#do rise up jock next btw

[quatregats]

The Longest Johns have a version of "The Cutty Wren" now which means you all had best be giving that song a proper revival this St Stephen's

[sincerelyreidburke]

quindo quindo quindo quindo quindo (look I know they're the main ship but this is where I have laid my affections)

Alright, Operation: Bite-Sized Kiersey Valentines is a go! Yes, I made up that name on the spot just now. No, I won’t apologize for it, even though it’s terrible. ICYMI, I’m taking submissions to my ask box for Kiersey ships (either romance or friendships) to see in little Valentine’s Day snippets. I’ll take these from now until when I go to bed (around 9 PM EST), and I’m doing them in order of how they came in!

So first up: Rachel. First of all, you loving Quindo brings me joy, since they’re also my favorites. I guess it’s kind of obvious that they’re my favorites, since I’m the creator and I’m the one who decided they’d be the main couple, but whatever. The point is, bless you for this request. I’ll never say no to some good old-fashioned Quindo.

BTW, to anyone who’s reading this, I’ll take duplicates of these— in other words, if I get more than one request for the same ship, I’ll just show you two (or three or however many) different Valentine’s Days.

Anyway. On to the soft.

february 14th | freshman year

Quinn has never had a Valentine, before this year.

For that reason, he thinks, he’s never truly seen the appeal of this holiday. The February fourteenths of years past have been little more to him that opportunities to lament his own singleness, and daydream after the boyfriend who, until earlier this school year, only existed in his imagination. They’ve come and gone like any other winter day.

And then Sebastián came along. And Quinn’s love life has, honestly, felt a bit like a daydream all its own ever since.

Today, Valentine’s Day starts early. To be more specific, it starts the moment he wakes up, since Sebastián spent the night in his room last night. Bunking up together in Quinn’s single has become the norm, especially since the start of spring semester, and Quinn is not complaining even in the slightest. He gets a snuggly bout of kisses in the dark hours of the morning, then sees Sebastián off to morning practice. When he wakes properly, he finds a handwritten card left on his nightstand, and enters a soft state that lasts him the entire day.

Spring musical rehearsal goes a bit late, tonight, thanks to some blocking issues, plus a case of harmonic discord in the “Disappear” ensemble parts that their music director was really bent on ironing out. Quinn truly wouldn’t mind this, on any normal Thursday, but the fact that it’s Valentine’s Day— and for the first time in his life, he’s excited about it— sort of jogs at his impatience on this particular evening. When Dr. C finally, mercifully calls rehearsal, just after 7:30, Quinn packs up and zips out into the Beckett Center lobby like a bat out of hell. Truly, he can’t get back to Wilson Hall fast enough. He’s ready to spend the evening in with his boyfriend. Homework be damned, even.

But when he actually reaches the lobby, he stops clean in his tracks. On a bench by the entrance, campus’ cutest boy is already waiting for him. They haven’t planned this particular meeting, but it wouldn’t be the first time Sebastián has picked him up at the end of rehearsal.

“Hey, baby!” In a lovely Kiersey blue sweatshirt and joggers that fit him nicely, Sebastián is all smiles. “How was rehearsal?”

Quinn cannot help it. He smiles like a lovestruck fool. It’s all he’s been, today, and he’s completely content in that fact. “It was quite long, but just fine, thank you,” he replies, and crosses to the bench to close the distance between them. “And hello, honey,” he adds, as Sebastián rises from his seat. “It’s nice to see you here.

“It’s nice to see you, too,” Sebastián laughs. The moment he stands, Quinn realizes that he’s come bearing gifts. On the bench by where he was sitting sits a bag that looks distinctly as if it holds Bluegrass Café take-out, and in his hands... Sebastián is holding a bouquet of flowers. White tulips, to be specific. They’re wrapped in paper and twine.

He must note that Quinn is looking at them, because he holds them forward, with that handsome smile ever still. “Here,” he says, and presses them into Quinn’s entirely undeserving hands. “These are for you.”

“Oh, my goodness, honey,” Quinn murmurs, and takes a moment to smell them. Clean, fresh, and beautiful, they’re perfect— and he thinks he may melt, right here in this lobby, at the sheer softness this boy brings into his life. He looks up to meet his eyes, and Sebastián looks just a bit bashful, with both hands held behind his back. “These are beautiful,” he tells him, and puts a hand to his heart. “Thank you so much.”

Sebastián laughs again, then takes him by the shoulders, and kisses his forehead gently. “You’re welcome, baby,” he hums. “Happy Valentine’s.”

“And to you as well,” Quinn replies, and then wraps himself up in his arms for a good, long hug. He holds the flowers close to his face ever still, and takes care not to crush them in the embrace.

He is so lucky. Goodness. He still has trouble believing this boy is actually real.

He draws back just a bit, enough to rise on tiptoe and give him a kiss. “Can we still spend tonight in?” he asks, after he’s succeeded in that mission. “I have some things for you back at my room.”

“We can definitely do that,” Sebastián replies, with this little twinkle in his eyes, and Quinn thrills a bit at the thought of getting round two to the lovely little kissing session they had this morning. “And also,” Sebastián adds, “that’s food.” He tips his head back toward the bag on the bench. “Like, dinner. In case you were wondering. I also have some candy?”

Quinn laughs into his chest. “Oh, my goodness, my dear, you are outdoing yourself.”

“Naaaah,” Sebastián says, as if all of this is no big deal, as if it’s obvious. “Only the best for you, baby.”

Quinn swats him, just gently. “Sebastián. You are such a flirt.”

Sebastián winks at him. “I can’t flirt with my valentine?”

Quinn thinks he may be melting again, but then— from behind, an interruption halts their moment in its tracks. “Hey, no jocks in the lobby!”

Quinn whirls around, and shoots daggers at Maggie, who’s just emerged from the stage door, the next cast member to leave rehearsal. With her bag over one shoulder and her script in her free hand, she’s effortlessly glamorous, as always. “Magdalena,” he says, “I will kill you.”

“No, you won’t.” She blows a kiss, then waves her script in the air. “Hey, Sebastián!”

“Hey, Maggie.” Sebastián is infinitely less homicidal than Quinn is. “How was rehearsal?”

“Oh, it was good.” Maggie flashes a smirk, as she goes to slide her script into one of the pockets of her bag. “Quinn was bursting at the seams to get out of there, and now I guess I know why.”

“I beg your pardon,” Quinn cries, in a likely useless effort to defend his own honor. “I didn’t even know he’d be meeting me here.”

Maggie’s smirk widens. “Wow, what a fun coincidence for you.”

Sebastián laughs. Quinn sniffs his flowers again, and hopes that Maggie is watching. It isn’t as if she’d be jealous. She received flowers from five separate boys today, which is what she deserves.

“Have a good night, lovebirds,” she sings, as she nears the exit. Over her shoulder, as a parting gesture, she calls, “Use protection!”

Quinn hides his face in Sebastián’s sweatshirt, so he won’t see just how much that particular comment makes him blush. “I hate her,” he mumbles. “I hate her so much.”

Sebastián is still laughing. He eases him up to his eye level, then gives him a gentle kiss. It’s a bit easier for the embarrassment to wear off, after that.

“What do you say?” Sebastián asks, with one big, steady hand resting at the small of his back. “Back to your room for us?”

A few butterflies surface in Quinn’s stomach. He nods. “That sounds lovely,” he replies, and proceeds to spend the night exactly as he intended to.

Sebastián is truly the greatest valentine a boy could ever ask for.

[your-hero-imagines]

Could I get Shinsou headcanons for an s/o with pathokinesis? (The ability to sense and manipulate other people's emotions) like, they're kind of ashamed of their quirk because of what it could be used to do. I just kinda figured they're both picked on because of their stuff and I wanted to see your take on it...if that's ok with you! Either way I hope you have a lovely day!! ^_^

Heya Anon!

I hope my work was worth the wait! XD

Turned it into a scenario because it came off easier to me, hope that’s all right! Shinsou fans have way too less content about him so I hope this long text will satisfy you guys! :3

Loved the request btw! That’s a pretty nice idea for a quirk!

Okay, I like to imagine the kind of scenery of a new person stepping into Shinsou’s life, turning his world upside down and “saving” him in a certain way. And I just love the “new one in town” cliché.

Have fun!

It was a day like anyone else. As always, Shinsou sat alone at his desk  and doodled something in his notebook, while trying to ignore the usual, susupicious stares his classmates directed at him.

How long has he kept on telling himself that it doesn’t bother him at all? Or that having friends is overrated anyway? Yet how everyone was treating him him even though he never did something wrong in his life was just too damn discouraging.

The only glimmer of hope was to finally meet some decent persons after graduation, even though he almost gave up on the thought of people ever treating him elseway.

As the bell rang, his homeroom teacher entered the class - accompanied by you. His explanation was short, and he asked you to introduce yourself. You stepped forwards, seemingly trembling from excitement. “H-hello! My name is [___]. I just moved here, but I hope we’ll get along well!”

Looking around, you were seeing many friendly expressions directed at you, making your nervousness slowly fading away. Only one boy didn’t seem to care much, since he was looking out of the window, his face leaned on his hand. Seemed like he’s daydreaming.

The seat right next to him was still free, so you just sat down there. As he looked over to you, you gave him your most gentle smile, but he looked away as soon as your eyes met. At first you didn’t think much of it, though.

On the other hand, he wasn’t really interested in you in the beginning - but he had to admid that you had a certain aura surrounding you. The “positive vibes”, or how people would call it, you were emitting were making him feel drawn to you - and you were kinda pretty, too. Maybe it was because of your kind eyes? Why is he even thinking so much about that? Anyway, you were way above his league. Another normal, popular child. Soon you’d find out about his quirk, and avoid him like anyone else.

_________

Obviously, at the first short break, everone was already swarming around you - a new student is always interesting. They were nice and all, but you didn’t really like to be the center of attention. May it be rude or not, you couldn’t help but find your attration centered at that weird boy still sitting at the window all alone. For some reason, it was hard to concentrate when he was around. The other pupils often had to bring you back down to earth when you stared at him for a bit too long. After you politely answered the questions of all of your classmates, you decided to get to know him.

Shinsou couldn’t believe when you walked up to his desk, certain the other students already  told you to stay away from him unless you want to get brainwashed. But you like to make your own impressions of people before judging, and also: You were kind of an expert in human nature, and he seemed like a nice person to you.

“Hi! I think we haven’t talked yet. Nice to meet you!” you cheered, reaching out a hand to him. He was hesistant to take it, being left speechless for a while. But he replied to your introduction anyway, silently stuttering “N-nice to meet you, too.”  “I hope I’m not disturbing you or something.” “N-not at all” he answered, trying to hide a soft blushing. You leaned over his notebook, amazed by his art. Like that, a long conversation about many topics came up. Both of you realized you had much in common, and you said you were looking forward to a wonderful friendship.

Yet he was still pretty distrustful. Were you trying to mock him or something? Why would you want to hang out with him of all people, when the other kids liked you? You didn’t seem like an outsider. So he convinced himself he doesn’t care that much, expecting to get disappointed again, and not wanting to rise his hopes - aside from that, your small, single smile somehow managed to brighten up his whole day.

____________

Through all the first lessons, he couldn’t take his eyes off you. At first he didn’t even realize it himself, but at lunch break some of the girls walked up to him and lessoned him about staying away from you. They even went so far to tell him not trying to use his powers to do nasty things or something. It really hurt him, but you interrupted the girls and told him to leave your friend alone. “Did she just call me her friend?”

“I am so sorry!” you said, bowing in apology as the girls went away, probably gossiping. “Because of me you got trouble with those girls! I didn’t want that!” “Huh, it’s not your fault” Shinsou said, trying to hide the crack in his voice. “They’re just stupid. They are doing this since forever. It’s not a big deal.” You realized that Shinsou was on the verge of tears, but didn’t say anything about it to not make him embarassed.

“How about we eat lunch together? The canteen is still open.” “Not interested, sorry” he said - but actually he’d love to. His only concern was about you - those girls already looked very angry, and if you were to be seen with him, maybe you’d get bullied too. “Oh, I get it” you answered, walking out of the classroom. Shinsou felt an ache in his heart when he saw your disappointed face.

But just a few minutes after, you were back in the classrom, which was completely empty - except for Shinsou. On your arms, you carried a whole load of snacks, which you just dropped on his desk. “Here! We’re alone here, the others won’t come back until the break ends. It’s fine, right?” Seemed like he was a little bit too obvious about his concerns.

Looking up, Shinsou saw your bright eyes, shining in expectation. He sighed as he unpacked a chocolate bar, his other hand grabbing a chair and pulling it next to him. “Yay!” you shoutet out as you sat down and started munching a cupcake, too. “How cute…” he thought, examining your facial expressions. When you realized, you asked him “Is something wrong with my face? You’ve been staring at it ever since I got here!” Damn, he was caught staring. But doesn’t this mean that you stared at him, too?

“Well, I just…I just wondered why you’re being so nice to me.” “Huh? Why shouldn’t I?” you chuckled, making him pretty angry. Aren’t you taking him seriously? He didn’t even notice how nervous you were, yourself. “Just to make this clear: I don’t want your help! I don’t need any sympathy!” You gulped while swallowing a bite of the cupcake, looking at him kind of confused. “That’s not what I had in mind, though. I want us to be friends! Really!” you cheered, shamelessly holding his hand. Getting flustered, Shinsou looked down to the table. “Oh…That’s all right, I guess.”

___________

Ever since this day, Shinsou was looking forward going to school - since he was able to meet you there. Thanks to you, the people stopped bullying Shinsou. They still weren’t really nice around him, but they kinda tolerated it.

He was quick to find himself at ease around you, and opened up more than he ever thought he would be. It were only a few weeks, but Shinsou was so happy to finally have someone he can call a true friend. And the fact that it’s someone as wonderful as you only made his happiness rise a thousandfold.

“I still don’t get it” he mumbled as the two of you walked through the city, sharing an ice-cream. “Aren’t you afraid of my quirk?” You poked his forehead, beginning to laugh at his stupid expression. “Do you still only think about this?” you said as you kept him from going any further, hugging him in the middle of the street. Shinsou dropped the ice-cream, blushing heavily. “You’re the nicest person I ever met, Shinsou” you whispered, adding “And I really, really like you!” Shinsou closed his eyes, enjoying this moment as he returned the hug. “Sorry. I shouldn’t doubt you. I’m glad that I got to know you, [___].”

This boy can’t take a hint. Well, he’s not really experienced at how to socialize in general, so you forgive him for being so oblivious to your feelings.

Oh god, the first time you visit his home was so bittersweet. His mom is a big sweetheart, putting some hell of an effort into making a nice dinner. She asked you a ton of questions and was even more excited about you than Shinsou. She kept checking on you guys and asked if you needed something. It made trying to approach him way more difficult as it already is, but you just couldn’t be mad at her. Especially after he tells you that his mom is always so pained and worried about him never having brought home a friend before.

This evening, you watched some old hero movies like “Captain America”, cuddling under a blanket in his bedroom. You admired his wish to become a hero. He never thought badly about you, even though you lied and told him you don’t have a quirk. You loved that about him - he never judges anyone, and is polite towards all people. Actually, you never thought about using your quirk to become a hero. You always wanted to become a psychologist or something like that. But listening to his dreams was very pleasant.

____________

One morning a few days later, Shinsou witnessed how one of the jocks were mocking a small boy in front of the school’s gate. The boy was already crying, and Shinsou saw how that guy shattered the boy’s art project on the ground. He grid his teeth, not able to just silently stand there and watch. Ready to activate his quirk, he stepped through the circle of people surrounding the scene, asking “Hey! Do you think this is funny?”

But in the blink of an eye, before the jock could even answere, he broke out in tears. “What the…” Shinsou thought - and then he saw you, slowly approaching the scene. “It hurts, doesn’t it?” “What did you do to me?!” the jock yelled out, still crying and unable to move due to the overwhelming sadness he felt.

“I just made you feel the way you make others feel. Not really pleasant, isn’t it?” The jock cried more than he ever thought possible, in front of all the people watching. “Stop this!” he yelled desperate. “That’s easy: Just apologize, and I’ll stop!” you cheered with a pleased grin on your face. Shinsou couldn’t believe his eyes when the jock fell onto his knees and apologized. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Just make this feeling stop, please!”

“Of course. Thank you! But make sure I’ll never catch you doing such things ever again!” you said, releasing your quirk. The jock, still terrified of what you just did to him, as well as embarassed about his reaction, ran away as fast as possible. Soon, you found yourself gathered by people whispering about how terrifying your quirk was. The way they looked at you was familiar - it was always the same when people found out about your quirk.

When you looked up and looked at the people, they flinched, and quickly they all fleed. Reading their emotions, you could only feel fear and aversion. Wanting to help the bullied boy back on his feet, you reached out your hands for him - but he yelled “Don’t touch me! You want to do something to me too, don’t you? Leave me alone!” As the boy slapped away your hand and ran for his life, tars filled up in your eyes, and you just stood there, your hands balled to fists as you faced the ground.

“Heya.” A familiar voice got you out of your trance. It was Shinsou, softly touching your shoulder. “That was pretty awesome. But your performance was a bit creepy, don’t you think?” You fell into his arms, crying your heart out. “Shinsou! I’m so sorry for not telling you!” “Understandable, though. But I have to say I’m a bit hurt that you didn’t trust me to keep a secret.”

Shinsou pet your head, helping you to calm down. The two of you sat down, leaning to the wall of the school’s gate. He didn’t quite know what to say, even though he could understand the pinch you’re in pretty well. So you started explaining:

“I don’t really have to tell you what it’s like, right? You’re the same. I think people are like this ever since I can imagine. They’re afraid of my quirk, even though I never use it. Basically, it’s pathokinesis. So I can sense and manipulate other people’s emotions. On my old school, it hurt too much that people treated me like this. I’m not as strong as you, Shinsou. I was ashamed of my abilities. So I wanted to start anew here, telling people I’m quirkless. I know, that’s pretty weak.”

“It’s not. You’re not the one at fault here. The only weak thing is the reaction other people show to our quirks.” You rested your head onto his shoulders. “Please, don’t think I just became friends with you because of our similar quirks. That’s not the case!” He pinched your cheeks. “Sigh. I didn’t think something like that, but-” Suddenly, the realization worried Shinsou. “You didn’t…sense my emotions, right?” he asked, trying to prevent himself from blushing.

“What? No! I’d never do that, Shinsou!” you said, hugging onto him. The boy’s heart raced very fast - as it always does when you’re so affectionate. He embraced you tightly, taking a deep breath before saying. “No matter what other people think of you: I’ll always be there for you, okay? From now on, it’s only the two of us!”

It pained him that those people would treat you unfair from now on, too. He of all people knows what it’s like when people don’t trust you just because of your quirk. “You know, even without your quirk, you’re always so kind and empathizing, and you really helped me getting out of my shell. To be honest, I was pretty envious of how well you can deal with other people…”

“But you’re amazing, too!” you interrupted him. “You’re polite and calm and so cool! I don’t care what all the others think - I only need you! I…can’t really explain it, but…From the very first moment, I felt kind of…attracted to you.” Realizing what you just said, both of you just stared at each other in awe.

“[___]. I-I’d like you to read my emotions right now.” “Huh? Why?” “Just do it, already!” he shoutet, when you reaized that he was shaking a bit. Blushing yourself, you activated your quirk.

Overwhelmed, you fell backwards. “[___]! Are you okay?” Shinsou yelled, immediately pulling you back to him to help you up. “I-I don’t know what to say…” you stuttered, trying to avoid eye contact. Many different emotions were mixed inside of him when it came to you: Respect, admiration, affection, and many more. But one outweighted the others. It was the first time you ever experienced someone having such a strong feeling of…love. And it was directed towards you.

“It’s okay. You can as well just ignore it. I-I just wasn’t courageous enough to tell you, so -” As quick as you could, you hastily pressed your lips onto his. Both of you closed your eyes, trying to do your best at this first, sloppy kiss. When you opened your eyes again, for the first time, Shinsou smiled from the bottom of his heart. He pressed your body against his, beginning to chuckle.

“Well, the two of us sure are a unique couple!”

[jaylos]

i hated descendants 2 and here's why

a collection of reasons why i am utterly disappointed in this sequel.

warnings: there will be swearing and negative commentary about these ships: Mal/Ben, Evie/Doug, Carlos/Jane. (so basically all the canon pairings lmao)

buckle up this is gonna be long and salty. (also spoilers, duh) (and i take artistic liberty in the capitalization of words and i like to be dramatic)

also check out other rant posts i made bc they kinda tie in with all of this (reading not required in order to understand it tho): magic ban Rise of the Isle of the Lost my thoughts during my first time watching it Bal

1. Characters

Ok i need to go back to d1 for a second: they already did a bad job on introducing the characters to us there. For exapmle: Carlos and technology. He does that thing where he locates the museum or when he turns off the alarm, but without the first book (the isle of the lost) the fact that he is supposedly a tech genius would've flown over everyone's heads. And this is the problem: the movie(s) rely on spin-off media (the books, wicked world) to explain the characters to us. A movie shouldn't have to do that in the first place, but what makes it worse is that the books and the webseries are inconsistent like no tomorrow and also contradict each other on several occasions. Now that wouldn't be so bad if the movies were enough to solidify the characters, but they're not. They also try to patch up plot holes in the books so they don't have to deal with it in the movies. But someone who hasn't read them might wonder how the pirate crew got their ship, and they're offered no explanation in the movie whatsoever. (i'm pretty sure this could've been avoided with a few tweaks to the script tho??)

What I think happened here is that they simply had too many characters and so basically all of them fell flat because they didn't have time to explore them properly. And what did they do in d2? they dragged that problem with them, introduced more characters who's arcs they could half-ass and got rid of what little personality the original characters had.

We don't actually know shit about them. What are their hobbies? What are their interpersonal dynamics like? What are their struggles in Auradon after a life of abuse and neglect? (i'm convinced that that last one can absolutely be dealt with in a child-friendly manner, but instead they brushed it off almost completely. I say almost because we got a few tidbits here and there but those were about as deep as a puddle on a sidewalk)

1.a. Jay

Why is he depicted as a main character when he has less lines & relevance to the plot than Jane?  Even the gotdam dog had some purpose. wouldn't change a thing if Jay wasn't there at all.

l i s ten i love Jay for the character that i made him out to be in my head and through some of the things the fandom has contributed but in canon he is redundant as all fuck.

Also i'm not gonna go into the outfits in this rant bc that's too subjective and is not what contributed to d2 being a bad movie but let's just say i found most of his looks kind of.. off-putting. why they didn't take advantage of Booboo Stewart's beauty is a mystery to me. Especially since his looks are supposed to be Jay's strong suit.

2.b. Chad

He was a completely different character. Not only did his personality shift from deceitful to moronic but his morals changed?? like in d1 he didn't actually play by the rules - he let other people do his homework, and he didn't tell on Evie because he found her cheating wrong but because he wanted payback.

And in d2 he suddenly cares about rules word for word because the writers and the (young) audience already hate him so he can be sexist too i guess. Instead of making him a meaningful threedimensional character that offers a different perspective as the child of a disney hero he was turned into the comic relief and the overdone trope of the jock that lost his status and is now laughed at. Groundbreaking. you hate him i get it i g e t i t. (also stay tuned for the sexism part i'm not done with that)

1.c. Carlos

to get super subjective again: i absolutely hate the direction they went in with his character. why not make him even more nerdy now that he has the freedom to do so? the only thing that referenced his tech stuff was that he supposedly improved their 3D printer. wow. his new hairstyle, the golden headphones etc. were things that don't fit into the impression i got from the first movie and/or the books at all. they didn't even show him tinkering with some device or whatever? how tf am i supposed to believe that he's a techie???

Also in Rise of the Isle of the Lost he is anti-magic for some goshdang reason, but in d2 he asks Mal to help him with magic, which is one of those inconsistencies i was talking about.

1.d. Evie

here's what i would have done with her instead: make 4 Hearts less relevant (do show her sewing and talking about commissions) and let her care for the remaining isle kids from the very beginning. her introduction in d2 could've been her talking about wanting to bring them over, but having difficutly to make it happen (maybe the royal council pushes back or whatever).

instead she spends 6(?) months doing jackshit about the isle kids and only remembers it like halfway through the movie.

1.e. Ben

he just pisses me off. not only is he dismissive and ignorant of Mal's struggles and blames her for when she fails to be perfect, but he is also incompetent as a king, at least when it comes to the Isle. Why the fuck did it take him so long to bring more isle kids over? and why does he need to hear it from Evie first? it was his idea in the first place but then he completely forgets about it for some reason even though he is literally dating a vk. "i guess i've just been busy" with what? being a fuckboy? (also sidenote: there it is again with the "tell don't show" that i've already talked about in the rant about Rise linked above. it's one of the biggest problems i have with the storytelling across all installations in this franchise. Ben is not shown being busy one single time. We're just supposed to believe it because they said so.)

(another sidenote: why the fuck does he have those beast traits, by which i mean all that redundant roaring like i get they want to reference beauty and the beast but do the writers realize that his father was cursed he does not actually have those furry genes)

1.f. Jane

? per s onalit y ?¿?? literally who is she

There's not much to say about the others (some i will cover later when i talk about relationships). Do you know that thing when a character's potential is wasted? In descendants this happens with every last one of them. They're like those cakes that are just for show: they look amazing and tasty but when you take a bite it's cardboard.

2. Plot

pretty basic for the most part, but i personally found the suspense curve really weird. it has two climaxes (? what is plural): 1. the sword fight and 2. at the cotillion. Also i hated that it took place over the course of like 2 days, but that might just be my personal taste. There are some plot holes of varying degrees of annoying. For one, Maleficent probably starved to death in that box because Mal and the writers forgot about her. And her moped is gone, it left, like i should have as well, good-fucking-bye.

Then there's the fact that Mal didn't go back with them because she learned some kind of lesson or grew as a peson or whatever but because she didn't have a choice and they never talked about her initial struggles except "my hair and dress are purple again so it's fine". i mean yeah she said her piece about not fitting in or whatever but we don't actually see it working out after all that trouble?How did the dynamic in their relationship change? who knows.

Then there's the fact that Uma is somewhere in the ocean, she's a giant monster and 100% capable of using magic but no one gives a shit??? at this point i'm willing to bet that in the next isle book it will be explained what happened to her so it doesn't have to be dealt with in descendants 3 and i will scream.

By the way i didn't understand what it was that Ben said that convinced her to retreat, his speech was so lame.

Also the octopus/dragon "fight" was ridiculous. they didn't do shit? Uma was just wiggling around and Mal was floating, which looked stupid because she made flying/gliding motions but stayed in the same spot.

And one thing that really annoyed me is how they only made 5 smoke bombs and then also needed exactly 5. b better prepared u idiots. that whole thing was so weird anyway bc the point was to avoid a fight but it didn't work. maybe it would've worked if they had made more than 5 who knows. and the plan to make them in the first place came completely out of the blue. (-plan? -smoke bombs -k)

Also why did Uma expect the wand to work under the barrier? The only explanation I can think of is that it's because the wand was what created the barrier (although the whole thing about the Isle is that magic Does Not Work and we should have been given an explanation as to why the wand is an exception) but 1. How would Uma know that and 2. If it had been the real wand they could've used it to knock the pirates out or whatever and Uma should've expected that. This whole trade-off thing was sketchy and holey as fuck.

You know what was one of the best things about d1? The parents. I mean this was probably a budget issue but the parents were arguably one of, if not the, most entertaining aspects. and boy could it have been interesting to see the confontation between them and their kids...

The isle was really weird and underwhelming btw. i saw people say it was great bc we got to see more of the isle but did we really? it was just a bunch of disjointed locations and we still have no idea how anything is located in relation to one another, how big it is, or how and how many people actually live there. And why did no one there give a shit that the rotten four were back? most of all Mal, whom the people hated the most for betraying them and becoming a princess. Also why did Mal not go back to her old home instead of this building that was a.. warehouse? their gang hangout?? that came out of nowhere??? correct me if i'm wrong but do they say something along the lines of  "we used to hang out here" even once? why was there a bed in there

And hey remember tourney? It's not even like roar was necessary so that they'd have swords? Also it could have been mentioned like "now that tourney season's over we're focusing on roar" but no?? Let's just forget about it like the writers did.

3. Music

not really much to say, except that they used way too much autotune but i guess overall it's an improvement compared to the first movie but it's whatever. the only thing that confused me about what's my name was that in the movie (as opposed to the music video on youtube etc) there was this weird echo that made it sound like it was playing in another tab with a slight lag??

and another thing that stuck out to me was it's going down: the rap parts were already hella uncomfortable to watch but when ben started singing i just about died of secondhand embarrassment it's so bad lmao.

4. The Thing With Lonnie

Don't get me wrong, i love that she got a bigger part and that she's a good swordfighter and whatnot.

BUT:

First of all, why is it even a thing that the roar rule book has gendered language like that? i mean aren't there countless women in auradon who have proven over and over again that they're just as capable as man? why does Lonnie need to prove anything. especially since her mother is mulan of all people???

listen, the exploitation of gendered language has brought forth some great moments (eg: lotr "i am no man") but it's getting old. Girls and women have proven countless times that they can do "anything a boy can". how many times more does it have to happen until we can take the next step?

And it wasn't even handled well in d2. Sure, Lonnie's captain now, but do we really have to wait until d3 (or god forbid the next book in the isle series where the movie can lean back and let the book do all the storytelling work) for something to actually change in a system that is still misogynistic for whatever goddamn reason??

for this sideplot not to fail miserably like it did, what should have happened is that Lonnie changes the rules so that anyone can join the team, because as we were left it was still "captain and 8 men". we did not see the actual change happening and this was a half-assed attempt at this tired old "girl power" shit.

in this kind of storyline we only ever see the first step, we never see the actual progress that follows. it's always just "huh, i guess girls aren't useless after all" it's 2017 get with the program and move the fuck on.

OR just drop this overdone trope and have a team consisting of different genders from the very beginning.

It's time to tell girls that they don't need to prove themselves in order to be respected.

5. Relationships jesus christ here we go

okay okay there is a number of things that get my blood b o i l i n g and one of them is lazy fictional heterosexual romances and boy oh boy is this movie a fucking gold mine in that regard.

5.a. let's take a look at janelos first (don't worry i will talk shit about bal and devie individually as well): it's boring, shallow, if it was a spice it would be flour. look, if you ship it, by all means be my fucking guest. i even encourage you to write fanfiction or do something to make something out of this bland ass mess of a supposed romantic relationship.

it's a perfect example of what is wrong with this kind of fictional romance. first of all i will disregard the books bc 1. the movies shouldn't need the books for that, yadda yadda and 2. they don't do much to save it anyway. so. it's the easy route, the tried and true formular, and that's the problem. he was a boy, she was a girl, and that's enough to make their interest in each other believable, right? the answer is no. it's lazily written and i am tired™. why, how, when did they fall in love? are they even friends? what do they have in common? what activities do they enjoy together? those are all things we don't know, this relationship comes out of nowhere. how did they go from not even so much as look at each other in the first movie to being head over heels for each other? and not to mention, was it worth sacrificing their personalities for? you guessed it the answer is no yet again. Neither Carlos nor Jane receive any character development whatsoever. None. They could have done so much with them (if you hear a strange sound it's me weeping).

And it is replaceable. Change their names and it won't make the slightest bit of difference, because this relationship does not have one single distinguishable trait (in fact it has no traits period) compared to the 87632947 others out there. it is so. generic. and frankly i don't understand how people can settle for it. i mean i get how people can just watch the movie and not care bc why would they, but how does someone look at this and go "yes, this is a well-written romance" ????? ? ? up your standards people.

and now some predictions that came (somewhat) true from that Heterosexual Romantic Subplot Bullshit Bingo i wanted to make for d2 but never finished:

- by the end their relationship won’t have developed like at all, but they dance together to show us that they’ve come sUcH a LoNg waY

- one wants to ask the other out/they both want to ask each other out, but they’re too shy and also the plot keeps interrupting them.

- it will take away screentime they could have used to give them actual character development.

- jane won't receive an arc besides being and obligatory love interest.

- carlos tries talking to her but he stammers and it’s supposed to be cute.

5.b. Devie

Like i get that Doug is jealous bc of his own insecurities but what is hip with the kids in the year of our lord 2k17 is mutual trust and communication. To think that Evie would cheat on him is such an insult tbh?? And why did Evie not tell him where she was going in the first place? i mean granted i could think of a few reasons why she wouldn't but we don't even see her give a shit bc Doug is irrelevant in her quest to go and sing a duet with the person she'd rather be dating. She probably just forgot about Doug like I, the viewer, did the second he left the screen.

Also it's just the same bs again. We don't know shit about their relationship. What is it like? What do they enjoy doing together? What is their dynamic? Doug could literally be a pair of Pradas and it wouldn't make a difference.

But for real tho can we go back on how he accuses her of cheating?? like wow dude that's so gross  pls don't present that to young viewers as cute because i assure you it is not.

5.c. Bal (h e r e w e g o)

Ben is such a bad boyfriend omg. I mean i get that he couldn't possibly understand what Mal is going through, but he isn't even trying. She changes everything about herself and he doesn't get suspicious in the least. And apparently they don't talk about anything that matters because 1. Mal can't be honest with him (she dragged all that shit around with her for ~6 months!!!) and 2. he would know more about the isle (but he has no clue).

out of all the relationships in this movie this is the one they should've put some effort into. i mean they succeeded in making Ben look like a dick but that wasn't their intention so i just ended up feeling sorry for Mal for being stuck with him bc it's ~true love~ .

Mal to Ben: "you've always known who we were" he didn't tho?? just bc he gave her a purple dress in that stained glass picture? he could've just told her that instead of letting her suffer for months bc she thought he'd leave her if she was more like herself. and that's the resolution, Mal shouldn't have been worried oh how silly of her! i guess everything is fine after all!

but you know actually their love for each other is totally believable bc they had an emotional and heart-wrenching duet together - oh wait.

A big reason why Sofia Carson and Dove Cameron got a duet is probably because they're professional singers and Mitchell Hope apparently can't get out a single correct note without 10 layers of autotune but when the story is about true love saving the day shouldn't that aspect get a little more attention? i mean don't get me wrong i like that the duet between mal and evie is there at all (but hey @disney make it gay you cowards) bc the friendships between the characters and especially the vk's don't get nearly as much attention as they should.

not to go on a tangent about how hand-holding and forehead-touching can totally be platonic but put next to Ben and Mal who Do Not Do That it makes their romantic relationship even less exciting. like, i don't know why i should care about it.

also while typing this i realized that it's not really that different from other movies and i thought hey, maybe i'm being too hard on it, but then i remembered that 99% of all canon heterosexual romantic relationships are bland and boring and i need writers to try harder (or try at all) because i am bored to death by the same shit over and over again.

i know i'm wasting way too much energy on this but i was already too invested in descendants so might as well go all the way amirite. i just had to get it all off my chest. if you need me to elaborate on anything feel free to message me.

and the first movie wasn't all that good btw, it is trashy in a way that was enjoyable, but the second one is just trash.

so yeah all in all that script was just straight up a pile of garbage consisting of washed-out tropes and no amount of bright colors or catchy songs can save it.

[resmarted]

hello my dead darling, wake thine eyes and rise from your grave so that i might swing you around in my arms and sing to you the tales you long for while we swirl about like ghosts floating in the night. we meet in summer school, and i’m there because it’s easier to pass with half days and so i can somewhat stay awake through it, unlike year round where it’s just not going to happen, like give me the f so i can go back to bed, thanks. you’re a new russian transfer student and you don’t get much american humor, you look at the jocks like they’re the scum of the earth, and you keep vodka in a flask in a mesh bag that everyone can see but nobody tells you shit because you’re the scariest two foot tall titan anyone ever saw. i’m in love with you. i know this because i stay awake for you. i get excited to get up every morning to catch the bus so i can think of things i might say to you, or what i might do if you look at me today. you’re only here because you’re just getting caught up on english, but during algebra you just draw the whole time and never pay attention, yet pass every test with flying colors. i love the way you look at the teacher like she’s dumb, and i don’t even know if you’re doing that on purpose like, i’m pretty sure that’s just your face. the you’re so fucking stupid face. i ask you out for cheese fries after class and you say, vut are cheese fries? we go to the diner on 33rd st and you tell me you worked in a factory when you were eight. i go oh shit, no way, and you just drink from your flask and stare at me like i’m the dumbest son of a bitch you ever saw, and i love you. i love the way you talk and walk and stare and what your hands do when you’re getting sick of someone talking, the way you move and how you don’t think anything is funny, ever. everything i do to try and make you laugh fails, and you don’t think any of my corny jokes are funny either, but it’s for the cutest reasons. what did one toilet say to the other toilet? you’re looking a bit flushed. you say i do not understand, how can someone look like a toilet? flushing? all your sentences are kind of choppy and every other word sounds like a question. i laugh and you get mad and no no, it’s an honest question, and i explain to you homonyms over milkshakes and appetizers. you say our cheese here is neon and terrifying, but delicious, and that you still don’t quite understand zees flushed you speak of. well, flushed is sort of what happens to someone’s face when they, yknow, get excited. their cheeks can get red, yknow, stuff like that. you say in your thick accent, give example. you know it’s like, when the blood rushes to your face, or something. god. i didn’t realize all this time i didn’t know what the word flushed even meant. it seems like it should be like blushed, but why would we have two different words that rhyme mean the exact same thing? you’re really making me rethink everything about the english language, bagda. i’m kidding that’s not your name calm down come back; it’s magdalina, but just magda cause you’re tough. i was going to make it marfutka and just mar, bc i was thinking earlier how most people i love have names that start with mar, that it’s likely to do with my heavy mars influence as well as the fact that i’m probs the reincarnation of ra like our stories are totes similar, or at least that’s what i convinced myself of one day at the gym. that was a long time ago though, i don’t go to the gym. alright so where was i, magda? i am trying to find a way to explain flushed still and you look at me in your unchanging dead stare and say behind your milkshake that’s bigger than your head with your little space bob, that’s a new term btw i learned on the toilet reading my mom’s rags, selena gomez and many actresses are embracing this sculpted new do. i look at you in your space bob and cherry bombs for eyeballs and you’re just like, as how you do now, yes? yes. yes you’re making me a bit flushed. i am suddenly regretting ever trying to tell you a joke of any kind and it ends way awkward, like way super weird where i’m just like backwards shuffling a moonwalk behind some trees. we barely talk in class, you choose not to pay me much mind and are abrupt with me, which at the time i don’t know is just your weird russian way of showing affection, by being a stone cold killer. i grow closer to this one girl destiny i have another class with and when you see us chatting in the hall you storm over and look at the both of us like the girl from orphan. i go oh hey, have you met our new transfer student from russia yet? destiny, this is ma- but you cut me off like, destiny? zees ees how you say, a dumb ho name? i look at you like what! you know how to say that but you don’t know what flushed as an adjective means?? destiny snakes away and you look pleased with yourself for scaring her off, and i’m like, whoooa scary power bitch that barely reaches my elbows, i’m in love with you. or i don’t say that, but i do get a major boner, which is weird cause i’m a girl in this. jk it’s whatev i’m flexmex baybay. so we walk around all day after school, drinking from your flask and exchanging basic information as best we can, and my pinky feels yours with a very concerted effort and the next thing you know we are making out against a tree and you let me go down on you at the river. i hold you afterwards like daaamn, i didn’t know russians were such hoes! and you laugh so unexpectedly hard i am surprised you can even make that noise. i look at how big my hand is over yours and ask you how to say it and you go ruka, but it almost sounds like plrootka, and it kind of is. every time i try to say it you’re like no, ruka, and i’m like ok it sounds like you’re saying plrootka and you’re like no ttt, just ruka, and i’m like ohhh plroooooka, and you smash your forehead into your plrooka like, what have i gotten myself into. i kiss you late into the night and this was going to actually end with us growing up and becoming baristas together after too much education and not enough jobs became a thing, but mostly i just want to stay at this river with you forever just like this, holding plrookas forever and ever amen.