#do a dance in front of a clothing store’s security cam

[athyrium-angustum]

This morning at work a guy walked in and said “hey I work at the chipotle next door and I was wondering if your cameras record in the mornings? Every morning I do a little dance in front of your camera and I want to know if anyone sees.” I was like, every morning? He was like, yeah at 5:45-6am. Then he left without buying anything. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with this information. Now that he’s confessed, will chipotle man continue his daily morning dance for our front-door security camera? Life is full of so many strange and wonderful things

Also retail really does give you every flavor of human interaction, huh

[zrtranscripts]

Home Front, Mission 11: Turn Your Radio On

Calibrations

~

[static]

SAM YAO: Five? Five, it's Sam. Are you receiving? I'm getting your headcam feed. I'm glad you're safe. Well, safe as anyone can be, hiding in a camping store in a mall full of zombies. We've got an emergency, Five. We need you. Better warm up, do some jogging on the spot. You've been lying low for weeks, you need to stretch those muscles.

It's the comms. We've had them down for maintenance. We were just bringing everything back online when the super horde trampled Abel's main radio repeater tower. We've set up signal boosters to compensate, but comm range has been crippled. You're at the very edge of our reach. We can't contact half our runners in the field. You can help, Five, but... you're gonna have to leave that store. Are you willing? Yes, that's my Five.

There's a phone mast on the mall roof. Janine says you can find equipment to convert it into a replacement repeater. First, you need to open that store's shutters to get out. They're controlled by a crank handle by the door, remember? Now grab the handle and move it up and down. You know, the same movement as those bicep curls you practiced with tin cans. [shutters rattle and creak] Yeah, that's it. The shutters are raising. Keep going, Five.

No, the crank's jammed! The shutters are too low to fit under. Uh, keep pulling the crank, Five. Try and work it loose. [crank squeaks] Hurry, Five. I've got cams in the mall. No zoms outside your store, but there are plenty in a nearby clothes shop. The noise has them shambling your way. [shutters clang] Yes, that's it! The crank's unjammed. The shutters are inching up. [static] Oh no, signal boosters are burning out. Five, keep working that crack until you're sure you've raised the shutters enough, then slip under them. Find the uh, the Screen and Share electronics store somewhere on that floor. You've got a few minutes before the zoms catch up, but try and be quick. Once you get there – [audio distorts and fades]

~

PETER LYNNE: Oh Five, how are we? It's Peter, still here in the Princess Louise cinema. Oh, uh, Sam's signal boosters died. But lucky for you, some of us are stranded in the field with radio gear. Sam had us make our own boosters so we could be backup operators. So I've got cam feeds on my cinema screen. I can see you searching the mall. So that is the electronics store on your left. Head in there. [door opens] Oh. Seriously, this store is a complete mess, and looks like part of the ceiling's collapsed. Um, right. Sorry. Five, the gear you're looking for, that's on the back shelf. So it's behind the massive pile of rebar and broken TVs, so you're going to need to move the rubble to get through.

Right. Use your legs to lift. And you know, doing squats should probably help. I mean, you know squats. Come on now. You plant your legs hip-distance apart and then you bend your knees like you're sitting on an invisible chair. So uh, make sure that you're doing one squat for each piece of rubble you shift. Get squatting.

See? There we go. Gorgeous! Best looking chair I've seen in years. That's it, Five. Just throw the rubble aside, no one's using it. Right, we're halfway down, Five. Speed up, come on. Um, I do actually see some shamblers heading towards the store. They're coming through the food court and they've not stopped at Claire's for earrings, so probably hurry on that one. [fox growls] Yeah, I am sorry about that growling, Five. See, you know – easy! I am holed up with a fox and those zombie moans are pretty loud on our end and that's woken the poor thing up.

That's it, Five. Well done, shifted the pile. Right, grab one of the big yellow boxes on the shelf behind. They're the ones labeled Valmont Inc. Home Broadcasting Kit. [zombies moan] Hello, fans. Yep, that's uh, zoms pouring into the store. So right, fire exit on your right. Duck through. [door opens] That's it! Right, okay. Lock the door behind you. Oh, I can tell you're on quite a nice balcony, actually. I mean, it'd be a decent view if it wasn't so foggy.

And uh, that stairwell just downwind of you, that's gonna take you to the roof. Okay, I'll accept that the zoms might break that door down. So the collapsed wall by the stairs, Five. Uh, pick up some more rubble and you're gonna use that to block the door. That's a good idea. And when it looks secure - trusting you on that - head up the stairs. Come on, a little more squatting can't hurt. Come on. Yeah, see? There we go! Great, keep going. [fox growls] Oh, for God's – no! No, listen to me. Stay away from the cable! Uh, sorry, Five. All the noise is freaking out my fox, and he - I don't know if you've had a fox, but he bites things when he's nervous. Uh yeah, no, that door, uh, get that door blocked and then get to the roof. No, bad fox! Bad fox! Drop it – [audio distorts and fades]

~

[static]

SAM YAO: Five, Five, are you there? It's Sam. Yeah. Oh, great. Uh, Peter's having um, technical difficulties. Listen, Janine's setting up better boosters at Abel so we can transmit to the relay once you get it working. She's not done yet, but I wanted to check in. Oh! Oh good, you found a stairwell. Outdoor fire escape, right? That should lead up to the roof. Take the stairs at your own pace, Five. It's misty out. I guess we've all had a lot of practice stair stepping lately, eh?

Uh, Five, turn to the left. Yeah, look through the windows you're passing into the mall. Oh, I was afraid of that. The zoms inside can see you, and they're stalking you, heading up inside the mall while you head up outside it. You need to outpace them or they'll catch you on the roof. Speed up. Start tackling those stairs as fast as you can.

Yeah, that's it. Keep pushing it, Five. The zoms are slow, but the mall has super fast escalators. They're whisking the zoms up right behind you. Great, you're pulling ahead of the zoms, Five. Keep going. Oh God, they're creepy. They're scratching at the windows until you're out of sight, then shambling after you.

Okay, Five, you've got a good lead on the horde. You can slow down. Take the rest of the stairs at whatever pace you like. Huh, that's weird. I'd swear the floor you just passed isn't on the blueprints. What's that, Janine? Okay, right on it. Uh, Janine says I've got to go offline so she can do some calibrations. I'll try and get Peter back so he can take over. In the meantime, get to the roof, find the phone mast there. You're doing great, Five. Just keep going.

~

[static]

JODY MARSH: Five, it's Jody, coming at you from my warehouse den. Peter's still offline. I’m the backup backup operator. Uh, hey, you're on the roof and the fog's clearing, nice. Look at all those rooftop solar panels. The phone mast’s on your left, big metal spike on a little concrete platform. Quick, take your broadcast kit out of the box. [kit pieces jingle] So uh, it's your basic metal tube covered in dials. See the yellow cord on the underside? You need to connect that to the control panel at the base of the mast. They must have been doing rewiring up there when Z-Day hit. Those are live electric cables all around the mast, no room to sit or stand next to it. You'll have to stretch into a planking position to reach the panel.

Get on your knees in front of the cables, holding the end by the yellow cord in your mouth by its side. Lean forward to rest your arms on the platform under the mast. It's just wide enough. Adopt a planking stance. Support your weight on your forearms and toes, keeping your back straight. Now shuffle forward until your toes are almost touching the cables. Right, your face is near the panel. Use your nose to nudge open the latches keeping its outer case shut.

[cables zap, latches click]

Hold that stance. Hold it. Keep going with the latches. Okay, that's a quarter of the latches open. Don't risk using a hand, Five. You could lose balance, and those are live cables under you. Nice. Keep it in place. Halfway done, Five, you're doing great. Stay strong. Zoms shambling onto the roof. They're on the far side, headed your way. Don't panic, Five. You've only got a few latches left. Great, the case is open!

Okay, lean your head forward, stick the cord in that shiny red socket. That's it, Five. Now on your feet. The kit's um, designed to hijack any transmitter it connects to. It was a selling point, apparently. Turn it on. Uh, set it to um, send and receive Abel frequency 1. [buttons beep] It'll take a few minutes to configure.

Those zoms are almost onto you. We need to get you off that roof. They're blocking every way down except... see that railing to your far right? There's a platform below you can jump onto. Trouble is there are loads more live wires that way. You'll have to leap between them, do some fancy footwork. Think of it as dancing, Five! It's less scary that way. Go on, toward the railing. Get dancing, go!

~

JODY MARSH: That's it. You're at the railing. Jump off the roof now. You okay, Five? That was a rough landing. You're on a window cleaning cradle suspended beside the building by cables. Good job Sam gave us detailed recon notes on that shopping center. Hey, now that the fog’s gone, you can see for miles. The town around the mall, the countryside. The uh, zillion zoms on the pavement below. We'd better get you inside fast. Really fast. Your landing jarred the cradle. It's coming free of its cables.

Okay, don't panic. Think, Jody, think! Oh yeah, great. That's really helpful. Brace yourself, Five, the cradle’s listing. Move your head, look around. There must be some way in! Wait, that window on your left, it's boarded up with plywood. I bet you could punch through it. Quick. Into a jabbing stance, one hand shielding your face, the other eye level, ready to strike. Get punching now. Punch it, come on! Come on, Five, hit those boards. Give it some welly. That's it, belt it! Oh no, my signal booster's overheating. Hurry, Five! Quickly, get through. Keep going, Five, you're getting through. Belt it! Come on, nearly there! That's it, the boarding smashed. Climb through the window, Five.

That was close, Five. The platform's crashed down right behind you. Sometimes I think you're the only runner luckier than me. Better get the lay of whatever shop you've climbed into. Run a perimeter circuit of the room. I've really missed this, Five, working together. I've been stuck in this warehouse for ages, zonked out on painkillers for my sprained leg, which is feeling way better, by the way. Being on a mission again, it's almost like old times, right? I'm losing reception. I can't resolve your head cam feed anymore. I hope that signal [?] works, Five. I guess we'll find out – [audio distorts and fades]

~

SAM YAO: Five? Five, come in, it's Sam. You did it! That kit hijacked the roof mast for us. Comms are back to full strength. Signal from the Spectrum Mall is green. I repeat, Spectrum is green. You saved the day, Five, just like you always do! Five, are you actually jumping for joy? Yeah, yeah well, I don't blame you, actually. I might join you. Oh yeah, looks like you found your way into the mall’s big games and comic shop. And hey, the door's already barricaded shut. Most of the zoms are still up on the roof. You should be safe there for a while.

I knew you'd come through, Five. You just sit tight until we find a way to get you out. There's a vending machine right by that shelf of Demons and Darkness books, so you won't be bored or hungry. And now the comms are working, we can start the indoor exercises again! Hey... Yeah, but can't I...? But I was just...! All right. [sighs] Janine says I have to go offline for a bit so she can run some systems checks. In the meantime, get some rest. Pick a couple of Demons and Darkness manuals to take from that shelf so we can all have a nice long game when you get home. Stay safe, Five. Keep this channel open. I'll be back really soon, and that's all thanks to you.

~