it, for years. I took shift after shift, because I wanted something. You know…it hurt when you said those things to me." I suddenly felt like I had to tell him how much he stabbed a knife into my heart that day.

"Fuck this, this whole situation is ridiculous." He scoffed, his voice getting weaker. "I'm so fucked up. I'm so fucking tired of adapting to what people expect of me. I did this my whole life."

I looked at him as he buried his face into his palms.

Silence fell over the chilly air as San seemed to be on edge, while he quietly sniffed. I couldn’t believe that San was crying. It came out of the blue; I did not understand the cause of it.

Suddenly, I slipped next to him. I just wanted to hug him, he looked so broken. So, I went closer to him, still sitting on the ground, and hugged him tightly as he scooted closer to me and buried his face into my neck.

"It's okay, San. Sometimes life can be too much. Just let it out." I stroked his back patiently. I felt some tears falling onto my neck.

 I couldn’t believe I was hugging Choi San right now, but I have always been like this. I don't care if he harmed me, if he needs a shoulder to cry on in his most vulnerable moment, then I’m going to be there for him because no one deserves to be alone in these moments.

"I'm so tired, I'm sick of this pain…" He mumbled into my neck, sobbing a bit, "After my mom died—"

"Your mom died?" I lifted his head from my neck, cupping his face with my hands. I looked at him with round eyes. I didn't know his mother died; I was shocked.

"Yeah, right after you moved away..." He said, looking into my eyes with his puffy ones. He seemed empty, he seemed like he wasn't feeling anything at all, "She had cancer, she…She struggled a lot…and I was alone, I needed someone to be there for me, I tried…I really tried." He said, his voice getting quieter.

I did not want to believe what I just heard, his mom was an angel, everyone liked her when she stepped on the stage alongside with the town’s major. They looked like true leaders. I always looked up to her, and now she’s gone.

"Oh my God, I didn't know, San. I'm sorry for your loss.” I blinked away my own tears as I wiped away his, “If I would've known—"

I felt a bit overwhelmed.

Suddenly his expression changed, it seemed like he had realized what he had done in the last few minutes. He locked his feelings away, again. He thought he showed too much of his weaker, softer, side and suddenly, he started closing off, just like I used to do. The old San was coming back. He pushed my hands away from his face aggressively, not looking at me.

"Whatever, I don't need your pity." He stared ahead, and leaned back against his bike, lifting his knees up to his chest.

I scoffed, "What did I do now?”

I blinked at him, not understanding the sudden mood change, “Okay, you can't be helped. I tried, I really tried to be nice with you, but you are impossible."

I stood up, "I think the cops are long gone, let's get the fuck out of here." I pushed my bike outside not waiting for San. I sat on my bike, starting the engine. San arrived next to me, with his bike.

"I'm sorry, Y/N." He looked at me with sincerity, but I did not fall for it.

"Yeah, me too, have a good night." I said with a disappointed look and I put my helmet on to drive away quickly. I just needed to get as far away as possible from him.

  Weeks passed since that night. I tried to avoid San as much as I could. I just couldn't face him; I was so tired of his games. There were a few occasions when he tried to talk to me, but I just ignored him. It's not that I don't understand him, I do, I know what he's been through…at least I can imagine. That night, I tried to see his good side, but he did not let me in. And it hurt, because I knew he needed someone, and I would've been by his side. But he suddenly decided to push me away. He closed himself off, stayed in the dark, not allowing me to light his path for a way out. I really felt hopeful for a second that he could change, that he would lower his walls and let me in. But no, he'll just never change, so I gave up on hoping. At least I thought so, but these past days I just couldn't get him out of my mind. When I closed my eyes, I saw him as he smiled at me in for that few minutes when we were freely talking about ourselves. I'm not going to lie, I liked that side of San, it was so pure. And I would've never thought I was going to say such things about Choi San. But he made me feel strange things.

It was late into the night when I was still in the car service. A car needed to be fixed by tomorrow and I told my dad he could rest, he has worked all day long and I could see he was really tired, so I wanted to fix this car by tomorrow. The weather seemed like it would rain soon, lighting striking every few minutes.

Suddenly, I heard an engine sound from outside. I frowned, who it is this late? I opened up the garage door and I found myself facing a soaked San, getting off his Suzuki, staring at me the whole time. His clothes were starting to soak through, the raindrops falling off from his leather jacket. It had started pouring badly; I haven’t even realized it. My heart was beating fast. He took off his helmet, his hair immediately getting wet. San ran his fingers through his hair.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him without any emotion.

"I just want to talk to you, Y/N. Please, let me take you to a place." He looked at me with pleading eyes.

"In this weather, San, seriously?" I pointed out, still standing under the garage, safe from the pouring rain.

"It'll stop in a few minutes." He said his, black clothes soaked now, waterdrops falling off his face. 

"How do you know? Are you a weather expert now too?" I asked frowning. I was just as hostile as he once was towards me.

He chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair again. "I deserved that. Just like the pool."

He looked at me again. I could see a lot of regret in his eyes.

"That night, I closed myself off because your face reminded me of all the people who pitied me back then, when she died. I was only 11 years old, and I got sick of seeing those faces, it always reminded me of her death."

He started to tear up, his voice getting weak again, "Please, Y/N, forgive me. I know I fucked up everything, I just—you—you drive me crazy and I can't behave around you. I feel like when I'm near you I’ll lose my mind, like I’m not myself anymore. I said a lot of shitty things to you, and I judged you a lot even though I didn't know anything about you. I want to change that, I want to know you better, Y/N. I want to let you in, I'll do that if you also want it, but I hope you won't be scared of what you'll see."

I saw as teardrops fell down on his face, but the rain immediately washed it away, his voice cracking from the flow of emotions.

My heart wanted to jump out of my chest. I didn't except him to say things like these to me, "I'm not scared, San, to see your dark side. I never was, and I never will be."

Tears started to appear in my eyes, to my surprise, "You said some hurtful things to me, but I get it, I really do. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but I was just so shocked, I didn't know…I didn't know, San."

I started to sob, tears falling from my face.

"I know, I know, baby." He stepped closer to me as he reached out for my hands pulling me out into the rain, into his chest. I cried into his chest as he rubbed my back up and down, my clothes and my hair soaked. I should’ve been the one comforting him, but in the end, I was the one sobbing like a little girl into his chest.

We stood in the heavy rain; our clothes wet, my hair sticking to my forehead yet he still hugged me like he never wanted to let me go. Caressing my back, he kissed the top of my head. I tried to inhale and exhale, so I could finally speak.

"I forgive you, and also I'm sorry." I whispered to him, lifting my head up from his chest.

He didn't let me go, his left hand was on my waist and he reached his right hand up to my cheeks to wipe off my tears, but they were wet again with tears and raindrops. "It's okay, don't cry, please, because then I'll cry too."

He smiled at me with the sincerity I've never seen before. His eyes were saying so much, it hurt. He finally let me in, allowed me to see his real self.

I laughed at that, and he followed suit, laughing together at this predicament, "Look at us, soaked like wet rats."

He smiled at me, never taking his sharp eyes off me.

Then suddenly his expression became serious, he stared at me as if I was his treasure, wanting to bury me, so no one could take me away, "I want to know you better, I want to know everything about you. What you like, what you don't, what is your favorite color, what do you like to eat, what you did while you were gone from here, what does it feel like to ride your bike…I want to know you, and never let you go."

He said, his hand still on my cheek, accompanied by his other one.

I smiled at him. I felt so happy at that exact moment, I didn't care if I was soaked, I only saw him, "Me too."

I said quietly.

He leaned closer to me, his lips almost touching mine, "Can I kiss you?"

He whispered against my lips sweetly.

Chills ran through my body. I never wanted anything more than him kissing me. I just nodded; words long forgotten. He closed the distance between us, and when our lips finally met, there was a loud thunder rumbling the world, lighting flashing around us and rain pouring from above, washing away our past where we said a lot of stupid things to each other. We could start with a clear page, melting our futures together. Our lips never stopped moving, it felt like heaven and hell met with each other as our lips moved against the other’s, just like when we were racing, both of us tried to win the other over. I welcomed San's darkness wholeheartedly and tried to scare it away with my light.

Then suddenly the rain stopped, and we separated from each other, looking up at the sky. The clouds were gone and the full moon was shining so brightly it looked like it was almost daylight.

I chuckled looking up, "You should apply to be a weatherman."

San was gazing at me so lovingly I felt like I was going to melt right there, "See? Now you can come with me, I want to show you something."

He held my hands.

"Okay, I should bring my bike then." I smiled at him, feeling as happiness crawled into my chest.

"It would be more proper if I was the one taking you there, but I want to race you." He held my waist and pecked my lips a few times. I still needed to get used to this San. I really liked it.

"I'm going to beat you." I scrunched my nose cutely.

"Okay, princess, but first, go change. I don't want you to catch a cold." He caressed my cheekbones.

"I'll bring you some clothes of dad’s, you'll catch a cold too otherwise." I kissed him quickly and then went inside the house, smiling like a fool, to grab some dry clothes.

  It was the middle of the night, but two engine sounds cut through the late-night life. We were going up on winding roads, forests covering both sides of the road. I was laughing beneath my helmet as San goofed around, slowing down and then speeding again. I think I have never felt more happier than right now. It was pure freedom going through these curvy roads, racing against each other. But in the end, it was just the two of us sharing our passion, riding our motorbikes, the moon shining upon us brightly, guiding our roads, showing our future ahead of us.

I finally knew I belonged somewhere, to someone. It was my hometown, and Choi San.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Noticed something about zutarians: for people who claim to be "THE femist ship" they spend too much time praising Zuko for doing chores, being empathetic, supporting women and other stuff he didn't really do in canon all that much.

Like, feminists would consider these a basic level that any normal person, man or woman, should do for their own's sake without any praise. Oohing and aahing "look, he spends time with his own child!", "oh, you washed the dishes, my hero!", "where would I have been if you didn't do the laundry, my knight in shining armor, you really are a savior!" is... very sexist, actually! And zutarians do just that. It’s not enough for them to write him doing chores, they have to emphasize this, compare him to Aang/Sokka/anyone else who of course doesn’t do chores (because no one except Katara and Zuko ever does anything chorelike in these fics it seems), or just outright praise him for that.

Of course, zutara never was a feminist ship, so my observation doesn't add anything new. I understand that zutara kinda fits "female gaze" or whatever, though, it's a women's dream about a perfect partner, which is totally fine by itself – it just has nothing to do with Zuko (and, dare I say, Katara – I doubt she would be so ecstatic about a guy doing "women's chores", she is used to dividing the work around camp and takes it for granted). And that's why I cannot read even relatively harmless zutara fluff – it very often is very focused on this exact subject. I like Zuko for who he is and the truth is 1) he's flawed even after his redemption and 2) a huge part of how he sees himself is his prince title. Nothing of it matches zutara fantasy of a male housewife, so they have a whole other character named Zuko to fit into their imagination land, and I just have no interest in that.

I'm still impressed by that one fic (not in English) where Fantara was 100% sure that Fanfic-Firelord-Zuko will never ever "force any hapless woman" to take care of his newborn daughter (as opposed to her awful, awful husband, Fanfic-Aang who can't even feed his son, who's still eating only breast milk, for several days while Fantara decided to be away). Sure, girl, he's a fucking ruler, he has a whole country to think about, tons of very important shit to do every single day, a full palace of servants, of course he will always personally change diapers, no doubt. I bet he'll even do all the breastfeeding by himself, since his wife died at childbirth and forcing other women is out of the question.

I'm bitter now, and maybe taking it too far but what if – just "what if" – there are very few people who actually ship Katara and Zuko? Because it seems that most content creators in zutara fandom actually ship their two OCs who are very loosely based on these two characters (but don't I dare tell it to their faces, haha, they are under impression that their image of Zuko and Katara is somehow the only correct one).

Just one little disagreement: Zutara doesn't fit the Female Gaze because there's no such thing in the first place. There's not a single trope, way to direct a scene, or romance formula that universally appeals to women, and the same thing can appeal to different women for radically different reasons.

"Male Gaze" and "Female Gaze" were supposed to be a way to point out sexism (and sometimes straight up abuse) in film-making, but it honest God became some bullshit gender-essentialism nonsense REALLY fast. We gotta let that "That is for boys, this is for girls" mentality die.

Aang does chores with Katara. That is completely irrelevant to me shipping Kataang. Aang is not sexist. That doesn't even reach my top 50 reasons to love him as a character. Aang does a lot of things that don't match the idea I was raised to have of a "manly man" and I could not give less of fuck about it. It doesn't bother me, but doesn't particularly appeal to me either.

But for lots of people that is HUGE and some of the main reasons why they love his character and his romance with Katara. And notice I said people, not women.

I like plenty of enemies-to-lovers ships - I don't relate to a single meta/analysis I've ever seen of "Why women like bad boys/enemies to lovers/redeemed villains so much." It all rang hollow to me. But to plenty of women it hits the nail right on the head.

Hell, 50 Shades of Grey is a "romance/erotica" full of accidental misogyny, abuse-apologism, and slut-shaming yet the fanbase is 90% women from all kinds of demographics, and the main thing they praise about these goddamn books/movies is that it did NOT make them feel like they should be ashamed of wanting to have kinky sex with a hot guy.

The Female Gaze isn't real.

[therealvinelle]

(A question for both you and muffin)

What speed do you guys write?

I feel like you guys must write at such an incredible rate based on the work you produce in such a short amount of time. Any tips if you have any to increase output would be appreciated!

You were lost in the drafts! I'm so sorry.

To answer your question: it depends a bit on the fic, but typically we write as fast as we're typing, then get distracted, then write, then distracted. Sometimes we take turns being distracted.

It used to be we'd outline the entire chapter in great detail, but as we've gotten this down to a routine it's bullet points.

It's very relaxing and meditative.

As for how we're able to write that fast, I think it's threefold:

We're both picturing how a given scene should unfold, and then writing down what happens. I don't come up with a character's dialogue, I'm just writing what he said and describing how he says it or what he's thinking. Slowness or hesitation mostly occurs when we don't know what happens next or disagree.

No second guessing ourselves over one word or sentence for more than two minutes, no obsessing over getting that perfect sentence down. It was hard at first to get used to, but watching @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin get ahead and write the good bits while I was contemplating how to phrase the last sentence of a random paragraph taught me to just make a decision.

Validation - whenever I'm unsure about something, or catch Muffin writing some thing I don't love or she catches me, we can discuss right away. While it does happen that we write something, then afterwards one or both say "Hang on. That was really bad!" for the most part writing jointly means there's two people have looked at the text and found it satisfying.

My best advice is to just write, get used to just writing without worrying too much about it, and get yourself an honest person whose opinion you trust (there is a LOT of atrocious advice out there!).

(I also have an anecdote for this: there is an author I follow on a social media, who has written a fairly popular story. They also, like most of us, have reoccurring weaknesses as a writer. They mentioned having gone to a writing group or class (I don't remember which), and receiving feedback on these specific weaknesses. Rather than accept this feedback (which they had sought out by joining the group to begin with!) they came to their followers for validation, making fun of the advice and talking about how stupid the advice-giver was.

The lesson to be learned: constructive criticism can really suck because even though you sought it out, and the criticism you get is constructive and useful, you didn't want to hear it. Therefore, decide before you go if you actually want to risk being told something you didn't want to hear, and choose the criticism-giver carefully because they could be wrong.

The reason I bring this up in a post about writing speed is that you write very slowly when you're unsure of yourself, and insecurity forms a terrifying wall between yourself and that "publish" button. At least, my speed has improved vastly since @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin became my beta and later cowriter.)

You also want to be careful with planning the story. Planning isn't writing and it often isn't really planning either, it all too often slides right into coming up with headcanons and aesthetics for a complex daydream. If that's what you want to do, go forth, and god knows there's an audience for moodboards and headcanon posts, but if you're serious about wanting to get the story down in writing then you've got to ask yourself whether your plans for the story are in fact plans or not.

I will also advice, insofar it is possible, to not pour too much of yourself into your writing. If it's your darling who owns your whole heart, you're fiercely proud of it, then having somebody say "Hey, this could be a lot better" is all the more discouraging. Abandoning it if it loses traction or you're not sure where to go with it is also devastating. You should love what you do, by all means, but don't tie your self-worth as a writer in the individual things you produce. Even the greats have flops alongside their masterpieces, or just less good works. Focus on having fun and enjoying what you do, drop a project without guilt if you lose passion for it, put it on pause if you want to pursue a different project, and be clear on what feedback you want from beta readers. Fanfiction writing is a hobby, and unlike most hobbies it's completely free. Treat it as such.

Best of luck!

[wasawattpadkid]

Ok idk if you’d want to write this but like, Billy x Fem reader who like doesn’t shave down there, I feel weird asking for this but I just like don’t see people write about it and it makes me self conscious.

Girl don't feel weird at all! I don't see people write about it either so we're about to change that. Here ya go Hun!💕

Believe me

Pairing: Billy Loomis x fem!reader

Warnings:⚠️smut 18+⚠️ oral fem!receiving, fingering fem!receiving, praise, brief overstimulation

Billy was a patient man. He'd wait as long as you needed him to. However he did worry about you. You weren't one to wait till marriage but you did seem very quick to reject him every time he even mentioned sex. Even a slight brush against your thigh made you jump. Billy didn't want to push you into anything but he also couldn't go much longer without knowing what was wrong.

The sleezy horror movie had ended but you were too busy focusing on the boy on top of you. His lips traveled down your neck as your hands toyed with his hair. Once again he tried his luck by running his hand up your bare thigh. Your eyes opened as you slowly peeled him off you. "Okay." You said awkwardly fixing your nightgown. "Is it me?" He asked running a hand through his hair. This was the one thing you feared. You crossed your legs on the bed as you grabbed his hands. "Oh my god no." Billy just scoffed.

"Then why won't you let me touch you?" It wasn't like there was no sex in your relationship at all. You helped him out quite often but when it came to you however you were distant. He was grateful for what he could get but he wanted to please you. You did so much for him asking nothing in return. "There's something we have to talk about." Billy's heart sunk with fear. All breakups started with a serious conversation.

"I like you I really do." You paused piecing your words together carefully. "You're breaking up with me aren't you?" Your eyes grew wide. "W-what no! Not at all!" He wasn't convinced. He pulled his hands back growing distance like you had so many times before. "I don't shave." You said a little ashamed of the secret. It was a complicated thing. You knew you shouldn't feel bad about something that's natural. Yet every magazine you saw and all of your friends were completely clean shaven. It was an unspoken fact men didn't like "natural" women.

Billy looked at you for a second before laughing. The sound tore your heart to shreds. This was it. When you went back to school Monday you'd be the joke of the whole school. Billy stopped laughing as he saw tears well up in your eyes. "Oh fuck I'm not laughing at you!" He tried to fix his obvious mistake. You could hardly understand what else was funny. "Babe please don't cry." This time he grabbed your hands but you pulled away.

"I knew I shouldn't have said anything." You mumbled wiping your eyes. "Y/n. I don't care that you don't shave. That's not why I was laughing." His brain was working overtime trying to figure out how to fix this. "Why were you laughing then?" You asked expecting the worst. Billy didn't even really mean to laugh. The reason behind your abstinence was just absurd to him. "Because the fact you think I care if you shave or not is crazy."

"All guys care. You're saying you wouldn't prefer if I shaved?" It was an honest question. One with a simple answer. "You really think that low of me?" Your relationship was just a month shy of a year. Billy was insulted you hadn't realized he wasn't a prick like the other boys at school. Your silence didn't answer any questions. "I don't care if you dyed it bright pink." You tried not to laugh by pursing your lips. "I'm trying to have a serious talk right now." Billy smiled as you started to laugh. "I'm sorry! You can't just say something like that."

You both laughed making the air in the room more breathable. "Seriously though Y/n I like you. Whether or not you shave is not going to change anything." You wanted to believe him and he wanted to prove it. His lips found yours once again. The kiss being more passionate than the one before. You didn't stop him as his hand slowly lifted the bottom of your nightgown. His lips moved south making sure to leave a mark or two on your neck. Once he was satisfied he pushed the fabric of your nightgown up to show off your underwear. He peppered kisses across your stomach whispering little praises against your skin.

Billy hooked his fingers into the waist band of your panties pulling them down your thighs. Your eyes were shut tight scared of his reaction. His kisses never stopped. "You are the most beautiful woman I've ever met. Have I told you that?" He whispered kissing his way down your thighs. Billy had told you that before but never like this. His tone was deep almost raspy. "Have I told you how lucky I am to call you mine everyday?" He smiled looking up at you. The sound of his voice made you melt.

Billy pressed a kiss to your cunt making your breath hitch. He positioned himself between your legs so that your thighs rested on his shoulders. Billy's hands gripped each thigh keeping you still. Slowly he began to lick stripes up your folds just to tease you. Your hands gripped the bed sheets not entirely sure of where to put them. His right hand moved to open you up letting his tongue roam around the space. You couldn't help but grab his hair needing some semblance of control. His lips locked around your clit sucking gently on the sensitive bud. Curses fell from your mouth only further encouraging Billy's movements.

Your boyfriend went back to working his tongue around you. He traced his name over your clit seeing you shake around him. It was a thrilling scene. Your vision started to blur as you pulled at his hair. Words were no use. You couldn't put together a single word let alone a sentence. You just had to hope Billy knew what he was doing. His right hand moved to your entrance where he slid two fingers in with ease. Your sounds were pornographic honestly shocking the man trapped between your thighs.

You said his name over and over like a prayer as that coil buried deep within you tightened. You squeezed around his fingers as you cried out in ecstacy. His fingers pumped in and out as his tongue swept side to side across your clit. You took a deep breath as that coil snapped sending your head back against the pillows. His tongue continued it's assault letting you ride out your orgasm.

"Please.." You whispered as you pulled his hair. Within seconds you became sensitive to the touch. Billy's grin was borderline evil as he stood up at the end of the bed. He licked what he could off his lips as he eyed your almost naked frame. You watched as he grabbed the bottom of his shirt lifting it to wipe his mouth. The happy trail you'd mapped with your tongue many times before was on full display.

"Fuck, you are gorgeous." He rasped as you smiled. He knew the praise worked wonders on you. You were honestly a little mad at yourself for depriving yourself of him for so long. "Now do you believe me?" Billy asked referring to your earlier argument. You squinted your eyes debating on a response. "Maybe." He raised his eyebrows. "Maybe? Well then I guess I'll have to do it till you believe me." He pounced on the bed making you squeak with laughter. It was going to a very good and very long night.

[scarlet--wiccan]

Semi related to the "Mayomoff" thing, but I really dislike sometimes how cb twt tries to distance Billy from Wanda. I get it's a way to overcompensate because MCU stans usually have the misconception that Billy and Tommy were raised by Wanda, but the insistence feels icky. By the way these people write about these characters, it would make you believe that Wanda tried to steal baby Billy from Rebecca's arms (anti roma tropes are still super present even in "leftie" fandom spaces).

This has been a thing for years, and I've definitely noticed an uptick recently, from both sides, in response to Billy's imminent arrival in the M C U. I think a lot of comic fans, in particular, have a hard time accepting that characters can be more than one thing, or have more than one important storyline or relationship. Whether or not you find it interesting, Billy's relationship with Wanda is a major part of his story, and both characters care about each other a great deal. If you think you can have one without the other, you've lost the plot.

But if I'm being honest, I do think that racism is a part of the problem. People undervalue Wanda's relationship with her sons because they don't understand the significance and nuances of Romani heritage and identity. They undervalue how meaningful a story about family separation and reunion can be, because they have no investment in our history or generational trauma. I think a lot of folks are not willing to hold the space for those perspectives or learn from Roma voices. When we talk about representation and authenticity, a lot people think they need to understand the interiority of Romani culture, but I think these experiences and historical perspectives are much more important.

On top of that, a lot of people seem to think that acknowledging Wanda as Billy's mother or labeling him as a person of Roma heritage somehow erases other aspects of his identity. In some cases, this is well-intentioned-- Jewish identity can be just as nuanced and specific, and needs to be respected-- but a lot people clearly just feel threatened by the idea that he might not be white. And that's a real shame, because in my mind, Billy's Romani heritage only adds to the richness of the character. Mixed families with varied identities exist, and there several real-world experiences you can map Billy's identity onto without invalidating his Jewishness.

-----

Homophobia and gender anxiety are also important factors. I've been following this character for nearly two decades, and I find that Billy's depiction, and how fans respond to him, often reflect shifting attitudes about "positive" gay representation-- specifically, where femininity, diverse gender expression, and gay cultural semiotics fit into that narrative. [x] [x] The character has always been legible as a certain type of gay guy, and over the years, more writers and artists have taken license to explore that aspect of Billy's style and personality. All told, it's pretty subtle, and since most of those writers are gay/bi men, I usually find it quite authentic, but certain fans-- particularly the Young Avengers fanbase-- always respond negatively to any degree of femininity or androgyny.

Billy's proximity to Wanda-- as a legacy character based on a female hero, and as a man who identifies positively as a "witch," when that word is used with explicitly feminine connotations elsewhere in the Marvel canon-- evokes a lot of those same responses. Again, I think this is a perfectly authentic and frankly very common relationship for gay men to have with femininity. But characters like that are rarely represented as powerful, admirable, or desirable, and Billy is all of those things. To me, that is positive representation, and anyone who can't see that has an internalized bias they need to work on.

On the flip side-- homophobia and transphobia are on the rise in America, and I really think the pendulum has swung back around in terms of how comfortable people are expressing those views in public. I've been more plugged into the M C U fandom lately because of Agatha, and I've seen a lot of folks just saying mean, homophobic things about the actor and character. I don't want to defend Locke, because of the whitewashing, but that sort of hate okay is not okay.

[eldritch-nightmare]

heyy!! can i request LJ and Candypop ( ,,if you write for him) sharing a fem!reader? (headcanons or something else) i don’t mind <33

a/n: I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT CANDY POP WAIT omg he's one of those creepypastas that i heard about but never really looked into so. first time writing him so i hope i did him justice for you! i wasn't sure if you wanted something more lighthearted or something darker so i did my best to keep it balanced.

LJ and Candy Pop sharing a fem!reader.

warnings: my knowledge of candy pop comes from the creepypasta files wiki page so just a heads up if i get something wrong, opted to make reader a creepypasta here but it's very vague, lj and candy pop are like frenemies in this i suppose, sorta hints that the reader might've been forced into this relationship, my hand slipped and i dropped a 'good girl' in here somewhere i couldn't help myself, possessive behavior from both of them, implied unhealthy relationship.

Man, what's it like having a 7ft tall imaginary monochrome clown that terrorizes children and a 7ft tall colorful Night Terrors possessed jester be in love with you? It's probably a strange experience.

They both argue over who caught feelings for you first. LJ swears up and down that he fell for you first, but Candy Pop claims it to be love at first sight. Honestly, you've just chosen to believe that they both fell for you around the same time.

The two of them were definitely hesitant to share you, though that was more on Candy Pop's side than it was LJ's. Listen, sharing a body/soul with the literal demon king makes you a bit possessive over things, okay?

You don't particularly mind either way, to be honest. They're both a bit... much to handle at times, but you guys make it work. Like... literally. You had to plan out an entire schedule and everything because they kept bickering about how much time the other spent with you.

LJ gets you on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays while Candy Pop gets you on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. Sundays are days you spend alone because it's always good to have some time for yourself.

Of course, they don't... follow the schedule that often. Why would they? They aren't confined to the mortal chains of schedules.

They are both equally romantic in their own right, and you won't lie, you certainly have enjoyed a few of the spontaneous dates they've taken you on. Sometimes, they'll even get together long enough to plan out an outing for all three of you. They can get along, see?

Now, we can't forget that they are both murderous entities. One is an imaginary friend turned serial killer and the other is... something. A demon? A poor possessed soul of a jester? Whatever he is, he's deadly. Shall I provide some examples?

Example one: Laughing Jack was abandoned by the one person he was created to befriend, so trust me when I tell you that he has some deeply rooted abandonment issues. He's all fun and games until there's even the slightest possibility of you leaving him. Even if someone makes an offhand remark about how you should leave him, his entire persona does a complete 180.

Suddenly, his hold on you is just a bit more tighter than it normally is, and you can feel his nails digging into your skin, threatening to draw blood. It's a subtle, silent threat of what he could do to you if you ever tried leaving him.

Example two: Candy Pop, as a whole, is somebody you have to be wary around because his mood can flip like a switch. He'll be happily humming away about some random topic one moment, and the next he's pushing you up against a nearby wall and looking at you with such a crazed look that it's almost hard to believe that this is the same person who claims to be in love with you.

He's the type to remind you of where you belong. You belong by his and LJ's side, so don't you ever forget that, okay? You really don't want to see what'll happen if you do.

In the end, though LJ and Candy Pop have a habit of bickering with each other, they'll make one hell of a team if it means keeping you in their grasp. You don't fit with anyone but them, and you don't need to fit with anyone other than them. They're the perfect match for you, and you'll come to see that sooner or later. So, all you need to do is be a good girl and stay by their side, got it?

It's Sunday. Sundays are supposed to be your day. You had plans to hang out with the other girls, maybe even play dress up with Sally if she was up for it. So, why the hell were you currently stuck in bed, sandwiched between a clown and a jester?

You have no clue because you just woke up and they were already here. Sure, you could just… wiggle your way out of bed but then they would wake up. Do they even need to sleep? They aren't mortal like you are, so sleep doesn't seem like a necessity to them. But it's not like you can just stay in bed all day either. You had things you wanted to do!

So, with a very silent sigh, you slowly start to sit up, untangling yourself from the mass of limbs trapping you to your bed. You were able to sit up with relative ease, the hard part would be crawling over either LJ or Candy Pop to get out of bed. That would be… that would be difficult.

Even if you were to try and crawl over one of them, you weren't able to because before you could even decide which one to crawl over, you were being pushed back into laying down again by Candy Pop.

You let out a small 'oof' as soon as your back hit the mattress.

"Where do you think you're going?" You hear LJ ask, and with one quick glance at him, you can see a slight pout on his face. It was almost enough to make you forget about the feeling of his nails gently grazing your stomach.

If he just decided to dig them into your--

"She's not going anywhere." Candy's voice murmurs directly next to your ear, effectively cutting off your train of thought. You only belatedly realize that he had buried his face into your neck, his hair brushing against your face, "Right, angel?"

Well… it seems like you're not going to be getting rid of these two today, so whatever plans you had for the day were going to have to be put on hold until next Sunday. You just hoped the two of them didn't make a habit of this.

[eviltothecore13]

I wonder if the writers ever regret putting the rebecca easter egg in

I am not sure the writers have much interaction with the Western side of the fandom, and I don't know what the Japanese-language fandom reaction has been to it. So I don't know for sure that they're even aware there has been a fandom reaction to the easter egg that wasn't viewing it as funny or just going "hey a hot girl" as the average cishet male gamer in the late 90s unfortunately would have.

Honestly people seem to have talked more about the easter egg in the past year than in my entire time in the fandom before that? Like, yes there were always a few people who headcanoned something creepy going on with Wesker and Rebecca because of the easter egg, and there were always a few people who shipped them, too, and also that one old fic that explained it with "she's his secret daughter and he just wanted to keep a picture of his daughter where she was happy and playing basketball like she loved doing, rather than only having an official ID photo of her", but it used to be much easier to talk about Wesker without people mentioning it? Most people in the fandom never really seemed to give it that much thought beyond "yeah, yeah, 90s videogame sexism, trying to 'reward' you with a picture of a girl, kinda cringe", and most discussions of Wesker's characterisation never really seemed to involve it.

For that matter, before RE6, the primary assumption among the fanfic/fanart side of the fandom was that Wesker was 100% gay (generally using his distaste for Excella's attentions as proof). The "gamer guy on Reddit and/or videogame forums" side of the fandom, meanwhile, didn't so much see him as straight, as take a position somewhere along the lines of "Wesker is such a badass killing machine that having any kind of relationship or even being attracted to anyone is beneath him, all he thinks about is mad science and world domination". (Large numbers of people on both sides of the fandom--not just the gay headcanoners and Chrisker shippers as you might think--derided RE6 as OOC because they simply could not picture Wesker ever having had sex with a woman! It's just that one half thought he had sex with men, while the other half thought shipping was lame and for girls and can we get back to the zombies and explosions now.)

"Wesker is a sexual predator who preys on women" wasn't a nonexistent position back then, but it really wasn't the majority, and most people depicting him as such were...well, straight women writing 50-Shades-esque fantasies, rather than people who seriously thought he was a creep and hated him for it. And those would often involve Claire or an OC rather than Rebecca.

It's only the past couple of years that some people have been loud about using the easter egg as 'proof' that Wesker was preying on Rebecca and as a reason to hate Wesker, and only the past few months that I've started getting LOADS AND LOADS OF ASKS about it.

I'm rather surprised by this turn of events and wonder what caused it, to be honest, it seems like a very sudden switch. Is it just the RE2 remake reminding people of it? Wesker seems a more controversial character in general these days though than he used to be. He used to be unquestionably one of the most popular characters with a very high demand for more content of him, the decision to put him in MVC3 being very popular, him regularly placing highly in "best character" polls, lots of people wanting his return from the dead, etc... sure he was evil and there were people who "disliked" him in the sense of "he's an awful person who I'd hate in real life" or maybe "he hurt my favourite characters", "killing him in-game is satisfying because I'm beating the bad guy" kinds of dislike, but not "I wish he wasn't in the series" "I want to see less of him" "I hate anyone who likes him" kinds of dislike, you know? Mostly he was viewed as a badass scheming ruthless supervillain with cool powers, and frequently also as hot. Obviously enthusiasm for "MORE WESKER!!!" will die down after it's been so long since his death (though DBD revived it a bit) but I don't know where the increased amount of outright hate for the character and his fans has come from over the past few years.

Is liking villains just less popular? It used to be a fairly common belief that, no matter how evil they might be (in fact, the more evil the better sometimes), the villains were always the coolest characters in anything. Especially in horror, considering the number of horror franchises that are ultimately villain-based (the Cthulhu Mythos, most slasher things, a lot of kaiju things though how much those count as horror varies, basically all of Universal Horror though Dracula isn't the coolest character in the book). But I know some other villains who used to be seen as a main draw of the series now have a lot of people wanting them killed off for good.

In some of those cases, though, I think decreased quality of the writing is in large part to blame (the Joker used to be seen as an entertaining source of dark comedy and was one of the most popular characters in BTAS and the Arkham games, but now liking him--far from being an uncontroversial opinion--is associated with a Very Specific Unpleasant Type Of Guy...but that's probably because a lot of recent writing of him just hasn't been that interesting or funny). The increase in people who really vocally hated Wesker happened BEFORE RE4make, at a time when he'd basically not been in anything for years, so can't really be blamed on "he recently appeared in something badly written"--so I'm not sure where it's come from.

[composeregg]

wanted to join in on that meta post by saying yeah, even if we view joker’s and akechi’s relationship as special compared to the others, akechi is still written under the constraints of p5, and an antagonist to boot. like. vanilla had his confidant as automatic bc (iirc) they thought they couldn’t fit it in properly! which is crazy, even tho the automatic rank ups have an interesting implication (such as, akechi will always be rank 10 by the end no matter what you do). i understand that ppl probably wanted someone to talk sense into the thieves for their unwittingly callous actions, but not by the guy who decided to go thru with his 11/20 plan lol

(this post)

YEAH like, I love Akechi. I adore him. But I have SO many OPINIONS about this mans. like. I'm not going berate anyone for how they write characters, that's the freedom of fandom, but I am going to stand over here with my opinions and contrary thoughts and chitchat about them in my space

I know that very often it is because people want someone to refute what canon has shown us (because canon's writing disagrees with it's desired goals as mentioned in that post). They want someone to go "Look at Joker, look at what's happened to him, don't you care? How risky this was?"

But okay I'm actually going to back up a bit!

(this got long)

What other choice was there for 11/20?

Because the answer is not "they could have taken Akechi in a fight."

The goals of the interrogation room/metaverse plan:

Escape with Joker alive

Trick Shido and the conspiracy into believing Joker has died

and you know? you know? you cannot do that latter bullet point if you just beat up Akechi

So enlighten me. How, exactly, were the thieves supposed to come up with a different plan in under 20 days? One where Joker would live, where the conspiracy would believe he had died, and importantly, one that at that point in time cannot count on Akechi being a turncoat. They have no reason to trust that he would

"Don't you care about how risky this was? There had to have been other ways."

We don't get Shido's name as Akechi's employer here until after the phonecall reporting the death, I believe. They cannot change Shido's heart in time to avert this because they do not have the information. The interrogation room plan, genuinely, was one of the smartest ideas they had. It accomplished exactly what they needed to. These are teens in a life-or-death situation, who notoriously have MANY trust issues with adults for good reason, especially since society is so corrupt that a hitman can easily walk into a police department and assassinate a high-profile criminal and get away with it with help (remember the guard at the door?) The other options are basically "change your identity and flee the country" or "literally actually die" lets be real here!

SO

Akechi, let's be honest with ourselves here, would primarily be pissed off that the thieves got one over on him! And if he is concerned about the lasting trauma of it all, or how risky the plan was, he is seeing this and approaching it from the angle of knowing it worked.

(Better options for sense-talking: Sojiro! Sojiro is right there! Takemi! Iwai! Kawakami! Yoshida! All important responsible adult figures to Joker and at least some of the thieves.)

In my opinion if Akechi wants to snark at the thieves about the plan in any way regarding how much it fucks up Joker and how it was risky, they are more than allowed to fire back shots at him for making it necessary and shooting Joker in the head in the first place.

I think people often use it as a shorthand, to show that Akechi cares about Joker, but also as a way to emphasize the importance of Akechi to Joker (compared to the rest of the thieves). It's easier to ignore the fact that he killed two of the thieves's parents when it comes to Joker being in a relationship with him, as long as it can be shown that he's the one that really cares. That he wouldn't put Joker through something so fucked up with his care (hilarious, laughable, he shot Joker in the head). It separates "Akechi and Joker" from all the phantom thieves in a way.

(Honestly sometimes it feels like ship bashing/character bashing but for ALL the phantom thieves with how intensely some people write it! beyond even the point of exploring Atlus fucking up characterization to pretend to have a blank slate silent protag)

BUT like I said in the post, it also points out a major flaw with convincing players that the rest of the thieves DO care in the game. Because the thieves are never really given a chance to show that. It's implied, and it's clear the game wants you to believe they care, but we don't get scenes addressing specific stuff like this enough.

Joker is confident, and cocky, we see that with that bastard smile in the interrogation room after getting "shot" in those cutscenes. It is genuinely a plan to be proud of, and it hails back to his original persona being Arsène. Arsène, who escaped from prison simply by disguising himself and pretending he had already escaped and put a body double in his place. Arsène, who pulled off a robbery while in jail. Arrogant and self-assured and cocky, the interrogation room plan is genuinely something the likes that would be worthy of Arsène's name.

He can be proud of the plan, and also traumatized by it. But he actively agreed to this plan, probably helped come up with it (where does everyone get the idea that it was Makoto's plan? genuine question). Joker is not a hapless victim of other's whims, he also had agency. So many of the parallels between Joker and Akechi are how they exercise what agency they have while being stripped of traditional power and victimized by society.

Honestly? Honestly? In my personal opinion, having Akechi berate the thieves for the plan is disrespectful to his rivalry with Joker, along with his own characterization.

He holds Joker as his equal. Equal in agency, in skill. If he looks at Joker and says, "why would you go along with such a foolish plan?" if he looks at the thieves and says "why would you ever put your precious leader through this?" he is taking away Joker's agency and choices. One of Akechi's focal points is agency. If he sees Joker as equal in this, and he denies Joker his agency, he is also taking it away from himself.

Akechi's cocktail of emotions regarding the assassination can manifest in so many different ways, and he can translate that to anger at the thieves rather than himself for putting Joker through that, but that would be his emotions regarding himself being misdirected more than anything.

Akechi has too much respect for Joker to deny Joker his agency in a plan that was good enough to fool him.

Respecting agency and admiring a brilliantly crafted plan also doesn't mean ignoring trauma that ocurred from actions taken under duress.

(At least, it doesn't mean that as long as you're not Atlus)