#discussed it yesterday with my supervisor and if I put two specific people on it they are 100% going to fight

[dakrisart]

I'm super tempted to choose my PhD committee on the likelyhood that they are going to physically fight each other

[madmaryholiday]

tl;dr: because video games are bringing in a lot of money at work, i can no longer keep handhelds and games at my desk overnight due to the security risk it presents. this is both understandable and a massive inconvenience.

on thursday, i went through my bins of stuff and pulled out all the handhelds and games so they could be stored in the electronics section overnight.

i'd told my supervisor ahead of time that i would need a cart to put my stuff on so i wouldn't have to rely on other people to move it from the electronics section to my desk every day, and despite agreeing, he informed me on thursday that there were no carts available and i would have to have the boxes moved every day.

i made it clear to my supervisor that this arrangement would be significantly inconvenient for a number of employees, because the last thing i need is him whining at me in a couple weeks that everything's getting backed up because of the extra labor required to set up and clean up my workspace every day.

we'll see how things go. yesterday, there was no room to put any of the three boxes i had stored in electronics, so i had to just grab a couple tester handhelds and not touch the giant box full of shit i need to list for sale in favor of going through the pile of consoles waiting for me.

i also got in trouble(?) for letting another coworker post some game lots that i had either personally put together or had checked over before handing them to her. apparently i needed to ask permission first???

what's funny is that i had told the other two people who process electronics that if my supervisor asked them about it, to tell him i'd given the lots to her myself and she hadn't gone rogue.

i'd taken a previous discussion of "let me know if you want to do something outside normal protocol" as, like, a request to be kept in the loop instead of a formal declaration that i needed to ask permission.

initially i was kind of offended that he would imply that i'd be throwing specialized items at random unqualified coworkers (i'd specifically given this girl game lots because there's basically no way to fuck them up, and they were taking up a ton of space i needed to get through a dozen consoles). like he wasn't all "you're in trouble," but he WAS doing the "don't make it a habit" thing and "we need to have high standards" for items that make lots of money and whatever.

i did explain that this was not a normal thing i'd be doing, and that i knew i didn't have to get through everything on a cart in one day (i'd actually just brought back the half-dozen items i'd not had time for right before he came over to talk to me), but that i'd felt so swamped with stuff that i wanted to offload an easy task to someone who had shown interest in games in the past. i was then able to steer the conversation to "we really need someone else posting consoles" and related topics of staffing issues, but i did still feel kind of offended that my supervisor felt the need to tell me that only certain people should handle gaming posts.

as if i hadn't fought for literal years to convince management that games were worth prioritizing and giving only to people who knew what they were worth.

i'm a very proud creature, and while i don't think he meant it as a slight against me, it sure felt like he was insinuating i was being careless or unprofessional by giving items that, again, are basically impossible to fuck up to someone else so i could deal with the items that needed a more specialized touch.

i'm not actually mad about it anymore (not that i was more than mildly offended, but whatever), but the post i reblogged about "unemployable traits" reminded me that this interaction was an example of my overall.....insubordinate vibes, i guess? like i'm so used to delegating my own work and having to work around incompetent management that i don't really register that my supervisor is supposed to be an authority figure. i mostly consider him logistical support tbh.

i'd assumed that if he had a question about why another employee was posting something i normally post, he'd ask, and i'd explain. or he'd ask one of the other people in my department, and they'd go "oh yeah [name] was really busy with consoles and gave some game bundles to [coworker] to save time." but i was actually supposed to go find him before i handed over the bundles, which was just utterly alien to me.

anyway, i'm trying to let myself be okay with being less efficient. i am a goddamn professional, and my instinct is to make up for lost time when there's an unexpected inconvenience. but that also takes more out of me in the long run, and i don't want to burn myself out or get injured for the sake of a couple more posts, you know? so having to take time to move my stuff back and forth every day will just have to mean a couple fewer posts per day.

and if anyone gives me shit about it, i'll just have to explain why i have less time to do my job now.

[alisonsfics]

Change Our Fates (Part Four)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: Y/N has always been head over heels for Spencer. The team decides to go out for drinks after finishing a case. When Spencer drunkenly kisses Y/N, will it change her life for better, or for worse?

Word Count: 4.1k

Warnings: Some brief mentions of cheating and hooking up, and a whole lot of fluff

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 5

You were getting ready to head into work. You checked the clock and realized you were running late. You grabbed your shoes and ran into the living room to grab your work bag. You quickly slid the shoes on your feet and grabbed the bag with your empty hand. You made sure you had your badge and you looked down, making sure you had everything.

You had been so elated when you came home yesterday that you forgot to set your alarm. Last night, you had finally made up with Spencer. Nothing could bring you down, you were on cloud nine.

Then, you heard a knock on the door. You quickly ran over to the door, hoping it wouldn’t take too long. You were already late and you didn’t want to make it any worse.

You opened the door and saw the last person you expected. It was Hotch. He was just standing there. He looked exactly the same as the last time you saw him.

You were surprised to say the least. “Hotch? Hi, it’s been so long. How are you? How is Jack” You said, stunned. He gave you a small smile. “I’m okay. Jack is doing great, how has Human Services been treating you?” He asked you, sincerely.

“It’s been good. It’s nothing like working at the BAU. I miss you guys so much, but I learned to roll with the punches” You told him, honestly. You still had no idea why he was here. “That’s good, I knew you would do amazing there. You’re great at your job” he complimented you.

You appreciated it. You knew Hotch didn’t give compliments often, so you learned to embrace it when he did. “Thank you sir. And with all due respect, is there a reason you’re here? It’s amazing to see you and catch up. But, I feel like that isn’t why you’re here” you asked him, curiously.

He chucked to himself. “Well it’s good to see you haven’t lost your touch as a profiler. I came to talk you to about something related to the Bureau” he told you. You tried to read his expression, but you couldn’t tell if this was bad or good news.

“I’m actually really late for work right now. Is there a way we could discuss this maybe at lunch today? I have an hour off for lunch” you suggested, not wanting to get fired. You saw Hotch smirk to himself. “This is about work” he told you, minimally.

You were even more confused. “What do you mean?” You asked him. He paused for a second. “When you left the BAU, we hired a replacement to fill in your spot. But she is being transferred to the New York office. So we have an opening. And I spoke to your supervisors and they have approved your transfer if you are willing. You can have all the time you need to think about it” he told you.

You were blown away. This was an amazing opportunity. Working at the BAU had been the highlight of your life. You loved helping people and you got to work with your best friends.

“I don’t need any time to think about it. I would love to work at the BAU again. Does any of the team know yet?” You asked him, curiously. He shook his head. “No, I didn’t tell them. Just in case you declined, I didn’t want them to get disappointed” he told you.

You couldn’t get rid of the grin on your face. “I can’t believe this. Thank you so much” you said, sincerely. “Of course. You were my first thought when looking for a replacement. Now since you accepted, it is effective immediately. I can drive you, if you want” he offered. You nodded. “Yes of course, that would be great” you said, smiling.

You both walked outside and got into the SUV. Hotch started to drive towards Quantico. You noticed Hotch had a specific look on his face. You could tell he wanted to ask you something, but was hesitating.

“Just ask me” you told him, bluntly. You could tell you startled him. He didn’t think he had been that easy to read. “About you and Reid...” he started to say. Then it clicked. He was worried that you two still weren’t talking and that it would jeopardize the team.

“No, you don’t have to worry about that. We’re friends again. There is no more fighting, I promise. We aren’t going to jeopardize the team like that again” you swore to him. Hotch looked over at you. “I was just asking because I was worried about you two. I saw you two become best friends. You both are better together than apart. I wasn’t worried about you putting the team in danger. I know neither of you would ever do that” he told you.

Then you pulled into the Quantico parking lot. It felt good to be back. You both got out of the car and walked inside.

You were a mixture of nervous and elated. You were finally going to see the team after four years, but you were nervous for their reactions. You both walked into the bullpen and you felt the familiar sense of home.

You didn’t see anyone at their desks. If you knew your friends like you definitely did, they were getting coffee in the kitchen. You decided to go see if Penelope was in her office. You walked into the doorway.

You saw the blonde sitting at her desk, typing away. “Hey babygirl” you said, purposefully lowering your voice and you leaned against the doorframe. Penelope spun around and her eyes lit up when they saw you.

“Y/N!” She exclaimed. You walked over to her and she pulled you straight into her arms. “It’s so good to see you. It’s been too long” she said, holding you tightly. You could tell she was smiling, you had the same huge grin on your face. You both pulled away from each other.

“So what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” She asked, as you both sat down. You could hardly contain your smile. “I’m back, Garcia” you said, smiling. Her jaw dropped. “You’re back, like in the BAU back?” She asked you, shocked. You just nodded.

Before she could say anything, someone appeared in the doorway. You both looked over and saw Derek standing there. “Hey Garcia—wait Y/N?” He asked, genuinely shocked. “She’s coming back, Derek” Penelope said, hardly able to contain herself.

Derek processed what was happening for a second. “That’s amazing. Come here, little mama” he said, walking towards you. You stood up to give him a hug. “I’ve missed you so much” you told him, honestly. He wrapped his arms around your waist and then picked you up off the ground.

You giggled as you felt your feet leave the ground. “It’s so good to have you back” Derek said, as he squeezed you tighter. He finally placed you back down on your feet. He gave you a quick kiss on the temple.

“So who knows?” Penelope asked you, curiously. “You two and Hotch. He showed up at my front door this morning” you told them both.

“Well then, come on! Let’s go say hi to everyone” Derek said, putting his arm around you and Penelope followed you both out of her office. Once you entered the bullpen, you saw Emily was at her desk. JJ was sitting on the side of Emily’s desk and they both were talking.

The three of you walked over to them. “Y/N, you’re here?” JJ said, in shock. She stood up and gave you a quick hug. “So what’s going on? Did you want to visit us because we are all amazing friends?” Emily joked, causing you to giggle.

“Not exactly. I just thought you should know that you’re going to be seeing me a whole lot more” you told them both, smirking. You saw both their faces light up. “Wait, are back in the BAU? That’s amazing” JJ said, smiling at you. “That’s great news. Why didn’t you tell me before?” Emily asked you, curiously. “Well, I only found out this morning” you said, giggling.

“You need to go talk to Reid, he’ll be so excited. I think I saw him making a cup of coffee. Go see him” Penelope told you, smirking. They all agreed and smirked at you. Even after all these years, they were still shipping you and Spencer.

As you walked away, you heard Emily telling the rest of the team about your conflict between Spencer and Trevor. You didn’t mind at all. It was easier, now you didn’t have to tell all of them.

You walked into the kitchen. You saw Spencer standing there, pouring obscene amounts of sugar in his coffee. “A little heavy on the sugar, huh?” You asked, smiling.

He eyes snapped up to meet yours. He was at a loss for words. He didn’t expect to see you here, this morning. “I—uhh hi. Is something going on?” He asked you, sincerely.

“Oh nothing much, I just got transferred back to the BAU, no big deal” you said, nonchalantly. Spencer just stared at you. He was trying to figure out if you were kidding. He didn’t know what to believe. “Please tell me this isn’t a joke” he said, almost to himself.

“It’s not a joke, Spence” you said, softly. He rushed over to you and wrapped his arms around your waist, tightly. You couldn’t help but smile. You felt him nuzzle his face into your neck. You didn’t complain. You had missed your hugs with Spencer. You subconsciously started rocking back and forth. You always used to do that when you were comforting Spencer.

“I’ve missed you so much, Y/N” Spencer said, softly. “You don’t have to miss me now. You’re not going to lose me again” you promised him.

You started to pull away, but Spencer stopped you. He put your arms back around him. “Not yet” he whispered in your ear. He relaxed back into your embrace. “Are you okay?” You asked him, concerned.

“I’m okay, I’ve just really needed this” he said, softly. You couldn’t agree more.

You both finally pulled away. “So you’re really back?” He asked, still in shock. You stepped closer to him and placed your hands on his chest. “Yes, I’m really back” you told him, smiling.

For a split second, you saw Spencer’s eyes glance down towards your lips. You almost thought you imagined it. Did Spencer really want to kiss you?

Before you could do anything, someone came in the room. You looked over your shoulder and you saw Rossi standing there “Come here kid, I heard you’re back in the BAU?” Rossi said, stepping towards you.

You pulled away from Spencer and Rossi pulled you in for a hug. Rossi was like a dad to you and it had been hard to not see him for four years. “Yep, I’m officially back” you told him, smiling.

“It’s good to have you back, kid” Rossi said, as you both pulled away. “It’s good to be back. I’ve missed you all” you said, gently placing your hand on Spencer’s arm.

“So are you two finally together?” Rossi asked, clearly not being up to date. Both yours and Spencer’s eyes went wide. “No no no” you said, quickly. “Y/N, is uhhh—engaged” Spencer said, sounding disappointed.

You looked over at Spencer, trying to see if you made up the disappointed tone. He just gave you a weak smile. “Well I’ll let you kids get back to your conversation” Rossi said, leaving the room.

“Sooo” Spencer said, stalling. “What?” You asked him, curiously. He fidgeted with his hands for a second. You took his hands into yours, knowing it would calm him down.

His eyes met yours and he smiled at you. “So, I know you said no yesterday because you had plans. But, maybe you could stay over tonight. Tomorrow is our day off anyway” he suggested to you, timidly.

“I would love to. You don’t have to be nervous to ask me to hang out. We’re still best friends” you told him, honestly. He breathed a sigh of relief. You found yourself getting lost in his eyes.

“We should probably go get started on our paperwork. We don’t want Hotch to fire you, before you’ve even started” Spencer joked. You giggled to yourself and you saw his cheeks flush red. “Come on then” you said, grabbing his hand and pulling him with you, into the bullpen.

Everyone was back at their desks, doing their work. You sat down at your desk, which was next to Spencer’s. It felt good to be back, it felt natural.

The day went by super fast. You had spent all day getting caught back up and doing paperwork. You finally finished your last form and you leaned back in your chair. You were mentally exhausted.

“So are you ready?” You heard someone say behind you. You turned around and saw Spencer standing behind you, with his bag over his shoulder. “Yeah, I’m ready” you said, standing up. You tidied your desk and grabbed your work bag.

“I have never been more exhausted” you said, as you both started to walk towards the door. You leaned your head on Spencer’s head as you were walking. It seemed to shock him, but he put his arm around your shoulders.

“You don’t have to come over tonight, if you want to go home and sleep” Spencer told you. “Are you kidding? I’ve been looking forward to this all day” you told him, feeling content.

It scared you how much you and Spencer acted like a couple. It made you question where your true feelings stood. You had been trying to figure out if you were over Spencer. And you still couldn’t come up with an answer.

“Bye you two” Derek said, smirking as you both walked past him. “Awww it’s so cute to see them reunited” Penelope said to Derek, who she was standing next to.

“Bye guys” you and Spencer both said. You got to Spencer’s car and he opened the door for you. “Thanks Spence” you said, kissing him on the cheek. You hadn’t even realized that you had done it, until you saw him start to blush.

Before, Spencer and you had always been very touchy. It was just a part of your friendship. You were always holding hands or hugging. But you had both been single. You weren’t sure if you were supposed to act different because you were engaged. Was all the hugging and touching you had done wrong?

It wasn’t like you were kissing him or making out or anything. It was just friendly, so was there an issue? Would Trevor be okay with what you were doing? You assumed he would be, Spencer was one of your oldest friends. You figured Trevor would understand that.

Spencer started to drive and eventually after fifteen minutes, you were parked in front of Spencer’s house. He once again rushed to open your door for you. You thanked him and you both went inside.

You both set your bags down by the front door. Spencer turned to face you. “Can we still cuddle?” He asked you, unsure. You thought about it for a second. He didn’t know if you both could still cuddle, since you were engaged. You both were trying to figure out this friendship 2.0.

“I don’t see who’s going to stop us” you said, smiling. You didn’t see the harm. It was just cuddling. A smile grew on his face. He leaned over to you and hugged you. You wrapped your arms around him. Then you felt his hands on the back of your thighs. “Do you want me to jump? You asked, giggling.

“Mm-hmm” he mumbled. You jumped slightly off the ground. Spencer held you up and you wrapped your legs around his torso. “This is new” you said, pulling slightly away from him, so you could look him in the eyes.

“Well it lets me hug you” he said, smiling at you. Spencer had never been this touchy before. Normally, the cuddling was started by you. You just figured it was because he missed you.

Spencer walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. You still had your legs around his torso and were now in his lap. “So how about I order Chinese food from that place you like?” Spencer asked you. You nodded and buried your head into Spencer’s neck. You were so sleepy from the long day of work. Spencer felt warm and cozy to you.

It was taking all of your effort to not fall asleep on him. “Are you tired?” He asked you and you just nodded. He used his hands to rub circles on your back. It only made you relax more.

You started to doze off as Spencer got out his phone to call the Chinese restaurant. About twenty minutes later, you woke up to the smell of Chinese food. You looked around and you saw you were in Spencer’s bed. He had tucked you in. You smiled to yourself at the sweet gesture.

You got out of his bed and walked into the kitchen. He was standing there putting the food on plates. “Oh, you’re awake” he said, shocked. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I was just so tired after today” you explained. “You don’t have to apologize, you’re allowed to be tired. You fell asleep on top of me, it was actually kind of cute” Spencer added and you felt your cheeks heat up. You felt like this conversation was heading somewhere it shouldn’t, so you changed the subject.

“The food looks really good” you said, eyeing the dishes. “Here’s yours” he said, handing you a plate. You both walked into the living room. He quickly turned on the television and you watched it as you ate.

You finished before him. Once you both were done, you brought the plates to the sink and washed them. You came back into the living room.

You held your hands open for a hug. He opened his arms and you crawled into his lap again. You wrapped your legs behind him and you both just held each other. It felt weirdly intimidate.

“So is it time for bed?” Spencer asked you. You nodded your head. “Yes please” you said, softly. He stood up carefully so he didn’t drop you.

Spencer started to walk towards his bedroom. Once he got there, he laid you down on the bed. In your sleepy state, you forgot to let go of Spencer. So, he fell right on top of you.

Neither of you knew what to do. He was laying on top of you in bed, and you were both a bit flustered. “I — umm. I’m sorry” he said, rolling over so he was next to you. You felt so embarrassed.

You both got under the blankets. You felt a warm hand placed on your side. You looked over at Spencer. He pulled you by your hips so you were pressed up against each other. Spencer laid on his back, and you rested your head on his chest.

Slowly but surely, you both started to fall asleep. While you were asleep, both yours and Spencer’s legs became entangled.

You woke up in the morning. You felt rejuvenated from a good nights sleep. You realized how close you were to Spencer. You were practically laying on top of him.

Then, you noticed that you felt his arm wrapped around your waist, holding you close to him. You were about to move when he woke up. “Hey” he said, while his eyes adjusted to the light. “Hey you” you said, smiling.

He realized how closely you both were laying and he started to blush. You both separated and then got out of bed. “So did you sleep good?” He asked you, as he started to make the bed. “I slept perfectly” you said, as you walked over to him.

You looked up at him and he pulled you into a hug. “Would you mind giving me a ride home?” You asked him. “Yeah of course” he said, giving your hand a squeeze.

You found your shoes and slipped them on your feet. Once you both were ready, you grabbed your stuff and you both walked to Spencer’s car.

It was a relatively quick drive to your house. Spencer pulled up in front of your house and you looked over at him. You got out of the car and he walked over to your side.

“Come here” he said, holding his arms out for you. You gladly accepted and hugged him back. You both lingered longer than normal. “I should get going” you told him, pulling away. He grabbed your hands and you felt butterflies in your stomach. “I had a really good time last night, Y/N. So I’ll see you at work tomorrow?” He said to you.

“Yep, I’ll see you at work. Thank you for last night” you said, sincerely. You kissed the back of his hand and then you walked up to your front door. You waved to Spencer as he drove away, and then you walked inside.

You saw Trevor sitting at the kitchen table, drinking his coffee. “Where have you been?” Trevor asked you, seeming concerned and stressed. You had totally forgotten to tell Trevor that you were spending the night with Spencer. All last night, it just felt like old times and it slipped your mind.

“I was sleeping over at a friends house. I’m sorry that I didn’t text you. I was just super tired last night” you apologized. He just looked relieved that you were okay. “So did you and Emily have a fun time?” Trevor asked you, sincerely.

You hesitated. “It...it wasn’t Emily” you said, wanting to be honest. Trevor looked unsure of what to think. “So who was it?” He asked you, confused.

“I was at Spencer’s place” you told him, hesitantly. “Who the hell is Spencer?” He asked, since you had only brought him up a few times. “He's my best friend. We were in a weird fight when I met you. We hadn’t spoken in four years. But, we just recently made up and I’m back working at the BAU with him. I just hadn’t gotten to telling you yet. Please don’t be mad” you apologized.

“I’m not mad. I just wish you told me” he told you, honestly. He walked over to you and you saw his expression change. He just stopped dead in his tracks.

“What?” You asked him, confused. “Come here” he said, as he stepped closer to you. He leaned his head in towards your neck and he smelled you. “Why do you smell like his cologne?” He asked you, trying to not act mad.

You panicked. It seemed worse than it actually was.

“I uhhh...I don’t know” you lied. “Y/N” Trevor said, getting frustrated. “Before you get mad, we’ve always been super close and we’ve always cuddled. So we may have slept together. Not like actually...but like in the same bed” you explained, nervously.

Trevor put his head in his hands. You could hear him sigh in frustration. “Please don’t be mad” you begged him. “I think I’m allowed to be mad. You stayed the night at some guys house. You claim he’s your best friend, but I’ve never met him. And you come home smelling like his cologne. You say that it was just friendly, but how do I know? You both could have hooked up, I wouldn’t know. What if you just made up that you’re friends and you’re actually just sleeping with someone” he argued.

“I’ve mentioned him before. I know I told you about the fight I had with Spencer. I wouldn’t lie to you about anything. And I would never cheat on you, I can’t believe you would think that” You said, walking out the front door.

You sat down on the front steps of your house. You wrapped your arms around your knees, after you realized how cold it was. You heard the door open behind you and then Trevor was sitting beside you. “Look, Y/N I’m sorry. I got insecure, but I think that is understandable. I just need to ask you one question” Trevor told you.

“Anything” you told him, leaning your head on his shoulder. “You don’t have any feelings for Spencer, right?” He asked you, you could hear the insecurity in his voice. You turned to face him.

“I used to, years ago, before I met you. We have a complicated past and there used to be feelings there. But, Spence and I are just friends” you told him. He sighed and put his head in his hands.

“God, I can’t, Y/N. Spence? Look at it from my perspective. You sound like you’re in love with him. Please just promise me there’s nothing more there” Trevor begged you. “I swear, we’re just friends. I am all in with you” you promised.

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[winterscaptain]

i loved hotch’s top 3 parent moments, but what are his top 3 most defeated moments & how do the kids/mom help him cope/feel better

ooooh these got REALLY long so they’re going under a cut (they’re basically three drabbles so i included the ajf tag list (whoops))

a joyful future masterlist

1.

aaron comes back home from very long day full of infuriating people and politics, and isaac has left everything all over the living room floor. he trips on something (probably shoes) and breaks. he doesn’t get mean or anything, but his bark is definitely harsher than he intended. isaac is so so upset, and he holes himself up in his room. aaron feels awful, instantly. mom runs interference, and spends some time in the dark with isaac so he can calm down with minimal stimulus. when isaac is ready, mom goes back into the living room and finds aaron distraught, his head in his hands. 

“i promised myself i wasn’t going to become my father.” 

mom just wraps around him like a koala and is like “you’re not. you just had a bad day. for god’s sake, jack snapped at me over something ridiculous yesterday, and isaac and soph got into a knock-down drag-out fight last week about a puzzle while caro was simultaneously throwing a tantrum about fruit snacks. we’re all allowed to have bad days, and you can make it right. he’s a smart kid - just tell him what’s going on and remind him that you’re not upset with him and that you love him.” 

aaron goes to isaac’s door, knocks, and waits for isaac to tell him he can come in. aaron sits at the foot of his bed, waiting. they sit in the dark for a long time, and isaac eventually crawls into aaron’s lap. his dad tells him everything that happened in his day at work, and rounded it all off with “it was wrong of me to get upset with you, little man. it wasn’t your fault, and i love you more than anything, all the time, no matter what. i’m so sorry, and i hope you can forgive me.”

“i can.” 

mom walks in later to find them asleep, aaron propped against the headboard with his ankles crossed, isaac sprawled across his chest. 

2.

when the girls are older, maybe 14 or 15, he puts his foot down about an out-of-town concert with a friend and their older brother. the concert is a few days away, and sophia mentions it over dinner. 

without really meaning to, he goes into full drill sergeant mode and gets a little too specific about all the things that could go wrong. it was very clear in the moment that the topic was not up for discussion, that he was not under any circumstances going to allow the girls to go to a concert a couple hours away with only a nineteen year-old college sophomore as a supervisor. 

it turns into one of those “i hate you you never let me do anything” teenager moments. sophia gets up and shuts herself in the garage with the treadmill and runs until she’s tired, showering and going straight into her room without a word or glance in his direction. caroline really quietly sets her napkin on the table, and leaves out the back door, headed for the porch swing that faces the back of the property. she, too, goes to bed without saying goodnight. 

mom doesn’t say anything in the moment, and they finish dinner with the boys (isaac, now 16 or 17, and elliot, now 10 or 11) and get them ready to wind down for the night. when they settle into bed, he starts to doubt himself. 

“i was too hard on them, wasnt i?” 

before mom can answer, aaron gets a call from jack (now 26 or 27) on his cell. he tells him that sophia tattled to him about the concert, and he didnt mention this to them, but he’d be okay taking the day off work to take them and their friends, and even find a spot to stay overnight so they aren’t out driving late.

mom eavesdrops. aaron tells jack to hold on a second, and mutes him. mom says that would be a good compromise and reminds him that they aren’t little anymore, and they can mostly fend for themselves (thanks to a few weeks’ worth of self-defense with derek over the summer). “i know it’s hard, honey. i can’t say i’m wild about it either, but if jack goes, i’d feel a lot better about that than the alternatives.”

he sighs, kisses her, and tells jack that would be alright. “i’ll go down the hall and tell them.”

“have some sucking up to do, old man?”

aaron just rolls his eyes and hangs up before walking down the hall. he knocks on the door, and two flat “what”s come from the other side of the door. he opens it, and finds caroline and sophia facing each other from their beds on either side of the room. he could tell they were talking shit, the set of their mouths giving them away. 

they’re looking at him like he’s goddamn war criminal. he pulls caro’s desk chair and sits backward on it in between the ends of their beds. “your brother has very graciously offered to take friday off of work to take you and your friends to the concert and spend the night in norfolk with you.” 

“so, you’re letting us go?” 

he tries not to let the biting resentment in sophia’s tone get to him. “i am. i’m sorry for coming down hard on you at dinner. it was wrong of me, and i understand that it could feel like i don’t trust your judgement. i do.” he looks at them each in turn. “it just freaks me out a little that you’re getting older a lot faster than i thought you would.” 

caro’s lip wobbles, and she throws her covers back and crosses to him, giving him a hug. “thank you. we’ll be good, i promise.” 

“i know, my little love.” 

it takes him a little while to get back into sophia’s good graces, but when he picks them up from jack’s apartment at the end of the weekend, she can’t stop talking about how much fun she had. he’s pretty sure he’s forgiven. 

3. 

its when he first starts dating mom that jack starts to act out. he’s usually a really well-tempered kid, but sometimes he’d snap at her or withdraw and it made her feel awful. there were definitely a couple of nights were he’d snap at her over something small and she would retreat to the back bedroom to take a minute. it wore on aaron to tell her that she wasn’t an imposition, that she wasn’t replacing haley, that she isn’t his second choice or ‘the backup’

they both have this moment of total defeat - they’ve known each other for so long, and jack has known her most of his life, but the change in relationship status really brought up a lot of stuff for the kiddo. 

mom comes around faster, learning to understand that jack is just adjusting and having trouble with the idea that there’s a semi-permanent female figure in his life, and that his dad’s attention is divided. thus, when aaron inevitably breaks down about it, she’s there. 

“i feel selfish. maybe i shouldn’t have -”

“aaron. we are doing everything we can to make this an easy adjustment for him, but it’s difficult.”

“but nothing’s changed! you’ve been here for five years.” 

“love, everything’s changed, and we’ve only been dating for a couple of months. that’s a lot for someone who’s barely seven. you’re not selfish, you’re not a bad parent. you haven’t made a bad judgement call. he’s just really young and is having trouble handling these very big changes in his home landscape.” 

so aaron finds a therapist for jack to see twice a week, figuring it was a good idea anyway with all the trauma he may or may not remember. it’s still sucky for a while, but as jack starts implementing the coping mechanisms he learns and mom takes on a role closer to a peer or friend than a parent, things get a lot easier. 

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrryspencer @agenthotchner @wandaswitxh @hurricanejjareau @fics-ilike @ange-must-die @ughitsbaby @rousethemouse @criminalsmarts @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal @shrimpyblog @genevievedarcygranger @ssaic-jareau @good-heavens-chris-evans @angelsbabey @gublergirls @writefasttalkevenfaster @venusbarnes @vintagecaptainspidey @micaiahmoonheart @ogmilkis @thatreallyis-americas-ass @marvels-agents100 @newtslatte @risenfox @mrs-dr-reid @captain-christopher-pike @joemazzello-imagines @pinkdiamond1016 @sebbybaby0 @pan-pride-12 @hotchlinebling @lee-rin-ah @sunshine-em @word-scribbless @jdougl-love @sageellsworth05 @emmice9 @nohalohoseok @giveusbackourbucky @bauslut @yourlovelynewsbian @sparklingkeylimepie @aili28 @kingandrear @reader4027 @spnobsessedmemes @rogers-mouth @dreila03 @forgottenword @aaronhotchnerr @ssa-morgan @hotchnersgoddess @buckybau @phoenixfyre374 @sana-li @tegggeeee @abschaffer2 @ssacandi-ass-prentiss @songbird400 @dontkissthewriter @ellyhotchner @a-dorky-book-keeper @lotties-journey-abroad @mrs-joel-pimentel-23-25 @laneygthememequeen @ahopelessromantic @violentvulgarvolatile @andreasworlsboring101 @mooneylupinblack @ssareidbby @violet-amxthyst  @lcvischmitt 

[childofthenight2035]

Emergency Contact

A/N: omfg I've been working on this since June I hate myself so much but anyway this was requested by @tydontstop​ here you go I may not be done yet~

yay it’s my birthday

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Flatmate!AU

Pairing: Jackson Wang x gn!Reader

Summary: When you found a new flatmate, neither of you knew that you’ve been passing by each other by the finest thread.

Word Count: 12k

Warnings: mentions of death, coma, car accidents, depression

-

The hospital receptionist’s face fell when she caught sight of Jackson walking in. Her face twisted in pity, but the boisterous arrival didn’t seem to notice.

“Good morning, Yeeun-ssi!” He greeted cheerfully, sliding his visitor’s pass across the front desk. “I ran late yesterday so I couldn’t make it.”

Yeeun seemed to be holding in an ocean of sorrow as she pushed the card back to him. “I’m sorry, sir.”

Jackson’s eyes narrowed in confusion. “What do you mean, sorry? For wh-“ He fell silent, gazing at Yeeun, who couldn’t seem to meet his eyes. “No,” he breathed out. “That can’t be.”

“I tried calling you yesterday, sir,” she pleaded. “If only it was just a day later…” She shook her head sadly. Fate was cruel.

Could I have said goodbye? Jackson thought.

“How did he…?”

“They…they pulled the plug.”

-

You opened your eyes to the jarring sound of your alarm, wishing more than anything else that you were dreaming and it wasn’t yet morning. But no. When did things ever go your way? Blindly reaching out, you smashed the snooze button.

Groaning, you pushed away covers that weren’t even there. In the heat, you had kicked off the thin blanket you draped over yourself anyway—again.

It was only morning, but you could already feel the humidity beginning to cling to your skin. How you wished you could fall back onto the mattress and drift off. The silence of the apartment reminded you of another thing, however—the poster you had drawn up the previous night: an advertisement for a flatmate. You really needed some noise and movement to distract you, especially after last month. Why did Dahyun have to move out?

The alarm began beeping again.

You had to get to work.

.

Saturdays at the library were always a sort of hassle. There were more children and their misinformed parents over the weekend than any other day. Of course there were some absolute darlings who loved to read and could sit for hours on end with their noses in a book or two. But on the other hand…

You sighed as you pushed open the door of the public library, eyes adjusting to the dim light. Before you could make it to the counter where you would be stationed for the day, you were stopped abruptly by a rather raucous child dashing across your path.

…On the other hand, those darlings always had siblings that had no interest in developing the skill of reading at all. Little rascals who came there only by force and chose to make as much noise as they could get away with.

You pursed your lips, staring distastefully at the runaway before walking swiftly over to the bulletin board. Slipping the notice for a flatmate out of your pocket, you pinned it to the board, then plopped down at the counter, depositing your backpack under the desk.

“Good morning, Y/N!” your co-worker Daniel chirped.

“Good morning, Daniel,” you replied dully, scooting your chair subtly away from him. You really didn’t have his energy at the moment. You loved the guy, but it was a little grieving to hear about his girlfriend twenty-four seven. To your relief, someone approached him at that moment, pulling his attention off of you.

There were quite the number of high schoolers despite it being a weekend, you noticed. Ah. There’s a reading room that the high schoolers are doing today, huh?  Your gaze swept around the seating area to your left. A familiar face caught your eye.

What’s Jinyoung sunbae doing over here? Is he reading to the kids, too? He was sitting with someone you couldn’t see because their back was to you. They seemed to be in some sort of deep discussion.  You weren’t worried. Anyone who came to the library with Park Jinyoung was sure to be just as much of a bookworm.

“Y/N!” You jumped at your supervisor’s voice, tearing your eyes away from your senior and looking up. Your supervisor tilted her head toward a cart full of books. “Be a dear and put these back, won’t you? I’ll man the desk for a bit.”

You bit back a curse, choosing instead to nod and leap up. You’d have to dodge some more kids but at least you could get away from Daniel’s overwhelming energy and rude ‘I-have-a-late-fee-but-I-have-no-intention-of-paying-it-off-quietly-I’d-rather-annoy-you-for-a-solid-ten-minutes-before-doing-just-that’ people.

.

“Jackson, I swear to every god there is, if you don’t find a place to live by the end of the weekend, I’m kicking you out. You can sleep on the streets.” Jackson flinched a little at Jinyoung’s sharp threat, but still pouted to lessen the impact—in vain; Jinyoung hadn’t even glanced up from his book to say all that. Some people didn’t even need eye contact to be intimidating.

“In this heat? Why, Jinyoungieee,” Jackson whined, dragging out his name. No effect. Park gae didn’t move. “Where will I go?”

“If you hadn’t dropped out, you could be staying at the dorms—legally,” Jinyoung remarked. “I’m not risking any more trouble sneaking you in.” Before Jackson could whine his name again, he continued. “Where’s JB hyung? Aren’t you always with him?”

Jackson chewed on the inside of his cheek, wondering how much he should tell Jinyoungie—or rather, wondering how much he already knew. “Uhh…we kinda stopped talking to each other for a while…”

This made Jinyoung look up from the page he was reading, eyes narrowing. “You fought?”

Jackson twitched his shoulders. “Not exactly. Just…” Thankfully, Jinyoung didn’t force him to elaborate, only shooting him a look that said he would definitely be interrogated about it later. “And then hyung went to Japan, remember?”

“But he came back.” Jinyoung was biting his lip in confusion. Funny how anything related to JB hyung made him a million times more attentive.

“He did. But…”

“Now you feel awkward going and begging for living space when you haven’t contacted him in so long?”

Jackson scratched the back of his neck. How the heck does Jinyoungie talk so accurately? “Sure. You could put it that way.”

Jinyoung sighed, sitting up and closing his book. “Do you really think JB hyung feels that way? I know he’s scary when he’s mad, but he still cares about you, hyung. Go and see him. It’ll be fine.”

“But hyung’s so busy and he doesn’t have that much room…and he has his cats…”

Jinyoung tilted his head, thinking. “Well. That’s true. Then what are you going to do?” Jackson could only shrug in defeat, staring around the library without seeing what he was looking at—a staff member putting books back on the shelves…kids running around…Jinyoungie picking at the corner of his book mindlessly…general peace.

Wordlessly, Jinyoung stood to check out the book he had been reading. Jackson followed.

“Hello again, Jinyoung hyung!” the boy at the counter said brightly.

“Hey, Daniel. How are your classes going?”

Jackson totally zoned out on the interaction between the two. Maybe I shouldn’t have dropped out in the first place, he thought. He hadn’t realized how deeply he’d gone imagining the life he could have led until he felt Jinyoung smacking his arm hard.

“Jackson!” he exclaimed, more forcefully, pointing to something. The bulletin board. More specifically, an ad pinned to the board.

An ad for a flatmate. Not too far from here.

“Seems like your lucky day, huh?” Jinyoung clapped him on the shoulder, taking a picture of it at the same time. “Go there today. You really don’t have much of an option.”

Jackson groaned.

“Fine.”

-

The doorbell ringing brought you out of your stupor. Hastily placing the photograph back on your bedside table and wiping your face off with a nearby towel, you made your way to the front door.

Now, you had seen nearly everyone who came by your place looking absolutely wrecked, but it still took you aback every time. You eyed the panting young man who stood outside your door in pity. Perhaps he thought he would have a few more seconds to catch his breath. You wondered how long he had been standing there before he rang the bell.

Fuck the standard questions. “Are you okay?”

He raised a hand and nodded, drawing one last breath and stabling himself. “Yeah. I’m good.”

“It’s quite a climb, isn’t it?”

He nodded. A beat passed in silence and then he seemed to remember why exactly he had rung your bell. “Ah!” he exclaimed, pulling out his phone. “Is this…?”

He turned it around, showing you the screen. You squinted at it, taking the phone in your hand. It was a chat in which someone had sent him the picture of your poster and a message under it—‘pls make a good impression for once’. You pressed your lips together to stifle your amusement—and then you saw the contact who had sent him the text.

“JYP?” You yelped, looking at the man in front of you in awe. “You know JYP?” He snatched his phone back in embarrassment.

“I—That’s a friend,” he said hastily. “He goes to SIU. I just call him that because he has the same name.”

That sounded familiar. “Wait, Park Jinyoung? You’re friends with him?”

Jackson hesitated. “Yeah…you know him?”

You smiled. “I go to SIU, too. He’s my senior. Who doesn’t know him?”

“Oh…that’s cool!” he replied, his face brightening. “I’ll definitely bring him around—if you accept me as your flatmate?”

Ah, so that’s what’s happening here. You crossed your arms, fighting a smile. “Are you already bribing me? I can’t believe you. I already have half a mind to not let you live here.”

His smile fell. “What? Whyy?” He didn’t hide the whine that escaped him.

Aw, that’s cute. “I’m kidding. If you’re a friend of Jinyoung sunbae, I’m guessing you’re a good guy.”

He frowned. “I’m sure that should be the other way, but it’s fine. I’m not arguing. Kinda desperate, here. Do you want me to, like, call Jinyoungie for you? To “affirm my credibility” or whatever?” He made air quotations.

You laughed it off, gesturing that he didn’t need to. He seems like a good guy. Maybe I won’t have to search any longer.

“I’m Jackson, by the way,” he suddenly spoke, looking sheepish. “Forgot to introduce myself.”

“Ah. I’m Y/N. And I’m desperate, too.” You sighed, blowing your hair off your face. “Do you know how glad I am that I rejected the guy who showed up before you? What a douchebag.”

A look of concern flashed across his face. “Someone came before me? Did he, like, try to hurt you or something? You’re okay?”

And he’s already concerned about me. I really really hope he doesn’t end up an asshole.

“I’m perfectly fine. Let’s talk splitting rent.”

.

“That’s the last of it,” Jackson announced.

You stood aside as his friend (Namjoon, was it?) dumped the two boxes he was carrying onto the floor, utterly exhausted. You couldn’t blame him. The two had been walking up and down the four flights of stairs with Jackson’s possessions all morning. You had helped, of course. But they weren’t used to climbing four floors.

“That better be the last, you jerk,” Namjoon spat. “When you said, ‘let’s hang out’, I didn’t think you meant this.” He wiped the sweat off his brow with his sleeve.

“I’ll pay you back for this, man.” Jackson patted his shoulder. “Let me buy you meat tonight.” His friend looked suspiciously at him but relented. You bowed him out.

To be honest, you hadn’t realized how short Jackson was compared to a lot of other people until Namjoon was standing beside him. Although you supposed Namjoon was just a giant. But still.

“I’m so tired,” Jackson whined, flopping down onto his mattress.

“Good,” you retorted, kneeling down to face him. “When you’re tired, you listen better. There is a rule in this household: you’re not allowed in my room.”

Jackson gasped, exaggerating his reaction. “Are you a dictator now? Rules? Will I be chucked into jail if I don’t obey? Do I have to go into hiding?”

You rolled your eyes. “I literally only said you weren’t allowed in my room at any cost. Isn’t that a reasonable request? You can make your own rules, too. No one’s stopping you.”

“Nah.” He shrugged. “You can come into my room, I don’t really mind. Nothing in here anyway.” He turned his eyes on you, narrowing them. “What are you hiding? Please don’t tell me you’re harbouring a fugitive in there.”

“Oh my gosh, no.” You stood up again. “I just want my privacy. My old flatmate respected it, so I expect you to as well. Okay? I’ll respect yours if you respect mine.”

He nodded. “I know. I’m just kidding. Are you always so uptight?” You frowned at the goofy expression on his face. “I promise I won’t go into your room.” He seemed sincere enough.

Maybe he wouldn’t be so bad…

.

“JACKSON!” you shouted, pounding on the wall that divided your bedroom from his. “KEEP IT THE FUCK DOWN!” If the volume went down at all, you couldn’t tell. Weary from lack of sleep for the past week or so, you rolled over and squinted at the time on your phone.

“Three thirty-four,” you muttered furiously. “THREE THIRTY-FOUR!”

And then the doorbell rang. And it rang again.

“Nobody ever does anything in this house,” you said loudly while forcing yourself up off the bed, half-hoping Jackson would hear it. But of course he wouldn’t. The amount of noise that was emanating from his room made sure of that.

The ringing became quite insistent and when you yanked the door open, wondering who on earth it wouldn’t be, you came face to face with Mr. Ok, the next-door neighbor. A tall man in his thirties, you had always found him quite the character—and you would’ve thought his pajamas and bedhead looked cute if it wasn’t for the expression of pure murder on his face.

“Oh…Mr. Ok,” you greeted with a hesitant bow.

“What the bloody hell is going on here?” he nearly spat, hands balling into fists that you knew he wouldn’t hesitate to use if he snapped. “Don’t you know we’re all trying to sleep?”

You winced. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Ok, I’ve been trying to get Jackson to quiet down for a while, but he’s not listening—“

“Where is he?” He growled, stepping inside without invitation. You jumped at the chance of getting Mr. Ok himself to threaten Jackson. You led him gleefully to your flatmate’s door. After pounding on it for a solid minute, in which the noise levels dropped completely, the door opened to reveal Jackson lazily yawning—clearly expecting you to be standing there. His features rapidly rearranged themselves to a politer expression.

“Ah, hyung!” he exclaimed. “What a surprise!”

Hyung? you questioned wordlessly. Since when has he become so chummy with Mr. Ok?

“Surprise, huh?” Mr. Ok hissed, eyes daggers. “What the hell are you doing, making so much noise?” It seemed to be rhetorical, because he didn’t give Jackson a chance to answer. “I have to get up at six, as do many people in this establishment. A lot of them have to go to work, or school, and a lot of them have families to take care of. I’m aware you have no such commitments—perks of being unemployed, I suppose—“ Jackson’s face twisted slightly. “—but that doesn’t mean you’re allowed to do whatever you want. When you live in close proximity with a lot of people, you have to learn to be considerate of others. Forget others, you live with a flatmate. At least be considerate to them!”

Jackson didn’t answer. You assumed he was still stinging over the ‘unemployed’ comment.

Mr. Ok didn’t even try to soothe his harsh words before he stormed out, slamming the door behind him. He must have been tolerating it for longer than he let on.

You crossed your arms and smiled smugly at your flatmate. “I hope you’ve learned your lesson.”

And just like that, his meek façade vanished, to be replaced by a pout. “But I wanted to finish the drama! I need the theatre effect to watch it, otherwise it’s just boring!”

You threw your hands up in the air and groaned, deciding it would be better for your health to just lock the door and then yourself in your bedroom.

Jackson was a mistake. One that you sorely regretted.

In the barely two months that you two began living together, you had learned one thing: Jackson was a force that was very much unstoppable. You would get burned if you so much as dared to try.

You could make a list—hell, you could write a book about the things he did that pissed you off. Was it your problem? Maybe. But it was clear enough that Jackson had certainly never learned how to adjust with people who weren’t on the same energy level as him.

He was loud. Point made. He was boisterous, always moving around, practically bouncing from room to room. You often restrained from asking him what gave him the right to look so damn happy. Perhaps you were just jealous. Your classes had begun again, and while you were working your ass off and burning the midnight oil just to keep your grades up, Mr. Unemployed seemed to be having the time of his life. Where did he even get the money to pay his rent off?

More than once, or even eight times, you had walked into the bathroom to find water literally everywhere—on the toilet seat, around the sink, on the floor, even on the walls. You couldn’t possibly imagine what he was even doing that made the entire damn place wet. He played music at night, loudly, with no regard for your wellbeing and the neighbours’. The nights he came home tipsy were even worse. And now he was watching a drama, it seemed. In full theatre mode.

The one rule you had—of him not being allowed to enter your room—had now expanded into a full three-page document, taped to the wall between your bedrooms.

You remembered how concerned he was about making a good impression in the first couple of weeks. He had even brought his friend Park Jinyoung around to meet you, as promised. Now you understood the pity in his eyes that day. He’d known things would get worse. You still got embarrassed when he sought you out in the cafeteria to ask how you were and if Jackson was giving you a hard time.

Maybe you should take Jinyoung sunbae up on that offer he made.

.

The breaking point came soon after.

It was a Thursday night and you’d just finished an essay due the day after, one that you’d been working on for the past week. So you were already running on barely three hours on sleep a day. It was past midnight, and Jackson still wasn’t home. He was probably lying drunk somewhere. As much as you wished you could just go to sleep and leave him to his own devices, you knew damn well that if he did show up, he would likely leave the door wide open and drool all over the couch.

You weren’t about to get robbed just because of Jackson’s bad decisions.

After calling him yet again and hearing no dial tone, you tossed your phone onto the dining table and waited with your head in your arms.

.

“I’m not drunk, Markipooh!” A loud exclamation, followed by someone shushing the voice sounded outside your door.

You swung it open, looking pissed enough for Mark—Jackson’s go-to designated driver and body hauler—to look ashamed.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “You know I can’t control Jackson.”

“I’m not drunk, though?” Said man slurred, collapsing into a chair.

“Thanks, Mark.” You sighed bitterly. “Go home.”

As the door closed, Jackson lifted his head and repeated, “I’m not drunk, though.”

“Oh, really?” you snapped, raising your voice. “Then listen to this: I’m not your fucking servant or something, just waiting for my master to come home so I can attend to you! I’m a student and I have a shit ton of work to do and just because you are so useless you can’t find a job doesn’t mean I have to suffer for it!”

Fury dashed across his face. Seizing the first thing he saw on the table, he threw it with all his might at the wall behind you, where it shattered and fell sadly to the floor. You tensed, fear coursing through you, trembling as he came closer.

“Fucking shut up, I already have a headache.”

And then he was gone, leaving behind nothing but the stench of alcohol. His door slammed.

Silence.

You slid to the floor, stunned. How could things have gone so wrong?

With shaking hands and a pounding heart, you felt around for your phone. The screen was cracked beyond repair, glass scattered all around you. What did you expect, that it would survive being thrown against a wall with Jackson’s muscle?

Enough, you decided. Enough was enough. He has to go.

And if you cried yourself to sleep that night against the dining room wall, nobody had to know.

-

“Y/N!”

You didn’t even think that anyone would be actually calling your name. So you didn’t stop. The entire day had you fuming internally, and you didn’t think anyone deserved to hear your outburst.

“Y/N!”

You halted. Normally you would be absorbed in your phone, but today you didn’t have it. Of course you didn’t. After last night, you didn’t even think it was safe to. You turned when you sensed the person—what did you mean, person, of course it was Park Jinyoung—catch up to you. If you were in your right mind at the moment, you might be a mildly blushing mess. Who wouldn’t be? It was Park fucking Jinyoung. But now? You were five point three centimeters from losing your temper completely and you couldn’t help but resent him for being friendly with you now when two months ago, he didn’t know your name, despite being your senior.

You sighed, turning around to face him. “Yes, sunbae?”

If he was taken aback by your slight rudeness, he didn’t show it. “I tried calling Jackson yesterday and this morning, and he didn’t pick up. He okay?”

You pursed your lips. “I couldn’t care less about Jackson, sunbaenim. You know my address, if you’re so concerned, why don’t you go and see how he is?” You scoffed and made to turn away, but Jinyoung caught your arm.

“Whoa, what’s with the attitude?” He teased, pulling you along with him down the hall and into the student council’s meeting room, currently empty. “You okay? What did he do?”

A little comforted that he immediately assumed his friend did something wrong, you slumped your shoulders. “A lot happened.”

“Clearly.” He leaned against the president’s desk and folded his arms. You didn’t know if he was analyzing you or not. Your face flushed under his gaze.

“He went out and came back drunk beyond words,” you explained, irritated at the memory. “And maybe I shouldn’t have, but I yelled at him saying that I wasn’t his servant to wait or clean up after him and—” you broke off, hesitating. “I might have told him off for not having a job.”

Jinyoung winced. “He’s pretty touchy about that.”

“Yeah, I figured.” You let out a bitter sigh. “He smashed my phone.”

“Wait, what?” Jinyoung lifted himself off the desk, looking at you in disbelief. “He—he smashed your phone? Jackson Wang?” You nodded, spreading your arms out.

“That’s why I don’t have it today. The screen shattered.”

Jinyoung looked genuinely disturbed. “It’s not like Jackson to lose his temper like that.”

You didn’t want excuses made for him, even if he had been drunk. “Oh, really? Pray, do tell.”

“Y/N—”

“Why? What did I do? Am I wrong?” If your eyes were daggers, Jinyoung would be bleeding now. “Tell me, sunbaenim. Am I just a maid to him?” You bit the inside of your cheek and spoke the words you had been contemplating all night. “I want to say yes to your offer, but he’s going to get kicked out soon. The nieghbours are already blacklisting him. If they tell him to leave, I won’t be able to hold any ground by myself.”

He seemed at a loss for words, appalled by both Jackson’s and your behavior. “Listen, I’ll talk to him, okay?” He checked his watch. “You should get to class.”

What’s the point? You thought, but conceded anyway. Just before you closed the door, you heard him call your name.

“And no, Y/N,” he said, a tight smile on his lips, “you’re not wrong. Give me your phone number.”

-

You refused to return home that day, choosing to stay all night in the library—until Jinyoung met up with you and nearly begged you to go back to your apartment.

“I’ve talked to him,” he had said, “and he’s really sorry about everything that happened last night. Truth be told, he doesn’t remember some of it, but anyway, he’s sorry. Hear him out.”

You couldn’t believe you were being forced to accept whatever pathetic apology your roommate was going to give you—just because he was your roommate and you had to live with him. It just wasn’t fair.

But when you stepped in through the door, the first thing that registered was the aroma wafting to you—the smell of food. Curious, you peered around the door and saw the little table beautifully set, dishes spread out all over it. And behind them all, obediently sitting on a chair, was Jackson. Guilty smile on his face, but still.

So this is his apology, you thought, closing the door and kicking off your shoes. A food bribe.

You pursed your lips as you reluctantly approached him, slinging your bag over the back of another chair. You crossed your arms. “What’s all this?”

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, diverting his gaze from your harsh stare. “I…uh, I wanted to apologize for the stuff I did…last night.” He pressed his lips together. “For breaking your phone and yelling at you and...stuff.” From under the table, he brought out a small box you instantly recognized as one a phone came in. “I got you a new one.”

Your lips parted in surprise. “You—wait, you got me a new phone?” Your tone did not hide your disbelief at all. “But…that’s expensive!”

“It’s my fault that yours is broken beyond repair,” he explained. “I’m obliged to do this.”

You couldn’t speak for a moment. “But…where did you get the money? I didn’t think—“

“Borrowed it from my mom,” he admitted, cheeks turning red. “I got an earful, but I had to do what I had to do.” He looked up at you pleadingly. “I’m really sorry for everything. I don’t usually lose my temper like that, I guess I was just frustrated—that’s no excuse,” he cleared hastily. “I just…I’m sorry.” He gestured to the food on the table. “I got your favourites?”

You didn’t know what to think. Jackson stuck his bottom lip out in a pout.

Honestly, why does Wang look like a kicked puppy when he’s sad?

“I don’t forgive you,” you said firmly. His face fell. “But I do accept your apology.” Ignoring the sigh of relief that he let out, you sat down at the table.

“That’s good enough for now.”

“And I should apologize too,” you remarked, picking up your chopsticks. “I said some harsh things to you yesterday.”

Jackson waved it off. “No. You were right and I just didn’t want to admit it.” He sighed deeply. “I’ve started looking for a job.”

“That’s great, Jackson.” Your smile was genuine now. Looking reassured, your flatmate mimicked you and picked up his own utensils. “I’m glad.”

Jinyoung sunbae, I guess I won’t have to take up your offer after all.

.

“Yah, who the hell are you texting nowadays?”

You heard the whining voice of your flatmate before you saw him. Barely glancing up from your phone, you asked, “What happened, Jackson?”

He scoffed. “See? You’re not even looking at me when you say that. You’re always tapping away on your phone like I don’t exist here! Pay attention to me!” You let out a startled yelp when he plopped his heavy body onto your side. “I don’t think you’ve said a full two sentences to me in the past week.” When you ignored him, angling your screen away, he felt suspicious. “Who are you texting—!”

“Yah!” You attempted to grab your phone back from him in vain. Jackson suddenly sat up.

“Jinyoung sunbae?!” he shrieked. “As in my friend Park Jinyoung?” He held your phone out of reach with one hand and used his free arm to wrestle yours to the sofa seat. “What the hell are you even texting him for?”

“He’s not only your friend, Jackson,” you whined, squirming in his grasp. “He’s really nice to me at university, why can’t I talk to him? He’s my senior, too.”

You made noises of protest as he began to scroll through the messages the two of you had exchanged. Before long, he was spluttering in fury.

“What is this?” He yelped. “Hey Y/N do you want to meet up for coffee? Since when has Jin—actually never mind, since when have you two been that close?” He tossed you your phone and you took it back gratefully. “So this is why Jinyoung says he’s too busy to get food nowadays, huh?” Heat crept up your cheeks. “Are you actually blushing right now?” He howled. “Okay, I can’t take this anymore!”

Your phone began to ring. Both of your heads turned to it.

On the screen was a stupid photo of his friend and the name Jinyoung sunbae.

“Don’t you dare answer that,” Jackson said lowly.

“You’re not the boss of me,” you spat in return, sliding the button to answer, pressing the speaker button simultaneously. “Hello, Jinyoung!”

“Hey, Y/N, what’s up?” came his voice from the speaker. “Are you busy? You didn’t answer my message.”

You giggled at the expression on Jackson’s face. “No, my flatmate was just being annoying.”

“Ah, Jackson? Is he there? Wait, is this on speaker?”

“Yah, Jinyoungie!” Jackson burst out, betrayal written all over his face. “Why are you ignoring me for Y/N? This isn’t fair; you were my friend first!”

“Are you serious right now, Jackson?” Jinyoung’s voice was amused. “I assumed you would be tired and busy from work. I didn’t want to bother you.”

“But what about Wang gae Park gae?” he grouched.

“Wang what?” You looked from the phone to Jackson.

“Never mind about that, Y/N,” Jinyoung interjected hastily. “You’re coming, right?”

“Coming where?” A growl emanated from your flatmate.

“Yeah, sunbae, I’ll be there soon.” With words of parting, you hung up the call.

“Where are you going with him?” Jackson repeated.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” You stood up, reaching for your backpack.

“Why can’t you tell me? I thought I was your flatmate, shouldn’t I be worried? What if you don’t come back?”

You burst out laughing. “Why would I not come back? Don’t you trust your own friend?” He opened his mouth to protest, but you were halfway out the door. “See you later, Jacks!”

-

“You should have seen his face!” you told Jinyoung, laughing along with him at the memory. “Has he always been like that?”

“He’s jealous.” Jinyoung shrugged.

“Hmm. Yeah. He really likes you, you know.” You pointed your pencil at him. “Why do you reject him when he asks you to get food? It’s like stealing candy from a puppy.”

“He likes me?” He retorted incredulously. “The heck? It’s me he’s jealous of.”

It was your turn to be puzzled. “What do you mean? He was literally whining about him being your friend first and that I was stealing you away from him.”

Jinyoung guffawed into the crook of his arm. “Okay, if you don’t believe me, there’s nothing I can do about it.” He jabbed his pen at your textbook. “What are guys learning in class now?”

-

Jackson was bored. His best friend had ditched him for his flatmate. And vice versa, he supposed. How long could someone flop around on a bed and flick a fidget spinner around? He almost wished he had to go in for work today. Even washing dishes sounded better than what he was doing at the moment.

He groaned into his pillow. Why has everyone forsaken me? Honestly Jackson just get your ass up and do something other than faceplanting into the bed.

Pushing himself off the mattress, he stumbled to his feet, still flicking the spinner around. His stomach rumbled. Food,he thought blearily, banging against the doorframe on his way out of the room. “Ow! Fu—whoa, no!” The fidget spinner escaped his grasp and hit the floor sharply, skidding under the door adjacent to his, despite his futile attempts to intercept it with his foot. “Damn!” He stared at the door—Y/N’s door—that he had been forbidden to enter at any time, in any situation. To prove it, there was even a piece of paper stuck to the door announcing the same.

Absently, he laid his palm on the handle, but didn’t turn it. “It’s just a fidget spinner; can’t I just open it real quick, grab it and shut it again? That should be okay, right? I won’t look around.” He chewed his lip, second guessing himself. “Ah, fuck it, I’m practically Y/N’s boyfriend already. There aren’t any secrets to hide.”

Shrugging his shoulders, he turned the handle, eyes trained to the ground.

The spinner was lying on the ground next to a nightstand. Determinedly not looking around the room, Jackson bent to retrieve the damn thing.

His mistake was looking up as he straightened himself.

His eyes fell on the nightstand. Or rather, the photo framed on it.

His breath hitched. He thought his heart might have stopped beating for a moment.

Within the four wooden pieces stood Y/N. Much younger than now; the photo was clearly old. But Jackson’s eyes were on the young boy standing right beside Y/N.

The fidget spinner clattered to the floor again.

“Hyung!”

A car screeching. The sound of an impending accident, lifelong scars.

Screams.

Was that glass shattering? Or dreams?

Commotion. And cries for a person nobody knew.

“HYUNG!”

Jackson gasped, stumbling back a step, the force the picture exerted too strong for him to handle. His plastic toy dug into his heel and he cursed, the pain momentarily diverting his attention from his pounding heart.

Picking up the spinner, he choked out a ‘this can’t be happening’ before darting out of the room and slamming the door behind him.

He needed air.

What is going on? This can’t be possible.

Does Y/N know that I…no. That can’t be. It just can’t be!

Y/N? Of all people? Y/N wouldn’t do that…

Right?

.

Jackson wasn’t home when you got back.

Good for him, you thought. He’s learned to get out of the house by himself.

You stretched, glad to be back inside away from the heat outside. It was refreshingly cold inside…unsettlingly so. Why was it cold? Or were you imagining it?

Wondering if Jackson had become thoughtful enough to cook, you ventured into the kitchen, but then clicked your tongue disappointedly on seeing everything as you left it. Of course he hadn’t.

Sometime during your attempt at making pasta, the door opened.

“Jackson?” you called out, hoping it was him.

“Yeah?”

“You like pasta, right? Come here and help me.”

You were too occupied with the nearly burning food to notice Jackson’s heartbroken expression, but you did see that he was spacing out really bad. It wasn’t like him to not be bursting into speech animatedly at all times.

“Jackson?” you called for the fourth time, waving a spare hand in front of his face. He jolted.

“Ah, yeah.” He rubbed his eyes. “Shit, sorry. What was that?”

“Could you get some water?” He nodded absently before trudging off to carry out his task. You squinted at him. “Something wrong?” He quickly shook his head. But you knew Jackson enough to know that he was very, very bad at hiding his emotions. “Don’t lie, Jacks. I can see it in your face. What happened?”

He shrugged, his confusion disappearing almost entirely. “I—uh, I sorta did something, but I won’t tell you because you’ll get mad at me.”

You tilted your head. “What did you do?”

He shook his head and pouted, some of the playfulness returning. “You’ll get mad at me.”

“I promise I won’t.”

Jackson looked at you hard, for a moment or two, then cast his gaze to the floor. “I went into your room today.”

Those words dropped into your head like a bomb. “You what?” You let the fork clatter to the countertop, nearly lunging at him. He caught your arms just in time and held you away from him.

“You said you wouldn’t get mad!”

You huffed loudly, yanking your arms from his grip. “And you said you wouldn’t go inside!”

He held out his hands, blocking you from coming nearer. “It was an accident! My fidget spinner went under your door!”

You scoffed, turning back to the pot on the stove and wishing your room wasn’t a mess. “Still.” All you could think of were the paintings on the walls and the photos. Had he seen them? Would he ask?

“Hmm.” The two of you lapsed into silence for a while. Neither spoke until the pasta was ready and you divided it between the two of you. You sensed that Jackson was itching to say something, but, coward as you were, you weren’t sure you wanted to hear it.

“Um. Y/N?”

You looked up from your bowl, chopsticks faltering. “Yeah?”

He cleared his throat. “Uh, I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help but notice…that picture on your night stand…”

You froze, quickly setting your chopsticks down to hide your trembling fingers.

“Who is that?”

.

Jackson knew a more accurate question would be ‘Who was that?’ but he didn’t dare to ask. You didn’t know who he was. He hadn’t known who you were until this afternoon.

It hurt him. It hurt him to ask about the boy in the photo so casually, as if nothing had ever happened to him, as if one day he would get to see him again. He knew it would hurt you too. But he had no choice. He couldn’t risk the suspicion that he would rouse. You would demand answers. You would hate him for lying, for hiding who he was and what he had been doing.

He stared guiltily at you, where you sat across from him, clutching the table so hard your knuckles turned pale.

“Does—does it matter that you know who it is?” you choked out, evidently trying not to cry.

Jackson abandoned his own chopsticks and reached out to take your shaking hand in his. “It does. It does to me.”

You nodded, eyes red, staring determinedly anywhere but his face. “That’s…Hanyu. My baby cousin.” He inclined his head, encouraging you to tell him more. Even though he already knew it all. “He stayed in the city in the dorms—you know SOPA?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“He got in and…we were all so proud of him. And since I was already here, his parents weren’t worried about him at all. They—they trusted me.” Your voice broke and so did Jackson’s heart. “And one day, there was an accident. Someone took him to the hospital, but he…he fell into a coma.” Nothing more than a whisper. “Four months.”

He didn’t know he had gotten out of his seat until his arms were wrapped around you.

“There wasn’t anything we could do. He was just—getting worse. Every day. His father finally gave the order after hoping for so long. To—let him go.” You burst into tears and Jackson turned you so you were sobbing into his shoulder. “It’s my fault, it’s all my fault. They only let him stay because—because I was here. Because I would be there for him.”

“Hey, hey,” he said softly. “It’s not your fault. It…it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were there for him. Things…these things just happen somehow. It’s not your fault.”

So, it wasn’t you after all?

A huge weight lifted off his chest. He hadn’t realized how much hatred and resentment he’d been carrying around all this time without knowing it.

It wasn’t you.

“How—how are his parents?”

“Not doing good.” You sniffed hard, wiping your tears away. “Not good at all.”

He gripped your shoulders and made you look at him. “What about you?”

He watched helplessly as more tears escaped the corners of your eyes. “Neither am I.”

The last thing you remembered was slumping into Jackson’s arms, drained of energy.

.

You didn’t think you would be telling anyone about Hanyu. You hadn’t told anyone except your psychology professor, who had called you to her office sometime in March because you looked too depressed to be taking your finals. And that too, was reluctant. You knew you should talk to someone about it, you knew you should be accompanying his parents to the therapist you forced them to see, but—maybe it was the prolonged blow that lessened the pain to a dull throb. Hope had ebbed away bit by bit, not all at once.

But talking about him to Jackson was so simple. It was almost as if he understood exactly what you were going through. Almost as if Hanyu was his own brother.

You wondered if Jackson had lost someone dear to him in the past. Maybe he had. That would explain the sudden compassion he had towards you now. You hadn’t told him everything, just the brief story, but he didn’t press further.

He’s sweet, you realized all too late. He really is.

-

You’d think you would be free of your flatmate at least when you went to work on weekends. Jackson was the last person who would willingly enter a library—at least, without an emergency. But no, there he was, still blowing up your phone about how he slipped in the bathroom and thinks he broke his butt, and then found that his ramen was finished so he couldn’t eat (despite there being like, healthy food somewhere in the fridge) and therefore begging you to buy some on your way home because he couldn’t go (due to the broken butt). You were rolling your eyes at the messages, but an endearing smile still crept across your lips.

“Boyfriend?” Daniel crashed his wheely chair into yours, peeking over your shoulder at your phone. You winced at his knobbly shoulder and turned off the screen.

“No.” You shoved his chair away.

“Girlfriend?”

“No.”

Daniel looked confused. “…Partner?”

Wah. What an open-minded king. “No, Kang. Just my flatmate.”

“What?” He scrunched up his nose. “No way. I saw how you were looking at their texts.”

You screeched. “What the heck?” He seemed satisfied at your reaction.

“So, crush?” he confirmed, sniggering at the blush that crept up your neck. “Who is it? Give me their number, I’ll set y’all up.”

“For the love of—”

“Y/N!”

You looked up, startled, to see Jinyoung standing on the other side of the counter. You straightened up, tensing; you had been sort of avoiding him for a while.

“Sunbae.” He pursed his lips at you in a disapproving stare.

“Where have you been? Do I have to come all the way to the public library to see my junior?” He crossed his arms. “Why are you avoiding me?”

“It’s—it’s not like that, sunbae—”

“Don’t say anything. Jackson’s been telling me about his broken ass—” You flinched, eyes darting to Daniel, who for sure misinterpreted that phrase, “—and that you’re ignoring him. What happened?”

“Oh, Y/N’s flatmate?”

Fucking hell, Daniel. Please learn to shut up.

He was sporting a shit-eating grin. “Y/N’s got a crush.”

Jinyoung’s lips immediately curled upward and you waved your arms around, banging them together in an ‘X’. “No. No, I don’t have a crush!”

“You know it’s okay, right?” Your senior reassured you. “He likes you, too.”

Oh.

Wait, what?

“Huh?” The disbelief was evident in your voice. Jinyoung shrugged, a smug little smile on his face.

“Jackson’s my best friend, Y/N. I know him. He tells me things.” He set a book down on the counter in front of Daniel, who obediently took it and scanned it for him. “And I also know he doesn’t have the balls to tell you anything. So, my question is, what are you going to do about it?”

What am I going to do about it? An idea popped into your head and you blurted it out before you could stop yourself. “I’ll tell Jackson I like him when you tell him—what was he called? JB, that you like him.”

Jinyoung’s face paled. “What?”

Now you were the smug one. “You heard me, you hypocrite. Confess to your crush and I’ll confess to mine.”

He squinted at you, clearly plotting his next move. “Fine,” he retorted, sticking his nose in the air haughtily. “I will.”

-

“You still texting Jinyoungie, huh?” Jackson teased, the pout very much audible in his voice. You looked up from your phone. He crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes.

You rolled your eyes. “Dude, when will you get over him ditching you? You know damn well he’s drowning in his love for your other friend—who? JB.”

Jackson tensed a little, but you didn’t seem to notice. “I know,” he breathed out. “JB hyung is so oblivious. So is Jinyoungie.”

“Besides,” you continued, tilting your head coyly, “Jinyoung sunbae says you’ve got a crush on me.”

The way Jackson spluttered at that was hilarious. “Wha—Me? Crush on you? As if.”

“Sure, sure.” You turned back to your phone. Jackson sat down heavily next to you, plopping his head on your lap. You peered under your screen to look at him. “Hello. What are you doing?”

“Pay attention to me.” You chuckled at the whine in his tone. “You don’t talk to me anymore.” He grasped your hand and placed it on his head. You began stroking his freshly dyed strands. You would never admit it but you liked his hair blond.

“Are you going to dye it back?”

He shifted, getting comfortable. “Probably not soon. Why? Don’t you like it?” He sat up, twisting to face you, horrified. “Do I look bad as a blond?”

You leaned back, laughing. “Stop being so dramatic, Jackson!”

Two knocks on the front door and then it opened. You jolted at the sight of Jinyoung staring between the two of you in that position. Jackson turned to follow your gaze and yelled in surprise. Slowly, Jinyoung raised a hand to cover his eyes.

“Yah!” Jackson shouted, the sheer volume causing your ears to pop. “It’s not like that!”

-

As Christmas came and went, your heart grew heavier and heavier. For several reasons. On the one hand, you were crushing hard on your flatmate like some dumb romcom cliché. On the other, that date was approaching you like a truck at eighty an hour with broken brakes.

A year to the day of the accident.

You knew, technically, that Hanyu only passed away in April, but this was truly the day you lost him. Truly the day that something was lost inside you. Something that you may never fully find again…

“Hey, Y/N, you see this?” Jackson bounded over to you holding up a snow globe and shaking it enthusiastically.

…but perhaps, one day, you would.

Your eyes softened as you watched Jackson’s infectious smile bloomed. Would he agree to come with me? He does know about Hanyu, after all.

“Jackson?” you asked quietly.

“Yeah?” He looked up and caught your expression.

“Would you come to a place with me if I asked?”

He tilted his head. “Where?”

You bit the inside of your cheek. “The funeral home.” As his face fell, you continued, “It’s almost a year to the day of…the accident.”

“Ah. It is, isn’t it?” He searched your eyes. “Are you sure about this? About me…coming with you?”

You nodded. “Yeah. I think…I think it would be good. If I had someone to talk to about it. And also haul me home. I’m probably…gonna be a mess.”

Jackson reached out, hesitantly to grip your shoulder tight before drawing your closer for an embrace. “It’s okay,” he said, sounding a little unsure himself. “It’s all gonna be okay.”

-

It was just an ordinary cold Saturday when you and Jackson left the apartment to get groceries at the supermarket. When you two were arguing over ramen, you heard a shout.

“Hey, Jackson!”

Both of you turned to see a tall, broad-shouldered young man stroll over. Jackson straightened immediately. An odd sort of feeling crept up your neck.

He seems familiar. Have I seen him—

You gasped silently.

That’s Jaebeom. How could I forget him?

“Jackson, man, where have you been?” the man asked, clapping his friend on the shoulder.

Your flatmate looked quite uncomfortable. “Guess I got busy, hyung. Sorry.”

You had to speak. “Excuse me? You’re—Im Jaebeom…right?”

Jackson quickly intervened. “This is my flatmate, hyung.”

The man turned his focus to you, narrowing his eyes curiously, before they widened in recognition. “Oh!” He pointed at you. You wouldn’t deny you were surprised he remembered you from almost a year ago. “You’re that...Y/N. Right? From the hospital?” He faltered at the mention of it. “Ah…um. How is he?”

Your heart clenched painfully, but you forced a smile. “He, uh, passed away. In April.” Jaebeom winced at the news.

“Ah, I’m really sorry.”

You waved it away. “No, no, don’t be. You have my eternal gratitude for getting him to the ER. I don’t know how many people would have done that.”

He inclined his head, fidgeting uncomfortably for a moment. “Still…yah, Jackson-ah, you knew? Why didn’t you tell me?”

You turned to Jackson curiously. “Hm?” He was pale, staring at Jaebeom with helplessness in his eyes.

“Ah, you two met there?” Jaebeom asked, contemplating. “When did you guys talk?”

You were confused, not seeing the sharp looks of ‘please-stop-talking’ that Jackson was shooting his friend. “Sorry, what? Met where?”

It was Jaebeom’s turn to look confused. “At the hospital, of course.”

You breathed out a nervous laugh, because you didn’t know where this was headed. “Why would I meet Jackson at the hospital?”

“Hyung!” Jackson interjected suddenly. Suspiciously. Moving his body in between yours and Jaebeom’s. “I think maybe we should finish up our shopping and meet later—”

“No, tell me, Jaebeom-ssi.” You put a hand on Jackson’s shoulder.

Jaebeom was at a loss. He didn’t seem to understand Jackson’s panic, and neither could you. “Jackson was with me at the hospital when we brought him in. We brought him together. I thought he met you there when you came.”

You inhaled sharply, glancing at Jackson with surprise in your eyes. “Jackson.” He flinched, remaining quiet. “Is that true?”

“Hyung, I’ll come over later,” he told Jaebeom quietly, pushing him away. His friend took a step back, wondering why on earth something so simple—good news, in fact—turned awry. He bowed, mumbling out a greeting before he picked up his shopping basket and turned away.

You were shocked beyond words.

Jackson took Hanyu to the hospital. Jackson knew who he was. Jackson knew who you were. What did this mean? Was he tracking you? Was he tracking anyone with connections to Hanyu? Is that why he asked about him and his parents?

“Y/N…”

You suddenly didn’t want to hear anything. Your feet carried you after Jaebeom, calling his name.

-

Jackson was fucked.

Why, he screamed at himself, didn’t you tell Y/N the truth as soon as you found out about it? Why, why, why? Can you blame Y/N for not listening to you? You fucking lied, Jackson!

You hadn’t come back to the apartment until past midnight after running off to talk to JB. He’d waited up for you, but you didn’t spare anything a glance before locking yourself in your room. He’d wanted to call you, wanted to make sure you were okay, but he’d already done enough damage. Were you even willing to talk to him at all? He decided he didn’t want to test it. For all he knew, you thought he was some sort of creep or a stalker or something. You probably hated him.

He fell asleep that night to the sound of you crying from the other side of the wall.

-

Unease. You didn’t know why you were feeling so unsettled. It was a bright cloudless day but you weren’t sharing the spirit. In fact, you were spacing out so much that your partner for your Statistics project had to keep snapping his fingers in front of your face to bring your focus back to him.

“Sorry, Gyeom,” you muttered wearily. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.”

He nodded sympathetically. “Maybe you should go home. I’ll finish up around here.”

“Ah, no.” You shook your head. “I’ll be fine. Let’s finish this.” But your phone was ringing, the caller ID displaying an unknown number. You frowned. “Hello?”

“Excuse me, is this Jia Hanyu’s emergency contact?”

You froze. This wasn’t a voice you knew. Emergency contact? Why—why would they—who…?

“Um. Y-yes?” You were already shaking. Yugyeom looked at you in alarm.

“We need you to come to the General Hospital immediately. There has been an accident.”

A click. You stared at your phone, heart racing, trembling all over. “Oh my god. Oh my god, what do I do? What do I do?” Yugyeom seized your shoulders and forced you down from growing hysteria.

“What. Happened.” His voice was steady enough that you responded the same way.

“General Hospital.”

“I’ll take you there.”

The drive to the hospital was wrought with tension. You could only think of the worst and you were crying by the time you got there, despite Yugyeom’s attempts to calm you down. You let him drag you through the reception and you desperately asked for Jia Hanyu, to be ushered—alone—into the ER. The last thing you remembered seeing was Yugyeom’s reassuring smile before you turned a corner out of sight.

You nearly bumped into a man on his phone in your daze and hastily apologized, but he neither seemed to notice or care.

The talk with the doctor was less than reassuring, however. You signed whatever they thrust at you to get his surgery started and then demanded to know who brought him in.

“Hello,” the young man greeted you politely, his clothes still stained red. He was looking at you carefully as if you would break down any moment.

You forced a wobbly smile. “Thank you so much.” It was barely more than a whisper, but he caught it.

“It was the least we could do,” he replied. Your knees suddenly gave way and you sank into a chair.

“Tell me what happened to him,” you pleaded.

And he told you about the car that came speeding out of nowhere although the signal was red. If you were in your right mind, you might have heard the anger in his voice. It hadn’t been the kid’s fault then. Tears slipped out of the corner of your eyes.

Your gaze rested on his soiled clothes. “I’ll—I’ll replace those,” you said weakly, gesturing to his attire. “They’re ruined.”

“Don’t be silly, of course you don’t have to.” He knelt in front of you. “Are you okay? That’s what matters.”

You nodded, sniffling. “Yeah, I’ll be okay.” You didn’t know why you were attempting the brave front. “You didn’t tell me your name yet. How can I be grateful if I don’t know your name?”

He chuckled under his breath. “My name is Im Jaebeom.”

“Y/N.”

He squeezed your hands. “He’ll be fine, you know.”

“I know. That doesn’t make things any easier.”

“Doesn’t it?”

The two of you sat there in silence before you remembered that this was a person, he probably had plans interrupted, he must need to get home. Reluctantly, he stood to leave, but only after making sure you would be okay.

“And—” you grabbed his wrist. “Yugyeom—he’s sitting out there in reception. Tell him—tell him to go home and that I’ll be fine. Please?”

He nodded. Left.

You broke down completely. And you thought that would be the worst to happen.

You weren’t bargaining on the mess that would happen the next day.

You never thought he wouldn’t wake up.

-

The apartment fell silent in a way that you never thought would be possible after Jackson moving in. There was always noise in it; but no longer. Several of your neighbours had even asked if Jackson had moved out. What were you supposed to tell them? No, he didn’t move out, I just found out he’s a liar and I’m trying to cope with that by ignoring him and he’s too scared to approach me?

In truth, you weren’t totally mad at him or worried that he would be a stalker. After talking things over with Jaebeom, you’d concluded that Jackson hadn’t seen you that day at the hospital (Jaebeom recalled he’d gone to make a call or something). So the first time he saw you really was at the apartment. And that’s why he was so curious about the picture. That’s when he’d known.

But why hide it from you?

-

“Y/N!” You weren’t sure if socializing was a good idea at the moment, but when you bumped into Jinyoung at the coffee shop down the street, you didn’t push him away. He joined the line at the counter right after you.

“Hello, sunbae.” The smile you put on definitely didn’t reach your eyes, but Jinyoung didn’t comment. Most college students had the same problem.

“I did it.” He told you smugly.

“Did what?”

“I told JB hyung that I liked him.”

Despite the inner turmoil you’d been going through for the past few days, you gasped. “Wait, what? Seriously?” He nodded, clearly brimming with glee, bouncing up and down on his heels like a giddy child just given sweets.

“He’s here, I want you to meet him.” He gestured to a table a short distance away. You saw the top of a head and smiled.

“I’d love to.”

He grinned, eyes crinkling. “Thanks, uh, for encouraging me to.”

You let out a laugh. “Um, you’re welcome? I didn’t really think you’d do it; I only said that to get you off my back about Jackson.” And as soon as the name rolled off your lips, your heart sank.

Jinyoung must have sensed the distress in your expression, because he asked, “Are you okay? Did you guys fight again?”

“I guess you could say that.” After placing your orders, you followed him to their table, eager to meet this JB hyung you’d heard so much about.

You saw the man break into a wide smile on seeing Jinyoung return, but the moment you came within his line of sight, his face fell in surprise. So did yours.

“Y/N?” he asked, incredulous.

“Jaebeom?” You were in equal disbelief. A moment of silence passed when you two looked at each other and Jinyoung back and forth between.

“You guys know each other?” Jinyoung questioned. “Ah, did Jackson introduce you? I thought you and Jackson weren’t talking, hyung.”

“This is your JB hyung?” You laughed.

Jaebeom looked sheepish. “My friends call me that.”

Jinyoung was just sitting there next to you, across from Jaebeom, confused. Jaebeom decided to take pity on him.

“Nyoung, you remember I told you that Jackson and I took a kid to the hospital? Last year?”

He nodded. “Yeah, the car accident.”

Your chest felt tight. “That was my cousin.”

Jinyoung’s mouth fell open in shock. “Wait, what?” His eyes darted around, thinking. “And…Jackson knew who you were?”

You shook your head. “I met Jaebeom-ssi at the hospital that evening, but I didn’t see Jackson. He didn’t know I was the emergency contact until a month ago or something. But he didn’t tell me he was the one who took Hanyu to the hospital. I only found out a week ago when we bumped into Jaebeom-ssi at the supermarket.”

Jinyoung sat there, stunned. “I can’t believe he didn’t tell me any of this.”

“He told me everything a few days ago,” Jaebeom interjected. “But he made me promise not to tell anyone.” He leaned forward and stared at you. “You’re still not talking to him, are you?”

You lowered your head in guilt. “I want to. It’s just—he lied to me and I don’t know why. I want to talk to him, but I just—don’t know how to break the silence.”

“His heart’s…in the right place,” Jaebeom assured you. “Honestly, I don’t think even he knows why he hid it from you.”

“I think I might know,” Jinyoung said softly. Both of you turned to look at him.

“I thought he didn’t tell you anything.”

“Not the recent stuff,” he agreed, “but he did tell me what happened last year.” He searched your eyes, probably wondering how to put things into words. “Did Jackson tell you that he visited Hanyu at the hospital?”

You stilled. “He—he visited Hanyu?”

Your senior nodded. “He went nearly every week to check up on him, to see if there was any progress.”

Your jaw dropped in shock. “What?”

Jaebeom glanced over at his boyfriend, biting his lip nervously. “I think Jackson should be the one explaining all this.” Jinyoung looked sufficiently chastised.

“I’m just saying that might be the reason,” he hastily said. “He was really…devastated when he passed, you know. Came to me bawling his eyes out. I really didn’t know what to do.”

“Where was I during all this?” Jaebeom questioned.

“Japan, I think. But Y/N, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be mad at him,” your senior advised. “I can understand that. But, you know, hear him out. I’ll talk to him if you want. He’s not a bad guy.”

You inclined your head. “I understand. I’ll—I’ll listen to what he has to say.”

-

You went back that afternoon, heart in your throat.

What do I tell him? What do I say? How do I break this silence?

-

You waited.

The clock struck ten, then eleven.

Twelve.

You fidgeted with your phone, anxiety seeping through you. Where was he?

Should I call him? Would that be—ah, never mind. Why should I be the one to patch this up? I didn’t do anything wrong! He’s the one who should apologize. Why isn’t he here?

An hour later, you weren’t thinking about the politics of your troubles. You were worried now, very much so. You tried to call him, but his phone was switched off. Had he run away somewhere? What was going on? Should you call the police?

It was past one thirty when an unknown number called you. You stared at your phone, heart pounding, tears already pricking at the corners of your eyes.

Not again, you thought desperately. Please not again.

“Hello?”

“Y/N, it’s me. Jaebeom.” He didn’t waste any time. “Jackson’s with me; I figured you would be worried.”

You sunk into the sofa cushions, a hand over your heart. Oh, thank heaven. “He—he’s with you?”

“Yeah, he—uh, I’m guessing he went out by himself because he’s drunk out of his mind. Came knocking at my door a while ago.”

You didn’t know what to think. “Ah. I tried calling him, but…”

“Oh, his phone’s dead.” You heard muffled noises on the other end. “I wanted to call you sooner, but I had to find your number from his wallet.”

“His…his wallet?”

“Yeah, you’re his emergency contact. He has your info written down on a piece of paper.”

“Oh.” Your voice sounded very small. “I see.”

He cleared his throat. “Um, he’s asleep now, but I’ll send him over tomorrow after his hangover’s gone down.”

“Ah. Yes. Thank you, Jaebeom-ssi.” You paused, about to hang up.

“Wait, uh, Y/N?”

“Yes?”

Jaebeom sounded hesitant. “Okay, I’m…I’m not as great with words as Jinyoung is, but…um, I think you should know that Jackson is a good guy. Like, I know he may have hidden some things from you, but he wasn’t trying to, like, hurt you or anything.”

You swallowed down the lump in your throat. “I know.”

“He was crying, you know.” Jaebeom made an uncomfortable noise, as if he didn’t know how to proceed from there. “When he showed up here. I couldn’t understand what he wanted to say, but I heard your name. He really cares about you, yeah? Even if—even if he doesn’t tell you.”

You nodded slowly, before remembering that he couldn’t see it. “Yeah, I—I understand.”

There was a brief awkward pause, before he coughed. “So, um, yeah. You should…probably sleep. Good night.”

“Right. Good night.”

You silently set your phone down and put your head in your hands. When did all this become so complicated? Why was it so difficult? I guess it’s my fault for not listening to him or giving him a chance to explain. Do I just wait for him to come back? What do I say?

-

The sun rose bleakly on the next morning.

You awoke to the jarring sound of the alarm ringing in an empty, silent apartment.  Laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, you sighed, going through everything that happened a year ago, a month ago, a week ago. Wondering how things had escalated to this. It’s better not to overthink about it. When he comes back, we’ll either talk it out or fight it out.

Around ten, Jaebeom shot you a text informing you that he’d sent Jackson back.

You sat on the sofa, giving you a view of the front door. You would wait. Waste no time. Just get it over with. You were vaguely aware of your heartbeat in mild panic state.

At last, someone knocked, tried the door and opened it.

Jackson’s gaze fell on your stoic expression and he flinched. Slowly stepping in and removing his shoes making as little noise as possible, he stood in the doorway for a moment before sitting down on the other end of the sofa.

Neither of you spoke.

You sensed him fumbling with his fingers, itching to say something.  

“I went to see him.”

You didn’t respond. He took your silence as invitation to continue.

“Every week. I—I don’t know why, to be honest. I just…” He shook his head. “I just felt some sort of attachment to him. I wanted him to get better. I really did.”

Your heart ached at his words. How could you be angry for this? For his compassion?

“When I went the day after he…” he broke off. “When I went, I was told…the news. And I didn’t know how to take it. I couldn’t say goodbye. I couldn’t believe that anyone would give up on him.” He drew in a deep breath, still clearly anxious at your silence. “Deep down I guess I knew that there was nothing we could do and it was easier to…end his suffering, but…I didn’t want to accept it, I guess. I know that sounds silly, but—”

“It’s not silly.”

He paused, hesitant. Your voice was rough from lack of use.

“Ah.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I…I shouldn’t have, but I think I just put my resentment on whoever his emergency contact was, you know? I guess I figured they made the decision.” You felt tears beginning to form but your blinked them away. “I really didn’t know it was you. Or that you weren’t—”

“I know, Jackson.” You finally looked up at him. He was on the edge of his seat, worried but hopeful. “The boys told me everything. I just wish you hadn’t lied.”

“So do I,” he said sincerely.

The two of you stared at each other, not saying anything. Jackson seemed ready for an outburst, a single sentence that you weren’t going to forgive him.

“Why would you do that, though?” You spat, slamming your hand down onto the cushions. Jackson jumped, startled.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N, I didn’t think—”

“Do you have any idea how worried I was when you didn’t come home last night?”

“—find out…wait, what?” He was dumbfounded. “Oh.”

“I was this close to calling the police, you know that? I don’t even know how many gods I thanked when Jaebeom called saying you had crashed at his place. Why do you have to go and get drunk, huh? Why do you have to put yourself in danger like that?”

Jackson visibly relaxed, a small smile breaking across his lips. “I’m so sorry. Does this mean I’m forgiven?”

“You’re so stupid.” And you stretched your arms out for a hug. He melted into it, holding you tight so he’d never let you go. “He would have loved you, too,” you murmured into his shoulder.

He drew back, eyes uncharacteristically serious. That was a grand statement you had just made. But you weren’t going to withdraw that. You knew it was true.

“Does-does that mean you—love me?” Jackson spluttered, blotches of red forming on his cheeks. And then you realized exactly what you had said.

“What? No,” you retorted defensively, pushing him away. “What are you talking about? I never said anything like that.” And then you jumped up to run away, squirming out of his firm grasp. His fingers found your sides and you burst out gasping.

Laughter rung through the still apartment.

There was happiness again.

-

“Hyung, you called Y/N yesterday?”

“Yeah, I did. You think your flatmate wouldn’t be worried about you?”

“What did you say?”

“Ha. I didn’t say anything. Why? Should I have told Y/N you were saying “I love you” in your sleep?”

-

“Yeah, Jinyoung, I’ll be there, don’t worry so much,” you spoke into the phone you balanced on your shoulder. Your hands were busy washing out the dishes you’d used for lunch. “How’s Jaebeom doing?” You hummed as your senior (now graduated, big whoop, whatever, ugh) went into an explanation on how his boyfriend’s cat woke them up yowling at three in the morning because she got herself stuck on top of the display cabinet and he couldn’t go back to sleep.

“Is Jackson there?” he asked you. You wiped your hands hastily on a washcloth before taking your phone in your hand and stepping over to the window.

“No, he had a morning shift,” you informed him. “He was supposed to be here by now, come to think of it.” You glanced out, wondering where he might be.

“Ah, okay. Remind him to come tomorrow, too.” Jinyoung paused. “Wait, is it a good idea to bring Jacks? Do you think he’ll be too loud? I don’t want to blow this—”

“Jinyoung, relax,” you reassured. “Jaebeom’s parents already love you, I don’t see why you’re so afraid—”

“That’s when we were just friends!” He cried, panic evident in his tone. “I don’t even know what they’ll say about this!”

Your phone made a funny beeping noise. “Jinyoung, you’ll be fine. I promise you. I’ll call you back, okay? I’m getting another call.” You hung up on him to see an unknown number calling. Without thinking twice, you answered. “Hello?”

“Excuse me, is this Jackson Wang’s emergency contact?”

-

A/N: *bowing* I’m very sorry.

[wenevergotusedtoegypt]

Ughhhhhh

I have 2 coworkers who work together on a weekly project which one of them then sends to me to upload to the website. Since the beginning, the one who actually sends it to me has been sending me multiple versions a week with extremely minor edits, forcing me to reupload it every time. On its own it's a quick task, but it starts to add up when it's multiple times a week, and I just don't have time for that especially during the pandemic era (oh wait...this project didn't exist before the pandemic era). I had politely asked 2 times (once in May, once in June) that she not send me anything until it was completely finalized in order to avoid this. In May, the OTHER coworker was the one to respond (she was CC'd) and said I was completely justified in the request and they would work on it. In June, I only sent the email to the person sending the project. She never responded to me, but she forwarded it to the other coworker, who contacted me via whatsapp to tell me that she 100% agreed with me, explain a bunch of issues with how Problem Coworker was handling things behind the scenes, and tell me that I should only put up the 1st version of the project received from then on.

That's what I'd been doing. Then last week, it got to the point of being COMPLETELY ridiculous - she sent me 4 different versions of the project in 8 days, the last of which was at a time when that week's project would literally only be relevant for like 2 more hours, and probably no one was even going to look at it during that time, but she wanted it changed out. That same day, she sent an email 42 minutes before close of business asking various other people in multiple time zones to submit any needed changes and asking me to upload it at the end of the day (so...in less than 42 minutes). Shockingly, no one got around to submitting anything by that time, and she sent me a 2nd version the next day after hours.

So I emailed her again and this time told her that I would put up this one, but from now on I can only put up 1 version per week. Her response was totally ridiculous. She questioned that she'd actually sent me the previous week's project 4 times (would I really have made a claim that specific if I couldn't back it up? I have all the emails, I never delete work emails precisely because of nonsense like this), blamed the changes on her supervisor's supervisor (I'd believe she asked for ONE change but not all those versions), claimed that they're trying as hard as they can (asking for changes less than 42 minutes before you want it posted is not in fact trying as hard as you can), and basically didn't apologize at all or acknowledge any responsibility. I can think of multiple ways to avoid this issue - start working on the project earlier in the week, set and enforce earlier/more concrete deadlines for changes (if people don't cooperate, their changes don't go in, end of story - and crazily enough, that type of consequence tends to have the effect of getting them to comply down the road...), or just send it to me later once it's finalized.

I emailed her supervisor yesterday explaining the history of this situation and emphasizing that if it were just an unforeseeable change once in a blue moon, I'd have no issue, but this is every week multiple times a week, so clearly it's a problem with their process and it's not too much to ask that it be addressed. The supervisor didn't reply to me til like midnight but said she'd speak with her. I'm honestly kind of annoyed at her response though because she asked me to remember that this is an extra project that the two coworkers were asked to take on on top of their regular work. Which like. Lol because the problem coworker has a bunch of stuff she'd normally do that ISN'T happening during the pandemic, so I'm not sure you can really describe it that way for her, AND there is absolutely nothing that I would be doing in non-pandemic times that I'm not doing now PLUS I'm also doing this exact thing as an extra project. Don't even start with me.

I'm assuming they probably hadn't yet spoken when my coworker emailed me this morning, with the other coworker CC'd, saying that the two of them want to have a meeting with me to discuss what goes into this project. The implication of her particular wording was that I have no idea how much work and how many people are involved, and once I understand that, I will clearly come to see that there is no way to avoid this issue. Ok but the thing is....I know EXACTLY how many people are involved, who they are, their personalities/competence levels, and the process involved with this project. And it is with that knowledge that I say there are several potential ways they could improve the situation. But it sounds like she's not actually interested in a 2-sided discussion or considering options. Honestly don't even know how to reply in a civil way because it's not that hard to impose and uphold deadlines and not start your work last minute, I work with all these exact same people on other projects on a regular basis and that's exactly what I do to keep things functional. 

[canaryatlaw]

So today was interesting. Overall better than the rest of this week, though I probably couldn't point you to any specific factors there. I guess I just mentally felt better so things followed that. Morning was a bit of a lol, my alarm goes off at 7, I turn it off and pick up my phone, then close my eyes for a few seconds. When I open my eyes, my phone now reads 7:40. What the fuck??? Like okay, it wouldn't be the first time I've over slept an alarm, but doing it just like that was weird. Thankfully it left me just enough time to get to work mostly on time if I ubered instead of took public transit, so I did a mostly normal morning routine and then ubered to work, getting there at 9:05 so that's enough for me to call it a win, if an accidental one. So for the morning I did some of my paperwork setting up the timeline from the other day, and about mid-morning I think I popped over to see if our tech guy was in and he was, so I let him know that I still couldn't get the prison calls to play on my computer which I felt bad about because they'd already like, switched out a computer and everything to make this work haha. But he was like nah it's cool, imma call my supervisor and we'll take care of this. And a little while later they came and did something (while I sat on the chair on the other side of my desk and scrolled through Facebook on my phone) and pretty soon they had it up and working. Okay, I forget if I provided any context for this when I first mentioned them, but I don't think I did so I'll give some here. To my understanding, we have recordings of prison phone calls from a man and the mother of his daughter, who is in DCFS custody. I'm not totally sure here, but I think he might've been in prison for some sort of child abuse (I don't think it was sexual, probably aggravated battery to a child). But basically they want to argue in court that mom is gonna get back together with dad when he gets out which would put their daughter in danger and they shouldn't regain custody, so the attorney wanted me to go through the phone calls between the two of them to see if there was any talk about getting back together or anything about their daughter specifically, them trying to get her back. So I set off with 530 audio recordings, most of them listed under "time limit exceeded" for reason of termination, which means they were 30 minutes long. WOAHBOY. So the first few I listened to were in the early days of his prison sentence and they had lots of good stuff for me to write down, but they started getting more monotonous so I like, checked my email and did some other random shit while still listening (I didn't read any fic, because I knew if I did that I probably wouldn't N able to focus on the calls). Soon enough I switch over to the more recent calls (so switch from August 2016 to March 2017) and suddenly there's a much different tone. The first one had them arguing over the fact that he said he'd call her right at 8:45 and he called her at 8:46, which I was laughing at pretty hard. Fun little prison break reference here, but the prison is called "Big Muddy River Correctional Center" located in Illinois, which of course isn't too far off from "Fox River Correctional Center (or facility?)" also fictionally in Illinois. So that made me smirk a little. So I kept listening, and then they decided to have phone sex, and I was very thankful for the fast forward button because having to listen to that I'm pretty sure is a violation of my 8th amendment constitutional right against cruel and unusual punishment. Lol. But for the most of the afternoon I just let the conversations play (I had headphones in so they weren't being broadcasted to the whole office) and noted when they said something relevant. For the record, they didn't need to talk about getting back together because OH, THEY'RE TOGETHER, and there was plenty of mentions of "getting their daughter back" (smh). So then I was just left to marvel at the strange range of tasks my job has me carrying out, lol. But anyway. My physical therapy options were pretty limited this week since I could only come after work and my normal guy is in Europe, and despite being there yesterday the only other appointment I could get this week was for tonight at 6, and of course I get off of work at 5. I figured if I ubered though I could probably make it with enough time to run to my apartment and get changed from my suit into physical therapy appropriate clothing, lol, however, my uber driver didn't take the best route and we got caught in traffic and I didn't end up getting to PT until 6:20 and I was such not a happy camper because if you pay attention on here at all, you know being late is my biggest pet peeve possible. It was okay though, it was just a little shorter of a session. Not a big deal. Now we just know 6 pm appointments are a no-go, lol. The girl I worked with was fine, I like my regular guy so I was kind of meh about working with other people but she was nice enough and she did a pretty good job, so that's good. When I finished there I walked back home and ate some dinner- I forget if I ever discussed my weird eating issue I've developed lately on here so I'm just gonna talk about it now. For weeks now, no matter what my big weekend meal I use for leftovers throughout the week is, when it comes to eating those leftovers it feels like I have to shove the food into my mouth. And then I get stuck in the whole quandary of "oh well I should eat it anyway because it's healthy" ("healthy") and no, don't force yourself to eat something you don't want to, but obviously a ton of meals I make have been going to waste because of this and I have no idea what to do about it. This week I was gonna try to really test it because I did my creamy Parmesan chicken pasta (I definitely mentioned that on here recently, but I don't remember the rest of the context) which is like phenomenal and I'd see if I had an issue with that, and yupp, when it came down to eating the chicken it felt like shoving concrete in my mouth. This is a totally new and out of nowhere development?? Like this has never been an issue before. And it's not just chicken, because I've tried other meats and it's the same thing (I can have like, two slices of turkey on a mini sandwich, but that's really nothing). And I just don't know what to do about this because I feel like I started the whole weekend meal thing because I wanted to make sure I was getting enough protein in my diet, because I wasn't really eating meat unless I was intentional about it. But I mean, I have been making eggs very often since getting my rapid egg cooker off amazon (seriously, I'm in love with this thing, it does them perfectly every time) and I also eat yogurt very frequently which are both good sources of protein so maybe not? Idk why but I have this idea in my head that protein = healthy which is true in some instances but not when my mind wants to apply it to like, a McDonald's hamburger because that's what it tries to do. I did just remember though when I was reading the info about acid reflux on my new doctors website he had one of the trigger food listed as "high protein foods" which I thought was weird that that would cause a reaction, and I hadn't noticed one.....but maybe now I have? It's obviously a different reaction but hey, if the latest theories are true my acid reflux has been fucking up pretty much all my systems with random ass symptoms like furious coughing, not being able to breathe while running, and of course not being able to eat anything that hits the mild salsa level of spice (that's not an exaggeration, that's legit how I describe it sometimes or people just don't understand when I say I can't have just "spicy" foods, like it's much worse than that) so who fucking knows if this is a result of it too. It just makes me anxious about my other eating issues that I purposely have never talked about openly on this blog for a lot of personal reasons that I just don't want to be out there for the whole world to see quite yet. It's just....concerning. Sigh. I need to move on. I ate dinner and listened to the flash podcast for a little bit because I was very into the episode, before turning on Riverdale about 20 minutes into it (thanks TiVo). I vaguely remembered it was the season finale so it should get some good drama. And there was some good drama, for sure. But damn, I gotta say, I feel so damn sorry for Cheryl Blossom. I mean the girl just lost literally half of her family and found out her entire family's business was a criminal sham. Like I feel like having her go out into the frozen lake was maybe one of the only times I've seen in tv where a character resorting to attempting suicide in reaction to an event actually felt genuine and not contrived. But goddammit Archie, just let someone else help you punch through the ice ffs because there was a LOT of blood in that last shot before the ice broke and boy you probably hurt yourself real bad there. As far as the other plot stuff, I was irritated of course by the inaccurate portrayal of the child welfare system getting involved in Jughead's life. First of all, he's in a safe fictive kin placement right now, even if it's unofficial fictive kin don't have to be licensed. Fred Andrews having a single DUI on his record would not disqualify him from fostering children. He also cited money, but now that the state is involved he would get a stipend for Jughead that would take care of the money issue. Second of all, they don't take kids into care when they have another perfectly capable parent who's just in another state and "overextended." What is that word even supposed to mean? To me it feels like it could only really boil down to finances, and there are legit laws in every state saying you can't take a kid into care just because his family his poor. They even have these cool things called Norman funds to assist families in those positions. So in conclusion, if this were real life, Jughead would either stay with Archie or go to live with his mom and jellybean (which is the cutest nickname ever). I don't know why I still care though, because it's not like there is ever an accurate depiction of the child welfare system on tv or other sorts of media. And that's an issue because it perpetuates ideas like "don't call CPS, they'll just make it worse" which is how kids end up staying in abusive homes and KIDS END UP DEAD. So this is an actual problem, believe me. Sigh. The one other note of feedback I will give is I do like Archie and Veronica together. When I finished that I turned on Blindspot, which I knew was the penultimate episode so there was gonna be some big firefight with a hidden twist at the end, and of course that was exactly what happened, lol. It was a pretty good one though, and I'm looking forward to seeing what they do to wrap it up next week. And I'm glad they got another season to work with. And that was more or less it for my day, and it is late and I don't want to be dead exhausted tomorrow- oh that's right, today was the first day in like, 5 work days that I didn't fall asleep at work!!! So that's progress!!! But uh yeah, I need to sleep now. Goodnight loves. Happy Friday.