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weirdponytail · 4 years ago

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Modern Inheritance: Peony (Pt 3 of Torin’s Story)

(A/N: Some injury description this time, so fair warning. Also, I’m going to start putting the flower meaning in the tags. Cheers mates! Oh, and for an explanation of how Arya manages what she does in her condition, we’re just going to say adrenaline and someone waking you up from your first nap in a good long while. :3 )

Part 1 // Part 2 // PART 3 // TBC

Two weeks passed.

Torin paced down the length of the High Risk Ward for the eighty seventh time, mind floating aimlessly as he drifted from thought to thought. Only four days into his solitary post on the ward and the youth had settled into his routine. Down the empty side of the block first. Up the other side. Stop at the elf’s cell to see if she had moved. Keep walking. Rinse, repeat.

The solitude and silence had bothered him at first. Gil’ead wasn’t the most comforting of places. It was all smooth concrete flooring, grey painted cinderblock and metal plated oak doors. There was no semblance of warmth anywhere, just grey, grey and more grey.

But as the hours melted together, Torin found a certain peace in it all. It was a break from the rabble of the mess hall and the barracks, the blissful quiet he longed for every night in the group home for years. Somehow he had found that elusive quiet in the very place he hated, walking the halls of a prison for people who had no founded rhyme or reason to be there besides the word of a Shade, a tyrant King, and the blood they had no choice in having.

The thought made his steps stutter, breaking the monotony of his boots thudding the bare concrete floor. On a base where the commander could read minds, such thoughts were dangerous indeed.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to worry about that at the moment. The General was to be gone for three days.

In the days before the General’s departure, the veteran guards split up their shifts and passed off most of their hours to the younger greenhorns in favor of spending their days in the mess hall and common rooms playing cards. The fewer rookies a ward had, the more that fell to them, and the more hours they would spend on shift apiece. Some of them loved it, raking in a modest extra pay bonus and gaining more experience on their assigned blocks. Others hated the extra load and would fake sick or push the more enthusiastic men to take on their share as well.

Torin...was not so fond of the situation. He was the only rookie on the High Risk Ward, and thus had no wiggle room to negotiate. Granted, there were only about a dozen and a half men assigned as permanent in the High Risk rotation, and only one prisoner to boot, but it was still three days of twelve hour shifts. The Captain was the only thing stopping the rest of the section from forcing Torin to work the night shift as well. Lucky bastards only had to walk the halls for two hours each and had the rest of the three days off.

So there he was, just two hours into his first shift of the three. Making endless loops of a quiet hall to guard a single prisoner. All alone. And already becoming bored out of his mind.

The youth slowed as he approached the elf’s door, a thought occurring to him that refocused his wayward mind.

The General had spent the night interrogating her again, dumping the woman in her cell a mere hour before he departed and Torin began his rounds. As always, she was unconscious, unresponsive to the world around her. Which opened

Torin stopped at the door, fiddling with the keys on his belt.

His anxiety and his curiosity were waging war in his mind. He had only ever seen the woman at a distance or through the barred window into her darkened cell. Sure, Himel had said she was an elf, and some of the other guards said she was too, but it wouldn’t be the first time they had lied about a prisoner to haze him. Hell, the first couple weeks he was on duty they had convinced him that there was a serial killer that frequently escaped in one of the cells that was boarded up. It took a month before the Captain told him it was simply boarded because there was a crack in the wall that no one wanted to fix. Just saying the woman was an elf had to be confirmed with his own eyes before he would believe it.

Torin’s hands twitched. Curiosity won.

The cell door glided inward, light from the corridor spilling across the concrete floor. Torin took one last look around to double check that the hall was clear before he cautiously stepped into the darkened room.

The first thing he noticed was that the woman was sprawled not far from the back wall, one arm folded awkwardly under her body. It looked as if the General had literally thrown her into the cell.

Torin waited, feeling tingles of unease fizzle in his ribs as he watched the prisoner. He was sure she would be unconscious, but now that he was inside with her, his exit blocked until he could fumble his keys out and get them in the lock, a voice in his mind told him to tread carefully. A chained, injured wolf was still a wolf, and all the more likely to lash out in any way possible.

He took another step inside and clicked the light at his shoulder on at the lowest intensity. She didn’t stir, still out cold from the treatment she received earlier.

More sure of his safety now, Torin crept to the woman’s side. His father, before everything happened, had told him stories about elves and Riders. To actually see one in real life was an experience he never even dreamed of. Growing up it seemed that everyone else viewed the Fair Folk as monsters and terrorists that should be exterminated, but to Torin and his sister….

No. Even with the General gone from the base, Torin didn’t dare follow that train of thought.

Torin knelt and, as gently as he could, reached out with two fingers to move aside the wild shock of hair that had loosened from the woman’s braid.

And he froze, heart juddering into the next beat. He didn’t know how– or when –she had moved, but there was no mistaking it as pain radiated up his arm.

A tawny hand was clamped, vicelike, on his wrist. From between fallen strands of dark hair, caught alight by the beam of his torch and blazing with molten malice, a dark emerald eye glowered out at him.

Once, as a young child, Torin had blundered upon a mountain lion. He had emerged from the thick woods not two meters from the creature, and in the split second that he had to realize just what he was witnessing, both lion and boy had locked eyes.

Now, years later, the same mix of surprise and terrified awe he felt in that moment reared its head again.

For a long moment, Torin just stared at the woman. The determination and venom in her glance rooted him in place. Buried deep inside his mind, something told him that staying still was the best course of action. Let her size him up, determine if he was worth the trouble of breaking his arm or not. He did his best to look as nonthreatening as possible beyond the involuntary shaking of his limbs, saucer wide eyes and the frantic pace of his pulse she no doubt could feel at his wrist.

The woman’s grip tightened.

Panic surged into Torin’s throat. While the woman’s strength had been bruising before, now it felt as though the ward’s heavy doors were closing on his arm and slowly crushing his bones. As the force increased, he realized in a state of blind fear that he couldn’t stay silent any longer.

“WAIT! Wait, please I-I’m not here to hurt you!” The youth stumbled on his words, trying desperately to explain himself as he realized what she likely assumed of his intent. “I’m not trying to hurt you, I just want– I wanted to see if– I-I’m not even into women, I just– I’m just on patrol and I wanted to know if you were really–”

He was almost crying now, shaking like mad. When he tried to speak again, tried to tell her that he only wanted to see if she was an elf, if the stories were true, something else tumbled out of his mouth.

“I’m sorry. I don’t even want to be here.”

The deathgrip on his wrist did not loosen. But it did stop the grim increase in pressure.

Torin’s chest shuddered and heaved as the woman pushed herself up onto her elbow, never once taking her smoldering eyes off him. She seemed to be reading him, right down to his core.

Then she shoved him. Hard.

The young man let out a grunt of pain as he landed and slid on his rear two meters back from the elf. And she was an elf. He was certain now, what with the disturbing strength and the pointed tips of her ears that the act of pushing him had revealed. Torin cradled the wrist she had grabbed, trying to make sure nothing was broken before snapping his head up to ensure he wasn’t about to be kicked in the face.

The elf was still glaring at him, but otherwise hadn’t moved.

Torin swallowed. The pain in his forearm and hand was fading from sharp needles of interrupted blood flow to the throbbing ache of deep bruises. Ignoring all common sense and training he had received on the ward about disengaging with aggressive prisoners, he gave the woman a shaky nod of gratitude and a tiny hopeful smile as he gestured with his injured limb. “Th-thanks. It’s not broken.”

The elf let out a soft ‘tch’ of what could have been annoyed anger at her failure to crush his bones or a snarky reminder that if she had wanted it broken then it would be. There was a tightness to her jawline as she gave him one last once over...before stiffly turning onto her opposite side and laying down with her back to him in obvious dismissal.

Torin suppressed a sigh of relief. He made to stand, shifting his weight. The sound of his boot scraping the floor made the woman twitch, drawing his attention again.

That’s when he noticed the black that seeped through the dark grey of the elf’s prison uniform. Her sides gave minute shivers that were only perceptible when she breathed in, as if struggling to hide them. He could just barely see marks on the back of her neck before they disappeared beneath her shirt, dark and splotched with the ragged texture of cracked clay.

Torin’s wary grin faded. He reached for his shoulder light and ticked the intensity up a notch. As he ran its beam down the woman’s back and then over the cell floor, walls and tiny wall mounted bunk, a mass of abject horror crept up his throat.

Everything was splashed with blood.

There were rust colored stains and smeared palm prints streaked across the cinderblocks where the elf had tried to steady herself. Shoulder-shaped swathes edged with passive lines that ended with hardened droplets where she had rested in the corner, leaned against a wall. Long stilled droplets that trailed down the sides of the hard metal bunk and hovered above dusky pools of near black.

The evidence of brutality made Torin’s stomach knot. This was…

He turned back from his survey of the room at the sound of a soft scuff and hiss in the elf’s direction just in time to see her jerk her knees up towards her chest, curling up on reflex. The youth shined his light down towards the pinpointed source of the noise– a wobbling prison issue shoe, haphazardly discarded on its side –and suddenly jerked back, face twisted in sympathetic pain.

In the beam of his torch Torin could see the soles of the woman’s feet had been stripped of anything resembling healthy skin and now revealed spongy white and angry red flesh. Sour bile threatened to overwhelm the back of his throat at the rough char marks scattered among the burns, spotted blisters and shiny exposed dermis encircling the worst of the damage.

Torin felt his body moving back of its own accord, numb to the world as his mind raced in a stream of shock. If this was the extent of the wounds he could see, what did the rest of her injuries look like? The entire back of her issued shirt was blotched and thick with blood, hinting just enough for the boy’s mind to imagine it in sickening detail. Gods above, how was she still moving? How was she still conscious, never mind not endlessly screaming in agony.

He simply couldn’t comprehend it. How could anyone do that to another creature? Inhumane didn’t come remotely close to the word he was looking for, nor did egregious, monstrous or abhorrent. Even sadistic felt a stretch too short. The General was a Shade, that was true, but never had Torin imagined the brutality the man could inflict.

With that thought came a surge of indignation at the elf’s treatment. Not just by the General, but by the other guards. The human guards.

Torin shoved himself to his feet, the usual tingle of trepidation in his hands turned to hot needles of anger as he dug his nails into his palms. How could they stand by like that? How could they just shrug their shoulders each time they brought the elf back to her cell and ignore the state she was in? How could some of them brag about joining in on beating this woman senseless day after day, after the General had already hurt her this badly? Even enemies did not deserve to be treated this way, same race or not! He would confront them, tell them that they were wrong and that what they were letting happen and doing was horrific and they should be disgusted and feel shame to call themselves living creatures to stand by and watch and–

And....

Torin shook, feeling his breathing quickened with rage and the scrunched discomfort of his shoulders hunched up around his ears. The piling of his emotions had hit all wall, a leagues high wall of the reality of the situation that nothing could surpass. It all drained away, the righteous fury and horrified clarity replaced by a welling of hopelessness and emotional exhaustion.

What could he, Torin Aldsson, rookie guard pressed into service to repay the Broddring Empire’s costs of raising him, not yet twenty years old and prone to anxious breakdowns, do? Leave the elf’s cell door open? Start a riot and attempt a heroic rescue with no exit plan or place to go? Get branded a traitor to the Crown, tortured to death and have what was left of his body hung at the base gates as a reminder to any other foolish, idealist boys who came here?

His shoulders slumped, hands falling numb and open at his sides. He couldn’t do anything. He would have to do exactly as the others did. Stand by, silent and unfeeling, and watch as another being was mercilessly tortured for not just the path she had chosen but for what she was as well.

Torin switched his shoulder light down to low again with trembling fingers. That was it then. There was...there was nothing he could do.

He turned back to the door slowly. Every fiber of his being was screaming for him to apologize to the elf for the treatment she was receiving, to do his best to dress her wounds as he learned in his secondary school nursing track and comfort her. To treat her with dignity, respect, compassion, treat her like any other sentient being as his mother and father had taught him to.

The youth swallowed hard. Each step to the door felt like a betrayal to his true self, to the ideals and tenants his family had instilled in him and the only things that he had left of his kin.

And then Torin’s eyes snagged on the tray tucked against the wall by the door.

“...I’m coming up behind you. I’m not going to do anything, I promise.” The elf tensed at Torin’s words, muscles coiling up their remaining strength to lash out. The youth kept well to the side and leaned far over, trusting his sense of balance to keep upright as he tentatively set the tray down. “Figured you wouldn’t be able to get to it over there. Here.”

He slid the tray into place beside the elf with a fingertip and yanked his arm back when she raised her head. She looked down at the tray then back up to Torin’s face, expressionless save for the fire that the boy had seen in her eyes before.

The look he had was nervous, the same unsure posture and uneasy twitching at his hands as when he had entered her cell.

There was something different this time, though. Torin couldn’t see it, but the elf could. Not that she would let on. Silent but satisfied he meant no harm, she lowered her head back down to the floor and resumed staring at the wall, refusing to acknowledge the youth’s presence any further.

The pressure in Torin’s chest eased. That she hadn’t tried to break his finger was all he needed to confirm that he was doing the right thing. He slipped out of the cell and locked the door behind him, a tiny thrill of warmth running through his mind.

Years ago, as a young child, Torin had blundered upon a young mountain lion.

It lay in a clearing deep in the woods, sides thin with starvation and the tawny fur of its leg matted with blood that oozed around the teeth of the hunter’s trap. Its eyes blazed with the icy fire of a defiant spirit contrary to its physical state. The large cat growled low as the boy had approached, but even though claws sliced parallel gouges across his shoulder Torin did not stop. He stayed, and after hours of work at the rusted mechanism and buffeting countless blows with only a discarded plank of wood for protection, the trap opened with a screeching clang.

Arm bloodied, body bruised, and knowing there would be hell to pay that spring for releasing a hunter’s catch, Torin had still smiled wide as could be as the mountain lion sprang to its feet. The creature’s burning eyes as it gave him one last glance before limping away into the gathering darkness were burned into his memory.

Torin was not someone that could stand by and do nothing. Not then, and not now. If he could not spring the elf from her prison, then he would help her in other ways.

The small rebellions had begun.

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 6 years ago

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DOTW 59 - full draft! Is this ok?!? I don't know anymore! Send help

Carrying his newborn pup into the apartment, it wasn't the homecoming Levi had expected. Eren was standing by the sofa, the two of them both finally home, though Mike had organised for Eren's discharge the two days earlier. Holding his pup, he was proud the boy was finally home. In the hospital, things between the three of them had been so strained. Here was there safe space "Hey, Eren. Look who's home" Blinking at him, Eren bit his bottom lip, the tips of his lips turning into a smile, though he was trying his hardest not to let it show "He's ok. They wouldn't have released him into our care if he wasn't" Sinking down onto the sofa's arm, Eren covered his face, starting to cry softly as he did. As if picking up on his mother's distress, their son let out a cry of his own. For a pup that was born early, he had an impressive set of lungs in him "Shhh... Mum's ok. I'm going to settle him down, then I think we should talk" Walking into the nursery, the room felt almost distant. Like they hadn't been in it in years... even with the clear evidence that someone had indeed been in there. The cot was made up with soft fresh blankets, the floor vacuumed and the surfaces dusted. The only person he could think of doing such things was Eren, but Eren didn't seem to be in the right mental state to have been responsible. With a gentle smile, Levi lowered his son into the cot, the small boy stretching as Levi stroked the few escaping wispy strands of black hair. His son was the most amazing gift he'd ever been blessed with... there was absolutely nothing he wouldn't do for the small boy, even if it cost him everything. Kissing his forehead, he sighed to himself, not wanting to leave the boy alone for a single second, but he really needed to talk to Eren. Mike had said Eren had been verbal, and he prayed his omega still was, and the night they'd spent apart had been able to ease and help with whatever pain Eren was suffering "I love you, my precious pup. Get some sleep, then daddy will be back for more snuggles" He was wrapped around his son's little finger and didn't give two shits who knew. In his absence, Eren had moved to the sofa. The omega looking frail as Levi sat on the coffee table across from him. The deep bags and Eren's sucked cheeks left him angry. He'd been in hospital because he needed help, instead, he looked like he'd been neglected during the two-ish weeks he'd been in there "Hey. He's fine, the moment his head his the mattress, he stopped crying" Eren nodded slowly "I think we need to talk, now that we're alone" "I... don't know what to say" "Hello?" "Levi. I can't do this" "What do you mean you can't do this?" "I don't want to hurt him... I don't want to make him dirty" "You're not going to hurt him" "He's so small... I'm so scared. Levi, I don't want to make him dirty" It took Levi a long moment, but he still wasn't understanding why Eren thought himself dirty "What do you mean?" Jumping to his feet, Eren tried to flee to his room. Grabbing his hand, Levi rose as the same time, pulling him into his arms "I'm wrong! I'm wrong! I ran away from you! I abandoned him! I don't have a right to be his mother! Don't you get it?! I couldn't even give birth right! I had to meet him through everyone else! I can't let him be like me... someone who's dirty" "Why do you keep saying you're dirty?! You're not dirty!" "I am! I get people killed! I can't get your blood off my hands! I scrub and I scrub and I feel it. Levi, I can't! You. You said you'd take a hundred bullets like it was nothing! It's not nothing! I can't... I can't lose you like that. You keep dying and I can't lose you or him... I'm so scared..." Levi caught Eren as he fainted, lifting his way too light fiancée into his arms, his hand twinged. That was the most Eren had spoken to him since he'd woke. Carrying his omega to their room, the bed was remade, laying Eren down on his side of the bed, the omega whimpered in his sleep, looking more like a tiny child than a new mum. Kissing his omega's forehead, he sighed to himself, he wanted to climb into bed with his mate. He wanted to kiss away his worries... but he had an apartment to organise and pup to check. Placing his son on his shoulder, Levi nuzzled against his head softly. The small pup was so soft and warm. Walking through the apartment, it was way too clean. And way to have been cleaned by Erwin or Hanji... maybe Mike, but that was highly unlikely. Opening the fridge, he found it filled with precooked meals, and fresh fruit and vegetables... alright... so they didn't need to do food shopping... back tracking, he scanned the living area, with his eyes ending up on the pile of Eren's school books sitting on the kitchen table. So his omega had been busy? He'd done all this? The idiot was still recovering. He still needed time... but... Eren had prepared their whole apartment for him and their son... for an omega who said he'd abandoned his own pup, these weren't the actions one would expect. Kissing the baby boy, he sighed to himself. If only Eren could see all the things he was doing, then maybe he could see that he'd never abandoned his pup to begin with. With a weary sigh, Levi sat himself down at the dining table, looking to Eren's half done work. He'd forgotten about his omega's schooling, and there was no way he was letting his mate fail. Eren knew this stuff. Even if he didn't think he did. Opening his mate's notebook, he flicked through the pages with a small smile. When Eren had first started writing, it could barely be called writing, and now... well, it was still a scrawl that made him cringe, but it was readable. Page after page his fiancée had worked through math problems, not always getting them right... but still trying his fucking hardest. Hearing Titan yowl, the table tilted as his fat cat made an appearance, eyeing the pup on his shoulder in annoyance "What? Don't you want to meet your baby brother?" Lowering his son, the boy let out a cry. Titan falling backwards off the dining table in an attempt to run for his life. The fat cat sliding all over the floor as he shot into the room he shared with Eren, while Levi was left pissing himself laughing. In his arms, his son continued to cry "Oh, pup. I needed that. I know he seems pretty big to you, but he's Titan. Your big brother..." Raising the pup back to his shoulder, he hushed him softly as he rubbed his back "We need a name for you... but I have no idea what mummy's been thinking. He loves you. He's just scared of hurting you because you're so damn tiny. I'd say you're smaller than Mina and Anna, but that's ok, because you're my son and that makes you much better than them. You know... mum's been through so much... we both have, but that doesn't mean we don't love you... and it doesn't mean that I don't love your mum. Let's take a look at mum's homework? He thinks he's stupid. What a silly mummy" Feeling like a teacher, then feeling old, because he was marking Eren's work with a red pen... kids these days probably had no clue what that meant, Levi worked through Eren's notes, correcting his mate's spelling and questions. The omega definitely had the basics down, and the way the school wanted him to work things out made no sense to the alpha, so he was ahead of him in that. Reaching the end of Eren's work, he flicked through the rest of the notebook, finding a page half way through that was stained with tears. The top was simply titled "Names", Farlan scrawled and circles, an arrow pointing to the word "middle". So Eren was thinking Farlan for the pups middle name... he couldn't believe it. His brat... he'd thought the middle name of Farlan was just a small and stupid dream he'd had on his own. But Eren was thinking of him... now... now was just.. a first name. Eren had written a list down, then crossed off three-quarters of them... His son was definitely not a Daniel... or a Samuel... or a Nicholas... he snorted at the name Chad, scribbled out so hard Eren had torn the paper. If they were naming their son Farlan Ackerman, he had no idea what a good first name was... running his fingers over the page, he sighed at his own on Eren's list. His mate had printed next to it "who doesn't need me". Of course he fucking needed him. Crossing out the "doesn't" he then added an "s" to the end of "need". That was better "What do you think your name should be? You're the one who has to put up with it... I can't name you Eren. I already have one Eren, and there'll never be another quite like him... Let's go see what your mum has to say?" Eren was sprawled across their bed, his breasts and stomach exposed by his hiked up shirt. Levi's pillow in his hold as snored. Titan was sleeping under Eren's head, the pair in a world of their own. Aside from Eren's mental fatigue, his mate had to be exhausted from cleaning the apartment. Shifting Eren's legs, the his fiancée curled around his pillow with a deep groan. It should be illegal for anyone to be this cute. Climbing up next to his omega, Levi placed his hand Eren's hair, Titan squeaking as Eren rolled over to grab at his jeans "I love you, Eren. Always, no matter what happens" Their pup didn't let Eren sleep, the tiny boy waking Eren from his slumber. With fearful eyes, Eren stared up at them "Hey there beautiful. He's hungry, do you want to try feeding him?" Eren continued to stare at him "It's alright. I know you're scared, but I'll help you" Eren slowly dragged himself up, Titan glaring at the disturbance before running from the pup. Placing Levi's pillow between them as he stared, Eren didn't look well at all. Maybe he should have left him sleeping... but they'd needed to have this talk, a talk Eren had been too scared to have in hospital. It was understandable given the amount of time he'd spent there since they'd met was way too much "I know you know how to take care of a pup. You did an amazing job with Anna, and I know you'll do an amazing job with our boy... we need to pick a first name, but Farlan is a good middle name" "You..." "I checked your homework, and found your list" "Oh..." "I completely agree with you, Chad is a horrible name. Would you like to feed him?" "You... want me touch him?" Levi rolled his eyes "He's your son too. He's our son" "I don't deserve him" "You do. And before you say it, you're not going to hurt him" Not giving Eren a chance to keep objecting, he passed their pup into his arms. With a shaking finger, Eren let their son wrap his tiny hand around it "He's... so small" "Yep. And he came out your arse" "He didn't feel small... my arse still hurts" Was that... Did he just... and was that a smile? "I don't know if I understand what you're feeling? But you weren't the only one who had to wait. He was three days old before I got the chance to see him again... We didn't choose to abandon him, and we didn't" "I don't know what day he was born..." "On the 8th of December, at 9:48pm... according to Mike. You finished giving birth as we arrived at the hospital" "Really?" "You really don't remember, do you?" "The pain. I remember the pain, but... Mike said I don't have to force it... and that maybe because I had head trauma" "Yeah. It's a good thing you're so thick skulled" Eren's eyes filled with tears as their pup failed to latch "It's ok. You don't need to cry. I'll help you" "I should be able to do this!" "Eren, stop. Stop being so hard on yourself. He's not used to how soft your nipples are, he just needs a little help" "If I'd been there since the start..." "You wouldn't have been able to feed him. He needed help remember... and even if he'd had a normal birth, he still would have needed help" "I... can't do this" "You can" "I can't. I... Levi..." Moving to help Eren with the pup, it took only seconds for the boy to latch, then release, then latch again... "See... Eren?" Eren was crying, his body shaking "Talk to me. What are you thinking right now?" "That... that he doesn't like me... he won't latch for me... he doesn't like me" "Eren, he's a pup. Who was being fed through a feeding tube, then by bottle. Just give him a chance" "But he likes you. He feeds for you" "Yes, because I'm the one he's latched onto right now" "I feel like... I'm doing everything wrong" "You're feeding our son. In our apartment that you cleaned. You were supposed to be resting. Don't tell me Mike left you here alone?" "Kind of. I couldn't take being in the hospital anymore... he wanted to stay, but the moment he stepped into our home, I couldn't... I couldn't take it anymore. I kind of threw him out... and lost it a little" "You cleaned the apartment..." "I just wanted to do something right. They made me feel so wrong" They? Not he? Not Reiner? "They?" "The nursing staff... I couldn't calm down and it didn't feel safe. I couldn't think. It felt like... like they were judging me" "So you feel better being here?" "This is our safe space, right?" Levi smiled, nuzzling Eren's shoulder. His omega was still in there somewhere, even with all the pain he was suffering "Yeah. It is. Our little bubble" "Right... I know I'm not good, but... I want to be ok" "You're going to be just fine. And you are good. You're such a good omega" "Reiner hurt you..." "No. Reiner has taken too much from both of us. He hurt you. He tried to hurt our son. He's gone Eren" "Because you had to kill him. I didn't want you to know how that felt... to be responsible" "I don't regret it" "He knew Levi. He knew he wasn't getting out of there. He'd given up" "What makes you say that?" "Because he and I are more alike than I want to think about. When he shot you. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to get revenge. That's all I could think about. Was that I wanted him dead... and now you're going to have that bullet in you forever and he did that to you. It feels like you're always going to carry a part of him in you" "He means nothing to me. You and our son. That's all that matters" "I keep dreaming of my dad dying, but it's you. You dying in my arms and I can't get your blood off me. I scrub and I scrub, but it won't stop..." Eren covered his mouth, Levi lifting the pup from his breast. His mate looked as if he was about to vomit, instead, he shook his head as he swallowed hard. Eren's nightmares really were a force to be reckoned with... but maybe knowing he wasn't alone was what he needed "I've been having nightmares too. That Reiner took you from me. That he cut our pup from you and you bled to death..." "Why didn't he kill me?" "Don't say that. Don't... I don't want to live without you" "Then why are you wearing the engagement ring you bought me... I though you didn't need me anymore" Levi sucked his lips in, feeling stupid as he placed their pup on his shoulder "You don't have to tell me. I think I'm going to take a shower" Eren started climbing off the bed "No. Wait. I fucked up. Ok. I was thinking how much I wanted to put it in your finger, and I put it on mine... and now it's stuck" "It's stuck?" "Yep. So it's not because I don't want you, but because it's stuck. It looks like you'll have to wear the one on the chain for now" "You really got it stuck?" "It wasn't on purpose!" He felt stupid enough over it. Now Eren was fucking laughing at him over it. Or atleast, his scent was "I'm not going to hear the end of this, am I?" And there he went putting his foot in it "It's ok, I'm joking" Eren resumed climbing off the bed, rubbing his face as he stood "Sorry... my head just feels a mess. Everything you say, it sends my omega spiralling. It tells me how I shouldn't be with you or with him. That a real omega would... would never let his mate and pup be hurt. I'm sorry... I need some air" "Alright. I think I'm going to settle him down in here, and let him get used to our scents. They're strongest here" Eren nodded "I... uh... the baby bath is in the bathtub... I'll be in my room" "We'll save bath time until later. My hands still healing" And sending pins and needles through his arm when he moved it too much... something he'd have to get used to "Ok. Just. I'll come out when I'm ready" "I know you will. I love you, Eren" Burping his son, he laid the infant down in the spot Eren had been in. Shuffling down, he buried his face against the pups small head, his hand placed protectively across the boy, yet lightly enough so as to not cause him to vomit "See. Mummy just needs to calm down. He loves you, so much. And I love you. Though, if you want to cut him break when it comes to feeding, that would be great" Fucking Hanji. Levi hadn't meant to pass out on his bed next to their pup, nor had he expected to wake up to Hanji's overly happy tone chatting away at Eren. Gathering their son up, the boy definitely needed a nappy change. Though he was still sleeping peacefully. He'd never get used to how innocent his own son looked. Or the love and affection that swelled with just one look to the boy. Carrying his pup against his shoulder, Levi yawned as he walked from the bedroom. Eren was sitting at the dining table, looking like a scared rabbit, while the apartment had been invaded by balloons, Hanji, Erwin, Mike and Anna "Levi! I thought you were going to sleep through our visit" "I wish I had. Now back off, and leave my fiancée alone" "I wasn't doing anything, I was just surprised he was doing class work" "So what if he is? He's got this..." Mike cast him a sympathetic glance as Levi moved to cross the living room "Is that my baby boy? Can I have a hold?" "No. He needs a nappy change" "Let me..." Levi scowled at Hanji "I don't want you pawing at my pup" "But Levi! I had to wait months to meet him and I was soooo good. I waited until you came home" Letting out a whimper, Eren covered his mouth and bolted for the bathroom, a few moments later, Levi was scrunching up his nose at the sound of his mate vomiting "I'll go check on" "Thanks, Mike" Hanji's smile fell "Is he ok?" "No. He's really not ok at all" "Has he... is he bonding with your son? Have you named him?" Levi mentally stammered, he didn't want to be having this talk with Hanji, his mouth moving without him thinking "His names Viren Farlan Ackerman..." It was the last name on Eren's list and the first thing that just came out... fuck... now he was going to have calm Eren over this name thing "And we were trying to settle in, when you decide you were magically coming to visit. I'll be back in a minute" "Levi" Erwin's tone was warning, but the alpha saw nothing wrong in his actions. Three uninvited alpha's were in their apartment. Invading his fragile omega's safe place. For want of a better term, the whole apartment was a nest to Eren, and they'd entered his nest uninvited "Look. Eren isn't ok. And this isn't ok. You all should just go" "We're worried about Eren" "If you're worried about him, then you should go. Today's the first time he started to feel a little normal, and now he's back to being scared all over again. I know you want to meet him, but not like this" "Levi, that was uncalled for" "No, Erwin. You have seen what Eren's going through. You should have thought this through" Hanji sniffled, scooping Anna up into her arms "It's just... its Christmas tomorrow and we knew you couldn't visit us" When the fuck did it become Christmas Eve? His dates and times were completely screwed. He hadn't actually got anything for Eren after all, and his engagement ring was stuck on his fucking finger "Look. Let me take care of my son, then we'll talk. Sit down and try not to scare Eren when he finally comes out. He's even more fragile than after Zeke's death and his pregnancy scare combined" The last part was low enough that Eren wouldn't hear his words. His mate had made a lot of effort, as far as he was concerned. He'd tried to make their apartment perfect for his return, and he'd tried to do his school work. Even if it was just a distraction from his pain, he felt comfortable enough to attempt it in their apartment. * Being in the apartment had felt safe until Hanji had knocked on the door, her loud voice calling his name as Eren's heart raced so hard that it threatened to explode. It was the first time someone had knocked since the Reiner incident, and he hadn't been prepared for it, nor had been prepared for Levi not to engage all four door locks, that he'd left undone purely for the alpha. Since coming home, he felt like he could breathe again. There was one watching him or judging him. No one wanting him to spread his legs, to poke and prod at him. And Titan. Titan had been all over him. He'd been scared Reiner had hurt the fat cat, so finding him very much ok and very much starving to death, despite the full bowl, did wonders for his mood. Mike had wanted to stay, but the moment he'd stepped into the apartment and taken a deep lungful of his and Levi's scents, he couldn't stomach having another alpha there. It almost felt like he was cheating on Levi, even if nothing remotely close to sexual happened. Mike had made him promise to call, so he had... around making everything perfect for Levi. He wanted to show his alpha that... that he didn't want to run, even if that's all his mouth and legs were doing. Being home and remembering how things had been... it was easier to believe that maybe things might be that way again. Even if he'd left his alpha and his pup behind selfishly. Emptying the contents of his stomach, he tensed as Mike walked in behind him. He couldn't help but whimper as the alpha approached "Eren, are you ok?" He was pretty sure he didn't look ok. He hadn't slept at all the previous night. Someone had brought their mail in for him, and he'd had to wrap gifts for Levi and their son "Just... give me a minute" Sitting on the edge of the bathtub, Mike didn't approach, giving Eren enough time to stop vomiting and wash the mess away "Sorry... I wasn't expecting visitors" "Hanji wanted to drop off your Christmas presents. I did tell her to call ahead" "My phone's off, now that Levi's home. I thought I wouldn't need to check in" "Ah. She didn't tell me that. Have you been eating?" "Y-yeah. It's better being here... it's easier" "Really? You don't look very well. Any fever? Or pain?" "No... I had a talk with Levi and I'm... there's too many alpha's here. I can't handle it" "That's ok. I don't think we'll be staying that long, well, long enough for Hanji to finally meet your son. Have you two talked about a name?" "A little..." Eren's hands were balled so tightly into fists, his nails were digging into his palms. His hands already ached from how many times he'd tried to scrub Levi's blood off them. The need to scratch was getting hard to ignore, as was the need to do something even stupider "Levi just said his name is Viren" Viren had barely made it on his list, but it was Levi's right to name his son. He nodded stiffly... he needed to calm down "Farlan for a middle name" "Farlan. Levi must be stoked. I always knew he had Farlan in mind if he had a son" "He was important to him" And it wasn't like he could use the names "Zeke" or "Grisha"... it'd kind of been an easy decision... even if Levi had wanted Farlan for the middle name, his alpha hadn't pushed it. Maybe because he'd chosen the middle name, it was ok for Levi to choose the first? "Mike, can you give me a few minutes. I need to take a shower" There were way too many scents... and he didn't want to smell like such a basket case when he came out "Alright. But..." "I know. Pain. Fever. Or bleeding, I'm supposed to call" "Just making sure" The first few minutes showering helped to soothe him, but the next few wrecked him. Using Levi's body wash, he felt grounded as his distress was washed down the drain. Since giving birth, he hadn't slicked once, but was too ashamed to ask if it was normal. He wasn't up for sex so soon, not when he couldn't stomach looking at his own body. He wasn't ashamed of carrying his pup, but the fact he'd gained weight while doing so left him stupidly insecure. He didn't feel sexy. He didn't feel confident. He didn't feel nice enough to be on Levi's arm, and he couldn't see whatever it was that Levi seemed to see in him. He'd been told he wouldn't go into heat for the first 6 months after giving birth, but with how messed up his heats usually were, he wouldn't be surprised if he went into heat sooner. All it took was a single look to Levi to send his thoughts scattering and ignite the base flame of desire in his stomach... even if the thought of sex completely revolted him at the moment. Ok. So maybe he was still more fucked up than he'd liked to admit... but he had tried to be good. He'd cooked and cleaned. He'd fed Levi's pup when he'd asked him too, when it was clear the small boy didn't like him. Closing his eyes, Eren leant his forehead against the blissfully cool tiles of the shower wall. He needed to do better. Taking a deep breath, he'd intended to forced his emotions further down. With the bathroom door cracked open, courtesy of Mike, a snippet of laughter reached his ears. Tears filled his eyes as his omega mocked him. Out there, Levi was with his friends and son. He had everyone he needed and that wasn't him... if their alpha loved them, then why hadn't he come to check on him? He'd been confused when Levi hadn't checked on him before, peeking into the alpha's bedroom to find Levi smiling in his sleep next to his pup. He'd rushed to do his homework to take his mind off how pathetically jealous he felt of the situation. A situation he could only blame himself over... As Hanji's voice rose to tease Levi, Eren sank to the floor, both hands against the shower wall. Why couldn't he be out there with them? Why did he have to be so wrong? He'd talked to Levi... he'd been scared but they were home now. In their safe place. He didn't think a knock on the door would shake him so much. Why was he always so weak? Levi was the one who'd been shot. The one with the bullet in him. The one who could be fucking paralysed by it. He may have slightly googled he fuck out gun shot wounds when he'd come home... it was because of him that Levi might never be able to have a normal life. And Levi still said he loved him. Zeke would have left him. Zeke had left him for less. Zeke had promised he loved him, had taken care of him. Levi wasn't Zeke, but that didn't mean he wouldn't get tired of him like his brother had. That the alpha wouldn't sell him off some day. He wanted to scream at the voices in his head to stop, but he couldn't bring himself to. Not when they were right. * Ignoring Hanji's annoying howl of laughter, Levi stared past her and towards the bathroom door. The feeling of something being very wrong was starting to build. Mike had said Eren wanted to shower due to everyone's scent which was fine. Levi agreed completely that there were far too many scents in their apartment, yet, it felt like Eren was taking far too long. Hence the teasing from Hanji. Rising to his feet, he handed Viren to Mike, who took the boy with a look of confusion while Hanji began to complain about it being "unfair since she hadn't had a hold". Striding over to the bathroom, he pushed the door in enough to stick his head around the corner. Fuck "Levi?!" Ignoring Erwin, he let himself into the room. Curled on the shower floor, looked broken. His eyes staring straight ahead as chest heaved. He'd fucking known it was too much for him. He shouldn't have tolerated a visit from the three idiots, even if it was Christmas Eve. Reaching in, he groaned to himself at how fucking cold the water was. Eren always like to finish his showers with a quick cold rinse. Some shit about his pores or something. Shutting the water off, he stepped into the stall. Eren's back towards him as he cautiously placed a hand on Eren's shoulder "Eren? You gonna come out?" "Levi?! Is he ok?" Eren jumped at Hanji's voice, whining unconsciously for his alpha to help him, as his legs slipped out from under him "You're ok. Hey. It's ok" Lifting Eren less than gracefully, his mate shivered violently as he was lifted off the freezing floor. Carrying him to the bathroom bench, he placed Eren down as if he was made of glass. His omega having been under the water long enough to tinge his lips blue "Oh, brat. Hold on" Grabbing Eren's towel off the rack, he wrapped it around Eren's shoulders, rubbing his arms in an attempt to warm him "I'm sorry. I should have made them leave sooner. It's ok. You're ok now" Rubbing Eren's arms wasn't getting his mate warmed up fast enough. Guiding Eren's face to the crook of his neck, he wrapped his arms around Eren, kissing his wet hair "You're ok. I've got you" Slowly, Eren's frozen fingers gripped his shirt. His mate nuzzling his neck with his cold nose "That's it. Take a few deep breaths. I've got you" "L-Levi?" "I've got you, baby. I've got you. You're ok" "It's cold" "Just a little..." "P-please don't get rid of me" "Eren, I could never get rid of you. Ever. You're everything to me" "You don't need me anymore" "I do. I need you every single day for the rest of our lives" "Everyone leaves me" Eren's words were whispered mumbles, if he hadn't been so close to his ear, Levi probably would have missed them "I'm not leaving you. I promise you" "I don't want to be like this" "I know you don't. But I'm not going anywhere" Nudging Eren's legs apart further, Levi pulled him tighter to him. The move wasn't sexual, instead he just wanted to hold as much of his omega as he could "I'm not going anywhere... I've got you" Kissing Eren's hair between the words, his fiancée was still shivering. "Levi, is he alright?" Eren jumped at Hanji's voice. He'd nearly soothed his omega to sleep in his hold. His scent was finally clearing of the emotional pain he felt, and the feeling through their bond had been growing towards something more than Eren's deep fear. Then she ruined it. Eren's fear spiked, between them growing warm as he realised Hanji had scared Eren enough for him to wet himself "You need to leave" "Levi" "You need to go. He's in overload. This apartment is our safe place and he was having a panic attack on the shower floor" "Ok... Eren. Sweetheart, it's Hanji. I just want to say congratulations. I know you're not feeling great, but we'll come visit you guys soon" Eren didn't move to talk to her "Ok. Should I tell Mike to place Viren down in his cot?" "Yeah. That would be great" "Merry Christmas guys. And happy birthday for tomorrow" "Hanji, just go" "I'm going" Hanji's heart was in the right place, but she was trying to love Eren to death and that was his job. He actually knew how to love his omega... or at least he used to. It wasn't like he didn't love Eren, he just needed to work out Eren's new triggers, and alphas other than seemed to be number one. Closing the door softly behind her, Levi ignored his desire to strip "I'm going to grab a towel, and we'll clean this up. Don't worry, I'm not mad. We'll get through all of this together, and we do, I'm going to marry the absolute shit out of you. So you better be prepared to be Eren Ackerman before you know what's happening" "S-sorry" "It's ok. I love you" With Eren clean and Levi only wearing a towel, the alpha was again carrying his omega. Eren's long legs wrapped around him as he carried him into his own bedroom, at Eren's request. He could see why. His omega had built himself another massive nest, this one including clothes they'd bought for their pup, and every soft cushion Levi had got for his omega during his pregnancy. On his bedside table sat two half drunk bottles of water, and an empty rice cracker packet. At least Eren had eaten something. Sitting him down, Eren climbed under the covers on his own. His breathing had calmed to a hiccup, bordering a purr, the scents of the living room really seemed to have been what set it off... and fuck did he hate that purr "Eren, do you want to be alone? I can go back to my room, if it's all too much?" "C-can you shower and come back?" Levi's eyes widened a fraction, as his heart leapt with happiness. His voice shook as he tried not to scare Eren by being too happy "Are you sure?" "I want to... wake up with you. I don't want another bad dream" Levi mentally apologised to Viren. It was still rather early, despite his unintended nap. They'd probably be woken soon anyway for another feed "Alright" "Can you check the locks too? All four and the ones of the balcony?" "Sure thing... Viren will need feeding soon, so I'll check him on the way back" Eren nodded slowly "It's alright, baby. You just rest" Viren was crying when Levi stepped out the shower. He'd checked all the locks, which he would have done anyway. Eren's safety was his number one concern. Carrying the baby boy into Eren's room, Eren had pulled himself up to sit only to have fallen asleep once he had. Roused by Viren's cries, Eren blinked at him with a small yawn "Someone missed their mum" "Someone missed my boobs" "I know I did" Eren shot him a glare as he took Viren into his hold "I don't think I can ever hold him and not be scared" "He'll grow. He's strong, like you are" "I don't want him to be like me" "I do. You've been through so much. And you're so strong. I love you so much" Eren shook his head, his eyes on Viren's face as he moved to raise the pup to his breast. Taking a few attempts, Viren latched on his own. Relief flooding Eren's face "He... he just..." Sitting on the edge of the bed, Levi wrapped his arm around Eren's shoulder, pulling his mate against him so he could nuzzle into his hair "See. He missed his mum. He's learning too, just like we are" "I... I'm still so scared of hurting him. Of making him dirty" "You're not dirty. You know I know those things Reiner said aren't true. I understand what you went through with Zeke, and that it wasn't sexual" "But I killed Bertholdt" "No. He was in a coma. Between you fighting him off and him passing away, anything could have happened" "I stabbed Reiner in the neck. I was trying to kill him. My dad died trying to get me out of there. He killed so many people Levi. And the omegas. What if Reiner was right? What if they all died? What about all the omegas parted from their pups? Their pups, who were... killed. All the omegas over the years who were forced to say goodbye" "Eren. Would you ever set up an organisation to take pup's away?" "N-No" "So why are you blaming yourself for the actions of rich fucked up pigs? I know you. All you want is to help omegas, to give them a voice and a safe home" "But..." "Reiner had lost his mind. He was trying to hurt both of us mentally as well as physically. You can't believe anything he said" "I can't get him out my head" "You've got a lot going on in there, huh?" Eren let out a soft sigh, nuzzling into him "Too much" "You still feel cold" "I am, a little" "When Viren's done feeding, I'll take care of changing him and putting him back to bed" "I'm sorry" "No. Baby steps remember. You're exhausted" "I really am" Readying his pup for bed, Levi settled him down in his cot, turning the baby monitor on and snagging the receiver as he left. Heading back to Eren's room, his omega looked too comfortable to disturb. Walking around Eren's bed, he cursed as he tripped not realising there was a small pile of presents hidden down the side of the bed. Fuck. Christmas. His birthday. Eren was more prepared than he was, and the Christmas tree wasn't even in the living room, though it was assembled in the corner of Eren's bedroom. Eren had made sure everything was perfect for their return. So decorating for his least favourite holiday of the year, was the least he could do. * Waking up in Levi's hold, it took Eren a few moments to figure out just what had woken him. Behind him, Levi was whimpering his name on repeat, Levi's legs kicking his as he struggled against him... while holding him stupidly tight. Struggling to free himself, he forced his alpha's hand off his stomach, as he rolled to face Levi. Levi's brow was damp with sweat, his face pained as he panted "Levi" Shaking his alpha, Levi growled. Shaking him even harder, Levi yelled out his name. His fiancée trying to save him, despite the fact it was all just a dream. Rolling to straddle his mate, he shook him again "Levi, wake up for me. Come on..." Shaking Levi slightly too hard, his alpha shot up, head butting him firmly in the process. Yelping in pain, Eren fell sideways as Levi dropped back against the cushion he was using as a pillow "Ow! What the fuck? Eren?" Moaning as he rubbed his head, Eren would have laughed if he hadn't felt so fucking shitty "Eren?" "I'm ok... Fuck. You have a hard head" "What were you doing?" "Trying to wake you up. You were having a nightmare" Levi blindly reached for him with his left hand, his right covering his face "Are you ok? Did I hurt you?" "Not on purpose. You wouldn't wake up" "Shit... I feel like shit" "Nightmares will do that" Levi's hand finally closed around his wrist, pulling him forcefully into his hold. Rubbing his back, Levi sighed before starting to pat the spot he'd been rubbing "Shit. I'm so sorry" "I'm ok... not exactly the wake up I was expecting. Do... I should get off you" "No! No... just... give me a minute" Eren could Levi's heart racing, his own heart beating just as hard. Nuzzling his neck, his alpha sighed "Fuck. I was dreaming you left me and I couldn't find you" "I'm sorry" "No. It's not your fault. I need you Eren. More than I've ever needed anyone or anything in my life... give me a little longer with you like this" "But..." Pulling up, Eren stared down at Levi's eyes, his alpha moving the hand that had been on his red forehead to cup his cheek "You're so fucking beautiful. I don't deserve you" "I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. Um... this is probably weird, but happy birthday. I didn't make you a cake, but I promise I will" "You don't need to" Eren's disappointment must have showed. He was trying to be as normal as he could be... even when all he wanted to do was bolt from Levi's lap "But, we can make a cake together. It's our son's first Christmas" "I didn't decorate" "I don't mind. All I need is you" "I wish you wouldn't keep saying that..." "Why not?" "Because I feel like... I feel bad you have to keep being strong for me. I woke you because you were having a nightmare... you're the one suffering" "It was a dream. I like the real life you much better" "I don't like me very much" "That's ok. I told you long ago that I'd love you, even on the days you can't love yourself" Eren hung his head, moving place both palms flat against Levi's chest. His alpha gazing into his eyes as he forced Eren's chin up and to the side "What? What's wrong?" "I was just thinking how much I want to mark you as mine again" That... that was going to far. His stomach rolled as he tried to breathe "Levi..." "I know you're not ready, but I want to. I love just you and I love that mark of ours" "I'm not pretty anymore. My body is all messed up. I don't slick. My breasts leak. My stomach is all soft..." "Still. I find you the most beautiful person I've ever laid eyes on. This body of yours, proves you carried our pup. These scars of yours, prove you fought your hardest. And this arse of yours..." Levi moved his hand down to grope at him "I'd still eat you out for hours" "How can you say these things like that...?" "Easily. You're my fiancée and mate" "I feel like I don't have a place here anymore" Levi shook his head, his silver eyes filled with emotion "Your place is by my side. Now we're awake, I have a surprise for you" "A surprise?" "Yeah. Why don't you get dressed, while I get changed?" "I don't need a surprise" "I think you do" Levi stole a kiss, before letting him off his lap. He didn't deserve this man who called him beautiful, even when he knew he looked like a sack of shit. Levi made him wait in his room, Eren so nervous he didn't notice the lack of presents or Christmas tree. He didn't need anything. He'd acted so embarrassing the previous night that he cringed when he thought of Levi kicking everyone out the apartment. Knocking lightly on his door, Eren nearly had a panic attack as he screeched in fear "Whoa! What's wrong?" "No knocking" Levi lowered his hand, looking to it before nodding like he got it "Ok. I'll try to remember that. Anyway, I'm ready when you are" "Levi, is this like a people surprise? Or a loud surprise?" "No. You, me and Viren are the only people here. Titan's hiding in our room, he's absolutely terrified of Viren" With shaky legs, Eren crossed his room softly. Stepping out his room, Eren's breath was taken away. When he'd fallen asleep, there wasn't a single trace of Christmas in the living room. Now... now the tree was standing there, the decorations stupidly organised into nice neat lines. Merry Christmas had been printed out and taped to the wall... on the coffee table was a small pile of presents, most he recognised as what he'd purchased for Levi and their pup "Lee, what is this?" "This is our first Christmas with our son. My first birthday as a father. Our first Christmas with you as my fiancée and mate. I wanted you to have a good Christmas, even if I'm a kind of shit alpha. I didn't get a chance to get you anything" Eren shook his head as he threw his arms around Levi. He hadn't expected this! He hadn't heard Levi doing any of this! "I don't need anything! This... this perfect!" "I still want to buy you a proper present" "I don't need it. Levi... but you hate Christmas" "I don't know. Ever since you came around, it's fast becoming my favourite holiday" "I want to make you breakfast" Levi laughed at the abrupt topic change "I'll make it" "No. The morning is your birthday! Everything else can wait" "Eren" "Please let me make you breakfast?" "Only if you let me make lunch and dinner" "And you have to pick the movie... did Hanji give us sweaters again?" Levi snorted. Eren didn't know why the fuck he was suddenly so happy, but he didn't want it end like he knew it would "Yeah. Would you believe that she found one small enough for Viren?" "Yes... Levi. Are you sure you like that name? I mean..." "I do. I've already changed his nappy, and he's already for mum cuddles" "Levi, I can't have him in the kitchen. It's not safe" "Fine. We'll just have to sit and watch you cook" "Titan needs his special treat for Christmas too. Titan, puss puss!" There was the telltale thud of the fat cat jumping off the bed and the thumping of his paws as he came running. Letting go of Levi, Eren scooped him up "Hello baby boy" "He missed you" "I missed him. I was scared Reiner hurt him" Kissing the fat cat, Titan tried to push him off with his front paws "I know. You want your food. Come with me, Mister" Titan got an over serve of mince in his bowl, the fatty almost inhaling it as Eren started pouring the batter into the pan. Levi's birthday meant chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. Carrying Viren out, the pup was grizzly "Sorry, mummy. I think he's a bit hungry" "Probably. Should I make him a bottle?" "You don't want to try feeding him?" "I'm making pancakes. There's oil and heat..." "It's alright. You're not going to be long. I'll swap with you when whatever's in the pan is done" Eren frowned. That wasn't how this was supposed to go "It's your birthday" "I don't mind" "I do. Is he warm enough? It feels cold in here" "He's warm, I got that onesie out, the elf one" Sitting at the dining table, Levi rocked Viren gently as the pup continued to grumble "I'll make your tea in a minute. Pancakes come first" Shooing Titan away with his foot, the cat took a run and jump, landing on the dining table. Remembering Levi said their fur baby was scared of the human baby, he flipped the pancake in the pan, before watching how it all played out. Sitting on the very edge of the table, Titan's tail was flicking back and forth, slowly he rose, taking two small steps forward before reaching a paw out towards Viren. Bopping the little boy on the head, Viren let out a louder cry. Titan falling of the table backwards in an uncoordinated heap, then wasting no time in shooting into the kitchen and climbing up straight up Eren's leg. All claws out as Eren cried out in pain, trying to get the tom's claws out his flesh "Titan!" Pulling the cat off his hip, Levi was was laughing his arse off over the whole ordeal as Titan tried to climb onto his shoulder "That's the second time he'd fallen and run" "He's terrified. My poor baby" Taking Titan's front right paw, he pressed a kiss to the back of it "I'm sorry. That's your baby brother. I know. Here, are you going to stay on my shoulder, while I make your dad's breakfast? It's ok" Titan climbed onto his shoulder, the fat cat way too wide to sit there comfortably, over balancing, he leapt down onto the kitchen counter. Scratching between Titan's ears, he slowly started headbutting for more pats "I'll protect you. Stop laughing, Levi. He's terrified" "I'm sorry. But he literally tried to climb you like a tree" "I know. He'd scratched up my side and leg... I'll have to clean up once your breakfast is ready" "You're not eating?" "Not until after Viren's been fed... I'm not really hungry" "You need to keep eating. You barely ate in hospital" "I was too self conscious..." He still was. As happy as he was to see his toes again, he wanted to hurry up and shed the extra pudge as soon as possible "But home is still better, right?" "Yeah. Don't worry, I'll eat" Probably only one or two pancakes. His stomach was already trying to rebel at the thought of food. He knew he'd have to talk to Levi about it, but Levi deserved a good birthday. And a day where he didn't have to worry about the fucked up omega living in his apartment. Today would be perfect, for Levi's sake... and maybe... maybe he could fool himself into feeling normal enough to enjoy it. Everything Levi has said earlier was right. It was their first Christmas as mates and parents. Viren deserved it being perfect, just as much as Levi did... When breakfast was done, Levi helped him give their pup a bath. The tiny boy seemed to love the bubbles and water, waving his arms and kicking his legs as he slowly fell asleep as Eren carefully washed him. It was still weird to think that the boy had really been inside of him. Levi was full of love and praise, the happiness and contentness in his scent nearly too much for Eren to bare. Part of him was jealous, while the even bigger part of him loathed himself for not being able to feel like his fiancée did. He didn't want to be a prisoner to his own mind. He'd been through that for years. Before Viren had been born, he'd been so happy and he wished he knew how to bring that back. It was like he truly couldn't remember who'd he been before the birth of the pup. He didn't hate Viren and he didn't blame him for his current mental state. There was only so much therapy could do, and the rest fell to his own mental weakness. Making sure the little pup was washed and dried, Levi found another onesie, taking what seemed to be another hundred photos of the boy in his other outfit. Levi had insisted on taking photos of him dressed as an elf, even though Eren really didn't want to, given how self conscious he felt over breast feeding. Still. Everything that was happening would one day fade to be just a memory, leaving photos as the only proof anything actually happened. After bathtime came present time. Levi's birthday presents coming first. Rather than buying one big gift for Levi, he'd gotten a few smaller, more practical ones. New frames for the photos of Levi, Farlan and Isabel to be hung in the living room. Along with a couple of photos of the pair of them during his pregnancy. The happiness in his eyes now seemed like a ghost haunting him as Levi stared down at the prints. Sensing it was all getting to be a little much, Levi swapped to opening the gifts for Viren. He'd brought his son more blankets and soft toys... even finding a stuffed catfish that made Levi laugh a little too hard as he swore that it was going to live in their pup's cot. When Viren's presents were unwrapped, Levi got a photo of the whole collection, his three Christmas presents sitting still wrapped for later. Not wanting to wake their pup, taking photos of Viren with everything would have to wait for later, and Eren was perfectly ok with that. Curling into Levi's side, he buried his face against the alpha's chest. Levi choosing some random Christmas themed movie to put on. Both silently ruling anything horror out for the time being. The day was nice in its own way. He fell asleep against Levi, waking to find Levi had shifted them while he slept, he was now in his fiancées lap, while Levi snored softly. His head lolled back against the sofa back in a way that couldn't be comfortable. Taking a few moments to himself, he studied Levi's sleeping face. He'd nearly lost him. The one person who understood him most in the world. And the one person who actually gave a fuck about his health and safety. Kissing just behind Levi's ear, he quietly promised he'd get better. It wasn't long after that Levi woke as Viren started crying. Titan, who'd crept over to the Christmas tree, to strike against his archenemy "the low hanging bauble", bolted with the first cry. Cracking his eyes open, Levi smiled softly. Being a father really suited him. There wasn't a trace of the angry, constipated alpha he'd first met at all "I guess someone's hungry" "Yeah. I didn't want to move and wake you" "So you watched me sleep?" "I was thinking how being a father suits you" "I never thought it'd happen" "And... you're happy right?" Levi reached up and flicked him in the centre of the forehead "I have you and I have our son. I'm so fucking happy that I'm surprised hell hasn't frozen over and the universe hasn't exploded" "Will you help me get better again?" "That's all I want. You. Safe and happy, and enjoying what we have" "Can you make me an appointment with Krista?" "I'm making us both appointments once the holidays end. We both have a lot to work out" "I don't know if I can work out my problems" "I do. Because I know how strong you are, baby" Eren flinched at the word "baby" "Eren? What is it?" "You won't get mad?" "I won't get mad" "I... when you call me "baby", I don't like it. The alpha's used to catcall and call me baby. It makes me feel like I'm not your brat" "I'm sorry. I didn't even... when you were giving birth, I guess I must have started saying it. I was trying to keep you conscious. I didn't mean to upset you. You'll always be my brat" "I didn't mean to make you feel bad" "You didn't. I like it when you tell me the things you like, want and need. It makes me feel like... like a shitty loved up idiot" "A loved up idiot?" "Yep. Come on, Viren's probably ready for his next feed" Patting his hip to encourage him off his lap, Eren shook his head "You rest. I'll get him" "I'm not so old as to be becoming one with the sofa" "Sure you are. You're my old man" "And you're my shitty brat" Eren stared into Levi's eyes, wishing he could kiss his alpha like he wanted. After a moment and half passed, Levi was the one to kiss him. The kiss soft and small, over in a heartbeat "I do love you, Levi" "You just need a little help at the moment. I know. Now go get our pup. Maybe we can get Titan to talk to him?" "That'd be a Christmas miracle" "Well, 'tis the season" Never did he think he'd hear Levi say "'tis the season", but none the less, a genuine giggle bubbled up from nowhere. Maybe that was his Christmas miracle? Being able to find his laughter again.

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 6 years ago

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DOTW 59 - update. Sweats nervously as I vent my season 8 frustrations

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