#disgusting how in love i am with this skin
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lottiesviolence · 3 days ago
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Sub!Sevika
warnings: 18+, sub sev who just loves you so much, rope bondage, beggin, pleadin, cummin n’ moanin, just a sweet drabble of my girl
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Sub!Sevika who looks up at you with pleading eyes as you stuff your fingers between her folds.
Sub!Sevika who cries and moans into your mouth as you kiss her roughly.
Sub!Sevika who whines when you part your lips from hers, shifting herself up begging to have you again.
“Want you..” She pleas.
Sub!Sevika who follows your every command, aching for your approval and praise.
“Sit.”
“Eat me out, but do not make me cum.”
“Fuck yourself harder for me Sev.”
Sub!Sevika who lets you tie her hands tightly with rope, softly moaning as it presses prints into her skin.
Sub!Sevika who cries into the pillow as you fuck her senseless with your strap.
“Such a fucking slut, so needy to get fucked, want it harder baby? Go on tell me.”
Sub!Sevika who babbles and moans incoherently as you stretch her.
“God, fuck! Yesyesyesssbaby..mmmph fuckinmesogood” she cries.
Sub!Sevika who is so much bigger than you yet chooses to be at your feet.
Sub!Sevika who rest her head on your knees, pawing at your thighs, hoping you spread them for her to taste you.
Sub!Sevika who loves when you grab her chin forcing her to look at you.
“Yes pretty?”
“You need somethin’?”
“What can I do?”
“Anything for you pretty”
Sub!Sevika who begs you to sit on her face, suffocating her with your thighs.
Sub!Sevika who loves when you pull her hair as you fuck her dumb.
Sub!Sevika who whimpers and moans with desperation as you ride her strap. Hands tied behind the chair, fist clenching in the rope hoping she could grasp onto your body.
“Feels so good baby, love how you fuck me” She groans.
Sub!Sevika who fucks her strap into you, whimpering and hufffing into your neck as she fucks in n’ out of your leaking cunt.
“Mmhgn..am I bein’ good baby? tell me..tell me how good I am for you, please pretty?”
Sub!Sevika who worships you like the goddess you are, kissing your body in your favorite spots as she whispered how beautiful you are against your soft skin.
Sub!Sevika who cries and begs for you to let her cum as you suck on her clit.
Sub!Sevika who desperately grinds her cunt on your face as her orgasm washes over your tongue. Letting out groans and sweet cries.
“Thank you, miss.”
Sub...Sweet...Sevika
💗a/n: Aint sub sev just the sweetest? wanna fuck her pretty self till she forgets her own name. Anywayssssss Sub!Sevika fic cummin soon just take this appetizer honey’s!! Also thinkin of a Vi/Sev x reader fic but I may need some starter ideas! Enjoy your disgusting smut lesbians 💗 Prepare for Act 3 tmmr 😔💗
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tokkiwrites · 3 days ago
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𝚄𝚗𝚋𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚄𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 đ™Œđšą 𝚂𝚔𝚒𝚗. (5)
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mom's fiancĂ©! joel miller x f! reader ‱ series masterlist.
Summary: Your mom's new fiancĂ©, Joel Miller, is the kind of man you could never shake out of your mind—rugged, rough, and embodiment of your long-buried fantasies. He's been your next-door neighbor for years, and the crush you harbored through your teenage years never really faded. Now, he's with your mom, and they're planning to get married. You should want her to be happy, but you can't ignore the tension growing between you and Joel. It's something that was never meant to happen. But as you uncover Joel's true motives for being with your mom, you realize maybe your feelings weren't one-sided after all. And maybe, despite everything, you’re the one he really wants. Tags: stepcest kind of, age gap (reader is in her mid 20s and joel in his mid 40s), forbidden romance, emotional conflict, complicated family dynamics, heartbreak, ANGST, cheating, infidelity, betrayal, talk about divorce, no one owning up to what they really do, main characters get their happy ending... OR DO THEY?! >:) /ᐠ - ˕ -ăƒžâ© authors note 𑁯 ✿ im baaack !! last part baby!!! kind of. you'll see >:) until then enjoy this mumbled mess of 4.63k words bunnies! thank you for the immense support on this series. excuse any grammatical errors <//3
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Her words hit you like a tidal wave, leaving you gasping for air. You watched as she paced the room, trembling with the weight of her anger and heartbreak. “You don’t know what love is!” she snapped, her voice breaking. “Love isn’t sneaking around, tearing apart the people who trust you the most. Love isn’t ruining your family because you can’t control yourself.”
Your chest tightened, the sting of her words cutting deep. “I didn’t plan for this to happen,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “It wasn’t like I set out to hurt you—”
“But you did,” she interrupted, her voice cracking. “You hurt me in the worst way possible. You betrayed me with the one person who was supposed to be on my side. How am I supposed to live with this? How am I supposed to look at you and not see
 this?”
Her words crushed you, the weight of her disappointment pressing down like an anchor. You took a step toward her, desperate to bridge the chasm growing between you. “Mom, please—”
“Don’t,” she said, holding up a hand to stop you. Her tears shimmered in the dim light, her face a portrait of devastation. “I need you to leave. Just
 go.”
You froze, your heart shattering at the finality in her tone. “Mom
”
“Go!” she shouted, her voice breaking. “I can’t even look at you right now.”
The silence that followed was deafening. You turned and stumbled toward the door, the walls of the house you’d grown up in suddenly feeling foreign and cold. As you stepped outside, the chill of the night air bit at your skin, but it was nothing compared to the hollow ache inside your chest.
The slam of the door still echoed in your ears as you trudged through the dark streets, clutching your jacket tight against the biting wind. Your mind was spinning, replaying the scene over and over again—the raised voice, the look of disgust on her face, the words that burned like acid.
"You’re a liar. I don’t even know who you are anymore."
Your mother had always been sharp, but you hadn’t expected her to be cruel. Not like that.
She hadn’t even let you explain. Not really. Once she figured it out—once you admitted you were in love with Joel—it was like she couldn’t even look at you. Not forever, maybe. But you knew that in this moment, there was no going back.
You wiped at your face, but it was no use. Tears streaked your cheeks, hot and endless, cutting through the cold. You barely noticed when you reached Joel’s building. Your feet carried you up the stairs, and your fists pounded on his door before you even thought about what you’d say.
It wasn’t long before the door swung open. Joel stood there, his face tight with worry that immediately shifted into something darker when he saw you. “You told her,” he said, his voice low and heavy. You froze, your breath catching. Of course, he already knew. “I had to,” you whispered, stepping inside uninvited. “She—she guessed. She cornered me, Joel, I couldn’t—” You decided to lie. You tried to protect him from all of this. Maybe it wasn't your job or your role to do so, but this was the way to show him that it's real. that you are real, and so are all the feelings you have for him.
“You could’ve,” Joel snapped, cutting you off. He shut the door with more force than necessary. “You could’ve waited. You could’ve called me. But instead, you decided to do this on your own.” His words hit like a punch, and you stumbled over your response. “I didn’t have time—”
“That’s bullshit,” he growled, his voice rising. He took a step closer, his eyes boring into yours. “You didn’t want to wait for me. You wanted to handle it yourself, like you always do.”
“That’s not fair,” you shot back, anger bubbling up to meet his. “I didn’t plan this, Joel! She came at me, and I panicked! What was I supposed to do? Lie to her?”
“Yes!” Joel shouted, throwing his hands up. “You should’ve lied, or stalled, or done anything other than blow this whole thing wide open without me. You think this is just about you? It’s not. This affects both of us.” Your stomach twisted at his words. “You think I don’t know that?” you said, your voice trembling. “Do you think I don’t feel sick about what this means for you? For us? Joel, she kicked me out!"
He froze, his jaw tightening. “She what?”
You swallowed hard, the lump in your throat threatening to choke you. “She told me to leave. Said she doesn’t even recognize me anymore. I—” Your voice broke, and you covered your face with your hands. Joel’s anger seemed to deflate all at once, replaced by something softer, though no less pained. He reached for you hesitantly, his fingers brushing your arm.
“Hey,” he said quietly, his tone rough but gentler now. “C’mere.”
You let him pull you into his arms, and the floodgates opened. You sobbed into his chest, your fists clutching at his shirt like it was the only thing keeping you from falling apart completely. For a while, he just held you, his hand rubbing slow circles on your back. "I got you, babygirl... 'm right here." But the tension in his body hadn’t gone away, and you could feel the weight of everything left unsaid hanging between you. When your sobs finally quieted, Joel pulled back just enough to look at you. His face was etched with exhaustion and something else—something almost like regret.
“This can’t keep happening,” he said softly. “You can’t just
 go off and make decisions like this without me. We’re supposed to be in this together.”
“I know,” you whispered, your voice raw. “I’m sorry. I just
 I didn’t know what else to do.” Joel sighed, brushing a stray tear from your cheek. “We’ll figure it out,” he said, though he didn’t sound entirely convinced. “We always do.”
But before you could respond, your phone buzzed in your pocket. You hesitated, then pulled it out, your heart sinking when you saw the name on the screen. Marjorie. Of course. Joel noticed your hesitation. “Who is it?”
“Marjorie,” you said quietly. He frowned, but said nothing as you swiped to open the message. "You should’ve thought this through", it read.
‱Your mom’s already told half the town about what you’ve done. If you’d just shared a little, you wouldn’t be in this mess now. At least they'll know what a homewrecking whore you are.
The room seemed to spin, and you had to sit down before your legs gave out. Joel knelt beside you, his hand gripping yours tightly. “What is it?” he asked, his voice low and steady. You showed him the message, your hands shaking. His jaw tightened as he read it, a muscle in his cheek jumping.
“Unbelievable,” he muttered. “She’s trying to twist the knife.”
“She’s right, though,” you said, your voice barely audible. “I—I did this to myself. To us.”
“Hey,” Joel said firmly, cupping your face in his hands. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for this. You hear me, sweet girl? This isn’t on you. It’s on them. On her.” You wanted to believe him. But the weight of everything—the fallout with your mom, the shame, the fear of what came next—it was too much.
“I don’t know how to fix this,” you whispered, tears welling up again. "Maybe it don't need fixin'.." Joel’s expression softened, and he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead. “We’ll figure it out,” he said again. “One step at a time. But you’ve got to let me in. No more shutting me out.”
The road ahead felt impossibly long, the cracks in your relationship with Joel deep and jagged. But as he held you close, his arms steady and sure, you let yourself hope.
the nigh faded as your lids finally closed, the soft whispers of Joel a blanket over your tensed body. Finally, you fall asleep, escaping this day, hoping that when you wake up It'll all turn out to be a bad dream.
But as the night fell upon, you so did the day.
Joel stood on the doorstep, fists clenched at his sides. The brisk wind carried the faint scent of pine from the trees lining the street. He stared at the door in front of him, steeling himself for what he knew was coming. When your mother opened the door, her face immediately twisted into a scowl. “You’ve got some nerve showing up here,” she spat. Joel held her gaze, his jaw tight. “We need to talk.”
“Oh, we do?” she snapped, stepping onto the porch and crossing her arms. “You’ve said enough, Joel. Or maybe not—seems like you were too busy seducing my daughter to give me the full picture.” Joel winced, but he didn’t look away. “I didn’t come here to fight with you.”
“Then what do you want?” she shot back, her voice rising. “To explain yourself? To justify this—this shit?”
“I want to make things right,” Joel said, his tone measured. “For her. She doesn’t deserve this.”
“Don’t you dare pretend this is about her,” she snapped, her eyes narrowing. “This is about you. About your selfishness, your inability to think about anyone but yourself.” Joel’s hands curled into fists at his sides, but he forced himself to stay calm. “I know you’re angry—”
“Angry?” Her voice grew louder, trembling with indignation. “Angry doesn’t even begin to cover it! Do you have any idea what you’ve done, Joel? My daughter—your stepdaughter. Do you even hear yourself?” Joel’s shoulders sagged slightly, but his resolve didn’t falter. “It’s not what you think—”
“Oh, really?” she interrupted, her laugh sharp and bitter. “Then explain it to me, Joel. Enlighten me, because from where I’m standing, it looks like you’ve been fucking her this whole time.” His head snapped up, and his voice took on a dangerous edge. “That’s not what happened.”
“Then what?” she demanded, stepping closer. “You ‘accidentally’ fell for her? And so did your dick inside of her? Was this why you got so close to her? Why you were so ‘supportive’ all of a sudden? Because you wanted her?” Joel’s chest rose and fell heavily. “I didn’t plan this,” he said, his voice low but firm. “It just happened. She’s not a child, and this wasn’t some sick—”
“Don’t you dare try to justify this!” she hissed, cutting him off again. “You’re supposed to be her father. You were supposed to protect her—not—” Her voice cracked, and she had to look away, blinking rapidly. "Oh my god."
Joel stepped forward, his voice softening. “I never meant to hurt anyone.” She glared at him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. “You think that makes it better? That it wasn’t ‘on purpose’? My God, Joel—this is why you married me, isn’t it?”
His brow furrowed, and for a moment, he looked genuinely taken aback. “What?” She let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head. “It makes sense now. You didn’t want me. You wanted her. You saw an opportunity, and you—” Her voice broke again, and she turned away, her hand pressed to her mouth. “That’s not true,” Joel said firmly, his voice rising just slightly. “I loved you. I cared about this family. I—”
“You used this family,” she snapped, spinning back around to face him. “And don’t you dare pretend otherwise. You’ve destroyed everything, Joel. Do you understand that? Everything. And for what?”
Joel’s expression hardened, his frustration bubbling to the surface. “For love,” he said, his voice rough. “I love her. And you can hate me for it all you want, but that’s the truth.” Her mouth fell open slightly, disbelief etched across her face. For a moment, the only sound was the wind rustling through the trees.
“You’re disgusting,” she finally said, her voice quiet but laced with venom. “Do you know what people are saying? What they’re going to say? You’ve ruined her, Joel. You’ve ruined her life, and you don't even understand."
Joel’s throat tightened, and his heart sank with every word that came from her mouth. “I never meant to hurt her,” he said again, his voice thick with emotion. He took a step forward, desperate to make her understand. “I never meant for any of this to happen. I love her, but I wasn’t trying to hurt you. I never wanted to destroy this family.” The words seemed to hit her like a slap. She blinked rapidly, as though trying to keep the tears at bay, but they came anyway—one by one, streaming down her face. “You already have, Joel,” she whispered.
There was a heavy silence between them. The weight of everything that had happened hung in the air like an oppressive cloud. Joel wanted to reach out, to comfort her somehow, but he knew he couldn’t. Not now.
Her eyes narrowed, and her voice was cold, almost venomous. “You’re not going to get away with this. I’ll make sure of it. I’m telling everyone. I’ve already told people, Joel. You don’t get to just pretend this didn’t happen, that it’s all okay. I will make sure everyone knows what you’ve done.”
His blood ran cold. “You can’t—”
“I will,” she spat. Joel stood there. He wanted to scream, to argue, but the truth hung there. He had screwed up. And he knew that.
“I didn’t want this to happen. You have to believe me,” he said hoarsely, voice cracking. “I was trying to be there for her. I—I never wanted to hurt her or you. It just—it just happened. And I don’t know what to do, but I swear, I never meant for it to go this far.” She crossed her arms tightly, her eyes flashing with anger and hurt. “You never meant it, Joel? Then why did you let it happen? Why didn’t you stop? You could’ve stopped. You could’ve walked away.
His throat felt tight, constricted with guilt, but he refused to back down. “Because I couldn’t.” Her lip trembled, but she quickly bit it, hiding the emotion that flickered there. She took a deep breath, then looked him square in the eyes. “I want you to leave. Now.”
The command was sharp, final. Joel hesitated, his gaze lingering on her, and then he nodded—slowly. He wasn’t sure what else to say. There were no more words that could fix this, not right now. He turned, heading for the door, the weight of everything pressing down on him with each step.
He felt sick.
With one final glance at the door he’d just walked away from, he turned and walked down the street, away from the house, away from everything. His mind raced with a thousand thoughts, but none of them made sense.
He had destroyed everything.
And now, there was no going back.
Joel had just come back from a supply run, the door clicking shut behind him. You glanced up from the couch, where you’d been sitting in silence, staring blankly at a book you weren’t really reading. He dropped the grocery bag on the counter, pausing before he looked at you.
“You’ve barely eaten,” he said, his voice rough but laced with concern. You shrugged, hugging your knees to your chest. “Not hungry.” He let out a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, baby. I know it’s hard, but we’re in this together. You know that, don’t you?”
You looked at him then, searching his face for something—reassurance, maybe, or a sense that he really believed what he was saying. “Together,” you echoed, the word feeling hollow. “We might be together, but everything else is ruined, Joel. My mom hates me. She hates you... And everyone else knows now too."
Running away now sounds about right.
Joel crossed the room, sitting on the edge of the couch. “Your mom’s angry. She’s hurt. But she’ll come around. And whatever others say... Fuck 'em.” You shook your head, tears pricking your eyes. “She won’t, Joel. Not after what she said. Not after what we did.”
“She doesn’t get to judge us,” he said firmly, his voice low. “She can be angry all she wants, but we didn’t do this to hurt her. We didn’t plan for any of this.” You flinched at his words. “That doesn’t make it okay. We still—Joel, we still had an affair. We lied to her. I lied to her... and I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
Joel reached out, his hand brushing against yours. “You’re the same person you’ve always been...My sweet 'n smart girl. And you’re not alone in this. I’m here. I’ll always be here.”
You looked at him, his eyes filled with determination and tears. He meant it—every word. But that didn’t erase the reality of what had happened. It didn’t change the fact that you’d hurt someone you both cared about, even if that love had long since soured.
“Do you regret it?” you asked suddenly, the words spilling out before you could stop them. Your voice trembled, barely audible. “Do you regret... us?” Joel froze, his hand tightening around yours. For a moment, you thought he might say yes—that he’d take it all back if he could. But then he shook his head, his voice resolute.
“No,” he said. “I don’t regret loving you. I can’t. But I hate how it happened. I hate what it’s done to you—to us.” Tears slipped down your cheeks, and he pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly. You buried your face in his chest, letting yourself cry for everything you’d lost—for the family you’d broken and the love that had brought you here. “I’m scared, Joel,” you whispered. “What if it’s not enough? What if we’re not enough?” His arms tightened around you, his voice soft but unwavering. “We’ll figure it out. One day at a time, baby.”
You wait for the moon to rise and hug you.
Tonight, as the moonlight filtered through the thin curtains in his bedroom, you realized you couldn’t stay here anymore. Not in this town. Not surrounded by the memories of everything you’d lost.
Joel was beside you, his breathing steady but shallow. He’d fallen asleep sitting against the headboard, a book forgotten in his lap. His brow was furrowed, even in rest. You stared at him for a long moment before gently nudging his shoulder. “Joel,” you whispered. He stirred, his eyes fluttering open. For a second, he looked confused, but then his gaze softened when he saw you. “Hey, sweetheart. You okay?”
You nodded but didn’t answer right away. Instead, you sat up, crossing your legs and pulling the blanket over them. Joel straightened, too, setting the book aside and giving you his full attention.
“There’s something I’ve been thinking about,” you started. Joel tilted his head slightly. “What’s that?”
You took a deep breath, the words tumbling out before you could second-guess yourself. “Why don’t we leave? Just... pack up and go somewhere else. Start over. There’s nothing keeping me here, Joel. Not anymore. We could move, get away from all this, and just... be us. We could have a life, a family of our own. Isn’t that what we’ve always wanted?”
Joel’s eyes widened slightly, and for a moment, he didn’t say anything. You could see the wheels turning in his mind, the way he was trying to process what you’d just said. “You want to leave?” he asked finally, his voice low.
You nodded. “I can’t stay here, Joel. Not after everything. Everyone knows. They’re all talking about us, judging us. I can’t go anywhere without feeling their eyes on me. And my mom... She’s made it clear I’m not welcome. But we don’t have to stay. We could go somewhere no one knows us. Start fresh.”
Joel rubbed a hand over his face, his jaw tightening. “I don’t know, darlin’. Moving... It’s a big decision. And what about you? Your work, your friends?”
“They’re not my friends anymore,” you said bitterly, the sting of betrayal still fresh. “If they ever were, they’re sure not now. And work... I can find something else. None of that matters, Joel. All that matters is us. If we stay here, this will follow us forever. But if we leave, we can leave all this behind.” His shoulders slumped slightly, and he looked at you; sadness and longing. “You really think running away’s the answer?”
“It’s not running away,” you argued gently. “It’s starting over. Joel, you said we’d figure this out together. This is how we do it! We can’t change what happened, but we can choose what happens next. And I choose you.”
The room was silent except for the faint hum of the air conditioner. Joel’s gaze locked on yours, and you could see the battle raging inside him. He wanted what you were offering—a chance to leave this mess behind, to build a life with you. But he was also scared of the unknown and the risks that came with it.
Finally, he reached out, his hand covering yours. “If this is what you want,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, “then we’ll do it. We’ll leave. Wherever you wanna go, I’ll follow.”
Relief flooded through you, and a tear slipped down your cheek as you threw your arms around him. “Thank you,” you murmured against his shoulder. “Thank you..." He held you tightly, his lips brushing the top of your head. “You’re all I’ve got, darlin’. I’d go anywhere for you.”
That was enough. It had to be.
The hum of the apartment felt suffocating, but there was a strange comfort in it, too. You’d been in the same place for so long, yet now, every little sound—the refrigerator humming, the quiet ticking of the clock on the wall—felt like a reminder of everything that had fallen apart. The town that had been home for so many years now felt like a prison, a place where the whispers never stopped, and the eyes of judgment followed you wherever you went.
But you weren’t staying here. You couldn’t stay here. You were both looking for a way out. Maybe you more than him.
Joel had been working overtime, pushing through his job, despite the whispers about him at work—the rumors that now tainted his every conversation. His job, the stares, the small-town gossip— it all got to him. to both of you.
As for you, you had quit yours. There wasn’t any point in pretending anymore. Your coworkers had given you that lookïżœïżœ the one that said they knew but couldn’t talk about it openly. You didn’t need that anymore. You didn’t need to keep hiding in a job that felt more like a cage than an opportunity.
What you needed was space. You needed to leave. To escape. To start somewhere far away from here.
You stood by the counter, stirring a pot of vegetable soup as the familiar sounds of the apartment surrounded you. You were tired. Tired of hiding. Tired of fighting for something that had no resolve. It should’ve been an easy answer. You knew this would happen, how it would end up. And you could see it in Joel’s eyes, too. But every time you thought about leaving, about getting out of this town where everyone knew too much, there was a brief moment of hope. A spark. What if this was the first step toward something real? Toward a life that was just yours? Was it that horrible you wanted to he happy despite what you had done?
You let out a deep breath, your thoughts interrupted as Joel stepped into the kitchen, his tired eyes locking onto yours.
"Hi, baby." he murmured, his voice a little rough from the long day. You turned to him, a smile tugging at your lips despite the exhaustion that had been weighing on you. “Hi,” you said softly, and before you could say anything more, he closed the space between you. Joel’s arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you against him as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head, then your temple. “Missed you,” he said, his lips brushing against your skin. “Every damn minute I was at work, all I could think about was gettin' home to you.”
You laughed quietly, resting your hands on his chest. “You’re such a sap,” you teased, but there was no bite in your words—just warmth, just the comfort of knowing he was here. “Only for you,” Joel replied, a smirk playing on his lips as he tilted your chin up to meet his gaze. His thumb brushed over your cheek, and his expression softened. “You’re my whole world, baby. Don’t you know that by now?”
Your chest tightened, but in the best way. You nodded, leaning into his touch. “I think I do,” you whispered. Joel’s smile grew, and he leaned down to kiss you—slow and sweet, the kind of kiss that made the rest of the world falter away. When he finally pulled back, his forehead rested against yours, and his hands stayed firm on your waist like he couldn’t bear to let go.
“We’re really doing this..?” you said. “We’re leaving. Packing up and going to a whole new place..."
“Damn right we are,” his voice was steady. “We got that apartment a few towns over...with the balcony and all that sunlight you love so much, could maybe get a puppy too, who knows? It’s ours now. We’re making this happen.”
"Or a kitty." you giggle. "Whatever you want, angel. anything you want." You nodded, a smile breaking across your face. Your future home. Yours and Joel's. For how unreal it sounded, it felt like a lifeline. It was small but perfect, tucked away in a quiet area where no one would know your names. It was far enough from here that the whispers, the judgment, and the past couldn’t follow. It was everything you both needed. “I still can’t believe they approved us,” you said, shaking your head with a quiet laugh. “It feels too good to be true.” Joel chuckled, pulling you tighter against him. “Believe it, baby. It’s happening. And I can’t wait to see you in it. Can’t wait to start a real life with you..." he trails off, palm settling on your lower belly and, oh, butterflies bloom into your stomach. His words made your chest ache. He leaned down to kiss you again, his hands moving up to cradle your face. The kiss was longer this time, deeper, like he was trying to pour everything he felt for you into it. When he finally pulled back, his eyes were shining. “We’ll start packing this weekend,” he said, his tone laced with excitement. “I’ve already started thinking about how to load the truck. Gonna make sure all your stuff’s safe, no scratches or anythin'.” You laughed, wrapping your arms around his neck. “You’re so practical.”
“Hey, someone’s gotta be,” he teased, pressing another kiss to your forehead. “But seriously, I want you to feel at home there. I want it to be everything you’ve ever wanted. Hell, I don’t care if we’re in a shoebox as long as it’s with you.” Your throat tightened at his words, and you buried your face in his chest, holding onto him like he was the only thing keeping you grounded. “I love you,” you said softly. Joel’s hand came up to tangle in your hair, and he pressed his lips to the top of your head. “I love you, baby. More than anything.” it seemed real enough for you.
For a while, the two of you just stood there, wrapped in each other’s arms, letting the warmth of the moment settle around you. You weren’t just running from something anymore, or someone. You were running toward something— together. And it was wrong, yes, and maybe karma will eventually make it's way to you, but until then this was your chance to be happy.
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taglist ⭐ ㅡ @eviispunk @joeldjarin @whimsiwitchy @guelyury @untamedheart81 @dollyxzy @mybvalentine @am-3-thyst @cuteanimalmama @corinnedollete @lovely-vamp-princess
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rags-hexx · 2 years ago
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itsseriouslyridiculous · 21 days ago
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I really hate how my physical body looks so so so much. unfortunately there isn't much I can do about it.
#ive got fat genetics from both parents families going back generations and ive been trying to lose weight forever#my stupod body likes being fat i can excercise like crazy and eat barely anything and i wont lose anything#i was excercising 2+ hours a day before i got sick and it made me stronger but i.stayed fat. now that im sick im weak and still fat.#and im not the kind of fat anybody can find pretty. if i could somehow not be fat id be decent to look at my face isnt bad#my skin is bad though my skin sucks#in my eyes im disgusting#and its so messed up because i dont think other fat people are gross#but i hate how i look so much that i cant imagine anyone being okay with it#like no matter how kind and understanding and sweet i am to people its never gonna make up for the fact that my body is grossly ugly#and i cant blame anyone for not liking me i get it.#sorry#this is a problem i have#bacause i just usually pretend my body doesnt exist and i wear pretty loose fitting dresses that cover me completely so but#even though i am what i am#sometimes you happen to meet a nice person and they are polite and dont seem disgusted by your existance so then your traitorous brain t#thinks hey maybe this person would be willing to marry us someday if they got to know us. which is so silly becuz theres no way thatd ever#so it makes me sad when i should be happy that a nice person talked to me. yay good job successful friendlyness. but it has to remind me#that i had this expectation from when i was a kid that id marry somone and have at least 3 kids and love my kids and take care of them and#give them everything i needed when i was a kid. and of course that never happened. because i never dated anyone. because people dont just#magically get married out of nowhere. its stupid. so i keep trying to be okay with whatever. but i guess i never stopped wanting a family.#which we know im aroace now so. i need to stop. but my brain is always bothering me about this.#why can't i just accept that no one will ever love me. why cant i be happy that they dont?#ive got cats#someday i will have irl friends again#sorry i think everything would be so much easier if i was just#this isnt a problem with an easy solutiom#i guess im gonna try to do the useless excercises again because at least it will look like im trying even though nothing will change
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bbqhooligan · 9 months ago
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through all of it, after all of it, ill still be mulling over Bella Swan. unlike other parts of smeyers writing where the glaring issues take the front seat to parts that are well written or interesting, bella remains special to me. genuinely worlds most boring girl, meant to be a mormon self insert but her humanity fleshes out so nicely its hard not to think this is an interesting character who is stuck in a bad premise. i dont know if many fanfics have it in them to do her justice but i be Wondering.
#mypost#bella swan#twilight#kristen stewart as bella swan in 2008 was my first love yknow.#like shes only ''not like the other girls'' because the narrative compares her to ''Bitch Women'' like jessica or rose#shes only ''cringe love triangle thirst trap'' because narrative has jacob playing this disgusting ass role#shes only ending up in this cheesy happy ever after vampirism because the mormon writing#but what of the girl.#if smeyer had been more self aware and less religious we could truly explore that. what OF the girl?#like edward or jacob or vampirism and the plot ALL need huge reworks. their intrigue is weaker than their problems#but with bella... idk am i biased i always just her as a fellow abusive family teen. traumatized. coping mechanisms to hell and back#she isnt depressed -at first- but shes. emotionally frozen. carefully frozen. and shy and self conscious and...#scared in these ways that make me think renee was as strong in her negative feelings as she was with her positive ones#god shes just a. really beaten down girl who looks strong. who longs for a family and escape escape escape ESCAPE ESCAPE#she longs to be precious and loved deeply DEEP enough to penetrate her thick skin deep enough it warms her carefully frozen self#its so sad. how badly she needs assurance. renee sucks. charlie an emotionally constipated divorcee. and a fuckin. MAN.#bella needs edwards intense ''mate'' connection. because shes so alone. she needs to hear she will be ONE persons priority. forever.#and its god its so sad#i looked over some fics. ''bella swan with a back bone'' and ''bella swan is a self insert'' are the ovherwhelming majority#but of the girl... im tearing up thinking about my girl.. its ok bella... it gets better.....#she was just in high school. like sweetheart it will get better it will get better it will get better. god im#tearing up about bella swan in the club tonight. she was just 17. she couldnt have been in the club but should have been.
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pendragora · 11 months ago
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Might a girl live without any body horrors for just one fucking night
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nimomo-mo · 1 year ago
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Vent
#im so relieved that the only way you get to percieve me is through curated pictures and videos. that youll never see me in my bad days#or in my ugly clothes#or with horrible skin waking up with a hangover#youll never see my truly bad side#and im happy for that#your empty sweet promises lets me be the prettiest version of myself to you even if im not much to write home about compared to your friends#im perfectly fine with you never learning of my bad habits#never knowing how despicable i look when i cry or how pathetic i am about horror#not knowing how my body looks without posing#not knowing how i snore or how i am messy or how i dissociate staring into space#im happy you never get to see the truly ugly parts of me#even if youve already experienced me breaking down or being extremely attached over text#youll never have to handle that irl#thank god#i love you#your fake affection lets me pretend im better than i am#your many fake promises will never come true and thus you will never be disgusted by me#you wont have the chance to see me as anything but an annoying but averagely pretty person on the internet. im scared of meeting you.#and if you for some odd reason ever end up meeting me. i think it would hurt even more because once you leave youll never come back.#id never see you again. youd be out doing something else experiencing new exciting adventures meeting new gorgeous people#and giving empty promises to other love struck idiots like me. and theyll fall for you just as much. and theyll realise how youll never stay#youre never going to change#youre never going to belong to anyone. to anywhere. youll be a free person that destroys the hearts of us bystanders that you seduce#how am i ever to love someone else when you're this great. who would ever compare. who would even begin to be on your level.#i know youre so out of my league it catches me off guard every time you give me attention.#even if the only attention you give me is sexual.#it always leads to it being sexual.#i guess thats what im being kept around for#i wonder what you feel when you think of me. if you ever tell others about me. if you ever think of me. if i matter#but i know you dont feel anything. i know. im just another friend.
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eilistraeees · 2 months ago
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I just read a post about "how hard it is being a fat person" and as a fat person I have some thoughts. Yes, I am angry.
The world does not owe you accommodation for being fat. If you cannot fit into airplane seats, that is your issue and frankly your own fault, barring some exceptions, and YOU need to work on that.
If you cannot find clothes your size in a particular store, shop elsewhere. Or order online, idk. I live in a small town (roughly 20k people) and I can find clothes my size in local stores, and I do think, objectively, I am quite big. I have size 50-52 pants (EU size not american) and sometimes even I do not fit into those, I just go to a different store.
The world is much more "fat-friendly" than it was 20 or more years ago as are the people. So shut up.
This post was written in anger honestly, and there might be some room for nuance. I simply have seen posts like this on my dash far too many times. And it simply pisses me off. I once thought the same, I get where this stems from. But the truth is, if you are unhappy that you do not fit in seats or clothes don't fit you, that is a you problem. You can choose to lose weight just as it is a choice to stay the same weight, in most cases.
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macabrevampire · 7 months ago
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chat i might be mentally ill ( ↖ guy that's suffered tremendously his entire life and is only getting worse)
#txt#long ass vent ahead in tags; read at your own risk <3#being a person who can't function and can't socialize and hasn't been able to find a job is awful :D#i feel like i'm the most worthless scum on earth. why can't i work. i know i'm unsettling and can't talk normally#i want to work; i want to socialize#i want to be human#but everything i say is wrong; everything i do doesn't amount to anything#my ocd and anxiety and depression are fucking killing me daily. the compulsions get worse and i get more depressed#i can't function day-to-day; i struggle to get out of bed#the world is dirty and no matter how much i clean it doesn't get cleaner#i'm in so much fucking pain. it doesn't cease; i wake up and it's always something new. today the headache. tomorrow the stomach ache#next my back hurts almost as if a piano had fallen on it#my legs ache; my wrists writhe#the pain in my chest is unbearable; it feels as if my finger had been twisted unnaturally#dizziness overtakes me; it's hard to breathe; i can't think#the brain fog and dizziness and compulsions are killing me i think#disregard the pain for a moment; every single thing i do is interrupted by the evil voice in my head telling me that if i don't set things-#in the correct order then someone i love dearly will die a most excruciating death and it'll be my fault#how am i supposed to ignore those compulsions?#most of mine are centered around death or the vague ''something bad will happen to x person''#and my skin crawls at the smallest dirty things#and everyone in this house is so fucking dirty. no one cares to clean after themselves which leaves it to me-#and it makes me permanently filthy; my skin writhes i can FEEL the layer of disgusting filth just sitting there and no matter how much-#i wash and wash and wash- it doesn't cease. it's still there. you're still dirty; the shower isn't clean enough; the soap doesn't wash well#enough. i just want it to be over#and the stress from my life is making it worse#i need a job but i'm painfully mentally ill and i don't understand social cues and i'm fucking semi-verbal to boot#< i struggle with speaking. point blank period. no one accommodates those of us who can't or have a hard time speaking#whatever man i have GOT to kill myself. the only option i have
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rowarn · 4 months ago
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SURPRISE, SURPRISE !
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john "soap" mactavish / reader – 9.3k sale of a lifetime mini series !
tags: smut, developing relationship, virginity for sale trope, protective!soap, virgin!reader, afab!reader, no prns for reader, mean!soap? or maybe just intense!soap, soap is NOT beginner-friendly
cw: loss of virginity, soap's filthy mouth, fingering, multiple orgasms, wet&messy, sloppy blowjob, cum facial, squirting, crying during sex?/dacryphilia, consent check bc johnny is a GOOD MAN, intense heated sex to sex with feelings, cunnilingus, corruption kink if u squint, multiple rounds, sloppy sex tbh
;
It’s not like it’s hard to find someone to sell your virginity to, men come out of the woodwork offering you the money. It’s no problem at all to set up a little meeting and get to know them before you’re whisked away to a bedroom.
At least, that’s how it should be. 
The problem was there seemingly was always something that got in the way. Or rather
someone.
Soap, in fact. 
or.
After continuously getting in the way of your attempts to sell your virginity, you finally let yourself fall into bed with him instead.
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You couldn’t believe you wound up here. You always thought it would happen in some sweet way. A long-time boyfriend or girlfriend, happy and in love. You’d snuggle up afterwards and be told how good you were.
But no, instead you became swamped in debt and ended up on the verge of eviction even though you were living in the cheapest apartment you could find that wasn’t in an area that would get you stabbed for stepping outside. You needed money fast and you had one thing that plenty of perverts would pay for; your virginity. It’s not your most crowning moment in life but as they say, you gotta do what you gotta do. 
At least, that’s what you keep telling yourself so you don’t crumble under the shame of it all. 
When the chair across from you suddenly gets yanked out, feet scraping obnoxiously across the floor, making you nearly jump out of your skin. The man who sits down looks nothing like the picture he sent and you internally groan. He looks much older than you, no doubt in his mid 40’s, balding, and graying hair. You wouldn’t mind an older man if he were a little more
attractive. Sure, maybe that’s a bit shallow of you but fuck, it’s your virginity you’re giving away. You should be allowed to be picky with the man you choose! Under normal circumstances you would be so why not now?
Then again, this isn’t exactly normal circumstances was it?
You pick up the glass of the strongest drink you could handle that you ordered at the bar while waiting and downed it in one deep gulp. You gave the man a very fake smile and he grinned back, the sleazy sight making your stomach turn. 
You were going to need a lot more alcohol. 
The evening turned into night and you’re feeling the effects of the alcohol. Your ‘date’ doesn’t seem to mind in the slightest as you drink, if anything he seems elated. That thought makes you curl your lip in disgust. 
“So,” he starts when you finally lean back in your chair, having had your fill of alcohol for the night, “Shall we move this along? My place or yours?”
“You got the money you promised?” you ask, raising a brow, unsure if you sounded as drunk to him as you did to yourself.
“In my car,” he responds, grin sitting irritatingly lopsided on his ugly face, “Got it all ready for you. After services are rendered, of course.”
Anxiety coils in your stomach at the mention of what you have to do to get the money. It’s a lot of money and that makes your palms sweaty – you need it. You feel like there’s eyes on you from behind, making the hair on the back of your neck stand on end. When you turn to look around, there’s no one paying any attention to you. Everyone in the bar was having a nice time. You wish you were one of them. 
“Let’s get out here,” the man grins, “I am just achin’ to get my hands on you.”
He stands up but you find yourself rooted to your seat. Your entire body feels tense, you can’t find it in yourself to stand up. You don’t want to go with the guy, you decide. Your fight or flight activates with terrifying speed, alerting you of the danger you’re in. Though you’re not exactly sure what danger that is just yet.
“I think
” you start and the guy heaves a big sigh.
“Don’t tell me you’re backin’ out?” he grumbles, not bothering to mask his irritation, “After I came all this way? That’s awfully rude of you.”
“I just don’t think I want to–” he groans, embarrassingly loud.
You feel the eyes of nearby patrons on you and your cheeks burn under the scrutiny. Shame bubbles up inside you at the thought of them finding out what exactly was going on between the two of you. 
“Let’s go,” he snaps, his anger bubbling to the surface as he rounds the table and grabs hold of your arm.
You don’t bother fighting back as he yanks you to your feet, instead leveling him with a fierce glare. You don’t want to make a scene in front of all these people so you plan to let him drag out outside where you can really give him a piece of your mind before hopefully coming back inside and peacefully getting drunk alone.
But a sudden, growling voice has both of you freezing in place, “I don’t think you’re goin’ anywhere.”
Your eyes fall upon a man, standing tall and confidently. He has a mohawk, brilliant blue eyes and handsome features. Upon first glance, you could immediately tell he was in the military based on his posture alone. He was intimidating, broad and well-built.
“Hey, dude, why don't you mind your own fuckin’ business,” your ‘date’ snarled, yanking you harshly towards him.
You felt your eye twitch in irritation but your drunken brain was too slow to react properly. You were still hung up on the appearance of this rather good looking man. 
“This is my business,” the stranger said, Scottish accent thick as he took two big strides over to the both of you, “Why don't you just leave quietly so things don't have to get ugly?” 
Your ‘date’ stares the strange man down for a few seconds, taking a glance at you before kissing his teeth and ripping his hand off of you. 
“You ain't worth this shit,” he huffed, stomping off into the crowd. You could hear the bell over the door ring, announcing his final departure from the scene.
“Well, he was just a dandy fellow,” your rescuer jokes, a crooked grin settling on his face. His shoulders relaxed and he held his hand out, “Name’s Soap. How about I walk you home?” 
“That'd be great,” you responded, feeling your stomach starting to roll as the alcohol settled. You knew you were going to be stuck with your head over the toilet bowl soon and you'd rather be in the comfort of your apartment for that. 
“Let’s get a move on then,” he waved forward for you to lead the way. 
The crisp outside air had you sighing happily. You hadn't realized how hot you were in there but now that the light breeze brushed against your skin, you noticed how you had begun to sweat. 
“So you’re military, huh?” you ask, leading him in the direction of your apartments “Soap.” 
He chuckles, “You caught me.” 
You smile, “It's kind of hard to miss, no offense.” 
“None taken,” he assures, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets, “What were you doin’ with a piece of shite like that? Was he your boyfriend?” 
You sputter, “No! Nothing like that. I just
had a deal with him, that's all. I called it off and he got pissed. I'm sorta pissed at myself. Just missed out on a fuck ton of money.” 
Soap’s brows raise, “What kind of deal?” 
Your drunken brain forgets all about the fact such a deal should be kept quiet. Your mouth opens before you can stop yourself, “My virginity for his money. But I’m not like a prostitute or anything!” 
He holds his hands up as surrender when you get defensive at the shocked look on his face, “You need money that bad?”
“You have no idea,” you sign, pinching the bridge of your nose at the mere thought of your money troubles, “I never do this. You know? I-I mean obviously
with the virginity and all. But-!”
“I’m not judgin’ you,” he assures, “Hard times. But you should be careful. Lot’s of dangerous characters out there.”
“Yeah,” you sigh, shrugging your shoulders as you come to a stop, “This is my place.”
“Right,” he mutters, “Let me give you my number.”
“For what?” you sputter, watching him pull out his wallet.
“Just in case,” he smiles, “I doubt anyone really knows what you’re dealin’ with right? I do. So if you’re ever in any trouble,” he hands you a business card, “Give me a call.”
You take the card and look it over. It’s got his name and military rank but not much else. You raise a brow, “Why do you have a business card on you?”
He chuckles, waving his hand flippantly, “Just ‘cause. I’ll see you around, darlin’.”
“Yeah,” you smile, stowing the card away in your pocket, “Thanks for walking me home, Soap.”
He stands outside of your place, waiting until you’re safely inside and shutting the door. When you peek out the window, you see him walking off in the direction that you had come from. You smile and go about getting ready for bed, grateful that you’re not feeling that awful nauseous pit in your stomach you had earlier.
When you wake up in the morning, you’re still dressed in your clothes and you have no recollection of having laid down the night before. You groan, your head throbbing in your skull as you sit up. 
You stumble your way to the bathroom, grimacing at the sight of yourself in the mirror. You take the time to start the shower and strip yourself, determined to scrub the grime from last night off of your body. 
By the time you step out, you’re feeling like a brand new person. You stretch your arms over your head and work on drying yourself off. Wrapping your towel around your body, gather your clothes in your arms, and trudge back into your bedroom. 
You look through the pockets of your jeans from yesterday, pulling out various coins and candy wrappers that you remember snacking on in the car to ease your nerves. You finally pull out the last thing – the business card Soap had given you last night. 
It all floods back to you, and you find yourself pulling your phone out, opening it to make a new contact under the name Soap.
Sitting on the edge of your bed, still wrapped in your towel, you shoot him a text.
“Hi Soap, remember me? You walked me home last night! I was just wondering if I could take this as a business inquiry?”
You aren’t sure where the burst of confidence came from. Last night, you would have never even thought to ask him such a thing. But the fact your plans fell through last night with that pig of a man, you kind of had no other choice at this point. 
And luckily for you, Soap texted back almost immediately.
“Sure, darlin’. We can consider it a business inquiry.”
Jackpot, you think. Not only is he very good looking and nice – if he has the money, then you can’t think of anyone better to sell your ‘goods’ to. 
He’s perfect.
Turns out, Soap is more than ready to meet up. Not at a bar, you’re thrilled, but at an actual restaurant. It almost feels like a real date!
You have the opportunity to dress yourself up and feel pretty. It feels so much better than meeting up with that guy at the dingy bar. Your nerves are almost non-existent. 
You still have that jittery feeling everyone gets when they’re going to be going out with someone new. 
But this isn’t actually a date, you have to tell yourself, as you get into your car to drive to the restaurant. It’s a meeting.
When you walk in, you’re greeted with the heavenly smell of food and what you can only deduce as something akin to mint. It’s a lovely restaurant, tablecloths and wine glasses everywhere. 
You look around the room before you spot him, sitting at a table in the far back nursing a glass of water. You make your way there, coming to a slow stop in front of the table. He looks up, blue eyes widening at the sight of you before he jumps to his feet. 
“You made it,” he says, a smile growing on his lips. 
He rounds the table and pulls your chair out, gesturing for you to take a seat.
“Thank you,” you say as he pushes you in a bit before returning to his own seat. 
Soap situates his elbows on the table, chin resting on his hands as he gazes across at you. You feel your cheeks burn underneath his intense gaze, not able to gain the courage to look directly at him.
A waiter comes by, depositing a basket of fresh, buttered bread on your table, letting you know he’ll be around in a moment to collect your orders. You offer him a polite smile as he vanishes, acutely aware that Soap is still staring right at you. 
“Why are you
” you clear your throat, finally looking at him. 
“You look lovely,” he says, a smile growing on his face when you become more bashful, “You’re truly breathtaking, has anyone ever told you that before?”
You can feel how hot your cheeks are and you resist the urge to reach up and pat them in an attempt to cool them down. You’re at a loss for words, no clue what to say in response to that. You hadn’t been told anything like that before, actually. Nor has anyone ever looked at you with such infatuated intensity like he is right now. 
Thankfully, the waiter arrives to relieve you of this immense pressure. Pulled from his devoted admiration, Soap orders first before you put your own order in. 
Left alone once again, you and Soap fall into an easy conversation. You’re surprised by how nice it is to talk to him, he’s open and funny. He tells you about his buddies in the military and about how he goes out to drink every weekend with some guy named Kyle and that he thinks his buddy Ghost’s jokes are just the worst abomination on Earth. 
You get so lost in talking to him, you don’t even realize how much time has passed. Your food arrives and the table finally falls quiet. 
You both get lost in eating your meals. Soap finishes his glass of wine and leans back in his seat with a content sigh. When you finish your own plate, you do the same. The chair creaks underneath the shift of weight and your eyes meet his. 
You wait to see if he’ll say something. But he just continues to stare at you, drifting from your eyes and down the rest of your body that’s not hidden by the table. 
“So, should we get out of here?” you finally find yourself asking, burying any embarrassment deep down, “Your place or mine?”
Soap seems to falter suddenly, crooked smile slipping off of his face, “Listen, darlin’...I-I don’t actually want to
you know
”
Your cheeks burn a little and you shrink in on yourself where you sit, “Oh! Well, that’s fine. I-It’s just that you said it was an inquiry so
I assumed.”
Soap shakes his head, reaching across the table to place his hand over yours, “I know. I told you that just so I could see you. I’m just worried about you, darlin’.”
“You want to talk me out of it,” you sigh, leaning back in your seat again, “I appreciate your concern, Soap. But I’m really at the end of my rope here. This is my very last resort, you understand?”
“But you shouldn’t have to-!” you pull your hand out from underneath his and stand.
“I know,” you shrug, “I’m only doing what I can with my circumstances. I appreciate you taking the time to see me and let me know you’re worried. I’ll see you around, okay?”
You leave him behind at the table and make your way back to your car. As you sit, engine idling, the disappointment bubbles up within you. Soap is probably the absolute best you could have gotten in a situation like this. But, it’s clear now that you’re going to have to find a new guy. 
You just hope you don’t walk right into the clawed talons of some unknown serial killer or something. 
The thought sends shivers down your spine as you make your way back home.
So begins the process of finding a new person to get the money from. 
It’s not like it’s hard to find someone to sell your virginity to, men come out of the woodwork offering you the money. It’s no problem at all to set up a little meeting and get to know them before you’re whisked away to a bedroom. 
At least, that’s how it should be. 
The problem was there seemingly was always something that got in the way. Or rather
someone.
Soap, in fact. 
Around every turn, he was there to intercept the meeting you had with a man. 
A terribly boring man named Charles; Soap showed up at the bar you met at. The surprisingly young guy you weren’t even sure had enough money for his own monthly rent, Brandon; Soap was there. Justin, the doctor that lowkey gave you the creeps; Soap was there too. 
Every single time, the Scot would sit himself at the table and run the guy off, leaving you no choice but to go home alone and moneyless. 
You’re getting angrier with every passing day and before you know it, you’re calling him up and asking him to meet you. 
The second you lay your eyes on him, you’re marching right up to him.
“What the hell is your problem, Soap?!” you cry, practically nose to nose with him as you glare.
“Whoa, darlin’,” he holds his hands up in mock surrender, “Don’t know what I did to get you so wound up but-”
“You know exactly what you’ve done!” you huff, crossing your arms over your chest, “Why do you keep getting in my way?”
“That’s a mean thing to say to someone,” he responds lightheartedly. 
But then your glare wipes the smile off of his face and he sighs, running a hand through his mohawk. He stuffs his hands into his pockets, rocking anxiously back and forth on his heels as he seems to think over his next words carefully.
“I’m just lookin’ out for you, darlin’,” he assures, “This
isn't safe, what you’re doin’. You could get into somethin’ real serious. I just
want to make sure you’re safe.”
You deflate and sigh, “I already told you, Soap. I appreciate your concern but
”
Suddenly, he surges forward, big, rough hands cupping your cheeks as he pulls your lips to his. You gasp, hands resting against his chest as you allow yourself to melt into the kiss. 
When he pulls back, he seems almost nervous, “I wanted to kiss you really badly the first night I saw you.”
“So you like me?” you ask softly, not taking your hands off of his chest.
He reaches up, wrapping one of his hands around yours, “I’m afraid so.”
“Soap
” you start but he interrupts you.
“Johnny,” he says, “Call me Johnny.”
“Johnny,” you correct yourself, feeling your cheeks burn at the positively giddy look on his face, “I don’t know if
this
” you gesture between the two of you, “Is a good idea
with what I’m dealing with.”
His brows furrowed and a frown lines his lips. You find yourself wishing you could wipe the solemn look right off his face – it doesn’t suit him, “Just give me a chance, yeah? That’s all I ask of you.”
You sigh, “Okay, Johnny.”
You’re not sure why you gave in so easily to him. But the bright look returns to his eyes again and you find yourself feeling lighter. 
He steps back, slipping his fingers in between yours. He tugs you in his direction to follow him and you do, heart skipping in your chest as you look at your hand wrapped up in his. 
You haven’t been in a relationship in a very long time so this giddy feeling wasn’t one that you got to feel very often. 
Sooner than you’d like, he’s slipping his hand from yours to open the door to an apartment complex for you. You step inside and make your way down the hallway, tailing close behind him up to a door on the first floor – apartment 108. 
“It’s not much,” he gives you that charming, crooked smile as he opens the door.
“It’s better than my place,” you joke as you toe your shoes off.
“Have you had anything to eat?” he asks, helping you out of your jacket before hanging it on the rack by the door. You shake your head and he nods, “I’ll order us somethin’. Go ahead and make yourself at home.”
You watch him disappear into the kitchen as you look around his flat. It’s a modest apartment, a bit bare but there’s little bits of Johnny scattered around the place. There were picture frames on the walls and on different surfaces. The couch was navy blue and looked well loved. 
“Here’s some water,” he says, startling you as he comes back into the living room, “I ordered us some food, wasn’t sure what you liked so I guessed.”
You chuckle, taking a seat on the couch, “I don’t mind.”
“I’m not really,” he chuckles, sounding nervous, “Good at this.”
“Well,” you sink into the cushions, “I can’t say I am either.”
He laughs, a sweet, melodic sound that makes your cheeks flush, “Well, in that case. We can just
go with the flow.”
“Yeah,” you nod, “Go with the flow.”
By the time the food arrives, you and Soap are invested in watching a random season of The Bachelorette. Neither of you could decide so you looked online to find a wheel to spin to decide your fate for you. 
“Ugh,” Soap groans, “Can’t believe she’s goin’ on about how dreamy this bastard is. He’s a total tool!”
You giggle, holding one of his throw pillows against your chest as you sit. You’re about to add your own two cents when the doorbell rings. 
Soap jumps to his feet, “Fuckin’ hell, I could eat a cow.”
You admire the view of him from behind when he opens the door. His tight green t-shirt hugs the dip of his waist, riding up just a bit to show a sliver of tanned skin. His shoulders look impossibly wide as he stands in the doorway to take the food, muscles rippling beneath the fabric. His jeans sit low on his hips, belt tied tightly around them. 
Fuck, he’s good looking.
He turns, grinning and holding up the bags as if to show you his spoils. He raises one dark brow curiously, as if he knows what you’d been thinking.
“So,” he coos, saddling up next to you, placing the food on the coffee table, “Did you enjoy the view?”
You squeak, “I don’t think it’s polite to call out someone for looking
”
He cocks his head to the side and chuckles, leaning down to grip your chin, “Mind if I kiss you?”
“Now you’re asking?” you respond, breathless as you look at his lips coming closer and closer to yours.
“Aye,” he breathes. 
You nod and his lips are against yours in an instant. He supports his weight by placing his hands on the back of the couch. You have to crane your neck back to be able to kiss him but having him over top of you like this is exhilarating. 
You know you should stop before you get too carried away but you can’t seem to bring yourself to break away from him. Your attraction to this man is palpable and all consuming. 
Against your better judgment, you let him push you down, back against the cushions so he can crawl onto the couch. One knee on one side of you, he keeps one foot on the floor to straddle you without crushing you under his weight. But you wish that he would, fuck. 
Your arms wrap around his shoulders, fingers slipping through the short hairs of his mohawk. He sighs against your lips, one hand coming up to wrap lightly around your throat, just pinning you down so he can deepen the kiss. 
You find yourself tugging at his shirt, edging it up and up until he’s forced to pull away.
“Are you sure?” he asks, blue eyes swallowed by the black of his pupils when he meets your gaze. 
You nod, “Want you, Johnny.”
“I’ll give you all of me,” he promises, sitting up to yank his shirt over his head. 
It feels like the air evaporates from your lungs at the sight of him. He’s built, muscles rippling underneath a layer of fat – a man who is built for pure strength. His tanned skin is littered with tattoos here and there and hair speckles over his chest and stomach, a thick happy trail disappearing under his jeans. Which are tented with how his hardened cock presses against the fabric, desperate to be released. 
Your hand slips down the planes of his chest and down his tummy, cupping his erection. It twitches and kicks beneath your touch and pulls a groan from him. 
He reaches out, wrapping his hand around your wrist and bringing your hand to his lips where he places a kiss upon your palm. 
“Strip yourself, baby,” he orders, “Wanna see that pretty body.”
He sits back on his heels, watching your every movement as you slip your shirt off and shimmy your pants down your hips. 
When you stop, he realizes you're not going to take your panties off so he quickly does it for you. His thumbs hook into the band and yanks them down, making you squeal as the force jostles you. 
Soap chuckles, pressing a kiss to your shoulder as his hands eagerly cup your breasts. You sigh at the contact, arching your back to press more into his touch. 
His kisses all over your chest, leaving no spot untouched, until he can pop one of your nipples in his mouth. You whimper, fingers sliding appreciatively through his mohawk while his other hand slips between your thighs. 
You easily part them, nearly panting by the time his fingers slip between your folds. You're already wet and sticky, drooling all over yourself with slick he uses to circle your clit. 
Your hips twitch as the first feeling of his rough fingers on the little bud. You cry out, tugging on his hair as he switches his mouth to give your other nipple proper attention. 
You arch your hips, his fingers sneaking down to prod at your entrance. With a glance at your face to make sure you're okay with it, he slides one in. 
There's a loud squelch when it sinks in to the last knuckle and you whine in embarrassment. 
He can't resist commenting, “So wet.” 
You whimper, lightly slapping his shoulder at his teasing. He chuckles, leaning up to press his lips against yours as he carefully works you open on that one finger. He presses and prods against your walls, waiting for you to relax so he can slip another one inside you — really prepare you for his cock. 
He presses against your g-spot and it rips a heavenly sound from your lips that only encourages him to do it again. You get wetter and wetter, throbbing and clenching around his middle finger. 
When he decides you're ready, he introduces a second finger. His ring finger easily fits in right alongside his middle. 
“There you go,” he praises, unable to resist looking down to see where his fingers are buried inside you, “That's it, baby, look at you go.” 
You gasp, eyes rolling back in your head when he adjusts his hand. His palm cups over your clit, the angle letting him really grind the tips of those digits right against that gooey little spot inside you. 
He watches the way you cream his fingers, milky colored slick dripping down his knuckles. It makes his mouth water. 
The movements rub his palm over your clit, stimulating the tender little bud and driving you closer and closer to the edge. You cry out, moaning and wailing the tighter that cord winds in your tummy. 
You clench and pulse against his fingers, a signal that you're going to cum for him. He works even harder, diligently worshiping your precious cunt until you toss your head back and sob. 
Your body trembles, thighs twitching in time to your walls squeezing around him. He moans with you, watching your pretty body in the throes of pleasure. 
When it becomes too much, you weakly reach down and bat his hand away. He slips his fingers out, watching you clamp your thighs shut. 
As you lay there panting and collecting yourself, he pops his cum-covered fingers into his mouth. He moans at your taste, slipping his tongue between them to catch every single drop of sweet cum he can get. 
By the time he finishes off the delicacy, you're watching him with lidded eyes and your bottom lip tucked between your teeth. 
“More?” he asks, a crooked grin on his face. You nod and he chuckles, “That looked like a good fuckin’ orgasm. Sure you can handle more?”
“If I can't,” you whisper, sitting up to tug at his belt, “You can make me.”
“Fuck,” he groans, reaching down to help you open his pants, “Want me to make you take it, baby? Make you cum on my cock until you can't even think?”
“Please, Johnny,” you whimper, not tearing your eyes off the sight of him stripping himself bare. 
His cock was fat and heavy, a thick patch of hair scattering the base with thick, full balls to match. You felt your mouth fill with saliva at the sight of his hand wrapped around his big cock, stroking himself languidly until enough precum had dripped out to slick himself up. 
“Let me hear it again, doll,” his eyes are heavy lidded as he looks at you laid out beneath him, breathless and sweating from the orgasm he’d worked out of you.
“Please, Johnny,” you whisper, needily reaching your hands out towards him. 
“Shit,” he grunts, “Alright.” 
He scoots closer to you, spreading your legs open for him. Your sticky folds part, exposing your swollen, sensitive clit and clenching hole that’s still drooling your creamy release. 
He slips the tip of his cock through the gooey mess, tapping it meanly against your little bud. Your knees flinch at the stimulation and your jaw drops open when he starts to push inside. 
It burns and you arch your hips away instinctively from the pain. He slips out and curses.
“You gotta relax, sweetheart,” he mumbles, hoisting your hips into his lap with an iron grip. 
“Can’t,” you pitifully whimper. 
Soap clicks his tongue, purses his lips and lewdly spits on your clit. You whine, hands covering your face when he uses his cockhead to smear it all over. 
When he starts to push in again, the burn starts but a rough thumb finds your clit. 
“Shh,” Soap soothes you, watching as the furrow in your brows vanishes. 
He works your clit in tiny circles as he carefully saws his cock in and out of your tight hole, inching a little bit more in every time. Your body grows pliant and soft, slumping against the couch until he finally buries himself to the hilt. 
“Thaaaaat’s it,” he praises, still rolling your hard clit under his thumb, “Good fuckin’ job. Take your reward, sweetheart.” 
He remains completely stuffed inside you, grinding his hips up just a little until he prods at that gooey little spot inside you. His thumb continues to swirl around your clit and he watches your eyes grow wide, a grin stretching across his face.
“C-Cummin’-!” you manage to gasp before you throw your head back. 
He groans, jaw falling open as he works you through the orgasm, rubbing your clit to ease you through every pleasurable wave. It’s only when you reach down, grabbing his wrist to stop him that he ceases. 
“Fuck,” you pant, pupils blown wide as he looks at you coming down. 
“Feels good cumming on cock, huh, sweetheart?” he asks, once again wearing that crooked grin on his face. 
You nod your head, still too fucked out from your orgasm to properly formulate words. He chuckles, carefully pulling back until only the thick head of him remains nestled inside. With a swift, experienced roll of his hips, he stuffs every single inch right back in. 
You wail, grappling haphazardly against his shoulders for stability as he starts to really fuck you. He punches so deep, makes you feel him in your tummy. The friction burns and feels incredible at the same time. 
It feels so fucking good that you can’t stop any of the sounds that are forced from your lungs with every mind-numbingly pleasurable thrust of his cock. You’re soaking him, dripping all creamy down his cock in a way he knows you’ve never done before. No way your own fingers could make you cream like this and he doubts you’ve ever sat this pretty cunt on any stupid toys. 
He groans, grinding against your clit every time he reaches as deep as he can, “Not gonna have shit to sell now, huh?”
You whimper, shaking your head as you stare at him wide eyed, drool dripping over your lips because you can’t close your mouth for even a second. There’s no way for you to quiet yourself, you’re loud, you wear every pleasurable experience on your face with no ability to hide or perform. Every reaction is real and authentic and he loves it. 
“Don’t think I can ever let you go after this, sweetheart,” he coos, slowing his thrusts so you can focus on looking at him, “That alright with you?”
You swallow thickly and shakily nod your head, “O-Only want you, J-Johnny.”
He snorts, sharp canines glinting at the predatory grin he gives you, “You only sayin’ that because you’re got your cunt stuffed full of my cock?”
You whimper at the punishing thrust he gives you, the pain of him battering your cervix making you tremble, “N-No! L-Liked you when I first saw y-you. I-I swear, Johnny. Please!”
“Alright, quit fuckin’ beggin’,” he snaps, leaning out of your reach, making you whine. 
He takes a mean grip of your hips, using just his strength to yank you onto his cock like a fleshlight. You wail, head tossed back against the couch as he really fucks you. Every thrust is too deep but gives you nothing but pleasure. He grinds against your clit every time he sinks in, making sure to also aim for the gooey little spot that gets you creaming around him. His fat, heavy balls slap against your ass every time he stuffs that cock into you. 
It’s all just too much. He should know better, really, treating a little virgin pussy so meanly. You’re too new to this, don’t know how to take such cruel, deep strokes. You’re squeezing tight, staring at him with wide, glassy eyes. He can’t stop the moan that tears from his throat at the sight of tears trickling down your cheeks – proof that this is all too much. 
But he doesn’t stop. He can’t stop. Not when he feels how tight you’re squeezing around him, how much wetter you’re getting as you get closer and closer to what he knows is going to be the best damn orgasm of your life. 
“Cum,” he whispers, shocked at how fucked his voice is from pleasure, “Cum right fuckin’ now.”
“W-Wait, Johnny-!” you wail, feet kicking as you fight against his iron-tight hold on you, “I-It’s
It feels w-wrong!”
“Stop fuckin’ runnin’,” he snarls, easily pinning you to the couch. He folds you up, knees to your chest as he presses his body weight down on you. He can feel the air being forced out of your lungs under the weight, “I said cum.”
You open your mouth, wanting to say something. But you can’t get the words you, only whimpers and tears. He doesn’t care what you had to say, though. All he cares about is feeling your tight little cunt cum around him so he can have his own orgasm. 
You still try to fight him from how intense the build up is. You slap against his shoulders, squirm and try to kick him off but he easily holds you down. Even as you fight, you never once tell him to stop. 
After a few, long seconds, he feels it. 
Fuck, does he feel it. 
You gush. It splatters all over his cock and stomach. He curses, slamming into you over and over, every thrust forcing another squirt out of you. You’re sobbing, fat tears falling down your cheeks and you’re moaning the prettiest damn symphony that has ever blessed his ears. 
The orgasm is too much, it’s intense and all consuming. You can’t come down, every time he stuffs you full, your orgasm continues to wash through you. 
“J-Johnny-!” you sob, “N-No more!”
“Fuck!” he snarls, cutting his own orgasm off when he pulls out of you. 
He pushes himself off of you and you curl in on yourself, softly sniffling and shaking in a little ball. He licks his dry lips at the sight of you covered in your own squirt. 
“C’mere, darlin’,” he coos, panting and breathy, hoisting you up and into his lap. 
He cradles you in his arms as you’re wracked with trembles and twitches, your nerves zapping through your body from the pleasure. He shushes you, cupping your chin to make you look at him. Your eyes are red-rimmed and wet from your tears, pupils blown out wide. He clicks his tongue and wipes his thumb underneath to swipe some away. 
“That’s it, sweetheart,” he coos, “Just get some breaths. Got a little overwhelmed, huh?”
You nod, slumping against him with a sigh when you finally feel like you’re back in your body. Johnny is solid and sweaty beneath you, warm and comfortable as he cups the back of your head and strokes his hand over your body. 
“I-I’ve never um
” you clear your throat, cheeks burning hot.
“Knocked your damn socks off, huh?” he jokes, a crooked smile on his face. 
You giggle, endorphins still rushing through your body. You shift on his lap and catch the pinch in his brow before he can school his expression back into place. You look down, biting your lip at the sight of his cock still hard and twitching, smeared in a creamy mess of your cum.
“Ah, it’ll go down on its own, darlin’,” he assures, no irritation to be seen or heard from him. 
One look in his eyes shows you that he’s perfectly prepared to go without his well-earned orgasm – just for you. 
But you don’t want that, you realize. He had made you feel incredible, given you an orgasm that you’ve never been able to experience in your life. You doubt anyone else will ever be able to make you do it again. 
“I-I want to help, Johnny,” you whisper, trying to swallow down your nerves. 
His brows raise in interest, “What did you have in mind?”
You slide off of his lap and slowly sink to your knees. You place your shaky hands on his thighs to steady yourself, looking up at him with wide, too-innocent eyes. 
He lets his head fall back against the back of the couch, a breathless, “steamin’ blood Jesus,” following. 
“I-I’ve never done this,” you confess, though he’s not surprised, “Is that okay?”
“Is that-” he laughs softly, “darlin’ any man who isn’t appreciative of you willin’ to swallow his cock is a man you kick in the balls, got that?”
You giggle, nerves dissipating as he wraps a hand around the base of him. You scoot a bit closer when he holds it out for you, waiting for you to do what you please with it. Your tongue falls from your mouth and Soap feels like he’s suspended in air as he watches you get closer and closer to the sensitive, leaky tip. 
The first contact feels better than he could have imagined. He’d gotten so fucking close earlier, buried in your cunt as you came around him, squealing for him and all. He knows it won’t take much to send him over the edge this time. 
Perfect practice for you, he thinks. You won’t have to be on your knees for too long or do any real work to get him to cum for you. 
You’re clumsy and it’s clear you’re unsure about the taste of his cock. It’s not just his precum, it’s your own cum mixed with it. He can’t blame you for being unsure.
He reaches down, a soft, gentle hand resting atop your head to encourage you. When you look up, he smiles so softly at you that it makes your heart jump in your chest. You suddenly feel like you’re the center of his world. Those baby blues never once waver from you as you sloppily lick and slurp on the tip of him. 
“Take a little more,” he whispers, lashes fluttering and chest rising as he takes a deep breath when you eagerly follow his directions. 
Your pretty lips stretch around the girth of him, taking just the head inside your hot little mouth. The flared glans are greeted by your curious tongue, making him whimper when you lick. Your mixed taste lingers on your tongue but you quickly grow accustomed to it. 
Feeling braver from Johnny’s unfiltered reactions, you take a little more into your mouth. Then more. And a little more until you suddenly choke, gagging around him. You pull your head off, sputtering and coughing a bit. 
Johnny coos at you, thumbing away some drool on your chin, “Not too deep, darlin’. You’re not ready for that.”
You hum, not at all discouraged from taking him back into your mouth again. You don’t take him as deep, accepting that you have your limit – for now, judging by Johnny’s subtle promise of more to come. 
“Just suck, watch your teeth,” he whispers, not caring about the way his voice cracks, “Move your head like this. Go at your own pace, alright?”
You lazily blink up at him, hoping he understands your agreement. You do as you’re told, folding your lips over your teeth to keep them away from his sensitive skin. Bobbing your head feels awkward and it makes your jaw ache but the sounds Johnny begins to make makes you temporarily forget about your own discomfort. 
His eyes are rolling back in his head and he starts to stroke the rest of his cock that your mouth can’t handle yet. You can’t tear your gaze away from the sight of those thick, veiny fingers wrapped around himself, getting covered in a slick mess of your cum that he had so generously fucked out of you earlier. Drooling all over him like this only gives him more of a mess to work with. It’s gross, frothy and dripping down your chin and neck, slicking up your tits.
It makes your cunt tingle selfishly. You think you could make yourself cum, slip your hand between your legs and stroke your clit until you find release. But you don’t – you focus on Johnny and his pleasure. He’d already given you so much that you don’t want to come across as greedy by making his moment about your own pleasure. 
Johnny’s free hand grip around the back of your neck, squeezing and caressing your skin as encouragement since his mouth is too busy moaning. You take his sounds as signals, sucking and moving at whatever pace makes him cry out the loudest. 
You had no idea men like him were willing to be as loud as he was. Usually, the masculine type of guys like him would be online whining about how moaning was ‘gay’ or some stupid shit.
Johnny didn’t seem to give a fuck. If he felt good, he was going to let you know. It made you feel more at ease, like you were doing a good job even though you knew you were still clumsy and it probably didn’t feel as good as head he’s surely gotten in the past. 
But it encouraged you to work harder to please him, to earn more of those beautiful, unfiltered moans that he was so willing to give you. They were your reward for the intense ache in your jaw.
“F-Fuck,” he groans, suddenly, eyes opening from when he had closed them at some point, “I’m gonna cum. Oh fuck, you’re gonna make me cum.”
His words are slurred, like his brain’s oozed down to his cock, too stupid to think of anything except how heavy and full his balls felt. 
“Shit, shit, shit-!” he whimpers, an honest to god whimper, “Off, pull off!”
You do as you’re told, releasing his cock from your mouth. Strings of frothy drool connect your lips to his tip and you don’t dare break it, the sight making you clench around nothing. 
Johnny strokes his cock, another loud moan erupting from his lips as he cums. It spurts out, splattering against your cheek, making you flinch in surprise. You can see the way his balls throb in time to each rope of cum that his fat cock spits out. More splatters on your cheeks and lips and across your nose until it tapers off to slow, thick oozes that dribble over his knuckles. 
When he lets himself go, he sags against the couch, staring dazedly at the ceiling as his erection flags and grows soft. 
When he finally looks at you, you can see his eyes widen almost in alarm. He leans forward, cupping your cheek, messily swiping some of his cum off of your cheek.
“Sorry, sweetheart,” he mumbles, still sounding breathless, “Didn’t think you were gonna get splashed with it.”
“It’s okay,” you whisper, feeling his cum still lingering on your lips.
You can’t resist sticking your tongue out to taste it. His eyes darken at the sight of you licking up his cum. You don’t make a face of disgust like he expected, instead he catches the way your thighs clench together.
“Is that right?” he mumbles, cock twitching in interest, “Isn’t that an interesting development? You like to taste cum, sweetheart?”
You whimper when he swipes more up onto his thumb, bringing it to your lips for you to suck off, which you eagerly do. You suck his finger clean until he pulls it back out, pupils blown wide, making his blue eyes look black.
“You ever had that pretty cunt eaten before?” he asks, a predatory grin splitting across his face when you shake your head.
His hand wraps around your throat, ripping a moan out of your throat. He easily manhandles you onto your knees, tits pressed against the cushions of the couch with a nasty “stay.”
You never thought you’d enjoy being manhandled and ordered around like a dog but fuck if you’re not learning more about yourself tonight. 
Soap smacks your thighs apart, and slips his head between them. You take a glance down and nearly choke at the sight of him laying on his back, staring hungrily as you cunt drips gooey, sticky strings right onto his waiting tongue that he holds out for it. 
The sight is so fucking filthy. 
But it’s nothing compared to the sounds he makes when he gets that tongue on your cunt. He slurps between your folds, groaning at the taste of your cum on his taste buds. He swallows your clit, cheeks hollowing out as he sucks. 
You’re already a moaning mess, crying out into the cushions which you claw desperately at. Your eyes roll up into your head when you feel him pop your clit out of his mouth, spit on it, and then slurp it right back up. 
He eats so fucking dirty, it’s disgusting and sloppy. But it makes you rut your hips against him. 
Soap chuckles, pulling back to watch you work your hips over nothing before you realize he stopped and whine.
“Fuck yourself on my tongue then,” he whispers, earning him a relenting whimper in response. 
You can feel the flat of his tongue, hot and thick, against your clit. The little bud’s so hard, swollen and pulsing against the muscle. 
With his order ringing in the back of your head, you clumsily hump his tongue. You drag your sensitive little clit back and forth along the surface of his tongue. It feels so fucking good that you actually sob. The sound tears from your chest and makes his cock twitch. 
You rut faster and faster, not caring about the way you’re messing up his face when you move too high or too low. You know there’s a mess on his chin, cheeks and nose but you don’t care. His tongue is there for you, for you to cum all over. He’s so good to you, holding it out just so you can use him as you please. 
As you grow closer and closer, your moans change in pitch and he suddenly reaches up, stilling you. You groan, an irritated sound that makes him laugh. You frown at that but it’s quickly wiped away when he grips your ass, spreading your cheeks apart so he can stuff his tongue into your creaming cunt. 
You shout, sitting straight up in surprise, your weight falling onto his face. He moans at that, rewarding you by pushing his tongue even deeper. It feels odd, different from his fingers and his cock. It’s soft and almost slimy, not long enough to quite reach any pleasurable place. 
But just the fact that he’s got his tongue buried in your pussy is enough to have you clenching on it. He watches you through heavy lids, waiting to see what your next move is. 
He’s enjoying your little show, he must admit. He likes seeing a sweet, clumsy virgin experience these things for the first time. He likes the fact he’s breaking you in, tearing your walls down and seeing you lost in mind-numbing pleasure. 
You surprise him by resuming the motion of your hips. You hump back and forth, riding his tongue like it’s a little toy just for you. And he supposes it is, he’d be a toy for you if you so wished. He’s addicted to this sweet, creamy little pussy and he’s not afraid to admit it. 
You reach down, swirling your fingers around your sticky clit. There’s lewd clicks that accompany the movements along with the sound of his tongue sliding in and out of your hole. 
You meet his gaze, he’s staring so intensely at you. It spurs you on, makes you fuck yourself on his face more confidently. 
You tap your fingers against your clit, slapping the little bud and pulling your fingers back to show Soap the sticky strings of slick that connect them to your cunt. He can’t stop himself from reaching down, wrapping his hand around his cock, jerking himself off to the sight of you smacking your clit and fucking his tongue. 
You’re pulsing around it, dripping down his face and mixing with the drool that's pooling out of his mouth. His face is a mess, it drips down his cheeks and under his neck. He’s sure there’s a pool beneath his head that will need to be cleaned up and fuck, he’ll lick it from the floor if you let him. Just as long as he gets to taste you again. 
You gasp, tossing your head back. His cock fucking aches, harder than it was before and more sensitive now that he’s already had an orgasm. He knows he’s leaking, drooling sticky precum all over himself like the horny mutt he is. 
You cum spectacularly, twitching and trembling, rubbing your clit and clenching around his tongue. It’s like a reward, swallowing down your cum straight from the source. He pulls his tongue out of your hole and wraps his lips around your clit again. 
You wail, shaking and throwing yourself face down against the couch again. You try to wrench your hips away from his punishing mouth but he wraps his arms around your thighs and continues to slurp and slobber all over that tender little bud. Your eyes roll back in your head as another orgasm tears through you, far too soon after the other. It almost hurts from how sensitive you are through it, not even able to make a sound as it washes over you. 
Only when you’re left twitching and trembling does he finally relent. There’s tears falling out of your eyes and drool dribbling down your chin. The picture of fucked out.
He laughs, folding himself over your back. 
“You still with me?” he asks, kissing your shoulder.
You whimper, “Fuck, you’re so good, Johnny.”
He chuckles, “Think you can take more?”
You eagerly nod your head and he doesn’t waste any time. He sinks his cock into you in one deep thrust. You choke on a moan, arching your back so you can feel him even deeper. 
He doesn’t start slow like he did before. He knows your little cunt is fucked nice and open for him now. You’re still dazed, drunk on endorphins, any attempts to meet his thrusts are sloppy and clumsy. It’s cute so he doesn’t bother stopping you. 
“Spread your legs,” he orders you but doesn’t wait for you to do it. 
Instead, he meanly knocks them apart, opening you up even more. His balls slap against your clit and you wail, the exact reaction he was hoping for.
“There you go,” he laughs, “You liked slapping that little clit earlier. How’s this?”
“So good!” you cry, kicking your feet against the floor as pleasure washes through you. 
You feel like a live wire, every movement forcing you closer and closer to your next orgasm. Soap isn’t far behind you, too sensitive and worked up to draw it out for long. 
He clasps the back of your neck, pinning your face to the cushions as he fucks. He takes and takes, using your sticky, gooey cunt. He’s pounding into you, hips slamming against your ass and his balls slapping your clit. 
You can’t even say anything as the orgasm washes over you. He only feels it, the rhythmic clenching of your walls and the gush as you squirt. You’re silent, completely still against the couch as he saws his fat cock in and out, squirt after squirt of cum splattering all over his thighs until he inevitably reaches his own end. 
This time, he fills you up. Seats himself as deeply inside of you as he can before he moans. His cock pathetically spits only a few strings of cum but the orgasm lasts far longer, encouraged along by the clenching of your cunt as you’re coming down. Or maybe you’re still cumming, he’s not sure. 
There’s a faraway look in your eyes, a wet spot of drool underneath your cheek on the cushion of the couch. You’re panting and glistening with sweat. When he pulls out of you, you drop to sit on the floor, the measly load he had given you drooling out of your cunt as it continues to clench and throb around nothing. 
Fuck, he’s never felt so proud to fuck someone brainless before. He knows you’re gonna need a good bath and cozy arms to sleep in. 
And his are the best around, if he does say so himself. 
He kisses up your spine, curling himself around you as you finally start to come back to yourself, pliant and soft. The both of you sit there, holding one another and sharing soft kisses until he decides it’s time to move. 
He’s in no rush, though. He’s wrapped around your finger now and you’re never getting rid of him. 
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do not modify, translate, repost, or use for c.ai. reblogs OK!
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screampied · 5 months ago
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“tch, what are you doing.”
“hugging you.”
“i’m not stupid. why are you hugging me,”
sukuna grouses, his entire vast frame growing stiff. it was always like this with you. every few seconds, you’d be talking to him about literally anything and out of nowhere, your human arms just wrap around his waist. the demon stands still with the most repulsed poker-face, yet he doesn’t attempt to pry you off. for whatever reason, your warmth was surprisingly .. comfortable. you’ve got the cutest smile contorting against your features. burying your face into the center of his chest, the demon sighs, flicking your forehead. “oi brat, i asked you a question.”
playfully wincing at his gesture — you have a tiny pout. “you looked like you could use one,” and your arms briefly tighten around his slim torso. “also, usually when someone’s hugging you, you’re required to hug the other person b-”
“don’t tell me what to do,” and you gasp, feeling strong arms pull you in close. with an oof, you land right into his soft padded chest. your cheek tenderly rubs against the various ancient markings that paint and decorate his skin. the ‘hug’ only lasts for about three seconds before he pulls away, pretending to feel ill. a mere drama king. “disgusting. got me participating in such a revolting, humanly act. think ‘m gonna be sick.”
“oh, don’t be dramatic,” you tease, leaning into his touch. you’re met with a crimson-red glare but you could spot the vague pout forming against his lips if you squinted. out of all the pesky humans he’s encountered, no one was ever tolerable or worthy for his attention.
no one except . . . you.
a simple gesture as hugging makes him feel mushy ‘n soft inside and he hates it. loathes it, that dumb carefree grin that cheeses against your lips, the cute glimmer sparkling in your eyes. so irritating, so . . adorable.
as you rest your chin against his chest, you let off a tiny huff. “do demons not hug each other?”
“not in this way,” he murmurs, feeling an awkward lump brew in his throat. sukuna’s eyes suddenly avoid yours and you grow curious. not only that, but his body language changes. your softness was making him nervous.
he swears a plethora of inaudible curses under his breath, remaining rigidly stiff and refuses to move his beefy arms another itch. your arms wrap around him again and a huffing sigh makes his tense shoulder lower. with a grumpy grunt, his eye twitches and a single fang bares below his top lip, a sign of cute stubborn annoyance. “ack, you’re squishing me, human. release me at once.”
your chin swiftly rubs against the soft fabric that made up his personalized kimono before deadpanning. “not until you hug me back.”
“i am hugging you back.”
“no you’re not,” you giggle, burying your face inside between the opening slit of his clothing piece. his body heat tepidly radiates against you and you’re engulfed with his loud natural scent. the demon’s almost always naturally warm, your personal heating pad. he shoots you a vexing glare, nostrils flaring up in exasperation before his arms awkwardly pull you closer. “hey, not s- so tight, ‘kuna.”
“now you wanna complain? you’re gonna take this hug,” and you giggle, feeling him gingerly shove you into his broad chest, squeezing you tight.
sukuna sassily rolls his eyes at the audacity,
he’s never been one to participate in such ludicrous, but if it was with you, maybe it wasn’t that bad. sukuna stares down at you, a weird soft feeling pooling its way into his heart — after a while, he unwraps his arms from your body, ruffling your hair. “stupid.”
with a cheeky grin, you wrap your arms right back around his torso, nuzzling against his chest like you were a kitten. with a gruff groan, his arms suddenly mirror you, slinging around your waist, pulling you close tightly. how annoying, he’s starting to enjoy this little thing called ‘hugging.’
sukuna slowly adapts to the warmth of your body against him, a faint smile creeping on his face at your next adoring words. “love you ‘kuna.”
“you’re gonna experience a deadly cough in five days, brat.”
“huh?”
“hmph. i said . . i love you too.”
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suksatoru · 4 months ago
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đ’¶ 𝑔𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓁𝑒 đ“‚đ’¶đ’čđ“‚đ’¶đ“ƒ.
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╰┈➀ sukuna! x reader! àłƒâ€âž·
synopsis; you ask sukuna for a hug. fortunately, he tolerates you enough to grant the wish.
àł„àŸ€ àż fluff, sukuna being absolutely whipped for you! ˊˎ
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His palace was huge - but there was one room that made you feel most at home. His chambers were more secluded than one would expect - the dark room had a balcony overlooking the plentiful garden outside, and the walls were hues of dark colors swirling together like a paint brush put in water. It was one of your favorite places to be.
He sat at the edge of the bed, eyes furrowed together in annoyance as he read over the latest list of complaints for him. His role as a king could be stressful at times - and you always know when he's had a particularly bad day by the fierce gleam in his eyes.
"Suk's, your bed is too small." You sigh, flopping down onto the massive mattress as he merely scoffed at your words
The bed in question was actually the biggest bed you'd every slept it. Large blankets were splayed over a few throw pillows (the pink one's were yours - Sukuna would always throw them across the room due to his distaste for the bright color)
"I should be surprised. But I've heard you say things even more absurd than that, pet." He grumbled, the paper that once rested in his hands ignited into flames as he tossed it away.
His back was facing you from where you sat - you could see how tense the muscles were through his robes and you sighed, pressing your cheek against the heart pillow
"I got a question for you, Suk's!" You singsonged, crawling towards him as he turned around with a scowl, obviously still very ticked off and tired
"What? If you ask me for a kiss I will bite your head off." He grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest whilst his eyes practically dared you to say the request
Rolling your eyes, you settle beside him with a cheeky smile as you lean towards him
"I want a hug."
You watched his frown falter as he mumbled something about you being too needy
"Can't believe what I'm forced to put up with." He muttered. You know he was trying to scare you with the way he narrowed his eyes at you, but you saw the tiniest bit of softness in his red hues
"Is that a no?" You huffed as he groaned, pulling you into him and wrapping his arms around you. He did not verbalize his feelings often - but by the way he held you against him, you could tell he needed to be held by your tender hands
He loved the way your delicate fingers would always find the nape of his neck, gliding over his skin before they reached his pink hair, your fingers giving him a gentle massage that had him dropping his head onto your shoulder with a sigh
He held you for a while, his hands on your waist as he mindlessly traced his fingers on the small of your back. He let his mind go blank for just a while - allowing himself to be vulnerable in your presence as you soothed him
He hated admitting how much he'd miss you throughout the day. He'd pretend to be disgusted whenever you proclaimed your undying love for him, but he'd always be turning his face away from your cheerful laugh so you wouldn't be able to see his tinted cheeks
"I have duties to do, and I'm forced to sit here and deal with your needs. Pathetic." He mumbled into your skin as you gently smacked his arm, earning a look of absolute disbelief from him. If anyone else had touched him like that - they would've been sliced in half before they could even blink. But he remained quiet as you began talking
"If I am so pathetic, than why do you indulge in my needs? Unless you truly want to?" You question as he looks at you silently, taking in your appearance. You wore your hair pulled back today - your heart shaped face and plump lips catching his eyes as he sends you a look of disinterest
"Your mind is something else entirely. Though no where near the audacity you hold." He snapped, shutting you up quickly as he presses a quick kiss onto your lips - his mouth catching onto yours as he gently pinched your cheek - earning a yelp from you as you pulled yourself off of him
"Get away!" You laugh as he easily grabs onto your legs, pulling you back with a crazed grin
"Can't escape me that easily." He said, gently rubbing his finger over your cheek - the area under your eye a shade of light pink from where he gently held the skin
"I love you Suk." You confess, a cheerful smile on your face as he scoffs
"You are out of your mind if you think you can love me." He says, watching your lips form a pout
"But I do. So much." You coo, and he can't even stop his hands from moving to cradle your face
"Insane. You're an idiot." He mumbled, his thumb brushing over your face as smile
"I am your idiot." You reply with a lovesick smile
"Yes, you are." He says, his once cold heart fluttering at the sight of your innocent smile as he sends you a wicked grin.
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anonymityisfunwriter · 7 months ago
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Every Part of You
Pairing - Grumpy!Bucky Barnes x Sunshine!Reader A.N. - Alright, I've been asked to write about Bucky and Sunshine's first time many, many times. And the thing is, like sure, I could write that, but also I want us to take a moment to consider trying to build up to that. There's so many firsts buried in there that I think need to be navigated through before they even get there. This is one of those firsts. Like the first time you see Bucky's shoulder.
Bucky Barnes Masterlist | Grumpy Sunshine Series
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"You're just- " You stop speaking, searching for his lips again. Though you're breathless, you can't bring yourself to pull away from him, "You're so pretty."
You shudder as you feel his hand slip under your sweater. The occasional graze of the cool metal on your skin enough to send shivers down your spine.
His lips trail down, nipping at your jaw, "I'm not pretty."
Your hands, winded in the hair at the nape of his neck, glide down his neck, to clutch the fabric of his henley. The moment he feels your fingers toy with the collar of his shirt, his heart hammers against his ribcage. Not in the sort of way that he usually feels in these moments with you. He feels a sense of dread, of panic. It wraps around his spine like a python. It feels like he can't breathe.
"You're so -"
He wrenches away from you, his chest heaving, "Stop, stop, stop."
You freeze, immediately dropping your hands. Panic starts creeping up your throat, coating your words. "Did I - did I do something wrong?"
He gulps, silently shaking his head. It takes him a moment to regain his composure, to regain the ability to speak clearly, "No, no, you're - you're perfect."
Guilt starts to eat at him. He can see you doing your very best to keep your own feelings off your face. He can see the sting of his rejection in the way your lips press together in a tight line. The embarrassment in the pallor of your once flushed cheeks.
You two have worked so hard to overcome your own personal issues and traumas, to build trust in each other, moments like these hadn't come easy. And he so callously pushed you away, it makes him feel worse. And what makes his heart ache even more, he sees nothing but concern for him shining in your eyes. You just look so worried for him.
Your hands rest in your lap. You twist and untwist your fingers. "If you don't want to, we don't - we don't have to do anything. I'm really sorry -"
"No, no, please don't be sorry." He reaches for you, gently squeezing your hand. It soothes him as much as it does you. "I want to. You don't know how much I want to."
"But?"
His eyes squeeze shut. He can't bring himself to meet your eyes. "You haven't seen it before - my arm, my shoulder."
"Oh."
He drops your hand. That feeling takes over him again. It feels like there's not enough air in the room. He slides away from you, closer to the edge of the tiny couch in your apartment. "It's - I am not pretty."
It breaks your heart, watching him pull away from you. You can only imagine how many people have turned away from him before. "James..."
He fervently shakes his head, refusing to open his eyes, "No, no, I know what you're gonna say, but it's bad. A lot worse than you're thinking."
"How do you know what I'm thinking?"
"It's bad," he insists. "I see it every day and I can barely - it's just bad, okay?"
You take his hand, squeezing it tightly. "It's okay if you don't want me to see it. I understand."
He finally opens his eyes again as his eyebrows pull together. He still doesn't meet your eye. "No, no, I want to - I trust you with this, I do. I just - I want you to be prepared."
In that moment, you realize that it's not really about preparing you. Not at all.
He thinks you're going to react badly. He thinks that this will make you turn away from him for the first time ever. He's worried that the love and adoration in your eyes will turn to disgust and repulsion.
It's less about preparing you for the scarred flesh, and more about warning you that he couldn't take a bad reaction. He's not sure he could take it if you turned away from him too.
"I love you," you promise him. "There's nothing that you could show me that would change that. I hope you know that."
There is no response to that. And you know that he won't believe it until he sees it. It takes him a moment. His hand toys with the hem of his shirt. His hand grips the hem, only to let it go.
"I love you," you remind him.
He takes a large gulp of air, pulling off his shirt with one quick movement.
You weren't really sure what you were expecting. You knew the story. You knew how Bucky lost his arm. He even confided the bits and pieces he remembered from getting his vibranium arm.
Your eyes trail over his skin. The shoulder is scarred, scars jut in every direction. Each scar is etched into his skin. It's clear it was a painful, violent experience for him. The metal plate protrudes from the scar tissue in a way that you're sure was painful when first placed. You look on with curiosity, you're not really sure how this, a sign of survival, a badge of resilience, could ever make anyone turn away from him.
He's as breathtaking as you could ever imagine.
Your eyes flicker up at him. He looks at the blank wall of your apartment, scared to watch your facial expressions as you take it in. "Can I?"
He nods, barely able to look you in the eyes. He sucks in a breath when your fingers make contact with the scar tissue surrounding the metal plate.
You immediately pull your fingers back, worried you've accidentally hurt him. "Does it hurt?"
"No," he answers reflexively.
You know he's lying. "I've seen you holding your shoulder before - holding it like it hurts."
"Sometimes," he amends. "The doctor said there's a lot of nerve damage. Things they can't fix."
"Does it hurt now?"
"No."
You run your hand over the plate, over his scars, down to his shoulder blade.
"Still think I'm pretty?" he sarcastically remarks.
You press a gentle kiss to his bare shoulder. "I'll always think you're pretty. Every part of you."
Bucky Barnes Masterlist AnonymityIsFun Masterlist
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beloveds-embrace · 14 days ago
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noona. noon. any angsty thoughts to share for the duke au? đŸ‘ïž (i’m craving angst sorry)
Original post
I DO!! Angst version of the au would be if you weren’t welcomed at all. Sure, no one is being flat out rude to you, no one is actively sabotaging you and John doesn’t hit or force you into anything.
But it’s lonely.
The maids barely touch you, as if disgusted they have to help and tend to the woman their Duke needed to and not wanted to marry, and the butlers are the same. Especially the head butler Garrick. You still don’t know his first name and he doesn’t seem inclined to tell you.
During the dinner
 nights with John, you’ve started noticing that your food isn’t quite as well done as his? Less decorated, occasionally burnt or not cooked well, but you don’t want to cause any trouble so you remain silent and John never asks why you seem to eat so little.
You do also meet Duke Riley, the man that John is said to have an incredibly close friendship with, something born during his time servicing the kingdom. You’ve heard so much about him, from bad to good, and you wonder how he actually is.
In the end, you wish you hadn’t met him, too. The humiliation of being flat-out ignored in your own home while he speaks amicably with John

So yes. Life as Duchess Price isn’t a happy one, but you are just glad you aren’t physically hurting.
But you do find solace in the only kindness your parents had bothered to show you before they gave you away; your personal knight, König. He is the only one to not treat you as such. He is the only one you can confide in, feel just a little bit of happiness and friendship with even if you haven’t even seen his face yet.
“I’m so tired,” you whisper to him one night, under the blanket of the night sky. You’d thrown a simple shawl over your shoulders, and hadn’t questioned it when he fell in steps behind you, always a protective shadow. Today had been hard. You had also decided to no longer dine with John, not too excited about the lackluster food and the stilted conversations. Cold maids, lonely night
 you ached for something more.
You take in a shuddering breath, wrapping the shawl tighter around yourself. Konig stands right beside the bench you are sitting on, a familiar and comforting sight and presence. But tonight, it’s not enough. “I’m so tired, König.” You repeat, your voice cracking.
König simply stares at you for a while; you are used to it, used to everything about him. The mask, the accent, the unyielding body that is always keeping you safe. The quiet congestions you have had, during the days you lock yourself away in your office to ignore the loneliness and sadness plaguing you.
You aren’t used to seeing König bend down in front of you, holding his hands out until you place them in his. Familiar pale eyes peer up at you. Proper etiquette doesn’t matter to you in this moment; who will chastise you for the lack of it when this entire duchy holds only the most basic form of respect for you?
Even if they did, you would not let go of König, your confidant. Your knight.
“
What do you need, mylady?”
After a silent moment, you take in a deep breath and look back at him. “
I want
 someone who loves me enough to be kind towards me. I want someone who loves me.”
König nods his head. With bated breath, you watch silently as he brings your hands forward, under his mask, to kiss each knuckle on your hands.
“I am your knight, mylady. I am your sword, and your shield. I, too, can be your lover if that is what you want, mylady. Whatever you desire, it is my duty to provide.” König breathes out against your skin, eyes not once flicking away, words not once breaking. He is fully devoted in his decision. “Will you allow me, mylady? The decision is your, always has been. I cannot take you away from this horrible place-“ not yet. “-but I can give you my love and devotion, just as I’ve always done. Will you allow me, mylady?”
And after everything you’ve been through, all the pain and loneliness and exclusion- you can’t say no.
“
Yes, König.”
(By the time John begins to realize that he may have misjudged you, once you find out the truth, it is already far too late for mending any bridges. There is no particular feeling when you look at him, or any of his men. You only ask that no one bothers your time alone with your shadow, your knight. It’s far too late for anything.)
Part 2 + dukedom au masterlist
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bonniepop · 22 days ago
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sakusa pulls away from your kiss-swollen mouth with a soft, wet smack, and your eyes dart to find the soft swell of his lip before looking up at his eyes.
you’re in an isolated corner of a parking lot near a commercial center; he’d just had a lunch date with you, your treat—a trade, for picking up your parents from the airport for the holidays.
“something wrong, kiyoomi?” you ask softly, adjusting so you can press yourself closer over the hand break. his hands are warm against your face, cupping either side of your jaw, but your hair brushes over his skin as he pulls away.
“i’m
” he starts, a little uncomfortable. he swallows for a second and his eyes flash to the phone in your lap. “did their flight take off already?”
he watches you you look down and grab your phone, the screen bathing your face in a soft glow.
“not ye—” your phone buzzes. “oh, wait. their flight took off just now.” you read the text, “‘plane taking off, will call when we land.’”
he hums and nods. “okay. they’ll get here in an hour, right?”
“yeah.” you cast him a glance and a smirk. “you nervous?”
“a little,” he admits. he reaches over to pat your thigh. “first time i’m meeting them, after all.”
“they’ll like you, don’t worry,” you tell him softly, depositing your phone in a cup holder before reaching forward to press a kiss to his mouth again.
it starts slow, but builds and burns, and sakusa can’t take it. he pulls away again, and the confusion on your face is cute.
“am i doing something wrong?” you ask, and he can't help but crack a smile.
“no, no—the opposite actually,” he murmurs. there's a brief pause, but it's long enough for you to see him think.
"hm?"
he clears his throat and gently takes your hand.
you wait patiently before raising your eyebrows when he slowly guides your palm over the erection tenting his dark jeans. your eyes stay latched with his, and you know that he can see the flush of mild embarrassment blooming on your cheeks.
“oh. oh,” you breathe in realization, and your eyes flash up to meet his. “do you
" you bite your lip. "do you need some help?”
something warm fills his chest when you say it. he's thinking of taking you up on the offer, but when your eyes glance to the back seat, he shakes his head. “love, no,” he chides you gently. “your parents will be sitting there later.”
you nod and purse your lips in thought. the options are limited. first, you live half an hour away, but you only have an hour left until your parents arrive. second, the parking lot you're in is fifteen minutes away from the airport, so going home isn’t an option. third, sakusa doesn’t want to have car sex, albeit with good reason. (you're kind of with him on that one.)
he picks your hand up from his arousal to press a soft kiss to your fingers. “i’ll be fine. is it
 do you mind if we wait it out?”
“are you sure?” you ask, a little invested. you weren't going to lie and say you didn't want to, considering that for the next week and a half your parents would be in the picture, effectively cutting into your alone time. “maybe we can
 i don’t know, maybe a motel? but you find those disgusting—”
“absolutely not,” he deadpans, and you nod. something occurs to you.
“your—well, how about the boys’ place—”
“no.”
“okay. um.” you lean closer and kiss the spot where his jaw meets his neck, plucking your hand from his hold and sliding it over his thigh. “i can use my hands, if you like,” you mumble against his skin. “my mouth, maybe?”
“i don’t think i’ll be able to look your parents in the eye if we have sex in this car before i meet them,” he grunts.
you frown, a little put out. you were trying to help him, but it seemed like every option you presented was a bad idea. "well. we can wait it out, then.”
you pull away and slump in your seat. maybe you were being a little petulant because your parents were flying in to stay with you for the holidays, but you know better. this was a deliberate attempt to snoop around your and sakusa’s relationship—through specially setup lunches, as he had to bunk it with the rest of the msby boys, albeit against his will. there was no way in hell your parents would be okay with you living with a boyfriend.
which meant that as long as they were around, there would be no sex.
after a moment of disappointed, awkward silence, sakusa speaks. “i think komori doesn’t live far from here.”
you press your lips together. “will he mind?”
“i can ask,” kiyoomi mumbles, and whips out his phone. a few taps and a few whooshes later, he drops his forehead on the curve of the steering wheel and groans. “komori’s not home.”
"oh."
he lets out one of the deepest sighs known to mankind. "on second thought," he says, looking pained. “the boys don’t
 live far, from here.”
“i think hinata’s our safest bet,” you say carefully, not wanting to seem to excited, and he nods. he taps into his phone again, and a series of pings makes his phone buzz.
sakusa looks beyond disgusted. “atsumu replied with hinata’s number.”
“well,” you respond, trying to look on the bright side. “at least we have options?”
“he just said he keeps condoms in the kitchen,” he says with despair.
“at least he knows where they are,” you mumble, reaching forward to grab his free hand. “come on, love. we don’t have a lot of options, and if we take any longer to decide, we might be late when we pick up my parents.”
you watch him think, again.
"or we can go for the next week and a half with zero sex," you declare, "which is also fine by me."
he grumbles as pockets his phone and pulls out of the parking spot.
(you end up being fifteen minutes late, but their baggage carousel was delayed, so it was fine.)
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nimomo-mo · 8 months ago
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Vent
#i have so many conflicting feelings right now#i got complacent#i was thinking i was pretty for a while there#but now im realizing i need to work out#i need to get toned and i need to lose fat#i was getting used to feeling nice about myself#this is bad. this is not a good feeling#i shouldnt be hard on myself i already have a lot on my plate#i hate that i always fall back into this when i see a picture of them#because i am so absolutely head over heels#and i want to look good next to them#i want to be on their level#i want to be hot and pretty and gorgeous next to them#i want them to look at me the same way i do them#but for that i need to work out. so much. so so much#i dont have the energy or the time or the willpower#i dont have the willpower i dont want to be comparing myself like this i want to be gorgeous i want to be hot#i want to have the willpower i want to be able to do it i dont have the money to make someone force me to do it#i work out when someone forces me if i had the money id get a PT i want to be hot i want you to look at me i want to be gorgeous#i dont want to look myself in the mirror. i dont want to see. i dont want to see whats in that fucking mirror. i dont want to know#i dont want to see how much im not what i want to be. god i have so many issues#i thought i could be like i am and still feel pretty. i thought i could do as i liked and be pretty anyway. or i guess i am pretty but#i wanna be better. i wanna be more. i want the willpower i want the drive i want to want i want i fjsaöbfvwcfisnvs#crying#i dont want to be like this. i dont want to be like this. i dont eant to be like this. i dont want to be like this.#and i hate how my extreme attraction and love for this fucking person is making me drag my self image into the grinder#i dont want to feel ugly. i dont want to feel disgusting. i dont want to feel like i could do so much more if i just stoppedbbeing lazy#im so fucking lazy im such a sloth im such a blob i can't do this i cant do this i cant do this i cant do thus#i dont want to spural i dont want t9 be ugly i dont want to be someone lesser i hate everything i hate it all i hate i hate i hate i hate#digging my nails into mu skin
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