#ditch him bro. you can find someone better LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE.

[fiovske]

Same acoc anon as before, when i saw the news i just had to vent to you and did not even check your post but agskbsha lol good to know we are all in the trenches o7. But really from all the seasons they give him acoc, my beloved?! I feel like i have been fucking targeted and i'll feel like a clown when i'll have to block all the tags

right in the trenches w you, friend o7, so funny that they would trust mercer w acoc after the shit he did w c2 LMAO like that man cannot hold a plot together, not even in long-form format let along tight short form LMAO and you're trusting him with the most lore-heavy rich and dense material there is? your sense of judgement is fraught as hell.

[candlecovewiki]

ALRIGHT ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT MY REVERSE AU FOR ONCE LETS GET IT

this is only like.... part 1 of this btw

note: see end of post for au terminology

percy <--> thade

percy: is not referred to by his actual name, in fear that speaking it will summon him or bring some sort of bad omen onto a crew or town, so he’s mostly referred to as “the darkness that sees”, or just dark for short. during the destruction of the tarantula crew he was knocked into a false door* and spent a few years stuck in the in between*. he wasn’t.... really the same after he came back (which is... rare, because people never come back from there) and that’s when he began to steal others eyes (as opposed to stealing skin). in short he’s... manipulative, he spends weeks- months maybe gaining his victim’s trust before taking their eyes, he acts like some sort of messiah figure that can help them forget about terrible things they’ve seen, and ensures that they’ll never have to see anything terrible again (or anything, for that matter). he doesn’t actually care about them, though. if anything the only people he actually cares for are janice and rory. maybe

thade: honestly not much changes of him asides basically just staying the same pre tarantula crew besides becoming 100% more tired and traumatized. him and horace become bros when he ends up breaking into his library in the middle of the night and passing out on top of one of the bookshelves. thade becomes his apprentice for a while (horace is still a sorcerer in this au, but not like how he is in canon) and gets taught a lot of cool stuff, until they decide to leave for the sea to travel to harpis* to find a scroll that horace was missing, but ended up getting shipwrecked and picked up by milo and the rest of the laughingstock crew. he just needs a break, or to scream into the void for a solid hour. he is VERY sarcastic and blunt with anyone he comes across, and often disregards others’ feelings on matters or opinions. once he gets to known people he softens up a bit, and will subtly show them signs that he cares

janice <--> horace

janice: ah yes. chaotic evil incarnate. instead of being picked up by the laughingstock crew she was picked up by dark, who was... less than thrilled to be burdened with a human child. janice was even less than thrilled to get stuck with some “lame-o eye monster”, but after a trip into town which turned into Crime Time as well as dark, who had happened to decide to target the same town that day. they ended up raising hell together and now they are chaos siblings. she’s a lot more unpredictable and spontaneous, and doesn’t bottle up her feelings as much as her canon counterpart. she often acts like she doesn’t need anyone, and gets mad whenever people try to help or comfort her, but usually after she has a meltdown she goes find dark or rory to sob on them.

horace: like i said before, instead of a ringleader he’s an archiver, tasked with keeping a record of all of the known spells in the candle cove region. uh... a lot of it was already explained in thade’s entry, about meeting him when he broke into the library and him teaching Thade some spells and then getting shipwrecked and picked up by milo and co when traveling to harpis. yknow. anyways he’s generally much less confident and much more skittish and meek, opting to ditch people rather than engage in conflict. his loyalty is VERY questionable and he’s easy to bribe. however he has a passion for knowledge and loves teaching it to people he deems worthy enough to inherit it.

poppy <--> milo

poppy: in this au he still goes by his real name (which is rory), as well as being part of the nphc. he wasn’t really... thrilled with it? truth be told it was milo’s idea, and he ended up ditching him at the last minute so he ended up being alone. however he ended up straying away when he got in trouble for letting a pirate go, a particularly wanted one (hint hint, it was dark) and ended up just crew hopping for a while. none of them lasted though, because he would get power hungry, overthrow the captain in some way, declare himself captain and then a week later decide that it was too much responsibility for him, appoint someone else as captain at random. rinse and repeat. the cycle only broke when milo ended up finding him and taking him aboard the laughingstock (basically this au is just milo adopting everyone into his crew and generally being a dad), until his rivalry with thade got WAY out of hand and he joined dark. rory himself is constantly changing between being overly dependent on people and being completely independent and shutting himself away from others. he generally alienates himself from people, but when he does end up finding someone he thinks his worth his time he becomes completely devoted to them. he’s unpredictable, in short

milo: okay i already talked about him in some of the other entries so ill keep this one short and cover only the stuff i havent talked abt yet. milo, as you might have guessed, is the captain of the laughingstock crew. he’s... generally a very benevolent entity. in constraint to rory, who seems like he knows what he’s doing but is a complete mess, milo runs on orderly chaos; where everyone thinks everything is constantly falling apart around him but he’s actually doing just fine. he might think too fondly of people, and dish out second chances too easily, but if needed he can be a rather firm captain. this man is literally able to befriend anyone, he’s like... the type of person you meet at a tavern when you are feeling absolutely miserable and they just appear out of nowhere and after talking to them for a bit you feel better and you think about them for YEARS afterwards. he’s just a dad And a friend!

false door: a static portal that can send one to the in between, can appear anywhere at random both in the real world and candle cove

the in between: a world between irl and candle cove, basically a nightmare dimension

harpis: a small island off of the mainland, has a long history of sorcerers or other magic users living there

[the-evil-authoress]

GX Month Day 5: “Pass The Salt”

No story is perfect. So what is something you wish you could have seen in the story of GX?

Season 4. Season 4 and I have issues. So here is a condensed version of the things that should have happened between the trauma of Dark World and the bullshit of the Darkness plot.

I have a vast headcanon for this series and these prompts are only the tip of the iceberg.

Jaden avoids them after he finally returns from the shitshow of Dark World. They try to reach out, but he straight up disappears to parts unknown. Somehow, Jesse can always find him but even he stops looking after a while. It’s not that they aren’t worried, they are, but they have school and their own trauma to deal with and it’s hard to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

Jaden falls through the cracks.

Jesse definitely tells North Academy to ‘faen ta deg’ - whatever that means - when the other schools start a ruckus and demand the exchange students be returned to their own campuses. Axel and Jim follow suit and eventually the other schools back off.

Of course Chancellor Shepard tries to put them all in therapy, but how are any of them supposed to even begin explaining what they went through? And who would actually believe them?

It’s Jim’s idea to start the group talks, to give themselves a safe space to just talk about shit and deal with the fallout. They only have one rule: everyone has to share something. It can be big or small, or completely unrelated to Dark World, but they all have to share one thing that’s been bothering them. Even if they end up screaming at each other or crying, that’s okay because the whole point is to express themselves. Even on days where bottled emotions explode, they still come away feeling better or just relieved by the release of a burden.

Jaden continues to avoid them. When the tension between him and Christina finally snaps, Jesse intervenes and Jaden starts crashing in his room. Which is fine, despite ill concealed jealousy; with his newfound ability, Jesse’s gained an appreciation for the absurdly large room - Amber Mammoth can fit comfortably.

Jaden still refuses to talk about Yubel, but it’s not like Jesse can fault the guy when he still hasn’t said anything about the scars on his back.

Slowly, Jaden starts to open up again.

*

It’s a surprise when Jim shows up to the group talk with Jaden in tow. Honestly, it was bound to happen eventually; Christina just figured it would have been her or Jesse or maybe Syrus doing the dragging. Jaden, for his part, sits with his knees folded against his chest, looking very much like he just wants to leave, but he’s sandwiched between Jim and Axel who aren’t letting him go anywhere.

Good, Christina thinks, trying to curb the lingering bitterness from when Jaden tried to ditch the Academy a couple weeks ago.

Today’s pretty low key, mostly grievances about classwork and graduation. Most of them have aired their dirty laundry from Dark World by now. So when silence falls around the group, more than one pair of eyes linger on Jaden, still hugging his knees, and hasn’t said a word yet.

“I’ve been meaning to apologize.” Alexis breaks the silence, staring somberly at the floor. “Back in that other dimension, I said some horrible things.”

Jaden jerks but no one else is actually looking at him now, too distracted by their confusion. Christina almost missed it, but years of hanging out with the same single person can attune you to even the smallest shift in their demeanor.

“At the time, I was so hurt and confused, but that’s not how I always feel. That resentment was only fleeting.” Alexis looks up, and Jaden stiffens under her gaze. Wait just a damn second- “I’m sorry, Jaden. I didn’t mean any of it.”

“You still believed it...” Christina murmurs in the blissful few seconds of silence before half their circle erupts at what should have been the most obvious epiphany of all time.

“Sarge!” Hassleberry's hands hit the floor with enough force to shake it as he rocks forward in a frantic fervor. “I didn’t mean it either! I don’t hate you! I swear!”

“Yeah, no! It’s like Lexi said, our emotions were all jumbled!” Atticus jumps in, probably half a step away from trying to hug all the bad feelings out of Jaden. “That’s not how we really feel! Come, Chazz, tell him.”

“What? Why do I have to--”

“CHAZZ.”

Chazz flinches under the ire of the other guilty four, curling in on himself with a scowl, and mutters, “Yeah, okay, I’m sorry too. Wasn’t your fault.”

Jaden’s shoulders shake, his face in his knees. Gently, Jim places a hand against his back.

“Jaden...?”

He slowly peeks up from his knee at the soft call of his name, and just that action alone must have been one hell of a feat for him. Prior to recent events, Christina hasn’t seen Jaden cry in years. Now, his tears are on display for everyone.

“Oh, Jaden.” Alexis is the first to bridge the gap while the others reel over the revelation. “I’m so sorry.”

He shudders with a quiet sob but doesn’t resist as she gently wraps him in her arms. Syrus and Hassleberry immediately scramble to latch onto either side of their ‘big bro’, and Atticus drags a reluctant Chazz into the group hug.

“There, there, slacker, let it out.” Chazz winces and awkwardly pats when Jaden finally lets out a particularly loud wail.

“We all love you, Sarge. Ya gotta remember that.”

“You don’t have to be our leader, or smile all the time. Just be you.”

It’s heartbreaking, watching as all of Jaden’s walls crumble and the fragile boy beneath shatter; but all of them are here to help him pick up the pieces.

“So what happened?” Jesse whispers, eyes shining with confusion even as they move forward to join their friends.

“I’m an idiot.” Christina swipes the tears out of her own eyes, mad at herself for not realizing sooner. Jesse even said Jaden seemed like he was afraid of something. All the times he demanded to know what happened after his disappearance and Christina still managed to gloss over a crucial detail that kickstarted this spiral.

“Well, it all worked out in the end,” Jesse murmurs.

“Thanks to you.”

“H-hold on. I’m the reason this mess started in the first place.”

Shaking her head, Christina leans into him as much as her other friends. She’s had enough of the blame game. She knows without a doubt that Jesse played a pivotal role in all of this and will continue to do so for better or worse.

The connections between them are tangled as fuck after all.

"Faen ta deg" - literally "devil take you", basically the same as "go to hell" with the vulgarity of a "fuck you". Day 4 of little to no sleep, Jaden was still missing, and Jesse was straight up DONE with the bullshit. Foster/Ichinose laughed his ass off.

[shymeg]

I'm sorry Betts

Alright I swear I had a request for hurt angst Jughead and Betty so I tried to find it and I couldn't. Yet I wrote this anyway. Sorry Anon I hope I did what you wanted if in fact the request was real. Also thanks to all the Bughead fanfic writers who might have helped inspire this.

I'm sorry Betts

Jughead Jones

Jughead Jones was on the side of the road. He was in a ditch. Clothes torn his head hurt. Oh Jesus did it hurt. He saw his finger nails blood and dirt. He just needed to move. He prayed nothing was broken. So, he started to crawl like he was 6 months old again.

The army crawl until he knew he could walk. If you called it that. It was more like stumbling grabbing his arm or stomach and falling back down. "Shit" he mumbled. Tears started to fall. He was in a worst predicament than he thought.

His mind went to call Betty. Yet his heart didn't want the love of his life to see him like this. He couldn't even see him like this. He refused to look but God his head. He just wanted to go back to sleep. That's when he knew he needed to call Betty.

"Hello?"

It was hard to speak his head felt like a jack hammer "be.. Bets.. Be..."

A worried voice answered "Jughead is that you?"

He scolded himself he knew it was a bad idea to call her. Now she is worried but his mind continued, "Yes"

"Oh God Jughead where are you?"

"I.. I... I.. Dun..dun.dunno" a tear rolled down his cheek "it hurts" another deep breath "on the side of the road somewhere"

He heard a big gulp a cover up for a sniffle shit he made her cry he hated when Betty cried, "Juggie don't move stay right there"

Betty Cooper

Betty was sleeping when her phone rang at 3 a. m. Normally she would have ignored it opting for texts but thank goodness she didn't. She needed re-enforcements because Jughead was somewhere hurt in a ditch. She could hear it and he was stuttering and his breathing when he did speak was raspy.

She threw on some clothes and sent out an SOS massive text

Veronica, Archie, Kevin, Sweet Pea, Fangs and Cheryl

Get your asses up Jughead is hurt real bad in a ditch somewhere we need to spread out he'd do it for you. When someone finds him you text me and we all meet at the Jones Trailer.

Sweet Pea: on it but all I have is my bike so if I find him I'll call with location for you to pick him up

Betty: Fine

Fangs: let's get Jughead

Archie: who ever hurt my bro is going to get it if he's not okay

Sweet Pea: I'm with ya man but let's get him first

Veronica: sneaking in to Daddy's phone to see if he planned this than I'll head out

Cheryl: got it cousin

Reggie: Archie called me I'm on recon mission nobody hurts Wednesday Addams but me

Kevin: should I wake up my dad?

Betty: not yet Kevin

Betty got another text this time from Jughead.

Jughead: I'm sorry Betty. I shouldn't have called. I hate when you worry. I'm so tired. I am going to go to sleep it's okay it's kind of warm now. Love you. Sorry again Betts.

Oh hell no he didn't. Betty: Jughead Jones you better stay awake otherwise no more sweet nectar for you.

She wrote back to the group: head out now he is falling asleep

Betty prayed one of them got to him in time. She knew he could literally be anywhere. She wanted to cry for him. His text was letting her know her worst fears.

She was driving by the playground when Reggie texted.

Reggie: found him he's caked in blood and he's so pale. I know it's bad Betty because he let me grab him, he let me put him in my car without sarcasm. Maybe I should take him to the hospital?

Betty had one minute to cry than a decision

Betty: Reggie if he's that bad take him to Riverdale General

Reggie: on it

Betty texted everyone else

Betty: Reggie found him heading to Riverdale General let's all meet there.

She drove the normal speed even though she wanted to go ten times over it. Yet she didn't need to worry Jughead because she rushed to get there. As soon as she reached it the tears began to fall again.

Riverdale General

A knock on her window made her freeze it was Sweet Pea she tried to smile but she couldn't. She was worried. He helped her out of the car, "Come on Betty hold on he needs us okay?"

She looked at Sweet Pea he was wearing plaid pj pants a white shirt, his combat boots and his jacket yet his hair was messy and his eyes held rage. She knew that Sweet Pea was indifferent towards Jughead but he did care for him almost like a brother.

They entered and Reggie was in the waiting room caked in blood when she spotted Sheriff Keller. Reggie spoke, "Don't blame Kevin I called him Betty this was a hit. It was intentional and I'm not sure Jug was suppose to come back from it. I give it to the guy he is a fighter"

She held his hand when he said, "He even knew Betty who I was the bully and he said 'Reggie you can' t finish me off because I need to see Betty and tell her I'm so, so sorry. ' I smiled and said,You will Donnie darko"

He saw a tear fall from her face, "it was clear Betty he had a hard time saying it. Yet what he wanted to say was so clear. I hope he can but just incase I figured I'd relay it to you" Reggie handed her Jug's beanie, "I figured he'd want you to protect this."

She looked at Sweet Pea and Fangs, "aren't you suppose to protect him? I hate the serpents I hate them!"

The doctor came out letting them know he was in I. C. U. and none of them could see him because they weren't imminent family and they can't release any info.

Betty was livid and was about to punch him when Sweet Pea grabbed her, "Wrong person Betty. We'll figure this out." Glaring at the doctor himself.

Riverdale General

A week went by when she got the call she wanted Jughead had been moved and she could visit him.

She saw him, she wanted to call him the blanket king. He had so many on him plus wires going off. His one curl still in his face. The bruises clearly getting better. She saw he had a broken arm and broken leg from what she could see. She knew he had been cut a few places due to the guaze. She didn't want to know internally what was wrong. She couldn't handle that, not yet.

She gasps when his blue/gray/eyes opened. "Jughead"

He stared right at here, "I'm sorry Betts"

She sat by him without trying to touch the wires. She put her hand in his hair, "I love you Juggie. I love you so much. When you are out of here you can tell me what happened. Maybe even leave the Serpents cause I dunno if I can take this"

"Betty I love you, and honestly I was just walking from your house and than black and I woke up in a ditch. So, I'm sorry for causing you so much pain. I didn't want to do that to you. It hurts me to see you hurt."

She cried laughed, "I'm going to demand when you get out of here that people drive you home until we get this figured out and Betty's home cooking"

He smiled, "my protector" at that he fell back to sleep. She put his beanie on his head, "you are mine" she kissed him on the lips.

She decided to do some school work and she can't wait to help Jughead with his when he's able to go back to school.

Meanwhile Veronica's house

Hiram, "Penny this is the second time you failed me"

Penny snorted "It's not my fault that little brat keeps getting back up." she looked into Hiram's dark eyes, "You could always kill him but you won't. Can't get your hands dirty and you don't want princess Veronica to know what daddy dearest did"

"Shut up Penny get out of my sight"

Veronica taped it hiding in the closet, "not this time Daddy I got you."

[wholetmewrite]

high school tech crew!monsta x: spotlight technician!hyunwoo

the one who’s been doing theatre tech since freshmen year

is also the one who convinced everyone else to join too

has been offered more leader-like positions just bc of his commanding presence and stature but like

poor dude gets shy

so he leaves it to stage manager!minhyuk and assistant stage manager!kihyun

technically hyunwoo could be a good stage hand too like hoseok

but like just imagine this:

sweaty hyunwoo in just a tank top bc it gets hot as hell on the catwalk

moving the heavy ass spotlight around like it’s no biggie

...nut

doesn’t really talk much

kinda just grunts into his headset whenever minhyuk or kihyun check in with him

was originally supposed to be a stage hand w/ hoseok but he heard you were joining tech as a spotlight technician

you two have homeroom together, and actually have had homeroom together every year

in your first year you were sat across the room from him and he thought you were the cutest thing he’s ever laid his eyes upon

you thought he was hot as fuck tbh but also kinda thought he was out of your league so you just paid more attention to your friends

but like every day you guys would make eye contact and maybe share a small smile or roll your eyes together at some point during announcements

in your second year of having homeroom together you got sat next to him and you started calling him homeroom buddy in your head

sometimes you would chat a little about school or the weather but the conversation never really went anywhere bc your friends always somehow managed to steal your attention away

and oh wow would you look at that suddenly hyunwoo is ALSO a spot what a coincidence !!!

bless this poor man tho he has absolutely no idea how to like,,, actually talk to you

you sometimes think he doesn’t really like you bc he doesn’t talk to you that much

tbh sometimes it seems like he doesn’t like anyone really

but then you see him do the smallest favors for his friends

like helping sound technician!hyungwon move the soundboard from the booth onto his lil table in the back of the house because that shit’s too heavy for only one person to move it

getting minhyuk’s favorite snack from the vending machine for him because he’s getting frustrated

helping stage hand!hoseok move some set pieces into their designated spikes for the first scene before he has to go up to the catwalk

it’s actually the least he could do for hoseok after ditching him for you but you dont need to know that

turning the projector on for projections technician!changkyun because he’s taller and changkyun's too lazy to leave the booth

letting assistant stage manager!kihyun and mic crew/stage hand!jooheon rest their heads on his shoulders during rehearsal notes even though he doesn’t really like skinship because these poor babies are tired and lowkey on the verge of stress tears

and OUCH that’s your heart!!!

who knew he’d be such a gentle giant bc maaaan you really didn’t

you really got to know a different side of hyunwoo which just made your crush on him so much harder to ignore

you’d start talking to him about tech and the production during homeroom and you guys would get so invested in it that your friends started noticing you talking to your cute seatmate and leave you two be

they did interrogate you about it during lunch and you would flush but didnt wanna say anything in case he or his friends were nearby

granted you weren’t extremely shy or anything but you were definitely afraid of rejection so you never talked about your feelings in public

you’d always brush off your friends and it didn’t seem like a big deal to you but yo

hyunwoo’s friends are all up on it tryna figure out if his crush likes him back or not!!!

but you’re so! fucking! secretive!!!!

they literally report back to him all frustrated n shit and he’s just sitting there like ???? bc he didn’t even ask them to find anything out they’re literally just like doing this on their own

but how can they not when hyunwoo has literally never had a crush on anyone??

he won’t even admit that it’s a crush tbh bc feelings are confusing and a lil scary he just knows he cares about you in a different way than he does his friends

and he’s also a lil,,,, protective over you?

like minhyuk or hoseok will jokingly ask if you’re single or what are the odds that they you’ll say yes if they ask you out and he just gets this dark aura and his knuckles turn white and he sends them a glare so icy that minhyuk almost cries on the spot and hoseok literally sees his life flash before his eyes and they literally have to tell him they’re joking

and he’s just like

oh

my b

and hyungwon’s just watching all this in silence but before he leaves for class he’s like bro,,, u better step tf up before someone else snatches them away

and hyunwoo kinda sits there expressionless but inside he knows that hyungwon wouldn’t say anything unless it’s true

so he starts doing random acts of kindness for u bc actions speak louder than words and he’s shit at words

like when tech week comes around he starts bringing you trolli eggs for you to snack on at the catwalk bc he saw you eating them in homeroom a few times

and you’re like :o ! thank u!

and he’s like no problem and gives u a smol smile

u just kinda stand there like :o my heart. it’s. going to. bu r s t.

and he’ll save you a seat at dinner but is too shy to actually let you know about that but it’s cool! his bois got him! they call you over for him!

and you’re like :D thanks guys! & even tho there are a few other empty seats around the other boys u kinda automatically go next to hyunwoo and his heart starts accelerating

and then u accidentally call him homeroom buddy out loud instead of keeping it in your head and all his friends start screaming and cooing and you two are just sitting there blushing

and sometimes you get so stressed between scenes that u kinda just tear up a lil but then u hear a lil crinkling and hyunwoo’s got a travel pack of tissues and furrowed brows and ur like omg??

and hyunwoo kinda flushes and is like jooheon cries a lot i just carry these so he doesnt get snot on his or anyone else’s clothes

u honestly might actually combust at this point but that would be embarrassing and a bit inappropriate in this very moment

so u just say thanks and take the tissues but ur hands brush and hyunwoo almost drops the tissues and ur hand is on FIRE

and you’re thinking about all these small things that he’s doing for you and u kinda gush to ur friends in ur lil group chat and they’re just like

KISS HIM

KEEP HIM

CHERISH HIM

but you can’t tell if he actually does like you bc he goes out of his way for his other friends as well 

which you express to your friends

the same friends who are secretly in cahoots with hyunwoo’s friends bc honestly everyone except you two can tell you're in love

and his friends pull him aside in the theater lobby during a rehearsal break and they’re like dude you needa confess you’re too kind to everyone and they can’t tell that you like them

and the color kinda just drains from his face bc

hyunwoo??? has to use his words???

and he’s like ,,,noah fence but i would rather be stage manager for the rest of my life than tell y/n i have an embarrassingly unrequited crush on them

and he hears a lil gasp behind him

GUESS WHO’S THERE

YOU

all of his friends are s h O o K and hyunwoo whips around like o FUCK

and you’re just like ,,,can i talk to hyunwoo alone for a sec and his friends literally RUN off (but not too far bc they wanna hear)

and hyunwoo’s just like sweating and avoiding your eyes and he’s like

“i’m sorry. i’m really not good with words and i- um- well clearly i just said kind of a harsh thing that i didn’t mean but you’re just- ugh- you’re really cute and-”

and your heart is swelling and without thinking one hand takes his and the other gently grasps his chin to make him look at you

and he stops talking and finally looks at you and you just have this smile on your face and you’re like

“that’s funny, bc i’ve had this huge crush on my incredibly hot and kind homeroom and spot buddy and i thought he would never like me back bc he’s way out of my league”

and he just gives you this look that’s like are you fucking kidding me bc if anyone’s out of anyone’s league, it’s you who’s out of his 

and you’re like i’m serious!! and start going off about all the things you’ve noticed and he’s blushing like crazy bc his crush!! notices him!!! and you notice he’s blushing and you realize you needa shut up but you can’t stop so you kinda give him a look like pls help me stop talking

and he does

with his lips

bc we all know he can’t use his words

[roserecaps]

Week Five: Lifting Weights, Reading Books and Writing Toasts

A two night Bachelorette event... I’m sorry, but besides semi-alcohol dependent, soccer moms and lonely freshman chicks who attend their 8am’s... Who the fuck is excited about 4 hours of the Bachelorette in one week. We got shit to do ABC! 

Anyway we dive right back into the yacht club where Lil’ Lee is about to go head-to-shoulder with Stone Ken Steve Austin. The two get into a pointing match, but part ways before Lee could get lawn-darted into the water. 

Bryan’s “confidence” gets him the group rose and Kenny feels he has to let the group know how much he appreciates Rachel’s selection:

Kenny: “Bryan, I respect you for playing this the right way... Not being a snaky, bitch, snake-bitch, snake.” - Sounded sincere to me.

ONE-ON-ONE (Jack Stone)

The world is reminded that there is a guy on this show with a first and last name. I remember this fuck getting out of the limo, but not where has his pervy smile been for the past 3 weeks?

They kick their date off with oysters... If Rachel is not horned up for this used car salesman after 2 dozen oysters she better send his ass home. Stoner goes in for the kiss and Rach pulls the ole “I don’t wanna get you sick”, this fool is still convinced it’s going well. 

Rachel

Back at the house, “Battle Aggression” is still burning hot. Lee is still looking for clarity on why a giant man would call him a bitch after finding out he snitched on him. I can’t wait for the lightbulb to click on and Kenny to smash it over his Jimmy Neutron head. 

Back to this one-on-one:

Rachel: “If we were to go back to Dallas, right now, what would we do” Jack Stone: “I would lock the door, move everything out of the room.... unroll my painting tarps and knife set.” 

SOMEONE GET SECURITY

Jack: “Lay down and talk” Rachel: “Well that doesn’t sound good to me.” 

No shit Rachel, if you enjoy your skin attached to your body I would get Hannibal Lector Jr. out of the room.  

He gone. No go chug some NyQuil and pray Jack isn’t hiding in your shower. 

Rose Ceremony

Remember the good ole days of the Bachelor/ette where there would be some dates, drunk screaming, but would all end in the rose ceremony. Where have we gone wrong where we are having a rose ceremony 40 minutes into the episode!?

Iggy and Jonathan are sent packing.

WE’RE GOING TO NORWAY

The bros land in Oslo, Norway. If you are not sure where that is... It is 300 miles from anywhere you probably want to be. 

Surprise date for Bryan. 

Rachel literally ditches all the guys at the bar 5 minutes after inviting all of them there, fucking rude. 

The two try and discover their emotional connection by riding to the highest point in Oslo only to repel off the side of it.

Rachel: “Is it crazy to anyone else that it’s 187 feet down... 1-8-7?!” Producer: “What’s 187?” Rachel: “Murder, you fuckin’ cracker”

How about you culture yourselves. 

Bryan and Rachel sit down to another fake dinner so we can listen to Bro-yan spew some more tool trash about the struggles of having acne in 10th grade only to fuck half his senior class two years later.

GROUP DATE

The crew is learning/playing hand ball. Rachel unnecessarily puts them all in unitards. The whole crew was wondering why Dean asked for an extra pair of socks and why the fuck is he wearing a jockstrap over his uni? 

Nothing helps America, in this time of international tensions, more than a bunch of douche bags making a mockery of this country’s national sport. Arm the nukes.

Night falls on this group date and Rachel gets to suffer through a long line of corny lines and smooth talkers before dragging Peter into the hot tub and forcing all the other guys to sit and wait. Regardless of the over the swimsuit handy J, Will ends up with the rose. 

Back at the resort Kenny is getting a pep talk from his daughter as Lee pumps iron in bell bottoms and cowgirl boots. This is setting up to be a battle for the ages.  

TWO-ON-ONE (Kenny/Lee)

Rachel is taking these guys deep into the Norwegian woods... Like mafia deep. Three chairs, a tree and some bourbon? If they don’t wheel a ring out here in the next 5 minutes before the “To Be Continued” I may not come back for tomorrow’s episode. 

Here comes the tail of two stories, which will Rachel believe... but how can you trust a man with the hair of a 14-year-old european soccer player and the clothes of a 14-year-old girl who shops at Limited Too?

Kenny gets pulled aside for the second time after Rach gets an earful from Lee.

Lee: “The inevitable will happen and Rachel is pulling Kenny aside, probably because of what I told her.” - uhhhhhhh ya think?! 

After Rachel fills Ken dog in on what Lee said about him, the girls walks away and leaves the two dudes alone?! The producers must have a big pot of money on this fight. 

See you tomorrow. 

[lostinafictionaluniverse]

Riverdale 1x12 thoughts

It took days for me to finish this, I wondered if I would in time, so I rushed it somewhat towards the end. Under the cut, so as not to clutter up your dash

So the episode of the big reveal finally! It did feel deflating to me, so many of the theories I’d read (and come up with) seemed more shocking and chilling than this.

But moving on -

When Archie and Ronnie first tell Betty about not finding the gun in FPs trailer, she’s not so quick to believe them. Perhaps she’s afraid to hope? Just like Juggie? Eventually she comes around. It’s telling how Archie is the only one who wants to go to their parents with this piece of information. It speaks volumes about the trust he shares with Fred. The other two are reluctant and understandably so. I wonder if that trust between Archie and Fred will take a beating in the finale? With some of Fred’s secrets revealed?

Anyway, the adults react predictably. Fred nodding at what Mary was saying before she even got to her point was hilarious.

Betty and Archie deciding to go together to look for their best friend/ boyfriend was a sweet throwback to the pilot and them being BFFs and constantly texting each other. I like Archie much better when he’s being a friend than a boyfriend.

The scene at the bus-stop was a heart-breaker. Gladys, idk what your reasons are, but when your boy calls you in the middle of the night saying in that broken voice that he wants to come visit, you fucking let him! Idk how long it’s been since Gladys left FP and Juggie left home though. It must’ve been a while since he saw them? Did he never used to visit his grandparents when he was younger? What really went down when Gladys left FP? What made Juggie decide to stay? His love for Riverdale? Or his faith in his dad? I really need these answers. To think Juggie wanted so badly to get away he was willing to take the first bus to anyplace without a plan to what he would do when he gets there.  This seems like he was escaping. But Juggie doesn’t run away from his problems. I think he just went through some moments of extreme despair when he felt like the whole world was against him and he didn’t want to be around anyone who was familiar with his situation. Common sense still prevailed though and he headed off to Pop’s when the lobby closed. Juggie is nothing if not clear headed, even in a desperate moment.

Archie puts two and two together and decides Juggie wanted to go to Ohio. Betty totally understands his actions – the only friends he has completely betrayed him. Archie, you better admit you fucked your friend over! He doesn’t really own up to his actions, does he? Even when they find him, it’s Betty who says sorry. He just says - We all screwed up (Betty wasn’t part of it though!) and then immediately that something good came of it. Like it didn’t matter what they did, because they were gonna save FP. I get his intentions were pure, to protect Jughead, but that doesn’t make what he did okay. That’s the difference between intent and impact I guess.

Now we come to FP’s story and I’m pretty conflicted about how much of it is true. First, if Jason was so against his dad’s drug dealing business and that’s the reason he decided to run away, it seems pretty weird to me that he would seek out FP and agree to deal the very thing he’d ditched his family for. I know it was a one off job, he needed the cash to set up him and Polly, but still weird. So was FP lying to Keller? Did Jason actually approach him to seek his help to expose his dad? And were the drugs actually Cliff’s that he was going to drive upstate to a higher authority (everyone knows the Blossoms had Keller in their pocket)? Also why would Jason tell FP his entire plan about Cheryl rowing him across the river and him pretending to be dead unless he trusted him a little? And Jason would’ve trusted FP if he thought they were on the same side.  

FP confessed to stealing the files which we know Hal did. What if he lied about everything else too? Sidenote: I do think all the scenes we were shown in flashback were actually what happened. FP torching the car, FP stashing the body in the freezer – the last one was corroborated by Joaquin as well, so FP is definitely an accomplice if nothing else, and hiding felony is obstruction of justice. I really want to know that all those FB scenes were what actually happened though. Still doesn’t prove he wasn’t helping Jason expose his dad though, we didn’t hear that conversation between him and Jason, because we never get to hear Jason talk.

Polly suspected Cliff from the beginning, did Jason hint at something to her? Did he say he wanted them to run off together because his family was against them being together, same as hers? Or did he hint there was something more sinister in the offing. Seriously though, how could Hal and Alice put Polly through all that just because they were third cousins? And Alice didn’t even know! So she was going along with Hal’s plan just because of personal vendetta? How petty could you get Alice? Lying to Betty, lying to Polly, keeping her trapped in that place, not letting Betty visit her – so extreme!

Keller letting Cliff meet and be alone with FP? What police officer does that? Of course this means the Blossoms have him firmly under their thumb.

OMG- why is Ronnie so convinced that Hiram had something to do with this? She thinks he hired someone else to plant the gun now? Archie and Ronnie holding hands under the table was sweet, but why are they still keeping their relationship a secret? Possibly because it’s not the right time for it I guess. Still it was a supportive Archie moment and that’s always good.

I didn’t realize Kevin was so high on morality quotient, Juggie is at the station being grilled by Keller AGAIN??? I mean once was bad enough, how does Keller get away with talking to minors without an adult present? And Kevin thinks that’s okay? Really? And then when Betty brings up Joaquin, he’s immediately all – don’t bring my boyfriend into this! He knows Joaquin is a Serpent and that Serpents do shady things and he won’t even consider that he may be involved? But he’s so ready to believe in FPs guilt. I love how Betty doesn’t even care that FP confessed, she’s just convinced there’s more to it than that. I love determined, badass Betty!

Juggie walks in to apologize to Cheryl and oh my God, it takes so much fucking courage to do this? In front of the whole crowd? I think he kinda anticipated her reaction, he feels shitty about what his dad did so he’s taking the beating in place of FP.  Juggie taking responsibility for FP when FP never did for him is all kinds of fucked up. He doesn’t owe FP shit. He doesn’t owe Cheryl shit. Yet he apologized. His voice broke me. This boy is such a fucking gem.

Betty meeting Cheryl at the lockers was her explaining Juggie, but also being understanding of what Cheryl was going through, and Betty is so good to do this.  Cheryl was in grief yes, but saying barely touched him? Juggie had a cut on his lip! Archie is so useless at defending Juggie but at least he tried. Don’t know who’s a bigger dick – Weatherbee or Keller. I get why Juggie is so upset and why he isn’t in the mood to believe in his dad’s innocence. He’s not in a great place. He’s been asked all kind of probing questions by unsympathetic dickheads and just been pummelled by Cheryl for being her brother’s murderer’s son. Plus he hasn’t slept all night. He must be such a mess and unable to think rationally. He’s angry -of course he is -and tired, who can blame him for venting it out on his dad? But that line- I’ve been waiting my whole life for that man to do the right thing- broke me. And made me angry at FP all over again for putting Juggie through that emotional rollercoaster.

Weatherbee is a dick – concerned for Jughead’s safety my ass, immediately after he’s worried about other students reaction to it. Archie was defending his bro, and I loved it. Fred was looking out for Archie and that is his job as a dad, but couldn’t he see that Jughead isn’t to blame for his dad’s actions? Okay, becoming his guardian was a bit much and Archie was pushing, but Fred’s – trouble seem to follow the Joneses” was unnecessarily harsh. Not done. Fred! That look Archie gave him when Juggie said he’s sleep in the garage said it all!

Okay, so now onto the big reveal Coopers = Blossoms, I have just this to say, I don’t know why this is such a big deal and Hal, why couldn’t you just tell Polly if you thought it was??? The Coopers immediately think the Blossoms would be even more deranged than Hal when it came to third cousins dating but it actually wasn’t the case? OMG that scene was so OTT and hilarious and so Riverdale! Alice and her witching references and Dr Moreau experimentation and Penelope’s utterly cracked line about nothing being more purely Blossom than those babies. I swear I was Polly in that scene, her face was my face! And Hal going – what is wrong with you people! And Penelope with her crazy eyes! OMG- such drama! Juggie would’ve loved to witness it! Sidenote: Cheryl looked truly heartbroken that Polly left – remember her immediately holding Polly saying she’s not going anywhere? Madelaine killed it in every scene this episode. She brings out Cheryl’s conflict so well.

Mary tells them that FPs one phone call was to Joaquin. Juggie’s quip even in the most despondent of times – at least he’s honest murderer - that’s his armour, to hide his pain, by making those sardonic quips. My heart hurts

And in the next scene it literally ached. Skeet and Cole killed it. Oh god, the pain in FPs eyes when Juggie was recounting his feelings. And the hurt in Juggie’s voice when he talked about how his hopes came crashing down!

-          You paid attention to me

-          I was so happy for the first time in so long

And then FP with the Never come back here and Juggie turning around to look at him for the longest time. My God I was shook. They have the most intense chemistry, so much was flowing between them in that scene without exchanging a single word. And then – Got it. It was like some secret father-son code exchange that happened, that we were privy to, but didn’t understand until later when Juggie called Betty to tell her he knew his dad was hiding something.

So I’m assuming this part of FPs story is true because it’s being told by Joaquin as well. Obstruction of justice is an offence, though I’m not sure perjury counts because he wasn’t actually lying under oath.

I assume that shot of FP reaching something with a cloth in his hand is actually him covering the camera? The same one that recorded Cliff shooting Jason?

Kevin being all shocked at Joaquin and calling him a criminal- I was like, dude-  did you not know who you were dating? He’s a Serpent for Chrissake!

Ronnie now begins to annoy me with her obsession with her dad being in the middle of everything. Why?

Okay when Juggie calls Betty from I assume the station his eyes follow a man in a hat who’s walking away with something (a file?) under his arm. Is this supposed to be significant?

So Mustang is dead. Was it an overdose or did Cliff kill him? Because he was blackmailing him? Also the bag they found was similar to the one Hermione gave to the Mayor. So how did it come to be with Mustang? Is she mixed up in this too?

Is Archie actually crying when Fred tells him in the car that he’s trying to protect him and doing his job bcos it’s the only one that counts?

I maybe dim but what happened that made Hermione break down like that? Was she surprised the bag was found next to a murdered man? Did she think Hiram was responsible for killing Mustang? Or Jason? Or both? Or was she just worried for Ronnie and what her snooping is leading to? Is she just now realizing what a dangerous man she’s married to?

Now this is what I mean by deus ex machinas in this episode, just conevenient little coincidences that happen and just everything leads neatly to the murderer? Like Joaquin suddenly deciding to tell Kevin about the bag he’d stashed away? Or that FP had a recording of the murder that he saved on a USB? Or that Betty had a brainwave that told her something was missing? – okay maybe that last one was logical reasoning because why would a jacket be so precious that he had to hide it away? Still, the whole lead up to the reveal felt pretty – unsatisfactory?

Okay, Betty says who’s he protecting and the shot shifts to Penelope. I must admit for a moment I thought it might be her. But really she knew too much about her husband and the things he was doing, the fact that Jason didn’t want any of it and that he threw the ring on their face. How could she not suspect Cliff even a little? Or was she afraid to? Like Cheryl? Who knew something was off and FP was not the real killer? She knew about the drug business. She knew Jason couldn’t stomach it. She knew Cliff was upset about it. I see where Cheryl gets her extra –ness from, Penelope is just too dramatic. She dragged Cheryl right to the barn, and then said – drown in it, why don’t you? Does she really think its syrup? Does she not know the truth?

Okay they ruled out Hal and Hermione, but not Hiram? He was in prison, no? Or they believe he orchestrated it through someone like Ronnie does? He couldn’t have actually held the gun that killed Jason.

I know what you’re going to say, mom

They found another body

Okay, maybe not that – lol

Sheriff Clueless – lmao. But Alice doesn’t think they’ve got the right person? She was all aboard the FP is guilty train and suddenly she thinks the bow is too tidy?

What was FPs contingency plan with Joaquin? Did he also tell him to flee Riverdale if he got arrested? Déjà vu – the exact same spot the car was! And the same place they found the jacket before! That got me thinking - who put the car there? Was it Jason or FP? If FP knew where the car was why didn’t he torch it before? Was he following Bughead hoping they’d lead him to the car? How did he know they would? Arrggh so many questions!

Ahh Ronnie is convinced it was her dad too, but she seems much too calm dealing with that realization. I love how Betty takes one look at Juggie’s dejected face and immediately her Nancy Drew senses begin to tingle. Girl wants so bad to help her bae!

I still don’t get why Archie had to wear the jacket for Betty to look into the pockets but it was worth it to see befuddled Archie standing there like a mannequin while Betty got her sleuth on. Voila – there’s the USD aaannnnndd very conveniently, the murder all taped and saved in HD quality mp4 - okay maybe not, but you get what I mean!

Cheryl was so eerily calm when she got Betty’s call, like she almost expected it.  I noticed that Archie actually covered his mouth when they showed us the kids reacting to the video the second time round. Did they film that twice?

Okay so when is later? When did they learn why FP confessed – to protect Jughead? Did he come right out and say it? Did he tell Juggie or Keller? Of all the charges Keller was stating off the top of his head, perjury doesn’t really quality, he wasn’t under oath, was he?

I love fierce and passionate Juggie, took me back to when he was arguing his case with the Mayor about the drive-in. Archie wanting to stay because his friends need him was so heartwarming. This is the Archie Andrews I want to see, not the selfish, needy fuckboy we’ve been shown thus far.

I found Penelope and Cheryl creepily directing the Sheriff to the barn so weird and so suggestive of foul play. Almost as though they knew what happened bcos they made it happen. Whydonit will be in the next episode, but really , the reveal was so underwhelming for me (mostly because of that Madelaine spoiler that Cheryl would be ruined) that it felt like a cop-out. They went with the safest choice. No one will miss Cliff Blossom, his being the killer or being dead isn’t going to impact anyone except Cheryl  and perhaps Penelope, and that feels a bit hollow somehow. Too tidy, as Alice would say. The reason why he did it seems pretty straightforward too – Jason wouldn’t cooperate and maybe he threatened to expose his dad, so he had to be killed, Unless they surprise us with another quite different reason. I somehow don’t think so.