#do people still make song fics? because I haven’t seen one in years

[robotsandjunk]

Fucking Soundwave is probably the physical equivalent to reading a song fic

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Synopsis: Tabito Karasu has been in love with you for almost as long as he can remember. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem like you have any intentions of reciprocating, considering you’ve only ever seen him as a child — and, more importantly, as your best friend’s little brother.

BLLK Masterlist | Part One | Otoya Version

Pairing: Karasu x Reader

Total Word Count: 41.6k

Content Warnings: reader is older than karasu (by like two years so it’s nbd but it exists), no blue lock au, bratty baby karasu, jealous karasu, slow burn, childhood friends, i have no idea how to write kids just deal w it, karasu’s older sister is given a name (look at that word count LMAO i’m not calling her ‘karasu’s older sister’ the entire time), reader gets drunk at one point, karasu the goat of pining, yukimiya and otoya mentions ⁉️

A/N: yes this is inspired by the song “best friend’s brother” from victorious but has barely anything to do with it. yes this is probably the longest karasu fic you will ever read as of its publishing date (word count is not a typo it fr is that long). yes reader and karasu are fuck ass little kids for half of the fic. i have nothing to say for myself except that i love karasu so much and i cannot be stopped…also tumblr is an opp so i had to split this into two parts EEK i’m sorry!!

Tokyo was exactly as you remembered it. Both of your parents had been raised there, and so you had visited frequently when you were younger. You had fond memories of staying there with both sets of your grandparents before they had all, in turn, decided to move to calmer parts of the country, places which were not as frenetic and vibrant as the capital. After they had left, your family had had little reason to go back, so it had been some years since you had last made the trip, but in a way this move was just another kind of homecoming, for the chaos of the massive city was as familiar to you as the peace of your neighborhood.

“Everyone here talks like your parents,” Yayoi told you, the first day you both were able to meet up after you had moved. Your classes had not yet begun, but you were both finally unpacked and oriented in your new lives, so you had taken advantage of the last bits of free time you might have for a while to see one another. “It’s kind of funny.”

“Right?” you said. You had never fully adopted the accent of your home region, for you had been raised by a family which still spoke as if they were in Tokyo, but regardless it was strange to hear people other than your parents speaking in that way without affectation.

“Sometimes I end up saying the wrong thing and confusing people, but they figure out pretty quickly that it’s just the dialect I speak with, and then they ask for clarification if needed,” she said. “So I haven’t run into any major miscommunication problems yet, thankfully.”

“That’s good,” you said. “Are you excited to start classes?”

“Well, excited isn't exactly the word I’d use for it,” she said wryly. “Even if I’m the one who chose the subject, it’s still going to be a lot of work.”

“A ton of it,” you said, making a face. “You’re lucky, though. Your term doesn’t start for another week.”

“Well, it also ends a week later, so that doesn’t mean anything,” she said, sipping on the last few drops of her coffee — which she always ordered black, not because she liked it that way but because she was trying to keep up appearances and whatnot. “What about you?”

“I think classes and all will be a good distraction. It’ll be nice to have something to keep myself busy,” you said.

“What do you need to be distracted from?” she said.

“Just homesickness and stuff. The typical things you’d expect,” you said. She hummed sympathetically.

“I get it,” she said. “I miss my parents like crazy sometimes, especially when I need help with random stuff. The other day, I had to video call my mother so she could explain how to clean a cast iron pan.”

“You could’ve looked that up,” you said.

“Yeah, but it was nicer to hear it from her,” she said.

“Yeah,” you echoed, because it was the same for you. You often found yourself calling your parents for no reason at all, asking them stupid questions just to listen to them talk. “I’m glad to be on my own, but I do miss my mother and father a lot.”

“Anyone else?” she said.

“What do you mean?” you said.

“Just wondering,” she said. “You know, come to think of it, you were kind of late coming to your seat. Freaked your parents out beyond belief. Any reason in particular?”

“I was just talking to Tabito,” you said. “Saying bye and all.”

“Are you going to miss him?” she prodded.

“Obviously. At this point, he’s like my brother, too. Isn’t it natural to miss your siblings?” you said.

“I don’t,” she said, though she immediately burst into laughter, which somewhat contradicted the statement.

“You’re horrible,” you said. “I know you do.”

“I do,” she affirmed. “But I think it’s in a different way than you do. It’s odd, because I’m the one who’s actually related to him, but the truth is that you two have always been closer than he and I ever were.”

“Probably because I’m not a jerk like you are,” you said.

“How can you consider yourself his additional older sister when you’re so nice to him? You need to bully him a bit more to earn that distinction,” she said.

“He hears enough of it out of you,” you said.

“Cheers, I’ll drink to that,” she said, holding up her paper cup and raising it to her lips, though you knew it was empty by now. You clinked your own against hers and finished the last remnants of your drink in one gulp. “You know, Y/N, I think you’re irreplaceable at this point.”

“You, too,” you said. “I’ll never be friends with anyone the way I am with you.”

“Fuck whoever we meet in college,” she said, nodding in approval. “I’m sure they’ll be cool and all, but the two of us, we hardly even count as friends anymore. It’s like we’re something more.”

“Exactly,” you said. “I can have a million more best friends, and likely I will, but never again will I have another Yayoi Karasu.”

“And don’t you forget it,” she said.

“I wouldn’t dare,” you said. “Not for a moment.”

Your first year of college flew past in the blink of an eye. On the whole, you preferred it to high school, even though there were aspects of the past you still held dear, seeped with nostalgia as they were. You made new friends, as did Yayoi, but just like you both had predicted, none of them measured up to each other. Still, it was fun to meet people from all different regions in the country and to hear about their lives. Some of your classmates weren’t even from Japan at all, and there was another layer of fascination there, learning about the ways of other nations, the cultures and foods they were accustomed to, and teaching them about your own in exchange.

Your mid term breaks were a bit shorter than Yayoi’s, which meant you weren’t ever able to justify visiting home, but in return, you had much longer in between years, so while Yayoi was still stressing over her finals, you were already taking the train back to the station by your house, texting your parents all the while.

In your absence, your childhood room had remained untouched, the stuffed animals arranged on your bed in the exact order you preferred, the books still stacked on the shelves, your artwork and photos of you with your friends hanging on the walls where you had put them. Time felt frozen, and it was as if you had never left, as if your entire year in Tokyo had been a dream and this had always been the reality.

After eating dinner with your parents, you showered and changed into one of your father’s old shirts and a pair of sweatpants, flopping face-first onto your bed and taking a deep breath, already feeling yourself nodding off despite the fact that it wasn’t that late. Traveling always exhausted you, however, and it was all you could do to turn your lights off and crawl under the covers, plugging your phone in to charge as you drifted off.

Right when you were about to fall asleep for good, your phone’s screen blazed to life, startling you awake as it vibrated urgently. Groaning and cursing whoever was calling you, you glared at the device until you realized exactly who it was, and then your unhappiness was promptly replaced with glee as you clicked on the green answer button.

“Tabito!” you said. Although you had texted with him every now and then, you were ashamed to admit that you hadn’t spoken to him as much as you should’ve. You reasoned that he had had equal opportunity to reach out first and hadn’t, so it wasn’t that big of a deal, but it was a feeble excuse that was only meant to deflect the blame from yourself and nothing more.

“Y/N,” he said. His voice was deeper than you remembered, and more resonant, too, lilting with a husky, full-bodied musicality that hadn’t been there when you had left. “Hope I’m not bothering you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” you reassured him. “What’s up?”

“Do you remember — sorry, this is really stupid, so don’t feel bad for saying no,” he said.

“It’s okay. I’ve definitely seen you do way stupider things,” you said. He chuckled.

“You’re probably right. Here goes, then. Um, do you remember when you went to my first soccer game in middle school, and afterwards, we agreed you wouldn’t come to another until I was the captain of a really good high school team?” he said.

“I think so, why?” you said. A second later, it hit you, and you gasped, beaming so widely that your face ached. “No way! For Bambi Osaka? Since when?”

“Yup, for Bambi Osaka. The old captain just graduated, and he named me as his replacement today, so, uh, since today, I guess,” he said.

“I wish you would’ve told me in person so you could see how much I’m smiling right now,” you said. “Congratulations, Tabito! You can’t begin to know how proud I am of you.”

“Thanks,” he said. “Anyways, our first game is this Thursday, so…”

“Huh? Did you want me to come?” you said. “Yayoi won’t be back from Tokyo by then, though. Shouldn’t I wait for her?”

“If you’d prefer that,” he said. “Or, I mean, you don’t have to go at all. I was just offering in case you were interested, but no hard feelings if not.”

Since when had he been so awkward with you? Since when had he stumbled over his words and been so unsure? You frowned at the mere chance that there was more than a physical distance between the two of you, even if it probably was the case, despite how much you had never wanted such an event to occur.

“As long as you want me, I’ll be there. I don’t have much else to do anyways, right? And how could I miss your first game as captain? Let me know where and when, and I’ll definitely come,” you said. He exhaled softly.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I want you there. I’ll let you know the details, but like I said, no pressure. Don’t force yourself. Come if you can.”

It was springtime, and the world was still remembering how to come alive, peeking out its head from the den of winter and blinking its sleepy eyes against the sun. There were not any flowers in bloom quite yet, but as far as the eye could see were buds on the precipice of rupturing, the pale undersides of their petals mere imitations of the hues they’d soon display proudly. The birds still warmed eggs in nests made of twigs and twine, but already there were cracks in a few of the creamy shells; here and there, even, little yellow beaks could be seen reaching towards the sky and chittering incessant demands at their parents.

You were lazy as you pedaled your bike down the side streets leading towards the field where the match was being held. It was an away game, technically, but this worked out better for you, as the high school they were playing at was closer to your house than the Bambi Osaka stadium, which was far enough that you would’ve needed to take a taxi.

According to Tabito, the game was actually more of a scrimmage, as they were playing a local school’s soccer club instead of another organization’s youth team, as they did in serious matches. Apparently, this was by design, as it gave their coach the opportunity to test Tabito's skills at being a captain in a low-stakes, low-pressure environment. If he proved himself incapable, the coach would override the previous captain’s pick and name another member of the team to the position, but if he played as well as he always did, and managed to coordinate the rest of the players in a satisfactory manner, then he’d be given the position permanently.

You had reminded him that this meant he technically wasn’t the captain yet, but to this he had said that he had the title and the armband, and if anything, since that was the situation, he needed you there more than ever. After all, he had explained, you had been in the audience when he had scored the winning goal in his first game for his middle school’s team. You were good luck for him. If you were in the crowd, then there was no way he could lose.

Parking your bike in the lot alongside the others, you locked it and then made your way towards the entrance to the stadium, the ticket Tabito had sent you in between your index and middle fingers. Even though there wouldn’t be very many people attending this game, it was Bambi Osaka’s policy to require tickets for entry to any of their matches, and the price if you weren’t associated with a player was, you heard, quite hefty.

You sat by yourself in the stands, your purse beside you and your legs crossed at the ankles. You couldn’t explain why, but there was a doubt in the back of your mind about whether you even belonged in the audience at all. Without Yayoi at your side, it felt like there was a neon sign in the air pointing at you and declaring you inept and unwelcome. Everyone else was buzzing with theories and predictions for the upcoming game, tossing out the names of the players and their opinions on them, but you were by yourself, without even a drink to warm your hands.

The gray of that isolation evaporated the moment that the Bambi Osaka boys took to the field, led by none other than Tabito. You were suddenly reminded that you weren’t just allowed to be there — you were wanted, genuinely wanted, and so you had as much if not more of a claim to your seat than anyone else could. Tabito had invited you. He could’ve invited anyone else in the entire city, but still he had invited you, and you would not tarnish that by thinking you were alone when he was there, as he always was.

As was to be expected, there was a complete difference to the way Tabito played when compared to that very first game of his which you had watched. For one, he was at the front of the field instead of in the middle, and there was an impertinence to the way he shook the hand of the opposing captain, an audacious smirk on his face which was visible even from the distance. This was a side of Tabito you weren’t so acquainted with, a side which was brazen and self-assured and stood as if he had already won before the referee even blew the whistle to begin.

The game moved faster than you could keep up with, and without Yayoi there to give you a play-by-play, you found yourself utterly lost about the finer details of the match. Still, even you could tell that Bambi Osaka was in the lead, and by no small margin — largely in part thanks to the combined skills of Tabito and a slender, pale-haired boy whose jersey read Hiori.

When Tabito was younger, there had been a desperate, vicious quality to his soccer, as if he really might die should he lose. It was in direct contrast to now, where he toyed with the opposite team in much the same way a cat would toy with a ball of yarn — with a distinct sense of superiority, like he was looking down on them even as he forced his way past, not giving them any other choice but to watch as he drove his way down the field.

“Is number 10 the new captain?” a boy behind you said. He sounded younger; maybe he had an older brother on one of the teams, or maybe he was just that supportive of Bambi Osaka. You didn’t turn, but you did tune into the conversation, wondering what they’d say about Tabito.

“Karasu? Yes, he is,” a slightly older boy said. “My brother said he’s a real asshole, but he’s a great guy when it counts. They’re all happy he’s the one who was recommended for the spot.”

“He’s so good,” the younger boy said. “And Hiori, as well. They’re both amazing.”

“Hiori’s only a first year, too. I bet he’s going to go far,” the older boy said. “Now shush, quit distracting me. I’m trying to watch the game.”

To no one’s surprise, Bambi Osaka won by a ridiculous amount of goals, and as Tabito shook hands with the school’s captain again, you noticed their coach nodding in approval, annotating something on his clipboard with a satisfied smile on his face. You waited until all of them had vanished into the locker rooms to head to the exit and wait by your bike for Tabito to join you.

About twenty minutes later, he and the rest of the team trickled out, discussing their game and the plans for the next one. At first it seemed like he had not noticed you, absorbed in conversation as he was, but it quickly became evident that he had, for he skillfully guided the others towards where you stood, never faltering in words nor steps until he reached you. Then he paused, schooling his expression into one of shock, his eyebrows raising and his lips parting as if he had happened upon you entirely by accident. It was an amusing bit of theatrics, albeit realistic to anyone who did not know his mannerisms as well as you did.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said, all composed and airy and dispassionate, as if it were mere coincidence that the two of you had met at that moment, as if it hardly mattered to him that you were there. It might’ve fooled another person, but not once in his life had he been able to fool you, and he certainly wouldn’t start today.

He must’ve showered in the locker rooms, for his hair fell loose and silky around his face instead of styled back as it typically was, and when you hugged him — which was met a reflexive return of his arms around your body before he could even manage to yelp in surprise — you could smell the faint, pleasant scent of his soap which still clung to his skin.

“Hi,” you said, holding onto him for as long as you deemed publicly appropriate before wriggling free and smiling at him. “I think you did good. Without Yayoi, I couldn’t be sure, but to me you looked great.”

“Eh,” he said. “Could’ve been worse. Could’ve been better. But thanks.”

“Woah, Karasu,” one of his teammates said. He was a tall and burly player who reminded you vaguely of Aoyama, and he accompanied the exclamation by wrapping one arm around Tabito in a friendly headlock and using his free hand to ruffle the boy’s damp hair, leaving him to resemble a sea urchin. “You didn’t tell us you had such a beautiful girlfriend! Hello, ma’am, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Get off of me,” Tabito wheezed, slapping his teammate away. “You fuckface, I’m going to kill you. Don’t try to shake her hand!”

“I’m not his girlfriend,” you said, accepting his teammate’s proffered hand. “Just best friends with his older sister. You can think of me as a stand-in for her while she’s finishing up her first year in Tokyo. My name’s Y/N, by the way.”

“Ah, you’re that Y/N!” he said.

“I believe I am? What does that mean?” you said.

“Nothing bad,” Tabito cut in. “Yayoi’s come to a few games and mentioned you, so everyone’s been wanting to meet you.”

“It’s true. I mean, a girl who refused to come to a game until and unless Karasu was made captain? We all thought you must be something intense,” his teammate said. “You seem pretty normal, though. And also super hot, if you don’t mind me mentioning.”

“Well, he’s the one who told me not to come, so if anyone’s intense, it’s him,” you said. “And, uh, thanks? I guess?”

“I mind you mentioning, so shut the hell up,” Tabito said, finally breaking free of his teammate’s hold and shoving him away from you. “Sorry about this one, Y/N. He’s incorrigible.”

His teammate laughed raucously. “My fault, my fault. Sorry, Karasu.”

“Say sorry to her,” Tabito said. “She’s the one you were bothering.”

“It’s alright,” you assured him. “Really, I don’t mind the compliment. Even if it could’ve been phrased better.”

“Anything for you, gorgeous lady,” his teammate said with a wink. “But, ah, considering I value my life and limbs, I think I’m going to head out now, as our new captain seems about a few seconds away from murdering me. See you around!”

He ran away to rejoin the rest of the Bambi Osaka boys as they all headed in their separate directions towards their homes, leaving you and Tabito alone once more. As soon as they were all gone, he sighed, that put-upon countenance he had maintained for the entirety of the conversation falling apart in an instant.

“I didn’t think he’d say all of that,” he said. “Sorry again.”

“You worry so much,” you said. “Come on, you just won another match, didn’t you? That’s cause to celebrate, so don’t look so tired and mopey.”

“I don’t look tired and mopey!” he defended. “This is just how my face is!”

“Uh-huh, sure,” you said, unlocking your bike and beginning to walk it beside you so you could keep talking to him. “I seem to remember your face being quite a bit rounder and sunnier. Now you’re all angles and doom and gloom.”

“That’s not something I can help,” he said, taking your bike from you so he could walk it instead. “Y/N, you’re being mean. I haven’t seen you in so long and now you’re acting like Yayoi.”

“You think I’m acting like Yayoi? I’m hurt,” you said. “Okay, then, you sensitive captain. How about we go get ice cream? My treat, since you got the position and all.”

“Okay,” he said. “But it’ll be my treat, not yours, because you came to my game and stayed the whole time. It was your good luck that helped me in the end.”

“Offering to pay for me? I suppose I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth, so I’ll allow it this time. Anyways, I would’ve had to, because I just realized I left my wallet at home,” you said.

“Almost like you did that on purpose,” he mused, bumping your shoulder with his. “Was that your plan all along? Suggesting we get ice cream but forgetting to bring any money, so I had to cover for us both?”

“I see why your team members think you’re an asshole,” you said. “It’s a surprise, to be sure, but then again, maybe I should’ve seen it coming.”

“Who’s calling me an asshole?” he said. “How did you know that? I’m not! Whoever it is, they were making things up, because I’m — I’m super nice! Seriously, where did you hear that? Stop giggling and answer me!”

You extended your arm to run your fingers through his mussed up hair, smoothing it down as best as you could. “A magician never tells her secrets. Don’t worry about it and just tell me which flavor you’re getting.”

“The same as always, why?” he said.

“I want to decide whether I should steal some of it or not,” you said.

“You don’t have to steal it. I’ll share if you want some,” he said.

“It’s better if I’m doing something wrong. I think it adds to the flavor, or enhances it, or something,” you said. He considered this before nodding with the utmost of gravity.

“If that’s how it is, then you’re absolutely not allowed to even look at my ice cream. I’ll be, uh, super mad if you do,” he said, his glare so fearsome and dark that it skipped the realms of intimidation and landed squarely in the land of comedy.

“You’re the best,” you said.

“I do what I can,” he said. “Will you let me have some of yours?”

“Hm,” you said. “Fine, but only because I love you so much.”

He fought back a smile at that, staring directly ahead, the tendons of his hands flexing on the handlebars of your bike as you continued to walk along the empty sidewalk, the glowing sun in the distance a reminder of the many days exactly like this which you still had left to spend.

The break flew by so quickly it was almost more of a punishment than anything. About as soon as you had gotten settled back into a rhythm of spending your days with the Karasus and your evenings with your parents, it was time for you and Yayoi to return to Tokyo for your second year of college, as well as for Tabito to enter his final year of high school.

You took for granted that you would be back as soon as the first term ended, so when you boarded the train to Tokyo, you didn’t take the time to properly appreciate the place where you had grown up. The city where you had whiled away your idyllic childhood…you had considered it a guarantee that you’d return soon, so why would you linger? But a couple of weeks into your first term, you got news from your parents: your father’s job had, almost out of the blue, transferred him, and so they would be moving to nearby Kawasaki by the end of the month.

There was definitely a pro to having your parents at that distance — they were close enough that you could visit them whenever you wanted to, but far enough that you could justify not going if you were so inclined, and removed enough that your life still belonged to you and only you. Still, it was a little like having a rug pulled out from under you when you weren’t even aware you were standing on a rug in the first place; especially because you could not so much as help in the moving process, given that you were stuck at school and could make no excuse to go back home for such a long time.

The house they found in Kawasaki was in a good area, and though it was smaller than your old one, it was still airy and bright, with large windows and wooden floors and enough bedrooms that you could still have your own despite not living there full-time anymore. Your parents were actually glad for the reduced size, for it meant less emptiness, less cleaning to be done in places that never even got used or looked at.

When you went to visit during the first term break, it seemed like they really were happy there. Or perhaps they were just trying to convince you that this was for the best, that you should not be sad, but if that was so, then they shouldn’t have bothered. You were the one who had left first, who had gone to Tokyo to study and work. Of course it was more abrupt and final than you had wanted, but hadn’t this day always been looming on the horizon? Eventually, you would’ve stopped visiting so frequently, if at all. There was no reason to mourn the occurrence of an inevitability.

Besides the drama of your parents’ move, your second year was uneventful. You made even more friends than you had in your first year, and you still saw Yayoi as much as you could, although it was more difficult for the time being. Luckily, at this point you two had the kind of friendship wherein you picked up as if you had never been apart whenever you reunited, so you at least had that one constant in what sometimes felt like an ever-shifting life.

Around the time that your finals began, you received a text from Tabito, written in a formal language that was nothing like the messages full of abbreviations and emoticons that he generally sent you.

‘Hi, Y/N. I hope you’re doing well, and that your second year in university didn’t give you too much difficulty. I’m just reaching out to let you know that my graduation is next Friday. The ceremony starts at 6:30 in the evening, and I managed to reserve you a spot. The address and information is on the ticket — if you’re able to come, then I’d really appreciate it, but if not, then that’s totally okay. I just thought I should let you know.’

You stared at your phone, a sinking feeling in your stomach. No matter how much you wanted to go, you couldn’t. There were too many factors against it, and you felt horrible as you typed out your response. Any way you went about it came across as too harsh, but then again, was there even a gentle way to reject someone when they had come to you with something so important?

‘tabito!! i can’t believe you’re graduating already, wow!! i really would like to come, but i have a final that friday in the afternoon :( plus i don’t know if you heard or not but my family moved to kawasaki, so i wouldn’t really have anywhere to stay. thank you so much for inviting me though!! i’ll get yayoi to bring a cardboard cutout of me to put in my seat or something LOL. it’ll be just like the real thing!!!’

He responded almost immediately, and despite the effort he must’ve made to sound unaffected, he was obviously disappointed by the turn of events, his efforts at cheer only further highlighting that fact.

‘It’s okay, really! And thank you. Haha yes a Y/N cutout will have to be good enough then. Good luck on your final!’

The rest of the week, the unopened file from Tabito, which sat in your email inbox, tantalized you, and you found yourself obsessively checking the schedule of trains leaving Tokyo. There was one back to your hometown that would depart an hour after your exam was scheduled to end, and you refreshed it constantly, waiting to see if tickets would sell out. Once they were gone, it would give you an excuse not to buy them, but to your frustration, they never did.

You would have to run, and even then it wasn’t a guarantee you would make it, to the train or the graduation, but it was the best chance you had, and with every passing moment, it began to sound like more and more of a viable option.

On Thursday evening, when you once again checked the ticket site and noticed there were open seats, you bit your tongue to stop yourself from swearing, and then you entered your credit card information into the prompt. A minute later, you got a confirmation email, letting you know that your seat was booked for the next day. Burying your face in your hands, you inhaled deeply, vowing not to tell Tabito in case he got his hopes up for nothing. Breathing in and out through your nose once more, you straightened your back and opened up your textbook, returning to studying with a renewed vigor borne of the adrenaline rush which resulted from the impulsive decision.

If your professor found it odd that you came to the exam hall in formal clothes, with your hair done and an overnight bag over your shoulder, she did not say anything, only motioning for you to put your bag with the others and then handing you your paper.

Thankfully, you had studied through the year, and this exam was for one of your easier subjects, so it was a relative breeze. You finished with time to spare, leaving the hall with your things and walking to the train station without any worries except for what would happen once you reached your end destination.

The train ride was longer than you remembered, and by the time you were disembarking at the station closest to Tabito’s high school, it was already 6:00. You sprinted through the platform, calling out apologies as you ran into people or elbowed them out of the way, trying to get to the taxi area before anyone else could claim all of the available vehicles.

“Stop!” you shouted when the singular remaining taxi prepared to drive off to a different pick-up location. You must’ve looked a sight, chasing after a taxi by the train station, wearing a dress and heels, stumbling over your feet with your arm outstretched. “Hey, sir! Stop!”

By some miracle, he saw you through the rearview mirror and screeched to a halt. You opened the back door and dove in, scribbling down the address on a slip of paper and handing it to him, as was customary. Then, when he input the address into his GPS and accelerated onto the route, you leaned forward.

“Sir, I’ll tip you generously if you can get me there before 6:30,” you said.

“I will do my best, ma’am. Please hold on,” he said. That was all the warning you got before he stepped on the gas pedal, the car taking off at all but twice the speed of the surrounding traffic, leaving you to hold onto your seat as the scenery outside blurred into nothing but a smear of pinks and greens and browns.

He got you there at 6:27, which was too close for comfort but still earlier than should’ve been humanly possible, so you reached into your wallet and pulled out a wad of cash that was certainly more than you owed. Slapping it on the console, you mumbled out a thank you and ran off without waiting for a response, trying your best to remember the directions to the auditorium from the email Tabito had sent you.

“Do you have a ticket, miss?” the security guard waiting at the door to the auditorium said. You reached into your pocket and tried to unlock your phone; your slick fingers typed in the wrong password twice before it finally opened and you could brandish the file. He squinted at it before nodding and opening the door for you. “The ceremony has already begun, so please try not to make too much of a disturbance when you enter.”

Your shins and the balls of your feet ached from how much ground you had covered in your less-than-supportive footwear and the speed at which you had done so. Your shoulder, too, was sore under the strain of your bag, but you ignored these pains, counting down the rows and the seat numbers until you spotted the empty one that belonged to you. Squeezing past the others who had already taken their places, you collapsed in the cushioned chair, a sigh of relief escaping you when you saw that, though the ceremony was already underway, Tabito was still yet to go.

“Oh, hey, Y/N,” Yayoi said absentmindedly, for your seat was naturally beside hers. Then, like she had realized what she had said, her jaw dropped. “Y/N? I thought you couldn’t come!”

“Shh, he’s about to go,” you said. “I’ll explain later.”

If you had hesitated for even a minute at any point, you would’ve missed it, but by the grace of some universal power, you had made it into your seat right as Tabito stepped up to take his diploma. He scanned the crowd, much in the same way he did when he was playing soccer, but sadly instead of sharply, like he was aware that he was about to be disappointed yet knew he had to experience that disappointment first-hand regardless.

His eyes slid over everyone in the audience dismissively, but when they landed upon you, they paused, and though it was too far for you to see, you fancied they must’ve widened the slightest bit. Not enough for anyone else to make anything of it, but enough for you to know.

For an instant, everyone else disappeared. In that auditorium, there was only Tabito on the stage and you in the audience, his diploma slack in his grasp, your breaths still fast and uneven. And although there was a distance, and no small one at that, between you and him, it was as if you were right by his side, as if you could see every single emotion which flickered across his face. Shock. Disbelief. Wonder. Then, finally, a sheer, childish thing which could only be called joy — unabashed and whole and candid joy. He smiled in the way he only did for you, not for anyone else in the entire world, not smug and haughty but shy and sincere, and you could not help but smile as well, raising your hand and waving at him like he always did at you.

He was taken aback, but obviously delighted, and so, as the principal announced his name and read off his accomplishments while with the school, Tabito ignored the praise and the applause, focusing solely on returning your wave with one of his own.

“What are you doing here?” he said, sweeping you into a hug as soon as you had all left the auditorium and he had reunited with his family. “You said you couldn’t come!”

“I was wondering the same thing,” Yayoi said from where she was waiting at your side. “And Tabito, when you’re done showing your clearfavoritism, give me a high-five or something.”

He held onto you for a moment longer before letting go and high-fiving his sister, who was the only one that hadn’t been there for when Mr. and Mrs. Karasu, as well as Tabito and Yayoi’s grandmother, had taken teary eyed photos with him. She had instead stayed with you, telling you that you owed her an explanation and then jumping to another topic of conversation before you could give her one.

“There was a train from Tokyo which left an hour after my exam window ended,” you said. “I know you don’t like surprises, but I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to make it, so I didn’t want to tell you in advance in case things didn’t work out. As it is, I had to bribe the taxi driver to get me here from the station at highly illegal speeds, and with that, I only made it to the front of the building by 6:27. Honestly, I still can’t believe I got there before you went at all, but I’m so glad I did.”

“Me, too. You’re right that I don’t normally like surprises, but this one, I was really happy about, so it’s an exception,” Tabito said. Now that he was no longer under obligation to hang around with Yayoi, he was back at your side, playing with the zipper of your bag in fascination while you spoke.

“Me, three,” Yayoi said. “He was seriously depressed that you weren’t coming. The house was like a toxic wasteland the entire week. It’s going to be much safer and cleaner now.”

“Toxic wasteland?” you said.

“Yup, and the toxic waste himself is right next to you, so be careful,” she said.

“You’re so dramatic. It wasn’t like that,” Tabito said.

“Sure,” she said. “Yup. Totally wasn’t.”

“Why do you always do this?” he whined.

“Do what?” Yayoi said.

“Try to embarrass me whenever you can!” he said.

“Not like it’s possible for me to embarrass you in front of Y/N out of everyone. You do that all on your own, so there’s no way I can make things worse,” she said.

“Yayoi!” he snapped.

“Onto more pressing subjects,” you interjected before things could worsen. “Um. I do have a slight problem.”

“What is it?” Tabito said.

“I kind of came here on a whim, so I don’t really have anywhere to sleep, exactly,” you said. The siblings exchanged looks before Yayoi rolled her eyes and Tabito grabbed your bag from you.

“You’ll stay with us, of course,” Yayoi said.

“For as long as you want,” Tabito added. “Or as long as you can, actually. That’s better. Don’t leave until you absolutely have to.”

“We can put your bags in the car, and then we have to take pictures,” Yayoi said.

“I didn’t know you cared enough to want to commemorate my graduation,” Tabito said. Yayoi snorted.

“Nah, I just want to commemorate Y/N’s wild journey from Tokyo, and the fact that she magically got here on time. I don’t ever want to forget about that,” she said.

“I’d be offended, but actually, I’m in agreement. I can’t believe you bribed a taxi driver for me,” Tabito said.

“Ah, well, you know,” you said. “I just told him I’d tip him if he could get me there on time, and he did it.”

“You’re crazy,” he said affectionately.

“Totally,” Yayoi agreed.

“And aren’t you grateful for it?” you said, curling your fingers around his wrist and throwing the other arm around Yayoi’s shoulders, causing her to shoot you a mock-dirty look before she made herself comfortable against you.

“Yes,” Tabito said, his eyelashes brushing his cheeks when he lowered them bashfully, that same smile lighting up his face at the sensation of your fingers dancing over his veins. “I really am.”

The world was quite determined not to split you and the Karasus apart for very long. You learned that night that, along with getting into a prestigious college, Tabito had also been selected to join the Japanese U-20 soccer team. In order to balance his academics — he could’ve quit school entirely by this point if he so chose, but he was far too paranoid to not have a second option should his soccer career not take off — with the new demands of the team, he would be living in Tokyo with one of his new teammates, a boy he had never met but was supposedly named something along the lines of Eita Otoya.

His new place was somewhat close to your apartment; close was a subjective word, of course, but to you, when the weather was nice and you were in no rush to be anywhere or do anything, it was a perfectly walkable distance, and you told him you’d definitely show him and Otoya around once they were moved in and had a moment to spare for such a frivolous outing.

Between his practices and the increase in his workload, it seemed like you really might never see Tabito at all, however close you might’ve now been to him physically. Yet somehow, on a warm day at the brink of summer, he texted you asking if the offer was still on the table, and if so, could you please show him and Otoya a place to get good coffee, because the stuff they made with their Keurig machine wasn’t cutting it anymore. You laughed, responding that you’d be delighted to, and that you were free all weekend, with no qualms about dedicating a day solely to them.

Your first impression of Eita Otoya was that, next to Tabito, he had a delicate and pointed appeal to his pretty features. He was smaller than Tabito, and although there wasn’t an ounce of menace in the way he stood, all inviting and open and casual, there was a wolflike canniness to his green irises, which glimmered when he noticed you approaching.

Before Otoya could even say anything, Tabito had covered his mouth with a hand, glaring down at him in a manner which did not seem to entirely be in jest.

“No way,” he said. “Flirt with whoever else you want, but she and Yayoi are off limits.”

Otoya held his hands up in the air, his voice muffled by Tabito’s palm when he spoke. “Got it, dude. Plenty of other fish in the sea, right?”

“For you, yeah,” Tabito said. “Hi, Y/N.”

“Hi, Tabito,” you said. “And you must be Otoya? It’s nice to meet you. Tabito’s mentioned you a few times.”

“Hopefully he’s only said good things,” Otoya said, shaking your hand, careful to keep a cordial distance between you two.

“On the contrary, I’ve been led to believe you’re the devil incarnate,” you said.

“Really?” Otoya said.

“No, of course not. He’s only ever spoken highly of you. I was just joking,” you said.

“That’s a relief,” Otoya said. “It’d be awkward if you had a bad impression of me before we’d even met.”

“Did you really think I’d complain about you to her? I’m kind of hurt,” Tabito said.

“Look, you never know! Maybe that’s how you get your aggression out,” Otoya said.

“It’s not. If I had any aggression, I’d just yell at you yourself. I definitely wouldn’t burden her with any of your hypothetical nonsense, not in a million years,” Tabito said.

“Woah, didn’t realize we had a gentleman here,” Otoya said with a snicker. “Okay, then. Thanks for not talking shit about me behind my back.”

“Anytime,” Tabito said.

“Are you two done yet?” you said. “I don’t want the place to close before we get a spot.”

“Is it nearby?” Otoya said. “As long as it’s close, it doesn’t even matter if it’s expensive. I just need something better than those shitty convenience store Keurig packets Tabito’s been getting for us.”

“That’s the best I’ve been able to bring home at the random times you text me telling me we’re out! Sorry I don’t stop by a damn café after every morning practice,” Tabito said.

“This guy,” Otoya said, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. “Doesn’t understand the value of a good coffee one bit.”

“Not everyone has that touch,” you whispered back with a wink. “It’s alright. I won’t let you suffer any longer; the shop I’m taking you to is only a block away, and it’s relatively inexpensive — for the city, anyways. If you don’t know that it’s there, though, it’s easy to miss, so I don’t blame you for not seeing it.”

“My hero!” Otoya said. “Lead the way.”

You had discovered the small café entirely by accident during your first year in Tokyo. It was tucked away between a laundromat and a veterinary office, far from where one would expect a shop of its nature to be located, and although there was were always a couple of patrons scattered throughout the booths and tables, it was never bustling or crowded enough to take away from the cozy atmosphere.

Tabito held the door open for you, and consequently for Otoya, who followed after and inhaled deeply, clasping his hands together in awe.

“This is amazing,” he said. “L/N, you’re like an angel sent from heaven or something. I could fall to my knees and praise you with a sonnet right now, I’m that happy.”

“If you fall to your knees or do anything similarly stupid in front of her, I’ll show you why I made the U-20 team,” Tabito said, raising his leg in the air like he was threatening to kick Otoya.

“He was just joking around, Tabito, it’s not a big deal,” you said. Then, to Otoya: “You’re pretty funny, you know.”

“Thanks,” he said with a grin. “I try my best. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.”

“Mostly it doesn’t,” Tabito muttered under his breath. “Tell me your order, Y/N, and I’ll get it for you.”

“Oh, thanks!” you said, listing off your favorites from the cafe’s menu for him. He wrote it down on his phone, lines of concentration etched into his brow as he painstakingly typed out the entire order before showing it to you to confirm that it was correct.

“Can you get me their seasonal drink?” Otoya said, sliding into the seat across from you and peering up at Tabito, who was entirely unamused by the act. “That floral-type latte. It sounds sick.”

“Get it yourself,” Tabito said.

“Why? You’re going to be up there, so just order and let me get to know dear Miss L/N here,” Otoya said. Tabito seemed conflicted, but you nodded reassuringly at him.

“Fine, but you — you know the deal,” he said, brandishing his pointer finger at Otoya. “Don’t you dare mess with her.”

“You got it,” Otoya said with a double-thumbs-up.

“I’m sorry. He’s always been like that, but he really does mean well,” you said, gazing after Tabito once he had stomped away to the counter.

“Been like what?” Otoya said. “An asshole? Ah, but I’m only saying it affectionately, so please don’t tell him I called him that, or else you’ll cause problems where there aren’t any.”

“He’s sweet at heart,” you said. “I know how he can seem to other people, especially at first, but I met him when he was four years old, so I guess I never really saw that side of him. He’s never been anything but kind to me. I guess that’s all I’m trying to say.”

“You’ve known Karasu for that long?” Otoya said.

“Yup. Like I said, I’m not denying that he’s abrasive most of the time, but he’s only being so protective because he cares about his sister and I so very much. Please don’t take it personally. He’s just that type of younger sibling,” you said.

“Younger sibling?” Otoya repeated. “That’s how you see him, huh? I get it now. If that’s how things are, then I won’t butt in.”

“That’s how they are,” you said. For some reason, this caused him to laugh at you, but it was pitying and mocking and not a sound you preferred to hear from anyone — most certainly not from a person you had only just met.

“It’s always so complicated in life, huh? That’s why I never really try too hard. Problems get worse the more you think about them,” he said. It hardly counted as an explanation, but for some reason, you were sure that that was all you were going to get out of him. “Oh, shit!”

“What happened?” you said as, abruptly and without warning, he shot to his feet,

“I was supposed to work on a group presentation today,” he said, running a hand through his hair with a groan. “They just texted to confirm that we’re meeting in the library in fifteen minutes.”

“Can you make it on time?” you said. He was already typing the address of his school’s library into his GPS, and the instant it loaded, he nodded at you.

“I’ve got it, but I’m afraid I’ll have to head out right about now, or else this crazy girl in my group will kill me. Tell Karasu I’ll send him the money for my drink, and that he can enjoy it on me,” he said. “Poor guy needs it, I’m pretty sure.”

“It’ll be too sweet for him, but I’ll pass along the message, sure,” you said.

“Now, normally, this would be the part where I’d ask you for your number, but no matter how beautiful you are, I’m not willing to risk my living situation for you,” he said. “Karasu’s pretty cool, as far as roommates go. It could definitely be worse, so I’d really not like to lose him and end up with some weirdo who collects toenail clippings, just for flirting with the one girl that he declared off-limits.”

“His actual sister’s off-limits as well,” you reminded Otoya. “So that’s two.”

“He did say that, didn’t he? But you’re off-limits in a different way, and unless I want to end up like my own older sister, whose first-year roommate built a replica of the Taj Mahal from the hair she collected out of their drain, I’m going to respect that,” he said.

“That’s disgusting,” you said, too busy gagging at the mental image artwork he had just described to even question what else he was talking about. “Well, you should be off to your group project, then. I’m sure I’ll see you around, Otoya, but in case it’s not for a while, I’ll wish you luck with soccer and school now.”

“Thanks. The same to you, and I am eternally in your debt for showing me this place, so if you ever need something, let me know,” he said, scrambling hastily out of the café without bothering to push his chair back under the table.

Tabito returned a few seconds later, setting the tray of your drinks down on the table and taking his spot in the booth at your side. Handing you the cup that belonged to you, he sipped on his own and placed Otoya’s across from himself.

“Where’d Otoya go?” he said.

“He said something about working on a group project and left. Apparently, he’ll send you the money for the drink, and you’re free to do with it as you please,” you said. Tabito wrinkled his nose.

“He always gets such sweet shit. There’s no way I’m going to be able to drink that,” he said.

“That’s what I told him, but what other option is there? We can share so it isn’t wasted,” you said, taking a swig from Otoya’s flowery beverage. It wasn’t bad, and you had a little more before giving it to Tabito.

“Ugh,” he said. “Fine.”

He poked out his tongue, lapping up the tiniest droplet of coffee which lingered on the rim of the cup, and then he made a face, handing it back to you and then gulping down two mouthfuls of his own drink to wash out the taste.

“That bad?” you said.

“Tasted like shit,” he said. “I don’t know how the two of you can drink that kind of stuff regularly without gagging.”

“It’s not my favorite, but it’s not as horrible as you’re making it out to be,” you said.

“I can literally feel my arteries clogging as we speak,” he said.

“Since when did you start speaking like an old man?” you said. “What boy your age talks about his arteries clogging?”

“Firstly, I’m trying to become a professional athlete, so I have to pay careful attention to things like my health, and secondly, we’re not that far apart in age. We have to worry about the same things, like jobs and grades and clogged arteries. Concerns of that nature,” he said.

“I’m glad you feel that way, but why’d you think I was referring to people my own age when I said old man, hm?” you said, elbowing him in the ribs playfully. “For your information, I doubt any of my own classmates would care about that shit yet, either. That was a distinctly middle-aged thing of you to say.”

“That makes me older than you,” he said. “If I’m middle-aged and you’re still all youthful and whatnot, that is. How do you feel about that age gap? It’s a little racy, don’t you think?”

You gave him an incredulous look. He couldn’t even maintain his straight face for more than a second, immediately losing composure and snorting at you.

“You’re the worst,” you said.

“And you’re easy to tease,” he said. “I’m sorry, but I had to take the opportunity when it presented itself.”

“I’ll give it to you this once,” you said. “Next time, you’re not getting off so easily.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said. “You’re all talk. I’m not scared one bit.”

“It’s not my fault you’re so adorable,” you said. “How am I supposed to stay mad when you look like you just watched a puppy die every time Yayoi yells at you?”

He scowled at you. “You’re making that up, aren’t you? Or is that how you actually see me?”

“Hm,” you said. “Let’s finish our drinks. They don’t taste as good if they’ve sat for too long.”

Huffing in exasperation but knowing that you’d not go into more detail once you’d changed the subject, he finished off what was left of his order in one fell swoop, and then he snatched Otoya’s drink from your hands, tossing it into the trashcan before you could so much as blink.

“Aw,” you said. “I feel bad. That’s how we’re responding to Otoya’s act of goodwill?”

“Forget about his goodwill,” Tabito said. “It’s not like he did it because of how magnanimous he is or anything. He’s just a dumbass who forgot that he had prior commitments.”

“Nothing like you, of course,” you said. “You’re always on time, and you only ever order the best of drinks.”

“Exactly,” he said firmly, leaving no room for argument — not that you would’ve argued with him, even if there was any cause to. Your father had always told you that generally, it was better to lose an argument than a loved one, and since the notion of losing Tabito was akin to a spear being driven into your heart, you did your best to avoid the chance of that frightful outcome ever occurring at all.

A few days before the end of the winter term, Yayoi called you in a flurrying panic. When you picked up, you were expecting her to be asking about the plans you had made for the road trip you two were taking, but it was nothing of the sort. Indeed, the first words out of her mouth were ones you had never once heard from her, and you almost dropped your phone the moment she said them.

“Y/N, I need your help. There’s this guy—”

“What?” you said. “Since when? What’s his name? Where did you meet him, and how? Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Is he handsome?”

“Oh my god, one question at a time!” she said. “Yes, he’s super handsome — actually, he’s a model, so it’s kind of a prerequisite. I’m telling you as it happens, so don’t think I’m keeping things from you! His name is Kenyu Yukimiya; he plays for the U-20 team with Tabito, and I met him when I went to one of their practices because I was bored. We spoke once, but I don’t think he remembers I exist, and even if he does, he probably considers me as nothing more than his teammate’s older sister.”

“Wait, U-20? Is he younger than us?” you said.

“Yes, he’s in Tabito’s year, though a couple of months older than him,” she said. “Do you think it’s weird? Oh, it’s totally weird, isn’t it? I’m a creep! I’m a stupid, ugly creep! Lock me away or turn me into the police or something!”

You cut her wailing off with a snicker. “Yayoi, relax. It’s not that weird, and I mean that honestly. It’s hardly even a two year difference, right? My own parents have a bigger age gap, and besides, you both are in pretty similar spots in life, so it shouldn’t be a problem, especially if he’s mature.”

“He seemed mature,” she said contemplatively. “He was super polite and kind when I spoke to him. Plus, unlike my stupid brother, he actually enjoys talking about the same things I do.”

“There you go, then,” you said. “You’re worrying for nothing. The only reason why anyone might say anything is because you’re older than him, but who cares about that? It’s a tired concept, the whole notion of the woman needing to be younger or smaller than her male partner or whatever. As long as he’s single and into you, I’d say you’re in the clear.”

“That’s what I actually called you to talk about!” Yayoi said. “You’ve had a boyfriend, so you know a little more than I do about this kind of thing. How am I supposed to get him to ask me out?”

“Just so you know, having had one boyfriend back in high school doesn’t exactly qualify me to give you advice,” you said. “Also, you can’t really get someone to ask you out. Why don’t you just go to another one of their practices and talk to him again once they’re done? If the conversation is flowing well, then you can ask him out yourself.”

“Um, that would be a great idea if I was brave enough to ask someone out,” she said. “Unfortunately, I definitely am not.”

“You don’t have to be all official and serious about it,” you said. “Don’t say you want to date or anything — ask him if he wants to hang out to continue the conversation at a later time, and then give him your number. That’s all. If he’s interested, he’ll call or text you to make plans, and if he’s not, then he won’t.”

“It’s that simple?” she said.

“I think it is,” you said. “I wouldn’t know from personal experience. Aoyama just asked me out. I never had to do anything.”

“Not all of us can be that lucky!” she said.

“Yeah, I get it. But I have confidence that you can pull it off! It’ll go great, and then you’ll actually be dating a model in Tokyo like you always said you would,” you said.

“Okay…” she said hesitantly. “Y/N?”

“Yayoi?” you said.

“Canyoucometothepracticewithme?” she said, all in one unintelligible breath. You furrowed your brow.

“Could you repeat that?” you said.

“Can you come to the practice with me?” she said. “I don’t think I’ll be able to do it without you pressuring me a bit.”

“Sure, why not?” you said. “Is it in the morning or evening?”

“They have evening practices on Tuesdays. I was thinking we could go to one of those? That’s what I did last time, so it’s an established thing, and anyways I don’t think I could wake up early enough to go to a morning practice,” she said.

“Okay, good, because I was kind of scared I’d have to be up before the sun. I’d do it for you, and in a heartbeat, but I wouldn’t exactly be happy about it,” you said.

“I wouldn’t, either,” she said. “This Tuesday, then? We can have an early dinner or late snack together before heading over.”

“I won’t miss it,” you promised. “Make sure you wear something nice!”

After your Tuesday classes and errands were completed, you met Yayoi at a restaurant you both liked so that you could quickly eat before leaving for the practice. She was nervous the entire way, twirling the ends of her hair around her finger, straightening her already-perfect clothes, and chewing on her lower lip.

“Hey,” you said as the two of you entered the stadium and sat on the first row of benches. “Don’t stress out. If he’s an asshole, we’ll sic Tabito on him. I bet he could beat your crush in a fight, easily.”

“I don’t know,” Yayoi groaned. “Yukimiya’s super tall, and he looks pretty built, too. I think my baby brother might be outmatched.”

“No way,” you said loyally. “I’d bet on him over anyone.”

She glanced at you out of the corner of her eye. “I wish I could have the same faith in him, but considering what a dumbass he typically is, I can’t say I can muster it up. Look, that’s Yukimiya. Still think Tabito’s got it in the bag?”

Discreetly, she pointed out a boy with wavy chestnut hair and an admittedly powerful build. He stood next to Otoya, which only threw it into further relief just how muscular and tall he was. Yayoi hadn’t been lying about that, and neither had she made up how good-looking he was; you could tell just from that first glance that he was heartbreakingly handsome.

“Well,” you said, realizing that maybe you had been a bit overconfident in Tabito’s abilities. But you were too stubborn to change your answer now, and besides, you believed in him no matter what, so you only shrugged. “Yes. Even if it looked like he’d lose for sure, I’d still pick him. There just isn’t anyone else I’d ever choose.”

“Damn,” Yayoi said. “Fine, then. If Yukimiya ends up being an asshole, we’ll see who wins.”

“Deal,” you said. “Although, hopefully it doesn’t come to that.”

“Hopefully,” she agreed.

The practice was long, dragging on past sunset, the field’s lights turning on to ward away the darkness as the moon crept higher into the sky. Yayoi, who had confessed that she hadn’t slept well the previous night, slumped against you and passed out almost immediately, and you busied yourself with a pattern of checking your phone and watching moths fly fruitlessly into the massive lamps.

Finally, the coach blew the whistle to signify the end of the practice, and as the players exited the field, walking past where you were conveniently seated, right by the joint entrance-exit, you shook Yayoi.

“There’s no way you’re in this deep of a sleep,” you hissed at her unmoving form.

“Y/N?” It was not Yayoi but someone else who said your name; namely, Tabito, who had paused in front of you and Yayoi to gaze at you questioningly. “Why are you at my practice?”

“Not now, Tabito,” you said dismissively. Noticing that Otoya and, more importantly, Yukimiya, flanked him, you doubled down on your efforts to wake Yayoi, who remained unresponsive. “You bitch. I bet you’re just pretending to sleep so you don’t have to go through with the plan.”

“Hey, L/N! It’s been a bit,” Otoya said. “I’ve been visiting the place you showed us almost daily. It’s wicked good. You’re the best for bringing us there.”

“Hi, Otoya,” you said. “Sure, anytime. I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Yayoi, if you won’t get up, I’ll just do it myself.”

Without waiting for her to respond, you stood up and bowed slightly at Yukimiya, who seemed entirely bemused by your odd actions. He glanced at both Otoya and Tabito for help, but neither of them had any clue what you were doing, either, so they could offer no assistance to him on that front.

“It’s nice to meet you. I hear your name is Kenyu Yukimiya?” you said.

“Yes, that’s correct,” he said. He had a pretty manner of speech, proper and refined, each word spoken with careful control. “Who might you be?”

“Y/N L/N, but that’s unimportant,” you said. “That’s Yayoi Karasu. She’s Tabito’s barely-older sister. You should talk to her.”

“Y/N!” Yayoi screeched, shooting up to a sitting position. “Why would you phrase it like that?”

“What is going on here?” Tabito said. Otoya shrugged, clearly lost as well.

“So you were faking it the entire time! Never in my life have I met a bigger coward,” you said, clicking your tongue in disappointment.

“Yayoi Karasu?” Yukimiya said. “Oh, I know you! You were here last week, right? We talked about Neon Genesis Evangelion.”

“That’s right! You, uh, remembered that?” Yayoi said. He beamed at her.

“How could I not? The movie is one of my favorites, and none of these guys like it, so it was great to meet someone else who’s seen it so many times,” Yukimiya said.

“Y/N,” Tabito whispered, sidling over to you, the tip of his sharp nose brushing against the shell of your ear. “Please tell me this isn’t what I think it is.”

“Depends,” you whispered back. “If you think this is your sister having a crush on your soccer teammate, then yeah, it is. Otherwise, no.”

“That’s gross,” Tabito said, horror twisting his features. “Yayoi and Yuki? No way. You have to be joking.”

“Why not? Because he’s younger than her? It’s only two years. That’s nothing,” you said. “You should be more supportive.”

“No,” he said, a peculiar edge to his voice. “No, I don’t — I don’t care about that part. I thought you might, but I don’t at all.”

“Huh? Why would I?” you said. “If they’re both interested in each other, and they make each other happy, that’s all that matters. We’re adults, so a few years here and there is meaningless in the grand scheme of things.”

“What about you? Would you ever do it?” he said, breathless and impatient, clenching the hem of your shirt in one fist.

“Date someone younger than me? I’m not sure. I’ve never really considered it; you’re the only one younger than me that I regularly interact with, and, well, you know. There’s a special consideration there. Why? Got a teammate you want to set me up with or something?” you said.

“Absolutely not,” he said, stepping away from you and scowling. “I’d never ever ever let one of those mediocre fucking idiots anywhere near you.”

“Just a hypothetical question, then? I suppose there’s no harm in that kind of thing every now and again. Was my response alright?” you said.

“How am I supposed to answer that?” he said tiredly. “It’s what you think, so obviously it’s fine. I should go now. I don’t want to keep Otoya waiting; he’ll get pissy and annoying if I do.”

“Oh, okay. Bye, Tabito! Let me know if you’re free sometime. I feel like I never see you, even though we’re all but neighbors. We should do something,” you said. The strange tone of the conversation had left you reeling, and you scrambled for something that would make it better, would chase away the anxiety constricting your lungs like a vice.

“I’ll let you know,” he said. It was a dull attempt at sounding excited, and for a brief, striking instant, you wanted to reach out and beg him to wait one second more. You wanted to apologize, though you knew not what you had even done. You wanted him to stay until he smiled at you again, the way he usually did, and then you wanted to — you wanted to — you weren’t sure. You weren’t sure what you would do after that, but you would do something, hold his hand or embrace him or something.

Yet instead, you did nothing, watching as he rejoined Otoya and entered the locker room without a backwards glance, leaving you standing by yourself in the bleachers, your heart hammering in your chest like a crow with clipped wings, thrashing against the bars of its steel cage in a futile attempt to escape.

“Can you believe it?” Yayoi said later. “He asked me out first! I didn’t even have to do anything!”

“Congratulations,” you said, as genuinely as you could. “I’m really happy for you, Yayoi. Fingers crossed that it all works out well. I’m sure it will; he seems like a really great guy, and you both were talking for a while, so you’re clearly compatible.”

“Thanks, I think so too!” she said before narrowing her eyes at you. “What’s up with you?”

“Nothing!” you said. She was so happy that you could not bear the thought of burdening her with your problems, especially when they weren’t even problems in the first place. Yayoi was having none of it, though, frowning at you.

“You can tell me,” she said. You shook your head, so she poked you in the forehead. “Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.”

She punctuated each utterance of the refrain with another poke, until finally you batted her hand away in exasperation “It really is nothing. I just think I did something to upset Tabito — don’t ask me what, because I don’t know — and it’s making me feel a bit out of sorts.”

“He’ll get over it. Why’re you worried? This isn’t unusual. He’s mad at me half of the time. If I felt out of sorts every time he threw a tantrum about something, I’d never feel in sorts,” she said.

“But he hardly ever gets mad at me,” you said.

“Right,” she said, her eyes glimmering. “I forgot the two of you were like that. Hm. I still think you shouldn’t worry too much. If he’s actually mad, which I honestly doubt, then he’ll get over it quickly enough. He’s not capable of staying angry at you for any length of time.”

“If you say so,” you said. “Let’s not talk about it anymore. We need to celebrate you finally saying yes to a guy that asked you out!”

Yayoi blushed but nodded. “Should we go for drinks?”

“It is a Tuesday,” you reminded her.

“Is that a no?” she said.

“It’s a yes,” you said.

“I knew I loved you for a reason,” she said.

“Just for that, you’re covering the tab,” you said. She winked at you.

“Already planning on it!”

The end of your time at university came almost as soon as the beginning had. It was bizarre, walking out of the familiar exam hall for the final time — you knew you had passed, and you already had a job lined up for you in a month’s time, so there wasn’t any cause to worry, and indeed you did not. You only felt odd and light, as if you were floating through the streets of Tokyo, ephemeral like an aluminum wrapper bouncing down the pavement in the wind.

Neither Yayoi nor Tabito could attend your graduation ceremony which was held that Friday; Yayoi had fallen deathly ill, so you had enlisted Yukimiya in keeping her at home, lest she sneak out and kill herself by trying to support you, and as for Tabito, he happened to have a final exam held at exactly the time of the ceremony, which meant he was automatically excluded from attending.

Your parents, as well as both sets of your grandparents, were in the audience, but it wasn’t the same. You couldn’t help yourself from searching for the Karasus, for Tabito in particular, but no matter how hard you searched, it didn’t matter. They weren’t there. He wasn’t there.

When the president of your college, a portly woman with pin-curled hair and red lipstick, handed you your degree, you were hesitant in taking it. Your smile plastered on, you stared towards the door as your fingers inched towards the fancy paper. Any moment now. He’d burst through the door the way you had, and he’d see you, and he’d smile and then wave — it was like a tradition at this point, wasn’t it? It had to happen. He had to come. You knew he wouldn’t, but you couldn’t stop a foolish anticipation from brewing in you as you waited.

Your hands reached the certificate. You held it in front of you as the cameras went off, finally turning away from the door and grinning wider, resolving not to let it ruin your mood. After all, you had worked so hard to achieve this. Why did it matter who was in the audience? It could be an audience of none, and you’d still be happy. You’d still be proud, for no other reason than because you had done it, because all of your hours of studying and classes and homework had finally paid off.

You ate dinner with your family, and then you were invited to go out to a nearby bar by a few of your college friends. Seeing your parents and grandparents to the train station, you rushed back to your apartment to get ready for the night, entirely ready to let loose after what felt like several years’ worth of burdens had just been knocked from your shoulders.

The bar was packed with students from your school, all of whom had had much the same idea as you and your friends. The bartenders were rushing back and forth, sliding drinks out with as much speed as was humanly possible, and before long you were sipping on something fizzy and fruity that one of your friends had handed you.

At some point, one of your classmates, a boy who you had never known particularly well but recognized for his distinctive voice, which could be heard from all corners of the city when he got to bragging about his father’s salary, announced that the rest of the night’s drinks were on him. If you were his father, you’d be furious at the offer, but as you weren’t his father, you took advantage of it with impudence, downing glass after glass of whatever the bartender gave you.

Soon enough, the music and lighting, which you had found so charming and delightful earlier, began to pound at your head. The world spun, not unpleasantly but still in a disorienting manner, and you stumbled towards the door, pulling out your phone and singing to yourself as you decided who you wanted to call.

The cool air of the night was refreshing against your face, and you leaned against the brick wall of the establishment as you squinted at the blinding light of your phone’s screen. You could barely make out the dark characters which stood out on the white background, and eventually you gave up, switching to the keypad and using muscle memory to type in the number your fingers had long ago memorized.

He didn’t pick up until the last ring, and his voice was groggy when he spoke. In the back of your mind, you felt guilty, for you recognized that he must’ve been sleeping, but for the most part you were far too elated to hear him speaking, so you could not bring yourself to be too sorry.

“Hello? Y/N?”

“Tabito,” you said, your words slurring together, dragging out at the ends and trailing into soft breaths. “Tabito, you didn’t come to my graduation.”

He sounded a lot more alert when he spoke next, but he did not change the volume of his voice from that low murmur any. “I told you I couldn’t. I had an exam, remember?”

You sniffed, blinking rapidly. “Yeah, I remember.”

“I’m really sorry I couldn’t make it,” he said. “You know I would’ve been there if I could’ve.”

“Can you come now?” you said, your lower lip trembling.

“Come where?” he said. There was a muffled sound that you assumed was him rolling out of his bed, and then the soft padding noise of his footsteps.

“The bar,” you said. At this point, irrational tears were welling in your eyes. You weren’t even sad, but you couldn’t stop them from rolling down your cheeks, leaving scalding trails in their wake.

“Are you out with your friends? Why do you want me there? Aren’t you celebrating?” he said.

“I don’t know,” you said, and then you were hiccuping as you cried in earnest. “I don’t know, Tabito, I just want you to be here.”

“Okay, okay,��� he soothed you. “I just left my apartment. Is it the bar you and Yayoi like to go to? The one by the grocery store?”

“Yes,” you said.

“I’ll be there in a couple of minutes, and then we can decide what to do from there. Does that sound good?” he said.

“Mhm,” you said. “Are you going really fast? Tabito, you play soccer, right?”

“I do play soccer,” he said, sounding equal parts amused and concerned. “You come to watch my games sometimes. I like when you do that.”

“That means you must be fast,” you said. “Mega fast. Mega extra fast.”

“I’m only a little fast. Most of my teammates are faster,” he said.

“Ah,” you said. “But will you still be here super soon?”

“Yes, I’ll be there super soon,” he promised.

“Can you talk on the phone and walk at the same time?” you asked him.

“Well, I’m doing it at the moment, so yes, I’d assume so. Why do you ask?” he said.

“Isn’t that illegal?” you said.

“No, that’s for when you’re driving,” he said.

“Oh,” you said. “You don’t do that, do you?”

“I take the train or walk most places, so I don’t even have the opportunity to,” he said.

“But if you had to drive, you wouldn’t, right? Right, right?” you said.

“Right,” he said. “I’m just around the corner, so I’m going to hang up. Are you outside?”

“Next to the door,” you said.

“Don’t move,” he instructed you, and then he ended the call.

Before you could begin to wail about the abandonment, he was rounding the corner, looking so haphazard that, had you any more presence of mind, you’d have made fun of him for it. His hair stuck up in every which direction, like it had when he was younger and didn’t know how to style it, and he wore nothing but a random t-shirt thrown over a pair of plaid pajama pants, his feet shoved into the black Crocs that Yayoi had bought him as a gag gift last Christmas.

“Y/N! There you are,” he said, his shoulders slumping in relief as he pulled you into his arms. “Look, I’m with you now. Are you happy?”

You giggled. The world still rotated on an unidentifiable axis, but the firmness of Tabito’s grip had a kind of stabilizing effect, holding you in place and together and in one piece.

“Hi, baby,” you said. “Yes. So happy.”

“Baby?” he repeated, and based on the way his skin warmed, he must’ve been blushing.

“Look,” you said, reaching up so that you could play with the ends of his hair. “It’s like when you were a baby. When you were just little baby Tabito. That’s when I met you, you know.”

“I see,” he said, and there was a distinct yet inexplicable despondency to the way that the corners of his eyes crinkled and a muscle in his jaw twitched. “Do you want to go home now?”

“I wanna be with you,” you said.

“That’s fine,” he said, so patiently and tenderly that your head grew fuzzier and fuzzier with every word he spoke. “I’ll stay with you either way, but I think we should probably head back. How much have you had to drink?”

“Um…” you tried to recount what you had ingested, but it was all a blur. “I don’t remember.”

He rubbed the back of his hand against your cheek. “Let’s go home, then. You definitely shouldn’t have any more. Will you be alright if I go inside and tell your friends I’m taking you back?”

“Do you have to?” you said, catching his sleeve and holding it in between your hands. “Why can’t we just leave?”

“They’ll worry about you,” he said, prying your fingers off with the utmost of delicacy. “If you leave without letting them know, they might think something bad happened. I’ll explain what’s going on so they aren’t scared, and then we can head out. Does that make sense?”

“Hmm,” you said. “Only because you say so.”

He chuckled slightly. “That’s good. I’ll be back before you know it.”

You counted the seconds that he was gone, and before you reached the seventy-fifth, he was already back, his face flushed from the heat of the bar, his hair even wilder than earlier from the sweat and the humidity, a dusty footprint on his right shoe where someone must’ve accidentally stepped on him.

“I was expecting to have to convince them to let you go with me, but they were all alright with it,” he said, carefully taking your hand and leading you in the direction of the apartment.

“Sure they were,” you said, tripping over a loose stone, only avoiding face-planting because Tabito caught you with the reflexes of an athlete. “It’s because I talk about you so much.”

“Do you?” he said.

“Totally,” you said with a yawn. “All of my friends know about you and your soccer and your studies. I’m just soooo proud of you, so I mention it whenever you do something cool. Isn’t that what a normal elder-sister-figure would do?”

“Yayoi doesn’t,” he said.

“Yayoi is Yayoi,” you said.

“That doesn’t mean anything,” he said. “And it doesn’t change what I said.”

“Can you carry me?” you said when you almost stumbled and fell for the second time. “Tabito, it’s hard to walk, so can I please ride on your back the rest of the way?”

He exhaled but crouched, beckoning you forward. “If you really want.”

“Yay!” you said, leaping onto his broad back and clinging to his neck, his fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs as he supported you while continuing to walk. “You’re so big now. When did that happen? Have you always been like this? It’s almost as if you’re nearer to being a man than a child, but that’s impossible. You’re still young, aren’t you?”

“It’s not impossible; in fact, it’s the truth,” he said. “If only you ever looked at me and saw me for who I am, you’d have realized I’ve been like this for quite a while now.”

“What do you mean?” you said, resting your chin on his shoulder, closing your eyes, allowing the rhythm of his walk to lull you into a trance.

“It’s nothing,” he said. “Forget about it. We’re almost there. Are your keys in your purse?”

“Yup,” you said. “D’you want them now?”

“I’ll get them from you once we’re at the door,” he said. “Good thing you don’t have a roommate; I’m sure they’d be pissed off by you coming back so late, drunk out of your mind and with a random guy in tow.”

“You’re not a random guy,” you said, dropping the key to the complex in his waiting hand once the two of you reached the glass gate to the building. “If I had a roommate, they’d definitely know who you are. How could they not? You’re my Tabito.”

“Since when I have been your Tabito?” he said, unlocking the door and flicking your chin up playfully before returning his hand to holding up your leg. “I don’t think that I am.”

“Since always,” you said.

“Really? And does that mean you’re my Y/N?” he said, bending down so you could press the elevator button to take you to your floor.

“Yes,” you said. “For six years I did not know it, but ever since then I have been yours.”

“Well,” he said. “Is that how it is?”

“It is,” you said. He switched the lights in your apartment on and deposited you on the couch, heading to your kitchen and filling up a glass with water. Handing it to you, he sat at your side, bringing it to your lips so you could drink, not taking it away until you had drained the cup.

“Feeling better?” he said. “I’ll get you some crackers to eat.”

“Much better,” you said, chewing on the crackers while laying your head on his shoulder. “My stomach isn’t so queasy, and my vision is a lot more straight.”

“You’re talking more normally, too,” he noted. “At least, you sound a bit comprehensible. Want more water?”

“No,” you said. “I’m sleepy. Can we go to sleep now?”

“Here?” he said. “How about you change into your pajamas and wash your face first?”

“I’m too tired,” you said, yawning yet again to emphasize the point, nuzzling your face against the curve of his neck, your eyelashes crushing against his throat. “You’re so comfortable.”

“Thank you,” he said, patting you atop the head. “But you’ll feel horrible tomorrow morning if you don’t get in bed properly.”

“I’ll feel horrible either way,” you said. “I can’t do anything. We were partying for so long, and now I’m exhausted.”

“That’s true, but you’ll feel worse if you sleep here instead of in your room,” he said. “How about I help you?”

“You’ll help me?” you said.

“If you change your clothes, I’ll do everything else,” he promised, gently pushing you off of him and then standing so he could help you to your feet. “I just don’t want you to feel sick tomorrow, be all cramped up from sleeping in a weird spot, and get a break out on top of that.”

“I guess that’s fine,” you said with a dramatic exhale. “You’re so…so…what’s the word? You’re so persistent. Stubborn. Something like that.”

“People say that a lot,” he said.

“They call you an asshole a lot, too,” you said. “All of the time.”

“Yes,” he said, walking with you to your room, where your pajamas were folded at the foot of your bed. “I think I am one, at least a little bit. It’s impossible for me to be otherwise around mediocre people. I try to fix it, but it’s hard, you know.”

“I don’t think you are,” you said. “You’re the nicest person in the whole entire world. If you were an asshole, you wouldn’t treat me the way you do, but you do, which means you aren’t.”

“That’s because you’re special,” he said after a pause. “To me. And also in general.”

“What do you mean by that?” you said, but when you turned around, he had shut the door between you two, allowing you to change your clothes and him to avoid the question.

Only the thought of disappointing Tabito was enough to convince you to not collapse onto your inviting bed. Instead, you trudged towards the door, opening it and pouting at him, trying to beg with your eyes for him to allow you to go to sleep.

“Good job,” he said, ignoring your silent pleas and dragging you to the bathroom, where he sat you down on the edge of the bathtub. “Is this your makeup remover?”

He showed you the little tub of cold cream you kept next to your sink. You mumbled something generally affirmative, and he unscrewed it, kneeling beside you and massaging it onto your face, paying extra attention to your eyes, which was where most of your makeup was concentrated.

“Who taught you about all of this stuff?” you said, your eyes screwed shut as he used a clean, wet washcloth to remove the cleanser from your skin. “Do you have a secret girlfriend?”

“No girlfriends, secret or otherwise,” he said. “It’s all stuff Yayoi made me learn on pain of death. She refused to have a brother who didn’t know anything about proper skincare. It’s not like I do it all that much, but I’m aware of it thanks to her.”

“You’ve really never had a girlfriend?” you said. You supposed you had always been aware of that, but you had never really comprehended what it meant. How could it be that Tabito Karasu of all people had never even gone on a date?

“Nope,” he said. “Can I use this moisturizer on you? I’m sure you have a better routine normally, but it’ll probably be for the best if we skip steps for the sake of getting this done quickly.”

You cracked your eyes open and then nodded. “Yeah, that’s fine. Why?”

“Why what?” he said. The lotion was cold at first, but the circular motions of his fingers on your cheeks warmed it quickly enough that you didn’t even have time to be shocked by the temperature. It was soothing, a tingly sensation washing over you as he worked.

“Why haven’t you had a girlfriend?” you said, his fingertips gliding over your forehead.

“I guess I haven’t found the right person yet,” he said. “Or, no, that’s not it. I have found them. I found them a long time ago, but I don’t — I don’t think they wanted to be found. Not by me.”

“That can’t be true,” you said. “What kind of person wouldn’t want you? Who are you talking about, anyways?”

His thumb swiped over your lips, once and then twice, before coming to rest where they slightly parted. You waited, thinking he might move it, but he did not.

“What will it take?” he said. “For you to stop thinking of me as a child. What more can I do? Name it and I will. If it means you’ll stop thinking of me as your little brother, then I’ll do anything.”

“How else would I think of you?” you said. “You are like my—”

“Please,” he said, and it had been so very many years since you had heard him so distraught that you quieted immediately. “Please stop it. I don’t think of you like that, I don’t love you like that, so please stop it.”

Before you could respond, his mouth replaced his thumb against your own, and he was kissing you, cradling your head in his hands, his ardor winning out over his inexperience as he tried to impress upon you just how much he had wanted you, and for how long.

Unfathomably and without even realizing, you found yourself kissing him back, enjoying every demand he made of you and responding to them each in kind. Your hands wound around his neck and tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck, tugging on the silky, feathery strands, drawing a small whimper out of him as he wedged himself impossibly closer to you. Yet the sound broke you out of whatever daze you had fallen into, so, with a gasp, you ripped yourself away from him, resting your forehead at the dip of his collarbone as you tried to catch your breath.

“No,” you said. “No, I shouldn’t have — we shouldn’t have — you have to go.”

“Why not?” he said. “You said you shouldn’t have, but you did. Why do you wish you hadn’t?”

“You have to leave,” you said, and then you were crying again, soaking his shirt with your tears as the weight of what you had done began to smother you.

“Let go of me first,” he said. Your fingers, still in his hair, flexed but did not loosen. “Y/N. If you really want me to go, I’ll go, but you have to — you have to let go of me first. You have to be the one to do it.”

You wept harder, because you did not know how to let go of him, because you could not fathom doing it, but neither did you want him to let you go first. It was shameful and wrong, but the truth was that, more than anything, you wished for him to stay, to blot away your tears and lay you in your bed so you could sleep the entire night away.

Somehow, you found the strength in you to yank yourself away from him, all in one go. The moment they left him, it was as if your fingertips themselves mourned, aching to return to their rightful place, but instead of obliging, you used them to cover your eyes. Anything to avoid looking at him. Anything to avoid seeing the anguished expression that most certainly marred his features. Anything to avoid knowing that you were the one who had caused it.

You didn’t look up again until you heard the front door close, and then it was all you could do to turn off the bathroom lights and make it to your bed, crashing into the pillows and somehow managing to fall asleep.

As soon as Yayoi was feeling back to her usual self, you sent her a cryptic text essentially commanding her to meet you at your usual spot for food whenever she could. Thankfully, she recognized when you were having an actual problem versus when you just missed her, and she told you she was free that very evening, so you didn’t have to simmer in your thoughts for any longer than you already had.

“Your brother kissed me,” you said when you sat down across from her.

“Hello to you, too,” she said, closing her menu and setting it to the side. She had only even looked at it as a formality; both of you ordered the same thing every time, so opening the menu was meaningless at this point.

“Hello, Yayoi,” you said. “Tabito kissed me.”

“That’s what you wanted to talk about?” she guessed.

“Yes,” you said. “It happened the other night. I would’ve called you earlier, but you were sick, so I didn’t want to.”

“Alright. It’s a little awkward for me, considering he’s my brother and all, but I’ll set aside my biases and do my best. How do you feel right now?”

“I have no idea. How do you feel?” you said, perplexed by the lack of reaction she was displaying.

“Why would I feel anything?” she said.

“Because? Your best friend just told you that your little brother kissed her? Aren’t you mad?” you said.

“Not really,” she said. “I’m surprised it took him this long, honestly. Everyone knows he’s been in love with you for ages.”

“Everyone?” you said.

“Everyone,” she agreed. “Most of our friends, all of my family, both of your parents…he hasn’t really tried too hard to hide it. I’m pretty sure most of them think you like him, too, but I don’t want to make assumptions, which is why I’m asking you how you feel about it all.”

“How did I miss it?” you said. “I didn’t realize right up until — well, you know — that he liked me, let alone for so long.”

“Sometimes people only see what they think they see,” she said. “You thought Tabito would never like you, so that’s what you believed. But he could, and he did. Now what?”

“Now nothing!” you said. “What am I supposed to do, date him? That’s just wrong!”

“Why is it wrong?” she said. “By the way, I’m not all too invested in any particular outcome, just as long as you’re happy, so don’t think I’m trying to steer you towards any specific path. I just want you to be fully honest with yourself before you jump to making decisions about any of this.”

“Thanks,” you said. “Okay, well, first off, he’s your — you, as in my best friend — little brother.”

“Not yours, though,” she said.

“But as good as,” you said.

“I wouldn’t say so. You’ve never treated him like a sibling,” she said. “That’s not to say you don’t care about him, but it’s in a different way than a sister would.”

“He’s also younger than me,” you said.

“Yukimiya’s younger than I am, and we’re perfectly happy. Plus, you were the first to say that there weren’t any issues with that, so why’s it a problem now?” she said, raising an eyebrow at you.

“But that’s — that’s different! You met him only recently. I’ve known Tabito since we were little kids! Doesn’t that make it weird?” you said.

“People get married to their childhood friends all of the time. It’s not that unusual,” Yayoi said. “Is there anything else?”

“No, it’s just strange, that’s all!” you said. “You seriously don’t find it even a little odd?”

“I’ve had a lot longer to adjust to it than you have,” she said with a shrug, sipping on the soda she had ordered with her meal. “Let’s approach this in a different way. What about if you both were the same age, and you met later in life? In a university lecture or something. If that was the case, and he asked you out, would you say yes?”

“Absolutely,” you said without hesitation. “That was a stupid question. Who would say no? He’s smart, he’s good at pretty much everything, he’s sweet and funny and caring; additionally, from an objective standpoint, he’s incredibly attractive. I’d do everything I could to keep him if he happened to glance my way.”

“Even if he ended up being younger than you?” Yayoi said.

“Yes,” you said. “Yes, I — oh.”

She gave you a dull look. “Just so you know, that is not a sisterly way to view a guy.”

“I got that,” you said.

“Do you think maybe it’s possible that you’ve loved him too, almost the entire time?” she said. “Maybe even before you understood what it meant to love someone else? Back when sibling was the closest relationship to another kid that you, as an only child, could conceive of?”

“I guess that that — that’s definitely a possibility,” you said.

“It could be,” she said. “And then the notion of him being your ‘brother’ became so set in your mind that you couldn’t possibly think of him as anything else.”

“There’s a chance that that was what happened,” you said slowly. “But I don’t feel what I did for Aoyama when I look at Tabito. It’s something else entirely.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t love Tabito,” Yayoi said, flagging down the waiter so you could pay for your food. “It just means you didn’t love Aoyama, or didn’t love him as much. Considering which one is still in your life and which one you haven’t spoken to in years, it’s not unlikely.”

“What do I do now, then?” you said.

“What do you want to do?” she said as the two of you exited the restaurant. “I’ll be your friend no matter what. In the end, it’s up to you.”

“I don’t want to lose him,” you said, suddenly terrified. “I won’t survive if I do. Yayoi, I don’t…”

“You can’t,” she reassured you. “If you haven’t lost him yet, then I don’t think it’s possible for you to. But you know, then, right? What’s next?”

“I do,” you said, taking out your phone and picking up speed, veering in a different direction, turning over your shoulder to shout back at her. “Thank you, Yayoi!”

“Good luck!” she shouted back as you took off at a run, holding your phone up to your ear.

“Otoya,” you said breathlessly, as soon as he picked up. “Otoya, is Tabito there?”

“Uh, Y/N? Yeah, Karasu’s cooking dinner, why?” he said. “You good?”

“I’m coming over,” you said. “Make sure he doesn’t go anywhere, and buzz me in when I get there. This is me calling in that favor you owe me, so do a good fucking job at it, okay?”

“Sure, I can, but why don’t you just ask him to do it directly?” he said.

“I don’t think he’ll pick up if I call him at the moment,” you said.

“Trouble in paradise? This is why I don’t do the whole ‘commitment’ gig. Too many complications,” Otoya said with a scoff. “Fine, I’ll help you, but only because — like you said — I owe you one, and because I’m going to evacuate the apartment as soon as you get here so I’m not caught in the crossfire.”

“Thank you,” you said. “That’s perfect. You rock.”

“Yup, you got it. See you.”

The elevator took too long, so after waiting for thirty seconds, you gave up and went for the stairs, taking them two at a time until you reached the floor that Tabito and Otoya lived on. Then you knocked on the door, waiting with crossed arms until it swung open and revealed Otoya, dressed in a pair of rubber-ducky boxers and nothing more.

“Well, that’s my cue,” he said when he saw it was you.

“Where are you even going to go, dressed like that?” you said, momentarily distracted by the outfit, which was all but offensive to the eye. Otoya winked at you.

“There’s plenty of people in this complex that would welcome me dressed like this,” he said, walking out with a devilish grin. “I’ll go see one of them.”

“You have fun,” you said, unable to do anything but shake your head at the rakish response.

“I definitely will. You…do your best with Karasu. He’s been kinda down, so it’d be great if you could fix him right up again, because his pasta tastes shitty when he’s in a bad mood,” he said, saluting at you before vanishing into the closing elevator.

“Who was at the door?” Tabito said. He wore the pale green apron with white polka dots you had loaned him and never asked for back, and there was a wooden spoon in his right hand, which he used to stir a pot of sauce. “Hello? Otoya? Was it one of your exes again or something? Dude, you’ve gotta stop giving them our address, this is the third time this month that some girl has come to harass you.”

You were still for a moment, standing in the doorway, watching the muscles of his back tighten and then relax as he finished mixing the sauce, setting the spoon down on its stand and putting the lid back on the pot.

“Damn, silent treatment? Was it that bad? It’s your own fault, you dumbass,” he said. “It’s not like I tell you to bring them over. You do that all on your own, and these are the consequences you face as a result. Don’t blame me for it.”

What would you even tell him? He turned the stove to simmer, and you opened your mouth before closing it. You had no idea what to say. You had no idea what was even going on in your mind — you had left Yayoi with such an urgency that you hadn’t had the time to organize your thoughts as you would’ve liked to before such an important moment.

He turned around while untying his apron, his mouth curved into a sneer as he prepared to taunt who he must’ve thought was Otoya messing with him. Yet when he realized it was you, his face fell, as if just by standing there you had reprimanded him harshly.

“Y/N,” he said. You wondered how he could do it, how he could bear to still say your name with the same affection as always. Why hadn’t he left you? Why hadn’t he given up a long time ago? What had you ever done to be worthy of this kind of loyalty? What had you ever done to deserve a person like him?

A lump swelled in your throat, and the harder you tried to swallow it down, the more your eyesight prickled and blurred, until you could hardly see anything at all. For a second you were frozen, and then vaguely you were aware of him taking a step towards you and your inhibitions were lost entirely.

Crossing the expanse of the small kitchen and casting yourself into his embrace, you clung to his neck, crying in earnest when he held onto you as if by instinct, because the way he clutched your waist felt like coming home. He felt like coming home. He felt like butterflies in the spring and leaves in the fall and ice cream in the summer and storms in the winter and every other little thing from your life which you could only ever associate with him.

“I love you,” you said. “I’m sorry, I love you, I love you so much I didn’t even realize it but I do now, I do, and I can finally see that I love you more than anything or anyone, Tabito, so please still love me back, please—”

“Shh,” he murmured, one of his hands moving up and down your back. “Don’t cry. There’s no reason to cry. Y/N, Y/N, don’t cry, I hate it when you cry.”

“I’m sorry,” you said again. “I was such a fool. I didn’t comprehend it, any of it, because I’ve loved you since before I understood what the word love meant.��

He kissed your forehead, your cheeks, the tip of your nose, over and over until your tears abated, and only then did he speak.

“I’ve loved you for longer,” he said. “I loved you before I even knew you.”

“And do you still?” you said.

“Yes,” he said. “I couldn’t stop so quickly.”

“Don’t ever stop,” you said. “But if you do, if you must, then keep it to yourself. I want to at least imagine that you’ll keep loving me for — for a long time.

“Oh, Y/N,” he said. “You don’t have to imagine that. I’ll love you forever if you want it.”

“I do,” you said. “I do want it.”

His lips ghosted along your temple as he smiled. Then, right before they fit against your own, he murmured: “Then that’s what I’ll do.”

Though you had neither reason nor proof, you found that, wholeheartedly and fully, with all that you were, you believed him.

[viviennevermillion]

we just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

note: loosely based on the vibes of the song for the first time by the script. starts with an argument. reader and leona both are pretty harsh here but they'll get there eventually. ♡ this took me two days and idk what possessed me but I really like how this fic turned out and I appreciate comments or asks about it. ♡

contains: leona kingscholar x gn!reader, relationship development, angst to fluff, fighting and making up, bonding experiences

word count: 7.6k words

warnings: argument, leona's crippling depression, some hurtful things have been said

dark content creators & consumers do not interact

It was the middle of the winter holidays and Night Raven College was probably as quiet as it could be. You had left behind the festivities of late December and for now you decided to take some time to focus on yourself and rest up before school would resume in about a week. On a particularly cold Friday evening you had made yourself some pasta for dinner and laid down in bed after putting away the dishes. The night sky was clearer tonight than it had been for a while and your room was lit up only by the stars and the dim light of the magical ignis fatuus lamp on your nightstand. You took out your phone and checked the messages your friends had left you; keeping you updated on the presents they had received and the activities they engaged in during their well-deserved vacation. 

You didn’t know if it was just a whim or the fact that you may or may not have missed a certain someone…but you eventually decided to reach out to Leona to check up on him. You remembered how annoyed he had sounded when you saw him leave for his homeland through the dark mirror. It was no secret that the second prince of Sunset Savannah was anything but keen on going back to the palace over the winter holidays. His abrasive behavior was quite off-putting sometimes and you had to admit it made you hesitate sometimes to reach out to him even though you wanted to. You were long past the point of considering Leona your friend. His perspective on the matter, however? A mystery to you. 

It could just be that you were a nuisance to him. That he didn’t necessarily dislike you but rather had you minding your own business instead. Or maybe that was just the way he was. You found him hard to read sometimes; never knowing whether a question would get you a snarky comment or a calm and serious answer. Leona was more than capable of both. Still, especially after his overblot and having seen a glimpse of how he was feeling inside, you had decided to push your pride away for a while and put some effort into being his friend; even if he had a tendency to push everyone away. You presumed it was because at least, if he pushed people away, he was the one who’d have the last word. He could retain the reputation of someone who simply didn’t care, rather than risking to be seen as someone who just wasn’t wanted. You didn’t know how much Leona was aware of the extent of his feelings that he divulged while in an overblotted state. It was probably best if he remained largely unaware. 

Still, you decided to shoot him a quick “Hey, how are you doing?” over your messaging service. Leona didn’t seem very busy at the moment, as his answer came not soon after. “Oi, herbivore, what do you want?”, he texted back. 

“Just wanted to know how you’re enjoying your winter holidays so far. I haven’t heard from you in a while. Thought I’d text you so close to the new year to check how you’re doing. You didn’t seem too pleased to go back to the palace after all”, you replied. Leona shifted his position on his bed, staring at the words on his phone for a while. His expression darkened a little. The fuck did it matter to you how he was doing? 

It wasn’t particularly well, that was for sure, but you didn’t have to know that. However, Leona didn’t really feel like talking at all. Contrary to how easily he could try to sleep away his problems for a while when he was at Night Raven College, they seemed to always catch up to him when he was back home. He hadn’t slept in 48 hours; not since the annoying political gathering Farena had dragged him to on Wednesday. His days consisted of laying in bed and trying to avoid his brother’s nagging and Cheka’s attempts at playing games with him as best as he could; trying to get some sleep but consistently failing to. He let out a bitter laugh, wondering what Ruggie would think if he saw him like this. The hyena beastman had tried multiple times to get him out of bed after Leona had slept for more than 10 hours and failed miserably. And now Leona couldn’t even take a nap for a couple of hours. 

“Yeah, it sucks, dunno if that’s the answer you expected”, Leona typed and ran a hand through his dark hair, slumping back into the pillow and holding the phone above his face, “there’s nothin’ to do here except fancy crap and arguing with my brother, the beloved king. Only good thing is my personal chefs; their food is fantastic as usual.” Leona held his head in pain, the headache from the sleep deprivation getting to him more and more. He turned the brightness of the phone down and reached for another painkiller on the nightstand, downing the medication with a glass of water. 

You had no idea of the beastman’s predicament; comfortably resting under the covers of your own bed. “Let me guess, you’re eating nothing but meat again?”, you chuckled and clicked on ‘send’. 

“Heh. The chef told me I need to eat more greens. I told ‘em I’d rather starve than touch some leaves and eat like a herbivore.”

You rolled your eyes. He always had such an attitude. The poor chefs were probably just doing their best to keep their prince healthy. “Classic Leona”, you replied with a chuckle, “do you plan on handing your essays in after the holidays this time? We don’t want you to repeat another year.” You remembered how Ruggie had teased him that if he didn’t pass his finals again, they’d be in the same class from next year on. Leona furrowed his brows and rolled his eyes. As if he didn’t have other things to worry about than schoolwork at the moment. What idiot even came up with the idea of giving students homework over the holidays?

“You sound like Farena”, you got your next answer, “‘You need to pass this class’, ‘You need to get better grades’, ‘What are the citizens gonna say if Prince Leona can’t even graduate from school?�� Gimme a break. Ugh. Can’t a guy take a vacation? I don’t wanna worry about stupid essays now.”

You sighed. “You’ve pretty much taken a vacation since the school year began…you’re hardly attending classes because you’re always nappin’ somewhere in the greenhouse”, you turned on the light of your room, knowing this conversation was likely not taking a pleasant turn anytime soon, “I’m sorry I remind you of your brother. But I’m not saying this to pester you. If I didn’t give a shit about you, I’d have long since ignored you.” It was true. You hardly would have bothered with him if he hadn’t grown on you overtime. And if it weren’t for the feelings you secretly harbored for him; getting stronger with every passing day. Most people would have probably advised you against falling for Leona. But it was not like that was something you could control. Sometimes you felt like it wasn’t a good idea at all to keep trying to stick around when he wasn’t willing to let you in. But there were moments where Leona was one of the most pleasant people to be around; regardless of how much your classmates would have raised their eyebrows at you for admitting that. He was calm, honest and all the shallow things people around you were obsessing over, Leona was hardly interested in. His demeanor was refreshing sometimes and his jokes were funny. But on other occasions he just had to be so difficult. The worst part was that you knew he could do better. But on most days he wasn’t even willing to try.

Meanwhile Leona wondered what your reason was for reaching out to him if you were just going to lecture him anyway like everyone else did. Why didn’t you just let him mind his business and leave him alone? It wasn’t that Leona was annoyed with your presence. He too felt quite comfortable around you most of the time. But you had the same criticisms for him as everyone else did. And even though he knew deep down you were right; he just kept standing in his own way. It was frustrating sometimes, but he hardly had the energy to do the 180° turn others expected from him. He felt inadequate. Especially for you. What was he expecting from you anyway? That you’d love him and choose him over everyone else you knew? All the people who were responsible and had their lives figured out? So for the sake of his pride he did the one thing he knew best how to do: Keep pushing you away. 

“Fineee, I’ll turn in my essay. I’ll go to class. I’ll even go find some herbivore friends just to humor ya”, he shut you down and it was evident from his phrasing that he was hardly serious, “now shut up and let me go back to sleep for a bit, eh?” He ignored the twinge of guilt in his heart for being so rude to you; who had been nothing but kind to him since the year started. What did he care for anyway? He felt like his emotions were getting the better of him; all the frustration and anger and hopelessness of the past few days creeping into his mind like a shadow that was taking hold of him. He reached for the lamp on the nightstand; knowing full-well he probably wouldn’t be able to take the nap he told you he’d take under these conditions; knocking the glass of water to the floor in the process. “Ah shit”, he groaned, sinking back into the bedsheets. He supposed he could clean that up tomorrow. Or get one of the staff members to do it for him. He just hoped Farena wouldn’t lecture him about it. That’s how far you’ve come, huh? Don’t even have the energy to pick some glass shards up. Pathetic. 

He tried to push down that voice inside him as best as he could, putting his phone aside and burying his face in his pillow to muffle the quiet sobs that he couldn’t stop from escaping him. Though he doubted anyone would hear them anyway. There was another small gathering in the garden below his window and he could hear the upbeat music and some of the chatter from the guests. At least his attendance wasn’t required for today’s event. Leona hated crying. He hated how vulnerable and weak it made him feel. He’d much rather lie to himself and convince himself that he really didn’t give a damn and just enjoyed being lazy and provoking the people around him. In those moments, somewhere deep inside his heart, Leona wished for someone to be there for him. But it wasn’t like anyone out there cared; they were busy with their small garden party to honor his homeland’s coexistence with nature. And you? You had reached out to him and asked him how he was and Leona just couldn’t have given you a normal answer. Instead, he just pushed you away to guarantee that you’d probably stop caring about him too. Your newest message confirmed his suspicions, reading: “Fine. Whatever.”

You were tired of the constant back and forth. You had reached out to him with good intentions and care and this was what you got in return. Maybe it truly was time to leave Leona Kingscholar behind for good and make sure you wouldn’t have to deal with interactions like these on a peaceful night. This was exactly why you had hesitated to text him anything. But instead of taking his nap, Leona replied back. You had the feeling he wouldn’t do that if he had no interest in talking to you whatsoever.

“You really gotta learn to lighten up a little. Not everything’s all serious, ya know? Sometimes a nap is just a nap”, he tried to de-escalate the anger he caused with his previous messages; attempting to play it off as just his usual demeanor and nothing personal. What he didn’t get at the moment was how much that played down your own feelings and words. 

You rolled your eyes, debating whether you should just log off and leave him to his own thoughts. Maybe that was for the better. You sighed. “You didn’t have to start it with ‘shut up’”, you answered, just hoping anything you said wouldn’t make things even worse. 

Leona had gotten up from the bed and sat down near the window, gazing out onto the garden; wishing anyone at that gathering would actually care about his thoughts regarding the development of his homeland. The cheerful laugh he could hear from Farena and his guests filled him with a sense of anger so strong that it hurt nobody but himself. He felt stressed; just wanted to finally go to sleep and actually manage to drift off into the land of dreams. But life seemed to have other plans for him. He had gotten himself into a fight with you, one of the only people who seemed to genuinely care about his feelings; the royal court was just proceeding with their schedule as if he was nothing but a ghost sometimes lingering at them and he knew he had to do the damn essays if he wanted to pass this time. 

“Yeah, you’re right. I should’ve said something more polite like ‘I’m trying to get some shut-eye here, would you kindly shut up so I can rest peacefully?’ or perhaps ‘Excuse me but I have some slumber to catch up on, would you please cease talking so I can focus on that?’ Better?”, Leona snapped, his expression darkening.

His rude behavior and disrespectful reaction to you just trying to be nice to him frustrated you. So much so, that you waved the idea of being polite and holding back your thoughts about the matter a friendly goodbye. If it’s a fight he wanted, he can have one, you thought with a bitter mood. So you replied something you knew you probably should not have said.

“And this is why people don’t put you first.”

Your words stung. You hit him right where it hurt and both of you knew that. The crying that had stopped, resumed again as tears ran down Leona’s cheeks. He knew he got himself into this mess but admitting that seemed like the hardest thing for him right now. Not with how angry you had made him over the past 30 minutes.

“Because I’m sarcastic? Wow. Really settin’ the bar high there. Not everyone needs to be a happy-go-lucky sunshine boy, ya know?”, Leona replied with a spiteful feeling in his chest, “maybe I just express myself differently. What do you care ‘bout it?”

Okay, we’re really doing this, are we? You took a deep breath and shook your head. 

“The problem is that you’re rude as fuck and then you’re complaining about only ever being the second choice. Yeah, sure, it sucks for you that you can’t be king or win the Magift tournament against Malleus; I get that; but everything else is your own doing”, you reached a point where you weren’t holding back your thoughts anymore, “you’re literally not even letting people be nice to you. That’s like, the bare minimum. I’ve been trying to be your friend for the whole school year and sometimes you’re really pleasant to be around but other times you’re just taking your bad moods out on people who care about you and I’m tired of it. I tried. I really did. But you push everyone away and then you go sulk in your bed about how no one understands you.”

“I don’t need you to care about me”, a lie and a pretty damn pathetic one; Leona knew that. But he was in the wrong headspace at the wrong time and on top of everything else, he was panicking because he felt like you were close to abandoning him. And this time it would be his own fault. 

“Goodbye Leona. See you in school, I guess.”

Leona frantically started typing again; not feeling like he’d be able to tolerate the silence. To just be left alone with his thoughts again. To have lost you.

“Fine, fine. I’ll be there. I’ll be the best prince ever. Good, hardworking, loyal, reliable…then everyone will love me, huh?”, he let out a bitter laugh, clutching the pillow he was holding, “is that what you wanted?”

His response was as sarcastic as ever but he was in luck that you were not one to just let him put words into your mouth. 

“No”, you texted back, having calmed down a little and gotten yourself a tea, “I just want you to at least be respectful towards the people who care about you and not lash out at us like this. That’s literally all I ask for. Ruggie and I stuck around even through your stupid overblot and all your depressive episodes where you locked yourself in your room and slept for 14 hours as if that’s gonna solve anything.”

Under normal circumstances, Leona would have been a lot more careful with his words. He was hardly one to even remotely talk about his feelings; always keeping them to himself to make sure no one had anything they could use against him. But the sleep-deprivation, emotional distress and headache put him in a state of mind where he was a lot more honest and open than he intended to be.

“Oh? It must be a real burden on you that I’m not just one of those happy, energetic herbivores, huh? If I was nice and polite; if I just did what I was told, everything would be fine, wouldn’t it?”, he could hardly even still see the screen as his vision got too blurry, “then you wouldn’t have to be burdened with being nice to someone like me….someone who can’t even smile genuinely. Someone like me should just disappear, right?”

As soon as he sent that, he wanted to take it back. This was too much. More than he ever wanted to let you know. He had given you a glimpse into his heart and he was certain that this had been a grave mistake. And simultaneously it made you realize what was really going on here.

Oh god, he’s not doing well at all…shit. You realized Leona hadn’t reacted this way towards you because he hated your presence or saw you as an annoyance…this was his own self-doubt talking and he obviously was not okay right now. You saw that now. 

“Leona…that’s not what I’m saying at all…did something happen at the palace? You’re a bit of an asshole sometimes, but it’s usually never this bad…you okay?”, you messaged him and Leona let out a bitter laugh. Even through all this…even after how rude he had been to you and how hard he had tried to push you away, your first response to his accidental self-deprecating talk in the heat of the moment was to worry about him. You deserve better…, he thought.

“Listen, I don’t expect you to smile or be happy all the time or do what you’re told”, you continued, “and I’m sorry you feel the way you do. I understand and I respect your feelings. You don’t have to be all smiles and super friendly to everyone or fulfill anyone’s expectations. Just don’t let your anger and frustrations out on your friends. Hell, i don’t know, rant to us about how much life sucks or whatever; maybe we’ll end up with a bitter joke about it or something….anything’s better than this.”

He had to admit that…did sound more pleasant. You weren’t done yet.

“I’ll be there even if you’re not feeling well. Even if that lasts weeks or months at a time. But if you don’t give me the basic respect and kindness a friend deserves, then I’m out”, you added, “and I’d never want you to disappear, Leona. That’s the furthest thing from the truth.”

Leona remained silent for a moment. Minutes passed by and you were wondering whether he’d even reply at all. It had started to rain outside and for whatever reason the thunder seemed to calm you down. You put your phone aside and tried to distract yourself by reading a book you grabbed from the school library. After a while, you heard the notification sound of your phone again. You checked the display to see a new message from Leona.

“...heh. You really got me down to a t, didn’t ya?”, it read, “Sorry if I hurt your feelings. I didn’t mean to. I’m just tired. Tired of all the things I have to do, tired of always being second pick, tired of being angry. I guess I took it out on you and that was wrong. I apologize for my rudeness.”

You knew it took a lot for Leona to ever apologize for anything. He had decided to swallow his pride for the sake of fixing the mess he made. You were exhausted from the fight and this was the first time you had heard him apologize to you for being rude. It had never been this bad before; but Leona could be quite dismissive on a regular basis. You had more to say but it was probably best for you to indulge him for now and let him rest and calm down. 

“Thank you. Wanna talk about what happened?”, you asked.

Leona hesitated for a moment. He remembered the gathering two days ago. Farena had pressured him into attending; saying the whole royal family was expected to be there. So Leona had begrudgingly put on the tight, fancy clothing and sat at the dinner table with dozens of politicians and investors. He heard them talk to his older brother and the queen about the current status quo in Sunset Savannah; even acknowledging Cheka as the heir to the throne. But Leona? Leona was meant to sit there for the whole evening and look pretty. Farena shot him a glare when he attempted to take out his phone to distract himself; as it was not proper etiquette for a prince. 

Leona couldn’t remember anyone but his own family members having attempted to talk to him that night. No one had cared about his opinions or the fact that he was even there. For all the talk about how crucial it was that the whole royal family attended, Leona sure felt like an extra at the event. There were many investors who were advocating for a better infrastructure and to develop more parts of the country aside from the capital; making use of its natural resources to achieve a bigger state of welfare. Leona had many thoughts on the matter. He had visions and ideas on how to make them happen. He did care. But it didn’t matter what the loathed second prince said about any of this. Farena would probably scold him for trying to butt into the official state affairs. Not that it mattered whether he said anything or not. His brother’s opinions and his own differed greatly; that much he knew. He’d never listen to any ideas Leona brought to the table. He had tried often enough.

So all Leona did was sit there and listen. Not saying a word; just holding his tongue when he had so many thoughts wanting to be said. He listened to everyone else; let everything happen whether he agreed with their decisions or not. Eventually he just blended the voices out, concentrating solely on trying to keep his act together when his facade was threatening to crack because it occurred to him just how much he didn’t matter. Cheka had tried to climb onto his uncle’s lap and show him a bracelet he crafted, expecting a response from Leona. He knew he had to react somehow. He couldn’t just ignore when someone was talking to him; especially not with so many people right next to him. But he feared, were he to say something now, his voice would crack and he’d break.

So he took all his strength to keep it together, gently placed Cheka on the ground again and walked over to his brother, excusing himself and saying he was feeling sick. Not a lie technically.

Leona took a deep breath before replying to you.

“No, I’d rather not. That’s…my own personal life, y’know?”, he answered, “I’ll stop being such an angry prick towards you and Ruggie all the time. I guess I needed that wake-up call, harsh as it was. At least I know you’re not one to lie to my face, heh. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to try to catch up on some shut-eye. I’ll talk to you later.”

You leaned back with a slight smile on your face. That was a lot more genuine than what you were used to from Leona. Maybe it was just your imagination, but you were beginning to feel like, bizarre as it was, today had brought you closer to one another. That Leona had reached a new level of trust towards you he didn’t have before.

“Heh…see, that’s much better than ‘shut up and let me take a nap’”, you replied with a relieved smile, “get some rest, Leona. Hope you’ll feel better afterwards. ❤️”

“Did you just send me a heart emoji?”

“That was an accident. Go to sleep. :)”

Leona realized he had a smile on his face. He chuckled, burying his had in his hands. You were really getting to him, huh? You had said a couple of things that really stung and yet somehow at the end of the day he treasured you enough to smile at a sign of affection from you. I better make sure to treat ‘em properly from now on, he mused and smirked, laying down on his bed again. He wondered if you actually had feelings for him or something of the sort. Somehow with the thought of you on his mind, he fell asleep easily, relieved you were able to sort things out. And he was already looking forward to talking to you again… 

You didn’t hear from Leona again for at least half a day. You were already suspecting that the sleepy lion may not have gotten any sleep at all lately, so you were glad he was resting. What you didn’t expect was for Leona to call you when he woke up. He’s calling? That’s a new one.

“Mornin’ Herbivore”, his voice was raspy and was cracking slightly. He sounded a little bit like he had cried but you didn’t dare to comment on it. “It’s 3pm. Sleep well?”, you chuckled and had a smile on your face again. “Hmm, I’ve had better nights but yeah”, he responded, rubbing his eyes and running a hand through his hair, “sorry again about last night. I had a bit of a moment there…I’ll do better. If you forgive me that is. But only if you wanna. I was kind of an ass.” Leona turned on the camera of his phone and so did you. He gave you a triumphant grin when he saw how your reaction to seeing his face was just smiling instantly. 

You sighed. “It’s fine. You’re lucky I like you. You’re an acquired taste.”

Leona chuckled. “I’m glad my terrible sleep schedule and awful personality can be considered an acquired taste in this day and age”, he winked at you. You let out a laugh. You looked at Leona’s calm expression; the way his hair looked messy and his ears twitched a little. He was wearing a simple black t-shirt and you thought he looked absolutely ethereal. You had to admit you missed him.

“Okay, you made me laugh, I give you that”, you chuckled and grinned at him, “feeling better?”

“A bit”, Leona answered, “Thank ya for being so patient with me. You’re a real one. I guess I’m just used to people not sticking around long enough to deal with my bullshit…..it feels weird….having someone care.” Something had definitely changed inside Leona. He was still weirdly genuine about his feelings. Maybe he was also still very exhausted. 

“Well, you’re in luck. I’m really stubborn and I always want to have the last word. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. Even if you hiss at me like a feral housecat”, you teased him. “Heh”, he laughed and you could see his ears move along with the rising and falling of his chest, “fine, I won’t try to get rid of ya then. Still gonna be a bit of a prick tho. Maybe I will start hissing at people. Make a reputation for myself. The hissing prince of Sunset Savannah.” 

The two of you laughed and Leona ran a hand through his hair, trying to adjust it somehow. “You know what? You just gave me my first real laugh of this week”, he gave you a genuine smile and you could tell he was feeling better, “normally I don’t hang around herbivores that much. But I like ya. Thanks for stickin’ with me.”

You gave him a kind smile. “See? You’re pretty fun when you’re not being an asshole. And I assure you, you already have a reputation. Not a particularly good one, but it’s certainly….something.” 

Leona chuckled and excused himself for a moment to open the blinds on his window. He put his phone aside and all you heard from him was a sharp hiss of pain and him cursing under his breath. “The fuck happened?”, you looked at him with concern once he was back. “Stepped in glass shards”, he mumbled as if that explained anything. “Why the hell are there glass shards on your floor?” “Ancient royal trial that every member of the royal family has to go through at some point in their lives”, he commented dryly and you were pretty sure he was making this up. 

“Anyway, you should probably get first aid for that”, you raised an eyebrow. “Alright”, Leona smirked, seeming as tough as ever, “don’t miss me too much.” He winked at you before ending the call. He’s certainly growing bold now, hmm? You laughed and went to make yourself some food, awaiting his return eagerly.

It took about 30 minutes for Leona to return and start making fun of you for worrying about him so much. “I’m not made of glass, y’know?”, he smirked, “I just step in it sometimes.” 

You sigh and put your friend on speaker, tending to your kitchen appliances once more. “Did you get first-aid for your injury?”, you asked, throwing some carrots, broccoli and zucchini into the mixer. “Yeah. Staff bandaged my foot and told me to be more careful. Got a whole lecture because they’re so considerate”, Leona rolled his eyes and then cringed at the sudden loud whirring, “fuck is that noise, herbivore?” “Oh…sorry”, you apologized and turned the mixer off, “I’m making a soup. Noticed I haven’t had lunch yet today.” 

“Ew with like, vegetables and shit?”, Leona shook his head in disappointment. You chuckled. “Yes, not everyone has the strength and insanity it takes to attempt to solely live off meat”, you teased. 

“Anyway, to get back to our conversation from before, it’s nice to know I have a reputation for something, heh. Even if it’s just that”, Leona chuckled, “I don’t get people sometimes. ‘Ugh, he’s so pretty! Too bad he’s a jerk!’ Why do people keep sayin’ that? Am I supposed to be flattered or pissed?”

You laughed. “Well, I think they’re having a crisis because they’re attracted to a guy whose personality is like a matryoshka doll where you’re kinda intimidated to take off another layer because you’re not sure if it’s gonna get better or worse.”

Leona snorted. “Okay, that was a fun analogy, I’m not even gonna be mad. I’ll remember that one”, he smirked, “so, given that you have first-hand experience now, do you have the feeling it’s getting better? Or worse?” So he’s acknowledging that he’s opening up to me more than he did before, you pondered and smiled, that’s good. “Better”, you admitted, “now I know I didn’t go that wrong with giving you a chance. Anyway, what do you do all day over there?”

“Oh, nothin’ much”, Leona shrugged, “sleeping…trying to sleep, avoiding my nephew, avoiding my brother, avoiding the chamberlains, playing chess against a computer…when I arrived I drove around a bit and stopped by Elephant Legacy to take a bath in the secluded hot springs only the royal family has access to. I guess that counts for doing somethin’”

“And you made fun of Idia for being a shut-in?”, you raised an eyebrow. “I also nap outside, that disqualifies me from being a shut-in”, Leona grinned, absentmindedly playing with an old yoyo he got from a market when he was 7, “but yeah it’s pretty boring. Night Raven College is a little more interesting.”

After a week of hardly doing anything, Leona had to admit he was growing quite bored of the winter holidays. You didn’t have many plans either, so that was how the two of you ended up playing online chess. “God, with that strategy or lack thereof you have, your king is gonna be down in less than five minutes”, Leona held his head in second-hand embarrassment and reached for a glass of water to take a sip. “Oh so you think you’re close to losing?”, you smirk and heard Leona choke on his water, coughing frantically. Did you really just call him your king?, he thought with a surprised expression, his ears laid back against his head.

“What’s the matter, Leona?”, you asked and he could hear your teasing tone through the speaker, “did I perhaps fluster you?” You were really playing with fire today, huh? Leona smirked. He didn’t admit it, but he did absolutely like that. “Why don’t ya focus on your shitty ass playstyle instead, you just lost the best piece you still had on the board”, he hissed back, his tail swishing back and forth. “I didn’t see your queen there”, you whined. “What do you mean, you didn’t see it there? It was literally right next to where you were standing-”, Leona shook his head and held it with his hand, “I don’t even know where to start with this one…”

As the day went on, you got Leona to play a couple of other online board games with you, mostly luck-based ones because you insisted you were “good at them”. He also agreed to teach you some chess strategies, arguing that even with knowing them you wouldn’t be able to beat him. He never let you win. Not once. 

He had to admit that your company brought him amusement and joy. That you distracted him from the problems he was worrying about. So he didn’t mind spending his days with you. He was looking forward to seeing you again at Night Raven College. 

“Leona, it’s your turn. Leona?”, you asked when he wasn’t responding. It was already evening and the sun had set. You could hear soft breathing and some light snores coming from the phone. You smiled and closed the game the two of you were playing. Something inside you didn’t have the heart to just hang up on him. So you put your phone aside and went to bed yourself, feeling somehow closer to Leona this way.

He woke up with surprise upon finding out you were still there. He wondered whether that was intentional or not. He quickly pushed away the idea of waking up beside you; of pulling you into his arms and falling back asleep in the comfort of the blankets and your warmth. Leona pouted when he noticed the smile on his face. Then, upon having another fantastic idea, his expression turned into a mischievous smirk as he made his way over to the wardrobe where he had hidden a plastic aerophone that he confiscated from Cheka after the latter had attempted to “play a song” for him and followed him through the entire palace. He sat down next to where his phone was laying on the bed and blew into the cheap instrument; causing it to emit sounds with a terribly loud volume. He stopped just in time to hear the angry “WHAT THE FUCK, LEONA????” from your side of the call. “Rise and shine, herbivore”, you could hear him snicker. “You’re such an asshole”, you muttered.

The days went by fast when you had each other’s company. Leona kept you updated on what was happening at the palace; the stuff that wasn’t confidential at least. This mostly happened in the form of him ranting about how much it annoyed him. He had ditched the Sunset Savannah New Year’s ceremony and spent it on the palace roof, turning his camera on and letting you see the fireworks of his homeland and how the city was lit up for the celebrations. “If you ever visit, I’ll show ya around”, he had promised you.

Your presence in his life made the holidays pass by fast. When Leona stepped through the dark mirror on his way back to the school, you were already waiting for him on the other side. Both of you felt a little awkward at first. Things had changed a lot between you since you had last seen each other, after all. Leona rolled his eyes at your attempts to make smalltalk, waiting for the rest of the students to exit the mirror chamber before he opened his arms. “Come on now, y/n, don’t be a stranger”, he sighed and you stepped into his embrace, wrapping your arms around him. You hoped he didn’t have a sliver of an idea how much you had wanted this over the past few days. What you didn’t know was that Leona felt exactly the same. He held the back of your head with his hand and let you bury your face in his shoulder. Leona had his tail wrapped around your waist and you got goosebumps where it touched your arm. A strand of his hair was tickling the skin of your face and you noticed how much you liked the smell of his cologne. 

The two of you walked back to the dorms together, Leona staying closer to you than usual. Much to your surprise, the lion beastman actually showed up to class on the first day. It was his most hated lesson, even. He sat down next to you. “Glad you showed up”, you said and reached for the cup standing next to you, “I got you a coffee.” Leona inspected the beverage with surprise, not expecting you to get him something to drink on the off-chance that he came to class. You raised your eyebrow at him when you saw him sniffing at the coffee. “If you’re gonna complain that you don’t like this kind, I’m never getting you anything ever again”, you threatened and Leona patted your head. “Don’t worry, herbivore”, he smirked and took a sip from the coffee as the lesson began.

Reunited at Night Raven College, Leona still enjoyed spending his time with you. He had invited you over to show you some more strategies in chess; as it was easier to teach you anything if you were there in person. You had eaten dinner together (a bunch of meat that Leona ordered from a take-out restaurant in the village on the isle) and decided to take a breath of fresh air on the roof of the Savanaclaw dorm. Leona looked at you as you gazed at the stars. 

“Do you think the sky is fake?”, Leona was caught off-guard by your question. “The hell?”, he raised an eyebrow and sat up. “Like, the ones over the dorms. What even are the dorms? Are they actual locations the mirrors just teleport us to? Are they weird pocket dimensions? Why do I never hear anyone talking about this?”, you asked. Leona chuckled. “Considering they’re never locked and we haven’t seen anyone try to rob us yet, I thought it was pretty obvious they’re not just standing around somewhere in the wild”, he shrugged, “but yeah, this isn’t the actual night sky. The constellations are super off.” “I see someone actually paid attention in astronomy class”, you commented. “Not really”, Leona replied, “in my homeland there’s the belief that the stars are the great kings of the past who are watching over you from above. Heard the story a million times. Learnt about the constellations as time went on. If you’re worried or in despair, you can ask them for guidance and supposedly they would answer you. Personally I think that’s a bunch of humbug.” 

Leona shrugged and you thought about his words, having learnt something new about his culture. “If you believed in it…what would you ask them?”, you wondered and looked into Leona’s emerald eyes. “That’s a little too personal, don’t ya think?”, Leona smirked but then conceded, “I suppose I’d ask them why I pulled such a dumb result in fate’s lottery, among other things.” “Idia called it ‘god’s rigged gacha machine’”, you chuckled. “That’s one way to put it”, Leona mused. “Then again, you never know what life’s gonna give you”, you tried to add a more positive point of view, “who knows maybe you’ll soon receive a great deal of luck or something. You never know.”

Leona let out a bitter laugh. “Then I suppose, I’ll have to thank the great kings of the past”, he crossed his arms, “anyway, it’s getting late. We should probably head inside again.” He got up and so did you, making your way towards Leona’s room again. 

You couldn’t even react fast enough when you stumbled on the roof and fell over, Leona catching you just in time and pulling you back into balance. You were leaned against his chest and Leona was holding onto you to keep you steady. “Geez, herbivore, first you’re all talk about stickin’ by me and being my friend and now I have to prevent you from breaking your bones every 5 minutes”, Leona sighed. You pouted. “Name ONE other time where you had to prevent me from breaking my bones”, you rolled your eyes.

You only noticed then how close the two of you were. Determined to tease him back, you spoke before you realized what it was you just said. “Are we about to kiss now?”

The smirk left your face when the realization hit you. Leona, on the other hand, was having the time of his life with this. He grinned at you and let out a laugh. “My, you’re getting bold now”, his ears twitched as he laughed, “I mean, go ahead if you wanna, I ain’t gonna stop ya.” He was challenging you, part of him thinking you weren’t going to do it anyway. 

His eyes widened and he was caught off guard when you took him up on the offer and he found himself with your lips on his instead. 

Leona closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, kissing you back softly. There was a sense of relief to his kiss; as if he had waited for this to happen for centuries. He wouldn’t ever have dreamt that you might feel the same for him as he did for you. Not with the behavior he had shown to you before. Not with the way he went about his days. And yet, you had given him a chance. The chance to prove to you that he was worth it. And he swore in that moment that he was going to make the most of that.

Leona sighed against your lips and cupped your cheek with his hand, deepening the kiss eagerly. He furrowed his brows and pulled you as close to him as possible. 

When your lips parted from each other, Leona still held you in a tight embrace, resting his head on top of yours. “So…”, you began, nuzzling his neck and relaxing into his embrace, “are we going to get on people’s nerves together from now on?” “You still have to ask that? Take a hint, herbivore”, he hissed and then chuckled, pressing a kiss to your forehead. 

You remained like this for a while, just holding each other as Leona looked up to the night sky. “You’re more quiet than usual”, you said softly, “what’s going through your head, hmm?” Leona rolled his eyes. “Life clowned me with irony and now I gotta thank the great kings of the past for ‘a great deal of luck or something’”, he sighed and laughed. You pressed another soft kiss to his lips and held his face in your hand, looking into his eyes with a loving expression. 

“I love you…and at the risk of sounding incredibly cheesy”, you confessed and brushed a strand of hair out of his face, “you’re my first choice, Leona. Always have been.” Leona hugged you tightly and squeezed you slightly, holding onto you like he feared you might disappear any second now. He buried his face in your neck. Your words had touched his heart and made him feel a sense of happiness and closure he was longing for for god knows how long. He kissed you once more, pouring all his pent-up attachment and care for you into the kiss as the stars gazed down on you.

[elucienweekofficial]

Elucien Fanfic Crossword Answer Key- Multi Chapter Modern AU

How did you do? It's our hope through this week of puzzles that folks are able to find an existing fanfiction that speaks to them! Consider these a small masterlist filled with recommendations from the community itself. Below you'll find every fanfiction recommended attached to the author who created it, added in the order they were submitted! Fics were also categorized to their best of our ability. Check them out below!

playgirl by @damedechance

Under the anonymous screen name witch_hazel, Elain Archeron has been moderating the chatroom of rising OnlyFans creator, swiper-no-swiping (Lucien) for a little less than a year. When he comes to Velaris from out of town, they agree to meet up, and the unspoken attraction between them reaches a boiling point.

I Can Wait For You At The Bottom by @missfckingfortune

Elain was going to make him say it. She was going to pry the answer from him, from deep inside in that place he kept the things he was not always ready to admit. “Because I still l-” Lucien faltered under her caustic glare like a coward. He could not fully own up to what he felt, what he never stopped feeling, even for a single second. “I still care for you, Elain.” “Weird,” She mused, tracing her elegant fingers around the rim of the tequila bottle. “Because in a lot of those songs, you make me sound like the villain."

Wishing On Dandelions by @separatist-apologist

When Elain is gifted a castle from her late Uncle, she expects it to come with bats in the attic and ghosts in the halls.

Not a grouchy English Lord hell bent on pushing her out.

Things I Can't Give Up, Not Even For You by @iambutmortal

Elain has no interest in the family business. Leave the crime to her sisters, she’s content to teach middle school biology at the same school she attended. But when rival gang leader Hybern endangers her life, her sisters decide she needs protection in the form of Lucien Vanserra their annoying, albeit attractive, associate. Elain’s determined to get rid of him. Too bad Lucien’s determined to stay.

tangled cable car wires by @thelovelymadone, @thehaemanthus and bennyslavabuns

Elain Archeron is about to start her two week staycation away from her rival, and co-worker, Lucien Vanserra. What could possibly go wrong?

back to december (all the time) by @poisonivy206

They are old friends, you could say. In the way that people who grew up in the same small town in the English countryside are. In the way that people who’ve known each other for longer than they haven’t are. In the way that people who’ve seen each other grow and change and fall apart are. But they’re not those people anymore. The Elain and Lucien standing here now haven’t known each other for years.

Lucien is always searching. Elain is afraid to be found. When life happens, they have to find themselves before making their way back to each other. Eleven years of twists and turns, hard decisions, old dreams, and new hopes.

Vanserra Wildlife Rescue by headcanonheadcase

Lucien Vanserra runs a wildlife rescue and rehabilitation center. When his mother sets him up on a blind date, he agrees. But on the night of the date, a call comes in about an injured fox. With no one else around to respond, Lucien cancels the date and goes out to help. Meanwhile, Elain Archeron was on her way into town to meet someone for a blind date when she accidently clipped a fix with her car. She wants to sit and wait with the injured animal to comfort it, but the man from the wildlife center asks her to wait in her car for him to arrive. What will happen when Lucien and Elain meet?

Neon In The Nighttime by @separatist-apologist

It's the end of the word as we know it. A west coast baker and the drummer of a metal band team up in Boston, MA thinking they're one of the last few people left alive after a viral outbreak turns those infected into blood hungry monsters.

Their destination: Los Angeles, California- the last place Lucien's eldest brother was living while gearing up for a presidential run. Lucien is desperate to escape the memories of his past life and what he had to do when his wife, Jes, became infected. Elain wants to try and reclaim the fractured pieces of the life she remembers before everything went to hell.

my true love gave to me... by @howlingcaptaincommando

Dear Elain (the note reads),

I know it’s not Christmas yet; you have very strict rules about when Christmas begins, after all. But consider this the first of twelve presents coming to you, from today until Christmas Eve. If anyone deserves to have the holiday properly celebrated, it’s you.

Xx A Secret Admirer

Or, the story of how Elain is wooed for four weeks by a secret admirer, and finds herself torn between the mysterious stranger who becomes more and more dear to her by the day, and the friend she's been half in love with for almost a year. How could she ever choose between them?

Turn Your Ghosts Into Mine by @highladydawn and @separatist-apologist

The Archeron women have been considered witches in their little Massachusetts town of Velaris for centuries and Nesta, Elain, and Feyre are no exceptions. After witnessing a love spell gone horribly wrong, the three young girls create a spell for their perfect man, vowing they will not love until they meet this man.

That, of course, all goes out the window when adult Feyre meets Tamlin Angelov. When Arizona detectives Lucien Vanserra, Rhysand Windhaven, and Cassian Sidra arrive on their doorsteps looking for the missing man, all three Archeron women will be forced to reconcile who they are and their place in Velaris.

Practical Magic AU

Sweet Nothing by @wilde-knight

When Elain loses her career-driven job and her presumed boyfriend in one devastating moment, her fall from grace is anything but graceful. In a desperate move to pick her floundering life up off the floor, she agrees to take a temp job working at a family-run farm over maple season. Can she make the wayward brother melt with the winter snow? Or will she remain frozen in defeat forever?

Around the World by @lucienarcheron

Elain’s night ends with an unexpected twist when she meets a handsome stranger at a bar. Eluien Prostitute/Client Modern AU

The Locker Room Pact by @king-maven-calore

Lucien Vanserra will soon find out that his transfer to play as goalkeeper for the historically rival football team entails many more responsibilities than he bargained for. Or: The one time Elain tries to have a casual hook-up goes spectacularly wrong.

Only On My Mind by @shadowriel

Everything in Elain’s life seems to be going wrong — from one failed relationship after another to the listless, draining hours she spends working in biotech. When Lucien, her former flirty, yet infuriating lab mate, joins the company and gets assigned to the same project, Elain can’t help but think that things will get so much worse.

A Elucien romcom inspired by Ali Hazelwood’s Love on the Brain

Don't Blame Me by @separatist-apologist

They say she's gone too far this time

Elain Archeron is certain Graysen Lockhart is the love of her life. She'd stake her life and her reputation on it, and could not be swayed…until visual proof of his constant, unrelenting cheating is sent to her in the undeniable form of pictures and screenshots. Humiliated and angry, Elain vows revenge the only way she knows will get under his skin.

She decides to sleep with his arch nemesis, Lucien Vanserra.

come a little bit closer (you're my kind of man) by @howlingcaptaincommando

When the summer gets too hot for comfort, the only thing for it is a pool party...with some very pretty boys.

or, Elain in her hot girl summer era, and Vassa encouraging every minute of it.

Holy Ground by @separatist-apologist

I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancing with you.

Elain Archeron thought she had it all until she catches her fiancé sleeping with another woman a week before they're supposed to be married. Forced to re-evaluate her entire life in the city she'd always dreamed of living in. Blind sighted when her ex-fiancé informs her he's taking his mistress on their honeymoon, Elain decides to move back in with her dad in his countryside home just until she's back on her feet.

Lucien Vanserra swore he was done with Elain Archeron when he learned the news of her engagement. Setting aside his childhood crush, Lucien gets on with his life, makes new friends, and starts a good job in the town he'd grown up in. The black sheep of the Vanserra family, Lucien tries to keep a low profile despite his elder brother's constant meddling. He's not looking for love.

When Lucien and Elain reconnected on the dock behind her childhood home, sparks fly instantly and Elain is forced to reconsider what she wants out of her life, and if there's a place for Lucien in it.

The Thin Lines Between Hate and Love by @thelovelymadone

it takes thirteen good interactions to forget one bad interaction. how long does it take to fall out of a negative view and in love? pretty quickly. but how do you fall out of trained habits? it’s suppose to take three silly weeks yes?

plant your story by @thelovelymadone

What do you get the “nepo” baby that has everything?

She has everything. Fame, fortune, family—name it, she has it. But after Hybern nearly gets her family under a conservativeship and dealing with the fallout of a failed engagement, the paparazzi have been hounding her front door nonstop. Frustrated, she tells a white lie—and now she’s got a camera in her face 24/7. Can she survive this? Or does she fall for the wrong guy again?

What do you get the child of a heart of gold that has nothing?

He has nothing. Not a cent to his name, his heroic deeds are classified, and his “found family” wants nothing to do with him. With the exception of one member: Feyre Archeron. He’s determined to get back on his feet and put that ex-Secret Service and Stunt Double training as a favor: be a bodyguard to the spoiled Elain Archeron. Should be easy right? Unfortunately, scaredy cat Princess tied their fates together and he can’t go through with this—or can he? He’s not going to fall in love with her, right?

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Something That Wasn't There Before by @thelovelymadone

Attorney Lucien Vanserra use to go into the Cauldron Brew for the occasional early morning or late night for a pick me up. But ever since law student Elain Archeron has taken over the counter, Lucien finds himself drawn to her. And he can’t explain why.

empty true promises by @thelovelymadone

Lucien Vanserra is your best friend. He’s the one to get you the guy you like to notice. Or he’s your teammate who kicks the soccer ball for you to score. He’s in the background in everyone’s life—including his own. A perfect, tight fit.

That is until one game of seven minutes of heaven will change his world forever—gone is the fox wearing a bunny mask. In his new place, he might get the starring role in his own life after all.

Even if he knows the female lead will not choose him in the end. For the female lead gets the guy and he gets to be her best friend, in the end.

[michellemisfit]

Shameless Fandom Questionnaire

Thanks for the tag my love @darlingian 💚

What’s a fic you’ve read more than once?

What haven’t I read more than once? I have 350+ open tabs and yet, here I am, re-reading @loftec’s None The Wiser. AGAIN. Because it makes me happy, and what is fandom about, if not making you happy? Other things that make me happy: Two of Your Earth Minutes by @the-rat-wins, The Menagerie & Twenty Strangers & On Top by @crossmydna, Cooperative Gameplay & Like Real People Do by Gray, An Exception to the Rule by @gallawitchxx, Weaver of Fate by Ravenheart, Life or Something by @palepinkgoat, The Garden Song duology by @gardenerian, Ristretto by @howlinchickhowl, let the bodies do the talking by @captainjowl, basically anything that @sam-loves-seb has ever written!!! Also anything by @crestfallercanyon who has been completely blowing me away. And like, a million more!!!

I also still merrily re-read stuff from the Merlin fandom and the Shadowhunters fandom, so if that’s of interest to you, hit me up and I will link you to several excessively long rec lists on the @f-f-podcast website, complete with accompanying podcasts!

All I’m saying is: RE-READING IS LOVE!!!

(Also I formatted this on my phone so hopes and prayers that all of these links are correct!!)

What’s a gifset you always have to reblog?

‘Kiss me and I’ll cut your fucking tongue out’ into Club Kiss. It is genuinely one of the cleverest things I’ve ever seen!!

What’s a headcanon you can’t stop thinking about?

Mickey going along to Ian’s therapy session, on Ian’s request, and eventually deciding that he’s going to give this therapy thing a go himself.

What’s a fanart you love looking at?

I am utterly in love with @deedala’s style and Smokey Mickey and Gardening Joy always make me smile. I also absolutely adore @gallawitchxx’s style and wish I could be that bold and succinct in my own art.

What’s an idea you’d love to create if you had the time/inspiration?

I’ve been thinking about Ian & Mickey shot gunning for like… a year now 🤦

What’s something you’ve discovered since entering this fandom? A new trope you love? A different analysis of the show? Something else?

Currently discussing every episode of Shameless over on @f-f-podcast so basically discovering new things every week! Check it out if podcasts are your jam <3

What’s an underrated trope or concept you’d like to see more of?

There can never be too many coffee shop AUs, right? Not an underrated trope, but surprisingly underrepresented in this fandom 😭

What’s your favourite season?

Autumn! haha

Honestly, I’ll tell you when we’re done with South Side Rules, as we’re rating every episode, but we’re also rating each season overall so… watch this space in 2025!

What’s a plot hole you wish had been answered or resolved?

Urgh. Don’t. Yikes… Yevgeny. Mandy. Fiona. Everyone else on Shameless who disappeared and then was never spoken of again. Like… what the heck? You don’t need to get the actors back. Just get the other characters to mention them, so I don’t feel like the writers forgot they existed! Also don’t give me Dichen Lichman and then just take her away!!! 😭

What scene or moment do you feel isn’t discussed enough?

Every time Mickey has to say the end of his sentence directly into Ian’s mouth because Ian can’t wait the extra 3 seconds to let him finish, he needs his lips on that boy’s mouth NOW! They’re so precious and horny and I love that for them!

What line/dialogue/description from something else do you feel describes Ian and Mickey’s relationship?

90% of Richard Siken’s poems

What do you think is next for Ian and Mickey post-finale?

They’ll be deliriously happy forever and ever and nothing bad is ever going to happen to them. It’s terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day.

[nickfoo]

Chiffon - 12, 13, 20, 21/22, 24 - Doffy - 5, 9, 22

Chiffon

12. What’s a headcanon you have for this character?

I have afew, I’ll share some of them! One was that when Lola departed and Chiffon was left to bear Big Mom’s upsets with her twin, she had become more withdrawn and complacent to her situation. She never blamed Lola, however. Chiffon really started to become herself again as she spent time with Bege and his crew over the two years. That while it may have been love at first sight for Bege, it was not so for her. Chiffon was terrified and not pleased at all with her forced arranged marriage to a pirate with such an infamously bloody and brutal reputation. Chiffon is very hands on in everything in a way that can sometimes seem overbearing or boisterous. It’s not that she’s forceful, it might be a side effect of royalty that she can speak with authority very well and because of that, few will question it.

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

Cake slice emoji. I always use the little piece of cake with the strawberry on it. 🍰

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

While they’ve definitely had screen time together, and shown to already be friendly with one another, I still think her and Nami would get along famously. They both have a streak of mischief and boldness in them that I think they could topple empires if they conspired together. I would also like to see her get to know Robin - I think Robin would remind her of her husband in certain ways. Speaking of toppling empires - Chiffon, Nami and Robin would be a scary team. And again they’ve had screen time and shown to be friendly to one another, with their mutual respect of and being artful in cooking she and Sanji would be great friends.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

I looove making Chiffon not shy away at all from Bege’s darker tendencies and also be just an active part of the crime family/pirate crew. She certainly doesn’t always condone it, and I think her word is powerful and has changed Beges mind on many occasions of just choosing to put a bullet in the back of someone’s head (aka offering a deal to Pekoms to join them rather than just kill him a second time ), but she will help him get rid of the body with none the less support. Even if I feel like he’d rather not have her be in harms way, she reminds him she was part of Big Moms family - she’s use to this sort of thing! As for don’t like, I haven’t really seen enough fics for her to really pick something out. I guess I’m not fond of making her so mushy overly sweet? She is one of the few people who tells Capone Bege ‘no’ —and he listens! Bege may be captain/boss but he’ll do near anything for his wife and his crew/gang knows this and have a healthy respect for her too.

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

Sybil Vimes from Discworld —omg Sybil Vimes!! Two large women who are also royalty and wedded to smaller cigar smoking husbands with darker tendencies trying to do better for their wives and both are boisterous, passionate individuals, loving wives and amazing mothers?? Sybil has inspired some of my takes for Chiffon, definitely.

—————————————-

Doflamingo

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Ohh there’s afew. It’s hard to choose one. One that definitely reminds me of him that was recommended to me -😉- was: The Decemberists Here I Dreamt I was an Architect.

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

-Bugs Bunny: No -

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

I love when writers go into his complex relationships with Rosinante, Law or Viola or Tsuru. When they cater to his obvious sociopathic nature and impaired mental states, his past and the resulting complicated interactions he has with those he deems important to him. I like when they don’t forget he’s an absolutely terrible person (and just that is letting him off easy) but give him depth that he’s also lot more. I’m not a fan of ‘if doflamingo was nice’ or when his edges are sanded down. I highly recommend the fic Astra Inclinant from Petracore for Doffy enjoyers - it covers nearly every facet I enjoy about the character so well and more it’s…molto bene. 🤌

[ryuichirou]

Replies

More replies~ Not a lot today…

Anonymous asked:

In that vegan powers fanart, i really thought the corn was something else,,,

Don’t worry, Anon, I’m sure that that corn (and all the other vegetables in Todd’s super vegan form) are multifunctional!

Anonymous asked:

“Ortho is a top because he is MEEEEEEEEE and I want to fuck Idia hence he is a bottom” this made me think how i often wonder if i kin Idia because i relate to him in many things, but especially and more often on how i think his brother is hot

(the quote is from this post, and it sounds absolutely batshit insane out of context omfg 😭)

Anon!! I didn’t expect that punchline LOL preach!! The most relatable thing about the Shrouds is how crazy they are for each other, I agree. Absolutely shameless.

In all honesty, the role of relatability (for the characters in general or the feelings they have for other characters) plays a role in shipping, even though a lot of times it’s a subconscious thing. It’s not always the case, of course.

Anonymous asked:

Baby by Charli XCX gives major Azul vibes, just saying…

I always knew Azul was a dangerous femme fatale…

Anonymous asked:

After I played book 6 of twisted wonderland, I was listening to Self-Love by Coi Leray on repeat to torment myself. Are there any song that you relate to Idia?

What a way to torment yourself, that’s too emotionally cruel :( Sad post-book-6 vibes…

I don’t really have any specific song that I strongly relate to him, but I catch myself thinking “heh it’s Idia” sometimes. One example of a song with this type of association would be “Ghosts” from the game Night in the Woods.

You're still here

I think I'm fine

I found the stars

But I lost my mind

Where do we go

If we're not together?

Everything sucks

Forever. 💪😔

Anonymous asked:

If post chapter 5 Epel was sent back to the beginning of the school year, do you think he would try and mess with Vil a bit?

“Mess” as in “hint on what’s going to happen”? I’m not sure if I understood you correctly, sorry.

It depends on whether or not Epel knows the rules of the time travel and that even a minor change could affect the events of the future in a very drastic way; and knowing Epel, he probably doesn’t lol So I think it depends on whether he feels like being a little brat that day. He’d still get his ass kicked, though.

Anonymous asked:

Here's a pairing I stumbled across while looking for fics to read - Crewel x Vil's dad. Thoughts? Opinions?

You know what? It could be possible; I can picture Crewel knowing some high profile people, so he could meet Eric at some event. They could have nice potential. But since we don’t really know much about Vil’s dad, I can’t really dive any deeper into that.

But Eric intrigues me very much, it’s a shame we haven’t seen a lot of him :(

Anonymous asked:

I could see Phoenix and crew expecting Riddle to be condescending towards Trucy since he does real magic while Trucy does stage magic, but instead he really enjoys Trucy's shows. If Ace is part of the Wright Anything Agency,  he'll be like "Oh yeah, we were in the same dorm in school and he acted just like this whenever I did simple card tricks for him. 😈" which results in Ace getting collared.

(this is related to the idea of Riddle being an Ace Attorney Prosecutor and Ace being an attorney in the same au)

Don’t ruin his stoic unbreakable image, Ace!! Well, I guess it was already ruined by Riddle loving Trucy’s magic tricks lol This is honestly very sweet. I really like this side of Riddle, and of course it would be Trucy’s tricks that would make it show. Wait, doesn’t she have some underwear tricks? I’m not sure if Riddle is ready for these ones.

+ Damn, Riddle can collar people in this universe too? That shouldn’t be surprising to be honest… Considering all the other mystical and magical stuff this franchise has…

[greatsaladavenue]

Replies to anons

I’ve heard Imagine ofcourse but I do like more solo stuff post Beatles by Paul and John then by George. Sorry Mom.

 Been a Beatle fan longer than I haven’t, my Mother is the Beatle fan, her favorite has always been George, and really super-stans him.

 She has seen Paul in concert but I have never heard a Paul post- Beatle song before 2022! Or John – aside of Imagine and, Live and let die and them christmas songs.

 Solo: George-”All things must pass album + When we was fab, All those years ago , Got my mind set on you.

Paul – McCartney, Ram + Tug of war, This one, Little lamb Dragonfly, , However Absurd, No More lonely nights.  John –Plastic ono band + Dream9 ,Working class hero, I know, I know, Mind games, Beautiful boy.

  Ringo – Photograph, Back off boogaloo, Midnight Vienna.

 My favorite is John because even before I knew anything about the Beatles or who wrote or sang what I liked John led songs. I still do. Don’t think he’s better that the others. In my world they where better together and neither was really better than the sum. I know what he did, I know he is bad and all that. Guess what I don’t really care.

 I have a type in looks and john fit there. My Dad and brothers are the musicians in our family but Dad and is more a Elvis fan, (he + a brother died some many years ago but see it's Paul in me talking of them ) my brothers likes them too but they are more hard rock/metal fans. (in music I have the 70-80's metal genre ! the favourite band I Black Sabbath and Led Zeppelin. GEORGE usually gets my vote post-Beatle look as favorite looking Beatle, old man is RINGO!

 I grew up in the late 80/90’s when rock music started to really to go down and rap took over. "Harry Potter" was huge, It was nice to be part of something like that but then Rowling happend... I even had a short boy band period. Eminem was the biggest artist on the planet. I like 80’s and 90’s rap too. I pretty much like older music and a big fan of 80’s pop music too, Prince, Michael Jackson. I really love music and not just the Beatles along with some other artists and bands has more song that I like or has grown on me with time. I guess it’s true that older music was better.

I sort of feel a bit lonely with my Beatles  nobody around me IRL cares or think they’re overrated. I can agree that sometimes the beatles fandom can be a bit too much with the ”The Beatles did eveything first” and hate other acts who also was very important for music. Ofcourse it matters that the Beatles was white, ”sic” as most of the fanbase.  I have so many favorites and I love that I do.

McLennon is what really got me into the fandom. I’m straight myself but I’d never like want to fuck a 80 + year old man but I would be a Beatle groupie back in the days and don’t care which one I would do all of them. However I don’t really care what and if something happend between them I just see what i see, I hear what I hear. J+P are not straight

 I’m a mclennon thruther they where in love with each other! They where gay for each other. I don’t push Mclennon on anybody but here on Tumblr I do. I don’t think I believe eveything I read here is true, I also think many trolling this fandom and some seem to make fun it and comes off as a bit offensive to them as IRL queers. I can understand why Paul’s not coming out. I wouldn’t either in this or as part of the older fandom.

However I’m all for RPF, Yaoi, Yuri and femme the hell out of them. They do have that humour. Also they did all of it themselves, Iol, meaning if they didn't act this way we wouldn't be here. And I don't mean it as famous people they get a queer card.

I’m happy to continue reading your fics and fortcoming posts here. I really am!  I’ll probably keep my existence here as a re-blogger  because Beatles fans aren’t always nice about "us nutcases here" ( but it's better here than on other forums) and too many trolls end up here on tumblr mclennon. all the Beatles have haters and super-stans. Both is just as bad in my opinion. I love them so much, all four of them so much I don’t really have a favorite in Beatles, JOHN still gets my vote I'm a John -girl but they are still so connected. I do like more John-Beatle-songs than by the others tho and was super gorgeous.  

McLennon is my secret sin. I can’t unsee it or explain in any other way. There's a hole missing in the Beatles history as much as in their lives (J+P but also George how he was "left out" tho Paul and him knew each other before. Wouldn't Paul be saying more insane stuff about him too?) things would fill the blanks with McLennon! How can people not see that is my biggest issue. But far too many still today would say like if you got kids, has a wife, has sex with girls, you can't be gay. Yes, they both married women. but Well.. It's mind-blowing. They were so into each other.

My favorites Beatle songs and solo also keep changing all the time:

But The Beatles: Albums: From With the Beatles. Rubber soul and the White album.

 A day in life is a masterpiece.

I also end up listing Happiness is a warm gun, Something, Here, there eveywhere, Across the universe, Help, I will, All my loving, And your bird can sing, Tomorrow never knows etc!

McLennon: Again!

I absolutly believe it was was real. They where in love. The end goodbye. Sex yes they had sex in many ways. But whatever, when how they did it or talked about it or kissed? I'm sure some of the answers is in fan fiction lol. Reality is worse than fiction. Lol. But sometimes  I don’t think they never thought it was a big deal, like it was part of a song to Paul or whatever, and John’s did something to do with glasses. Like that's not me, this is me look at me. No i don’t know but quite often I just think it’s exactly what they are saying and didn’t label it. Other times I think they knew perfectly well what they did and they made own words so only they would know. Now we have Paul's sane but !? version for 40 + years vs John's bat shit craze -like 6+ years. of course it gonna shape our version of them and what happend between them.

 I do think whatever happend in the end John left and walked out of it how, when, why again is another story. I honestly don’t think he ever was secure of anything in his life and Yoko didn't help. I can't or more like don't want to believe eveything that is written about her tho. But the way she looks at him in the beginning she did love him then and there. She has at least made good things too for the fandom, made hits herself, worked for peace and less guns etc.

Paul more like gave up. I don’t blame or think India caused it but it deffo did not help! But neither did think of themselves at least at that point that they would try to claim anyhing of course Paul wanted a family and John knew that. I don't really see how they could have "solved" in any other way. At that time.

I have more thoughts about it. Here's when my mind keep changing. Whos missed who the most? who's more depressed? Woah don't forget it also WAS and IS tough to leave friends and bandmates behind, please do include that. Not everthing is gay either! But I’m pretty sure more than we know knew about it or at least thought the same thing.

They where ALSO friends, brothers,close,bandmates and shared this magic connection with George and Ringo. Sometimes I believe they got jealous of each other’s closeness, especially post beatles and they did tried to re-create this with other people too and this is perhaps the most telling, besides quotes, interviews,pictures, videos and songs. Yeah many songs are about that and each other.

 I don’t push away the idea of other ships happening in the band or other male lovers but if it was only them, to either of them it may have add to some of the confusion. So I don’t hold that against it. Actually I don’t really care much about their lives or families outside of the Beatles. Lol. Neither of them.

My favorite Beatle girl is Cynthia. I just think she’s beautiful. And the only girl who didn’t marry a Beatle-Beatle. I don’t really think John would have stayed that long if he didn’t at some point love her. Or any of the other he "kept around but left behind".

[littlefroginthegarden]

Sold to Heartsteel 1/24

its a liiiittle bit late but whatever... im trying to write an advents calendar fic, theres some buffer but ill write during the month so im also open to input if you have any good ideas :)

hope you enjoy!

Tags: semi-ironic adaptation of 'sold to one direction' trope so yeah theres obv selling involved, angst, fluff, friendship, romance, maybe smut, mlm, transmasc character, some transphobia but mostly just parents being shit but nothing explicit or slurs or stuff, yeah i think thats about it, ill update this if anything changes xoxo

Part 1

Hi, my name is Hwei and I’m a misunderstood artist. Well, that’s not exactly true. My Parents hate my art and they think it’s just a waste of time. But under the name DemonBrush I’m known all around the world, my art account just recently hit two million followers. Which didn’t help me at all in my real life. I’ve been 18 now for a few months but my parents still act like I’m 16. I haven’t finished school yet and I can’t move out because my anxiety has made working impossible so far. My parents don’t allow me to get therapy or meds and I’m on their insurance so there’s nothing I can do. I sigh and try to think about something else but looking out my small window into the dark December morning isn’t helping. I go and pull the curtains, turn on my fairy lights and sit at my small desk that is crammed between the bed and the heavy wooden dresser. 

My reflection stares at me in the mirror, dark shadows under my amethyst eyes, a sign that I slept terribly, once again. The nightmares wouldn’t leave me alone. I sigh and start doing my makeup, nothing bright, just some smudged dark eyeshadow and black eyeliner on my waterline. My mom was probably gonna complain again but I don’t care. Last week she told me “People might think you’re gay!” Yeah, sure mom. I mean, why do you think I have all these Heartsteel posters hanging in my room? Because I love their one song so much? But when she says "gay" she means "lesbian". She would have an aneurysm if I tried to explain to her that I’m trans. And then she would probably throw me out. As if she could read my thoughts, I hear her shouting from downstairs “Come down immediately, Hwa! I can hear that you’re up.”

Ugh.

I throw on a black oversized hoodie that matches my skinny jeans (also black) and put my dark juniper green hair in a messy bun before I run downstairs as quick as I can. Better not make mom wait, she’s awful enough as is.

When I enter the kitchen, I almost bump into a large man in a suit that is standing next to my mom.

“Oh fuck, sorry!” I quickly say, getting a death stare from my mom but for once she doesn’t even berate me for swearing. She just looks between me and this dude, who was wearing dark sunglasses (in December!) for some fucking reason.

“Who is this?” I ask after a few moments of awkward silence.

“My name is Mr. Mundo, nice to meet you, Hwa.” His voice fits his impressive stature perfectly.

My mother steps forward and puts her hand on my shoulder, looking at me more seriously than I have ever seen her. “You know that we haven’t had the easiest time since dad lost his job. And since you refuse to work and pay your share, we had no other choice.”

“What do you mean? What choice?” I ask, slowly starting to panic.

“You’ll go with Mr. Mundo, he has a job for you where you’ll work for six months. You’ll get a room and food and the money goes to pay back all the debt you owe us.”

“Debt? What do I owe you?”

“Darling, you've been living and eating here for free for 18 years!”

“This is insane!” I yell at her. “You’re selling me? You are a monster!”

“Selling? It’s just temporary honey, and it’s a decent job, don’t make it sound worse than it is!”

“You can’t do that, I’m an adult, you can’t force me!” At this point I’m full on panicking. This can’t be happening, it should just be another nightmare. But I know it’s real. My nightmares are way different.

“You are right and nobody is forcing you. But think about this, it would give you the perfect opportunity to get some good job experiences while at the same time helping out your family! Also –” she adds “if you don’t take this offer then you’ll have to pack your bags, we can’t pay for you any longer.”

“If you stayed off the booze you could.” I press through my teeth, anger winning over panic.

She just ignores it and tells me “Please Honey, think about it. If you go with Mr. Mundo at least you’ll have a roof and food. We just want what’s best for you! You’ll thank us in a few years, mark my words.” With this she turns around and leaves me alone in the kitchen with this absolute hunk of a man.

“Go pack your stuff, we leave in an hour.” He hands me a big suitcase before sinking down onto the washed-out red leather couch in the living room, turning the TV on, unfazed by all of this as if it was his daily job. Which it probably was.

Still in shock, I go back to my room and just stare at the mirror for a solid minute. I still haven’t processed what just happened but I start throwing my most important stuff into the suitcase. I have a lot of clothes but most of them are from my parents and I hate wearing them. So it’s not too difficult to fit all my favorite pieces into the suitcase, some skinny jeans, flowy tops and hoodies and of course accessories, I can’t leave my choker collection here. Then I go to my bed and from under the mattress I pull my binder. I put it under all the other things so it won’t be visible if my mom checks my suitcase. She would freak out. I gather the rest of the stuff, making sure I have my laptop, makeup and favorite books, and check the time. I still have 15 minutes left but at this point, the quicker I’m gone the better. I grab the heavy suitcase and try to carry it down the stairs. Two steps in I nearly slip and the suitcase crashes onto the step with a loud Thud. Before I’m even up I can hear heavy steps on the stairs.

Mr. Mundo grabs the suitcase without saying a word and carries it down. I awkwardly follow him, hoping my mom is distracted and hasn’t noticed the commotion. For once I seem to be lucky, she’s nowhere to be seen. At the door, Mr. Mundo turns around and asks me “Are you sure that you have everything? You won’t be able to come back here anytime soon.”

“Yeah I’m not planning on doing that anyways. Can we go?” I ask impatiently.

He doesn’t answer and just opens the door and walks down the driveway towards the black car with darkened windows that is waiting at the end of it. He puts my suitcase in the back of it with ease and opens the door in the back, gesturing for me to get in. I hesitate for a second, but when I can hear the front door of the house open again, I quickly get in before I can hear whatever my mother wants to tell me. He slams the door behind me and gets into the driver’s seat, which I can’t even see from back here because there’s a divider between the front and the back of the car. Like in a limousine. Or a cop car. It feels more like the latter, like I’m a prisoner.

The car rumbles to life and even though the windows are heavily tinted, I can see the shadows of trees racing past us. Where are we going?

[lightofthemoonglow]

Hi idk if you take requests through here but I saw that you write for Milton Dammers and I'd love to request a short fic of him. Sfw or nsfw is okay

Yes, I do take requests! It’s just been a crazy time for me. And i lost the last half of this, but i wanted to get it out because you had been waiting for too long. But i did write some Milton stuff for kinktober that’s coming out tomorrow (10/16)

Summary: you only see him when you’re not fully yourself

Contains: some sort of relationship with a ghost. A lot of handwaving to get to the main plot. Mentions of divorce, infidelity

–

This had been your husband’s idea. Buying and fixing up this old hospital, turn it into a bed and breakfast or maybe some sort of museum. He had what everyone calls ‘fuck you money’, so it hadn’t really affected your finances. All it had required was for you to pick up and move to the other side of the country, leaving behind all of your friends and family. Thankfully as a writer, you can work from anywhere, even a camper parked behind a rundown old hospital.

The two of you hadn’t been the first to try and fix up the place. After some sort of incident back in the 90s, there had been renewed interest in the property. It had been passed around, one hopeful to another. So it’s not long before enough has been repaired for you to move in and actually live in the place.

But that had been long enough for your husband to get bored of the endeavor and leave. It’s a tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme. A man finds out the reality of a situation that is of his own making isn’t as fun as the fantasy and leaves his wife of nearly a decade for a lifestyle influencer that can’t even legally rent a car. And the wife is left picking up the pieces. You’ve seen this play out a thousand times in the three decades plus a few years you’ve been on this earth and it’s not fun being on the other side of things.

Since your name is on everything and the settlement is fucking amazing due to how things ended, along with alimony, you can afford to stay in Fairwater. So you do.

Not long afterwards, things start getting weird.

You wake up and you’re both exhausted and not where you had fallen asleep. Things have been moved and you don’t remember doing it. Sometimes, you swear that you can hear a voice and it’s like whoever he is…he’s standing right behind you. You can feel fingers on the back of your neck, sometimes even in your hair. Sleepwalking has been a problem since you were a child, that isn't a new thing. What's new is how you feel afterwards, this presence that has been lurking ever since you started doing it again.

So you install a camera that you get from some guy named Frank, who claims his stuff can see what the naked eye cannot and hope for the best.

When you watch the footage the night after, you drop your cup of coffee.

You’re up, you’re about, you’re talking to…something. It’s not much, but it’s definitely something weird. It’s a silvery blob that’s vaguely human shaped. You can see fingers form from the blob, you can see them reaching out, grazing your face before it flickers and then vanishes. There's a respectable distance between you and whoever, whatever this is. Someone wants their personal space and you wonder which one of you it is.

You want to know who this is. What he wants, if he wants anything.

–

Milton has seen so many people come and go from this place since he’s been here.

He isn’t trapped here. But he prefers to stay here, away from society. Away from the noise, the chaos of the world out there. Thanks to him, this place has not been occupied for long. But you won’t leave, no matter what he does. And it hits him that you haven’t noticed. In the haze that has come over you since your husband has left, you don’t care that things are out of place. The odd noises go unheard, even his presence is only noticed when you’re sleepwalking.

It’s as if you know what pain is, beyond what he’s witnessed. If only he still had the tools at his disposal that he’d had in life.

Five nights after you try that camera, you’re up again.

You move through the house in silence and Milton barely manages to shove a table in the way to keep you from falling down the stairs. You look right at him, as if seeing him for the first time even though he’s been following you since you got out of bed.

“I missed you,” you whisper, reaching for him in the dark, as if by instinct.

“You don’t. You can’t.” Because in the morning, you won’t remember this. You won’t remember this, standing with him in the hallway, talking to home with an ease people had never had around him when he’d been alive. You won’t remember him tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers going through the shell of it, unable to make contact for more than a second.

“Maybe one day, I will.”

And all he can do is hope that will come to pass.

[palfriendpatine66]

for the year in review ask: 1, 6, 12, 19, 20, 25 (but for 2024) :D (you don't have to answer all, whatever you feel comfortable answering)

From the writing year in review asks.

Thank you sooo much for indulging me💕 answers below the cut

1)What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out? Would you do it again?

I’ve been trying a non linear timeline for my obikin serial killer au (Criminal Minds). It’s…going. I like that it’s letting me hilight certain themes and parallels between Obi-Wan’s and Anakin’s experiences that might not come out if read linearly, but it’s tricky to figure out. There’s too many variables of how I can arrange things, when to reveal them. I might do it again if a situation specifically calls for it, but not just for funsies.

6)Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year?

I did both actually! In Star Wars I dipped my toes, very lightly, into some Quin/Obi. Would love to do more. I love them so much. I also recently wrote two smutty one shots for Fellow Travelers! I’ll probably add a few more. This show is still turning over in my mind.

12) What were you go-to writing songs?

None!! I write in silence.

19) What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

I’m not a very detailed planner so it’s very often that a chapter or story goes in a different way than I first intended.

I was surprised by how much positive feedback Can’t Buy Me Love got. It’s making me try to stick with it because I haven’t had any clear ideas and might otherwise have let this one really fall by the wayside, but I’m trying to find some words and add to it because I feel like a lot of people are waiting for it.

20) What did you use to write? (programs, paper & pen, etc.)

Mostly google docs. BUT I got a kindle scribe for Christmas and I think it’s going to be a great tool for me. It makes me just write it out without constantly going back and rewriting what I currently have. It’s way more efficient for me and then I can send it to google docs for editing

25. What’s something you want to write in 2024?

I have a million ideas at all times but I’ll name 3 y’all probably maybe don’t know about yet

A threesome, even though I have no confidence in my ability to write one. Lol I’m going to put together some kind of threesome challenge for posting around Valentine’s Day - because that’s what I want to read lol - so I figure I should write one to submit myself.

A cheating fic I think. It’s been on my mind a lot and I haven’t been willing to commit to it. Probably because I have a hard time making Obi-Wan make bad choices.

And related to that, hopefully a sith Obi-Wan fic - whether a one shot or a much more lengthy idea remains to be seen.

[dimpledpran]

8 Shows to Get to Know Me

I was tagged by the lovely @talays-portkey and @i-got-the-feels​ !

1. Ghost Whisperer (2005-2010) I think this was the first show that i actually tried to watch as it was airing. I still remember waiting for 10pm every Friday, whether everyone else was awake or not. I think I watched all the way from Season 1-4, until it stopped airing on our local channel. 

2. Glee (2009-2015)  Honestly this was my introduction to the English music scene. I did not grow up listening to English songs, so my initial playlist was basically Disney Channel artists and Glee covers. As a music lover, I just enjoyed listening to their takes of the songs. I think I stopped watching somewhere during Season 3, and only did the Cory tribute episode after that.

3. Teen Wolf (2011-2017)  This was the first show that I started reading fanfics for. Well I started reading before I watched it, but Sterek stole my heart. I was very into the series, to the point that I watched Season 3B in one night because I had to find out what happened. Dumb me thought it was a good idea to start a new season at 8pm at night. I stayed up through the night, and texted my friend at 6am to yell about the whole thing. And they replied that it is too early to be awake to scream about it. “What do you mean wake up and watch it. I haven’t slept yet” So yeah. Stiles is my baby, and I will protect him with my life.

4. The Untamed (2019)  My friend recommended this to a few of us during covid lockdown, and I am very glad she did. It really opened me up to a whole new world. This show had such a grip on me. To the point that I started a new side blog for it, and learnt how to make edits for it. I got to know so many incredible people through the network cos of this show. It was such a brilliant show! The plot is so intricate! It has angst and heartache and amazing costumes and stunning sets and a cast who honestly killed it. Definitely a show that I would recommend to everyone. 

5. Bad Buddy (2021-2022)  Obviously I can’t go without talking about BB here. Have you seen my blog URL? Till BB, I never watched a show as it was airing. I usually wait for it to end and then binge, or start watching it just in time for the finale. But I kept seeing gifs on tumblr and it made me want to check it out. And boy am I glad I did it. It was such a fun experience to watch it live and scream on a weekly basis. For some reason the hold that this show has on me seems to be lifelong? I have no complaints though. I am still enjoying all the BB brainrot. Pran is my baby. I have never related to a character as much as I relate to him. He is so precious to me. And this show just blends angst with humour and a touch of reality so well. I am making it my personal mission to read through every Patpran fic on AO3. This show made me want to try writing. I cannot explain how much this show means to me. A definite must-watch as well!

6. Arivaan (2019-2020)  So my sister told me that this is my kind of show and made me watch it. I started it while she was halfway through, and finished it way before her. It was right up my alley. The whole premise is about trying to identify a serial killer who has been murdering women, and leaves an origami paper crane behind. There is a police officer who manages to find these clues and tries to identify him, but the killer disappears and due to personal issues he end up leaving the force. Years later the killer is back and he somehow gets roped into it again, but his partner is now leading the case, and is finding out things that he doesn’t really want to. And I really enjoyed the way it was taken, and the I am really hoping that there will be a Season 2 for this. 

7. Paava Kadhaigal (2020)  Honestly no show has made me as mad as this has, and that is totally the point. (Although I am totally gonna be ignoring the second episode. That does not exist to me) It is an anthrological series, with 4 3 episodes touching on different hard topics/issues prevalent in society. The way it was taken , the music, THE CAST, EVERYTHING WAS BRILLIANT!! I had to pause it and just scream on twitter to release all the frustration that this brought up. Which means it really did its job well. I have not watched this series  since the first time, but trust me when I say I remember every detail because it has such a lasting impact. Especially the first and the last. I was bawling.  NOTE: This can be very highly triggering, so please do check out the synopsis before you watch it. Or feel free to hit me up with any questions, or just scream about it if you do check it out. 

8. 3 Will Be Free (2019)  Insane plot with amazing characters with so much depth. Loved that each character was so complex. There is no character that is purely good or bad, like it was so real, and you feel for them all equally. This really set a standard that no other show has reached so far. I need another series like this. And of course anyone who put Tay Tawan in funky suits gets a plus from me. Also more female characters need to have guns!!

Honorary Mentions: Mindhunter: This would have been number 8, if it wasnt cancelled!! The casting directors for this deserve all the bonuses for how creepily identical the actors look to the actual serial killers! It was so interesting to try and get into the head of the serial killers and understand why they did what they did. LOVED IT!!! Until We Meet Again: This used to be my favourite BL series until Bad Buddy took over. I loved Fluke’s effortless acting. He is brilliant. And I love the whole concept of reincarnation and finding you soulmate. And this did it so well with the angst and touch of humour and romance. And of course TeamWin stole my heart. 

Theory Of Love: Honestly, wasn’t that much of a fan the first time I watched it. But the redemption arc is so goood, that I felt so much for Khai the second time I watched it. That train station scene just lives in my head. So for rewatch factor, this deserves a honorary mention.

The Good Place, Word Of Honor, We Best Love, Stranger Things, RE:Mind

Tagging: @highwarlockkareena , @eohachu , @markpakin , @fangrui , @fuujiikaze , @gege @seawherethesunsets @gaiamochi (no pressure)

[pixiemage]

3 and 13?

-🍂

[For the Fanfic End of the Year Ask Game]

3. Favorite line/scene you wrote this year

And here's the duplicate! :D I said I got two of this one, which means I get to share another favorite bit from my writing!

This one's a little melancholy for me, because it's a tiny fragment of a scene I wrote in Through a Crack in the Void (the HC S6 Grian-escapes-from-the-watchers fic that I promise I'm going to get back to!). When I started this story, I had written in that Xisuma had called in both Joe Hills and TFC to help with the strange player who had shown up on Hermitcraft...but sadly, since starting this fic, Tinfoilchef passed away. He'll still remain in my story, but his role has actually become just a little more significant than originally intended since then.

But there's this little scene I wrote in the third chapter in which TFC is talking with the goddess of death (Kristin) out in the server hub, and this one little chunk of it still makes me smile:

TFC scoffed quietly, his eyes dragging back out over the meandering crowds of players. “You call me old, as if you haven’t been around for ‘bout as long as I have.” “As if you remember how old you even are at this point,” Kristin returned. She propped her chin on her hand and cast him a teasing look. “Do you even remember what you used to be the god of exactly?” The question only gained a shrug from the elder god. “No, but I don’t really care to know either,” he told her. “I have my mines. I have my Hermits. I have a home and a family, an’ that’s enough for me.”

13. Favorite writing song/artist/album of this year

Fun fact: I actually can't write with music playing! My ADHD makes it impossible to focus on my writing with music in the background because I'm also a musician/singer, so instead of it becoming simple background noise, my ears latch onto the melody. I do my best writing with little to no sound, but if I need background noise it's often white noise, thunderstorms, or the cafe mix from the MyNoise app that has people chattering in indistinguishable words. (That last one works well if someone is watching TV in the next room because it specifically blocks out other voices.)

HOWEVER! I do craft Spotify playlists for my stories and characters for when I'm driving to and from work (some of which have given me specific plot ideas mwahahaha) and because I've been fixated on Team Ranchers a lot this year, I've discovered a love for the band Marianas Trench that I didn't know I needed in my life. Their music is PHENOMENAL and I attribute many of their songs to different fics, ships, characters, and SMP's. (I'm sure some of you have already seen me list "Only The Lonely Survive" as my top Rancher track lol.)

[pikablob]

I posted 9,129 times in 2022

118 posts created (1%)

9,011 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@nach0-reblogs

@furashuban

@aroacesonics

@discoursed-dracula

@sailor-arashi

I tagged 658 of my posts in 2022

#ask pika - 90 posts

#friends - 73 posts

#fanfiction - 20 posts

#<;33 - 15 posts

#hilda the series - 12 posts

#oh - 11 posts

#bon bon <;33 - 10 posts

#yes - 10 posts

#toh - 9 posts

#hilda netflix - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 131 characters

#me when a song about a girl pushing a man down a ladder is the theme song of a character whos most famous appearance is as a corpse

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

tag mutuals you wanna get to know better!

I was tagged by @wallywestfest - honestly the fact you’d even consider me for this makes me really happy thank you so much!! <3

favourite time of year: hmmmm... prolly either early summer or around the winter holidays :))

comfort food: spaghetti bolognese, but specifically the M&S ready meal version I’m sorry I have 0 shame and it’s good XD

favourite dessert: toffee!! Is guud

things you collect: kids’ books! Picture books, graphic novels, and illustrated middle-grade stuff mostly. I also have a pretty sizeable collection of figures (Funko Pop & Nendoroids included) and I collect model trains (mostly OO9 for those who know what that is!!)

favourite drink: milk; just, a lot of milk XD

favourite musical artist: The Oh Hellos 90% of the time, but also Stan & Nathan Rogers, and Grace Petrie :))

last song listened to: Fogarty’s Cove, Stan Rogers

last movie watched: oh this is hard just because I don’t watch movies much XD I think the last one I actually went to see was Spirit: Untamed (what can I say, I liked Riding Free XD)

last series watched: either Hilda or Harriet the Spy depending on what counts (because I’m just using bits of Hilda for fic reference rn)

current obsession: Hilda, as always; also Infinity Train, Harriet, and The Owl House a bit.

dream place to visit: hhhhh there’s so many but probably Newfoundland :))

place you wanna go back to: Tromso, Norway; it’s genuinely magical in winter

something you want: well there’s a certain art commission I’m really excited to see finished motivation to write more and more money for commissions :))

currently working on: another Wildflowers Fic (Hilda S2 fix-it hurt/comfort) - Hilda writes a letter in this one!

I tag @pikawarrior @nach0 @starlit-lion @discoursed-dracula @dallasurr @strawcherrydeercake @furashuban @sarasplenda @stargazer-sappho (no pressure) and anyone else who wants to! :))

31 notes - Posted September 6, 2022

#4

I’m having so many feelings about Little My right now.

From the outside, she’s just another one of the Mymble’s many kids; the smallest member of a huge family, who’s never had her own space, shuffled from place to place and raised by an absent guardian who really doesn’t seem to care much about her at all. Of course she’s turned out loud and abrasive; she had to be, to make herself big and take up space and force people to pay attention, because otherwise she’d get lost in the shuffle.

And then she comes to Moominvalley, and meets Moomin and his parents, and she forms a real friendship and chooses to stay and ends up adopted. And sure, she’s still loud and abrasive and a troublemaker, but she’s a neglected child (her mum didn’t even realise she’d stayed behind) and for the first time she has a real family and friends in the bargain and it’s just really getting to me right now.

I haven’t seen the whole show yet (I don’t mind spoilers) or read the books (I know she’s not the same in those I don’t think she has this side of her), but do you think she ever worries about her place in the home? Do you think she’s afraid on some level, deep down, that they’ll want to get rid of her, just like how they wanted to get rid of the rest of her old family? Do you think she pushes the boundaries sometimes, just to make sure she’s really loved?

IDK, I just have a lot of feelings.

33 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

#3

I love the new starters!

See the full post

35 notes - Posted February 27, 2022

#2

Asking about fixing S2 of Hilda! :D

(I watched it, but my brain is very much like a sponge, so there may or may not be some holes in my memories of it. But I'd love to hear your opinions on that!)

Okie, so, I've talked about my problems with Season 2 before, but I'm going to go over them in the most detail I can here, before I explain how I'd fix them. Sorry in advance, but this is going to be long.

My Problems:

Fundamentally, Hilda is still my favourite show, and more of my favourite episodes are in S2 than in S1, but there's one big thing that ruined the season for me, and that's what it did to the relationship between Hilda and Johanna. Season 2 wanted to have an arc where Hilda makes mistakes and needs to learn not to lie to her mum, but instead, in the narrative presented, Johanna is the one in the wrong to me.

It's absolutely a cycle. Hilda lying about her adventures makes Johanna worry, which makes her more protective, so Hilda needs to lie even more. But The Troll Circle establishes pretty plainly that this cycle started with Johanna; when Hilda runs outside the wall by accident, her immediate reaction is "Mum would kill me if she knew."

And the way Johanna acts when Hilda comes home proves that she's right; Johanna has become more restrictive and isn't letting Hilda do the things she used to. She wants Hilda to be safe, I accept, but this is after a whole season where Johanna repeatedly says that she loves Hilda for who she is, and explicitly includes her adventures in that (see The Bird Parade and The Troll Rock especially).

Because it is a part of who Hilda is; "such is the life of an adventurer" is her mantra, and even Season 2 itself establishes that she's been allowed to roam freely on her own in the wilderness since she was about 6 years old, the same wilderness that Johanna wants to keep her from in The Troll Circle.

Hilda's choices aren't "lie to her mum" or "be good", they're "lie to her mum" or "give up being who she is". Johanna's the one who changed, and it's not even properly acknowledged; they try and retcon the troll from S1, and just claim that things have always been this way between Hilda and Johanna when that's just not true (I'd argue The Troll Rock implied Johanna knew about it anyway).

The show does try and show Johanna's side, especially in The Fifty-Year Night, but that's one of the reasons it's my least favourite episode. I know she finds it hard, being so harsh on Hilda, but she doesn't have to; she should have been more understanding at the end of The Beast of Cauldron Island, it's her fault things got to that point, and nobody's forcing her to be more protective. She needs to realise she's being unfair and that she hasn't handled this well, and as a result it feels like the narrative is guilt-tripping Hilda for her mum's mistakes.

The Stone Forest hits into the same issues; I'm not going to deny that what Hilda says to her mum in that argument is genuinely hurtful, and that she shouldn't have said it, but she's an upset child. The resolution of that episode is that Hilda needs to stop hiding things, but the conflict was caused by Johanna being restrictive and honestly, more than a little selfish; I'm not trying to bash her, I know why she wants Hilda to stay home and spend time with her, but she should have let her go.

I'm glad that things seem to be back on track in The Mountain King, but when Hilda has to promise not to hide things at the end of The Stone Forest, it doesn't quite work as a resolution for me, because while I do genuinely appreciate Johanna telling Hilda she loves her for who she is, she doesn't promise to let Hilda be herself or make any apologies of her own. It's "you have to talk to me" not "you can talk to me", and for me that's the distinction that really ruined the season.

And all of this comes from one, single place:

Everything I've just mentioned, including all three of Johanna's worst scenes (the dinner in The Troll Rock, Hilda's first grounding, and the argument over Dungeon Crops in The Stone Forest) and the resolution that I didn't think went far enough, are lifted directly (including a lot of dialogue - although some of it, especially in that final resolution, is said less kindly in the graphic novel) from the graphic novel Hilda and the Stone Forest. And this is the fundamental problem; Season 2 of the show has to adapt this story, which is a problem, because Season 1 of the show made substantial changes from the graphic novels, that honestly made me think that maybe there wasn't a way to do the Stone Forest arc well in the show.

In the graphic novels, Johanna is not a good parent. She's not as bad as the tie-in novels, where she genuinely reads as abusive in all but one, but she starts out as a generic "overprotective parent" stock archetype, and only really breaks out of that a couple of times (she's actually very good in Hilda and the Bird Parade, but in a completely different way from the show version of that plotline). Hilda in turn is a little more selfish and rebellious, so their whole dynamic is different.

And The Stone Forest, in both versions, has Johanna at her absolute worst. It's actually my least favourite graphic novel, specifically because of how awful Johanna gets in the beginning, which is basically just an extended falling-out combining all of her worst moments from Season 2 and making them even worse. And that's where the problem crept in, because in order for the Stone Forest arc to happen, Hilda has to try and sneak out via Nowhere Space, and Johanna has to try and stop her, and the whole thing needs to be precipitated by a mother-daughter falling out.

So the solution the show's crew took was to try making Johanna more like her comic counterpart, and to space the arguments that start The Stone Forest out across the whole season so it doesn't feel abrupt. But the two versions of Johanna are fundamentally different characters, and Comic Johanna is already a bad parent who's flaws aren't acknowledged in this arc, while in the show she's a realistically flawed but genuinely amazing parent and those flaws are addressed in Season 1.

And the result was just making Johanna almost as unsympathetic as her comic counterpart in Season 2. I don't even think that it really cured the abruptness, because it's still an awkward retcon in the first episode, and there are still episodes in S2 where Johanna is firing on all cylinders (The Deerfox and The Yule Lads - which actually handles a mother/daughter dispute caused by Hilda really well), so to me it feels less like a relationship that's having ups and downs, and more like a relationship that's fundamentally changed but only sometimes.

(There are other problems with adapting Hilda and the Stone Forest, namely David and Frida, but I think the show actually handled them well).

So, How Would I Have Done It?

I'm going to rule for this that we have to keep the fundamental plot of The Stone Forest; Hilda gets in trouble with her mum, gets caught when she tries to escape, and has to learn a lesson about being open after she and her mum get out of the Stone Forest. For a while, I genuinely wasn't sure how to make that work within the show in a way I'd be happy with, but in the end, thanks partially to the tie-in novels of all things, I do have a solution: we're actually going to build up the relationship shift, and it's going to have an acknowledged shared responsibility.

The Troll Rock happens almost as it does in canon, but there is no moment where Hilda thinks her mum will 'kill' her for going outside the wall. She still gets home late, and there's still a little awkwardness in the conversation, but Hilda gingerly admits the truth:

"Well, I was going to go to David's... but then I saw this elf getting kidnapped by a dirt clod with legs, and me and Twig kind-of had to go outside the wall to save him."

And Johanna just gives a patient sigh; there is a bit of tension in her voice, she's clearly not 100% happy with this, but she also accepts that this is her daughter:

"That was a good thing to do, sweetheart, but please be careful outside the wall. You know I worry about you."

From there the episode goes on as normal; barring one thing. I'm torn between cutting the "you never told me about that" exchange entirely, and changing the tone of it. In the latter version, instead of suspicion, Johanna is genuinely just surprised, and Hilda's response is something like "Wait, I didn't?", but either way, things go on normally from there; we've established that there's going to be friction between Hilda and her mum, without making things bad immediately.

The next big change is that The Eternal Warriors doesn't happen. It will, eventually, but I'm taking a leaf from the tie-in book Hilda and the White Woff, and saving it for later use. Every other episode gets shunted up by one space, but is otherwise unchanged until we hit The Beast of Cauldron Island, where I'm going to make a major change.

Instead of Hilda just lying, we're going to build on The Old Bells of Trolberg; when Hilda reaches the flat, she's reluctant to cancel their picnic, but she is prepared to explain things and possibly even ask for Johanna's help. But when she gets inside, Johanna is apologetic, and before Hilda can explain, she does:

"I'm really sorry, Hilda, but we can't have our picnic today after all."

"Why not?"

See the full post

39 notes - Posted February 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

16,713 notes - Posted February 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[imaginationisveryrapid]

Tag people you want to get to know better

Tagged by @tm-trx - Thank you! ☺️

Three Ships

Buck x Eddie (9-1-1) - They’ve had a grip on me since early 2020 when they showed up on my dash and have never let go since. I have no clue if they’ll ever go canon, but I’m going to root for them always.

Pacey x Joey (Dawson’s Creek) - I can’t call them my first ship, but it’s a close damn thing. I remember watching DC every week and just despising Dawson. I know it was technically his creek, but damn was he annoying, especially when he was with Joey. And then there was Pacey. Still one of my favorite television characters ever. They were so cute together and seasons 3 & 4 of the show were just excellent, mostly because of their chemistry and how many scenes they shared.

Bella x Jasper (Twilight) - Team Edward/Team Jacob, who? To be honest, I don’t really know where this one came from. I have just been in the mood recently to read some Bella x Jasper fic, and luckily there are some excellent ones out there. These moods have always ebbed and flowed, but this pairing always seems to come back every so often and they’ve got a grip on me right now. I’ve even started rewatching clips from the movies (??? what am I doing with my life???) and looking for fanvids on YouTube. I’ve always gone for the unexpected/rare pairings, I guess. Thank fuck for fanfic and fan created works.

First Ship

Kimberly x Jason (Mighty Morphin Power Rangers) - Does it make sense? Not so much. But I haven’t ever made sense, even as a child. I always remember being mad that Kimberly got with Tommy and would think up scenarios that could change canon even way back then. I was writing fanfic in my head before I even knew what it was. I wasn’t joking about those unexpected/rare pairings.

Last Song

Volcano Girls by Veruca Salt - Alternative rock has always been my number one genre, particularly 90s alt rock and female-led bands are badass. This song is so kickass.

Last Movie

The Proposal - Needed a mindless rewatch of something cute, that I’d seen before.

Currently Reading

Fight Like Hell: The Untold History of American Labor by Kim Kelly - Just got this one from the library and haven’t read too many chapters yet, but it’s great so far!

Currently Watching

9-1-1 - Finally getting around to finishing my rewatch of the series with my mom that we started last year. Just made it to the halfway point of season 4. I am in no way prepared for 4x13 and 4x14. 😬

Puppet History - Doing a complete rewatch of the series, now that the latest season is finished. I do a lot of rewatches, I’ve noticed, lol.

Good Omens - I saw stuff on Tumblr when the first season came out, but I was able to get the DVD set from the library and I’m finally watching it the whole way through.

Ghosts (CBS) - I watch this one every week with my mom and my aunt.

Currently Consuming

Water - it’s almost 1am here. If I tried to eat or drink something else now, I’ll be up even later.

Currently Craving

Fries. Always fries.

Tagging some folks from my notes (but no pressure of course): @sarcasticfina @holypiercednipplesbatman @molly2009 @organizedstardust @periru3 @calculated2stagger @bleakmonday

[quelsentiment]

for the fanfic asks: 2-6!

Thank you Fee!!

2- Did you have any writing goals?

I didn't have specific goals in terms of word count or anything, because I don't like to put pressure on myself like that. What I wanted was to take part in a few fests again, mainly @wordplayfics and @1dtrickortreatfest because they're both so fun, and I did! I think I also wanted to explore some more pairings I hadn't written for yet, and I ended up doing quite a lot of that (ot5, zarry, nouis, narry aaaand I just started posting for the mcyt fandom, which definitely wasn’t on my bingo card for this year but sometimes you just gotta embrace whatever obsession your brain throws at you 😌).

I do wish I'd had more energy to write over these past few months, but it’s honestly been a very hectic and emotionally intense year for me, so overall I'm pretty happy with what I did manage to write during that time.

3- How many projects did you work on this year?

With the two fics that I'm planning on posting in December, that makes a total of 13 works. Some of them are drabbles related to other works I'd already posted, though, so it's more like 9 works that are "completely new"

4- Favorite paragraph you wrote this year?

Maybe this one from Of Space and Time, but honestly idk. I’d have to go back and re-read everything, and I’m not doing that lol

Niall slid sideways to make space for Liam on the seat. Not wasting a second, Liam started playing, his eyes flying over Niall’s handwriting and singing in a soft voice. Niall had no idea how, since he wasn’t a professional player, but he soon found himself accompanying Liam with his own chords and harmonies. It was as effortless as if they’d been doing it for years. Their sudden proximity should have felt weird, at the very least, but it didn’t. Their arms were moving to the same rhythm, their hands brushing against each other, and all Niall could feel was a complete sense of calm and belonging. The overwhelming sensation of emptiness that had been plaguing his waking moments for days was gone.

The last note of the song was still echoing in the diner when he whispered:

“Would it make me sound crazy if I told you I’ve been seeing you in my dreams?”

5- Favorite line of dialogue you wrote this year?

Spoiler from my upcoming @louisrarepairfest fic!

“You think I haven’t seen the way you were looking at me earlier, while you were dancing with that guy? You think I can’t hear your heart beat faster whenever I get a little too close?” She punctuates her words by taking the last step that separates her and Niall, and now she’s got the slayer right in front of her again. Right where she wants her. “Hell, you think I don’t notice the blood rushing to your cheeks right now?” she adds in a mere whisper.

6- Favorite sentence you wrote this year?

Ugh these are so hard... Not because I think there’s a lot of brilliant sentences to pick from, there’s just nothing that really comes to my mind since I’m so focused on dialogues most of the time.

Okay, maybe this one from my mcyt wip 😅

The ocean is everyone’s and no one’s all at once, Clay knows, but for a minute, he can almost convince himself that George and him are the only people to have ever seen in.