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siennablaze219 · 9 months ago

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((Content warning, graphic violence))

@daily-writing-challenge

(Events from the beginning of Battle For Azeroth, trying to take this week to flesh out pieces about Mirri’s family history)

Lyanna and Rastien were lounging by the pond near their home in Ashenvale, the stars in the sky were bright as they laid upon a blanket and shared a bottle of Dalaran Red that Mirri had brought home to them on her last visit home. They had little to do in the moment, Sentinel Tyl’inithia had come by earlier in the day to pick up all the sabers of rideable age and size, fully trained or not, to take with them down into Feralas. She had made the request for mounts in person a few days prior to give them time to prepare, “I know that you are attached to all your furred children, but skirmishes are being waged and we need replacement mounts for when the Horde cut them out from under our Sentinels. You both served on the battlefields long ago and know this to be true.” She was right, neither of them wished to see the sabers they raised go into battle, but that was what the beasts were bred for.

Had Mirri been home every one of the big cats would have been fully trained and off to the riding instructors already, but her decision to stay among the humans had left them without a trainer so they had taken longer this season than in others past. “We will care for them you know that.” The sentinel had assured them. She had even taken all but one of their sires, it was the same as when the sundering came and the Horde began to work more into Ashenvale, they had a couple promising young males in the yearling cubs that were too small to carry a rider yet and those remained to replace the big males Tyl’inithia had led away earlier.

With heavy hearts they wished their young sabers safe steps and long life in a blessing, then made their way to the pond to relax and not think about their children moving into battle. Blessed as they were to know that Mirri would not be one of their riders, nor Tysha as since Mirri had found her, the ex-Sentinel spy was staying far from any chance at fighting, so at least their blood was safe even if the beasts they gave their hearts to, were not.

The wine looked blood red in the darkened night while the moon rested and the darkness of her new face held its place in the sky without even a hint of its light. Lyanna shuddered softly as her glass held just a finger’s width of the liquid, looking to the cut crystal that remained that showed deep red in every facet as true as if the glass was still filled. Peering into the carnelian liquid, she swirled it around, about to say something to her mate but her head turned, distracted as her ears shifted back towards their home slightly, a sound having caught her attention.

Rastien had always been quicker to action than Lyanna and she spoke as she rose, “The sabers.” Sprinting out across the grasses with Lyanna left to follow in her wake, the scent that came after would be one she had never forgotten though she had wished to. Fire, and fur… “The stables.”

Catching up with Rastien would be impossible, her mate’s stride had always been longer than her own, so she called to the Light of Elune and asked for a blessing that would hasten her steps, if only for a moment or three. Rastien, ever the one to react to threat with action rather than thought, had already called the power of Elune’s darkest embrace wrapping it around her making her barely able to be tracked through the long shadows of the trees from what little light the sky offered. Her right hand dropped and she called to the darkness, ready to act the instant she could find the source of the danger. Her voice rang hollow in this form, “They are burning the stables.”

Lyanna did not need to ask who ‘they’ were, the Horde had been running sorties further and further north through the lands for a few weeks now. They had hoped that they would be sidetracked, or the foolishness of more bloodshed would be ceased, but they had been arrogant in those thoughts it seemed. Each had each lived over ten thousand years and never had a foe just decided to go around a home, or give up just because two ancient elves raised nightsabers in the woods.

As they broke into the clearing, shadow and light once again joining together in the team they had become long ago, standing an arms distance apart so each could act independently they surveyed the scene. From inside the stables the sabers were screaming, one mother darted into the forest with a cub, she must have been able to break free from her pen, but the other four and the other six cubs were nowhere to be seen. The cries raised into the night sky, sound dancing with the smoke of the orange of the flames, both equally calling forth tears from Lyanna’s eyes.

A scream of outrage sounded from Rastien’s throat and her head swiveled to an orc with a torch that was behind the barn, reaching out a shadow cloaked arm she clenched her fist and the mohawked woman fell to her knees dropping the offending flame into the black of the night’s grass. Even that flame did not add color back into the scene, everything around them was a mix of the intensity of the bright fire, the black of the shadows of Elune’s darkest face and the ashen grey of them when they chanced to meet together in a bloodless dance of chaos amongst the tides of the shrieks from within the death of the ancient building.

Knowing they must clear the threat before they could even try and asses the damage, Lyanna called to Elune seeking the blessing of the Goddess that they, and their children, had worshipped for their entire lives. Light came to her call and she stepped forward seeking battle, on one side an orc closed, on the other a troll, wary of the living shadow that was Lyanna’s mate, they moved in. The orc held an axe, and the troll a halberd, trying to trap her between them as she was unarmed. With an exhale Lyanna released the power she held and light exploded forward as a star from her lithe form, the divinity of her gift rocketing outwards, maring the depth of the night around her. First to react were the eyes of her foes, having to close in reaction to the explosion of the power she had unleashed, and then their bodies began to burn much as the barn they had torched before they both toppled to the ground.

Rastien knew the gift of her mate, and how she could be blinded by it, so she sprinted to the side, letting the shadows cover her movement through the knee high grasses that surrounded where they lived. Once she was in the embrace of the forest to the side of the barns, and the flash of Lyanna’s star bright spell had faded, her lip curled back in a snarl and with a small flick of her fingers she began to strike the other ten horde members in the party that had come to their home, each one becoming wracked with pain as her anger was released within their bodies. Shadows held her dear and even as they looked about, they did not target her, instead focusing upon her mate who had left the duo she faced lying in the dirt as she stepped back, creating more space between her and the horde.

The fighters recovered quickly, speaking in Orcish, which both of the women had learned from a troll they had saved once, “I thought the buildings were empty except the beasts, you said you searched the house.” A tauren woman yelled, “I will have your head for this Mugla!” Her hand gestured forward and a fire elemental burst into existence much like a phoenix, its heat and glow making the rest of the raiding party step clear to give it room as it broke towards Lyanna, scorching the ground and drawing its hand along the side of the burning stables in a lover’s caress.

“Fel take you,” was all Lyanna had time to get out before the elemental closed. She cursed softly and began to use her anger to first pull from the sky a burst of holy fire, once that had taken hold of the elemental she drew bolts of light from the air which slammed into the chest of the being but it did not stop, it raced forward boosted by the energy of the flames the buildings had become. Screams of the sabers continued to fill the air, but there was no time to act to save them, they had engaged their enemy and would need to see them all handled before caring for their family.

Seeing the danger her mate was in, yet too far to help her Rastien called out with the hoot of an owl, an old trick they had used when scouting before they had retired. Lyanna’s head swung towards her for just a moment, then she began to move in Rastien’s direction. As did the horde members that had followed distance behind the elemental. *”Perfect.”* Rastien thought, a sneer drawing her top lip up as she looked to the shaman that had called the elemental, words pulled to Mirri’s birth mother’s tongue, ancient words, dark words and the mind of the tauren was twisted and became trapped within itself as Rastien took control of the woman’s body. Using the form she claimed, the shadow priestess called lightning to the orc’s hands then loosed it.

A laugh from a troll rang out between the buildings as the magic lit the air next to him. “Now you are in for it bitch.” He called as he continued to run towards Lyanna, but the bolt struck the elemental first, which faded beneath the ferocity of it, and Lyanna’s magics, then doubled back to hit him square in the chest, enough to kill him the instant it blackened his breastplate. The light continued to streak on, hitting an orc and a tauren woman before it faded into the night.

Focused as she was, Rastien did not notice as a rogue appeared from behind her and struck the back of her shadow wrapped head. Lyanna noticed, pain shooting through her skull from the bond they had made long ago when the battlefields were their home. Stumbling as she saw Rastien sway forward, her hand shot out towards her partner and she called the shadow user’s body to her own and laid her healing touch upon the bleeding that had begun there.

These moments were just enough for the last five horde that had been advancing to close on the two women, twelve against two had never been odds the priestesses, even in their fighting prime, should have attempted to handle, but anger had taken them down this path and nothing was going to stop them now but the raiders that had come to the land seeking to destroy what they loved most next to their children and each other, their sabers.

The healing had Rastien renewed enough that she straightened, her eyes in the shadows she wore glowed with a depth of fury and hatred that none of her kin except Lyanna had ever seen in her expression before. Her hands moved lightning fast and pain showed on the face of attacker after attacker, then with a scream into the night she summoned a beast of pure void that skittered across the ground and began to feast on the life essence of a troll that was closest to the two women.

Lyanna took a deep breath and called to Elune softly, a prayer first and then she stepped back to back with her mate. Her hands moved in a calmer, gentle pattern, weaving the light again and again, calling forth holy fire, upon the foes she could see, then drawing light within before expanding outwards within, felling another orc.

There were too many and as they fought the shaman walked forth, she growled out a word between flat teeth and the very earth beneath the Kaldorei womens’ feet trembled, pitching Rastien forward upon the spear of a troll. The serrated edges lodged in between Rastien’s ribs and stuck true as they were meant to, holding the shadow user impaled as blood as black as night bubbled up from between her lips. The tip had pierced a lung and breathing now was more like drowning in her own life’s essence.

Feeling the pain within herself as well as seeing her mate lurch forward, Lyanna unleashed a blood curdling cry. For over three thousand years they had been as one, mating, fighting, loving and raising their children together, never apart until his moment when it felt like the entire sea could fill the space between them as Rastien’s body lost contact with her own. Throwing her hands out to the sides, she screamed Elune’s name and Light began to fill the circle of horde fighters in the shape of Lyanna, the very ground that had trembled under them a moment before shifted from the dark of night to the light of day as she called forth in her faith. Gold eyes shone with the intensity of the sun itself and she loosed a word of power, pouring all that light from her into an attack that felled four of the fighters that had closed on them and burned the troll whose spear was still impaled within Rastien, Lyanna’s own lover shielding the troll from the agonizing power of the light the woman called.

The tauren shaman held back, she did not need to close to use her power, turning from the glory and destruction Lyanna brought upon her raiding party. It was not until the glow faded that she turned to see what had remained. The elf had managed to wrap her arms around Rastien’s middle then shove them both forward on the troll’s spear so they died as they had lived, in the embrace of their Elune blessed love. Of the twelve of the shaman’s party she had left with, only three remained, herself, the troll, and the rogue that had ambushed Rastien in the forest who had been holding himself back, waiting for an exposed back to strike. Ten good fighters dead, and for what? She shook her head, this conflict was pointless, she did not understand this call to war, but her warchief called and Baine had answered. Lowering to the ground, laying a hand on the tauren woman that she had struck down with her own lightning when under the shadow priest’s control. “Be at peace daughter, your father and I loved you well, may we meet again in battle soon.” Tears picked up the dance of the flames that rose in the sky from the barns as they rolled down her face.

#februarydwc2024 #februaryday12024 #siennablaze219 #Mirrielyanna #moonguard

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capricioussun · 7 months ago

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As always thinking lots abt uf but still on a little bit of a swap kick so I wanted to add a little more context for what I'd mentioned in the Stretch post abt his relationship w/ Blue

So, as per my usual baseline, the royal scientist made Sans first, and then Papyrus. Almost exactly the same. Sans came out well (alive), but unfortunately very frail with slightly unstable magic. Instead of pushing it too much (and what leads to how unswapped Sanses typically gaining the judgement ability), that focus shifted gears to Papyrus, as the corrections made "in utero" (very early days of test tube life) proved sufficient, providing a much more stable and sturdy test subject.

Hence, those experiments were then performed on Papyrus, while a much slower and more thought out approach was taken with Sans. Both became very healthy as they grew, gaining tremendous control over their magic and Papyrus seemingly following in his brother's footsteps of being an absolute powerhouse.

At the time, and even after they left the labs, Blue wasn't fully aware of the extent of experiments done on Stretch. Similar to classic Sans, Blue was incredibly smart from an early age, and took it upon himself to be his brother's caretaker and teacher after [REDACTED], but being a couple of homeless kids didn't exactly make that super easy in the beginning.

Still, with the help of a few kind strangers turned new friends, they slowly got back on their feet...and of course, that was when Stretch began presenting and complaining of strange and worrying symptoms.

Blue and Stretch were always very close from an early age, very similar to the Tale brothers. The prime difference was that Blue had significantly more energy and drive than Sans, which made him a better role model and caretaker to Stretch, and so Stretch never felt that pressure to grow up faster to be the caretaker of his brother the way Rus and Edge did.

So when things changed, and Stretch became more dependent on Blue rather than less, like most other kids going into teendom, even though Blue never really outwardly faltered and did his best to help Stretch through everything, there was a crack in the foundation.

Blue, being a caretaker, teacher, and older brother (along with the standard trait of tending towards secrecy), had that pressure to always be more okay than he actually felt. He had to remain strong for Papyrus, doubly so after he got sick. He couldn't slow down or show weakness or do anything that might make Stretch feel like a burden or a tax on him.

Especially not after Stretch had tried explaining symptoms of the judging ability, and the obvious toll that was starting to take on his mental health. Blue was really all Stretch had, and as Stretch's HP slowly ticked away with every downswing, and never ticked back up, he was terrified of how increasingly susceptible his brother was to Falling Down.

I need to clarify and emphasize that Blue was only around 13-15 when this all started, and 17-20 at its peak. He'd been the primary parent figure to his 5 year younger brother since around the time he was 10, so Blue's entirely life pretty much revolved around taking care of Stretch for his entire childhood. It stands to reason the thought of him Falling being beyond Blue's control was one of his biggest nightmares, because even though others didn't alienate him the way they did Stretch, Stretch was the only person who he really felt a strong connection to, especially after everything they went through together as kids.

They knew things about each other they probably couldn't ever tell anyone else, and Blue had been Stretch's only real family since the day he was "born". Watching Stretch decline over his teen years was a special form a torture that he couldn't ever let Stretch know he was going through. He couldn't put that on him.

That didn't stop Stretch from being able to tell though. Brotherly intuition, knowing each other so well, and of course, the judge, the worst his health became, the more stressed Blue became, and the deeper that sinking pit in Stretch's soul sunk knowing he was the cause of it all.

That's why I'd mentioned Blue's joining the guard being the last straw. He joined when he was around 21, because it paid better than the most of the other meager jobs he’d been spreading himself way too thin to work keeping them afloat, which meant more time to take care of Papyrus.

The thought of his incredibly non-confrontational brother forcing himself into a position where he might have to kill capture a human, deal with rowdy drunks stumbling out of Muffet's at all hours, as well as regularly spar with the captain sent Stretch into a very intense guilt and resentment spiral.

Over the years, the more Blue worried the more Stretch tried to hide from him, but now this tipped the scales and Stretch became determined to do whatever it took to become less useless.

(Another aside, Toriel did not know how young Papyrus was when she offered him the Judge position, as the brothers routinely lied about their ages since they'd had to take care of themselves from such a young age. She suspects they're younger than they say certainly, but she didn't realize he was only 15 ish at the time).

The more Stretch pushed himself, the more practice he got, the better he was at lying and keeping up appearances. And now Blue's own schtick was biting him on the tailbone because even though he worried frequently that Stretch was pushing himself too hard (especially after learning he'd accepted the job from Toriel to act as the Judge), all he could do was try his best to be supportive and encouraging, lest Stretch realize just how stressed out and exhausted he really was all the time.

So, basically, both brothers know the other isn't okay, but they won't talk about it ever because Blue is stubborn as hell and Stretch learned from the best. And by that point, Stretch was becoming a young adult, he could certainly make decisions for himself, right?

Just like the vast majority of my skelebros, they locked themselves into this broken carousel dynamic of always interlocking, never actually meeting, and continuously dancing around the gaping hole in the middle of the room because they both know, if one falls in, the other with dive to catch him, and they may both very well be damned if they take that chance. (They're dumb but also this is what happens when incredibly smart children are forced to raise themselves. They have no idea how to function healthily, only to the best of their ability #sigh #childhoodtraumamoment)

Oh, and one more thing. I would like to add that part of the reason Stretch is so hard on himself is because, back during training at the labs, he was constantly compared to Blue, who exceeded at everything. He was scolded and reprimanded for falling short, and it was rarely ever accounted for that he was five years younger than Blue. This made Stretch feel inferior and frequently doubt his own ability, and gave Blue a strong resentment of [REDACTED], along with a fierce protective streak of Stretch.

Unfortunately the years of trying to unteach Stretch those mindsets were mostly undone by the damage the judge and health issues did (they just proved him right, he really was just a useless failure...)

#hi yeah I'm still on this sorry I think it's out of my system now...maybe #damn being a sickly orphan child really fucks u up rip Stretch fr ✌️#underswap #us stretch #us blue #underswap papyrus #underswap sans #sun spots

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achaotichuman · 9 months ago

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Part 4 because I'm super nice like that

Back in his restraints, Tamlin’s body burned with more need than ever before. It had been ages since they’d tied him back up here and left. Tamlin’s only sense of time was the steady drip drip of his blood as it fell to the ground and hissed. His entire body ached, no part more so than his cock, and he couldn’t get the images out of his mind. Lucien tying him up, Elain forming that collar on him, Lucien biting him, Tamlin’s hands on each of their legs before Lucien stopped him from touching further. He began to worry they’d never come back, but finally they strolled back in, dressed immaculately in clothing fit for a ruling couple. A very familiar crown sat on Lucien’s head. “Yes,” Lucien replied to Tamlin’s unspoken question. “We were just crowned High Lord and Lady. We’ve sent out notices to Summer to start migrating back into Spring. Everyone thinks you’re dead. But you will be soon, anyhow, won’t you?” Tamlin knew better than to answer. Lucien smiled viciously at his utter obedience before saying, “Speak.” “Yes,” he gasped. “Yes, I will be dead soon. So, I ask for one parting gift from you. Please.” Lucien casually slung an arm across Elain’s shoulders, staring Tamlin down coolly. “Yes?” Tamlin shuddered, then got out, “Touch me. Please.” Lucien turned to his wife and ruling lady with amusement. “Did you hear that, Elain? He’s so touch starved he wants us to touch him before he inevitably dies.” Elain laughed lightly. “What do you think, husband? Should we fulfill his last wish?” Lucien tapped a finger to his lips as if he were thinking, and Tamlin was torn between wishing that finger was his own and wanting to suck Lucien’s finger into his mouth. “Well, I’m a benevolent male, so I’d be willing to grant him one last gift before he dies. But only on one condition.” Lucien slowly walked up to Tamlin, savoring the way every step closer made Tamlin more and more desperate. Then he gripped his chin, fingers digging against Tamlin’s cheeks. “One more piece of your power. Not for me,” Lucien said. He turned to Elain. “But for her.” Lucien began to glow like he was the god of the Sun. “Recognize this light, Tam?” Lucien asked seductively as Tamlin gritted his teeth to draw out one more orb of power. “It’s Helion’s light. I’m his son, you see. Have you ever wondered how hot someone could get with both fire and sunlight running through their veins?” Tamlin finally produced the orb, and Lucien nodded at Elain to step forward and take it. Tamlin’s hand dwarfed Elain’s by quite a large margin, her hand unexpectedly rough as it brushed against his. Tamlin found himself stroking his thumb across her hand, unable to resist the urge to touch her- Quick as lightning, Lucien’s hand darted to Tamlin’s forearm, fingers digging in. Tamlin hissed as Lucien’s touch heated up, and he dropped Elain’s hand, staring at the brand marks as Lucien released him. “I didn’t give you permission to touch her,” Lucien said in a low and dangerous voice, and Tamlin heard Elain suck in a breath: she was just as aroused as him. Then Lucien turned to Elain. “Let us yield to our beast and conquer him together.” Elain smiled flirtatiously at Lucien. “It would be my pleasure.” Tamlin stared at them in awe as Lucien transformed into an enormous dark red creature with gold spikes all across his back, his eyes the same shade, and wings so large that they would span the length of the stables if he stretched them. He snarled and fire blew out from his mouth. A dragon. Beside him, Elain had also transformed. She had a head disproportionate to the size of her body, with long white wings as graceful as a dove’s. But it was the inquisitive eyes that gave her away: her beast form was a gigantic owl. And all of a sudden, Tamlin knew why Lucien had wanted Tamlin’s orb of power.

OOOOHHHHHH

High lord dragon form???? LUCIEN TURNNG INTO A DRAGON??? LUCIEN BEING A RED HEAD WHO TURNS INTO A DRAGON????

Sorry I have an original story with a POC red headed male character who turns into a dragon so LUCIEN MADE ME EXPLODE.

Tamlin is so desperate, my wet pathetic man, I love him so much. He’s gonna die and its gonna be painful but he also got tortured by Lucien so he’s gotta be happy about this.

You’re an amazing writer, with an amazing talent, and I love every word of this.

GIVE ME MORE.

#acotar #tamlin #pro tamlin #lucien vanserra #pro lucien vanserra #elain archeorn #pro elain archeron #elucien #tamcien #tamlain #eltamcien #acotar headcanons #acotar au

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ohwiseswami · 9 months ago

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WARNING: LONG POST.

NCT Wish is the most compelling boy group to debut in awhile and that's no shade to any of these other boy groups. They just have a perfect combination of talent, potential, good production/vision for what they're going to be, charisma, hyung line visuals, and it-factor.

Like when Sion performs he serves in a way that reminds me of Yeonjun. Man dances his ass off and adds his own sense of musicality to every move. His lines are always so precise and his body shape adds to the look of the moves (long ass legs).

When Riku exists, his face card and charisma is unmatched. And he performs like old-school YG idols. Plus, he has that confident idgaf but am grateful for my opportunity vibe (lmao) that is so hard to cultivate in kpop idols. I straight up cannot name a single idol, ever, let alone one that has debuted under SM, that has that type of it factor.

Vocal Line. Their vocal line is solid for 4th/5th gen standards and I can definitely see them improving to the NCT standard. But what they already have with a 19-year-old leading the pack is wild already and covers different tonal ranges (Yushi and Daeyoung for the higher register light and round vocal, respectively; and Ryo and Sion for the lower register light and round vocal, respectively).

Rap Line. Flow-wise rap line is already one of the strongest in SM. Listen, we all know that's not SM's strong suit so it's not a high bar to clear lmao. But even within NCT--with SM's strongest rappers--you can see Wish's rapline's placement. I think Riku and Sakuya are really only second to Mark and Taeyong and we shouldn't even argue this point. Also, Wish's rap line has rule of cool w/Riku fronting which adds a lot. Cherry on top is that, like other SM rap lines, Riku and Sakuya also have pleasant vocals (especially Riku) to go along with their nice rap style.

Dance Line. Dance line is led by one of the most musical and natural dancers I've seen in awhile (Sion). Then there's a lot of young talent in Ryo and a cool/confident-efficient style in Riku. Some might consider Yushi to be one of the best dancers in Wish but--and I say this respectfully--no. (S/n: Respectfully, their dance ranking is like this: Sion, Ryo, Riku, Yushi, [a brick wall] Sakuya, Daeyoung. I think Sakuya's big problem is his taller height making him look a little awkward at times--but that can be overcome with age and practice). A Sion-Ryo-Riku dance line has potential to be one of the better dance lines in their generation (though Ryo will need to grow more since sometimes I notice his small stature physically limits him, and Riku will have to execute every move with the same power and fluidity as he does in killing parts).

Overall Performance Skills. Their overall performance style is energetic and visually interesting, if a bit stiff/awkward sometimes (probably due to nervousness). But one thing I can really appreciate is their stable live vocals while dancing. No one else can do that in the past couple of generations' boy groups and I commend them for that. And they've gotten some really unique choreographies so far that would look stupid if performed by anyone else, yet look nice on them (kind of like some of SHINee's choreos). Lastly on this point, their sound is very appropriate and matches their voices.

Variety/Personalities/Image. As for their variety skills, we haven't seen much from them and SM is obviously pushing certain images on them. Like it's clear what they're going for:

parent-type leader Sion

hot guy/possessor of a single brain cell that sometimes works Riku

complete idol/perfect role model-type Yushi

pure vocal/older brother-type Daeyoung (or Jaehee, whatever they're wanting him to go by)

super baby genius/atheletically gifted Ryo

chaotic maknae Sakuya

Despite the personalities SM is assigning them, their real personalities seem to shine through (which heavily contrasts their assigned roles in the group). This is a good thing. And as they get more experienced, I expect that what seems to be their real personalities will come out more in variety, social media, and interviews (a la TXT). This will do wonders for them because everybody knows that SM's assigned personalities are always boring and patronizing lmao.

The Issue All The Dumb People Have With Them. Now, the elephants in the room: the two 16 year olds and predominantly recent trainees under the NCT brand. Honestly, this doesn't bother me as much as it does other people. I know people want a mature/suave concept but like...that doesn't mean the kids aren't talented? I admit I'd like to see Sion and Riku do something a little more akin to 127 style but what they have so far is actually pretty good and very on brand with 127. Despite the fact that they skew younger, they don't sound too kidz-boppy like when Dream first debuted.

And when it comes to watching their content/you hoes wanting something to thirst after, you can just choose to only pay attention to hyung line lmao. Like the group as a whole is super talented and ready to debut to the world. HOWEVER, to me, clearly Sion-Riku-Yushi catch your attention very easily, with Sion and Riku feeling like damn near generations apart from Sakuya. I've watched some of their variety and Sion and Riku give similar vibes with Sakuya as Taeyong & Doyoung do with Mark & Haechan. And when it's just Sion and Riku, you feel a completely different vibe than when they're with the other members. I like that, so I tend to gravitate toward Sion-Riku (and sometimes Yushi) content.

I find the line of thought that you have to bias every single member weird because it puts people in fucked up positions. You don't have to force yourself to be interested in every member. Of course there's even downsides to that (like people thinking you only like, say, Sion, for his visuals/so you can thirst), but it's not nearly as dire as the other scenario. If you naturally like Sion more, even if it's for a superficial reason, you shouldn't feel bad about being perceived as an akgae. You don't have to want to get to know all the members. Plus, if someone is policing the way you consume your entertainment they're a loser lmao.

Also, that being said, if you're over 18, it's not that you can't find Sakuya/Ryo entertaining. You can obviously think they're talented, funny, etc.

Also want to say that all the people mad at this group for existing because of their ages are moving real weird because half of y'all stan enhypen and also stanned older groups when they had underage maknaes (despite you yourselves being adults at the time). It comes off as hateration.

Then there's the folks mad at them for not being RIIZE lmao. Those people are just weirdos that honestly don't even deserve to be addressed. Like who cares that SungTaro aren't in NCT? They got to debut, didn't they? They're successful, aren't they? And they will probably continue to interact with 127, Way-V, and Dream more than even Wish will lol. You can still ship RIIZE with NCT folks (since that's really what this is about...), calm down.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to Wish and hope SM will give them bangers.

#nct wish #sion #riku #yushi #daeyoung jaehee ryo sakuya

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teeelsie-posts · 2 years ago

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Fanfic Writers' Director's Cut: Winter Quarters

@drgrlfriend asked for Director’s Cut commentary about Winter Quarters, so here you go!

Ages and ages ago, I stumbled on a short one-shot C/C fic, Feathered Friends. by Perpetual Motion. It’s an MCU/DC crossover that introduces Dick Grayson as an old friend of Dick’s from the circus days. Honestly, I didn’t think much of it at the time because I wasn’t into DC at all then, but it was C/C and by an author who had written other things I’d liked. I liked the fic, though, and always sort of remembered it vaguely. Some years later, I was needing a distraction from life (for reasons) when a writer I admire and follow cast about looking for a beta for a 60k Jay/Dick fic. For those of you who might not be aware, Jay/Dick is a significant pairing in the DCU (the tag has the most fic in the DCU and Batman fandoms ao3). Anyway, I spent a couple months with that fic and that got me interested in more Dick Grayson fic, in particular. And then one day, it hit me like a bolt of lightning: Dick and Clint both grew up in the circus and there’s so much potential there for crossover fic! I checked out the tag and there were only 8 fic with the pairing. Eight! A travesty! From there, I just started thinking about it, a lot. Like, really a lot.

I toyed with them at the same circus, but their respective circuses are so well entrenched in canon that I decided I didn’t want to do that. And for reasons I won’t get into, I was aware that circuses used to winter over in Florida, and I thought, oh, wow, wouldn’t that be great fodder for angst, to have them coming in and out of each others’ lives every year, have their relationship grow, but then have to LEAVE each other year after year. Mmm, yummy angst! 🤤 Thus Winter Quarters was born!

Mmm, what else… well, I think Clint and Dick work well together for the same reason that Clint and Phil work together: it’s the yin and yang. While they both grew up in the circus, Dick’s early life was vastly different from Clint’s. His family was loving and stable and his parents were kind and supportive and encouraging. Just the opposite of Clint’s. I enjoyed writing Dick’s slow realization that Clint’s life was nothing like his own. Dick’s life wasn’t sheltered, exactly (I mean, he did grow up in a traveling circus), but because his parents protected him, he never really faced head-on the kind of horror and trauma that Clint experienced regularly. Because he couldn’t recognize it for what it was, it takes him a long time to understand what’s going on with Clint.

And if Clint had anything to say about it, he never would have learned about it. I see them both as very protective of the other (which is why they both make excellent super heroes), with Dick, once he learns what Clint’s going through, he wants to save him from it. Whereas Clint sees Dick as this sort of, unmarred shining star, doesn’t ever want to expose Dick to the darkness in his life—from Clint’s perspective, he’s afraid he’s going to…sully Dick, and he doesn’t want to do that.

In truth, I wasn’t super well informed about Dick Grayson when I started writing this. I had to sheepishly ask a few people on tumblr if they could give me, like, Dick’s baseline personality traits. Those I asked were very kind and gave me enough to go on and pointed me toward a few essential Robin/Nightwing comics so I could get my start. One of them said something about Dick and his ‘dad jokes’ which is the entire reason I inserted all those dumb jokes in there. I spent a stupid amount of time googling ‘dad jokes’ and puns to try to find a handful that would fit into the story line. In the end though, I kind of liked how they worked into the narrative.

The hardest thing about this fic for me, I think, was writing with a young boy’s voice. I never was one, I never had bothers, and my kids are girls, so I was pretty insecure about how authentic they sounded. I still am, if I’m honest. But I suppose there’s a universalness to the teenage experience, regardless of what your gender is, so hopefully I wasn’t too far off the mark.

In all honesty, I didn’t think anyone would be interested in this crossover—it genuinely was one of those situations when they say you have to write for yourself and not other people—so the response the fic has gotten has 100% blown me away. But it makes me super happy and I hope it will inspire more people to write some Clint/Dick! In the meantime, I continue to think about Part 2 on a daily basis and I’ll get there eventually, if for no other reason then that I have already written the denouement and I really like it so I want to write everything that leads up to it so I can post it! 😅

Thanks for the ask, drgrlfriend!

Fanfic Writers' Director's Cut ask game.

#Clint Barton/Dick Grayson #Circus Boyz!!!#fanfic #my fic #Hawkeye #Nightwing

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littlemisssunshine915 · 9 days ago

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Sleepless In Exeter

No, I have not been a coma all this time…I’ve been on a journey. A healing journey, a journey of discovery. In the past year I’ve had two jobs, but let’s see if this one sticks. It is almost the end of October. The fall season has been very warm for this time of year. I’m being slightly vague in this entry for a reason. There has been too many details to keep track of these past couple of months. I had a birthday. Did I celebrate? Nope. I worked that day. Let me just say for the record, I am stunned at my resilience and perseverance throughout this whole journey in the past two years. It had to have come with age, and maturity, because in the past I would’ve given up so easily. Not this machine. I have been holding myself up above the flames ever since. I think it’s because I don’t want to let myself down. I’ve carried myself this far that it would be a waste to stop now. I feel like I’m just getting started. It’s crazy how my confidence has changed over time. Even though, I do still have some work to do, and improve a little more. I’m still pretty guarded and closed off. Though, talk therapy has helped. And medication of course- that’s what has kept me balanced and focused. Taking some time to look inward and recount everything I’ve been through thus far has been quite a trip. I’m not going to lie, thinking back on the past is more harder than it used to be. Can’t tell if that’s good or bad. Some moments and memories are so far behind me now, it’s almost comical. The years have become this Rolodex that I keep inside my head. I don’t replay them anymore, but I do romanticize about them sometimes. One thing to note is every moment in time was a lesson learned. They are things I take with me, to continue to grow and evolve. The same goes for people who I’ve met throughout the years. Their impact on me and my journey as I navigated through life. Each one had a purpose. It’s also the same with places. They all hold a special place in my heart whether they are gone or still standing. It’s all a part of my story. Who I was, who I am, and who I’m becoming. And one thing that I’ve come to peace with is the idea of who I thought I would be. Because, it’s not even close. It turned out a little differently. And I’m okay with that. Even though I just turned thirty-eight it’s giving me the feeling of when I was thirty. The beginning of that era was crazy. It’s even more insane that soon it will be coming to an end; and a new era will begin. Eight years ago I was not on stable ground. I depended on others to validate me and had my ego put in check. I was disillusioned with this idea that one person would change everything. It was a reality check. In a funny way, it almost mirrored that of 2006, which at that point had been a decade behind. And even then I was stuck on this idea that someone could-and should-save me from myself. I’m proud of the growth I’ve made. Being more self aware allowed me to make the changes that were necessary to make. I’ve given myself more room to express my inner emotions. And also accepting them, not being afraid of them. In return, I don’t allow others to affect me. I have more boundaries. I’ve also done a ton of self reflection. Accepting the parts of myself I couldn’t change. Being more kinder to myself. Not being so hard on myself. Giving myself space to breathe. Allowing myself to trust my instincts and intuition. And every intention has a purpose. I still have much to learn, and many other decades to live. It just dawned on me, every life you live is in decades. You get ten years to live out that stage in your life, ten ages. For me the start was at 1986 to 1996 where I lived out my infancy to childhood 1996 to 2006, adolescence to adulthood. And 2006 to 2016 adulthood to prime age. 2016 to 2026 prime age to middle age (which hasn’t happened yet, but there’s only less than two years to go) and then 2026 to 2036 which is way ahead in the future, but by then I would have reached quinqugenerian status (please look up that word if you don’t know what it means)

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varpusvaras · 12 days ago

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Okay so, I have so much to say about this and I would need a thesis-long essay to say it all, so treat this as a part one, because one of your points alings with one of mine and I'm glad that you said it.

I don't really like Jason being depicted as massive either. The childhood malnutrition mention is a bit of a distant memory for me (as in I don't remember where exactly that statement comes from) but the point still stands, because it really does come off as adultification. I have seen a lot of people who do not like Jason at all discrediting every single reading of his character that comes with quote un quote softer values, because he is a big, white and agressive male. And I get the angle of not wanting to have those readings put onto yet another male character, but at the same time, it sometimes reads as minimasing him being a victim of serious abuse and violence as well when he belonged to a group of people that are, in real life, one of if not the most opressed class in the world (meaning children). Making him this hulking, oppressive figure reads strongly as making him look and feel the least amount of vulnerable.

And it just...as if it's not already bad enough that traumatised men are only ever allowed to show their emotions through anger, they, yet again, make a case of being a victim meaning that you will turn into an abuser yourself, on top of villanaising mental health issues. It just makes me feel kinda ill if I think about it too much.

(Maybe it hits too close to me. My baby brother is around the same age as Jason was when he died. One is a real person and one is not, but I can't help but think. What an injustice. What wouldn't I give for nothing bad to ever happen. What wouldn't I give.)

Also the depictions of Jason as Robin written after his death are honestly just baffling to me. Like am I supposed to read this as "see! this child was actually bad all along! be afraid!!"? Really? After reading all the other times he was written as Robin, and shown to be a kind, bright child who wants the world to be a better place? Really? Because for me this just reads as this child, who already has gone through a lot and carries so much within him, is being put into dangerous situations where he sees suffering again and again and again and is starting to feel like he's not enough. And perhaps Jason didn't need to be Robin. Perhaps he just needed to have a stable, loving home with a support system around him that he could trust. Instead what he got was Bruce and Bruce only. He didn't have any other family. He didn't have friends who understood his entire situation. He didn't have a team around him like Dick did. Jason's life was always one mistep away from falling apart all over again. And the thing that I am supposed to get from this is that these are signs of him being evil all along? No, I don't think so.

(Not that Jason not necessarily needing Robin makes him a worse Robin, just that perhaps teaching a child violence is not the correct way of having him deal with his emotions, and neither is then demonising him for said emotions and how he reacts to them later on)

(On the note of the height and size, my personal taste is that he is tall, a bit shorter than Bruce, and it takes a while for him to truly fill in to his body. Have him be a middle point between Dick and Bruce if you must. Boys to tend to grow a bit longer than girls, often only reaching their full height in their late teens/early twenties. He can still be growing, and I know that this is comic book logic, but it is quite absurd to have him be suddenly a goliath only a couple of years after the Pit.)

Winnick will come this close to writing a good, rightfullly angry character with BPD/CPTSD and ruin it by making him his conception of "a dangerous psychopath" because dc's understanding of mental illness begins and ends with the joker.

I like that Jason was angry i'm not gonna lie I enjoy the "bad victim who doesn't accept that they were a necessary sacrifice, who doesn't think what happened to them is something they should be expected to tolerate, like fuck your greater good, you weren't there, it isn't worth this." I think even looking at Jason's past before getting adopted he has reason to be angry, like he is poor af and starving and he had to take care of his mom and his dad is in jail because he couldn't see another way to provide and he gets trafficked -he has so many reasons to be angry. And he's not, and I love jaybin, but I think there are so many ways and things he can be angry about without it feeling classist. And I love that he can't emotionally regulate, that he has so clearly BPD/CPTSD because why the fuck would he not, have you seen his life (and that's not even counting the csa hc, which i am because willfully and consistently implying csa and then not addressing it/denying it feels like feeding into a culture of taboo that ruins lives and getting away with covert victim-blaming at the same time). The issue is that they lack finesse or any kind of understanding of anger. The think anger is a personality trait. They think angry = evil. They think being angry means you're violent at and about everything, that you shoot indiscriminately even though you've known better since you were a kid, that you're suddenly treating women like shit (which, wtf seriously) which okay maybe THEY treat women shitty for no reason when they're angry, but that'd be more of a them problem I'd say. Their portrayal of anger is classist because their conception of emotions hasn't evolved since fucking Descartes. Think anger = bad = poor and not only doesn't it occur to them that this is classist, they so instinctively assign moral value to the concepts of poor and angry that they don't realise it and just conceptualise poor=angry and end up with incredibly classist portrayals of anger. You can write characters that are mentally ill and violent without being ableist, you can write characters that are poor and angry without being classist, but that requires a level of respect for people, introspection, humility willingness to learn about the sensitive topics you are exploring that is simply not accessible to Winnick and so many other dc writers.

And here comes my very hot take that I'm too cowardly to say off anon: the pit shouldn't have healed Jason's malnutrition. Like, outside of canon I love big jay, I love big men who are emotionally vulnerable and need comfort etc. but in canon? It just comes off as another way to adultify Jason, and make the horrible things that happen to him acceptable. Jason "sleeping with Talia because he is fucked up about Bruce" because they both look like adults until you realise this is actually just rape and you can't put any responsibility of Talia taking advantage of the kid under her care (very ooc of course) on the child himself. Jason fighting Mia looking like a 40 years old beating up a teenage girl when they're the same damn age. Fucking Ethiopia 2.0. And Jason's murders as well, for the matter. Like don't get me wrong the duffle bag of doom is an iconic villain move, but it's just that: a massive shock effect and a "psychopathic" move. We shouldn't need Jason beheading anyone to be horrified, because just one murder, if written correctly, should be enough. A child killing someone is a terrible thing. A child being put in a position where they think killing someone is the only solution to ending suffering (thinking about the Garzonas case) is a terrible thing. A kid trying to kill his murderer (because fuck his death has to matter it has to) and only begging to be allowed it should be horrifying. Jason, with his unhealed malnutrition making him look a couple of years smaller and younger than his physical age, should look his mental age. It should be impossible to look away from the reality of what he is: a traumatized teenager who wasn't allowed to grow up. And he has a gun. This is already a horror story.

Make utrh!Jason a villain if you must, but have the guts to sit with it. Don't shove the fact that he was a hero and a victim under the rug because it's uncomfortable. Sit with the unease that sometimes someone is doing something bad and is suffering a lot, and maybe they're doing the bad thing because they don't know how to survive the suffering, and suddenly it's not easy separating hero from villain from victim. Your imaginary lines in the sand will not protect you from the crude reality of the complicated and shitty situations you have chosen to depict; you open the can of worms now you can't look away and let the worms roam free just because you're squeamish.

How does it feel to be psychic and be in my head and write part of my essay on Jason for me? Fuck, I have so much to say about this but I need a good night of sleep to formulate it correctly. Look for a longer answer tomorrow, but in the meantime, everyone sit down and look at this and look at it hard. Thank you.

#I don't usually bash fics but I do actually despise him being written as a giant at just 18 #because it is always used to make him seem worse as a person #anyway part one of my thoughts on this #remember that boys are kids and men are people and don't exist in the vacuum of inherent male violence #and it would do all of us good to remember to center the victim in the conversation about them #just as a practise for real life you know?#dc #Jason Todd #Jason Todd meta

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baby-charlie-blog · 1 year ago

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Well...

The other day I rediscovered and cracked the login info to this ancient account. The idea of posting another update to my whopping 31 definitely-now-defunct followers is too funny to pass up. Only about uhhh... 8 years give or take since my last post.

I actually sent the link to my current boyfriend, joking how all these posts feel like they were made 10 personalities ago. Maybe not completely, I do appreciate having a lot of it here still. Some stuff didn't make the cut on my main blog (where I have a much more well-maintained archive of the past 8 years of Charlie's life)- little thoughts, feelings and time stamped milestones are nice to look back on, albeit a short lived blogging project!

I'll just hit the highlights Sparknotes style:

🩵 Charlie is now 8 years old, almost 9. Today was his last day of 2nd grade! He likes video games, science and math are his favorite subjects in school (barring extracurriculars, where he really likes music), and he takes piano lessons on the weekends!

🩵 His dad and I did not end up buying a house. I mentioned "looking at houses in the area" in at least one of the last few posts here. In fact, I was quite delulu at 19 years old to be honest (27 this month). Extremely wishful thinking, we were never on track to buy a house. We split up shortly after my last updates, around when Charlie was 1. We had ups and downs but ultimately split amicably, and share time with him now. For that reason, I intend not to touch the bio or layout of this blog, for the archival purpose it serves. However, we are both very much in new, happy relationships and Charlie has 2 younger brothers at dad's house.

🩵 As a result of the split, we ended up staying with my parents in the following years. In 2017 we got the opportunity to move out with a platonic roommate and her child the same age as Charlie. That was honestly a fantastic arrangement, until it abruptly wasn't and we went separate ways in 2019. Back to my parents house, where we stayed put for the next couple of years riding out the Covid times and getting back on my feet financially.

🩵 Just this past year, December of 2022 we got the opportunity to move into our own place, just us! It's been stressful, challenging, sometimes lonely, but wonderful. At one of my previous jobs, I met a coworker who had a daughter Charlie's age and another just a couple years younger. We got close to them and went over to their house a lot, she was also a single mom who split time with her ex. Every Friday, they set up camp in the living room and had movie and pizza night, just the three girls. Ever since witnessing that, I knew I wanted to give Charlie the same- I wanted to have a place that was "our own," where we could make fun rituals as a little 2 person family, and he'd always know our place is his place first. Not us and a roommate, not boyfriends who are in and out. Just us. That if we add to our family someday, he would never feel alienated- because first it was us, and I would always do everything in my power to give him somewhere safe and stable. Our own place was a very important step to me for a long time.

All's to say, the economy is in shambles- and rent is through the roof. I don't know what the best move will be when our lease cycle ends in September. I would do just about anything to stay in our little place another lease cycle, but barring a big change in my income- the best move is undeniably looking like going back with my parents for one more year to knock out debts that have accrued and get my savings back up, in order to seriously pursue owning when we make our next move. I think about it and weigh the options daily at this point, time will tell.

🩵 I dropped out of whatever classes I was enrolled in when I was active here. My grades slipped at the time (I was raising a baby, y'know), and as a contingency to stay at my parents house they wanted me to pursue cosmetology school. So I did, I spent a year getting licensed and did hair for about 3 more years post graduation. I didn't like it very much by the third quarter of the program, but I did what I had to do because it was the only option I had. While doing hair I put myself back in community college online. When I just couldn't take the hours and financial stressors of hairstyling anymore, I made the move to childcare. I worked as a preschool teacher for 2 years- I loved it, I was able to take Charlie with me and get a heavy discount on his childcare while I worked. I was in it all through the peak of the Covid era which was a very fever-dreamlike experience to reminisce on now. A livable income was unfortunately just not there either, and I made two short-sighted & short-lived jumps to being 1) Bank Rep in person and 2) Insurance Customer Service Rep at home. They paid better, but the work was just awful. Ultimately, I switched gears both in school and in my career to marketing. I’ll be done with my B.S. in Spring of 2024, and already work full-time in a Marketing department for a small company. I love what I do now. I definitely see this being the field that I stick with long term, even if I do change companies from where I currently am to chase a higher salary.

Whew... That's the condensed version of events of the past 8 years, believe it or not.

It's been a whirlwind of enormous highs and lows for me, personally. I've gained and lost people, individuals, groups, friendships, relationships, grades, jobs, money, credit scores- the only constant in this life is my love for Charlie. The days are exhausting and can be very grueling but at the same time in the blink of an eye we're driving home from the last day of 2nd grade, and he's more aptly called a "tweenager" than the "baby" who was the initial subject of this blog. It's bittersweet- to see him grow up so fast, but adoring how he grows through each new phase into the intelligent and caring little boy he is.

I'd like to say I'll post more in the future, but I wouldn't want to make false promises to my 31 adoring fans for the next year or 8. Maybe, just maybe, someday in the future I'll take up my hobby for mommy blogging again, who knows what's to come.

Here is a picture of my dude this morning before school. The whole last week of school was spirit week, and today the final theme was "tropical." I think he was born to play the part of a middle-aged Floridian guy who just wants to kick back, personally.

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jakesimfromstatefarm · 4 years ago

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how to fake date your best friend | jake sim

✰ summary: the rules were simple -

pretend to be the boyfriend of you, his best friend who wants the attention of their crush, for a week and a week only

no kissing (bc gross cooties amirite) allowed, unless needed in times of desperate measure

and no matter what, absolutely, most definitely, do not fall in love.

simple, right?

well apparently not. because news flash––jake's already broken one of the rules.

and to give you a hint, it's neither rule 1 or 2.

✰ pairing: jake sim x y/n [ft. members of enha!]

✰ genre: fluff, comedy | fakingdating!au, highschool!au, bestfriend!au, friends to lovers

✰ warnings: cursing, high-schoolers doing dumb highschool things, underage drinking (pls don’t actually do any of this irl), jake being a certified simp, it’s LONG (i’m so sorry), cheesy kithes bc im a sucker for kithes ( ˘ ³˘)♥

✰ wc: a whopping 9.5k

✰ a/n: it’s finally finished :’)))))) it ended up being much longer than i wanted but i had so much fun writing the characters that i got carried away lolol anywaysss i hope you guys enjoy it,,,i got a little unmotivated during the process bc i didn’t know if it was good or not but here it is heh (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ)♡

Tuesday, December 8th

Jake Sim lives a simple life.

He likes to think he leads the normal, stereotypical life of a teenage boy. Has decent grades, plays soccer after school, skateboards around the neighborhood, has a best friend who he’s desperately in love with, and has a stable group of friends.

Okay, maybe not so simple, because this boy would physically launch himself to the moon and drill at its surface to collect moon dust for you if you asked him to––despite his deadly fear of combusting in outer space.

But that fear doesn’t even compare to his worst one yet: not having you in his life.

And so, he decided to just repress any and all feelings he’s had for you ever since he discovered them in middle school, when he realized he hated seeing you go to the eighth grade dance with a date––that wasn’t him.

He decided that he wasn’t going to risk losing a life-long friendship over some dumb, teenage boy feelings.

They were probably powered by his testosterone anyways. Yeah, that’s totally it.

He’s totally not in love with you.

So yes, he lives a pretty normal life. Every day is the same as the last, and tomorrow will be the same as today. But he likes it like that––he doesn’t want anything to change.

Especially not now, when he finds himself content with every aspect of his life (okay maybe except for his history grade, god, does he hate history).

So, it catches him off guard when you arrive at the group’s usual lunch table, located outside in your school’s courtyard, looking as excited as ever.

Jake’s the only one at the table so far. The remaining usually showed up late––Heeseung spends his first half of lunch tutoring freshmen for community service hours (but the poor boy has no idea what he’s doing), Sunghoon is probably stuck in line in the cafeteria again (he always forgets to pack his own lunch), and Jay is...well actually, no one ever knows where Jay comes from. He’s a special one.

It catches Jake even more off guard when you skip over any greeting a normal person would give, and start speaking at one hundred words per second.

And that catches us up to the present.

“Y-You want me to what?” Jake’s stuttering as you stare at him with your hopeful eyes from across the lunch table.

Despite the expression planted on your face, which screams your excitement for your “brilliant, amazing, genius, Einstein-could-never” idea (or whatever other words you used to describe it––Jake can’t exactly recall the specific terms you used, they all came out of your mouth too fast), you don’t respond to his question of bafflement. You continue to stare at him, awaiting his response. Jake could compare the look on your face right now to a puppy looking up at its owner, eagerly waiting for a treat. You know, tongue out and all.

He swallows the lump that’s lodged in this throat (is that the sandwich he’s having, or his nerves?) and continues to give you his look of confusion laced with a nervous smile because surely, you’re joking.

You grab what’s left of your sandwich from his hands and take your own bite. Somewhere in between you arriving at the table and now, Jake’s managed to steal the sandwich you brought today. You did make the best chicken sandwiches, in his defense.

“Well? It’s only for the week! And I promise you, after one week, if nothing happens––if he doesn’t make a move or anything––I’ll move on from him like you’ve been telling me to.” Your words are muffled from you savoring your sandwich, or what’s left of it anyways. (Mental note to self: don’t share your lunch with Jake ever again.)

When Jake still doesn’t respond (you’ve truly gotten this poor boy paralyzed), you find it as a sign to continue.

“I think it’s the perfect plan. Plus, if it doesn’t work out, it’ll be like the universe is telling me to finally move on, right?”

Wrong.

Jake has been encouraging you to move on from your crush because well, if we’re being honest here, he selfishly wants you to himself. Even if it wasn’t romantically.

Preferably, he would kill to get to be the one who holds your hand in the hall, call you cheesy pet names, post disgustingly cute couple pics for the ‘gram––but for the sake of potentially ruining his relationship with you, he’ll just have to settle with the role of being your best friend.

(And he’s totally fine with that! Totally. Yup.)

But he didn’t think that you moving on would only be a mere possible outcome (that may not even happen!) from whatever this stunt is you wanna pull.

Said stunt: Pretend to date one another and hope it catches the eye of a certain someone you have your eye on: Park Sunghoon.

Ah yes, Park Sunghoon. The previously mentioned one who’s probably still in line waiting to get his lunch as we speak.

Park Sunghoon, the tall, kind, intelligent, charming young boy that everyone knows. And if anyone didn’t know him, they most definitely knew of him. He wasn’t hard to miss in the halls; everything about him just radiates perfection.

If you plucked a random high-schooler from the halls of this school and interviewed them on the Park Sunghoon, they’d say you’d be lucky enough if the quiet boy so much as sparked a conversation with you, even if it was about what last night’s chemistry homework was.

Well if that were true, then you and the rest of the boys would be considered lottery winners.

How that happened, how the four of you dysfunctional beings earned his friendship, the world may never know. However, Jake is fully convinced that this was the universe’s way of playing a cruel joke on him.

For as long as Jake could remember, it’s always been just the two of you. You and Jake. Jake and you. (With the exception of Heeseung and Jay, of course, who came along in middle school)

In fact, your earliest memory of Jake was when he peed his pants in the kindergarten during nap time. You would know, you had the privilege of sharing a sleeping mat with him that one fateful day and in result...let’s just say the smell didn’t wear off from your clothes until a week later. Five-year-old you didn’t forgive five-year-old Jake for the longest time.

And since then, you’ve been attached by the hip. And Jake liked it like that. Jake didn’t need anyone else in his life (with the exception of Leila) if he had you. He had found his home within you, and he didn’t plan on sharing his space anytime soon.

Nevertheless, the universe had a completely different idea for the two of you.

Sunghoon came into the picture last year, towards the end of the school year. Despite being the new kid, he found his way into your cherished friend group and naturally, the five of you grew as close as friends could be.

That was the problem. Jake wanted to hate Sunghoon, to despise him for being the one that you had heart eyes for, but he couldn’t.

Not only was Sunghoon one of Jake’s closest friends, but he didn’t want to ruin the dynamic of the friend group. After you, the three chaotic boys were the next most important people in Jake’s life.

And so, we have the typical love triangle plot that every coming-of-age movie follows. Of course, this is all unbeknownst to you––you may be intelligent and a people-person, but oh boy can you not see the heart eyes your very own best friend has for you.

“It’ll be easier than you think, really! Look, we can even set boundaries or rules or whatever,” you propose, as if you’re trying to get him to sign a contract.

Rules to a fake relationship? We’re not living in a Netflix romcom, are we?

“Okay rule number 1: it’ll only be for a week and a week only, rule number 2: we don’t have to do anything too couple-ly like...” you pause to wonder for a second.

“Like PDA or anything! You know, unless we really need to convince him,” you casually add. When he responds with radio silence and stares at you with absolute concern painted all over his face, you cough. “Jake, I’m joking.”

Right. Of course. Obviously.

“And of course, just try not to fall in love with me, it’ll be hard, I know,” you send a playful wink his way.

Too late. Turns out it’s not that hard. Jake would know.

Jake continues to stare at you in hesitation. Yeah, you’ve had your fair share of crazy ideas (that Jake always find himself agreeing to––the poor boy just can’t seem to say no to you), but fake dating you?

Jake is sure he wouldn’t be able to pull it off without slowly destroying himself. He’d just have to say no, he’s sure you can find someone else to do it for you.

Yes, that’s it, just say no.

Jake has to keep some of his pride in tact.

Jake does not say no.

He doesn’t know what went wrong. His mind said one thing, but his words said another.

To be fair, Jake’s actions have always been influenced by his heart, not his brain, anyways. And when it comes to you, you bet it’ll be coming from his heart.

So here he was now, under the stare of three equally shocked and confused guys across from you and him at the lunch table, your fingers intertwined with his.

Just a few seconds ago, you had spotted the rest of the lunch bunch approaching the table, and you quickly grabbed Jake’s hand and scooted in closer to him.

Now here you were, explaining to your friends of your sudden relationship.

Jake is too zoned out to even physically pick up your explanation. Something along the lines of "we’ve been dating for a while but didn’t want to tell you guys yet." From the feeling of your hand clutched tightly into his and your body right up next to him, his mind was short-circuiting.

How is he supposed to last an entire week of this if he couldn't handle innocent hand holding? Hand holding? God, what are we, back in the fifth grade?

Two minutes into this scheme and Jake's mind has already downgraded itself to a fifth grader's.

Jake mentally scolds himself for giving in, this was not a good idea.

It takes Jake approximately 12 hours to conclude that this stunt of yours may, actually, be a good idea. He knows this because approximately 12 hours after the events surrounding lunch, he receives a text from you:

y/n [12:03AM]: thanks again for doing this for me jake

y/n [12:03AM]: ur actually the best

y/n [12:04AM]: ew ok that was cheesy but really i owe u a big one <333

Following your thread of texts is a really close up photo of you widely smiling into the camera. A smile so big, Jake’s convinced your face was probably in pain after taking that picture.

Anyone else might’ve thought the photo looked borderline insane but because Jake’s Jake, aka a simpᵗᵐ for you, he comes to the conclusion that it’s singlehandedly the cutest thing he’s ever seen in the entire world.

After quickly saving the selfie into his phone, Jake tells himself that maybe this won’t be a bad thing after all. I mean, anything that makes you smile like that meant it has to be a good idea, right?

Spoken like a true simp.

Plus, dating you––fake dating you––is pretty much the same as it was before. He already spends most of his days with you to begin with. Now, it’s just with added displays of affection. For show, obviously. Obviously.

And look, if Jake will never get to actually be with you, then he’ll take what he can get. And if that meant fake dating you, well, he reasons that it’s better than nothing at all.

Wednesday, December 9th

Jake’s playing with the rings on your right hand and you’re in the middle of dramatically telling the lunch table about the infuriating Karen you had to deal with at work the other day when Jay comes up with a grin you all know a little too well.

“Okay that grin means one of two things: you finally grew the balls to ask out that poor girl you’ve been teasing all year or you have something planned that we won’t like,” you interrupt your story when you catch Jay’s sly expression, evoking a chuckle from Jake, who’s now found a new distraction with the bracelets perches on your wrist.

“Excuse you, I’ll have you know that I did ask her out. It just so happens that she’s currently ‘in between boyfriends’ whatever that means. Ouch, by the way,” Jay feigns hurt from your comment by clutching the area above his heart through his shirt. Ever the drama queen. “But yes, I do have something planned. And no, it’s not a bad idea.”

Jay squeezes his way in between Sunghoon and Heeseung from across you and begins to pull out his own lunch. Everyone’s eyes follow him as he settles in because as bad as his unknown idea may be, you’re all still curious on what this boy has to say.

“Well are you going to elaborate or...” Heeseung speaks up for everyone after you all mentally debate one another through darting eyes on who’s going to have to bite Jay’s silent bait.

Jay then forcefully sets both hands on his table, which elicits a little jump from you as you go for a bite of your sandwich. Adorable, Jake tells himself.

“My parents are out of town this weekend. We all know what that means...”

Yes. We do know what that means. The four of you have seen this scenario play out many times, a little too many times for your own good.

This meant one of Jay’s infamous house parties that he always throws whenever his parents go out of town. And because his parents are hot-shot CEOs of an important company whose name you don’t remember (it’s nothing personal, your brain can only handle so much information and this physics exam you were studying for took up 90% of your brain capacity at the moment), they’re out of town often.

And along with Jay’s parties comes chaos. Lots of it. And that’s because...well, it’s safe to say that despite the many school-wide presentations the police officers of your school have held in the auditorium on why you shouldn’t drink underage, Jay’s parents’ liquor cabinet always seems to find itself missing many a few bottles after each party. But we don’t talk about that. Shush.

Almost simultaneously, everyone at the table lets out a groan, much to Jay’s disappointment.

“C’mon guys! It’s been a while since anything’s fun happened to this school, think of all the sad students in that building right now,” he extends a finger whole-ass arm and points at your school, “who are in dire need of fun and a little...” he punctuates his sentence with the hand motion of chugging down a drink, followed with a gulping sound elicited from his tongue clicking.

You roll your eyes along with everyone else. Don’t be like Jay, kids. Listen to those police officers.

“Jay, it’s midterm season! I have an exam on Monday and I definitely do not want to spend the nights before wasted,” you give him an apologetic look. As crazy as Jay is, you do feel bad nonetheless. The boy just wants to have fun.

Your response is followed up with similar comments from around the table.

“I’m helping y/n study”

“I have an important skating performance on Sunday”

“Uh...my hamster died?” (ok Heeseung panicked, don’t blame the guy)

Ignoring that last excuse of an excuse, Jay continues his debate nonetheless. “Just come for the sake of it! No one’s saying you have to get wasted. Pleaseeee for me?”

Jay throws these parties so often, you’re not sure why he’s so set on making sure you’re all going to be there. Well, I guess who wouldn’t want their closest friends to be at their own party?

That and, Jay needs to make sure his friends are there to stop him from doing anything stupid. We all know this boy has had enough embarrassing moments to last him a lifetime.

Everyone at the table gives each other the same hesitant look. Heeseung is the first to give in, “Oh fuck it. Sure, count me in.”

Jay’s fist pumping the air before turning to Sunghoon with the most hopeful eyes.

Sunghoon simply sighs in return. “Alright okay, I’ll bite. But if you vomit on my shoes again, I’m out the door.” Jay’s finger is automatically drawing a cross over his heart as a promise to not ruin Sunghoon’s Nikes again.

He then looks to you with puppy eyes.

You, who's already staring back at Jay with a stoic look in your eyes, are stubborn and (unlike the previous weaklings) are not as easy to convince. And somehow, this began an unannounced staring contest between the two of you, a contest to see who would budge first. This isn't an uncommon occurrence between you and Jay, but the rest of the boys are still on the edges of their seats watching this duel.

Jake casually wraps an arm around your shoulder and you’re brought in close, but still undeterred from your death-stare match with the boy across from you.

If it’s not obvious enough, Jake’s really gotten into his role of being your boyfriend, despite it only being 24 hours since he last froze at your touch. Character development, you’ll give him that.

You almost forget he’s faking it for a quick second. And for an even quicker second, you imagine he wasn’t faking it. And you swear you feel butterflies in your stomach at that thought.

Weird.

You mentally shake the thought out of your head. Priorities first, aka, beating Jay in this staring contest.

“Fuck,” you stutter when you finally blink, admitting defeat to a grinning Jay. “Okay, okay, I’ll THINK about it. I’ll let you know.”

Not exactly the answer Jay was looking for, but he’ll take it. Better than a no.

He turns to Jake next, knowing there’s no way Jake will turn down a party. Just like Jay, the boy loves himself a good party.

But–

But because Jake would take your physics exam this Monday for you if you asked, because Jake would bungee jump in the Grand Canyon without a safety net below him if you asked, because Jake would fake date you to make your crush jealous for you if you asked, he doesn’t hesitate in his answer this time around: “Same as y/n, I’ll let you know.”

Jay looks at Jake. Then back at you, who he’s still clinging onto like a koala to a tree. Then back at Jake. “You two are gross. Admittedly cute. But gross.”

You look up at the boy next to you to see him already grinning at you.

For the first time today, you find yourself agreeing with Jay.

Admittedly cute.

Thursday, December 10th

You are having a bad day.

You’re having the mother of bad days.

Not only is it midterm season, but you still have all your regular weekly assignments to finish before Friday hits. So as a natural-born procrastinator does, you stayed up all last night trying to get a good amount of work done because what’s better than cramming all your work the night before it’s due? Doing it two nights before it’s due.

Well apparently it wasn’t such a good idea. Because now, here you were, frantically throwing on whatever articles of clothing you find nearest to you because you slept through all your alarms.

You’re lucky enough to make it through your school’s doors right as the second bell rings, even if you did look like you just walked straight out of a zombie apocalypse.

You’re not so lucky when you find out your first class of the day, calculus, had a pop quiz. A pop quiz on the only unit you just happened to know absolutely nothing about.

To top things off, you forgot to pack your lunch during this morning’s frenzy, meaning you’re automatically stuck sharing with Jake.

And because his mother started making him pack his own food out of a lesson of responsibility (she said something along the lines of: “Jake, you’re about to be in college and you don’t know how to pack a decent meal”), he only has a plain PB&J sandwich and a pack of Scooby-Doo gummies in his bag today (because newsflash, he still doesn’t know how to pack a decent meal).

Not that you could care less at the moment, you were too preoccupied with catching up on your assignments to even eat. And if any of the boys noticed your zombie-like state during lunch, they did a good job of not mentioning it. They knew better than to bother an irritated y/n.

Somehow, you make it through the entire school day and your after-school meeting for environmental club (save the trees!) in one piece. As you finally walk out of the school building, you exhale, automatically feeling lighter. At least the hard part of your day was done.

Now you just had to wait for Jake to finish soccer practice, which usually ended around the same time as your club, and he can drive you home, where you can continue being irritated with your day in the privacy of your own space.

You wait on the steps of the school’s entrance, waiting for a smiley Jake to come around the corner as he usually does at 5:30pm every Thursdays.

Yes, a smiling Jake is exactly what you needed to make your day ten times better, you conclude.

As if on cue, you hear a ding from your phone.

Jake [5:30PM]: ugh coach is extending practice for “team bonding”

Jake [5:30PM]: idek what team bonding is

Jake [5:31PM]: you ok if i cant drive you today? ://

It’s as if the universe decided to use you as its punching bag today.

You physically let out a distorted groan, not caring if anyone who happened to hear you thought you were a creature from out of this world, as you send him a text back.

y/n [5:32PM]: it’s all good lol have fun with tEaM bOnDiNg

Things were not all good. But no matter how upset you may be, you weren’t going to project your negative vibes onto Jake’s naturally positive ones. So you get up from the stone steps and begin your dreaded walk back home.

It’s freezing out. You should’ve known better to just throw on a hoodie and call it a day when it’s the middle of December. But then again, you figured by now you’d be in the comfort and warmth of Jake’s car and presence...not walking home in these freezing temperatures.

You think about Jake and how he’s probably currently suffering from not only his team bonding exercises (but really though, what are team bonding exercises?), but doing them in this weather as well. The poor boy.

You’re quickly broken out of your thoughts by the sound of a car engine from behind you. When you don’t see it pass by you and instead hear it pull over and park next to the curb of the sidewalk you’re currently on, you automatically deduce that this is it, this is my time, I’m about to get kidnapped by whoever it is behind me but y/n, you should probably turn around and check first before you drive yourself insane in this inner dialogue.

You turn around and squint into the front window of the car. If it were a kidnapper, this is exactly what your mother told you not to do. Her exact words were: “Run, don’t look back, and scream bloody murder.”

Good thing it wasn’t. Just an innocent Sunghoon waving his hand at you, motioning you to get in.

“Sunghoon?” You approach his car and stop at the passenger side’s open window.

“y/n! It’s freezing out, I’ll drive you home c’mon,” he nods his head towards the passenger side door.

Well, how could you say no? Sunghoon owns a nice car. Like a nice car. Like car-seat-heaters-that-make-you-feel-like-you’re-physically-melting nice. Beats getting hypothermia outside, right?

“Why are you going home from school so late?” You ask as you settle into his car, instantly melting at the touch of the aforementioned heated seats.

“Debate club, actually. Decided I needed another personality trait other than ice skating,” he starts the engine and begins driving towards the direction of your neighborhood.

You laugh at his comment, you didn’t peg him as a debate kind of student. Quiet Sunghoon? Debate club? If 2 plus 2 is four...

“Hey, I don’t call you the Ice Prince for nothing! Also, don’t forget your other personality trait: forgetting your lunch every day.”

Sunghoon quickly glances over at you to send you a dirty look (because eyes on the road, kids!), which you return with a cheeky grin. “Need I remind you that was you today?”

“Touché,” you click your tongue.

The two of you fall into a comfortable silence, the faint sound of Sunghoon's music in the background filling in the quietness.

You’re humming along until Sunghoon breaks the silence, “Did Jake get stuck at practice again?”

You don’t know why, but you swear you feel your heart beat faster at the mention of Jake’s name. No, that was always there right? Because you were with Sunghoon...your crush..obviously. Obviously.

Ignoring the feeling, you turn your attention towards the boy driving you.

“Oh yeah, something about team bonding. How’d you know?”

“Eh, I just figured since he wasn’t driving you home like he always does.” He turns into your neighborhood.

You nod at his answer.

“You two make a good couple.”

You whip your head at him. Did you hear him correctly?

“It was about time, really. You two have been ogling at one another for so long, Heeseung, Jay, and I almost placed bets on who would be the first to make a move.”

He keeps his eyes on the road, casually going on about how you and Jake make the cutest couple he’s ever seen.

You're frozen, unsure of what to think, let alone say.

You think to two days ago, when you started this entire fake relationship because of the very boy driving you home right now. The same boy who's complimenting you on your fake relationship. The same boy who's supposed to be jealous over that said relationship. The same boy you’re supposed to be crushing over.

But now...only a mere 48 hours later, you were finding yourself okay with the fact that he was happy for you. And for the life of you, you couldn’t remember why you liked Sunghoon in the first place. Not saying he isn’t one to be crushed on, I mean, look at the guy.

Maybe, just maybe, it had something to do with the fact that you didn't feel nervous or giddy or..anything at all when you got into the car with Sunghoon. At least, not until Jake's name was mentioned. That's when you felt the butterflies. At the mention of Jake.

Jake.

Weird.

But before you can come to a conclusion on why you're feeling the way you do, Sunghoon interrupts your thoughts.

"Well, we're here! Say hi to your parents for me," he pulls into your driveway as you're still collecting your thoughts.

You give him a quick thanks and one last wave as you enter the front doors of your house.

Seeing that your only solution towards confusing feelings meant distracting yourself, distract yourself you did.

Even if it meant distracting yourself with your piling assignments.

The next time you look up from your work, it's suddenly way past sundown and a heavy storm has taken over. You’re surprised it hasn’t started flooding yet with the amount of rainfall you were hearing.

You check the time on your phone, the bright 8:16PM on the screen illuminating your dimly lit room. Seeing that neither of your parents have yet to be home from work, it looks like you were going to have to settle with some instant ramen for dinner tonight.

As you trudge down the stairs of your home, the sound of light knocking against the front door catches your attention. It's been a long day y/n, you're probably hearing things, it's definitely just the rain.

Nope. There it is again, but much louder. Much more urgent.

You contemplate any and all potential disasters that could happen from answering the door. Only a crazy person would be willing to go out in this hurricane-like weather to be frantically knocking on your door.

And so, you assume it has to be some psychopath trying to get into your house. Yes, there’s definitely no other logical explanation.

You scramble around your living room, looking for the next best weapon to defend you. Resorting to the flower vase your mother keeps on the table next to the front door, you hold it out in front of you, as if you're waiting for the door to burst open.

The knocking continues, gradually getting louder. You mentally curse at yourself for dropping out of the taekwondo class your dad signed you up for when you were younger.

Vase in hand, you swing open the door and brace for–

"Jake? What the fuck? Get in here, you're gonna get sick!"

You’re suddenly aware of how stupid you look, holding a light pink vase with a couple of orchids as your only form of self-defense...for it to only be your own best friend. You immediately put it back on the table as Jake quickly rushes past you and into your humble abode.

You close the door behind you and turn to face the soaked boy.

“I come bearing gifts, also known as take-out and hot chocolate from that one cafe you love. Also my company, if you’ll take it. I had a feeling you weren’t having the best day today,” he’s simply standing there, holding up a large brown paper bag in one hand, and a deliciously smelling cup of hot chocolate in the other, but you’re looking at him as if he bought you the Moon.

You stare in awe at the angel of a boy in front of you, silently thanking the stars for gifting you this amazing human being as your best friend. You don’t know what you did to deserve him.

You give him a soft smile. “Jake, you didn’t have to. It’s practically a shitstorm out there,” you cock your head towards the window, showcasing the downpour of cats and dogs outside. Jake stays by the entrance as you go down the hall and through your house’s linen closet to find a spare towel for the drenched boy.

“Nah it’s no big deal, really. Just fulfilling my duties as your loyal boyfriend,” he grins, even though you can’t see him. He likes calling himself that. Your boyfriend.

Jake continues to shake his messy hair to get the excess rain off, giving a mental apology to whoever is going to have to mop up the puddle forming on the floor due to his unannounced visit. Probably you.

Jake hears you laugh down the hall. “You’re really invested in your role, huh? Keep this up and you might actually trick me into believing you’re my actual boyfriend.”

Actual boyfriend? Jake likes the sound of that. Maybe he will keep this up then.

Jake doesn’t have much experience in acting, unless you count that time he played the role of Town Villager #3 in the third grade play, so he never found it as one of his interests. But playing the role of your boyfriend was one he was willing to fulfill for the rest of life, even if it was just for show.

Jake doesn’t respond to your comment, he’s instead self-aware of his blushing cheeks, thankful that you’re too busy rummaging through your linen closet to take notice.

“Plus, you didn’t have lunch today and I had feeling you were going to be too caught up in your work to feed yourself anything other than instant ramen,” he sets down his gifts to you on your living room’s coffee table as you come around the corner, fresh towel and new set of clothes in hand.

His eyes fall on the familiar looking pair of sweatpants and hoodie resting on the palms of your hands.

Hm. A little too familiar.

Then, it clicks in his head.

His eyes narrow at you as you giggle at his reaction, “Oh, so it takes me getting drenched in the rain for you to finally return my clothes that I’ve been missing!?”

“Hey! I’m not returning them, simply loaning them out to a friend who’s in dire need. You basically gifted them to me the second you left them here months ago.”

“You’re annoying.”

“Love you too,” you toss the clothes at him and take a seat on the floor around your coffee table, prepping the table with the boxes of Chinese food Jake supplied.

After Jake changes into the stolen dry clothes, he takes a seat next to an already-eating you at the coffee table.

“You. are. my lord and savior Sim Jaeyun,” you’re saying with your mouth full of fried rice. You sigh from satisfaction and rest your head against Jake’s shoulder as you continue chewing. He grins as he helps himself to his own serving of fried rice and orange chicken.

You look up at him from your spot, “How was team bonding today?”

Jake groans in response, clearly annoyed. “Stupid. I don’t get how doing trust falls and pyramid building is going to get us any closer. If anything, I almost FELL off that pyramid today!”

You don’t know why, but you find yourself admiring him and his soft features as he continues to rant about one of his teammates, specifically, the one who almost dropped him.

The way his messy hair, unkept from the rain ruining it, almost covers his eyes (but you tell yourself you like it this way, it looks more natural on him), the way the corners of his lips are always perked upwards (even when he’s ranting), the way his eyes sparkle whenever he’s truly passionate about whatever he’s talking about, the way his eyes look at you like–

“Stare much? Look, I get you can’t resist my good looks but at least be subtle about it,” he smirks at you as he takes another spoon of rice.

You break out of his trance and scoff at him.

“You’re cute when you rant,” you nonchalantly say as you move from your spot to mirror his actions and add more rice to your plate as well. Jake’s stills at your sudden comment, unsure of how to respond. Lucky for him, you’re distracted by the mountain of food on your plate to even notice the blushing mess of a boy next to you.

“You know, you’re lucky you’re cute. Or else I’d deck you right here and now for ditching me after school today.”

Anddd there goes the moment. Leave it to you to follow up a compliment with a threat of violence.

Jake finds it cute anyways. He always finds you cute.

Jake narrows his eyes and lightly shoves you before an apology is written all over his face. “Sorry about that by the way. I feel awful about making you walk home when it was freezing out.”

“Nah, it’s okay. Sunghoon gave me a ride, actually. Did you know he does debate? I guess you learn something new everyday,” you ramble, unaware of the boy next to you getting tense at the sudden mention of the other’s name.

Up until now, Jake’s completely forgotten about Sunghoon's involvement in this entire scheme. In fact, the past 48 hours with you have felt so normal, so comfortable, he almost forgot about the deal in the first place. “You think he has any clue?” Jake suddenly asks, referring to the plan.

You immediately know what he’s referring to, as Jake practically worded out your very own thoughts.

You shrug. “Not a single one. We’re practically William and Kate in his eyes. But honestly, that’s the least of my worries right now. I’m too distracted by my exams right now to care.”

Jake feels guilty for being satisfied with your answer. He’s 100% sure that if convincing Sunghoon took you two an entire lifetime of fake dating, he’d be all too willing to do it.

“Go to Jay’s party with me tomorrow,” he abruptly says, catching your attention as your mouth is stuffed. Cute.

He pokes your cheek. “It’ll get your mind off of work and plus, what’s more convincing than showing up to a party with your amazing boyfriend?” he wiggles his eyebrows at you. Jake doesn’t know where he gets his sudden surge of confidence. But he does know he loves calling himself your boyfriend...even if it’s for the time being.

Rolling your eyes and swatting his poking fingers away from your face, you ponder on his suggestion.

“You mean my annoying boyfriend,” you stick your tongue out at him. Jake takes a mental picture and hopes it never leaves his mind.

“But I guess you could be right. Maybe I can clear my head for the night before I study my ass off all weekend.”

Friday, December 11th

The party does not clear your mind.

If anything, it gives you enough headaches to last you at least until the end of high-school.

You come to this revelation as you and Jake approach Jay’s home, a luxurious mansion sitting at the end of a cul-de-sac, lined with similarly luxurious palaces, located in an equally luxurious neighborhood.

You come to this revelation when you can already feel the pounding bass of music as you walk up Jay’s driveway.

You come to this revelation when, not even two seconds after entering Jay’s front doors––

“You’re here!” A buzzed Jay shouts at the two of you, causing the both of you to contemplate your past choices that brought you here today. Jay definitely isn’t straight up drunk yet, but Jake still makes a mental note to keep an eye on him tonight. Just in case.

The blonde-haired boy is quick to hand over two red solo cups of god knows what, to which you and Jake immediately put down on the nearest table after Jay walks away to greet the next incoming guests (you know, to not hurt his feelings).

You and Jake are lucky enough to have been around Jay and his parties long enough to know that going all out at these parties will not be pretty the next morning.

You cringe at the memory of last year, when you had to suffer from possibly the worst hangover of all hangovers after one of Jay’s parties. Jake will never let you forget how miserable you looked the next morning. His camera roll’s album titled “y/n blackmail pics” can vouch for that.

“Remind me again to never listen to you,” you almost have to shout at Jake over the thumping music. Jake laughs at your comment and tugs at your hand as he begins entering the house.

The two of you do your rounds of greetings to the people you know...and random underclassmen who you swear you have never seen before but somehow made it to this party. You’ve always questioned how Jay’s invite list worked. Maybe there isn’t one. That would explain how it looked like someone announced Jay was giving out free Teslas and the entire school got hold of the news.

“Thank god you guys are here,” you hear a voice come from behind the two of you as you guys leave the main room to enter the house’s smaller, but just as luxurious looking, den. You turn to see Heeseung with Sunghoon following closely behind, trying his best not to get swept away in the crowd of people.

The den is where you usually stayed during these parties. It’s not like there are rules of where people are allowed to party, by any means, but it’s like how a high-school’s cafeteria worked. There’s a mutual silent agreement of where everyone goes, and the den is where the party host and his friends went.

“Okay, is it just me, or is tonight’s party just a little...too..much?” Sunghoon asks as the four of you take your seats on the main couch of the room. Jake’s quick to make space for you next to him as you go to sit, but to his surprise, you find your home right on his lap.

“You said be convincing right?” you say into his ear as you settle yourself. Right. That’s totally why. Because you had to go along with the ruse. Obviously.

You shift a bit so you’re more facing sideways, not blocking off Jake’s line of vision as the boy himself is..well, calling him a rag doll might be excessive.

But he’s sure he looks like one right now, having lost all senses in his limbs, leaving him frozen underneath you.

Jake Sim is the epitome of politeness. He was raised in a family that taught him how to respectfully greet others, how to always offer food to others before eating it himself, how to properly treat a significant other. As a result, Jake grew up to be one of the sweetest, kindest, purest people to ever walk this earth.

(Relatively speaking, the earth is large, but so is Jake’s heart.)

But human-beings aren’t perfect, they must have a balance. A balance of pros and cons.

Sure, he can’t pack his own lunch and sometimes forgets to water the little succulent you gifted him that’s currently seated on his window sill. Sure, sometimes he’s too sweet for his own good, you know, like willing-to-be-your-fake-boyfriend too sweet. But aside from the minor details, Jake Sim doesn’t have many cons, no.

But he sure can be awkward.

And so because Jake Sim is sweet, kind, pure, and awkward, he is unsure of what to do with himself when you’re seated right on top of him.

As if you could read his befuddled mind, you take his arm that’s resting behind you to wrap around your waist as your support as you throw one of your arms around his shoulder. And throughout this entire adjustment, his widened eyes are staring right at you.

Bless this pure, pure boy.

Also bless the position you’re in, blocking the two other boys from directly seeing Jake’s face. Because if they were to catch glimpse of Jake’s expression right now, your cover might be blown, just like that. You’re lucky Heeseung and Sunghoon are distracted by another classmate who came up to them.

“Relax,” you sweetly laugh, cupping his chin with your free hand and lightly squeezing his cheeks. “You’re so adorably awkward.”

Jake pouts at you. “I am not awkward!”

“Right, and I’m totally dating you for real,” you playfully whisper at him, eliciting a poke at your waist in response.

Twenty minutes of people-watching-aka-“who do you think is gonna pass out first?”-from-your-spot-on-the-couch later, the four of you draw your attention to the rowdy party host you all have the honor of calling your friend––aka Jay––dancing (that is, if you call wildly swinging your limbs in all four directions dancing) in the middle of the den.

"Oh god, look at him," Sunghoon voices from besides you.

Heeseung's already filming the moment on his phone. Ah yes, technology. The best thing to ever happen to drunk teens' friends.

"He's so wasted," you throw your head back as you let out a laugh. “We should help the kid out.”

Poor Jay. He's not gonna hear the end of it after tonight.

"I don't know why he thinks these parties are such a good idea when he knows how trashed he's gonna be when he wakes up," Jake says, his hand naturally squeezing your waist as you giggle at his comment. "And how trashed the house will be."

Jay slumbers over to where the four of you are seated, and abruptly stops right in front of the couch.

"My best friends!" Jay happily cheers. “Having fun?”

“Watching you? Always,” you say to the boy who’s squeezing into a seat between you and Sunghoon, as if the small couch wasn’t already suffocating enough (and that’s with you on Jake’s lap).

“But for real though, you should probably lay off the drinks for now,” Heeseung insists. “For all our sakes.”

Sunghoon nods along and grabs the cup Jay’s currently nursing and sets it down where it’s out of Jay’s reach, much to his dismay. But the disappointment quickly leaves the dazed boy’s head, as his attention is now directed towards you and Jake.

“Well if it isn’t mom and dad,” Jay turns to face you and Jake, certainly amused by your seating arrangement.

“You know–” Jay points a finger at the two of you. “For a couple that’s certainly close, I haven’t seen you two kiss.”

Jake is immediately coughing, certainly not expecting that to come out of his friend’s mouth.

“Okay and your point is?” Jake frowns at Jay. If Jay wasn’t tipsy, Jake would’ve smacked the back of his head by now.

“I’m just saying...” the blonde responds, both hands up in the air as if Jake is accusing him of something, when in was, in fact, the opposite. “But nevermind, Jakey boy here is probably too innocent for such nonsense anyways.”

Yes, it’s confirmed. Once Jay sobers up tomorrow, Jake is driving over to his house (even though it’s a good ten minute drive from his own) just to smack him.

“What do you mean I’m too–”

Jake doesn’t finish his sentence. In fact, Jake doesn’t even remember what he was going to say.

Jake doesn’t think nor feel anything else other than your lips planted on his.

You’re pulling him in close, your hands cupping his face as his own are twitching on your waist, his mind flustered. You move your hands from his face to his neck, to which Jake immediately relaxes at.

Sure, you two are in the middle of a dumb high-school party, one filled with pounding music and shouting teenagers, but right now, in this moment, Jake can only feel you. And he doesn’t want the feeling to ever stop.

When you part, Jake’s eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips, his own parted in shock. He thinks he might pass out right here and now. He thinks his heart might explode right here and now. He thinks he might lov-

“Happy?” you turn to a satisfied Jay, ignoring the looks of amusement from Heesung and Sunghoon besides him.

“Well,” you pat Jake’s leg as you get up from your spot. “I’m gonna get us some drinks. Punch only, of course.”

Jake’s eyes are on you as you walk away, his face tinted pink from the adrenaline of it all, his heart racing.

Jake thinks back to three days ago, when he told himself that this idea of yours was going to be all fine. After all, it was only going to be for one week. Afterwards, he can move on with his life as if nothing happened.

But fast forward 72 hours later, 72 hours after you and Jake started this act, 72 hours after Jake told himself it’ll be all fine, Jake knows he was poorly mistaken.

Because 72 hours later, in the middle of a party that reeked of the combined smell of alcohol and sweat, Jake knows one thing and one thing for sure.

He never wants to move on from the feeling of being with you. He never wants to move on from this.

From you.

He’s screwed.

Saturday, December 12th

When Jake wakes up, much later than he intended to, on Saturday morning, the first sensation he feels are his tingling lips, still in disbelief that they graced your own last night.

The second sensation being his pounding mind––it’s running through ten million thoughts at a time, telling him no last night wasn’t a dream.

Third: his heart beating so fast at the thought of you, he thinks he might beat out of his chest.

And fourth, a buzzing noise.

Jake blindly flounders his arm to the table beside him in hopes of finding the origin of the annoying sound, aka, his phone.

After knocking down multiple miscellaneous items on his nightstand (he makes a mental note to clean his room later), he successfully retrieves the item of search.

Jake squints at the bright screen, mind still cloudy from a mix of 1) being half-asleep, and 2) still processing what happened the night before.

y/n [11:10AM]: r u awake yet?

y/n [11:22AM]: imma take that as a no

y/n [11:35AM]: lemme know when ur up

jake [11:44AM]: just woke up sorry

jake [11:44AM]: are you okay? what’s up

y/n [11:45AM]: r u busy?

y/n [11:45AM]: kinda wanted to talk abt smth

jake [11:45AM]: uh well no im still in bed lmao

y/n [11:46AM]: cool im outside your door

Jake’s eyes widen as he processes your last few texts.

Talk? Outside his door?

Jake’s heart is nervously pounding as jumps out of bed and quickly puts on the first plaid flannel he finds. He scrambles to his mirror and gives his reflection a quick run-down.

He’s sporting your his favorite hoodie underneath the flannel that’s long overdue a wash and his tousled hair has seen better days, but he couldn't care less.

Before his mind can catch up to his actions, he’s rushing down the stairs, skipping two at a time and to this front door. Because he didn’t want to keep you waiting? Because he was too excited to see you? Maybe a mix of both. Definitely more of the latter, however.

He quickly runs a hand through his hair to try to fix it up as much as he can, to no avail, before opening the door to reveal you, sitting on the steps of his front porch.

“y/n,” he’s breathing heavily as you turn to greet him with your sweet smile he didn’t even realize he was missing. Is it possible to miss someone overnight? Jake concludes yes, it definitely is.

“Did you run down here or something?,” you question his out-of-breath state, a teasing tone laces the tip of your tongue.

“Or something,” Jake mutters as he closes the front door behind him to join you on the steps when you make no sign of moving. “Have you been out here all morning?”

“Not allll morning. I had a feeling you’d sleep in so I came around the time I first texted you. Would’ve knocked but didn’t wanna bother your family,” you hum, keeping your eyes trained on the peaceful scenery around you.

You’ve always loved Jake’s neighborhood, it brought you a sense of peace, a sense of home.

Or was that because it reminded you of Jake?

“You could never be a bother,” he quickly rebuttals as he takes his seat next to you on the steps.

You respond with a soft smile before turning your attention back to anything other than the boy next to you. Your mind seems to be lost in its own thoughts, Jake can tell by the distant look in your eyes.

The sound of birds chirping in the distance fills the silence that falls between the two of you.

Any other day, Jake would love this. He savors every second he’s with you, even if it’s just pure silence.

But this silence was different. It wasn’t the usual comforting, warm silence that the two of you share on a typical day. This one held tension, tension so thick that Jake doesn’t know where to begin thinking.

But here’s the thing. Jake doesn’t think.

Not when it comes to you.

He takes a deep breath. Rubs his hands together. Pats them on his lap. Turns towards you.

“Look, I-”

“I think I might like you.” The words come out of your mouth so fast, Jake’s positive he heard you wrong the first time around.

He whips his head to meet your eyes, your own already staring back at him, your bottom lip nervously tucked under your teeth.

“No, I––I do. I know I do. I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you and I don’t think I’m doing a very good job right now,” the words are all of the sudden tumbling out of your mouth as if your brain flipped a switch and isn’t able to turn it off. “In hindsight, I should’ve known better to fake date my own best friend. But these past few days made me realize how much I love being with you. And not like how I’m always with you 24/7 before this entire thing started, but being with you. I even started getting that weird, bubbly feeling in my stomach every time I so much as heard your name. And then last night at the party, I realized afterwards that I wouldn’t have kissed you if some part of me didn’t see you in that way. Even if it meant Jay would’ve been on our asses all night if I didn’t. So yeah.”

You finish with a deep breath and look up at him to meet his widened eyes. Silence.

Jake thought he was braindead during last week’s history quiz. Jake thought he was braindead when he had to cram a semester’s worth of chemistry content the night before his exam. Heck, Jake thought he was braindead when you first told him about your idea of a fake dating him. But no, this is braindead.

He’s finally hearing what he’s been dreaming of for so long, and of all times, now his brain decides to shut off.

“Are you..uh..are you gonna say anything?” You’re nervously fumbling with your hands, desperate to distract yourself with anything else apart from his silent stare.

"Why are you sorry?" Jake says before his mind can think of anything else. He doesn't pay attention to his thumping heart that's one look-from-you away from exploding right then and there. "You didn't do anything wrong. If anything, you took the words right out of my mouth.”

Now you're staring at him with the wide eyes, the words processing in your mind.

Jake realizes he's waited too long to do this. A few years too long. He also realizes he shouldn't have put on that extra layer of a flannel. The nervous tension created by the two of you was suffocating enough, and being outside under the bright sun didn’t help.

"I like you too. God y/n, I like you too so much," Jake doesn't even care if his words are all sorts of messed up right now. He just needs you to get the idea. "I have for a while now.”

You let out a relieved sigh, ecstasy rushing through your blood. “Really? I think I have for a while too. I’m so stupid, it took me so long to realize it. It didn’t hit me until I realized how I felt around you, compared to the guy I’m supposed to actually have a crush on.”

Jake lets out a laugh, the tension immediately dissolving. “Hey, if it wasn’t for Sunghoon, I don’t think we’d be here right now.”

“You’re right, I’m too oblivious and you’re too awkward to actually make a move,” you wink at him. If his heart wasn’t fluttering at the sight of you, on his porch on a Saturday morning, confessing your feelings to him, Jake probably would’ve lightly shoved you away.

Instead, he’s turning to you with the most endeared look on his face, and you’re blushing underneath his gaze.

“What? Stare much?” You giggle, quoting the boy himself as you shyly duck your head to avoid his stare.

Jake gently grabs your chin to tilt your face towards his, and before you can process what’s happening, he suddenly meets your lips with his own, closing the gap between you two.

Jake thinks if the ground underneath him right now decided to open up and swallow him whole, he’d die happily.

Jake smiles against you, feeling comfort in ways he’ll never be able to achieve without you.

Your hands instinctively find their way into his hair, as one of his rests below your ear, thumb softly caressing your cheek, the other pulling you in by the waist. He’s naturally leaning into you, gravitating towards your warmth, unable to stop the giddy feeling bubbling in his stomach.

He doesn’t think the feeling will ever go away.

When you pull away to catch your breath, you rest your head against the nook of his neck, basking in his presence as his arms both find their way around your waist. You sigh in pleasure.

“Remember at the beginning of all of this, when you told me ‘Just try not to fall in love with me?’” Jake gently says. Jake feels the slight nod you give against his shoulder as you hum in response.

Jake whispers two more words into your ear, filling you with happiness and warmth you know you won’t be able to find through anyone––or anything––else.

“Too late.”

✰ if you made it ‘til the end, ily :’)))))

2K notes · View notes

mochikeiji · 3 years ago

Text

Exact Replica

Request: "Hi! I really love you're writing and was wondering if you could do prompt 25+29 for Kuroo Tetsuro from Haikyuu? And could it be angst to fluff? (Maybe Kuroo was ignoring the reader due to lots of work/stress so reader feels neglected?) It's totally up to you tho! Ty so much!!"

25. "Would you notice if I was gone?"

29. "I didn't mean it."

↠ Pairing: Kuroo Tetsuro x F!Reader

↠ Warning: angst to fluff, mentions of pregnancy and kuroo's sad childhood

↬ Word Count: 3.7k

↠ a/n: okay this is my longest one yet. I swear the prompt screams angst to fluff so much that I go into it.

↳ from Go! Go! Gogatsu Event

Kuroo Tetsuro achieved many great things in life after graduating from his university, with multiple acknowledgements and honors. Landed a position as a young CEO from a sports association at the age of 24, he had enough money in his pocket and bank to stable both of you financially. Life was good to him after having to build from the roots of his ruined childhood; the only years of defeat Kuroo doesn't ever want to repeat. His father and mother were in the same position as you both are; owning your own shared house, good working environment, investments and stability, married.

Up until this day Kuroo questions why his parents split. They were fortunate that they had every thing completed, sadly it was the family and love that wasn't taken care of. You could be the happiest person, yet the void inside would still be there, Kuroo thought. Foolish people were to neglect something more valuable than any object that is given. Whether it was his father or his mother that stopped nurturing what they both bonded for the longest time, they were both fools to let each other go over something simple. He vows to never let history repeat itself.

But now the tables seemed to have flipped for the both of you. Your lives not far from what he had ran away from. If Kuroo could eat his words back, he would've now that he was running late yet again to coming home, forgetting about the promise he swore to about joining you after a full month of being occupied in his office. Coming home to have you already tucked in bed, but suffering in silence.

Most days he didn't bother greeting you in the morning and night. As a good wife, you understand. He was a busy man with an important position to maintain.

There were times where you'd be tapping your foot down on the floor as the clock strikes at an ungodly hour with your messages still not bothered to be replied to or even read. But you understand. He's working! Always doing what he can for the both of you like the good husband he wanted to be.

Even if sometimes he'd come home without a kiss or a simple, "I missed you." you understand. He's drained. No time for silly, endearing affections. You've done them a lot before back when you were younger. You're adults! Married! A married partner shouldn't be feeling so needy when the other was only doing their part.

Even when sometimes your insecurities would kick in whenever you'd visit your husband to drop his forgotten lunch again, only to see him flocked by different women; probably secretaries, interns, and assistance.

You understand. You always did took such good care of what you two have.

Well had.

His home office door slams shut, awakening you from your nap on the couch. Didn't Kuroo notice you when he walked in? Looking at the clock you noticed it was near 11:30 PM since he's arrived. Late again, maybe he hasn't eaten anything? No worries, you thought sadly. Stretching your aching muscles, you made your way to the dining area. So far dinner was left untouched once more. Just how many times has it gone to waste because you continued on cooking for two?

Or rather, three.

You beam at the sudden reminder while preparing your husband's plate. You'd always miss him whenever he'd come home, never had the chance to surprise him at the right time of your little discovery about a week ago. Fear did struck you because of the possible reactions he'd give, but you were so excited in sharing the news that a couple would share the equal happiness from, you couldn't contain it any longer.

Maybe you should've chosen another time unbeknownst to you how your husband was hunched over his desk, clearly in displease of the previous events that had occurred during the meeting back in his office. Hence why his work stack added more piles of predicaments, only fueling his headaches more wishing he could just lay down peace and quiet without disturbance.

He grumbles at the knock on his door, only typing furiously with emphasized taps on the keyboard. You, not sensing the emitting aura from the room took it as a response for you to enter. It surprised you a bit on how disordered his home office had become. It was obvious his coat had been thrown carelessly as it lays on the floor, wrinkled. Carefully placing the plate full of food on the small coffee table at the side, you gingerly picked up the article of clothing. Lightly trying to smoothen out the lines before hanging it behind his door and turning back to your husband.

"Tetsu?" cautiously calling out his name, you were kind of wary at the fact he didn't turn to see you unlike he does before whenever you'd enter the room. "I brought you your dinner. You came home pretty late." you tried to maintain the light hearted tone of your voice to hide how nervous you were in telling him the big news.

The atmosphere was kind of eerie when all he did was hum meekly from your words. Feeling a bit disheartened from his lack of attentiveness, still forcing a smile, you padded a little closer behind him with your hands clasps together. "I also wanted— well needed to tell you something." averting your eyes away from him as you prepared in your head. With a small hope he'd turn around for once after a long time.

"Can it be another time? I'm in the middle of stuff here."

Another time.

Why is it always next time? It's frustrating enough to not see him or have him speak to you even for a moment, but this made your stomach churn in an unpleasant way. Frowning at his poor reply, you gulped a few of your sentence back. Not fully trusting your emotions getting in the way, "You never really talked to me before, Tetsu.. I get that you're busy, but it wouldn't hurt for you to give a little minute for me."

Even just a second as long as he'd finally notice you.

"(Y/n) if you understand then why bother? You can clearly see I'm busy." chest huffing out a harsh sigh, still not bothering to turn around. Gripping your hands tightly, your patience were starting to snap. "You're always busy, Tetsu! I never had a proper conversation with you again." raising the volume of your voice a little made his actions come to a halt. Chair revolving around to face you. His appearance made it obvious how exhausted he has been; tousled hair that he usually takes longer to style, the light forming bags underneath his eyes from the screen and lack of sleep. The visible annoyance marked in his expression. But couldn't he say the same for you?

"Fine. Here, you have my attention now. Are we talking properly now?" his way of provoking you wasn't in the right place. It only made you look at him in disbelief because you've grown to never meet such side of your husband before. The news you had originally planned to share vanished from your head, replaced with the restrained emotions that has been building up inside your heart, tipping over.

"Tetsu, what is wrong with you?" looking at him now seemed like you were talking to someone else. His words were curt and short with no intention of prolonging the conversation, itching to get back to work so he could be done with it. "I already you I'm just busy. I would be done by now if you didn't want to talk properly with me." he says as if he's the one in distraught. "Seriously, nothing's wrong but I think you aren't. You're never like this."

"That's because you never cared to noticed in the first place!" wailing out the collapsed emotions that has weighed you heavily. It was too late to stop yourself from voicing out the things your husband left aside. A full month of being a good, understanding image of a wife thrown away to the rubbles without even appreciating the the long nights of you waiting up for him, cooking meals even though the next day they'd end up being in the trash, tolerating the coldness of the used to be warm sheets, putting up with the insecurities you took upon yourself to hide to avoid troubling your husband further when all you wanted was for him to assure you that he still loves you and only you.

The fascade you put up just for him crumbles. And it infuriates you more of how he still doesn't notice.

"(Y/n), you know I've been working! There's so much stuff that needs to be attended for just so you and I could live normally!"

"Tetsuro, we are stabled, it's okay to slow down a bit. How is this any normal to you when you don't even realize how this affects me?!"

The chair slides back roughly against the floor with a loud creak as he towers over you. Glowering eyes with a dark expression looming over his face, clearly now enraged. "You're being selfish right now. I'm here doing what I can to support us and all you could think of was you, you, you. Can't you see I'm doing this for you as well? God what else do you want from me, the world?"

"I only wanted you to give me your time and attention even just for a second, Tetsuro! I've been doing my best for you all this month and I never said anything to trouble you!"

It hurts when he said how you were being the selfish one when it was the opposite. It dawned to you that all those days of giving your all for him wasn't once noticed. "Will you ever grow up already? Attention? Really? We're adults, (Y/n) not teenagers for fucks sake. My time is just wasted because of you!" he doesn't stop there even if you've had your mouth already shut from how he portrayed you as. His words were beginning to leave a deep scar in you as you quiet down to the next line.

"If you think that nothing is troubling me, there is! And you just happen to add in for crying out loud!"

There were no words exchanged after his meltdown. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he looks away from you— who's eyes were already watery. Unable to even tell your side anymore at the ache of your heart. "So..I'm just troubling you then?" quivering out your words, Kuroo clenches his jaw as the bubbling frustration was being held back with the last bit of restrain he had.

"Would you notice if I was gone, Tetsu?"

Instead of being alarmed by your chosen form of sentence, you watched with sad eyes as your husband pulled back his chair and faced his workload. He didn't even noticed you're already crying silently, "Not now, (Y/n). We'll talk later."

He doesn't even noticed how you walked out sobbing with a shattered heart nor the door in the living room closing. Leaving him alone for the next few hours in peace like he wanted.

Time went on quickly when one doesn't take their eyes off from their consecutive workaholic state. With a groan, he almost slams his laptop shut before stretching his bones, slowly relaxing the tense muscles. It's up to his co workers and assistance to deal with the load he's prepared to dump onto them after they threw all theirs to him. Hoping to freshen up his face, Kuroo tidies his desk up before making his way to the door. Stopping in realization of the now cold dinner that was left on the coffee table.

His stomach growled loudly at the lack of food it's digested in the longest run. It was still good if he heats it up, he does miss eating home made meals than his stale ones back in the cafeteria of his workplace. Grabbing the plate carefully he first made a short journey to the kitchen to heat up his food. Unusual it was to have all the lights out in the house. You'd always leave some opened when he was awake. Then again the guilt started to crawl up to his chest knowing he's the cause of why you'd forgotten.

Now entering the bathroom with water running down his face, he plans ahead the apology he owes you when he wakes up tomorrow morning. He could reschedule his own time since he is the boss. He closes the faucet right after he was done rinsing. Looking around for the towel his eyes caught something below the small organizer you put up next to the sink. Grabbing the towel above the first part of the organizer, bending down slowly to avoid getting cramps, his actions were quick to grab the object that caught his attention the moment it seemed so familiar and surprising.

Pregnancy test. Two lines for positive.

Having a child with you was the last thing he's yet to accomplish from his list, and here it was. As much as he wanted to be in denial, it all felt like surge of contentment drowns him in because he was going to be a dad. However his body began to tremble whilst still holding the test and staring intently at it. The previous guilt that was crawling beneath his bones became a dark, desolated hole of anxiety and fear that ate him whole. The things he's said and done will never be taken back no matter how he apologizes to the past events a few hours ago.

Hours ago. It was already 2:25 when the fight had ceased. Deep down he knows he couldn't wait until the next day to plead for forgiveness. After all, he did vow to never leave you both a day feeling heavy alone. Kuroo felt nauseous of how much of an asshole he had treated you. Like starting a game of volleyball once more, he was beyond nervous when he approached your shared bedroom. There was no excuse of his actions indeed as he solemnly enters the dimmed room. He sighs a little shaky when he closes in your bed, "Baby?" he starts, "Baby, are you awake?" it was one of the little things he's memorized that you'd do when you both aren't in good terms. You never really slept, just pretended because you always had the heart to wait up for him.

When he gets no response he reaches out to pat you, only coming to the sense that the sheets were left untouched; no warmth traced behind. You weren't there, any where. His blood runs cold and immediately fishes out for his phone in his pocket, speed dialing your number while he circles the entire area of the house in case you'd be there. Now he was more terrified when he hears the familiar voice mail from the living room couch where you had slept while waiting for him.

You left your phone. His wife wasn't home— his pregnant wife.

"Fuck." running a rough hand through his tangled hair. The lump on his throat grows but he refuses to let out a string of sobs. It was his fault you were gone at such an ungodly hour. Kuroo felt more than a bigger asshole than before he's made you come to the point of leaving home. Just as his mother did and never returned. The one thing he swore you two would never be the same came to life, only thought now is Kuroo doesn't know whether you've left him for good after being a neglectful husband and to have dishearten his own beloved wife like that.

"Would you notice if I was gone?"

Rang in his head as he stood outside the neighborhood, running. Chasing after a hallucinated image of you any place he tried to remember you'd be in. A fool he has been to have left you in a loveless marriage. He loves you, he really does. He can't imagine a life without you in it. Just as it was about to become the happiest he's wanted, he pushed it all too soon. A bad husband, he cries. "(Y/n), please come home." legs aching and panting from having to study all areas. It was pitch black; there were no opened spots for you to even go at an hour of slumber and chaos. The only convenient store did not even have you in it. You were no where to be seen and Kuroo breaks.

Of course he'd notice when it was all too late. The past he's ran away from was still the place he's returned now that the house was only occupied by nothing but rotten memories of the love he didn't took care of. The exact replica of a married life he desperately tried to dodge. "I'm so sorry." for the lonely nights he's left you to sleep, over thinking of what may have been your fault and always figuring him out tirelessly. For the small efforts of adoration he didn't took a glance at and gone to waste. For the words that were never even meant for you to ever feel. For being a neglectful husband. He was sorry he noticed too late how he ruined his precious wife.

Now he's left you on your own out in the dangers outside. If anything horrible happened to you he will forever be crushed. But the world thinks that second chances are given to those who truly deserve them after you came in quietly, slipping off your sandals and waving back to your friend who had dropped you off home. Your short break to the convenient store changed when you met up with her and drove back to her place to rant about what happened. Being the sluggish person you are whenever sadness hits, you never noticed how long you've over stayed. It wasn't like your husband was going to know if he still was working.

Much to your surprise that he wasn't, you stifled a gasp to find him with his hands holding his head that was leaned down on the table. His shoulders were lightly jolting with escapes of audible sniffles, indicating that he was in fact crying. If he looked exhausted before, it wasn't enough to describe his current state; as if he was a man who'd lost every thing as he sat there with all hope lost. Your foot padded on the creaky part of the floor in attempt to tiptoe over his hunched back to comfort him. Squeaking in the awkward situation you've put the room in when Kuroo turns his head behind to see you standing there a bit frightened, but concerned when you saw how disheveled his face looks.

"Tetsu—" his name got cut off short from when you almost tripped over your balance at the sudden impact of Kuroo throwing himself into your arms with his weight. You couldn't make out what he was mumbling on about, but you melt to his embrace even if he squeezes the living day lights from you, afraid that he was going crazy and you weren't real. "Thank God," litters of kisses were placed on your clavicle, "You're back."

He repeats, slowly convincing himself that you are indeed home in his arms, safe, no harm detected. Just home. "I'm so sorry.."

"I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of what I said, I-I'm so sorry." your bodies swayed gently to the sound of your hushes and his cries of apologies. "Please don't leave me like that again. I was so scared."

"Shhh, it's okay, Tetsu. I'm sorry. I'm okay— we're okay." leading him to sit down at the couch, you placed the bag of different brands of sweets and junk on the table before facing your husband. You had to stifle in a laugh watching him wipe his nose, you couldn't help but be reminded of a mini Tetsuro by looking at him. The argument that stung you faded when he took a hold of your hands and mumbled another apology.

"You shouldn't be sorry for anything. I should be.." flickering his eyes from your belly to your bloodshot eyes from your own fiasco back in your friend's place, he slides in closer next to you where your shoulders touched. "I haven't been a good husband lately, have I?" he looks at you expectantly. Frowning, you still nodded. Tired of hiding your own feelings from him.

"I know you're busy most of the time, Tetsu. But I just wanted you to recognize me as your wife." thumbs quick to swipe away the tear that had shed from your eye, "We're in this together, remember?" he pulls you right from the arm, shoving your face to his chest in need to hold you for all the times he should've. Ignoring the dampness of his white long-sleeved polo, breathing in the scent of your sweet shampoo. You were still so forgiving and understanding despite on how equally tired as he was you are.

"I'm so sorry I've made you feel as if I never cared anymore. You never deserved that." his lips found it's way to the crown of your head. "I don't deserve you, and I really don't want to lose you after me being stupid." giggling through tears, fist connecting a soft punch on his chest, bubbling a chuckle to the surface as he lightly pulls you away from hiding.

"I really didn't mean all of those things I've said, baby. I love you and only you." stroking ever so lovingly your cheek, you don't catch on to the fact that his other hand was placed over your stomach protectively. Making a silent promise to not only you, but the soon to be new addition to the family that he will never again neglect what he should've cherished more and looked after than the constant worries at the back of his head.

Because he will never again repeat the replica of a broken family he once was born in.

#haikyuu kuroo #haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagine #haikyuu x reader #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo tetsurou x reader #kuroo x you #kuroo x (y/n)#kuroo testuro #kuroo angst #kuroo fluff #hq kuroo #kuroo imagine #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsuro oneshot #raines: gogatsu event

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tsupuffs · 3 years ago

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little stable boy ✩ park jisung

genre : stable boy!jisung x royal!reader, romeo & juliet vibes, star crossed lovers, fluff word count : 610 a/n : if this receives good feedback i will most likely make it a full fledged fic just bc ?? stable boy jisung so cute also i love that old school enchanted romeo & juliet kingdom vibes

lying in bed, you stare at the ceiling of your large bedroom. your eyes are wide open as you struggle to even keep your eyes closed for more than a second. with a frustrated sigh, you sit up in your bed, pulling your sheets closer to you as you stare around your room, not a thought in mind. your eyes eventually wander to your bedside table. where a ceramic pot with a single rose stood, tall and high.

the mere sight of the flower reminded you of the day prior. it reminded you of your stable boy, park jisung.

yes, park jisung, the tall but awkward kid who teaches you how to horseback ride every weekend. he grew up in the rural countryside where he, naturally, learned how to ride a horse as his main form of transportation. after moving to the kingdom, his father works as a castle butler and after jisung graduated high school, he earned a job teaching the princes and princesses how to horseback ride.

now, you’re all too familiar with the castle staff, you are next in line for the throne so getting to know the people who work for you is common courtesy. but jisung, in particular, you wanted to get to know.

there was no explanation behind it. but something about him intrigued you. there was something about him that drew you in. all the times he immediately averted eye contact when you noticed him staring. all the times slightly tensed when your hand grazed his even the smallest bit. all the times you fell off the horse, and he caught you while you two stay like that. staring into each other’s eyes.

unfortunately for you, there is a huge no-no on fraternizing with non-royals in a romantic manner. in fact, the immediate second you’re given the crown, you’re required to find someone to marry from one of the neighbouring kingdoms, marry them, have kids, and continue the bloodline, blah blah blah.

of course, this rule wasn’t always behaved. your great aunt was originally going to inherit the kingdom but she ended up running away with her villager husband as they started their own family, leaving the kingdom to your great grandmother who was the only one near the right age.

now, it’s not like that was your exact plan, you were never the big picture thinker. plus, jisung may not even be the type to wanna do that, even you might not be. but things change, and you definitely won't think the same in a couple years. and so, if it does come to that… you surely won’t be the first.

luckily though, you’re still young! most likely about three to four years until your parents deem you “ready” to lead a whole entire kingdom–as if anyone would ever be ready for that.

and so, for now…

“y/n!”

the distant sound of your name being called can be heard from your bedroom as you rush to your balcony, the curtains blowing outside through the open window. your eyes trail down to the grass ground as you spot a tall figure looking up at you, waving while awkwardly glancing around, almost nervous to get caught.

you smile as you wave back before rushing to one of the nearby tree branches, grabbing it as you clamber onto the tree, sliding downwards until you were right beside jisung. “you ready?

“yeah but the ants will probably get to the food first if we don’t hurry!” he exclaims in a hushed tone as you simply respond with a giggle, grabbing his wrist, and whisking him to the agreed upon place for your secret rendezvous picnic.

main masterlist!

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esamastation · 3 years ago

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Breath of the Wild snippet

Link is bored. It's a little startling how easy it's to see – how easy he's to read these days. Where before, hundred years ago, he'd been as unreadable as a brick wall, a look of serious determination as though permanently etched to his face, now he's an open book, covers flung wide. The serious frown still makes an appearance, of course, it's his default expression, Link's face simply rests in a way that makes him seem as though he's almost scowling, but now, should an emotion cross his mind… he does nothing to hide it.

Like now, as his attention strays and his eyes wander and every so often he smothers a sigh or a yawn or a longing look directed at the door. It's in part painfully and in part endearingly clear how little attention he's paying to their meeting, and how much he wishes he could be elsewhere.

Zelda smothers a smile and then realises she's allowed herself to be distracted, and quickly turns her attention back to the meeting taking place in Impa's house.

"... a little difficult to test," Purah is saying. She's sitting cross legged in the middle of the floor, her seat cushion abandoned and papers flung about her – most of them about her anti-aging rune. "I can't even promise the test subject will survive the process, never mind that it will work even fifty percent of the time... so finding people to volunteer has been an issue."

"What, no old folks interested in regaining their misspent youth?" Robbie asks with a slight snort, adjusting his goggles. "I'd happily test it, if my work wasn't too important to risk!"

Purah gives him a look. "Well, duh. Most folk are the same," she says and shakes her head. "And besides, the population and age statistics don't exactly trend towards the elderly these days. The average life expectancy of both Hylians and Sheikah both trend about forty years younger than it used to be pre-Calamity. And the only way for people to reliably grow old these days –"

"Is to have a family or other support network, helping them," Impa muses, rubbing at her chin. "Which means they have things too dear to lose, for an uncertain chance."

"Just so," Purah says and folds her little arms, adorable in her seriousness. "I did post queries around Hateno village, of course, but I only had a couple of takers, and they all turned tail when I explained the risks. And we can't improve the chances without further testing. And we can't do further testing without candidates. And we're not likely to get more candidates with the chances being what they are - it's a vicious circle."

By the door, Link looks ready to nod off.

Zelda hums, looking at the papers Purah had brought, conflicted. It's incredible work, just as a concept, and Purah hadn't just left it at theory – and the results certainly speak for themselves! Purah is now, what, hundred and twenty, hundred and thirty years old? And she looks as though she is a girl of six, with all that time ahead of her and not behind. If the technology could be made reliable, it would no doubt change the future in ways Zelda can scarcely imagine… for the better, she hopes, for all the people of Hyrule.

But right now, she has more selfish reasons to make enquiries into the rune.

Zelda looks at Impa, sitting on top of a pile of pillows, her weathered, aged face thoughtful. Their eyes meet and Zelda steels her resolve. "Might there be any potential candidates in Kakariko village, Impa?" she asks.

"Hmm. I doubt it. Young Zain, maybe?" Impa muses. "Well, he's not so young. He's in his seventies, he has bad knees and no surviving relatives to support or be supported by. Bit of a sour grape, that one, though. Sceptic. Hard to convince."

"I'm sure if the Lost Princess and the Hero who stopped Ganon ask for it, anyone would be happy to give it a go!" Robbie says, slapping his folded knees. "Especially if they learn what it's all for!"

Zelda smiles, wincing, and looks down. Using her standing for such a thing… sure she'd done things of that nature before, pleading people to join their cause, ages ago… but never with the risks so high, and potential results so uncertain. She'd never liked asking people to risk their lives, for her or otherwise. Even with a cause so important...

"It would be a somewhat awkward thing to ask, though," she muses and looks down. "It is an awkward thing to ask. I'm… I'm sorry to have to ask it of you."

After all this time, all these years, all the service they'd already put in, to ask for so much more of them… but she had to. No one woman could rebuild a kingdom by herself. She needed help, she needed allies �� she needed Impa and Robbie and Purah. With such a foundation, Hyrule might yet rise, better than ever, but for that to ever happen… Impa and Robbie needed to go through what Purah already had, and extend their already prodigiously long lives even further. They all deserved their quiet retirement, after all the effort they'd put in, but for Hyrule, Zelda would make this cruel request.

"Ha!" Robbie says, striking a pose. "Like I wouldn't do this without being asked! As soon as Purah can improve the odds – no, as soon as we can improve the odds –"

"What's that, you old coot, what do you mean by we?" Purah depends, bouncing to her feet. "If you think I will let you ever into my lab, mister, you're sorely mistaken –!"

"If we work together, combine the efforts of Akkala and Hateno tech labs, we're sure to succeed! With Cherry's incredible computing power and your Stone –"

"Your creepy ancient furnace is getting nowhere near my Guidance Stone!"

Link startles awake at the noise they're making and Zelda smothers a giggle while Impa sighs.

"I will ask Paya to check in on Zain, maybe he will be interested," Impa says and shakes her head. "But it's still a small test study, with only two subjects. I'm sorry, Zelda – as much as I wish to do this, I am with Robbie on this. The chances are too low and I have too much to lose, right now. Paya is nowhere near ready to take over for me here. There needs to be more candidate's, first, and I don't know where we can get them. But," she hums and looks away. "There might be someone who does."

Link yawns and then freezes, finding all of them staring at him. Then, clearly baffled, he points at himself quizzically, and Zelda offers him a smile.

Impa chuckles. "You've been all over Hyrule now, Link – you've traveled farther than probably anyone has in a hundred years. Better than anyone, you know the state of her people. Do you think there is anyone out there who might be interested in Purah's study – in regaining their youth, even at a risk?"

Link scratches the back of his neck thoughtfully and then takes out the Sheikah Slate, opening the map with an easy, well practiced wipe of his fingers over the screen. Zelda leans in, once more amazed – and a little jealous – of how far he'd gotten with it, how full of markers the map is. Hundred years ago, she'd estimated that there might be as many as a dozen sites of ancient Sheikah technology all over Hyrule. Link had discovered over a hundred. They now glow on his map, like glittering blue gems, the Towers and Shrines he'd seen and mastered.

Link zooms in on the map and then puts down three other markers. One in Zora's domain, one in Gerudo Town and last in Lurelin Village. Turning the slate around, he shows the map to everyone.

"Of course," Zelda breathes in realisation. "The Guardians never reached so far, so their populations were never so scattered or scarred. In Zora's domain, in Gerudo Town and in Lurelin, people can grow old peacefully, without fear of attack."

Link makes a face and a wobbling gesture with his hand and then shrugs. Zelda smiles, sadly. "Aside from monsters and other disasters and misfortunes, of course," she agrees. "But without fear of attacks by Guardians, they were allowed to prosper."

"Not the Rito, though?" Robbie asks, his goggles whirting and shifting like the eyes of a gecko as he looks between the map, Link and Zelda. "Or the Gorons?"

Link shrugs, rubbing at his neck.

"Gorons age like rocks, Daruk always said," Zelda muses. "And I suppose with Rito it can be difficult to tell their ages. If we send out invitations to the study, we should include them as well – assuming that the treatment by the rune isn't Sheikah exclusive…?"

Purah rocks back and forth on her feet thoughtfully, almost as though she's about to dance. "I… don't know? I calibrated the first version based on my own physiology, so it might be best to stick to Sheikah and Hylians for a start – but I can't see why it couldn't be adjusted. Gerudo are closer in structure to us than Rito and Gorons, or Zora for that matter. Might be best we start there, when we begin making modifications to include everyone."

"So, begin with Lurelin," Robbie says and nods. "How do we do that?"

"We'll make some posters and Link can zip in and out of Lurelin Village to post them," Purah says and strikes a pose. "It's just a snap for the Sheikah Slate."

Impa hums in agreement. "Best we make advertisements for Kakariko and Hateno as well, and perhaps some of the stables," she muses. "You never know who might take us up on it, and getting this technology to work at hundred percent will be a benefit to everyone."

"You're right," Zelda agrees, nodding. "Purah and Robbie, I suppose you two know best what should go on the poster. Can you make it?"

"It'll work much better, with your name under it," Robbie points out.

"We'll write a draft and you can copy it and put your royal touch and seal to it," Purah says and does an excited little dance. "This is so exciting! We'll get so many applicants and my little Guidance Stone will get to do it's thing!"

Zelda offers her a smile, all the while wondering, not for the first time… how much of a royal she even is, at this point. With the castle in ruins and the Kingdom in shambles, with no one to rule it for a hundred years… all that Zelda is now... is a story. The Princess that went to fight Calamity Ganon as the Kingdom fell asunder all around her. Not many even believe it. That might change with this meeting and the following cooperation, especially when they'd begin reaching out further, but right now…

Princess of nothing indeed.

"So much was lost," Zelda murmurs, carefully resting her hands in her lap to keep herself from wringing them. She shouldn't concentrate on the losses. Not when there's so much to do. "It will be good to build something for a change. To improve things."

"Indeed," Impa says, nodding her head, her heavy hat tilting. "But if Calamity Ganon taught us anything, it is that we should take all due caution."

"Yes. And speaking of which," Zelda says and lifts her eyes to Robbie. "Your research in Akkala – I would very much like to hear more about it. Link showed me the armour and weaponry you made, they're very impressive – how did you manage it?"

Robbie all but launches himself into the story of Akkala Ancient Tech Lab, the research he'd done there, the progress he'd made, enthusiastically recounting the creation of his Ancient Furnace, Cherry. Zelda leans in, allowing herself to be drawn in, and by the door Link settles down with a sigh and begins nodding off again.

Hmm hmm. Took me 3 years, but I finally finished botw.

I might continue this one and it might end up a Stargate crossover. Who knows.

#fanfiction #botw #loz #breath of the wild #legend of zelda breath of the wild #spoilers

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comfortbucky · 3 years ago

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Hey! Can i request a cold, lonely ex-hydra reader × bucky who falls in love with her. Adding some panic attacks and nightmares of the reader.

i love this idea!!! thank u for submitting🥰

𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘃𝗶𝘁𝗲 ⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆ ｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚ ⋆

pairing: avenger!bucky x ex-HYDRA!fem!reader

tags: enemies(?) to lovers, angst (if u squint), soft!bucky

warnings: canon level violence, description of injuries, blood is mentioned, panic attacks, anxiety, nightmares

A/N: i just came up with a random name for the HYDRA leader the reader is after🤣 so just ,,, ignore // also!!!! i tried out a different writing style than what i’m used to! hope u don’t mind🥺 just been feeling like a lot of my writing is the same and wanted to try something new!!!

word count: 3.5k (this is so long LMAO sorry 😭 literally why am i like this)

my masterlist!

completed requests!

The suit that you once considered a second skin, now felt uncomfortable and constricting, like a python squeezing the life out of you. Although, it made sense since the very organization of the uniform you were wearing did exactly that.

HYDRA.

For so long you were just another mindless pawn to them, just doing without every actually thinking. Unlike your younger brother, Alex. They indoctrinated him as well, getting a hold of both of you from a young age, but he was there when Captain America took down S.H.I.E.L.D. and it changed his entire worldview. You found everything he said about “freedom” to be stupid, naive, and dangerous. And you would later prove yourself correct.

You pull yourself from your thoughts as a group of HYDRA soldiers walk past the shrubbery you hid behind. Quickly and quietly, you get up and join them as they march towards the HYDRA base. As soon as you get inside, you manage to slip away from the rest of the group to search for your target.

Since HYDRA took the possibility of you ever having a normal life away, as far as you were concerned, your only purpose in life was to kill the man who was at the center of it all, Viktor Cross. And after months of tracking him down, formulating the perfect plan, that’s exactly what you were going to do today.

You make your way towards one of the main lab facilities, gun in hand when you see several unconscious guards lying on the floor in front of you. Shifting your gaze up, you see that the door has been ripped open, grip marks on the sides.

This was not part of the plan.

As you squeeze through the open door and enter the lab, you come to a halt, frozen in shock. There’s your target, Viktor, shoved against the wall by none other than Captain America himself. You almost let out a chuckle in disbelief at the irony of the situation. Instead, you take a step forward, and the glass cracks beneath your feet, alerting the men of your presence.

Shit.

Immediately, both sets of eyes are on you. Viktor’s lips curve into a smirk as you make your way to them.

“Agent- Miss Y/N,” he corrects himself. “What a pleasant surprise.” You ignore him and look to address Steve Rogers, AKA Captain America.

“Let him go and give him to me,” you start, Steve eyeing you cautiously. “So I can kill him,” you snarl, quickly turning to Viktor to see that his smirk had been wiped off his face.

“Aren’t you HYDRA?” He questions, nodding to your suit and eliciting a cackle from Viktor.

“Not anymore,” you mumble, before lifting a leg to kick Steve in his side. You hit him across the face with the end of your gun for good measure. He stumbles over, giving you enough time to grab Viktor’s collar, before he falls to the floor, and slam him back against the wall. His eyes are full of desperation and you felt nothing but pure, burning rage. You shove the barrel of your gun under his chin and place your hand on the trigger.

“You were such a gifted agent, Y/N. Don’t throw away such potential, come back.”

“Go to hell.”

Before you could pull the trigger, a force propels you to the ground and you feel a sharp pain in your side. Silence and then ringing fills your eyes as you squint your eyes to try and visualize the situation. Your vision is blurry, but clear enough to clouds of smoke engulf Viktor’s figure as he escapes. A muffled voice from behind you speaks, but you can’t make out any of the words they’re saying. You look down to see red. Just crimson red, staining your abdomen. Hands land on your shoulders, shaking you gently as your vision fades to black.

Viktor is in front of you, the barrel of his gun directed right at your head. He smirks as he moves his hand to the trigger.

“Hail, HYDRA.”

A gunshot goes off, forcing you to shoot up in bed, gasping for air. As you start to regain your senses, you realize you’re surrounded by a group of strangers. Well, not complete strangers, the Avengers to be exact. Part of your job required you to study their files, learn everything about them. You could recite from memory where and when they were born, their greatest strengths and weaknesses. Suddenly, your side starts to burn with pain, and you carefully lean back in bed. There’s an array of wires and tubes connected to you and you hear the rhythmic beeping of various machines. You’re in a hospital, or some sort of medical facility.

“That, is exactly why I said we should use restraints.”

You’re staring at the ceiling when you hear Iron Man, AKA Tony Stark, speak.

“Tony, she lost a liter of blood, she’s not going anywhere.”

Steve appears in your view, looking down at you.

“Hey, you’re okay. You’re safe.”

You shift your gaze away from him. The last thing you expected to come out of this mission was to meet the Avengers, let alone them save you.

Steve sighs, “We’re not gonna hurt you. We wanna find Viktor too.”

There’s nothing he could say that could get you to speak. Your hatred for HYDRA didn’t mean you suddenly liked the Avengers. If anything, they were part of the problem too, so you stay silent.

“Told you, she’s not gonna talk,” Tony quips. From your research, you had come to learn that he was an arrogant man, and his statement only proved you right. “Maybe you should get Manchurian Candidate to come down, give her an ex-HYDRA buddy,” he says sarcastically.

Upon hearing “ex-HYDRA buddy,” you furrow your brows. Maybe it was the lack of blood in your body, but it took you a second to process his words and understand who he was referring to. Your eyes dart back to look at Steve’s but he’s gone.

“I’ll be back.” His voice trails off as he exits the room.

You’re still staring at the ceiling when you hear footsteps return and then several others departing.

There’s only one other person in the room beside you. Without even looking up, you already know who it is. His breathing was slow and steady until you started to shift in bed to reposition yourself. His breath hitched for a moment, before returning back to his normal breathing pattern.

“Killing him isn’t gonna make you feel better.” His comment makes you roll your eyes as you slowly sit up to look at him. There were no logical thoughts in your head, all you could feel was pain and fury. Anger swelled within you, your emotions boiling over.

“That’s rich, coming from the Fist of HYDRA,” you spat out. As soon as the words left your mouth, you felt your stomach drop. It was an unfamiliar feeling, one you hadn’t felt in a while. What was it? Regret?

Bucky’s face fell but he kept his eyes on you. It was a look that made you feel worse, worse than the searing pain in your side.

“I’m not a killer anymore,” he said in a tone so gentle, you felt another strange, new emotion but couldn’t quite label it. You quickly shift gears to avoid addressing the uncomfortable feelings swirling around in your stomach.

“Are you keeping me hostage to lure Viktor in? Because it's not going to work." Bucky shook his head.

"We want..." he trailed off, causing you to tilt your head in curiosity. “We need your help finding him.” You scoffed.

“What do I get out of it?” Bucky’s silence gave you your answer. Shaking your head, you start to disconnect yourself from the multitude of wires attached to you and get out of bed.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself,” he started, as you threw off your blanket and sat on the edge of the bed.

Standing up quickly, the blood from your head pooled in your legs, causing you to feel dizzy. Your head spun and your arms reached out for something, anything stable to grab onto. It was a metal hand. Despite it being cool to the touch, it ignited a heat to rise to your cheeks. You look down and mumble a thank you as Bucky helps you back into bed.

Letting out a sigh, you realize with the condition you’re in, you can’t leave. Definitely not well enough to go after Viktor alone. Shutting your eyes and pinching the bridge of your nose, you curse under your breath.

“Fine,” you finally speak, keeping your eyes closed. Bucky nods, even though you don’t see, and you hear him walk off.

After a couple days of rest, you were cleared by Bruce to get discharged. Viktor had gone deep in hiding, making your job to find him a lot harder. Tony had so graciously given you an extra room in the tower, right next to Bucky’s. He was probably the one person you saw the most, purely due to location, and the fact that everyone else cautiously kept their distance from you. It made sense though, since you rarely spoke to anyone and spent most of your time in the lab looking for any clues of Viktor’s location. When you weren’t searching for him, you were training in the gym. Bucky was there a lot too, both of you waking up at ungodly hours of the morning. No words were ever exchanged between the two of you, and yet, there was some level of comfort you felt being around him. Must’ve been an ex-HYDRA thing.

“What’s on your mind?” You walk over to Alex and sit on the edge of the bed next to him. He sighs.

“What if,” he starts, furrowing his brows. “What if freedom is good?” He speaks quietly, fearful of HYDRA listening in on your conversation.

It feels like you’ve got the wind knocked out of you.

“Alex,” you grab him by the shoulders. “What the hell are you talking about?” You’re searching his eyes, trying to understand what’s gotten into him.

“Captain America.” The biggest threat to HYDRA’s existence. He looks down at his hands. “He was willing to risk his life for it. It has to be worth something right?” Alex looks back up to you with a look in his eyes that you haven’t seen since you were children. Uncertainty. You sigh and pull him into your chest, stroking his hair.

“I don’t know, kiddo. Maybe.”

You wake up in a cold sweat, panting. Hot tears fall from the corners of your eyes. It’s the same dream you’ve had for the last week. Although, you wouldn’t consider it a dream necessarily, but it wasn’t a nightmare either. Just a bittersweet memory.

Bucky could tell that something was up with you for the past week. Despite having gone through a bit of therapy, Steve’s idea, the nightmares still came to him. So Bucky was already wide awake when he heard your weeping on the other side of the wall. It didn’t help that he was also a light sleeper with super-soldier hearing. He didn’t know what was causing you to be so upset, but he didn’t want to intrude and ask. Neither of you had spoken to the other since you first arrived.

But this night was different from the rest. Usually, you would flip endlessly through channels on ur TV until you eventually fell asleep, but it wasn’t working this time. There’s a tight pain in your chest and suddenly, you’re suffocating. You rip off your covers and spring out of bed, tripping on your blankets along the way. At this point, you don’t even register the pain of slamming down, face-first on the ground. Panic has taken over your body, tears now streaming down your face. You squeeze your eyes shut, hoping for relief.

He wasn’t planning on doing anything until he heard a loud thud from your room. Immediately, Bucky gets up and arrives at your door. It’s rude to just barge into someone’s room, his mom taught him that from a young age, so he settles on knocking. You don’t hear it though, the only sound you hear is the sound of your rapid breathing as you hyperventilate. Bucky hears it too and ultimately decides on inviting himself into your room.

“Y/N?”

You’re lying on your side, curled up in a fetal position with your hands covering your face, when Bucky opens the door. He quickly arrives by your side, kneeling beside you, as he examines you for any injuries.

“Are you hurt?”

You manage to shake your head in response, anxiety still flowing through your veins. Unfortunately, Bucky’s familiar with panic attacks, having had them himself. But he also knows that everyone deals with them a bit differently. Guess he did manage to learn some useful things from therapy.

“Can you try breathing with me?”

He starts to take deep breaths in and out until he sees you start to follow along with him, your hands still covering your face. There’s a part of you that feels stupid for keeping them there, but they help ground you, so you continue to shield your face. After what feels like an hour, but was probably only 10 minutes, your panic subsides. That’s when a wave of embarrassment hits you, realizing that it had been Bucky with you during your panic attack.

Slowly removing your hands from your face, you’re greeted by piercing blue eyes. You blink a couple times, realizing that Bucky had taken a spot on the ground, lying on his side to face you, his hands pressed together under his head like a pillow. He smiles and you feel warm. It’s terrifying, the new feelings that Bucky has caused you to feel and yet, you don’t mind.

“You feelin’ better?” You nod and smile back, something you haven’t genuinely done in a while.

“Thank you, Bucky.”

You stare at each other in silence, lying side by side. There’s no physical touch involved but somehow, this moment, it feels intimate. Bucky breaks the silence.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He speaks in a voice so soft, it almost sounded like a whisper.

It might’ve been the fact that he just calmed you down from a panic attack, but as you looked into his eyes, you felt the walls you had built up for the last year slowly come crashing down.

“He killed my brother,” you reply, maintaining your eyes on Bucky. You searched his eyes for any fear or pity, but all you could find was a look of understanding. His eyes were starting to become a safe place for you.

“Alex was there when Steve took down S.H.I.E.L.D., HYDRA along with it. He wanted out, out of the organization.” Taking a deep breath, you continue. “Word got around about a “rat,” so I took the blame. Viktor was about to shoot me when Alex’s dumbass ran in front of me, sacrificing himself.” You let out a chuckle, your vision getting blurry as tears swelled in your eyes. “He was a goddamn idiot, but he also had a heart of gold.”

As you start to cry, Bucky hesitatingly extends an arm to hover over your body, trying to gauge your reaction. Physical touch was something he struggled with during the beginning of his recovery, and he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. He’s reassured when you grab onto his shirt and pull yourself closer to him, and wraps an arm around you, his other hand softly stroking your head.

You hadn’t cried like this since Alex died, bottling up all of your emotions to focus on finding the man responsible for his death. But as you sobbed into Bucky’s chest, you realize that your love for Alex had transformed into an ugly, burning hatred for Viktor. He wouldn’t want this. You didn’t want it, at least, not anymore. The only thing you wanted was your brother back, and that was impossible.

Bucky held you in his arms until you fell asleep, listening to the sounds of your slow, rhythmic breathing, dozing off shortly after.

That night with Bucky had softened your cold, hard exterior that you initially presented yourself with. You would willingly spar with Nat in the training room and join the team for breakfast or dinner. Everyone noticed and, while at first thrown off by it, happily embraced it. Especially Bucky.

Initially, he got up to work out in the early hours of the morning as a habit. Now, he woke up to see you. His heart did flips in his chest every time he walked in the gym and saw you. Since that night, you started to acknowledge his presence, turning to smile and wave as he walked through the doors. It was something he looked forward to every day.

During the day, you were focused hard on tracking down Viktor and Bucky knew that. But he also knew he wanted to spend more time with you. He looked for reasons to enter the lab, whether it was offering snacks to you throughout the day or helping Bruce or, even Tony. Anything to see you again.

Bucky realized that there was a deeper, stronger emotion that he felt for you when he would wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. The first thing he thought about was you. Specifically, how you were the only thing that could possibly calm him down. Although he’d come in that night to help you with your panic attack, you ended up helping him as well. He hadn’t slept as soundly and peacefully as he did with you. And you hadn’t either. There were several nights when neither of you could sleep and ended up running into each other. It slowly became a routine that would begin in the kitchen, exchanging life stories, and end on the couch in the common area, entangled in each other’s arms.

Tonight you didn’t show up and Bucky panicked. He stared at the kitchen clock. It had been 20 minutes and you still hadn’t shown up. Bucky racked his brain for anything he could’ve done to scare you off, but came up with nothing. It wasn’t like you two had been officially together, Bucky had no idea what you were to each other. All he knew is that he wanted to be with you, always.

You were soundly asleep in bed, passing out as soon as your head hit the pillow. It was a particularly physically exhausting day for you, training with both Nat and Steve.

Bucky was so caught up with the thoughts racing through his head, he hadn’t noticed that his feet had taken him right to your door. He stands there for a moment, silently debating what to do. Grumbling under his breath, he musters up the courage to knock on your door. Right as he was about to turn away and shuffle off to his room, your door opens. You greet him with a yawn and a tired smile.

“Oh, hey Bucky.”

He looks at the bags under your eyes and feels instant regret wash over him, realizing that you weren’t avoiding him, but just getting some sleep.

“Sorry,” he looks down at his feet. You frown and place a hand on his cheek to lift his head up.

“Something wrong?” He avoids your gaze, partially because he’s embarrassed and partially because his cheeks were turning red because of your touch.

“No.” You cross your arms and let out a sigh.

“You’re a bad liar.” It’s his turn to sigh, as he scratches the back of his head.

“You didn’t come to the kitchen,” he lets out, in almost a whisper. It hits you. You were so tired, you had completely forgotten about your nightly tradition. “It’s stupid, sorry. I shouldn’t have woken you up," he mumbles. Bucky begins to walk off but you grab his hand. When he turns to look at you, his brows are raised at your touch.

As you start to speak, you pull him close, facing you. “It’s not stupid.” His hands move to hold your waist as yours move to wrap around his neck. You pause, an idea popping into your head. “I’m kind of tired from training today, wanna just come sleep with me?” He nods and you drag him to your bed, nestling into his arms as he holds you to his chest, his chin resting above your head. You tilt your head back to see him looking down at you. There’s a fluttering feeling in your chest and you smile.

“Just for future reference, you have an open invitation to cuddle with me, anytime.” Bucky chuckles at your offer.

“I’ll keep that in mind, doll.”

Bucky cups your face in his hand and you nuzzle your cheek in his palm. His eyes dart down to your lips before returning to your eyes.

Then, the most delicate, sweetest kiss you’ve ever received is on your lips.

You flutter your eyes open as you both pull apart. He quickly kisses your nose before pulling you back into his chest, speaking softly.

“And you have an open invitation to kiss me, anytime.”

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