#do it himself. in fact he would be rightfully indignant if anyone else called him that either. because it is not what he was

[aalghul]

and you know what? jason todd knew he was bruce's son. maybe he thought being bruce's son was dependent on being robin so his perception of the situation was a little messed up, but he knew he was a son. jason's not going to say he was bruce's soldier as robin.

[forgedmedic-blog]

gift fic for @scremlin because I also love my mutuals <3

G1 ratchjack that got way longer than I expected it to so it’s under the cut

Wheeljack was busy again. By Wheeljack’s standards, “busy” meant that the engineer locked himself in his lab and didn’t emerge for anything – or, most importantly, anyone – for what was often days at a time.

The first day Ratchet found the door closed, he sighed to himself and went back to the medbay, knowing it’d be a fruitless effort to try to speak to or get Wheeljack to open the door at all. Sure, he missed the other mech’s enthusiastic chatter and the mischievous flashes of his fins whenever he made a particularly terrible joke, but he had hopes that whatever was being worked on in there would be worth the silence and the time apart.

The second day was more of a shock to the system, but then again, Ratchet had grown used to it. He had the company of Optimus and Jazz and Ironhide, whenever his friends were around, at least, and there was always young First Aid in the medbay to talk to and to train. One day, he’d retire and Aid would step into the position of the Autobot Chief Medical Officer, and he’d be able to put his pedes up and relax; not that he could envision himself relaxing anytime soon. The war raged on, and Ratchet knew his skill and experience when it came to saving lives was unrivalled.

He distracted himself from the growing stab of loneliness by working far harder than he should be through taking stock of the contents of the entire medbay. First Aid hovered anxiously nearby on the third day, servos clasped in front of him as he quietly ventured that perhaps Ratchet should sit down and take a break, and refuel a little too while he was at it. His visor flashed in soft concern as he spoke, but his efforts were to no avail.

On the fourth day, Ratchet listened. He refuelled, sat down and took a break as instructed, and went back to the sealed lab with a cube of energon clutched in his servos. Wheeljack was just as bad as him when it came to working without pause, and he hoped the engineer would at least stop long enough to refuel.

He ended up leaving the cube outside the lab. Sounds could be heard from within – evidently Wheeljack was hard at work doing something, probably building a crazy gadget that would work for a short time and then explode in a series of dramatic bangs at the most inconvenient of times. 

Ratchet could well recall the time the weaponised human communication device the engineer had made had gone up in a shower of sparks when they’d been trying to recharge in peace together. Life with Wheeljack as a mate was by no means uneventful, but he wouldn’t swap it for the world. They’d been together for a long time, and despite a few arguments and clashes of opinion were still just as passionate about each other, even if he wasn’t much of an openly affectionate mech. Behind closed doors, it was an entirely different story.

The Decepticons attacked on the fifth day – or rather, they came a little too close for comfort to the Ark. Optimus rallied the Autobots and they went out to patrol perimeters and drive Megatron safely away, and naturally Ratchet was recruited to go along. First Aid, being an avid pacifist, wasn’t the type to go into the field, and this wasn’t exactly a situation that would require the might of Defensor. Aid was perfectly capable of handling himself and the medbay. It’ll be okay, Ratchet told himself as they left the base. It isn’t like Wheeljack is going to blow himself up, right?

In short, Wheeljack did just that.

Ratchet wasn’t expecting to receive a call from First Aid in the middle of kicking Decepticon aft, but he answered it anyway.

::He what?::

::There was an explosion. Whatever he was doing in there…:: First Aid sounded like he was both frustrated while simultaneously trying not to laugh. ::He blew it up. It went up in his face, and he staggered in here demanding you – he’s not seriously injured, just a little sooty. Just get back here as soon as you can before I give in to the urge to cuff him to the medical slab.::

There was a definite giggle in the younger mech’s voice by the time he closed the comm channel. Frustrated and worried, Ratchet was relieved by the time Jazz had fired a barrage of parting shots in the direction of retreating Decepticons, and after checking that everyone was largely uninjured was quick to return to the Ark. He hadn’t seen Wheeljack for five days, and now the mech had gone and wrecked whatever he’d been working on and gotten himself singed in the process. Despite how ridiculous the whole situation was, it was so undeniably Wheeljack that Ratchet couldn’t find it in him to be upset, not this time, at least.

When he finally swept into the medbay, passing a harassed-looking Aid, Wheeljack leaped up to greet him immediately regardless of the indignant huff that came from the junior medic. “Ratch’! Missed ya.”

“Sit down,” Ratchet chuckled, but squeezed the engineer’s servo warmly regardless. “You’ll give Aid a spark attack. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

Wheeljack’s indicators flashed indignantly, but he didn’t argue as he reluctantly sat on the slab once again. He’d learned a long time ago that when Ratchet was in his domain – in other words, the medbay – it was impossible to do anything else but let him work, and the medic in question was still proud of that fact. “I’m not even hurt,” he protested. “My mask shielded me from the worst of it. All there is to even fiddle with are a few cables in my neck. They don’t hurt. At all.”

“Lie back,” Ratchet said sternly, seeing and deciding then and there that the slightly sparking cables needed immediate repair. He pulled his patch kit out and got to work, skilled servos carefully closing tiny holes that exposed far too delicate wiring. “You’re ridiculous, y’know that? What am I going to do with you?”

Wheeljack shuttered his optics and relaxed back on the slab, thankfully going still as Ratchet worked. Both mechs were well aware that a single slip could prove to be far more damaging than his current injuries. “Oh, I dunno.” He chuckled softly. “You could tell me you love me, maybe, and we could get some energon later. I’ve missed seeing your grumpy face.”

“I’m not grumpy,” Ratchet protested. He made a tiny weld to seal the wound, venting quietly as he set his tools down. “I just worry about you, and I missed you these past few days. I had no one to drag me away from work, and no one to –”

“No one to cuddle you at night, I know,” the engineer laughed, and sat up as Ratchet began to pack his tools away. He rubbed at his now repaired neck, his smirk almost audible in his voice as he spoke. “We can make up for those days later. I’m gonna give my project a few days before seeing how much of it I can repair.”

“Try not to lock the door next time and shut me out completely,” the medic scolded, optics widening minutely at the sight of First Aid innocently sorting through a stack of datapads, not even pretending that he wasn’t eavesdropping. Young mechs these days. “Oh, and it might be helpful to not blow it or yourself up. I don’t want to have to fix you up because of a silly preventable accident ever again.”

“Alright, doc,” Wheeljack snorted, and stood. He wrapped his arms around Ratchet’s waist from behind and rested his chin on his shoulder. His field filled with the warm affection that so often flowed between them as he meshed it with Ratchet’s immediately offered field. “I promise I’ll do my best not to end up anywhere near the medbay in the future, aside from coming to drag you away from work, of course. Aid’s got this all sorted, haven’t ya?”

“Uh! Yes? Yes, I do. Absolutely I do.” First Aid sounded mortified that he’d been caught listening, and rightfully so. Ratchet hid a snort and reached up to cup Wheeljack’s cheek, briefly bumping their helms together.

He lowered his voice significantly. “Just don’t do that to me again, love. I mean it. I can and will disable your interface array.”

“Aww, even I know you wouldn’t do that,” Wheeljack snickered. He laughed, his whole frame shaking in his amusement. “I’ll do my absolute sparkfelt best to be there for you properly, Sunshine. I missed your frown. A lot. Can’t possibly live without it.”

“Sunshine,” Ratchet grumbled, but relented, sagging in Wheeljack’s arms. The mech would never let his ridiculous nickname go. “Fine. When I’m done here, we can go catch up – in private.” He twisted slightly, directing a poignant glare in Aid’s direction.

First Aid simply shrugged, shameless in how he was listening. “Just go. I’ve got the medbay under control, and none of the reports I’m getting from anyone are saying they’re badly hurt. It’ll be fine.”

Ratchet paused. He stared at the little medic, who met his gaze with that twinkling blue visor of his, and blinked as he gestured at the exit to the medbay. “Go on! Really, I’ll be okay.”

Twisting his mouth into something he figured vaguely resembled a smile, Ratchet reached boldly for Wheeljack’s servo. He tugged the mech forward and out of the medbay, ignoring the smugness that was radiating from First Aid in favour of muttering a quiet thank you.

He had his mate back, neither of them were hurt, and the world was right again. They’d go back to their shared quarters, refuel in each other’s company at last, and finally collapse onto the berth wrapped in each other’s arms, fully sated and content with spending quiet time together, protected from the craziness of their everyday lives for just a few precious hours.

“I love you, Sunshine,” Wheeljack said after a short but pleasant silence as they walked together. “Always have, always will.”

Ratchet glanced at him, then smiled and squeezed his servo. He leaned in and briefly pressed his lips to the other’s mask, then his lips when his mate obligingly slid his mask aside. “I love you too, Jackie. Always.”

Wheeljack may have his busy days, but it was sure as anything worth the wait when they were reunited again at last.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh S1 Ep 46: Creating All of Your Own Problems

This season is almost over, but I guess the showmakers had one last thing to bring in last second--one last character--one last toy product that hits the shelves. But, the big problem I can see they had to work around was how do you introduce a character who has nothing to do with this season? Just plop him on at the end in his own self-contained arc, I guess.

So we begin by running into Yugi at home/store he lives in, where Grandpa’s sweeping the stoop although shouldn’t he be inside running the shop? Maybe he’s just keeping an eye on Yugi, making sure he doesn’t run off to an island again. Maybe Tea and Grandpa have an arrangement that Yugi doesn’t get to go anywhere by himself unsupervised because he keeps getting horribly distracted and risking his entire life every time he does. Maybe that’s why she meets him here at his house to walk to school instead of at school?

Grandpa didn’t even bring up getting his ass kicked by Kaiba because apparently Grandpa has had a new life threatening event every couple of months for just his entire life.

I feel like Grandpa runs the itty bitty bodega of game shops.

(read more under the cut)

Isn’t the entire point of a game shop to sell fads, what is he talking about? Like, even if you’re a game shop that sells handmade toys that have no lights or automated parts that’s...still a hippie fad thing. That’s still a fad. Maybe it’s just my capitalist mindset, but maybe Grandpa should stock some Nintendo?

But honestly, their family had nothing to worry about because look at this terrifying storefront.

No child with eyes would enter here.

Kinda surprised her threatening him with homework was actually in the show, because her telling him that he’d have to do her homework for a week sounds like more of a punishment for her than the other way around. Like, may as well have a cat with a pen tied to their tail do your homework.

So this pirate here owns the shop and goes by the name Duke Devlin. He’s got a lot of stuff on his face. Kinda looks like he wants to go full Nomura but hasn’t discovered belts yet.

I’m not sure how his headband works, as some of the hair is under the headband and going into his face (thus ruining the point of a headband) and the rest is going over the headband and into his face (thus ruining the point of a ponytail). There’s a lot going on here, and I...I just don’t know exactly how this hair anatomy works.

This weird line on his face disappears and reappears constantly throughout the show. Man this show and it’s love of eyeliner. The eyeliner that few women wear outside of like...Mai. I’ve never seen such devotion to guyliner in my life.

Anyways, then they had the biggest twist so far in all of Yugioh.

Her eyes will cost as much as an entire house by the time she gets this surgery. Anyways, across the hall and in the other room, Duke is showing off his weird dice tricks to a bunch of girls who have extremely low standards. Because when I was in school, the boys fidgeting with dice and cubes and lighters or whatever were actually pretty damn annoying.

Also dice were illegal at my school but my school had a huge gambling problem since like Elementary school, starting at when Pogs were outlawed. Pogs. I was in like 2nd grade, with my fistful of holographic Garfield Pogs and my teachers were like “absolutely not, those Pogs will send you straight to drugs” and I was very, very confused.

Duke, overhearing Joey talk big about his incredible dueling skills, sees an opportunity to get Yugi to fight him. I guess he assumed that Yugi wouldn’t duel him for any other reason, although I’m pretty sure he could have been all “want to duel sometime?” and Yugi would have answered “ABSOLUTELY, LETS GO TO THE ROOF AT MIDNIGHT, SHIRTLESS, DURING A THUNDERSTORM.”

(the liner got shy here, but came back later)

And like he goes off about this dice but does he actually duel with dice this episode? If he did, I did not catch it as I was scrubbing through the duels. I’m pretty sure he didn’t. Not totally positive.

But bro mentioned that Duke was the mascot for a game that exists IRL that they were trying to sell--and I looked it up, it’s called Dungeon Dice Monsters and it looks so freakin complicated and unfun. Apparently it did not sell well, although they planned all these characters and expansions for it. Also, weirdly it came out in 1996 which means this guy is from Season Zero so...I guess I’ll be watching that later.

Nowadays these pieces of this failed game with 10000 pieces sells for a pretty penny on Ebay, but youknow that’s assuming anyone on Ebay is buying?

But, if you have table top simulator on Steam, some saint has added this game as a mod so you can like...play it for the price of table top simulator instead of spending like 800 dollars. That’s nice. I’m not going to play it myself, but that’s nice.

It was also converted into a complicated GBA game, which is probably more of the reason that he’s in this version of the show--since GBA was around the same time as Yugioh, although I could be wrong.

But, back to the show, Duke decides to do some magic because he has no idea who he goes to school with. This was extremely dangerous and stupid and he didn’t even know.

And Yugi just complete loses his mind for like a few seconds. Which makes you think great, everyone in this room is going to die, because this is Yugioh, and that is a thing that can surely happen. But then...

I feel like this is the point where most people would have been like “eff this” and just turned around, since both Yugi and Joey were in an actual tourney and shouldn’t waste their time but Joey really hates this guy for no reason other than being popular. Joey just has so much rage for people he’s never met before--like really, he’s absolutely terrible at making friends which blows my mind since his best friend is the friendliest person who exists in this show.

So I’m throwing the word draft out there because that’s something card people are familiar with but for those that don’t know, drafts are pretty normal. It’s a randomized deck, so there is the possibility you can get super screwed over in a draft. You can get a whole bunch of like whatever the Yugioh version of that Goldfish from Pokemon is and well, that’s just your deck now. You don’t put a lot of high risk stakes on drafts. They’re just for kicks.

But Joey thinks he’s immortal because he survived that island, so like sure, why not? Lets get rid of the only deck advantage we have and trust this guy, who has done nothing but trick people since we walked into the room.

Damn, Joey! That escalated quickly!

Then, a reallllly weird thing happens that made me super uncomfortable--Yugi changed his clothes. I don’t like this palate swap.

This whole time. That whole time on the island--he had normal clothes.

ooof I owned this outfit in middle school. Exactly this outfit. I had a phase--I call it “gray goth” where I got helllllla emo and only wore gray and jeans for 2 years. The 00′s were a time. We were all very chilly and needed at least two insufficient layers on at all times.

So they draft, but they do it wrong. I mean I guess there’s no “wrong” way but the way I’ve seen it, you selectively make your deck from the cards on the table you don’t just shove every card in there without a strategy. This whole duel is just kinda weird. Not like I really talk about cards at all on here but like...this seems like just the worst way to play draft.

So, because there’s absolutely no way you can possibly have a good time playing this version of the game, Joey struggles.

And then we get a celebrity cameo.

I will never catch another one. I was a one console family and we chose Nintendo. But, I do know my Gradius because this game was on every console ever made and basically resold over and over again up until Konami became a pachinko company.

And so we have a return to dog outfit. Because Joey can’t get away from this weird type of torture. Did Duke Devlin get a tip from Kaiba about Things Joey Wheeler Hates or did two completely different bullies come up with this dog obsession all on their own?

Why is Joey being destroyed by dice? Joey beat up like 12 people in a warehouse once. Anyway, Duke decides to throw dice at Joey and humiliate him into goading Pharaoh into a duel. Again, why would it take this much to goad on Yugi? He freakin loves dueling.

And so, in order to save Joey’s dignity, Pharaoh shows up and is pissed. Back on the island there was like life and death reasons to be pissed--just a while ago, Pharaoh saw Joey and Mai die in front of him and got rightfully upset, but apparently Joey dressing like a dog is like equal in terms of getting this guy super indignant.

Like I’m not sure if Pharaoh realizes that this dog servitude is only as long as it takes for Duke to get bored, which will be about five minutes. Or maybe Pharaoh slept through the fact that Joey brought this on himself entirely by himself and ignored every single time his friends were like “Joey please walk away it’s not worth it.” But like consequences shmonsequences.

This could solve so many of Yugi’s problems if he’d just lose this game. I just feel like carrying around this title doesn’t really do much for your income and yet everyone keeps trying to duel you all the time when honestly, should have probably been just attending class.

Tristan and Tea seem to realize that uh, Pharaoh freaking the hell out is the last thing they need on national TV but I mean, Joey’s a dog so he’s gotta do it. Pharaoh can’t really step down from a fight, no matter how stupid it is, and maybe that’s where Joey got it from.

Or Pharaoh could have just covered Joey this week and caught all of those dice. After a while even Duke Devlin would run out of dice. And it’s not like it said anywhere everyone else can’t beat Duke up because Duke has lost his mind. I just really feel like they should have a way out of this that isn’t boys being proud boys and gambling your dignity left and right but whatever. We gotta sell toys.

Anyway, next week, on Yugioh

Will I even have content to cover? Will Joey have to wear two dog suits --a dog within a dog-- as punishment? Will they just give up and kick this guy’s ass on national TV?

[graceverse]

WHAT IF?

Ok, so here’s a thought. What if in Season 8

1. Brienne arrives in Winterfell with Jaime and the Starklings are all: “we don’t want to have an audience with Jaime. Why? What do you mean why? He pushed Bran out of the window that’s why. We want him in the dungeon!” And Brienne goes, “but we’ve all done something that was vile and wrong and we were given second chances!” And the Staklings are still, “Nope, no!” So Jaime gives Brienne a “fuck loyalty, huh?” look before Brienne very gently nudges him inside his cell. She warns him, “I’ll be back, try not to escape.” 

2. Meanwhile Sam and Bran tell Sansa and Arya Jon’s true parentage and Arya is like, ‘No! That’s not true! Jon’s my brother!’ But Sansa tells Sam to send a raven to the Citadel, “I want a written letter confirming the authenticity of this book!” And Sam goes, “You want me to write to the Citadel about the book I stole?” and the Starklings, go, “Uhm, yes? That’s exactly what we want you to do, is there a problem?” and Sam leaves them, on the verge of tears. So Arya asks, “what are we going to do?” And Sansa very regally juts out her chin and says, “what father had been doing all his life, we will protect Jon.” And Arya goes, “Fuck yeah!” And then Sansa very queenly tells her, “There must always be a Stark in Winterfell.” Arya is not sure what this means but Bran merely nods in agreement and Arya is all, “what the fuck is going on here?” 

3. Jaime is granted an audience with the Starklings and he tells them about the Golden Company and then pledges his life to Sansa, and Sansa tells him to arise and all that shit and then she goes, “We will ride for Riverrun. You will pretend to be my prisoner.” And Jaime is all, “are you fucking kidding me?” Sansa raises her eyebrows at him, “does this bring you dishonor? To pretend to be captured by the family whose family you have slaughtered?” And that shuts up Jaime. Sansa declares, “Robb was King in the North and The Trident. I am Catelyn Stark’s eldest daughter, The Trident is mine.” Bran nods and Arya is all, “The Starks are coming for ya!” Sansa tells Arya, “when Jon arrives, don’t make trouble, we need him safe. He must not know yet. No one must know yet. Just make him suffer for bending the knee. But not the ‘I’ll cut your face and wear it’ shit, ok? He’ll cry.”

4. Jon arrives in Winterfell but Sansa is not there. He’s half relieved, half-crazy with worry, esp since Littlefinger is not creepily hanging out at the back. “Where is Sansa?” he asks, all broody and dark eyed and Arya very sadly says, “she’s gone.” And Jon goes all pale and wild eyed with grief and he looks like he’s about to stab himself with Longclaw when Bran says, “hey chill out, she’s out gathering armies for you because Cersei isn’t going to help you and will in fact attack the North with a bunch of Unsullied except only they have cocks, so they’re easier to bribe.” Jon and Dany both go: whaaaaat? While Tyrion is all: oh, shit! Dany announces, “I will go back south and take what is rightfully mine!” But Jon and Tyrion stops her, “you can’t! You promised the North! What kind of Queen are you if you will not hold your word?” Dany and Jon goes off to sulk. Separately.

5. Sansa rallies The Trident, presenting them with the Kingslayer and she tells them that all the women and children can leave for the impregnable Vale, where they will be safest. It would be the last to fall if the wars reach them. She will distribute the provisions the Blackfish had secured in Riverrun but she will need their help. Rumors about the wight in Kings Landing had reached them and because Sansa is honest and bad ass and is the daughter of Cat, the sister of Robb and the one who captured the Kingslayer for justice, they rally behind her. Also it’s winter, if anyone can get them through winter, its the Starks. Winter is coming, they always say and you can bet your ass they know exactly what to do in winter.

6. Cersei, upon hearing that Sansa has Jaime tells the The Golden Company to forget about Dragonstone, she ain’t getting shit from Dragonstone anyway. She wants Sansa and Jaime captured alive so she can punish them herself. She sends the Mountain with them whose sole task is to beat the shit out of Jaime and take the Stark Girl. The Golden Company camp a few miles away from Riverrun, ready to attack. But during the night, they are attacked by a bunch of giant feral wolves. Those that escapes blindly ran into Riverrun and are soundly defeated by Sansa’s army. The Mountain almost takes Sansa, but Jaime very neatly cuts off his legs and well, gravity.  

7. Bran doesn’t need ravens and shit so he announces to the Northern Lords, to Team Bend The Knees, that Sansa has defended The Trident and is – gasp – heading towards King’s Landing. Dany doesn’t take it well and while planning her next move, she made the mistake of calling Sansa’s actions treasonous, punishable with death and Jon is not having any of that. He slams his fist on the table, making Dany jump, “YOU. DO. NOT. THREATEN. MY. SISTER. EVER.” Dany, shaken, lifts up her head and coolly says, “Oh, so now it’s my sister, you think I haven’t noticed how you act every time someone says her name?” and Jon is all, “what the fuck you talking about?” And that is the beginning of TargBowl.

8. The Lords of the Trident forgives Jaime because he saved their queen and he fought valiantly. Sansa tells him that he is longer a “prisoner” but is now her sworn sword. Jaime winks at Brienne and Brienne is as always, none too amused. Jaime tells Sansa she should go back to Winterfell, but Sansa shakes her head, “no, I don’t want to”, all pouty and sad eyed and Jaime figures it out, because he’s so been there and done that. He’s not at all sympathetic, “you foolish girl! You’re in love with your brother. Well, half-brother but… oh, seven hells…look at me and Cersei” and Sansa is indignant, “I am not Cersei and Jon is not you.” She almost tells Jaime that Jon is actually her cousin, thank you very much, but she has more sense than that, thank God for character development.

9. Sansa asks for Theon’s help and Theon pledges all the remaining Greyjoy ships to her cause. Sansa arrives in King’s Landing and tells the people that they need not fear Cersei anymore. Those who do not wish to be part of the coming war are free to go and they can seek shelter at The Trident, The Vale or even The North. Those brave enough can join her in taking King’s Landing from Cersei. Cersei sees the futility of killing the people of KL and burning it down to the ground. She’s done that already. And she hates being redundant. Also, all things considered, this is much better than dealing with dragons and so she readies her remaining armies. The people of KL is already sick of Cersei’s shit, so they wisely flock to Sansa.

10. Jon and Dany battles the Night King and the army of the dead and are triumphant but Drogon fought Viserion to death and now she only has Rhaegal. Sansa and Jaime battles Cersei. 

Meanwhile in KL, Jaime kills Cersei, but not before he gets fatally wounded by Euron (sorry, Brienne + Jamie fans) Euron tries to flee, but is killed by The Greyjoylings. Cersei, Euron and Jaime dies. Sansa does not want the Iron Throne, but she makes the reveal of all reveals: she is taking the Iron Throne, in behalf of Jon Snow aka Aegon Targaryen – no, the other Aegon Targaryen, Rhaegar’s son from Lyanna Stark, the true heir of the Iron Throne and who is fighting in The North so that they will not have to face the horrors of the Night King’s Army. The people cheer for their king because they are sexist shits, but it’s not their fault, that’s how it was during those times. Sansa leaves Edmure and Lord Royce to take care of anything that needs taking care of while she’s gone. Sansa is so done with the South and she immediately rides North.

11. Dany is PISSED. She is FUMING MAD. She did not help the North defeat the White Walkers to be usurped by her NEPHEW. She thinks Jon deliberately did not tell her about his parentage and she was tricked by the WHOLE FUCKING NORTH, the STARKS most especially. Jon on the other hand is terrifically wounded but he’ll survive. He is CONFUSED and MOPEY and he’s all “NO. WAIT. WHAT? YOU’RE MY AUNT? SANSA IS MY COUSIN?!’ And is in no shape or form ready for another war. Dany wants to take Rhaegal and finally take the Iron throne but she is killed by… Tyrion or Varys. Or both of them. I don’t know. No one knows. No one saw it happened. So Jon is all, “but I don’t want the Iron Throne! It does not belong to the Targaryens. When is Sansa coming back home? Will she back soon? I miss her.” And Tyrion is, “well who the fuck does it belong to?” And Bran goes, “to the Baratheons.” And everyone groans out loud because they’ve had enough of these reveals and they make Bran promise that Gendry Baratheon will be the absolute LAST reveal. Sansa returns to Winterfell, triumphant and she’s so happy and she hugs Arya and goes, “the Storm Land is yours.” But Arya is all, “I don’t want to be a LADY!” and Sansa smiling sweetly almost evilly tells her, “yes, of course, you’re no Lady. You’re Queen.” 

The Greyjoys are finally given their right and freedom to rule over their Island provided that they stop being assholes to everyone else. Yara and Theon are only happy to make peace with the rest of the Kingdom. The Vale and The Trident refuses to be parted from their Queen and so The Vale and The Trident are under the protection of the North. The rest of the houses also want the guidance of a King and Queen because they’re all lazy fucks and do not want the headache of ruling separate kingdoms. And so the South is ruled by Queen Arya Stark and the North is ruled by Queen Sansa Stark – because, fuck yeah for Stark women!

12. It takes a year and a half for Jon and Sansa to sort out everything, but they finally do it, to the relief of Tormund, because Brienne had told him she will not be stolen by Tormund unless Jon and Sansa becomes King and Queen in the North and Tormund had begged and begged Jon to just man up and steal Sansa, which Jon finally does. And Tormund could never be happier. He is already planning on how to steal Brienne.

THE END.

Ok. WAIT. 

I think I want to actually write this as a fanfic, be right back.

[thehonorablejudgewhitey]

“With Liberty and Justice for All”

(copious amounts of profanity ahead)

After the initial shock left me numb, then angry, then depressed, the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach took over and, funny enough, for a long time I was pissed off not because of what happened, but because it was allowed to happen. I wasn’t even furious with the key players anymore because they’re...well, real life versions of one dimensional characters, they did what they were supposed to do, what they would always do, what everyone knew for a fact they would do. I was mad at The People. The American People. Not at the - we’ll never really know how many - millions which were racist, misogynist, xenophobic, hateful and downright stupid enough to feel that donald was worth a genuine vote, but at the vast majority whom, between Clinton, 3rd party candidates, write -ins (and assorted silliness) didn’t vote for donald. Why was I so mad at these - mainly sane - folks? Because a majority let itself be ruled by a minority with, until recently, barely a peep in protest. Very few people took the fight as seriously as it needed to be taken and where we are today is a result of that.

Had this been a normal, fair election...it would be one thing, but it’s been clear since the start that things were far from an even remotely legitimate deal. The U.S. had bad Presidents before, it also had dumbass Presidents before, look at Bush Jr. who was as sharp as that kid in your nephew’s class who eats all the crayons; Jr., funny enough, found himself down in votes as well, but still “won”. However, and despite that - let’s call it - coincidental similarity, donald is frighteningly different from W. He’s not only ignorant and illiterate, he’s something Bush wasn’t: a vicious sociopath. donald isn’t just unbelievably stupid (and so very proud of his stupidity), he’s not just a loud clown, he is a fucking deranged monster and if you think I’m exaggerating, you haven’t researched him thoroughly enough because his track record will scare the shit out of anyone. The dude truly is criminally insane. 

Now, donald supporters will argue till they’re blue in the face that non donald voters are sore losers, “libtards”, “snowflakes” and whatever else colorful little adjectives the not too bright amuse themselves with in order to have something with which to (try to) annoy others and thus, not having to confront their own stupidity. However, recently we’ve learned that not only has the corruption and treason which lead us to this situation been reliably and extensively documented, but also that American intelligence agencies had the information for months...and sat on it. The connections between donald’s minions and the shadiest shit imaginable has been established, foreign intelligence services have been frantically waving their arms in the air, begging US intelligence to, for fuck’s sake, look at their findings regarding very blatant treason...and yet, YET...here we are. Now the public knows all about it and the backlash has been until recently, pretty damn weak. Thankfully the public’s fighting morale picked up in a big way with the women's march, but it’s still a long way from effective. Plus the march was very rightfully so focused on specific topics, but what’s needed is an all out blitz of opposition and protest. For every - single - thing.

A lot contributed to donald’s - LOL - “victory”:

1) partisanship within the agencies (here’s looking at you, Comey)

2) the Russian meddling (through blackmail, money, influence, disinformation, paid trolls, and other endless etc’s)

3) vote tampering (took a shitload of lawyers and some serious bribe showers to keep that one on the low...seriously, look into it and your jaw will drop like an anvil on a road runner cartoon...but apparently, we’ll just ignore outright mathematical impossibilities and documented bribery because that’s the world we live in now)

4) voter suppression, critical in areas with large black communities because the overwhelming majority of black voters weren’t here for this fuckery - especially women, go Ladies, making us proud as always!

5) useless 3rd party voting despite the many, maaaaaaaany warnings not to engage in it because it was so DAMN clear what was gonna go down and people still did it cause stupid reasons no one cares about; how are you enjoying that skinny ass high horse now, fuckers???

6) the utterly shitty job by American news organizations who sucked donald’s lil dick dry for months in the name of ratings and which now are shocked, shocked I tell you!!! that the motherfucker turned on them...who could have possibly seen that one coming,unbelievable!!! And still, STILL they haven’t learned from it, they’re still airing donald’s mental diarrhea verbatim all - the - time, calling racist and xenophobic shit “controversial” and having lap dogs like Crack Barbie Conway talking about goddamn “alternative facts” on national television with a straight face!

7) the impotent and pathetic opposition put up by democrats, I mean seriously folks...some democrats voted in favor of donald’s cabinet members; have you learned nothing from 8 years of republican fuckery? Oppose ALL the things! If it wasn’t for Maxine Waters “fuck you AND this shit” attitude, Tim Kaine’s “I just think it’s funny how...” brand of shade and a few other good folks in there, we could just throw the whole damn party in the trash

8) republicans having been WHIPPED by donald’s cheap reality star popularity which was - sadly - more than enough to outshine the zodiac killer and whoever else they had lying around. Republicans had to drop to their knees for donald and, in exchange, they can pull off a U.S. fire sale like they’ve been aiming for for 8 years now. Make no mistake, there isn’t a terrorist organization in the world which can hold a candle to the American republican party, their business is death and destruction for profit and they excel at it

9) the “slow moving right wing coup” (Maher called it, just before the election), the almost decade long crusade of misinformation and public manipulation through garbage like fox news and breibart through puppets like hannity and kelly. donald’s fake shot at the Presidency would have been impossible without the massive groundwork that came long before he was even considered to be viable enough for this

10) the fact that a lot of folks adored donald’s catchy tune of hate and racism. trump voters didn’t vote for him despite this, they voted because his message was music to their ears. How an uncharismatic, orange, shar-pei looking motherfucker managed to establish a cult of personality would actually be impressive if it wasn’t terrifying.There’s no real “economic angst”, there was no “reaction against the status quo”, nobody wanted to drain no damn “swamp”, the “he tells it like it is” excuse is just that...everything which was used to justify donald’s popularity is utter BULLSHIT. donald got votes because a black Man was President, because women had valid sexual and reproductive health rights, because the LGBT community got basic rights recognized, because Islamophobia is a reality, because black folks were asking not to get killed for sitting and reading a book, or ringing a doorbell asking for help, or buying skittles 

and of course, 11) the fact that trump made it totally cool to just go right for any pussy you fancy at any time, i.e. normalized sexual assault. If that doesn’t scream about the rampant engulfment of society in rape culture, I don’t know what does.

Yes, a lot helped donald get to where he is today, but the problem isn’t that this stuff happened, it’s that it was allowed to happen, the beginning of the shitstorm. It’s not like the asshole totally changed his tune overnight; everyone knew he was a risk and still, it was constantly underestimated. Just a few days ago the U.S. was forced to go with a 100% illegitimate President, one planted by a foreign power, under blackmail from that same power, with an estimated 1.5 billion (that’s billion with a B) dollars in debt, making him one of the brokest motherfuckers in the world (and oh boy, is he robbing the Presidency blind already...between selling access to himself and facilitating businesses abroad...), supported by the terrorist hate group formally known as kkk and every filthy, inferior white supremacist around, with a cabinet filled with incompetent, batshit insane, corrupt picks who’ll be responsible for everything from your tax dollars to nuclear weapons - fucking TERRIFYING - and who’s sole job is to burn it to the motherfucking ground and piss on the ash and oh yeah, let’s not ever stop talking about donald’s sex abuse history which includes confessed predatory behavior, strolling through teens changing rooms and rape accusations from minors to his ex wife. You really can’t expect much from a guy who once said “Is it wrong to be more sexually attracted to your own daughter than your wife?”; she was 13 at the time. 

So while the rest of the world had been pulling its hair and collectively asking: “What, in the absolute name of FUCK is going on and why is it allowed to continue!?”, most people had been showing indignation...on Twitter, being extremely angry...at home. It took some pretty dark reality checks to shake folks up. The thought of 22 (now some sources say 30+) million Americans losing healthcare brought a few thousand people out, just a few thousands out of 71 million who voted for a different candidate. For months now I and many others have been begging anyone who’ll listen to go out, go beyond the fallacy of sticking solely to hashtag activism and actually act! Before the women’s march injected some much needed life into people, I was met with everything from sheer indifference to a sense of total hopelessness (useless sentiment), but the worst thing so far, the one that really angered me to the fucking core, was the sickeningly common sentence “we can’t do anything about it”. Buying into the fact that you’re powerless, failing to understand that people run the government and not the other way around is the most successful form of oppression ever deployed and let me tell you, there’s nowhere else on earth where it has been applied more successfully than in the US. Politicians running wild knowing there’s 0 accountability for their actions is what motivated the batshit insane last few weeks in which republicans have released a kind of greatest hits of nefarious fuckery which include the sentencing of millions to death or bankruptcy (or both) without health insurance, getting rid of what little oversight they have (though that was over with? Check again...), and paying the bill for donald’s dumbass wall which may be the most ridiculous, useless thing ever made...this kind of distancing between politicians an accountability is why crisis like Flint drag out for years with no resolution - or even interest for a resolution.

It really is a damn tragedy the situation has been allowed to run out of control, so now it’s time to get a handle on the lunacy. Before American women (actually, women everywhere) brought it, a few weeks back, LA and NY showed up early with marches of about 10 thousand people each, the most meaningful actions pre-post-inauguration; some folks burned a couple of trash cans in Portland (and conservatives have been crying out that “the cities are burning!!!” ever since, failing to mention, of course, that rioters are mainly paid elements to create this kind of disruption so people like donald can bitch about it later; see also Washington DC a few days ago) and that’s about it really...So what have we learned? Massive protests, shutting down streets, cities...it’s the only way to go. There needs to be a continuity to the kind of spirit which propelled the women's match. Politicians will never admit it, but they’re terrified of people in large numbers, they may despise voters but they also need them. So this “inauguration”, these disastrous first days, a ridiculous circus which would have been deemed too stupid to be featured in the cheapest of French farces can either mark the end of The American People’s chance to act or the start of a proper, comprehensive uprising. If you were waiting for the inauguration to then push for an impeachment...that won’t fly here, it’s too late for any of the regular democratic processes. Election was illegitimate, electoral college voted illegitimately...relying on this kind of stuff is dead and buried. Keep hearing folks talk about 2020, elections...bless their hearts...even if by some miracle we reach that date, do y'all really think there will ever, EVER be anything remotely close to a free election ever again? With these corrupt fucks in power? Nah, that ship has sailed. donald getting “elected” was what’s called a proof of concept and now, like a cancer, his so called administration will infect every nook and cranny of government, making it impossible to remove. Best case scenario, some key players get kicked out and there’s a chance to start repairing the damage, but the root is firmly planted and there will be massive problems for many years to come because donald and his posse got this far. Plus, external influence is and will continue to be massively powerful; Russia has republicans tightly grabbed by the balls which means all their decisions aren't really their own and that the US is now a satellite state. Cold War era communists would piss themselves in excitement like puppies if they had ever even dared to dream that such a thing could be possible. And the kicker is, the U.S. wasn’t even the main act, it was just a beta test. France and Germany are coming up next, efforts to end NATO and the EU are well on their way and in Europe, stupid people are falling for the same kind of “populism” (aka very poorly disguised racism and xenophobia and other assorted far right ideological diarrhea) that stupid people in America fell for when sprayed by golden boy himself. My faint hope is that a large enough number of Europeans will wake up in time. So far I remain disappointed. Twice now in fairly recent times Europe fucked itself up; soon it will be on its way to a third go. “Those who don’t understand history...” etc.

So here we are, 2017 and worried about world wars, nuclear wars, a Russian empire, nazis and the end of democracy. Ain't that a bitch? The real kicker tho, the part that made me so very pissed off at the reasonable, logic people out there is that the whole thing was so, so, SO very fucking avoidable...we got complacent and lost focus on how vicious the fight was and how vicious we had to be to win it. I love FLOTUS44 to no end but the motto should have been “when they go low, we get a motherfucking club and crack their head open cause they’re already in a convenient position to get bashed and we gotta take these fuckers out, pronto” - not as catchy, but it was the right attitude. To show just how soft and out of touch people have become, this week there’s been a debate about if punching a nazi is wrong. I shit you not! “If” it’s wrong...smh. And even if throwing hands isn’t your thing, all anyone ever really had to do was show up. Right at the start, show up, provide the numbers for “strength in numbers”, be a body in a crowd. Wasn’t hard, wasn’t costly, didn’t need a great deal of planning...call up a couple of friends who in turn call up 2 or 3 more and just...showing up and demanding the most basic legitimacy needed for an election, demanding that a line was drawn between free speech and hate speech, demanding that something as vile as donald and pence and bannon and kushner and flynn and every other piece of shit in the gang wasn’t allowed anywhere near a Presidential election. People knew what was at stake, people saw the democratic processes fail.

Like I said, the key players are predictable, they don’t break character; you know for a fact what they’ll do: donald will always be a sociopathic old perv and act like such; republicans will always be money hungry, moralless whores (and I use that word for the actions themselves, I mean no disrespect to hardworking, honest prostitutes who don’t deserve to be compared to something as disgusting as republicans); white supremacists will always be inferior whiny bitches; and the people who support all these aberrations will always be too fundamentally dense, too goddamn stupid to understand the seven ways till Sunday in which they’re getting fucked while cheering for the ones pounding their ass. But the people who know better, the people who’ve seen this ridiculous charade since the start for what it is and got lost in pointless shit like in house fighting (who had the best candidate cause of reasons) or simply didn’t lift a finger in any serious and meaningful way to try and stop it...they’re ones responsible for the mess being in play. It’s pretty simple: you see a toddler with a gun, you don’t wait till it shoots itself in the damn face, you take the gun away.

So where will we be a little while from now if things don’t change dramatically? Well let me put on my Carnac The Magnificent hat on (a lil something for the kids to Google, take their mind of this whole “we’re all probably gonna die horrible deaths” dealio): Our buddy Vladimir, finding out this shit actually works (whaaaaaat? Long shot win!), will try and succeed with the same model in other countries, Europe will be at war again, a short one because Russia will steamroll resistance as it takes over.NOT looking forward to that. The US will be carved like a thanksgiving turkey; first, the complete demolition of the Obama legacy because, you know, memories of a black Man in office for 8 years won’t do, gotta bulldoze that shit like, yesterday! Remind “the blacks” (as donald says) of their place, make aberrations of the LGBTs again, and fuck this environment shit cause who needs clean air and water when there’s fucking oil to drill, goddamn it!!! However, it won’t be just a gutting of government and liberties and rights, but also of territory. California will be the first to exit, also with - very indirect and covert - Russian backing, NY will follow. Texas will probably join in cause...well, it’s Texas, it’s just itching to shoot at something. The rest of the territory will be as miserable as any third world country. Sadly I won’t get the pleasure of shouting “MAGA!” and laughing my ass off in the face of every single Trump voter while they starve or die from most banal diseases in the book. A true shame. Russia will continue to fund terrorism like it does with ISIS, as well as planning/carrying out terrorist attacks whenever it suits their strategic interests (see Berlin, last Christmas), with donald being ISIS’ greatest poster child for recruitment while his buildings will make for great targets. Convenience! Oh and let’s not forget that in a pre-butchered US, Republicans will still need a war, so expect one. Republicans will also need 9/11 levels of terror, so expect a 2.0 version of that as well. 

All of this of course if donald’s alarming mental decay doesn’t throw a wild card in the mix and he just decides: “fuck it, I’ll nuke everything” cause someone sent him a mean tweet. #Sad. And even if by some other wild card donald were to get impeach over prostitutes pissing on him or whatever the fuck else the shithead got recorded doing, the problem would still be the same: compromised government, completely invalid election, proven concept for aspiring global dictator, and resounding triumph of white Amerikkka’s “values”. The only way to do something which means a damn is to go out in force, quickly. 

In a week marked by reporters get yelled at, at the White House, over crowd size “alternative facts”, a week in which we find donald had the inauguration pictures photoshoped to make his hands look bigger (what a fucking LOSER. That dick must really be in the micro category, I swear), a week in which the president elect goes nuts with executive orders to, out of pure spite, demolish the Obama legacy (donald is so insanely jealous of 44 that it clouds whatever shred of reason that pea brain of his can still muster) while simultaneously rambling about a blatant lie of millions of illegals voting while people in his goddamn entourage are actually guilty of voter fraud, a miserable week which saw government put a gag order on agencies divulging scientific facts, making them create “rogue” twitter accounts, an alarming week with revelations that staff and golden showers himself use all kinds of unprotected email services, the same thing which haunted Clinton forever without a shred of substance to it and that now, apparently, is totally cool, a sad week in which the megalomaniac embarrassment moved forward with orders to keep women in children stranded in war zones...is a week in which everyone should be planning exactly how seriously they want to contribute to the containment of this situation. personally, I suggest very and as soon as possible.

[This take on things is my own. Will not try to impose it nor debate it]