#do u guys think we’re gonna hit the quota. i think it’s gonna be close

[mars-ipan]

JUST GOT A HIGH SCORE OF 124 EGGS YOU’RE FUCKING SQUIDDING ME

[asagi-s-garden]

Ok but imagine this: Viktor is the Grim Reaper and Yuri is his favorite living person to watch

Well, I say "the" but actually there's an entire community of Grim Reapers/angels-of-death and Viktor is one of the newest recruits, and the other reapers have warned him ok? It's literally one of the first things they talk about at orientation: Do not get attached to living people, but does Viktor listen? Lol no

His supervisor Yakov is perpetually irritated because Viktor spends ALL of his free time watching this one little Japanese dude who likes to skate and eat pork cutlet bowls, and he KNOWS that it isn't just for betting purposes (Reapers bet on when and how people will die all the time as a favored pass-time, sometimes they can get pretty intense when the stakes go from chocolate bars to "I'll take the next irratable sudden-death who refuses to accept that they're dead and you can have my next made-peace-with-it-six-years-ago old person") Yakov has SEEN the way Viktor watches this guy, he KNOWS

And Viktor isn't even TRYING to hide it, he's just blatantly and openly obsessed with the cute little skater guy, OB.SESSED.

And the thing is, Viktor is in an awkward position, because Reapers can't really get involved with living people but they also have a really, really hard time getting involved with dead people because:

1. You never know when someone is going to reincarnate and just up and leave you 2. Dead people usually want to stay with their families and you never know where their families are or how much time they're going to spend together 3. Reapers are busy ok?

And there are other reasons too and it's just really hard so tldr Yuri is inaccessable alive and will probably be just as hard to get acquainted with dead too so Viktor gets very attached to keeping Yuri alive because atleast if he's alive Viktor knows where to find him you know? Besides, he LIKES Yuri being alive, he wants Yuri to experience everything there is to life, to be happy and vibrant and fullfilled! You can't get all of that in death!

But the thing is... Yuri .. kinda... you know... sucks at living

Not in the philosophical "not making the most out of life" way, in the literal "fell down two flights of stairs twice in one week" way, and it isn't just that he's a little clumsy, he just has ??? such bad luck???? Viktor honestly doesn't know how the poor guy has lived to the age of 23 because in the last month he's given himself a concussion, got food poisoning, almost got hit by a car, and was THIS. CLOSE. to drowning in a hot spring because a softball just flew up over the fence out of nowhere and beaned him in the head and he went under water like!?!?! WHAT

So Viktor has taken it upon himself to be the official unofficial Yuri Katsuki Personal Lifeguard TM

He spends every moment of his free time over the next six months "guiding" Yuri away from hazardous situations

And by "free time" I mean "whenever Yuri is possibly in danger even if it means abruptly leaving Viktor's current job"

And by "guiding" I mean "manipulating events to steer Yuri in the right direction" like starting a small fire in that sushi place that had the questionable salmon that Yuri was thinking about eating at or causing all traffic to turn to red lights whenever Yuri is about to cross the street or LITERALLY HAUNTING THE DREAMS OF ANYONE WHO LOOKS EVEN REMOTELY SUSPICIOUS WHO LIVES IN HASETSU SO THERE'S NO CHANCE OF THEM HURTING YURI OR MUGGING HIM OR I DON'T KNOW NOT FIXING THEIR TURN SIGNALS OR WHATEVER

Viktor is tired

Yakov is livid

Yurio, the youngest Grim Reaper ever, is D-I-S-G-U-S-T-E-D

Anyway Viktor is so busy trying to keep Yuri alive that he's been neglecting his actual job lately, wich, in a TRUE show of irony, ends up being his fatal flaw, because he doesn't realize that his latest job, an ice skater who's going to have a heart-attack later during a routine, just so happens to be the guy Yuri is skating with later that night...

You see where this is going

Yakov sees where this is going

Yurio sees where this is going

Viktor has absolutely no clue where this is going until it's too late, the skater's heart attack comes right in the middle of one of those really fancy skating moves where he had lifted Yuri into the air and for obvious reasons Yuri comes crashing down onto the ice

HARD

Before he knows it Viktor is staring at his worst nightmare: Yuri crumpled up on the ice, blood everywhere, life light starting to flicker out FAST

and there's that other guy too that Yurio is angerly trying to drag to the afterlife but that's not important right now

So Viktor appears to Yuri wile he's in limbo between life and death, Viktor is sobbing and red-faced and begging him to wake up, to keep going, to HAVE A LIFE YURI and Yuri is just kind of...

"...Do I know you...?"

Oh yeah right Yuri has absolutely no idea who Viktor is or that he even exists in the first place lol perfect

"I'm-! .... YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL! VIKTOR!! SO NICE TO MEET YOU YURI!!" because "I'm the angel of death that's been watching you for the last six months because you're really cute and kind of entertaining and I like your face and also please stop walking in front of cars and eating questionable sushi k thx" just doesn't sound like it would be received well

"Oh um well I'm really sorry that I kind of.. made you fail your job.. since I assume I'm dead now..."

"YOU DID NOTHING WRONG YURI! YOU HAVE NEVER DONE A WRONG THING EVER IN YOUR LIFE!"

Yuri is a little confused still but his attention quickly turns from the entire "I think I'm dying" thing to the loud obnoxious fracas going on a few feet away as another "guardian angel" (Yuri assumes he must be, he's got wings like Viktor does) tries to literally drag his skating partner off the ice

Immediately Yuri runs over and tries to talk the other angel out of it because look, Yuri's partner has a family ok? He LOVES life, he's on track to be a gold-medalist, his wife is expecting their first child, he deserves to LIVE ok!? "Please Mr. Guardian Angel just let him stay!!" "Huhh??????? What do you mean 'Guardian Angel'!? What kind of crap is tha-" "WE'RE GUARDIAN ANGELS YURIO!!!" (god does Yurio hopes the apple of Viktor's eye dies soon so he can stop being involved in these stupid schemes Viktor keeps dragging him into G-O-D!!)

"Look sorry it's very sad or whatever but we have a quota of lives to collect ok and we're gonna fall short if we let this one go soooo ... move"

And then Yuri does The Thing TM

The "Take me instead!" thing

Because really, Yuri is ok with death, he doesn't mind, he's had a good life and he knows he's young but it's ok, he's not really that attached to life, he's pretty lonely tbh, his parents died a few years ago and his dog died last year and he's just... kinda... ready... he met his goals as a skater already so it's ok, if it's to save someone else then he really doesn't mind

"Ok good let's go"

"YURIO- PLEASE!"

"Viktor it's really ok I don't mind :)"

"YURI PLEASE! RECONSIDER!!!"

"Ugghhhhhhhhhh stop with the melodrama already!!!!"

And then something incredible happens in the shape of Yakov, he comes out of the sky and declares that since Yuri committed such a selfless good deed he'll be rewarded by being offered a place as a Grim Reaper ("Grim Reaper?? I thought you were guardian angels???")

"JUST FROM COMMITTING A GOOD DEED!?"

"Well actually I just know that otherwise I'll never hear the end of it from Vitya but yes"

So that's how Yuri becomes the best Grim Reaper Heaven has seen in DECADES, he and Viktor try to take jobs near eachother and spend all of their time together and eventually they get promoted and get to take care of the new baby souls coming into Heaven sometimes too and it's all pretty ironic because if Viktor hadn't neglected his job to keep Yuri alive to begin with none of this would've happened

(Then Yuri learns about the betting and asks the question he'll never stop regretting for the rest of his unlife- "Did you guys bet on me?" "Yes! It was really a question of if you'd die from a skating accident or choking on katsudon! I won!!! :D")