#dlt later
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not mo4 technically
not postingthis on main anyways i was playing lethal company with friends and i died from the pop jester and got so scared i accidentally opened mo4 ( i have it docked in my little thingy below w other apps like blender and csp since i go back to it frequently ) and i was just staring at the nobody can stop me easter egg for a good 45 seconds w my mouth open
#dlt later#i understand now when people look at my files and say theyre messy as hell mo4 does not need to be docked …#but she is. Because i love her.#and also brcause its funny seeing sigkin eating inbetween my apps
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It’s ridiculous that despite having like 10 very close friends I still spend almost every night fighting off panic about how alone I am
#It’s like every time I’m having a bad panic day and my meds aren’t working like clockwork THEYRE ALL FUCKINH ASLEEP#dlt later#EVERYONE HAS SOMEONE BUT MEEE#<- guy who has maybe listened to lonesome love one too many times and has yet to eat a vegetable today
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Thinking of changing around my sona for the fourth millionth time
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those “coquette” whisper things that are just a bunch of words are so shallow and have absolutely no depth im left to assume you all are literally 10 years old
god i fucking hate you bitches
you guys are always fucking racist too “girlblog” SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP
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i don't want to post art here anymore. but there's no where else i want to post it either. and that's fine for shit that isn't fanart ig, like. am i going to have to email creators now old school style.
#im kind of tired numb.#i dont want to post on ig cus it sucks there. and i dont use twitter#i dont like bluesky but if it comes down to it ill suck it up and use it. i guess.#i dont post often enough for a following so i dont have much grief that direction#i just work too long for too much energy to have any ai scrape it like well guess ill kms#dlt later
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Six months post top surgery today :3
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Y'all realize a book can be inspired by something/someone and not be fanfiction right
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When you love your friends but they’re all in the same phd program so they get to hang out with each other every other day and you feel left out because you don’t know any of the people they reference or events they go to and it makes you feel lonelier and even inferior because you can’t get accepted into or a job related to the program at all even though you’re really passionate and want nothing more than to be in school so you’re stuck with a dead end job to make ends meet and you know it’s not appropriate to feel envious or left out because they genuinely do care for you but you’re just so disappointed in yourself and where your life has taken you and at this rate you’ll be pushing 35 by the time you get your PhD and you know age doesn’t mean anything especially in higher education but you can’t help but feel like everything up til now has been a waste because you’re not doing what you love and all you have to keep your mind off of things is video games and music which isn’t going to last forever and you just wish you didn’t feel so alone and forgotten and want a push in the right direction but you fear that in the end you’ll be an afterthought to everyone you ever loved and you just wish that chronic illness didn’t steal literal years from your life and you kind of want to die but only a little bit because you don’t want anyone who loved you to cry
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Venting a bit about irl friends, if that makes you uncomfortable no worries just keep scrolling
I love my friends, really really I do. But we have been playing the same game on the same day at the same time every single week for MONTHS. MONTHS. 8:00 am Sunday morning it's a ROUTINE. It's a set routine! And yet for fucking MONTHS we have NEVER. NEVER ONCE had everyone show up on time!! We don't start until 9:00 most of the time!! "Why not just say it starts at 9 then" because then we wouldn't start until 10:00!! Today we had FOUR people not show up to the call at all. The DM was feeling sick, so we canceled. I'm not mad about that, I totally understand canceling if they're sick, their health is more important. But I am so sick of this. I'm so sick of waking up at 7:30 so I can make sure I'm ready to host the zoom call for everyone only to have people over and over again not care enough to keep the routine. It drives me nuts that people really think it's acceptable to constantly be late to something they know starts at the same time every single week. And when one finally did wake up and realized it was over a goddamn hour since we were supposed to start? "Sorry we didn't get up on time :/" I got to sleep for LESS than 5 hours last night bc I actually care about committing to this fucking game. And it's never the same people that are super late!! There is ONE other person who is consistently on time, everyone else it's a mystery if they decided to care this week. And then they'll complain and get on other people's cases for being late as if last week they didn't show up at 8:45 for a game that is supposed to START. AT. 8:00. If you're going to be late at least be humble about it!! I'm so sick of it. I'm just so done.
#Vent#dlt later#I know this is a dumb thing to be this angry about#But I'm so tired of being the only one who actually cares about being on time activity we do
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koritaiyo toxic yuri cannibalism aaaaaaand post
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God I legit thought I was being fired today cuz I told my coworkers that my boss was typical white lady fake about DEI stuff. Like that’s phrased even worse than what I actually said. She was so pissed. I cried in the bathroom after. Almost threw up. And then had to be normal at work for TWO MORE HOURS. I hate capitalism I hate it I hate it I hate it. Then I had to email her and grovel some more. I’m so scared it was one of my two supervisors I actually really like that ratted me out to her.
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feeling detached again, i wish i connected to more people
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sometimes it’s like i need to talk out my feelings so i can understand what is going on up there but as i crack my brain open its like why did i do that
#cringing at myself from five mins ago but also right now cus i hate every aspect of how i think and communicate. lo#its fine.#dlt later#have a moment of like im not a nice person
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Now that peach sorbet has ended or is like an ep or 2 away from it's end, I'm gonna pick it up again and suffer through it I don't think moa deserves a happy ending in the least but I'm sure she'll get one sigh
#peach sorbet is the one series ive actually hate read#i loved the first season but this last season has dragged on and justugh made me soooo mad every update i dropped it for that reason#dlt later
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Booooooooo stop just killing them off it's boring
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