#do I really feel like a girl?
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Somedays I think about myself ererer
#Like#do I really feel like a girl?#do I like being a girl#it’s all just#very irritating and upsetting for be to think about#sometimes I think I’m too young to be thinking about what I want to identify with#sometimes I feel as if I don’t know enough to know what I am#anyway#sorry for the sorta rant#I’m feeling down#vent post
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i don't think people really understand what's happening in gaza. with each passing day that sees more and more palestinians dead, it's becoming easier and easier for those in the west to perceive them as nothing more than a statistic. they might engage w the occasional palestine post, sure, but it's just as easy to scroll right past that moments later w no real outrage for the genocide retained.
it's vital to stay reminded that palestinians who are with us today won't be with us tomorrow. it's happening every second of every minute of every hour, and it's relentless. somewhere in gaza a little girl is losing her mother, a little boy is watching his siblings bleed to death, elderly people are infirm with starvation and illness, palestinian women and girls are being sexually assaulted and kept in cages, fathers are leaving tents to find food for their families and not coming back. this is all happening right now, and it's a direct result of the west's complacency. it's a direct result of their not seeing arabs as people worth saving.
it might be hard to compute as a westerner, but this is real. don't let your privilege blind you to your humanity.
#palestine#gaza#israel#it really dawned on me that westerners do struggle w the basic feeling of caring. and this is coming from an arab girl who's also american#i see it firsthand all the time. and i'm like how. how could you. but they could
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you guys know butch =/= taking T right? you guys know dyke masculinity is not correlated to being transmasc right? you guys know that even your silly jokes where you flatten butchness to taking T/being transmasc is extremely transmisogynistic right?
#ok to rb#rolling my fucking eyes that every 3 weeks at LEAST someone has to fucking say something like this#cause it's all “oh we love transfem dykes we love transfem butches” but then some fucking bitch comes out of the woodwork going#“haha butch is when on T” and all the TME dykes clap incessantly and hoot and holler while Actively showing that they are not safe for#any trans woman who is not Hyper Feminine 🙃#a d no im not gonna be nice about this. you guys know better. do better. seriously. why is the joke funny?? think for 2 seconds??#and im feeling really bitchy about it as someone who loves transfem butches so much that it hurts and i dont understand how you guys can sit#here flaming over the most Obvious Expressions of transmisogyny while REFUSING to unpack the fact that YOU ARE PERPETUATING THE SAME#TRANSMISOGYNISTIC RHETORIC IN YOUR “NOT THAT SERIOUS” “”“JOKES”“”#and the fact that a bunch of ppl who engage in this shit will inevitably interact with this post and lat themselves#and not even fucking examine ur behaviors. if u arent a trans woman reading this frankly you NEED to examine ur behaviors. idfc how many#trans girls youve fucked or dated or sexted or are friends with. put ur personal stats and ego to the side and DO BETTER#celebrity bun
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friendship is magic
closeups:
#zeno's art#my little pony#my litte pony friendship is magic#mlp#mlp fim#twilight sparkle#rainbow dash#fluttershy#pinkie pie#applejack#rarity#this was a fun redesign practice#tried to be diverse with body type and species as the og show is pretty limited (i understand why tho)#my personal favorites are rainbow dash and rarity#and twilight. i cooked tbh#i feel like a lot of redesigns just add accessories which is fine but i really wanted to change a lot#some more than others#also dashie is a half zebra and pegasus and fluttershy is half pegasus half those little bug ponies that showed up in one ep#pinkie is a sheep#i might do equestria girl designs and slash or some background pony redesigns#idk#enough ramble
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we were sitting on the floor and i was cutting out tiny pictures to make a collage for a friend's birthday. you were on your phone and you laughed about something, and i was still in love with you then, so i asked what had you giggling.
"sorry. i was just..." you took a moment and went back to texting. "i was telling someone about how you're afraid of the dark."
i'm afraid of the dark because something bad happened. "oh." i felt a little slinky of shame crawl down my throat.
you glanced up, and maybe it showed on my face, because you rolled your eyes and held the phone to the side casually so i could see the group chat. "what? was it a secret?"
i looked down to the scissors in my hand. "i just..." no, it's not a secret. it just felt like something private, something serious. saying why would you tell someone that just feels like an accusation. it's unfair. i honestly am not even ashamed of it, it's just a fact about my person that i don't usually share.
what a strange experience. is this a human thing or a generational thing? for our grandparents: did they need to worry about how quickly someone can just... share your personal information? again, i didn't even really have a true objection. what could i say? i want any person in my life to feel they can be honest with their friends. it's not like i said don't tell anyone this.
i cut out another letter to complete the rainbow happy birthday, started hunting for the exclamation mark. i heard you sigh dramatically.
"don't make a big deal about this," you said.
this entire conversation was a pattern for us, and this was when we got to my least favorite part of the pattern. i would get my feelings hurt in some oblique not-technically-terrible way, and then it would be making a big deal about something. you'd get frustrated for me for being soft, but i was born soft. you knew i was soft when you pierced me. it's one of the things that made controlling me so easy.
"i'm not," i felt my voice crack. the question came without my wanting. "why are you guys talking about me?" and why are you saying that thing? why not like - i'm telling them how you're generous and kind and pretty.
you let out this low, tragic groan. "oh my god." you tossed the phone away from your body. "there, see? i just won't talk to them if you don't like it."
the rest of the hour went the way it always went, between us: i said i don't actually mind if you talk to your friends but -, you found a way to call my minor expression of discomfort "being dramatic." you got upset that i had been offended. i ended up apologizing, even though i hadn't actually done anything.
afterwards, you picked up the phone again. after texting for a little bit, you snorted. "okay," you said, "but it is kind of funny you're afraid of the dark. i mean, when you think about it."
#spilled ink#writeblr#i'm trying to write about this really specific and wierd new experience#that i think is specific to the internet generation#where people you trust can just... say whatever??? and while most people are trustworthy#sometimes they'll just like... put ur shit out there????#and the thing is that sometimes it's GOOD - i want you to tell ppl if ur partner is being cruel!!!!!#i want u to be like ''hey is it normal if xyz happens'' ... but stuff like ''she's afraid of the dark''#PARTICULARLY when it's CLEARLY making fun of me....#what is the point of that.#this is huge and complicated and happens outside of romantic relationships too btw#like someone u thought of as a friend will be like . oh did u know she's scared of heights and it's like.#girl why are u fuckin doing that tho?#it's not a SECRET i just ...???????????????????????#and i think that gross feeling of like -- ''i can't REALLY be upset bc there's not a TRUE RULE about this....''#it's just not something talked about. bc it's so specific and yet so complex#bc how could i say like '' this is a violation of trust'' when it... technically I GUESS isn't????????????#idk maybe im just like super sensitive but please tell me in the comments/tags/etc if this is#something u have experienced (a trusted person like spreading ur shit) and if u were cool with it
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figure skating set right now please. thanks
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#GUYS I AM PUTTING OFF WORKING ON MY COSPLAY SOMETHING STUPID. im tireddddd i like sleeepingggff i want to play and drawwwww#after work I literally ate a giant bowl of mac n cheese and climbed into bed. lifestyle choices of a 9 year old#anyways i want figure skaitng set. bad. PJSK HAS A WEIRDLY LOW NUMBER OF ACTUALLY WINTERY SETS... like 3. kind of.#i have some thumbnail sketches but im kind of stumped on composition for them. my idea was a nene focus set#(IF HER NEXT FOCUS ISNT PHANTOM OF THE OPERA THEMED INWILL DIE. BADLY. THEYRE GOING TO AN OPER AHOUSE. PLEADBR)#originally my idea was for nene to be biting a medal i was very sold on it bc i love nenes competitive side#however her outfit is so nice i want it to also be part of the art .. its heavily inspired by that one iconic eunsoo lim dress#from her somewhere in time program iirc. im really undatisfied with emus dress tbh my origimal idea was to give it a phoenix look#but a lot of the firebird/phoenix skating programs have very sleek dresses and i want emus to be fluffy. the balance is hard ..#and since i want her program song to be once upon a dream from sleeping beauty i swerved to make it look a bit like auroras ? but again#it definitely feels like the weakest of everybodys ... maybe i just love her too much and want her to look the best. sorry wxs.#tsukasas outfit is supposed to look like a shooting star. easy. program music moonlight sonata 3rd movement like from dazzling light. easy.#actually i like takahashi daisukes moonlight sonata program its a medley of the 1st and 3rd movement.. i think the calm at the beginning#is best. maybe smth like that.. for his card inhad him doing a haircutter spin but again. the outfits good i want the outfit visible. damn.#ruis the one im very set on even now. girl why are you so phantom of the opera.#it has a lot of beautiful programs to reference but the outfit i didnt really have any solid reference i kind of just balled#my main idea was to make it look a bit like both christine and the phantom.... gender Fluid.#my yapfest... i should be SEWING!!!!!!!!#despite my yapping im not that well versed in figure skating i cant really distinguish jumps i just like it . and medalist#i only do normal skating. bc i played hockey for like 7 years LOLLLL inlove skating though Heart.
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like a thing, make a character lineup to figure out how i would draw them. thats the way my brain works! you can find close-ups under the cut!
these were fun :] theres a lot of characters in this show that would be fun to draw, is there anyone you guys wanna see next? 🤔
#gravity falls#dipper pines#mabel pines#pacifica northwest#stanley pines#bill cipher#waddles the pig#stanford pines#wendy corduroy#soos ramirez#grunkle stan#grunkle ford#gabuart#some notes for fun:#pacifica changed the most because i wanted to give her a more…preppy popular girl kinda look#i did this for no particular reason#just thought it would be cute#bill is really easy to draw obviously but i feel like i could do better somehow. its hard to top his design as it is though so#uhhhhhhh i headcanon dipper as transfem#for like…post-canon#i got emotionally attatched to the hc SJFHDJFH#but i wont police the pronouns people use for her#i dont have that kind of time or energy lol#but if you’re reading this then. now you know
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in the bathroom at the gay clubbbb
#a less edited version added for plausible deniability that its not a mirror selfie#bc i know astarion shouldnt be visible in the mirror. but the vision was too strong#anyways on the dancefloor shadowheart is doing those goth girl dances from tiktok#and astarion is doing the fork in the garbage disposal#they dont get any btw bc they get too drunk on tequila and end up throwing up outside and#astarion has to call wyll to pick them up. he does of course#at the same time laezel and karlach are getting into a bar brawl someplace else#and gale is going snork mimimi at home:)#i really like how the shading came out here. adding highlights really helps with 3d shapes#and the way ive shaded shadowhearts torso had me feeling like pygmalion ngl#bg3#baldurs gate#baldurs gate 3#shadowheart#astarion#astarion ancunin#bg3 modern au#i NEED to draw shad in more outfits
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I couldn't sleep so I drew some Pomnies shes surprisingly fun to draw lol Oh and some doomed yuri too I guess xD buttonblossom is cute n all but calling them doomed yuri or digital yuri is a lot funnier to me
#my art#the amazing digital circus#tadc#pomni#ragatha#tadc pomni#tadc ragatha#ragatha x pomni#pomni x ragatha#buttonblossom#jesterdoll#digital yuri#jesterdoll is cute too I wonder why this isnt the main ship name really-#Also headcanon that ragatha is goin to be oblivious af to pom's feelings even tho shes so hopelessly gay lol#Girl has massive low self esteem vibes and would prolly never think anyone would like her that way#like all the soft fics and art of them are cute I love it but lets be real these two would miscommunicate a fuck ton xD#like come on-#Constantly an inch away from a metal break down Pomni#and “how do you manage to stay positive- delusion” Ragatha#its a match made in miscommunication hell baby ;0c
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'Strong opinions about femininity and masculinity' moment
#kazuichi souda#mahiru koizumi#Kazukoi#What's their name...?#sdr2#super danganronpa 2#an art#Anyway. Mahiru stans women and Kaz is....not NOT a woman maybe he doesn't know it's kind of a huge mountain to scale#Mahiru is like. Aw jeez. Calm down I'll do your makeup and dress you up maybe then you'll feel better#I think! Mahiru is just a big sis in general to everyone. If you're a MAN she refuses to be your servant#But if you're anything else or if you're just generally nice. She likes the role. Patron saint of women-in-progress#Like washing Hiyoko. Girl has a problem literally taking a shower? No problem I'm on it. Dress her? Sure.#Never really GOT mahiru thanks a lot to her dying first. But I like the her alright#All this to say: I hate gender i don't get any of it it's intriguing but it doesn't grab me i wish it wasn't so huge
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Laios's three Boy Best Friends. And yes, they hate him.
#dungeon meshi#laios touden#toshiro nakamoto#chilchuck tims#kabru#BF in this context could be boyfriend or best friend. The line is so blurry.#Chilchuck less so but whatever is going on between Shuro and Laios & Kabru and Laios is giving strong:#“dude if you were a girl I'd date the hell out of you”. And from the genderswap extra's that sentiment is canon for BOTH.#This was made prior to the translation of the Laios & Kabru & Shuro restaurant date comic and honestly I am just feeling vindicated.#I don't even know what to call this dynamic other than a situationship. There is so much going on between all of them.#Even on a purely platonic reading - the miscommunication and male yearning for friendship hurt so bad.#When we got the Big Hug scene in the epilogue arc I was whooping and hollering! Pure catharsis moment!#I also don't like hugs very much so I really felt it went Shuro ('hates being touched') went in for the bear hug.#Do not get me started on the agony of 'always lying' Kabru telling the truth (I just wanted to be friends)#and 'always believes' Laios thinking it's another lie and brushing him off.#I am once again supporting dungeon meshi day by posting art. Please watch dungeon meshi.#obligatory edit because I’m tired: YES. Chilchuck cares for Laios and him admitting it was a huge part of his arc#YES he is more just fed up with him that actually hating him.#I needed a third guy to be canonically done with his ass for the THREE WEED SMOKING GIRLFRIENDS reference
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Obviously next week could prove this all dead-wrong, but I don’t think the trial’s quite over. I don’t believe the end of that episode actually took place, because I’m pretty sure we’re still firmly in the “punish Agatha” phase. Rio’s suddenly gone. Alice seems to be dead by Agatha’s hand, and no one—including Teen, who has always been on her side—seems primed to believe she was out of control. The others have been sucked beneath the power of the surrogate son who not only just told Agatha to fuck off, but went full-Wanda to do it. It just all seems too tailored to cut up any of the character progress Agatha’s made on the Road thus far. Getting harassed by her ghost mother and hearing her son’s voice don’t feel like a complete tear-down. This does. It feels like more trial.
#agatha all along#agatha all along spoilers#agatha harkness#show next week: punt your theory into the SUN idiot#it just felt so abrupt#like that episode felt SHORT and the ending came up like a two by four to the forehead#feels a lot like Agatha’s fears coming true#your coven will leave you. your girl vanishes. your not-son reviles you AND bears the power and control of#the witch who fucked you up so badly and foiled your power#it seems really interesting that this happens when we’re starting to really get glimpses of the softer side of Agatha#with her love for Rio and her mounting reluctant affection for the coven and her grief for her son#and now the idea that Teen needs to be bound up as a ‘familiar’ when she knows she’s been letting him in#he’s not yours Agatha. he’s not yours and he wants nothing to do with you#Wanda gets everything and Agatha gets sucked under#I find it all veeeery curious
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Sometimes I want to bring Morrigan but then I remember I play as a face-tanking rogue and I bring Wynne. Warden Cousland, Morrigan, Wynne / Dragon Age Origins (c) Bioware
#dragon age#dragon age fan art#comic#morrigan#warden cousland#healer#bioware#dao#dragon age origins#hero of ferelden#cousland#wynne#I'm back. I guess.#I did not notice at first but apparently I took a break from tumblr. I've already had several breakdowns over the dashboard.#(turns out I was on the 'for you' tab rather than the 'following' tab. the theme had changed as well. absolutely insufferable.)#I've felt really unconnected for a while but it actually feels better now? as if my tumblr mutuals was the missing link.#very healthy and hot of me ngl#so. I had a two week holiday this year and they were instantly slurped up. it went so fast!#there was this big football thing the week before my holiday - basically teams of teens come from all around the world to play etc.#I heard a girl tell her teammates that 'I'd love to travel on this bus every morning; happy people all around you; just add some music...'#she was also very excited when the bridge opened. the 'happy people' around her sighed bitterly and leaned back for a ten minute wait.#it is thankfully over now. the bus home is no longer stuffed full of football teams. but it's a fun experience for the players etc etc etc#well. in other thrilling news I went to spy on our sister shops during my time off. to see what they do differently. maybe steal some ideas#one store was like an instagram post with fancy teacups and stylish outfits. who knew a second-hand store could be so boring.#the other was like a man-cave with furniture and a passively-aggressive note by the toys stating that 'if u break it u pay. idiot. tnx<3'.#the man-cave was my favourite :)#rant over now! take care and bye etc!
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"Love, huh?"
#i'm a big believer that scout was screamed at or punished by all the people around him because of his annoyance#brothers dates the mercs and etc#he's used to negative feedback and therefore feels really uncomfortable when he gets to be complimented or said nice things#his annoying behaviour is like some sort of defense mechanism#tho he likes to feel special to sniper. a lot#i know it's incredibly OOC but god just let me be delusional a bit. what's a girl to do#team fortress 2#team fortress 2 fanart#team fortress 2 comic#tf2#tf2 fanart#tf2 comic#tf2 sniper#tf2 scout#sniperscout#speeding bullet
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btw heres another one of these bc why not
#i enjoyed drawing these shoes#also fitting metal in a dress is really weird#i always want to give them tops and shirts and stuff but i feel like it would just look badly stretched sorry girl#i will put neo in a dress easily tho#idk its better to jsut do jackets#its the turbine thats so troublesome#i guess metal wouldnt even wear shirts because the turbine has to be exposed at all times for being fast#and he loooooves to go fast#hehehhee#metal sonic#fanart#sth#sonic fanart
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i genuinely love love love the iconoclast path in rogue trader SO MUCH. its one of the things that ultimately enamors me to the warhammer franchise as a whole despite empathy being so antithetical to its world and genre. its not just because iconoclast is the Nice Person route or because it subverts the foundational principle that In The Grim Dark Universe There Is Only War............ but mostly i love it because its the best way to actually engage w the morality system presented in 40k and explore it the way it deserves to be explored. its so unique parsing through the choices of the game and navigating how one might actually ACHIEVE goodness through - or more accurately without - the lens of liberal modern morality. because adhering to what we presently would call morality is arguably crueler than some of the dogmatic choices - or at least the game wants you to reflect on that and decide if that kind of morality still has value or not. and i like that they give you the opportunity to do that. youre rarely rewarded for kindness in this game and in fact your oftentimes actively punished for it (void shadows was a TRIAL for my iconoclast rt) which presents another question: are you being good because of a reward you believe you'lll be entitled to, or are you being good for the sake of goodness itself??? in saying that i do LOVE how there IS payoff in the iconoclast route eventually - when youve bleed and suffered for it enough. but theres a quality to it thats so..... so BITTERSWEET, because yippee you Empathed your way to the top - but also what IS the top?? congratulations, you are the kindest autocrat in the most bloodthirsty fascist regime in human history, sitting on your throne on a voidship run by all your slaves and serfs who die by the hundreds every time you make a warpjump for some dumbass sidequest. what the fuck. can you actually call that goodness ????? is whatever goodness-adjacent thing youve achieved worth it even if you cant change the system in the ways that matter ??? lastly - the iconoclast ending is both so wildly universe-altering to the point of feeling like a heretical ending - but also kind of. not mattering really lol. because even though its hopeful, the "good" ending still feels soooo tentative with the likelihood that its very likely not going to last. but that in itself is my favorite take away from playing this game as The Last Good Guy in the Galaxy: because the love DIDNT change anything. and it DOESNT save anyone. but ohhhhhhhhh my fucking god does it absolutely matter that it was there.
#tay plays rogue trader#rogue trader#im sure smarter people than me have covered all of this in detail many times but man. man..........#i genuinely could talk about the morality of warhammer endlessly and i literally have the most beginner-level understanding of the lore lol#i do want to pick up some of the books eventually but it is soooo daunting not knowing where to start#and it also feels like. idk. rogue trader was made for the girls and gays but i feel like i wont necessarily feel that same connection w#other material made primarily for male audiences.#ANYWAY. GOD. SORRY. THIS GAME..................#one more deeply obnoxious point to really end this mess on a high note: this game on an iconoclast route really does feel#like the solas dragonage simulator. esp iconoclast centered with a point or two in dogmatic#i do believe solas was experiencing 40k-esque psychological horror during the war of the evanuris#and if i didnt sympathize with him before i certainly do now
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