#do it for international women's month sam

[thevalleyisjolly]

Can't wait for the episode of Very Important People where Sam Reich appears as Evelyn Tucci, the paternal grandmother of Stanley Tucci.

[mostlymarvelsstuff]

Good Luck Babe

Summary: Natasha is conflicted on her sexuality due to the way shes been raised. This causes her to act rather harmfully as she pulls both Y/n and Steve along for the ride. (No powers AU)

Authors note: In case it wasn't obvious this fic was very much inspired by "Good Luck, Babe!" by Chappell Roan

Warnings: smut(fingering, hickies, scissoring), angst(internalized homophobia, brief Nat x Steve), hurt/comfort, happy ending

Word count: 5748

Natasha Masterlist Marvel Masterlist

     Natasha shivers as the air in the room starts to feel cold on her exposed body. Noticing her discomfort you quickly reach over and pull the blanket over you both. Her eyes drift up to your face and you smile softly at her while admiring the different green hues and flecks of gold that make up her eyes

   “Y/n….” She whispers, not wanting to disturb such a serene moment 

   “Yeah baby?”

   Her heart almost always melts whenever you call her that, though she may never admit that to herself,  “Kiss me?”

   You had to chuckle a bit. This wasn't your first time in a situation like this with her, plus the two of you had just spent hours entangled in each other while having sex. And yet here she was acting almost shy. You lean forward and connect your lips to hers. The kiss is soft and sweet, and if you didn't know better you'd say it was filled with love. But you do know better. And you also know, she'll be gone by morning.

   You both break apart and she scoots impossibly closer, resting her face against your chest as her arm drapes over your midsection, “Goodnight Tasha”

   “Goodnight Y/n”

   The next morning when you wake up the opposite side of the bed is empty, and the lack of presence from the redhead stings despite this being exactly what you expected. The bed always feels colder without her, and though your brain tells you it'll never happen, a part of your heart longs for a day when you wake up to her greeting you a good morning.

   Eventually you had dragged yourself out of bed and gone about your morning as you normally would. Breakfast, shower, drive to work. Once at work your day was rather dull, full of paperwork, phone calls and meetings. As per usual. And also as usual your best friend texts you just as your lunch break begins, once again giving no indication that last night's events had transpired

   Natty: Hey, you coming to the club later?

   Y/n: Yeah, I’ll be there

   Natty: Great :) See you later then

   Y/n: See you tonight  

   You’d made arrangements days ago to meet up with your friends at a nearby nightclub after your shift today, and honestly you were dredging doing so now. Natahsa was going to be there, which was doable. You’ve been pretending to still be nothing more to her than her best friend for the past month now so it wasn’t a strain, just disappointing. What you were actually concerned about was Steve. 

   He was sure to be there, which normally meant little to you, but lately he and Nat have been getting rather close. Close enough that there's talk of them potentially getting together soon. And that thought made your heart sink. You figured what you had with Nat was fleeting, she was clearly scared to embrace the fact that she was into women, but that didn’t mean you were ready to let her go. It didn’t mean you didn’t actually have feelings for her and were ready to watch her just move on. Especially with Steve of all people. But what could you do?

   Hours later you find yourself at one of the club's tables with Sam, Maria and Steve waiting for the others to arrive. Thankfully the blond doesn’t talk to you much, not that you struggle to be cordial, you just really didn’t want to engage with him. Which you suppose was a bit unfair considering he didn’t know what you and Nat had going on, but despite this you all manage to hold a conversation until Bucky and Sharon show up. With all but one now in attendance you all decide to go ahead and order your drinks, but before you can tell the bartender what Nat would want Steve does. You try not to frown, afterall this didn’t mean anything, everyone in the group knew everyone's orders. But it still puts a bad taste on your tongue.

   Finally the redhead shows up, and she offers you a bright smile as she approaches the group. You smile back but it's all for show really, because you know she’ll take the empty seat across from you next to Steve instead of the one next to you. Your heart sinks when she proves you right and you can’t help but let your smile drop. You thought you'd be used to this by now. She always goes back to acting as if she's not attracted to you. Acting like Steve is who she wants to be with when they haven't even entered a relationship and she's entering your bed most nights. 

   But you aren't used to it. It still stings and makes you jealous. But you kept your mouth shut. Better to have her one way then never at all. That's what you'd first told yourself. But now, you've fallen deeper for her, and watching her try to fall for someone else while still holding you, hurts. And you know that you have to say something soon or you'll only be hurt worse.

   As if trying to prove your inner monologue correct, Natasha leans closer to Steve and sets her hand on his forearm. Her thumb starts to rub soothing circles on his bare skin, just like she normally does with you when the two of you are alone, and he turns to offer her a smile before returning to his conversation with Sam. The interaction has you downing half your drink in one go and if you hadn’t been so quick to leave the table and excuse yourself to the bathroom you’d have noticed the look of concern that crossed the redheads face

   You stare at yourself in the bathroom mirror lost in a whirlwind of thoughts for a few minutes until the cause of said whirlwind opens the door. You attempt to straighten yourself out so you can ignore her arrival and leave but you should have known she wouldn’t let this be easy.

   “Are you alright?” she asks, placing her arm on your bicep to stop you from passing by

   Part of you feels cared for by the concern in her tone, but the other part of you remembers that she is the reason you feel this way, “Yeah, I’m good.”

   Her eyes soften as she looks you over, “You're not though. Something is bothering you.”

   You glance at the floor to avoid her gaze but she doesn’t like this very much and cups your face to bring your gaze back to her

   “You can talk to me, you know?”

   “I know” you admit, briefly contemplating if you really wanted to have this conversation in a dirty club bathroom, but you really don’t. You’d rather not have to have it at all truly, “Lets go rejoin the others before they get suspicious”

   She follows you back out and you both sit back down at the table. More drinks are ordered and the night goes on, and you do your absolute best to avoid how close Nats mouth gets to Steve's ear when she tells him things or how Steve's arm curls around her waist to keep her close to him. But while you're doing your best to ignore them Nat keeps her eye on you. She won't lie, she knows what she's doing is taking a toll on both herself and especially you, and she knows she'd be hurting if the roles were reversed. But she's terrified to allow that part of herself to exist, knowing the ramifications.

   Steve was the stereotypical “perfect” guy, and she knew being with him would make her parents happy and proud. They would love him. He was the safe choice, he was acceptable, he is who she's supposed to want. But that's the thing, she doesn’t really want him. She wants you, but every fiber of her being tells her that it's wrong. That she's not supposed to want you that way, that she shouldn’t be engaging in the sexual activity that she is with you, that her parents won't accept her. But each moment she spent with you just felt so right. She felt so hopelessly stuck on what to do

    A few days pass before you hear from Natasha again, and to no surprise you find yourself right back in the same position you always do, naked and in your bed. She's laying below you with her hands wrapped around your neck and her legs intertwined with yours as the two of you engage in a heavy and heated makeout session

  The need for air has the two of you breaking apart and you slowly make your way down her neck to her chest, kissing as you go. She lets out a few moans and whimpers each time you hit some of her more sensitive places, and she can tell by this that you're trying your best to work her up slowly. Problem is she can’t do slow, not tonight. Even though she desperately wants to

   “Y/n…” she moans as you near her hips

   “What is it baby?”

   “We can’t take too long” she admits in a hushed tone, “My date with Steves in a few hours”

   Your movements stop as you take in her words, and it honestly feels like your roof is crashing down over your head. How could she think coming here before going out on a date with him was the right move? And how could she think that you’d be okay with her just bringing that up while you're in this vulnerable position with her?

   “Natasha, I can’t keep doing this”

   This takes her by surprise and the use of her full name has anxiety building inside of her. She sits up on her elbows to look at you, “What do you mean?”

   You scoff, “You know exactly what I'm talking about. I'm tired of not being able to have you fully and always playing second to him. I'm tired of having your possessiveness but not your heart.”

   Oh if only you knew the truth, if only she could muster the courage to tell you. Instead all she can do is fumble her words, “Y/n, I…”

   “Save it.” You hiss, standing up. She feels more vulnerable than she ever has with you and moves her arms to cover herself. You feel guilty for this, but you can't hurt yourself anymore, “Get your clothes back on Natasha. I wouldn't want you to be late for your date. We’re done anyway”

“Are …are you saying we can't see each other anymore?” she asks, tears already starting to slide down her cheeks. She had expected this, had known it had been building for a while now and had a feeling that news would be the final straw. But she couldn’t hide this from you, nor would she ever lie to you about it 

   “Yes Natasha, that's exactly what I'm saying. I can't keep doing this back and forth between him and me. I need certainty and commitment, and I know I'll never get that from you” you admit, trying to blink away the tears in your eyes, “Whatever this was, is done. You can’t have both of us, and it's clear you've chosen him.”

   Her lip quivers at your harsh but not unfair words, and her heart aches, “I- ”

   “Just go Natasha!” you snap

   She quickly gets off your bed, picks up her clothes from your floor and dresses herself as she makes her way down the hall. Tears blur her vision as she continues towards your door, and her hand trembles when she reaches for the knob. She closes it behind her and rushes to her car before her emotions get the better of her.

   As soon as you hear your front door shut you let yourself slump down on your bed with a quiet sob. Part of you had hoped she’d fight what you were saying, admit to be scared and she’d stay looking for your comfort and support. But the other part of you had tried to be prepared for this outcome since day one. Tried being the key word, because when you love someone, you can only be so prepared to say goodbye when you're not the one chosen.

   Out in her car the redhead has no qualms about breaking down, and she does so right there in front of your house. A sob escapes her as the reality of the situation hits her. This isn’t what she wanted, but she knows it's what she caused by everything she put into motion with Steve. And honestly that makes the pain even worse, she's lost you and it's all because she's a coward.

   She somehow manages to make it back to her house despite crying almost uncontrollably the entire drive. Once inside she finds herself at a crossroads. Does she postpone her date with Steve, crawl into bed and mourn what could have been with you? Or does she find her resolve and force herself to see this through and go on pretending that it's Steve she wants?

   An hour later Steves at her door, and she opens it to greet him. He's in a nice pair of jeans and a button up shirt with a collar. His hair is neatly combed and he's sporting a huge smile. His eyes widen when he takes in her sundress, and her heart aches as she remembers that you’d had nearly the same reaction

  “Wow Nat, you look great” he admits before pulling out a small bouquet, “I got you these”

   She puts on her best smile and takes the flowers from him, “Thank you Steve, let me put them in some water and then we can go. Please come in”

   The blond stands in her living room, watching her with a fondness as she moves about the kitchen to find a vase and fill it with water. She sets it on the kitchen table before making her way back over to the man and he offers her his arm

   “Shall we go?” he asks, and she can only nod due to the lump in her throat

    He takes her to a quaint little restaurant that's a family run establishment, and they find themselves in a booth towards the back. Instead of sitting across from her he slides in beside her and though he seems to like this arrangement it makes her stomach drop. She wasn’t uncomfortable necessarily, but she certainly wasn’t at ease either. She didn’t want him to be so close, not when it was your presence she was craving.

   The two order and as they await their meal a casual conversation is had. Natasha thinks she's handling herself quite well in the face of everything until his arm moves to rest on the back of the cushion behind her shoulders. Instead of her usual nonchalance to his touch she finds herself starting to spiral. All she can think about is your touch, how your arms feel around her when you hold her. How safe and cared for it makes her feel. And instead she's here with Steve. She shouldn’t be but she is, and it takes almost everything in her not to tear up at the thought of you.

   Thankfully the food soon arrives and so his arm moves, allowing her to feel a bit calmer again. They carry on with sporadic conversation as they eat and while it's clear he's truly enjoying himself here with her, her mind drifts away back to you every chance she gets. How were you handling this? Were you alright? What on earth was she doing? If he notices her lack of attention or interest he doesn’t say anything, and honestly she's very grateful for that. 

   After they finish their meal he walks her back to his car and begins to drive her home. It wasn’t bad until his hand found purchase on her thigh, but she does her best to ignore the burning feeling of guilt and longing in her heart. But when his thumb starts to caress her skin as you usually did she finds herself becoming quite nauseous. Thankfully they finally pull up in front of her house and she tries not to seem too eager at the prospect as she exits his car.

   However Steve is a gentleman, and he insists on walking her to her front door. And though she should have expected his next move due to everything he's hinted at this evening, her mind was obviously a bit jumbled. So when he leans in for a kiss it takes her a moment to even process that his lips are on hers. Once she realizes however she finds herself panicking and unable to carry on this charade any longer. This was wrong. All wrong. 

   She brings her hands up to his chest and pushes him away, causing him to look at her in confusion. Tears start to build in her eyes as she rushes to explain herself, “I’m sorry Steve, I’m so sorry. I can’t do this, this was a mistake”

   He nods solemnly, “There's someone else, isn’t there?”

   “Yes, there is. And I shouldn’t be here, shouldn't have agreed to this. I should be with her” she admits, and it feels like a weights been lifted off her shoulders, “I’m so sorry, I never meant to lead you on or hurt you, and I never wanted to hurt her either”

   “Nat, breathe. Relax and take a deep breath” she does as told and he continues, “Its okay, I’m not mad. A bit disappointed this didn’t go as planned, sure. But it sounds like you were just trying to figure yourself out, and I can’t be upset at you for that”

   She lets out a deep breath and looks at him with gratitude, “Thank you, I just didn’t know what to do and now I’ve ruined everything”

   “Hey, you messed up, but nothing is ruined” he says, giving her a soft smile, 

   She scoffs “She probably hates me. Probably wouldn’t even trust me after this.”

   “Nat, this girl clearly has your heart. If you don’t at least try, you’ll forever live with the what ifs.”

   She looks at him and knows he's right. Plus she owes it to not only herself but to you to finally be honest and sincere about everything, “Thank you Steve, for everything. I've got to go”

   He nods and watches her rush off to her car and stands there still as she pulls out of her driveway. Her tires squeal as she turns and he can’t help but think how lucky this mystery girl was to have Natashas affections, especially when they appeared to run as deeply as they did.

   You're startled by a loud and frantic knocking at your front door and cautiously make your way to open it. To say you're surprised to see the redhead there would be an understatement and you certainly weren’t prepared for the words that rapidly spill out of her mouth either

   “Y/n, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. And I understand completely if you still send me away after this, but you deserve to actually hear it. I've been an idiot and a coward, and I haven’t been treating you right at all. I made such a mess of everything all because of my fears and I selfishly dragged you and poor Steve into my mess. But please know I’ve never wanted Steve, not ever. I’ve just been too afraid to admit to both myself and anyone else what I like and who I truly want.” 

   You carefully cup her face in your hands, and she looks at you expectantly through her watery eyes, “And who do you want, Tasha?”

   “You, I want you.” she finally admits, sending both of your hearts racing, “All I could think about on that stupid date was you. And god Y/n, I never wanted to hurt you, leaving here earlier was such a mistake- ”

   Your lips crash into hers, effectively cutting off her rambling, and she practically melts against you. Her arms wrap tightly around your waist as if to show you how she never intends to let you go again, and your thumbs brush away the stray tears from her cheeks as you deepen the kiss. And her hold on you never falters even when you pull away for air

   “You came back” you whisper in disbelief, making her heart ache

   “There's nowhere else I'd rather be. I’m just so sorry it took me so long to find my courage, detka(baby). Ya tebya lyublyu”

   Now it's your turn to shed a few tears, “I’m pretty sure I know what that means, but I’d like confirmation”

   She smiles at you, “I love you”

   “I love you too” you reply, your voice a bit strained from choking back your emotions. Afterall, you never thought you’d hear her say it, let alone have the chance to say it back, “I thought I’d lost you”

   Her hold on your waist tightens, “I’m so sorry. I’m never going anywhere. Not ever again. I’m yours, if you’ll still have me.”

   You really never thought she’d choose to be here with you over the life expected of her. But she did, she's here and finally ready to be with you fully, “Of course I’ll still have you, Tasha.”

   She smiles an ear to ear smile and lets out a carefree giggle before launching herself into your arms, “I won’t ever let you down again, I promise”

   “Come on, let's head inside” you suggest, kissing the top of her head before gently tugging her towards the house

   She eagerly follows and you barely manage to get the door shut and locked before she's wrapping her arms around you once more. Your arms instinctively wrap around her waist as she nuzzles her face against your neck, and you can’t help but smile when she lets out a soft giggle. You can tell how happy she is now that she's embracing her true self with you, and it honestly has you elated. Not just because she chose to be with you either, while that does add to it, but because she's no longer letting anyone else's thoughts, opinions, or judgements dictate how she lives or loves.

   After a few more moments she leans back out of your embrace and begins to pull you out of the entryway and further into the house. She doesn’t keep her hands off you for long though, because as soon as you enter the living room she's guiding you over to the couch. You plop down on one of the cushions and before you can even question what she's up to she's straddling your lap. Your hands find purchase on her hips while hers rest on your shoulders. She looks down at you with a smile before leaning in for another kiss. It starts off as a series of soft and loving kisses, but the longer you two sit there the more it evolves into a full blown make out session.

   Before long her hands are tangling in your hair and your grip on her waist moves up under her shirt to caress the skin by her waistline. She lets out a soft moan at the touch but pulls back away from you a bit. At first the rapid movement of her chest leads you to believe that she's only catching her breath but that's not the case

   “Are you sure?” she asks with a vulnerability you've not yet seen shining in her eyes

   “Tasha, this isn’t anything new for us” you point out with a smile

   “But it is,” she insists, “Every other time both of us were unsure of the other's feelings and trying to ignore our own. And don’t get me wrong the sex was good, like really good, but it was just hooking up. This time I want something….”

   “Real” you finish for her, looking at her knowingly, “You want something as intimate as you feel”

   “Yes. And I definitely don’t want it on the living room sofa”

   You chuckle, “I agree, come on”

   She quickly removes herself from your lap and waits for you to stand before she begins to make her way back the hall to your room, and you find it quite adorable how her smile never fades from her face. Once in your room she approaches you and her hands find the familiar place on your hips once more. She kisses you again, softly yet hungrily before tugging on the bottom of your shirt

   “Can I?” You nod and lift your arms to help her get you out of your shirt, and your bra follows soon after it, “God, you're so beautiful detka(baby). I haven’t told you that enough, but I won’t go a single day without reminding of it now”

   Your cheeks flush at her words and you manage to get out a hushed, “Thank you Tasha”

   She smiles and pecks your lips again before her hands find the waistline of your jeans and she looks at you expectantly. You nod your permission once more and soon your pants and underwear are on the floor too. 

   “Your turn” you tell her, reaching for her shirt, “If thats ok?”

   She eagerly nods, “Yes. Please”

   Her clothes get taken off even faster than yours had it seems, and your eyes rake over her bare body for a few moments before returning to hold her gaze. The way you look at her makes her bite her bottom lip and you let out a sigh

   “You're absolutely gorgeous, baby”

   It's her turn to flush then, and she finds herself unable to wait any longer. She surges forward, wraps her arms around you and kisses you passionately before moving you closer to the bed, “Lay down for me, please”

   You do as you're told and once she's sure you're in the position you want to be in she straddles you again. It's different this time though, because now you can feel her bare heat against your thigh, and she's already wet.

   Your hands move to her hips ready to help her start moving against you like you normally would, but she stops you, “Tasha?”

   “Shh detka(baby)” she coos, leaning over you slightly, “Just let me take care of you. Let me show you how special you are, how much you mean to me”

   “Okay” you agree in a mere whisper, your mouth too dry to be any louder currently

   Natasha smiles down at you while placing her hands on your stomach, and she traces shapes against the soft skin there before letting her hands roam across the rest of your body. Her touch is slow and gentle, but when she reaches your breasts you're unable to hold back a whimper of pleasure

   “That's it, let me hear you” she coaxes as her hands continue to palm your breasts, which causes more sounds of pleasure to leave you as her lips once again meet yours

   As her fingers tweak your nipples she ends up swallowing the next moan you make, which has her subconsciously grinding down on your thigh a few times, which only makes you moan again, a bit louder this time. She eventually pulls back from you only to start kissing down your jawline and to your chest, and your so distracted by the way her mouth feels that you hadn’t even notice her one hand had moved to brace herself on the bed while the other had moved to your pussy until her fingers are swiping through your folds

   “Don’t worry” she mumbles against your chest as she glances up at you, “Gonna take such good care of you”

   Your mouth parts with yet another moan as two of her fingers slip inside you, and she hums at the way your walls squeeze her. She starts to curl them and lets her palm brush against your clit as she continues to kiss your chest, slowly moving towards your breasts. She kisses one of your plump mounds a few times before wrapping her lips around your nipple, and then she finally begins to thrust her fingers

   “Oh god” you mumble, back arching slightly at the sudden spike of pleasure. She merely hums in acknowledgment as she continues her movements, and it isn't long until the sounds of your moans and arousal fill the room 

   She lets go of your nipple with a pop and quickly kisses her way back up your chest and jawline, “You're so wet detka(baby)”

   “Mhm” you answer, unable to currently form words, which proves to only spur her on. Her thrusts pick up speed then, causing you to cry out, “Ah! Tasha! I’m so close”

   Suddenly her lips brush against the shell of your ear, “Konchi dlya menya, moya lyubov'(cum for me, my love)”

   You aren’t sure what she's said, but it doesn't seem to matter, because it's what finally pushes you over the edge. You cum hard but she continues her movements, albeit more gently now, to help you come back down from your high. But as soon as you let out a whimper she knows you're too sensitive to continue. She lays herself further on top of you, calming you with her weight, then pulls her fingers out of you. She brings them up to her own mouth to clean them, and if you were more cognisant you'd have made a comment on it

   You spend the next minute or two catching your breath before you realize just how wet your thigh is, and you find your energy coming back as you get excited by the prospect of taking care of her now.

   You gently nudge her waist with your hand, “Roll onto the other side of the bed for me baby”

   She eagerly does as she's told and sits herself against the headboard, but you have to hold back a moan at the sight of her slick covered thighs as she gets herself comfortable. She bites her lower lip as you straddle her, and her hands instinctively grab your waist and pull you closer until your nose is brushing against hers

   “Hey” she breathes out, her eyes looking straight into yours

   “Hi” you reply, smiling stupidly before kissing her fiercely

   The two of you sit there making out for who knows how long until Natasha can ignore her aching needs no longer. She whines into your mouth and bucks her hips hoping you’ll get the idea. And you do, but she's a bit confused when you move back off her lap

   “Lift this leg for me” you pant, still a bit breathless.She does as you ask, but was in no way prepared for the way your warm and soaked pussy would feel right up against hers

   “Bozhe moy(oh my god” she moans, letting her head fall back against the headboard

   “Well, that sounded like somebody likes this”  you tease as you roll your hips, causing you both to let out moans 

   As your hips slowly keep moving you bring your hands up to her chest, and you gently squeeze her breasts a few times before you let your thumbs brush over her sensitive nipples. She brings her arms to hold you once more which in turn helps you in your movements

   “Oh! Feels so good!”

   You reply with a moan of your own as you lean into her, letting your forehead rest against her shoulder for a moment as you still toy with her tits. You can feel how rapidly her heart beats under your fingertips, and pride fills you knowing that it belongs to you as much as yours belongs to her. Of that you could be certain 

   You're suddenly overcome by the need to mark her flesh by her neck, and though you have had this urge before you had never acted on it due to all the complications. But it felt appropriate to act on it now. You bring your mouth to her neck and begin to kiss the skin there, which she doesn’t think twice about until she feels your mouth beginning to suck against her pulsepoint

   “Y/n” she whimpers out as her hold on your waist tightens

   You're sure there will be marks there tomorrow based on how you can feel her nail dig in but you hardly care. All you want is to make her feel as good and loved as she just had you feeling, and if that came with visible marks to either of you, then so be it. Your mouth moves to suck another, and then another and it has the redhead nearly falling to pieces 

   “I’m gonna cum. Please cum with me”

   You nod against her and she meets your next thrust with one of her own, sending you both headfirst into your orgasms. The low moan she lets out as her cum gushes against your own cum covers cunt is a sound you've not heard before, but your damn well determined to hear it again now

   The movement of her hands from your waist to the back of your neck has you focusing on her once more and you nearly melt when you see the love sick look on her face. You bring one of your hands up to cup her cheek and she leans into your touch with ease

   “I love you Natasha”

   She can’t help the tears that build in her eyes once more, “I love you too”

   The two of you bask in each other's presence just a bit longer before going to get cleaned up. Not wanting to be apart from each other you both agree to a shared shower in which you both help clean the other and wash their hair. Once your out and dried off you find yourself and Nat some pajamas and as soon as your both dressed she's dragging you back over to the bed for cuddles

   You both stay there the rest of the evening and into the night, sharing conversations as the tv plays quietly in the background. But eventually she drifts off to sleep in your arms so you just hold her a while longer before tucking you both into bed.

   When you wake up the next morning you find her still nestled beside you with her arms now wrapped around your midsection. And you smile at the fact that your bed is warm. Just as it should be.

Taglist: @wandaromamoff69 @mmmmokdok @nataliasknife @natashasilverfox @when-wolves-howl @danveration @naomi-m3ndez @sheneonromanoff @sayah13 @likefirenrain @nighttime-dreaming @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece @readings-stuff @chaoticevilbakugo @crystalstark02 @wackymcstupid @xchaiix @iaminluvwithnat @lovelyy-moonlight @blackwidow-3 @mistressofinsomnia @that-one-gay-mosquito @yomamagf @yourfavdummy @justarandomreaderxoxo @scoutlp23-blog @whoischanelle15 @lissaaaa145 @eline03 @wizardofstories @imthenatynat @marvelonmymind @fluffyblanketgecko @bitch-616 @dakotastormm  @zoomdeathknight @rayeofmoonlight @aeroae @sashawalker2

[aus-wnt]

Matildas star Steph Catley was at a training camp for club side Arsenal when a nutritionist blurted out the news: Sam Kerr had ruptured her ACL while at a Chelsea training camp in Morocco.

“I literally felt like someone had stabbed me in the stomach,” Catley said.

“My stomach fell. I just felt really emotional really quickly just because I felt really removed from it and I couldn’t go and see her and I couldn’t speak to her in that moment.”

Women’s soccer is booming. Before her injury, Kerr, the Matildas captain, and Catley, the vice captain, were part of an Australian side that captured the nation’s attention in the Women’s World Cup in 2023. The Arsenal defender then flew back to London where she played in front of record crowds in the Women’s Super League, including 59,042 at the Emirates Stadium against Kerr’s Chelsea in December.

But that boom is hiding a serious issue.

As a female athlete, Catley is no stranger to serious injuries among her peers. As well as Kerr’s injury, Holly McNamara was called up for the Matildas last year but did her ACL. At Arsenal alone, four stars suffered ACL injuries in the space of just six months: Lionesses captain Leah Williamson, WSL’s record goalscorer Vivianne Miedema, European Championship Golden Boot winner Beth Mead and Austrian international Laura Wienroither.

Catley says the foundations of women’s soccer are not developing fast enough to keep pace with the product.

“Obviously it’s what we absolutely love doing, but I think now that the game is at a point where the standard is so, so high and the games are so challenging and physically demanding [that] a lot of teams and a lot of clubs don’t have facilities and don’t have the right calibre of staff that can keep players healthy and strong,” she said.

“They don’t have the facilities to cater for the amount of demand and the pressures that are on the women’s game now.”

On the eve of Williamson’s return to the playing squad late last month, the 26-year-old defender said the current calendar and demands on female footballers were unsustainable.

“We’re not bred for this. We get to October and girls are saying ‘I’m tired’ because you’re carrying so much from the previous season,” Williamson told UK’s The Telegraph.

“We are driving ourselves into the ground, so some sort of solution needs to be found soon, in terms of the schedule, otherwise it’s not sustainable.”

ACL ruptures disproportionately affect female athletes at a rate 3-6 times greater than their male counterparts.

Research into ACL injury prevention and causation is ongoing and newer reports suggest an intersection of risk factors of intrinsic (anatomy, physiology, biomechanics and hormones) and extrinsic factors (training, conditioning, preparation, facilities and resources).

While Catley was hesitant to speak on the causation of ACL ruptures as she was not an injury expert, she said there was no room to properly switch off mentally or physically on the merry-go-round of the calendar year, putting a lot of strain on the resources available.

“I don’t know if A, B and C leads to this. But yeah, it does logically make sense that if there’s that much demand and not enough support and not enough foundations underneath that people break down mentally, physically, in every way possible,” said Catley.

“I think that’s human and that’s the way bodies work.”

Some English clubs can play as many as three games a week during the height of the season when the WSL, Champions League, FA Cup and League Cup calendars are running concurrently. The additional travel, plus the demands of national camps and tournaments, can further complicate schedules. Major tournaments occur in most WSL off-seasons, including a rotation of Olympics, World Cup and regional championships such as the Asian Cup, meaning most players will get one off-season free every four years.

When Matildas defender Ellie Carpenter ruptured her ACL just over a year out from the World Cup during Lyon’s Women’s Champions League final win over Barcelona, she referred to it months later as a “blessing in disguise”.

“I really needed this break. I was very fatigued, I’ve played a lot – a lot – of football in the last year and a half. I was just on the verge of [being] burnt out, really,” she told Forbes last March.

“The injury came, and, obviously, it was disappointing but at the same time, it was the perfect time for me to reset, get stronger, have a rest, have an off-season that I never really have had.”

In Kerr’s absence, Catley will captain the Matildas for the final Olympic qualifiers in Melbourne on February 24 and 28 against Uzbekistan and, if they progress, again at the Olympics in July. Catley did the same in Kerr’s absence for the first half of the World Cup.

Catley said as a kid, she never thought captaining a women’s team at the Olympics would even be possible. But now it is, it’s a “pinch me” moment.

“To be honest, even having that honour at the World Cup was extremely special and something that I’ll remember for the rest of my life, and cherish for the rest of my life, because it’s stuff that you dream of, really.”

But before she flies to Melbourne, for a 48-hour stop to play the first qualifier, she is deep in the thick of an Arsenal campaign for the title.

The club is looking almost back to full strength after regaining Mead, Miedema and Williamson this season, and sit third on the table, below Chelsea and Manchester City.

Catley said the title race was heating up. And while in the past seasons her side has struggled in those bigger games, this year they’ve done well against top opponents – but let others slip that they’d usually win. This is best summed up by their 4-1 win over Chelsea in December and then a 1-0 loss to Tottenham the following week. On Sunday, they lost to relegation-threatened West Ham.

“You’ve got some incredible teams that are also in form and if anyone drops points at any point, it’s like sharks,” said Catley.

“It’s just so, so close.”

[honey-crypt]

Idk if you're taking requests now but any hc's for the bachelors/bachelorettes with a plus sized/tall femme farmer?? 🥺💖 Love ur work!!

a/n: hi hi! an old request from the start of the month, sorry that it took so long to finish! thank you for enjoying my work :3 hope you like this!

★ the sdv bachelor/ettes with a plus-sized/tall/femme farmer ★

abigail

she’s down bad for tall, chubby ladies. her mouth practically waters when she sees you for the first time. that one futurama clip “death by snu snu” plays on repeat in her mind.

alex

the immediate thought that comes to mind whenever asks about you is "wonder woman", the way you're so tall and passionate and do what's right. he likes to bench press you as part of his workout, as long as you allow him. alex also finds himself sneaking looks at your plump figure, his cheeks tinted red.

elliott

a goddess, you’re simply a goddess. you remind elliott of a renaissance painting with your curves and statue. he admires each movement you make, the way you smile, everything is simply part of the grand masterpiece that is you.

emily

god, she wants to squeeze the life out of you. of course, emily’s big on affection but with you, it’s magnified by a hundred. a big old lesbian who wants to shower a pretty lady with love.

harvey

he’s the tallest out of all the marriage candidates, so it’s a bit of a surprise to see someone he fancies so close to his height. it makes him happy that he doesn’t have to crank his neck down to look at you. he also loves how grabbable your plush hips are.

haley

oh, this hopeless lesbian is head over heels for a tall, plus-sized lady like yourself. if she meets you in the early days of being out of the closet, she simply self-combusts whenever she sees you. just give this poor woman a smooch, okay?

leah

again, another hopeless lesbian. honestly, you have her dream body, your form full of potential for some serious lumberjack activities. she likes that she’s at titty height, too…. don’t let her know that you know that, though!

maru

tall. tall. tall. tall- that’s all she can think about when she sees you for the first time. she likes feeling small next to you. you could step on her and she would thank you.

penny

the size difference is very funny. she enjoys how easy it is to just melt into you. just don’t try to toss her in the air or anything, she will have a panic attack.

sam

like abigail, his brain is infected with “death by snu snu” whenever he sees you. he can’t help it, though! he loves his women tall and chubby cuz it means more person to love.

sebastian

crush him, do it. he wants to be crushed by you. he’s a petty little guy who wants to be toyed with by a stronger, bigger woman. crush him!!!!

shane

on the plus-sized side himself, he has some internalized fatphobia but that goes out the window when he’s with you. he likes to cuddle with you a lot, he hopes you find him just as comfy as he finds you. also he’s a short guy who’s not afraid to say that he’s into tall ladies!

[butmakeitgayblog]

Does teach me clexa do anything special for Pride month?

I was JUST talking about this with Sam tonight 🤯

Because she asked if I was writing anything for Pride and I was like eh idk I'm lazy, bUt also that I'm working diligently on Professor au in the hopes it'll be done by this month (with a bit of MBFW work being done as well 👀 yes you read that correctly). And that got the convo rolling on how:

Clarke has never been to a Pride.

Ever.

Like, ever. She got married so young, and then had a baby, and spent all her younger adult life doing the whole housewife and mom thing that it just... it seemed to pass her by. Plus... she kinda felt weird? Like if she went, then Finn would've wanted to go and it would've felt weird to her to bring her cishet husband (unnecessarily, but ya know, sometimes people internalize some bad hot takes), and so she just always kinda felt like she didn't belong either (again, very wrong. So wrong.)

But of course Lexa's been to so many that she's probably accidentally inhaled enough rainbow colored glitter that her internal organs look like a disco ball 🥴

So after everything in the fic is said and done, I think Lexa eventually taking Clarke to her first Pride would be An Experience. Granted they're in their 40s so the days of doing body shots off lingerie clad drag queens are squarely in the rearview mirror, but everything else? Getting to do the silly face paint and soldier through the heat of a sea of bodies and a 1000 goddamn suns, Clarke getting to meet other bi women and make friends with other queer moms while Lexa quietly watches on the sidelines with her big "I'm very in love with that excited little dork" hearteyes. A BARELY-legal-to-drink Madi tagging along and doing shots with an ease that both impresses and disappoints Clarke down to her bones. All three of them buying entirely too many tchotchkes and so on from venders because, "Yes Lexa 😑 we absolutely do need matching lesbian and bi wife mugs. We're helping the community."

[margareth-lv]

🎪It's all fake, it's all tricked🎪

I've been very busy over the last few days (well, weeks), so I haven't been on Tumblr much. So, frankly, I don't know if there was any discussion here before New Year's Eve about Outlander_Starz's controversial post on Instagram called "In Memoriam" (...To everyone we lost this year, you will be missed. Well, some of you...).

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Outlander (@outlander_starz)

*** *** *** Maybe I'm very old (eh, no, I'm not) or very conservative (no, no, I'm not conservative at all), but I'm not amused by "In Memoriam" for rapist and murderer Allan Christie or rapist and murderer Richard Brown. Sure, Outlander is fiction, literary and cinematic, but even in fiction, characters shouldn't be given altars if they were (fictional) bad people, should they? Has the person who is in charge of these hopeless posts on Instagram even read the plot of Outlander? Does that person take the audience seriously? Or is he or she just a kid/an intern/a casual volunteer messing around to promote and advertise Outlander_Starz? *** *** ***

On this side of the fandom, we are convinced that Sam and Caitríona are controlled by psychopathic marketing and PR profiteers who, in order to maximise their benefits, have decided that a married Sam will not sell well, let alone Caitríona who is madly in love with Sam. Most of the time, the marketing and PR for Sam and Caitríona is hopelessly naive and incoherent. But aren't these marketing and PR professionals just idiots? They are just plain fools. They are stupid. They don't understand anything. They don't get the basics. And on top of that, they don't love, they're not loved, they don't have families, they don't give a damn about values and ethics.

*** *** ***

The Fraser family, separated by a chasm of 200 years, was the 'In Memoriam' post that saddened me the most.

There is nothing funny about a broken family.

There is nothing funny about missing your children or your parents.

But apparently some idiots find it amusing.

Like yesterday's hopeless post about "energy" for 2024. What part of the fandom finds the (controversial) energy of Sophie Skelton and Richard Rankin fascinating?

*** *** *** How stupid do you have to be not to know that we're here for Caitríona and Sam?

[By the way, I spent about three minutes of my life googling the meaning of 'soo la voo', and in general my French isn't all that bad.

Yes, oddly enough it's about 'c'est la vie' and the Tik-Tok video from a month ago. Who else, apart from thirteen-year-olds, would know about the news from Tik-Tok? This confirms my theory that Starz PR is done by thirteen-year-old volunteers. Bravo]

*** *** ***

And finally, the icing on the cake. Someone in the Starz PR department woke up and thought that maybe Caitríona and Sam were important to the fandom after all, so a lovely InstaStory like this was posted:

The 'Just Jared' result had been predictable for days. Our lovebirds' lead over the other actors was growing at a dizzying rate.

By the way, it is impossible to overlook the fact that 169,160 people voted for Sam (which represents 52.06% of the total votes) and six times less people voted for Caitríona, 29,347, which represents 82.94%.

Who votes for men? Could it be women?

Is (maybe) Starz PR right to strategise on horny grannies?

😜

[January 4, 2024]

[air-rising]

Ellie Carpenter calls out online abuse but shrugs off her own

“The bigger you get, the more criticism you get.”

Ellie Carpenter is authorised to speak on this subject. Mainly because her football career has got real big, real quick – she is 23, has been playing for global powerhouse Lyon for three years, and been the Matildas’ undisputed starting right-back for even longer.

But also because the peak of that career – playing in a World Cup semi-final in her home country – brought with it criticism which would more accurately be described as abhorrent social media trolling.

It happened in August, when Carpenter failed to clear a long ball that resulted in England’s second goal of the Lionesses’ 3-1 win. It was a mistake that left her visibly “heartbroken” after the match, but it did not warrant what former Socceroos captain Craig Foster described at the time as “vile, misogynistic garbage”.

The abuse forced her to limit replies on social media, which were also flooded with supportive messages from fans, friends and teammates, including captain Sam Kerr, who told media she was “mentally one of the toughest kids I’ve ever met in my life”.

Sometimes it is hard for an outsider to know how much this “outside noise” – as many sports people, including Carpenter, call it – affects the individual at its centre. For some, it can devastate mental health and on-field performance. If that is the case with Carpenter, you wouldn’t know it.

Two months after the World Cup, she has been back in the thick of it with Lyon, who are once more top of France’s Division 1 Feminine table, and is now back in Australia answering questions about online abuse she would probably rather not be answering.

“To be honest, I don’t really read or look into that,” she says in Perth, where the Matildas are preparing to play three Olympic qualifiers.

“It doesn’t really affect me at all, because I do a job for my team and myself. I don’t really listen to outside noise. I had a great support system around me during that time, and just during the whole World Cup really.

“It [online abuse] is everywhere these days, and that just shows that the bigger you are, or the bigger you get, the more criticism you get. That comes with being a professional athlete as well.

“You see it everywhere in different leagues, different sport codes. So obviously it’s a problem, and I know a lot of people are trying to make apps and platforms to try and stop abuse and things like that, so that’s good that people are aware of it and are trying to change it.”

Carpenter is an old, independent soul for her 23 years. When she contested the World Cup, she did so after recovering from an ACL rupture, in another country, and opting for little personal support except from her partner and teammate, Dutch international Daniëlle van de Donk.

“You have to grow up very quickly,” she says. “I moved out of home when I was 15 and was living by myself, so you grow up automatically.

“I didn’t really get much downtime [after the World Cup]. You just kind of go straight into a new season, so you don’t really have time to reflect or stop for a second.

“But it’s been incredible to see the aftermath of the World Cup and what we’ve done in football and Australia, and for women as well. I can definitely be proud of that.”

Carpenter is allowing herself to enjoy her time in Perth. She was released early by her club and arrived over the weekend, so enjoyed a couple of extra days to recover from jet lag.

[a-heart-attack-ow]

The Arrangement. Part Thirteen

Part Twelve

Part Thirteen:

Over time I’d perfected the manicured image. 

The perfect wife and mother. 

Without missing a beat. 

A modern day princess, wrapped up in the perfect clothing. The perfect wedding rings and currated photoshoots. If I was being honest, I didn’t know if I would ever get used to this. All of the handshaking. The fake confidence that I forced myself to exude. Internally, I was sure I’d have been better at this by now, that I wouldn’t be phased by the fancy dresses. 

The madness. 

The money. 

The faces of men in suits who held power they shouldn’t have. 

The truth was, I hadn't gotten any better at being the wife of Colby Brock. Not even after three and a half years of marriage. Not even having a child together. I still felt as out of place as I ever did. I tried to not be bothered by the looks on everyone's faces when I walked into the room, looks of praise from people I hadn't ever meant to impress. I breathe a sharp breath as I walk into the party, cascades of red and black flowers flowing over the ceiling. The chandeliers offer the only indication that there's a roof above our heads. I keep my eyes forward as I walk along the marble floors, my shoes silent because of the music blasting over the speakers. Colby was somewhere in this mess of people, but I wasn't going to bother looking for him. Instead I looked for the bar, my eyes scanning over the crowd until I found it tucked into the corner of the room. I'd never been to this mansion before today, but it was bigger than any home I'd ever been in before. Colby had rented mansions like this out once a month for these lavish parties. After we'd moved from our old home to the cottage there wasn't room for this many people. 

Not that we wanted them in our space. 

I swallow hard when I catch a glimpse of Katrina, Kris, and Celina at the bar. Sam on the other side of Katrina, their shoulders brushing. Somehow, we always ended up here together. A band of misfits that didn't enjoy the black tie affair or the nauseating excess of wealth. 

"Ah there's our girl, looking as hot as ever."

Katrina says loudly over the music as she turns to face me. The dress Celina had picked out for me was a sexy, tight, burgundy dress. A mermaid fit, strapless, with a sweetheart neckline that really pushed up my breasts. Hanging tight on every curve. The dress was eye-catching and I could tell by the way men stared at me as I walked by. Not caring that my husband was somewhere in the crowd. 

"Thanks Kat, but if I had it my way, I'd be in sweats and holding my baby."

I join them at the bar, pulling up a seat next to Celina. She smiles and nods in agreement, we'd all rather be anywhere but here. Thinking of my daughter, I feel a twinge of sadness and a bigger sense of guilt. I hated leaving her at home with a sitter. I hated not being with her, even if it was only for a few hours. 

"I think we'd all rather be home with Eleanor. Do you think Brock will notice if we sneak off?"

Kris states lifelessly before taking a shot, slamming the glass down on the counter top. My friends did love my daughter and came over multiple times a week to spend time with her. Sometimes I was convinced they didn't like me anymore and only wanted to see my baby. I gesture to the bartender who looks me up and down, a smirk forming as he studies me closely. He was the same bartender we'd hired for our monthly events and by now he was fully aware of my order without me saying a word. I didn't know what it was about the men at these events, the way they looked at me like I was up for grabs. I didn't know if it was because they actually thought I looked good or if it was because of the fame I now had. Gone were the days of shy Emilia who didn't know her way around the traditions of the family I married into. In the years that had passed I'd become an expert and sought to grow further from just being Colby Brock's wife. I did interviews, rubbed elbows with famous men and women who'd all supported my charity endeavors. In the past two and a half years I'd made a name for myself within my family. I no longer relied on coaching from anyone and that's how I wanted it to be. Katrina still helped with PR, but her role had turned into more of a friendship than a working relationship. I found a sort of confidence in myself over the past few years and maybe that's what attracted the men at these parties.

The desire to break me.

I give the bartender a smile when he hands me my drink, his phone number on the napkin under my drink. 

His fifth attempt to give it to me over the months he'd been employed with us. 

I roll my eyes and down the champagne flute in seconds. God I wanted to go home. 

"In this dress he would notice her absence for sure."

I shoot Sam a glare as he puts his hands up in defense. In the years that had passed he and Katrina had found their way back to one another. Something that I thought was really sweet, because the way that they looked at each other made my heart melt. Instead, Sam and I had gone back to being friends. Friends who still hated these parties. 

"I haven't even seen him since I got here. We rode separately because I had a work thing that ran longer than expected. I doubt he even knows I'm here."

I rasp as the bartender gives me another glass of my usual. This time I don't bother looking at him, out of fear he'll send me another suggestive smirk. I keep my eyes on Sam who laughs while wrapping an arm around Kat's shoulder. 

"You know, that he's fully aware of your every movement right? He probably knew you were here the second your stiletto touched the ground outside."

A smile finds my lips when he says this ridiculous comment. Even though a part of me knows it's true, because he always seemed to keep tabs on me no matter where I was. With anyone else, I might think it was a little possessive, but with Colby I knew it was only because he worried about me going out on my own. 

"Ooh ominous." 

Is my only reply, sarcasm evident in my voice. A tone that earns a laugh from my friends. I had been so good at doing what was asked of me for so long that occasionally I couldn't help but be a little sarcastic. Maybe a little bitter that I'd been performing for as long as I have been. I try not to let the thought naw at me too much. I wouldn't trade any of this for the world because I was so in love with the life I'd built with Colby, but there were times when I felt like I was being tested for a quiz I didn't study for. I can see Sam try to formulate a response but doesn't bother when he sees someone come from behind me. Glancing over my shoulder I lock eyes with Johnnie who gives me a shy smile. 

"Colby needs to see you upstairs. Said he doesn't want to be kept waiting." 

My jaw clenches at the demand, mentally I can hear the tone of his voice. Colby never liked to be kept waiting and I'd spent years spoiling him by being obedient to his every whim. Whims that I would challenge it if I didn't already know what was waiting for me upstairs. 

What he was planning to do to me upstairs. 

"Thank you for telling me, Johnnie." 

I breathe the words, anticipation creeping its way up my spine. I give my friends one last glance before complying with where I was told to be. Slowly pulling myself away from the bar and back through the sea of people. I can feel myself unable to ignore the way my body pulls myself through the crowd of people with newfound determination. I can't bring myself to care about the other people watching me or whatever they think of me. Instead, I mindlessly walk myself up the stairs of the mansion, feeling dozens of eyes boring into my back with each step forward. Or the way the crowd murmurs amongst themselves as I reach the top of the stairs, everyone seeming to know where I was going. 

And who I was going to. 

What I was going to do to him. 

At the top of the stairs, I see a door directly across from the landing, the door opened a crack. Glancing to my left and then to my right I notice that all of the other doors are closed except this one. So I use that as my sign that this was the room I'd been summoned to. With trembling legs, I step forward, my hands pushing the door open. I take a few steps inside of the room, noting that it's empty. I hear the door close behind me and that's when I'm aware that I'm not alone. I don't turn to face the culprit behind the door closing. I don't need to because I can feel him behind me, his aura electric. I breathe a slow shallow breath and stare at the curtains on the windows directly in front of me. The room we are in looks like a random guest bedroom, not big enough to be the master. In the center of the room, up against the windows is the queen sized mattress. I keep my posture straight as I feel his fingertips go along my spine, lightly enough to cause chills to go up my spine. I feel his eyes on me as he takes me in, appreciating all of the hard work Kris and Celina put into me looking presentable. I smell his cologne, as he stands behind me. His chest against my back, his breath on my neck. He hums in approval as I lean into him. 

"Well, look at you darling. You clean up nice."

I can't help my smile to myself, his lips light along my collarbone. 

"That's just because when you normally see me I'm covered in marker or dirt or whatever else our daughter gets into." 

Along my skin I feel him smile, breathing against me as he thinks about what I've said. It was true, 99 percent of the time I was covered in something gross. It had been that way since Eleanor was born. Babies had a way of being messy little humans and there was no way around it. He chuckles darkly. 

"True, my god does she get into everything..."

He pauses, kissing along my neck. My eyes flutter closed at the contact, his arms wrapping around my waist as I lean back to give him as much access to my neck as possible. Lightly, I feel his tongue dance over my skin, marking me with each gentle suck. I feel my lips part as I focus only on him and the way he's making me feel in this moment. My breathing is uneven and desperate for whatever else he has planned. He hums as his fingertips toy with the zipper of my dress, not wasting a second before dragging the zipper down, the dress falling onto the floor around my feet. The cool air of the room causes my nipples to harden without the safe confines of my built in bra. He slides his hands down from my waist to the top of my lace underwear, toying with the fabric. 

"... I see you're wearing the new underwear I bought you." 

My head feels fuzzy as he slowly drags the fabric down my legs at a cruelty deliberate pace. His head remains in the crook of my neck as he does this, lips never leaving my throat. I reach around, my fingers in his hair. I try to ground myself in reality as I knot my fingers in his hair. I feel his hand slide in between my thighs, fingertips grazing my clit. His middle finger traces the sensitive bud, my knees buckling for a second as his arm holds me in place. I feel my breath immediately grow uneven as he rubs slow circles. 

“My baby doll is so needy. I fucked you this morning, but you’re acting like you’re touch starved.” 

His voice is deeper, his lips remaining light on my throat. He slides his middle finger inside of me, curled and ready to inflict maximum damange. Inside of me, he feels good, my head tilting back against his chest. My eyes flutter closed and a moan brushing past my lips quietly. He lifts his lips from my throat, his head resting on my head as he holds me, finger fucking me without apology. He adds another finger and groans in satisfaction at the mess he’s made of me. Around his fingers, I feel my walls tighten around him. 

“Can I cum on your fingers daddy?”

I whisper in heated breaths, my question pulsating through the silence. Something snaps inside of him whenever I call him this. Something feral and fucking glorious. 

“Do it baby doll.”

He growls, his fingers thrusting further inside of me at a faster pace. Unrelentlessly daring me to do what we both want me to. I feel the nerves building, my walls tightening around him violently, my legs shaking. He holds me up, aware that my legs will give out if he doesn’t. He kisses the side of my head, his eyes never leaving me as he watches me fall apart on his fingers. I can’t think as I release, cum coating his fingers. When I finish and my chest is still heaving, he pulls his fingers out of me. Turning my head to face him, I watch him lick his fingers clean, my stomach flipping in excitement. 

A sight I could watch all day. 

“Fuck Colbs.”

I whisper, my breathing still unrecovered. He chuckles, his hands pulling my lace underwear back up legs. He slaps my ass once it’s covered causing me to laugh as I turn to face him. He looked so good dressed in a suit, his blue eyes piercing me through the dimmed light of the room. He looks at my body, taking in the sight of me. He reaches out to cup my breasts in his hands.

“If I wasn’t expected downstairs in five minutes, I would touch every inch of you.” 

He sighs, wishing we weren’t on a time limit. Without wasting another moment he slowly turns me away from him, leaning down to slide my gown back up my body. He zips me back into it and kisses the side of my head once more. I glance over my shoulder and give him look of sympathy. Becoming the head of a company had pros and cons. One of those cons was that he always had to entertain the assholes in suits downstairs. He moves his body from mine and I turn to face him once more more. His eyes suddenly look tired as he really studies the dress Celina had picked for me. 

Like the men downstairs. 

He approves. 

“I need to give Kris and Celina a raise.” 

A smile tugs at the corners of my lips, my arms folding across my chest. Sometimes, under his gaze, I felt like he was seeing me for the first time. Not that I was complaining, it was a strange spark that made everyday with him feel more special. I lean into him, my hands finding either side of his face. I study him and breathe a deep sigh. 

“They’ll laugh when I tell them that.” 

He places his hands over the top of mine. Gentle as he rubs his fingertips lightly along my skin. Neither of us wanted to be here, but we knew the price of our roles. The price of the life we maintained. 

“Walk with me to join the party?”

He asks pulling back, his hand outstretched to hold mine. Without speaking I take his hand and let him guide me out of the room. The moment we emerge from the room, the silence that had fallen over the guests falters. The faint chatter resuming when they no longer want to try and sneak a listen to their fearless leader.

And whatever he’d been doing to his wife upstairs.

I keep my eyes forward, Colby slightly in front of me as he pulls me towards the landing. Upon reaching the top of the stairs, the camera flashes start. The meeting of madness starting with careful documentation. The fake smiles find our faces with each step down the stairs. The flashes only growing more unstable with each step forward. We pause at the bottom of the stairs, eyes locked on the photographers. 

Posing 

Like we’d always been trained to. 

After a few minutes my cheeks hurt. Colby raising a hand, a gesture that meant for them to stop. 

Or else. 

When the photographers disipate the careful gazes of our guests come into sight. In a blur of flashing lights that lingered long after they’d ceased in my eyes. Colby looks at the men, the pompous look he wore around the men he worked with etching into his face. I don’t listen to him speak as he addresses the mindless businessmen. I only stare at him with a fake look of support, my eyes trained to fain interest. When he finishes speaking he takes his leave, steping off the final step. He joins the party and I am quick to walk back towards the bar where my friends still lingered. I notice the way they look back at me when I weave through the people, the party starting. I keep my focus on my friends, but pause when I see someone in the crowd that I hadn’t expected to be there. 

The woman from the garden.

Colby’s ex that he’d spoken to while I watched on helplessly. The same day that our lives changed forever. Seeing her now, long black hair loose and in a tight dress, looking like a flawless ghost that I thought I’d repressed. My brow furrows for a moment, her brown eyes locking onto mine. The shy demenor she had the day in the garden was nonexistent here in the belly of the beast. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to think, and I don’t know what it means. The same woman he’d told to stay away was in attendence? Suddenly, my stomach drops and I hear the ghost of my mother-in-law’s voice in my head.

‘One day he will do what they all do. And you need to be prepared for it.’ 

‘I just want you to understand your role once Colby decides he wants to play with someone new.’

‘You’ll be expected to endure it. You’ll be expected to stand by him and love him, even if he starts fucking someone else’

Rationality doesn’t find me as I feel my stomach turn. How was it that my mother-in-law was able to haunt me so thoroughly when she’d been dead for three and a half years? How was that fair. I’m so inside of my head that I don’t notice that the woman has moved her way over to me. Close enough for me to reach out and touch her. 

“Emilia.”

She says my name, her voice light and soft. For a moment the jealousy and anxiety of what her prescence could mean eats away at me.  Unable to respond for a moment. 

“Y-yes.”

I whisper, my lips parting despite wanting to remain silence. 

“I need you to listen to me before he finds out I’m here.” 

The composure she once had fades as she pulls herself closer to me. Her hands reaching out to rest on my waist as she moves her lips to the side of my head. So she can whisper in my ear without anyone hearing her. 

“The men here, members of the Brock family estate, they’re plotting something big. Something bad.”

I feel my breathing hitch. 

“What are you talking about?”

I whisper back. 

“The board members, Sam, Colby, they’ve been up to something big. My father is a member of the board and I know they’re doing something illegal. Something that will make them a lot of money.”

I don’t know if I believe her, but when I feel her slide a flash drive drive into my hands I feel like there might be some truth to what she’s saying. 

“He’s not like them.” I rasp more to myself than to her, a statement that causes her to grip on me to tighten. As if she’s trying to make me believe her through her touch alone. 

“Maybe, but he’s allowing the board to do this without fighting them. I’m telling you this because you seem like a good woman. I don’t want you to get hurt like I d-”

She doesn’t get to finish speaking before I feel her grasp get pulled away from me. Forcibly, Corey pulls her away from me, his eyes serious as he tries to be gentle. Jake joins him, taking the otherside of the woman, gentle but firm as he pulls her away from me. I look on in horror at my friends dragging her. 

“Please, we were just speaking....” 

I raise my voice, making sure that they don’t notice the flash drive she’s slipped into my hands. 

“...You don’t have to drag her out.”

Both men give me a look, a momentary pause. Normally, when I gave a direction they listened, but today they seemed to be under other orders. 

His.

I give the woman a look of sympathy and attempt to reach out for her. To help her somehow, but when I move forward I feel an arm wrap around my waist. An arm that holds me still to the spot. I glance over and feel my heart drop when I lock eyes with Colby. His face is serious, to anyone else it would look like he was worried about me and getting the woman as far from me as possible, but I see through that. He’s serious because he knows he’s too late. 

She told me too much.

I keep my face innocent, looking at him without any indication that I knew anything. A doe-eyed look that normally landed me in his bed for hours. A look that causes him to swallow hard for a moment before pulling his eyes to the woman being carried out of the party. His grip tighter on me as we watch on in silence, his fingertips rubbing slow circles on my skin. Around us, others look on in horror, but without surprise. 

As if they expected her to snap. 

Like they’ve seen it before.

–

An hour later I’m pushing open the door to the cottage. My eyes focused on finding my daughter.

Home Sweet Home.

Eleanor is sat in the middle of the living room, playing with building blocks with Nate. Nate had gotten babysitting duty, but from the massive smile on his face he didn’t seem to mind. Instead he sat with her on the floor with toy hair curlers in his hair and a fairy god mother wand. It’s a sweet sight and I needed it after whatever the hell I’d witnessed at the party. Whatever the hell was on the USB that I slipped into my clutch without anyone noticing. I smile at Nate when his eyes move to me, a grin on his face as he gestures to his hair. 

“Nelly did my hair, what do you think?”

He asks proudly, something that makes Eleanor giggle. 

“It’s the best you’ve ever looked.” I feel myself freeze when I hear Colby’s voice from behind me. I’d ridden home with him promptly after the events at the party, but after what she said I didn’t know if I wanted to be near him. I didn’t know what she meant but I knew that I wouldn’t like it. He closes the gap between us, his arm wrapping around me once more. He’d been extra handsy since the interuption at the party, like he knew that I knew something I shouldn’t. Like he was trying to smooth out any disruption that had formed in the wake of her truth. I pull away from him and move to where Eleanor is sitting on the floor, lifting her little body off of the ground and holding her close. 

“Tell Uncle Nate, thank you for coming to watch you.”

I tell my daughter, my tone soft as I shoot Colby a look that tells him he needs to dismiss Nate so we can speak. Nelly gives me a big grin and leans her head against my chest. 

“Thank you Uncle Nate. I had fun.”

Her small voice always makes my heart ache, she’s just so cute, sweet, and I love her more than anything. I give the top of her head a kiss, and give Nate a smile before walking down the hallway, my daughter waving goodbye over my shoulder. I don’t look back, I just carry us into my daughter’s room. 

“Mama, are you okay?”

Eleanor asks me quietly, her small fingers finding the tips of my hair. She plays with the strands as I hold onto her. Suddenly I don’t feel okay. Suddenly I’m freaked out by what happened or what it could mean. I didn’t want to think of what Colby was up to and if he was keeping something from me. I knew he didn’t tell me everything because he rarely talked about his work. Instead, he focused on what I was up to with my charity work. There had been an unspoken deal that we’d made when I decided to do good things with my position of power. He did whatever he needed to and I tried to undo it with doing good things. 

Like some sort of tug of war. 

“Yes, baby I’m alright. I just didn’t like being away from you for so long.” 

I’m not lying, going out made me miss her like crazy. Especially when it came to going out to parties. Parties I didn’t need to go to. It was always the same rich assholes that my husband prioritzed. I give the top of her head another kiss and hold in any emotions that I’d been left feeling. 

“I miss you too.”

She whispers, her little face peering up at me. She looked like Colby, she had his eyes and the same little pout he had. She had our dark brown hair, but had my nose. She is beautiful, kind, and perfect. I breathe a sigh as she yawns, rubbing her eyes. She was up later than her normal bedtime. 9:00 p.m. being well over an hour past her normal schedule. 

“You want to go to bed?”

I ask her, quietly, her head giving me a faint nod as her eyes close. Her ability to fall asleep on cue was impressive and I envied her for it. I bring her to her bed, and lay her down. Her fingers still entwined in my hair. 

“Can you sing me a goodnight song daddy?”

She asks, her eyes opening for a moment as she looks behind me. Where he stands, one hand on the door knob as he watches his two girls. His tie is loose, his face soft as he looks at Eleanor. She had him wrapped around her fingers and he would do anything for her. Including singing lullibies that he’d learned through her favorite cd he played in the car with her. She gives me a smile when I lean down to kiss her little cheeks. 

“I love you Nellie.” 

I whisper, standing up and glance over at Colby. His eyes focus on me more serious than before when he realizes I’m not staying with him while he sings to her. I don’t give him a look back, I ignore him as I pass him, my hand brushing his for a moment. He huffs out in frustration before walking over to our daughter’s bed. He sits on the side of the bed and I watch him brush her hair out of her face as he starts to sing to her. He had a beautiful voice, a talent he might’ve been able to pursue if his parents hadn’t forced him into the family business. But I try not to let the beauty of his voice distract me from being pissed. 

Instead, I walk from the nursery and move towards our bedroom. Once inside I undo the zipper of my gown and step outside of it. Laying it on top of the hamper on my side of the room. Absentmindedly I take off my jewlery and put my heals back on the shoe rack. I need to unwind but am unsure of how I can. I remember that the flash drive is in my purse, but I decide to deal with that later. I decide that I need to talk to him and see what he tells me. See if he tells me the whole truth or if he leaves stuff out. I slip into my night dress, its silky fabric hanging on every curve of my body. An outfit change that catches Colby’s eyes when he finally joins me in our bedroom. 

At the door, he closes us in and watches me as his fingers turn the lock. He takes a step forward and I take a step backward. Tension falls over us, thick enough to cut. The united front we’d built for the last three and a half years, seemingly broken after one evening. 

“What the fuck happened tonight Colby?”

I ask, my voice cold and controlled. A tone that doesn’t match my face, my doe-eyes seemingly making me less threatening. He smirks, his hands toying with his tie. Pulling the fabric off and falling to the floor. He undoes the each cuffling and his jacket. Shoes tossed to the side. His belt resting on top of his hamper. I don’t look away as he takes his pants off, his hardened cock causing me to squeeze my thighs together.

“What did Shea tell you?”

He asks, his button-up shirt falling to the ground. He looks at me smugly now that he’s fully naked in front of me. Fuck, did he look good. He always looked fucking good. 

“You’re doing something illegal.”

I whisper, his smirk growing. Without missing a beat he takes another step forward, mine another step back from his. He reaches out to grab my arm when he realizes that I have no intention of letting him corner me. 

Deciding to take what’s his. 

My body is flush against his within seconds, my nightdress pulled from my body. His hands are on either side of my face, his lips inches from mine as he gazes down at me. The arrogance in his face, my body always putty in his hands. 

“I’m doing what the board wants me to do. If I don’t they could vote me out of my position and do worse. I’m doing the best I can to appease them and keep them under control at the same time. It’s an impossible job, but I’m trying.”

My eyes dart from his to his mouth. 

To those fucking lips.

“I saw her that day in the hedge maze. I never told you that your mother dragged me out there because she wanted me to see you both and to tell me that it was my job to let you fuck other women. I saw how you treated her. We’d been watching you when that man came up behind us and shot your mom.”

His jaw tightens at my admission. The fact that I’d never told him in the past three and a half years. I was over here angry that he’d been up to something but was I any better? I couldn’t be sure. I’d kept it to myself because I didn’t want to hurt him in the middle of his grieving of his parents. A gasp escapes me as he holds me firmer. 

“You’re grilling me about keeping things from you when you’ve been doing the same? My baby doll is a hypocrite.”

He chuckles darkly, his hands moving from the side of my face. He pulls back, before kneeling down before me. Sliding my underwear off for the second time this evening. His hands are on my thighs, his eyes locked on me. 

“I didn’t want to hurt you. How is that the same as doing something illegal?”

The question comes out in a whimper as he stands up and lifts me up off of the ground. Wrapping my legs around his waist, as he carries me toward our bed. He growls as he pins me beneath him, his hardened cock grinding against the wet folds of my needy sex. My body betraying me with an eagerness for him to be inside of me. 

“Semantics Emilia.”

He groans aligning with me and pushing into me full tilt. A moan escapes me as my back arches into him. He lingers frozen as his cock savors the way my walls fit around him. Like two puzzle pieces always meant to be connected. 

“How illegal is this?”

I whimper as his lips move to my nipple, his teeth lightly pulling. His cock slides in and out of me with such force and eagerness that I can’t ignore the bliss of feeling him fuck me. I wrap my legs around his waist as he thrusts inside of me, stretching me out in the way that only he could. A hand wraps around the breast he’s not teasing with his mouth. A grip of tight satisfaction that I knew would bruise. 

In the way that I liked it to.

I close my eyes when his lips move from my nipple, to the valley of my breasts. Light kisses trailing up and down. 

“I can’t tell you.” 

He grinds himself deep inside of me, penatrating me deeper. A sensation that forces my jaw to clench. Fuck did it feel so good. Despite myself I’m overjoyed that I’m in his bed even if I was doing a shitty job of getting to the bottom of my interrogation. I’d never made it as a detective if a great cock was all that it took to silence me. 

“Colby.” A warning that I don’t have any authority to invoke. A warning that he laughs off as he peers up at me from the valley of my beasts, where he’s formed a sea of hickeys. An area that I could hide from peering eyes. 

“Emilia.”

He growls, another thrust, his hips unrelenteless as he fucks me deeply. His warning tells me that I need to stop asking. But I need to know what Shea had meant because if it was something terrible it had to be stopped. His hands move to my hips, lifting them in a new angle so he can fuck me deeper. His eyes close as he savors me, memorizing how tight I am and how my walls start to clench around him. I’m going to cum soon and he knew it. 

“Daddy please. I need to know.”

I plea knowing full well what my words will do. If he wanted to play dirty I could do it too. His eyes open as he glances down at me, his eyebrows raised. Not believing I’m being so persistent. I half expect him to be annoyed, but he’s not. He’s turned on.

Like he always fucking is. 

Like he always made me feel whenever we were together.

“Cum for me and I might tell you.”

His words are a command. Amusement in his eyes as he fucks me deeper. His thrusts still in rhythm even though they get sloppier the closer he gets to his own high. I arch into him, moaning as my walls tighten unrelentlessly. I cum all over his cock and when I do I feel him slam as far into me as he can holding me as he finishes. His cock shooting his seed deep inside of me. He holds himself there as his cock twitches a few more times before he pulls out of me. 

I lay there, head spinning as he watches me. Satisfied by how good he felt and how good he knew I felt. 

“The board has a secret perscription that they’re working on pushing out before it's ready. I’ve been trying to get them to test it properly, but they’ve been giving the drugs to our workers. There are severe reactions to the drug including severe hallucinations. The man who killed my parents, the disgruntled worker, had been taking the drugs when he went after my parents. He’d been hallucinating all sorts of shit and blamed my parents for it. I really can’t tell you anything else Emilia. I’m not trying to be difficult, if the board found out you knew, you could be hurt. I’m not risking that.” 

I look over at him and sigh. I didn’t want to know more, not when I needed to stay safe for our daughter. I knew that the company my husband inherited was complicated. But I also knew that I was only here to help use our positions to help people. The drama with Shea had detrailed me and derailed the safey net I’d built with Colby. We’d gotten to a really good place over the years. We had more good days than bad and for a moment someone had wedged between that and I let it. 

“She gave me a flash drive. With information on it. It’s in my clutch.” 

I whisper matter-of-factly. Noting the look of shock that overtakes his face. Seemingly impressed that I hadn’t told him sooner. 

“I’ll watch it with you.” 

He states lifelessly as if he already knows what’s on it. My brows furrow as I study him. 

“I never said it was a video.” 

He nods, looking away from me. He sits up in the bed, glaring at the wall in front of him. 

“You don’t need to. It’s an old video I made with her. She’s been shopping it around for a while. I’ve had to pay off many people to keep it quiet. Because it would ruin our image.”

I sit up, feeling dread quickly fall over me. Unsure of what’s he implying. 

“If this gets out, everyone will know our relationship started off as an arranged marriage. People would lose their shit and not trust us. They’d know everything we built had started out as lie. It won’t matter that we’ve turned it into a truth.”

I feel the weight of his words when he says this, realizing that the media finding out we’d started out as a lie would make everything we’d done feel like a lie. Like we weren’t trust worthy and that it would break up the work we’d put into making a change. 

“What did you do?”

I ask him, an accusatory tone in my voice without meaning it to. He doesn’t want to look at me, but wills himself to. His eyes soft once again. 

“I filmed a sex tape with her the night before we got married. I tell her that I’ll always love her even if I’m in an arranged marriage. I tell her that multiple times throughout the video. I thought she deleted it, she promised she did, but the last few weeks she’s been threatening me with it.”

I feel a pang of betrayal even though he didn’t cheat on me. I just can’t understand how someone could tell another person that and then go fuck someone else the next night. How could he tell her that and then fuck me? How could he sleep at night knowing he’d hurt her like that? I get up from the bed swiftly, my body feeling dirty suddenly. Used. Like I’ve done something wrong. 

Even though I knew we hadn’t. 

Even though I wouldn’t change a single thing. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I ask, mentally remembering the woman who’d been at the house party the night after we got married. The woman he’d been whispering to, so close their lips almost touched. The woman who I hadn’t realized was Shea until now, because that night I was tipsy. I was devestated and married to an asshole only 24 hours before. But now I see it, I see her. She’d been there from the beginning. I know Colby realizes I’m upset. I see it on his face as I grab my robe off the corner of my nightstand where I’d drapped it earlier. 

“She was there the night Sam punched you in the head...” 

I am breathless. 

“...The girl you told me you were only talking to. The girl you’d fucked two nights before.”

I am reeling. He looks ashamed with himself, his eyes suddenly unable to look at me. I sigh and decide that I can’t be here right now. Not in the same room as him, not right now. 

“I’m going to sleep in Nellie’s room tonight. I can’t look at you right now.” 

My words are piercing and I see it on his face. I know he’s hurt but I know that staying here might make me forgive him instantly. I know all it will take is for him to say something sweet and I’ll fall right into his grasp mindlessly. 

And right now I needed to let myself be angry. 

Even if it killed me to do it.

[afterglowkatie]

Omg yessss we'll be interested in it, it add more the the story/character so it's good😁

This took me a little while to do! but I feel like it's a needed addition to the story and more depth to catley!reader other than just being Steph's younger sister who also plays football. Hope it all makes sense!

--------------------------------------------------- Senior Career

2016 - 2020 Melbourne City 2020 - 2023 Manchester City : 2020 - 2021 Brighton & Hove Albion (Loan) 2023 - Arsenal

International Career

Australia U17 Australia U20 Australia

Awards

2017 - 18 A-League Women Young Footballer of the Year 2018 - 19 W-League PFA Team of the Season 2019 Melbourne City WFC Player of the Year 2022 - 23 Women's Super League PFA Team of the Season

---------------------------------------------------

Wanting to follow Steph's footsteps, also being exposed to football quite early on from Steph, she joined the local team along with joining Melbourne City's Football School from age 5. At age 9 was invited to City's Select Squad program. After a few years working with Academy Coaches she was invited to train and trial with the a-league women's first team. After months of training and gaining experience with the first team she got her debut game. Beating Sam's record of being the youngest player to debut in the a-league women and she always brings it up to knock Sam's ego down a bit.

The younger Catley made the move to England and the WSL before Steph did. Manchester City having seen potential in the young player and that she would fit well in the WSL. A season on loan to get the minutes to develop further as a player on the pitch. Once returned the younger Catley fit right in with Manchester City, getting a few starts throughout the 21/22 season. Being an integral part in the 21/22 Conti Cup campaign and final helping Manchester City to win earning her to start almost every match the following season across all competitions for the 22/23 season.

Named in the WSL team of the year and with a contract ending with Manchester City at the end of the season, Arsenal were very interested in signing the younger Catley. Several other clubs across the WSL and throughout Europe were quite interested but Steph being at Arsenal that swayed her decision just wanting to be close and play with Steph again.

Junior matilda's (U17) -> young matilda's (U20) -> matilda's being a standby player for the matildas 2019 world cup campaign but not making a debut for the matildas until 2021

Quite the player, a little prodigy and she always credits Steph for her interest in the sport (she really looks up to her sister and is incredibly proud and hopes that she can make the family just as proud as Steph)

[golbrocklovely]

idk if you’ve seen but kong pham just uploaded a podcast with snc

it was filmed months ago though i’m pretty sure because it seems like it was before colby did chemo?

anyway around 37 minutes in colby talks about how he had a break down and just cried about everything last year and it shocked me i can’t lie… i hope it made him feel better though

yeah it was filmed back in april right before colby went thru chemo. i was a bit confused as to why sam never mentioned kat and him breaking up, and now it makes sense since they didn't announce they broke up until may (even tho they had broken up back in march) lol

and yes, it was really shocking to hear about colby breaking down, but also at the same time…. it makes total sense. a lot of us on here have been saying for a long time that last year was a really rough time for colby. the later half of the year was just a shit storm for so many reasons towards him, he himself even said he wasn't feeling his best at the time, and it makes so much sense that he would have had a break down finally after years of holding everything in.

i might be making a controversial opinion here, but everyone hear me out before you jump down my throat: while snc both get hate for extremely dumb things, colby is the one that takes it the hardest, and also gets it the worse. sam, at the very least, seems like he doesn't let it bother him. i think bc so many ppl give him love and support, he's able to push the negativity away. but colby, whether he'll ever admit to it or not, can't do that - even with all the love he gets. he doesn't let things go as much as sam does.

and it makes total sense to me. colby wants everyone to like him. and i get that. i was the same way for a very long time. it's hard when someone starts to hate you for whatever reason. you want to prove them wrong, and you'll do anything to be in their good graces again, only to realize… did you ever even care that much in the first place. opinions affect colby on a deeper level bc he wants to be seen as a good person. and he is. but when you have other ppl shitting on you, for example, for tweeting out about international women's day or that your facial hair is ugly or literally judging you for every girl you put yourself near, and it's CONSTANT…. you're eventually gonna snap. tbh, i'm surprised colby hasn't completely removed himself from twitter and insta altogether just bc of the hate those sites have given him for the past couple years.

2020-21 were the worst times to be a fan, so i can ONLY IMAGINE how terrible it was for colby, who was getting the brute force of it. i remember the disgusting death threat he got. he left twitter for like over a week, and then never returned to that site the same. that's why the balcony tweets stopped. and then when he lost his journal, one of the only ways he's ever been able to express himself deeply, ppl cheered about it in the replies. and some of those ppl were fans of ppl he was friends with.

sam gets hate, sure. i won't deny that ever. but colby… it is truly unlike anything i've ever seen in all my years of being online. and i swear the ppl that send him mean shit, it's like they know it hurts him and revel in it. he gets called out for every fuck up, even if sam has done the same, bc ppl know he'll actually feel guilty and apologize for it. they want to see him break, i truly believe that.

[zmediaoutlet]

happy wincest day, z! (every day, every day)

a q for u: in my head, you're the queen of the 'established relationship' fic (if that's a mischaracterisation, apologies, you just do it so well), but if you had to pick the time (season/era) when they most likely crossed that line, when would it be?

side question: what's a season/moment for first-time that you find underrated/unconventional/fascinating?

happy wincest any day, all the days! (sidenote I keep having these ultra busy weekends and there's no sign of that stopping so oh man, catching up on asks is a Task! but here I am! so strong, admire the strength -- anyway -- )

I do not mind being queen of established relationship! It's my favorite fic model -- like I almost never click on first time, haha -- so it's a good thing to be known for. :) My... very very boring answer to this question is that 'most likely' just entirely depends on the background & sexualities of the Winchesters you've decided to work with -- all of which can change a lot even inside wildly canon-feeling presentations, because the nice thing about Supernatural's canon is that there's a ton of wiggle-room to play with their histories and internal processing. There are places you can go which start to feel OOC, but like -- it's trivially easy to say that, e.g., Dean did sex work for an unspecified period pre-pilot. Sam had a bi-curious moment in college. Sam and Dean were alone in a cabin in Wyoming for three straight months and started to get stir crazy. When he was 17, Dean and John [redacted]. With all of those potential options, 'most likely' gets really hard to pin down.

THAT SAID: the model of the Winchesters that I personally Queen Z of Established Relationship Grotto prefer to go with is:

a Dean who did a non-personally-traumatizing amount/degree of sex work in his late teens/twenties; a Dean who is bisexual but of the model where he tends to sleep with women because they're easier/more practical, but leans homoromantic and operates in a more neutral men-who-have-sex-with-men model where they Don't Talk About it; Dean and John were Some Kinda Way (emotionally if not physically incestuous); Dean is aware that his own feelings over Sam are fucked up; and then

a Sam who is mostly straight although doesn't tie his personality to that fact, bc he knows himself pretty well and doesn't need to front about it; a Sam who may have had a same-sex handjob or something in college but, again, it doesn't definitionally change anything for him; a Sam who actually kind of leans aro, mostly because the only relationship he really needs is the relationship with Dean; a Sam who knew that Dean and John were Weird (but not the extent); a Sam who wants a lot of things, but he really wants to want things, which is substantively different.

So: given those two guys, I really like them hooking up very specifically in the area around 2.02, Everybody Loves a Clown.

It's a great moment for a lot of reasons. John's looming presence is cut out, although of course that ghost haunts them still and the effect of his death is a shockwave that changes things massively for both sons. Sam's dragged closer to the family (too little, too late) and turns inward in a big way; Dean's sense of loyalty is cracked in half, both because of John's loss and because of the unthinkable last job he was given, and he's turned toward rebellion for possibly the first time since he was eight. Plus it's just a good atmosphere: hot, oppressively sweaty, that uncompromising sun beating down and searing away all the shadows they used to lurk in. No matter who starts it, they're both in a wildly unstable place and the underlying rules of their relationship have changed -- something that I think is key for a first time to feel legit. It's also one of my favorite places for the ostensible one-and-done that might lurk in the bg of 'first time in a long time,' another of my happiest fic models: that e.g. Sam was drunk and grieving and made a pass at Dean, and maybe they kissed and maybe they even crashed the yogurt truck together (my new favorite euphemism for ejaculation), but that afterward it's put away, and it's not until like s11 that they open up that box again.

As for the side question: since I don't really like first time, this one's tough, but I will say that I'm pretty done with first time in s1. They barely know each other. Give them a minute. Get some s12 maturity-and-shock feels when their mother's gone a-fucking-gain. Get some s6 when Sam's freshly resouled and Dean's so happy he could light up the room. Wendigo? Wen-suck my dick.

[bookclub4m]

Episode 183 - One Book One Podcast: Upright Women Wanted

This episode it’s time for One Book One Podcast as we discuss the novel Upright Women Wanted by Sarah Gailey. We talk about spoilers, horse operas, spoilers, relationships, spoilers, queer coming-of-age stories, and spoilers. Plus: Spoilers!

You can download the podcast directly, find it on Libsyn, or get it through Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, or your favourite podcast delivery system.

In this episode

Anna Ferri | Meghan Whyte | Matthew Murray | Jam Edwards

The Book We Read

Upright Women Wanted by Sarah Gailey

Other Media We Mentioned

River of Teeth by Sarah Gailey

Magic for Liars by Sarah Gailey

The Echo Wife by Sarah Gailey

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (Wikipedia)

Once Upon a Time in Mexico (Wikipedia)

The Walking Dead (TV series) (Wikipedia)

Trail of Lightning by Rebecca Roanhorse

The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells

Links, Articles, and Things

Horse Opera

Episode 029 - Westerns

Smart Bitches Trashy Books review of Upright Women Wanted

Between the Coats: A Sensitivity Read Changed my Life by Sarah Gailey

Jam’s Upright Women Wanted film cast comprised of internet tabletop roleplayers:

Esther: Becca Scott

Cye: Erika Ishii

Bet: Krystina Arielle

Leda: Ashley Johnson

Amity: Aabria Iyengar

12+ International Noir Books by BIPOC Authors

Every month Book Club for Masochists: A Readers’ Advisory Podcasts chooses a genre at random and we read and discuss books from that genre. We also put together book lists for each episode/genre that feature works by BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, & People of Colour) authors. All of the lists can be found here.

Easy Motion Tourist by Leye Adenle

The Blue Bar by Damyanti Biswas

The Old Woman with the Knife by Gu Byeong-mo, translated by Chi-Young Kim

The Carnivorous City by Toni Kan

Real World by Natsuo Kirino, translated by Philip Gabriel

Stolen by Ann-Helén Laestadius, translated by Rachel Willson-Broyles

A Death in Denmark by Amulya Malladi

Nothing Is Lost by Cloé Mehdi, translated by Howard Curtis

Velvet Was the Night by Silvia Morena-Garcia

My Annihilation by Fuminori Nakamura, translated by Sam Bett

I Do Not Come to You by Chance by Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani

The Honjin Murders by Seishi Yokomizo, translated by Louise Heal Kawai

Plus many in the Akashic Books noir series, including:

Kingston Noir edited by Colin Channer

Haiti Noir edited by Edwidge Danticat

Manila Noir edited by Jessica Hagedorn

Nairobi Noir edited by Peter Kimani

Baghdad Noir edited by Samuel Shimon

Give us feedback!

Fill out the form to ask for a recommendation or suggest a genre or title for us to read!

Check out our Tumblr, follow us on Instagram, join our Facebook Group, or send us an email!

Join us again on Tuesday, October 3rd get ready for Halloween because we’ll be talking about the genre of Horror!

Then on Tuesday, November 7th we’ll be discussing the non-fiction genre of Crafts and Crafting!

[dastardlydandelion]

SPOILER! SCREAM 6 REVIEW WITH SPOILERS! DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS ALSO I AM HIGH.

my thoughts and feelings on scream vi. i have a lot of them!

boy howdy, that was a ride! so overall I enjoyed it a lot! gonna start out with the positives before i leap into the negatives.

spoilers under the cut!!!

my favorite part was the carpenter sisters, by far. i am aware that there are plenty of people who dislike sam. that’s valid, obvi, people are entitled to their opinions. nevertheless, i do feel like a lot of the hate directed toward her is honestly unfair. hate from billy/sydney shippers who cannot conceive billy having cheated on her even tho he was like, a literal murderer. said shippers angry that their conspiracy theories about sam being sydney’s daughter are just blatantly untrue bc sam is latina, the stu/billy shippers angry that billy evidently enjoyed sex with women outside of using sex to manipulate syd, etc. these are kinda stupid reasons to hate sam, u guys.

now, others were not a fan of sam bc they didn’t care for melissa barrera’s performance in scream 5 and ykw, fair enough. HOWEVER, i would like to interject here that i am personally more forgiving toward some of her wonkier scenes bc i understand what the directors were going for. scream 2022 is a fan movie and sam is a fanfic character brought to screen. her dialogue is what u would read in a middle schooler’s fanfic and that’s…weird but nostalgic, so i get it. this movie was swaddled in nostalgia. also we have to understand sam as a character who intentionally represses her emotions bc of her internal proclivity for violence. much of her performance is restrained until act 3 and while i 100% understand why this didn’t work for some people, it didn’t bother me personally bc i’m sympathetic to the intent behind it.

i was supposed to be spilling my thoughts about scream vi and instead just went off on a tangent about 5. bc context needs context and i can never get to the point without detours and most of my detours involve giving context to the context or covering my bases, for those who potentially wish to poke holes…

ANYWAY. i genuinely enjoyed sam and tara in scream 5. some of my biggest beefs with 5 were the changes to the initial script that decreased the tension between the sisters and robbed us of their familial context. ykw, like amber and tara being romantically involved + amber and sam’s mutual dislike of each other, which would’ve layered amber’s motivations as well as added to the conflict between the sisters. the originally scripted scenes with their mother drunkenly displaying her fear of sam, particularly her fear of sam harming tara, which would’ve helped the audience understand why sam was desperate to leave woodsboro and why sam represses herself so heavily…and here i am still talking about scream 5. but my point is i already loved the sisters and i was very much looking forward to them and seeing how their relationship developed in 6.

and it did not disappoint!! oh my lordy. i love how sam just goes completely into mama bear mode over tara!!! it works so well on so many levels. she wants to protect her because for five years she wasn’t even there, because she spent the most horrible three days of her life nearly losing tara, because their mother and tara are now estranged specifically bc tara chose to allow sam back into her life, and bc she feels like she has to be hyper-vigilant bc tara coped in the opposite direction and chose not to deal with what happened at all.

i loved the push and pull between them, how tara clearly loves sam very much but is straining under her smothering and frustrated bc their coping mechanisms clash with the calamity of a car crash. adore how tara defends sam even when she’s upset with her but i think my very favorite thing was at the end when sam HAS PUT ON HER FATHER’S COSTUME LIKE I HAVE WANTED HER TO FOR FUCKING MONTHS AND STABS BAILEY TWENTY TIMES AND ONLY STOPS HERSELF FROM DELIVERING THE FATAL BLOW WHEN SHE HEARS TARA!!!! AND THEN TARA VISIBLY GIVES HER PERMISSION TO KILL HIM SO SHE UNLEASHES IT AND STABS HIM IN THE FUCKING EYEBALL OH MY GOD.

whew, lotta caps lock, but yeah. yeah, no, i was just that excited. tara didn’t even have to say the words, it was the look in her eyes and the soft tilt of the head and sam knew it would be okay. that was so touching. hands down, my favorite scene. <3 <3 <3

also the storyline surrounding sam? perhaps a tad exaggerated in this horror movie context but not at all unlikely or untrue to life.

a woman who only resorted to violence in retaliation to her more dangerous boyfriend’s violence being DARVO-ed by social media? a woman being turned into the monster of the story while internet fans fawn over and infantilize the man who victimized her? a woman who chose violence only to survive vilified while terminally online fans edit flower crowns onto her actually evil boyfriend’s pics and proclaim his innocence in cutesy fonts??

yeah, that’s pretty fucking familiar. this probably would’ve happened to sam even if billy loomis wasn’t her father, her heritage just makes it 10x easier for people to manipulate the story against her.

this is where the social commentary of the movie is a little ambiguous and i actually prefer it that way. are they calling out scream fans? true crime fans? media misogyny? could be any of the above, take ur pick. i personality interpreted it as a combination of all three.

the subtlety on that front was a breath of fresh air considering so much was…not subtle at all. i greatly enjoyed this film and i adore mindy BUT her explaining the new rules of a “franchise,” was a little bit too much. it’s a scream film so there has to be a scene like that, ofc, but it could’ve been shorter and it didn’t have to spoon-feed us that hard.

speaking of subtly? uh, yeah. i mean, unfortunately bc of unmarked spoilers i knew detective bailey and ethan were ghostfaces. i did not, however, know any of the ghostfaces other than these two, nor did I have any idea what their motive was. but between quinn mentioning the death of a brother and sam getting called from richie’s phone? yeaaaaah, that clicked into place pretty damn fast. soo not subtle, but amusing. amusing so i’m not complaining yet, i actually had a laugh.

now i feel like i’m rambling without direction but my goal was to tackle positives first, so more positives?

the core four. love them. the way their relationship developed in this film was warming and believable to me, even if the character interactions were perhaps more abridged than they should’ve been give the rapid-fire pace of the film. mindy and chad are great, easy to love, and mindy especially is so relatable to me. kirby is back and she got screen time!!!

the minor characters? not too many, but the ones that were here somewhat fleshed out the setting. i would love a fanfic where sam kills date rape frankie. also the owner of the bodega, shoutout to that guy. a kind stranger in a city famous for rudeness, he dead ass lost his life trying to help our leading ladies. he looked away from ghostface to get his keys so they could unlock the door. r.i.p bodega owner.

the kills! everyone is raving about the kills and i am also a fan. not without my nitpicks, i wish maybe a couple would’ve been more creative BUT mostly i am pleased. i love gore and there was more gore. the ladder scene delivered on the suspense that was promised to us, oh my. my heart was pounding the entire time and altho were barely got to know anika, i truly felt for her. bleeding, scared, doing her best to hold on, gazing at mindy through a blur of tears and panic as she moans, “I don’t want to die, i don’t want to die.” 😢

that said i was hoping the kills might be a tad more creative? it was mostly just a lot of stabbing. which. yes, ghostface stabs. the franchise is famous for the buck 120, which i can attest is a very sharp knife— i have used it to stab through frozen meat and not only did it go right through the package, the tip of the knife got embedded in the table. which is okay bc it’s an old table with a ton of stains and it’s already beat to hell, but that’s not the point. THE POINT, lmao. unintentional pun, I swear! but idk, i was hoping for some variety especially bc the trailers kept emphasizing that this ghostface was “different.”

many of my predictions were correct but where they did manage to surprise me, they really surprised me! like the first killer unmasking himself right after her killed laura?? i gasped! the choreography of the fights in the shrine, dude! i loved the carpenter sisters + chad taking on the ghostface how they did it as a pack. that was awesome! and then chad is gonna finish ‘I’m off and BOOM, the second one pops out! the way the ghostfaces take chad down was brutal but also, like they’re twinning?? the dual knife swipe was spooky and this is genius when we find out that these two are actually twins. or…I think they are? they’re siblings at least, i wanna think twins bc I’m pretty sure the characters are supposed to be the same age even tho the actress who plays quinn is a few years older irl.

misc fun things: jason watching jason takes manhattan in his apartment. mindy’s fashion sense. kirby eating. ethan is not dressed in blue plaid like the ghostfaces before him, but he is wearing red plaid over a blue shirt, so close enough. nancy loomis finally being acknowledged as sam’s murderous grandma. gale dodging sam’s punch just to get hit by tara, pffft. last but not least, ALL THE HALLOWEEN COSTUMES. 😍

those were all the positives. but balance is balance so as much as i loved this film, i still have to touch on the negatives.

the killers? i was right about the anti-dewey angle, but i’d pegged the wrong pig. kirby reed, i formally apologize for ever suspecting u. i appreciate the anti-dewey angle with detective bailey and that being a cop gives him power and authority that ghostfaces before him did not have. but the motive reveal complicates things and it’s pretty convoluted and too convenient the way these ghostfaces were able to worm into our cautious protagonists’ lives. i know let some things slide because of bailey’s aforementioned social power by virtue of being a cop, but this is over the top. i have so many questions. did the siblings go to college just to follow the survivors? they all have fake names?? how did they find out about jason and greg? how is the *whole* family like this?

ur telling me richie’s entire fam indulged his stab obsession to the point of them not only accepting his being a serial killer, but becoming ghostfaces to honor him in their vengeance driven kill spree??

umm…yeah, this is all a little too kookaburra for me. but i will say i liked their style. i like that they actually seemed to be bringing the costume to life. the ghostface costume was originally packaged in-universe as the “father death” costume, it’s the grim reaper by another name. and these ghost faces were actually kind of swooping around like a reaper, an angel of death. cannot emphasize enough how much i loved the twinning with the knife wipe and just like, having multiple ghostfaces onscreen in general. i am too high right now to look up the actress’s name who played quinn but kudos to her for chewing the scenery once she unmasked. but some of their choices didn’t make sense to me. why did ethan help mindy after quinn wounded her? why was a target put on anika’s back at all??

so…more negatives?

um…let’s talk about suspension of disbelief for a moment. we all have to have some of that when watching slasher films and movies wouldn’t be movies if we expected them to be exactly like real life. i like to think that as long as a movie follows its own logic, i have a pretty healthy suspension of disbelief. i can accept the improbable in the scream ‘verse…but not the impossible.

u know what’s impossible?? chad surviving that. fml. yeah, no, that guy’s internal organs are soup. it’s even a stretch that he survived scream 5 since amber clearly slashed open his femoral artery even before she stabbed his guts, but this???? chad was being carved up by two ghostfaces and blood was dead ass gushing from his mouth like a waterfall. i love chad, truly, i do, but his survival was insane, i can’t accept that.

on that note, i found it frustrating that the injuries in this movie were seemingly only as severe as the storyline wanted them to be. again, it’s a movie so we have to have a level of suspension of disbelief and that’s fair! i can accept people being more durable on the screen than in real life but where they lose me is when they’re keeping semi close to reality in one scene and totally ignoring it in the next. anika loses a lot of blood and is in great pain, which hinders her ability to escape (so she doesn’t). i buy it. gale is stabbed in the abdomen twice, deeply, and loses so much blood she entrusts the carpenter sisters’ with last words, passes out from blood loss, and is in bad shape when paramedics arrive. i buy that. mindy is similarly stabbed in the abdomen multiple times, survives because ethan helps her for some mysterious reason, which I buy…I don’t buy her RUNNING TO THE SHRINE MERE HOURS AFTER.

we have a throwaway line about her being on drugs, but no, i still don’t buy it. story time. my work mom, okay, so she was in a really bad car accident once. running on pure adrenaline, she raced out of the car with broken bones and punched the driver of the other car that hit her. immediately after, she collapsed and guess what? she’d injured herself further by punching this lady. so even if mindy wasn’t feeling her wounds because of the drugs (which i could buy easily enough), no responsible hospital would allow her to run wild like that.

at the shrine tara is stabbed UP TO THE HANDLE IN THE BACK and it doesn’t?? effect her like at all? okay, okay, i could possibly buy this with the adrenaline excuse, cause I mean, again, that is a thing. my work mom paid the price for it. but after being stabbed in the back, tara is also stabbed in the torso after being dropped from quite the height and that wound similarly has no tangible impact beyond a few pained pants while she was struggling against a larger, more physically powerful ghostface…and adrenaline wears off? at the very least, after they’re finished off the ghostfaces, tara should’ve been shock-y and sam should’ve been trying to get her medical attention ASAP. at this point the movie wasn’t following its own logic in regards to injuries that’d previously occurred in the movie.

i find it so hard to believe laura’s character at all, that she would go into a dark alley searching for a strange male she had never, ever met in person before dead ass a blind internet date. no girl or woman would ever do that, let alone a supposedly a highly educated New York newcomer.

the pacing in this movie was almost a little too fast. i feel like there wasn’t much room to breathe? i didn’t want it to be slow or anything, but it was almost dizzyingly speedy. i LOVE the chase scene with gale but what the fuck. they made a point to talk about how they weren’t safe in broad daylight, then they cut to gale’s apartment and it’s like nighttime? huh?? how many days did i just watch???

the secret celebrity cameo was jack quaid? boo, letdown, boooooo.

neutral stuff: i feel like sam’s bf only existed in this movie so they could do ladder scene LMFAO. but i didn’t want to see romance so that’s perfectly fine with me.

…possibly have more to add, but idk? i’m high af. overall i really enjoyed this film though. especially the carpenter sisters. sam put billy’s costume on in the best way. it was a monkey paw wish for detective bailey that backfired on him majorly, she looked fucking great in it, she literally stayed in it and then at the end, she let go of the mask. because sam isn’t a murderer. she may have internal violent desires but she keeps that part of her in check cause she’s a good person and only acts on those impulses when real danger is afoot. she isn’t her father and the wants to leave that mask behind its past behind, and follow her sister into the future.

[fantomcomics]

What’s Out This Week? 3/8

Happy Women’s History Month!

A.R.C. One-Shot -  Matt Hawkins, Atilio Rojo & Stjepan Sejic

Illegal poaching is a billion-dollar industry, a black market trade violently interwoven with the bloody work of warlords and international traffickers. South African industrial heir Noah Ehran has dedicated himself to battling this evil on two fronts, in two separate lives. By day, he's an environmental lobbyist and aggressive corporate reformer-but by night, Noah leads A.R.C., the Animal Rights Collective , in an armed crusade against the criminal empires responsible!

Ayashimon GN Vol 1 -  Yuji Kaku

When the chairman of the Enma Syndicate-the largest criminal organization in the Kanto region-dies, his death sends shock waves throughout the entirety of the Ayashimon underworld in Japan. These otherworldly criminal organizations are now on the brink of war, and the chairman's daughter Urara plans to come out on top. She's about to find an unlikely ally in the human world...a manga fanatic who wants nothing more than to be a manga hero!

Betty & Veronica Friends Forever: Rock & Roll #1 -  Holly G

Rock on with a BRAND-NEW story to kick off this collection of melodic tales! In "Rock Candy," The Archies have some competition when a new girl band, ROCK CANDY, enters the scene! But it's not all sugar and spice and everything nice-Betty and Veronica are feeling torn about having to leave The Archies behind, but there's way more of a musical future for them in Rock Candy, along with their drummer, new girl Jola Kit. Do they have what it takes to rock all of Riverdale? Plus more rockin' stories of musical mayhem!  

Bash GN Vol 1 -  Rudy Gobert, Hellef Bay & Vince Serrano

Young Rudy comes from the poor neighborhood of Nevilia, but dreams of a being a star of BASH (a brutal, high-octane version of basketball), and his talent might just make it happen: but can he make it while threats come from every corner of the galaxy?

Clear #1 (of 3) -  Scott Snyder & Francis Manapul

In the not-too-distant future, mankind no longer sees the world as it truly is. The invention of neurological filters has made it so one can view reality however they may choose-old Hollywood monochrome, zombie apocalypse, anime . . . the possibilities are endless. Neo-shamus Sam Dunes is one of only a handful who choose to live without a filter. When the death of an old flame reveals foul play, Dunes is set on a wild and twisting mystery that will take him from the city's deadly underworld to the even deadlier heights of wealth and power.

Fungirl: Vulva Viking One-Shot -  Elizabeth Pich

Fungirl is turning her life around! She's got a new job slinging corndogs, and snagged a date with a handsome influencer. But when things get steamy, her pelvic pumps prove a little too powerful. Is Fungirl truly a murderous muff monster, or could her newfound strength save the day?

Mimosa GN -  Archie Bongiovanni

Best friends and chosen family Chris, Elise, Jo, and Alex work hard to keep themselves afloat. Their regular brunches hold them together even as the rest of their lives threaten to fall apart. The crew decides to put on a new queer event called Grind-specifically for homos in their dirty thirties. Grind is a welcome distraction from their real problems: after a messy divorce, Chris adjusts to being a single parent while struggling to reconnect to their queer community. Elise is caught between feelings for her boss and the career of her dreams. Jo tries to navigate the murky boundaries of being a supportive friend and taking care of her own needs. And Alex is guarding a secret that might change his friendships forever. This chosen family proves that being messy doesn't always go away with age.

The Moth Keeper GN -  K O'Neill

Anya is finally a Moth Keeper, the protector of the lunar moths that allow the Night-Lily flower to bloom once a year. Her village needs the flower to continue thriving and Anya is excited to prove her worth and show her thanks to her friends with her actions, but what happens when being a Moth Keeper isn't exactly what Anya thought it would be? The nights are cold in the desert and the lunar moths live far from the village. Anya finds herself isolated and lonely. Despite Anya's dedication, she wonders what it would be like to live in the sun. Her thoughts turn into an obsession, and when Anya takes a chance to stay up during the day to feel the sun's warmth, her village and the lunar moths are left to deal with the consequences. A middle-grade fantasy graphic novel about passion, duty, and found family.

One Piece Color Walk Compendium: New World To Wano HC -  Eiichiro Oda

Color images and special illustrations from the world's most popular manga, One Piece! This compendium features over 300 pages of beautiful color art as well as interviews between the creator and other famous manga artists.  

The Snowcat Prince TP -  Dina Norlund

Syv is a snowcat and the youngest in a family of princes. When his father dies, Syv and his brothers are all in line for the throne. Eager to become kings themselves and wary of how well-liked Syv has become by the citizens, Syv's brothers send him on a dangerous quest to find the long-lost magical crown that once belonged to their royal ancestor, the Eldking. Legend says that the snowcat who finds the crown will break the curse on their land and bring great honor to the family. But failure could mark Syv with three black stripes, and he'd be banished forever. Along his journey, Syv will face dangerous beasts, dark powers, and the ever-lurking sandfoxes-sworn enemies to the snowcats. But when Syv discovers the truth about the legend of the Eldking and his magical crown, he'll have to learn the new meaning of honor and find another way to break the curse.

Stoneheart #1 -  Emma Kubert Bubbly and headstrong Shayde Whisper has been inexplicably exiled from her magical guild and relocated, left only with vague memories and romanticized hope. But when she hears a sinister voice in her head that awakens a power beyond her comprehension, she'll traverse her past and present to unravel her prestigious place within the mystical land of Athea!

Whatcha snagging this week, Fantom Fam?

[dweemeister]

Sparkle (1976)

In 1959, three young women in Detroit’s Brewster-Douglass Housing Projects came together to form a musical trio. Sixteen-year-old Florence Ballard first convinced her best friend, Mary Wilson, fifteen, to join the group; Wilson then recruited Diana Ross, also fifteen, to join. On weekday evenings and weekends, the Primettes (the “sister group” to the Primes, later known as the Temptations) performed at local clubs and talent shows across Detroit, often covering hits from the Drifters and Ray Charles. The Primettes became a local sensation, winning a competition at the 1960 International Freedom Festival, and attracting the attention of Motown founder and executive Berry Gordy. Gordy signed the Primettes to a contract in early 1961, on stipulation they change their name. They became the Supremes.

One decade later in American cinema, the major Hollywood studios began experimenting with and quickly realized the box office appeal of blaxploitation. Blaxploitation is a type of exploitation film that features heavily – if not entirely – black casts and narratives, often aimed at an urban African-American audience. Generally, the subgenre concurrently provided a valuable avenue for black representation in Hollywood (on- and off-camera) and narratives concerning the community, all while upholding damaging white stereotypes about black people (i.e., violence, substance abuse, the hypersexualization of black women and highly polarized sexualization of black men with little in-between, etc.).

Released by Warner Bros., Sam O’Steen’s Sparkle, takes inspiration from the history of the original members of the Supremes. Sparkle arrived long after the breakup of the original Supremes (Ross departed in 1970; Ballard in 1967, but passed away two months before Sparkle’s release) and before the 1981 Broadway debut of Dreamgirls (which has a narrative with the same inspiration and story arc). Likewise, the film made its theatrical debut at a moment when blaxploitation was undoubtedly in decline. Repeated criticism from the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), the decision of some of the subgenre’s stars to pursue interests elsewhere, and impatience for blaxploitation’s typical low production values all contributed to that drop-off. Sparkle carries elements of blaxploitation (as do many films centered on African-American characters), but, despite its myriad of flaws, it represents a glimpse of the future of black American cinema.

It is 1958 in Harlem, New York City. The Williams sisters – youngest Sparkle (Cara; the obvious Diana Ross analogue), middle sister Delores (Dwan Smith), and eldest Sister (Lonette McKee; whose character starts out as the lead singer) – and friends Stix (Philip Michael Thomas) and Levi (Dorian Harewood) decide to take their church singing experience to form a musical quintet. The sisters’ mother, Effie (Mary Alice), works long hours as a maid, and has little time to tend to her children. Without much consideration other than requesting promises that the Williams daughters’ schoolwork remains their priority, she lends her blessing to their idea. Dubbing themselves the Hearts, a successful showing at a local talent competition has everyone imagining how they might have a future as professional musicians. Both young men drop out of the group – Levi so that he can take a job with a gangster named Satin (Tony King); Stix becomes the now-trio’s manager and co-composer. The trio, now known as Sister and the Sisters (I would have kept the original name), soon become the headline act at the sordid Shan-Doo Club. There, the malicious intentions of others and unfortunate incidents will challenge the fabric of the group and the bonds of sisterhood between Sparkle, Delores, and Sister.

At a brisk ninety-eight minutes, Sparkle wants to balance the narratives for Sparkle, Delores, and Sister as much as it can. But Joel Schumacher’s (1978’s The Wiz, 2004’s The Phantom of the Opera) screenplay and Howard Rosenman’s (1991’s Father of the Bride, 2017’s Call Me By Your Name) story serves no one particularly well. Given that the film is named after the youngest of the Williams sisters, it makes sense that Sparkle receives the most attention. However, the pedestrian dialogue – especially in the most heightened romantic and violent moments of the films – provides Irene Cara little to work with. And if the ostensible lead actress is ill-served by the screenplay, the situation is worse for everyone else. Sparkle’s storyline – despite a worthy message of how she cannot depend entirely on others to find happiness or success – lurches from one cliché to another, the typical rags-to-riches story executed more interestingly in scores of films that came before and after this.

The connections to Delores and Sister’s stories are likewise poorly handled and edited, with transitions too abrupt for any sort of reflection about the scene prior. We learn about Dolores’ interest in joining the civil rights movement, but this character detail has no depth despite its centrality to a crucial plot point. Sister’s eventual drug abuse and domestic (and potentially, sexual) abuse from her partner is entirely one-dimensional – as if lifted from a shabby blaxploitation film with even less regard for its characters. Her fate feels preordained from the moment we learn of her quandary. Sister’s part in Sparkle is sensationalistic, torturing her and her loving sisters almost for the sake of it.

I can understand how the extremely simplified dialogue in Sparkle might be realistic, but the screenplay is also devoid of geographic, historical, and racial vernacular that places the audience firmly in the film’s setting. Rarely did I ever feel that this was a film set in Harlem, let alone New York City in the late 1950s. New York City – and Harlem moreso than most neighborhoods – is itself a character in many films set in the Big Apple. Bruce Surtees’ (1971’s The Beguiled, 1984’s Beverly Hills Cop) anonymous cinematography also undermines this aspect of the film. The lack of variety beyond Surtees’ medium and medium-close shots renders Sparkle a tedious watch. The film never suggests the claustrophobia that many contemporary independent films rely on to suggest intimacy or entrapment. Nor does the camera pull back far enough to bask in the magnificence of New York City, any of the featured musical venues, or even the bodily movement in some of the sisters’ musical performances.

Surtees’ purported lack of experience in lighting for scenes featuring non-white people also results in all the musical performances – outside of the spotlight beaming towards any of the performers – being surrounded in pitch darkness. In terms of lighting, this is an exceptionally dark movie during those moments, as one can barely make out backgrounds or furniture or even some facial expressions and features because of the poor lighting. It is almost as if Surtees wanted to capture the impression that one experiences when coming into a dimly lit room after exiting a daytime exterior. One’s eyes have not adjusted to the darkness, so the interior seems darker than it is. The only problem is that Surtees never adjusts, and it is not clear what purpose this serves emotionally, narratively, or even atmospherically (because almost all other interior scenes in Sparkle are also underlit, just not as intensely as the musical scenes). Your experience in watching Sparkle may vary depending on the quality of the print you watch, largely due to the poor cinematography and lighting that makes certain formats and editions unwatchable. This write-up is based on the print made available for broadcast on Turner Classic Movies (TCM).

The composer for Sparkle, Curtis Mayfield, was an innovator in soul music and 1960s R&B. Mayfield, one of the original members of the Impressions (whose original lead singer was Jerry Butler; “For Your Precious Love”, “People Get Ready”), left the group in 1970 for a solo career. His filmography, though not lengthy, nevertheless included one of the most popular blaxploitation films of all in Super Fly (1972). Part of Mayfield’s reasoning for leaving the Impressions was to find the freedom to integrate his music with a social consciousness (as one can hear in the Impressions’ “People Get Ready” and the songs in Super Fly). But for a project like Sparkle, Mayfield would have to find a way to replicate the Motown sound, style, and lyrics of early ‘60s girl groups. He may not have been the ideal candidate for this mode of R&B and soul (and one can hear it in this film at times as a handful of the songs pass too long without a quotation of the chorus), but Mayfield produces an always-listenable score and set of songs for Sparkle.

The Hearts’ debut number, “Jump”, has minimal instrumentation: percussion and select stabs of brass. It is a basic start, acted wonderfully by the quintet by showcasing the initial awkwardness that only begins to truly groove about a minute in. The boys, Stix and Levi, are obviously vestigial to the performance because neither sings, both only half-clumsily (look at 1:23 in the provided video) adding to the choreography. It works in the narrative context of the film. Once the Hearts become Sister and the Sisters, then the performances garner more musical interest. “Hooked On Your Love”, the group’s debut performance at the Shan-Doo Club, might be the most Supremes-like song in the soundtrack. From the choreography that just evokes the grainy videos one might find on YouTube of early ‘60s girl groups, the era-appropriate vocal ornamentations, and the fact that all three actresses (especially) Cara are having a blast performing, “Hooked On Your Love” is just a knockout of period musical goodness. I just wish the camera drew back a little longer so we could see all three sisters for longer stretches of time (and again, pity about the lighting). Cross-cut with images of Sister’s relationship and personal troubles, “Giving Him Something He Can Feel” is a wonderful mid-film number, for the same reasons as “Hooked On Your Love” works musically. Here, however, there is more narrative and visual interest. Its placement and the editing here – see those wary glances from their mother towards the disreputable crowd during the performance – is the film’s Rubicon crossing.

With such a great slate of songs, what a shame it is that none of the film’s original performances are available in soundtrack form. Instead, Aretha Franklin is the sole performer on the soundtrack, as she covers all the songs. No disrespect to Aretha (in my book, at least in the top five of vocalists in any genre during the last century), but the original performers deserved more respect in a commercial release of the film’s soundtrack. As it is, the original in-film performances are easily searchable, so one can enjoy the movie and the soundtrack versions and appreciate the artistry of Aretha, as well as that of Irene Cara, Lonette McKee, and Dwan Smith.

A year after appearing in Aaron Loves Angela (1975), Irene Cara had now starred in two major studio production a year apart. Neither film was a box office success – Sparkle’s box office records remain unknown, so I am going off educated guesses from a variety of sources – but this was still a point of pride for Cara to achieve so much just as she turned seventeen years old. Her best-known accomplishments in acting and singing in Fame (1980) and her Academy Award win for the title song to Flashdance (1983) would not be far off. Lonette McKee, in her film debut, would carve out a stable career through the 1970s and ‘80s, with appearances in Francis Ford Coppola’s The Cotton Club (1984) and Walter Hill’s Brewster’s Millions (1985). Dwan Smith has largely faded from the public eye since Sparkle.

As one of the late Whitney Houston’s favorite films, Sparkle was remade in 2012 starring American Idol winner Jordin Sparks, Carmen Ejogo, and Tika Sumpter as the sisters and Houston as their imperious evangelical mother. 2012’s Sparkle was Houston’s final film, and has been almost universally compared unfavorably to the original. Sparkle has, over the years, become a cult favorite among African-American audiences. Curtis Mayfield’s songs and associated performances, alongside a sincere (if incomplete and poorly photographed) depiction of black life in New York City were more than enough to help the film achieve that status. My reservations aside, the original Sparkle deserves that chance for audience reevaluation.

My rating: 5/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found in the “Ratings system” page on my blog. Half-points are always rounded down.

For more of my reviews tagged “My Movie Odyssey”, check out the tag of the same name on my blog.

[variousqueerthings]

okidoki, @elsonambulo and I have been having fun conversations about reading Amanda as aro --

EDIT: this has been in my drafts for months. pre-s5 months, so I probably won’t mention s5 much in here because I cannot remember toooo much rn (I will rewatch it) @elsonambulo I lied to you, I found it and I wrote some more and now I’m posting it-

going through some interesting thoughts that I wonder if exists amongst other people who are aro themselves (I get the same feeling when I hc characters as ace + aroace) of internalised Stuff that makes one feel like that headcanon is somehow “less allowed” than others -- ex. it would be easy to say “oh of course Amanda is now conveniently aro, because then you can have her and Daniel divorce, so he can hook up with Johnny or Chozen or whoever,” and to be clear, nobody has said those things to me!

but those things exist in my head (and they exist because aromanticism and asexuality are considered less interesting in narrative -- too complicated, not dramatic enough, and definitely not normal enough! surprise, it’s just classic queerphobia).

So in honour of saying “fuck you” to internalised stuff, let’s look at why aromantic Amanda is very compelling -- including the idea that... maybe she would have that sort of internalised thinking as well that could stop her from being able to pursue these ideas within herself

Here’s something the ever-intelligent elsonambulo and I talked about (shared with permission):

VQT: considering how gung-ho this season was about the perfect nuclear family, it's just making me even more interested in exploring those cracks! and amanda is such untapped Potential

E: There's just So Much there with her. She is not a traditional wife or mother by any means and I'm sure the writers patted themselves on the back for that and just stopped thinking about it but we know there's more there. She speaks to us jghgg

VQT: it's the mix of how daniel gets the most important moments with sam + presents himself as the family-minded in more personal/smaller-scale ways to amanda's focus on making sure the business continues to run and the notion of what Makes a family and why is it important to maintain it (and what is it maintained on -- is it love? respect? communication? mutual agreement? shared goals?)-- and of course that amanda, while better off than other women on the show, is still full of gaps where her motivations would be, so we're free to invent them!

AND that these notions of "what a woman should do" are so to the left with her/you see her struggling with "performing" marriage and motherhood

E: I will never be over how in making Sam the karate larusso instead of Anthony and in making Daniel an all in family man to contrast with Johnny, the writers almost had to make Amanda the practical go-getter.

And it's clear it's a happy marriage, because the point was that Daniel just kept winning at life. But when audiences get happy marriage + stay at home dad energy + a woman who is, in the end, there to play the role of wife and is therefore not as present as the man, then questions start to come up. Questions like yours about what it takes to maintain a family and a marriage and what a marriage is based on, but also questions on who this woman is and what her motivations and inner thoughts might be.

Because, like you said, she's in the role of wife and mother but she occupies that role differently than others do. So what's the deal there? Yeah maybe she's just "not like other girls" but that's boring ghhjh. Not enough meat in that

First things first, slow clap for that last message!

Secondly, broadly and vaguely perhaps, but reading Amanda as aromantic is simply an incredibly interesting way of queering the text with Intention. I’m under no illusions that the word probably doesn’t even exist in the lexicon of the writers, never mind the ability to compute it into narrative

Amanda doesn’t suffer as much as Carmen in terms of being allowed action and motivation and some internal life, by far. But the creators of the show probably haven’t gone much further than, “ok she’s a little more badass, she’s practical and pragmatic,” and if we were to go a stretch further (and to echo Elsonambulo) there’s also a tie-in to Daniel being a little less acceptable as a guy, because he’s taking on a family-man role

She’s not entirely trapped in the home (like Carmen almost always is) -- in the first couple of seasons she’s in the dealership a lot (a different sort of trapped) and her most emotional moment with Sam happens while Daniel is noticeably away in Okinawa, and then in s5 (which I do have to rewatch) she’s “karate adjacent” which is pretty great, and there’s the babe ruthless moment which, like many things, is kind of a mixed bag for me. 

(“why are they in a womens’ only bar” I ask, wondering if the writers have heard of lesbianism. “why are they suddenly fighting?” “okay but babe ruthless is a genuinely killer name”)

She’s equally practical about the marriage, which is another place to use the crowbar and look underneath for some fun aro-reading. Daniel isn’t putting in the work that’s promised in the marriage and Amanda seems to be calmly moving towards something like a separation, until he promises to make it up and course correct -- the placement of her (dealership) with the narrative about the marriage, can easily be analysed from the perspective of said marriage being equally a business. This not meant coldly -- after all, she is incredibly fond of Daniel and wants them to run these things together -- but simply... practically

So now imagining this practical woman and this highly romantic man -- so romantic that it’s kind of catching and charming and you do wanna just do things to him, and yeah, this is probably what love is, and besides what references does amanda have? that time her parent cheated with her maths tutor and she fucked up that tutors car?

more important than deep, deep emotion of the kind apparently seen in other relationships (dubious, footage not found), is something that works and is good with someone you care about, and also are attracted to! 

- here I note that I know this was once meant to be a much longer text, but it’s been a few months, so much of the thought process has gotten a bit muddled since, but I wanna just post it as-is. the main conclusion is

1. young!Amanda who doesn’t feel the way other girls feel about the whole cute falling-in-love type thing, and is rather just very sexually confident and gravitates towards Daniel’s whole Thing in the way a lot of the guys do, but without the toxic masculinity or Need For Ownership that they seem to have -- but his magnetism, his open charm, his ability to work hard, his honesty-

2. which speaking of honesty, do headcanon a large part of her own private “fuck this whole thing” is discovering he has a secret past of karate trauma that she simply wasn’t let in on, which is Breaking The Marriage Deal 

3. I wonder as well -- in terms of that pragmatism it’s not simply that she’s aro, but there’s an element of some kind of neurodivergency in that. she’ll go for the steps that seem most correct to her, and unless genuinely freaked out (the house alarm going off, Daniel having his breakdown in s5 about Silver, Sam getting hurt), she’s quite cool about most things

4. Amanda slipping under the radar, because she’s simply -- from the outside -- a very confident, capable, heterosexually married woman, and that is the Image she likes to present, but canonically she has this whole side to her that she’s very effectively buried, that may not be as extreme as karate-rivals, but is evidence of her as not this picture-perfect being

5. and so this whole process of karate rivals coming out of the woodworks on Daniel’s side, offers her a chance to think of some stuff on her side, like why she does the things she does, and why she’s in this marriage, and what is important to her about it (and is it this nebulous idea of “love” or is it something more hardy, more pragmatic, more physical -- like a business and kids)

6. not to say her dedication to Daniel isn’t real, but she has to go through what exactly that consists of, and why Daniel matters to her, and also she’s not onboard -- not with Kreese and not with Silver -- until she has real, tangible proof that they’re bad guys who can directly threaten the things she and Daniel have built. so she’s not with Daniel through everything no matter what, she’s with him on the condition that his whole deal is something that can at some point presumably be ended through fighting back. if it were just that Daniel was having a breakdown of some kind, she was ready to call it broke and pack up the kids

7. this might seem cold from the outside, but it just makes good sense. and again, does not mean she doesn’t care for Daniel, just that she’s not in it for the true love, she’s in it for the contract they’ve made (truly truly wonder what would happen if Kumiko and Amanda were onscreen together, alongside Daniel) 

8. Amanda going through this process and maybe wanting to lean into her bisexuality more? just try some things out? if it won’t ruin her marriage, and it won’t ruin her business, and she’s not deemed a slut, then... actually that feels quite appealing? 

9. Amanda’s queer karate awakening deserves to happen is all I’m saying. we already know that she’s just as into it as other characters.... 

10. there’s more thoughts but this is kind of the gist of it all. Amanda isn’t technically closeted, because she doesn’t even have the vocabulary, she’s just aware that she’s in it for other things than is traditionally expected, but she’s not “struggling” per se with her identity, because she’s not even aware of the option

11. you know those middle-aged men that are like “yeah I fucked around with a guy when I was in my late teens/early 20s but then I got married so I’m straight” -- Amanda has those vibes but with women + bonus “and I got married because that’s the thing that’s expected of me and it was the best way to merge my interest in running a business with performing correct womanhood, and he gives good head, so I’m just winning all around. what do you mean he has several men in his past who are obsessed with him to the point of violence????”