#divorce!nara talks

[holybasementdweller]

how do you think of chipseclipse :3

too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late too late

what happened to you

who's lying to me

who pulled the rug

collateral damage

damage control damage control damage control

[bengiyo]

La Pluie: The Kindness is the Point

Hello again, friends and fellow clowns. It’s a Saturday evening and I have recovered from the Devil’s Nap. I’ve seen some great posts already, and I feel compelled to share some thoughts as well following Episode 9 of La Pluie. This episode focused on the fact that Patts has always been a kind person and that Nara is deserving of grace. This show displays a gentleness for its characters that feels so queer to me because so many of us can appreciate how difficult it is to have love, and the way this show goes out of its way to NOT punch down on its characters cannot be overstated.

Nara Gets What She Needed and What We All Deserve

Before I get into talking about Nara, please go read @liyazaki post about the breakup scene and @lurkingshan talking about how Nara’s role in this show subverts the faen fatale trope. Both are brilliant, and I cannot do them justice in any reiteration.

gif by @liyazaki

I absolutely love how this show treats Nara. It’s the exact opposite of bisexual erasure. We have seen across five episodes now that Patts’ feelings for Nara were incredibly real and sincere. They loved each other. When he began hearing Saengtai it became a completely understandable problem in their relationship. Saengtai doesn’t get jealous of the former relationship between them; he instead gets upset because he sees that once again the soulmate connection has caused pain in another relationship. We could have left Nara behind in the last episode and totally been fine, but this show said that she deserves closure, and she doesn’t deserve to lose her friends.

Nara comes to Saengtai and apologizes unknowingly interfering in his relationship with Patts, states that she wouldn’t have done any of this if she had known about them and apologizes for causing his misunderstanding (implying that she blames herself for sending him into his mountain spiral). Tai instead apologizes to her for causing so much trouble and says that all of this was because of his own troubles. You can see the sigh of relief in Nara and the immediate drop in tension.  Nara offers that she likes Tai and Patts as a pair, and clearly says something about Patts’ body to make Saengtai blush. I think it’s wonderful that Tai doesn’t have to leave this trip feeling any kind of ambivalence for his boyfriend’s ex.

Later, Dream brings Nara along to the party, and everyone checks on Tai and Patts to see how this will play out. Tai assures everyone that they talked, and Nara is instantly welcomed back into the fold. The other vets are genuinely relieved to have her back with them and reminisce about old times they had together. After the party montage Patts uses the truth or dare game to pull Nara aside and have one final conversation with her about their relationship.

gif by @liyazaki

Mor already wrote beautifully about the Patts and Nara scene (linked above), and I think it’s so special that this show gave us this scene. This show began with Tai letting us know that his soulmate parents divorced. He has painful feelings wrapped up in how soulmate relationships dissolve, and he still feels a lot of angst about his own parents. I think it’s incredibly helpful for Saengtai to see that Patts and Nara still love each other despite not being able to move forward as lovers.

Finally, the show lets Nara be sad about the end of her romance with Patts. Despite the friendship they might rebuild and maintain in the future, her pain is real, and it matters, too. She’s allowed to have a moment of sadness with Dream and weep for the hopes that she must let go. There are even hints that perhaps Dream held a quiet crush on Nara before (@slayerkitty and @respectthepetty). How wonderfully kind it is of this show to show so many different people holding unrequited feelings for each other without it turning into angst or cruelty. The end of one relationship is not the end of love. Hopefully Tai remembers this as we get back into some of his family drama.

We needed to see the amount of grace extended to Nara. In a show about how love is an active and ongoing choice, there’s no way we could move forward without honoring Nara. I also think it’s important that Nara acknowledge the love between two men as special and valuable as Tai also acknowledges that her love with Patts is valuable. Despite the complex queer relationship chart being drawn across this friend group, everyone is determined to keep folks together.

Patts Has Always Been Good

Let’s talk about Patts. We’ve been saying for weeks that he’s a good guy and that the show has given us no real reason to be suspicious of him. I loved the reveal about him being The Kind One. I’m also curious about the temper he mentioned he has to Nara.

We finally got @shortpplfedup to watch the show, and she nailed down immediately that the core themes are about the choice to love each other in small ways constantly. I cannot stress enough that for all the writing and thinking we’ve done this episode, Tai and Patts do not refer to each other as soulmates this episode at all. They are boyfriends now. They are boyfriends because Patts has always been kind. They are boyfriends because Saengtai has been open to kindness even when he’s hurting and a bit scared.

gif by @liyazaki

My man Patts loves to write notes.

I love the reveal that Patts and Tai happened to be neighbors years ago. Patts was seeing Nara at the time, which we know because the grandmother asked about her. We know that Patts was an attentive and diligent grandson who happened to notice that Tai was clearly going through something. He didn’t even know what Tai looked like. He just saw that he was hurting and wanted to help. We know that help mattered to Tai to the point that even Tien knows about it. When Patts’ grandmother dies, Tai goes out of his way to send that kindness right back.

gifs by @liyazaki

What’s more, you can see these two falling even deeper in love with each other as soon as they recognize that they were briefly pen pals during a very difficult time in their lives. This is great news for fans like me who liked episode six opening with a high heat scene, because Tai is wearing this sweater in the scenes we saw in the trailer during what felt like their first time.

We eatin’ good next week. (“Not as good as Patts.” - @ginnymoonbeam )

However, Patts mentioned to Nara that he has a temper, and we’ve seen that he’s painfully aware of Lomfon’s interest in Tai. I like the show’s choice to hold Lomfon’s conversation with Patts until next week, because it doesn’t matter to Tai. Tai isn’t interested in Lomfon in any way comparable to Patts. I’m excited to see Lomfon get decked for interfering, and for Tai to get mad at Patts for feeling threatened.

I Love Everyone in This Show

I think it’s notable that Saengtien has dropped any pretense that he enjoys being around Lomfon, and I like that it clearly complicates Lomfon’s own feelings. You can see that Lomfon doesn’t even know how to deal with the passive kindness Tai extends to him just because he’s close to his brother.

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

I loved the vets being excited to welcome Nara back into the circle. I also like them joking about finding something new to tease Patts and Tai about.

I loved Dream going to Nara and giving her a shoulder to cry on.

I loved Kung and Bow cheering for Tai and Patts new relationship.

I loved Tai giving Bow yet another cutting look to not get into his time with Patts and teasing her even as she was trying to exit the scene.

I loved Tai and Tien continuing their bit of poking each other in the face with Tien pouting at the end with “I’m your little brother!”

I love Patts’ grandmother passing these notes back and forth just because it was something her grandson wanted.

I love Saengnuea not even being sure if he should do the “don’t hurt my brother” thing with Patts because he’s younger than Patts. I also love him taking care of his brother’s cat so he could go on the trip and complaining that the cat wouldn’t reciprocate his love.

In so many ways this show is about how important it is to extend a little bit of kindness to each other. It’s about how far just a little bit of grace goes. What with Be My Favorite also saying something similar this week (@ginnymoonbeam), I am enjoying some of the themes in the more dramatic shows this year. So, “Please. Be kind, especially when we don’t know what’s going on.”

Thank you as always for coming to my post.

[fadelikeclouds]

Diving into Tai’s mind: actions do not speak louder than words

First of all, I will say that I was upset with Tai at the end of episode 10. I am fine that Tai didn’t want to talk to Patts outside on the street. He was probably shocked and frightened by Patts angry outburst, and he wanted to put some time and distance between them so that they could cool off and talk more rationally later. What I’m less fine with is that Tai still refuses to say anything after Patts shows up at his door. And yeah, Patts probably shouldn’t have shown up drunk outside Tai’s door, but he is in pain and needs some comfort, and he tells Tai this. So why doesn’t Tai say anything to reassure Patts?

And now we come to the reason I am writing this. I don’t like staying upset at people, so I try to understand them. After thinking about things I am still frustrated with Tai, but a little less so. Here are the results of my musings.

Tai has been struggling with his parent’s divorce for over 2 years now. It’s easy to say that, but what does it mean? He is a romantic, and seeing his ideal of love crumble before him was frightening because it made him doubt the existence of love and happiness. Soulmates guarantee nothing. Love doesn’t last. Families can break apart. That’s a pretty dismal view of the world. Despair is never easy to cope with. He had his faith in love broken, so of course he wouldn’t talk to his soulmate, because why create a relationship that will only break your heart?

Then he sees Patts, and he starts to hope again. But he’s still hesitant. He’s still scared. He knows that there is no guarantees in relationships, soulmates or not. This is how he goes into his relationship with Patts, fighting against his doubts and fears the whole way. Throughout the beginning Patts is patient, kind, charming, and Tai begins to be more open to the idea of a relationship with this soulmate of his. Then the whole situation with Nara happens, and his fears and doubts about love come up again.

He talked with Nara; he knows how much she loved Patts, and he even cheered her on when he didn’t know Patts was her ex. They honestly loved each other, and seeing them kiss makes him question, again, what makes a relationship last. Confused and panicked, he decides to talk a walk to the Doi Mae Pliang in an effort to figure everything out... which doesn’t work. But he talks with Patts after he finds him in the ditch, and after being reassured that Patts does love him and would choose to love him even without being soulmates his mind clears. He knows he loves Patts, and all of Patts words and actions make him believe that Patts reciprocates that love. So he (nonverbally) agrees to officially date him when Patts asks him the next morning. At a glance, what’s the big deal? That’s only natural. This is a romance, of course they’re going to start dating. But as a character, this choice means that he is willing to face all his fears about being in a relationship, a big shift for the guy who ran away from his issues by remaining silent for 2 years. To be clear, I don’t think his fears go away, but Tai has the resolve that this relationship is worth it, that Patts is worth the risk of heartbreak.

And even then, he’s not ready to go the final step and have sex with Patts just yet. That is another level of vulnerability that Tai eases himself into, something that he doesn’t take lightly. In this episode, when he says he’s ready, to him it’s another way of showing how serious and committed he is to this relationship. He loves Patts, and is willing to face all the fears that comes with being in a relationship with his soulmate.

All of this is a big deal to Tai. These are very large steps that he has taken forward as someone who chose to very litterally suffer in silence every time it rained. Now, does he talk about this with Patts? Not in any great detail. That’s part of the problem.

To Tai it’s not even a question of whether to choose Patts or Lomfon. He loves Patts. All of his actions show just how much Patts means to him. And I think it hurts Tai that Patts doesn’t understand him. Because in Tai’s mind, he’s crossed oceans of fears, fought uphill battles against his skepticism, just to get here. Having Patts doubt Tai’s love makes him feel that Patts belittles all the pain and fear Tai’s endured to get to this point in the relationship. And that hurts because in a relationship, you want to be understood by your partner so that you can share in the joys and pains with them.

But what Tai doesn’t see is that Patts is in pain right now. Patts is scared and needs some words of reassurancs because he is human. He has his own fears and insecurities. He watched as his last relationship fell apart because he has a “soulmate”, something entirely out of his control. And with the appearance of a second soulmate, having Tai lie about seeing Lomfon, catching them at the perfectly wrong moment to see them kiss, Patts loses it. He’s angry and afraid because again, he could lose someone he loves because of this soulmate thing that he has no control over. That fear grips him, and when we’re like that, we can’t think calmly. Sometimes we need the support of others to help us through the dark avenues of the mind.

But instead of helping him, Tai feels like he’s said everything Patts is asking him to say, and he’s upset that Patts can’t hear him. And I get that. It’s frustrating when you feel like you’ve been saying something over and over again, and the other person just doesn’t seem to get it. What’s the point in trying to communicate when nothing you say will be understood? It feels as if all your efforts are just futile. But communication is a two way street. Being understood is an important part of a relationship, but it is equally important to try to understand the other person, which is what Tai is missing here. Tai has spoken through his actions, but what Patts needs are words. He needs to hear that Tai does love him, that he does choose him. We say that actions speak louder than words, but at times words are absolutely necessary.

[heretherebedork]

I now fully believe that the keychain Lomfon has somehow came from Tien.

Because La Pluie is entirely about the idea that any belief in destiny and fate are what hurt love. The more you believe in fate and destiny, the more you are going to be hurt and reluctant to love.

So how does this relate to Lomfon, who says he doesn't believe in fate or destiny in anyway?

He talks about the keychain's importance and the person, who he doesn't know, being the one who saved his life. And that's a lot like Tai remembering the anonymous notes and gifts that saved him during the turmoil of his parent's divorce

So there's a direct connection between those two concepts. And now there's a direct connection of the soulmates in the rain and the hearing loss. And now we're taking a close look at that idea that all these assumptions about who you're going to love and who you're meant to love keep hurting people.

Lomfon is about to face a crisis next week. He is faced with hearing voices in the rain that should be his soulmates but already have each other and his own feelings towards Tien that he has yet to acknowledge (even to himself, I suspect) while still holding onto his crush on Tai.

And the keychain has to matter somewhere in this. That keychain came to him at a time that he desperately needed it and is connected to his first love. Who is his first love? Just like Tai and Patts, his first love is Tien.

But just like Tai and Patts, neither of them knows it.

They fell in love before they know each other. They gave each other love without knowing who they were loving would forever in their lives.

It's destiny but it's also not destiny because all destiny does is give you the chance, all fate does is give the choices.

You have to make them. Lomfon and Tai both had to, have to, make their choices.

Patts and Tien both fell in love without fate but Tai and Lomfon each have something that matters to them and holds them back. They are the ones that have to choose the love that destiny has offered them, that has to open their hands and their hearts to what fate is giving them.

Tai was so attached to the idea of his soulmate and his fear of losing him that he never even tried to explore love. Lomfon is so detached from the idea of fate and destiny and soulmates but still holds onto this keychain and the first love that saved him alongside his crush on Tai.

But both Patts and Tien simply fall in love. They aren't looking for soulmates or for destiny or for fate. They are simply there for love. Patts had Nara but also fell for Tai not knowing who he was and willing to leave his soulmate for this love he found. Tien might be confused by the entire experience but he isn't trying to resist the feelings.

Soulmates and the ideas of soulmates has only ever gotten in the way of their love stories because destiny and fate aren't just placed in front of you. They're a choice you have.

Love is a choice.

To love is a choice; to be loved is a also a choice.

[narastories]

Hi Nara! To celebrate your new fic, I humbly submit Harry/Nicodemus to you for the ship bingo. (And Simms/Eileen if you feel like doing two!)

Thank you <3

Aaah, it takes a special kindness to ask me about a ship that you don't interact with. Thank you, friend <3

Harry/Nicodemus, my darlings

my friends are tired of me screaming about this. Yes, very tired, probably. I'm sorry. I don't intend to stop tho ^^"

I'm going to hit them with a crowbar. Gently. I mean neither will break. So I'm going to gently bonk them until they talk to each other properly and kiss lol

train wreck but I can't look away. They have a counter of how many attempts they made on each other's lives.

I want to write fics for this and luckily I doooo write fics for this <3

THAT one scene. you know the one. In the sense that I'm always making these posts where I go "You know THAT one scene where they do THAT thing that makes me CRAZY"

INTERESTING COMPELLING COMPLEX SCREECHING

this has no right to be a rare pair. I mean. I get it. On the other hand if Harry/Marcone became so popular, Harry/Nic wouldn't be a stretch, you know? :P

I need a 200k slow burn NOW. No energy to write it tho lol

person a deserves better than person b. Harry does deserve someone better than Nicodemus. But when I write them Nic always treats him right

they are divorced, possibly not for the first time. I'm re-listening to Skin Game and they bicker like a divorced couple. "Who needs no introduction." Right, cause you guys know each other better than you have any reason to, kiss already

could cut the tension with a KNIFE. Seriously. We had an actual knife involved at one point. Pinning up against walls. Choking. Hair pulling. It's great.

Overall, I just love their dynamic and the potential in this ship <3

Simms/Eileen

pleasantly surprised by being canon. Come on, Luke practically confirmed this will become canon. That is so cool!

I'm a casual shipper. I like them. Wrote a fic. Don't think I wrote it for the right reasons tho, and prob wouldn't write another. But I would 100% read more fic and like them overall.

THAT one scene. you know the one. When Fetch introduces them and Simms just looooks at Eileen for a little too long. Hope we'll get more iconic scenes with them in the next book.

unironically relationship goals. I think they would be good for each other, you know?

Thanks so much for playing! xx

[indigostarfire]

The Soulmate Label: Causing turmoil due to preconceived notions and creating expectations

In the beginning:

Patts relationship with Nara didn't work out. The cause? Soulmates. She wasn't his soulmate and this made her feel insecure and lonely so she broke up with him. Patterns were set: people choose to leave him, and whether Patts realized it or not, maybe being soulmates is what can make a relationship work.

When it rains Tai didn't talk to Patts for two years. Why? Because they are soulmates. His idealistic faith in soulmates having a lasting relationship fated by destiny was shattered by his parents' divorce. Being soulmates is no recipe for success so why bother starting any sort of relationship with a soulmate in the first place.

Patts and Tai are different sides of the same coin. Patts thinks soulmates may have a better chance at a lasting relationship. Tai thinks soulmates is no guarantee for anything, if anything it's a recipe for failure.

Like Tai, Lomfon feels that being soulmates isn't some grand "wow were fated to be in a relationship" type of thing. To him being soulmates is just a coincidence. End of story. Or so he thinks.

In the middle:

Tai is legitimately attracted to Patts and has to work through his prejudices about the viability of a soulmate relationship. So he is hesitant at first but slowly warms up to the idea. At the camp though his feelings are thrown into a massive crisis when he sees Patts and Nara kissing.

First off he knows that Nara was there to try to get back together with her ex, and Tai was certain she would succeed because of how deeply she seemed to know her ex. Secondly seeing them kiss, Tai is immediately confronted with his biased fears about soulmates--a soulmate relationship doesn't work and maybe that's true for him and Patts.

He runs off and with a desperate determination, sets off to Doi Mae Pliang mountain where he tells himself he will find the answer when he gets to the top. Tai struggles internally. His fall mirrors the chaos and confusion in his mind and heart and now he's physically in pain as well. It rains and instinctively he calls out to Patts who finds him because of their soulmate connection (maybe Tai realizes that's a plus).

Now with Patts at his side, being with him and tending to him, Tai reflects and searches for his answer. Tai tells Patt that he isn't angry about the kiss but the fact that Patts and Nara are inseparable. That is making Tai confused and doubting their relationship. "Are we a perfect match or did we just imagine that?"

Tai is wondering what makes love work, what makes it last? The soulmate connection doesn't guarantee success. And look at Nara; her devotion, sincerity, and love is obviously still there…still drawing her to Patts, still making it seem like they are inseparable. So maybe he just imagined their love, their connection was perfect. So who is Patts going to choose?

Tai finds his answer because of Patt's words AND actions. Patts says I'll still choose to love you even without all this soulmate stuff. And now thanks to a two-way communication exchange, Tai’s heart and mind has the understanding and confidence it needs because of Patts words AND actions. So in the morning when Patts asks will you be my boyfriend? Tai has his answer. Tai does NOT respond with any WORDS but just kisses Patts. "I'll take that as a yes," says Patts. Tai lets his actions speak for him. Tai is able to voice his fears and has effectively dealt with his inner turmoil and he found his answer with the help of Patts’ words and actions.

Episode 10, The Shitshow:

Lomfon. He is Tai's soulmate too. Well shit you can have your convictions and then all of a sudden your life can be turned upside down. Now suddenly Lomfon's previous convictions about soulmates is no longer ironclad. Obviously he is buying into this whole soulmate, "I'm fated to be with you" mindset because why else would he feel entitled enough to orchestrate a date with Tai to figure out how he feels. The key chain is fate, I'm your soulmate, therefore maybe you're the one I'm suppose to be in love with. Oh this soulmate issue has Lomfon's mind in massive confusion and turmoil. Who is he really in love with? Tai or Tien? Who has his heart?

Lomfon is Tai's soulmate. For Tai that doesn't matter. He is in love with Patts and they have built up enough loving experiences together that now Tai is finally ready to consummate their relationship. For the romantic, idealistic Tai, a man of very few words if at all, for someone whose actions speak louder than words, this is such a big deal.

Patts fell in love with Tai and then later finds out Tai is his soulmate. Wow, perfect! Maybe this relationship has a better chance at working out. Being soulmates is a big deal for Patts. Then the bomb drops and he finds out about Lomfon being soulmate #2. Now Patt feels threatened. Turmoil ensues. He no longer has that security of being the destined one, that fated, one-and-only soulmate. Two soulmates? Inconceivable, nevertheless Patts is visibly shaken and angry. Underneath the surface, just waiting to pounce and prey upon Patts, is his fear because now who's the better soulmate partner for Tai? Nara left him. Maybe Patts isn't good enough and Tai will leave him too.

The shitshow happens. The lies, the kiss with Lomfon, and Patts can no longer keep his fears at bay. He becomes unhinged. Tai is so distraught seeing Patts like this that he rails to the heavens and the soulmate bonds are broken. From here on out things will start getting interesting. Strip away the whole soulmate label and what is each person left with? The potential to see more of the truth.

Tai let's his actions speak for him; he decides to be Patts' boyfriend, he had sex with him--all of this is proof of Tai's choice. Nothing needs to be said. His actions are proof of his love. The problem is that Tai expects Patts to understand this about him. And maybe Patts could understand this if he was calm but Patts isn't calm. Tai tells him, "Do I have to choose? You have to know that I love you so much." But Patts can't comprehend what Tai is saying due to the lies and the fear and anger getting in the way.

I can understand Tai's wanting to wait and continue talking after Patt has calmed down. But when Patts shows up at his house, dude please for god's sake, what's so difficult for you say the words?! Pikachu, I choose you! (Sorry, I just couldn't help myself.) I was struck by Tai's obstinate and adamant refusal to say those three simple words. @fadelikeclouds does a great job of diving into Tai's mind and explaining Tai's and Patts' dynamics. This post helped me understand that Tai might be frustrated and hurt that Patts doesn't truly understand him. Maybe this hurt is huge because he feels Patts doesn't understand all the pain and turmoil he suffered in order to arrive at his decision to be his boyfriend. Maybe Tai feels that the significance of his actions is lost on Patts. But Tai, dude, talk about whatever it is that's hurting you, whatever the heck is preventing you from saying, I choose you. More light is shed on Tai's behavior in @lurkingshan's post.

And then there's Tien…dear god every scene he was in I got destroyed. My heart got ripped out and curb stomped. @heretherebedork and @bengiyo's Not All Gays are Great say it all in their posts. (Bengiyo's take on all the characters is so spot on and just a great read.)

Now without this soulmate issue clouding the picture, maybe Lomfon can have more clarity. Maybe Tai and Patts can work through their issues and clear up their misunderstandings. And maybe at the end of the day Tien can finally have someone in his corner who cares and loves him too because he is the only character whose heart is untouched by all the biases and preconceived notions that this soulmate label comes with. He just loves honestly with his whole heart.

[hms-tardimpala]

Hi! Since you were talking about your latest project, for the ship bingo I'm going to ask: John/Dean? (And if you want to do one extra, may I suggest Philes?)

NARA. I should have known you'd come up with the ship that's not talked about in polite company. Thank you so much!

So, for any anti that might have followed me by accident: I think we're about to part ways. John/Dean here refers to John Winchester and Dean Winchester from Supernatural.

Train wreck but I can't look away: whichever way you look at it, whether it's consenting or not, it's not gonna start well, go well, or end well. No amount of great writing will make this relationship stable or fair. It's doomed.

I'm a casual shipper: this isn't my OTP in this fandom (that spot belongs to Destiel), but I multiship.

INTERESTING COMPELLING COMPLEX SCREECHIBG: Dean took on his mother's role in the family in most ways after her death, why not this too? Have you seen the Winchester family dynamics? None of it is healthy, they're violent creeps with codependance issues. These boys haven't been socialized! So yeah, incest, why not? So many themes to explore with this ship. Abuse, masculinity, free will, homophobia, parenting.

Fandom ruining it: not really. There is amazing fandom content for that ship. But the SPN fandom is extremely divided and confrontational, and John's character is a touchy subject. Most people stop at arguing about whether he is good or bad, and are too busy decrying incestuous ships to provide interesting discussion about Dean/John.

Person A deserves better than person B: hey, John Winchester sucks. He's interesting, but he's the kind of character you watch telling yourself "I wish he'd rot in hell" and guess what? He canonically does!

Could cut the tension with a KNIFE: every room John steps into has tension. Things are already tense and intense and electric with his sons (in different ways) in a story where he doesn't fuck them. Imagine if he wasn't just Dean's father, drill sergeant and personal god, but also the man who taught him to have sex.

FREE SPACE: ew ew omg ewww! This hits the tiny mark between "absolutely disgusting" and "so fucking hot". There are days I can't stomach it, but I stand by it because it's extremely compelling.

Thank you a thousand times for giving me the oportunity to talk about them, it was very exciting.

And now, some Philes as a palate cleanser:

Train wreck but I can't look away: their worldviews and morals are too different and conflicting to build a lasting relationship, it's always going to be messy, and I'm here for it.

THAT one scene. You know the one: the duelling scene, of course. Thurston, what were you thinking? Also, the minotaur fight scene when Fetch realizes Niles is sort of a friend, kinda??

INTERESTING COMPELLING COMPLEX SCREECHIBG: It's because they have such different opinions and goals that they are interesting to see interact. For Fetch and Niles to date or fuck, I think Fetch would have to get more down to earth and less absolute about his views, and that would be an interesting growth. Also, Thurston Niles is a great character to explore and make headcanons about.

They are divorced, possibly not for the first time: these guys fight so much. They're used to each other's presence like you're used to an inconvenience or a flaw in the sidewalk. The way Fetch goes to Niles' house for drinks, and Niles doesn't serve him alcohol, and they antagonize each other but still have a decent time is so Divorced to me.

Could cut the tension with a KNIFE: I love to see the girls fightinnnnnggg. I love that Fetch seems two seconds away from imploding when he's in the same room as Niles. What's interesting is that the tension is brought by Fetch and Niles is chill about their situationship. When they meet on a case of Fetch's, sparks fly and that's awesome.

FREE SPACE: I'm using this space to say a trop I love to imagine for them is "ugh, why did it have to be him of all people?". I like to imagine them both inconvenienced by their attraction.

Thank you so much for playing with me <3

[chaoticpuff17]

Can u plz tell us about Nara's life?

Like her life is also gonna be like her mother but how's namjoon gonna react if like Nara says "save me form him" or because it's her daughter will he try to save her form her yandere?

Nara is going to live a very sheltered life. Don’t get me wrong, she’s going to be very very loved, but she’s also never going to have the freedom a normal child would.

She’s got her father and uncles and brothers and all the other sons protecting her and the other daughters and keeping them “safe” and sound within the confines of their world.

Eventually Nara will grow up to marry Yoongi and Sen’s son Yoonho, who while yandere like our crazy ass boys, is a soft yandere and won’t be bad to her.

If Nara did go to her dad asking to be saved from Yoonho, Joon would definitely be willing to negotiate on that. He’d probably talk to both of them to see what was going on, but he’d remove Nara from the situation until there could be a resolution. In Joon’s world there isn’t really divorce, and so long as Nara isn’t being harmed or in danger, he’s not going to end her marriage.

[non-e-per-sempre]

I feel like I need to talk to my tumblr like I used to......

I never had normal non platonic interactions with men...

December 16th

I said to my bestie I need a boyfriend that week, we then collectively started manifesting

December 17th

Met a guy irl talked for like 30 minutes and we decided to go to the gym the next day together, I have never in my 25 years been to a gym cuz I hate gym culture

December 18th

went to gym at 06.45 waited for 10 minutes, thought he bailed on me

he came and said he gave me a 50/50 chance of showing up, he was surprised

found out he couldn't really ski or snowboard anymore cuz he had an accident 2 years ago while freestyle skiing, it was then that I knew we were never going anywhere romantically

he said a lot of controversial things

the flags were turning red

but he's hot tho

December 19

met up talked for 2 hours

found out he's a Elon Musk fanboy aka. believes that in order for a thriving economy we need multiple kids

I'm a Antinatalist so there goes that

does he think I'm Nara Smith or what?

December 20

we hang out again with 2 of my friends & we went to a sports event

after that we went to a bar

he doesn't believe in divorce (my parents are divorced I'm a big time supporter of divorce)

he talked about women monkey branching

he has been radicalized by Twitter and by mra and red pill shit

I'm not the one to deradicalize him

I stopped doing free carework in 2023

January 4th

We met again

he's against war but believes israeli propaganda about the tunnels

doesn't believe in freePalestine

I friendzoned him

Conclusion: Never manifesting a Boyfriend again

[lilk4]

One of the things that always makes my blood boil is those tik tok “sahm” that get paid INSANE amount of money to glamorize the life of being a sahm that they aren’t,because while they film(aka to the job they get paid for) someone else has to look after the kids and clean.For example all those “mormon” moms who have a tv show,all of them get paid BIG money,are usually breadwinner of the house,they go on trips,have their own money and someone else takes care of the kids and they make girls think this is what being a SAHM is,so now you see TEENAGERS wishing to be a “sahm” or a “trophy wife” but they don’t realize that when they give birth to a kid,don’t get any education,have no certifications,no job experience and get married(if that even happens at all because is seems to be normal for them to have no security at all,just wildly trust anyone with their life,literally,they will be left COMPLETELY vulnerable to whatever life will throw at them(and no I’m not talking only about divorce) and they will be left homeless,broke,and MAYBE they will find minimum wage job,oh and without home money and any stability they will most likely not be granted custody of the kids,and if they do end up having custody of the kids most fathers will make them single moms because they didn’t take care of the kids or will be a the fun weekend dad.There are SO many stories of how that life actually looks like when you’re fully financially dependent on another adult and not an influencer with money.Not one of them thinks about death of the husband,him loosing his job,getting sick,a car crash,what then?They don’t think about it because those women on tik tok dont have to worry about that because they’re not sahm/trophy wifes with no income of their ownAnother factor in this is promoting the sick ass racist cult,Mormons are a cult,not a religion and they want to make it seem fun so people join,they don’t make it that obvious but many of them are Mormons and they try to make it seem like the life they’re living is a “traditional” mormon life or people take it that way and run with it,for example Nara smith,ballerina farm,that god awful tv show mormon wifes or whatever it’s called and many many other tik tok creators.There’s also a new texas group of tik tok moms(i got blocked by their “leader”),her name is aaryn and she calls herself a queen of texas,she used to be on some reality tv and she was racist and I mean in such a calculated way that it’s just gross to watch,there was an Asian woman and a black woman and she was racist to both,people defend her now saying it was a “mistake” but you don’t mock someone’s ethnicity and skin color by a “mistake” it’s a conscious CHOICE of words.I got blocked because she posted a tik tok saying that people judge her for being on tik tok at her big age and I asked if she stopped being racist at her big age or is that still going on and just like everyone else calling her out I got blocked,which is why there are NO comments about it on her profile.Absolutely disgusting,and there are people defending that.I guess that’s Texas and Utah for you,ban of abortion,racist people and sundown towns,I was absolutely shocked at the fact that those still exist but turns out they’re not unusual in Texas at all and people there are fully aware and do nothing.Those people want to go back to 1950’s and make it seem cute and nice like women we’re left with no choice but to stay at home with no way to make money,that they were beat into submission,that they were forced to have kid after kid,that racism was absolutely normal and nobody stood up for black people,that women had to fight to even have a bank account and many still needed a “permission” from their husband like they were a dog with an owner.This is what they want to go back to because it fits with their religions or more so cults so they make it seem “cute” and try to erase all the shit they did.

[holybasementdweller]

If you had no choice but to team up with a different person (or people) than your current team, who would you choose?

anon you're evil. just wanted you to know this!!!!!!!!

[booksnstuff58]

Book review: Romcom

Today I'll be talking about one of my absolute favorite books:

A Marriage of Anything but Convenience by Victorine E. Lieske

Now, I read this one a few months ago, but I love it so much I just had to review, and recommend it!

I don't even know where to start with this one.

A Marriage of Anything but Convenience was the first romcom I read. Before this one, I had it in my silly head that all romance books were smut. Why did I think that? I have no idea, but I did.

I started reading A Marriage of Anything but Convenience after reading a very dark and disturbing book. I may review it later so you know what you're getting yourself into. After reading said dark and disturbing book I was kinda spooked. I was also house sitting at the time, which doesn't help anything. Neither does my true crime fascination. Since I was spooked, and sleeping in a strange house, I decided I needed something to distract me. So I went to find the silliest, goofiest sounding book I had on my kindle.

And this is what I decided on. And I'm so glad it was!

Here's what the back cover says:

It was a simple marriage of convenience. Just two years. What could possibly go wrong?

Nara couldn't believe it when her father came up with the crazy idea that she needed to marry Mr. Stuffy himself. Derek Marshall. Sure, he was stinkin' gorgeous and made her insides quiver. But marry him? She was on her way to getting her dream job as a fashion designer. Well, on her way if you counted getting coffee for someone who had her dream job.

Derek has been in love with Nara all his life. But how can he possibly get her to see it? He's not cool like the men Nara usually dates. He gets tongue-tied around her. But now they're married and all he can think about is the clock ticking down until the divorce date.

Can he show her how much he really cares?

*Copied from Amazon page*

Now for the actual review!

First of all, I need to say I love the characters! Nara and Derek are both adorable. They are so very different and it was just so cute! Nara is fun loving, and a little silly. Derek is "Mr. Stuffy". What I pictured was back always straight and a serious look forever on his face.

But that all changed with Nara. Nara was determined to make him loosen up during their two year arrangement, and that whole situation was hilarious! There were a few times where he agreed to do things with her, because he knew it would make her happy, even though it was NOT something he was comfortable doing.

I laughed the entire way through this book until I cried! It was so cute I was squealing! I cannot express how much I love this book!

Another thing, that some might not care about is references. I LOVE references to other books, movies, shows, really anything that I have seen, read, or listened to. This one's got two!

First is Magnum P.I., which I enjoy watching. Only the original with Tom Selleck though!

The other one I feel like needs a bit of back story.

Like I said, I went into this book thinking there were probably going to be nasties, and I wasn't sure until I saw this reference. It was fricken VEGGIE TALES!! I was so excited when I saw that! I grew up watching Veggie Tales, but once again, only the old ones, and as soon as I saw the reference, I screeched "IT CAN'T BE GROSS NOW! NOT WITH VEGGIE TALES!" And I was right!

Later I did see a review saying it was boring because of the lack of smut, but seriously, I don't think it's EVER necessary.

And last, but certainly not least, triggers.

0

There is absolutely NOTHING in this book, that I found, that could be a trigger. Like I said, no sex. There wasn't even swearing. It was beautifully squeaky clean! My favorite kind of book!

Also, I did get this book for free on Amazon, but it wasn't an ARC. I'm not sure if it's still free or not, but it's definitely worth the look! I did end up buying the paperback after reading it. So I could display it and lend it to friends!

Anyway, that's the end of my review. Let me know if you've read this book or are interested!

Be back with another review soon!

[marshmelotay]

Tay continued to flip through the album, shaking her head. "One day you're gonna look at these and only remember the good parts." She believed it, she never threw away her wedding pictures. "I mean... if you ever wanna find a girlfriend, I suggest you hide these, yes. But don't destroy them." She quickly flipped to the end of the album and admired the pictures of his house in the UK. "Whoa, it looks huge. And really pretty, I understand why you wanna renovate this place too. It would be a shame to sell it though, I can already tell it'll look great."

Nara finished her drink rather quickly, she was way behind Jay on drinking but the faster she went, the more the alcohol had her head spinning. "To be honest, Panda boy is just a storyline. It's all fake. I was talking about my real divorce with Conti. That was rough for me. But yeah... working that storyline definitely takes the best out of me."

Drinking the pain away. {Tay & Jay}

Nara was on her way to Jay, the drive seemed like it took hours but finally, she was parking in front of his house. The place looked empty and she wondered if she got the address right. Checking her phone once more, it seemed like she did and so she knock on the door and waited. She was secretely hoping that Jay would show up because it looked a little scary. "At least I know judo..." she mumbled to herself as she waited nervously. When the door finally opened and she saw Jay standing in front of her, a smile appeared on her face. "Hey, J."

@sw1tchdcddy

[scariestnara]

i can’t find my stupid modern verse post so here goes nothing

i have this one modern au i love to bits where shikayoshi gets a divorce when shikamaru is a toddler. shikaku was struggling with his mental health, particularly with addiction, and while yoshino would have done anything for him, she walks away for shikamaru’s sake. it’s a nasty divorce, where shikaku is a bitter old fuck whose heart was crushed by the woman he loved most.

yoshino moves into a tiny appartment in the *best* neighborhood for schools. the rent is so out of her budget it’s not even funny, there’s technically only one room but she makes it work. she works multiple jobs if she needs, before getting child support from shikaku once he is more financially stable.

their coparenting relationship is rough to say the least until shikamaru is a pre-teen. shikaku dates around a lot, has a couple of long relationships but nothing that lasts; he ends up deciding to put all of that aside and concentrate on himself. he’s been sober for a good year when shikamaru graduates high school. he opens a book shop and decides to pursue writing, an old love of his. he truly changes. after time, their coparenting becomes smoother, shikaku is less bitter, yoshino less hurt. they make it work. shikamaru has two parents who aren’t at each other’s throats anymore. with even more time, shikaku becomes an integral part of their daily life; he’s there for dinner a couple times a week, helps out with shikamaru’s early college classes.

yoshino on the other hand has like one love story thet lasts a month this entire time. she seems very lonely but it’s just what she prefers. deep down, she knows the only love she’ll ever have is shikaku. as a single mom, she juggles small minimum wage jobs and makes it work so shikamaru can lead as peaceful a life as possible. kid gets scholarship to get him through college which is one less expense on her part. once he’s out of the house, yoshino keeps a fulltime job but decides to go back to school part-time for nursing, something she gave up on when she got pregnant. she graduates with honors right after shikamaru.

at college, shikamaru meets temari and immediately, yoshino knows this is going to last. by the time the both of them have graduated, she has been deemed an honorary nara and is part of all of their small family traditions. it takes a few more years for a proposal to happen but it comes!

the wedding planning becomes a family affair; shikaku and yoshino become team diy, they help with invitations and wedding decor. if you didn’t know them, you might think they’re dating considering how much time they spend enjoying each other’s company again. week after week, he’s at her place, preparing something, sipping some tea, chatting away. until one evening, where the mood gets a bit too cozy, the living room too quiet, and their lips clasp together like two puzzle pieces who have found their place. it lasts a second, before shikaku picks up and leaves, in the ever so quiet night. from then on, it’s a bit awkward. they’re civil, but awkward. they don’t discuss it.

wedding day arrives and it’s the most beautiful ceremony ever. there are tears in everyone’s eyes — and yoshino’s hand searches for his, and crushes it between her fingers. after shikamaru dances with her, he steals her for a slow and it’s like time has stopped for the both of them. it finally feels right. he brings her back to her room after a night of exchanged glances and soft touches, and all of the sudden her lips are on his, his hands are on her and the rest is private matters. a new found love, yet one that never left. they talk a lot. she explains. he listens. but overall, they both know this feels right. now, it feels right. now, they can finally be each other’s happy ever after.

:’) okay bye

[sheep33hallow]

Who’s There 3/5 (ShikaNeji)

Summary: A divorced Alpha and Father, Shikamaru gets involved with a very self assured Beta, named Neji.

Rating: E

Tags: Parent!Shikamaru, ABO, Beta!Neji, Alpha!Shikamaru, sass, smut, getting together

Word Count: 2500

Part 1  Part 2

AO3

______________________

"I didn't do that for you." Neji exclaims as he's pressed harder into the door of his apartment.

"Uh huh." Shikamaru mumbles. He kisses Neji's neck. Reestablishing old marks, he scoops Neji into his arms, squeezing his ass when Neji wraps his legs around Shikamaru.

Neji circles his arms around Shikamaru's shoulders, digging his nails in. "I mean it. Like your kid is cute and all, but I wanted to see your ex crumble at the sight of me." His eyes are closed, holding a moan back at a particularly good suck.

Shikamaru bites him. "I know. It was so hot when you walked in." Shikamaru takes hold of the bottom of Neji's shirt, pushing the fabric out of the way, presenting Neji's nipples to him. He unlatches his teeth from the Beta's neck, moving slightly down to show love to his chest.

"Shikamaru!" He moans. Neji tangles his hand in Shikamaru's hair, tugging the ponytail free, and massages his lover's scalp.

He bites roughly at the left nipple. Abusing it, tugging on it, in the way Neji likes. Neji shakes in his arm, he can feel Neji's cock hardening. "You did so good today, Neji." Shikamaru praises.

"I did?" Neji chokes out.

Moving to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment. "So good, baby. And I'm going to take good care of you as thanks." He bites down, holds the nipple in his teeth, presses his tongue to lick the middle of the bud.

Neji may take a few strains of his hair with how hard his hold is, but it's worth it to the Alpha.

"So good, you'll give me your knot?"

Shikamaru chuckles. Neji's focus is on the wrong thing. He bites harder, causing Neji to scream out. He slaps the Alpha's back to make him let go.

He doesn't.

Neji's cock strains in his pants, digging into Shikamaru's stomach. Shikamaru wonders if he could get him to cum like this.

"Shika please." Shikamaru can't see him, but he'll bet Neji's face is wet.

He relents. Loving how Neji jumps when he soothes the nipple with his tongue. "Did you wear your plug today?"

As much as he has strong feelings for Neji. With his ex being an Omega, he could always sip into her pussy at any given moment. With Neji, he wasn't used to the work of fingering him open. The first few times it was hot, Neji was bent over showing him to properly get him ready to take cock.

Then he started to get impatient. Anyone would if you had someone as wonderful as Neji walking around in front of you. He wanted Neji to always be ready.

He explained this to him.

Neji wasn't used to butt plugs, but he'd try them out whenever he knew he would be around Shikamaru.

He took to it well. Very well, even admitted to visiting his bed friend with a plug in, filled with Shikamaru's cum from their morning session.

"I did."

Shikamaru straightens up. Lining their lips up for a kiss. "Which one?"

Neji's lips are soft, tasting like the birthday cake they earlier consumed. Hamtaro was front and center on his son's cake. "The small blue one."

"Oh." He tilts Neji's hips. His tip pressing into Neji's clothes hole. "You really want to feel it today."

"I always do." Neji moans. Sucking on Shikamaru's bottom lip.

"Then I shouldn't keep my good boy waiting."

_____

In a runway outfit he borrowed from Sasuke, he struts into the children's play center of the pizzeria. A present for Shikadai is in his hold while he talks to a flustered teenager, asking where the Nara party was.

He offers thanks, heading in the direction he was pointed toward.

Inside, is multiple tables, and a huge stage with animatronics. The kids are wild. Looking to his left he sees the twins, Lee and their flock of brats, he holds up a hand to wave.

Lee is the only one to enthusiastically return it.

Shifting his eyes to his watch, he hopes Sasuke, Naruto and Menma show up soon. He invited them with Shikamaru's permission, so he wasn't completely alone in an unknown territory.

Also, he was going to meet Shikadai.

A month ago, he thought it was too fast, and now, after Shikamaru asked him to be arm candy in front of his cheating ex, he is here. Proudly wearing a casual Versace outfit, he also has golden rings on to match the gold trim on his shirt. His hair is parted on the side, and he tossed it a few times this morning to give it that sultry 'just fucked' look.

He spots the back of Shikamaru's head, he's squatted down next to a miniature version of him. The only difference is the eyes. He walks up behind him, tapping his shoulder.

The Alpha looks over his shoulder, and almost loses his footing. "Dad, be careful." The child holds his arms out, as if to catch his Father.

"You're right." He says to his son. He stands up, curling an arm around Neji's waist. The other is on his son's shoulder. "Shikadai, this is Neji. Neji, my son Shikadai."

Neji offers his present to the boy. "Greetings, and Happy Birthday."

Shikadai bows slightly, taking the gift. "Hello, Mr. Neji. Are you a friend of my Father's or a new partner like my mother's?"

Neji has to hold his composure. He turns to Shikamaru to answer. Shikamaru won't make eye contact.

He internally pouts. "I--uh, would have to say, I'm his boyfriend."

The four year old blinks at him. "Do you have a backyard?"

"No, but I have a cat."

"Mom is allergic to cats. Can I come see yours?"

He digs his nails into Shikamaru's hand. Upset that he is left to fend for himself when children are not his thing. "Of course. It's still a kitten too."

Shikadai bows again, taking his present over to the table with the rest, and joins a pale blonde boy, and a Chocho up front at the stage. He's seen enough pictures of Chocho from conception to recognize the child.

Also, at Choji's restaurant opening, the kid was wearing a banana costume, passing out menus.

He goes to reprimand Shikamaru, but he's pulled against his chest, and kissed. His ears feel hot, he's not one for PDA, and they are over near the arcade games. Little germy children surround them. "You look, really fucking good, Neji." He disconnected their lips to say, though he stays close, so their breath mingles.

Neji forgets what he was going to say. "I had to be the perfect arm candy."

"You're more than perfect." He kisses him again, slowly rocking them back and forth. "What did you get Shikadai?" He inquires.

Neji glides his finger along Shikamaru's collarbone. "You'll see when he opens his gifts?"

"You'll stay that long?" Surprise in his voice.

"Well it's only three hours. I think I can manage." He smirks. He originally planned to bounce after an hour. Already an excuse to leave set up with Ten Ten. He'll have to text her to abort the plan.

"I want to keep you. Guess it's good you're my boyfriend." He chuckles, digging his nose into Neji's cheek, who laughs as well.

"Stop it." He laughs. Hitting Shikamaru's shoulder playfully.

 At the table with Temari

At the long party table, near the end, sits two couples across from each other. Baki is the name of Temari's partner, an older man who speaks respectfully to Shikamaru and he.

Temari hasn't said much to Neji beyond a polite greeting, keeping her eye on their son. Neji is watching the show on stage. Naruto is upfront with Menma, finally showing up with Sasuke, who he hasn't gotten a chance to chat up with, but Kakashi seems to be entertaining him. He hopes it's positive news. Farm life must be depressing.

Shikamaru is sitting in front of him on the bench of the table. He feels like he hasn't sat on a table like this since middle school. He scoots up closer, resting his head on Shikamaru's shoulder, bringing his hand around to lay on his stomach.

"You too are cosy." Temari drawls. Shikamaru was watching the stage as well, and he turned his head to his ex.

"I hope so. A relationship wouldn't work otherwise." Shikamaru replies.

Temari frowns. She shifts her eyes to Neji. "What is it that you do?"

Neji resists the urge to smirk. "I own my own pressure point massage studio. I used to be a resident, and felt my medical knowledge could be better used in a way that makes me happy."

Temari taps the table with her nail. " You're the guy Choji sees." She deduced.

"I am. I love Choji."

"How long have you guys known each other?"

"Three months." Shikamaru answers this time. Neji straightens up, running a hand through his hair. Shikamaru keeps his hold on his hand, as if Neji was going to run away. "Three." He reiterates.

Baki pipes up. "Sometimes you just know." Trying to defuse the tension between Temari's brow. He's rubbing her back slowly.

"I'll keep my thoughts to myself on." Through gritted teeth. She waves her hand between Neji and Shikamaru, then continues. "But why did you invite my twin brothers?" She says with annoyance.

"Because Shikadai needs to know his cousins. Gaara and Shukaku have four kids with Lee." Shikamaru says with a tired tone. An old topic by the sound of it.

She grimaces.

People continue to come into the party. The present table gets larger, and more people greet the parents of the birthday boy. Neji gets a lot of looks, and compliments from family and friends. He explains his outfit, and people gush over how handsome he is, that he complements Shikamaru.

Neji was raised for moments like this. He knows if he would have been a girl, he would have won multiple pageants. His cousin Hinata used to be forced to compete as a child, and Neji used to feel bad for his cousin, but secretly made a list on how she could improve.

He never showed it to her.

It was probably with his childhood stuff at his parents house.

He should call his Dad.

He is proper eye candy. Staying close to Shikamaru when they open presents. Neji is surprised by how much his heart sings when Shikadai opens what he gave him. He's so tiny, and Menma is next to him with Chocho and Inojin, he later learns the child's name is.

Everything is Hamtaro theme.

Shikadai's eyes glow. He gives Neji a quiet 'thank you'.

Shikadai can do no wrong. He even has a party hat on because the child asked him to put it on.

The party ends on time. Naruto and Shikamaru exchange numbers. Sasuke and he were able to have a moment to chat. They shared a slice of cake together while Sasuke told him what Kakashi said. He also learned Kakashi is married to Asuma, a judge and Shikamaru's mentor.

A fun day.

Shikamaru helps Baki pack Temari's car with all of Shikadai's gifts. Neji is off to the side waiting outside, when Temari comes up to him. Shikadai is knocked out in her arms, she says. "My son likes you."

"I like him too."

She sucks her teeth. "Then that's all that matters." She leaves him, walking to her car to put Shikadai in the backseat.

Baki shakes hands with Shikamaru after the trunk is shut. Baki nods a goodbye at Neji, who returns it, before getting into the front seat.

Shikamaru strolls up to Neji, he kisses his forehead. "Your place or mine?"

______

"That's it baby, nice and slow." Said Shikamaru. Neji's front is against the door, cheek pressed to the wood. He's nude, the butt plug was thrown off to the side of the room, and Shikamaru is working Neji open on his cock.

Neji whines. The sweet stretch, inch by inch, he takes the Alpha before he can feel Shikamaru's patience evaporating. He gets a single inhale in before Shikamaru pushes it all in. Neji is choking on air. "Fuck." He gasps out.

Shikamaru is nude as well, he has one hand on Neji's waist, the other on the back of the Beta's neck. He fucks into Neji. The lube drips down his balls, as the slap slap of their skin goes on.

He needs Neji.

He realized that at the party.

He makes his hold tighter on his neck. "Why are you so perfect, Neji? Can you answer that?" Shikamaru growls.

His cock wants to stay in that tight heat. His inner Alpha is purring. He notices Neji hasn't answered because he can't.

He's gasping for air, and Shikamaru finds him so beautiful.

"I need you to know, I'm keeping you. Don't think of escaping me, Hyuuga." He leans in close, kissing the tear stained face. He switches his thrust to short hard pumps. Neji's body is shaking under him. He lessens his hold slightly. He's enthralled when Neji deeply inhales.

"Shikamaru."

He nibbles on Neji's chin. "Yes."

"If you fucking kill me without having your knot, I'll haunt you."

He knows Neji is trying to be menacing, but his body is clearly recovering from Shikamaru restricting his oxygen. His voice is cracking.

"Please do." He teases. He moans after his words. He knows he's close.

Neji reaches behind, smacks his stomach, urgently.

"What?" Shikamaru groans, he slows his thrust.

"Turn me around."

Shikamaru obliges. He pulls out, they both are a moaning mess as Neji turns around, he puts a leg on Shikamaru's shoulder. The Alpha slides back into him, happy to see his lover's face again. Neji frantically wraps his arms around Shikamaru's shoulder, he wants his lips. "Kiss me." He loudly whispers.

Shikamaru refuses to deny him.

His thrust has become erratic, but he needs Neji to get off first. Once he pops his knot, he won't be of much use to Neji. Shikamaru wraps his hand around his lover's cock, twisting it in the way he knows Neji likes.

"Shika." He groans into Shikamaru's mouth.

"Ye–yeah?" He stutters, like his hips are doing.

"Knot."

"Baby, no."

Neji disconnects the kiss, he spits on Shikamaru's face. "Then get me off, you useless Alpha!" Neji throws his head back against the door.

Shikamaru feels the saliva glide down his face. He watches Neji, eyes closed, blowing his load in between them. The aftershocks vibrate on his own cock, and he quickly pulls out. Shooting his own onto the bottom of the door.

Shikamaru gently puts Neji's leg down before falling to his knees. His forehead on Neji's stomach. His head goes up and down with Neji's harsh breathing. "You spat on me." He's in shock.

A long exhale. He can hear the smile in his words. "I did."

Shikamaru had to take a moment.

"I–I think I want you degrade me, next time we have sex." He decided on. He didn't think he would be this type of person.

Neji's hand cups his cheek, making him look up at the Beta. "I'm very good at making people feel worthless." Neji states haughty.

Shikamaru notices there is cum on the hand touching him.

For the first time, he doesn't regret getting married. Neji would have destroyed him if they met years ago. They would have destroyed each other.

He turns his head to take Neji's thumb into his mouth.

Neji bites his lip. "Good boy."

Part 4

[mare-sanguis]

i'm once again SO FASCINATED by your analysis even if its just part one??? i appreciate your work so much <\3

and happy to see you back again of course as well, ngl i got kinda worried- damn laptop. hope you do feel better now as well ✨

one part in your whole analysis that stuck out to me, especially because i had been analyzing the scene as well, is the part about the love letters, when/how they both withdraw their hands and even more so LMS body language/facial expression when he says his threat plus KSJ reaction to it. i've yet to see anyone talk about it (as detailed as you) but i noticed it immediately- as someone whos introverted and neurodivergent, analyzing body languages/facial expression is my daily bread and the whole scene (i'd go as far as to say even the stand off between them in the lobby) was FILLED with SO MUCH body language. the scene where KSJ and KMC grab onto each other and LMS is looking and laughing at them reads like he just ruined the life of lovers as well.

also??? hello to the "i wanted to see you" line overlapping with KMC thinking of the case and turning around right when KSJ say it speaks so many volumes. atp you cant make this shit up- it is damn queercoded (exhibit A) the strained relationship between them two literally mirrors typical parents in crime thrillers who divorce after their child got murdered. exhibit B) the author of the webtoon isnt really new to the queercoded genre)

edit: both KSJ and KMC see joohyun as narae. its clear in the way a) KSJ looks at her when they are at his home b) how he talks to her c) how KMC reacts and cradles her in his arms when shes bleeding out in his dream c) how he chases after her when she grabs LMS and points a gun at him e) how he gets in the way between her and jiyoung.

its basically just dads looking at a different version of their lost daughter (i was actually planning on writing a long post about this topic, this post here gave me a great headstart)

The Killing Vote (ep. 8 notes, part 1)

The Killing Vote (ep. 1-5 notes) The Killing Vote (ep. 6 & overall notes) The Killing Vote: more on Joohyun, Kwon Seokju & Kim Muchan The Killing Vote (ep. 7 notes) Discussion on symbolism with @mare-sanguis: hands, the ambidextrous angel and serpents (part. 1, part. 2)

I hope you had a nice week-end!!!!

I was fighting against my laptop (and on top of that, a nasty cold, my room feels like a fridge these days ;;): it had LOTS of problems with its ventilation last week (I have to come up with every little trick like stacking books under for it not to heat up, if someone has tips I’m all ears 8D)! It’s accompanied me for 8+ years so this little guy has sometimes trouble to load internet pages, to say nothing of taking notes and editing screenshots, it took even longer than usual to post, and I wanted to post it at least before the new episode aired haha ;;

I think I’m competing against myself for the word count each time lmao (TKV really is some rabbit hole material, I’m even considering buying a copy of the script if it’s available for sale one day haha), it got even longer, so once again respect for reading through all this 🫡 I have to cut it in parts, so I’ll list what each part is about below!

I think the three parts will be uploaded today!

I wanted to write some notes on criminology and TKV here but I think I’ll leave it for another post/reblog of this one, as it’s not that relevant to the episode compared to the many others in this post and it got already too long _ (´ཀ`」 ∠)_

Tldr: what is everyone cooking in this drama???? I’m losing my marbles, there are too many hints thrown in all directions, they all do some big 4D chess and you don’t expect the audience to overthink every single detail 8D???

Have a nice end of the week ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ 🍂🎃

(SPOILERS UP TO EPISODE 8!!!!)

Part 1

General impressions on the episode Official character profiles Lee Minsu’s tattoo Three pictures missing in Kwon Seokju’s house Choi Jinsu, Min Jiyoung and Lee Minsu « If I were Gaetal… » and a triangulation orchestrated by Kwon Seokju and Lee Minsu

Part 2

Jihoon and Gaetal Jihoon’s name Joohyun, Kim Muchan, Kwon Seokju and the Killing Vote « The moment you perfectly understand… » The Gaetal Kwon Seokju’s departure

Part 3

Joohyun and Gaetal More on Joohyun’s scar and expressions Joomin and the ‘firecracker smell’ Kim Muchan and Gaetal What’s still not addressed (yet) The ‘witness’, chronology of some key events, where the story is going

♦ General impressions on the episode

WHAT AN EPISODE OOF!!!! It keeps getting nerve-wracking haha

All the cast was amazing to watch, but Kim Kwon’s performance as LMS… w o a h, he was in the audience’s seat with us, entertained by the chaos he created, a true clown (even his mother was nonplussed haha) 8D Im Jiyeon who played opposite him as Joohyun dfhjvbfdhvdjhbdfbfvd (and let her live all the way through, no more death flags please ;;)

I have no words whenever there’s a scene involving the MCs’ quatuor or trio (KSJ, KMC, Joohyun & LMS) 🫠🔥

Jihoon was also really great, it was nice to finally see him in action and looking more open/expressive with his feelings!!!!

I loved the scene where Joohyun visited KMC’s home! It was a funny call-back to when KMC witnessed the mess on her apartment’s floor lmao

We finally got a smiling Muchan but………….. at what cost ⚰️

In any case, this cast is really the embodiment of the Spiderman meme lmao

Everybody is going to jail ayyyyyyyyyyy Ngl but the way the drama unfolds makes me think everybody in the cast will be truly involved in TKV in one way or another, since the beginning, the middle or in the end haha

According to this kr tweet (I have yet to find these interviews!), Park Haejin (KMC’s actor) hinted KMC isn’t ‘at first’ Gaetal.

Because there’s not enough context in the tweet, it could also be about KSJ (because it’d align with what we learned) but I believe it’s about KMC since the user implores the scriptwriter not to kill off KSJ — and I agree with them 1000000000% haha — ➾ it’d then make sense KMC isn’t ‘at first’ Gaetal.

Park Sungwoong (KSJ’s actor) said his character won’t assume the role of the villain in the story………. Interesting maneuver me says haha

Oh and also I found in the most random way the nightclub where KMC busted the drug scene (ep. 7) in this MV (I was looking for the new album of Whee In, a Mamamoo member, and curiosity got the better of me haha)!

It’s too bad I couldn’t get the name of the set but you can see the statue a little clearer, so I took a screenshot:

♦ The Killing Vote’s official character profiles

I didn’t get to read it until now, but SBS uploaded character profiles for the characters in TKV’s section.

Every profile is worded in a way that makes the audience suspicious of the character (a persistent, crazy, and competent lunatic, as Jodan said!), which is an interesting detail!

Here are some excerpts I found interesting to share:

→ Kim Muchan’s profile

On his relationship with KSJ: « KSJ, with whom he was close enough to call ‘hyung’. »

The profile clearly states he manipulated the evidence 8 years ago.

On his guilt and Narae's case: « Even to this day, there are countless sleepless nights where I still ruminate over my decision » ???? That’s what Gaetal said on their first broadcast in ep. 1: « It disturbs me so much that I can’t even fall asleep. »

The page also says he’s now determined to go after the culprit he failed to arrest then because of the wrong choices he made in the past AND the one who truly pulls the strings of TKV (배후 means rear/back/behind but can also mean by ext. mastermind ; this does not necessarily mean the 'true' Gaetal though mmmmh).

→ Joohyun’s profile

KMC and KSJ’s relationship captivates her. This isn’t even subtle, you can’t make that sh*t up lmao:

« 어떤 데이터보다 분석하기 어려운 김무찬과 권석주, 두 사람 사이의 묘한 긴장감이 그녀의 ‘촉’을 자극한다. » ‘The peculiar/intriguing tension in the relationship between KMC & KSJ, who prove to be more challenging to analyze than any other data, stimulates her ‘intuition/nose/sixth sense’.

She was admitted in the Cyber Bureau through special recruitment.

Because of the lack of evidence, the case of her family was closed as a simple drowsy driving and not DUI (and according to the drama, by a repeated drunk driver at that).

Her scar became the stigma reminding her of the injustice she suffered.

There was only one police officer (I wonder who that is… ?) who cared about her story and that’s why she decided to join the police.

Note: I believe the car crash happened in 2013, KMC was 27 at that time!

→ Choi Jinsu’s profile

See the point about CJS & Min Jiyoung below!

→ Jodan’s profile

It says he participated in various hacking defense competitions held by KISA, the NPA and the NIS.

He was a white hacker (even though he stated in the drama he was once arrested so it means it wasn't done within a legitimate context eg. contract mmmmh) and the profile states he sleeps during the day and like KMC, stays awake and works all night.

→ Lee Minsu’s profile

He actually had an artificial defibrillator inserted because suffers from a congenital heart disease (‘선천적 심장질환’).

The quote introducing his character does an interesting wordplay:

« 정의에는 수많은 갈래가 있고, 세상 모두가 인정하는 정의란 不在(부재)하다. » ‘Justice carries within itself various branches, and there’s no such thing as justice universally agreed on in the world.’

부재하다 means ‘be absent/missing’ ; because of denasalization, the ᄆ at the beginning of 무죄 (‘innocence’, part of KSJ’s catchphrase ‘devils deemed innocent’/‘무죄의 악마들’) might sound like a ㅂ, making the two words paronyms (ㅔ and ㅐ might sound similar in practice ; ㅚ and ㅐhave subtly nuanced pronunciations because the first one is a diphthong, but sometimes pronunciations overlap and are not kept distinct).

➾ This could be a fitting detail to convey the devils find innocence in that void/loopholes of the justice!

This also defines his character pretty well: every single moment of his life further encouraged him to gamble with others’ lives (eg. because of his mother’s excessive indulgence and his family’s lack of proper surveillance, punishment and care when it mattered). As in LMS’s notes, nothing altered the course of his life and everything snowballed. Note: I’m not saying it justifies/excuses his deeds of course, it only provides context and this dude definitely enjoys everything happening in his drama!

Interestingly, the Mu in Muchan is associated to the law (see the previous post for ep. 7!), AND it can also be written with the hanja 無 (무효 uses this hanja and means ‘invalidity/nullity’ ie. state of having no effect, often used about legal effects of a contract or provision for example), 无 & 毋 (없다 which can mean non-existent/lacking).

I said it in a previous post, but the Min in Minsu can be written with 泯 (망하다, be ruined/destroyed, used when JJW says No. 1 Fan ‘destroyed’ the person KSJ loved the most). The two characters are set as opposites.

→ Choi Dohee’s profile

Her introducing quote is also interesting:

« 인간을 지은 건 신이지만, 인간의 악을 재단하는 건 인간이야. » ’Humanity was God’s creation, but Evil is Humanity’s choice.’

Note: tricky to translate because 재단하다 means both judge (ie. make a decision by distinguishing between right and wrong) and cut out (ie. cut a material such as fabric/wood, etc. into a certain shape or size which is also visually fitting), which fits her character to a T since she deliberately manipulates facts to ‘reveal the truth more effectively with a provocative twist/seasoning to it.’ (eg. she deems her work with Joohyun as a win-win situation because both of their contribution were recognized in her eyes: she got awards, Joohyun was promoted).

Her character could parallel KMC’s reckless behavior too.

This aligns with the new episode and her overall behavior in the drama: « 그렇게 개탈과의 공생 관계를 만들기 위해 더욱 과감한 행보를 보이기 시작한다. » ‘This way, she begins to take bolder steps to create a symbiotic relationship with Gaetal.’ Note: 공생 means cooperation, but also mutualism and symbiosis.

→ Joomin’s profile

« I lack words whenever I think about my parents’ murderer who deftly escaped the net of the law in the past. It goes without saying that I too would choose ‘revenge’ over forgiveness. »

(I’m not even trying to think about the consequences if someone harmed Joohyun aaaaaaaaa)

→ Jihoon’s profile

He lost his parents at a young age and lives with his grandmother (where? Nobody seems to know given ep. 8).

Even though his smile is really beautiful, a shadow is always cast on his expression. He has no presence at all at school and willfully doesn’t mix with his peers (he’s an 아싸, something like an introvert in slang, it’s the abbreviation of the loanword ‘outsider’).

And according to the profile, he finds himself smiling before he knows it as he gets closer to the sisters my heart ;;;;;;;

→ Jihoon’s grandmother, Yang Hyejin

She struggles to shoulder all alone the painful story behind the death of Jihoon’s parents.

And gdi the picture they chose for KMC’s profile couldn’t be more red RED (like… TKV’s sign 8D), look in contrast with KSJ (they chose a picture of him wearing the blue prison uniform) & Joohyun (the background is white)!

♦ Lee Minsu’s tattoo

What’s on LMS’s tattoo? Besides the ‘My Daddy My Hero’, there seems to be some illustration/pattern on the top of the cross?

Because of the lighting in ep. 4, we couldn’t see it clearly:

(I’m tempted to say it looks like Gaetal’s mask: there’s some white figure/circle with two black dots inside!)

And this doesn’t seem like your average crucified Christ either!

♦ Three missing pictures at Kwon Seokju’s house

I don’t know if this will be relevant later, but when Joohyun checked KSJ’s house in the present, three frames on the wall were empty.

KSJ’s flashback of moments spent with his daughter (in ep. 6) shows they still had pictures in the past.

The drawing that was removed is not one of the two KSJ kept with him in prison, did someone else take it eg. Jihoon?

♦ Choi Jinsu, Min Jiyoung and Lee Minsu

I have a feeling Choi Jinsu was the one that was supposed to keep an eye on KMC.

In ep. 7, Min Jiyoung asked her assistant: « Keep an eye on KMC. Ask some of my family’s men to spy on him without the chairman finding out. »

In ep. 4, there was this exchange between CJS & KMC:

« — [BWT] is registered at the chairman of Samdo Steel’s address. You know his new wife is an assemblywoman, right? — I’m not interested in politics. »

Joohyun ruled him out of the list of suspects for Gaetal because he was a detective on the case even though he attended every trial and didn’t know KSJ personally (and we know all this doesn’t mean anything!)…

And in ep. 6 (the pictures below), a shot emphasized his expression (in KMC’s direction, no less ; he averted his gaze right after while swallowing even though it was too short for the shots to show it) at the mention of Min Jiyoung’s family running Seorae High School’s Foundation.

And he drops THIS banger ('He's always been a smart kid') as if he had personal knowledge about it (and it even made turn his team's heads) and he never finished his next sentence. KMC seems to have noticed that.

Note: by this moment in the drama we were shown Narae’s case and how he was by KMC’s side then, which gives us the perhaps mistaken impression he wanted to talk about Narae!

Choi Jinsu also said this to LMS when he was called as Jihoon’s guardian for an interview in ep. 6: « Given the severity of the case, we’re trying to keep this investigation as discreet as possible. When parents get involved, things often get more complicated. You know what I mean. »

Did his family also get tangled with Min Jiyoung’s somehow?

And we've got CJS exchanging glances with MJY in this episode's scene when they arrested LMS (the second set of pictures above!).

At the beginning of ep. 8, the drama also emphasized his reaction to LMS being caught on the CCTV at the funeral for BGC (more on that later).

And here’s some info we get from his official character profile:

— He has 20 years of experience in Violent Crimes (but he was never promoted while staying in KMC's team).

— He is surprisingly good at handling suspects’ interviews ie. he’s listening to their stories well and he’s a « genius » at building a rapport with them (yes, the drama always emphasized how Joohyun was to establish a rapport with KSJ but never brought up that detail about CJS, though he always sounds amicable with people he interviewed so far, which contrasts with KMC’s harsh behavior!).

— He ALWAYS (emphasis on always) uses with KMC the ‘good cop-bad cop’ strategy to progress in investigations.

— The character profile also highlights how he always follows KMC « wherever he goes » ; it also associates this expression to his character when it says he’s admirative of Muchan: « 무찬바라기 ». Note: it comes from the Korean word for sunflower, 해바라기: « when you add 바라기 at the end of a specific word, you mean that you admire something or try to follow that specific word like a sunflower that admires and tries to follow the sun. »

— Thanks to that (him following KMC all the time), police officer in every fiber of his being, he lately receives indifference/unfrendliness from his wife and child.

— For 8 years (after Narae’s case) he travelled with KMC around the country and went to great lengths to bring KMC back to the « central stage » (ie. probably hard-working to go up from the South to Seoul, which got KMC his bad reputation and also probably why CJS never got promoted according to his record when Jodan checked his background).

And this could explain a whole lot how:

He caught KMC at the forensics by night (because he perhaps followed him) in Narae's case ;

(a reach but) he insisted on KSJ murdering Narae's lead while coincidentally Min Jiyoung was trying to shift the attention off her son by uploading the video smearing KSJ’s reputation ;

This behavior that could naturally be explained because he’s also a father (so the case could’ve moved him viscerally) at first glance doesn’t align at all with how he usually works according to his character sheet nor with his sympathy for KMC (a previous scene expressly tells us CJS knew about KMC’s close relationship with KSJ, which was supposedly something a few knew about). Something might’ve made him change his habits.

He attended every single trial for KSJ’s case (and probably Narae’s) by KMC’s side while he’s not personally acquainted to KSJ (but the accused was related to Min Jiyoung) ;

BWT’s lawyer was probably made aware of the existence of the bunny plush (and KMC’s plan to fabricate evidence) through CJS and could take care of it in advance ;

For 8 years he continued to keep an eye on follow KMC after he was highly likely disciplined for this case (so that he doesn’t cause trouble for Min Jiyoung’s son nor her once more if we cross it with her discussion with her son). But it could also be out of guilt for KMC (if he’s involved in whatever is happening right now).

This scene in ep. 8 where he looked deeply disturbed by the camera footage displaying a person clad in black halting to hold their chest in pain (which LMS did in front of his mother once in ep. 5) and walked away. KMC also noticed and immediately called a colleague to look for a rope in plastic.

In ep. 2, Choi Jinsu randomly admitted to having not slept at all recently and wished to go home: « Let’s call it a night and head home. I haven’t been getting much sleep in the past 10 days. »

You would naturally believe it’s because of the special investigation on the Killing Vote, they must always stay on alert day and night and it must be really nerve-wracking. However he said so while taking a glance in KMC’s direction: has he perhaps tailed KMC for 10 days on Min Jiyoung/LMS’s orders? Mentioning 10 days is also kinda specific, unless he’s a man of details that always keeps track on time or has a specific date in mind. KMC also looked back in his direction.

In ep. 5, LMS bids goodbye to his mother in a hurry, at night: « Right. I have to be somewhere. I totally forgot. (…) I’ll see you later. » We don’t know where he went. ➾ If Choi Jinsu has something to do with this, does he report to him on KMC’s activities (which includes day and night since he works with him and follows him)?

Note: it must be indirectly, through someone else, that LMS (or MJY) gets his information, eg. Min Jiyoung, her assistant or the Commissioner, because CJS only recognized Lee Yunseong when he adopted his new identity (and face apparently) as Lee Minsu in ep. 2 (he went back to SK only a year ago!).

Did LMS then learn the extent of KSJ and KMC’s relationship through CJS … ?

In ep. 8, Choi Jinsu says he’ll stop by KMC’s at night after he learned he had the same dream again.

In any case, it’s not clear if CJS works for Min Jiyoung/LMS without trying to deceive them: he could go along with their plan to get around their vigilance and double-cross them with KMC.

He seems really admirative and caring for KMC, so things might be more complex.

(More on what CJS could possibly witness while keeping an eye on KMC in the upcoming points!)

♦ « If I were Gaetal… » and a triangulation orchestrated by Kwon Seokju and Lee Minsu

Definitely not missing those parallels between KMC and LMS:

This strongly feeds into the superposition of the two characters when it comes to KSJ and the subsequent indirect communication between the three: what is about LMS is also about KMC, and vice versa:

— What would be considered a ‘love letter’ in LMS’s point of view from KSJ, who was convinced KMC was Gaetal/No. 1 Fan all these years until recently, could be considered a ‘love letter’ to KMC in KSJ’s point of view.

It’s highlighted once again later in the episode with Joohyun’s comment:

Note: KMC is still withholding the extent of his relationship with KSJ to Joohyun!

— Wanting to see 'LMS' from KSJ’s point of view could mean he wanted to see KMC for this same reason. The end of the episode even emphasizes this line once again as KMC is thinking about the case at home and this specific sentence is played to KMC's surprise ;

— Also, KSJ’s words: « I wanted to see you because I wanted to say goodbye. There’s not much time left. (…) I wasted a long time in prison, because of one wrong decision. I realized too late that I didn’t have enough time to make up for that mistake. That is why I decided to meet you. »

Note: If KMC's wrong decision was to lead recklessly Narae's case as his character profile stated, KSJ's was BWT's murder (whether he regrets the act itself is another question, but at least he must be regretting murdering the wrong person).

Specifically sound addressed to KMC even though he’s looking at LMS, which leaves the latter perplexed (more on it below!). You also get this shot of KMC fully focused on KSJ when KSJ says these words:

The episode also concludes with KSJ’s evasion and KMC realizing he’s truly involved with Gaetal!

Was this 'lack of time' about KSJ’s imminent escape? Is this about something else (eg. his health, putting an end to KMC’s guilt by taking full responsibility, or something urgent about Narae’s case that’s about to be finished, like the statute of limitations for example?)?

The next part is puzzling (« I realized too late that I didn’t have enough time to make up for that mistake. »), like please explain good sir????

This is also a parallel to LMS’s conversation with his mother in ep. 5:

« — You know that detective, Kim Muchan. He’s a really funny guy. It seems impossible to kill him. He’s like a cockroach. (…) — You better stay away from those vermin. If he messes with you once again, I’ll kill him for real. How dare he try to get in my son’s way? (…) — Right. I have to be somewhere. I totally forgot. — Where are you going? You should quit school too [this line also emphasizes 이제, now]. You should get in shape first. Stop playing around. — This is the only time I can play around. »

Note: Will there be an upcoming surgery for his heart? Is his diagnosis getting worse/fatal these days, which is why his mother asks him to relax as much as possible?

— You could even say everything LMS wanted to be in KSJ’s eyes was what KMC was tacitly described as in ep. 3 ie. KSJ agreeing to the entirety of Joohyun’s description of ‘Gaetal’ corresponding with KMC:

Note: if you rewatch this scene, you can see KSJ react at the mention of a ‘fan’, then looking in KMC’s direction (who pointedly avoids eye contact by the way).

— All of this is happening when all the characters involved from both sides of the room know this meeting is staged for everyone to watch:

I loved that shot btw, KMC and Joohyun look like ghosts (perhaps privy to something we don’t know yet)!

-> KMC and Joohyun organized the meeting between the two so that they’d gain a confession from LMS ; unlike KMC and KSJ (and highly likely LMS too if he wiretapped them), Joohyun ignores the hidden meaning behind the ‘No. 1 Fan’. KMC was also gauging KSJ’s reactions (another sign he still couldn’t shake the bad feeling he had in the episode).

-> As for KSJ, dude was busy haha: He now has to face LMS’s fascination for him as he only did through letters until now (under the false impression it was KMC). He wanted to coax LMS into confessing he was No. 1 Fan in front of KMC & Joohyun (to shift the Gaetal suspicions off himself at the same time). Note: However, I think it’s likely he did that half-heartedly because he caught on that the suspicions came back and it’s not like he wouldn’t expect this meeting wouldn’t be revealing!

And whatever he wanted to communicate to KMC (and Joohyun) in cryptic ways!

This behavior triggered LMS’s reactions (see below!). It’s also interesting that LMS displayed strong emotions out loud while KSJ remained absolutely impassive with a frozen expression on the surface throughout most of their exchange (until he snapped).

-> Yes, even LMS becomes gradually aware of it: at first, he was wholeheartedly ecstatic at his undreamt of meeting with KSJ.

Look at this dude here living the Dream and twirling hair, you can see whole galaxies in his eyes lmao

But the elation sank once he saw the pleasure was not truly reciprocated by KSJ (I can’t believe I’m writing this lmao) and that’s from that point on he started to glance sideways to his left in the direction of the interrogation room’s glass panel ie. where KMC (and Joohyun) stands.

He did it whenever KMC might come to mind in his exchange with KSJ, which suggests he hinted at KMC in his answers:

1) « I enjoyed reading your replies too. » and a 'love letter'

After being accused by KSJ of being No. 1 Fan, LMS glanced in KMC’s direction and retorted ad hominem: « I enjoyed reading your replies too. I was worried you might hate me, but you showed me you completely understood me. I was worried you might hate me, but you showed me you completely understood me. It meant we were finally communicating properly, which reassured me. ».

He realized he was being used and decided to play with something he figured not even KMC would know the truth about: the letters. It could also be to show off to KMC he shared a correspondence with KSJ he was not privy to! He carries on that later with the 'love letter' and when he says « I felt like I was the only one putting effort into our relationship, so it wasn’t fun anymore. »

KSJ deflects LMS's accusation by stating he never wrote replies in the first place (the last pictures of the first column).

Which provokes LMS even more as he teasingly glances in KMC’s direction to deem them as ‘love letters’ (I’m so sorry it’s screenshot-heavy lmao, I just loved the acting here!!!!).

Notice how KSJ withdrew his hands from the desk (to put them underneath and fall back in his chair) broke contact/physically retreated as soon as LMS claimed these replies (love letters right lmao) were addressed to him:

Not to mention how LMS does the same later, when KSJ asks him if he’s Gaetal and LMS realizes the purpose of his arrestation (the camera also emphasizes the movement of his hands being dragged down along the table). It’s worth mentioning that LMS decides next to rile KSJ up by threatening KMC (more on it below!).

For what it’s worth, KMC, first leaning on the desk, adopted a similar posture once KSJ asked him if he meant what he said in ep. 7 (and you can see KSJ is clenching his jaw at the lack of a verbal answer).

2— « There’s not much time left? »

When KSJ says he wanted to meet LMS because there’s not much time left, LMS looks a little confounded and directs his gaze to the glass:

3— « Are you Gaetal? » and not No. 1 Fan

When KSJ asks if LMS is Gaetal, this bursts LMS’s bubble and he explodes in laughter as realization dawned on him: KSJ is not there for him.

4— « If I were Gaetal, who would be the target today? Don’t you want to know? »

LMS bitterly laughs to himself and decides now to taunt KSJ at the mere suggestion of harming KMC: he finally introduces KMC to their conversation even without having to name him, the (almost rhetorical) question is deliberately left open.

He even went out of his way to make a little detour and showingly drag his feet right in front of the glass (facing KMC & Joohyun) to get his point across. It’s the only moment KSJ looked not in control and troubled, and tried to gauge LMS.

And he loses it the moment LMS’s eyes train the slightest to the left:

5— « Ring, ring! »

And finally, when KMC stops KSJ, LMS regains his composure as he sees the former arrive and laughs at them when the vote is up (ngl the third to last picture would make great meme material out of context haha, it has the same vibes as that Real Housewives cat meme):

After this episode, you can better appreciate this scene in ep. 6 (first two pictures):

But at the same time, what KSJ says next becomes even more unclear, ep. 8 might add another layer to it (three next pictures):

— Is some part of his speech an act? His anger and regret sounded real, but he could’ve used them to redirect KMC’s (and everyone watching) suspicions off him.

— KSJ specifically says he wished KMC were Gaetal, not No. 1 Fan, if this detail will be relevant later.

— If he was honest, why would he wish for Gaetal when he’s supposedly Gaetal himself……………. ? Is he involved in the Killing Vote in a different way from Gaetal’s?

This scene between Joomin and KMC in ep. 4 can also be further appreciated (last two pictures).

That's all for the first part, part 2 is next!