#do I really wanna apply to a third university?

[miharuwrites]

Is there a "I've gone too far" with writing research?

Let me clarify my odd question. I write marvel fanfiction and original stuff at the moment. In order to understand and write Clint Barton, and other deaf characters in the future, better I've taken my interest in ASL off the back burner and decided to more seriously pursue it. Got a couple textbooks for my bday. Found Vicar's ASLU resources online along with some other promising resources I want to look in to.

Am I taking it too far by considering a degree in ASL/Deaf studies? I mean it's all for you Hawkeye but college is so expensive and I'm still finishing my first BA.. I gotta say some colleges look promising though. Liking some of the coursework options at one I found up in Boston.

Anyway, help a friend out? I always knew I'd be a jack-of-all-trades to be a full time writer but another college? Another degree? Too far you think? I just don't think online will do enough for me you know. Gotta have that in person instruction.

[yukimomodivorce]

The Ghosts in IDOLiSH7 are a Literary Device, Mostly

(an essay by me)

People are always asking me, "Robin, what the fuck is up with those ghosts in IDOLiSH7? How come this otherwise completely non-supernatural universe randomly has these two ghosts that show up and then never get acknowledged again? Is it just canon that ghosts exist and only Riku and Momo can see them?" and I am always telling them that I have an analysis about this I just haven't written it yet. But that ends today, as do all of these very pressing concerns about the i7 Ghosts™, because here I am, finally writing the analysis. This essay will have two sections, the first on the training camp ghost from part 3/third beat, and the second on the Re:vale house ghost from Yuki's third chapter of Re:member. So, spoilers for all of part 3/third beat in both sections, Re:member in section 2, and there's one extremely minor spoiler for part 4 in section 1 but it's honestly so predictable I don't think it even counts. Also, I'll reiterate this once we get to it, but just a warning that section 2 will contain discussions of depression, suicide and suicidal ideation, and a brief mention of self-harm, so please stop reading after section 1 if you don't want to see any of that! Another less important disclaimer about section 2 is that I am going to spend an entirely unecessary amount of time talking about Yuki. I am normal about Yuki. Okay. Without further ado, let's watch my spiral into ghost analogy insanity unfold!

Game translations: @seigyokus Re:member translations: @ takara_time (+ scans and editing by @ waitamomoment) Rabbit chat translations: @osakaso5

Section 1: The Training Camp Ghost

This first point applies to both ghosts, but I wanna start by noting that I think superstitions and beliefs like this are more common in Japan than a lot of other places, so yeah it is entirely possible that ghosts are just a canon and accepted thing in Idolish7's universe and this isn't really that strange of a detail for the series to include. However, I don't have any real background knowledge about if ghosts are normal in non-supernatural anime/etc. and I am not committing to that kind of research, so we'll have to leave the specifics of the ghost canonicity issue to someone else. But regardless of how canon they are, I think we've established well enough by now that the i7 writers don't put much of anything in the series without reason (re:vale band name you will always be famous. to me), and that definitely applies here as well - both of our ghosts are doing a LOT of potential symbolic work in their brief appearances, and that's what we'll be unpacking today, starting with the TCG.

The infamous TCG (training camp ghost) of Atami needs no introduction, but I'll give her one anyway. During the filming of the Friends Day special, upon following the shopping group home, she offers her services to Riku (inexplicably the only person capable of communicating with her) for the evening entertainment group's test of courage, terrorises several cast members throughout the day, and finally brings us Soma Saito's incredible cover of Dis One before probably being sent back to idol fan purgatory forever. Who is she? Where did she come from? I have several theories.

1.1: The TCG is the audience

While the 'ghosts are real in i7' possibility is there, I think it's also important to note in this case that the whole training camp is very explicitly being filmed for TV, and the biggest vibe I get from this episode of the anime is that the ghost is a part of the show, and we're seeing that show through the eyes of its in-universe audience. This happens pretty often in i7 (for example, when we see the groups talk to their fans during concerts), and generally the line between the real fans and the fictional ones can get pretty blurred (which deserves its own much longer analysis but I Am Not Writing All That), so everything with the in-universe audience here kind of naturally extends to us as the real audience. The TCG would probably be easy enough to manufacture with special effects as long as Riku and the driver guy were in on it, and it would make sense for the Friends Day producers to include it to keep things entertaining and be a stand-in for their viewers/fans of the idol groups - the ghost is specifically a female fan of male idols (Zero), and a lot of her interactions with the cast would qualify as self-insert material (e.g. Tenn singing for her and Riku looking directly into the camera to smile at her). And speaking of Tenn and Riku,

1.2 The TCG is Nanase twins angst

I think this connection is fairly obvious in their exchange here. You could make a case for the ghost representing either one of the twins. Like Riku, she's being pushed away by Tenn before she's ready to leave, told that it's necessary and for the best that they stay separated - after all, they live in different worlds. Like Tenn, she's leaving despite Riku's protests and part of her not really wanting to go at first, because she believes it's for the best that they stay separated - after all, they live in different worlds.

There's also the association with ghosts of being ignored/invisible, and Riku being the only person able to see or talk to her. Maybe it's because he's the only one who's able to reach her. Maybe he can see her because he understands her on some level - she was torn away from life like he was torn away from his brother, and she's now practically invisible to everyone else around her, like Riku probably feels to Tenn (and arguably the rest of his family in some ways). Maybe he wants her to feel seen, and he can make Tenn acknowledge her in the way he wants to be acknowledged by him. I might actually be going somewhere with this so bear with me for a second.

1.3: The TCG is monster Riku foreshadowing

So my first thought when I watched the Nanase twin angst portion of this episode was 'well obviously the ghost isn't real and Riku is just using it to talk to Tenn indirectly' because they are always having indirect conversations like this and it makes me insane, and I do still think that's the idea here, just not quite in the sense that Riku is making things up. Going back to the whole 'ghost is a stand-in for the audience' thing, and assuming that she's saying the things that Riku wants to say and Tenn is telling her the things he wants to tell Riku, then we could say that rather than Riku purposefully having the ghost speak for him, this is an extension of the monster effect. I guess in this scenario the TCG is a real ghost (and a figurative representation of the audience), and Riku is having the same effect on her that Iori says he has on everyone else. He unknowingly projects his desire to connect with his brother onto her, and she tries to help him. Really, the only times we see her after she follows the shopping group to their cabin are when she's helping Riku, with the test of courage and then with speaking to Tenn. This gets convoluted so I kinda doubt it's intentional? But it's fun to think about.

1.4: The TCG is the friends we made along the way

Riku spells this out a bit more explicitly in the game here, but the TCG represents the each of the groups in the series in a couple different ways. I guess one way you could interpret this is that the ghost is meant to be there to emphasise how extraordinary it is that they're all together, but I don't think that really holds up considering how often they end up working with each other throughout the series anyway. What's important here is the idea of the ghost itself, something that can be present and felt even when it isn't physically or actually there. Again, the ghost is the audience - a constant influence for better and for worse on these idols even when they aren't watching, even in their personal lives; and vice versa, the ghost is the idols being able to reach their fans without ever actually knowing them. More relevant to what Riku says, the ghost is the groups to each other - friends, mentors, rivals, pushing them forward even when they aren't standing side by side. You could even say the ghost is ZOOL, friends who aren't here right now but will be someday. Re:vale and Idolish7 as groups don't especially fit the ghost description, but they have their fair share of ghosts - Banri, Haruki, Tenn, Aya, Sougo's uncle. Zero. The list goes on, for Trigger and ZOOL as well, but I think the most important way the ghost analogy applies to this section of the story is with Trigger. Because during the imminent Arc Where Trigger Gets Cancelled™, despite leaving their agency and disappearing almost entirely from the public eye, they're still very much there to their fans and to their friends. So. I kinda forgot what I was saying but to sum it all up the ghost here represents everything that stays with you even when it's far away or after it's gone from your life. Mikanseinabokura and all that. And now that I mention it-

Section 2: The Re:vale House Ghost

Once again, a warning that this section has a brief mention of self-harm, as well as in-depth discussions of depression, suicide and suicidal ideation (which I'm gonna be talking about pretty bluntly the entire time), so please don't proceed unless you're comfortable with all of that!

Like most things in Re:member, the RHG (Re:vale house ghost) makes me insane. Today I am going to attempt to form coherent thoughts about it and it is unlikely that I'll succeed, but try to bear with me. Though it isn't around for as long as the TCG, we have a little more info about the RHG - it's the ghost that haunts the shitty apartment Yuki and Momo live in together in their early days as Re:vale. Supposedly. All it actually does is slam the door of one kitchen cabinet and I don't think that this is definitive evidence of paranormal activity because most houses are just like that. It's all a little bit vague, but according to Re:vale, their house is definitely haunted by the ghost of someone who died in the kitchen, because when they move in there is a mysterious black stain on their kitchen floor. Momo introduces himself to the floor stain while Yuki stares at him in awe and blushes and shoujo filter flowers appear in his eyes. God I hate them. I think the RHG is just a figment of their collective imagination or maybe they're having one of those shared delusions or something. But that's really besides the point because this ghost exists for one very specific thematic purpose: the RHG is Yuki.

And on that note, let's go back and talk about Yuki for a few minutes (potentially hours) before we get to our actual analysis of the ghost scene. Mostly because I just wanna talk about him, but also because I do understand why some people think the 'Momo starts talking to ghosts' part of Re:member is kinda weird and random, and I think at least some of this is important to go over before we unpack it.

A consensus has already been established among Yuki scholars that our subject has autism (Kei et al. 2024). Today, I would like to propose an additional diagnosis: Yuki has depression.

2.1: "I lost my dreams, friends, and passion as well."

So, Yuki pretty clearly gets depressed when Ban leaves him. He loses interest in everything he used to care about, gives up on his dreams, blames himself for Ban's injury and disappearance, he's constantly sad, tired and irritable, and he lashes out at Momo (and Kujou, though there are some other pretty strong reasons for that one) and presumably everyone else he knows (I doubt he had a particularly good relationship with anyone else in the first place, but still).

He's grieving here, and it would make sense for him to react this way because of that fact alone. But I really don't think that's all there is to it, because he exhibits these symptoms (among others) long before Ban leaves him. He can't get out of bed in the mornings, he rarely leaves the house if he can avoid it, he has days where he can't eat or sleep, he's underweight and always tired and generally known to lack energy and be slow (or 'lazy') and in some cases listless and despondent. Ban even says that he wouldn't put it past Yuki to start slitting his wrists. And it's subtle, but there's one more really big one that really never goes away for him, even after he finds Ban.

2.2: "I don't need anyone to love me."

I'll get straight to the point. Yuki hates himself. Maybe only a little bit, maybe only sometimes, but it's there. Especially when he struggles with composing - he even says it himself in part 1 of his birthday photobook rabbit chat, almost immediately after saying that it made him want to kill himself but we'll get back to that part.

But it's really everywhere on what seems to be a mostly subconscious level for him, if you know how to look, even from the very beginning:

On paper, this line is just his frustration with being judged by anything other than his music, because it's something he cares a lot about and puts a lot of work into and he wants that to be acknowledged. But I think that if you take it in conjunction with some of the other things he tends to say, there's a little bit more to it.

I dont need anyone to love me. Yuki's songs are worthy of love. Yuki is not. There is nothing valuable about Yuki other than his songs, he has nothing else that deserves any sort of praise, and without them, he's just a useless burden with nothing to offer. He doesn't need anyone to love him - he doesn't understand why anyone would. And Momo does, and he's a good person, and Yuki doesn't deserve that when there's nothing he can actually do for him. And when that starts to change and he starts getting better at showing kindness to others and being there for Momo, he doesn't see it as learning to better express his feelings, he sees is as learning to feel affection and be a good person, because he believes that he is inherently not. As far as he can tell, Yuki is just naturally a bad person and a bad partner who isn't kind and isn't capable of love or compassion, not unless he tries to be. He knows, because he's heard it god knows how many times - even Chiba Shizuo blatantly tells him that neither of them can become good people - and maybe things are different now, but on some basic level it'll always be who he is.

Ok breaking character for a second, imagine you show up to your acting side gig and on the first day Keanu Reeves comes up to you and gives you $300 cash and then later he indirectly tells you that you're a nasty lonely egotistical failure. Now imagine you're Yuki and you have no fucking clue who Keanu Reeves is. He also shows you pictures of his top secret illegitimate son after talking to you for like 10 minutes and you have to lie to him about being straight. I think this is objectively the funniest situation to be in ever. Chiba Shizuo and Yamato both probably have depression also, but I'm not gonna spend any time on it, because every three months a person is torn to pieces by a crocodile in Northern Queensland. I forgot what I was talking about. Anyway

2.3: Hey remember that one time Yuki just straight up tried to kill himself

Yeah, that one. As far as I know this is really never addressed or acknowledged again, so we're just gonna take the page-long gag from Re:member at face value and say that after Ban's disappearance, Yuki (almost) attempted suicide, and the only reason he didn't go through with it is because he couldn't find anywhere to hang the noose. And like, yeah you could say it's just because he thought Ban might have killed himself and he's always been the kind of hopeless romantic to be waxing poetic about how "I can't live without you," but at the same time, he had no apparent reason to believe this (even if Ban did have suicidal tendencies I doubt Yuki would've really known), and he was planning to go through with it (I know it's probably just for comedic effect but he left a will. He left a will. He's, like, 20, and surely not the kind of person who would just have something like that in order already). This is also emphatically not the last time or the only reason he thinks about it.

I told you we'd get back to the photobook chat! I think there's also a lot you can infer from all the times he says he'd probably be dead by now without Momo and he wouldn't be able to handle losing him, what with the whole "when you jump, you'd better take me with you" thing. But regardless, this really isn't just that one time that Yuki tried to kill himself. It's suicidal ideation, and it's something he consistently struggles with especially in the few months after Ban leaves him. It even comes up in how he sees the 'paranormal activity' his new apartment:

2.4: "It seemed as though someone had hung themselves there."

Yeah it's the ghost I'm finally gonna talk about the ghost. I'm done with my Yuki has depression rant we can talk about why the ghost is Yuki now. I guess it might be more accurate to say that the ghost is Yuki's depression/suicidal thoughts/Banri trauma/whatever, but either way I think it represents him and he might also be semi-consciously projecting onto it, and I'm gonna go through line-by-line and try to explain my interpretation.

I think if you want to there's definitely room to take the 'usual paranormal activity' super literally and say that Yuki was having outbursts and slamming doors at the time (which would also match up with him being startled by it). I think it's also important to note that this is happening around the time he mentions feeling suicidal and not being able to compose in the photobook chat, but the main thing here is that second line. Even though Momo is always so nice to him, he can't stop himself from getting mad and being difficult and depressed, and he can't return that kindness - he can't even be useful to him.

I've already mentioned how I think Yuki's conclusion about the stain here plays into his suicidal ideation, but let's look at it a little more thematically. It's the way that even though it's glossed over earlier in the manga, Yuki's suicide attempt and everything that accompanied it still follows him, and it hangs (lol) heavy in their house like a ghost. To Yuki, it's startling and eerie - it scares him, and he's expecting it to scare Momo once he sees that side of him too. And it probably does scare him a little, and he hesitates, but he doesn't scream. Again, there's room to interpret this more literally as Momo finding out about his attempt/ideation/depression, or just as him inevitably seeing how he gets on his worse days, but either way the outcome is the same. Momo is starting to know Yuki as a person instead of an idol, flaws and probable mental illness and all, and his first reaction isn't to shy away or start to hate him or want to leave. It's an introduction. He makes it clear that they'll both be staying here from now on, that he's willing to live with the 'darker' sides of Yuki, and to help him do the same. Another point on this that's up to interpretation (because let's be real they're probably never gonna deal with this stuff explicitly in canon), you could see the whole ghost thing as neither of them really being able/wanting to accept that Yuki's symptoms are actually a part of him (and this is veering completely into fanfic territory but now I'm just imagining both of them silently agreeing to blame the things Yuki does on bad days on the ghost) but we've had enough angst for one day.

Everything else lines up well enough with the ghost and Yuki, but it's really his reaction here that sells the whole thing for me. It's a simple gesture, but just by Momo greeting him, being by his side, waiting for him when he comes home, that constant reminder of all his darkest thoughts becomes just another mark on the floorboards. It's not gone, and it probably never will be. But at least now, he doesn't have to face it alone. And it doesn't look so scary anymore.

2.5: "Now I know joy, and the meaning of a smile."

I must confess that I lied to all of you earlier. I'm actually not done with my Yuki rant and also there's a good reason I've been ignoring all the parts of Re:member where he isn't being self-deprecating or trying to kill himself. The end of the ghost scene is only the beginning of the end of this analysis, and the end of this analysis is pretty much just me having a meltdown about Yuki. Also I'm running out of space for images so we're doing some of the quotes like this instead.

After losing Ban, I lost my dreams, friends, and passion as well. I could only feel a sting as the wind passed through an empty, gaping hole in my chest. But I breathed as best as I could, and he tried to clear the dirt out of that hole, filling it with his earnest words instead.

Yuki still exhibits a lot of symptoms of depression all the way through the series, like the low energy and the trouble eating and sleeping, and [redacted part 5 spoilers] makes me think there's definitely some sort of connection between his writers' block and his depressive episodes. He still mentions feeling guilty towards Banri in second beat, the suicidal ideation doesn't really come up explicitly but he kinda hints at it on a few occassions, and he's very adament that he was a bad person and still isn't really a good one. But it's like. I don't really know how to put this, but I guess it's not his default state anymore like it was right after Ban left (and possibly before that, too). For the most part, he really does get better, and these things become less intense and fewer and farther between. He would probably say that it's all thanks to Momo, and it is, but he also very much does it of his own volition. Momo refuses so desperately to give up on him, and because of that he makes that choice to keep going by restarting Re:vale with him.

Yuki allows himself to let someone else in and start to love again - his partner, his music, his life. Even while he's thinking that he's just a burden to those around him, he doesn't resign himself to his fate like he might have done in the past. He's determined to become a better person, someone who can be a source of strength for Momo just like he was for him. And in the end, he does, but it's not just that. Now he knows joy. Now he can genuinely smile. And now,

I want to hear them scream my name. The voices that called out had annoyed me in the past. But now, I'll smile, together with Momo, who'll be by my side.

Going back to what I said about some of Yuki's subconscious self-hatred coming through in the way he wants people to look at his music and not at him, I. Cannot finish a sentence. Do NOT think about Yuki learning to love himself and see himself as worthy of love because Momo loved him just that much in a way that he could accept. BAD IDEA. Okay. So. It's Ban's advice and Momo's fan letter that get Yuki to accept that his fans do genuinely love his music in the first place, and I think it's here that it really starts to turn into him accepting the idea that they love other things about him too? Or that he really starts to want it and be happy about it instead of just accepting it? Whatever. I give up. I don't even like Re:vale anyway

That day, I would play the guitar I'd almost thrown at Kujou, because I now knew the power of a song that could not be silenced. I would dry my tears, open the door, and say, "I'm home."

[cherrylite17]

Perfect 10 liners ep 3 (spoilers)

I swear to god i thought i made this post like 3 days ago wtf.

first note, even though i have not posted anything re: the first two episodes, I will say that i currently like the show. I am fully treating this show as three shows packed up in one show. (I'm thinking skam where the seasons were following the same people but different main characters each season except this show does not have seasons)

I originally was not sure if i wanted to watch this show, aside from force and book I dont really know much about the other two ships and even still i havent really watched many force book shows fully so i was fully convinced i wouldnt like the show

Theres still a chance i wont like the show but right now the first two episodes have been funny. yeah I know, im a sucker for silly goofy sound effects and cuts and this show is doing it. its also (i think) the same director as we are and I LOVED we are so we'll see!

I think it is interesting that Arc likes Arm and is actually going for it, unlike most shows where theyll beat around the bush around this, I cant wait for Arc to "find out" that Arm was the one who posted that photo of him because i am fully convinced he already knows and is so ready to mess with Arm when he "finds out" (though i hope hes not too mean about this)

ANYWAY, ONTO THE THIRD EPISODE!

not me saying that i was interested in the arm arc storyline only for the show to IMMEDIATELY switch off of their story line sigh

nvm i spoke too soon, back to arrmarc! NOT PUN AND JET KNOWING LOL THATS SO CUTE

also not the new car being a product placement

i also find it lowkey INSANE that this man got you into an accident, said he would never hurt you again, and then all of a sudden youre so fine with it. Like not even a little bit of "you know what, give me like a week before i get into your car" i know this is probably for us to see and assume that Arm already likes Arc even though he won't admit it but like… girl this man is being lowkey (highkey) rude af and mean to you and i get that youre idk,,, pushing it off because hes your senior but like i do not CARE how senior someone is to me and how much i like someone, if they got me into an accident, im probably not going in their car for a while.

NOT THE AGGRSSIVE TYPING "dont forget to apply the medicine :p"

I also found this restaurant part so out of the blue? I know hes all like "well you said youre getting to know me now" but like bro you are in a sweaty ass jersey right now like go to either home or a street stall where there isnt an expectation on being dressed fancy.

fish on the balcony? 😭

poor po being stuck between two lovesick boys (bro is literally me)

if Arc thinks that this heart rate is "racing" bro would probably think i was dying if he heard my resting heart rate.

oh 😃 thats one way to end an episode. bro really said, yeah im gonna give my gear to you (because we will be dating) Im lowkey getting sotus vibes from their relationship at least right now. Like one mean guy who is the older senior and also has the explicit (kinda) role of taking care of the junior in terms of academics and school life and then a stubborn junior and also the giving of the gear (which ive heard is like a cultural think kinda so i cant really see that and be like OMG

ITS SOTUS!!!) but uh (cultural may not be the word im looking for but i feel like in canadian eng programs (dont wanna be to general and say all canadian university programs) we dont really have something like this, where you get something from the school and give it to the person you are dating as like a cute thing, maybe a canadian can correct me if im wrong tho) the confidence on this man i wish i had even half of that

FINAL THOUGHTS

once again another engineering show making me (an engineering student) feel lonely and sad about my own life 💀

i feel like i dont have any insight on this episode (not that i ever have) but maybe as the show goes on and i get used to making these posts again i will

that being said, I am sick and gosh darn tired of this fucking trope (?) where you can be mean to someone as a way of "flirting" with the other person. I mean even po and sand were all like "if I didnt know any better i'd think hes flirting with you" like maybe its just difference in cultures but if a friend came up to me and talked about someone in the way that Arm was talking about Arc in the first two episodes i would stongly encourage that friend to stay the fuck away from that person, like why are we making it okay again to bully people as a way of flirting with them (i guess you could argue that in this case its less bullying and more like teasing (which whatever) but my point still stands, i wish that shows would do this trope less or at the very least have some genuine consequences to this bad behaviour. and NO getting Arm hurt in the car accident is not a consequence to Arc for his bad behaviour, like sure he felt guilty about it but obviously Arm had no grudges held against him for that (i'm talking i want genuine serious like… idk how to put it. and this show may not be the best example ( again, maybe this is more teasing than it is bullying) but if someone treated me as bad as some main characters treat their love interest they would not be getting a chance from me (to which you might argue, "well if you like that person before then even if theyre mean to you they would get a chance" but thats often not the case in these shows, like main character 1 is mean for no fucking reason and main character 2 is like i hate you…. wait a minute I LOVE YOU!!! and there is no real consequence to main character 1s actions, they have no real reason to change)) but anyway thats neither here nor their as i am currently liking this show but given the time that the show is taking place (2 main couples are already established) i am wondering i… idk i forgot what i was gonna say

[chatsurie]

Big scary biker

It was a scary feeling. So now, twenty years after her mother had first given her the advice she did what she had once told her.

The young woman had first acknowledged that she actually was being followed after she had taken the third nonsensical turn and was now to add on to everything happening lost as well. The only thing helping her even the smallest amount that she knew what district she was in.

Kabukicho.

And even that didn't really help her predicament knowing exactly what went bump in the night here. Now it being ten at night this last thing really just added on to her already horrendous day. And even worse, her follower was slowly getting more and more cosy. Starting to holler at her and progressively reducing the distance between the two.

So yes. In Kabukicho at night without a damn way to defend herself because she had figured she could do the way to and from her university without her pepper spray, she remembered the advice her mother had given her as a five year old.

'Go and find the meanest looking biker around.'

Shouldn't be that difficult here, right? Sure she wasn't a child anymore so the strict ' we don't harm children' policy didn't apply to her anymore, but you couldn't fault a girl for trying. If worst came to worst maybe they would end up fighting over who would get to have her and she could make a quick get away then.

Nearly in a jog now, she quickened her steps. Maybe she would even find a street that wasn't seemingly abandoned and she would be able to just loose him in the bustle of the night?

Please?

This couldn't happen to her.

So deep in her thoughts and still most concerned with the man behind her still gaining on her, she nearly missed the opening door of a bar just a few meters ahead of her.

A man had stepped out. There was something about his posture leaning against the railing while taking a drag from his cigarette that was frighteningly familiar.

That couldn't be, right? But then again, she didn't think she would ever forget the way he held himself.

“Wakasa?” she whispered. Wakasa Imaushi had once been one of her greatest fear having lived in the same neighbourhood as him and therefore in the same neighbourhood he had ran his Gang in. Her twin brother had lost some money to him from time to time. Sometimes coming home late and beaten up by some of Wakasa's cronies. Whenever she had seen him outside she had crossed the street and kept her head down. The thought of avenging her brother for all the pain he had had to tolerate never even crossing her mind after the first time she had looked into his frighteningly bored eyes.

Now, that same Wakasa seemed like a saving grace.

If it were any other situation she might have considered that the way life liked to play her at the moment could be considered funny. Now however, she simply sped up again.

However before she could completely reach him, she felt a hand clamp around her wrist.

“I think you've played hard to get for enough time now. Come on Babe, come home with me. I can show you a good time.”

The grip he had on her itched on her skin.

“I don't want to,” She told the man clearly, “just leave me the fuck alone!”

The stranger rolled his eyes starting to pull her into him, while she struggled. “Come on. I know you want it too.”

“No, I fucking don't fucking creep! I'll scream if you don't let go of me right now!” The young woman spat at him as sharp as her terrified state let her.

“And what? Think that guy over there would save you? Baby. He's what five foot something? I'd body him in a second. Don't tell me you wanna be responsible for someone ending up in the hospital?”

God he was fucking gross. And hurting Wakasa? She had never seen anyone come even close. Trying to kick him in his balls to get just the tiniest bit closer to the white Leopard failed horrendously as he simply blocked her. She hadn't been fast enough.

She really needed some fucking training. What if she ended up in a similar situation again?

“That was a dirty move, Darling.” The man snapped, starting to twist her wrist.

That was enough.

“Wakasa!” The scream was accompanied with an excruciating crack of her wrist.

She wasn't able to turn around to see if the man had heard her. She was much too occupied trying to get out of the man's grip that hurt even more now. Tears slowly building in her eyes.

Please. Please he had to have heard her!

She didn't have to wander much longer as a well known drawl was heard behind her.

“What 'cha doing with the lady, man?” He had always sounded uninterested in everything but when you knew him you were able to detect a certain coldness. One she had had to hear often enough during her childhood, while hiding behind her brother terrified.

Now that she thought about it, at least he had never broken a fucking bone.

“None of your business, pal. Move along and just forget what you saw. Nothings going on here. My girlfriends just drunk.”

“Girlfriend, huh?” The experienced fighter whispered nearly to himself, “is that what they call this shit these days? Man I'm getting old. Ya know,” he went on a bit louder, while putting a hand on the strangers wrist in turn, “I know this one quite well. And I know for a fact woman's smart enough to not be with someone like you. So I'll be real nice here and give you one last chance to let go of someone who's under my fucking protection.”

The man who was still holding her wrist in a hurtful way spat on the ground next to Wakasa's feet. “What you got a crush on her? We can share ya know?”

That seemed to be the last straw the man had needed. She had only heard a whooshing sound as Wakasa's foot made contact with the man's stomach, finally freeing her hand as he stumbled backwards.

“Get into the fucking bar,” Wakasa told her an angry glimmer in his eyes, “Shin and Benkei are there too.” She had never seen him that angry.

Nodding at him she whispered a small thanks before basically sprinting to the bar still a little distance away.

She remembered Shinichiro clearly. Wakasa had mellowed down just the tiniest bit, after he had joined the charismatic man. Shin had always been nice to her brother and her.

And now, looking at him, seemingly unsuccessfully trying to chat up the waitress, it seemed like he had never changed.

Cradling her wrist against her chest she slowly made her way up to the two men as Benkei laughed at Shinichiro's despair after the waitress had left.

“He-” clearing her throat she tried again just the tiniest bit louder, “Hey guys.”

Both men turned around, a surprised look in their eyes.

“Who are-” Benkei started a pensive look in his eyes probably trying to figure out why she seemed so familiar, before Shin made the connection.

“Yo (Name), how are ya. I haven't seen you in some time. How's your brother? What are you even doing here. Isn't it a bit late? Kabukicho is dangerous ya know?”

Pulling out a chair with her unhurt wrist she plopped down on a chair.

“Whoa, whoa whoa. Pull back a lil'. That's (Name)? Damn you grew up fast. Still remember you as a little runt.”

A blush slowly creeping up, she rubbed her neck. “Well, I obviously grew up,” she told him defensively.

“Wait, you came in here, despite seeing Wakasa? He did go out to smoke. I thought you were still terrified of him? I told him he should apologise to you and your brother.” Shin chimed in as well.

Scratching the skin of her arm in discomfort she nodded, “yeah, I actually uh, spoke to him. He uh, told me you guys were in here.”

“You alright?” Benkei asked her, after throwing an inquisitive look down her, “what the fuck happened with your wrist?”

Gulping she took a sip out of Shinichiro's glass of water that stood next to her. Her hands still shaking.

“There uh, there was this guy that followed me? I kinda accidentaly ended up in Kabukicho trying to shake him and um, well, we kind of got into this ruffle just a short distance away from the bar and anyways, Waka- Wakasa is currently dealing with him.”

“The fuck?!” Shinichiro called.

“I'm taking her to the hospital now,” a bored voice came from right behind her chair, nearly sending her into a heart attack. God did he always have to be this fucking silent? “Maybe deal with the piece of shit lying outside though? I don't exactly want a murder charge on me. Annoying as hell.

Benkei and Shinichiro nodded as she got up with the two of them, following the three men outside, after they had paid.

Avoiding to even throw a glance towards the direction everything happened, the woman busied herself with trying to get to terms with the fact that she would need to get on a bike. God, she hated bikes. Her brother sometimes took her and he drove like a fucking lunatic. It was a wonder he was still alive.

“Come on. We need to get this looked at.” Wakasa called out to her, holding out a helmet, before realising she would have trouble putting it on.

As he stepped closer and put the helmet on her surprisingly gentle she felt her heart speeding up again. This time out of a different reason. Why did he have to smell so good?

A shiver went down her spine as his bruised knuckles came into contact with the skin on her neck, as he fastened the helmet with a click.

“Now. Lets get you to the hospital. You sure you can do the ride without panicking? You've been weirdly calm the whole time. If you need anything just pull my shirt.”

I think the adrenaline is still doing a good job. My wrist doesn't even hurt yet.”

Wakasa looked away. For a short second she could have sworn to see something like guilt swarm in his eyes.

“Sorry. I didn't realize until you screamed.”

She shook her head as she got on behind him. “No, it's fine. It's not something you expect to happen I guess.”

Throwing her one last glance, he carefully pulled her arms from the bike around his small, warm but most importantly solid waist. It was weird. She always knew he was strong. But now feeling his muscles under his shirt just made everything more real.

This had really happened.

She had nearly been raped.

Wakasa had saved her.

“Thank you.” She whispered against his back, as the bike came to life and just before he started driving she simply felt him tapping her hand in a calming manner.

At the hospital she had gotten a pain killer and something to calm her down, after the first panic attack had washed over her.

This was real.

And she had just been really really fucking lucky. If she hadn't taken the turns she had taken, if he hadn't went out for a smoke? If she hadn't called out to him, if he hadn't-.

Her thoughts were interrupted, by Wakasa stretching next to her, before slightly flicking her forehead. “I can nearly hear you thinking yourself into another panic attack. Your save. Everything's fine. I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise. And he sure as hell will never fucking touch you again. So no need to panic. I'm here okay? You're safe now.”

[thisweekingundamwing]

This Week in Gundam Wing 26 October 2023 - 13 January 2024

Here’s the roundup for October 26th, 2023 - January 13th, 2024!

Remember to give your content creators some love! Be sure to join in on the events at the bottom! And remember to send in any new works you see or make this next week!

~Mod Hel

(Look, we’re just going to ignore the fact that I keep reminding myself to do this and then forgetting about it 10 minutes later.)

Fanfiction/Ideas/Snippets:

@lifeaftermeteor

The Pageant (a LAM sidefic) https://archiveofourown.org/works/52557262

M/M, Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy

General Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Family Fluff, Kid Fic, Post-Canon, Christmas Fluff, Post-Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Author Is Not Religious, Christmas, Not Beta Read

Christmas was always a big deal—even in the colonies—perhaps all the more so following the Eve Wars. This year’s holiday was especially important for their little family, however: Sousuke was going to be an angel.

@noirangetrois

A Not So Tropical Vacation https://archiveofourown.org/works/51336205

M/M, Chang Wufei/Heero Yuy

Teen And Up Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply, Alcohol, Broken Bones, Major Character Injury, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Heero being sweeter than Wufei deserves, Post-Gundam Wing: Endless Waltz

When an injury prevents Heero and Wufei from going on their long-awaited vacation, Heero tries to bring the vacation to Wufei.

@vegalume

Vendredi https://archiveofourown.org/works/51237895

Gen, Duo Maxwell & Heero Yuy

Duo Maxwell, Heero Yuy, Sally Po, Zechs Merquise, Quatre Raberba Winner, Trowa Barton

Teen And Up Audiences, No Archive Warnings Apply, Supernatural Elements, Possibly Pre-Slash, Angst, no happy ending, Ambiguous/Open Ending, mentions of other characters from the series, only tagged those who appear 'on screen', little OOC-ness, Horror-ish, multiple uses of the 'F' word

Duo's friends are vanishing, and no one else notices or even remembers. Only Heero believes him and together they try to discover what is happening.

@zaganthi @tzigane

How L2 Learned to Cope with Werewolves https://archiveofourown.org/works/52676311

F/M, M/M, Multi, Chang Wufei/Treize Khushrenada, Chang Wufei/Long Meilan, Chang Wufei/Treize Khushrenada/Long Meilan

Chang Wufei, Treize Khushrenada, Long Meilan, Lady Une, Chilias Catalonia, Vingt Khushrenada

Explicit, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Failed Arranged Marriages, Biological Weapons, Psychological Warfare, Werewolves in Space, Cameos

It was remarkable how many people assumed that being from L5 made him deaf. Possibly it was the security badge that gave them that impression, or maybe they just thought that allowing Treize to nail him meant he was on their side.

Overall, it was pretty stupid. No one paid attention to him lingering with a cup of coffee, they just went about their day and spoke where they normally would. He wondered if being able to fade into the background might be some form of magical camouflage. He supposed that was a realistic option, and there was no reason for them to expect otherwise. Not really. They didn't know him. So he was free to wander and listen and just exist for a while before he went up to the secured swipe card room to try to get a little rest and personal time.

Pleased to Meet You, Hope You Guess My Name https://archiveofourown.org/works/52675717

M/M, Duo Maxwell/Heero Yuy

Explicit, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Meet-Cute, Assassination Attempt(s), The combination meet-cute and assassination attempt, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence

A third shot rang out, and then footsteps, and he wasn't trying to get away, no, not at all. He was coming closer.

Hell yes. It was a shame the guy was working for L1 or whoever had hired him because he would've been amazing back home. "Hey, hey! Don't fucking shoot! I wanna talk!"

That felt like a purely audible pause, followed by a nasal voice that was more a statement than a question. "About what." Like they had the time to have a discussion here. Somebody would have heard the shots by now.

Arts/Crafts/Photo Manips:

@artnijna

https://www.tumblr.com/artnijna/737927884519489536/rewatching-gundam-wing-and-thinking-about-the-2x5

WuFei/Duo, fanart

https://www.tumblr.com/artnijna/738980133321523200/baby-ive-been-to-spacebut-at-the-end-of-the-day

WuFei/Duo, fanart

https://www.tumblr.com/artnijna/738194483104153600/wufei-regrets-his-crush-some-what

Duo/WuFei, fanart

@duomaxwellandducks

https://www.tumblr.com/duomaxwellandducks/732635364086497280/both-gundam-wing-intros-are-iconic-and-anyone-who

Iconic intros, comic

@enelo

https://www.tumblr.com/enelo/739422142192631808

Relena Darlian-Peacecraft, fanart

@ghost-proof

https://www.tumblr.com/ghost-proof/730963271303233536/love-a-good-meme-thought-it-was-perfect-for-these

Heero/Duo, fanart

@idrawprettyboys

https://www.tumblr.com/idrawprettyboys/734925341882286080/i-drew-this-gorgeous-boy-on-a-cheap-supermarket

Duo Maxwell, fanart

@imperviousmelodrama

https://www.tumblr.com/imperviousmelodrama/736263532669190144/did-someone-say-pigtail-duo-pretty-certain-i

Duo/Heero, fanart

@incaseofart

https://www.tumblr.com/incaseofart/733362202305822720/treize-khushrenada-but-casual-clothes-perhaps

Treize Khushrenada, fanart

@lila-oh

https://www.tumblr.com/lila-oh/732714555363459072/happy-halloween-yes-my-participation-is

WuFei/Heero, kissing, comic

Mashiro Andy

https://www.tumblr.com/cruelangel94/733193774949384192/artist-by-mashiro-andy

Relena Darlian-Peacecraft, fanart

@nullphysics

https://www.tumblr.com/nullphysics/735275196278325248

Trowa/Heero, fanart

@sweet-rabbit

https://www.tumblr.com/sweet-rabbit/738637581503315968/i-came-up-with-this-randomly-today-like-15-minutes

Quatre/Heero, comic

Photosets/Gifsets/Screenshots/Manga Pages:

@tinyozlion

https://www.tumblr.com/tinyozlion/733873353488744448/i-love-when-people-put-together-frame-stitches

Clowns, frame stitching

@vegalume

https://www.tumblr.com/vegalume/735006366851334144/tis-the-season

Christmas tree decor

Fandom Discourse:

@lifeaftermeteor

https://www.tumblr.com/lifeaftermeteor/735089951081955328/i-would-swear-there-was-a-gundam-tumblr-floating

LAMs Lost and Found - find great info/world building here

https://www.tumblr.com/lifeaftermeteor/735699559547879424/with-the-power-of-friendship

@prettyboysdontlookatexplosions WuFei being ‘normal’.

https://www.tumblr.com/lifeaftermeteor/736341502701256704/lifeaftermeteors-holiday-card-exchange

Obviously late for this one, but know that LAM does this pretty much every year if they get people who want them. ^_^

@prettyboysdontlookatexplosions

https://www.tumblr.com/prettyboysdontlookatexplosions/734934388226326528/its-also-very-funny-that-we-get-an-episode-called

episode naming things

https://www.tumblr.com/prettyboysdontlookatexplosions/735022245112643584/watching-gundam-wing-as-an-adult-opens-you-up-to

how age affects how you view GW

https://www.tumblr.com/prettyboysdontlookatexplosions/735373187192422400/i-dont-like-ship-it-in-that-i-dont-care-about

Trieze & Zechs

@tinyozlion

https://www.tumblr.com/tinyozlion/736669800741421056/my-beloved-redsixwing-has-found-and-resurrected-a

A GW Archive should people need it.

gwpromptmeme

GW Prompt Meme event

Rules: https://gwpromptmeme.dreamwidth.org/408.html

Main Page: https://gwpromptmeme.dreamwidth.org/

Quotes:

@incorrectgundamwingquotes

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/733281547591024640/on-libra-howard-theres-a-spy-leaking-all-of

Howare, Quatre, & WuFei

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/734821642313793537/incorrectgundamwingquotes-heero-dont-even

Heero & Trowa

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/734912407622844416/cathy-are-you-busy-trowa-no-cathy-wanna-do

Cathy & Trowa

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/733372201867362304/trowa-the-power-came-back-on-when-i-was-asleep

Trowa

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/733734724284088320/wufei-maxwell-just-pissed-me-off-heero-why-what

WuFei & Heero

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/736089974256058368/at-preventers-hq-heero-were-doing-secret-santa

Heero, Trowa, & WuFei

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/735908793762922496/wufei-reading-book-duo-wufei-duo-wufei

WuFei & Duo

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/736271216205283328/wufei-visibly-annoyed-duo-whats-the

WuFei & Duo

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/736724242945671168/dorothy-recording-on-her-phone-so-im-building-a

Dorothy, Relena, & Sally

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/736633591231037440/in-the-groupchat-quatre-good-morning-we

Quatre, Heero, WuFei, Trowa, & Duo

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/737901948172402688/circus-owner-whats-this-gap-in-your-employment

Circus Owner & Trowa

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/736814824240152576/texting-heero-what-should-i-get-at-ihop-duo

Heero, Duo, Trowa, & WuFei

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/736905574207422464/relena-are-you-going-to-be-part-of-the-problem-or

Relena, Heero, & Duo

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/737358389752070144/incorrectgundamwingquotes-wufei-trowa-can

WuFei, Trowa, & Quatre

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/737539619983376384/incorrectgundamwingquotes-heero-duo-duo-yes

Heero, Duo, & Quatre

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/735818328096047104/duo-and-wufei-arguing-wufei-makes-an

Duo & WuFei

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/738083194163822592/incorrectgundamwingquotes-zechs-you-know-who-i

Zechs, Duo, & Trowa

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/737992573856169984/heero-some-days-all-i-care-about-is-the-mission

Heero & Duo

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/738173868991217664/on-a-mission-oz-soldiers-come-out-duo-im

OZ Soldiers, Duo, & Trowa

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/738445694732484609/sharing-a-safehouse-duo-whats-for

Duo & Trowa

https://www.tumblr.com/incorrectgundamwingquotes/739351620230512640/duo-maybe-hes-born-with-it-or-maybe-its

Duo, WuFei, & Trowa

Calendar Events:

@gwcocktailfriday

Cocktail Fridays!

Post responses on Friday, during Happy Hour between 3 & 5 pm in your own timezone.

Here’s the prompts for Friday, January 19th! https://gwcocktailfriday.tumblr.com/post/739456744765505536/cocktail-friday-post-responses-on-friday-january

In need of prompts!

@gwlemonyshenanigans

There’s nothing for it posted yet... but sign-ups are open. >_> Though the events calendar says they’ll be open next month... so I dunno. I just know I’m signed up already. *flails*

@thisweekingundamevents

Events Calendar https://thisweekingundamevents.tumblr.com/post/730188053636841472/updated-events-calendar

If you are hosting an event currently, or are planning on one, hit us up with links and dates! We’ll add them to the Calendar and reblog your notices to get the word out!

GW Holiday Gift Exchange 2023

Gift Roundup is here: https://thisweekingundamevents.tumblr.com/post/739404313112297472/alright-wingers-here-is-the-gw-holiday-gift

GW Valentine’s Event 2024 goes live the 18th! Be on the lookout for it!

???

GW Gift Exchange

There is another exchange being done now... I *think* it’s on dreamwidth, but I can’t find the convo with the person running it to save my life, but it’s on the events calendar with all the info I had...

Jan 15th - 21st is Nominations

Jan 16th - 28th is Sign-ups

Posting and whatnot will be in April.

Not sure if something will be posted anywhere on tumblr or not, but hoping I can get y’all the info for where and how when it goes.

[mieczyhale]

fumbled and stumbled my way through watching the third season of heartstopper. i did a lot of pausing and muting (i had captions on, as of halfway through the first episode anyway, so i didn't miss anything conversation-wise, it's just hard sometimes to listen to certain things and reading it can be easier) (note this only applies to short things like voicemails or tv show / movie captions) i don't think i really skipped over any bits, if i did they were so minimal and rare i don't remember lol i wanted to see it all, i just can't handle a lot of the things that i knew were going to be in the season so i had to try and get through it in whatever ways would make it easier

part of me feels like that means i didn't really watch it, or like.. idk.. my brain is just trying to make me feel like i need to rewatch it "properly" but i don't think i can handle it without the pausing and muting and moment or two of skipping. i really don't think that i can. and that should be okay right?? to adapt the way i watch something so i can deal with it??

it was really good, to nobody's surprise, just like the previous two seasons. it was accurate, the acting was phenomenal, the music fit, it was just great all around.

i just.. can't get through it like a normal person. not when so much of it is so personal and so close. even the parts i did listen to were really hard to get through and i cried.

and it's not like using captions and not listening doesn't count as watching. it's okay for people who can't hear so why should it be any different for me to do it?? i say - trying to get my brain to shut the actual fuck up

ugggghghdfskjhlsdeljkhfgs

it's good. great! and i'm glad i watched it. really glad.

but idk how much of it i'm going to be able to watch a second time like.. ever. i'm sure i'll watch some reaction channels, the ones who do like.. the whole reaction but only post some of it y'know?? and then you have to join their patreon to watch the full thing?? those are a bit easier to get through. and i really do wanna see other people's reactions to some of the stuff. gays watching gays reacting to gays is like.. it's always a good time.

watch the new season if you haven't. fuck it - watch the show if you haven't. it's a fuckin masterpiece. but also please read the graphic novels. before or after you watch the show. either way. the show sticks like glue to the source material (part of what made me so anxious to watch this season. knowing what was coming) and the graphic novels are AMAZING. and the art style is cute as fuck.

and then after you do that check out the novellas: this winter and nick & charlie. oh and solitaire-

listen. read the whole universe alice oseman has blessed us with, watch the show, and then come and be emotionally compromised with me about it

it's so worth it

[whythewords]

In all unfairness

Hard to say what I'm feeling these days... That's a lie, all I do is talk about my feelings. It's never been more apparent how desperately I need to go back to therapy.

I'm keying this entry into my chosen notes app on my phone while on a plane...but much unlike the last time I did this, I am not on my way to Japan for the trip of a lifetime and a journey of self-discovery. Instead, I'm heading to Quebec for a 3 day work trip as part of a job I stopped liking all that much some time ago now. Our agenda is a lot fuller than last year's work trip, but realistically how much could I complain about being put up at a bougie resort. I brought my Nintendo Switch and plenty to entertain me during after hours. I sense there's gonna be less fraternizing with my co-workers when I don't have to this time around, but we'll see.

Either way, I applied for the local municipality gig and I'm feeling decent about that. It's a step closer to where I wanna be, I think. It's progress, and any progress is good progress right now.

Wish I could say the same for dating. I had a date this past Thursday night that may go down in history as one of my worst experiences on these apps thus far...but it didn't start that way.

I drove all the way out to Oshawa to meet this girl, (but in fairness, I did offer to come out her way as I often do on these first dates). She arrived at the bar and she looked, honestly stunning...better than her photos by a country mile which is something that definitely does not normally happen. She sat down and we got to talking. The conversation was flowing, I was making her laugh, it felt fun, and free and flirty. All my misgivings about "making a move" with the last girl I dated through the apps had lead me to awkwardly move in for the kiss on the third date. That nervous energy wasn't present here, or at least it wasn't the same. We were 20 minutes in before I confidently thought to myself: "this is working! There's a really good chance I make out with this girl...tonight!" Oh, if I only knew what was coming...

As we're getting ready to leave the bar, she steers the conversation toward politics, and as it turns out, she seems to think that society has been making too big a deal out of this whole racism thing (this take was particularly wild being that she was a biracial woman). Then she begins with the transphobic rhetoric of "someone can't be something just because they say they are" and other fun statements like that. My heart sank. This was the first time I had felt a real, exciting, solid connection with someone, pretty much since my ex-wife. We were VIBING HARD as the kids say...and in an instant it turned out she was not at all the kind of person I could see myself in a relationship with. I felt so very defeated, like the universe had just played a sick joke on me.

That lingered on my mind for several days...it's still there really. I was thinking that after an experience like that it was definitely time to pack it up and take a hiatus from the apps again, lord knows I've decided take a break from them for a lot less. Oddly enough though, I didn't. I don't know if it's apathy, or perhaps some last little flickering light of unwavering hope somewhere inside of me, but I took a deep breath and asked myself: why leave? Why leave if I'm just going to end up right back here anyway? I think I know what I want. I know I want to be in love again. Why not just...keep trying to figure it out? The girl I mentioned in my last entry here is still in the mix, the date just got postponed...and there are some other prospects. So why not just...continue?

So for now I will. After all, the world looks pretty small right now from this plane. My person is bound to be out there somewhere right?

They gotta be.

[dalt20]

Tooning in 5. Rufino Gomez 1-3

DL: How was your childhood?

RG: Its a different ballgame now, My childhood was struggling so as it now. Being an artist is so hard. Compare to no other profession.

DL: What was your favorite cartoons growing up?

RG: Voltes five

DL: And any Hanna barbera cartoons you also liked?

RG: Yogi Bear, of course that was the first thing i saw when i was growing up ...voltes was later.

DL: Did you drew a lot as a kid, how did you wanna be a animator, how did you got introduced to cartoons?

RG: Yes, I drew a lot back then even on walls in the neighborhood, in the palm of my hand anything flat. I never knew how its done before, i thougt all along it was moving on its own...it needs only one drawing and thats it...but when i enter the Filcartoons i was amazed how its done!

DL: How was growing up during Ferdinand Marcos rule Until 1986?

RG: It was painful...rice with corn ..people suddenly gone nowhere to find, people were scared you can see soldiers around ...my father was picked up in the evening ..us knowing nothing ...and then came back in the morning exhausted...future was gone ..people doesnt know what to do in order to survive..it was really scary...marcos recruited armies in his hometown province so that they can communicate in their own dialect..very astute dictator.

DL: Before then, how did you got into cartoons?

RG: My family, little they know i applied for this while stiil im studying ...good for me because after two weeks training, fire broke out in our neighboors and unfortunately we were included. So i already had the job after we were confined in the hospital. I was trained in Fil Cartoons as a Layout Animation...and the studio was really nice....i was in college ..third year in the School of Fine Arts in the University of the East in Caloocan City here in the Philippines...i applied for the training given at that time by Fil Cartoons as an Animation Layout ... I see ..it was really fun back then back then ...it started two years after the EDSA People Power Revolution and Fil Cartoons started in the 21st and 22nd floor of Strata 2000 building in Ortigas Ave. if my memory serves me right.

DL: So what was your first project at fil cartoons?

RG: That was Yogi Bear back then. And we were trained by John Rice, an Australian animator.

DL: How was John rice?

RG: I think John already settled here he married a filipina and stayed here.

DL: I believe he was from HB Australia.

RG: Yup, Hanna Barbera Australia!

DL: Yeah , so thoughts on the yogi bear character and his cartoons?

RG: Yogi Bear as a training materials for a starter like me was not that so hard because it was cartoony. It easy to turn around the character , And posing in a different position was easy because of its character designed.

DL: To ask a question, how do you move a character in animation? Like inbetweens?

RG: Yup..its a painstaking process. Not unlike today everything is in the stock.

DL: Yeah, like today people use flash animation and just move the puppet around.

RG: Yup! it speeds up the process.

DL: So how do you do inbetweens, can you explain it to me because I don’t understand how do they move without flipping the model like they do in flash?

RG: I was trained as a Layout Animation after that it goes down to the Animator for them to do the key poses and goes down to the inbetweeners. And after in the inbetweeners it goes down to the clean up and zerox department. The Background layout goes down to the Backgrounder to be painted in acrylic. The flipping goes down in the animator by using a QAR machine..it was a Quick Animation Recorder for the line test.. Thats were the action happens!

DL: So the layout artist is the guy who does the key poses for the betweeners to work out.

RG: The animator. Layout artist do the staging and the blocking of the character ..the first and last poses only and the background staging.

DL: So how was the head honcho, jerry smith?

RG: Jerry Simth was the one bring the animation in the Philippines together with a certain general here , Mowelfund, and other Bigtime businessmen. I will try to recall their names.

DL: So, how was jerry personally?

RG: Uhm..Jerry was generous only those he partnered where is the greedy.

DL: So he was from America right? From the HB studio in America?

RG: Yes, I think he is dead already.

DL: Yeah, he died 25 years ago. He was such a good man, As I heard everyone love him at fil cartoons.

RG: Yup he was really generous and he wants to uplift the lives of filipino artist.

DL: Well in Thad Komorowski’s book, he said that the place was a shithole I think. And the working conditions were poor.

RG: Only the filipinos businessmen he partnered is the problem. Yes its true the first location of the Fil Cartoons studio in Strata 2000 in ortigas was really a shithole specially the Restroom.

DL: Wow! Did people really had to sleep outside? Because they couldn’t afford to pay rent because of the low salary?

RG: Not really outside but inside the studio we were sleeping because other artist living in far away places. We were allowed to sleep in the studio below the animation table where we were working.

DL: Ah like John lasseter during the first days of Pixar?

RG: Exactly! And the food were listed in the canteen and paid weekly.

DL: Ah. That’s your word for cafeteria right? Canteen. For us Americans, that word is referred as a circular water container.

RG: I see the water canteen in the US army. Yes we used to that naming.

DL: So, we’re there any foreigners/nor Filipino animators at fil cartoons? Like American,Canadian, Australian,etc?

RG: As far as i can recall there were at least ten foreigners..not exactly..well Filipino animators after having years of experience were able to go the US and Australia and after a decade recruited in india and other southeast asian countries.

DL: Ah, so all Filipino (minus jerry) staff then?

RG: Yes , some foreign animators visiting but the staff almost filipino from accounting department down the line

DL: Oh, I see. So, can you tell me about those Filipino businessmen that were leading jerry the wrong way?

RG: The setup of the studio is like shanties each cubicle. The management was layered with politician and vic palileo i think was just a frontman.

DL: And so it’s was the past president’s cronies? Ferdinand Marcos?

RG: Yes. Josep Estrada the former president was the head of Mowelfund if i was not mistaken. Founder i think.

DL: Ah and so,, what was their deal with poor old Jerry, bribery or extortion?

RG: Probably...the philippines at that time was just recovering from a dictator and a lot of their cronies is in key position.

DL: Ah, must be hard for a American living in the Philippines doing his job supervising cartoons for Hanna barbera.

RG: Yes.

DL: So, can we talk about some of the projects at fil cartoons you did? First I want to bring up is the smurfs, How was working on that program?

RG: Yes that was a nice program, so easy to do, not only if you were given character in groups, that was easy. And its was fun to do ..and snorks.

DL: The character designs were all the same so that was a bonus!

RG: Yup! Police Academy The series.

DL: How was working on the show?

RG: It was great! The rate is good because its not so cartoony almost real like anatomy.

DL: Did You watch the films?

RG: No i havent because we dont have betamax player at that time. And the access to movie was only for the well off.

DL: Ah gotcha. Paddington bear how was your experience in that?

RG: Yup Paddington. Not so hard to do ..

DL: Why? Was it, because the character was easy to draw?

RG: It was cartoony. Full Body anatomy with almost realistic detail was really hard to do when it comes to full body turn around. Off modeled is the biggest problem.

DL: So speaking off model, did you ever drew anything “off model”? As fil cartoons had a horrible reputation for being off model.

RG: Of course ..almost every artist goes to that.

DL: Any examples you remember that you went like “that doesn’t look right but I have to finish this so this will do.” ?

He ask for my email address, I send it to him and he gives me a demo reel of his 90s work. The only things I could decipher is are German cartoon, fix and foxi and friends and the Canadian toon, the 2001 Anne of green gables adaptation.

DL: The footage looks a little choppy.

RG: So you could have an idea how tedious is the hand drawn animated cartoons.

DL: Yeah, I can believe you. It’s rough!

RG: Its a pencil test compiled.

DL: Yeah it isn’t Disney level pencil test. But it’s something.

RG: Its not complete with inbetween drawings just key poses.

DL: Ah ok. So a pup named Scooby doo, How was that program?

RG: Yeah i also able to work on that project but it was a short stint. Disney is full animation a 24 frame rate per second while the saturday morning show cartoons is limited to 15 frames per second..

DL: Wow! And it’s because it’s cheaper and faster?

RG: Yes. And they were done in movie format.

DL: But back to a pup named Scooby doo, how was it drawing the expressions and the squash and stretch animation the characters had contrast to other stilted animation?

RG: It was really exagerrated..that was the intention of the director. Each show has its own style of animation.

DL: And was he Glen Kennedy? The director of the animation?

RG: I think so..kathllen and glen lived here in the phil for a short period of time. Just for the project.

DL: Well he moved back in 1995 to work for a company called animasia, or was that Malaysia?

RG: Yup Animasia. I think he also helped with the setup of L.A. animation studio at the back of Folk Arts Theater in Roxas Blvd. If my memory serves me right.

DL: Ah, how was glen? Because he was rumored to have said to kill Tom ruegger over him getting fired over his work on tiny toons.

RG: Ah that was way way back..as far as i know he was into drugs...that was i heard..

DL: Well if that’s true, he’s clean now. That must be the reason he said that.

RG: Good for him, Drugs at that time was rampant here.

DL: Like morphine as that drug was very popular there.

RG: No... shabu...poor man's cocaine.

DL: I never heard that.

RG: Coke coming from hong kong.

DL: Oh yeah. I know that.

RG: It was just a short stint in the scooby doo it was intended for senior layout artist not for a newbie.

DL: Scooby doo and the reluctant werewolf, how was working your first feature film?

RG: I tried but the director is too strict and disciplined..but the rate is good. I never get thru. We never get credits for any show only the seniors.

DL: That’s why you don’t have a IMDb?

RG: Yes,Its politics.

DL: Oh, That’s sad.

RG: Only the privileged in the higher ups.

DL: That’s makes so upset.

RG: Im able to work in the feature film in the india studio ...The Buddha.

DL: Ok that’s great. So the Jetsons movie? Was that your first feature?

RG: I animated some scene here but were not included in the credits.

DL: God, that musta sucks. Was it when George jetson was in traffic and pulls up a inflatable policeman to get out of traffic before get got pull over from a actual police officer?

RG: Thats how life it is... Actually the expats enjoyed here much ...somebody do the work for them. And those who had attitude problem was thrown here.

DL: Man, the agony. Greatest stories from the Bible? How was working on that series?

RG: Im not able to participate on that ..it has a good rate.

DL: Oh ok, fantastic max. How was working on that?

RG: Yeah fantastic max ..only limited. Also Cliffhanger.

DL: For fantastic max musta sucked.

RG: Little house of Horror.

DL: What does that mean?

RG: Its a tv show ..Little House of Horror..maybe not in the US.

DL: Oh yeah, never heard of that.

RG: We almost do the outsourcing from other countries not only in the US

DL: Never knew that! From Europe?

RG: We did Mozart from germany.

DL: I think I saw that on your demo reel. How was that?

RG: It was good.

DL: So did fil cartoons worked on Winnie the Pooh and darkwing duck for Disney? As did you worked on those?

RG: Yup! Nah ..winnie is just recent...i worked in fil in the old studio after that i moved to others ...politics is intensifying.

DL: Ah ok.

[dameronalone]

hm hello hi I would like to know more about zeph pls thank you

GLITTER. HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU HAVE

zeph is my babygirl. she's me. she's too cool to be me. she's everything I WANNA be she is unattainable and has attained everything that I can't, like, for instance, getting to kiss and fuck poe dameron

shes my star wars sequel trilogy oc and zeph is actually a nickname that just is her name at this point. her full name is ilya zephanir, callsign zephyr one, and everyone calls her zeph, first because zephanir is a lot of syllables when ur in flight academy, then because zeph just neatly split the different between her name and her code name

shes autistic, she's an asshole, she's an autistic asshole who doesn't know how to express herself, especially when she is full of love for her friends. she's a pilot, spy, part time mechanic and part time soul mate full time problem and I LOVE her. she's also hella traumatized bc she got captured by bad guys and then crashes her ship upon escape. she's disabled like Kaz brekker and doesn't always use a cane but it's better for her when she does, and gets more wore out if she doesn't and REALLY she shouldn't be trying to run on it either AND YET

shes technically a woman but only because there's not another label that better applies, she's very aroace but more confusing than not because she'll have sex if she feels like it but only if she's like "Yeah that sounds fun" and it's never "I NEED to fuck" but generally more aro (turns out she's demi/grayromantic because poe dameron is a sap and she's heading over heels for him) and EVEN BETTER she's bi/pan (but hasn't talked to me enough about it to figure out which works better or even if she cares enough to label it bc she is Committed now bro it doesn't matter)

shes great to have in a pinch bc she'll step right in and take charge and doesn't get stressed out easily but she likes to have a plan and doesn't like it when it completely goes pear shaped. she can handle wrenches thrown in plans but not pears. that's just a line she refused to cross. but she will snap out commands and ppl just listen because damn she's making sense and I don't wanna die so let's do as we're told

shes grumpy and perceived to be aggressive and mean and she's not good with people in her natural state, though she's learned to mask and mirror so well she can give the impression of a people person, even though she's deeply antisocial EVEN THOUGH she cares so much about her friends and family and the Resistance and people in general. she's MISUNDERSTOOD and LONELY and I love her SO SO SO MUCH and also she's in a qpr with @the-force-awakens oc who's Also in a relationship with poe dameron to make a little trio.

(sometimes I think abt the universe where nym's oc is NOT around and its just so weird to think of her and poe as a duo instead of two thirds of a trio)

[flops back] I could keep going but I am just full of love for my own oc I might explode

[atomiciva]

Hi hi!! Just so say in advance but for some reason i cant write questionmarks so ive just put them in brackets of where they go lmao. I wanted to shoot you a message and so I hope you dont mind but I was wondering what sort of portfolio you submitted to be able to work on Unicorn Warriors Eternal, I currently am an animator who has been struggling on getting a 2d animation job for a few years now and I was wondering if you would have any advice for someone who feels like they are struggling to get into the industry (Questionmark) Your animation for the show is amazing and I love the little bit of fanart that you made of melinda and edred too!! Once again, sorry if this is a bother but I figured that I would atleast try to ask :)

Heya! No worries at all!

I still feel super lucky honestly and I've only ever been at this one studio so far, so I don't know how helpful this is gonna be but I'll give it my best shot haha

This was my old showreel straight from the end of university which I had on my portfolio site when I applied:

https://youtu.be/42ubnrPGx2Y

I was lucky in the fact that the main thing I enjoyed doing during uni was animation clean-up in TVPaint, aaaand then I saw the job listing looking for... animation clean-up in TVPaint! I'm still not the best at rough animation, but as you can see my reel had lots and lots of clean-up examples, and that was exactly what Studio Zmei was looking for.

So, first tip: Focus your showreel on what you want to get a job for! If you're applying for rough traditional animation, show your roughs vs the final thing, or a clean-up heavy reel like mine if you wanna do clean-up, or a reel just for ToonBoom rigged animation if that's what you're applying for.

Second? Tip? Look for more obscure studios, or ask around your local studios (if you have any) if they offer internships or even junior level jobs? Studios are often really biased towards local people, and I was lucky that Zmei just happened to be situated in my home city. We often get interns not from any listings but just from people showing interest in an email. But I also know that's a bit unusual and a lot of studios are more closed off?? And going back to the more obscure studios part: The more well known a studio is, the more insane the competition to get a spot is, hence why usually it's not so much your portfolio's fault rather than the huge influx of candidates. This is where looking at general animation job listings sites can help a lot, and I even found Zmei's listing here in the first place:

https://animatedjobs.com/

aaand there's one for games too: https://gamejobs.work/

Lots of studios use these and they also have twitter/instagram pages to keep you updated as well. If a job is listed as remote, go for it! A lot of smaller studios that handle outsource animation are often starved for animators. (a lot of those do 2D rigged animation in ToonBoom or Adobe too, so it's def worth making a fresh reel for that if it's up your alley) Following a lot of studios on social media and especially LinkedIn helps too, as some of them post listings there exclusively.

And, third tip - there's no shame in starting small. I constantly get spammed by studios looking for mobile game animators or educational video animators on LinkedIn. Sure not all of those are gonna be worth looking into, but a lot of my friends started off like that. Every little bit of experience counts and builds up your CV. It's really hard to jump straight into being a rough animator, or a designer, or a storyboarder. Even my role of doing clean-up is considered more junior, and we had lots of people who did only coloring and shading too. And the more entry level version of a storyboard artist would be a storyboard revisionist. Everyone starts somewhere!

Other things like putting a direct link or linktree to your portfolio site or showreel easily accessible on all of your social medias could also help, as recruiters often have no time to dig for that stuff. (altho I'll be honest I've only ever been approached once (1) by a local studio on just instagram, so that's a really rare occurrence. still helps to be prepared though!)

I hope this was somewhat helpful haha. Good luck!!!

[muirneach]

eep tentatively have my final choices for university applications… i never really wanted to go to uoft but just put her down as my third choice because i needed a third and im easily swayed by st michaels college. anyways this feels like a relief cause the deadline is like in two weeks. i was really struggling because i basically just wanna go to one school but i want to do like 5 of their programs 😭 but i had to apply to three schools. anyways lets all manifest i get into [redacted] university so that i can study envsci and agriculture and indigenous studies yippee

[halos-top-alien-model]

Gonna do the Sangheili bracket first, but before I open a submission form, I wanna hear some thoughts on a dilemma I have:

There's no denying that Thel and Rtas are the most popular Sangheili characters, and Thel's probably gonna win not just the Sangheili bracket but the overall too (and Rtas would win if Thel was banned). Knowing that, should I bar them from the poll to give other characters a chance to shine, run two brackets (one with them and one without them later), let them run and do a "first place, second place, third place" result rather than a single winner so a character other than them gets a spotlight, or do some other idea I haven't thought of?

Kinda conflicted 'cause on the one hand it feels unfair and against the spirit of things to bar someone from a popularity contest 'cause they're "too popular", but on the other hand idk how entertaining it'll be for people if the final result is kinda already decided from the start. A lot of why I wanted to do this is to highlight & discuss characters from across the Halo universe - especially those who hardly get mentioned or get forgotten, while we're always talking about the same couple of characters.

I may probably do an encore bracket without them or even an "underrated characters" / "minor characters" bracket(s) anyway, and the "spreading the spotlight around" goal can still be met through the sub-category brackets (book characters, characters by game, etc), but wanted to hear what other people think first.

(Note: This dilemma is really only for Thel & Rtas, since they're not just the most popular Sangheili characters but the most popular Halo alien characters in general; although reflecting a bit more Atriox and the main Prophet trio also have more recognition against their peers so the dilemma probably also applies to them.)

[ootori-sibs]

Random funky drabble

takes place after the festival.

tw: past tense misgendering (discussing a trans person before they were out), mild slutshaming.

"You know, Tamaki,” his father tried, sighing, “I understand that it’s tough when the girl you like doesn’t want to date you, but you can’t really change her mind. She’s her own person and can make her own decisions, I had to learn that myself once.”

Tamaki rolled his eyes, “oh yeah? Was that when your wife divorced you or when my mother didn’t want to give me up?”

There was a pause, it was clear he’d hurt his father but Tamaki didn’t feel like feeling bad about it. He didn’t think there was any way such a manwhore could ever relate to him. After a moment, his father nodded, “I understand you meant to hurt me, but I’m trying to empathise with you here. I had relationships before my marriage. There was one girl I’d dreamed of marrying in fact.” 

This got Tamaki's attention, “really? What was she like?” 

Yuzuru chuckled, “I knew that’d interest you. Well, she was in my class in school, and she was solidly in the top five girls in the class. I can’t say I was into her just for looks, though.”

“You liked her as a person??” Tamaki was genuinely surprised to hear that his father had actually fallen for someone. 

He nodded in response, “she was blindingly intelligent, she was just as cruel as she was beautiful and she always knew what to say to get someone to do what she wanted. She’d always been emotionally constipated though, so I think she agreed to date me mostly because of my status- but I did my damndest to make her happy. I treated that girl like a goddess and even impressed her father.” 

Tamaki stared at her, unsure when the penny was going to drop. “Why didn’t you marry her then? Did something happen? Was it grandmother’s fault?”

His father laughed at that, “oh no, it wasn’t mothers fault, although she does hate that whole family now… no, it wasn’t really anyone’s fault, my sweetheart just couldn’t keep the charade up.”

“What charade?”

“My princess turned out to be a transman, and he didn’t feel comfortable dating a man once he’d come out. He came out in our third year, immediately after his father had died. He got himself a wife in university, and I was very happy for them both. I didn’t have any anger or regret, because I understood no one had done anything wrong.” He paused, “so in the end, you shouldn’t be too upset at Fujioka for not wanting a relationship to get in the way of her studies. Do you understand, Tamaki?”

After a while of silence, Tamaki nodded, “yeah, I think I do… but now I wanna hear more about this guy you dated! What was he like? Have I met him?” 

Yuzuru laughed again, standing up and ruffling Tamaki’s hair. “Maybe another time, I have a meeting in an hour so I have to get ready.” 

Tamaki nodded, then hesitated, “oh! And, by the way, I have something to tell you and I’m not sure when we’ll talk next, I’m-”

“I know you’re bisexual, Tamaki. You don’t have to come out to me. Genetically speaking, I'd be surprised if you weren’t.”

“I…don’t think that’s how it works?”

“You’re the son of a manwhore and a french woman- what part of that doesn’t scream bisexual?”

“I…good point.”

“Anyway,” Yuzuru chuckled, adjusting his suit jacket and replacing his cufflinks, “the business meeting is with Mr Ootori, and afterwards we’re going for some drinks. I also happen to know that his three eldest are drinking at young Mrs Shido’s house so Kyoya will be home alone tonight.”

“Oh nice!” Tamaki beamed, “I’ll go see him then, he always cheers me up when I’m upset.”

His father froze at that, frowning deeply. “Don’t be forcing that boy to suffer through your complaining about Fujioka. She’s rejected you, you shouldn’t still be making him jealous.” 

“Jealous? You think he’s jealous of me?”

“No jealous of you, Tamaki, jealous of Haruhi.”

“Huh? oh…OH!” Tamaki went bright red at the idea, “you think Kyoya likes me like that??”

Applying some cologne and combing his hair, Yuzuru chuckled and nodded. “You and your old man aren’t so different, huh?”

“What do you mean?” 

He winked and grinned at Tamaki, “we’re both irresistible to the Ootoris.” and with that, he left the room, leaving Tamaki to flounder. 

“Wha… que diable…?” 

Well now he had a list of questions for Kyoya.

[sehunniepotwrites]

my goodness 🥹 U HAVENT FORGOTTEN ABOUT ME 🥹🥹🥹 i feel so loved rn <3 but OMG why do all your ideas sound so INTERESTING 🤩🤩🤩 i can't wait to read them all it has been such a long time since i've read nice pieces (but partially also because i don't even know where or who is even writing on here anym :/ ) BUT I RLY CANT WAIT for the jae one 😊😊😊 there's a reason why im peach afterall hehehehe <3

oh my you graduated!!! 🤡 how much have i missed in your life seriously :/ but your job sounds rly exciting!! im glad that you're doing whatchu wanna do please make sure that as much as it gets tiring, u r still taking care of urself and finding ways to stay positive!! 😊 ouhie and don't stress over writing too much! i'm sure everyone doesn't mind waiting at all so no stress!! hehehehe wb life outside of work!! have u been spending good time w your friends and family too?

my LIFE has been constantly changing hehehe i think the last time i updated u was before i even went to university and now im already in my third year of university 🥹🥹🥹 time rly rly flies 🫣 im SOOOO busy and it's SOOOOO tiring but im just trying to take it easy and to handle everything that comes my way step by step. well the only thing that is extremely tough for me now and is rly taking a huge toll on me is my LDR :/ (yes i somehow found a male peach while i was gone jdienfkenfj) but well male peach is on exchange and rn i have managed to pull through half of it, and in dec everything will be back to normal!! its just rly tiring because of the time diff between us and just generally because of my insecurities and the unfortunate circumstances of male peach's exchange that all the other hoomans on exchange w male peach r females 🤡 but ILL TELL U SLOWLY ABOUT ALL THESE <3

love, 🍑 that misses u loads!!

AH YES I GRADUATED <333 I HAVE A MASTER'S DEGREE NOW!!! today was really rough so seeing your msg really brightened up my day. trying to stay pos through all the struggles, man.

i've gotten a bit of my social life back after graduation so that's great. did lots of traveling--i met smoll-tangerine (queenie) and ppangjae (alex) over the summer hehehe!!! besties finally meeting irl!!! going out and grabbing drinks and singing karaoke with my friends is always a great time. but istg, some of the situations in my life are like a fanfic, bro i can't believe these things actually happened. even queenie and alex were like nik, wtf!!!!! and guess WHAT? imma write stories based on those experiences too!

i'd LOVE to hear more about how you've been!! omg third year already?? time really flies, huh! and yay male peach!!! ldr's are rough, i had some experience with that, so i get you there.

and as for fics, all my ideas are so fleshed out in my mind, i really wish i could put the image in my head into my docs!!! and since you're my lil peach, here's a bit of my jae ideas for you:

drowning in your love

GENRE. childhood best friends to enemies to lovers, college!au, swimmer!au PAIRING. (long distance) swimmer!jaehyun x (sprinter) swimmer!reader PREVIEW. Jeong Jaehyun has always known how to swim, in fact, he excelled at it—the sport was a part of his very soul. But for once in his life, he wanted to experience what it was like to drown. To succumb to the feeling of being overwhelmed. Of battling bated breath.  And it was all because of you. Jaehyun realized that he was completely infatuated with every fiber of your being. Winning gold at a meet, being observed by recruiters didn’t even compare to the amount of happiness he felt whenever he was near you.  The boy wanted nothing more than to drown in your essence, your whole being. Even more so, Jeong Jaehyun simply wanted to drown in your love.

hits different

SYNOPSIS. Many people have heard of the saying, “always the bridesmaid, never the bride.” This particular saying, more than others, has always applied to you. You believe love exists for others and that it will never be in the cards for you. You’ve experienced your one true love so early on in your life and lost it,  you don’t think you can ever love again. Unfortunate and sad as it seems, you’ve accepted the role of the bridesmaid with your entire heart so why not capitalize it? You are now one of the hottest (and secretive) commodities in the wedding scene–a bridesmaid for hire–and you are thriving in your growing business. But what if your latest gig leads you back to the love that you lost? Will assisting in the wedding planning be as easy as a summer’s breeze or as harsh as a winter storm? Will seeing him again in a different light hit differently as the last time you saw him or will it bring back all the memories of your biggest heartbreak? PAIRING. Rich Boy!Jaehyun x Poor Girl!Y/ NGENRE. Exes-to-Lovers!AU | Wedding! AU | Bridesmaid-for-Hire!AU | Arranged Marriage!AU

[absolutebl]

You've probably answered this before, but here goes anyway! Which BLs are your absolute top 15? Any country, any pairing, any tropes! I really wanna hear your list :)

Also, top 5 for absolute worst BLs!

Absolute Top 15 Best (and Worst) BLs

To be perfectly honest I hadn't done this yet because I've been patiently waiting for 10 BLs to exist in the universe that i've rated 10/10. It hasn't happened yet so...

Absolute Top 15 BLs

No particular order, these are all my beloved babies.

RATED 10/10

1. Seven Days (Japan 2015) 

One of the best live action yaois ever made, with perfectly structured angst, fantastic characters and acting, and no problematic tropes (rare in Japanese BL). The leads have excellent chemistry although it’s low heat there’s still some really cute mutual kisses. 

Popular first year Seiryo has a policy of going out with any girl who asks… for one week. On a lark, third year Yuzuru tests to see if that policy also applies to boys. Seiryo agrees that it does. Along the way they accidentally fall in love, although each is convinced the other one thinks it’s just for a week. 

Full review here. Last I checked could find it on DramaCool in 2 parts Seven Days: Monday - Thursday, Seven Days: Friday - Sunday) sometimes it shows up on YouTube. 

2. Color Rush (Korea 2021)

A unique paranormal twist elevates this classic high school drama into a pitch-perfect allegory for the queer coming out experience and one of the best BLs of all time (I will fight you on this). 

Monos can only see in grey scale, until they meet their probes. But when they do, monos can turn into obsessive monsters over the one person that turns on the world color. When Yeon Woo meets his probe, however, that boy seems a  lot more obsessed with him. 

Full review here. I did not like the 2nd season as much. Color Rush is on Viki. Watch the movie version.

3. Light On Me (Korea 2021)

Korea does an elegant pastiche of traditional live action yaoi but all tropes are cleverly deployed to bolster one of the most riveting love triangles ever put on screen… and I don’t like love triangles!

TaeKyung is a bit awkward and introverted and has never really wanted friends, but suddenly he thinks that might have been a bad life choice. So he joins the student council where he meets, among others, two very different boys who both want more than friendship from him. 

Light On Me is on Viki.

4. To My Star (Korea 2021)

It’s is a touch quirky to get into, but utterly charming once it hits its stride. This is the ultimate grumpy/sunshine pairing plus the most appealing light-filled kitchen of our dreams. 

Famous actor (adorable bundle of neurosis) takes refuge in the house of a reserved chef and is immediately smitten by Mr Tall Dark & Glowering. The chef is also smitten but refuses to admit it to himself or anyone else. 

Full review here. (I did not like season 2 as much.) To My Star is on Viki. 

5. We Best Love 1 & 2 (Taiwan 2021)

WBL is composed of two parts: We Best Love: No 1 for You & We Best Love: Fighting Mr 2nd. The 1st season is a short run classic university set BL combining the best of Korea & Thailand’s modern takes on genre. The 2nd season moves into the office, and employs Japanese style in terms of setting, obsession, and mature concepts. WBL thus successfully managed to pick up and combine the best features of Korean, Thai, and Japanese BL as it exists right now. Couple that to the insane chemistry from the leads, and we have one of the greatest BLs of all time, cooking to a recipe I doubt anyone else will ever be able to replicate since only Taiwan is this flexible. 

Story wise it’s pretty classic: Shi De has been in love with Shu Yi since childhood, but Shu Yi has always seen them as rivals. In university, events finally conspire for Shi De to make his move. It’s the ultimate tsundere uke versus the ultimate pining seme. Part two follows them into the workplace after a breakup. 

I love this show so much, odds are I’m currently rewatching it as you read this. WBL is on WeTV. 

6. Until We Meet Again (Thailand 2019)

Thailand’s only entry in my 10/10 category (from the BL mass producer). This is non BL trope reliant fated mates (AKA soulmates) romance that just happens to have the right setting and age of protagonists to fit the BL genre. UWMA is a work of narrative genius, and all the actors all turn in stellar performances, it is the best Thai BL from a storytelling perspective. Possibly the best BL story we’ll ever get. It also takes full advantage of Thailand's signature full treatment, never dragging despite 17 full episodes. 

Timid sweetheart Pharm meets older serious Dean on his first day of university and is both irresistibly drawn to him and inexplicably sad. Dean starts an intense slow courtship but they both begin to realize they’ve been through this all before and one of them, 30 years ago in a previous life, made a terrible mistake. Can their current selves survive the sins and betrayals of their past? 

UWMA can be seen on YouTube. 

7. Semantic Error (Korea 2022) 

Korea hits it entirely out of the Parks (pun on the actors’ last names intended) by doing a university set BL with everything we might expect but done exactly right, their signature quality executed perfectly, and added bonus good story, great pacing, and fantastic chemistry. This one is actually flawless. You cannot ask for more from a BL, let alone a KBL. 

Talented graphic artist Jaeyoung (emotional agro older seme) discovers Sangwoo has outed him as a slacker which means he’s not graduating this year. He sets out to find out who Sangwoo is and get revenge, accidentally develops a big o’crush. Sangwoo is a morally grounded strict routine based reserved programmer (logical uke) who’s world is entirely shaken by the chaos that is Jaeyoung. I love “the only one who can bully him is me” trope especially when said bully melts into all over whipped for his boy. 

Jaeyoung pined like a master. Like Park Seo Ham took lessons from Sam Lin. And Sangwoo crumbles into complete submission like he’s been waiting for Jaeyoung his whole life. It’s an absolute pleasure to watch these two on screen together.

Full review here. Semantic Error is on Viki. 

8. Our Dating Sim (Korea 2023)

This is a perfect short form KBL, an office set reunion romance featuring geeks that really suits 8 eps with no fluff and no chaff. I adored every aspect from the casting to the pristinely simple premise to the quietly smooth execution. Sure it’s low stakes, but that makes it high domesticity and extremely warm and gentle.

This is a fuzzy blanket of a story - a cozy BL. It lives in my rewatch pile and you know what’s best about it? Every single episode is in that pile. There’s no skipping with this one, it might be good natured and calmly sweet but it’s tight and the pacing is excellent. Full review here.

On Viki. You want the series NOT the movie version.

9. I Cannot Reach You (Japan 2023)

AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai

This classic friends-to-lovers BL is everything Japan does best. Angsty. Emo. Aching. Driven by real thirst. Yamato is deeply in love with his childhood bestie, Kakeru, and has been for ages, unable to hide his ungainly damaging high school need. He wants Kakeru in every way possible and it oozes off of the screen.

Kakeru is silly and a little simple, but not frenetic or overly camp about it. He is earnest, and genuinely wants to keep Yamato in his life which means giving a romance (and gayness) a fair chance. We watch him realize his affection and what form it can take in a truly authentic way.

This show was impossibly kind to both of its lead characters (and all of the sides) and I felt almost honored that I got to watch something so lovely and rare play out on my screen. (Full review here.)

Kimi ni is not widely available. Some Netflix have it. It's indie subbed.

These are the only 9 BLs (of over 600+ watched & judged) that I've rated 10/10.

I consider Absolute BL 1 & 2 (Japan 2021-2022) mocumentaries and not true BLs. But I also gave them both 10/10. 

But you asked for 15 so here are 6 more (again no particular order). 

RATED 9/10 

HIStory 2: Crossing the Line (Taiwan 2018) - Taiwan’s best example of classic BL with a sports romance foundation using some of the most prototypical (but fortunately least offensive) yaoi tropes (Viki)

Be Loved In House: I Do (Taiwan 2021) - a cute classy office set BL with a few plot raised eyebrows, but no other concerns, plus ALL THE TROPES and a general sweet softness that’s pretty rare from Taiwan, who usually prefer to go hard (Viki)  

Utsukushii Kare AKA My Beautiful Man (Japan 2021) One of the best most traditionally live action yaoi to release in the last decade. It used seriously old school manga derived problematic and kinky tropes, like whipping boy, for a truly classic piece that also manages to hit up modern themes of communication, consent, and self acceptance. It’s a wonderful BL, uniquely dirty and harsh in the best possible way. (GaGaOOLaLa)

Bad Buddy (Thailand 2022) - GMMTV’s flagship BL started 2022 on a BANG (okay no actual banging but you know what I mean), starring heavy hitters Ohm & Nanon in a pitch perfect university Romeo & Romeo masterpiece that will give you domesticity meets pain whiplash throughout and jet lag at the end. (YouTube)

Cherry Blossoms After Winter (Korea 2022) - Korea took on early Japanese sweet yaoi but gave it their signature softness and precise production style with a STUNNING color palette (beautiful pastels, sun-saturated over-exposure), manga framing style, some traditional BL character archetypes, that tiny edge of bullying roughness and out-of-control seme, plus FINALLY a palatable take on the stepbrothers trope and it was, in a word, classic. Sophisticated and understated CBAW is not slow, it’s just subtle. It's dream-like and atmospheric, as if the whole thing took place under cold water on a warm spring day. Is there plot or peril? Not really. Do we care? Also, not really. Look, I can’t help it, I’m old school and so is this show. I grew up reading sweet yaoi, and this was THAT YAOI just on my screen. There’s no objectivity with me and CBAW. It’s a beautiful pastiche and I loved it for how it made me feel and what it reminded me of. It’s not flawless, but it is a wonderful quintessentially BL experience. (Viki) 

Takara-kun and Amagi-kun (Japan 2023) - Reserved cool kid who must lean to communicate to keep the tiny disaster nugget he’s madly in love with. It is beyond charming: soft and gentle, packed with cuteness and high school angst. Did anything actually happen? No. Was it emotionally tense and paced well enough for me not to notice? Absolutely. Was there plot? Not really. Did I enjoy the hell out of it, anyway? Oh yes. Full review. (Viki)

I have quite a few more 9/10 ratings then these but I tried to pick the ones that were the MOST BL-ish of the BLs. (Which is why Old Fashion Cupcake - my beloved - didn’t make the cut.) 

Further Reading? 

Here a list of my Favorite BLs From Each Country

More Top 10 Lists!

Top 10 Cutest BLs - sweet and fluffy for the win (low angst, no grit, and shiny happy) 

Top 10 Most Romantic BLs - yummy sappy goodness that even non BL fans might enjoy 

Top 10 Most Underrated BLs - the ones no one seems to know about or watch

Top 10 Cozy BLs - the ones least likely to hurt you

10 BLs with the best stories (foundational narratives) 

10 BLs That Are Honest to a Queer Experience

10 BLs with the BEST Chemistry

Best High School BL from Each Country

Best University BL from Each Country

My Top 60 BLs (of 600 watched) - The Elite 10%

Prestige BL - for the fancy pants among you

Top 10 BLs Out of China

Top 10 BLs Out of Japan

Top 10 BLs Out of Korea

Top 10 BLs Out of Taiwan

Top 10 BLs Out of Thailand

The 15 Absolute Worst BLs

This is me, the OCD completest, so these are gonna be a bunch of 1/10 rated BLs that no one has (quite rightly) bothered to watch. I also have 15 dnfs to my shame, but I don't rate what I didn't finish so...

You asked for 5, but I happen to have exactly 15 1/10 rated BLs, so you're just getting all of them (no particular order, they all suck, by which I mean: bad story, poor acting, low production, and/or very depressing ending). These all come with all the trigger warnings. 

A Round Trip to Love (China 2016)

Lost Love (China 2016)

The Male Queen (China 2016)

Sei no Gekiyaku (Japan 2020)

No Regret (Korea 2006)

A Frozen Flower (Korea 2008)

Some (Korea 2014)

The Boy Next Door (Korea 2017)

In Between Seasons (Korea 2018)

Red Wine in the Dark Night (Thailand 2015)

Grey Rainbow (Thailand 2016)

My Bromance the series (Thailand 2016)

Dew the Movie (Thailand 2019)

Love Machine (Thailand 2021)

The Shortest Distance is Round - Noir (Japan 2019)

Top 10 Most Disappointing Thai BLs

(source) 

this post subject to change as my taste does, and as new BLs appear, however tumblr has a bug where it will stop me from editing old posts suddenly and without warning. So at some point I may have to redo it.

So this is dated Nov 2023 - not responsible for great BL after that point.

[shrunkyclunksbang]

Title: Calico Skies

Posting: The week of August 14th

Author:  Musette22 @musette22​ [AO3]

Artist: Cmleo [Twitter] [AO3]

Rating: Explicit

Pairings: Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes

Tags/Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Alternate Universe, Nomad Steve Rogers, Carpenter!Bucky, Cabin Fic, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Gay Bucky Barnes, Strangers to Lovers, Slow Burn, Roommates, Domesticity, Mutual Pining, Steve Rogers needs a hug, Bucky Barnes needs a hug, Light Angst and Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Sexual Content, Smut, POV Alternating, These Big Bearded Men Are Experiencing Emotions, You’ll Never Guess What Happens Next

Summary:

In the wake of the Battle of New York, Bucky Barnes bade his old life, or what was left of it, farewell. Buying a deserted cabin in the Catskills, he grew a beard, took up woodworking, and built a new life for himself as a carpenter. Six years on, Bucky still leads a peaceful, if solitary, existence. Maybe it get a little lonely sometimes, but that’s why he got himself a dog. And a cat. And a goat. All in all, Bucky is perfectly content with the way things are – until he meets Steve.

In 2018, Steve Rogers finally hangs up his shield. He trades Avenging and New York City for the peace and quiet of the Catskills, grows a beard, and isolates himself in an attempt to salvage what’s left of his sanity and identity. After living his life in the public eye for so long, Steve believes that calm and solitude are exactly what he needs. Of course, he didn’t count on meeting Bucky Barnes.

A story about healing, woodworking, and big, bearded men falling in love.

Excerpt:

“This is really good,” Steve repeats for the third time, as he helps himself to more of the plain pumpkin stew Bucky prepared last night. “You know, I can’t even remember the last time I had a hot meal.”

Bucky’s own spoon halts halfway to his mouth, hovering mid-air as he stares at Steve. “What d’you mean? Then what do you eat?”

“Hm?” Steve looks up, blinking big, blue eyes at Bucky and quickly swallowing his mouthful of stew before speaking. “Oh, just stuff I buy in town that keeps, mostly. I don’t have a fridge or a freezer, so there’s only so much I can eat unless I want to head into town every couple of days, which I don’t really wanna do. It’s a pretty long way, and I don’t have a car. Plus, you know. People.”

This time, Bucky can’t contain his curiosity. “So where do you live?” he asks, hoping he’s not overstepping.

Steve frowns, licking his lips. “I’m not sure what the area’s called, actually, but it’s pretty remote. I set up camp about thirty miles south from here, ‘s about fifteen miles from the town where we met?”

“But… you said you pass by my cabin on your runs?”

“Oh, um.” Steve rubs the back of his neck, a light blush dusting his cheeks, above the line of his beard. It’s unfairly attractive. “Yeah, I tend to run pretty long distances.”

“No kidding,” Bucky mutters, reeling a little as he turns back to his stew. “And when you say ‘camp’, you mean…”

“I mean I’m living in a tent, basically,” Steve admits, confirming Bucky’s suspicions. “I like it, though.”

“Right,” Bucky nods, reminding himself that some people like camping. “Okay. But, you have electricity, right? Running water?”

Steve shakes his head. “I don’t. There’s this really clear stream running past my camp though, I wash up in that. Got batteries for my flashlight and my Walkman. Don’t need much else, to be honest.”

Right, Bucky thinks. Definitely ex-military.