#do u think grandpa liked johnny? he speaks fondly of the old man do you think he really knew him or tales from nancy made him respect him

[hauntedjohnny]

i literally go insane thinking about drayton/johnny i cant imagine how insufferable my brain is going to be when nancy gets here

[goldentailedmermaids]

Okay so I finally watched Pirates of the Caribbean 5 and I have nothing to say but WHAT A FUCKING WASTE! Like... it was decent but GOD did the quality dropped since the third movie.

There was no build-up and not tension whatsoever. The battles felt weak and epicless. Where are the armadas? Where is the desperate battle to live? Where are Barbossa and Jack’s badassness? Okay they’re old and belong to the past generation, but still! They’re the best pirates of the sea! Where are they gone?

The character of Henry: Why the fuck is he here anyway??? He barely gets action, he barely talks and is not as important as he could have been. Come on! He could have been so much better and given better storyline! How about him summoning the Flying Dutchman? How about him being the reason why Will comes to help Jack? How about him being more than a subject to mockery and a dumb bland boy too much in love to be intelligent? How about him being twice as amazing as his parents?

Jack Sparrow: Johnny Depp’s acting was so weak! What happened? Jack feels away and irrelevant half the time. He is nothing more than a comic relief. Jack is an old man, a fading legend in his own narrative. He is no more but the shadow of himself.

Barbossa: How does he even have a daughter? She is the same age as Henry so he must have had her about the same time as...... aaaaahhhhhh the harbour at the end of the third!

The dialogues felt so sloppy OMFG! And I really get the feeling that they threw the “show don’t tell” rule to the trash can. TOO MUCH EXPOSITION IN A DIALOGUE KILLS IT!!!! The dialogues made me CRINGE!

Karina and Henry could actually be cute together if we were shown their chemistry and relationship more. Come on! Even Barbossa and Elisabeth had more screentime together!

Speaking of which, you did not had to make Karina related to Barbossa to be relevant. Y u try and get everyone related in this movie? Tis not GOT!

I thought that it was Beckett who gave Jack his compas... Incoherence much? And WTF was this shit abt him getting rid of it and the dead being freed bc of it? Hello people, remember that time he gave it to Will? Do you even watch your own movies?

The battles scene were slowwwwwwwwwwwwwww! So slow and tensionless! Where are the epic sword to sword battles from the first trilogy?

This Jack Sparrow backstory felt so incredibly out of place? Didn’t he work for the Company before he became a pirate? Wasn’t this the reason why he made this pact with Jones? The very reason the pearl sank and why Jones saved it? WASN’T IT THE REASON WHY THE SECOND AND THIRD MOVIE EXISTED????

The witch’s no use for anything. She just exists as a screenplay tool and I am disappointed because she could have seen Henry and whispered “a touch of destiny” to echo Calypso/Tia Dalma. Heck! She could have been Dalma’s successor! What if Henry’s destiny was to break all curses? What if the witch had been there for a better purpose and exist as a character?

And now, my biggest grievance: Will Turner. 

Why, the EVERLASTING FUCK did they bROUGHT HIM IN IF IT WASN’T TO EXPLOIT HIM AT HIS FULL POTENTIAL????  H E  I S  T H E   C A P T A I N   O F   T H E   F L Y I N G   D U T C H M A N  !  HE IS THE ONE SUPPOSED TO CARRY THE DEADS TO THE LOCKER!!! HE IS THE ONE TO GUANRANTEE NO DEAD AT SEA STAYS AT SEA!!!! DOESN’T HE NEED TO, OH I DON’T KNOW, FIX THAT DAMN GHOST PROBLEM AS CAPTAIN OF THE DUTCHMAN???? OR WAS THIS NOT PART OF HIS JOB??? And he does nothing as his son almost drowns and risks his life! Shouldn’t he be aware of that? How come he knows what his son is up to at the beginning but not during the movie?

Why does he have those corals on him while he fulfills his part of the deal? And where is Grandpa Turner?

Why doesn’t he shows up as Barbossa’s ships are burning to gather the dead?

Imagine: Jack Sparrow nearly dying, his ship’s on fire, Karina and Henry stand still as they hear heavy footsteps on the deck of the ship (shot on Will’s feet). Everyone lowers their head, not Jack, he smiles and Henry does too. Henry tells Karina not to be afraid of this big ass ship which came out of the sea bc he knows who is in command. Will steps up and grins to Jack: “Jack Sparrow. Do you fear Death?”

Imagine: Will showing up at the end to help insure the dead stay dead and kicking the shit out of Salazar’s ass. Salazar impales him in the heart but Will grins and tells him his heart is safe ashore, in good hands. Henry smiles.

Btw: How can Will be still alive? Did the trident give him his heart back?

Imagine: Will on the Black Pearl, seeing his son being infatuated with Karina and noticing the red dress. All the memories of Elisabeth in that dress comes back and he just grins happily.

Imagine: When Barbossa dies, Will’s there and he asks, fondly, warmly, recalling how he is the one who married him and Elisabeth: “Barbossa, do you fear death?” Barbossa smiles and says “I have seen too many things to fear a flirt.” Will smiles and takes him with him for a last journey to the locker and Barbossa says “This brings back memories”

Imagine: Henry tells his father “The witch said something weird. A touch of destiny she said.” and Will just smiles because “I have heard that, long ago. And I think mine is fulfilled.”

Oh and did Elisabeth know about Henry going full on pirate mode? How did she react?

Imagine: Will being captain of the Flying Dutchman KICKING THE SHIT OUT OF THE NAVY!

Also, why is he afraid of his men? Jones wasn’t. And it seems to me that his crew are bound to respect and obey him. So WTF is he afraid of?

How come this potential for epicness and meaningfulness was WASTED???

And don’t get me started on the jokes abt Karina or any of that woman of science= witch bullshit. This has been more than painful to watch. And WTF is that franchise’s timeline anyway?! *sigh*