#do i make sense hHhah

[nerves-nebula]

one thing i find mildly embarrassing (not in the normal sense of the word but w/e) is my complete disconnect from basically any history or culture or ancestry i could've had? this comes up sometimes when i write characters, like for example, i'm still developing the Hanheppi religion and one thing ive been thinking about is how important ancestry is in some religions.

I had a religious architecture class a while back and we watched some videos of these indigenous Australian people doing some collaborative art and the mother was talking to the kid, explaining every step of the lineage on the art piece they were working on and it was really wonderful. And in a lot of my research & other stuff with religion I keep coming across this idea of ancestry and heritage and community and how important that shit can be but. basically.

it keeps reminding me that my characters, especially the hanheppi ones, should probably have some sort of connection to the past? Like, probably a pretty significant one? Hanheppi people are humans, they're supposed to be raised in a culture that values their history and lineage. its supposed to be very communal. but because I've never really experienced that I often forget to include it or mention it and its like. hhhah.

i don't? know? how to do that. I don't know what its like for your community to be an important part of your identity, i don't even know what it's like for your extended or immediate family to be an important part of your identity. my parents succeeded in making me feel completely disconnected from everything i could possibly have built community on. i'm uninterested into looking into where i came from because frankly it sounds terrible. it sounds like people who wouldn't accept me anyway, so i have no interest in that. I live in my head the way I always have. but it does leave me kind of empty. and i feel like it leaves my characters pretty empty too, especially the ones who are supposed to be very invested in their communities.

oh well :p

[koutawoo]

Woo chaaaan T-T _cognizant anon

Hi hello lady. As many times as u want? Amazing we can only take it once a year jdsjasfd. That's one of the reasons why it's such a pain. Once a year from our main hs books frOM 3 YEARS AUGH. LOLOLOL MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY 2021 TO U ACTUALLY since we don't have Christmas and use a different calendar hjkfkdsf. Also why do I keep seeing ppl saying kanji is insane exactly when I thought of giving Japanese a try sajdkadj. I'm ok. concentration on studies 0. U good? _cognizant anon (aksdnksja)

BEJESUSYSUSU i’m literally behind on everything in life rn (reqs, edits i wanted to do, watching anime and reading manga included, to keep this relevant to tumblr)

i think the quarantine fatigue has finally gotten to me and i just feel mentally drained ugh, doesn’t help that my winter break is only two weeks long, and i have to get back to online courses next week ;___;

i’m not the only one who’s suffering like this, but it’s not gonna stop me from ranting bwhahah

american ed system kinda lenient, i think. the only downside to taking the exam multiple times is that u have to pay $40-$60 (? my memory sucks but there was a registration fee as well) every time, unless u have a waiver for being in a low income household (waiver let’s u take the exam four times free of charge)

just dooooo itttt!! kanji’s a pain, but it shouldn’t get in the way of ur learning of japanese. kanji shouldn’t be an big issue unless ur trying to become a translator or want to read long japanese passages. i feel like most language learners r more focused on the speaking and understanding aspect of the langauge, rather than reading? like, yeah reading is important but in terms of priority, reading kanji, specially, is low on the list. and as a japanese language learner, it’s not like u can learn 5k+ kanji in less than five years, so don’t sweat about kanji esp since u gotta start at the basics first ;DD

NOT to say that kanji isn’t necessary or important, but just that learning kanji should come later in ur studies

[keigosbirdie]

Girl, I am LOVING your long replies abt our Hawks man. It’s so damn refreshing to have a viewpoint abt Hawks that simply isn’t fanon Playboy-suave-smooth Hawks that a lot of people make him out to be.

ahhhhh man I’m glad you think so !! Of course everyone is going to have their own interpretation of characters, and while I always try to stay as frimley close to canon as I can manage I myself am speculating with my opinions.

There’s nothing wrong with liking the playboy persona people lean on sometimes, but I shy away from it myself. Maybe before we knew more about him it would have made some sense, but now that we have so much more insight about who he is as a person, what he goes through, his internal struggle and his inept handling of actual relationships, that suave persona seems entirely fanon to me now. Which is fine btw!!! People can totally enjoy him however makes them happy! You like the idea of Hawks being more of a ladies man type of dude, you fly your playboy flag my guy! Even I lean into non canon ideas just because I enjoy them. Like bird trait hawks. He hasn’t explicitly been shown to have a “bird brain” or really any bird behavior as I portray it in my content, bit it feels like such a waste to me to have a part animal person and not explore that side hhhah BUT 

Personality wise, I fell in love with the Hawks I met in BNHA. I want him to be as canon as possible, (or at least as close to how I felt about him when I read) at least in terms of how his character is portrayed. Which is why I usually don’t consume villain/Scumbag/playboy,ect hawks content. It feels like I’m not reading about Hawks. (I’m not saying at all that my content is perfectly made by any means! Btw! Or that my interpretation is any better than anyone elses! Everyone will think and feel differently about characters based on their own preferences and experiences, even I do it!) Of course my opinions of his character may change drastically if more canon material of him goes against my current thoughts, that’s already happened several times, but thats what I love so much about him. As we learn more about him, we get these more intimate glimpses into who he is. 

[brainut]

Kiss meme symbol thingy for trip [deliciousandvile]

Kiss Meme ♫ @deliciousandvile​16. A ‘life or death’ kiss during cpr while having your muse’s ribs/sternum possibly broken

    Everything had happened oh so suddenly, no one knew it was coming and when it hit – It hit. It wasn’t a random incident, it wasn’t an act of terrorism per se, but it was an elaborate plan concocted by a particularly spurned group. Things had gotten more hectic where the yakuza was concerned, as well as other groups beginning to arise once more, enemies and what not of the particular brand Trip and Virus wore.     These other groups – Oh they weren’t so nice. Population regrowth lead to more and more crime issues, such as a recent spree of acid attacks. The cops and Yakuza both began to show more movements. Somehow, his bonding time with Trip as of late had made his status a concern to be around, but also a strange safety – Until today. All until today…     Things had been going to well with them, really. Somehow Trip had talked him into spending more and more time around him, some gestures particularly romantic in very strange ways and others simply calming or entertaining at the least. A strange man, that was how he could describe Trip. A man that he trusted almost wholly – with an underlying layer of something to fear, but that fear had been growing weaker and weaker the more he paraded around with the blonde…

    This incident – Was it an accident? No way, it was the package… It had to be intentional… – Aoba had been getting off work with one last package to deliver, an item for Trip himself. It was… strange to say the least. The name was simply that, ‘Trip’, and an address that he knew well. It was a particular hang out spot of the Blonde’s that coincided with the time the item needed to depart. He would either be there now, or soon. So with his bag hoisted and that package under his arm, he took off.     How could he not know? The sheer coincidence of it all? Trip, the timing, even him – He had to wait for Trip, and even when he tossed the item in his grasp he never took even a moment to think it over. To notice the strange clicking sounds that sometimes came louder when jostled, the weight of such a small thing… When Trip arrived, Aoba greeted him with an actual warm smile, something open and inviting with all the time they’d spent as of late.     Once more it was just Trip, that’s how it was when they got this far, they had specific spots in the area, this was Trip’s. He’d only be here for a handful of minutes, but that was all it took for the package to be delivered. That was all that it would take for them to banter quietly, for Trip to say something odd and Aoba to shove his shoulder, but far too weak to hide the flustered smile that would come.

    Warm cheeks, deep laughter – Tic tic – Trip hadn’t payed mind to the package at first, he hadn’t even glanced at the slip until a rather jarring sound rattled behind the cardboard. Aoba spoke up near immediately,“Trip…?”

    “Yeah, heard it.” The blonde would grunt, looking at the package to hold up to his ear – The look on his face alerted Aoba, who reached out only to immediately feel an elbow slam into his ribs. It would wind the blue haired man, his fingers gripping Trip as he turned away, Aoba couldn’t even get the words out – He couldn’t get them out before he was suddenly deaf.     His vision jarred the second a loud POP sounded, an explosion, and suddenly a heavy weight against his own body – Trip – He gripped it, he held the weight even as his head collided with the pavement, even as Trip’s shoulder busted his nose and caused blood to pour – He held on. He couldn’t let go because instincts told him what his body couldn’t comprehend – Something just blew up.     Several more pops sounded around the area as a dust settled in, and Aoba clambered to get over the body that now crushed him –

    “TRIP!!! ”  How? How the fuck did this happen? His arms could barely hold himself up, coughing as a strange suffocating dust coated the area around them like a bag of flour had exploded rather than a bomb. What about Trip? His vision took too long to clear but what he saw – Was a lot of blood. Blood, torn clothing, burnt flesh and a few gaping injuries along with hands messed beyond recognition.     Had Trip turned to try and stop that bomb from getting to him -- Had he attempted to shield  him – ?

    Aoba found himself leaning over, attempting to protect a brutally injured man that had been Trip only seconds before. Smiling, laughing, joking – Now he was barely recognizable through the dust, smeared blood, and the cuts in his cheeks, the injuries he’d sustained yet – He wasn’t breathing. No air was being taken in, nor was it leaving and the tears began to swell rather suddenly.     “No– No, no Trip– H-Hey! Wake up!!” Shake, that was all he could do at first – Shake him, shake him, shake him, but there was nothing. Ear to his chest, he was certain – His heart had stopped from the sudden force of impact. Aoba wasn’t an expert,but he’d learned in his youth thanks to his Baa-chan – He has to perform CPR, he had to bring him backup before he was too far gone.     Lips torn by shrapnel glistened, things that once bore a beautifully annoying smile were slanted and tattered, Aoba cradled his head a moment. “T-Trip just– Just hold on okay –” He was already gone, what was he FUCKING holding on to? He began CPR, palms finding a place to press that wasn’t on a burn or gaping maw of blood.     How was he supposed to breathe life into this man when he could hardly breathe himself?     His heart ached, but it didn’t stop him – 1, 2, 3 – All the way to 30, he counted in tandem with his coil, and twice he would press his lips over Trip’s -- one rescue breath, and then another. Twice he did this, four breaths, sixty compressions in which he was certain a rib or two gave way beneath his jagged attempts.     Finally a breathless sob came forth as he worked on a third set of thirty, he was gone, wasn’t he? The breaths came in ragged chokes as he tried ( and mostly failed )  to keep his heaving tears at bay. “Trip!!! Trip you stupid bastard wake up!! C-C’mon man please– Please not here okay? I– We just – You can’t go yet alright – Not like this!!” 

    15 compressions… 20 compressions… His tears poured down his cheeks as he leaned in for two more rescue breaths. This was it, no more after this… His heart was giving out, and Trip was… he was most likely gone. 1 breath left – And suddenly, a hand was at the back of his head. Sticky, bloody, broken fingers attempt to thread through blue locks that dully picked up the sense of dampness.     Aoba shuddered, eyes wide as he realized – “Nmmh—” That was — That was a tongue, broken lips moving against his before breaking into a fit of hysterical coughs as Aoba wrenched away at last. All he could taste was overwhelming amounts of copper -- eyes on the blonde as he wheezed a mangled chuckle surrounded by burbling blood, Aoba was... at a loss for words. That was fine, apparently, as the broken man beneath him spoke.     “Aaoooba... Why the long face? Doesn’t s--HHhah-suit you very well.”

    “Trip...?... T--... Trip you’re alive?” He was alive, he had done enough to bring him back, he was breathing? The smug smile that he wore, albeit it through grit teeth and a tight brow, broke his heart into a million pieces in an instant. The ache turned into a burning relief and a newly realized fear, as a sobbing cry escaped him.     It was in that moment his own injuries reached his consciousness, that hoarseness of his own voice, the ache in his throat from the dust that settled around them. They were probably already dead, with whatever this was but... Not yet. Not yet.

    Slumping forward, he pulled Trip back into his lap before finally the sounds of sirens began to litter the horizon. One large palm, despite it’s injuries, rose to cup Aoba’s cheeks as the blue boy  two  choked on air and sobs alike. Trip had stopped trying to talk, hadn’t even asked about help, did they both understand that? -- That even if he’d saved trip then, they most likely wouldn’t make it out of this alive?     It was all his fault for bringing that damn package, he could have delayed it, it could have stayed in the shop overnight and blown there but... It didn’t... It didn’t.      One hand lifted to pet back Trip’s hair, the man looked tired, as though he could barely breathe and so Aoba did the only thing he could think of in light of the suffering they were about to no doubt endure. He shifted onto his side, giving Trip’s body a tug so that they might lie facing one another.      Gentle hands came to cup that broken face one more time in his palms, thumbs caressing through bloody veins dried in place, listening to his ragged breathing, a bare utterance of his name. The pain was clear in Trip’s eyes, something that only made his own weep harder, though silent -- It was a look he had never seen, and never wanted to see, a truly mortal pain.     “If this... if this is it for us.” Aoba spoke quietly, a hint of scrap reverberating through his voice as he leaned in and spoke against broken lips. “L-lets go down together, okay, you big moron?” Pain, it was all pain, especially in his lungs, yet he kissed the blonde full and intentionally. Tasting blood and spit and gunpowder and bits of broken tooth.     Why would it be that... Only in the moment where he has to witness the life fade from someones eyes... Does he realize he’s in love?

[tantoknives]

Can you answer them all?? If not 15 through 30 will do

well damn i might as well i guess? long post up ahead under the cut

1. Zodiac sign-Virgo, September 19th I’ll be 212. Sexual orientation-Pansexual3. Relationship status-Very happily in a relationship4. Someone you miss-I miss my girl @honeydelta​, she moved away from my hometown5. Person who’s arms you’d like to be in- @shard-of-the-nightbringer​ but he’s trying to fend the cat away from his headphones6. What you find attractive in people?-Uhh I changed the wording of this question because there are more than men/women out there for sure, but a good sense of humor is absolutely integral for me tbh, and so is me being able to be comfortable around them. I also love it when people have a bit of flair, where they really exude their own personality7. How tall are you?-last time I checked I’m about 5′7″8. What you love about yourself?-I mean I’m not exactly a Chill™️ person because of anxietie and stuff but I do like that I try to be an empathetic and understanding person. also i have a great ass9. What are you doing tomorrow?-I know for sure that I’ll be hitting the gym first thing in the morning, but what I’m really excited about is that we’re going to Crystal Bridges while they’re having a floral exhibit that decorate the paintings which is going to be absolutely gorgeous10. What are your future plans?-uuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh okay what I would love to happen is to get a nice big farm in Colorado and start a lavender and rose farm, have a couple of cows and a coop of chickens. I sell my own natural beauty products11. Your last night out in detail-Well I mean, I went out tonight with my SO; we went to see Kong and we were going to go eat at our favorite burger joint, but since we got out of the movie around 10 we decided to go to taco bell. also my period decided to start during date night hhhah12. Your favourite book-The Green Mile by Stephen King, honorable mention is The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold13. All of pets you’ve ever had-uhh mmm first we had a cat named Mogoli, after that we had a german shepard named Niko, my parents still have two cats, Maghera and Maloo, and I actually sort of recently got a cat of my own named Sushi (she is a huge asshole)14. Something that changed your life-uhh literally every moment of my life is changing but okay, um there’s a lot of stuff, just not to stir the shit pot i’ll say it was my scholarship that I worked for15. Do you remember your last dream?-Actually yeah, I do; it was really vivid and scary (in all of my dreams they feel extremely real so in the dream everything that happens actually feels like it happened when i wake up hhah) some fuckin attack on titan shit where these giants were grabbing up people and eating them and people i knew kept getting eaten, but in the middle of it my mom told me to go to doctor hedgehog16. What your last text message says?- “sorry, just got back from a movie!”17. Do you respect your government and the way your country is run?-fuck no fuck that fascist piece of shit 45 and his shithole administration they can fucking choke on my shaft, cancel the NEA and fuck up my future in my college years you absolute shitlords?? fuckin thanks18. Where you would like to live?-I’d really love to go to colorado, it’s really gorgeous and my family used to go every summer19. Your  favourite flavour of ice cream-so far, surprisingly pistachio and corn, i mean, not those together, like those respective flavors20. Last thing you ate-two beef quesaritos from taco bell. im a hungee boy what do you want from me. also i can’t believe ive started eated willingly at taco bell21. Which swear word do you use the most?-uhh fucking guess22. Your plans for summer-i would love to just.... chill, but hopefully I can get a job or better yet an internship somewhere. A trip would be nice?? but dunno if we have the cash for that23. Any upcoming concerts?-unless i’m really invested in the band i don’t go, also i really hate claustrophobic and loud crowds/environments like that tbh. i love Cherub concerts tho, last time I was able to give the leader of my favorite band a hug24. Something that you’re proud of-I got a full ride to college and I’m a DJ, which just sounds cool25. Do you still talk to your first crush?-don’t remember who that was, but the first one i remember? fuck no26. What language do you want to learn?-there’s a lot?? i want to be fluent in spanish to make up for the fact that my dad wasn’t taught because he grew up in a really racist town27. Where you  have lived before?-literally just in fuck-it nowhere arkansas28. Eye color-brown, very brown29. Favourite style of clothing-ohh this is a nice question; in general just for everyday stuff i typically just wear a baggy shirt/hoodie and leggings because its comfy. favorite thing to just wear tho is just a tshirt and undies. good stuff30. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?-depends if i do my face or not; without face, maybe 20-30 minutes, with makeup, an hour probably31. Where did you go today?-went to the movies and the gym32. Where are you right now?-i’m back at home, just chillin’ out33. How many countries have you visited?-i live in the US, but this January i actually went to peru. wasn’t... the best experience ever tbh34. Something old-a plant my mom gave me is 26 years old, and so is the garfield blanket i grew up sleeping on and still sleep with35. Something new-my asshole cat. she’s doing her best36. Something inherited-my mother’s engagement ring she gave me for my 16th birthday37. Is death more scary than life?-i mean, at this point in my life i’m not sure. life is bearing down pretty hard, and i’m worried for the future. but death scares me because there are people in my life that i’m not ready to let go of, but i’m so aware that death lurks around every corner38. Experience you’ll never forget-a couple of years ago my mom, sister and i went to new orleans. we stayed at a hotel with a warm saltwater pool. It was situated in the hotel’s courtyard, so you could see the stars and the ambient city lights and hear the music from the streets. it was late at night so i was the only one out there. i just drifted alone out there and it felt like i was floating because the water was at the perfect temperature.39. What’s your favorite part about today so far?-i tried the matcha rice krispies i made earlier and they tasted good40. Who is your hero?-i don’t really have any heroes. tohru from kobayashi’s dragon maid i guess41. Are you happy with where you live?-i mean, where i live now is far better, more up and coming than where i used to live. people are more progressive, and we live just south of a major art museum. honestly, i really do love it here because it doesn’t feel like arkansas, but every other day i see trump stickers and huge confederate flags and i am reminded that i hate how right wing we are42. Do you like your handwriting?-i think it’s pretty nifty, i put a lot of effort into how i write my e’s to look like backwards 3s43. What do you wear to bed?-usually i’ll just sleep buck-ass nude. who needs pajamas when you have five blankets44. Tea or coffee?-coffee is too bitter, i love tea45. Chocolate or Vanilla?-like with ice cream or cake vanilla is surprisingly better to me now. (in bed it’s chocolate lmao)46. Are you excited for anything?-no i’m depressed. but i’m excited for new episodes of kobayashi and i’m excited to play owlboy. so i guess that counts47. How late did you stay up last night and why?-i don’t quite remember tbh?? i think i went to bed at an alright time, maybe like 11 or 12. why?? i’m fuckin tired. 48. What’s your ringtone?-i’ll keep my fucking phone on silent forever49. Did you have a dream last night?-yes i think i already answered this question50. What keeps you going each day?-uhh i’ve kind of been petering on the ‘motivation for life’ thing but knowing that people love me dearly and would miss me if i left them and be horribly, terribly hurt if i were gone keeps me here51. Picture of yourself

here ya go