#do I miss early critical role or do I miss the time in my life when critical role was just starting out. discuss

[muiitoloko]

I had another idea that has been swirling around in my mind, this one being an Alan Rickman one. Basically he and a younger actress have been going around doing interviews on tv for their new movie which is a film about an older man being with a younger woman. They talk about how they got to know one another as they knew in the movie there would be some quite intimate scenes. The actress starts to notice with some tv presenters that they seem to have a sly dig at Alan regarding his body shape, which starts to make the actress furious. The actress can tell it is having a negative effect on Alan, so she reassures and/or comforts him regarding it and telling him how a lot of people do in fact find him physically attractive and they will love seeing him in this movie because of it. This could be a fluff, smut or both, whatever you decide.

I hope things turn around for you soon.

Title: More Than Looks

Summary: When the interviewer shifts focus to Rickman's appearance, [Your Name] steps in, redirecting attention to his talent and the undeniable magnetism that make his performance unforgettable.

Pairing: Alan Rickman × Fem! Reader

Warnings: implied betrayal, criticism, implied sex.

Author's Notes: Thank you for the request! I’ll admit, I considered adding a smutty twist but got a little lazy 😅—sorry about that! I hope you still enjoy it. I based this on my story “Rehearsal” but no worries—you don’t need to read that one to follow along with this.

Also read on Ao3

It was funny how quickly things had shifted. What had started as pure excitement about promoting your film with Alan Rickman had now grown into a simmering frustration as interview after interview seemed to focus on his body, often with a subtle—or not so subtle—hint of judgment. Each time someone commented on his appearance, criticizing or even questioning his suitability for a role so intense and passionate, your patience wore thinner. Could these people not see how breathtaking he was? That commanding presence, his quiet confidence, the way he could make you feel utterly captivated with a single, steady gaze? His charm, his wit—this was the man who had brought your character’s forbidden desires to life so vividly, and they were missing it entirely.

You were seated beside him on a popular late-night talk show, the host launching into a lighthearted question about how you two met on set. As you shared stories of your first impressions and the awkwardness of those early rehearsals, you spoke openly about how you’d been a fan of his films long before you’d ever met him.

Alan smirked, his signature half-smile playing across his lips as he glanced at you with those intense hazel eyes that had you captivated every day on set. “I suppose I wasn’t quite what you imagined in person,” he said in that smooth, baritone voice, a touch of self-deprecating humor lacing his words.

The host laughed, raising his eyebrows. “Oh, come on now, Alan. She’s not likely to say anything that would wound your pride, surely?”

Alan tilted his head, his gaze sweeping over you with a twinkle of mischief. “Careful now, or she might mention a certain comment about my…” he trailed off, glancing down with a smirk, “…my ‘intensity,’ shall we say.”

The host leaned forward with interest. “Intensity! And how did you manage all that intensity, [Your Name]? These scenes were rather… spicy, from what I hear.”

You smiled, sharing a glance with Alan as a flush of memories filled your mind. “Well,” you began, trying to keep a playful tone, “let’s just say Alan has this incredible way of… drawing you in. He doesn’t just act the part; he lives in it. And when he steps into that kind of role—one with such intensity, that undeniable tension—it’s… overwhelming, in the best way.”

Alan chuckled softly, crossing his legs and resting his hand casually on his knee as he met the host’s gaze. “Yes, it was a difficult part to research, I’m afraid. I had to be… persuasive,” he added with a knowing glance at you. “It’s challenging, you know, making someone fall for you when they’re… resistant.”

The host laughed, clearly entertained by the way Alan turned the conversation around, but you could sense Alan’s subtle irritation at how much attention the questions kept turning toward him and his body. He was so much more than that, and you wanted everyone to understand it.

Trying to turn the conversation toward his talent, you jumped in. “Alan doesn’t just play the role of a forbidden lover. He brings this… raw energy. There’s this controlled power to his performance that made the scenes feel… almost too real.” You shot him a grin, recalling your rehearsal. “And sometimes, that energy meant improvising, going off-script, capturing moments of raw emotion. That’s part of what made those scenes so… powerful.”

Alan raised an eyebrow, his expression half amused, half intrigued as he considered your words. “Ah, yes, the ‘raw energy,’” he teased, his voice low and suggestive, but his gaze softened as he looked at you. “Well, I had some good motivation, wouldn’t you say?”

The host leaned forward, clearly delighted by the chemistry between you. “I imagine filming those scenes required quite a bit of… trust?”

You nodded, your eyes meeting Alan’s as you replied. “Absolutely. Alan made it so easy to lose myself in the role. He has this way of looking at you, and suddenly, the world fades away. There’s only him, and it’s impossible not to… fall under his spell.”

Alan chuckled, his fingers tracing the arm of his chair in that calm, deliberate way he had. “And isn’t that the essence of a forbidden romance?” he mused, his voice dipping into a rich, velvety tone that had you transfixed. “To make the audience feel that desire, that… need. Even when it’s wrong. Especially when it’s wrong.”

The host, catching on, leaned in with a sly grin. “So, tell us, how did it feel when that camera rolled and the scene came to life?”

Alan’s lips quirked, and he glanced at you with an intensity that made your pulse quicken. “Well, I’d say… electric. When you’re close to someone, barely breathing, the heat between you almost unbearable. And then… you cross that line. It’s a moment of surrender,” he murmured, looking directly at you, his words laden with the weight of that memory.

You held his gaze, the electricity between you as real as it had been on set, and a warmth rose to your cheeks as you replied, “Every scene felt like stepping into fire. Alan made it feel like… like something dangerous. Impossible to resist.”

As the conversation on the talk show continued, the host, always eager to keep the audience engaged, leaned forward with a gleam in his eye. "Well, folks," he announced with a flourish, "before we wrap up, let's take a look at the trailer for this sizzling new film that's been making waves."

You and Alan turned to the screen, anticipation building as the lights dimmed and the first scenes unfolded. The camera panned over your character, Emily, a young woman with a hopeful, carefree spirit, enjoying a drink with friends, blissfully unaware of the storm her life was about to enter. Then came the scene with Michael—played by an up-and-coming actor—her charming boyfriend, laughing over drinks, his hand resting on her shoulder. The music took on a more tense note as Emily and Michael walked into a room, and there he was—Alan’s character, Thomas.

The atmosphere thickened as Emily’s eyes met Thomas’s across the room, the tension instant and undeniable. Even through the screen, you felt the intensity of that first encounter, the magnetic pull between them. Thomas’s sharp gaze lingered on Emily just a moment too long, his baritone voice greeting her with a warm, yet somehow calculating, “Emily, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Michael’s told me so much about you.” The unspoken challenge in his tone was subtle, but unmistakable.

You could feel the audience's curiosity deepen as the trailer cut to a scene between Thomas and his son, Michael, the two of them exchanging loaded words over a glass of whiskey. Alan's face was shadowed, the low light accentuating the sharpness of his hooked nose and the intensity in his hazel eyes as he spoke, his tone laced with bitterness. "Michael," he said, his voice a silky drawl, "you’ve always been so… predictable.”

Michael’s response was defensive, bordering on anger, the tension between father and son palpable as the trailer hinted at a deep-seated rivalry. It was clear that Thomas’s resentment simmered just below the surface, and it wasn’t long before that bitterness took on a new focus: Emily.

The trailer flashed back to a scene of Thomas and Emily alone, the ambiance dark, thick with unspoken longing. Alan's voice, in a low, almost predatory tone, murmured, “You’re different from what I expected.” His fingers reached up, brushing a loose strand of hair from her face, his gaze intense, calculating. Emily visibly tried to resist, but her breath quickened, her eyes betraying her struggle to hold back from the attraction that drew her to him.

The screen flickered to another scene—a candlelit room, Emily standing by the window, looking torn and vulnerable. Thomas appeared behind her, his hands resting on her shoulders as he leaned in close, his lips brushing her ear as he whispered, “Why fight what we both know you want?” His tone was rich, seductive, layered with that familiar Alan Rickman edge that could make even the most innocent words feel like a sin.

You felt your own pulse quicken as the trailer showed the forbidden dance between them escalating. The sound of Thomas’s voice echoed through the studio as he muttered, “This isn’t about him. It’s about us. And you know it.” His fingers slid along her jawline, coaxing her to face him as his lips found hers, the scene charged with a desperate, guilty need that had both you and the audience breathless.

As the trailer transitioned into the hot, forbidden scenes between Thomas and Emily, the tension on screen thickened, pulling the audience into the dangerous web of their affair. Each stolen moment was a study in contrasts: Thomas's raw dominance against Emily's trembling vulnerability, her guilt palpable but overshadowed by her overwhelming need. The music, dark and pulsing, set the tone as Thomas’s hands slid down Emily’s arms, his fingers lingering on her wrists as he pinned her against the wall.

“Why fight this?” Thomas’s voice was a rough whisper, his hazel eyes filled with a fierce, relentless desire. “You want this, Emily. You want me.” His tone was commanding, giving no room for denial, and as his lips claimed hers, you could feel the forbidden desire practically vibrating through the screen.

In another scene, Thomas’s hands explored every curve of Emily’s body with a hunger that bordered on obsession. His baritone voice dripped with lust as he muttered in her ear, “You belong to me now, Emily. Don’t even think about him.” The camera lingered on their entwined bodies, capturing every stolen kiss, every whisper of guilt-tinged passion as Thomas claimed her, the heat between them all-consuming.

But beneath the lust and forbidden connection, Emily’s guilt simmered. In one heart-wrenching moment, Michael, her boyfriend and Thomas's son, looked at her with absolute sincerity, his eyes filled with a tenderness that twisted the knife of her betrayal even deeper.

“I love you, Emily,” Michael said softly, his fingers brushing her cheek as he held her close. She forced herself to smile, but her eyes betrayed the storm raging inside her, torn between the comfort of Michael’s love and the fire of Thomas’s dangerous seduction.

The screen cut back to Thomas and Emily in a hotel room, dimly lit and shadowed. Thomas, in full control, had Emily pinned to the bed, his hands pressing her wrists into the mattress as he loomed over her. His gaze was dark, challenging, daring her to deny what was unfolding between them.

“You think you can go back to him, pretend nothing happened?” he sneered, his breath hot against her skin. “No, Emily. You’re mine now. And I’ll make damn sure you remember that.” His hands traced down her body, his grip possessive, his words laced with dominance. Each move, each breath, each kiss felt like a declaration of ownership.

As the trailer built to a crescendo, the final scene shifted to a formal dinner setting. Emily sat beside Michael, who was oblivious to the secrets she kept buried beneath her polite smile. Across the table, Thomas watched her with that familiar, smug expression, his eyes glinting with barely concealed satisfaction as he raised his glass in a toast to the love.

“To love,” he said, his voice rich with irony, his gaze never leaving Emily. The silent threat in his eyes was unmistakable, as if reminding her of the control he held over her. The tension was thick, palpable, every word laced with the knowledge of what they shared—and what she could never admit.

The screen faded to black as the title of the movie appeared, followed by the release date in bold, with the haunting background music underscoring the forbidden nature of their connection. The final note left a lingering tension, promising audiences a twisted, seductive journey of desire, betrayal, and control.

The lights came back up in the studio, and the audience sat in stunned silence before erupting into applause. Beside you, Alan Rickman wore his usual, subtle smirk, a glimmer of satisfaction in his eyes as he nodded toward you, clearly pleased with the trailer’s impact.

The host leaned in with a half-dazed smile, clearly affected by what he’d just seen. “Wow,” he murmured, his voice a mixture of awe and surprise as he turned to you. “That was something else. What was it like filming such… powerful scenes?”

You smiled, feeling a renewed excitement as you thought back on what it took to bring Emily’s journey to life. “Well, Emily is caught in this web of conflicting desires and guilt,” you began, glancing at Alan, who nodded subtly in encouragement. “She knows she’s making a mistake with Thomas, that she’s risking everything. But there’s a fire between them that she can’t ignore, this intensity that keeps pulling her back in. Alan brought so much to Thomas—this commanding, almost predatory energy that made her attraction to him feel undeniable. It was like stepping into fire every time we shot those scenes.”

The host grinned, clearly intrigued by the dynamic. “And it seems like that heat is definitely going to carry over to audiences!” He turned to Alan, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips. “Alan, this role is quite a departure for you, right? Intense passion, deep conflict… I imagine it was a challenge. But, if I may say, some people might wonder if it was a bit of a stretch, considering…” he trailed off, gesturing vaguely at Alan’s physique. “You know, the years have added a bit of… experience.”

A flicker of discomfort passed over Alan’s face, his easygoing expression tightening just slightly. You could see he was maintaining his usual calm, probably used to the subtle jabs that occasionally came his way. But this time, it irked you. You clenched your fists, irritation bubbling up as the host continued with a superficial smile. Why was it that everyone focused on Alan’s appearance as if it diminished his talent, as if that baritone voice and those intense hazel eyes didn’t already command a room?

Before Alan could respond with his usual poised deflection, you interjected, your voice laced with a calm but unmistakable edge. “With all due respect,” you said, turning to the host, “I think that question completely misses the point. Alan brought an energy to Thomas that’s raw, magnetic, and honestly, breathtaking. I’m certain audiences are going to be captivated not because of a number on a scale but because of the undeniable charisma he brings to the screen. If anything, I’d bet most people will be going to see this film just to watch him.”

Alan looked over at you, surprise and a hint of gratitude in his eyes, though he quickly covered it with a slight smile, that subtle, self-deprecating charm of his. “Thank you,” he murmured quietly, dipping his head.

The host, momentarily taken aback, tried to recover with a chuckle. “Oh, absolutely, I didn’t mean to suggest anything else. It’s just that… well, Alan’s a bit of a legend, and people have a certain image…”

You didn’t let him finish. “Exactly,” you replied smoothly. “And that image is of someone who captivates, who can seduce with a look or a line. I don’t know about everyone else, but when Alan Rickman steps into a role, I don’t notice anything but his presence. And in this film, he exudes a dangerous, irresistible attraction. That’s what will have audiences glued to their seats.”

Alan’s smirk widened slightly, a glint of approval in his gaze as he relaxed beside you. He glanced at the host, his usual sly humor peeking through. “I think I’ll take that as my cue to leave all future interviews to [Your Name] here. She clearly has a much better perspective on the matter.”

The audience chuckled, and you exchanged a warm look with Alan. There was an unspoken connection between you both, a shared understanding that transcended the superficialities the host had attempted to reduce the discussion to. The conversation quickly shifted to the film’s plot and its themes, but you felt a renewed closeness with Alan. As the host wrapped up the interview, you gave Alan a discreet squeeze on the hand, a gesture of support and admiration.

Backstage, Alan turned to you, his usual smirk softened by a touch of genuine warmth. “Thank you,” he murmured, his baritone voice low. “You didn’t have to do that.”

You met his gaze, a smile tugging at your lips. “Someone had to remind them what really matters. And honestly, I meant every word. When people see you as Thomas… let’s just say, they’re in for quite an experience.”

He chuckled, his hooked nose scrunching as he raised an eyebrow. “You think so, do you?”

“Absolutely,” you replied, your voice dropping to a playful whisper. “And between you and me, I think I’m the lucky one, having been the one to experience it firsthand.”

Alan’s eyes sparkled with mischief, his smile lingering as he took in your words. “Well then,” he murmured, his tone laced with that rich, magnetic allure that left you breathless, “it’s good to know I still have it, isn’t it?”

[cinderella-ish]

My evolving thoughts on who Yuki should've ended up with, and fanfic's role in changing my mind

So, I want to talk about Yuki Sohma.

Yuki is the member of the main trio in Fruits Basket with whom I most identify. I have little in common with both Tohru and Kyo, and it took me several watches and read-throughs to start to understand their characters/arcs. (I love them, don't get me wrong! I just didn't fully appreciate the depth of their characters/arcs until maybe my third time through the series.)

Yuki, on the other hand, not only had many external qualities in common with me, but the way he grew mirrored some of the ways I changed in early adulthood. His arc felt true to my life, and so he was my favorite character from my first exposure to Fruits Basket.

When I started reading fanfic, I initially limited myself to canon compliant or limited canon-divergence fics, but eventually, I dipped my toes into some alternate pairings. Interestingly, while I truly can't see Tohru with anyone but Kyo, and I can only see Kyo with someone other than Tohru in very specific circumstances, Yuki seems to work with almost everyone he gets paired with. I mean, Yuki and Machi are my OTP, yet I have probably read (and bookmarked) every Yuki/Kakeru fic on Ao3, and some of the most beautiful fanfic I've ever read is Yuki/Kyo.

This confused me at first. Deeply. If Yuchi is my OTP, why do I devour every Yukeru and Yukyo fic?

Well, I think that's because Yuki's arc is, among other things, one where he rejects compulsory romance. This is made explicit in the Cinderella-ish story (why yes this is my favorite part of Fruits Basket, why do you ask?), where he quite literally rejects the role of the prince - the role that's been put onto him by others through the series. I think his arc would have been complete without him ending up with Machi, but there are things about their relationship that make his ending so much more satisfying. In stories where he ends up with Kakeru or Kyo, Machi almost always appears as an important friend for him. I think, for him, having strong bonds outside the Sohmas that he forged on his own was the point, rather than ending up in a relationship.

Anyway, with that out of the way, here are my thoughts on the five most common Yuki pairings on Ao3!

Yuki/Machi

Yes. I love them. 1000/10.

Okay, so the one criticism I have of Yuki/Machi is that Yuki is strongly gay-coded throughout the series, and it would've been awesome to see that play out in the way it was set up. I think that's a huge part of why I connected with Yuki - his arc definitely reminded me of my own experience coming to terms with my own queerness. For more on this, see this exceptional post by @yunsoh

But there are so many moments between them that make me swoon. The chalk scene, first and foremost. I used that scene to talk to my partner about how to support me when my OCD or ADHD is bad. Then there's scene where Yuki figures out why Machi destroys things, then asks to make footprints in the snow together (and tells her he's proud of her! and sees how hard she's worked!). The way he bought her Mogeta memorabilia or figured out she likes red or understood her intent when she chased him around the school to give him a flower and just ended up getting angry at him. The way he understood she bought Tohru a bath set because it's what she would want, just because Kakeru made a similar remark. The way he lit up when he saw Machi's trashed apartment - "the sea of despair."

And the way Machi understood and empathized with Yuki. The way he lit up and started laughing when she called him an airhead. The way she said it took someone like him to notice someone like her. The way she opened up to him and always sought him out. The way Kakeru shipped them. The way he knew she would miss him if he were to disappear, and the way being a support to her was something he needed for himself. The way she accepted him as he actually was, and not the way he thought he was supposed to be. The way she broke the door down with a chair when Yuki was trapped in the storage room. The way he teased her!

They've both been put in seemingly desirable positions within their families, yet those positions are responsible for so much of their pain and trauma. They get each other at a deep level. There's a mutuality to their relationship that Yuki desperately needed. I love them so much!

PS: if you also love Yuki/Machi, come find me on Ao3! I'll be posting some Yuchi content later this week!

Yuki/Kakeru

They have a fantastic and fun dynamic, and they are always touching each other. Kakeru is Yuki's confidant and someone who makes Yuki feel safe in being himself, flaws and all. They help each other grow - Yuki helps Kakeru be more empathetic, and Kakeru helps Yuki become more comfortable with himself. I think this pairing would have also been a satisfying end for Yuki, full stop. I love them, and I will read all your Yukeru fics, please and thank you. (Also, lots of Yukeru writers are just really good writers, so there are some gorgeous works for them.)

Yuki/Kyo

So, I didn't get why this ship was so popular at first, but then I was reminded that Yuki's first thought when he met Kyo was "pretty!" They both secretly admired each other, they're written as foils for each other, and there's a reason enemies to lovers is so popular (and it's called sexual tension).

There's a Yuki/Kyo fic that I'd credit with showing me what fanfic can really do - especially in the ways it expanded the universe, found its own way of handling the curse, and developed the relationship between the two boys in a way that also grew their characters. That fic is The Pursuit of Repeating History by @mistergrass

I do think that Yuki ending up with someone outside the Sohmas is more satisfying for his character arc than someone from the Sohma clan, but his relationship with Kyo is such a key part of his arc that this could be satisfying in its own right.

Yuki/Haru

I absolutely love the relationship these two have in canon. I love how Haru looks out for Yuki, and I love how he drives Yuki a bit crazy. I love how Haru tells Yuki the things he needs to hear, like that it's okay for him to focus on himself for a while, and I love how Yuki braves the Sohma estate to check on Haru. I also love the way Haru can read Yuki like a book.

Haru's words to Yuki about finding someone who will appreciate his fragility and kindness are always so touching. Haru is almost a mentor to Yuki, in a way, or a fairy godmother. (Or a long lost sister?) The fact that he was the one who got Yuki out of isolation at the hands of Akito, or that he was the one person who would check on him just speaks to the strength of his loyalty to Yuki.

I take Haru's statement of "Yuki was my first love" seriously, because he tells Yuki he is serious when Yuki warns him people will take him seriously when he says that. I know there's an argument to be made that Haru is just being his weird self, but that gives me and they were roommates vibes.

Unfortunately, most of the Yuki/Haru fics are dubcon with Dark Haru, which is not something I enjoy reading. What I'd really love to read is an AU where they're together in high school or later, or something that explores Haru's early feelings for Yuki, or just something that explores interesting sides of their characters that are brought out when they're together.

I don't think this would be a terribly satisfying end for Yuki, but I do really love their dynamic.

Yuki/Tohru

Okay, so, full disclosure: I was #teamyuki when I first watched Fruits Basket. Yet now, they're the only pairing on this list that I don't like. Why? Well, as I said above, Yuki's arc is much about rejecting this specific compulsory romance.

Compulsory how? Well, from the beginning, the series seems like it's setting up a love triangle, but kind of tells us (more and more explicitly as the series goes on) that things are not what they seem.

I think the series does a phenomenal job of making the reader/viewer complicit in placing this compulsory romance onto Yuki. A brief aside, making the reader/viewer complicit in the thing a story is criticizing is one of the most effective ways to criticize something, IMO, because it doesn't let the reader/viewer off the hook. We don't get to say, "Look at them, they're so foolish!" We're forced to examine our own expectations and acknowledge that we were made a fool of, too.

I totally got tingles at the spa scene (pictured above), even though upon rewatch, it's obvious how much of an act it is on Yuki's part, and how uncomfortable it makes Tohru. In fact, many of their most "romantic" moments, where the shojo bubbles appear and everything, are when Tohru is acting in an explicitly motherly way to Yuki, and he awkwardly tries to flirt because he's either misinterpreting his feelings or in denial about them.

I also thought his line, "that isn't what I want!" when he tells Kakeru about his true feelings for Tohru is one of the most powerful moments in the series. It's the moment he's finally letting go of being the Princely character and choosing to be himself, for himself, because he deserves to be known and accepted - something he'd never fully believed until that moment.

I think part of why I was initially #teamyuki was because I came to Fruits Basket through the anime first, where much of the development of his relationship with Machi was cut. Also, as I said above, I didn't really get the characters of Kyo and Tohru right away, and I think that prevented me from seeing the power of their romance. The True Form arc was a key moment that I truly didn't understand until several viewings/readings later.

So, all of that is why I don't care for this pairing. I get why people do, but I do feel it undermines Yuki's agency and his character arc. It's a pairing that makes me sad when I see it, as if this character I love has taken a step backward.

(Incidentally, I've been wanting to write a fic where the True Form arc plays out differently and Yuki takes longer to realize the nature of his feelings for Tohru. I truly wonder how he would've come to that understanding without witnessing her running after Kyo. Would he have tried dating her? Would it have been a total disaster?)

Other pairings and larger relationship structures

Out of the other pairings I found, the only one I'm genuinely curious about is Yuki with Saki Hanajima. I'll have to go read those fics. They are each the "cold" half of a "hot/cold" duo (the "hot" halves being Kyo and Arisa, who are basically the same person). I'm very curious what led people to pair them in the handful of fics about them!

(Interestingly, I think it's possible to read Saki and Arisa both as having a bit of sexual tension with Kyo, but not with Yuki.)

The others include Akito, Ayame, Hatori, and Shigure - all pairings that would have a noncon/dubcon element due to Yuki's age, and that's before you get into the specific traumas that these characters have inflicted on Yuki, or the inherent power dynamics between them, or the close familial relationship with Ayame, etc...

The trio relationships are all intriguing and full of possibility. Yuki/Tohru/Kyo? Obviously. Yuki/Kakeru/Kimi? Potential for lots of wackiness. Yuki/Kyo/Haru? Could be the next Mabudachi trio.

(No shade to anyone who enjoys fics with the pairings or tropes I don't like! This blogger believes in "don't like, don't read.")

[mishasminion360]

How Do You Do It?

Jack Daniels x fem!reader

Warnings: Mild language; words said in anger; stress-induced anxiety; mild angst; self-doubt; but lots of fluff, I swear.

Summary: Being a new mother and a homemaker are two difficult jobs to juggle at the same time, and even more of a challenge when your husband is constantly away. When Jack returns from his latest assignment to find you overtaxed and irritable, he decides to make it up to you by spending a day in your shoes.

A/N: What a busy summer/early fall. So much has changed in such a short time. Change is weird sometimes and brings a lot of stress. Had my first-ever panic attack. Zero stars; do not recommend. But even the stressful, scary parts of our lives can be inspiring. This fic is proof of that 😝

P.S. As you can see I began this fic in the fall of 2023 and look how late I’m posting it! I’m sorry for the long hiatus, folks, but believe me when I say it was necessary.

How is it that your husband is the secret agent, but the weight of the world always feels like it’s been thrust upon your shoulders?

The day you found out you were expecting was one of the happiest of your life. You and Jack had been over the moon and spent the entire adventure of pregnancy fantasizing about all the joys of parenthood that would arrive along with your bundle of joy. You weren’t kidding yourselves; you knew that a baby brought big changes and more than a few challenges. You just weren’t aware of just how high those hurdles would be until you were thrown into the race.

The roles of wife, homemaker, and now mother all seem to merge into one monstrous, never-ending task; and your duties seemed all the more daunting when you were left to fulfill them alone.

Jack is nothing short of attentive and dedicated when he’s at home. The problem is that “home” is usually the last place one will find him. As of late, his job with the Statesmen pulls and pushes him this way and that into parts unknown where he’s embroiled in espionage for some indeterminate period, leaving you with a house to maintain, meals to prepare, clothes to launder, and a colicky infant to soothe.

You’re trapped inside a pressure cooker and the temperature is nearing critical.

***

“Baby Shark” is on its 25th iteration, every “doo doo doo” is like a bat to the back of your head. You dance topless in the living room with your wailing son clutched to your naked chest. You’d tossed your t-shirt into the wash twenty minutes ago, covered—like the two before it—in your baby boy’s milky vomit.

Your sanity is a mere thread, frayed, delicate, and seconds away from completely unraveling. Your head is pounding and back aching, and you’re trying to convince yourself that the flush of heat you feel just beneath your skin is not a fever. You can’t afford to be sick now. Not when you are all your son has; when you are all you have.

“Daddy’s home, darlin’!”

The sound of his voice, the familiar clip-clop of his boots on the hardwood floor, should fill you with after hardly having heard it for a solid week. Instead, it has your already tepid body simmering with frustration.

“Hey there, Mama Mare.” The affectionate term oozes from between his grinning lips with all the smooth, sweet ease of honey. “Give this ol’ cowboy some sugar. He missed you.”

His lips are on yours and then detaching themselves before your mouth can even register it’d just been in contact with another; far quicker and more careless than the long overdue reunion kiss you’d been anticipating. The brief little smooch held about as much passion as a handshake.

“There’s my little cowpoke!”

Jack lifts his squalling son from your arms and little John’s cries instantly cease. Of course they do. Of freaking course.

“Well, now, you didn’t have to get all dressed up on my account, honeybee.”

You snap to attention after possibly having fallen asleep on your feet for a split second to see that Jack’s devilish gaze has zeroed in on your bared tits.

“You certainly know how to welcome a fella home.”

While he’s busy ogling your non-seductive nudity, your own eyes have locked onto the trail of muddy prints stretching from the front door, each filthy footfall a perfect imprint of the sole of Jack’s boots. Yet another mess you’ll have to clean up; another chore added to the already heavy burden you’re shouldering.

“How’s about after dinner we mosey on upstairs, put this little buckaroo to bed, then I show you just how much I missed you?”

You don’t even know how to respond to him right now, so you don’t. You simply turn your back and walk away, seething in a silent rage as you stomp your way upstairs to put on the thickest, ugliest sweatshirt you can find that leaves everything up to the imagination.

John starts to wail once again, but that’s Jack’s problem now. You have about a million other tasks to accomplish—make that a million and one, thanks to his filthy freaking boots.

You slip into the master bath and toss back a couple of Advil for your pounding headache and by the time you re-emerge, Jack is pacing around your bed, hands on his hips and a pensive scowl on his face.

You take a deep breath through your nose and the words tumble from your lips in a sigh. “I haven’t started dinner yet. Give me just a few minutes and I can—“

“Did I say somethin’ wrong?” he blurts. “‘Cause you gave me a look back there that reminded me of an angry steer about to trample a rodeo clown.”

“Just forget it,” you mutter, brushing past him toward the door. His hand wraps around your wrist before you can cross the threshold.

“I ain’t forgettin’ nothin’,” he drawls as he turns you to face him. “Sugar, what’s wrong? No use lyin’ because I can tell somethin’s stuck in your craw.”

Oh, it’s stuck alright. Like a bug in a windshield.

“Jesus, Jack,” you sigh. “Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve had a total of five non-consecutive hours of sleep this week. Or it could be the fact that the house is a mess or that I’m down to my last pair of clean underwear. All the chores have been put on hold so I could tend to our son while you’ve been off playing ‘secret agent man’ in God only knows where.”

His mustache twitches and his jaw ticks.

“Honeybee, why didn’t you tell me you’ve been strugglin’? I would have—“

“Because I shouldn’t have to tell you!” you snap. “You should know me well enough by now to tell when I’m not okay! You should already have some inkling of how hard it is to raise a child and that the process usually goes much smoother when both parents are involved. But I guess I’m just a fool for assuming. Getting shot at is far less hazardous to your health than changing a dirty diaper after all.”

When the red finally clears from your vision you see that Jack’s has become clouded with a look you’d only bore witness to once and concluded that you never wanted to see again. His mirthful brown eyes dulled by a deeply rooted pain planted long ago by a cruel twist of fate. He’d been robbed of his first chance to be a husband and father and you’d just accused him of squandering his second.

“Sugar, I’m….I’m sorry.”

Shit. It’s not fair. You have been miserable for an entire week and you can’t stand to see him miserable for even a millisecond.

“No, I’m sorry,” you insist, voice and legs quivering. You lower yourself to the bed before exhaustion and gravity get the better of you. “I’m just so tired. Tired and frustrated.”

He drops to the bed beside you and pulls you into one of his signature hugs you’ve missed so much. The tightest of embraces that only he can give.

“I know you’re working hard to provide for our family,” you sob. “I know that but still I….I feel so alone, Jack.”

Before even a single southern-drenched syllable can leave his mouth, a sharp wail blasts from the baby monitor and your body reacts instinctively and urgently. You shoot up and out of Jack’s arms like a rocket.

“Let me check on him and then I’ll start dinner,” you say with a sniffle.

“I’ll get him, darlin’,” Jack insists, gently grasping you by the wrist and halting your minimal progress toward the door.

“But he probably needs—“

“I will get him.”

His hands are on your shoulders now—firm yet gentle—and grounding, comforting.

“Please, let me take care of my boy so you can take care of you, honeybee. And then, later, I’d like to take care of you, too. If you’ll let me.”

You can only muster a nod before he’s striding out of the room. Taking advantage of the first minute you’ve had to yourself in a week, you slip into the shower and let the warm spray unclench every muscle coiled tight with stress.

By the time you emerge, John is sleeping peacefully and a pizza’s been ordered. Jack dotes on you the entire evening, giving your aching feet a rub down with his skillful hands and cuddling you close as you both zone out to some ridiculous reality TV. His mere presence is a balm to your weary soul.

Whenever the baby cries in the middle of the night and your body moves on instinct Jack stills you, urges you back to the mattress, and takes on the challenge himself. It’s the best night’s sleep you’ve had in you can’t remember how long.

***

And surprisingly enough, you don’t manage to sleep any later than 9 a.m. The smell of extra greasy bacon lures you from bed, a siren’s call to your stomach.

John bounces in his high chair, babbling around a mouthful of mashed banana, most of which appears to have ended up on his face, shirt, and chubby little fists. Jack is an even more astonishing sight than your messy son, strutting about the kitchen in your frilly apron topping his off-white Henley and faded Wranglers.

“Well, good mornin’, sugar,” he cries, grabbing your hips to tug you in for a kiss. “Though I wasn’t expectin’ to see you up so soon.”

“How did you expect me to stay asleep when something smells incredible?”

“That would be my famous chocolate chip, peanut butter, and banana flapjacks.”

In true Southern gentlemanly fashion, he pulls out a chair and eases you into it before setting a towering stack of syrup-soaked pancakes before you, coffee and bacon following suit.

“Better eat quick now, darlin’,” Jack urges as he takes a seat with his plate. “You’ve got a busy day ahead of you.”

As if you could forget. That laundry is begging for attention, the house hasn’t had a good dusting in you can’t recall how long, and Johnny already needs a bath—

“I made you an appointment for noon.”

Your train of thought instantly stalls on the tracks.

“Appointment?”

Jack grins over the brim of his steaming mug.

“Honey, you need a break. Figured you might enjoy yourself a little spa day.”

You can hardly believe your ears.

“Spa day?”

“Yes, ma’am. Massage, mud baths, whatever the heck they do with seaweed, the whole nine yards,” he explains proudly. “I even called up your buddy from work and asked if she’d like to join you. And it’s all on me.”

“But Jack, what about John? And the house, the laundry, the cooking?”

“Gimme some credit, sugar,” he chuckles. “I think I can keep the homestead standin’ and our baby boy breathin’ for a day. Besides, it’s high time I start puttin’ in my fair share of help around here, isn’t it?”

You’re not sure if you want to thank him or burst into tears. Maybe both.

“You do so much, honeybee,” he says warmly, voice as smooth, rich, and sweet as the syrup sluiced atop your pancakes. “You move mountains every day to make this house a home. How’s about lettin’ someone do somethin’ for you for a change?”

You scarf down the rest of your pancakes before kissing him with sticky lips and racing up the stairs to get ready for your big day out.

***

You feel rejuvenated and refreshed. Brand fucking new. A far cry from the husk of a woman who’d left the house this morning. Wrapped in seaweed and slathered with mud you’d been returned to the earth and reborn at full strength, like a phoenix risen from the ash.

You'd been reunited with an inner strength and power you'd all but forgotten. And thank God for that, because you're going to need every bit of it to face the chaos you come walking back into upon your return home.

You can hear John’s piercing wails before you’ve cut the engine and opened the driver’s side door. You can smell the smoke before you've even reached the front steps.

Inside all hell has broken loose. Gray tendrils of smoke slither through the air, teasing the detector into screaming its warning. Your baby boy is giving it some stiff competition with his own cries as Jack struggles to bounce him on one arm while he tries to fan away the smoke with the other. Both gestures prove futile.

“It’s okay, buckeroo. You’re okay. Don’t cry. Please, please don’t cry.”

Jack looks so frazzled. The situation is far from funny so the last thing you should do is laugh at his expense. But dammit if you don’t anyway.

“Do you need some help there, cowboy?”

His frantic eyes find you through the haze and pierce you with a desperate, wordless plea. You take the inconsolable infant from your husband’s arm and soothe him into silence as Jack does the same to the smoke alarm.

“There now, Johnny. See? Everything’s okay. Daddy made the bad sound stop.”

“He just stopped cryin’ for you. Just like that.”

Something in his eyes burns. Something in his voice cracks.

“I couldn't bring him any kind of comfort. He didn't….want nothin’ to do with me.”

Your weary cowpoke sags into one of the chairs at the kitchen table and buries his face in his hands with an exasperated sigh.

“You were right, darlin’. I'm useless.”

You settle John into his high chair with a teething ring to distract him before turning your attention to your distressed husband.

“To be fair, I never said you were useless.”

“You may as well have,” he sighs. “And if you weren’t thinkin’ it before you’ll be thinkin’ it now.”

You smirk. “Rough day?”

“Oh darlin’, you don’t even know the half of it.”

He begins to recount the day’s challenges, his voice raising in pitch as goes from describing one hurdle to the next. He almost seems on the verge of tears.

“And I got so distracted while tryin’ to get our fussy boy to eat his dinner that I failed to hear the timer and let ours burn. Hence the fiasco you came home to. And when John started bellowing for his supper I was in the middle of the laundry and I forgot to separate the colorful items from the rest, so my new red jockeys turned our bathroom towels pink and….and I just failed so miserably today, sugar. I’m so sorry.”

You laugh, unable to help it. It’s all you can do at this point. “Welcome to my world, sweetheart.”

“How on Earth do you do it, sugar?”

If you’re being honest, you ask yourself that question at least once a day, and not always with the same emotional connotation behind it.

“There’s just something inside of me that encourages me to power through the difficulties. A force, a reminder.”

“An iron will for damn sure,” he scoffs.

“No, that’s not it,” you chuckle. “It’s love, Jack. For you and our boy. That’s what keeps me going.”

He looks at your have cradling his own, a gesture of both dominance and comfort. In this moment he believes that he is made of inferiority.

“I love you both to the moon and back, yet I can’t even do a load of laundry.”

“Jack you do enough. I have not, do not, and never will doubt your love for me and John,” you reassure him. “Acts of service just happen to be my particular love language, not yours.”

“Then what is mine?”

You lift his hands and kiss both sets of his knuckles. “Words of affirmation.”

His acts of service are for the world, but his words are just for you.

“But ain’t actions supposed to speak louder?”

“For others, maybe,” you shrug. “But that’s only because no one else speaks as loudly as you.”

@grimeylady @rav3n-pascal22 @mamacitapascal @insomniamama1 @pedrosbisch @emmaispunk @lv7867 @reonlouw @hawaiianmelodies @heythere-mel @healingstardust @delorena @pedropasxal @caesaryoulater @fangirling-alert @fromthedeskoftheraven @axshadows @dragon-scales88 @spacepastel-blog @spideysimpossiblegirl @hauntedmama @mswarriorbabe80 @horton-hears-a-honk @wild-at-heart-kept-in-cage @a-trial-run-on-paper @oonajaeadira @dhadiirah @felicisimor @practicalghost @luz-introvertida @amneris21 @hb8301 @tanzthompson @littlemisspascal @dobbyjen @supernaturalgirl20 @alexxavicry @harriedandharassed @trickstersp8 @neganwifey25-blog @twistedboxy @emiemiemiii @energeticspookyshark @thevoiceinyourheadx @pedr0swh0r3 @anamiad00msday @secretwriterpp @wannab-urs @pedrostories

[candymay]

My crazy roman empire is Lana and Armie's work and life parallel like in that it's always sunny in philadelphia conspiracy theory meme way

2010: Lana's debut studio album as Lana Del Ray, a.k.a Lizzy Grant // Armie's breakout role in The Social Network. Fun fact: one of the songs is titled "Put Me In A Movie." Armie also tied the knot that year.

2012-2013: Marked Lana's major-label debut with "Born To Die," a divisive album that jumpstarted her career but also faced enduring criticism from media and critics. // Armie experienced his first "flop" with big studio films in "Mirror Mirror" and "The Lone Ranger," but the real ones know they're actually golden lol.

2017: marked a pivotal moment for both Lana and Armie. Lana unveiled her first SMILE on her album titled LUST FOR LIFE (the antithesis of her pessimistic Born To Die), sounds like a stupid insignificant detail yet it resonated deeply with the fans, marking a departure from her "sad girl" persona. It's her summer bop album. Very Timothee's Elio. // Obvi, Armie delivered his standout summer love performance in CMBYN, solidifying his position in Hollywood. It was a momentous occasion for Lana, particularly with the release of her song "Get Free" — you literally just had to be there it changed her history forever lol. Finally, I'm crossing the threshold From the ordinary world To the reveal of my heart I never really noticed that I had to decide To play someone's game or to live my own life But now I do I want to move Out of the black Into the blue

2020-2021: Lana faced major backlash for her infamous Instagram post "Question for the Culture" and later for wearing a mesh-looking mask during COVID. // Armie's divorce and scandal lol. Interestingly, the year before, Lana released the masterpiece "Norman Fucking Rockwell!" featuring the song "The Greatest." And I'm wasted Don't leave, I just need a wake-up call I'm facin' the greatest The greatest loss of them all The culture is lit and I had a ball I guess I'm signin' off after all

2023: Lana Del Rey released a diaristic masterpiece with "Did You Know That There's a Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd," transitioning from her self-indulgent, character-driven songwriting to a more personal and introspective exploration of her family and personal life. // After a period of silence, Armie's interview was published in AirMail as a full-length article. One of the songs, "Kintsugi," reflects on the recent deaths of three of her relatives, including her grandmother. Similarly, Armie had recently experienced loss; his father, his grandmother, and Florence.

Daddy, I miss them I'm in the mountains Probably running away, I've been meaning to say That there's nothing to do except know that this is How the light gets in Like cracking, the light gets in Then you're golden Just another folk song, but anyway I try so hard, but that's okay It's how the light gets in Armie opened up about his experience of sexual abuse by his youth pastor, marking the first time he publicly discussed it. Lana addressed a similar theme for the first time in her Grammy-nominated song "A&W". If I told you that I was raped Do you really think that anybody would think I didn't ask for it? I didn't ask for it I won't testify, I already fucked up my story On top of this, so many other things you can't believe

2024: Both are now living their best sober lives, with Lana having been sober for 20 years after her early struggles with alcohol and Armie has been sober for three years. They are now thriving, embracing new habits like vaping (lol), learning more about spirituality, and hanging with their family, and it seems like it's only up, up, up from here.

[writingquestionsanswered]

What’s the difference between an author criticizing someone for saying bad stuff about their book and a musician or actor doing the same with their music or movies aka the ‘haters can’t get to me’ attitude that we see a lot? i’ve seen so many ‘authors shouldn’t invade reviewer spaces’ but never that reviewers should just say they don’t like something and move on instead of hating. What differentiates these two demographics when both, at their core, are types of art. am i missing something? just to be clear this question is more out of curiosity than hostility.

Here's the difference:

You're confusing criticism with hate. No one is saying that "hate" is acceptable, but a negative review isn't hate...

If I say, "Chad McChaddington is such a two-bit no-talent hack whose face looks like a truck drove through a pile of horse shit..." that's hate. That is a cruel, unfounded personal attack based on negative emotion and nothing else. It isn't there to provide a well thought out opinion for the benefit of other consumers.

But, if I say, "I found Chad McChaddington's latest album to be the least creative of all three. The tracks all had the same early 90s synthy b-side aesthetic, yet still somehow managed to lack cohesion. Furthermore, his song about his ex-girlfriend was misogynistic and concerning. It was a very disappointing turn for this once talented singer-songwriter." That's a REVIEW, not a personal attack. There's no insult, no name-calling, nothing emotional or unqualified. Just backed up opinions on why I didn't like the album.

I guarantee you've never seen Billie Eilish lash out in the comments of a Rolling Stone article that says her latest album wasn't her best. You've probably never seen Paul Rudd or Zendaya tweet that they didn't appreciate Leonard Maltin's negative take on their latest role, or the scathing review of their latest movie in the New York Times. If they did, it would be just as inappropriate as when authors do it.

Authors are not entitled to glowing reviews.

Full stop.

All writers receive criticism and bad reviews. Even the best, most popular, most critically-acclaimed writers of all time. It's a fact of life, part and parcel with being a writer. Any writer who can't handle criticism and negative reviews should consider whether putting their work into the public forum is a good for their well-being.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

LEARN MORE about WQA

SEE MY ask policies

VISIT MY Master List of Top Posts

COFFEE & FEEDBACK COMMISSIONS ko-fi.com/wqa

[eyestumblin]

I'm 34 and going through an experience lately that is really making a part of "old people dinosaur brain" click into place for me.

I've been playing the mmo GuildWars2 for ten years and I've spent much of that time striving to Get Good. I didn't have any experience with competitive gaming, and it's taken an embarrassment of hours to develop the knowledge and skills needed to reach competency similar to, though not as impressive as my early role models. There's still a high ceiling I haven't hit, but feeling strong in any moment is wonderful. There's a feeling of safety and satisfaction knowing my time and effort has been transmuted into control, comfort, and clout. I have Grown. I have Progressed. Line goes up.

The problem is it took me so long to get here, the game that existed around those things I admired has changed so much, my ideas of what's cool are no longer even really viable in terms of what's "good". All the knowledge I had of the old metagames and the 'best' strategies is firmly locked in my memory, but I return to old content and it wouldn't even make sense to do things that way anymore. I observed, practiced, memorized and became proficient with tools that now only really have value as historical preservation (Grandpa, tell me the story of los in dungeons and wvw meteornado?). This is followed by the second blow, which is to be "good" again means frequently needing to start from scratch, or at least from that awkward baby-deer-learning-to-walk, child-learning-to-hold-a-pencil stage with different tools. Years of time and thousands of hours no longer feel as disposable once you've burned through a few cycles. It gets tiring starting over. You miss being Good. I am beginning to understand the people who reject everything but their tiny version of the world, because to connect with reality would be to realize they've already slipped off the globe.

I've been given this preview of what the rest of my life will increasingly become. Acknowledging that things I've valued and carried for years can no longer accomplish what they were meant to and I have to set them down. Having empty hands for a while as I try to figure out what works now, and how to use it. I feel like people don't often talk openly, at least sympathetically, about a person's mental library of knowledge, physical coordination, even social grace falling from standard to outdated to obsolete. There are skills that have remained valuable for most of human history and cover a lifetime. Unconditional love. How to bake bread. But as technology and global communication increase the rate of societal change, shifts that would have taken decades now cycle within years. Condescending jokes about our parents and grandparents not keeping up are standard. But once we get there, how fast is everything going to be moving? How long will the gap be between cycles so we can catch up? And how much energy will we have to keep starting over? We must adapt to survive and I realize now how important it is to become able to adapt. This is my new skill to hone, but my god, what an ask! "Isn't this way too much to be extrapolating from your specific video game experience?" my mental critic asks. And I respond, "I have ADD. I abstract and combine things. I don't know. I'm valid! Get off my lawn!"

[bootleg-b0i]

I hate the a college course rabbit hole has my Swiftie-posting, but honestly, my feelings about her so ugh...conflicting.

On the one hand, she's the poster girl for white millennial cishetnormativity, I have little in common with this woman demographically. And yet I've listened to her music for as long as my conscious memory goes back. I don't consider myself a fan but I know all the words to 75% of her songs.

But mainly, my feelings recently are just like, what role creatives and public figures have in shaping the people who parasocially connect with them. Her dating that racist is so vile, but also fans sending her that tantrum letter about how she has to break up with him to be a good role model for the fans is WEIRD. And I think she has every right to read something like that and think y'all are being WHACK.

But its not like those fans didn't have a point? Idk, it's like, maybe we wouldn't care that she was dating a racist weirdo if she hadn't tried to frame herself as the paragon of allyship back in Lover era. I watched Miss Americana doc recently and like, seriously the whole thing devolves into morality propaganda. Propaganda I agree with mind you!! But girl, why was that necessary?

Alternatively, she wouldn't feel so much responsibility to voice her opinions if she wasn't always forced to be aware of the millions of media-uncritical teens who lap her every word right up. Like, we don't hold men to that kind of standard, that's why Matty Healy is even still relevant!! He can say all this heinous shit to HIS OWN teen fans and everybody lets that slide, but suddenly its Taylor's fault for dating him that the teens are gonna think its okay to being a racial fetishist? The math is kinda missing me on that one.

At one point, early on in her career, she had to dodge down allegations that she was convincing teen girls to break up with their good boyfriends by constantly writing break-up songs. Some of the discourse really feels like that kind of ridiculousness. Nobody is gonna go out and date a racist cuz Mommy Tay told us it was okay. Literally nobody is doing that unless they already wanted to.

It's hard really. I think she has every right to be angry and feel like she's going crazy under that kind of scrutiny that just gets worse all the time. I think there should be, and probably is, an onus on fans to be media-critical and decide for themselves "hey this is kind of fucked up and I think that's wrong, even if I look up to this person". And believe it or not! Most people not on the internet are able to do that!

But all that said, no matter what documentaries she makes, we need to impose a belief that girly is not a paragon of anything, but especially not:

Good Decisions

Allyship

Mental Health

Or Moral Credibility!

She's right to say that its literally her life, no one else's. Be a responsible consumer and don't listen to people who you think aren't worthy of support, and if you don't want to stop listening to her music even then, then you have to sort out that moral conundrum for yourself. It's not her job to be a moral figurehead for you, even if she wants to be and tells you she is.

[someinstant]

I was tagged by @bright-thorn in a quick get-to-know-you game, and what the heck. I've got time before a meeting, so let's do this!

Tag nine (9) people you'd like to know better!

Last song: "Doo Wop (That Thing)," Ms. Lauryn Hill. Today was our first day back in the classroom for pre-planning, and I have a million things I need to do before I have kiddos in front of me on August 1st. And because one of the things I have to do is check transcripts for all of my rosters-- gotta make sure that my seniors aren't missing any graduation requirements, gotta keep an eye out for ELL and 504 and IEP and gifted services, gotta check that no new transfers have duplicate credits, or aren't placed correctly-- I was working my way through a lot of old favorites today as background music. Stuff that would keep me awake and focused so I wouldn't miss anything critical-- and that I knew well enough for it to not be distracting. So The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill fit the bill and was my last selection of the day.

Currently reading: Oh, like four different things. The City of Brass, by S.A. Chakraborty, which I started reading ages ago and then got distracted by life, so I've started over. A Memory Called Empire, by Arkady Martine, which I started reading during the early summer of 2020 and absolutely adored-- and then both my parents needed major surgeries within the same week, and a week later my gallbladder gave out on me-- and in the chaos and haze of am-I-dying-or-is-my-gallbladder-infected, I couldn't concentrate on it. So I've started it again as well, and it's so brilliant. I love it. But it does take me immediately back to that godawful summer in a very visceral way, which makes me somewhat uncomfortable. A couple of historical murder mysteries. And I've just started The Anarchy by William Dalrymple, which is about the role of the British East India company in South Asia.

Currently watching: Literally? I've got the replay of Stage 3 of the Tour de France Femmes on right now because I couldn't watch it live. (Stupid having to work for a living.) In the greater sense, I've just finished watching The Law According to Lidia Poet on Netflix, which hits all sorts of buttons for me, because I do love a good period mystery show-- especially if it's not set in the UK. Plus the costuming is fabulous. I'm two episodes into the second season of Shadow & Bone, but-- eh, I dunno. I really am only interested in one or two of the storylines, so I'm not sure I'm going to finish it.

Current obsession: I am so sorry to everyone who has suddenly been thrown into my rabid cycling fandom, especially if you started following me for, like, Andor stuff or whatever. I'll be somewhat normal again soon, I promise, and will only occasionally reblog GIFsets of Wout van Aert doing Wout van Aert-ish things until it's time for the Vuelta. What you have to understand is that this is not a new thing for me: I've been following men's pro cycling in the form of the Tour de France since I was... twelve? Thirteen? That's when I got seriously into long-distance cycling for a while, there. And while I'm nowhere near as fit as I used to be and the week-long cycling journeys my dad and I used to do are now well out of my reach, I still watch cycling obsessively. It used to be just the Tour de France, and then I started following riders and related folks on various social media platforms, and then started listening to podcasts, and then I started watching the other Grand Tours, and the past several years I've also gotten sucked into watching the spring Classics, and now I've also fallen down the rabbit hole of women's pro cycling, too. And as an obsession it is at its most all-consuming every year during July, which is when the Tour is on-- and I live blog the whole thing. (Not on this platform, although I've considered it.) Like, I do detailed narrative stage-by-stage write ups. The document for this year's total recap wound up being 46k words long, so. Yeah. Definitely an obsession, and it's one that everyone around me just has to kind of learn to live with during the summer every year.

And if you would like to answer these questions yourself, please consider yourself tagged! I love learning things about folks.

[oraclekleo]

[Idols After Dark] The Darks Side of Lee Je No (NCT)

You can see this as a reversed version of usual appreciation posts where fans describe all the good and positive sites of their favourite idols. However, nobody in the world is perfect, am I right? And according to famous psychologist Carl Gustav Jung we should accept, embrace and bring to light all our negative and dark sites as well because they only become dangerous for us if they stay hidden within our souls. And to honour this great man I decided to bring to the light some of the more negative aspects of an idol's personality to appreciate them in a way.  

🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛

Are you excited? Are you curious? Are you outraged because idols have no flaws at all? Let's see!

🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛

Disclaimer: I have never met any of the idols or celebrities in person, I don't know them in any other way than what is publicly known about them and probably even less because I'm constantly busy and I didn't read everything about them. This whole post is based on my pure speculation, it was made for entertainment purposes and I have to put it clear it has nothing to do with real people. It's all just a mere fiction, please don't take any of it seriously. You have every right to disagree with anything written in this text and I welcome all kinds of constructive and respectful criticism, please feel free to express your opinions in the comments or request inbox. All I ask is to keep it civil and decent. I thank  all of you in advance! 

🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛

Jeno is one of the many members of NCT and yet he’s in his own way unique and unforgettable. His persona is powerful and impossible to miss. He might seem perfect at the first glance but let’s see what we can find out about his darker sides.

🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛

🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛

Like all idols, Jeno is very active, agile and on the move most of the time. However, when he’s not pushed towards activities, he might easily slip into a lazy mood. This doesn’t take long, though, because Jeno has a burning desire to become someone special in his life, someone outstanding and respected. However the success itself, despite his love for comfort and luxury, isn’t actually the most important thing for Jeno. He’s an adventurous soul and he actually enjoys the path towards success more than the final outcome. Jeno is always ready to take risks and devote his time to whatever his goal is. He’s rather driven, can even become merciless and headstrong when it comes to it. On the other hand, he truly needs to find the matter interesting for him, otherwise he becomes impatient and leaves the project without a second thought.

🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛

🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛

Jeno is full of contradictions really and it might become very difficult for other people to guess his moods. And Jeno makes it even harder for them as he might decide not to show any emotions through facial expressions. He’s very passionate about his own freedom of action and he truly needs to be independent to be happy in life. Jeno can’t be pushed or manipulated easily. He can become rather stubborn and immovable when he has set his heart on something. He’s unable to resist the call when it comes to him and he’s ready to risk anything in order to achieve what he dreams about. He’s not afraid of conflict so it can be a bit difficult to deal with Jeno. He’s so bold and rebellious, he might actually pick up on fights for the pure adrenaline rush and excitement coming with it.

🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛

🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛

It’s also suggested that Jeno’s early life might have lacked serious supervision or even a strong father figure. His father might have been absent or simply too busy or maybe he wasn’t really fit for his role and Jeno grew up with sort of an unclear idea of what being a father means. It might cause troubles if he decides to start a family of his own but for now it might influence Jeno on a more intimate level. The lack of guiding authority might make Jeno prone to adopting bad habits easily or to slip into self-destructive behaviour. Jeno might have a tendency for escapist behaviour. On the other hand, the lack of a strong father figure and the need to avoid unhealthy behavioural patterns might have led Jeno towards the opposite extreme. He might actually tend to over-manage his own life, to keep himself under constant check and avoid temptations. In conclusion, despite everything that was against him, Jeno is likely rather successful in his life. He has found the balance and for more, he got to know and accepted his darker sides and he feels comfortable about them.

🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛

🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛

With all that was said, it’s probably no surprise that Jeno has commitment issues. He’s not willing to lose his liberty and he might prefer the model of passing love affairs rather than seeking for a serious relationship. Jeno has a taste for intense relationships. He’s likely to experience some rather turbulent affairs, they nearly always transform him in some way and they are constantly growing and evolving to the breaking point, quite literally. Jeno tires and gets bored with something mundane so once the relationship is no longer exciting, he’s likely to make his leave. This applies to the sexual aspect of his relationships as well. Jeno might have some unconventional and unique preferences and his partner better not try to limit these. Jeno is rather sensitive when it comes to his ego. Telling him that his deepest desires are unacceptable can hurt him beyond imagination. He’s likely to never forget about this and start looking for a more open minded lover.

🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛

🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛

All in all, Jeno might have some serious darker sides to his personality but on the other hand, taming these on a daily basis makes him very strong and competent in life. He’s not afraid of his own darkness, he’s goal driven and he’s pretty successful running his own life.

🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛

🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛ 🖤 ⬛

Thank you for reading!

Hit the Like 💖

Comment! 💬

Reblog! 🔁

Follow for more! 💌

Any Feedback is Welcomed ✅

Anonymous Feedback - Google Form

[woozapooza]

Miscellaneous post-s4 Sopranos thoughts

I’m still trying to figure out why so many viewers hate Meadow so much. She’s had her moments of selfishness and immaturity and even cruelty, but she's been improving. In 4x12, she comes off very mature and gracious, whereas her mother keeps picking fights with her and refusing to take the opportunities Meadow gives her to talk about what’s bothering her. 

Actually, Tony was surprisingly mature in that episode as well, at least in familial matters. Sure, early on he complained that Carmela could be “a moody bitch” (you’re one to talk, king), but in the rest of the episode he actually does a pretty good job being a diplomat between his wife and daughter. In my journal entry for this episode (I’ve been doing one for every episode since partway through season 3) I wrote “he put the bar on the floor, then he sailed over it.” 

It didn’t last long, though. He was back to being despicable in 4x13, whereas I can’t think of a single moment in 4x13 where I wasn’t cheering for poor Carmela.

One of like a million ways Christopher mirrors Tony: in 4x13, he says that while he doesn't intend to apologize to the people his addiction hurt, he might send flowers or money in a few cases. Those are both things Tony has given in lieu of actually making things right: earlier this season, he sent Melfi flowers after blowing up at her about Gloria’s death, and last season, when he felt bad about getting the cop that ticketed him demoted, he tried to slip him some cash. Neither Melfi nor the cop was receptive to these gestures. He’s had better luck buying Carmela’s forgiveness, or at least forbearance, but even she’s getting sick of it: Whitecaps is "just a bigger version of an emerald ring, so you can keep on with your other life.”

Another character in the same boat, thematically speaking, as Tony and Christopher is Paulie. In 4x12, he tries to blame his fall from grace in Tony’s eyes on Silvio: “It's your fault anyway. All this shit started with that Russian prick when I had to go pick up your $5,000.” As if it’s Silvio’s fault that Paulie bungled that mission! (That reminds me, I still haven’t written the Pine Barrens post I want to write.) Then again, I’m not sure Paulie really believes what he’s saying. He’s just lashing out because he’s mad at Silvio for (very gently) warning him that “certain people are starting to wonder where your heart is.” That’s the sort of thing Tony does all the time: dredge up flimsy old grievances as a shield against completely reasonable criticisms of him.

Oh, speaking of Silvio, I really enjoyed his little moments of rebellion against Tony earlier in the season (“No Show” and “Christopher” are the only examples I can think of). I hope that theme comes back in the future.

I don’t understand why Johnny hasn’t said anything about Paulie to Carmine! The mob politics are very interesting but I’m usually just barely following what’s going on. Well, maybe it will become clear.

I ended up really enjoying Ralphie! I miss him.

To be honest, I don’t care about Junior that much. He’s fine when he’s just interacting with other characters, but I don’t really care about his storyline. Most of the time, when there’s a Junior-centric scene, I’m just waiting to get back to the characters I actually care about (i.e., almost everyone else).

I read in a review of “From Where to Eternity” that Michael Imperioli has been criticized for giving his own character too big a role in the episodes that he wrote. I told this to my friend who’s watching the show along with me, and we both agreed that we would never criticize him for that because Christopher is one of the most interesting characters and we can’t get enough of him. Well, I’ve now seen four out of the five Imperioli episodes, and not one of them has put enough weight on Christopher for this criticism to make sense, so what the fuck? Where are these Christopher-heavy episodes we were promised? “Marco Polo” had better deliver, or I may cry.

Melfi is only in eight out of thirteen episodes next season because David Chase hates me personally and wants me to suffer. However, I read online that back when the show was airing, some people thought that Tony quitting therapy was Chase preparing to remove Melfi from the show entirely, so I guess I should count my blessings that he didn’t go that route. God, I’m so in love with her. She’s so incredibly important to me.

[pynkhues]

Were you a Sex in the City fan? I do feel like a show for the girls that are in the early to mid late 20s trying to figure it out. Is kind of missing in the market currently. Anyways if you’ve seen it there was a reboot with a whole new cast. What would your fan cast look like?

I actually watched Sex and the City in its entirety for the first time during the lockdowns, anon! While there are definitely parts of it that have aged badly and is very deserving of criticism, there's a lot that's aged surprisingly well too, and even as a first time viewer, I could see why it was the pop culture juggernaut it was. I really enjoyed watching it! Although maybe not enough to watch And Just Like That, haha (after all, what is Sex and the City without all four women?)

It really does feel like there's a bit of a gap these days in TV when it comes to mid-late 20s/early 30s women figuring life out. I feel like the closest we've had for a while was Broad City and The Bold Type, but even those have both been finished for a while, and are decidedly their own animals in focus, tone and style. While I liked it a lot too, I'd also say that The Bold Type never fully knew where it wanted to sit in terms of audience which really shaped a lot of the components of the story.

But yes! A Sex and the City reboot! I love it when you guys ask me to fancast stuff, haha.

Okay, let's start with Carrie:

I hadn't seen Ashley Park in anything until a few months ago, and have since had the triple hit of seeing her in Joy Ride, Beef and now the new season of Only Murders in the Building, and I just think she's so great. She's so, so charming and funny and I think really nails that complicated mix of high strung but also kind of loose and flirty that Sarah Jessica Parker nailed in Sex and the City. I think she could bring so much to Carrie and add after Joy Ride in particular, I'd love to see her lead something again.

Miranda's kind of a tricky one in some ways - you need someone who can find that middle ground between snark and genuine vulnerability, and I think that's really an area Ritu shines in between The Umbrella Academy and Polite Society. Plus she's delightfully watchable, and I think a role like Miranda could really stretch her skills (especially because I don't think Polite Society let her actually do all that much).

Fun fact: Charlotte's lowkey my fave from Sex and the City. I know a lot of people find her annoying, but I actually think she had one of the most fulfilling arcs on the show (I'm a bit of a sucker for characters who get what they want only to realise it's not what they need), and she also reminds me of a close childhood friend who I don't see as often as I want because we live on opposite ends of the country, haha. I looooved Charithra in Bridgerton, and I think she plays naivety without ignorance, and that sweetness without being saccharine really well. Plus I think she could be a really good balancer between Ashley and Ritu.

Okay okay okay, hear me out: Samantha is supposed to be older than the other girls, and one of the things I think is so ingenious about the original casting of Samantha is how they cast an actress who was basically a jobbing actress who'd worked across TV and genre movies for decades but became famous / a sex symbol for a few roles across raunch comedies. While Jessica doesn't quite have a Porky's on her resume, she comes from a similar background of tv, low budget horror, and a few meatier roles that show she can really act, and I've always had a soft spot for her, and tbh, I think she'd kill it.

The guys aren't as fun, haha, but mmm, I kind of like the thought of John Cho for Mr Big? An older guy with the right amount of suave that you can believe Ashley Park would be on the hook for, and maybe someone like Anthony Ramos for Aidan? I'm less sure about them, haha.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Grief

There was an article a few days ago about video games and grief - mostly about how, while gaming’s always been a good way of taking your mind off grief, recently games have actually been actually dealing with the subject as a main part of the plot. Which, because sometimes my brain works like someone bouncing subject to subject via Wikipedia links, brought me to something a good friend of mine said awhile ago. Because given the games I’ve been playing of late, and how much I’ve been enjoying them, a few things are becoming clear.

See, back in December, when we had that cold snap and there was snow and ice on the roads and no one was salting anything? I posted on my Facebook that I was kind of sad about the situation. I was born in Montreal. I learned to walk on ice-slick pavement ... well, at the same time as I was learning to walk at all. That instinct never left me, either. Now it’s just that ... well, unless I want to put some version of mountaineer’s spikes on the foot of my cane, the damn thing would be a liability. I’m not even sure that would work, and certainly wouldn’t be good in places where the ice was thin. Anyway, fibromyalgia means I can’t walk on ice the way I used to, and I definitely couldn’t risk the fall. So I was a little sad about that.

My friend talked about “the folly of comparing ourselves now to ourselves then” and "comparison is the thief of joy” and something about how we’re different and we shouldn’t look at that poorly. And it took awhile to really understand why I was so upset at him about it. I know he meant well, so I didn’t say anything, but after awhile, I figured out the words I needed for this (though far too late to actually call him on it). The words were these:

“Let me fucking grieve, godsdamnit!”

Because I am. I am grieving for what I could do before everything was made of pain. It’s a process. It’s a long, miserable process, but it’s an important one. It’s like losing a friend or a family member - life goes on, yes, but you’re probably going to end up tripping over something that reminds you of the loss at random intervals for the rest of your life. So, yeah, I’m sad when I realise that I can’t walk on frozen streets anymore - not because “I should be able to do this because I have places to be and I’m letting someone down”, but because “That skill is one of the last things that I in and of myself keep from the place where I was born; that’s a piece of of myself that sings of home, and it’s gone and it’s never coming back”.

There are a lot of things that are gone and they’re never coming back. A careless grocery shop where I don’t have to read the labels of every fucking thing that goes into my cart. Day trips to fun parts of the city. Late night walks in the summer to cool down. Running for buses. Conventions (though I will take the risk if the Critical Role crew ever reschedule the MCM Comic Con appearance they had to miss because it was during the early-ish days of Covid). The cinema. Travel to any significant degree. A general sense that I will at least be able to get up and function most mornings. Umbrellas (because holding up an umbrella for any length of time hurts like hell). Boogieing to music on my headphones (unless it’s a very good day). There’s always something I’m finding I can’t do because it hurts too badly to do it, and thus I grieve in small stages over this one huge loss.

So I think games like I Am Dead and Lost Words: Beyond the Page and Spiritfarer helped me because they reminded me that it’s okay to be grieving. There are stages of grief for a reason; they don’t make the grief go away, exactly, but they teach us how to cope with it. Of course, I don’t know that I’ll ever get to the ‘acceptance’ stage, or maybe I’m already there, I don’t know. Just because you’ve accepted the loss doesn’t mean you’re not going to still feel sad or angry or disappointed or all of the above when another facet of that loss comes knocking.

...I guess the only difference is that if it’s a person you’re grieving for, you can say things like, “They would have loved this”, or imagine them watching you from Wherever Comes Next and cheering you on, or something else that lets you still feel close to the person who’s gone. That’s harder to do with ... you know, physical health. Maybe that’s why I started gardening, and being more inventive in cooking, soon after my diagnosis - just to feel closer to “active and abled and Doing Things”, I don’t know. I reap the benefits either way.

Point being ... yeah, most of the time I’m all about, “Yeah, I’m used to it”. But sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I’m angry or sad or asking what I did to deserve this. And that’s probably always going to be the case. But it’s just ... a lot bigger than “comparison is the thief of joy”. Because comparison is not the thief of joy. Even with the fibromyalgia, I look at who I am now compared to who I was ten years ago and I am just ... so much better. But ... I can’t even want “just one day without pain” because I know - I absolutely know - that if I had total relief from pain for one day, that pain would feel worse when it came back. But sometimes I wish for it anyway. I wish it was easier. I wish it hadn’t happened. I have to carry on having a life, obviously, and I do so as well as I can with my current limitations. Hell, in some ways I’m doing better than I was before the diagnosis.

Just ... please never ask me not to be sad about it. I am allowed to be sad about it. And angry. And frustrated. I am grieving, and as long as I’m doing it in a healthy way (which I think I am; I can certainly function, at least), I fucking deserve to grieve. And if some of the help I’m getting to keep the grieving process healthy involves video games? ...Hey, I love video games, so silver lining.

[philadelvia]

The Dream

In my 40s, I want to wake up every morning in a healthy family, prepare breakfast for my husband and kids. Having breakfast together, giving them affirmation that will boost their confidence to conquer the world, then performing our each given role on Earth daily. My husband drives me to office, takes the kids to their schools, then goes to his work.

He has a secured and progressive career in the field that actualizes his competence and benefits many people. As a top university graduate, he leads the team wisely. Growing a big and bigger team, and improving their lives as well as his. He's a natural born leader whose brilliance is adored by not only his family, but also many people who's impacted by his work. A responsible man that has no reluctance to go extra mile for his family, and for many people who trust him. A man of his words. A visioner and exceptional father figure. A loving and loyal husband of mine. 

And I live my life as a Vice President in Corporate Real Estate Department in a multinational corporation. Managing a team of more than 20s people who is responsible for the whole premises of the corporate. A leader who masters Project Management and Property Management strongly. As well as a career mentor that is capable to develop both technical and soft skill of her team members. A social person who has excellent social skill with the line managers, the peers, and the subordinates. Living my dream career as well as my dream as a loving mother.

We have 2 children, 1 boy and 1 girl who grow as smart children with good personality, as well as good skill of critical thinking and problem solving. The kids' blue prints and talents are revealed during the first years of their lives, so me and my husband as their parents could prepare the best support for them during their early stage of life. They grow with excellent academical competence and also special skill in art. The boy is good at math, sport, and music. He loves to play guitar and sings a song together with me, his mother. The girl is an awesome science enjoyer, as well as a great artist. She loves to hunt sunset photographs with his father, then paint it on canvas beautifully.

On the weekend, we all (father, mother, son, and daughter) love to cook together our favorite dish and spend quality time together. A grateful family with great bonding which the parents are willing to do whatever it takes to make the kids happy and succeed in life.

We also love to spend dinner together. The moment that the kids could casually talk about daily matter and share their daily struggle. Then the listening parents will help them brainstorming the solutions. And on the other days, we will go travel the world to know life better from different perspectives. This habit is made since both me and my husband are lifelong learner who loves to find the answers during the journey. 

Me and my husband are soul connected. We choose each other at the age when we don't even need each other. We're both fully functioning as human being on our own. We're together because we love each other and want to continue this life together. Because after the day we meet, sky gets brighter, life burden becomes lighter, future doesn't look as scary as it did, hence we know that we no longer want to live this life alone anymore. We vibe on the same frequency. We find 'home' and peace in each other. We literally can talk about everything, from random meme we found online, to in-depth discussion about countries' history. We are the ideal and equal match for each other. We're compatible in almost every aspects of our lives, especially in the way of worshipping Allah, in becoming the best parents our kids deserve to have, and in being beneficial human being. We choose to be together because we admire each other since day 1, and spending the rest of our life with this specific person would be such an honorable opportunity that we simply do not want to miss. And choosing each other turns out to be the best decision we've ever made in life. Because both of us never stop growing to be better everyday, and consciously choose to stick together for the rest of our life.

What a beautiful way to live life gratefully.

May Allah grant my wishes.

Aamiin Ya Rabbal Alamiin.

29 Ramadan 1444,

DS

[mejomonster]

So Lee joon gi was amazing in Flower of Evil, I realized he's in 2 other kdramas I'd considered Watching - Moon Lovers and Scholar Who Walks The Night. So guess what's way higher on my list now?

Also I Did start Moon Lovers. I enjoyed the individual scene pacing, it felt good like you could keep attention then it would end at a good break point, so for someone with short attention like me (where kdramas are a struggle cause i can usually do 20 minutes of focus or 40 minutes with a halfway break but kdramas tend to be 1-1.5 hours) it helped a lot. Also the eps were only 1 hour versus 1.5. It didn't capture my attention like Flower of Evil or Beyond Evil so I couldn't focus super well, but definitely one of the better paced things I've seen recently! Especially since it's not my ideal genre so it was fairly solid to keep my attention, much better at it than King's Affection (which had good premise but got so lost and slow)

1. I love the lead actress, i loved her in Hotel Del Luna, it's cool to see her earlier acting. While I imagine she's not as solid as she'll be in later performances, her core is already there and helps a TON with selling the protagonist as relatable to us the modern person like her and selling the protagonist as a real girl with a past she was running from. I never saw the chinese Scarlet Heart, but I did see Jade Palace Lock Heart (with a similar premise - I loved it) and what that show was missing was a compelling backstory life for the main girl. So it's nice seeing in Moon Lovers even in ep 1 I feel I know her view on her life and situation and love and untrustworthy people already. (Jade Palace Lock Heart likewise to this, worked well because the lead actress did a good job at a realistic modern girl trying to survive and make a life in the time-travelled new place, which is critical, the protagonist has gotta be someone I can connect to for these)

2. My man has EMO HAIR TO RIVAL THEM ALL I love it! It's so Yang Yang Xiaoge! It's so edgy early 2000s! It includes a DRAMATIC DARK MASK how very Shen Wei Black Cloak Envoy of him! To some this will be too cringey or awkward compared to today's expectations, but for me I LOVE a dose of camp in my stuff, I love an anime esque flair of that ever popular mask used in dramas and I LOVE emo hair being fully committed to and gone with in a character design. If ur gonna go emo, screw it, do the full half face hidden right? Commit! And Moon Lovers sure did

3 I noticed our emo man shows up FIRST as far as all the princes go, so I'm assuming he's the endgame love interest. At least he better be ToT. First because I love his acting along with IU so id be super happy for them both to be the most on my screen. Second, because he's the shadier character archetype right now and I love when a show goes with that as the endgame, it's fun. Then also, I wonder if Lee joon gi gets casted often as the almost off-putting cold dangerous man? He clearly brought that to this role, and to his Flower of Evil role in parts. I wonder if it also turns up in Scholar that Walks the Night

4 I actually like all the princes. I'm excited to see more of them. And very worried. I know Jade Palace Lock Heart ISNT Scarlet Heart, but I heard they're similar. And in JPLH the prince the protagonist likes first? He ends up being quite cruel, ruining anyone he uses if it helps him, killing anyone if it helps him. (And hes played by the very hot Mickey He). Since OUR protagonist in Moon Lovers is looking fondly at the married "kind" prince, I'm quite worried he is cruel and since she doesn't know her identitys past life she is not aware of whatever cruelty he might have shown her before. I'm scared (but would also find it fun writing wise) that our kind married prince will be like JPLHs Mickey He prince. Back to the other princes: I like that their personalities are already getting distinguished even though it will take me a while to get all their names more. I think the political plots will keep my attention okay if the start is any indication. Also, oddly, the astrologer actor looks Super familiar to me. I remember liking his acting in whatever else I saw him in, so I'm happy to see him here.

5 all in all Moon Lovers is a Strong Start for me! Liked the episode a lot for a first one!

[surrexi]

okay let's see since my accidental grad school related hiatus my average original post notes amount is, like, really low. i haven't been making much art and a lot of my mutuals from back in the day are either no longer active or not in the fandoms that i'm making text posts about.

also: my 14k+ notes neil patrick harris/lin manuel miranda 2013 tony awards opening gifset is an outlier and should not be counted, so i'm subtracting it from my stats lol

so i've got 33,832 posts with 31,048 reblogs (tumblr user since 2009 baybee!). of the remaining 2,784 posts, one is the aforementioned outlier. the rest is a mix of very-low note count posts from my very early days, very-low note count posts bc they're random personal musings, mostly low note fandom text posts, and a mix of semi-successful art posts from various fandoms (both "edits" which are still fanart goddammit and gifsets, but from the days when gifsets were still size-limited and weren't elaborate edits that moved).

so my average notes per post is 13.06, but that's including a lot of posts i never expected to get more than a handful of replies from my long-time mutuals bc they were just text posts about my life. like, i get the feeling that a lot of people currently maintain several side blogs to do all the things we used to do on single blogs--personal posts, random reblogs, fandom reblogs, fandom text and art posts, etc.

my top non-outlier gifset (aka my 2nd most successful post) is a damon/elena morning after gifset with 1,166 notes; this eleventh doctor screencap edit is my top non-gifset post with 820 notes, and this critical role campaign 3 text post that aabria reblogged is my top text post with 732 notes.

if you wanna see all my art and gifsets, check out my stuff i made tag! the most recent thing i posted was this darklina edit to go along with the fifth chapter of my darklina wip, and it got, uh, 13 notes. it's fine i'm fine. looking back at that tag is also interesting because the immediate drop in my fandom productivity after i started grad school in the summer of 2014 is stunning. don't go to grad school, it's a trap. (i mean, go if you want but, like. it's a trap.) so the vast majority of my stuff is from 2013 and before. but still, check it out i guess.

i might copy this info into a different (original, lol) post at some point and also do a deeper look into my favorite stuff i've made, idk. it's nice to revisit the pre-grad school version of my tumblr lol. if nothing else i'm interested in the average notes of my actual "stuff i made" tag without all the random non-fandom text posts. plus revisiting stuff i've made before might help me get back into making stuff. i miss it, but grad school did a number on me there.

eta: the third to last option says 500-999 shhh

how to find the number: use this page to calculate the total number of notes your original posts have gotten, then divide by the number of original posts (and round the result however you see fit). here's mine as an example:

so i divide 142,200 by 626 and get 227.16, which i then round to 227 average notes per post

[dominickeating-source]

Southwest Airlines Spirit Magazine (2002)

Set Phasers on Stunned

Brit. actor Dominic Keating tells what it's like zooming at warp speed from failed cocktail waiter to playing weapons lieutenant Malcolm Reed on Enterprise, the latest incarnation of Star Trek.

Just two years ago, a frustrated Dominic Keating, who had emigrated from England in the early 1990s with the single-minded goal of making it big as an actor, was on the verge of "throwing in the towel" -- like untold thousands before him.

After too many near-misses, his decision to split was spurred by his failure to land a guest-starring spot on Star Trek: Voyager after he thought he'd aced the audition. Austin, Texas, and a change of career beckoned. Then came a call from Star Trek's executive producer Rick Berman, who wanted to see Keating again. He'd been saving the actor for a role in the franchise's 5th series in 35 years, Enterprise.

Keating, who was living in a $400-a-month apartment at the time, recalls the moment his life changed: Berman asked him, "Are you free for the next 7 years?" In an instant, the now-thirtysomething Keating went from earnest wannabe to TV star with a long-term contract in hand.

Enterprise, which is seen in more than a dozen countries worldwide, made its U.S. debut in September 2001 with boffo ratings for UPN and critics suggesting that it had re-energized the aging franchise. As Weapons Lieutenant Malcolm Reed, Keating is one of a seven-person ensemble cast (led by Scott Bakula as Capt. Jonathan Archer). And though Keating isn't involved, the new film "Nemesis" opens in theaters this month to further stoke interest in the current show.

Keating has participated in a dozen sci-fi conventions around this country and in Europe. In Germany, 7,000 screaming fans made him feel like he was "headlining in a boy band." A multicity Australian tour beckons in 2003.

His tale is an Everyman story, about a hard-working, average guy whose cards came up trumps. Keating tells "Spirit" how he beat the odds.

Spirit: Your face is now seen by millions of people around the world, but what has your first professional job?

Keating: I made my professional performing debut in a "two-man" drag act at the Cabaret Club in Bournemouth, England. When this good Catholic boy finally plucked up the courage to tell his mum what he was doing to get his union card -- dancing nightly in a pair of black Lycra shorts with the bum cut out in red piping -- she sent me a good luck card, saving "Let's hope your bottom gets you to the top!"

Spirit: What did you really thank would happen when you got to Hollywood?

Keating: I thought I'd be famous in a year <laughs>. I used to sit near the Hollywood sign, looking out across LA, and I had conversations with this town about what I was going to do here. But a year before landing Star Trek, I was watching daytime TV, scratching by backside, and waiting for that call. I also quit because I thought I'd missed the boat.

Spirit: What was your first job in Hollywood?

Keating: A sexy cable series called "Love Street." I gatecrashed the audition. I played a pop star who was down on his luck, but through the love of a good woman with ample assets, his creative juices, so to speak, are rekindled. When I first read the script, it was -- very smart car, great costumes, fabulous house, pop-star makes love by a fireplace, makes more love in the swimming pool. And it was very Al Pacino, if I say so myself. But I'm afraid with time out for commercials, it came down to just 20 minutes and a soft-focus lens. It's probably the worst job I've done since I've been here.

Spirit: What did you find was the key to hanging in there?

Keating: Well if I had to do it again, I'd have taken therapy earlier <laughs>. The way I see it, you can have enormous talent and even a lot of luck, but I reckon hard work and tenacity win the day. I've supported my craft by doing everything -- thieving, begging, the usual stuff. I've been a fence builder, courier, cocktail waiter. At one point, I think I'd been fired from just about every bar on the Kings Road in Chelsea. I couldn't hold down those jobs. When I think of it, I've been fired from every job that wasn't an acting job.

Spirit: What advice would you give to aspiring actors?

Keating: I would never tell a child of mine to be an actor. It's just too hard, man, I'd never advise anybody to act or do anything, quite frankly, that's creative for a living. But if they can't stop themselves, then it was right for them to do it. When I decided to be an actor, I was so unemployable in any other field that I really had nowhere else to turn. For me, it's my outlet. If it wasn't for acting, I'd probably be dead.

My one gripe about the business is that very often it doesn't matter how good an actor you are. I've had to take that on the chin -- not to say that I'm the best actor, but I'm not a bad one. But it doesn't matter. So much of it is determined by how you look, physically <laughs>. I just wish I'd been better looking.

Spirit: What have you learned about dealing with Hollywood?

Keating: Rejection is the name of the game, and it's never easy. You gotta knock on a lot of doors. Contacts are invaluable. Agents -- can't live with 'em, can't work without 'em. Getting a good one is like pulling teeth, mate. It really is a catch-22. Yet, this town is built upon perception. You really need people to talk you up. I want to nail every audition I go to, don't get me wrong. But maybe I'm a little more pragmatic now about why I don't.

Spirit: What else would we not necessarily know about acting?

Keating: *Hurry up and wait* is the operative phrase in Hollywood. When they want you on set to do a scene, they want it now. But you've waited 3-1/2 hours and now you're caught in the loo with your trousers down, and suddenly now you gotta be ready for your close-up.

Spirit: But you're not complaining?

Keating: The actual acting is a lot easier than you think. I've learned that camera acting is a lot different than stage acting. Twenty-six episodes [in the 1st season alone] back-to-back, have allowed me to have more of a friendship with this black box [camera] that follows you around. Before, I was very anxious and very self-conscious because it brought out all sorts of self-esteem issues. But now I'm learning to work that camera, like the way I had an instinct how to do it in a live venue.

Spirit: Tell us about Trekkies, conventions, and why aren't there seat restraints on Star Trek bridges?

Keating: Why? It's a TV show. That's what I tell a lot of the fans. *It's a TV show.* Actually, the serious ones call themselves Trekkers. Anyway, I love 'em, mate. God bless 'em. Without them, none of this is possible. My first convention was pretty surreal. But they give me a chance to give back, if you will, for all that they're giving me.

The lucky thing for an actor getting a gig on the latest version of Star Trek is that you are guaranteed this fan base that wants to like it. So if you don't mess it up too badly, the fans are going to want you. I'm a bit of an Irish-Catholic and there's that part of me that wants to work for the money, so I do the conventions, sign the photos, and extend my hand, because they want to meet us. So why not give 'em what they want?

Spirit: Do you actually like science fiction?

Keating: As a kid, happiness was sitting in front of the TV with Scooby Doo and Star Trek. It was quite erotic, actually. Captain Kirk and chiffon ladies every week. That and the cover of "Cosmopolitan" were my early forays into [sex]. I loved Kirk because of the sexy chiffon and that two-fold scream of his [demonstrates]. Hands to the ears, pause then head thrown back.

Spirit: What's the secret to Star Trek's longevity?

Keating: It's got humor, drama, interesting characters, cool locations, and a little bit of the cat suit -- the sexy stuff. I read in the "Hollywood Reporter" that Star Trek was the most searched for TV classic on the Internet last year. Five different franchise series in 35 years -- it's a worldwide phenomenon, a monster.

Spirit: What are your general thoughts about television?

Keating: Cor, blimey! The opium of the masses. All my life I've sat in front of a television, and I'm trying not to have the TV on carte blanche now.

Spirit: What's the best and worst about working on a hit TV show?

Keating: The best? We've got a seven-year contract. I get to work every day. The money gives you freedom. I stepped up to a home in the Hollywood Hills with a pool and a killer view. Actually, just driving through those legendary Paramount gates, having the security guy nod at you, is special. There is no "worst" thing. Yeah, you might be there 16 hours a day, but you get a lovely trailer, and the food and phone calls are free. There's nothing to complain about.

Spirit: What'd you do with your first pay check?

Keating: The check I got for doing the pilot was the largest I've ever received for acting [nearly $36,000], so I photographed it with a digital camera and it's in my computer for all time. I didn't spend it; I hoarded it.

Spirit: What's your favorite line from the show so far?

Keating: It was spoken in the pilot, when my character introduced phaser pistols with two settings -- stun and kill. And I say, deadpan: "It would be best not to confuse them."

Source: www.dominickeating.com