#do allo people want to fuck cartoon characters? am i making that up? am i taking it too seriously?

[sherlock-is-ace]

i just realised everyone sent you irl people,, i hope cartoons are okay whoopsie

Cartoons are perfectly fine, this is an ace smash or pass after all, which basically means "do I like this character or not so much?" lol

Although idk allo people sometimes want to fuck cartoon characters... idk i don't understand them lol

[nyelung]

How to write asexual characters

Ok, first of, this will include at least some personal experience because I am an ace and I live with a fellow ace in a non-sexual partnership.

Some general words: Being ace does not define us and neither should it define the character you are writing. It's just a part of our life and, unless I come into contact with annoying people it defines my life about as much as the choice of my clothes or the cut of my hair. Meaning: I barely think about it most of the time unless being ace or something sexual is the topic of the current talk or thing I read or the media I consume.

Asexualtiy includes a whole big spectrum so there's lots of free space to form your character. I guess most prevalent is the picture of the sex repulsed, "irgh, make it go away" kind of ace. There's a lot of others, too. Some are sex repulsed and the bare thought of sex makes them ill. Some are sex repulsed but have no trouble thinking about others having sex or consuming porn. Some just don't want to have sex with other people but do have a libido and therefore tend to masturbate. Some are ace but have sex with other people because they got an allosexual (that means a person who is "default" sexwise) partner or are curious or want the connection but do not much care about sex otherwise. Some only have sex with people they are also romantically interested in (careful, though, sometimes these people label themselves as ace, sometimes they label themselves as demi, sometimes as something different. it's a personal preference and should be respected).

What I mean to say by this is: you can go very, very wild. I'd say the most common denominator for ace people is that we don't experience the same sexual attraction that allo people experience. For me it's the "looking at someone and wanting sex with them" for example. I still think it's something of a myth but apparently it actually happens. Others do get some sexual attraction but rarely if ever only sexual attraction like "I'd bang him/her/them but that's everything about him/her/them that I'm interested in".

Other example: Most sex scenes in movies turn me off really, really bad so that I often skip the scene or drop the movie altogether.

So, how to depict an ace person in literature?

Just as you would when writing a PoC character or a trans character or a gay character: let us have more of a personality than that one trait of being PoC/trans/gay/ace. Let your ace character have hobbies, likes and dislikes, a job, children, pets, a certain flair of clothes or home decoration, favourite games and movies and books. Let your ace character have allergies, talents, interests and so on.

Yes, being ace and wanting a child is not mutually exclusive.

Yes, an ace can be mentally ill and there might be a causal relation for your ace but it doesn't have to be. An ace does not need to be traumatized or "broken" to be ace. We just are.

- Short addendum to that: There are aces who have had bad experiences with sex mostly because they thought they had to like it. So, especially as an allo writer you might want to keep this in mind but not necessarily write it out because a) it's rarely important to the story and b) it's very easy to slip into the broken and traumatized stereotype. -

Yes, an ace can be nonbinary as well as be an ace. An ace can also happily identify as every other gender. Though I'd guess it's easier for StraightTM people to read if you don't make it too complicated.

Apart from that, your ace character will have lived through ace experiences and they are a part of what makes your ace character ace. They just shouldn't be their only defining characteristic. There is, however, NOT a universal ace experience since we come from different cultures, backgrounds, are different persons and live on a wide spectrum. Just like there is not a universal PoC experience etc.

I think a common experience and so far have not met an ace person who didn't have this experience is the "oh"-moment. That moment when funnily enough it all falls into place and you go "oh." and then go "I think I'm ace". (Though there are also questioning people and that's fine and sometimes the "oh" is more of an "huh, I guess?")

That oh-Moment can happen in a multitude of ways but usually the internet or friends helped along. You read something about what being ace feels like and realize that that's your experience. Or you talk to a friend who is ace and explains it and you go silent and are "oh."

Some aces figure it out very early, some very late. Some figure it out on their own and lack the language to give words to their experience, others come into contact with the community early.

Another experience that is quite common as an ace and a sad one is the feeling of being broken or wrong or faulty. The society most of us or maybe even all of us live in is very focussed on finding a partner and then procreating with said partner and so on. Not every ace grew up in the nuclear family model but as far as I know it's usually expected for people to find a partner and settle down and have kids. Many aces know that those expectations are placed on them and feel broken or wrong or faulty because they can't fill those expectations in the way they are "supposed" to be filled.

A lot of aces also live in a closet in the way other queer people often do. Aces who come out of the closet often face similar or sometimes verbatim the same alienation other queer people do. There's people telling us we're sick. There's people who say we just haven't met the right one yet. There's people who are really intrusive and ask about "but have you tried this and that yet" or "but have you gone to the doctor yet?" There's the relatives that go all "but don't you want to have children? but if you adopt they won't be your own". There's a general not-understanding from allos and so on.

But there's also people who are genuinely interested and then you suddenly want to explain how life feels for you but how do you find the words for something that is so different? When I talk to allos, I often realize that I look at the world in a completely different way. I'm not even sure how to properly put it into words. One part of it is probably the looking at people and ... not experiencing any urge to fuck any of them? Let's just say that the game of "fuck, marry, kill" usually ended with three kills on my part. Like, imagine the most sexy person you can come up with? I don't know. Imagine them naked in your bed or wherever. Imagine them also being a great person overall. I'd ask them to put on clothes. I'm more interested in a bag of chips or a really great pizza or cuddling with the kitties than in having sex with that person.

Aces in an ace community are just like gays in a gay community and so on. We share similar experiences and can relate to each other in a way. We are also not all friends and have differing opinions.

Not every ace person is a saint (and being ace and having no sex is different than being abstinent for example because one is just personal preference while the other is a not doing of something one would like to do). We are also not sinners or freaks. We are just people and people come in every way.

Being ace doesn't necessarily mean being a) a virgin b) innocent or c) childish. So if you write an adult ace character, please write them as mature as you would write an adult allo character. Me being childish, for example, has nothing to do with my sexuality and much more to do with a fuck you to a society that thinks I should not enjoy certain things because I'm an adult and then indulging myself with writing fairytales and watching cartoons.

Ace people don't speak different from allo people. About the only different thing in our speech is an abundance of jokes about being ace, for example "I'm too ace for this shit" wrt bullshit romance-sex plots, "I ACED that test" and so on. I know a lot of people who love really, really stupid puns on being ace but that might just be my friend bubble and less a general thing. (So that one guide about how ace people do not use "sexual" swear words? er.... everyone says fuck. really. and some aces, like me, can get really creative in swearing and sexual stuff happens to come with that, too.)

Though aces often feel broken or faulty, as an author you should not, really should not, depict us that way. So, before there's misunderstandings. In writing you got the character voice and the author voice. So even though the character may think of themselves as broken, you as the author should use a different phrasing and words and so on, to show that it's only the character's point of view and not your own. Yes, I know, that requires a reader to have critical thinking and the current purity cultists do seem to have trouble actually thinking properly but that's not all people.

Asexuality is not something that needs to be cured. We aren't sick. If a person is happy with being an ace, then, really, you shouldn't force them to be sexually active. Same goes for your character. There are aces who want to have sex and get medical help to experience some libido and that's okay but it should come from the person/character and not from their surroundings. As an author, think about the message you're sending when you establish a character as ace and then "cure" them of their aceness and also let them have a "happy ending" with their one true love and live sexually happily fulfilled. It happens for people but for a lot of us this hypothetical plotline goes straight back into the thing of "you just haven't met the right one yet". So maybe, if you write an ace and I'd love to see more aces in literature, do it differently. Let the ace realize that their current surroundings are not exactly ideal and have them either change the way their surroundings think or change surroundings altogether.  Have the other people change themselves. Just do not make the ace's character arc about becoming sexually available to the true love or similar shit. If you do, you better write it very, very well because otherwise it would just erase our identity in the same way psychological guidelines still classify being ace as a sickness and not a valid identity.

Aces are not immune to sirens. We like to joke about that but sirens sing about what you desire most and not about having sex with you, so if there's sirens offering me unlimited, high-speed internet, I'd jump ship so fast, Odysseuss wouldn't have time to facepalm.

From what I experienced, aces like to flock together. It's just very relaxing to not worry about "does [other person] interpret this thing as wanting to be sexual?". With ace friends it's very easy to slip into a "I do not and will never want to have sex with you but a bit of cuddling and a massage would be fun". Also, fellow aces get stupid ace puns faster. And with fellow aces it's easier to shit on unnecessary romance-subplots and wonder why the fuck everyone thinks about being fucked by this or that actor even though they are aesthetically pleasing.

Oh, maybe it's an ace thing, maybe it's just a socially awkward thing, maybe a combination, but during my time in school, there was a phase where all the girls would find one or the other young teacher attractive. I never got that. Neither did other aces I know.

I think, that's about all I can think of for now? Basically, if you write ace characters, write them just like other characters in a way that allows every character to have their own experiences and voice. And, you know, we got a community, so you can always ask us. There's blogs dedicated to being ace, to our experiences and voices and also to our jokes.