#do u realise how crazy i am about this show yet?

[crying-screaming-throwingup]

i need to talk about jinx’s child because it’s driving me nuts. tbh i think it’s so vital in showing what jinx means to zaun (or will come to mean in the next episodes). she is a beacon of hope and the face of the rebellion and the personified idea that life in the undercity doesn’t need to be the way it is.

and i also think it’s so key for jinx’s (gradual) healing process. in no way do i think having someone to care for will magically “fix” jinx but i really think it will make her examine her own relationships with older mentor figures: wether it be fathers or sisters.

she can finally be something good to someone.

(also i think that kid (do we even know their name?) was so monumental in the fight scene in ep3 - as a catalyst for the paint bombs in poly over but also one for the breakdown of caitvi’s realtionship)

[fearcvlt]

not sure if you've received your first request yet so here i am. :3

recently, i've been going feral over Sargeant James Buchanan Barnes. he's all i've been thinking about. i've found little to no fics of him before he was sent off to war. and i'd really enjoy reading about handsome, heartbreaking Bucky in his early days.

go crazy, interpret this as you wish.

- 🥨

note. um... this was supposed to be a little drabble but i got a tiny bit carried away. i hope you enjoy it though !! my first request, yippeee <3 also sorry the lead up is cut so short... i realised i suck at writing flirting dialogue... thank u @dollfacefantasy for giving it a lil read in early stages :3 tags. nsfw, mdni. set in the early 40s (which idk a lot about so excuse that). showgirl!reader. sergeant!bucky. p in v. pullout method. pet names. pussyjob(?) briefly. no use of y/n. 1k words.

Being overseas for such long periods of time puts a different kind of strain on Bucky. He wouldn’t consider himself the sentimental type, but he’s glad to be back home. 

Damn, he’s feeling especially patriotic right now. Got a whole group of pretty girls dancing onstage as he sips from his glass of whiskey, reclining casually in one of the shitty seats in the bar. Yeah, it’s real good being back home. 

You’re a sweet looking thing, especially for someone wearing so little clothes. He ain’t used to seeing girls walk around in shit like that, but you are a performer. If this is the kind of thing that gets soldier morale up, Bucky’s all for it. Gotta be better than the shit he’s seen Rodgers doing when performing. 

You’re the kind of girl his ma would’ve loved — god rest her soul. Too sweet for a place like this, and certainly too sweet for the thoughts running around in his head. It’s been a long time since he’s been back home, and it’s been even longer since he’s seen so much skin. Bucky knows how to treat a girl right, but he’s only a man. 

He waits all patiently as you and the other girls finish up your performance before he’s pushing up off his chair, making his way across the room. Worst thing that happens is you walk away, which is fine. He’s handled rejections before (not that he often finds himself being rejected). 

“‘Scuse me, miss. Want me to get that drink for you?” Bucky smiles, an easy, lazy little smile as he leans against the bar counter next to you as you go to order a drink, head tilted down as he takes in your features. He reaches up to flick one of the ridiculously oversized feathers hanging off your little headpiece. “You looked real good up there, doll. Couldn’t keep my eyes off you.”

“Well, I won’t say no to a free drink. And thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed the show.” You reply, head lifting so you can meet his eyes. “Any chance I can get your name?”

Bucky’s smile widens at that, his hand reaching out to grab one of yours. He lifts it up to his mouth, pressing a gentle kiss against the back of your knuckles. “Sergeant Barnes — or Bucky, for a pretty girl like yourself.”

“A sergeant? I can’t believe I was lucky enough to get the attention of such an important man.” You tease lightly, drawing a soft little laugh from him. 

“Ah, you flatter me, doll. I’m lucky to have such a beautiful girl givin’ me the time of day.”

His words have you smiling, giving a little shake of your head in response. “Are you going to buy me that drink, Sergeant?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“Gotta say, doll,” Bucky pants into your open mouth, pushing your back up against his hotel room door. His hands quickly find their way under the long coat you wore, eager to expose that skimpy little costume you still wore underneath. “I’m real glad you ain’t a good Christian girl. Was startin’ to get worried I’d have to end our conversation with a cold shower.”

“Be quiet.” You huff in response, helping him work you out of your coat so you can feel his hands on you again. 

“Ah-ah. Don’t think you can start bossin’ me around, sweetheart.” He teases, dipping his head to the crook of your neck to press kisses against the skin as he grips at your hips to guide you along to the bed. 

Bucky lowers you onto the bed with practiced ease, hovering over you as he works deftly to peel the layers of fabric away from your body. He’s already sporting a semi under his damn trousers, cock twitching helplessly against his briefs as it slowly hardens at the sight of you. 

It’s not long before his own clothes are gone and he’s pushing into you with a low groan. He’s throbbing against your walls as he stills inside of you to allow you to adjust, forearms resting either side of your head and boxing you in against the mattress.

“Feel good?” He asks with a breathless little laugh as he watches the way your face scrunches up in pleasure. Cute. He’s not faring much better with the way you’re fluttering around his cock. “Look like you’re enjoying yourself.”

When he finally starts to move, it’s with purpose. He shifts his hips into a few different angles, watching your expression closely. When he draws a gasp from you, a grin spreads across his features — dark and predatory. 

As his tip starts to ram against your sweet spot with every thrust, you realise you’re fucked. Literally. 

It only takes a few minutes before you’re whining and writhing beneath him. He’s nothing but smug as your legs begin to shake, squeezing around his waist as if that’d be enough to slow the speeds of his thrusts. Your cunt forms a milky ring around the base of his cock every time he pushes in to the hilt, and he’s starting to feel a little dizzy at the sight of it. 

He feels like a bully with the meanness of each snap of his hips against your ass. You claw desperately at his back, chest, shoulders. Anything you can reach, really. All it seems to do is spur him on. 

“Fuck. Shit. Christ, doll.” He hisses, balls drawing up tight. He pulls out quickly, shifting one of his arms from the side of your head so he can press his thumb against the head of his cock, bracing it against your clit. 

He thrusts in slow, measured strokes, grinding against the sensitive bud until you’re tensing beneath him. His eyes flick between your pussy and your face as you cum underneath him, then he’s shooting a fat, creamy load all over your stomach with a ragged gasp. 

Another huff of laughter leaves him as he flops down on the bed next to you, his hand running through his hair — almost in disbelief. He glances over at you with a lazy grin, head cocking to the side. 

“Can you take me again, doll?”

[katyaromanoffpetrova]

Hey bae, I promised I would send this so here I am🫡

The album Clancy by Twenty One Pilots is soooo Kat coded imo. So yk how I get carried away with asks right? Today I shall give you explanations of every song I think is Kat coded and why😁

Next Semester: while the beat is up tempo and catchy it’s actually really fucking sad. It’s about how he(the singer) almost attempted to unalive himself. Which obviously has similarities to Kat’s backstory. But then the song goes “can’t change what you’ve done, start fresh next semester” which is obviously representative of how Kat has gotten past everything she’s done wrong and is now in a better place.

Backslide: one of my favs off the album. It’s about slipping back into that darkness he’s felt previously. He says “I don’t wanna backslide to where I’ve started from, there’s no chance I will shake this again” which I think really represents Kat’s mental health and it being such a slippery slope. And then (my fav part of the song) in the chorus it goes “‘cause I feel the pull, water’s over my head…..” and then it goes “I’ll take anything you have if you could throw me a line” which is like when Kat checked herself into the mental health place just desperate to get better.

Routines In The night: when he sings “walk the layout” he isn’t talking about a building but actually viewing his mind as a place to explore. “Some doors have “stay out” spray-painted in white” refers to bad memories and trauma which I think portrays Kat very well. Like she gets in her head a lot and has to be careful not to think so much about all those bad memories

Vignette: this one has major substance abuse themes which obviously represents a certain time in Kat’s life. But a line that gets me in this context is “….To pitch the greener grasses and hope that she would agree” in the song context this about him being scared to lose his wife to the greener grass, aka people not as broken. Kat has had so much guilt and fair over what her state does to Nat :(

The Craving (Jenna’s Version): is about his wife and honestly Kat could’ve written this. It’s about realising that he’s the ‘unstable’ one and the one who needs some extra support. “But I swear that I will give more than I take away” really gets me because we all know Kat has felt so guilty over how much support she’s needed.

Navigating: is basically about the never ending battle with mental health and trying to navigate that. “But when our fingers touch, I feel my way back home” is just very cute and could be about Nat bringing Kat back to reality when she has her panic attack moments.

Snap Back: is about relapse and being afraid to lose all the progress you’ve made with overcoming your demons. Representative of Kat having hard times and break downs but having to continue to fight and not lose her progress.

At The Risk Of Feeling Dumb: this is about having to check on your friends and make sure they’re okay but the chorus is from the perspective of the person with mental disorders. The whole chorus represents how Kat feels imo, just her not wanting people to drop anything for her and not wanting them to see her when she’s in a dark place.

This may be my longest ask yet tbh but you should expect this by now.

Also if anyone has album recommendations pls gimme🤲 not just u but anyone who reads this and wants to comment. I need more music👹

Omg I'm so impressed by your dedication 🤯 This is crazy. I listened to big parts of all the songs and although some of them aren't really my thing, l do see the connections you make to Kat.

I don't really have to explain it because you did so amazingly in your own explanation of the songs, but it just shows once again now complicated of a character Kat actually is. Her mental problems aren't just that: hers. They affect so many people in so many ways, and there's so much more to it than you'd think.

Leaving the past behind and starting over, being afraid to fall back, being scared your wife will leave you for someone better (and understanding completely), wanting to protect your loved ones but also needing them to survive.

She's so many parts in one, and that those songs portray a lot of them in one album is crazy

[himemeiya]

Stumbled upon your blog yesterday and realised you were the one behind the Utena Bet On it AMV, plus all the other videos on that channel! I had a friend who had already watched RGU reccomend the show to me and when I finished the finale she sent me a bunch of videos, essays, meta, memes she really liked about Utena. Out of the videos your vine videos, your bet on it amv and your tiktok sounds utena videos all featured as Things U Gotta Watch. Top Tier. And they are! I cannot stress how good they are. I've got a friend I'm trying to get to watch utena and I'm already prepared to send your whole channel her way.

Like, your Bet On It amv is just crazy - to the point I associate the whole song with utena instead of high school musical. High School Musical Who? I have driven home from work with the song blasting and in my head I'm thinking of the corrosponding imagery in my head. listened to the song a LOT just thinking of the amv. 'blame the world but never blame you' and it focusing on anthy. the start 'everybodys tryna get in my head' with everyone who manipluates utena? the bridge speeding up through all their utena/anthys relationship until utena gets up again at the climax of the song? This video is a masterpiece.

The vines and the tiktok sounds are soooo spot on and hilarious. every onee. and seeing an upbeat version of 'empty chairs at empty tables' to the end of utena emotionally altered something in me oh my lordie. I got introduced to the song The Draw from your other amv, which is SO PERFECT for the black rose arc?

And as a Lizzy McApline fan the ceilings youtube short took me OUT! the way the details about the car, the lines about 'you dont exist' being applied to utena's prince/akio, 'story ive seen before' being the prince/princess/witch ohturi mythology and ending with anthy at the end....... !!!!

All this to say I love all your utena edits on youtube and will be watching them many times over, as well as showing them to other people. Great work. ╰⁠(⁠*⁠´⁠︶⁠`⁠*⁠)⁠╯

🥺 This message is so damn nice and I have reread it multiple times cause oh my god your appreciation of my videos just makes me so happy and I'm so glad you watched and enjoyed them!! 😭 The support I've gotten from the fandom is very heartwarming, I just love it!!!

Yes hehe I'm the one behind all those videos! The Bet On It video specifically was one that lived in my head for YEARS until I finally sat down and decided to make it everyone else's problem too 😂 I would just listen to the song on repeat while geting overly emotional imagining Utena's journey and the fact I was tearing up to a Troy mf Bolton song was so unhinged 💀 yet now look at me, I have spread my vision like a plague amongst the fandom and everyone else gets to be just as unhinged over the golf course disney movie meme song as I am ⛳️ I would have it no other way. My favorite comments on that video are the ones along the lines of "I clicked this thinking it was gonna be funny but now I'm crying" cause if that doesn't just sum up the experience of Revolutionary Girl Utena itself then idk what does 😂

RGU's tonal conflict is one of my favorite things so choosing goofy audios for the end of the show was such a treat lmfao. And ugh The Draw is just such a good and ominous song. I rlly love how the Black Rose arc is all about radicalizing character's emotions to the point where they'll do anything to get what they think will fix their lives. Reverse therapy with Mikage is a hell of a drug. 🦋☞

I rlly feel like Ceilings captures that self-sacrificial "first love" feeling so many girls go through (especially with men) where they're uncomfortable and can't be open but ignore all those red flags until it gets to a point where things crumble and they realize the relationship never existed how they were imagining it. GAH THE FEELINGSSSS.

Sheesh thank you so much again for this message, it really brightened my week and was so touching to read. 😭💜 If I may humbly offer some video suggestions (if you haven't already watched them) I really love the For Your Love amv by Mari F and the Utena in 7 Minutes amv by Akilice. The first rlly captures that melancholic yet hopeful tone of Utena & Anthy and the latter has the audacity to make me emotional over a goddamn acapella Hamilton mashup of all things 💀 (the It's Quiet Uptown part literally destroys me every time.....). Digi Story has an Utena Deep Dive Analysis that I really enjoy, he talks about how RGU is "prismatic" in it's storytelling where there's no singular interpretation because there's just so much to look at and analyze. And finally, the Therefore You and Me animatic by edsartfactory literally changed my life it's ridiculously good!!

AHH thanks once again and I hope you have a great weekend!! 💞

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

✨✨✨✨✨ANGEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! ✨✨✨✨✨

Okay hiii ~~ I’m dumping all these thoughts on you so be prepared 🤭

So like I said in my last message, I’ve been a very dark place recently where everything seems like it’s constantly hitting, but after asking for your advice, I took it to heart and really followed if, finding it really did help taking it one tiny step at a time with the simplest things. Life is still throwing every little shit it can find at me, but I’m dealing with it much much better, and I feel like I owe you some thanks to that, so again, I don’t think I can ever tell you how much I appreciate you and enjoy your presence!! I never got to respond to it, but I read your post recently and felt like this was more important to respond first.

Two, I’m so saddened to hear you’re feeling a bit lost about the writing and fandom. I haven’t been on much trying to focus on my self so I don’t know much, but when I do check in every now and then, it does seem… quiet? I hope and think it’ll liven up the closer it comes to June. But regardless of that—

I ADORE YOUR WRITING. Your writing is some of the most thought-provoking, emotional pieces I’ve read, and it truly shows and reflects just how much heart and soul you put into it. I’ll be honest, there’s some times when I can’t read certain fics of yours because I’m not mentally in the right headspace for some, but— to me— it just reflects on how great and impactful your writing is!!! Idk if u remember, and this was when I newly started following you so I was like extra super nervous and shy lol, but the person that requested the jealous Ettore was me. I think I remember sending an anon back and thanking you bc I was impressed and thankful you accepted it, but also I was so shy my hands were shaking the entire time so it was a bit blurry lol. I remember literally fangirling and gushing to my two friends (one who doesn’t even care about Ewan lmao) about how I was so impressed and blown away by it!! Your Ettore series had me hooked (AND IM STILL NOT OVER HOW IT ENDED— I WILL NEVER RECOVER. I will sue you for my emotional damages 🥺)! The Aemond one where after a toxic relationship, the reader tries to escape and he doesn’t let her literally made me want to wallow in the despair. And the Michael Gavey one where I basically wrote an essay of how much I loved it is still one I think about way too much for it to be healthy— plus it’s given me some really crazy dreams 🤭 Those are just my top three! Much to say, I adore your writing. I adore the commitment and dedication you give and feed us. And most importantly, I adore you. Although selfishly I hope you continue, I hope you know no matter what you ever decide to do, I’ll always support and follow. I am a la loyal after all 🤭😂

In all seriousness, I hope life is treating you well, and i hope you’re being kind to yourself. I’m sending all my love and support!! Please stay safe and healthy. Much much much love to you, Ange 🩶🩶🩶

-Hannah Montana anon.

Post Scriptum:: this was insanely long and completely manic-produced, I am so so sorry !! ✨

I am so glad that my advice has helped a little and things are starting to improve for you. I hope they continue to get better!

I had no idea your were my jealous Ettore anon! I had so much fun writing that, thank you for sending it! And thank you for the kind words, they truly mean a lot. You have never been anything but kind and supportive to me, and I hope you realise how appreciated it is!

I've no plans to deactivate this blog. I enjoy reading other people's fics, and looking at all the pretty gifs. I just need to do something for myself that makes me feel better about my own creative output. I've no idea what that is yet, but I will figure it out!

Thank you for taking the time to check in. I hope the rest of your week is a good one. Sending so much love to you! xoxo

[barrykoeghan]

morning after osheaga for green day & smashing pumpkins here's my little notes!!

was super close for pumpkins on the right side had a pretty view of the wheel that was nice

people only screamed for four songs/hits which i think is hilarious considering honestly they were dead the rest of the time

the show was great but for a second to first headliner people were so fucking dead oh my god i mean yeah heat but also doesn't really explain it

also the person in charge of filming i think did not know who james and jimmy were and just did not film enough close ups of guitar solos and honestly i think that means rock is dying how do you not know to film a guitar close up when they're shredding that was a bit upsetting

i decided to be crazy and leave my super comfy spot at the front of the pumpkins barricade to adventure my way to the other stage for green day and for 3/4 of the show i did not realise, because i am short, that i was not that far off from the stage rip, there should be laws against tall people at the front i don't care about first come first serve i was close to the stage and i didn't even KNOW it that's ridiculous

so gen z people in my area were okay !! behaved !! people could breathe no one was pushing each other heard someone say 'if there's a pit i'll protect you', a group of 5 gen z girls who def looked like the spice girls were having the time of their lives and all the men around them were deliberately standing like a few steps away from them cause they were moving a lot and that's just so nice to see, it wasn't covid distancing but i didn't bump into anyone and that was super nice

said spice girls went nuts for maybe i'm the faggot america and all the girls turned to baby spice and pointed at her and yelled 'that's you!!!!' and she just went 'me!!!!' 🥺

baby spice also halfway through the show just gasped very loudly and said "oh my god he's so hot"

halfway through the show the sound fucked up :///// someone's getting fired ://////

also like we all knew this was dookie followed by american idiot and yet gen z were always fucking surprised when songs were playing ESP for american idiot WHEN the songs were being played in ALBUM order??? i cannot physically scientifically explain why this was happening but i did get good videos because i guess i just have listened to the album (?) ?? and knew when my fave songs were gonna start or when there's a beat drop just to see if they were gonna pull something off i can't say unlike them because they knew the songs but ..... i don't think they knew those songs were on the same album ??? kinda crazy to say also when they played whatsername people seemed confused as to why is the stage dark did they leave why did they leave hONEY H O N E Y !!!!!!!!!

they did like three encores and it was rlly nice hearing bobby sox live bc it's always nice to know someone has personally written a song about you just for you thnk u guys i really appreciate it

i am also a theatre gay and while i was hearing the songs as originally composed i kept hearing the broadway cast in my head my brain had a BLAST it sounded SO good someone should blend the two

i felt so goddamn old (also i fuckin ran and got the second metro home and that was SO nice)

[secretbangtnn]

summary : Getting a letter from a very prestigious school was something that you could have never expect, and even more unexpected was that you didn’t need to pay a penny for it. Beautiful news that were too good to be true, but oh how stupid you were to not question such a perfect chance to get away from your shitty life.

notes:

Guys i would be more than happy for some feedback, its my first time writing in english and im more than nervous. Im not sure if what i wrote is good or even understandable. + i would be more than happy to start an ask game with this book

Chapter one

Living or in your case existing was always somehow calm. Everything you do had a plan and everyday had the same pattern, like a boring vase that stood in the same kitchen you actually were. Blue marble tiles awfully similar to tears that run down the woman's cheeks, making them a little bit more redder than before.

Not that they weren't that color before, always blushy and ready to be seen. And maybe that's why you had that sour taste in your mouth while watching them, knowing that your own were as beautifully red as hers.

"why?" a simple question sounding now like the last call for help. Voice groggy and nose runny making the sight before even more unbearable to look at. But why weren't you moved, why the tears didn't make you guality like they should. "you planned this?! You planned to leave me alone like a selfish bastard!"

Looking down didn't seem like the best option, knowing that it could just take the nerves in the room to a whole new level but you could not stop yourself. She was always one to guilt trip you into everything.

A little shout left the chapped mouth making you jump a little while lifting your head simultaneously. Sight before you seems to worsen and as you took a step back the woman took another two in the end catching your small wrist in her clawed hand.

Hissing and looking dead in her eyes made you somehow more conscious of the whole situation.

“I didn’t know.” and you really did not. Gritting your teeth so hard that it felt like some of them could fall out at any moment seems to stop you from doing sudden movements.

Breathe in and breathe out.

“Of course you think I am stupid! Just like your father, bringing me to insanity step by step. But that’s what you wanted from the beginning, am I right?”

“Stop being delusional mom” Oh how hard it was to say the name of that woman. Mother of child that she forgets most of the time, only to remember at the most shitty time. Today was exactly one of the examples of why your dream was just to wake up not seeing or better not having to think of that woman.

“Am i now? It’s you who wants me like this.” She laughed, throwing her head back in the motion. Elegant column of her neck now easy to see, showing purple and red marks similar to those from claws. “You thought I would not know, you thought you could just run away like a scared little child. Now tell me, how long were you planning this o-or maybe it was your father’s plan from the beginning.”

“I didn’t know about it, I didn’t even apply to any of the schools and you are the one that should know that.” toxicity leaked from your voice in big streams, but it was something that u could not stop at that moment. She was doing it again, acting crazy and psycho making everyone question why she wasnt getting hospital help yet.

“So you are saying that it’s my fault? You were supposed to care for me, for your ill mother, not that you are useful for anything else. How could you even think of disappearing, going to school so far away and leaving me to rot here myself like you were not meant to end like this too!”

Snatching your hand you looked at the woman once again, tears in eyes making you look fragile. Her own body looking weak, nearly dead limbs hanging from a malnourished body, showing the world wrack of a woman she was. Complexion ill looking, but what was not in her case, pale looking with green, purple and blue spots everywhere the skin was shown.

“Why are you being so shocked? Don’t tell me you thought you were going to leave someday.” Her laugh made you grit your teeth, jaw starting to hurt from the tension you were keeping. “Once again you showed how foolish you are, just like your father, just like that scumbag.”

“You are insane.”

“That we already know, so why don’t you come back to your room and start preparing for tomorrow. I want to eat a really nice breakfast next morning and maybe then after we can talk about what job you are going to have to make a living for us.”

And that was your sign to go, not looking back at the sick smirk on your mother mouth momocking your whole being. Step by step you saw the old stairs, in some place missing the color. Your room was nothing special, at least that what people said, for you it was some type of heaven. Peace that you could only catch while being there, laying on your old bed while looking at the dull ceiling.

Closing the door, you exchaled a heavy breath, sliding down on the flat surface of the door. Eyes closed like you have always done after an intense situation, today was not an exception to that.

Asking yourself what just happened, how and why. Unconsciously you looked at the letter beside you, laying so weirdly on the piece of not carpeted floor. The big fault in a little piece of paper. It was funny how this thing made such a bad influence on your life just by arriving on your doorstep.

The fact that the only person you could compare yourself to now is a story character of the name Harry was nearly not as funny as it sounded. However how u can explain getting a letter from a prestigious school you for sure did not apply or even looked up not even thinking about getting a scholarship to having a chance to think about it.

By any chance you were not stupid, but your ambitions flew away with another day in this shit hole you called home. Main reason being your own mother, which not only made it clear but for sure would kill you faster than let you leave.

You took the letter, keeping it in your hand like some unknown object you have never seen before. The texture itself is weird, making you shiver in some way. Big letter stood on the black piece of paper meaning only one thing.

Oh yes, that definitely was unsetting.

You remember clearly the first time you read the words that were put in this blank envelope. Big chance waiting for you, welcoming you with big arms and assuring you that you have nothing to be scared of.

And maybe those words were the one that brought you to that situation. It was not even three hours after the fight with your mother. Sun long down now moon shining on your pale face. Packing everything you tried to be quiet and quick hoping that your mother again ate too much of those big pills.

Big bag now laying down on your bed with a small letter beside it looking as innocent as before. You were not even seventeen making decisions that would cost you more then you can imagine. Living hell with possibility of going to another but in that moment nothing mattered like running away from old monsters.

Floor cracked under your feet even thought you were considered as a lightweight. How could you not be so malnourished when your mother forced you to teach yourself how to cook, never letting you eat before her. You tried to reason her moods or harsh behaviour to you but no matter how many times you tried it always ended in another reason why your life was just simply sad.

Running away was a good decision. You tried to say it so many times to actually believe in those empty words. The truth was that you were an innocent little child, not even a full adult that has never tasted a social life or had a friend.

“It will be alright.” Taste on your tongue after saying this a little sour with a heavy backpack danglin on your right arm. One step and then another, you touched the cold handle of your white doors. It was the first move to make and probably one of the hardest.

Bag on your arm is even more heavy making you realise what is happening. Silent breath flowed past your lips preparing you for your next step.

You pushed it closing it carefully while hoping that the oldish touch to the wood wont make an appearance in a loud noise. Silly smile now seen on your face with big relief in the back of your mind. The hardest part was just before you.

Your mothers room, not fully closed - like always, she needed to make sure nobody would come uninvited. It was just one of her weird characteristics that came with such a messed up mental health.

Small noise came out under your feet, not loud enough to wake up the woman next door but audible enough to be heard from closer.

Photos all around you telling you that you were getting near the main door. Little pictures with you inside faded from ears of hanging, making you stop for a while.

Smooth glass now under your fingers as you touch a specific photo. You and your mother being in the green garden of your grandmas. Happy vibe and pretty smiles now nearly unbelievable to witness on either of faces. It hurted or maybe it was just the adrenaline escaping from a sudden stop.

Oh how the sweet monet was quickly destroyed by the harsh noise from one of the rooms, and you exactly know which one. Loud thud rang out in the quietness of the house, making the silence even more noticable. Your breath escaped leaving you in a big ball of nerves and anxiety.

One...two...three

Silence like the one before big storms but maybe just this time it was not that. You couldn't withdraw now, you were too far and too close to the feeling of freeness. So you did the only thing that came to your mind.

Catching a sliding backpack, you turned to the door in front of you, knowing that just behind them is waiting something so much bigger than your old mother. How stupid for you to not rethink your decision, and believing your innocent mind that its just a good thing, better life that could only make you happier.

So you did it, you took the heavy steps that echoed in the narrow corridor. Light breeze touched your face, and just like the first time you gasped at the feeling. Door closing not that gently as you started running as fast as you could.

Silly smile now on your face with a bouncing bag on your shoulders keeping you on the hard ground. It was feeling similar to the first sight of the ocean or the first taste of sweet ice cream on a hot summery morning. You were in ecstasy choked by the overwhelming emotions.

And maybe because of that you were completely unaware of the danger that waited for you on that chilly night. How could you think about it when everything seemed so distracting almost as you were dreaming and in that moment you probably were closer to believing in this being a slumber.

So as you sat on the cold bench of one of the parks near your home, realization finally came silencing your beating heart. Colder weather now felt more real, as it bit your rosy cheeks. You shivered, keeping your backpack on your lap, trying to hide behind it from a chilly wind that seemed like it came from every side.

Being alone hit you like a truck and the little noises of the night didn't help your rising nerver. You started to lose your breath, feeling your tears sliding down your numb cheeks. It was terrifying now with the knowledge of your wellbeing and adrenaline wearing off with every second.

“Mom?” A silent plea that came out of your lips with shakiness that was more than noticeable. You didn't know why you said that, but the woman was probably the only person you knew. Such a sad truth that you needed to understand. You were alone now, and with that thought a more shameless sobs left your mouth with an occasional whimper.

You were sure you were going to end up dead. That you won't see the new sunset with how your body shivered. Not knowing how life worked or what is bad or good you were a little lamb that waited for hungry wolves to eat her whole.

And maybe one of those predators just saw his next meal. Long strides brought him just in front of you. Your sobs are too loud to make you hear his boots coming closer and closer. His breath just centimeters away from your head, brushing your hair like the not forgotten wind.

“Sweetheart?” It was a calming voice, not too deep but definitely belonging to a grown man. Your posture momentaly stiffened, as your closed eyes now looked at the big leather shoes before you. Your whole body is not moving, only shivering because of the chilly weather and light clothes. It was funny how suddenly you have forgotten about being alone, now wanting just this, wishing for all of this to be a big nightmare.

A deep sight left man's lips reminding you about the realness of the whole situation. You could not move, completely scared, your fingers clutched the bad praying for something to happen. The plan to just act like you were not there, ignoring the man fastly ended, when he sighted once again and crouched just to your eye level.

Deep brown eyes, looking at you with nothing but softness. If you didn’t know better you would say the man looked as if he knew you, cared and was in big relief finding you. But your mother's words echoed in your head, making you believe that every man walking on this planet is bad.

“What are you doing here sweetheart?” Once more this deep voice pierced you. Your mouth opens to answer, deeply knowing that nothing will come out. You just looked in his dark eyes, wishing that maybe he will be the one who can read minds. His eyes now on you, more concerned than before, observing your shivering body.

He was tall and broad for sure, towering over your figure surprisingly even while crouching down. His huge shoulders covered by a creamy coat which now was getting dirty by laying down on a pavement, as it partly hid his expensive looking boots.

Too distracted you didn't notice his hand coming to touch your red cheek, now gently stroking the redness of your skin.

“What a poor soul, so cold and left alone without a coat. Tell me sweetheart would you come and let me warm you a little?”

[dragon-kazansky]

Til death do us part | Helmut Zemo

Bodyguard AU! 🕶

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]

Part 10

The very day the rest of the guards that Steve had contacted arrived. He gathered them for a meeting to brief them on the job. He was worried about the group that had taken you out of action for a while.

You had begun to suspect that Zemo knew exactly who they were and what they wanted, but he hadn't informed you about them at all. Since it wasn't deemed important enough for you to know, you didn't ask.

You had been excused from Zemo's side, reluctantly for him, to join Steve and Bucky outside.

The boys were stood with their hands behind the back watching the new lot get used to the grounds. It was important they knew their way around.

You came up beside Steve.

"Morning."

"Morning, Y/N," he smiles.

"How is it being Zemo's personal bodyguard?" Bucky asks.

You chuckle. "So far so good. No issues to report."

"And in the romance department?" Bucky asks, grinning like a fool.

"Non existent, Buck. Don't be silly," you scold him.

Steve is smiling.

"Not you too, Rogers."

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but I think Bucky is right. I honestly believe the Baron may have feelings for you."

"Why would he? He hated me when we met."

"You saved his life," Bucky reminds you, "that is plenty enough to change a point of view on someone."

You sigh.

"I suppose."

You knew it was probably true just from the way he had been treating you. You felt less like a bodyguard and more like a guest. Even you could tell he was reaching for any excuse to keep you near him.

You would just go back to being the professional you were and decline politely, having excuses of your own to do other things.

He was your boss.

"Nothing is going to happen, so no point in bringing it up any more," you tell them.

"You sound so sure of that," Bucky says.

"Because I am."

Neither one of them mentions it further. The new group finish their tour of the outside grounds, and it's here you decide to go back inside, leaving Steve and Bucky to show them the rest.

Bucky watches you go, feeling bad about teasing you, but also not because he knows it's true.

You pass Natasha on tour way back inside.

"Can I join you?" She asks.

"I don't see why not," you chuckle.

The pair of you walk in perfect sync as you head upstairs. The house is quiet as you walk your usual route.

"Are you not scared they'll come back?" She asks, looking at you from the corner of her eye. Natasha had been worried sick after you were rushed off to hospital. There hadn't been much word about your status until they all got back to the hotel. She was scared it was going to end badly.

Then they heard you were stable and she let out the biggest sigh of relief. It painted them that they couldn't all come and visit you, but Steve assured them you were on the mend.

You sigh softly.

"Honestly, yes."

Natasha didn't miss the way you reached u pro your shoulder for just a moment. Obviously it bothered you everytime that day was mentioned.

"But in here to do a job and I'll do it again if i have to. My life for his."

"It's a reckless job, isn't it?"

You smile softly. "Yes, it is, but it is also the most rewarding. We are duty bound to protect someone and I did just that."

She smiles.

"And I'm sure you'll be rewarded handsomely for it too."

You narrow you eyes at her, lips tugging into a frown.

"What do you mean by that?"

She laughs a little. "The Baron fancies you, perhaps your reward is, well, him."

"You too? Natasha, no! I just told Steve and Bucky off for this. Even if he does like me, I won't peruse it. I'm here to do a job, Natasha. He trusts me with his life."

"Maybe he just wants to keep you close to him."

"You're being ridiculous," you sigh.

The pair of you reach Zemo's office. You stop outside and turn to your dear friend.

"Trust me, nothing is going to happen here."

She looks sceptical, but Natasha doesn't say anything and just nods once. She gestures to the door and leaves silently.

You hold your head up high and knock on the door.

"Come in."

You open the door and enter. The door closes gently behind you, and then you make your way over to the Baron to stand behind him.

You ignore the way he watches you do so. You can feel his eyes on you as you pass him.

Helmut hides his smile as he looks back down at his work. He was glad you were here. He had missed your presence in the room. You had this calming affect for him and he noticed it greatly when you were gone.

He hadn't got very far with his work. For every time you leave him, his mind lingers on you. He wonders what you'll do, where you'll go, if you think of him as he does you.

Whenever he thought about that last part, his heart was skip a beat.

Zemo's thoughts came to a halt when another knock sounded at his door. He gave them permission to enter.

A maid enters. One you've seen around the estate. She is carrying a tray with a tea set on it. The maid approaches the desk and places the tray down. Helmut thanks her quietly and she then excuses herself.

Helmut pours himself a cup.

You admire the little tea set. It's all matching. All made from china. White with flowers painted onto them in an intricate design. Simple, yet classy.

Too busy admiring the teacups, you only just realise he is pouring another cup.

"Sit."

You glance at him quickly. He was obviously talking to you as you were the only other person in the room. Not wanting to argue with him, you take a seat opposite him, all while keeping your wits about you just in case.

Helmut places the other teacup in front of you. You stare at it.

"For you," he chuckles softly.

"Um, thank you, sir."

You accept it. You sip the hot contents of the cup and hum softly. It was very nice. You hide your smile behind your cup, hoping he wasn't looking at you right now.

Problem is, he is always looking at you when you're within his eyeline.

"How did you get into this line of work?" He asks, desperate to get you to open up to him. He wanted to know about you, hear you say more than a few words to him.

"Steve Rogers is a dear friend of mine. He was looking for recruits back when the agency was just starting. I told him I was interested, but I had no training. He assured me that was alright and introduced me to Natasha. She became my mentor. Everything I know, I learned from Nat. Within the first month of my employment, I received my first assignment. I've been a bodyguard ever since."

He smiled. This was progress. You were opening up to him and he was happy.

"Then I should thank Mr. Rogers and Miss. Romanoff," he says, smiling softly.

"Thank them?"

"If not for them, I wouldn't have such a hard working and efficient bodyguard."

"With all due respect, sir, you didn't think that way when we met."

His smile fades. Of course you wouldn't forget about that. First impressions are important and he had ruined it by thinking lesser of you.

You must really hate him for that.

Perhaps he didn't stand a chance with you after all.

"Yes, well, opinions can change," he said, lowering his cup onto it's saucer on the desk.

"Your opinion changed because I took a dee bullets for you. Your opinion changed because I did my job and saved your life."

Normally you would never talk back to your employer, but you wanted him to know how he made you feel.

"I apologise."

"Apologies are unnecessary when I'm doing my duty," you tell him.

"Do you ever not think of your duty?"

"No. When I'm working, all there is to think about is the job."

Helmut looks at you with a longing gaze, not that you see it as such.

"Are you happy?" He asks. The question startles you.

"Happy?"

"Happy doing your duty? Happy putting your life before others. Do you not think your life as important compares to those you serve and protect?"

You stare at him blankly.

"My purpose is to put my life before others. I do what I do because I'm good at it. It is my job to put myself before others in dangerous situations. I wouldn't want to do anything else. I'm here to keep you safe, sir."

Silence falls between you.

All you think about your job and for some reason he hates that fact. Right here in front of him, you aren't your own person, you're someone who lay down their life for whoever employs them.

Once upon a time he had happily felt the same, laying down his life for his country, but things changed. He changed.

"Anything you want, just say the word and I'll get it for you. I want you to be happy in my home."

Our home. He wanted to say our home, but that felt far too personal, even of you were living here now.

You put your cup down and stand up.

"If you'll excuse me, sir, I have to make my rounds."

You leave before he can say anything.

Helmut stares at your half empty teacup. He sighs. The most you had ever said to him, and he had only managed to upset you further. Judging by the way you left, he may have offended you.

His heart was going crazy.

"Why must romance be so difficult?" He sighed, sitting back in his chair.

He just wanted to know you. What a fool he was.

Sitting there in silence, he made a silent promise to make it up to you. He had a mission of his own now.

Helmut Zemo had accepted that he liked you, and now he just had to win you over. He would start tomorrow, when the day was fresh and today could be forgotten.

He was going to show you who he was underneath the title of Baron.

Helmut Zemo was going to win over your heart.

@thesuitkovian @justfangirlthingies @belle82devart @zemosimp420 @anteroom-of-death @silverlambcaptain @that-stupid-head-tilt-thing @lieutenantn @daniielbruhl @awesomesauce-abbie @latenightartist-author @lazygurl05 @rumblelibrary @nonamec0s @shura-gorl @ginger-abreu @caligrl1992 @livvyshmiv @luciadiosa @vverliebt @tatooineisdry @charistory @somethingthatsaysbubbles @apparrio @alex-the-nb @thewrongkhristol @hb8301 @the-chaotic-cow @mssennimatilda @uncomfortablebagel @fictionlandslanddreams

[life-rewritten]

OMG!! I just found your blog through a WBL fan sharing your post about WBL on Instagram, and I am SOOOOO happy to see that you noticed and appreciate the tutor and fighter couple from Why R U series too. If possible, please write an analysis about this couple, about any specific aspect you deem as most important or just generally, whatever you are okay with. I love reading your analysis and the insights it gives me, and I just finished binge reading all of your writings on my favorite bl (1)

Hi wow mindblown by this comment Thank you so much for letting me know that my stuff is being shared I really appreciate that and I am so grateful that you took time of your day to come speak to me. I adore Fighter and Tutor, like they’re my favourite couple ever. What happened when why r u was airing was I wasn’t yet analysing BLs at that time otherwise I would have been writing essays and essays about them. Because it’s been so long since I went back to watch them I’m going to let you see some of my drafts on how I would have broken their relationship into pieces and analysed. Because they are incredible and I really always feel sad when people see them as just like a se*ual couple when there’s more to them than that.  So I will let you see the first drafts and my ideas on them through this  ask and I hope that's okay for now. Maybe after my other shows I will like go back and rewatch them and start analysing more about them. If I do I’d probably do a youtube video about them because they’re so good. 

Here’s some of the analysis for them that I wrote: 

The theme for these two is  the struggle with internalised homophobia and self-acceptance. They both had this obstacle in themselves as they fell for each other and tried hard to avoid and run away from what they felt.  It’s been a long journey for them being into each other since the first time they met but not really realising what they felt.  Fighter did but he went into extreme panic mode and tried to run away immediately he felt that. So he tried to stay by Tutor’s side through the teasing and bullying because Tutor made him feel great and happy always but then with pressure from his father and the path he was meant to take to keep on being seen as successful, he thought his feelings for Tutor were useless and wrong. Plus he didn’t know if it was reciprocated so that caused even more fear for him which is why he just stayed with teasing and finally kater in thinking Tutor likes Hwa he chose to pull her away from him by taking her attention but also he chose to keep what they have as enemies/haters that way and avoid being near Tutor. This is why they end up hating each other a lot by the beginning of Why R U which is like 3 years later or something after he chose to stay with Hwa. 

Tutor didn’t understand fully why he got angry, jealous and annoyed, he had an inclination from the first year that Fighter liked men and he was actually hopeful about it because deep down he had feelings of wanting to also flirt with Fighter, wanting to stay with Fighter even when annoyed him and bullied him. He liked Fighter’s softness at times and he liked the way he felt even though he didn’t understand why he was so rifled and affected by Fighter’s presence when no one else has been able to do that to him before. But he became upset when Fighter chose to date Hwahwa because it was his automatic issue with IH that of course Fighter doesn’t like him but he likes girls, so he got jealous and sad and proceeded to also dislike Fighter because he had this effect on him whilst still trying to date his best friend who had feelings for Fighter.

They both have had unknowingly pent up feelings for each other, so once Fighter breaks the barrier by their first kiss, they both go into extreme panic and they both could no longer pretend any more with what they have. Which is why the first episodes they both keep struggling to keep their attraction with each other quiet because its been 3 years since they wanted each other that way. Fighter has so much pent up attraction and needs to give into his feelings that each time they have a chance to break that barrier it’s intense and crazy. Both have been longing, pining secretly for each other since the beginning of the show. What happens next is for Fighter he has to choose to finally accept that he cares a lot, a lot , a lot about Tutor, he finally starts to learn more about this person he loves and he starts to want to protect and keep Tutor happy and by his side. When it comes to finally choosing to let go of Hwa and choose to fight for Tutor and start knowing if he feels the same way. It’s a leap of faith he takes when he breaks up with Hwa. He realises he’s the one stopping his wishes from happening with Tutor because he keeps being in denial about what they are because he’s scared it’s only him that’s gay and has feelings for the other.

It’s only after tutor sister tells him that he’s holding back his feelings does he realise that it’s time to talk about their unstable relationship and Fighter at that moment had also come to terms with his break up with Hwa after making out with tutor revealed the truth, that’s why on the rooftop they do a test that ultimately breaks their walls down and choose to give in to their feelings no matter how scared they are about it being reciprocated. When Tutor looks away and loses the game it’s a symbol to Fighter that he’s also been the same as him from the start. Tutor looks away sadly thinking he’s the one who has the feelings but Fighter just loses it and lets him know its equal which is why I love that scene so much because for so long both of them because of IH has been avoiding thinking the other had the same feelings for them when they both from the start have felt love for a long time. And from then they go on a journey to learn about what this means, if it’s real feelings and not just attraction hence their beach vacation which is essentially them asking if they could love each other and be in a real relationship, and if they can take on their obstacles around them. The beach solidifies for them their feelings so they choose each other for life hence the earring and necklace. But it’s fast paced how they feel because it’s just confirmation, now Tutor starts to realise that Fighter is actually different than he thought he was and he falls so fast, he now realises how much he loves Fighter and how much Fighter made him want to fight for his happiness and life. Tutor has not had hope for happiness and ease in his life, because he’s always had to fight to survive on his own. So when Fighter shows up like a prince charming and constantly is connected to saving him time and time again, it’s exactly him realising there’s someone who does represent that hope that he’d be fine. Hence why the final obstacle is Tutor regressing and starting to think because of IH and society that he and Fighter are just a pipe dream.

They go back to face the world only for Fighters father to bring back all the fear, internalised homophobia and obstacles they had. Fighter panics and thinks he was right; the reason why he never told Tutor his feelings was because he was afraid the other would break his heart (was not gay, did not have feelings for him, would make fun of him etc) so when Tutor breaks up with him he loses his mind after trying hard to let go. When he sees that actually Tutor is taunting him and is still flirting with a guy, not him, he proceeds drunk and upset to try and get back moments from the beach scene/ past make out scenes to keep that spark alive but realises Tutor is not okay this time and he’s the one forcing it. He also acted out because with them the truth comes out each time they’re physical with other romantically. It’s a kiss that caused them to finally tell each other how they felt. That’s always been the way they break their walls down.

It’s what causes him to break down and finally reveal the truth he’s loved Tutor since he met him, he’s just been afraid of all that’s happening even if it’s happening he still wants to be with Tutor. Tutor however breaks his heart even more so he backs off. Tutor on the other hand is broken and mentally exhausted back to depression, back to having to fake being strong and deal with the futility of hope and joy in his life as he’s always been used to. He gets seen by Fighter and doesn’t have it on him to fight him away, so decides to stay in an idealistic fantasy, tells him to hold him and breaks his walls down again. Tutor is always having to fake being strong because it’s how he survives so whenever Fighter enters his world his vulnerability scares him, that’s why his sister gives him the image of a cactus. He’s tough and sharp or pretends to be with his demeanour but actually he’s just a boy who wants to be happy and be safe and survive. So when Fighter shows up at his weakest moments, as he struggles to deal with his mental exhaustion and heart break, he gives in  because again Fighter represents to him that hope. He starts to waver and want to stay in that lie for a long time with Fighter. Hence when he wakes up and Fighter is gone he thinks its all over and he finally breaks down completely.

Only when Fighter goes he breaks down in anguish truly thinking he lost him. Fighter finally comes out to his dad and fights his views, And we end up back at the beach, a place which represented authenticity and truth for them, it’s their truest realest self, but it also was their escapism. So Fighter coming there and letting Tutor know there’s no more obstacles in their way makes them both finally equally start a stable relationship with no more fear or care about anything. These twos relationship is full of tension and they both feel the chemistry, like magnets their bodies are drawn together, every scene they’re in, it’s their love language physical touch not bl fan service. They just naturally want to be in contact with each other and also their pent up feelings leads to them constantly wanting to sleep together because of hormones and well because they enjoy their se*ual life, nothing bad about that it’s realistic for couples to be that horny, that needy and that touchy.

It’s people who don’t get the context of internalised homophobia and what being in the closet is like for people with this anxiety and self hate caused by how they think society views them and treats them if out, those are the people who think there was no plot. Every dialogue these two had, their flashbacks and their acting (eyes, facial gestures, touches) showed why Fighter liked teasing Tor, why he dated Hwa but never paid her attention, why we had the beach scenes, why the break up escalated, why Tutor gave in when ill, why the non/dubious consent scene happened, why they get back together and why they told each other I love you forever immediately after they got together. Every single part adds up. It really is insane to me how people don’t see their real story to this day or see them as such a great storyline for BL. I would never get it.

[hyuckssunchip]

More Than Enough

Pairings: Doyoung x Reader, ft. Johnny, Taeyong

Words: 2.6K

Warnings: Language (there is almost always language in my writings), angst to fluff

Synopsis:

Y/N and Doyoung have a fight over a misunderstanding and many things go awry. Will Doyoung and Y/N overcome this argument?

You always get the same rush as you step into the venue, no matter how many times you come; the busy bustle and organized chaos felt almost reassuring. The first fans had already been packed in tight, each one eager to catch a glimpse of their idols, the rest slowly pushing their way in. But you had the best view, you always got the best view, you thought as your eyes flitted around backstage searching for a specific pair of warm eyes.

When your own eyes locked with his, an unconscious smile broke out on your face. But before you could move towards him, he was swept away by his hairstylist, for yet another ‘final’ check up. Your shoulders dropped with a sigh and you turned around to look for a spot to wait, but were blindsided by a black haired man. 

“Are you supposed to be back here?” He asked, eyeing you up and down. You could see where he would think that, you weren’t wearing a badge or anything and to be honest looked a bit sketchy wandering around aimlessly. 

You smiled at him warmly, hoping to win him over, you didn’t want to go through the hassle of explaining and having to get Doyoung here to account for you. “Yeah, I’m… a friend of one of the members. Are you new here? I come all the time, I’m surprised we haven’t met yet. I’m Y/N.” You said as sweetly as possible, hoping to weasel your way out of the situation.

“No we haven’t met before. I think that you need to leave, before you cause a scene or put anyone in danger. We can’t have crazy people back here. ” He said, taking an aggressive step towards you in order to take you out of the vicinity. 

“No, wait, I really am! I can explain. I’ll call him over now, just let me-”

“Hey, Y/N.” A voice interrupted you, making both you and the security guard freeze as an arm wrapped around your shoulder.

You slowly looked up to see a familiar face as you sighed with relief, pulling your arm out of the guard’s grip. 

“Johnny, I thought you were still getting changed. They said everyone was getting ready.” You said with a puzzled look on your face. 

“I finished up early,” he said, shrugging and then turned back to the guard to flash him a smile.

“Oh, is this your friend? I’m sorry I didn’t know.” He said, biting back his words before bowing deeply to both you and Johnny. Soon after he ran out the door, back to his station.

“Thanks,” you said to Johnny, “Doyoung would have hated it if I had to call him out here to explain again. He lets me know every time it happens. You know, you’d think by how annoyed he gets he would have gotten me a pass or a badge by now.” You ranted a bit to Johnny, still frustrated that this is such a routine thing when you come to their shows. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll have one made up for you. If you had let me know sooner I would’ve gotten you one earlier.” He said smiling down at you, arm still wrapped around your shoulder. “Hey, did you know there was food in the other waiting room? Are you hungry? We could grab some while you wait for Doyoung to finish.”

You nod back at him with a smile, you’re always up for food. The two of you headed to the back room chatting noisily.

Doyoung stood in the doorway, hidden out of view, watching the whole thing. Not only did he see his hyung’s arm wrapped around your shoulder, the two of you smiling at each other as if Doyoung wasn’t even in the picture, but he also heard the latter part of your conversation.

He felt thorns of jealousy build in his stomach and scratch at his throat before they made it to his head. He couldn’t think straight with the image of you two burned in the back of his mind, and it drove him crazy as he stomped towards the room the two of you had just entered.

He was furious and he had no idea what he was about to do, and what it would do to the two of you.

You jumped a little, startled by the sudden grip on your shoulder, but soon relaxed the moment you realized it was Doyoung.

“Oh, you’re done already? I thought it would be longer-” he interrupted you with a scowl.

“W-what’s going on? Is everything okay?” You were used to the cute and goofy Doyoung, not this guy who looks terrifying.

“What was that!?” He hissed at you under his breath.

“What are you talking about?” You nervously asked, Doyoung was acting so strange and you had never seen him like this. 

“Oh so running your hands up and down Johnny is normal!?” He whisper-yelled starting to get increasingly louder.

“I was not! He helped me out of a situation, that’s it! You know I would never do that to you, especially with him.” You said defending yourself. What he had seen was just a misunderstanding, but by seeing the look on his face you didn’t think that he would just let it go.

“Oh really? Because by the looks of how much you two were flirting this obviously wasn’t the first time!” His voice reaching a pitch that started to draw attention.

“Stop it! People are starting to look, let’s just take this somewhere else.” You hissed at him, attempting to pull him out of the room.

“No! You’re not denying it! So it’s true, god you are unbelievable!” He said, shouting and running his hands through his hair. 

You had given up at this point, patience running low you shouted right back at him, “What is me denying it going to do!? You won’t believe me any way! And now we’ve just made a huge scene.” You threw your hands up and started for the door.

“Yeah! Walk away! I never liked it when you come anyway! You’re just in the way and following me around like some lost puppy that always needs my attention. Just leave!” He screamed at your back making you pause in the doorway. 

Your breath caught in the back of your throat and you could feel the familiar sting rise up, tears threatening to fall, but you refused to let them. You let out a shaky breath and shook your head, without looking back you walked out to the sitting room that you would normally watch from and sank into a seat.

As soon as you fell you could feel the walls and any strength you had break down, the tears ran down your face and had no intention of stopping them. Is that what he really thought? About everything? That you were cheating on him, that he never even wanted you here, that you were attention-seeking? You covered your face with your hands, bawling your eyes out, a little too preoccupied to notice Doyoung watching as he made his way to the stage. The moment he saw you his face fell and contorted into a wince, immediately wanting to comfort you. But the moment was gone and he was rushed on to stage.

For the entirety of the song his mind was not on the performance. While he didn’t mess up, he wasn’t his best. He worried constantly about you and the minute he was let off stage for a wardrobe change he rushed to find you, only to be welcomed with an empty seat.

He was frantic, fearful that you had taken his words to heart and really left. He asked around and found an answer that he didn’t want. Exhausted and defeated he sank into a chair and buried is head in his hands. A hand came down on his back and rubbed it in a comforting manner. Doyoung’s eyes opened and he recognized the shoes before lifting his head to confront the member.

“Look, I don’t know what the misunderstanding was with Y/N, but you two will get through it.” Johnny said cautiously, having an inkling that it was partially about him. “I can try to clear anything up if it will help.”

Doyoung’s face was halfway between a glare and heartbroken expression. “Yeah, why were you two all over each other earlier?”

“When?” Johnny thought back trying to remember a moment that might have been misconstrued. 

“You had your arm wrapped around her and were talking about how annoyed and fed up she was with me. Is that what you two do? Just talk shit about me?” He said, starting to get worked up again.

“Doyoung, calm down. That is not at all what happened. The security guard was trying to kick her out because she didn’t have a badge and I just came in to help. I didn’t realise that you don’t like it when I put my arm on her shoulder. I guess I’m just used to doing that with her, she’s like a little sister to me, you know? I’ll stop if you don’t like it.” Johnny calmly explained.

“So you two aren’t seeing each other behind my back?” Doyoung faltered.

“No, not romantically at least. Our relationship is strictly platonic Doyoung, I swear.” He assured with a smile.

Doyoung cocked his head, not liking the thought of them seeing each other without him, even if it was just platonic.

“So-”

“No, we don’t talk shit about you when we hang out. We have more interesting things to talk about.” Johnny interrupted with a small grin.

In return Doyoung gave a teasing glare before breaking out a small smile. “Okay, good. I’m sorry for making a scene earlier, I just lost my head when I saw you guys together.”

“That’s okay. But I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.” Johnny gave him a sad smile before leaving to go get his hair and make up retouched.

Almost instantly Doyoung’s face fell.

“On in five! Let’s go! Let’s go!”

He was rushed on stage for the next song, his mind not quite there. 

On stage he looked over the crowd, a tight smile pulled on his face. He wanted to be happy for his fans, he wanted to show them everything he could, but it was getting hard to focus again.

An arm was thrown over his shoulders, swaying him back and forth forcing his movement to follow.

“Don’t worry about it too much. You guys will be fine.” Johnny yelled into his ear, far from his mic. He pulled back and gave a nod before running off to chase Haechan. 

“Right. It’ll be fine.” But he faltered as he recognized a blue shirt in the crowd.

“Y/N?”

He was already too out of it and searching for a clearer view in the crowd didn’t help his concentration.

He missed his cue.

While Taeil picked up the slack, Doyoung was overwhelmed with embarrassment as his face morphed into a bright red. 

He was frustrated beyond belief and he could feel the burn in his throat choke him. The performance quickly ended and he was rushed into the black SUV that would bring him home. He hadn’t bothered to shower or wipe off the stage makeup, only tearing off the outfit for the sake of the stylists, he couldn’t disappoint them too.

He was a disappointment, to his fans, to you, to himself. He couldn’t even hold a performance without screwing up and looking like a fool in front of his fans. They came all this way for a show that they could remember and what did they get? A rookie that forgot he was on stage. He groaned banging his head against the back of the headrest. 

He was a disappointment to you. He attacked you and let you down when he should’ve been there for you. He groaned again. 

What a disappointment. 

“Doyoung? Can you stop that?” Taeyong asked from the seat next to him.

“No.”

“You’re going to hurt yourself. What would the fans do if they found out you got hurt? What would Y/N do? She’d be worried sick, don’t do that to her.” Taeyong said softly, staring straight ahead. 

Johnny had confided in Taeyong about the situation between himself and you. Taeyong wasn’t proud of the way that Doyoung acted, in fact he wanted to scold him, but how could he when he could see how much Doyoung was beating himself up over it.

He leaned against the window, staring at the streaks of lights that they passed.

“Just go home, shower and rest up, okay? Things will be fine. I promise.” Taeyong assured him.

Doyoung just let out a sigh.

The door closed shut softly, Doyoung was hoping that you were here. And in the chance that you were, he was not going to wake you.

After setting his bag down and taking off his shoes he turned towards the kitchen but froze instead. He took in a sharp breath.

You were sleeping on the couch, curled up in a ball, used tissues scattered below you. His heart dropped and he felt guilt take over him.

He made his way into the seat next to you and wrapped his arm around your back, pulling you into his embrace. He smiled sadly when you snuggled yourself deeper into his chest. 

“How did it go?” You mumbled, startling him.

“You’re up?”

He felt you nod against his body.

“Terribly.”

“Why?” You frowned, sure you were mad at him, but that didn’t mean you wanted him to feel bad about his performance.

“Cause you weren’t there.” He gripped you tighter, resting his face on top of your head. “And I messed up. I forgot my lines.”

You heard the waver in his voice and knew that he was taking it rough.

“I’m sure they loved it anyways baby. You don’t have to be perfect all the time you know. Your fans love you for you and that’s why they go, the perfect performance is just a bonus.”

You moved your head to make eye contact with him. “You’re more than good enough. Don’t ever tell yourself that you’re not. Okay?”

He smiled, “How did I get so lucky?”

You gave him a peck on the lips, “I’m the lucky one.”

“No really, I totally made a scene and said some really horrible things and here you are comforting me. I should be on my knees begging for your forgiveness.”

“I’d like to see that.” You hummed re-situating yourself in his arms so that you could give him a good look.

“I’m sorry. Johnny and I talked about everything. I feel horrible the way that I reacted, I should’ve never accused you and talked to you that way. I didn’t mean a single word of it. I just got jealous and exploded.”

“So you don’t hate it when I go to your shows?” 

“No! I would die if you stopped showing up. I was a total wreck today knowing that you left. And I shouldn’t neglect you like that. I promise I’ll get a special badge for you and I’ll show every guard your picture and say that they’ll get fired if they ever try to make you leave. You know what I’ll fire them if they ever let you leave. You’re not allowed to leave without me. Okay?” 

You laughed at his apology. “Okay.”

He smiled, closing his eyes feeling peaceful once again.

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“Not possible.”

He flashed you a gummy smile before bringing your head into his chest again.

“You stink.”

“Do I?”

“Yeah.”

“How does a bath sound?”

“Wonderful.”

© Copyright 2021. hyuckssunchip. All rights reserved.

[yourlmanburg]

yet another smp sibling // eret + gn!sibling!reader

(hello i genuinely do not know what got blown up in doomsday please let that slide lmao, also i am honestly really sorry about how late this is - i was super tired yesterday and i’ve been busy all day today lulw but even so, i hope you enjoy this even if i didn’t have the energy to edit it whoops)

word count: 1,343

summary: eret reveals they have a younger sibling and shows them around the dream smp

request?: yep! thank you @brianawithonen!!

---

Your brother had been streaming for about half an hour or so now while you were busy doing homework, but if you’d been watching, your heart would’ve melted. Alastair had somehow let it slip that he had a little sibling and his chat was going crazy as they spoke nothing but good about you, singing your praises and making it clear how much you meant to them.

“I can actually go and get Y/n if you guys would like?” She asked her chat, and needless to say, they were delighted with the idea of meeting another SMP sibling. You were sitting at your desk when you heard a knock at your bedroom door, spinning around to look at your brother.

“Aren’t you streaming?” You asked before he could get a word in. He wasn’t supposed to end yet as far as you were aware.

“Yep! Do you want to play on the SMP for a little bit?” They asked kindly, their tone preventing you from feeling too pressured. You couldn’t lie, the thought of showing yourself to tens of thousands of people both scared you and excited you - what if somebody you knew was watching the stream and they didn’t know you were The Eret’s sibling? What if nobody liked you? What if you said something wrong and got cancelled, or even worse, what if you got Alastair cancelled? Despite the negative thoughts crowding your mind, you realised how much joy the Dream SMP had brought to Alastair. You knew how much it’d boosted their career and you know how many lives he’d changed, and you knew about the friends he’d made. Maybe this was a chance for you to have the same as that for a segment of a stream.

“Sure!” You exclaimed with a grin, leaving your work where it was and following your brother into their recording room.

“Here we go, chat!” Alastair said with a smile, passing you a spare headset and pulling out another chair for you. “This is Y/n, my mini me, who is surprisingly good at Minecraft.” They chuckled as you looked at her with fake betrayal.

"Surprisingly, huh?" You chuckled, slipping on the headset and sitting beside your sibling. 

“Oh, by the way, I’m on the VC in case anybody wants to join - is that okay with you?” She asked and you nodded, already taking over his game and walking around on the Dream SMP. This was so surreal.

“So what do I do?”

“Well, I can show you around if you’d like?” Alastair looked at you with a small grin, to which you nodded eagerly. You began in (the remains of) L’Manburg and you were shown around the Greater Dream SMP, the Badlands, Manifoldland and even El Rapids, and you couldn’t lie; you were impressed by some of the structures your brother had built. Everything was going better than you’d expected and you really did enjoy spending time with Alastair like this, until you heard the familiar Discord chime and a very distinct voice that you just could not ignore.

“HELLO ERET!” The legendary TommyInnit screamed down your ears, unaware of your presence. Alastair chuckled, letting him know that he was with his younger sibling.

“Why do you have a child with you? Do they know that I am a big man, bigger than them?” oh, somebody sounded confident as ever.

“Wanna bet?” you spoke up, Tommy for once finding himself at a loss for words.

“You suck.” he stated bluntly, causing you to burst into fits of laughter. Alastair was a little more on the unimpressed side, however, asking Tommy to calm down with the somewhat aggressive remarks. Of course, he was only answered with incoherent angry mumbles, followed by another Discord chime.

“TUBBO!” both Alastair and Tommy shouted at the same time, Tubbo greeting them with an equal level of enthusiasm. A little yellow banner across the screen told you that he’d just logged into the game, his avatar appearing not too far away from your brother’s.

“Hey Tubbo, did you know Eret is with a child?” Tommy asked him like it was the biggest deal on Earth. Tubbo let out a confused laugh, asking Alastair if this was true or if Tommy was just spouting bullshit as usual.

“Hi,” you giggled before Alastair had a chance to reply. “I believe I am said child.”

“Oh, hello!” he greeted you happily, running over towards you in Minecraft and crouching in front of your character. 

“Tubbo, right? I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Who’s Tubbo? I am Big Law and Big Law only.” you laughed at how serious his tone was, feeling as if you were really, finally seeing why the SMP meant so much to your brother. You barely knew them yet these people were some of the nicest you’d ever met (despite the fact that you’d already known of their existence and tuned into more than enough streams prior to this) and you truly felt as if you belonged - if only you could become a permanent member in the intricate storyline.

You, Tubbo and Tommy played around for a while longer with your brother by your side, every so often speaking up but he was mostly just watching you. Watching the smile on your face and the shine in your eyes; this was clearly where you wanted to be, if he could just…

Alastair pulled out his phone, opening up discord and clicking on his conversation with Dream. Meanwhile, you were very invested in the business you were starting up with the two boys, trying to persuade people like Nihachu and Ranboo to buy from you.

Dream joined the game.

You paused for a second, looking up at Alastair with a grin. You’d always wanted to meet Dream and she’d always said that he was a busy man and you just had to wait for a chance, could this be it? Could you finally be able to speak to the Dreamwastaken?

Even so, you carried on as you were. You tried not to show your excitement in fear of being seen as an overly obsessed fan, when you saw a familiar green skin hopping over to where you, Ranboo and your two new friends stood. Turning to face him, Tommy and a very confused Ranboo began shouting at you to make a deal with him for your business when somebody joined the call.

“Hello?” the new voice greeted, and it was undeniably Dream. 

“Hello!” you replied enthusiastically, as did the others. 

“Y/n?” Oh my god, he knew your name.

“Yeah?”

“What’s your Minecraft username?”

“Y/u/n, why?” Dream left the game and there was a pause. Nobody else in the call was speaking, what was happening? Had you just fucked things up? You looked up to Alastair for reassurance, and he nodded at you with a warm smile, but you still didn’t understand.

“Okay!” Dream spoke up again, dragging out the “o” and rejoining the server. “Eret should be sending you the IP address now, go and try logging in on your account, you should be whitelisted.

And you were. You’d finally been whitelisted on the Dream SMP.

All because of your brother.

That night, you sat on the sofa beside Alastair, tired from many hours you’d spent on the server, but happy. The happiest you’d been in a while. As much as you were afraid to admit it, ever since they joined you’d longed to have what they had with everyone, you longed to be part of the plot. You finally had that chance.

“So?” She asked you with a smile. “How was today?”

“Fucking incredible!” you replied, making them laugh. You leaned into Alastair’s side, looking up at him with a tired expression. “Thank you, Alastair, seriously. You’ve just made one of my dreams come true - pun intended.”

“I’m glad! I’m so happy to have you there now, I really think you have the potential to become a really crucial character.”

“Really?”

“Really. Now go and do that maths homework you left.”

“I hate you.”

[theskyexists]

First kill (ep3 and ep 4)

THE ONE THING ABOUT THIS SHOW THAT IS REALLY GOOD IS

the teeth. the fangs. they’re SO well done. look really really good. like theyre natural, actually fit their mouths.

i said to myself - i am not gonna liveblog this show anymore! just watch it and enjoy the parts i enjoy

BUT THEN THEY GIVE ME A CGI GARDEN OF EDEN INCLUDING SNAKE AND THE GIRLS COVERED IN FAKE LEAVES LDFKJSDLFJ:DSFKJ

they’re mentally linked now? what is going ONNN

so last episode ends with Cal being like - eh i would have stabbed u to death, an jules being like, you lying! he he he he

and cal being like ugh

and them covering for each other.

but now Cal’s like - I feel things for you! and you’re not like the monsters!!

how

who what where

ok so jules is definitely not jules- right. its just a dream about temptations and evil

last ep - the fam was ready to go kill some vamps, now Cal’s in bed

‘you’re telegraphing theo’ - how was that at all relevant to getting fancily kicked in the face by a hugely telegraphing apollo lol

i really don’t give a FUCK about this guild lore shit which is just endless crappy fight scenes.

literally the soundtrack drowns out the dialogue. WHO WAS THE EDITOR

dont give a fuck about Talia and Jack drama about whether they should be exposing their kids to this shit. the answer is no anyway. if it’s true that no hunter has survived a legacy in ages then yeah Jack is simply an idiot. it’s so weird that he’s hung up on getting a promotion lol

the Burns have the weirdest modernist home

what the fuck. talia just argued she didn’t want Cal to do this shit and then one sexytime later Jack’s got his way WHAT

where’s THIS coming from? ‘maybe we’re the monsters in their story’- Cal truly is whatever the plot needs her to be. not like eve and lilith scene had us thinking - oh no poor juliette she’s besieged by a monsterous cal. could have done that. didn’t do that.

this is the WORST tack this could have taken. maybe WE are the monsters - CAL THEY REQUIRE EACH YOUNG VAMPIRE TO KILL TO LIVE ITS RITUAL AND EVERYTHING

hate this. Calliope should have been a cloud-haired confident teenager - hilariously trying to stake Juliette at school without getting caught - fighting her and being excited by it. speaking in the only language they know (hunt) and were taught (lethal violence) until they transcend it!. this aint enemies to lovers like it should be!!

‘they dont feel, they don’t love’YES THEY DO. THATS NOT RELEVANT. the RELEVANT PART IS THAT THEY KILL TO LIVE AND YOU KILL TO PROTECT.

YET. they don’t kill to live. the most important question has already been answered. they CAN drink without killing. so why require this one First Kill? why does Elinor have IDs in her drawer when she can drink without killing - and DOES. why the one first kill.

Elinor gets Juliette a snack. WHY. a young innocent woman? why not go to a hospital and pitch it to Juliette like a way to stop someone from suffering? Elinor is played like a manipulator but she’s dumb.

Juliette is already convinced she’s not a killer. How is that interesting? it’s rock solid. she’s not a killer. She’ll get shunned. Homophobia. 

She was supposed to have gotten a TASTE, and remember: never let them get away, and try to drain Cal at school any chance she gets. but then not follow through - so they just drift around each other, tensions ridiculously high, be the one running, remember she’s the one hunting, back and forth, back and forth, get caught in hilarious and crazy situations by people around them, have to think up lies together to get out. They learn they enjoy the same things. Everybody thinks they’ve started dating. Fake double date with Ben and Alex. They enjoy it. And they dont tell their families. Because then they might get....hurt. Juliette gets the chance to bite (calliope is knocked unconscious/is sleeping) - doesn’t. Calliope realises this.

Calliope catches Juliette in very serious blood-cry migraine-thirst episode one time and could easily stake her but - she’s just like...what is wrong with you.

Juliette says, i guess im just a bad monster. Calliope says, i guess im also a bad hunter.

They learn that they share over-achieving older siblings that they can never measure up to.

Calliope is like - do you need to kill to feed?

Juliette is like - i need to kill to live. (The pills work less and less.)

and then you get to the interesting part. Calliope is watching her waste away. Jules’ family is pressuring her to drain a human already! Ben is deeply CONCERNED - like you need to go to the doctor! Jules is like - I’ve found the one, and it can only be her. it’s Calliope. which is her way of not biting Ben, not hulking out in class, not killing somebody. She’s scared of herself, but she can’t stay home either where her family will pick up on how sick she is. By now, she knows when she goes bloodthirsty, Calliope can fight her. she knows if it’s Calliope, she’d rather live with her than kill her. But the first is not possible without the latter.

I think this is the moment Calliope’s family learns she’s found Legacies, because she’s looking for a way to save Jules, asking questions, reading Guild books.

Well done Calliope! Oh wonderful! Now’s your chance!

I think the thing Julliette and Calliope will find out is that vampires’ bites, if not fatal, are healed. How? How do they find out when Juliette goes into total deadly bloodthirst at the drop of a hat by now? (and that’s how vampires simply ARE, not just the first time, but everytime, once they bite, its hard to stop, and why would they and their instinct compells them to finish the hunt of anyone theyve bit (and this does explain Jules’ crush multiplying in intensity) - but Juliette did it once, can she do it again? can she feed without killing? this is the PRIME appeal of a vampire my dudes. the power of love overrules the overwhelming need to kill).

 anyway maybe Cal is hurt and Juliette gets very close and drools over the open wound (but a sexy one, like....idk...like....on the arm?) (and maybe Cal is paralysed and can’t stop her) (but Jules restrains herself) (she says: I’m getting better at resisting you. she thinks, Cal’s associated with comfort now) (Calliopes trust goes up) and the wound’s fine a half hour later. that would be pretty funny. this inspires Calliope’s her serious hypothesis that she could feed and live without killing.

Maybe all along vampires had assumed that they needed to kill when actually it’s not true.it’s just really really really hard not to.

--------

‘if you don’t want to be a blade for the rest of your life’  WHO THE FUCK CARES LOL. what’s with this obsession with getting a better job or whatever

UNCLE tells Cal this way that she can NOT trust her friend/ex because she’ll tell teh nearest authority figure who will publicy shame Cal!!! OH MY GOD. what a safe space!

‘yes or no’. ?????? if a 17-year-old hunter has doubts, she may not express them or work through them in a healthy way ever. Guild Rule number 1.

THE VENOM CAN ALTER THE MIND. WHAT THE FUCK. so Cal’s questioning everything. and now she’s forever mind controlled oh my god.

this would be great to introduce the moment Cal had decided to risk everything for Juliette - then it would be delicious. She uses Guild resources, risks her family’s exposure, all to save Juliette. And then it turns out that that one bite could have influenced her feelings??? (special guild person tells her this, the hunt on legacies, sometimes legacies have been known to bite and be able to control themselves, the victims are different forever....do what the monsters want, betray the cause - everything Cal’s been doing). DRAMA BOMB. Juliette like - I....didn’t know that. I didn’t mean to! I never wanted....! HUGE BREAKUP MOMENT

Then Juliette is put in danger, Calliope saves her anyway, Juliette thanks her, says sorry. You can leave me. But Juliette is actually dying. She’s dying anyway. They kiss. Juliette is like - leave me. Seriously just leave me in the forest. I haven’t got the guts to kill you. I haven’t even got the strength anymore. Im just not cut out for this like my sister. I dont want to hurt Ben. I dont want to hurt anyone like Ben. I dont want to hurt you. And this way, you can show your family you’re a hunter, you can bring them here and one of us can do what they’re meant to do, be what they’re meant to be. Puts the stake in Calliope’s hand that she’d left at the scene of passion the first time.

And Calliope finds herself like, crying, in deep pain, trying to keep Juliette awake as she slips in and out of consciousness. And she realises, it doesnt MATTER whether it was Juliettes bite or not, she feels this now, she loves her NOW. and for good reason.

So Calliope uses that silver knife she didn’t manage to kill the ghoul with to slice open her arm and drips blood past Juliette’s still painted lips. and Juliette comes awake with monstrous strength, bites fast and it seems like the roles have reversed, Calliiope is dying.

And when Juliette wakes up she thinks she’s killed her.

But she hasn’t.

----

ANYWAY

girlie drops the deets that a bite can mindcontrol you and cal understandably is like: i would never go against my family! and her brothers are like yeah! and nobody follows up on that piece of information as like: hey lets try and pin this down, make sure Cal’s ok.

Uncle Ben dropped this shit on everybody without even warning Cals parents his buds!!!

oh i forgot. THEY’VE SOMEHOW FIGURED OUT THAT ALL THE LEGACIES WILL BE THERE?????? AND!!!!! no backup from the guild. just 6 hunters or so going in.

wow.

How is Elinor not super freaked out right now. She should have offered up a fucking terminally ill grandma to Juliette. what the fuck!

somehow their mansion looks grubby in this low light

how is she resistant to drinking a glass of blood. but yeah - where does it come from. blood bank?

‘maybe it’ll be a stranger. maybe it’ll be Ben.’ yeaaaaaaaaa!!!!

that dress is horrific

HOW is Oliver related to these two lol

they leave Cal behind without even saying possibly goodbye forever!!!!

COOK - who has never even met Cal is the one who instantly identifies Jules as Cal’s vamp girlfriend. fascinating. oh and he tries to psych her out. wHY? is Cook a piece of shit suddenly?

How what how does her mother suddenly know she hasnt made her first kill?? so now she gets it. should have had a little talk beforehand so this wouldn’t have escalated

it’s like mom hasn’t had a hug in years, or hugged her in years

are vampires immortal???

why the fuck would juliette not be present for the spectacle her grandmother’s putting on

WHAT. WHAT THE FUCK LOL. Elinor first seems like a good older sister, helps Juliette calm down, tells her she’s got a plan, even taking into account her bullshit. THEN SHE KIDNAPS CAL FOR WHAT??? LIKE JULIETTE IS GONNA KILL HER???? you think you can tempt her???

was the thirst really a symptom of Elinor’s speaking. the moment Elinor is not focusing on Jules she goes back to trying to wake Cal up like no problem. I thought the taste of blood would have slightly more effect.

ah they’re gonna kill some random legacy family then

So Oliver is the nice brother. They split Elinor up to simplify the character. Oliver is literally her twin....

Ok so i guesss Oliver isn’t the nice brother. This was comign right? like - there’s no way these hunters didn’t think they might all die to this ??? my heart is fuckin bleeding for this girl losing her parents.

NICE on Apollo rekilling Oliver. honestly just keep rekilling him a couple of times

OH DAMN. SHE WENT FOR IT. SHE WENT FUCKING CRAZY WHEN BEN WAS IN DANGER. I LOVE THAT SHIT.

AND BOTH BEN AND CALLIOPE SEE HER DO IT. SEE HER MAKE HER FIRST KILL. I AM ALLLLLL WRONG. ALLLLLLLLL WRONG. THIS IS REALLY GOOD!!!!!!!!! THIS IS GREAT!!!!!

THAT BLOOD ON HER LIPS!!!!! tiny Juliette, revealed!!!! to the humans she loves most

cal is a terrible hunter. she did NOTHING to protect that guy lol

ok im starting to get into mother and father’s romance. im lovin it. she loves this guy to pieces, enough to defy her family and all of vamp high society. and now....she might be losing him. AND SHE LETS HIM DRINK HER BLOOD TO STRENGTHEN HIM DUDE THAT IS THE MOST DELICIOUS SHIT!!!!

finally we are getting to some actual ACTUAL vampire prime vampire emotions

THEY HUG WHILE HE DRINKS HER BLOOD (GOOD STUFF APPARENTLY) SHE KISSES HIS HAIR AND KISSES HIM WITH HER BLOOD STILL IN HIS MOUTH

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

VAMPIRE CENTRAL

ok that says they ARE immortal. good thing hunters are around or those vampires would quickly overpopulate and overpredate

why the fuck did the Guild think it would be a good idea to kidnap Cal. it seemed like a one-man action but it seems like the Guild was behind it.

Juliette seems totally chill having done the thing she was never gonna do

Cal’s just standing there. oh well i guess she knew what was up.

CAL IS STANDING UP for juliette to Ben after SHE MURDERED A GUILD GUY. WHAT HAHAHHAAHAHAAHA

THIS IS STUPID

OK i’ve figured it out in my imaginary version of events. Juliette doesn’t kill Cal but recovers. They start sharing blood to keep Jules alive. This weakens Cal, she cant keep up with training, and Juliette is alive, but just as weak. Cal’s family notices. more importantly, Elinor notices. She figures it out, maybe she stumbles across a Juliette supporting a very drained Calliope, and shes like oh my god what the fuck. She tells them: this will last a couple of years only, itll delay things, but it wont fix things. Jules needs that KILL. She needs that FIRST KILL or she’ll never unlock being a full vampire and she’ll die slowly.

things escalate, Cal’s family realises that something is up, they put her under house arrest. the guild gets involved, evil guild guy uses Cal as a lure for Juliette, he doesnt care one bit about Cal and fam, ruthless competing guild families out there. Juliette saves Cal, Ben does indeed get involved, Ben is attacked and JULIETTE GOES MAD, JUST SUCKS THE DUDE DRY. MAKES THE KILL. as she did in the show. Ben and Cal are RIGHT! THERE! Jules looks exactly like the adorable monster she is. Everybody is freaking out, not just Ben. Ben because hes like WTF YOU WHAT, Cal because Juliette did that ‘on her watch’ and wow she really is A MONSTER she knew that but WOW SHE KILLED HIM, A HUMAN, and she didn’t stop it!!! and Jules because she’d just made the romantic pact with Cal that they’d take the years theyd have together until Juliette died from blood-weakness and then she’d tragically die and Cal would move on. She’d sworn she’d never drink from anyone but Cal. and now she did it - she killed somebody, drained him all the way, and oh god. and it felt so good. she’s wrecked but she’s not felt so good in what feels like YEARS. YEARS!!!! she can feel it burning in her, that blood, and this time, she knows, its strength will never leave her.

MOVING ON

Cal looks so good with her hair up and in black

this arranged marriage stuff for Elinor vs. Grandmother is the first time im interested in the vampire lore. i like it. like it very much

the fic should definitely have that (i say the fic like im gonna write it). like juliette has first killed, she has first killed and grandmother is coming, and yes, cals family tries to kill everyone, and yes, dad gets hurt, and Elinor offers the deal.

THATS A REAL SNAKE. I LOVE THAT

wtf Talia is having a heart to heart with Oliver. that’s so contrived just to get Oliver to say his bit. ok thats bettter. screwdriverrrr

they really wander off

wtf. Cal invites Jules to talk about how it felt to rip a man’s throat out.okkkk?

‘how do you feel, seeing me do that’ ‘weird’ what. this writing is so damn cowardly for this relationship

‘but like i know you better now. i know what you’ll do for the people you care about’

THAT’s your takeaway??? you see your vamp gf kill somebody by draining them DRY and you’re like yah that was necessary absolutely

Cal is like: i dont know if what i feel for you is real bc you bit me

Juliette BRILLIANTLY counters this with: I KNOW MY FEELINGS FOR YOU ARE REAL!!!!

the writers for this show were like - we need makeouts in this guys. just most of all the makeouts should be in there.

oh they are having SEX - like actual SEX. ok. alright. that escalated quickly. honestly i forgot that that was a thing they could do that should go into the fanfic too. not this scenario. because this was the most tepid start to first-time impromptu forest sex ever. they should be having sex after the traumatic experience of breaking their promises. there’s a whole scene in which Juliette is upset and tries to reach for Cal but Cal backs away and Ben backs away and Juliette looks at her hands and they’re covered in blood. and Cal scrambles for a weapon and then...

anyway then in the storm of realising it’s not enough to part them they have sex

THE APPLES...ARE DROPPING. WHY DID THEY DO THIS FUCKIN APPLETREE THING OH MY GOD

the dialogue between Juliette and Cal is the worst in this.sad they declawed the whole hostage situation

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[googledocsdyke]

i have not seen any episodes of spn past season 10. but i am asking u because i trust ur opinion. should i watch the other 5? or is it not worth it?

oh ABSOLUTELY watch the other 5. you'll get some big hits and some big misses. my opinion on ~dabb era~ as a cohesive concept changes every time the wind blows but (and i was yelled at on discord for this) season 12 is one of my singular favourite seasons of supernatural. some general pros of seasons 11-15:

- genuinely post-carver supernatural just feels like it's less afraid to have fun. like you get yockey and perez who specialise in writing an all-caps WHAT IF... on the top of a whiteboard and just fucking slamming the gas from there. but like WITH the reading. the 3-episode season 12 yockey hat trick is like. BING BANG BOOM. angel gender! cas backstory! hunter funerals that aren't lonely devastated burnings but a big crowded house full of drinking games and collective community lore! THEE banes twins! other one-episode wonders include the chitters, scoobynatural, baby, regarding dean, tombstone, ouroboros, mint condition..... late seasons supernatural is at its best when it says fuck the very tiresome molasses mytharc and let's be insane and do a Concept. and it WORKS. like the finales mostly drag but many individual episodes are so good that i could live there

- you get claire's coherent arc!! miss newton killed it in 10x09 and 10x10 and 10x20 but a lot of it is claire having like. the worst fucking life of all time and being prickles and thorns and too much anger behind too small of a gun. her relationship w jody is SO good and aching and the wayward sisters setup is super fun even if. yknow. they didn't follow through

- BILLIE is truly one of the best chars they've ever done though they did her dirty at the end. like she haaaates the winchesters but rather than being some deep seething hyper-personal resentment she has a fascinating relationship to like. the desire to generally bring order to the universe — not imposed power, but just like the natural cycle of being in the world. in a way she's not so much working against the winchesters as she is the like very existence of the entire show — what dies Should stay dead and what is clearly dying Should be put out of its misery and YET the show rolls on. like it's deliciously uncomfortable every time she's on the screen because she's RIGHT! the only reasons the winchesters "should" survive another day is like.... they want to. her style her flair her lines her philosophy her position as Librarian mwah!

- rowena as well. god. milfnatural REALLY goes crazy in the later seasons i don't know what to say she's so good. the FLAIR the drama the royal court shakespeare production of it ALL

- MARY PLOTLINE HIIIIII. WOW. Well. if i think about mary for too long my brain does microwave noises but like the fact that they Literally resurrect the ghost of an inciting incident, the mother-as-plot device who does not speak, never the mourner eternally mourned???? And they stick her into the living world????? And she takes off that stupid nightgown???? big qualms w mary in lebanon and lack of john followthrough BUT LIKE. and her relationship with dean like she cannot meet his eyes. she cannot meet his eyes. multiple dean mary scenes that i cannot physically watch it's like a live wire MMM DELICIOUS

- JACK. SO important to understanding cas' arc. he is gay and he is a dad and he is a dad ON PURPOSE w such sweetness and sincerity and presence like i will become so fiercely father-shaped it's just quite excellent like the dude queers fatherhood. i am of split minds of how they did the dean jack relationship bc at the risk of over-spoiling it i think it's all setup and no followthrough/denouement/proper resolution. and like this is a general problem w supernatural in general that doesn't go away in late seasons you can see the moving parts of something great and then they kind of shrink back and explain it away in the vaguest way possible. But still. jack amazing mesmerising so much potential much of it realised it IS ABOUT father and sons

- you get to see dean and cas build up to 15.18. which is just, like, delicious and SO rewarding. season 12 almost-get together! widower arc! divorce arc! tenuous quasi-parenting debates! all building to I Love Every Body Be Cause I Love You

basically like much of supernatural, it has a lot of truly delicious moving parts with a lacklustre mytharc and some truly egregious writing decisions thrown in. it's not coherent in a way that supernatural has never been and arguably gets worse. BUT it has some of my personal favourite characters and writers of all time and if you want to see any of the above it's like. entirely worth it. and there is something delightful if disturbing in watching a show go on for so long that it parodies itself and references itself and eats itself whole. it is so often so much FUN let's hear it for cwification

[moonslove7]

Helloooo~ can I request? If yes, here is my idea: Reader being super amazing at drawing and she secretly has a huge crush on Remus and as well has a sketchbook with tons of his portraits with cute words. James and Sirius discover that she looks at Remus and "write" on her notebook so decide to secretly take her "notes" and read them. Remus finds the two admiring/laughing at the sketchbook and take it from them while the readers is going crazy searching it. Full creativity to you for what happens next just make it floof cuz I need it haha. Love your writing ❤ and Have a wonderful day :3

OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS THANK U SO MUCH 🥺 also lmao this would so be me i already draw him n do lil poems for him even tho i’m awful at it

Artistic Love

It was another late night in the Gryffindor common room, students rushing in and out while some sat down and talked with their friends you, sirius, james and remus all sat next to the fireplace on the sofa, you had your sketchbook out, using your pencil to your crush, Remus Lupin, as he laughed with his best mates probably planning some pranks to do with them, you didn’t really pay attention you were more focused on capturing how beautiful this man was in your sketchbook, after a few hours you had finished and coincidentally Remus had to leave to get a game from their dorm room. Just as he left you thought of a few words to jot down next to the recent drawing, “your heart reminds me of a home i never had”.

Little did you know a certain Sirius Black kept sneaking glances at you, wondering what you had been doing for the past two hours, but you had your sketchbook hidden by your knees as you brought them close to you to hold your sketchbook on them, then Remus came back and you quickly shut it and put it down on the arm of the sofa next to you, “wanna play with us (Y/N)?” Remus asked when he noticed you had put what he assumed was homework away, you nodded with a smile, moving closer to Remus you all played a game of snap which resulted in James being told since he lost he would have to do the next prank by himself since it included going into the Slytherin dorms, after another hour went by the prefect came to the group and told them they had to go off to bed, Sirius sent a glance towards your black sketchbook while you were saying “well I guess I’ll go to bed then, goodnight idiots.” James noticed Sirius eyeing something, “mhm, we don’t have much choice but sure, good night (Y/n).” James said, Remus nodded and smiled at you, trying to look like he wasn’t crushing on you, but of course failing as the on coming blush appeared on his face. You walked up the stairs and made your way into your dorm room, you got ready to bed and fell asleep instantly.

Downstairs though James and Sirius stayed down there while Remus was back in their dorms, Sirius walked over to your sketchbook and started flicking through the pages, “Sirius, what are you doing? If you want to copy (Y/n)’s homework you could have just-“ “it’s not homework, idiot. Look...” Sirius pushed the book so James could see it, and there in pencil was an accurate sketch of Remus from that exact night smiling away. “.. it’s Remus? Why... Unless-“ James concluded locking eyes with Sirius, they both smirked at each other thinking the same thing, “She fancies him...” Sirius said confirming what they both thought, “it’s kind of cute but ew,” James replied while looking at the older sketches as Sirius continued looking through it.

“Wait till Moony finds out, he’s going to have a heart attack.” Sirius laughed, “what if we gave them the extra push? Like we hide the sketchbook until (y/n) admits their feelings and what’s really in here?” James wondered out loud making Sirius grin at the suggestion, “that, my friend could work, but we have to hide this though so Remus doesn’t find it.” Holding the sketchbook in his hand they book walked up the stairs to their shared dorm, when opening the door Remus was already ready for bed reading a book he glanced up when he realised they had come up, “took you long enough,” he sighed, putting his book on the side table Sirius walked to his bed, crouching down he began to take all the stuff out of the cupboard that each of them got, Remus now had seen the sketchbook asked both of them, “why are you stealing (Y/n)‘s homework for ? you guys can just copy from me you know...” He wondered making James shrug as he watched Sirius hide it, “(y/n)’s got better notes than you Moony, let’s be honest,” Remus gasped offended, “fine be like that, I won’t let you lot copy from me again then.” He said before turning over in bed and trying to fall asleep.

Sirius sent James a smirk, knowing what was about to happen the next day the boys quickly got ready for bed and joined Remus in dream land.

“WHERE IS IT?!?” The Mauraders heard as they came down the stairs, dressed and ready for the busy day ahead, they saw you throwing the cushions around the sofa and looking underneath it only to find Zonko’s sweet wrappers, Remus looked at Sirius and James with a raised eyebrow not forgetting that he saw them two with their book. “Give it back to her, please don’t be a pair of dicks.” He asked, making Sirius say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about mate, come on let’s help (Y/n).” Making their way over to you James spoke first, “what you lost (y/n)?” “My uh notebook, it had class notes in and stuff,” You replied anxiously, your eyes wondering all around the room in hope it would just appear. “oh yeah? what kind of notes?” Sirius asked with a small smirk on his face trying hard to hide it as he leaned against James. “y-you know, school stuff,” You started to blush as Remus began looking around, looking at the clock Sirius mentioned, “why don’t we look for it later? we’ll miss breakfast at this point and i don’t know about you lot but I’m craving some breaky right now.” James nodded along with him already waiting just near the portrait door for Remus.

Remus sighed as he looked at them, he looked back at (y/n), “we’ll look again later, we’ll either find it or you can have my notes.” He reassured making you nod and smile at him, “I have to keep looking but you guys go on and have some breakfast.” They all began walking out, leaving you alone with the scary thought that either someone would use the sketchbook as blackmail or would just straight up show Remus breaking the little bit of friendship you did share with him.

You looked for another two hours, then stopped knowing you’d be late for class if you didn’t, you walked solemnly to the lesson which was transfiguration, the boys had already sat down but Remus kept a spot empty next to him for you, “you find your notebook yet?” he asked, “nope.” You responded, you thought to yourself at least you know it either hasn’t been kidnapped or given to Remus yet.

After the class was over as you began to walk away Remus called for you, “I saved you some food, you know from breakfast,” he placed the food container his mum had given him in your hands that had a few slices of toast inside of it, somehow it still felt hot. “oh, thank you Remus, that’s really sweet of you.” You replied making Remus reach his hand up to his neck, the tell tale sign he was nervous, he nodded with a smile and began to walk away towards Sirius and James who were standing there smirking at the interaction. “You dog, you so like her!” James said with a laugh leaving him as he wrapped an arm around Remus’s shoulder. “No i don’t! It was a thoughtful thing to do, it’s not her fault you idiots probably lost her notebook.”

After classes were over the Sirius thought the plan needed an extra push so James distracted Remus while Sirius put the push in action, “You like Moony don’t you?” He asked making you freeze up, “n-no, why would you think that?” “well, a little birdie told me you draw him... A LOT.. you even write little almost like poetry beside said drawings.” “oh my god, Sirius who has it?? Tell me, please-“

“... James, he’s actually thinking of showing Remus it right now-“As soon as that nearly full sentence left Sirius’s mouth you ran up the dorm stairs, as you had seen James take Remus back to their dorm room you were ready to kill him for this. Opening the door you saw what you thought was James holding open your sketchbook to Remus, “IT’s NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!” You shouted, the blush on your face deepening at what Remus probably thought of you now.

“what is it then, (y/n)??” James, asked closing the book and waiting for your answer, “I drew Remus because I just thought he is aesthetically pleasing to my artistic senses, there, not that i’m in love with him.” You said in a normal tone, thinking you had tricked them all, but you did not.

“... you drew me?” Remus asked in a whisper, James brought the book he was showing Remus to you, inside it was just school notes, it wasn’t your sketchbook at all. You gulped, trying to think of how you were going to get out of this one. “y-yeah... it’s not weird though, right?” You asked nervously, James sighed loudly, putting the book down he walked over to Sirius’s cup board and got your actual sketchbook out. “For Godricks sake! Just look and see, you both fancy each other and kiss, it’s not that hard you know.” He passed the sketchbook to Remus who opened it to just the first page and looked at the drawing of him, his eyes reading the words “If you’re a monster then why am I so in love with you?” He kept replaying those words in his mind, James decided his job was done and left, joining Sirius downstairs.

“So... you like me?” Remus asked, sitting the sketchbook down so you could see it too, you walked closer to him, nodding sadly knowing he was either going to be mad at you or stop being friends all together. “I’m not mad or anything, honest, I just... I guess I do fancy you.” He added, making you look at him now slightly hopeful, he smiled at you before looking back down at the page, “‘If you’re a monster then why am I so in love with you?’ No ones ever, said anything like that to me before, but it makes my stomach feel like it’s got a thousand snitches inside of it,” He laughed slightly making you laugh with him, you sat down in front of him on his bed when he made room. “You really like me? you’re not just saying that so this isn’t embarrassing or anything right?” You asked suspiciously, Remus responded with “Mhmmm I don’t know, let’s see.” He brought his lips to yours, making you gasp in shock, he took that as his opportunity, and pushed his tongue into your mouth, going from 1-1000 VERY quickly, you both sighed into the kiss as his hands held your face into place your hands moved to his neck, playing with the ends of his hair as best as you could, until all of a sudden Remus pulled away, panting out of breath he nodded and almost giggled as he said “yep, I guess I really really do fancy you.” he leaned over again to press a kiss to your forehead.

I hope you enjoyed !

[sankyeom]

belle’s 2020 tumblr wrap up

i almost didn’t make one of these because i lost my laptop charger on my flight home to california and i didn’t want to type this out on my phone but after being tagged in so many people’s wonderful end-of-year messages (thank you @sunlightwoo​ @heartyyjeno​ @atbzkingdom​ @chaoticdeobi @xfirebenderx @fairyoftbz​ and for including me thus far 💗) i decided i had to join this beautiful love fest and end the year on a good note! 

m i l e s t o n e s  (personal and for the blog) ✨

◇ on february 17th 2020 i started stanning (and eventually ulting) the boyz!   ↳ this is important because i had been listening to the boyz’s music since no air era, but never watched their videos or learned the members’ names. after stanning the boyz, i was introduced to my beautiful deobiblr, which is such a warm and welcoming community. i met most of treasured mutuals through this community and honestly don’t know what i’d do without it!

◇ on april 23rd 2020 i reached 1,000 followers on my blog!     ↳ this was very special to me because i have previously reached 1k followers on many different platforms (quotev.com, wattpad, a different tumblr blog, etc.) but after not writing for a long time i was worried people wouldn’t like my writing anymore or that i wouldn’t be good at it after taking a break. reaching this number was surreal for me and it made me realise that i wanted to study creative writing in university, which i am now doing!

◇ on may 30th 2020 i graduated high school!   ↳ i graduated with honours and a 4.0 along with a lot of life-long friends that i had made in the two years i spent at my competitive, college-prep private school. i faced a lot of hardships but eventually got through it and i am a better person for it. congratulations to all the graduates who didn’t get the graduation they all dreamed of, you did something spectacular this year!

◇ on august 24th 2020 i started university as a creative writing major!   ↳ 2020 was a crazy year for everyone and it made picking which uni to go to really hard, but there was one uni in particular that loved my admissions essay and wrote to me personally saying they would love to have me in their creative writing program, which really touched me and interested me in this uni. i’ve always been someone who finds academics really important so i had gotten multiple scholarship offers from different “higher ranking” universities, but i was able to learn what was important to me in picking a school that would both foster my learning and make me feel at home.

◇ on september 21st 2020 i got my first ever B on a test!    ↳ and i was really happy about it. in high school i strived to get 100% on every test and would have panic attacks when i got even a single point off. i wish i was joking, but that’s the truth. i’ve always been a perfectionist and i wanted to have a more healthy relationship with my personal expectations in university. being in uni helped me to pace myself academically and learn to juggle doing fun things – like this lovely blog – alongside studying. i still managed to get all As in my final grades for this semester, but i really loved letting myself get Bs and take breaks. 

◇ on october 18th 2020 i reached 2,000 followers on my blog!   ↳ if you read how important reaching 1k to me was, you can probably guess how amazing and emotional this was for me. not only did i have enough followers to fill three of my high schools, but i had made a lot of friends at this point, and that was so special to me. i had also never done a special series to celebrate a milestone, and as i stand here on december 31st with 2,457 followers, i have yet to finish my 2k celebration due to taking a short break from writing. don’t worry though, it’s all coming very soon!

◇ on november 29th 2020 i reached 1,000 notes on a masterlist!  ↳ facade? was my first social media au masterlist to reach 1,000 notes and when that happened, it truly blew my mind. i have no words to describe how special that moment was for me. a lot of people loved it because they resonated with the main character or because they found all the plot twists fun, and i really love that so many people enjoyed it and gave it a chance, despite the general plot being quite common.

◇ on december 7th 2020 i reached 1,000 notes on a fic! ↳ he loves me, he loves me not was my first one shot/fic to reach 1,000 notes and my second fic ever to reach 1k notes, which was literally crazy. so many people have reached out to me about that fic and how much it resonated with them and their experiences, and i just loved that this was the first written fic i ever had reach 1k notes because of the emotional implications.

m u t u a l s 💛

i have so much love and appreciation for you all, it’s unreal. i’m a very shy, often times insecure, and quiet person so i have a hard time reaching out to people. this means that minimal interactions actually mean a lot to me, so please never think that i don’t love or support you guys just because i’m a little quiet. that being said, here are some mutuals who i have gotten to know better in 2020 and a little love letter for you each 💌

@xfirebenderx

💌 nani, you were one of my very first mutuals here on tumblr back when i ulted seventeen and literally never spoke to anyone or interacted with people other than the few anons in my inbox. you made me feel comfortable and welcome here on tumblr, and i’ve always seen you like an older sister figure because of that. your enthusiasm and support are often times unparalleled because you never hold back anything and i am in awe of how lovely you are. thank you for having my back this year and making me feel so supported! 🌟

@chaoticdeobi

💌 bea, you’re such a ray of sunshine and brightness in my life and on my dash, i’m in awe of how much of a social butterfly you are! you were one of the reasons i started writing for the boyz because i felt excited when i read your fics and i was extremely impressed with how immersive your writing was (and still is!). aside from your amazing writing abilities, you’re truly someone who i feel comfortable with even though we haven’t spoken that much privately, and you have an amazing gift of making people feel accepted and at home. thank you for being a wonderful brightness in my life this year! 🌼

@heartyyjeno

💌 alesha, i’ve said this to you many times before but i truly treasure you as a person and as a friend. you are without a doubt one of the most supportive and uplifting people that i’ve met on tumblr, and i can always rely on you to make me feel like i’m loved and a good writer, especially on days where i feel like i’m neither. i know that 2020 has been a struggle for you and i wish i could have done more to support you, so i hope you take this love letter as evidence of how loved you are and how much i cherish you as a person and as a friend. thank you for being my rock this year! 🌷

@httpsohnpouts

💌 rosie, you are someone who is very dear to me and i always feel so lucky to be your friend! we’ve spoken quite a bit this year and i loved getting to know you and finding out we stan/ult so many of the same groups! i loved gushing over dark haired eric, seunghoon from cix, and blackpink’s comebacks with you this year so much because it made me feel much closer to you! you’re always one of the first people i send love chains to on tumblr and i just really appreciate your lovely energy every time we interact. thank you for being a caring friend for me this year! 🌹

@stealerz

💌 qiu, first of all your url change is absolutely adorable and i’m a huge fan. second of all, your writing is so stunning and it was also another reason why i wanted to start writing for the boyz this year! you’re somebody who i often see on my dash and try to interact with, and it always feels a little surreal when you gush over my writing because i look up to you in that sense. you are such a lovely friend who i don’t talk to very often because i’m shy, but i feel like you’re always around to remind me that you support me and just make me feel loved here on tumblr. thank you for being an inspiration to me and sending me so many cheerful love chains on tumblr this year! 🌻

@neoskidz (i wasn’t sure which of your blogs to tag so i’ll add @chocolattees just in case)

💌 elsie, i always feel undeserving of your hype and excitement when you comment on my fics or leave me lovely asks in my inbox to sing my (absolutely undeserving) praises. you’re someone who seems very bright and warm-hearted so i always feel comfortable around you, and i only wish i could have praised you and given you as much love as you did for me in 2020. i love when you randomly pop up in my inbox and i love to hear about how you’re doing because i feel like it’s the least i can do to show you that i support you and am always interested to hear what you’re up to! thank you for reminding me that friends can come from anywhere and for always being so compassionate this year! 💐

@deobienthusiast

💌 k, i always look forward to when you reach the latest chapter of my social media fics because i’m always living to hear your reactions to them! i always feel so lucky that you interact with me and reach out so much because i’m shy and it makes it a lot easier for me to talk to you and actually get to know you. i love that we stan so many of the same groups and can always gush about cix and the boyz together, especially when we tag each other under any posts that have to do with blond baejin. you are honestly someone who i feel very relaxed with because we talk so often and have so many of the same interests, i really appreciate your presence in my life. thank you for being someone who i can talk to about my fics and all of our bias wreckers this year! 🌈

@atbzkingdom

💌 dee, i’ve said this before but you’re a literal ray of sunshine to me and you warm me up like the sun with all of our interactions. i always love to hear your comments about my fics because you never hold back and always unleash so much excitement onto me that i can’t help but reciprocate and allow myself to get super hype and happy. you have an ability to make me open up and actually feel excited about my friendships here on tumblr and my own writing, which can be really hard for me sometimes. i’m blessed that you look up to me and i have to say that i absolutely look up to you as well, in more ways than just your writing! thank you for being my personal hype-man and helping me come out of my shell this year! ✨

@lsangyeons

💌 yu, i think you are seriously so damn talented it’s actually unbelievable. not only are you an amazing writer but your designs, sketches and other amazing works of art are just so inspiring and i find it incredible that you’re so multifaceted. you’re always someone who i think very genuinely wants to know how i’m doing and is always ready to catch up and share what you’re working on with me, and i find that really illuminating and fun because you’re so talented. thank you for reaching out to me so often and making me feel comforted this year! ❄️

@fairyoftbz

💌 rosy, i am totally kicking myself right now for not reaching out as often as i wanted to because i feel like we get along well and we could be really close if i wasn’t so shy and bad at keeping up with my asks/mentions. i think you’re a lovely person and i’ve felt so fortunate to have gotten to know you better this year. as i mentioned before, you’re a very thoughtful person and i look forward to getting to know you better in 2021! thank you for being a supportive friend to me this year! 🪐

@sunlightwoo

💌 gina, i adore you, and that’s the absolute truth. i’ve been so happy that we were able to connect this year and become friends because you are a fiercely supportive and lovely mutual to have. i have to thank the kpop gods for getting you to start standing the boyz so we could meet and be friends after all this time. i love how you yell and gush about my fics because it makes me feel like i’m actually writing something people like and not just rubbish that i come up with in my head, and you make me feel grounded and supported, which i can only hope to reciprocate just as enthusiastically to you! thank you for being a fiercly kind and supportive friend to me this year! 🌠

here are some people who i haven’t interacted with much (because, like i’ve said, i’m terribly shy and don’t interact with people much in general (feel free to reach out though i would love to chat 🥺)) but still wanted to mention! i love and appreciate you all for replying to my posts, recommending my fics or just posting really amazing content here on tumblr for us all to enjoy, and that i’d love to get to know you better in 2021!! @1ovejisung​ @jenoleeaesthetic @thepixelelf​ @honeycobie​ @tbzwurld​ @meltingjukyu​ @mae-gi-writes​ if i’ve forgotten everyone i’m terribly sorry but also very jetlagged and bad at keeping track of my friends xx

a n o n s 🦋

i’m grateful to everyone who joined my anon list this year and i’ve genuinely enjoyed all of our interactions so much! i wanted to give a short thank you to a few specific anons but i also love my other anons, 🐝 anon, 🧸 anon, 💫 anon, 🦋 anon, 🥯 anon, 🍇 anon, 🌜 anon, 💒 anon, and 🦕 anon a lot and appreciate you all! thank you for joining my anon list and i hope we can continue to get to know each other in 2021!

🤍 anon 💌 you always check on me and ask me how i’m doing, and i feel so comfortable around you it’s like talking to a friend. we always talk about anything and everything and i appreciate that you’ve been such a constant in my life this year!

🌱 anon 💌 my sweet deobi 🌱 anon! i love gushing about the boyz and my social media fics with you, it’s always so fun to see how passionate you are and it’s honestly everything to me.

🐹 anon 💌 you really feel like a sibling or a friend to me because you’re always telling me to take care of myself and encouraging me to take breaks and be happy. i want everything that you encouraged me to do for you as well and i hope that you take care of yourself and stay healthy/safe!

🐱 anon 💌 literally the absolutely king/queen of getting involved in my fics and gushing to me about how every chapter made you feel. i love seeing your responses and i’m always so touched when you leave me simple messages telling me to have a good weekend or asking me to be your friend. we are absolutely, 100% friends my love!

🔮 anon 💌 you’re my most recent anon but i feel like we’ve known each other forever now! we talk quite often and i always love it when i see the little 🔮 emoji in my inbox because i love how enthusiastic and understanding you are. thank you for deciding to join my anon list so we could become closer!

f o l l o w e r s   a n d   r e a d e r s 💘

i doubt that all 2,457 of my followers are going to see this, but i’m going to write this as if you all will anyway. thank you for being here and for caring about my content enough to hit the follow button. numbers don’t mean much and are quite arbitrary, but i still think that it’s amazing that there are 2,457 of you cuties who put up with me. to those of you who don’t follow me but read my fics/like and reblog my posts, thank you. i personally see those things as small praises and/or appreciations for my efforts and i wish i could tag you all here to tell you that i love and appreciate you, but tumblr won’t let me and i think most of you wouldn’t want that either. i couldn’t make a love letter to the people that shaped my 2020 without addressing all of you, so i hope that some of you decided to give this a read. i appreciate you and i want you here, healthy, and safe on this planet. please take care of yourselves as i would love to take care of you. x